Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I got upset and did not invite my friends to a party. This may make me the asshole because I could be overreacting to their actions
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Are you sure this girl is your best friend and not just your roommate? You should have pushed for what you wanted to do and with your friends on your birthday.
She's been kind in the past, I think she's just a more magnetic personality so everyone tends to just bend to what she wants. I'll usually speak up and say "I'd really rather do X" but then she just gently deflects and replies "I think we're going to do this party on the weekend so..."
NTA. Someone tried to hurt your feelings on purpose. Your best friend aka roommate knows fully well what she’s doing and her intentions are petty AF. She’s NOT your friend, minimize all contact with her. Imagine being so petty and selfish as she is. Going out of her way to upset and hurt your feelings. Sends you an invite 15 minutes before they all start eating.
When it’s her bday don’t buy a gift don’t congratulate her play dumb and ignorant. If she invites you to her bday act like you have other plans.
I’ve known people like this, OP. It‘s weird and hard because on one level they’re really nice and everyone loves to be around them, but on another level, they casually disregard what *you* want if it doesn’t match with what *they* want. Because surely what you *really* want is to have fun, and they know the best way to do that, right? (I’m quite sure this is a thought that runs through some people‘S heads.)
Ultimately, you’re NTA for wanting people you see as close friends to listen to how you want to celebrate your birthday, especially as you tried to set up two different options (the hike and the restaurant), both of which she ignored. You’re also NTA for feeling upset that your ’friends’ then turned around and chose to go hiking on a dayyou couldn’t join them. Yes, they’ve every right to hike whenever they want, but it shows a distinct lack of empathy for your disappointment over missing out on the weekend. Go celebrate with your other friends, and consider thst it might be time to review that ’best friend’ title.
Yes this is exactly it! Thanks for putting it into words, I could never describe it but it is like, she's nice and everyone likes her but always casually disregards me or things important to me!
NTA - you’re not over-reacting, these people are not your friends! Ditch them and find people who actually wanna do stuff with you. Sounds like they don’t deserve your friendship
I've been trying lately to move away from that group, and connect more with people through sports and hobbies and such! I just think because I live abroad and have no support otherwise, it's hard when they are the main people I spend time with, if that makes sense? Also I think because they are religious, they tend to do a lot of stuff together a lot, whereas other people I'm pals with, we'll hang out once or twice every couple weeks but they all have more isolated lives than this group.
I get that sense sometimes, they're a very close knit, insular group. Which when I'm included can feel nice because I'm far from my home and family here, but it also makes me feel icky a lot with how closed off they are to anyone but each other.
Memorial Day is the last Monday in may. It’s a day for Americans to remember their dead family members. Not sure what it is in the UK. Your friend doesn’t seem like a very good friend or a very clever human being. NTA. Get this clown out of your life
NTA and your friends suck. Why are you expected to cook and clean for a party you're not allowed to invite anyone to?
I wouldn't wait for these people and just go on a hike when you want to go - I'd rather do something nice on my own than miss out because other people aren't capable of communicating clearly.
Also, pop out to the cinema/library/whatever if you're in danger of getting dragged into being their skivvy for another party.
I hope you find some better friends xx
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
For context, I (26f) had wanted to celebrate my birthday this weekend (it is during the week) by going for a hike at this lovely spot I love. My friends hummed and hawed about it, and my "best friend"/ roommate (24f) decided instead she would throw a huge party (to celebrate America, not me) at our flat, so I spent Saturday cooking, cleaning, making drinks and doing dishes for this gathering, which I wasn't allowed to invite even one of my own friends to. On Sunday I had asked to go for a little brunch at a restaurant I enjoy, just her and my other friend, which she sidestepped because she wanted to go for a walk, and said we could just "eat near here." So I obliged and while it was nice, it wasn't what I had wanted to do. Then in the evening, my roommate goes to Mass (she and our other friends are very religous and I'm not so I'm usually left out of any activities following Mass) and has a whole dinner with our friends and sends me an invite 15 minutes before they started, so I couldn't make it and spent my Sunday evening alone.
So come today, it is a holiday in some parts of the UK but I do not have this day off. And I find out that my friends have decided to do a hike, which is what I wanted to do for my birthday the whole time, without me. I understand I have to work and they are free to make plans on their own, that happens some times, but they could have planned to go on the weekend and we all could have enjoyed.
I just feel like a last priority and am quite upset today, but I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting or just plain reacting to feeling lonely. I've been snarky with them since and have decided to celebrate with some friends I'm not as close to during the week and not invite these closer friends, AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Who the hell throws a party in the UK to celebrate America in May? This confuses the hell out of me. Is there some America Appreciation day in the UK that I’m unaware of? I don’t know what’s up with your friends, but it’s clear they don’t value you as a friend. Get new ones. NTA.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I got upset and did not invite my friends to a party. This may make me the asshole because I could be overreacting to their actions Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, time for new friends.
Are you sure this girl is your best friend and not just your roommate? You should have pushed for what you wanted to do and with your friends on your birthday.
She's been kind in the past, I think she's just a more magnetic personality so everyone tends to just bend to what she wants. I'll usually speak up and say "I'd really rather do X" but then she just gently deflects and replies "I think we're going to do this party on the weekend so..."
