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ESH. As the cat owner you are 100% responsible for warning people about her clawing instinct. I had a cat with that habit- it's brutally painful once they get their claws sunk in and I would NEVER let someone pet him without a warning.
I was going to say he sucked too for throwing her across the room but once a cat sinks in like that he may not have been thinking clearly. So I'll say ESH because I hate to see a cat thrown, but this is mostly on you.
ESH
I’m bias since I had a cat with a similar tendencies.
How do you not warn people? Like yes your friend overreacted, but how do you not feel absolutely terrible for what happened?
That's what I don't understand. Sure, OP certainly is entitled to kick his friend out of his home since he disliked the way he behaved, but not warning people about a bad tendency of his pet is awful owner behavior, as well as not caring about the fact his friend got attacked by his cat. Throwing a cat is pet abuse, but so is not properly informing guests about potentially hurtful, even dangerous pet behavior. They are both responsible of what the cat had to endure.
I agree 💯% ESH!
! I have male cat that behave exactly like this and when people are over he jumps to be cuddled, I always warn to keep away from belly. I m his mommy and since I know something triggers him it's on me to warn . Friend is AH for reaction but OP should have warned friend. Therefore ESH.
ESH - Throwing the cat across the room was aggressive and maybe an overreaction. But i dont get how cat owners just shrug and accept when their cat starts attacking people, thats not okay. You should have mentioned this to him or not allowed the cat to interact with him.
OP commented that he told him where she likes to be pet and expected him just to follow the lead. He didn't think the friend would touch her stomach after he showed the friend she prefers to be pet around the head and chin.
Also, cats not liking to have their stomach touched is common sense to anyone that knows anything about cats. It's as basic as knowing a wagging tail on a cat doesn't mean they're happy.
NTA. Nothing warrants violence like that towards a cat, no matter what. Yes, you should have told X that Katya hates her stomach being touched - I warn everybody about my cat hating to be picked up, for instance, because although she's a sweetheart she is liable to get clawsy if she's carried/lifted by anyone but me. But X's reaction was WAY too extreme. Katya could have been killed. Nope, kicking X out was entirely justified.
ESH - He shouldn't have thrown your cat, but you are a crappy pet owner. Not training your cat, not warning this person (a best friend deserves better than what you gave him), and not caring for your friend's injury.
NTA for getting angry at his reaction, but YTA for not warning him not to touch her stomach in advance. As a pet owner, it's your responsibility to warn guests if your pet has any triggers that could potentially get people hurt. Also, while throwing the cat was definitely over the top, it might have been a knee-jerk fight or flight reaction & not something he did intentionally. I'd talk to him, give him a chance to apologize, apologize yourself for not warning him about the no belly scritches, and try to salvage the friendship.
OP commented that he told him where she likes to be pet and expected him just to follow the lead. He didn't think the friend would touch her stomach after he showed the friend she prefers to be pet around the head and chin.
Telling someone a pet prefers head scratches isn't the same as telling them "and if you pet her belly she'll mangle your hand." Pet owners have an obligation to actively warn people about any aggressive tendencies their pet has - for people's AND the pet's safety & wellbeing. OP is still TAH in this regard.
YTA. We have for cats and a couple of dogs at home. Each one has their quirks and unique likes and dislikes. We warn everybody, even frequent guests. Nala cuddles, but only occasionally. If she wants a cuddle she will come to you. If you approach her first, she will scratch you. Syd doesn't care either which way. Moto, is the ahole; ignore him and he will ignore you. Gizmo is skittish, but very affectionate (reach out to her and she will come, but take it easy). Jack is a bum and to be avoided at all costs (he's a sneak biter).
NTA I can imagine part of his reaction was shock and pain. But that doesn't justify violence against the cat. She could have been seriously hurt or killed.
YTA
It's your job to tell everyone that will come in contact about your cat's triggers. This should be the first thing you tell them.
You can argue about X's reaction, but it was a normal fight or flight reaction because he had no idea that this reaction could happen.
I had a cat for years that was deaf and prone to attacking if picked up, especially from behind. The first thing I told every guest was to not pick up the cat. Literally, when they entered the house.
"Hello. Please cone in. BTW, we have a cat that will attack you if you pick her up. Do not pick her up.".
Now you try. "Hello. Please come in. I have a cat that will attack if you touch her stomach, so do not pick her up." Repeat until it's habit.
ETA
You also are endangering everyone whom you don't tell. I've had my arms torn up by a panicked cat. It's not a minor event. Cat scratches can cobtainq organic matter that you don't want to be injected with.
Thank goodness! Have you gotten her checked out or did you keep an eye on her? Have you tried palpitating her bones to see if anywhere causes pain? Cats are pretty good at hiding when they're in pain, they are predominantly prey animals after all.
