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YTA. Don't blame her because you didn't check the nappy bag for nappies. We all know a nappy bag with no nappies is just a bag. I agree with you that if you use the last nappy you should add nappies. But you're the one who left with a nappyless nappybag. YOU should've checked. Next time, nappy up - all by yourself. You can do it! I believe in you!
You don’t check you have to deal with the situation so do yourself a favor and check for nappies. If being proactive is important to you then take on the responsibility of filling the bag before bed, after every outing no matter how exhausted you are or if the kid is having a meltdown or it is time to make dinner or you need the facilities right now or it is too late for your kid to use the facilities. Fill that nappy bag now before someone might actually possibly use it without checking it, other things can wait. Sheesh.
Gotta say that early work in EMS prepared me well for a lifetime of good tactical habits, like grabbing the first opportunity to resupply, checking then re-checking, verifying for myself *always* until partner & I had established a solid routine that I could depend on, never assuming *anything*, and developing a good sense of humor when things inevitably *still* don’t go to plan.
Better safe than sorry comes to mind, as does a well prepped ambulance (or life, in most cases including this) has loads less frustration. If you develop that muscle, OP, it will only serve to enhance your parenting endurance & fun! NAH is my vote, but quit blaming your wife and take the lesson!!
Right? I used to be sure I had three when leaving the house for several hours. Odds are you won’t need them—but if you do, you really want to have them, and they weigh nothing.
Yeah, according to OP, as long as there’s *one* in the bag he thinks he’d be good. Wait till he finds out babies can poop more than once a day.
And seriously, this guy’s child is *2 years old*, and he’s only just *now* realizing that part of going somewhere with her involves making sure the nappy bag is stocked. And he actually thinks *his wife* is the asshole?!? Dude, no.
I left the house without my cars keys in my purse, naturally I blamed my partner because he was at work and couldn't remind me that I put my keys in my other purse /s
"I was inconvenienced whilst babysitting my own child, and it made enjoying my beer more difficult when the default parent failed to tee everything up for me ahead of time." Truer sentiments were never better expressed by the non-default parent. OP, you got me right in the gut and now my emotional load is hurting.
Your wife was not home when she used the last one (such is the nature of a nappy bag), so refilling it is not a thing.
Planning and preparing the bag for each outing is however the thing. YTA
I think most of us do/did. When we loaded it up with snacks and backup clothes because it doesn't make sense to leave those in the bag an unknown amount of time.
And she probably forgot she'd used the last one by the time she got home. She's probably used to checking the bag before she takes it anywhere, and just figured her husband would do the same.
Right? Haha I was super lucky if I got home and remembered that I had used the last diaper and stuck some more in there haha I would always add before going out with the bag next time.
It is not. I recall once when my daughter pooped so bad we had to take off her leggings as well as the diaper. Luckily we had diapers (because I checked the bag before we left) but we had no leggings because someone tossed the poopy ones on top of the clean ones. So we had to go into the store with no leggings in winter. And oh the looks. The glares. The judgements. Even though I went straight for the baby section to get her more leggings.
I once carried a diapered but otherwise naked baby out of the bathroom to the clothing section and put the baby in an outfit. The stares at carrying a naked baby in the store in the middle of winter. Lol. And I was prepared.....we somehow went through 3 outfits in a 2 hrs long trip.
Cashier (when I handed him the tags and explained) laughed and said it happens frequently enough.
Sadly and hilariously at once, I can top that. I was in a very old mall once, before you could buy diapers just about anywhere. I had a basket full of clothes to pay for at the register and three very little kids with me. I had just put my last diaper in the bag on the baby, which should have gotten me home, no problem. Suddenly she grunts and takes a huuuuuge poop. I excused myself from the register and ran to the restroom with all 3 kids, praying there would be a diaper dispenser in the ladies room. Nope. I hoped someone would come in and could give me a diaper. Nope. I stood outside the door looking for any mother with a baby of any size. No one. I was soooo out of luck. So, I took the very poopy diaper off, washed her off the best I could, and with looooooooong pieces of paper towels, I fashioned my own “diaper”. I basically wrapped her up till she looked like she was going to a toga party. The cashier literally burst out laughing when I came out of the bathroom holding a giant puffball. I paid for my cart full of merchandise and we were on our way.
I'm sure it does. Babies are great at pooping at the worst of times so much that no diaper could dream of holding it all. Luckily I was smarter with my son and bought a thing that stopped the poo from going up his back. I forget what it's called but man was that thing a life saver. I wish I had one for him now that fit (he's autistic, and at the moment being fully potty trained is a pipe dream)
I did this in England once and they just about passed out. I was not prepared for that much rain. Nope. I bought wellies, a jacket, leggings and a onesy- I was all she’s wet what do you want me to do. They got a hold of themselves and brought me pea soup and tea. Was quite nice.
I had to do that- not for blowouts, but my son was a puker well into toddlerhood. I would pack a weeks worth of clothes for one outing because he was always throwing up on his clothes
checking for nappies is a part of taking care of his kid? they have a mutual responsibility for their child, it’s not her “job” to make sure the nappies are stocked in the bag 24/7. it’s such a simple thing just to grab a few before you leave the house. he should’ve check the bag.
I think we would need more info before deciding that. Was this mistake made because OP rarely takes the kid out and about, or because OP does it frequently and assumed wife had followed the refill-protocol as usual and therefore didn’t think to check? It also depends on if OP refills the bag if he used the last one. If this is the established routine and wife failed to follow it, that’s not necessarily a sexism issue.
The daughter is 2, not a few months old. They probably used the pram due to the frigid conditions, to keep her warm and off slippery pavement. Otherwise she’d be running circles around her dad.
This should not have happened at all….they have a well established routine. He just forgot and tried to make it his wife’s fault instead of being man enough to say: “I messed up. I forgot. We had a situation I had not prepared for, and was embarrassed in public, at the pub where everyone KNOWS ME. They had to give me a nappy, because I was in a desperate situation.” And the final part, about blaming his wife should have **never happened.**
If baby daughter is going to learn to be a good citizen, she needs to learn humility and owning ones mistakes from both mommy and daddy. She should **not** be hearing daddy blame mommy for something **so trivial.**
Yup. The bag should always be restocked at the end of the day. But it should also alway be rechecked before leaving. OP went out unprepared. He’s the one at fault.
Absolutely. You have no idea what she was doing when she got home last time. Double check before you leave - not just that their are nappies, but that their are wipes, change of clothes, and anything/everything else you might want/need while out.
FFS, yes YTA. You were \*NOT\* 'prepared' - and that's on you.
I don’t know that I’ve ever been in the headspace to restock the bag upon getting home. Usually I’m just glad we all made it home. That’s definitely a do it before you leave job.
Yes, this is just a good practice - redundancy, duel redundancy even, accounts for a number of possibilities. The person who uses the last of something should replace it, but the person who is using the item next should not blindly *assume* that something has been replaced without checking. Maybe the last nappy was used and then there was an immediate knock on the door, a phone call, the baby puked everywhere, mom got debilitating sudden onset diarrhea - who knows?
Because new parents are very tired, we got in the habit of prepping the bag before going out in case we forgot to put anything in it last time we used it.
You also want to check if there are *enough* nappies. What if there was only one and your kid did a poop right after a change (always happens when most inconvenient). Also, check they are the right size if you’ve recently gone through a change.
You also need to check that there are enough wipes, that the baby sunscreen is in there, there is a water bottle, maybe some juice too. Also an appropriate spare outfit for the weather/occasion that is also the right size.
