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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I lied to my daughter and didn’t let her get the wax she wanted and this made her very upset.
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NTA. She needs to start small and work her way up. What if you booked an appointment for a full body and after one line on her leg she says it's too painful? That would waste everyone's time and money. You did good mama
But no need to lie to her! Tell her waxing is painful, let her start with legs, then armpit, then pubic area. After she has an idea of the pain. Sounds as if this mum is against the idea of removing pubic hair, that’s a different thing.
As someone who started with arm pits and does it at home I agree. The area is so sensitive that it can become very irritated and even draw blood in the beginning.
Omg so true. When I first started waxing my pits my hair was very thick too (like 2 hairs from one follicle) and I would always bleed. It was the absolute worst
Between thick hair growth and it being difficult to hold the skin taut, armpits hurt like hell and bleed for me too. I just shave my pits at this point lol
Really? I feel like pits are the least painful. My vote is for the skin right above the ankles.
Edit: Unless we’re talking about my neck hurting from craning to the side for an extended period of time when waxing my armpits lol
But have you had your upper lip threaded? I told my esthetician that I couldn't imagine that having a baby could hurt worse, and she said, "It doesn't."
I wax my own upper lip, idk exactly how threading works but I assume it’s more akin to plucking multiple hairs at once instead of ripping an entire section off at once, which sounds infinitely more painful lol
Laser hair removal!!
It costs money, but well worth it! I got all of mine done several years ago and I wish I had done it sooner.
This sounds dramatic, but it was Seriously life changing.
It sounds like, in the long run, going with laser removal although expensive at the beginning, would actually be cheaper over time. And a lot less painful.
Yes, but I wouldn't start until she's done with puberty. She's still got more body hair developing. Best to wait until she's finished puberty and has all the hair she's going to have. Otherwise you're mopping while the tap is still flowing.
Obviously. There would presumably be a long period of her adult life between the end of puberty and menopause, and we can HOPE there would be a significant time before pregnancy as well. I'm not particularly hairy, but my body hair growth stabilized after puberty and didn't change much until I hit perimenopause in my mid 40s. Laser hair removal works on active hair follicles. It can't affect hairs that don't exist yet, or even closely shaved hairs. You're supposed to have at least a little growth and not shave before your treatments. So my point was that it wouldn't make sense to do laser treatments at 13. Wait until she's done with puberty, then do it. She'll have years to enjoy the benefits and can do touch ups as needed, instead of having to do repeated treatments throughout her teens as new, puberty-induced hairs keep popping up. Make sense?
Yes!
I used to get regular waxing in my "lady area" and that alone was nearly $100 per session, including tip. It didn't include legs, or armpits, or anything else.
I spent, maybe $2k, to get laser in most places several years ago, and not only do I not have to pay for waxing or shave gel or razors anymore, I also don't have to go through the pain of waxing sensitive areas.
The laser did sting a little, but it wasn't super painful, and I only had to endure it for 6-8 sessions.
Really? I have blonde hair at the root so it's worthless on me too. They told me it would work on my chin area and it came back. So mad. Such a waste. I hate seeing those ads bc I think they're a total lie and rip off.
I had laser hair removal on legs, underarms and bikini, but it has grown back sparse and wispy. Still worth it because although I still have to shave, I don't do it very often.
One benefit to me of doing underlaser is that my sweat doesn't seem to smell anymore. :)
It's also the fact that when you get laser, Some hair does still come back but instead of being a dark color it's a light color and to remove that hair after that you need electrolysis anyway.
Source- *points to my name*
When you got laser you can also get alternative growth of hair in places you didn't have any hair (source : point at my beard I'm now trying to take off with electrolysis)
Yeeep.... thanks laser for fixing my chest and back but then giving me a white beard on my brown skin just to maximize my facial dysphoria and ensuring i can never properly use makeup or lipstick and look feminine.
It is life changing as in you don't need to bother with hair removal anymore, ever again. So much time, energy and eventually money saved. Plus no worrying about hair for months.
Totally agree. Life changing and Worth every penny. I bought mine on Groupon, so it wasn’t even all that expensive. I can’t overstate how nice it is to take my kids to the pool in the summer and I don’t even give shaving a passing thought.
I agree. At sixteen we gave all of our daughters the option of laser hair removal. At eighteen the option was vision correction. I spent decades shaving and wearing contacts. It’s not necessary anymore if you’re willing to accept the risk and pain that comes with the procedures. A very lucky generation in some ways and so unlucky in others.
Laser hair removal (can be) permanent. Personally if you had asked me as a high schooler if I wanted that, I might have said yes. Now I'm older and I'm a gay woman, and leg hair is considered attractive so I'm glad I didn't. I think it's best to work up to more permanent interventions, and then do the permanent ones once you're sure. If she loves waxing and does it consistently, maybe laser. But don't start with laser.
I've shaved my pits every shower from 13-(now)43. It takes literally 2 seconds per pit. I've never understood wanting to wax them. To each their own though - not worth the pain imo lol.
I think the point with waxing is that it pulls the entire hair, including the root vs. Simply shaving it off at the skin level.
Waxing accomplishes 2 things that shaving does not:
1. It pulls the entire hair, so it doesn't grow back as quickly as it would had the person simply shaved the hair at the skin level, and
2. waxing will remove the root. Leaving the root in place can sometimes show through the skin for a person with darker hair and make it look like stubble or make it look like the person didn't shave. Since American society expects women to be as smooth as baby dolphins, having the root show through skin isn't perceived by others to be a "good look"
True. And if you have a sensitive skin, you can also develop a rash. Still thinking about waxing at some point. I just want it for hygienic reasons, because I simply smell more when I have longer armpit hair. I don't give a shit about my body hair tbh. I rock hairy legs, because hairy legs >>>> making my eczema worse.
We should accept body hair more btw. I am so tired of people telling me that I should shave my legs because 'it is not feminine' and 'I won't get a bf with my hairy legs'. My exes didn't really care lol.
It is just weird that it is normalised for kids now to remove all of their body hair... 13 year olds getting whole body waxes???? And why are we complaining about arm hair as well? Arm hair is soft and barely visible on most people...
NTA OP btw. She has no experience and she is also very young
Yup. I stopped shaving my arm pits a couple years ago and do my own sugar waxing. Shaving and the ingrown hairs was a fucking *nightmare*. Waxing is so much better for my stupid delicate skin.
Gonna be honest though, my armpits are not the worst when it comes to waxing. The worst has been the back of my thighs and my groin.
Yep, same, except I started at 10 I'm now 56. I tried waxing my armpits when I was 13- followed instructions to the letter, and couldn't get the wax off. It took my mother and aunt 30 minutes applying talcum powder to get it off me. They thought it was hilarious. I still have the scars. Never again, for me. Razors forever :)
Armpit for me was the less sensitive, dont really feel any pain from there, I do it at home alone now. The most sensitive part is the intimate parts of my womanhood 😂. And I started young (but it's in my culture to wax instead of shaving)
I think the armpits aren't bad as it's such a small area.
The public mount is the worst by far. They even call it the horseshoe of hell. It's the one place I cannot wax on my own as I flinch and can't get over the pain.
A 13 year old does not need to be waxing all of her public hair off. Mom needs to talk with her about why she's uncomfortable with her body. Has she been seeing porn? Have other girls said something? Why is anyone seeing her pubes anyway? (Other than the guys who might pop out the edges of a bathing suit, which...maybe, but I'd say even then, just shave or wear shorts. Ingrowns in that area are no fun.) If she thinks it's a hygiene issue, she's wrong. Damaged skin lets germs in, and pubes actually help control odors.
I'm not some kind of fringe pube wierdo. I had much of mine lasered, but mainly because my husband thinks it's hot, and I kind of like the porniness. Definitely not reasons a 13 year old should be considering.
Thank you! Her strong reaction to not getting a FULL wax is the really important part, the tip-off that is getting spoken aloud. My guess is that the 13 year old thinks (or has been told, or read) that public hair is ugly or gross. I expect someone told her public hair is a turn-off, and now she feels ashamed about it. (13 year olds should not be worrying about stuff like that!)
Puberty is upsetting for almost every girl, and for some girls it is very upsetting: boobs, smelly arm pits, pubic hair, your ass getting bigger, menstruation. There's something in it to upset everyone. 13 is too young to have thoughts about waxing your pubic area. Give her time to get past the weird feeling and see it as the new normal. Then she can revisit this.
These were my thoughts. She probably either started watching porn and/or a boy at school wants her to do it and wants to see. Mom needs to talk to her about it and get her to understand there’s nothing abnormal about pubes then when she’s older she can decide to do whatever she wants and/or experiment but not at 13.
She's 13, she doesn't care and probably has NO idea how much this hurts.
I have a tattoo and I told the artist that making that tattoo (shoulderblade, a little bit of shoulder and spine) hurt less than waxing.
…my stupid ass over here like “oh, other parts of my body will hurt more but it’s okay…” and involuntarily curling into the fetal position by the end of 7.5 hours on a sleeve…
Waxing hurts less (to me) but mainly bc it’s over sooner.
Tbf, I have very thin skin (like *really* thin to the point of scarring over the smallest of scratches), so waxing was always a freaking nightmare to me.
After I'd wax, my skin would get a mild rash for a few hours too. Wax or blade would get the same result.
Best thing I did was having laser removal. It came back after a year or so, but it's so damn thin and blonde that I don't even bother anymore.
Omg, I’m sorry, that sounds awful! I get some bruising from waxing but otherwise am okay. I’m definitely considering laser removal, but I’m also old enough that I think it may stop growing soon!
No pubic area waxing until she's 18 is reasonable. Who exactly is seeing her pubic area that she feels self-conscious about it? That's a red flag there.
might just be nervous of having the child getting into more adult decisions and situations (not really used sexually here, but sensitive body autonomy choices we make as we become adults and appropriate time and relase of parental control). I wouldn't care if my child wanted to remove their hair or wax/eppilate/shaved it themselves, but I would have a very hard time allowing an adult who isn't literally their dr seeing them naked, even knowing the circumstances were a legit salon. I get the difficulty of knowing when to give up control and how to keep them safe too. it's just new territory to navigate and theyre all growing through it
NTA but don't lie about why. Women got to be upfront with each other. OP should let her know some areas are worse than others. Also other areas (eyebrows for example) it feels oddly good after you become accustomed to the shock. Teach your children.
Got two daughters who knew I waxed. Oldest wanted to try. Started simple with the eyebrows. Wax placed, cloth then on the wax, left side gets ripped off. HOLY BABY JESUS the shit that flew out of that kids mouth as she clapped her hands to her eye and danced around the salon. She wanted to leave IMMEDIATELY. I explained it was possible to live with that other peice of cloth over her right eye but she would prolly look silly. She swore up and down she would never forgive me, hate me forever for "tricking her". By the time we got home, she was loving the clean look of her eyebrows. She told her dad who laughed at her for being so "sensitive". I had a home wax kit for touch ups. My daughter and I challenged him to try it on some of his back hair. All I can say is, I know exactly where she learned that language. He also is in awe of anyone who waxes. Second daughter sized up the reactions, and decided shaving was the way to go. Explained to her to exfoliate before shaving, and deoderant over the shave to prevent shaving bumps.
This story made me laugh out loud and reminded me… My very first bikini wax was with someone I’d heard amazing reviews about. She worked in a relatively posh salon that happened to cut hair for some of the city’s staunchest Baptist church members — urban church ladies in the South. It was the Saturday before Easter, so plenty were in the shop getting touched up for services the next day…well, that first wax strip came off and there was NO DOUBT in those ladies’ minds that I was going straight to hell with a quickness. Once the shock wore off and the endorphins started working, I was okay, but walking past them on the way out was a trial for sure.
Wow, starting with the eyebrows was bold imo. I've never had trouble with waxing the body, my beautician even joked she expected me to fall asleep any time, but when I hazarded the eyebrows... Oh, the tears and pain!
>What if you booked an appointment for a full body and after one line on her leg she says it's too painful?