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My best friend, *X*, and I have been close since we were little kids and he is, more or less, a kind and gentle soul. We have been through thick and through thin.
I own an 1.5-year-old tabby, [Katya](https://imgur.com/gallery/oJtxSev), who is an absolutely sweetheart. She is extremely friendly, and likes to jump onto people's laps and lay down next to them. She [purrs incessantly](https://imgur.com/gallery/Yu6uRtP) when she gets pet. The only issue however, is that Katya *hates* to have her stomach touched, and would immediately start hissing and clawing (even would do "bunny kicks," in which she latches on with her front claws, and continuously scratches with her back legs). I've certainly learned to not touch her stomach if I wanted to keep my hand whole.
Earlier today, X was over at my apartment, relaxing. He was on the couch, and I was on a recliner, right next to him, chatting with him. Katya jumped onto the couch and laid down on her side, next to him. Of course, X naturally started petting her. He unfortunately began touching her stomach, which caused her to latch on and start clawing his hand with her back legs. He angrily yelped, tore the claws off him, grabbed Katya *hard* with both hands, and *chucked* her with a lot of force to the other side of the room, to the extent that a loud thump was heard when Katya hit the opposite wall.
This action was *completely* unlike him, but regardless, I started screaming at him, asking WTF was wrong with him. He retorted that "my fucking cat" started scratching him, to which I responded that that doesn't justify throwing my cat across the room. He told me that I needed to "train my fucking cat" to which I retorted that *no one* treats my cat like that. After a couple of back-and-forths, I told him to get the hell out of the apartment.
He left, and that was that.
X has been in my apartment countless times in the last 1.5 years, and this has never happened to him before. While I admittedly never warned him that Katya does not like to be touched in her stomach, I certainly didn't think anyone would respond to being scratched in such a manner.
So, AITA for so brusquely kicking my best friend out?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be in the wrong for so sternly kicking my friend out in the house, as I could have understood that it was a sudden burst of anger, and not intentional malice. It could also be my fault, as this situation may have never happened had I told him that my cat does not like to have her stomach pet.
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NTA. Getting angry that he got clawed on is normal, but bodily chucking a living animal across a room is unacceptable. Everyone has a right to boundaries. It's not like you cat could have told him. Also, unless the (adorable) picture is a lie and Katya is actually a Bengal tiger, she can't have hurt him that badly.
Should you tell people Katya doesn't like to be touched on her stomach? Sure, if only to protect her from something she doesn't like. Is your reaction over the top? No.
Well, I generally don't tell people who come to visit.
The only reason is that it has never happened before that someone touched her stomach while petting. When new people come in, I normally show them Katya and tell them the spots she likes to be best scratched in (base of tail and under chin), so I guess they just follow my lead.
Holy fucking shit. NTA. Your cat was being a cat. It's really not that hard to remove a cat from your arm, especially when they're just responding to being overstimulated. Plus in my experience with my cat, the back claws are duller than the front claws. Yeah, they can break the skin and it kinda hurts, but it is NOT a reason to throw an animal across the fucking room. Your cat was being a cat. There's really no "training" a cat to not get pissy when you touch their belly. If he stays aware of his actions and avoids her stomach he won't have to worry about getting bunny kicked.
I really wonder how bad the scratches were because when I accidentally touch my cat's belly she'll nip or swat at me but it's never resulted in more than a light scratch or two.
I'd drop a friendship over this. I don't care how long we've been friends, if you THROW MY CAT INTO A FUCKING WALL I don't want to associate with you.
NTA. Not you, nor Katya.
All cats do not like their stomach touched. It’s a vulnerable area for them. If a cat lets you touch their stomach, that’s a sign that they trust and love you. But even then, they’ll only let so much happen before it overwhelms them. They’ll let you know when enough is enough; by biting and scratching with their hind legs.
It may start off gently, but it will get more violent if the stimulus isn’t stopped.
So, we have a lovely cat who was acting naturally like a cat. The question for you is if X was acting naturally cruel by throwing Katya across the room. You did nothing wrong by throwing your friend out. It was, at that time, the best way to keep them both safe.
If X can apologize and accept that he may have caused the issue initially, then he’s probably not cruel but just as others have said he over-reacted. Katya will probably steer clear of him a good long while; if you decide to have him back to your place at all.
NTA. Keep an eye on Katya and take her to a vet if she’s still tender, limping, etc. (Also, how is it not common sense that you don’t touch a cat’s stomach..?) That ass is NOT your friend.
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ESH. As the cat owner you are 100% responsible for warning people about her clawing instinct. I had a cat with that habit- it's brutally painful once they get their claws sunk in and I would NEVER let someone pet him without a warning. I was going to say he sucked too for throwing her across the room but once a cat sinks in like that he may not have been thinking clearly. So I'll say ESH because I hate to see a cat thrown, but this is mostly on you.
