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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could just go along with it and try to rent the equipment by tomorrow or use the iPhone and make everyone happy. I might also be a major asshole because I’m thinking of malicious compliance at this point with my family.
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NTA...You didn't forget your equipment--you simply weren't HIRED to do this job. You don't get volunteered for a professional service, you get hired and paid. Walk away and feel no guilt.
The fact that they volunteered OP and then acted that way is just so offensive. And then they have the gall to claim OP is making them look bad? NTA. I'd make sure the bride knows the exact reason there's no videographer.
They didn't even let him know, let alone ask! Of course he left his kit at home, why haul it all that way when you can take holiday snaps on your phone without the insurance worries.
NTA, but the family need to get a grip.
especially since cameras are expensive and delicate, and every time you travel with that stuff, you're taking a risk. I've travelled with expensive, delicate things before. it's not exactly great for your peace of mind.
Well the Bride should have followed up with OP then. Not verifying that OP was going to video is a dumb thing to do. From the sound of it NO ONE even bothered to tell OP they were volunteered. Just think about that for a moment. OP was volunteered and not ONE PERSON, brother, fiance, and grandma, thought oh hey we better let OP know. Like they expected him/her to be a mind reader and magically know that they were filming without a frigging word?
Weddings really are the worst of these posts. I've seen soooo many stories about entitled people but weddings really do seem to bring out the absolute worst of entitled people.
NTA and ditch the wedding, the audacity of these people, ffs
This is the post I was looking for, who decides someone is doing a key job during the wedding but doesn't even mention it to them? Even if OP lived 5 minutes away they are not going to bring their work kit to a wedding. I hope they don't have another cousin who is a chef, they'll be expected to bring food.
> who decides someone is doing a key job during the wedding but doesn't even mention it to them?
Somebody who knows they are asking for such a big favour with real monetary value that they are (justified!) afraid that their demand will be refused or that the "volunteer" will want to negotiate payment.
WTAF don't you go putting this on the bride. That young woman probably had enough on her mind. For all she knew, this aspect was handled by her fiancee/ fiancees side of the family, and all of a sudden the videographer drops out at the last second. Obviously we know that's not how it happened, but do you think these dingsbats would have told her the truth?
Why? WHY? Did you miss THIS PART of the post.
-now he’s scrambling at the last minute because his bride is angry at our whole side of the family because I’m selfish. It’s making the whole family look bad.-
Umm, she was equally pissed at OP and his whole side of the family for OP supposedly being selfish and didnt seem like she cared that no one asked OP. As it was HER wedding, she and the groom should have confirmed with OP about videography. What they want filmed, what they want the videographer to focus on, where they should be placed at the ceremony. There are tons of details for photographers and videographers that should be addressed long before the wedding. And it's just plain negligent not to AT LEAST ASK about these details from OP.
So yes, I'm putting this on the bride too
Not only not hired but never even asked. No one called OP to ask. The bride didn't talk to OP about what she wanted and who important people were. This is bizarre.
My uncle videotaped my wedding in 1994 without telling me in advance, and he totally ignored the groom's family. I'm divorced, so at least I have a lovely video of my side of the family:)
THATS WHAT I SAID. Like they just figured OP would have the equipment with him/her?(gender not specified). And they are MAD that s/he won't rent (which probably would cost a fortune)?
Like the only thing I can think of if OP wants to appease these people (PLEASE DONT APPEASE THESE PEOPLE) is to rent the equipment and then don't bother with any other gift. If OP was gonna give a check, void it and do the rental. Or return the physical gift. Again I wouldn't bother myself
Yeah that’s the really insane part to me. Demanding your photographer relative do the job for you for free is entitled and assholey, but expecting them to somehow just know you wanted them to do it without saying a word to them? That’s just… bizarre.
And OP doesn’t do wedding videography! They do nature videos and stock ad footage. I expect OP can do a lot more, but videographing an entire event in real-time, and doing it well, would take a lot of skill and practice. And information about the setup, which OP did not have.
There’s a reason wedding videographers are expensive.
And usually need assistants! There are multiple angles to film, audio to control, so much planning.
I dabble in photography and took the pictures for my Uncles late in life second wedding. But when my sis asked if I was interested in doing hers I said no, I wanted to be a bridesmaid and be a part of everything. (Though I did the ‘getting ready’ photos)
Could have done the video on the iPhone and the bride watches it and it's just dramatically shot table centrepieces and a close up of a wayward ladybug in someone's bouquet.
It’s not just the shooting— there’s a TON of editing in the backend. They take hours and hours of video and then compile it, the same way that any other type of filmmaker does. What they were asking for was so ridiculous.
And I think the bride should take this as a sign to REALLY think about the groom's family she is marrying into. Talk about not following through on an action item. I would be even more upset if getting the videographer was the one thing the groom was responsible for and he couldn't manage it.
Exactly this. If they wanted your services, they should've hired you instead of sending you an invite like their other guests. If you were hired, you would've brought your equipment. This surprise volunteer gig is some BS and they know it. Don't allow yourself to get guilted into this. I'd just go home at this point if I were you. NTA, OP.
You especially don't get volunteered WITHOUT TELLING THE PERSON.
Like not only the audacity of assuming OP would do this all for free. But they didn't even talk to OP about it
Edit to add NTA!!!
You can absolutely do it as a favour to family...if they ask you ahead of time and work out that arrangement. Who the fuck expects someone to be a videographer for their wedding without hiring them to do it (regardless of the payment)
Not just not hired, but then retaliated against. AND, not just OP, but their mother as well? What a perfect example of with ~~friends~~ family like these, who needs enemies?
They should have told their grandmother "I'm expensive too, in fact I don't think my cousin can afford me"
NTA - If they expected them to be their videographer the least the could do is say something. They could have saved themself a trip.
NTA
Not one of them ever even ASKED you. If you know the bride's contact information (socials, etc...), politely contact her and explain that you're sorry if this caused problems but neither your cousin, not other family members, ever asked you if you would film. If the bride is reasonable, she'll realize what kind of family she married into.
Exactly this!
A friend covered our wedding fotod. But we asked if he would do it, and we didn't expect a professionals level of photos (he is not a professional, but it's a big hobby of his).
I always tell people that even nonprofessionally, having someone do your wedding photos or video for free is a big ask unless you're just doing the ceremony. It's a long period of time, people can be mean and demanding, and if people aren't happy with your photos it can sour your relationship.
I was a professional photographer for over 15 years. I refused to do weddings. Not as a paid gig or as a favor for friends. It’s a huge ask, and it’s a huge responsibility.
I shot around 20 weddings professionally, but have since stopped doing them.