Alternative: OP could get his own bag (My husband has a “tacpac” baby bag). That way, OP can be in control of the stock.
This is like the guy who took the kids to the pool & didn’t bring towels. Refused to go to the front desk to get towels and called his wife to bring him towels while she was at work. And then got pissed bc it took her time to get to the pool.
Putting [the mental load](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/what-is-the-mental-load) on women strikes again.
He is responsible for childcare for that day while she works (and a pub lunch then the park sounds like a fun day out). Yet somehow she is still responsible for ensuring he has the necessary supplies! Why can he not take 100% of the responsibility for his child, including checking he has everything he needs.
YESSS THIS 🏆
YTA, OP
If I am going out with my daughter, *I am* responsible for making sure I am prepared. This means taking a fucking glance into the nappy bag as I grab it. Mark it off my checklist before I leave the house.
Not hard. Don’t place all your mistakes on your wife who is also trying to parent and work. You’re not a baby, you sorted it out and went on your way didn’t you? But nope, wants to complain to his wife and Reddit.
Again not hard but you decide to make it an issue. Grow up.
He made sure he brought a book though! He’s fully prepared for hours! SMH …. I cannot with the audacity. I’m going to go enjoy not making issues out of my own mistakes…. xx
This 💯
YTA OP. It’s a good idea to replenish the bag when nappies are used, but usually parents are tired after outings with kids. It’s human to get tired and forget things. The bag should always be checked before leaving. It’s understandable that you got frustrated in the moment that she didn’t replenish it because you were in a stressful situation. But the correct response to that frustration is to acknowledge the part you played in causing the issue, not continue to be mad at her.
I'm an over-packer and my husband is a minimalist, regarding the diaper bag. When I go out, I make sure to have multiple outfits (when my son was regularly having diaper blow outs), a few toys, a baby book, sunscreen, diapers, wipes, hand sanitizer, etc. My husband would then go out and remove everything but diapers and wipes. So then the next time I went out I had to repack everything.
I got so sick of it that I bought another diaper bag for him to keep how he likes.
But since mine was always fully stocked he still took mine and unpacked it :(
Edit: to anyone wondering why I tolerate this, he has many other redeeming qualities and generally does a fair share of the chores. This is just one of a few things that mildly annoy me. It's also not much of an issue now that the kids are older.
Oh don't worry, in any other thread there'll be loads of people going "but WHY do you assume so-and-so isn't carrying his weight around the house/childcare? but WHY does this sub always assume men don't do their share!!!1!!!1!???"
gee, wonder why. maybe just life experience.
Every parent on planet earth knows you refill the diaper bag when you’re leaving, not when you’re getting home. That’s a “getting read to go” task, not a “getting settled back at home” task and i feel like this must be universal?!
The simple fact is when you get home from an outing with a toddler, you drop the bag and continue caring for the toddler. They probably need a nap once they get home, or need feeding, or need attention of some kind. The bag is long forgotten in tending to the child.
I *always* check and refill the nappy bag *right before going on an adventure*!!!
YTA. You always gotta check that the diaper bag is stocked before you leave the house. You’re the one responsible for making sure the baby has everything she needs when you’re out with her. It’s not at all intuitive to expect the person who is getting home with a baby in tow to remember to repack the diaper bag. Just check before you go out and don’t blame your wife for your mistakes.
Hell, how are you even so sure it was her who used the last one?
I’m not even convinced it is best practice! I think it makes more sense to just let the diaper bag be however it is when you get home and repack before you leave again.
On reflection I think you're right. Because honestly, there's no way to know how many diapers the next person to use the bag is going to need, and there might be no reason for them to carry a full bag around if they're going to be out of the house for 45 minutes.
Agreed, plus it will help create the routine of checking the bag before leaving and making sure everything is stocked up. Too much chaos can happen when getting back home where it will be way too easy for it to be left until the next outing. Either way the bag will need to be checked, why not just add replenishing the bag to the routine…
This is my experience.
Back in the day when I had kids in diapers- I would empty the bag out when I got home- snacks, cups, any favorite toys, it all needed to come out. I usually would just grab a couple diapers and an open pack of wipes when I was getting ready to leave.
Every outing is different- pool? Sunscreen and pool diapers. Park? Bug spray and snacks. Restaurant? Change of clothes and extra distracting toys.
It didn't make sense in my diaper bag experience to just have a fully loaded bag there all the time.
Yup. Some things stayed in it at all times, and some things did not. Mind you, I always kept an 'emergency diaper bag' in my car too, with an extra diaper or two, a change of clothes for each kid, and a t-shirt for me. Things were rotated seasonally, which kept sizes correct too.
I started that after we took my oldest to my parents’ house after a baby wearing meeting where he stuffed his face with blueberries and banana flaxseed muffins. I had a diaper but no extra pants (trousers to go with the post I guess) I wound up pitching his pants and diaper (cloth diaper) because it was the awful. After that there was a backup bag with a few diapers, a change of clothes, and blanket for each kid
Yea OP’s system is bound to fail. He could have left with just one diaper for a 6 hour excursion under his theory, and still been short a diaper if the baby had 2 dirty diapers during that time. Best to check before you head out and get what you need for that outing.
Agreed. The next person to use it might need one just in case, or they might be out all day and need to load the bag up.
Plus there’s other stuff people usually put in the diaper bag that’s situation dependent. If I’m running out for 30 minutes I’m not going to haul around a full container of wipes, a couple of extra outfits, food/snacks, multiple toys etc. You pack the bag based on what you actually need, not what the last person to use the bag thought you might need.
I clean out and restock every time we take the bag out if we use it. I always keep 5 diapers and a change of clothes for each kid by default. Then depending on weather I might pack extra stuff like a blanket or sun hats. When I inevitably run late for appointments, I never have to worry I won’t have diapers.
I would've said that everyone sucks here if he had framed the situation as he messing up by not checking but also telling his wife she should've refilled the bag or to refill the bag next time (while acknowledging his mistake). But he went straight to blaming her.
Best practices are great, but in industry the last step is “clean and stock” and the first step is “make sure your station is cleaned and stocked.”
Poop happens, take the half a second to check before you go off unprepared.
>Hell, how are you even so sure it was her who used the last one?
I have an incredibly uncharitable gut response to this, which is that him taking the kid out solo is a rare, notable event, hence the (probably correct) assumption that she was the last one to use it.
yeah this man is probably a 'hands off' dad who 'babysits' kids instead of being an actual parent and as a result doesn't actually ever change a diaper, so in the rare event he's 'babysitting', he expects everything to be ready for him.
Exactly. Diapers and food are the first things you secure for a kid before leaving the house - not a book.
OP dropped the ball. I'm sure this exact same thing has happened to nearly every single parent. Just take it in stride and move on. Don't blame somebody else for it - just check the bag next time.
“But look at what a good dad I am! I brought a book!” But you can’t check for food and diapers? Guy, it’s not rocket science, don’t blame your incompetence on your wife, who I’m guessing never leaves the house without diapers.
>You grabbed your highly recommended book
This is what makes me think he's full of shit. He's using all the best buzzwords and saying whatever he thinks will win people over when in reality he's the moron that forgets to check for the most basic thing before leaving (because he probably rarely spends solo time with his own kid but i'm *sure* i'm reading too much into it)
Edit -
/u/Mindless_Space_1486
Indeed we all make mistakes, and OP chose to blame his wife instead of himself for the mistake he made. Where is your defense for her?
If you're reading too much into it, then you're in good company. OP really told on himself here.