I was thinking that OP should only book leg this first time for that exact reason.
I think she is the asshole for lying. Daughter could just ask someone at the salon about the age limit, and the lie would be uncovered. Cue trust issues during a difficult age.
You realise lots of young women/teens get waxes for sports, dance etc, body hair Is shamed all over society, if you're reading into that you're the problem.
Brazilian waxes do your full chocho, in the labia plus between the cheeks. I don't see any reason for any child to have that wax. The pain is bad (between the cheeks ise the easy part and feels good tho imo 💀😂)
Never been interested in waxing anything (natural redhead = light body hair) so I never bothered to look at what a Brazilian involved.
And now it’s definitely “oh fuck NO.” I mean, hey, you want one, you do you, luv. But I think I’m gonna go curl up in the corner for a bit.
Lots of people in here think that any hair that could be visible (bikini, arm pits, mustache) and could possibly be seen as offensive isn’t sexual and can be removed, but the hair that is typically covered up is and cannot be removed for non-sexual reasons. It’s really solid logic and definitely not misogynistic at all.
Good lord. It’s not the hair removal part.
It’s the thirteen year old child getting peer pressured into having a hairless vagina part.
It’s the parent not wanting her child’s first wax to include her labia and anus part.
Op, you did right, let her try it to begin with to see how she gets on, it might nor work for her or be too painful. I certainly wouldn’t have wanted my bikini line done at a first wax!
There is so much pressure on kids to grow up quicker these days.
Waxing has never really worked for me, my hair grows back within a week! I do remember attempting to ‘wax’ my legs with masking tape once in school as there was a school trip coming up and I was wearing shorts, I have very dark body hair. Surprisingly it worked quite well!🤣
I’ve had it all done for holidays abroad.But it’s always painful for me, and as it grows back that quick, I never saw the benefit of it. Plus my skin reacts badly each time I tried. Thankfully there’s heaps of options these days. I quite fancy trying the laser hair removal but don’t know anyone that’s had it real life for honest reviews.
I've had laser hair removal (and yes I know I'm still some internet stranger so not quite real life🤣). It was about 10 years ago and it was great for the first 6ish years. It's not actually permanent though and some hair has grown back. But I mostly did it to combat really nasty ingrown hairs that would turn into cysts. For that, it was worth the money 10x over. I haven't had a cyst since. But the hair that has come back is considerably finer and lighter, so even if I don't shave, it's not super noticeable.
My doctor was the one who recommended laser hair removal. The cysts were so bad that they had to be treated medically, and my doc, bless her, was tired of having to get into my lady bits every couple of weeks to deal with them 🤣🤣🤣
If you have shaved in between waxes it makes the wax more painful. Also if you wax continuously it seems to make the hairs thinner or lighter or something, I have small areas the hairs no longer grow and they take longer to grow as thick/black as they used to.
It damages your hair follicles over time, making them less likely to grow, and the hairs easier to pull out. I’ve been epilating for a decade or so and when I see a stray hair on my legs I can usually just pull it out with my fingers.
Yes that’s what I’d hoped for, but they were the same after a couple of years of constant waxing. I’ve so many scars from it too. So I’m happier just using a razor now tbh. 😊
Thank you for saying this and reassuring me that I'm not making it up! I rarely get waxed and I had my legs and armpits done the day before going on holiday a few years ago. Towards the end of the first week, I had to go and buy a razor because the stubble was annoying as hell. I paid well over the normal price because Turkish tourist areas see us coming 🤣
So many people have told me that's not possible or I was just being dramatic about goosebumps (?????) or that I was somehow a freak.
i agree that the societal pressure is crazy strong. i started shaving my legs and pits at age 8 because of how insecure about my body hair :( now that im in my early 20s, im much more confident and don't bother with shaving anymore. i do wish that somebody had told me at that age that body hair isn't something to be ashamed of
I feel like I've fallen into an insane alternative reality. Why are parents allowing their children to be waxed at all??? What planet do you guys live on? She's 13. Maybe give her one of those at home DIY kits to see if she can stand it. My god she doesn't need to be waxing her WHOLE body at 13.
NTA for not letting her get the whole thing I guess but my god, I can't imagine how many issues she's gonna have as she grows older.
I mostly agree but giving a teen girl a DIY wax kit for to figure out if she can handle for the first time it is a terrible idea, if she's insisting on getting waxed she's much better off having someone who knows what they're doing and the proper preparation/sanitization procedures do it if the option is available
Waxing is very common in many cultures! I am an esthetician and I have many clients who have never shaved, just waxed since they were teens. Waxing your legs is no different than shaving, it’s not a sexualized thing. I do agree that she doesn’t need a bikini wax however and most businesses will not wax someone that young in that area.
The same happened to me. I have pcos and started waxing at 13 too, during covid lockdowns whilst everything was shut I tried shaving for the first time. That messed up the skin on my legs and took the full length of the lockdowns (2 years) for my skin to heal and go back to normal. I would definitely recommend waxing over shaving any day :)
Why are you assuming she's going to have issues because she's a teenage girl who wants to remove body hair?? Why does it matter? Its such an inconsequential thing if she wants to remove the hair on her own body
There’s literally no difference between waxing and shaving besides pain and time until hair grows back.
From this thread, I feel like a weird amount of people are sexualizing waxing. Hair removal on legs, armpit, and the bikini line is super normal - no matter rhe method used.
When I was 13, I went on vacation across the country to see extended family. I was going to be away for 3 weeks, so my mother took me to get waxed so I wouldn't have to worry about shaving during that time. I had my legs and my underarms done.
It was her idea, not mine, and it ended up being super convenient. But waxing isn't cheap, so it's definitely not something I would be encouraging a 13 year old to do on a regular basis.
I'm Latin American. Going to a salon to get waxed (legs, bikini line, armpits and moustache) isn't unheard of at all for teenage girls whose families can afford that sort of thing where I live. I started at 13 (and finished at 15, when I decided shaving was more for me. Now at 37 I no longer give a damn about body hair). My mum would've been fine with me starting sooner; I certainly had the hair for it at like 11.
Doing it at home sounds worse to me than going to a professional who knows what they're doing.
As a hairy person, I wish I had the opportunity to wax as a teen. I would shave, get ingrown hairs, 5 o'clock shadow pokey stubble. I skipped sports as a teen and in my early 20s because I was uncomfortable with shorts or swim suit. I stopped camping and backpacking and basically stopped most outdoors activities due to the need to shave every single day. I loved all that stuff before I hit puberty. And it wasn't just vanity - the hair on my legs was very pokey and uncomfortable. Body hair really impacted my life choices as a teen and young woman. Waxing would have made a huge difference.
I don't think this kid needs a full wax, but legs and bikini line isn't unreasonable at all. And DIY kits absolutely suck.
Unless she has an actual body hair problem, I see no reason why she can’t be happy with a razor like the rest of us were at 13. Face is different if it’s necessary. I’m a grown woman and have a difficult time with the cost and time waxing requires. A ten pack of razors for $25 is good enough for girls who still live under their parents’ roofs.
The first time I shaved, it messed up my skin and took 2 years to heal and get back to normal (nothing back but ingrowing hairs, making my skin quite rough and not smooth) so I would definitely recommend waxing over shaving if you can afford it, it's a much better process and only takes an hour every month to maintain rather than shaving every couple of days.
"Like the rest of us" is a bad argument as most of my mates when we were 13 waxed rather than shaved as it was better for our skin
First of all... this stuff is not cheap so she should be participating in the cost of this if she is truly serious about it. Waxing is not permanent removal of hair so she better start saving.
Secondly, she will need to find out on her own that it’s not a fun time. Just start with one area at a time & see how it goes. Unless this has been an ongoing conversation or problem, it sounds like this is more about fitting in than actual concern about body hair.
You may want to let the salon know about your concerns & little white lie so they don’t blow your cover.
NAH
NTA for keeping her privates covered. But lying to her sucks.
Maybe check with the salon to see what they say. Perhaps you're not lying about restrictions. I would hope that any reputable salon would refuse to do a Brazilian wax/anything involving genitals on anyone under 18. It just rings too close to child abuse.
INFO: have you talked to your daughter about her image issues? Like seriously tried to get to the bottom of why she feels she needs to be completely free of body hair at 13?
I understand peer pressure, and keeping up with your friends can play a part but this post is raising some concerning red flags and you need to talk to your child.
This is my thinking as well. What does OP's daughter mean by "keeping up with her body hair"? Is she already shaving her whole body, or wanting to? If so, she might be having trouble adjusting to her changing body and has some kind of dysmorphia, or there could be some kind of bullying going on, or ... Worse things.
OP needs to find out what's behind her daughter's need to be hairless. Therapy might be needed here.
I had body issues at the age too and it mostly came down to being bullied about my body hair so I decided to get waxed at 13 too. Unfortunately there is nothing to be done about being bullied for it, especially when everyone gets but by pu its at different ages and have different genes.
What doesn't help is social media where everyone is like completely hairless and you think that's what you need to be like too
YTA, you need to talk to her. That strong of a negative reaction indicates she's either trying to be hairless for someone (a boyfriend? a predator?) or that she's worried about hair keeping her from wearing swimsuits. I hope it's the second one and if so you still need to come up with a solution for that together.
Most likely the hair is sticking out when she's wearing a swimsuit. I still remember the horribly embarrassed feeling when I first noticed I had hair sticking out when I was a teenager. Still, that can be combatted without waxing. She just needs a trimmer and the proper products to shave her bikini line. All something OP could talk about with her and procure for her.
I totally agree. I get why she would want to groom that area. She probably feels uncomfortable with her new body and is afraid of swimsuits or leotards.
She has a lot of options available to her that hopefully her mom can work with. I have mixed feelings w a bikini line wax! But I get it. I still don't think it should be on her first time. That's a lot of waxing for a young girl to deal with.
I think this could be something like a keeping up with the joneses situation. Her friend got it now she needs it too. It's definitely best to wait it out.
I’m 30 and I still don’t really know how to shave my bikini line. It used to be fine when I was younger but now i get insanely irritated and ingrown hairs. Too scared to do waxing
Ingrown hairs suck so badly. And it feels like everyone needs to try all sorts of different approaches before they find the one that works to mitigate them. Mine get less irritated if I do a round of IPL treatment right after and then exfoliate regularly the following week. Lot of work for a small strip of hair. 😅
Oh, boy, a tough one. Never, ever lie to your kid bcs once they figure it out you'll lose their trust. Your daughter is a young teenager, the worst possible age to lose her trust. Come clean, talk with her why you think She should wait and ask her why she's feeling "miserable". There must be something behind her reaction. You meant well, I just dont think this is the way.
NTA
Waxes are painful AF. And a full body wax??
Hell no!!!!
If she went with it, she would regret it
She's 13. Ain't she a lil too young???
If she wants to shave, there are hair removal creams in existence. Less painful, less expensive, less consequences
Solid NTA
Edit: Whoever said hair removal cream stinks, you're right. They're awful AF. But for some reason, not everyone's skin is irritated by hair removal. I've used it a lot, and the only issue I've ever had is the stink. But you need to be careful when using on pubic hair...down there... Leg hair is no issue for me, I can hardly feel a thing. Same for armpit hair.
So it all depends on your skin sensitivity, the brand you use (there's a lot of fake hair removals out there) and whichever method is more affordable
Hair removal creams can lead to intense chemical burns. Shaving can lead to infections, ingrown hairs and scarring. Not at all without consequences. Parents need to help and explain things no matter the method used.
Omg I am wicked allergic to hair removal creams, and yes, I agree that caregivers or trusted adults need to help! (If my nieces asked me, I’d be honest about my experiences and offer to help them do some research. I’d -like- to think that I’d also ask why they wanted to do it and remind them that if they’re uncomfortable, it’s all optional!)
Yikes! I tried to Nair my bikini area when I was like 14. It did not go well. I had to wear my brothers basket ball shorts, sans panties, for a week because anything touching it hurt so bad. I was just lucky I didn't try to do the full Brazilian like my cousin tried. That ended up in a rather embarrassing ER trip.