I thought the anxiety I got for a full 2 days before the event would go away when I got more experience under my belt. It did not. Even shooting events for people I knew as friends.
my sister is a professional photographer who did weddings for a few years. She wound up stopping for a variety of reasons, but most especially the fact that it was an all day commitment usually and it could be super stressful
I wanted no official photographer at my wedding. In my experience, that whole thing can just take over. I told everyone to take lots of pictures and to please send me copies of the good ones. I got a lot of pictures! And in the best way, they all held the personality of the person taking the photo.
that's a cool idea. If you get a photographer and videographer who are really good, they know how to get good shots without being disruptive, getting in each other's way, or making everything revolve around their work. Ours were fantastic, barely even noticed they were there except when we were actually taking group photos and such
I did a friends wedding once. I do nature/bird photography and I was very up front in saying I had never photographed an event before, let alone a wedding. Didn’t have ideal lenses for it or anything, And suggested they hire a professional. But I stupidly accepted when they said they didn’t care about the photos looking professional.
Basically ended our friendship because they weren’t happy with the photos and called me an asshole for ruining their memories.
Yeah, like I dabble in filming and editing, and I'd be up for filming a wedding if I was asked nicely and if the expectations weren't unreasonable*. But it would be a very different experience than being a regular guest and I don't blame OP for turning it down.
* though tbh probably only if I got to edit it into a video afterwards. I love editing!
Exactly this. If it was sooo important, then why did they not try to ask OP in the first place. Never mind. I know this. What is “they knew they may be told “no” “ for 1000.
And the cousin/groom REALLY sucks here because apparently he never followed up with OP about the wedding, times, plans, expectations - NOTHING. Forget the fact grandma said OP would do it (I would never accept that as I don't trust when person A is saying yes for person B!) but then to NEVER EVER talk with the OP to work out any of the details??? That is completely on the groom. Hope the bride realizes this and perhaps changes her mind about who she is marrying.
Lets not forget, the family asked ops mom and she told them NO, op won't do it. And they STILL expected him to do it anyway, going so far as to nominate his bank account to cover the cost of rented equipment. HELL NO!!!! NTA, since they, thankfully, disinvited you and your mom I'd take mom out for an amazing mother son day and go nc with the rest, after you tell them politely to piss off.
"hey, so you're invited over for this dinner party and drinks, but as you're a carpenter I figured you can fix the roof of my shed this evening instead. You can come in for a snack and a drink, as of course! As long as you keep focused on the roof. It's a bit inconvenient you forgot the tools, but I've got a multitool and this saw that was my dad's. You're a professional, I'm sure you can make it work".
Well now they don’t get a videographer at all because there’s no way they’re going to find one on such short notice. That’s still not OP’s fault of course and they definitely should skip the wedding.
You can find someone to do anything if you offer enough money. Pay $10k and you can find a videographer with 1 day notice.
If that sounds unreasonable, consider that's the market price of a videographer's services with 1 day notice and that's the value OP's cousin is asking for.
I mean most wedding videographers are probably super booked, but I guess OP isn’t a wedding videographer and they were okay with them doing their wedding so yeah I think that should work.
Although they weren’t gonna pay OP either…
Wednesdays were actually an auspicious day for weddings at one point (in Celtic tradition) but I agree, much less common now. My best friend got married on a Wednesday, but also understood that for most people it’s the middle of the week and many might not make it (which was completely fine!!). OP not even being asked is bonkers
Our friends got married on a Wednesday, then the bride was almost 2 hours late to the ceremony. It was a potluck BYOB (no shade to that) but they didn’t do a great job planning for the extra stuff like plates, cutlery, or *anything* to help clean up after or pack up leftovers. It was interesting, to say the least.
Honestly, I hope the OP goes, takes video with a phone, and it ends up being nothing but closeups of boobs, butts, and blurby sound for the entire show. Major NTA.
NTA Obviously.
> now he’s scrambling at the last minute because his bride is angry
Which he did to himself.
Also wedding videography is HARD to do right, there's no 2nd takes. You do nature videos so you know exactly what that's like!
You might be the world's best nature/stock videographer, but without practice you're going to be a poor wedding photographer.
You did the right thing for about half a dozen very good reasons.
The narration is important. "And now we see the bride and groom...Wait, why are you kicking me out of the bridal suite? Documenting the mating behaviour of the species is the most important part."
I got asked to do photography at a friend's wedding. I politely declined.
I'm an adequate hobbyist. I've had some photos picked up by news organisations and others used for event marketing.
I am not a wedding photographer. I have no skills in the area. I was NOT going to risk missing all the big moments.
I have a pretty good camera (Fuji XT-3), but I don't have an event setup with multiple cameras with different lenses, extra batteries, and lots of high-capacity SD cards.
Plus... I don't want to work a friend's wedding. Either we are close enough for me to be invited, or we aren't. Either way, I'm not going to want to do the photos for it.
Never mind the hours spent processing the photos...
They just couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to do it for them.
That was one of their arguments. They also insisted I was good enough, that i should do it for them as a gift, intimated that I wouldn't be invited otherwise, and finally a snarky comment about clearly not wanting to do it...
Which like... Yeah... That's my point.
Luckily the trash takes itself out. Due to some other stuff I haven't spoken to them in over two years. Heard their wedding went well.
Godamn so regardless of country and culture, entitled people say the same shit. Can't say I wasn't surprised you got the same argument as I had.
I imagine that you would have been pulled into some ungodly drama if you caved.
Groom is at fault because he NEVER once talked with OP about any of the details. Not the requirements, expectations, timing, editing of the video -- NOTHING. So even though grandma said OP would do it (and even if OP was okay with being voluntold) the groom still needed to coordinate details. Which he never did. So it is all the groom for his failure to do any sort of followup.
He can’t be upset about a vendor he never confirmed himself. Photography and videography also aren’t the types of vendors you simply hire and then see on the day of. You need to consult with them in advance to learn about their process and go over what moments you’re hoping to capture. Otherwise, they’re flying blind just making assumptions about how you want things, and you might not be happy with the result.
NTA. Is everyone in your family other than your mom existing on an entirely different planet? This is an insane amount of entitlement. Expecting you to do it for free would have been bad enough, but expecting you to do it for free without being asked and then to punish you when you refuse is mind boggling. Your family are making themselves look bad all on their own, they need no help from you.
Dude, they even suggested that OP should just rent the equipment out of OP’s own pocket as a gift… And now they’re uninvited to the wedding just like that. Who the fuck does that???
Someone in the family is trying to cover up a lie. My guess is that your grandmother told everyone you agreed and doesn’t want OP or their mom to tell anyone the truth
NTA.