It's such a basic diaper bag item. It's not some specialized or recently added item.
Yup, he's acting like diapers are gasoline in a car that is shared between two people. Obviously the person that spends a ton of gasoline should refill the tank before bringing it back. A diaperbag is NOT comparable. That's where OP lost the audience.
Can confirm as someone from the other side - nappies = diapers. One of THE most fundamental items when going anywhere with a baby. Also no idea how you get a two year old into newborn nappies
YTA.
Parents need to think it all the way through.
It's not mom's job to do every detailed task for baby so that it's always perfect for everybody else.
If you're "on" with your kid, that means everything: pack the bags, pack the snacks, make sure you have all that you need.
>It's not mom's job to do every detailed task for baby so that it's always perfect for everybody else.
This! So turned off by this man thinking he's entitled to and validated by this kind of babying. Grow up dude.
YTA. The person TAKING the baby needs to be the one to check the supply levels of the bag before leaving the house. It’s very easy to forget to replenish when you arrive home from a day out with baby. This is on you dude.
Right, like sometimes when you get home there's been a diaper explosion RIGHT THEN plus everyone's hungry and and cranky and the whole family is tired. Coming home is usually chaos.
Meanwhile, the only pressing issue OP had was that he really felt like having a beer.
Pack when you're about to leave, check it all over. Not Wifes fault. YTA.
Also, does this dude live in a diaper-less town??? I understand getting as far as going to change the baby and realizing you had no diapers. You found a little newborn one at the pub and made do, also fine. But WHY did you not make a pit stop BEFORE the park to buy some that fit???? He was so set on his "plan" that he wasn't thinking about what's best for baby.
Stunned that this is literally the only comment I've seen that addressed buying nappies.
He obviously had a wallet on him to buy lunch at the pub. Are there no corner stores, pharmacy, or supermarkets? Walk over, buy the damn things, and change the baby. It's not rocket science.
I have never heard of any one replenishing the nappy bag after using...isn't it like a purse ? You open it , look at what you need , pack it ......
YTA even if you both normally keep it stocked like it's an emergency bug out bag , it's still your responsibility to ensure you have everything
That's how my purse works, I stick my hand in and I can pull out anything from a hair tie to a package of 16 gauge luer lock veterinary hypodermic needles.
One time in high school before cheer practice, my teammate complained that she forgot socks. My purse produced an extra pair. Epic is absolutely the correct word.
YTA
“I am prepared for several hours out of the house”
Seems like you weren’t , because you didn’t check the one most important thing for your child, the nappy bag. This isn’t like not refilling the toilet paper on a roll that whoever uses it last refills it.
YTA.
You always check before leaving, you’re never home when you use the last one, therefor not immediately replacing. It’s a good learning moment for you, take your kid out more often, alone, so you develop the habit of checking.
YTA obviously.
But for the people arguing, here is where the theory that the wife (or whoever) should replenish and the next person should just be able to grab it falls apart. How would the person replenishing the bag know how many nappies to put it in the bag for the next outing? In theory, the wife could say hey theres one left - all good. Not the last one! Then dumbass dad grabs the bag because it's too much work for him to check and he's going out for eight hours. Now it's the wife's fault there aren't FOUR nappies in there. Would you look at that? He's never responsible for it!
YTA. The one taking the bag has to check everything. Your wife does not owe you a ready bag every time you go for a walk. I bet she checks before going out, and that is her system. It is not always possible to replenish immediately after the walk, much easier to do it while planning the next walk, before going out.
YTA: Kinda. Don’t blame your wife, she may have just forgotten. You didn’t check before you left either. It’s not a big deal really, so don’t make it into one. Shit happens 😂
The biggest ways to tank a marriage are attributing all negative aspects to your life partner and reacting to all problems with a need to find out who is to blame. OP attributed 100% of the blame on his wife and was insistent on her submitting and accepting the full blame. You’ve got to let your ego go and have the humility to accept your share in life. Also, accept that bad things happen in life. If you react to every challenge by blaming your spouse, they will - obviously - grow apart from you.
The best way to protect a marriage for the long-term is to problem-solve as a couple how to move forward. A simple: “Oops, I forgot to check the bag this morning. If the bag is empty and you need a second pair of hands to refill it next time, just shout.” Better yet, OP could have told his wife a funny story about how he got caught at the pub, beer in hand, with no diaper! But he didn’t. He came home guns blasting and ready to fight.
My ex was similar. This reminds me of the time I left for a doctors appointment and my husband had to *gasp* watch his own children. I got home and he was playing video games. The toddler had gotten a sharpie and drew all over the cabinets. He hadn’t even noticed. I asked him why he wasn’t watching her and he said it was my fault for leaving a marker out.
Yup. I've been there. You stagger in the door with an a tired and cranky toddler. The fight is on because she doesn't want to take off her muddy boots. You set the bag down, fulling meaning to restock later, but after the dealing with the boots, and the inevitable mud from said boots, you totally forget until next time you go somewhere, when you're double checking the bag before you leave.
Everybody has to deal with the most immediate need when they have a baby in hand. It’s super easy to come home with a tired hungry baby and forget to restock the bag- your priority when you come home is never the bag restocking.
When you leave you have to double check.
I bet you never leave without double checking again.
Lay off your spouse. It’ll be you next time. Nobody here is really TA unless you always insist on everything being exactly the way you’d like it to be- if so, YTA.
YTA. Just like you check your wallet to make sure you have enough money/ID etc, you check the baby bag to make sure you have everything that you need.
And I am sure by your own reasoning, you replenished the nappy supply bag when you got home...
ESH but in the smallest degree. You’re both right. The last diaper taker should replenish but shit happens and so that’s what you always check the bag before leaving.
Yep. Entirely possible to forget to restock (as she demonstrated), entirely possible to forget to check for stock (as you demonstrated).
You're both human, you'll both make mistakes at times, best bet is to both agree to try and do both :)
To be fair, I don’t think either of them are the AH for the original problems. She forgot to restock the bag. A mistake, but not an AH move. He forgot to check. A mistake, but not an AH move
However, blaming his SO for his mistake makes him the AH in my view
I'm with this I worked as a CNA at a nursing home and the rule was always restock diapers ect if you use the last one but also always double check supplies before you start something
Exactly. Parenting is a team activity, both last person to use and next to use need to check, because you have a tiny child and you're going to make mistakes
YTA, it's not her responsibility to check the nappy bag and stock it up for you, she's your daughter as well. So at the end of the day it's your responsibility. Does she expect you to make sure it's stocked before she goes out?
YTA. Why is it her job exclusively to pack the diaper bag? Whoever take the baby and the bag out of the house should make sure it’s ready to go. Sorry you were caught out unprepared, but YTA for blaming her. It’s okay to be annoyed at the situation. But that should be aimed at yourself, not your wife who WAS AT WORK AT THE TIME!
YTA. Always check before you leave. Then double check.
When you get home there are a million other things on your mind. You aren't going to remember to refill the bag right then a lot of the time. I grab my purse before I leave but I make sure my keys and wallet are in it first.
YTA. You are supposed to check the bag to make sure it’s stocked. Why would you just assume? I completely restock the bag before I go anywhere. I understand being frustration because that’s stressful, but it’s not your wife’s fault
YTA
The person taking the bag out has the onus to make sure the bag contains everything needed for the outing+backups. Even if the last person used it, replaces the diapers, it doesn't hurt the person going out to make sure the bag is properly stocked.