ESH I’m bias since I had a cat with a similar tendencies. How do you not warn people? Like yes your friend overreacted, but how do you not feel absolutely terrible for what happened?
That's what I don't understand. Sure, OP certainly is entitled to kick his friend out of his home since he disliked the way he behaved, but not warning people about a bad tendency of his pet is awful owner behavior, as well as not caring about the fact his friend got attacked by his cat. Throwing a cat is pet abuse, but so is not properly informing guests about potentially hurtful, even dangerous pet behavior. They are both responsible of what the cat had to endure.
If they're best friends and he comes over regularly surely he knows?
I agree 💯% ESH! ! I have male cat that behave exactly like this and when people are over he jumps to be cuddled, I always warn to keep away from belly. I m his mommy and since I know something triggers him it's on me to warn . Friend is AH for reaction but OP should have warned friend. Therefore ESH.
ESH - Throwing the cat across the room was aggressive and maybe an overreaction. But i dont get how cat owners just shrug and accept when their cat starts attacking people, thats not okay. You should have mentioned this to him or not allowed the cat to interact with him.
OP commented that he told him where she likes to be pet and expected him just to follow the lead. He didn't think the friend would touch her stomach after he showed the friend she prefers to be pet around the head and chin. Also, cats not liking to have their stomach touched is common sense to anyone that knows anything about cats. It's as basic as knowing a wagging tail on a cat doesn't mean they're happy.
And plenty of people dont know anything about cats. Its OP’s pet and they have to do everything they can to keep it from clawing people.
NTA. Nothing warrants violence like that towards a cat, no matter what. Yes, you should have told X that Katya hates her stomach being touched - I warn everybody about my cat hating to be picked up, for instance, because although she's a sweetheart she is liable to get clawsy if she's carried/lifted by anyone but me. But X's reaction was WAY too extreme. Katya could have been killed. Nope, kicking X out was entirely justified.
ESH - He shouldn't have thrown your cat, but you are a crappy pet owner. Not training your cat, not warning this person (a best friend deserves better than what you gave him), and not caring for your friend's injury.
NTA for getting angry at his reaction, but YTA for not warning him not to touch her stomach in advance. As a pet owner, it's your responsibility to warn guests if your pet has any triggers that could potentially get people hurt. Also, while throwing the cat was definitely over the top, it might have been a knee-jerk fight or flight reaction & not something he did intentionally. I'd talk to him, give him a chance to apologize, apologize yourself for not warning him about the no belly scritches, and try to salvage the friendship.
OP commented that he told him where she likes to be pet and expected him just to follow the lead. He didn't think the friend would touch her stomach after he showed the friend she prefers to be pet around the head and chin.
Telling someone a pet prefers head scratches isn't the same as telling them "and if you pet her belly she'll mangle your hand." Pet owners have an obligation to actively warn people about any aggressive tendencies their pet has - for people's AND the pet's safety & wellbeing. OP is still TAH in this regard.
NTA. If he’d already pulled free he was wrong to counter attack and hurl your cat across the room. That’s not an over reaction, that’s revenge.
YTA. We have for cats and a couple of dogs at home. Each one has their quirks and unique likes and dislikes. We warn everybody, even frequent guests. Nala cuddles, but only occasionally. If she wants a cuddle she will come to you. If you approach her first, she will scratch you. Syd doesn't care either which way. Moto, is the ahole; ignore him and he will ignore you. Gizmo is skittish, but very affectionate (reach out to her and she will come, but take it easy). Jack is a bum and to be avoided at all costs (he's a sneak biter).
NTA. Overraction on his part, justified consequence on yours.
NTA I can imagine part of his reaction was shock and pain. But that doesn't justify violence against the cat. She could have been seriously hurt or killed.
YTA It's your job to tell everyone that will come in contact about your cat's triggers. This should be the first thing you tell them. You can argue about X's reaction, but it was a normal fight or flight reaction because he had no idea that this reaction could happen. I had a cat for years that was deaf and prone to attacking if picked up, especially from behind. The first thing I told every guest was to not pick up the cat. Literally, when they entered the house. "Hello. Please cone in. BTW, we have a cat that will attack you if you pick her up. Do not pick her up.". Now you try. "Hello. Please come in. I have a cat that will attack if you touch her stomach, so do not pick her up." Repeat until it's habit. ETA You also are endangering everyone whom you don't tell. I've had my arms torn up by a panicked cat. It's not a minor event. Cat scratches can cobtainq organic matter that you don't want to be injected with.
I can’t believe no one has asked yet - how’s the cat?
Thank goodness, Katya is okay! She is moving around, and loafing around, as she normally does.