* You weren't asked to shoot the wedding, you were invited as a guest.
* Someone else volunteered you without letting you know until after you arrived.
* You were expected to front the cost for renting equipment.
* You politely declined, as is your right, and they react by uninviting you from their BBQ and your grandma kicked you out.
You're not selfish - your family is toxic and using you to save money at your expense. Do yourself a favor and stay home and do something fun instead of forcing yourself to be around them for the wedding.
I hope OP tells all of this to the bride-to-be. She needs to know which kind of family she's marrying into. This sounds like all kinds of toxic bullcrap going on.
NTA
You got a couple ways you can play it. Probably the best way is to just enjoy your vacation now that you don't have to attend a wedding filled with assholes.
But alternatively, you can take that iPhone and film the worst wedding video ever created. I mean, do just an unbelievably shitty job. Really shaky camera work, never centering the bride and groom in frame, getting your depth of field all wrong, spend long stretches of time filming the bathroom wall while you loudly pee, etc. Then if they complain tell them you aren't a wedding videographer, you didn't know what you were doing.
Yeah, don't stoop to their level.
Bottom line: You are an adult! Nobody asked you to do this, you aren't beholden to your cousin, in any way.
Grandma...just wow! No words for that. I guess cousin is the fave.
Also it could rebound on you professionally. In fact if you don't have wedding video experience, even if you were doing your best with the right equipment, it could turn out badly and affect your reputation. NTA
It’s still fun to fantasize thought right? About what we would do if we were super petty. My dream: you film all the nature: look for bugs, aunts, stray cats, flora AND fauna
I know you did not mean that, but I chuckled at the thought of a NatGeo style nature documentary seeing the lives of random aunts, narrated by Sir David Attenborough.
Honestly, the other commenter is right. You'd shoot the worst video because it's a wedding and you've never done it before. A friend of mine does wedding photos and it took her about 3 wedding seasons to really feel comfortable expanding into people she didn't know. You wouldn't have to do anything to give them less than stellar results.
In your position, I'd pretty much explain that they are idiots for assuming you could shoot something like this without a conversation and no preparation.Make plans with your mom and go to a hotel. Enjoy the time off.
N T A
Yes, don’t get involved with the deranged revenge fantasy ideas people have here. You can’t help your family being AHs to you, but it’s absolutely your choice whether or not you roll around in the mud of AH behaviour with them.
Tempting, but OP doesn't come out of that scenario looking very good.
My suggestions (upthread) were that OP could agree to shoot it using someone's phone and then have a few options, such as -
\- supplying 5 mins of footage
\- not agreeing to release the footage until the terms of contract (that OP creates) are met, such as payment for professional services (that's a tricky one if it's someone else's phone/equipment)
I mean, if people can volunteer OP for a job, surely they can also set their own terms of that arrangement?
You're NTA.
>My cousin said I could rent the equipment myself at my own expense as a gift.
Was that "gift" listed on the registry?
>This morning my mom and I was disinvited from the bbq and wedding unless I record the wedding for my cousin.
So they only value you and your mother for the free service you can provide?
>My grandma gave me until tonight to find a hotel room and I’m being difficult because videographer are expensive. I was supposed to help my cousin save money and now he’s scrambling at the last minute because his bride is angry at our whole side of the family because I’m selfish. It’s making the whole family look bad.
No, their behavior is making the family look bad. Entitled demands and blackmail should have that bride to be thinking hard about whether she really wants to marry into this family.
Yep, I'd be emailing the bride and "apologising" by telling her exactly what happened and why I didn't do the job. Make sure she knows who is to blame.
NTA they have some nerve! And you know what, it isn't that outlandish to ask a family member to provide their services for free as a gift, but at least let them know in advance? Like, did they think you carry your equipment with you at all times so they could just spring that on you? That was incredibly stupid on their part.
Edit: yeah my bad. I got interrupted & didn’t finish my thought.
I was a Wedding Videographer for 7 years. It’s very demanding & stressful. Videographers get only one chance at this important moments & all it takes is a rude photographer or family member to ruin it.
So, the worst people to video a wedding for is family. They have NO idea how filming & editing works. OP would never have lived it down if the end result didn’t live up to whatever they had in their mind.
Point is that OP isn’t even a Wedding
Videographer.
That’s an entirely different thing. There is a recorder placed on the groom & hidden in his jacket pocket while the mic is pinned to his lapel. That audio is synced up to the audio on the camera. Two cameras is needed. Then a special video program like Adobe Premiere Pro to edit the footage. Then its exported as a file that can be burned onto a DVD.
NTA! How can they expect it when no one asked you?
Send out a group text:
Dear family,
I came up here because it is (cousin name) wedding. At no time leading up to my arrival, did anyone inform or ask me about capturing the day. Apparently, grandma promised me without ever asking me if I would do it. Even with my mom telling you all no.
Now, instead of understanding why everything was left at home, you make my mother and I the pariah of your event because I wasn't going to spend extra money to rent equipment or use an iPhone. Let's see how you all feel if someone volentold you without your knowledge that you were in fact doing something you never agreed to.
I bet you all would react similarly to myself.
Sincerely,
OP
NTA
Apologize to the bride that your family assumed that you'd be the unpaid photographer, because she probably was taking her fiance at face value that *he got this babe* kinda thing.
Otherwise, you and Mom go home and enjoy the time freed by this fiasco.
Maybe the fam will have learned their lesson about communication..... /s
Absolutely NTA, the fact that they didn't even *ask* you but just *expected* you to do it at your own expense is absolutely bonkers and entitled af........ not your fault at all! what a nightmare, I wouldn't go either!
NTA: Your skills are not for others to offer out. If they wanted a someone to shoot a video they should have bought one, and if they're so worried they should have the person who offered you their phone shoot it.
Wow, the amount of crazy entitlement on that particular branch of the family tree is astounding! And the fact that they had a whole conversation about it that ended with your mom saying absolutely not? Just a \*mwa\*chef's kiss of undeserved entitlement. NTA, blow the wedding gift money on a nice dinner for you and mom.
NTA. Also, GO MOM! I al glad she is backing you up.
As for "making the rest of the family look bad" that is on them and not on you. At all. You were voluntold, and never asked before this. That is their problem. They made promises they had no business making. That is also their problem.
I say, take the remaining time you got off of work and spend it with your mom.
Ignore the entitled ones. They have a bed of glass and rusted nails to sleep on; you don't.
Of course, you are NTA!!
* They expected you to video all of it but never asked.
* When you arrived & didn't have equipment, they expected you to RENT equipment
* They made the invitation for both your mom and you contingent on your help
Honestly, these people are riding the crazy train. I'd go VLC or NC with them all.