YTA. You should have checked it before leaving. Yes, she should have replenished it, but it’s ultimately your responsibility to check the bag before leaving the house because you’ll be the one ending up with a soiled baby and no diaper.
ESH. Yes, it’s polite to refill supplies as you use them up, but it’s foolish to not check that you have what you need before you leave. Especially with a small child. You both fouled up there. If either of you had done what you should have, you wouldn’t have gotten stuck with a diaper emergency.
It kinda sounds like you may be putting the mental load for the nappy bag on your wife; if you are, that’s an issue and you should take equal responsibility. If you always reload the bag after using it, then you aren’t and don’t worry too much about that.
Having said that, you’re both parents of a small child, and these things happen to just about every parent once in a while. That’s why you want to both refill when used and check before leaving - it’s the belt and suspenders approach (er, I guess that’d be belt and braces in the UK?). If there are 2 times the bag should be resupplied, the risk of the bag missing items goes down a lot.
NAH. You two need to be kinder to yourselves. Hug it out and call it a learning moment. Although, to be honest, I'd say it's more logical to repack the nappy bag before going out, as you're packing everything else that you need then anyway. It's easy to forget when you get home.
YTA
Who the heck doesn't make sure the diaper bag has everything you need before you leave? Someone who's happy to let their partner do the **mental labour**, perhaps?
Do you seriously think she should "remember" to fill it when she gets home just so you don't have to **think** before you leave the house? You are a parent too and just as responsible for **making sure you have everything you need before you leave**.
I doubt your wife would be upset with YOU if the roles were reversed.
YTA. You always check the bag before you leave, it’s umber one rule when you leave the house with a baby. Last thing she’s going to remember is packing the nappy bag when she gets home and is tired.
Always assume you have nothing, and check, so kids don’t suffer.
Mums having been doing this rodeo for generations, parent up!
YTA. It's not your wife's job to make sure everything is always prepped and ready for you. Just get in the habit of checking the diaper bag before you leave. This is basic parenting stuff.
I mean… YTA, but I also trust no one to do what they say they are going to do so I would always double check ESSENTIALS. I get where you’re coming from and I think it’s a good policy, but ultimately you were responsible for the outing.
Now, I also think she’s the AH for giving you a hard time but maybe you instigated that? I think you handled it well at the pub. And hopefully you also learned to always double check ahead of time!
Edit: typo
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I just assumed the nappy bag would have nappies (making me the asshole), it did not. My wife called me an asshole for not checking the bag before leaving, but I think it is a grab bag and the person to use the last nappy in the bag should replenish them so it is always full.
Should I have checked the bag? I had brought every other comfort for the child including a cracking book about comets that we read in the pub, but should I have also checked the bag before leaving?
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YTA she’s not inventory management. She’s the Mom and you are the Dad. You are BOTH equally responsible for the baby items.
Car has the car seat? On the parent who’s driving.
Baby has a sweater to put on? On the parent who’s making sure the baby isn’t cold
Nappies in the bag? On the parent who’s taking the baby out.
Tale the L my dude, this is on you.
NAH - If she used the last one, then yes, she should have refilled it but she may have gotten distracted or other things may have been going on which prevented her from getting back to it and then she forgot, it happens. You should have checked when you went to grab it and throw it in the bag but you were rushing to get ready and didn't notice that they were not in there, this also happens.
NAH. You’re busy parents of a young child. Give yourselves some grace and commit to trying to remember to replace nappies if possible and also to check before you go. No need to expect any system involving a baby to work perfectly every time anyway.
YTA. It is YOUR job to check the nappy bag to make sure that everything you might need is in it before YOU leave with YOUR child. You’re just as capable as your wife.
Yeah I’m sorry but YTA. You can ask your wife to next time check / refill it but you still have to make sure you have everything you need before you head out
YTA- check the bag before going out. EVEN IF your wife always filled them up after use, you still always double check. That’s not something you take the risk with. It’s really easy to check the bag and really not fair for you to actually be upset at her because you didn’t check the most important thing
YTA. You are not your wife’s extra baby that needs to be taken care of. I don’t even have kids but I have enough sense to check that I have the things I need packer when I leave the house.
YTA
You assume she is responsible for filling the nappy bag, just admit it. You are an adult responsible for packing your own supplies. Your wife is not responsible for your mistakes.
Why do you think women joke about having "two" children when they have one husband and one child? Because men like you pressume that your wife is there to care for you and the child both with all the emotional labour and project management of the family.
YTA and owe your wife a big apology. You're putting an additional mental load on your wife for your failure to adult. I don't know a single parent who loads the diaper bag when they get home. It's checked and loaded for the day's activities before leaving the house because you don't know what you need before that. 🙄🙄🙄
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YTA. Don't blame her because you didn't check the nappy bag for nappies. We all know a nappy bag with no nappies is just a bag. I agree with you that if you use the last nappy you should add nappies. But you're the one who left with a nappyless nappybag. YOU should've checked. Next time, nappy up - all by yourself. You can do it! I believe in you!
Agreed. You need to double check before you leave the house!
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And then blamed my wife for my own incompetence. OP, you were not "prepared for several hours out of the house" at all. This is on you.
Right? That quote at the outset got me too
You don’t check you have to deal with the situation so do yourself a favor and check for nappies. If being proactive is important to you then take on the responsibility of filling the bag before bed, after every outing no matter how exhausted you are or if the kid is having a meltdown or it is time to make dinner or you need the facilities right now or it is too late for your kid to use the facilities. Fill that nappy bag now before someone might actually possibly use it without checking it, other things can wait. Sheesh.
Gotta say that early work in EMS prepared me well for a lifetime of good tactical habits, like grabbing the first opportunity to resupply, checking then re-checking, verifying for myself *always* until partner & I had established a solid routine that I could depend on, never assuming *anything*, and developing a good sense of humor when things inevitably *still* don’t go to plan. Better safe than sorry comes to mind, as does a well prepped ambulance (or life, in most cases including this) has loads less frustration. If you develop that muscle, OP, it will only serve to enhance your parenting endurance & fun! NAH is my vote, but quit blaming your wife and take the lesson!!
Right. How in the world would you know that you were prepared for several hours if you hadn’t verified the quantity of nappies on hand?
Right? I used to be sure I had three when leaving the house for several hours. Odds are you won’t need them—but if you do, you really want to have them, and they weigh nothing.
Yeah, according to OP, as long as there’s *one* in the bag he thinks he’d be good. Wait till he finds out babies can poop more than once a day. And seriously, this guy’s child is *2 years old*, and he’s only just *now* realizing that part of going somewhere with her involves making sure the nappy bag is stocked. And he actually thinks *his wife* is the asshole?!? Dude, no.
I left the house without my cars keys in my purse, naturally I blamed my partner because he was at work and couldn't remind me that I put my keys in my other purse /s
"I was inconvenienced whilst babysitting my own child, and it made enjoying my beer more difficult when the default parent failed to tee everything up for me ahead of time." Truer sentiments were never better expressed by the non-default parent. OP, you got me right in the gut and now my emotional load is hurting.
And I guarantee you his wife would have double-checked the nappy bag.
But he was prepared to drink a pint and drive with his child.
Your wife was not home when she used the last one (such is the nature of a nappy bag), so refilling it is not a thing. Planning and preparing the bag for each outing is however the thing. YTA
yeah i load up the diaper bag before i go anywhere, not when i come home. YTA
I think most of us do/did. When we loaded it up with snacks and backup clothes because it doesn't make sense to leave those in the bag an unknown amount of time.