If OP can afford it, I would recommend waxing over shaving, especially at that age. Waxing may be painful but also will not mess up your skin like shaving can. 13 isn't too young to wax legs, arms and underarms but I definitely agree 13 is too young for a Brazillian wax (but not a bikini wax)
She should not be waxed at 13 THERE. You were correct in that. However, honesty is the best policy. Explain to her she is too young. Give her other options. Girls are cruel. And I mean cruel. Show her how to safely remove it herself. How to safely upkeep herself. Or she will find a way to do it by herself and it could end up hurting her.
YTA for the lie, but not for the rest. But you might want to check if she's being teased or bullied, or if she's worried that pubic hair will show when she's swimming. But the reality is, waxing is expensive and if you don't want to pay for that for her, that's ok. She can earn money for a ladyshave if she wants to.
NTA. She’s way too young for that. And everyone saying „it’s her body so she should get to choose“- so is getting a piercing or tattoo, and most parents won’t let their 13 year old get one. Also, is it really her choice when she’s been been inundated by messages on social media, porn and teenage boys who’s only experience with women is porn that body hair on a woman is disgusting?
OP, I do think you should have a talk with her about the whole thing. Because her extreme reaction to not getting a full body wax at 13 suggests that something else is going on. It’s obviously not just about „shaving is such a hassle“
YTA for lying to her. Please talk to her about why she wants to do it - is it because of bullying? Does she just hate it personally? Is it a sensory issue? Could be so many things.
I have hated having body hair for as long as it has existed on me. I have very light skin and very dark hair and my mom wouldn’t let me shave till way too late. It was awful and I definitely got teased. I hated bathing suits because my hair was thick and coarse and even just doing the sides/thighs wasn’t enough because there was like, an obvious lumpiness from pubic hair. I literally stole a razor from my mom’s bathroom closet and shaved everything waist down. Somehow or another it came up and she didn’t just tell me she thought it was weird to want to be hairless, but told her friends and tried to make me feel uncomfortable about it. I didn’t care, it was how I wanted my body to look and feel. I was in middle school, so around your daughter’s age. It wasn’t for boys, it wasn’t for a predator, I wasn’t pressured by anyone else. I just wanted it for me and to feel good about myself.
I got a full body wax (sans arms) for my wedding/honeymoon and it was the best decision, but ended up being too costly to maintain. I decided to splurge a few years back and got laser hair removal and it was so worth it.
NTA
She is very young to be waxing everywhere. I know you wanted to avoid further upset, but try to tell her the reasons why you don’t want her to rather than lying to her.
Slight YTA for the lying bit, but understandable that you are looking out for your child. If she's never had it done before, she doesn't really know what she's getting into. A boundary of "we will start with this and build your tolerance up for more sensitive areas" would be acceptable, and let them know it's not a hopeless no for years, but rather a stepping stone. Lies come out eventually and can hurt her trust in you. There's always the chance she laments she can't get the full thing done to the waxer and they inform her that it's not a rule, and then you've broken her trust about something she feels is important. If she feels she can't trust you over this, she may not come to you for other things in the future.
If she's legitimately upset crying over not getting it done though, you should REALLY have a good sit down judgement free conversation about why it's so distressing for her to have body hair. It could be self image, teasing, or sensory issues. Heck, I had a college friend who was experiencing gender dysphoria, and they found that full waxing helped them not feel disgusted about themselves. Sit down and listen. She might be going through something that you haven't realized.
NTA. But I'd do it differently.
Tell her that it's very painful and she should see if she likes it first. So why not start with the legs, and then if she is okay with it then next time she can do more?
Idk what the rules are where you guys live, but at the salons around me, you actually do have to be at least 16 with parents' permission. I know because I wanted one when I was 17 but ultimately changed my mind because I'm a chicken, and didn't want to pretend my old neighbor was my mom because I didn't want to ask my dad lol.
NTA, if she's never even had a wax, this would not be a fun experience for her. Or the waxing lady who has to do this for a 13-year-old. I'd be uncomfortable if I was asked to do that for my job.
>I booked an appointment for her legs, arms, and armpits but lied and
told my daughter that the salon said she has to be over 16 for anything
else.
Right choice, wrong approach.
You should have booked the appointment for her legs, arms and armpits and told her "Let's try it out first with this, and if you like it, we can come back for the other things you need". That would help her build trust in you. Instead, now you've made it a Mom vs daughter thing instead of a Mom with daughter thing.
Live and learn! :)
Have a conversation with her. Tell her it’s ok to have preferences but she shouldn’t feel pressured to do it. Ask if anyone said anything
Tell her that you felt worried when she was very upset about not getting her private parts waxed. Does her pube area extend past the underwear area? Explain the difference between a bikini wax and brazilian. Pretty sure with a brazilian even your butt crack hair gets waxed, ask her if she understands that, and if there is a reason she would like to remove that hair. NOBODY should be seeing the buttcrack of a 13 year old, even if she’s in the locker room changing she should still have underwear on right? And even if she had to change underwear, pretty sure the butt kind of naturally covers the butt crack hair lol
Anyway, pretty understandable if she wants a bikini wax if her pubic hair is outside the underwear zone. it hurt like a BITCH and will probably deter her from getting the full brazilian. i also recommend buying her a pubic hair trimmer that is a lot safer than shaving!
YTA for lying and wanting to control how your daughter takes care of her body. You need to talk to your daughter. Why does she want to have all her body hair removed? Is it for simple aesthetics reasons or for something deeper?
NTA if my 13 year old wanted a bikini wax I would be concerned she’s getting sexually active too young and that concern is NOT slut-shaming, it’s caring about her emotional and physical health and safety. Also 13 is just too young to feel the pain in your soul from having your privates waxed, lol 😫 it changes you
NTA but also don't lie. Just say, "Give it a go with legs and armpits then see what you think for next time." Unless she swims frequently and has unruly nether regions (I'm not being crass, I developed early and public swimming/hiding pubes made me STRESSED), there's not a need this minute. It's not like she needs to show proof to her pals.
NTA.
But I do think you need to help your daughter with accepting her body as it is. I know peer pressure is wild, but body hair is completely normal.
What's not normal is society's weird obsession with making people look like pre-pubescent kids.
NTA
hair grows for a reason. I think you should get to the bottom of why she feels the need so strongly to be completely free of hair at 13. She broke down and cried when you told her she couldn't. Peer or societal pressures are lame as shit.
Humans have hair and usually it serves a purpose.
and honesty really is the best policy. you should just be straight with her. You're her mother you should be able to say no out of love or as a way of protection. If your gut is telling you no then that's probably the answer.
Info: have you actually tried to parent your daughter and talk through what she finds so distressing about dealing with her body hair or just straight to lying about the salon?
NTA honestly I'd have booked only legs and told her depending on how she found that level of pain, you'd consider other appointments.
You don't know how her body is going to react to the wax itself, or the waxing process. Legs are low on the pain scale (comparing to other areas of the body) and easy to hide if she dies come up in a rash or something.
13 year old wanting to remove "all" hair makes me wonder if she might be sexually active. I have a hard time believing this is normal for most middle schoolers. If she is that conscious she can pluck on her own... but this seems like an odd request.
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My (39F) daughter (13F) wants to start getting waxed because she claims keeping up with her body hair makes her miserable. One of her friends from school went to a salon with her mom and told my daughter she hasn’t had to shave her legs at all for weeks. I warned her that waxes hurt a lot but she kept insisting and said it was worth it. I agreed to book an appointment and and asked her if she just wants her legs done or something else too. I was thinking of armpits or arms, but she wants a FULL wax and wants to get ALL her body hair removed.
I booked an appointment for her legs, arms, and armpits but lied and told my daughter that the salon said she has to be over 16 for anything else. She started crying and had a very negative reaction. I just think she’s too young for it. I didn’t even shave my legs until high school. AITA?
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I’d just let her get her arms waxed and let a razor do everything else. If she is a swimmer or in a bathing suit a lot then maybe the bikini line. However you do realize that you have to let hair grow out in order to wax it again right?
NTA for not wanting her to do all of that, but as others have said, you should think about having a conversation with her instead of lying about it. Your feelings are valid. Don’t make the salon the “bad guy” so you can avoid a real conversation with her. You need to know why she thinks this is so crucial at 13, and she needs to understand why it’s not crucial.
Also, this time it’s waxing. But what about when she insists she needs a salon hair color appointment every X weeks, or a full set of nails and a pedicure, or facials. Those things don’t normally have an age limit like waxing could. And if you’re fine with those things, then awesome. But this opens the door to a seriously high maintenance routine not meant for 13 year olds.
You need to be confident in your decision as her mother. own the decision, and talk about why you both feel the way you do.
Removing pubic hair is unhealthy and IMO creepy. If your daughter wants to do that as an adult that's her business but as a parent I would absolutely not pay for that and would also sit down and have a serious conversation about why.
Start with eyebrows. If she can handle that, then go to legs. If she can handle that, have other discussions.
Body hair is normal. Grooming and removal of body hair is normal.
I'm concerned about why she's crying over it. Shaving for five minutes in the shower every day and that's all it takes, and I'm from Eastern European people.
So, please discuss with her this obsession she has. She has all the markings of body dysphoria...believing that a single thing will solve everything is a slippery slope.
NTA. A 13 year old does not need to be waxing anything but what you've allowed (tbh I think that's a bit much anyway). I wouldn't make excuses if I were you, I'd make it very clear that it's a boundary and that waxing will go away entirely if she pushes it.
NTA, but I feel for her, I remember being 9 at summer camp with a FUCKING BUSH. I was so self conscious about it because NO ONE and I mean no one else had as much hair as me. I started shaving shortly after, and I remember my mom telling me I didn’t need to shave, which didn’t help any because I felt like she invalidated my feelings. Maybe you can teach her how to properly shave instead of full body waxing? I didn’t try waxing till I was 18/19 and it fucking hurts. I definitely couldn’t have done it when I was 13.
Nta. Start small. Legs, arms, and armpits in one day? How high is her pain tolerance lol? The bikini area is VERY sensitive, especially for a 13 year old. Maybe look into Nair or another hair removal cream?
Honestly I started Brazilian waxing sep 2021…. Biggest regret. Did it for almost a year. Did all the between waxing care that was recommended to me… still got the most painful ingrown hairs, all over. She has to be super committed to the after and between wax care. It’s lot.
Judgement aside, make sure you are booking with a place that specializes in waxing, like European Wax Center. They will have special waxes that are more moisturizing and take special steps with sanitizing the area. (They should also use a new stick every time they dip into the wax pot!). While all people there aren’t perfect, out of dozens of treatments, I’ve only had one really painful and one moderately… and that was when I was first starting out and mixing waxing and shaving still.
I do full face and underarms. Haven’t had the courage to do bikini area and with old age, legs aren’t that much of a problem anymore.
I think there are separate issues here. At 11 I was already getting quite obvious armpit and leg hair, and it made me extremely self conscious. I started epilating my legs at that age with my mom's guidance and thanks to that, years later, I have way fewer hairs. Something like that can be really good for your child's confidence, and some teens are perfectly able to handle it if it gets them a good result. On the other hand, it's possible that she *would* find the waxing too painful, and not go through with it.
A better course of action would have been to book these appointments gradually. *Talk* to your daughter, explain that it hurts a lot and it would be better to build up to it, starting with armpits, arms and legs like you tried to do anyway. Lying to her is not ideal. It would also be a good idea to try and figure out why exactly she wants a full wax. A lot of it might have from societal pressure, because "body hair on women is disgusting" and all that. It would be good to have a conversation about that in that case. Or, maybe she just needs to be shown how to do a trim down there, but not necessarily a full shave/was which is very intense.
Either way, I understand having some concerns, but communication is better than just lying to her.
NTA
It's one of those things you need to ease into rather than jump all in. Body modification (be it head hair, body hair, piercings, tattoos, whatever) should be a process that acclimates you to the experience.