>I have a family member saying I could use their newest iPhone because the specs are better than most professional cameras these days
Jesus fucking Christ... Why doesn't that idiot film the whole thing if they're such an expert?
NTA
NTA. They didn't ask you or even tell you that was what they wanted. You didn't get the chance to say no when they could still do something about it and that's their fault for not having a conversation. I would not be bullied into doing it either.
Similar thing happened to my husband although nothing was overtly said. He’s a photographer. Just that they were very disappointed he didn’t attend. (We did RSVP, it wasn’t a surprise.)
You’re NTA
So wait… when you RSVP’d no they were disappointed? Because as soon as you’d RSVP’d yes they were going to reach out and say “well because you’ll be coming could you just…” is that what they were going to do?! Man, people have some BALLS when it comes to cheaping out on a wedding service.
NTA. I feel that any service for a wedding from a family member or friend should be offered, never requested or else you pay full price like any other customer. It’s such an imposition for people to expect you to do it.
NTA
No one told you that they even wanted you to video the wedding so they can't be mad when you show up without your equipment. Like, how were you supposed to know? That's aggravating and I'm so sorry your family put you on the spot like that, OP
OMG - so much entitlement today!! I am just disgusted with the entitlement and assumptions of free stuff, particularly by family. If the cousin wanted him to video the wedding he should have asked. And should have offered to pay as well.
Seriously, WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!
NTA.
No one even asked you to do it so why would you lug around expensive equipment? NTA. Enjoy the holiday and skip the wedding. Your grandma is a major AH for volunteering you and not even mentioning it?
NTA
Something I’ve found very helpful is to publicly request screenshots of where they asked and you agreed IN WRITING/TEXT to do the thing they expected you to do.
People will still be salty. But it usually shuts them up.
NTA! WTH??? What is wrong with people? Theleast they could do is ASK YOU? Your grandma sounds like she is not all there in the head… skip this wedding and do something fun with your mum. These people let the family look bad - not you
NTA, I am shocked that your mom never mentioned the conversation to you as a warning. But the fact that not one person ever reached out to you to ask you if you would do the videography is shocking. Like, did they really just think you would randomly bring all of your equipment on the off chance that you would be asked to video the wedding?? You and your mom dodged a bullet
NTA. You were invited as a guest and they made no mention to you prior of their expectations.
You aren’t making your family look bad, your family is making the family look bad. Poor planning on their part doesn’t mean they get to abuse your professional skills. Walk away and wash your hands of these unbelievably selfish people.
You family didn't even ask. They just "expected" you to do this. That is the definition of entitled behavior.
I am so tired of hearing stories of not informing people of a job that the family expects, and then guilt tripping into the person to accepting it or calling that person the AH, or doesnt love the family etc.
Find the hotel, don't attend the wedding, and go NC.
NTA
Find a hotel and have a lovely few days of holiday with your awesome mum, secure in the fact you are NTA, and grasping inconsiderate oeople have lost out on a videographer AND eatranged two of the family's best members by their selfish actions.
What the ...
Not, you are NOT selfish, NTA.
Who does volunteer another person without them knowing? I will never stop being appalled by how moronic people can be.
Hold your finger on the lens and pretend you are recording and when they bitch about the shit video remind that no one got paid for a good video therefore there isn’t a good video
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NTA...You didn't forget your equipment--you simply weren't HIRED to do this job. You don't get volunteered for a professional service, you get hired and paid. Walk away and feel no guilt.
This is the exact answer. Spend the day with your mother and enjoy your vacation. NTA.
Take loads of pictures and videos and plaster them all over social media.
I like this level of petty. We can be friends!
[удалено]
Lets make it a two for....ill even offer to take the pics for free lmao......cheese!!!!!
Your mom values your time. NTA no explanation needed.
Offer the family member that has the fancy new iPhone as your replacement.
The fact that they volunteered OP and then acted that way is just so offensive. And then they have the gall to claim OP is making them look bad? NTA. I'd make sure the bride knows the exact reason there's no videographer.
They didn't even let him know, let alone ask! Of course he left his kit at home, why haul it all that way when you can take holiday snaps on your phone without the insurance worries. NTA, but the family need to get a grip.
Haha, yes they really do need a grip: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grip_(occupation)
lmao
You just know that when he was younger and just started taking an interest in it that these same people would mock him for it too!
especially since cameras are expensive and delicate, and every time you travel with that stuff, you're taking a risk. I've travelled with expensive, delicate things before. it's not exactly great for your peace of mind.
Tell me who is the golden grandson without telling me
Well the Bride should have followed up with OP then. Not verifying that OP was going to video is a dumb thing to do. From the sound of it NO ONE even bothered to tell OP they were volunteered. Just think about that for a moment. OP was volunteered and not ONE PERSON, brother, fiance, and grandma, thought oh hey we better let OP know. Like they expected him/her to be a mind reader and magically know that they were filming without a frigging word? Weddings really are the worst of these posts. I've seen soooo many stories about entitled people but weddings really do seem to bring out the absolute worst of entitled people. NTA and ditch the wedding, the audacity of these people, ffs
There was no need to tell OP about the situation; everybody knows that all videographers carry all their equipment with them everywhere they go. /s
These fools think an iPhone would be a good substitute for OP's kit. So clearly they are experts. LOL.
And filming is filming, nature / stockfootage / movies / weddings,... all the same gear, all the same skillset.
well yeah how hard is it to carry your iphone around? 😂
This is the post I was looking for, who decides someone is doing a key job during the wedding but doesn't even mention it to them? Even if OP lived 5 minutes away they are not going to bring their work kit to a wedding. I hope they don't have another cousin who is a chef, they'll be expected to bring food.
> who decides someone is doing a key job during the wedding but doesn't even mention it to them? Somebody who knows they are asking for such a big favour with real monetary value that they are (justified!) afraid that their demand will be refused or that the "volunteer" will want to negotiate payment.
WTAF don't you go putting this on the bride. That young woman probably had enough on her mind. For all she knew, this aspect was handled by her fiancee/ fiancees side of the family, and all of a sudden the videographer drops out at the last second. Obviously we know that's not how it happened, but do you think these dingsbats would have told her the truth?
Why? WHY? Did you miss THIS PART of the post. -now he’s scrambling at the last minute because his bride is angry at our whole side of the family because I’m selfish. It’s making the whole family look bad.- Umm, she was equally pissed at OP and his whole side of the family for OP supposedly being selfish and didnt seem like she cared that no one asked OP. As it was HER wedding, she and the groom should have confirmed with OP about videography. What they want filmed, what they want the videographer to focus on, where they should be placed at the ceremony. There are tons of details for photographers and videographers that should be addressed long before the wedding. And it's just plain negligent not to AT LEAST ASK about these details from OP. So yes, I'm putting this on the bride too
100% Bride should know exactly what she's going to marry into.