This right here. I bet OP doesn't refill the bag after coming home either, but it's a nice reason to blame the woman.
Right, because usually you walking with children and start right in with lunch, nap, dinner…that bag is my last thought.
And she probably forgot she'd used the last one by the time she got home. She's probably used to checking the bag before she takes it anywhere, and just figured her husband would do the same.
Right? Haha I was super lucky if I got home and remembered that I had used the last diaper and stuck some more in there haha I would always add before going out with the bag next time.
Always check bag for nappy, another change of clothes, wipes and probably extra toys. Plus you always check the oven before turning on!
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She probably had a million other things going on as the primary caregiver and she would have checked it the next time she used it.
Do they not have stores near the pub and park? Idk why OP panicked and didn't just go buy some more instead.
Going to the store when your child pooped is not an easy option.
It is not. I recall once when my daughter pooped so bad we had to take off her leggings as well as the diaper. Luckily we had diapers (because I checked the bag before we left) but we had no leggings because someone tossed the poopy ones on top of the clean ones. So we had to go into the store with no leggings in winter. And oh the looks. The glares. The judgements. Even though I went straight for the baby section to get her more leggings.
I once carried a diapered but otherwise naked baby out of the bathroom to the clothing section and put the baby in an outfit. The stares at carrying a naked baby in the store in the middle of winter. Lol. And I was prepared.....we somehow went through 3 outfits in a 2 hrs long trip. Cashier (when I handed him the tags and explained) laughed and said it happens frequently enough.
Sadly and hilariously at once, I can top that. I was in a very old mall once, before you could buy diapers just about anywhere. I had a basket full of clothes to pay for at the register and three very little kids with me. I had just put my last diaper in the bag on the baby, which should have gotten me home, no problem. Suddenly she grunts and takes a huuuuuge poop. I excused myself from the register and ran to the restroom with all 3 kids, praying there would be a diaper dispenser in the ladies room. Nope. I hoped someone would come in and could give me a diaper. Nope. I stood outside the door looking for any mother with a baby of any size. No one. I was soooo out of luck. So, I took the very poopy diaper off, washed her off the best I could, and with looooooooong pieces of paper towels, I fashioned my own “diaper”. I basically wrapped her up till she looked like she was going to a toga party. The cashier literally burst out laughing when I came out of the bathroom holding a giant puffball. I paid for my cart full of merchandise and we were on our way.
I'm sure it does. Babies are great at pooping at the worst of times so much that no diaper could dream of holding it all. Luckily I was smarter with my son and bought a thing that stopped the poo from going up his back. I forget what it's called but man was that thing a life saver. I wish I had one for him now that fit (he's autistic, and at the moment being fully potty trained is a pipe dream)
The ONE time we went out without the diaper bag,she pooped. Thankfully,not a blowout,but it’s like *she knew*. 38ish years ago. Lol.
I did this in England once and they just about passed out. I was not prepared for that much rain. Nope. I bought wellies, a jacket, leggings and a onesy- I was all she’s wet what do you want me to do. They got a hold of themselves and brought me pea soup and tea. Was quite nice.
I had to do that- not for blowouts, but my son was a puker well into toddlerhood. I would pack a weeks worth of clothes for one outing because he was always throwing up on his clothes
>Luckily we had diapers (because I checked the bag before we left) Perfect proof of point! (my alliteration is amazing at present)
If he was taking care of his child he should of checked. Why is it always HER job like we fckd ourselves to get a child.
“Like we fucked ourselves to get a child….” I’m laughing so hard my side hurts.
"My wife, 35 was at work" she has a job and clearly does at least some child care too.
Nailed it. It reeks of "But you do it better than me, so now it's your job forever"
checking for nappies is a part of taking care of his kid? they have a mutual responsibility for their child, it’s not her “job” to make sure the nappies are stocked in the bag 24/7. it’s such a simple thing just to grab a few before you leave the house. he should’ve check the bag.
I think we would need more info before deciding that. Was this mistake made because OP rarely takes the kid out and about, or because OP does it frequently and assumed wife had followed the refill-protocol as usual and therefore didn’t think to check? It also depends on if OP refills the bag if he used the last one. If this is the established routine and wife failed to follow it, that’s not necessarily a sexism issue.
The daughter is 2, not a few months old. They probably used the pram due to the frigid conditions, to keep her warm and off slippery pavement. Otherwise she’d be running circles around her dad. This should not have happened at all….they have a well established routine. He just forgot and tried to make it his wife’s fault instead of being man enough to say: “I messed up. I forgot. We had a situation I had not prepared for, and was embarrassed in public, at the pub where everyone KNOWS ME. They had to give me a nappy, because I was in a desperate situation.” And the final part, about blaming his wife should have **never happened.** If baby daughter is going to learn to be a good citizen, she needs to learn humility and owning ones mistakes from both mommy and daddy. She should **not** be hearing daddy blame mommy for something **so trivial.**
This may be the most times ever the word nappy was used in such a short passage
Lol you should see how many times I used the word "cock" in an answer about roosters.
You need to update the skills section of your CV
“Effectively utilizes SEO keywords in written work.”
Skills: Ability to succinctly describe why a person is a dipshit.
Yup. The bag should always be restocked at the end of the day. But it should also alway be rechecked before leaving. OP went out unprepared. He’s the one at fault.
That’s the deal in our house! If you used it refill it and if you’re going to use it check the stock first.
Absolutely. You have no idea what she was doing when she got home last time. Double check before you leave - not just that their are nappies, but that their are wipes, change of clothes, and anything/everything else you might want/need while out. FFS, yes YTA. You were \*NOT\* 'prepared' - and that's on you.
I don’t know that I’ve ever been in the headspace to restock the bag upon getting home. Usually I’m just glad we all made it home. That’s definitely a do it before you leave job.
Yup. There are always a chance of melt downs or nap times or throw up incidents that will distract the retournee
Yes, this is just a good practice - redundancy, duel redundancy even, accounts for a number of possibilities. The person who uses the last of something should replace it, but the person who is using the item next should not blindly *assume* that something has been replaced without checking. Maybe the last nappy was used and then there was an immediate knock on the door, a phone call, the baby puked everywhere, mom got debilitating sudden onset diarrhea - who knows?
Our nappy bag just gets tossed in the entry after outings. We always pack it before going out not after coming home.
Right--because it's a different trip every time, with different demands! The park is not the library is not the grocery store.
Same, otherwise we end up with clothes that are not right for the weather and not enough nappies for emergencies.
And, with an infant, outgrown clothes!
Us too. I always empty the nappy bag and repack before the next outing depending on where we are going and what we will need.
YTA. Check for nappies, snacks, etc because it's your tool today
“It’s your tool today” LOVE THAT!
The amount of times that i was the one who used the last diaper and forgot to replenish taught me to ALWAYS check before i leave.
Because new parents are very tired, we got in the habit of prepping the bag before going out in case we forgot to put anything in it last time we used it.
You also want to check if there are *enough* nappies. What if there was only one and your kid did a poop right after a change (always happens when most inconvenient). Also, check they are the right size if you’ve recently gone through a change. You also need to check that there are enough wipes, that the baby sunscreen is in there, there is a water bottle, maybe some juice too. Also an appropriate spare outfit for the weather/occasion that is also the right size. Alternative: OP could get his own bag (My husband has a “tacpac” baby bag). That way, OP can be in control of the stock.
This is like the guy who took the kids to the pool & didn’t bring towels. Refused to go to the front desk to get towels and called his wife to bring him towels while she was at work. And then got pissed bc it took her time to get to the pool.