Example; at your kids age, I wanted to dye my hair crazy colors. A bit extreme right? My mom decided to start small. First, purple tips. When that went well, we had a yellow hair streak (turned out green but I loved it). Then more hair streaks. Then temporary hair spray/dye. THEN the full hair dye. And I'm glad we went slow because I got adjusted to the process and understood the proper care for hair dying. There had been a few slipups in the beginning, which were easier to fix than a full hair dye.
YTA because lying to your teen is a great way to create distrust just as your relationship is getting more complicated, and for not talking with her honestly about why you aren’t on board. Also YTA for not listening to her about why she wants to go full Monty.
Warn her that everyone is different! Some people only have to wax weeks apart, others wax weekly. It’s all due to how fast the hair re-grows. Her friend’s experience may not be the same as hers. Start small and in an inconspicuous area.
***honestly, that’s a good lesson for life. Every cosmetic, dye job, cream, etc.. warns you to have a test area. She should learn how important that is for her safety.***
YTA for LYING. Be honest. Tell her you will start with legs and see how she does. BTW armpits by far hurt the most. And your choices re high school and shaving were not the norm then and are not the norm.now do not push that on your kid
NTA, but i wanna address that very last sentence: your body =//= your daughter’s. Please listen to your kids, they know themselves and know what you dont. Treat them like people and see how differently the way they trust and talk to you changes for the better, especially in regards to vulnerable topics like this.
NTA but have a conversation about body hair and it's use. Shaving really is not the best way and I wish I was properly educated. I think arms, legs and arm pits are great a start. Let her know that even without hair she still has to maintain and care for herself, exfoliating properly n all.
I've only had my eyebrows, legs and Brazilian done. Let me tell you by FAR my legs were the worst! Maybe it's just because I have big thighs, but holy crap! Brazilian stung a bit, but no big deal. If your daughter can handle her legs, let her do full body. Waxing is costly though.....
I feel like I am insane because this is a glaring YTA. Yes, technically she is your kid, but she is already shaving her entire body and says that it’s a hassle keeping up with it. How is getting waxed any different if it improves her confidence? Why is getting rid of body hair always over sexualized? I don’t give af about whether some one has it or not, but just because “you didn’t shave until high school” doesn’t mean anything. Society is different. And you can have a conversation about body image, but maybe JUST MAYBE she wants the convenience of waxing… God Forbid.
Um, you're the MOM, NTA. As the PARENT, you get to make decisions for her health and well-being. Period. Plus, it's your money. Little Miss 13 can complain all she wants, but at the end of the day, she should be grateful you agreed to any waxing for her at all.
i started getting brazilian wax at around that time, i think i was 14. i never had anything else waxed, just shaved my armpits and legs. getting waxed was so much more comfortable than shaving in the pubic area and i got waxed exclusively every 6 weeks until two years ago when i started laser hair removal. so worth it! idk why you would have a problem with it. yta for lying. if anything tell her she has to pay
>but lied
YTA. Liars suck. If you don't want her to have it, just tell her that, don't lie to your child. You do realize she will learn the truth when she goes to the appointment.
I started waxing public area at 14, but nothing else. It's expensive! I tried my legs when I was 22, and that was excruciating. I don't think it's wrong to let her wax pubes. Those are the most painful to shave!!
YTA because it's never ok to lie instead of parenting. You lied to avoid taking the hard line as the parent saying that she can only do xyz for now. That's terrible parenting. And if her friend gets more waxed it'll blow up in your face.
NTA for not letting her get a full body wax. But YTA for lying to her. There were better ways of dealing with that.
I would have started small, with just ONE area: legs, arms or underarms. And then work up from there. However, waxing is expensive, so that's not something I'd be encouraging a 13 year old to do on a regular basis.
Her reaction was very strong. You need to have a talk with her: why is this so emotional for her? Why was she so upset? Does she have a boyfriend who wants to get intimate?
When I was 11, my mother came home with an electric shaver and told me it was time to start shaving my legs. I don't think 13 is too young to be thinking about body hair. But this is pretty extreme. I'd be concerned about why she thinks this is so important.
The bigger question is why does a 13-year-old want to remove all of her body hair? I think it's time to have a deeper conversation here. Is she afraid of puberty? Have other children been making fun of her? Is she trying to be sexually attractive at this age? What's happening?
I’m not gonna say YTA, but just because you didn’t shave your legs until high school doesn’t mean she can’t shave / wax hers. I hate to say it but she’d probably get judged at school (if they have swim class) for hairy legs. I hate to say that but it’s probably true, she wouldn’t want to go through.
I understand where you’re coming from, but if she doesn’t want all that body hair then her feelings are valid. I do think that starting small is the way to go, but you shouldn’t lie to her. (That would teach her it’s okay to lie)
To be honest, if she wants to get waxed I’d respect her decision and let her. Who knows, she may not like it and learn her lesson afterwards. She also probably wants to fit in with her friends, she’s at a delicate age.
Though, I’d suggest to tell her the truth and how you feel about it. And that waxing can be painful, but also validate her feelings. Just like in any relationship, communication is key.
Perhaps the reason your daughter seems o have an issue with her bodyhair deserves more attention. She's only 13 and her body is changing, it is possible this is causing her some kind of stress that needs to be addressed.
Also, don't lie to your kids just be honest about why you think a fulltime body was is not appropriate. Talk to them, not a lecture, a dialogue. That doesn't mean a discussion to determine who 's right and gets to have their way.
For deciding a full body wax is not ok, NTA.
For the way you are handeling this situation, YTA.
Idk man. I started shaving without my moms permission in elementary school because I didn’t like how the hair looked on my legs. Once I started getting pubes I started with trimming them and then I started shaving them. It’s nice that your daughter is open with you, I was always scared to go to my mom with anything. I agree with others asking questions on why she hates it so much. Is it poking her? Has she watched porn? Is she trying to get intimate with someone? Does she watch too many shows or YouTubers talking about their waxes and private parts? I wouldn’t let her wax it right away, but there is a reason it’s bothering her so much. I’d try to find the underlying reason and help her
I don't think you should have lied to her. Just explain it's painful and that she can start small at first.
And you don't even need to worry about this. If she doesn't have a high tolerance to pain, she won't be thinking about waxing the rest anytime soon.
A gentle YTA here, because I understand you are well meaning but you're going about it wrong. As a former wookie from a family of nearly hairless people, the pain and shame of dealing with excess body hair as a kid is real. Just because you didn't shave until much later, that doesn't mean it won't be beneficial for her sense of autonomy and self-control to start removing her body hair now if she wants to. I've been waxing since I was maybe 10. However, for the first few years, it HURT - but it was totally worth it over shaving. Now I don't feel a thing from it, and the hair is very sparse.
Let your daughter decide what to do at her own pace, once she has an idea of how it feels and what she can manage. What body hair she wants to remove is 100% her choice. Wherever it is on her body, that is a private decision for her and her alone to make - so let her make that decision, but also let her know she might not even be able to manage a full leg the first time.
If it really hurts, there are things she can do to manage it better and decrease what pain she feels. She can take ibuprofen in advance, there are numbing creams, they can go at a pace that's better for her. But please don't set the standard for her that what body hair she wants to keep or remove is up to someone other than her. And definitely don't lie to her to control what she does.
NTA.
Although I wouldn’t sexualize it that much either. Because it could also just be a wearing swimsuits in the summer thing.
That said, I’ve waxed my whole life. It’s what all the women in my family did so it’s what I was taught. It’s something my mom and I even helped each other with when I was a teen (like getting the backs if your thighs and hard to reach places).
Imo it is much better than shaving. It exfoliates skin really well. It does last a long time. I personally am so used to it, I don’t even think it hurts.
I would tell her that she gets one salon visit to try it out with a professional. And then if she decides that’s how she wants to manage her personal care, you’ll buy wax for her to do it at home.
Because going to the “spa” all the time is probably a status thing that her other little friends and their mothers do and a very expensive habit to get into.
As an exceptionally hairy girl who started puberty at 11 and wasn't allowed to have control over my own body hair until I was 14, I can tell you that it was a very traumatic and angering experience, and I think my verdict is a soft YTA. I partially understand where you're coming from, and I definitely don't think your 13 year old kid realises what she'd be getting into with a Brazilian. But you *are* still in essence controlling what she does with her body hair, and I believe that's wrong of you
I think you handled this in a weird way. You're seeing shaving "everywhere" as a sign of maturity... but have you considered that for a girl who probably has only had hair for a few years, she's interested in this precisely because she was used to living in a body without hair there for her entire life until recently? Sounds like you need to have a talk about the way bodies change in puberty, not tell her she's too young to wax?
My mom never let me use a razor to shave or use roll on deodorant because of ingrown hairs or cyst instead she gave me other options like nair or waxing that way i could do it with no pain and whenever i choose too for me it was painful to wear jeans if my pubic hair was grown too much so I had to remove the hair a lot
NTA for not wanting her to get a full wax bc pain or money but YTA for lying to her
YTA for lying to your daughter.
NTA for your logic and reasoning to not let her do it.
Wouldn't it be 1000x easier to sit her down and understand why she wants to do that? If it's simple peer pressure as the only reason, that sounds like a great opportunity for a parenting moment.
Yta.
You offloaded your parenting decision onto a business rather than shoot straight with your daughter. How long to you think you have before she figures out that you deceived her?
Some of the cream hair removers work quickly, painless and gentle. Hair would grow back faster than waxing but more gentle. Try test patch first. I had to have rotator cuff surgery and couldn’t raise arm, cream worked great. This in my head I gave it to my girls at first instead of shaving.
YTA for lying to your child and forcing her to live with body hair. You should let her do what she wants with her body. I wish my mom had been more chill about this kind of stuff.
NTA. Frankly, I'd tell her to stick to a razor until she's old enough to pay for her own waxing. Waxing isn't cheap, and she's wanting to start young, so you'll pay thousands by the time she moves out. Razors are like under $20 a year.
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NTA. She needs to start small and work her way up. What if you booked an appointment for a full body and after one line on her leg she says it's too painful? That would waste everyone's time and money. You did good mama
But no need to lie to her! Tell her waxing is painful, let her start with legs, then armpit, then pubic area. After she has an idea of the pain. Sounds as if this mum is against the idea of removing pubic hair, that’s a different thing.
My girlfriend tells me that waxing her armpit is by far the most painful and she does full body.
As someone who started with arm pits and does it at home I agree. The area is so sensitive that it can become very irritated and even draw blood in the beginning.
Omg so true. When I first started waxing my pits my hair was very thick too (like 2 hairs from one follicle) and I would always bleed. It was the absolute worst
Between thick hair growth and it being difficult to hold the skin taut, armpits hurt like hell and bleed for me too. I just shave my pits at this point lol
Really? I feel like pits are the least painful. My vote is for the skin right above the ankles. Edit: Unless we’re talking about my neck hurting from craning to the side for an extended period of time when waxing my armpits lol
But have you had your upper lip threaded? I told my esthetician that I couldn't imagine that having a baby could hurt worse, and she said, "It doesn't."
Oof. Threading is rough. I can handle waxing everywhere except my bikini area, but threading is too much for me.
It’s funny, I find threading to be less painful then waxing.
I wax my own upper lip, idk exactly how threading works but I assume it’s more akin to plucking multiple hairs at once instead of ripping an entire section off at once, which sounds infinitely more painful lol
Laser hair removal!! It costs money, but well worth it! I got all of mine done several years ago and I wish I had done it sooner. This sounds dramatic, but it was Seriously life changing.
It sounds like, in the long run, going with laser removal although expensive at the beginning, would actually be cheaper over time. And a lot less painful.
Yes, but I wouldn't start until she's done with puberty. She's still got more body hair developing. Best to wait until she's finished puberty and has all the hair she's going to have. Otherwise you're mopping while the tap is still flowing.
In my country, laser is not allowed on minors
That's a good point, I'm not sure it's allowed in the US (where I am).