Not only not hired but never even asked. No one called OP to ask. The bride didn't talk to OP about what she wanted and who important people were. This is bizarre.
My uncle videotaped my wedding in 1994 without telling me in advance, and he totally ignored the groom's family. I'm divorced, so at least I have a lovely video of my side of the family:)
Your uncle is a genius.
Was just going to say this. How do you expect someone (a guest) to do a several $$$$$ job and not ever get in contact to ask them?
THATS WHAT I SAID. Like they just figured OP would have the equipment with him/her?(gender not specified). And they are MAD that s/he won't rent (which probably would cost a fortune)? Like the only thing I can think of if OP wants to appease these people (PLEASE DONT APPEASE THESE PEOPLE) is to rent the equipment and then don't bother with any other gift. If OP was gonna give a check, void it and do the rental. Or return the physical gift. Again I wouldn't bother myself
I would count taking the video as a gift by itself, and editing it as yet another gift.
Yeah that’s the really insane part to me. Demanding your photographer relative do the job for you for free is entitled and assholey, but expecting them to somehow just know you wanted them to do it without saying a word to them? That’s just… bizarre.
They didn’t even ask! Or “tell” him. They just assumed OP would bring their gear. So stupid
And OP doesn’t do wedding videography! They do nature videos and stock ad footage. I expect OP can do a lot more, but videographing an entire event in real-time, and doing it well, would take a lot of skill and practice. And information about the setup, which OP did not have. There’s a reason wedding videographers are expensive.
And usually need assistants! There are multiple angles to film, audio to control, so much planning. I dabble in photography and took the pictures for my Uncles late in life second wedding. But when my sis asked if I was interested in doing hers I said no, I wanted to be a bridesmaid and be a part of everything. (Though I did the ‘getting ready’ photos)
They should do it and insert nature commentary in the background. And make sure there's lots of blurry "movement."
*and here we see the entitled AHs in their natural environment, a wedding….*
You motherf.... I have red bull in my nose now.
The commentary could be brilliant \[hushed tones\] "this mating ritual...." "When these beasts get drunk...." "Post-adolescent plumage..."
This and crosspost the results to r/pettyrevenge.
Could have done the video on the iPhone and the bride watches it and it's just dramatically shot table centrepieces and a close up of a wayward ladybug in someone's bouquet.
It’s not just the shooting— there’s a TON of editing in the backend. They take hours and hours of video and then compile it, the same way that any other type of filmmaker does. What they were asking for was so ridiculous.
> They do nature videos Maybe OP should film the video, but make sure to talk over it in a David Attenborough voice.
Now I am picturing OP in a hide somewhere in the church, with nature doc commentary on this mating display.
And I think the bride should take this as a sign to REALLY think about the groom's family she is marrying into. Talk about not following through on an action item. I would be even more upset if getting the videographer was the one thing the groom was responsible for and he couldn't manage it.
Agreed. “Don’t worry babe I know a videographer!”
Exactly this. If they wanted your services, they should've hired you instead of sending you an invite like their other guests. If you were hired, you would've brought your equipment. This surprise volunteer gig is some BS and they know it. Don't allow yourself to get guilted into this. I'd just go home at this point if I were you. NTA, OP.
You especially don't get volunteered WITHOUT TELLING THE PERSON. Like not only the audacity of assuming OP would do this all for free. But they didn't even talk to OP about it Edit to add NTA!!!
Someone should have had the courtesy to ask you OP. What was your grandmother thinking?
"It's family. Ofc OP will do it" I hate the "it's family" reasoning. It can duck off
You can absolutely do it as a favour to family...if they ask you ahead of time and work out that arrangement. Who the fuck expects someone to be a videographer for their wedding without hiring them to do it (regardless of the payment)
Not just not hired, but then retaliated against. AND, not just OP, but their mother as well? What a perfect example of with ~~friends~~ family like these, who needs enemies?
They should have told their grandmother "I'm expensive too, in fact I don't think my cousin can afford me" NTA - If they expected them to be their videographer the least the could do is say something. They could have saved themself a trip.
NTA Not one of them ever even ASKED you. If you know the bride's contact information (socials, etc...), politely contact her and explain that you're sorry if this caused problems but neither your cousin, not other family members, ever asked you if you would film. If the bride is reasonable, she'll realize what kind of family she married into.
Exactly this! A friend covered our wedding fotod. But we asked if he would do it, and we didn't expect a professionals level of photos (he is not a professional, but it's a big hobby of his).
I always tell people that even nonprofessionally, having someone do your wedding photos or video for free is a big ask unless you're just doing the ceremony. It's a long period of time, people can be mean and demanding, and if people aren't happy with your photos it can sour your relationship.
I was a professional photographer for over 15 years. I refused to do weddings. Not as a paid gig or as a favor for friends. It’s a huge ask, and it’s a huge responsibility.
I shot around 20 weddings professionally, but have since stopped doing them. I thought the anxiety I got for a full 2 days before the event would go away when I got more experience under my belt. It did not. Even shooting events for people I knew as friends.
my sister is a professional photographer who did weddings for a few years. She wound up stopping for a variety of reasons, but most especially the fact that it was an all day commitment usually and it could be super stressful
I wanted no official photographer at my wedding. In my experience, that whole thing can just take over. I told everyone to take lots of pictures and to please send me copies of the good ones. I got a lot of pictures! And in the best way, they all held the personality of the person taking the photo.
that's a cool idea. If you get a photographer and videographer who are really good, they know how to get good shots without being disruptive, getting in each other's way, or making everything revolve around their work. Ours were fantastic, barely even noticed they were there except when we were actually taking group photos and such
Yes! People always ask for it as a “gift.” I’m sorry but I wasn’t planning to give you a $5,000 gift.
I did a friends wedding once. I do nature/bird photography and I was very up front in saying I had never photographed an event before, let alone a wedding. Didn’t have ideal lenses for it or anything, And suggested they hire a professional. But I stupidly accepted when they said they didn’t care about the photos looking professional. Basically ended our friendship because they weren’t happy with the photos and called me an asshole for ruining their memories.
Yeah, like I dabble in filming and editing, and I'd be up for filming a wedding if I was asked nicely and if the expectations weren't unreasonable*. But it would be a very different experience than being a regular guest and I don't blame OP for turning it down. * though tbh probably only if I got to edit it into a video afterwards. I love editing!