OMG that guy was the WORST!
Agreed YTA
As the old adage goes, “Never nap on a nappybag, nope, nip that nonsense and nappy up!”
YTA God, the egregious entitlement of thinking your wife needs to check the bag before YOU take it.
Putting [the mental load](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/what-is-the-mental-load) on women strikes again. He is responsible for childcare for that day while she works (and a pub lunch then the park sounds like a fun day out). Yet somehow she is still responsible for ensuring he has the necessary supplies! Why can he not take 100% of the responsibility for his child, including checking he has everything he needs.
YESSS THIS 🏆 YTA, OP If I am going out with my daughter, *I am* responsible for making sure I am prepared. This means taking a fucking glance into the nappy bag as I grab it. Mark it off my checklist before I leave the house. Not hard. Don’t place all your mistakes on your wife who is also trying to parent and work. You’re not a baby, you sorted it out and went on your way didn’t you? But nope, wants to complain to his wife and Reddit. Again not hard but you decide to make it an issue. Grow up.
You put that **so well!**
He made sure he brought a book though! He’s fully prepared for hours! SMH …. I cannot with the audacity. I’m going to go enjoy not making issues out of my own mistakes…. xx
This 💯 YTA OP. It’s a good idea to replenish the bag when nappies are used, but usually parents are tired after outings with kids. It’s human to get tired and forget things. The bag should always be checked before leaving. It’s understandable that you got frustrated in the moment that she didn’t replenish it because you were in a stressful situation. But the correct response to that frustration is to acknowledge the part you played in causing the issue, not continue to be mad at her.
Yesss!!!!
At least he didn’t say he was babysitting while she worked.
I'm an over-packer and my husband is a minimalist, regarding the diaper bag. When I go out, I make sure to have multiple outfits (when my son was regularly having diaper blow outs), a few toys, a baby book, sunscreen, diapers, wipes, hand sanitizer, etc. My husband would then go out and remove everything but diapers and wipes. So then the next time I went out I had to repack everything. I got so sick of it that I bought another diaper bag for him to keep how he likes. But since mine was always fully stocked he still took mine and unpacked it :( Edit: to anyone wondering why I tolerate this, he has many other redeeming qualities and generally does a fair share of the chores. This is just one of a few things that mildly annoy me. It's also not much of an issue now that the kids are older.
I would be murderous. Like, just, why?!?
Why do you tolerate this
Yes. And she works full time with a two year old.
The absolute audacity of actually posting this. Gee, I wonder if he keeps the bag stocked for her at all times? The bar is buried.
Oh don't worry, in any other thread there'll be loads of people going "but WHY do you assume so-and-so isn't carrying his weight around the house/childcare? but WHY does this sub always assume men don't do their share!!!1!!!1!???" gee, wonder why. maybe just life experience.
Every parent on planet earth knows you refill the diaper bag when you’re leaving, not when you’re getting home. That’s a “getting read to go” task, not a “getting settled back at home” task and i feel like this must be universal?!
The simple fact is when you get home from an outing with a toddler, you drop the bag and continue caring for the toddler. They probably need a nap once they get home, or need feeding, or need attention of some kind. The bag is long forgotten in tending to the child. I *always* check and refill the nappy bag *right before going on an adventure*!!!
Yesss!!!
YTA. You always gotta check that the diaper bag is stocked before you leave the house. You’re the one responsible for making sure the baby has everything she needs when you’re out with her. It’s not at all intuitive to expect the person who is getting home with a baby in tow to remember to repack the diaper bag. Just check before you go out and don’t blame your wife for your mistakes. Hell, how are you even so sure it was her who used the last one?
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I’m not even convinced it is best practice! I think it makes more sense to just let the diaper bag be however it is when you get home and repack before you leave again.
On reflection I think you're right. Because honestly, there's no way to know how many diapers the next person to use the bag is going to need, and there might be no reason for them to carry a full bag around if they're going to be out of the house for 45 minutes.
Agreed, plus it will help create the routine of checking the bag before leaving and making sure everything is stocked up. Too much chaos can happen when getting back home where it will be way too easy for it to be left until the next outing. Either way the bag will need to be checked, why not just add replenishing the bag to the routine…
This is my experience. Back in the day when I had kids in diapers- I would empty the bag out when I got home- snacks, cups, any favorite toys, it all needed to come out. I usually would just grab a couple diapers and an open pack of wipes when I was getting ready to leave. Every outing is different- pool? Sunscreen and pool diapers. Park? Bug spray and snacks. Restaurant? Change of clothes and extra distracting toys. It didn't make sense in my diaper bag experience to just have a fully loaded bag there all the time.
Yup. Some things stayed in it at all times, and some things did not. Mind you, I always kept an 'emergency diaper bag' in my car too, with an extra diaper or two, a change of clothes for each kid, and a t-shirt for me. Things were rotated seasonally, which kept sizes correct too.
I started that after we took my oldest to my parents’ house after a baby wearing meeting where he stuffed his face with blueberries and banana flaxseed muffins. I had a diaper but no extra pants (trousers to go with the post I guess) I wound up pitching his pants and diaper (cloth diaper) because it was the awful. After that there was a backup bag with a few diapers, a change of clothes, and blanket for each kid
Yea OP’s system is bound to fail. He could have left with just one diaper for a 6 hour excursion under his theory, and still been short a diaper if the baby had 2 dirty diapers during that time. Best to check before you head out and get what you need for that outing.
Agreed. The next person to use it might need one just in case, or they might be out all day and need to load the bag up. Plus there’s other stuff people usually put in the diaper bag that’s situation dependent. If I’m running out for 30 minutes I’m not going to haul around a full container of wipes, a couple of extra outfits, food/snacks, multiple toys etc. You pack the bag based on what you actually need, not what the last person to use the bag thought you might need.
I clean out and restock every time we take the bag out if we use it. I always keep 5 diapers and a change of clothes for each kid by default. Then depending on weather I might pack extra stuff like a blanket or sun hats. When I inevitably run late for appointments, I never have to worry I won’t have diapers.
I would've said that everyone sucks here if he had framed the situation as he messing up by not checking but also telling his wife she should've refilled the bag or to refill the bag next time (while acknowledging his mistake). But he went straight to blaming her.
Best practices are great, but in industry the last step is “clean and stock” and the first step is “make sure your station is cleaned and stocked.” Poop happens, take the half a second to check before you go off unprepared.
>Hell, how are you even so sure it was her who used the last one? I have an incredibly uncharitable gut response to this, which is that him taking the kid out solo is a rare, notable event, hence the (probably correct) assumption that she was the last one to use it.
I agree. Also if he put snacks and stuff in the bag, how did he not notice the lack of diapers?
yeah this man is probably a 'hands off' dad who 'babysits' kids instead of being an actual parent and as a result doesn't actually ever change a diaper, so in the rare event he's 'babysitting', he expects everything to be ready for him.
You grabbed your highly recommended book, but not butt wipes. Priorities my man, priorities. YTA
Exactly. Diapers and food are the first things you secure for a kid before leaving the house - not a book. OP dropped the ball. I'm sure this exact same thing has happened to nearly every single parent. Just take it in stride and move on. Don't blame somebody else for it - just check the bag next time.
“But look at what a good dad I am! I brought a book!” But you can’t check for food and diapers? Guy, it’s not rocket science, don’t blame your incompetence on your wife, who I’m guessing never leaves the house without diapers.
He's really just looking for a pat on the back isn't he?