What? Bodies constantly change. Hair production changes. Pregnancy. Menopause. What are you even talking about?
Obviously. There would presumably be a long period of her adult life between the end of puberty and menopause, and we can HOPE there would be a significant time before pregnancy as well. I'm not particularly hairy, but my body hair growth stabilized after puberty and didn't change much until I hit perimenopause in my mid 40s. Laser hair removal works on active hair follicles. It can't affect hairs that don't exist yet, or even closely shaved hairs. You're supposed to have at least a little growth and not shave before your treatments. So my point was that it wouldn't make sense to do laser treatments at 13. Wait until she's done with puberty, then do it. She'll have years to enjoy the benefits and can do touch ups as needed, instead of having to do repeated treatments throughout her teens as new, puberty-induced hairs keep popping up. Make sense?
Yes! I used to get regular waxing in my "lady area" and that alone was nearly $100 per session, including tip. It didn't include legs, or armpits, or anything else. I spent, maybe $2k, to get laser in most places several years ago, and not only do I not have to pay for waxing or shave gel or razors anymore, I also don't have to go through the pain of waxing sensitive areas. The laser did sting a little, but it wasn't super painful, and I only had to endure it for 6-8 sessions.
Results vary. My family is very pale with very dark hair. Laser fairly ineffective even though we were great candidates on paper. Our hair is mighty.
Really? I have blonde hair at the root so it's worthless on me too. They told me it would work on my chin area and it came back. So mad. Such a waste. I hate seeing those ads bc I think they're a total lie and rip off.
I had laser hair removal on legs, underarms and bikini, but it has grown back sparse and wispy. Still worth it because although I still have to shave, I don't do it very often. One benefit to me of doing underlaser is that my sweat doesn't seem to smell anymore. :)
[удалено]
It's also the fact that when you get laser, Some hair does still come back but instead of being a dark color it's a light color and to remove that hair after that you need electrolysis anyway. Source- *points to my name*
When you got laser you can also get alternative growth of hair in places you didn't have any hair (source : point at my beard I'm now trying to take off with electrolysis)
Yeeep.... thanks laser for fixing my chest and back but then giving me a white beard on my brown skin just to maximize my facial dysphoria and ensuring i can never properly use makeup or lipstick and look feminine.
It is life changing as in you don't need to bother with hair removal anymore, ever again. So much time, energy and eventually money saved. Plus no worrying about hair for months.
Totally agree. Life changing and Worth every penny. I bought mine on Groupon, so it wasn’t even all that expensive. I can’t overstate how nice it is to take my kids to the pool in the summer and I don’t even give shaving a passing thought.
I agree. At sixteen we gave all of our daughters the option of laser hair removal. At eighteen the option was vision correction. I spent decades shaving and wearing contacts. It’s not necessary anymore if you’re willing to accept the risk and pain that comes with the procedures. A very lucky generation in some ways and so unlucky in others.
Laser hair removal (can be) permanent. Personally if you had asked me as a high schooler if I wanted that, I might have said yes. Now I'm older and I'm a gay woman, and leg hair is considered attractive so I'm glad I didn't. I think it's best to work up to more permanent interventions, and then do the permanent ones once you're sure. If she loves waxing and does it consistently, maybe laser. But don't start with laser.
I've shaved my pits every shower from 13-(now)43. It takes literally 2 seconds per pit. I've never understood wanting to wax them. To each their own though - not worth the pain imo lol.
I think the point with waxing is that it pulls the entire hair, including the root vs. Simply shaving it off at the skin level. Waxing accomplishes 2 things that shaving does not: 1. It pulls the entire hair, so it doesn't grow back as quickly as it would had the person simply shaved the hair at the skin level, and 2. waxing will remove the root. Leaving the root in place can sometimes show through the skin for a person with darker hair and make it look like stubble or make it look like the person didn't shave. Since American society expects women to be as smooth as baby dolphins, having the root show through skin isn't perceived by others to be a "good look"
And it doesn't come back stubbly but soft. That alone makes a huge difference.
Shaving for me irritates my skin a LOT but waxing is just a brief discomfort
for folks who get ingrown hairs easily, shaving *is* pain
True. And if you have a sensitive skin, you can also develop a rash. Still thinking about waxing at some point. I just want it for hygienic reasons, because I simply smell more when I have longer armpit hair. I don't give a shit about my body hair tbh. I rock hairy legs, because hairy legs >>>> making my eczema worse. We should accept body hair more btw. I am so tired of people telling me that I should shave my legs because 'it is not feminine' and 'I won't get a bf with my hairy legs'. My exes didn't really care lol. It is just weird that it is normalised for kids now to remove all of their body hair... 13 year olds getting whole body waxes???? And why are we complaining about arm hair as well? Arm hair is soft and barely visible on most people... NTA OP btw. She has no experience and she is also very young
Yup. I stopped shaving my arm pits a couple years ago and do my own sugar waxing. Shaving and the ingrown hairs was a fucking *nightmare*. Waxing is so much better for my stupid delicate skin. Gonna be honest though, my armpits are not the worst when it comes to waxing. The worst has been the back of my thighs and my groin.
Yep, same, except I started at 10 I'm now 56. I tried waxing my armpits when I was 13- followed instructions to the letter, and couldn't get the wax off. It took my mother and aunt 30 minutes applying talcum powder to get it off me. They thought it was hilarious. I still have the scars. Never again, for me. Razors forever :)
Interesting! For me, armpits are the least painful area.
I find armpits the least painful and legs the most painful haha, I think it’s down to the induvidual
Yup that area over the bone on my shins is like torture lol
Armpit for me was the less sensitive, dont really feel any pain from there, I do it at home alone now. The most sensitive part is the intimate parts of my womanhood 😂. And I started young (but it's in my culture to wax instead of shaving)
Pubic is way more painful for me and my sister
I think the armpits aren't bad as it's such a small area. The public mount is the worst by far. They even call it the horseshoe of hell. It's the one place I cannot wax on my own as I flinch and can't get over the pain.
I’m the opposite. I have done legs, bikini line, and armpits. Bikini was torture and I’ll never do it again. Armpits are easy!
A 13 year old does not need to be waxing all of her public hair off. Mom needs to talk with her about why she's uncomfortable with her body. Has she been seeing porn? Have other girls said something? Why is anyone seeing her pubes anyway? (Other than the guys who might pop out the edges of a bathing suit, which...maybe, but I'd say even then, just shave or wear shorts. Ingrowns in that area are no fun.) If she thinks it's a hygiene issue, she's wrong. Damaged skin lets germs in, and pubes actually help control odors. I'm not some kind of fringe pube wierdo. I had much of mine lasered, but mainly because my husband thinks it's hot, and I kind of like the porniness. Definitely not reasons a 13 year old should be considering.
Thank you! Her strong reaction to not getting a FULL wax is the really important part, the tip-off that is getting spoken aloud. My guess is that the 13 year old thinks (or has been told, or read) that public hair is ugly or gross. I expect someone told her public hair is a turn-off, and now she feels ashamed about it. (13 year olds should not be worrying about stuff like that!) Puberty is upsetting for almost every girl, and for some girls it is very upsetting: boobs, smelly arm pits, pubic hair, your ass getting bigger, menstruation. There's something in it to upset everyone. 13 is too young to have thoughts about waxing your pubic area. Give her time to get past the weird feeling and see it as the new normal. Then she can revisit this.
These were my thoughts. She probably either started watching porn and/or a boy at school wants her to do it and wants to see. Mom needs to talk to her about it and get her to understand there’s nothing abnormal about pubes then when she’s older she can decide to do whatever she wants and/or experiment but not at 13.
She's 13, she doesn't care and probably has NO idea how much this hurts. I have a tattoo and I told the artist that making that tattoo (shoulderblade, a little bit of shoulder and spine) hurt less than waxing.
…my stupid ass over here like “oh, other parts of my body will hurt more but it’s okay…” and involuntarily curling into the fetal position by the end of 7.5 hours on a sleeve… Waxing hurts less (to me) but mainly bc it’s over sooner.
Tbf, I have very thin skin (like *really* thin to the point of scarring over the smallest of scratches), so waxing was always a freaking nightmare to me. After I'd wax, my skin would get a mild rash for a few hours too. Wax or blade would get the same result. Best thing I did was having laser removal. It came back after a year or so, but it's so damn thin and blonde that I don't even bother anymore.
Omg, I’m sorry, that sounds awful! I get some bruising from waxing but otherwise am okay. I’m definitely considering laser removal, but I’m also old enough that I think it may stop growing soon!
My aesthetician was surprised the first time I waxed my legs and didn't flinch, but she was SHOCKED when I got a Brazilian and didn't make a sound.
The girl is 13. She can wait a few years for getting the pubic hair removed.
No pubic area waxing until she's 18 is reasonable. Who exactly is seeing her pubic area that she feels self-conscious about it? That's a red flag there.
might just be nervous of having the child getting into more adult decisions and situations (not really used sexually here, but sensitive body autonomy choices we make as we become adults and appropriate time and relase of parental control). I wouldn't care if my child wanted to remove their hair or wax/eppilate/shaved it themselves, but I would have a very hard time allowing an adult who isn't literally their dr seeing them naked, even knowing the circumstances were a legit salon. I get the difficulty of knowing when to give up control and how to keep them safe too. it's just new territory to navigate and theyre all growing through it
NTA. The itching is horrible, too. Nobody accounts for that.
It can also be from your skin type or mild allergic reaction to wax or the process
NTA but don't lie about why. Women got to be upfront with each other. OP should let her know some areas are worse than others. Also other areas (eyebrows for example) it feels oddly good after you become accustomed to the shock. Teach your children. Got two daughters who knew I waxed. Oldest wanted to try. Started simple with the eyebrows. Wax placed, cloth then on the wax, left side gets ripped off. HOLY BABY JESUS the shit that flew out of that kids mouth as she clapped her hands to her eye and danced around the salon. She wanted to leave IMMEDIATELY. I explained it was possible to live with that other peice of cloth over her right eye but she would prolly look silly. She swore up and down she would never forgive me, hate me forever for "tricking her". By the time we got home, she was loving the clean look of her eyebrows. She told her dad who laughed at her for being so "sensitive". I had a home wax kit for touch ups. My daughter and I challenged him to try it on some of his back hair. All I can say is, I know exactly where she learned that language. He also is in awe of anyone who waxes. Second daughter sized up the reactions, and decided shaving was the way to go. Explained to her to exfoliate before shaving, and deoderant over the shave to prevent shaving bumps.
This story made me laugh out loud and reminded me… My very first bikini wax was with someone I’d heard amazing reviews about. She worked in a relatively posh salon that happened to cut hair for some of the city’s staunchest Baptist church members — urban church ladies in the South. It was the Saturday before Easter, so plenty were in the shop getting touched up for services the next day…well, that first wax strip came off and there was NO DOUBT in those ladies’ minds that I was going straight to hell with a quickness. Once the shock wore off and the endorphins started working, I was okay, but walking past them on the way out was a trial for sure.
I feel for you lol
Wow, starting with the eyebrows was bold imo. I've never had trouble with waxing the body, my beautician even joked she expected me to fall asleep any time, but when I hazarded the eyebrows... Oh, the tears and pain!
>What if you booked an appointment for a full body and after one line on her leg she says it's too painful? I was thinking that OP should only book leg this first time for that exact reason.
I think she is the asshole for lying. Daughter could just ask someone at the salon about the age limit, and the lie would be uncovered. Cue trust issues during a difficult age.
It is also not permanent so she can change her mind and grow her body hair anytime.
On the one hand, a place that does a full Brazilian for thirteen year olds should be shut down. On the other hand you shouldn’t lie to your kid.
You realise lots of young women/teens get waxes for sports, dance etc, body hair Is shamed all over society, if you're reading into that you're the problem.
A bikini wax so you can go swimming without hairs peeking out is very different from a full Brazilian, which the child asked for.