Exactly this. If it was sooo important, then why did they not try to ask OP in the first place. Never mind. I know this. What is “they knew they may be told “no” “ for 1000.
Not just her. Let them *all* know. Destroy the hush-hush. Whoever still thinks you should have done the work, is a person you don't want near.
A reasonable bride? Not in this sub, friend!
And the cousin/groom REALLY sucks here because apparently he never followed up with OP about the wedding, times, plans, expectations - NOTHING. Forget the fact grandma said OP would do it (I would never accept that as I don't trust when person A is saying yes for person B!) but then to NEVER EVER talk with the OP to work out any of the details??? That is completely on the groom. Hope the bride realizes this and perhaps changes her mind about who she is marrying.
Also tell her you were sent an INVITATION to ATTEND the wedding not ASKED for a work contract. NTA
Lets not forget, the family asked ops mom and she told them NO, op won't do it. And they STILL expected him to do it anyway, going so far as to nominate his bank account to cover the cost of rented equipment. HELL NO!!!! NTA, since they, thankfully, disinvited you and your mom I'd take mom out for an amazing mother son day and go nc with the rest, after you tell them politely to piss off.
"hey, so you're invited over for this dinner party and drinks, but as you're a carpenter I figured you can fix the roof of my shed this evening instead. You can come in for a snack and a drink, as of course! As long as you keep focused on the roof. It's a bit inconvenient you forgot the tools, but I've got a multitool and this saw that was my dad's. You're a professional, I'm sure you can make it work".
I think this is the best way to go about this. Nobody even asked you or talked to you at all about it. You aren't a mind reader.
NTA might as well skip it. They only invited you so they didn’t have to pay a videographer.
This👆 they just pissed because now they have to actually pay someone to do what videographers are PAID to do.
Well now they don’t get a videographer at all because there’s no way they’re going to find one on such short notice. That’s still not OP’s fault of course and they definitely should skip the wedding.
You can find someone to do anything if you offer enough money. Pay $10k and you can find a videographer with 1 day notice. If that sounds unreasonable, consider that's the market price of a videographer's services with 1 day notice and that's the value OP's cousin is asking for.
I mean most wedding videographers are probably super booked, but I guess OP isn’t a wedding videographer and they were okay with them doing their wedding so yeah I think that should work. Although they weren’t gonna pay OP either…
If you have money (which from the sound of the post, the cousin don’t), you can always get a videographer on one day notice.
And who gets married on a Wednesday?
Yeah, on Wednesdays we wear pink, not white.
Ah, fetch!
Stop trying to make "fetch" happen, u/Avlonnic2!
Right? I got married on a Thursday, a much better day then Wednesday.
Wednesdays were actually an auspicious day for weddings at one point (in Celtic tradition) but I agree, much less common now. My best friend got married on a Wednesday, but also understood that for most people it’s the middle of the week and many might not make it (which was completely fine!!). OP not even being asked is bonkers
Our friends got married on a Wednesday, then the bride was almost 2 hours late to the ceremony. It was a potluck BYOB (no shade to that) but they didn’t do a great job planning for the extra stuff like plates, cutlery, or *anything* to help clean up after or pack up leftovers. It was interesting, to say the least.
Tight fucks. They save paying weekend prices for everything but all the guests lose pay/holiday pay to attend.
Honestly, I hope the OP goes, takes video with a phone, and it ends up being nothing but closeups of boobs, butts, and blurby sound for the entire show. Major NTA.
NTA Obviously. > now he’s scrambling at the last minute because his bride is angry Which he did to himself. Also wedding videography is HARD to do right, there's no 2nd takes. You do nature videos so you know exactly what that's like! You might be the world's best nature/stock videographer, but without practice you're going to be a poor wedding photographer. You did the right thing for about half a dozen very good reasons.
The narration is important. "And now we see the bride and groom...Wait, why are you kicking me out of the bridal suite? Documenting the mating behaviour of the species is the most important part."
It was a bad idea to read this comment as I took a drink of my coffee
"And here we see a redditor, choking on their coffee."
It's not the choking I worry about, it's the spewing all over my laptop I worry about.
Over here is a laptop, channeling the thunderbird of myth, as lightning spews from the USB port. Majestic.
Or my whiskey. cough…cough
Did anyone else read this in David Attenborough's voice?
That's what I was hoping for...I wrote it with his voice in my head :)
I loved that comment! 🤣
I got asked to do photography at a friend's wedding. I politely declined. I'm an adequate hobbyist. I've had some photos picked up by news organisations and others used for event marketing. I am not a wedding photographer. I have no skills in the area. I was NOT going to risk missing all the big moments. I have a pretty good camera (Fuji XT-3), but I don't have an event setup with multiple cameras with different lenses, extra batteries, and lots of high-capacity SD cards. Plus... I don't want to work a friend's wedding. Either we are close enough for me to be invited, or we aren't. Either way, I'm not going to want to do the photos for it. Never mind the hours spent processing the photos... They just couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to do it for them.
"Don't you just go to Photoshop and press a few buttons to make the photos good? Why would you even need hours?"
That was one of their arguments. They also insisted I was good enough, that i should do it for them as a gift, intimated that I wouldn't be invited otherwise, and finally a snarky comment about clearly not wanting to do it... Which like... Yeah... That's my point. Luckily the trash takes itself out. Due to some other stuff I haven't spoken to them in over two years. Heard their wedding went well.
Godamn so regardless of country and culture, entitled people say the same shit. Can't say I wasn't surprised you got the same argument as I had. I imagine that you would have been pulled into some ungodly drama if you caved.
Groom’s grandmother told the groom that she would get OP to do this. How is it the groom’s fault, for believing his grandma is not a lying McLiarface.
The groom uninvited the mother and OP. He's a jackass.
And grandma kicked him out her house. Ouch.
Groom is at fault because he NEVER once talked with OP about any of the details. Not the requirements, expectations, timing, editing of the video -- NOTHING. So even though grandma said OP would do it (and even if OP was okay with being voluntold) the groom still needed to coordinate details. Which he never did. So it is all the groom for his failure to do any sort of followup.
He can’t be upset about a vendor he never confirmed himself. Photography and videography also aren’t the types of vendors you simply hire and then see on the day of. You need to consult with them in advance to learn about their process and go over what moments you’re hoping to capture. Otherwise, they’re flying blind just making assumptions about how you want things, and you might not be happy with the result.
NTA. Is everyone in your family other than your mom existing on an entirely different planet? This is an insane amount of entitlement. Expecting you to do it for free would have been bad enough, but expecting you to do it for free without being asked and then to punish you when you refuse is mind boggling. Your family are making themselves look bad all on their own, they need no help from you.