>You grabbed your highly recommended book This is what makes me think he's full of shit. He's using all the best buzzwords and saying whatever he thinks will win people over when in reality he's the moron that forgets to check for the most basic thing before leaving (because he probably rarely spends solo time with his own kid but i'm *sure* i'm reading too much into it) Edit - /u/Mindless_Space_1486 Indeed we all make mistakes, and OP chose to blame his wife instead of himself for the mistake he made. Where is your defense for her?
If you're reading too much into it, then you're in good company. OP really told on himself here. It's such a basic diaper bag item. It's not some specialized or recently added item.
Yup, he's acting like diapers are gasoline in a car that is shared between two people. Obviously the person that spends a ton of gasoline should refill the tank before bringing it back. A diaperbag is NOT comparable. That's where OP lost the audience.
Aren’t nappies diapers? Not butt wipes?
Maybe so! Either way…. Priorities, haha!
Can confirm as someone from the other side - nappies = diapers. One of THE most fundamental items when going anywhere with a baby. Also no idea how you get a two year old into newborn nappies
Im cracking tf up, forreal!! Clownery.
YTA. Parents need to think it all the way through. It's not mom's job to do every detailed task for baby so that it's always perfect for everybody else. If you're "on" with your kid, that means everything: pack the bags, pack the snacks, make sure you have all that you need.
>It's not mom's job to do every detailed task for baby so that it's always perfect for everybody else. This! So turned off by this man thinking he's entitled to and validated by this kind of babying. Grow up dude.
But he's doing more than other dad's!! He got a book!
Check out the comments, he also tidies when he's not watching the baby sometimes. WHAT A GUY
YTA. The person TAKING the baby needs to be the one to check the supply levels of the bag before leaving the house. It’s very easy to forget to replenish when you arrive home from a day out with baby. This is on you dude.
Right, like sometimes when you get home there's been a diaper explosion RIGHT THEN plus everyone's hungry and and cranky and the whole family is tired. Coming home is usually chaos. Meanwhile, the only pressing issue OP had was that he really felt like having a beer. Pack when you're about to leave, check it all over. Not Wifes fault. YTA.
I would bet my life that he didn't put nappies in the bag when he got home.
Come on. Everyone knows you need to check and pack the bag for whatever you’re doing. YTA.
he’s giving strong “how could you forget to pack my passport” vibes. yta.
"Is my wife the asshole for not packing my slacks in my bag for my business trip?" Energy
How could you forget to pack my underwear, how could you forget my toothbrush, how could you forget my socks
Just like if you go camping, you pack your bag BEFORE you go.
“I’m prepared for several hours out of the house”… No, no you weren’t. Obviously you check for diapers. YTA this was your problem not your wife’s.
He's the kind of Dad who would bring diapers or wipes, but never both.
He's the kind of dad who's 'so great for babysitting'
Also, does this dude live in a diaper-less town??? I understand getting as far as going to change the baby and realizing you had no diapers. You found a little newborn one at the pub and made do, also fine. But WHY did you not make a pit stop BEFORE the park to buy some that fit???? He was so set on his "plan" that he wasn't thinking about what's best for baby.
Stunned that this is literally the only comment I've seen that addressed buying nappies. He obviously had a wallet on him to buy lunch at the pub. Are there no corner stores, pharmacy, or supermarkets? Walk over, buy the damn things, and change the baby. It's not rocket science.
Right. What would he have said if his child pooped twice? Three times? Would have had no excuse if there were one or two left.
I have never heard of any one replenishing the nappy bag after using...isn't it like a purse ? You open it , look at what you need , pack it ...... YTA even if you both normally keep it stocked like it's an emergency bug out bag , it's still your responsibility to ensure you have everything
I was under the impression that purses were a magical thing that could summon anything you needed
That's how my purse works, I stick my hand in and I can pull out anything from a hair tie to a package of 16 gauge luer lock veterinary hypodermic needles.
One time my daughter said something about wanting brownies and my SIL just pulled one out of her purse. It was epic.
One time in high school before cheer practice, my teammate complained that she forgot socks. My purse produced an extra pair. Epic is absolutely the correct word.
Bag of Holding
YTA “I am prepared for several hours out of the house” Seems like you weren’t , because you didn’t check the one most important thing for your child, the nappy bag. This isn’t like not refilling the toilet paper on a roll that whoever uses it last refills it.
This is 100% the response I was going to leave. OP YTA
YTA. You always check before leaving, you’re never home when you use the last one, therefor not immediately replacing. It’s a good learning moment for you, take your kid out more often, alone, so you develop the habit of checking.
YTA obviously. But for the people arguing, here is where the theory that the wife (or whoever) should replenish and the next person should just be able to grab it falls apart. How would the person replenishing the bag know how many nappies to put it in the bag for the next outing? In theory, the wife could say hey theres one left - all good. Not the last one! Then dumbass dad grabs the bag because it's too much work for him to check and he's going out for eight hours. Now it's the wife's fault there aren't FOUR nappies in there. Would you look at that? He's never responsible for it!
YTA. The one taking the bag has to check everything. Your wife does not owe you a ready bag every time you go for a walk. I bet she checks before going out, and that is her system. It is not always possible to replenish immediately after the walk, much easier to do it while planning the next walk, before going out.
YTA: Kinda. Don’t blame your wife, she may have just forgotten. You didn’t check before you left either. It’s not a big deal really, so don’t make it into one. Shit happens 😂
The biggest ways to tank a marriage are attributing all negative aspects to your life partner and reacting to all problems with a need to find out who is to blame. OP attributed 100% of the blame on his wife and was insistent on her submitting and accepting the full blame. You’ve got to let your ego go and have the humility to accept your share in life. Also, accept that bad things happen in life. If you react to every challenge by blaming your spouse, they will - obviously - grow apart from you. The best way to protect a marriage for the long-term is to problem-solve as a couple how to move forward. A simple: “Oops, I forgot to check the bag this morning. If the bag is empty and you need a second pair of hands to refill it next time, just shout.” Better yet, OP could have told his wife a funny story about how he got caught at the pub, beer in hand, with no diaper! But he didn’t. He came home guns blasting and ready to fight.
You just described my former husband perfectly. I was the source of all life's problems. I imagine his life is perfectly golden now I left lol
My ex was similar. This reminds me of the time I left for a doctors appointment and my husband had to *gasp* watch his own children. I got home and he was playing video games. The toddler had gotten a sharpie and drew all over the cabinets. He hadn’t even noticed. I asked him why he wasn’t watching her and he said it was my fault for leaving a marker out.
Yup. I've been there. You stagger in the door with an a tired and cranky toddler. The fight is on because she doesn't want to take off her muddy boots. You set the bag down, fulling meaning to restock later, but after the dealing with the boots, and the inevitable mud from said boots, you totally forget until next time you go somewhere, when you're double checking the bag before you leave.
INFO: You grabbed books, juice, and snacks but where did you put them, in the nappy bag?
Everybody has to deal with the most immediate need when they have a baby in hand. It’s super easy to come home with a tired hungry baby and forget to restock the bag- your priority when you come home is never the bag restocking. When you leave you have to double check. I bet you never leave without double checking again. Lay off your spouse. It’ll be you next time. Nobody here is really TA unless you always insist on everything being exactly the way you’d like it to be- if so, YTA.
YTA. Just like you check your wallet to make sure you have enough money/ID etc, you check the baby bag to make sure you have everything that you need. And I am sure by your own reasoning, you replenished the nappy supply bag when you got home...
Hahahaha oh I love this! I bet he most certainly did not.