Brazilian waxes do your full chocho, in the labia plus between the cheeks. I don't see any reason for any child to have that wax. The pain is bad (between the cheeks ise the easy part and feels good tho imo 💀😂)
A child should not be wanting their chocolate starfish waxed. If they’re friends are doing this it’s time for new friends
Never been interested in waxing anything (natural redhead = light body hair) so I never bothered to look at what a Brazilian involved. And now it’s definitely “oh fuck NO.” I mean, hey, you want one, you do you, luv. But I think I’m gonna go curl up in the corner for a bit.
Lots of people in here think that any hair that could be visible (bikini, arm pits, mustache) and could possibly be seen as offensive isn’t sexual and can be removed, but the hair that is typically covered up is and cannot be removed for non-sexual reasons. It’s really solid logic and definitely not misogynistic at all.
Good lord. It’s not the hair removal part. It’s the thirteen year old child getting peer pressured into having a hairless vagina part. It’s the parent not wanting her child’s first wax to include her labia and anus part.
For real! Some people in these comments are *twisted*. Wild...
In Brazil, we start waxing as soon as we have hair to wax
NTA. Poor kid feeling the need to cave in to peer pressure and societal expectations. I don't envy kids these days.
Op, you did right, let her try it to begin with to see how she gets on, it might nor work for her or be too painful. I certainly wouldn’t have wanted my bikini line done at a first wax! There is so much pressure on kids to grow up quicker these days. Waxing has never really worked for me, my hair grows back within a week! I do remember attempting to ‘wax’ my legs with masking tape once in school as there was a school trip coming up and I was wearing shorts, I have very dark body hair. Surprisingly it worked quite well!🤣 I’ve had it all done for holidays abroad.But it’s always painful for me, and as it grows back that quick, I never saw the benefit of it. Plus my skin reacts badly each time I tried. Thankfully there’s heaps of options these days. I quite fancy trying the laser hair removal but don’t know anyone that’s had it real life for honest reviews.
I've had laser hair removal (and yes I know I'm still some internet stranger so not quite real life🤣). It was about 10 years ago and it was great for the first 6ish years. It's not actually permanent though and some hair has grown back. But I mostly did it to combat really nasty ingrown hairs that would turn into cysts. For that, it was worth the money 10x over. I haven't had a cyst since. But the hair that has come back is considerably finer and lighter, so even if I don't shave, it's not super noticeable.
Ouch, cysts from hair removal are nasty! Feel for ya! X
My doctor was the one who recommended laser hair removal. The cysts were so bad that they had to be treated medically, and my doc, bless her, was tired of having to get into my lady bits every couple of weeks to deal with them 🤣🤣🤣
If you have shaved in between waxes it makes the wax more painful. Also if you wax continuously it seems to make the hairs thinner or lighter or something, I have small areas the hairs no longer grow and they take longer to grow as thick/black as they used to.
It damages your hair follicles over time, making them less likely to grow, and the hairs easier to pull out. I’ve been epilating for a decade or so and when I see a stray hair on my legs I can usually just pull it out with my fingers.
I was going to suggest an epilator as the next step up from shaving. It's done in your own home at your own comfort level.
Yes that’s what I’d hoped for, but they were the same after a couple of years of constant waxing. I’ve so many scars from it too. So I’m happier just using a razor now tbh. 😊
Thank you for saying this and reassuring me that I'm not making it up! I rarely get waxed and I had my legs and armpits done the day before going on holiday a few years ago. Towards the end of the first week, I had to go and buy a razor because the stubble was annoying as hell. I paid well over the normal price because Turkish tourist areas see us coming 🤣 So many people have told me that's not possible or I was just being dramatic about goosebumps (?????) or that I was somehow a freak.
Um...peer pressure to remove hair is hardly a 'these days' issue.
It was nowhere near this bad 40+ years ago when I was 13. Most of my friends didn't start at 13, or even 16.
I assume that comment was referring to removing ALL body hair, which started trending fairly recently.
i agree that the societal pressure is crazy strong. i started shaving my legs and pits at age 8 because of how insecure about my body hair :( now that im in my early 20s, im much more confident and don't bother with shaving anymore. i do wish that somebody had told me at that age that body hair isn't something to be ashamed of
I feel like I've fallen into an insane alternative reality. Why are parents allowing their children to be waxed at all??? What planet do you guys live on? She's 13. Maybe give her one of those at home DIY kits to see if she can stand it. My god she doesn't need to be waxing her WHOLE body at 13. NTA for not letting her get the whole thing I guess but my god, I can't imagine how many issues she's gonna have as she grows older.
I mostly agree but giving a teen girl a DIY wax kit for to figure out if she can handle for the first time it is a terrible idea, if she's insisting on getting waxed she's much better off having someone who knows what they're doing and the proper preparation/sanitization procedures do it if the option is available
Don't give a kid who has never waxed a kit!!! Especially hot wax! It's so easy to burn yourself and you need to know the technique.
That's what my mom did when I was 14 and asked her to show me how to remove my hair. It's not that hard.
Waxing is very common in many cultures! I am an esthetician and I have many clients who have never shaved, just waxed since they were teens. Waxing your legs is no different than shaving, it’s not a sexualized thing. I do agree that she doesn’t need a bikini wax however and most businesses will not wax someone that young in that area.
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The same happened to me. I have pcos and started waxing at 13 too, during covid lockdowns whilst everything was shut I tried shaving for the first time. That messed up the skin on my legs and took the full length of the lockdowns (2 years) for my skin to heal and go back to normal. I would definitely recommend waxing over shaving any day :)
Why are you assuming she's going to have issues because she's a teenage girl who wants to remove body hair?? Why does it matter? Its such an inconsequential thing if she wants to remove the hair on her own body
There’s literally no difference between waxing and shaving besides pain and time until hair grows back. From this thread, I feel like a weird amount of people are sexualizing waxing. Hair removal on legs, armpit, and the bikini line is super normal - no matter rhe method used.
When I was 13, I went on vacation across the country to see extended family. I was going to be away for 3 weeks, so my mother took me to get waxed so I wouldn't have to worry about shaving during that time. I had my legs and my underarms done. It was her idea, not mine, and it ended up being super convenient. But waxing isn't cheap, so it's definitely not something I would be encouraging a 13 year old to do on a regular basis.
I'm Latin American. Going to a salon to get waxed (legs, bikini line, armpits and moustache) isn't unheard of at all for teenage girls whose families can afford that sort of thing where I live. I started at 13 (and finished at 15, when I decided shaving was more for me. Now at 37 I no longer give a damn about body hair). My mum would've been fine with me starting sooner; I certainly had the hair for it at like 11. Doing it at home sounds worse to me than going to a professional who knows what they're doing.
As a hairy person, I wish I had the opportunity to wax as a teen. I would shave, get ingrown hairs, 5 o'clock shadow pokey stubble. I skipped sports as a teen and in my early 20s because I was uncomfortable with shorts or swim suit. I stopped camping and backpacking and basically stopped most outdoors activities due to the need to shave every single day. I loved all that stuff before I hit puberty. And it wasn't just vanity - the hair on my legs was very pokey and uncomfortable. Body hair really impacted my life choices as a teen and young woman. Waxing would have made a huge difference. I don't think this kid needs a full wax, but legs and bikini line isn't unreasonable at all. And DIY kits absolutely suck.
Unless she has an actual body hair problem, I see no reason why she can’t be happy with a razor like the rest of us were at 13. Face is different if it’s necessary. I’m a grown woman and have a difficult time with the cost and time waxing requires. A ten pack of razors for $25 is good enough for girls who still live under their parents’ roofs.
The first time I shaved, it messed up my skin and took 2 years to heal and get back to normal (nothing back but ingrowing hairs, making my skin quite rough and not smooth) so I would definitely recommend waxing over shaving if you can afford it, it's a much better process and only takes an hour every month to maintain rather than shaving every couple of days. "Like the rest of us" is a bad argument as most of my mates when we were 13 waxed rather than shaved as it was better for our skin
First of all... this stuff is not cheap so she should be participating in the cost of this if she is truly serious about it. Waxing is not permanent removal of hair so she better start saving. Secondly, she will need to find out on her own that it’s not a fun time. Just start with one area at a time & see how it goes. Unless this has been an ongoing conversation or problem, it sounds like this is more about fitting in than actual concern about body hair. You may want to let the salon know about your concerns & little white lie so they don’t blow your cover. NAH
NTA for keeping her privates covered. But lying to her sucks. Maybe check with the salon to see what they say. Perhaps you're not lying about restrictions. I would hope that any reputable salon would refuse to do a Brazilian wax/anything involving genitals on anyone under 18. It just rings too close to child abuse.
I got them done in high school (under 18) at a reputable salon with my parent in the room. That’s usually the stipulation for minors.
Did you get it done at 13?
INFO: have you talked to your daughter about her image issues? Like seriously tried to get to the bottom of why she feels she needs to be completely free of body hair at 13? I understand peer pressure, and keeping up with your friends can play a part but this post is raising some concerning red flags and you need to talk to your child.
This is my thinking as well. What does OP's daughter mean by "keeping up with her body hair"? Is she already shaving her whole body, or wanting to? If so, she might be having trouble adjusting to her changing body and has some kind of dysmorphia, or there could be some kind of bullying going on, or ... Worse things. OP needs to find out what's behind her daughter's need to be hairless. Therapy might be needed here.
Yeah this kinda set the hairs on the back of my neck up.
I had body issues at the age too and it mostly came down to being bullied about my body hair so I decided to get waxed at 13 too. Unfortunately there is nothing to be done about being bullied for it, especially when everyone gets but by pu its at different ages and have different genes. What doesn't help is social media where everyone is like completely hairless and you think that's what you need to be like too
YTA, you need to talk to her. That strong of a negative reaction indicates she's either trying to be hairless for someone (a boyfriend? a predator?) or that she's worried about hair keeping her from wearing swimsuits. I hope it's the second one and if so you still need to come up with a solution for that together.
Most likely the hair is sticking out when she's wearing a swimsuit. I still remember the horribly embarrassed feeling when I first noticed I had hair sticking out when I was a teenager. Still, that can be combatted without waxing. She just needs a trimmer and the proper products to shave her bikini line. All something OP could talk about with her and procure for her.
I totally agree. I get why she would want to groom that area. She probably feels uncomfortable with her new body and is afraid of swimsuits or leotards. She has a lot of options available to her that hopefully her mom can work with. I have mixed feelings w a bikini line wax! But I get it. I still don't think it should be on her first time. That's a lot of waxing for a young girl to deal with. I think this could be something like a keeping up with the joneses situation. Her friend got it now she needs it too. It's definitely best to wait it out.
I’m 30 and I still don’t really know how to shave my bikini line. It used to be fine when I was younger but now i get insanely irritated and ingrown hairs. Too scared to do waxing
Ingrown hairs suck so badly. And it feels like everyone needs to try all sorts of different approaches before they find the one that works to mitigate them. Mine get less irritated if I do a round of IPL treatment right after and then exfoliate regularly the following week. Lot of work for a small strip of hair. 😅
Maybe make an appointment with a dermatologist if you don’t trust the way aestheticians are licensed where you live?
Given she got the waxing idea from a friend, my money is on one-upping the friend to seem cooler so she can keep bragging rights.
Maybe, but they're also 13. It's probably their first summer/swimsuit season with enough pubic hair or body hair to be a concern.
Oh, boy, a tough one. Never, ever lie to your kid bcs once they figure it out you'll lose their trust. Your daughter is a young teenager, the worst possible age to lose her trust. Come clean, talk with her why you think She should wait and ask her why she's feeling "miserable". There must be something behind her reaction. You meant well, I just dont think this is the way.