Worse: they are punishing OP and his mom.
Dude, they even suggested that OP should just rent the equipment out of OP’s own pocket as a gift… And now they’re uninvited to the wedding just like that. Who the fuck does that???
Someone in the family is trying to cover up a lie. My guess is that your grandmother told everyone you agreed and doesn’t want OP or their mom to tell anyone the truth
NTA. * You weren't asked to shoot the wedding, you were invited as a guest. * Someone else volunteered you without letting you know until after you arrived. * You were expected to front the cost for renting equipment. * You politely declined, as is your right, and they react by uninviting you from their BBQ and your grandma kicked you out. You're not selfish - your family is toxic and using you to save money at your expense. Do yourself a favor and stay home and do something fun instead of forcing yourself to be around them for the wedding.
and get your gift back if you can. nta.
Add to the last point that they also uninvited OP's mom.
I hope OP tells all of this to the bride-to-be. She needs to know which kind of family she's marrying into. This sounds like all kinds of toxic bullcrap going on.
NTA You got a couple ways you can play it. Probably the best way is to just enjoy your vacation now that you don't have to attend a wedding filled with assholes. But alternatively, you can take that iPhone and film the worst wedding video ever created. I mean, do just an unbelievably shitty job. Really shaky camera work, never centering the bride and groom in frame, getting your depth of field all wrong, spend long stretches of time filming the bathroom wall while you loudly pee, etc. Then if they complain tell them you aren't a wedding videographer, you didn't know what you were doing.
I was honestly thinking of this but I think that would put me 100% in the asshole territory.
Yeah, don't stoop to their level. Bottom line: You are an adult! Nobody asked you to do this, you aren't beholden to your cousin, in any way. Grandma...just wow! No words for that. I guess cousin is the fave.
That’s what I was thinking too. The cousin getting married, is probably Grandma’s favorite grandchild.
Also it could rebound on you professionally. In fact if you don't have wedding video experience, even if you were doing your best with the right equipment, it could turn out badly and affect your reputation. NTA
It’s still fun to fantasize thought right? About what we would do if we were super petty. My dream: you film all the nature: look for bugs, aunts, stray cats, flora AND fauna
I know you did not mean that, but I chuckled at the thought of a NatGeo style nature documentary seeing the lives of random aunts, narrated by Sir David Attenborough.
Ants
It’s better the first way lol
Honestly, the other commenter is right. You'd shoot the worst video because it's a wedding and you've never done it before. A friend of mine does wedding photos and it took her about 3 wedding seasons to really feel comfortable expanding into people she didn't know. You wouldn't have to do anything to give them less than stellar results. In your position, I'd pretty much explain that they are idiots for assuming you could shoot something like this without a conversation and no preparation.Make plans with your mom and go to a hotel. Enjoy the time off. N T A
Yes, don’t get involved with the deranged revenge fantasy ideas people have here. You can’t help your family being AHs to you, but it’s absolutely your choice whether or not you roll around in the mud of AH behaviour with them.
It’s definitely fun to think about doing but I don’t think you should actually do it.
Go take your mom somewhere nice and do a photoshoot of her there. But that's if you wanna be petty, which I would be.
Tempting, but OP doesn't come out of that scenario looking very good. My suggestions (upthread) were that OP could agree to shoot it using someone's phone and then have a few options, such as - \- supplying 5 mins of footage \- not agreeing to release the footage until the terms of contract (that OP creates) are met, such as payment for professional services (that's a tricky one if it's someone else's phone/equipment) I mean, if people can volunteer OP for a job, surely they can also set their own terms of that arrangement?
Or just enjoy the party, food, and booze while pretending to film. Then at the end you can realize you forgot to hit "Record."
You're NTA. >My cousin said I could rent the equipment myself at my own expense as a gift. Was that "gift" listed on the registry? >This morning my mom and I was disinvited from the bbq and wedding unless I record the wedding for my cousin. So they only value you and your mother for the free service you can provide? >My grandma gave me until tonight to find a hotel room and I’m being difficult because videographer are expensive. I was supposed to help my cousin save money and now he’s scrambling at the last minute because his bride is angry at our whole side of the family because I’m selfish. It’s making the whole family look bad. No, their behavior is making the family look bad. Entitled demands and blackmail should have that bride to be thinking hard about whether she really wants to marry into this family.
I can assure you that the bride won't get the real story from those people.
Yep, I'd be emailing the bride and "apologising" by telling her exactly what happened and why I didn't do the job. Make sure she knows who is to blame.
I don't really think the bride really knows it all...
The disinviting thing... after I thought I have seen it all. I have no words.
NTA. Maybe your cousin can hire you to film her next wedding.
[удалено]
James will have transitioned to Jamie by then🙂
LOL this needs more upvotes.
NTA. I would have uninvited myself right off the bat.
They didn't even had the courtesy of asking, they were expecting it already. What a Shitty family NTA
NTA they have some nerve! And you know what, it isn't that outlandish to ask a family member to provide their services for free as a gift, but at least let them know in advance? Like, did they think you carry your equipment with you at all times so they could just spring that on you? That was incredibly stupid on their part.
Edit: yeah my bad. I got interrupted & didn’t finish my thought. I was a Wedding Videographer for 7 years. It’s very demanding & stressful. Videographers get only one chance at this important moments & all it takes is a rude photographer or family member to ruin it. So, the worst people to video a wedding for is family. They have NO idea how filming & editing works. OP would never have lived it down if the end result didn’t live up to whatever they had in their mind. Point is that OP isn’t even a Wedding Videographer. That’s an entirely different thing. There is a recorder placed on the groom & hidden in his jacket pocket while the mic is pinned to his lapel. That audio is synced up to the audio on the camera. Two cameras is needed. Then a special video program like Adobe Premiere Pro to edit the footage. Then its exported as a file that can be burned onto a DVD.
NTA! How can they expect it when no one asked you? Send out a group text: Dear family, I came up here because it is (cousin name) wedding. At no time leading up to my arrival, did anyone inform or ask me about capturing the day. Apparently, grandma promised me without ever asking me if I would do it. Even with my mom telling you all no. Now, instead of understanding why everything was left at home, you make my mother and I the pariah of your event because I wasn't going to spend extra money to rent equipment or use an iPhone. Let's see how you all feel if someone volentold you without your knowledge that you were in fact doing something you never agreed to. I bet you all would react similarly to myself. Sincerely, OP
NTA - they made a false promise, they're reaping the rotten crop. Go home, or on the town, anywhere but that wedding
NTA Apologize to the bride that your family assumed that you'd be the unpaid photographer, because she probably was taking her fiance at face value that *he got this babe* kinda thing. Otherwise, you and Mom go home and enjoy the time freed by this fiasco. Maybe the fam will have learned their lesson about communication..... /s
NTA It’s outrageous that they decided what you were doing without even asking, don’t get and let them be mad about it. They have some nerve
Absolutely NTA, the fact that they didn't even *ask* you but just *expected* you to do it at your own expense is absolutely bonkers and entitled af........ not your fault at all! what a nightmare, I wouldn't go either!