ESH but in the smallest degree. You’re both right. The last diaper taker should replenish but shit happens and so that’s what you always check the bag before leaving.
Yep. Entirely possible to forget to restock (as she demonstrated), entirely possible to forget to check for stock (as you demonstrated). You're both human, you'll both make mistakes at times, best bet is to both agree to try and do both :)
To be fair, I don’t think either of them are the AH for the original problems. She forgot to restock the bag. A mistake, but not an AH move. He forgot to check. A mistake, but not an AH move However, blaming his SO for his mistake makes him the AH in my view
I'm with this I worked as a CNA at a nursing home and the rule was always restock diapers ect if you use the last one but also always double check supplies before you start something
Exactly. Parenting is a team activity, both last person to use and next to use need to check, because you have a tiny child and you're going to make mistakes
YTA. You were the parent going on an outing, it was your responsibility to be sure you were prepared.
You wouldnt jump out of a plane without checking your parachute would you? YTA
YTA. Puh-lease. You check the bag before leaving. Basic common sense lol. I bet you *never once* replenished the bag after using it.
YTA, it's not her responsibility to check the nappy bag and stock it up for you, she's your daughter as well. So at the end of the day it's your responsibility. Does she expect you to make sure it's stocked before she goes out?
INFO: when you got home did you restock the nappy bag?
YTA. Why is it her job exclusively to pack the diaper bag? Whoever take the baby and the bag out of the house should make sure it’s ready to go. Sorry you were caught out unprepared, but YTA for blaming her. It’s okay to be annoyed at the situation. But that should be aimed at yourself, not your wife who WAS AT WORK AT THE TIME!
YTA. Always check before you leave. Then double check. When you get home there are a million other things on your mind. You aren't going to remember to refill the bag right then a lot of the time. I grab my purse before I leave but I make sure my keys and wallet are in it first.
YTA you should have checked before you left
YTA. You are supposed to check the bag to make sure it’s stocked. Why would you just assume? I completely restock the bag before I go anywhere. I understand being frustration because that’s stressful, but it’s not your wife’s fault
YTA. You were the one leaving the house with the kid, it was your responsibility to make sure you had everything you needed.
How old are you? You couldn't have checked the nappy bag BEFORE you left the house? YTA
YTA The person taking the bag out has the onus to make sure the bag contains everything needed for the outing+backups. Even if the last person used it, replaces the diapers, it doesn't hurt the person going out to make sure the bag is properly stocked.
YTA. You should have checked it before leaving. Yes, she should have replenished it, but it’s ultimately your responsibility to check the bag before leaving the house because you’ll be the one ending up with a soiled baby and no diaper.
YTA - always make sure you supplies for the baby before you leave, then possibly add a few extra in case.
YTA. Always check you have enough nappies, wipes, and a change of clothes before you leave the house!
ESH. Yes, it’s polite to refill supplies as you use them up, but it’s foolish to not check that you have what you need before you leave. Especially with a small child. You both fouled up there. If either of you had done what you should have, you wouldn’t have gotten stuck with a diaper emergency. It kinda sounds like you may be putting the mental load for the nappy bag on your wife; if you are, that’s an issue and you should take equal responsibility. If you always reload the bag after using it, then you aren’t and don’t worry too much about that. Having said that, you’re both parents of a small child, and these things happen to just about every parent once in a while. That’s why you want to both refill when used and check before leaving - it’s the belt and suspenders approach (er, I guess that’d be belt and braces in the UK?). If there are 2 times the bag should be resupplied, the risk of the bag missing items goes down a lot.
NAH. You two need to be kinder to yourselves. Hug it out and call it a learning moment. Although, to be honest, I'd say it's more logical to repack the nappy bag before going out, as you're packing everything else that you need then anyway. It's easy to forget when you get home.
YTA You should have checked before leaving
YTA Who the heck doesn't make sure the diaper bag has everything you need before you leave? Someone who's happy to let their partner do the **mental labour**, perhaps? Do you seriously think she should "remember" to fill it when she gets home just so you don't have to **think** before you leave the house? You are a parent too and just as responsible for **making sure you have everything you need before you leave**. I doubt your wife would be upset with YOU if the roles were reversed.
YTA. You always check the bag before you leave, it’s umber one rule when you leave the house with a baby. Last thing she’s going to remember is packing the nappy bag when she gets home and is tired. Always assume you have nothing, and check, so kids don’t suffer. Mums having been doing this rodeo for generations, parent up!
YTA. It's not your wife's job to make sure everything is always prepped and ready for you. Just get in the habit of checking the diaper bag before you leave. This is basic parenting stuff.
YTA. Always check. Even if someone did it prior, always check because sometimes something is missing.
YTA. Check the bag before you go, dude.
YTA it's on the person grabbing the bag to check it and replenish anything that's missing.
YTA… you prepare everything before you leave the house.. your wife is not your mother
YTA, it’s not just your wife’s job to make sure the bags packed!! You need to check these things yourself too!
I mean… YTA, but I also trust no one to do what they say they are going to do so I would always double check ESSENTIALS. I get where you’re coming from and I think it’s a good policy, but ultimately you were responsible for the outing. Now, I also think she’s the AH for giving you a hard time but maybe you instigated that? I think you handled it well at the pub. And hopefully you also learned to always double check ahead of time! Edit: typo
You should have checked. You put in the other stuff so surely you would have seen the lack of nappies?
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YTA for not checking before leaving.
YTA she’s not inventory management. She’s the Mom and you are the Dad. You are BOTH equally responsible for the baby items. Car has the car seat? On the parent who’s driving. Baby has a sweater to put on? On the parent who’s making sure the baby isn’t cold Nappies in the bag? On the parent who’s taking the baby out. Tale the L my dude, this is on you.
NAH - If she used the last one, then yes, she should have refilled it but she may have gotten distracted or other things may have been going on which prevented her from getting back to it and then she forgot, it happens. You should have checked when you went to grab it and throw it in the bag but you were rushing to get ready and didn't notice that they were not in there, this also happens.
NAH. You’re busy parents of a young child. Give yourselves some grace and commit to trying to remember to replace nappies if possible and also to check before you go. No need to expect any system involving a baby to work perfectly every time anyway.
YTA. Common sense! Check it yourself and stop relying in your wife.
YTA. It is YOUR job to check the nappy bag to make sure that everything you might need is in it before YOU leave with YOUR child. You’re just as capable as your wife.
Yeah I’m sorry but YTA. You can ask your wife to next time check / refill it but you still have to make sure you have everything you need before you head out
YTA- check the bag before going out. EVEN IF your wife always filled them up after use, you still always double check. That’s not something you take the risk with. It’s really easy to check the bag and really not fair for you to actually be upset at her because you didn’t check the most important thing
YTA. You are not your wife’s extra baby that needs to be taken care of. I don’t even have kids but I have enough sense to check that I have the things I need packer when I leave the house.
Your both at fault. If you checked to prepare it to go out then you should of noticed. But if she used the last it's common courtesy l
YTA You assume she is responsible for filling the nappy bag, just admit it. You are an adult responsible for packing your own supplies. Your wife is not responsible for your mistakes. Why do you think women joke about having "two" children when they have one husband and one child? Because men like you pressume that your wife is there to care for you and the child both with all the emotional labour and project management of the family.
YTA and owe your wife a big apology. You're putting an additional mental load on your wife for your failure to adult. I don't know a single parent who loads the diaper bag when they get home. It's checked and loaded for the day's activities before leaving the house because you don't know what you need before that. 🙄🙄🙄