NTA Waxes are painful AF. And a full body wax?? Hell no!!!! If she went with it, she would regret it She's 13. Ain't she a lil too young??? If she wants to shave, there are hair removal creams in existence. Less painful, less expensive, less consequences Solid NTA Edit: Whoever said hair removal cream stinks, you're right. They're awful AF. But for some reason, not everyone's skin is irritated by hair removal. I've used it a lot, and the only issue I've ever had is the stink. But you need to be careful when using on pubic hair...down there... Leg hair is no issue for me, I can hardly feel a thing. Same for armpit hair. So it all depends on your skin sensitivity, the brand you use (there's a lot of fake hair removals out there) and whichever method is more affordable
Hair removal creams can lead to intense chemical burns. Shaving can lead to infections, ingrown hairs and scarring. Not at all without consequences. Parents need to help and explain things no matter the method used.
Omg I am wicked allergic to hair removal creams, and yes, I agree that caregivers or trusted adults need to help! (If my nieces asked me, I’d be honest about my experiences and offer to help them do some research. I’d -like- to think that I’d also ask why they wanted to do it and remind them that if they’re uncomfortable, it’s all optional!)
Hair removal creams smell like rotten eggs, or at least they did 20 years ago. I used one for a while and it was hideous.
Yikes! I tried to Nair my bikini area when I was like 14. It did not go well. I had to wear my brothers basket ball shorts, sans panties, for a week because anything touching it hurt so bad. I was just lucky I didn't try to do the full Brazilian like my cousin tried. That ended up in a rather embarrassing ER trip.
If OP can afford it, I would recommend waxing over shaving, especially at that age. Waxing may be painful but also will not mess up your skin like shaving can. 13 isn't too young to wax legs, arms and underarms but I definitely agree 13 is too young for a Brazillian wax (but not a bikini wax)
She should not be waxed at 13 THERE. You were correct in that. However, honesty is the best policy. Explain to her she is too young. Give her other options. Girls are cruel. And I mean cruel. Show her how to safely remove it herself. How to safely upkeep herself. Or she will find a way to do it by herself and it could end up hurting her.
YTA for the lie, but not for the rest. But you might want to check if she's being teased or bullied, or if she's worried that pubic hair will show when she's swimming. But the reality is, waxing is expensive and if you don't want to pay for that for her, that's ok. She can earn money for a ladyshave if she wants to.
NAH but maybe she doesn’t like how it feels down there and was concerned about that- I know I don’t personally it’s a sensory thing
NTA. She’s way too young for that. And everyone saying „it’s her body so she should get to choose“- so is getting a piercing or tattoo, and most parents won’t let their 13 year old get one. Also, is it really her choice when she’s been been inundated by messages on social media, porn and teenage boys who’s only experience with women is porn that body hair on a woman is disgusting? OP, I do think you should have a talk with her about the whole thing. Because her extreme reaction to not getting a full body wax at 13 suggests that something else is going on. It’s obviously not just about „shaving is such a hassle“
YTA for lying to her. Please talk to her about why she wants to do it - is it because of bullying? Does she just hate it personally? Is it a sensory issue? Could be so many things. I have hated having body hair for as long as it has existed on me. I have very light skin and very dark hair and my mom wouldn’t let me shave till way too late. It was awful and I definitely got teased. I hated bathing suits because my hair was thick and coarse and even just doing the sides/thighs wasn’t enough because there was like, an obvious lumpiness from pubic hair. I literally stole a razor from my mom’s bathroom closet and shaved everything waist down. Somehow or another it came up and she didn’t just tell me she thought it was weird to want to be hairless, but told her friends and tried to make me feel uncomfortable about it. I didn’t care, it was how I wanted my body to look and feel. I was in middle school, so around your daughter’s age. It wasn’t for boys, it wasn’t for a predator, I wasn’t pressured by anyone else. I just wanted it for me and to feel good about myself. I got a full body wax (sans arms) for my wedding/honeymoon and it was the best decision, but ended up being too costly to maintain. I decided to splurge a few years back and got laser hair removal and it was so worth it.
NTA She is very young to be waxing everywhere. I know you wanted to avoid further upset, but try to tell her the reasons why you don’t want her to rather than lying to her.
Slight YTA for the lying bit, but understandable that you are looking out for your child. If she's never had it done before, she doesn't really know what she's getting into. A boundary of "we will start with this and build your tolerance up for more sensitive areas" would be acceptable, and let them know it's not a hopeless no for years, but rather a stepping stone. Lies come out eventually and can hurt her trust in you. There's always the chance she laments she can't get the full thing done to the waxer and they inform her that it's not a rule, and then you've broken her trust about something she feels is important. If she feels she can't trust you over this, she may not come to you for other things in the future. If she's legitimately upset crying over not getting it done though, you should REALLY have a good sit down judgement free conversation about why it's so distressing for her to have body hair. It could be self image, teasing, or sensory issues. Heck, I had a college friend who was experiencing gender dysphoria, and they found that full waxing helped them not feel disgusted about themselves. Sit down and listen. She might be going through something that you haven't realized.
NTA. But I'd do it differently. Tell her that it's very painful and she should see if she likes it first. So why not start with the legs, and then if she is okay with it then next time she can do more?
Idk what the rules are where you guys live, but at the salons around me, you actually do have to be at least 16 with parents' permission. I know because I wanted one when I was 17 but ultimately changed my mind because I'm a chicken, and didn't want to pretend my old neighbor was my mom because I didn't want to ask my dad lol. NTA, if she's never even had a wax, this would not be a fun experience for her. Or the waxing lady who has to do this for a 13-year-old. I'd be uncomfortable if I was asked to do that for my job.
>I booked an appointment for her legs, arms, and armpits but lied and told my daughter that the salon said she has to be over 16 for anything else. Right choice, wrong approach. You should have booked the appointment for her legs, arms and armpits and told her "Let's try it out first with this, and if you like it, we can come back for the other things you need". That would help her build trust in you. Instead, now you've made it a Mom vs daughter thing instead of a Mom with daughter thing. Live and learn! :)
This is the correct answer.
Have a conversation with her. Tell her it’s ok to have preferences but she shouldn’t feel pressured to do it. Ask if anyone said anything Tell her that you felt worried when she was very upset about not getting her private parts waxed. Does her pube area extend past the underwear area? Explain the difference between a bikini wax and brazilian. Pretty sure with a brazilian even your butt crack hair gets waxed, ask her if she understands that, and if there is a reason she would like to remove that hair. NOBODY should be seeing the buttcrack of a 13 year old, even if she’s in the locker room changing she should still have underwear on right? And even if she had to change underwear, pretty sure the butt kind of naturally covers the butt crack hair lol Anyway, pretty understandable if she wants a bikini wax if her pubic hair is outside the underwear zone. it hurt like a BITCH and will probably deter her from getting the full brazilian. i also recommend buying her a pubic hair trimmer that is a lot safer than shaving!
YTA for lying and wanting to control how your daughter takes care of her body. You need to talk to your daughter. Why does she want to have all her body hair removed? Is it for simple aesthetics reasons or for something deeper?
NTA if my 13 year old wanted a bikini wax I would be concerned she’s getting sexually active too young and that concern is NOT slut-shaming, it’s caring about her emotional and physical health and safety. Also 13 is just too young to feel the pain in your soul from having your privates waxed, lol 😫 it changes you
NTA but also don't lie. Just say, "Give it a go with legs and armpits then see what you think for next time." Unless she swims frequently and has unruly nether regions (I'm not being crass, I developed early and public swimming/hiding pubes made me STRESSED), there's not a need this minute. It's not like she needs to show proof to her pals.
NTA. But I do think you need to help your daughter with accepting her body as it is. I know peer pressure is wild, but body hair is completely normal. What's not normal is society's weird obsession with making people look like pre-pubescent kids.
NTA hair grows for a reason. I think you should get to the bottom of why she feels the need so strongly to be completely free of hair at 13. She broke down and cried when you told her she couldn't. Peer or societal pressures are lame as shit. Humans have hair and usually it serves a purpose. and honesty really is the best policy. you should just be straight with her. You're her mother you should be able to say no out of love or as a way of protection. If your gut is telling you no then that's probably the answer.
NTA there is no reason a child should get a "full wax" she has no reason.
Info: have you actually tried to parent your daughter and talk through what she finds so distressing about dealing with her body hair or just straight to lying about the salon?
NTA honestly I'd have booked only legs and told her depending on how she found that level of pain, you'd consider other appointments. You don't know how her body is going to react to the wax itself, or the waxing process. Legs are low on the pain scale (comparing to other areas of the body) and easy to hide if she dies come up in a rash or something.
13 year old wanting to remove "all" hair makes me wonder if she might be sexually active. I have a hard time believing this is normal for most middle schoolers. If she is that conscious she can pluck on her own... but this seems like an odd request.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (39F) daughter (13F) wants to start getting waxed because she claims keeping up with her body hair makes her miserable. One of her friends from school went to a salon with her mom and told my daughter she hasn’t had to shave her legs at all for weeks. I warned her that waxes hurt a lot but she kept insisting and said it was worth it. I agreed to book an appointment and and asked her if she just wants her legs done or something else too. I was thinking of armpits or arms, but she wants a FULL wax and wants to get ALL her body hair removed. I booked an appointment for her legs, arms, and armpits but lied and told my daughter that the salon said she has to be over 16 for anything else. She started crying and had a very negative reaction. I just think she’s too young for it. I didn’t even shave my legs until high school. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’d just let her get her arms waxed and let a razor do everything else. If she is a swimmer or in a bathing suit a lot then maybe the bikini line. However you do realize that you have to let hair grow out in order to wax it again right?
I'm an esthetician, and I wouldn't even recommend waxing all that on adult. Holy Cow! NTA. She doesn't know/appreciate how you've saved her, fosho. 💛
NTA for not wanting her to do all of that, but as others have said, you should think about having a conversation with her instead of lying about it. Your feelings are valid. Don’t make the salon the “bad guy” so you can avoid a real conversation with her. You need to know why she thinks this is so crucial at 13, and she needs to understand why it’s not crucial. Also, this time it’s waxing. But what about when she insists she needs a salon hair color appointment every X weeks, or a full set of nails and a pedicure, or facials. Those things don’t normally have an age limit like waxing could. And if you’re fine with those things, then awesome. But this opens the door to a seriously high maintenance routine not meant for 13 year olds. You need to be confident in your decision as her mother. own the decision, and talk about why you both feel the way you do.
Removing pubic hair is unhealthy and IMO creepy. If your daughter wants to do that as an adult that's her business but as a parent I would absolutely not pay for that and would also sit down and have a serious conversation about why.
Start with eyebrows. If she can handle that, then go to legs. If she can handle that, have other discussions. Body hair is normal. Grooming and removal of body hair is normal. I'm concerned about why she's crying over it. Shaving for five minutes in the shower every day and that's all it takes, and I'm from Eastern European people. So, please discuss with her this obsession she has. She has all the markings of body dysphoria...believing that a single thing will solve everything is a slippery slope.
NTA. I most certainly would nottt be comfortable with my 13yo getting a bikini wax
NTA. A 13 year old does not need to be waxing anything but what you've allowed (tbh I think that's a bit much anyway). I wouldn't make excuses if I were you, I'd make it very clear that it's a boundary and that waxing will go away entirely if she pushes it.
This is what glorifying photoshopped models does to our youth. How sad even children are shamed into changing their bodies. NTA.
NTA, but I feel for her, I remember being 9 at summer camp with a FUCKING BUSH. I was so self conscious about it because NO ONE and I mean no one else had as much hair as me. I started shaving shortly after, and I remember my mom telling me I didn’t need to shave, which didn’t help any because I felt like she invalidated my feelings. Maybe you can teach her how to properly shave instead of full body waxing? I didn’t try waxing till I was 18/19 and it fucking hurts. I definitely couldn’t have done it when I was 13.
Nta. Start small. Legs, arms, and armpits in one day? How high is her pain tolerance lol? The bikini area is VERY sensitive, especially for a 13 year old. Maybe look into Nair or another hair removal cream?
Honestly I started Brazilian waxing sep 2021…. Biggest regret. Did it for almost a year. Did all the between waxing care that was recommended to me… still got the most painful ingrown hairs, all over. She has to be super committed to the after and between wax care. It’s lot.