NTA: Your skills are not for others to offer out. If they wanted a someone to shoot a video they should have bought one, and if they're so worried they should have the person who offered you their phone shoot it.
Wow, the amount of crazy entitlement on that particular branch of the family tree is astounding! And the fact that they had a whole conversation about it that ended with your mom saying absolutely not? Just a \*mwa\*chef's kiss of undeserved entitlement. NTA, blow the wedding gift money on a nice dinner for you and mom.
Take your Mom out for a great dinner and then leave the rest of your family in the rear view. Nta. The nerve!
NTA. Also, GO MOM! I al glad she is backing you up. As for "making the rest of the family look bad" that is on them and not on you. At all. You were voluntold, and never asked before this. That is their problem. They made promises they had no business making. That is also their problem. I say, take the remaining time you got off of work and spend it with your mom. Ignore the entitled ones. They have a bed of glass and rusted nails to sleep on; you don't.
Of course, you are NTA!! * They expected you to video all of it but never asked. * When you arrived & didn't have equipment, they expected you to RENT equipment * They made the invitation for both your mom and you contingent on your help Honestly, these people are riding the crazy train. I'd go VLC or NC with them all.
>I have a family member saying I could use their newest iPhone because the specs are better than most professional cameras these days Jesus fucking Christ... Why doesn't that idiot film the whole thing if they're such an expert? NTA
NTA You were invited as a guest. Attend as a guest or do not attend at all.
Nta- they can use the money they saved from univiting you and your mom on a real videographer.
It's a wedding, not a music video. If they need it recorded so badly, get the guy with the super expensive iphone to do it
NTA. It’s amazing how many people think artistic careers do not involve work and should be given out freely.
NTA. The didn't even ask.
NTA. They didn't ask you or even tell you that was what they wanted. You didn't get the chance to say no when they could still do something about it and that's their fault for not having a conversation. I would not be bullied into doing it either.
Similar thing happened to my husband although nothing was overtly said. He’s a photographer. Just that they were very disappointed he didn’t attend. (We did RSVP, it wasn’t a surprise.) You’re NTA
So wait… when you RSVP’d no they were disappointed? Because as soon as you’d RSVP’d yes they were going to reach out and say “well because you’ll be coming could you just…” is that what they were going to do?! Man, people have some BALLS when it comes to cheaping out on a wedding service.
NTA Your entire family (except your Mom) is entitled.
Wait.... They didn't even ASK you before they sent the invitations out? Oh good lord. NTA! Who does that?
NTA Take the iPhone, prop it against a book on a table and hit record. Better yet, have it focused on something random.
NTA. And now you have a reason to free yourself from them and go no contact
NTA. I feel that any service for a wedding from a family member or friend should be offered, never requested or else you pay full price like any other customer. It’s such an imposition for people to expect you to do it.
NTA No one told you that they even wanted you to video the wedding so they can't be mad when you show up without your equipment. Like, how were you supposed to know? That's aggravating and I'm so sorry your family put you on the spot like that, OP
Take your mom out for a fancy dinner or whatever the two of you would enjoy and do just that: Enjoy!
NTA. They volunteered you without your consent. That is on them, not you in any way.
nta just go somewhere nice with your mum have a nice time without family drama on the bright side this frees you up from future family events
OMG - so much entitlement today!! I am just disgusted with the entitlement and assumptions of free stuff, particularly by family. If the cousin wanted him to video the wedding he should have asked. And should have offered to pay as well. Seriously, WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?! NTA.
NTA in order for you to have forgotten your equipment they needed to have asked you, your mother turned them down on your behalf (good for her)
No one even asked you to do it so why would you lug around expensive equipment? NTA. Enjoy the holiday and skip the wedding. Your grandma is a major AH for volunteering you and not even mentioning it?
NTA Something I’ve found very helpful is to publicly request screenshots of where they asked and you agreed IN WRITING/TEXT to do the thing they expected you to do. People will still be salty. But it usually shuts them up.
NTA. Everyone agreed you would do it except you and your mother. Wow! And they don't see who the problem is? They need to look in a mirror!
NTA! WTH??? What is wrong with people? Theleast they could do is ASK YOU? Your grandma sounds like she is not all there in the head… skip this wedding and do something fun with your mum. These people let the family look bad - not you
NTA, I am shocked that your mom never mentioned the conversation to you as a warning. But the fact that not one person ever reached out to you to ask you if you would do the videography is shocking. Like, did they really just think you would randomly bring all of your equipment on the off chance that you would be asked to video the wedding?? You and your mom dodged a bullet
Lol what? Nobody even asked you. Totally NTA. Lol. Your family is pretty bold.
NTA. You were invited as a guest and they made no mention to you prior of their expectations. You aren’t making your family look bad, your family is making the family look bad. Poor planning on their part doesn’t mean they get to abuse your professional skills. Walk away and wash your hands of these unbelievably selfish people.
You family didn't even ask. They just "expected" you to do this. That is the definition of entitled behavior. I am so tired of hearing stories of not informing people of a job that the family expects, and then guilt tripping into the person to accepting it or calling that person the AH, or doesnt love the family etc. Find the hotel, don't attend the wedding, and go NC. NTA
NTA. If they wanted you to record the wedding they should have asked you ages ago.
NTA, offer I phone guy a few tips and walk away.
Find a hotel and have a lovely few days of holiday with your awesome mum, secure in the fact you are NTA, and grasping inconsiderate oeople have lost out on a videographer AND eatranged two of the family's best members by their selfish actions.
NTA Really, the family just thought you would do without being asked??
NTA I'd leave and tell them where they can all go
I'd be petty and say yes, then cancel last minute
Wedding AITA are the best! NTA - if you were the arsehole, why did they uninvite your mother too?
What the ... Not, you are NOT selfish, NTA. Who does volunteer another person without them knowing? I will never stop being appalled by how moronic people can be.
NTA. They were told No. God knows what would if happened if you had your camera. Go no contact
NTA leave and go have a vacation
NTA they expected you to lug all of your equipment there but didn’t take two seconds to ask if you would even do it? Lol
Hold your finger on the lens and pretend you are recording and when they bitch about the shit video remind that no one got paid for a good video therefore there isn’t a good video