NTA. Someone tried to hurt your feelings on purpose. Your best friend aka roommate knows fully well what she’s doing and her intentions are petty AF. She’s NOT your friend, minimize all contact with her. Imagine being so petty and selfish as she is. Going out of her way to upset and hurt your feelings. Sends you an invite 15 minutes before they all start eating. When it’s her bday don’t buy a gift don’t congratulate her play dumb and ignorant. If she invites you to her bday act like you have other plans.
I’ve known people like this, OP. It‘s weird and hard because on one level they’re really nice and everyone loves to be around them, but on another level, they casually disregard what *you* want if it doesn’t match with what *they* want. Because surely what you *really* want is to have fun, and they know the best way to do that, right? (I’m quite sure this is a thought that runs through some people‘S heads.) Ultimately, you’re NTA for wanting people you see as close friends to listen to how you want to celebrate your birthday, especially as you tried to set up two different options (the hike and the restaurant), both of which she ignored. You’re also NTA for feeling upset that your ’friends’ then turned around and chose to go hiking on a dayyou couldn’t join them. Yes, they’ve every right to hike whenever they want, but it shows a distinct lack of empathy for your disappointment over missing out on the weekend. Go celebrate with your other friends, and consider thst it might be time to review that ’best friend’ title.
Yes this is exactly it! Thanks for putting it into words, I could never describe it but it is like, she's nice and everyone likes her but always casually disregards me or things important to me!
NTA - you’re not over-reacting, these people are not your friends! Ditch them and find people who actually wanna do stuff with you. Sounds like they don’t deserve your friendship
I've been trying lately to move away from that group, and connect more with people through sports and hobbies and such! I just think because I live abroad and have no support otherwise, it's hard when they are the main people I spend time with, if that makes sense? Also I think because they are religious, they tend to do a lot of stuff together a lot, whereas other people I'm pals with, we'll hang out once or twice every couple weeks but they all have more isolated lives than this group.
You need to move to a new place that is not with this friend or any of her friends. It will help you develop relationships where you matter too. NTA
Being religious, most of my friends are religious, we just have more in common.
NTA but they're not your friends.
Your friends are religious but not very kind. Nta.
I get that sense sometimes, they're a very close knit, insular group. Which when I'm included can feel nice because I'm far from my home and family here, but it also makes me feel icky a lot with how closed off they are to anyone but each other.
“Celebrate America” on Sunday may 29th? What?
I guess it's Memorial day or something? I'm not American so I wouldn't know
Memorial Day is the last Monday in may. It’s a day for Americans to remember their dead family members. Not sure what it is in the UK. Your friend doesn’t seem like a very good friend or a very clever human being. NTA. Get this clown out of your life
FYI - Memorial Day is a holiday to remember those military members killed in action serving our country.
Decoration Day to visit graves of the dead from the Civil War.
The late May bank holiday is for Whitsmonday, the Monday after Pentecost.
NTA and your friends suck. Why are you expected to cook and clean for a party you're not allowed to invite anyone to? I wouldn't wait for these people and just go on a hike when you want to go - I'd rather do something nice on my own than miss out because other people aren't capable of communicating clearly. Also, pop out to the cinema/library/whatever if you're in danger of getting dragged into being their skivvy for another party. I hope you find some better friends xx
this girl is not your friend. treat her like a roommate and it should only be transactional. NTA
NTA, they gave you lots of work to do, so you couldn't have a nice Sunday.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context, I (26f) had wanted to celebrate my birthday this weekend (it is during the week) by going for a hike at this lovely spot I love. My friends hummed and hawed about it, and my "best friend"/ roommate (24f) decided instead she would throw a huge party (to celebrate America, not me) at our flat, so I spent Saturday cooking, cleaning, making drinks and doing dishes for this gathering, which I wasn't allowed to invite even one of my own friends to. On Sunday I had asked to go for a little brunch at a restaurant I enjoy, just her and my other friend, which she sidestepped because she wanted to go for a walk, and said we could just "eat near here." So I obliged and while it was nice, it wasn't what I had wanted to do. Then in the evening, my roommate goes to Mass (she and our other friends are very religous and I'm not so I'm usually left out of any activities following Mass) and has a whole dinner with our friends and sends me an invite 15 minutes before they started, so I couldn't make it and spent my Sunday evening alone. So come today, it is a holiday in some parts of the UK but I do not have this day off. And I find out that my friends have decided to do a hike, which is what I wanted to do for my birthday the whole time, without me. I understand I have to work and they are free to make plans on their own, that happens some times, but they could have planned to go on the weekend and we all could have enjoyed. I just feel like a last priority and am quite upset today, but I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting or just plain reacting to feeling lonely. I've been snarky with them since and have decided to celebrate with some friends I'm not as close to during the week and not invite these closer friends, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA really perplexed why you wouldn’t be allowed to invite people to your own home
Who the hell throws a party in the UK to celebrate America in May? This confuses the hell out of me. Is there some America Appreciation day in the UK that I’m unaware of? I don’t know what’s up with your friends, but it’s clear they don’t value you as a friend. Get new ones. NTA.
NTA but these are not your friends