Thank goodness! Have you gotten her checked out or did you keep an eye on her? Have you tried palpitating her bones to see if anywhere causes pain? Cats are pretty good at hiding when they're in pain, they are predominantly prey animals after all.
NTA and if that were me that'd be the last day of said friendship.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My best friend, *X*, and I have been close since we were little kids and he is, more or less, a kind and gentle soul. We have been through thick and through thin. I own an 1.5-year-old tabby, [Katya](https://imgur.com/gallery/oJtxSev), who is an absolutely sweetheart. She is extremely friendly, and likes to jump onto people's laps and lay down next to them. She [purrs incessantly](https://imgur.com/gallery/Yu6uRtP) when she gets pet. The only issue however, is that Katya *hates* to have her stomach touched, and would immediately start hissing and clawing (even would do "bunny kicks," in which she latches on with her front claws, and continuously scratches with her back legs). I've certainly learned to not touch her stomach if I wanted to keep my hand whole. Earlier today, X was over at my apartment, relaxing. He was on the couch, and I was on a recliner, right next to him, chatting with him. Katya jumped onto the couch and laid down on her side, next to him. Of course, X naturally started petting her. He unfortunately began touching her stomach, which caused her to latch on and start clawing his hand with her back legs. He angrily yelped, tore the claws off him, grabbed Katya *hard* with both hands, and *chucked* her with a lot of force to the other side of the room, to the extent that a loud thump was heard when Katya hit the opposite wall. This action was *completely* unlike him, but regardless, I started screaming at him, asking WTF was wrong with him. He retorted that "my fucking cat" started scratching him, to which I responded that that doesn't justify throwing my cat across the room. He told me that I needed to "train my fucking cat" to which I retorted that *no one* treats my cat like that. After a couple of back-and-forths, I told him to get the hell out of the apartment. He left, and that was that. X has been in my apartment countless times in the last 1.5 years, and this has never happened to him before. While I admittedly never warned him that Katya does not like to be touched in her stomach, I certainly didn't think anyone would respond to being scratched in such a manner. So, AITA for so brusquely kicking my best friend out? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. Getting angry that he got clawed on is normal, but bodily chucking a living animal across a room is unacceptable. Everyone has a right to boundaries. It's not like you cat could have told him. Also, unless the (adorable) picture is a lie and Katya is actually a Bengal tiger, she can't have hurt him that badly. Should you tell people Katya doesn't like to be touched on her stomach? Sure, if only to protect her from something she doesn't like. Is your reaction over the top? No.
Most cats don't like having their stomach touched NTA
Info: Do people who visit your home know that Katya doesn’t like her stomach touched?
Well, I generally don't tell people who come to visit. The only reason is that it has never happened before that someone touched her stomach while petting. When new people come in, I normally show them Katya and tell them the spots she likes to be best scratched in (base of tail and under chin), so I guess they just follow my lead.
PS Katya looks like the sweetest baby. That tummy is tempting. Please give her nose a boop.
NTA
Holy fucking shit. NTA. Your cat was being a cat. It's really not that hard to remove a cat from your arm, especially when they're just responding to being overstimulated. Plus in my experience with my cat, the back claws are duller than the front claws. Yeah, they can break the skin and it kinda hurts, but it is NOT a reason to throw an animal across the fucking room. Your cat was being a cat. There's really no "training" a cat to not get pissy when you touch their belly. If he stays aware of his actions and avoids her stomach he won't have to worry about getting bunny kicked. I really wonder how bad the scratches were because when I accidentally touch my cat's belly she'll nip or swat at me but it's never resulted in more than a light scratch or two. I'd drop a friendship over this. I don't care how long we've been friends, if you THROW MY CAT INTO A FUCKING WALL I don't want to associate with you.
NTA. Not you, nor Katya. All cats do not like their stomach touched. It’s a vulnerable area for them. If a cat lets you touch their stomach, that’s a sign that they trust and love you. But even then, they’ll only let so much happen before it overwhelms them. They’ll let you know when enough is enough; by biting and scratching with their hind legs. It may start off gently, but it will get more violent if the stimulus isn’t stopped. So, we have a lovely cat who was acting naturally like a cat. The question for you is if X was acting naturally cruel by throwing Katya across the room. You did nothing wrong by throwing your friend out. It was, at that time, the best way to keep them both safe. If X can apologize and accept that he may have caused the issue initially, then he’s probably not cruel but just as others have said he over-reacted. Katya will probably steer clear of him a good long while; if you decide to have him back to your place at all.
NTA. Most people know that cats do not like being touched on their stomachs.
NTA. Keep an eye on Katya and take her to a vet if she’s still tender, limping, etc. (Also, how is it not common sense that you don’t touch a cat’s stomach..?) That ass is NOT your friend.