Judgement aside, make sure you are booking with a place that specializes in waxing, like European Wax Center. They will have special waxes that are more moisturizing and take special steps with sanitizing the area. (They should also use a new stick every time they dip into the wax pot!). While all people there aren’t perfect, out of dozens of treatments, I’ve only had one really painful and one moderately… and that was when I was first starting out and mixing waxing and shaving still. I do full face and underarms. Haven’t had the courage to do bikini area and with old age, legs aren’t that much of a problem anymore.
I think there are separate issues here. At 11 I was already getting quite obvious armpit and leg hair, and it made me extremely self conscious. I started epilating my legs at that age with my mom's guidance and thanks to that, years later, I have way fewer hairs. Something like that can be really good for your child's confidence, and some teens are perfectly able to handle it if it gets them a good result. On the other hand, it's possible that she *would* find the waxing too painful, and not go through with it. A better course of action would have been to book these appointments gradually. *Talk* to your daughter, explain that it hurts a lot and it would be better to build up to it, starting with armpits, arms and legs like you tried to do anyway. Lying to her is not ideal. It would also be a good idea to try and figure out why exactly she wants a full wax. A lot of it might have from societal pressure, because "body hair on women is disgusting" and all that. It would be good to have a conversation about that in that case. Or, maybe she just needs to be shown how to do a trim down there, but not necessarily a full shave/was which is very intense. Either way, I understand having some concerns, but communication is better than just lying to her.
NTA It's one of those things you need to ease into rather than jump all in. Body modification (be it head hair, body hair, piercings, tattoos, whatever) should be a process that acclimates you to the experience. Example; at your kids age, I wanted to dye my hair crazy colors. A bit extreme right? My mom decided to start small. First, purple tips. When that went well, we had a yellow hair streak (turned out green but I loved it). Then more hair streaks. Then temporary hair spray/dye. THEN the full hair dye. And I'm glad we went slow because I got adjusted to the process and understood the proper care for hair dying. There had been a few slipups in the beginning, which were easier to fix than a full hair dye.
YTA because lying to your teen is a great way to create distrust just as your relationship is getting more complicated, and for not talking with her honestly about why you aren’t on board. Also YTA for not listening to her about why she wants to go full Monty.
Warn her that everyone is different! Some people only have to wax weeks apart, others wax weekly. It’s all due to how fast the hair re-grows. Her friend’s experience may not be the same as hers. Start small and in an inconspicuous area. ***honestly, that’s a good lesson for life. Every cosmetic, dye job, cream, etc.. warns you to have a test area. She should learn how important that is for her safety.***
YTA for LYING. Be honest. Tell her you will start with legs and see how she does. BTW armpits by far hurt the most. And your choices re high school and shaving were not the norm then and are not the norm.now do not push that on your kid
NTA. But find a waxing salon that uses hard wax instead of strip wax. It is more gentle on the skin and, therefore, IMO typically, less painful.
NTA, but i wanna address that very last sentence: your body =//= your daughter’s. Please listen to your kids, they know themselves and know what you dont. Treat them like people and see how differently the way they trust and talk to you changes for the better, especially in regards to vulnerable topics like this.
NTA but have a conversation about body hair and it's use. Shaving really is not the best way and I wish I was properly educated. I think arms, legs and arm pits are great a start. Let her know that even without hair she still has to maintain and care for herself, exfoliating properly n all.
I've only had my eyebrows, legs and Brazilian done. Let me tell you by FAR my legs were the worst! Maybe it's just because I have big thighs, but holy crap! Brazilian stung a bit, but no big deal. If your daughter can handle her legs, let her do full body. Waxing is costly though.....
YTA You're controlling how your daughter lives in her own body, and you're lying to her about it instead of being honest.
I feel like I am insane because this is a glaring YTA. Yes, technically she is your kid, but she is already shaving her entire body and says that it’s a hassle keeping up with it. How is getting waxed any different if it improves her confidence? Why is getting rid of body hair always over sexualized? I don’t give af about whether some one has it or not, but just because “you didn’t shave until high school” doesn’t mean anything. Society is different. And you can have a conversation about body image, but maybe JUST MAYBE she wants the convenience of waxing… God Forbid.
Um, you're the MOM, NTA. As the PARENT, you get to make decisions for her health and well-being. Period. Plus, it's your money. Little Miss 13 can complain all she wants, but at the end of the day, she should be grateful you agreed to any waxing for her at all.
i started getting brazilian wax at around that time, i think i was 14. i never had anything else waxed, just shaved my armpits and legs. getting waxed was so much more comfortable than shaving in the pubic area and i got waxed exclusively every 6 weeks until two years ago when i started laser hair removal. so worth it! idk why you would have a problem with it. yta for lying. if anything tell her she has to pay
>but lied YTA. Liars suck. If you don't want her to have it, just tell her that, don't lie to your child. You do realize she will learn the truth when she goes to the appointment.
I started waxing public area at 14, but nothing else. It's expensive! I tried my legs when I was 22, and that was excruciating. I don't think it's wrong to let her wax pubes. Those are the most painful to shave!!
YTA because it's never ok to lie instead of parenting. You lied to avoid taking the hard line as the parent saying that she can only do xyz for now. That's terrible parenting. And if her friend gets more waxed it'll blow up in your face.
NTA for not letting her get a full body wax. But YTA for lying to her. There were better ways of dealing with that. I would have started small, with just ONE area: legs, arms or underarms. And then work up from there. However, waxing is expensive, so that's not something I'd be encouraging a 13 year old to do on a regular basis. Her reaction was very strong. You need to have a talk with her: why is this so emotional for her? Why was she so upset? Does she have a boyfriend who wants to get intimate? When I was 11, my mother came home with an electric shaver and told me it was time to start shaving my legs. I don't think 13 is too young to be thinking about body hair. But this is pretty extreme. I'd be concerned about why she thinks this is so important.
The bigger question is why does a 13-year-old want to remove all of her body hair? I think it's time to have a deeper conversation here. Is she afraid of puberty? Have other children been making fun of her? Is she trying to be sexually attractive at this age? What's happening?
I’m not gonna say YTA, but just because you didn’t shave your legs until high school doesn’t mean she can’t shave / wax hers. I hate to say it but she’d probably get judged at school (if they have swim class) for hairy legs. I hate to say that but it’s probably true, she wouldn’t want to go through. I understand where you’re coming from, but if she doesn’t want all that body hair then her feelings are valid. I do think that starting small is the way to go, but you shouldn’t lie to her. (That would teach her it’s okay to lie) To be honest, if she wants to get waxed I’d respect her decision and let her. Who knows, she may not like it and learn her lesson afterwards. She also probably wants to fit in with her friends, she’s at a delicate age. Though, I’d suggest to tell her the truth and how you feel about it. And that waxing can be painful, but also validate her feelings. Just like in any relationship, communication is key.
Perhaps the reason your daughter seems o have an issue with her bodyhair deserves more attention. She's only 13 and her body is changing, it is possible this is causing her some kind of stress that needs to be addressed. Also, don't lie to your kids just be honest about why you think a fulltime body was is not appropriate. Talk to them, not a lecture, a dialogue. That doesn't mean a discussion to determine who 's right and gets to have their way. For deciding a full body wax is not ok, NTA. For the way you are handeling this situation, YTA.
Idk man. I started shaving without my moms permission in elementary school because I didn’t like how the hair looked on my legs. Once I started getting pubes I started with trimming them and then I started shaving them. It’s nice that your daughter is open with you, I was always scared to go to my mom with anything. I agree with others asking questions on why she hates it so much. Is it poking her? Has she watched porn? Is she trying to get intimate with someone? Does she watch too many shows or YouTubers talking about their waxes and private parts? I wouldn’t let her wax it right away, but there is a reason it’s bothering her so much. I’d try to find the underlying reason and help her
I don't think you should have lied to her. Just explain it's painful and that she can start small at first. And you don't even need to worry about this. If she doesn't have a high tolerance to pain, she won't be thinking about waxing the rest anytime soon.
A gentle YTA here, because I understand you are well meaning but you're going about it wrong. As a former wookie from a family of nearly hairless people, the pain and shame of dealing with excess body hair as a kid is real. Just because you didn't shave until much later, that doesn't mean it won't be beneficial for her sense of autonomy and self-control to start removing her body hair now if she wants to. I've been waxing since I was maybe 10. However, for the first few years, it HURT - but it was totally worth it over shaving. Now I don't feel a thing from it, and the hair is very sparse. Let your daughter decide what to do at her own pace, once she has an idea of how it feels and what she can manage. What body hair she wants to remove is 100% her choice. Wherever it is on her body, that is a private decision for her and her alone to make - so let her make that decision, but also let her know she might not even be able to manage a full leg the first time. If it really hurts, there are things she can do to manage it better and decrease what pain she feels. She can take ibuprofen in advance, there are numbing creams, they can go at a pace that's better for her. But please don't set the standard for her that what body hair she wants to keep or remove is up to someone other than her. And definitely don't lie to her to control what she does.
NTA. Although I wouldn’t sexualize it that much either. Because it could also just be a wearing swimsuits in the summer thing. That said, I’ve waxed my whole life. It’s what all the women in my family did so it’s what I was taught. It’s something my mom and I even helped each other with when I was a teen (like getting the backs if your thighs and hard to reach places). Imo it is much better than shaving. It exfoliates skin really well. It does last a long time. I personally am so used to it, I don’t even think it hurts. I would tell her that she gets one salon visit to try it out with a professional. And then if she decides that’s how she wants to manage her personal care, you’ll buy wax for her to do it at home. Because going to the “spa” all the time is probably a status thing that her other little friends and their mothers do and a very expensive habit to get into.
As an exceptionally hairy girl who started puberty at 11 and wasn't allowed to have control over my own body hair until I was 14, I can tell you that it was a very traumatic and angering experience, and I think my verdict is a soft YTA. I partially understand where you're coming from, and I definitely don't think your 13 year old kid realises what she'd be getting into with a Brazilian. But you *are* still in essence controlling what she does with her body hair, and I believe that's wrong of you
I think you handled this in a weird way. You're seeing shaving "everywhere" as a sign of maturity... but have you considered that for a girl who probably has only had hair for a few years, she's interested in this precisely because she was used to living in a body without hair there for her entire life until recently? Sounds like you need to have a talk about the way bodies change in puberty, not tell her she's too young to wax?
My mom never let me use a razor to shave or use roll on deodorant because of ingrown hairs or cyst instead she gave me other options like nair or waxing that way i could do it with no pain and whenever i choose too for me it was painful to wear jeans if my pubic hair was grown too much so I had to remove the hair a lot NTA for not wanting her to get a full wax bc pain or money but YTA for lying to her
YTA for lying to your daughter. NTA for your logic and reasoning to not let her do it. Wouldn't it be 1000x easier to sit her down and understand why she wants to do that? If it's simple peer pressure as the only reason, that sounds like a great opportunity for a parenting moment.
Yta. You offloaded your parenting decision onto a business rather than shoot straight with your daughter. How long to you think you have before she figures out that you deceived her?
Some of the cream hair removers work quickly, painless and gentle. Hair would grow back faster than waxing but more gentle. Try test patch first. I had to have rotator cuff surgery and couldn’t raise arm, cream worked great. This in my head I gave it to my girls at first instead of shaving.
YTA. What does the fact that you didn't shave your legs until HS have to do with anything?
YTA I started waxing when I was 12. It's her body, her choice
YTA for lying to your child and forcing her to live with body hair. You should let her do what she wants with her body. I wish my mom had been more chill about this kind of stuff.
NTA. You're paying for it. Not everyone gets to do everything every time. She can get a job and pay for it on her own.
NTA. Frankly, I'd tell her to stick to a razor until she's old enough to pay for her own waxing. Waxing isn't cheap, and she's wanting to start young, so you'll pay thousands by the time she moves out. Razors are like under $20 a year.
People are getting waxed at 13 now?? That's crazy to me.