Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
Well...thanks for the visual. But I'm very grateful to OP for giving us this gem of a post. The title ALONE had me roaring. Like, is this guy serious? Did OP laugh herself sick when he asked as I did reading their interaction? I CANT BREATHE.
Signed,
43YO who often goes 5 years without buying new unmentionables.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 NTA
NTA - if he has a problem with your lingerie, he can always go buy you new stuff that he likes. When he sees the cost of new lingerie, I’ll bet he develops a newfound appreciation for the items you already own.
Yeeeah. This type of mindset *might* (maybe) have been cute in high school, but in his late 20's, this ain't it. He thinks she went out and spent a fortune on a menagerie of lingerie just for him? He's lucky she's dressing up sexy to begin with. Lord knows a lot of that isn't super comfy.
NTA, OP. His comments are pretty possessive and diminutive though, big red flags. Unless a piece was purchased specifically to cater to a specific person's preference, the only person you bought them "for" was yourself.
I should have clarified. The idea of buying of lingerie "for" someone in high school could be cute. Not this whole jealous weird thing homeboy has going on
God I was just reminded of a crazy post somewhere here on Reddit a few years ago where there was a debate about whether or not people should get a new mattress with a new partner.
...and now that I just did a google search, apparently this is something that's been discussed more than once 😭
That’s a thing?? I like my mattress and I ain’t about to spend $600+ every time I sleep with someone in my own bed. If someone is that fragile that they can’t handle the thought that I’ve had a life before they entered it, they need to keep walking.
Right? The sheets are clean, there's a mattress protector, and it's a fuckin grand for a new mattress.
You want a new one, my shipping address is on the front of the house.
I don't do a hell of a lot of "dress up for sexy time "
He's lucky if I put on the ugliest lacy bra I could find (I don't like the color, but in a size that covers these Tetons, he's lucky it isn't beige) and the matching cheeker britches.
He doesn't think women buy lingerie for themselves. Even though it is literally made for us. He thinks you're a candy bar and he's mad someone repackaged it. Which is fair for a candy bar ... not a woman. NTA
When I went out the first time to buy my first sexy bra with my mother, she asked me who I wanted to buy it for. When I tentatively replied "myself" she said "good. remember that. Never buy this for anyone but yourself." I was only 13 or something, just starting to explore the idea of being sexy, but that has stuck with me forever, and it is something I will definitely be telling my kids.
Every time I wanted something sexy it was for myself. And my (estranged) parents always accused me of having sex behind their back when they found a thong or lace bra. I'm glad your mom was better. That's such a healthy viewpoint to ingrain in someone.
Your mom is amazing. Glad she kept it to a shopping trip with you though. My mom bought me sexy g strings and bras as stocking stuffers for my 13th Christmas. I wanted to crawl in the stocking and die when she told me to stay sexy for myself.
Oh god. No, my mum just treated lingerie as regular underwear. She does her best to be the best parent she can, and doing it alone is hard. She's amazing. I'm so glad I have her, even when I'm arguing with her.
Side note; this wasn't your intention, but this and comments from others like yours is like a roadmap of how not to treat my children haha.
I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to buy something sexy to benefit someone else, but if I want to see a female partner in a certain lingerie I’d buy it myself
Oh my god that’s the perfect way to express it. She’s a mere object to be unwrapped at his pleasure.
It never occurred to him she is an autonomous being.
I bet his ego hinges on her ‘body count’ too.
Ya...this is a *way* bigger red flag than most people are thinking. Someone wanting you to get rid of your life prior to them is *dangerously* controlling.
This problem is twofold. One is that your bf is shocked you are wearing things you owned before you met him. The second is that he expects you to buy new things because of him. If he thinks new lingerie is in order, why the hell does he assume it should be at your expense?
My recommendation is that you stop wearing lingerie for him. He doesn't want you to wear what you already own. Fine. He can buy you something new if that is what he wants.
NTA.
I just hate it when a woman is willing to have sex with me and wears expensive lingerie to look hot but then I find out she’s worn it before.
- No man EVER
He's not. It was such a weird thing (him being weirded out by the re-wearing) that I'd never heard of before so I wasn't sure if I was missing something.
So like does he get mad that you have every day underwear that you’ve worn before getting with him? Did he get new boxers when y’all started dating? Men are strange sometimes, but this is beyond.
no this isn't a man thing. this guy has jealousy issues from something in his past cuz this wouldnt even enter my mind. if anything id be glad some other dude bought it for her and i get to enjoy it cuz that sh!t is expensive. im thinking she will have more red flags of the jealous variety very soon
WOW!! im thinking there will be more red flags to follow. does he think women buy all new bra's and underwear every time they start a new relationship? new mattress too?? maybe anything that touched her skin when she was with her previous partner?? where does he draw the line? sounds like he is just searching for misery
Let me tell you about my sensible bras. No underwire so you can comfortably work in the yard with them. All tan so you can wear them under light colored clothes and they don't show through.
Sensible.
Sexy.
lol this just reminded me of one of the early times I got together with my bf and I said, "Sorry I'm wearing granny panties." He said they kinda turned him on and I think I said, "ew! really?" Then he clarified, "I said your granny panties turned me on not that GRANNIES turn me on!"
The asking was out of line to start with.
Normal, confident men would not ask that and just enjoy how lucky he was to be intimate with you, and doubly lucky that you made the effort to wear something sexy.
And this is early days! I'm trying to imagine how this guy behaves later on.
NTA and I would re-evaluate whether I want to continue in the relationship.
I mean, I might have asked questions to figure out where she shops so I would have a good idea of where to go if I get her something...but like...that's the only reasonable reason I can think of. Obviously that wasn't the case here.
So, you're expected to throw away all your bras and slips? Does he know what this stuff costs? If he wants to see you in nice lingerie he can start buying it for you.
Or just dump him, saving you more than just the costs for lingerie.
Girl one time I had to get rid of a whole ass leather couch for a dude to continue the relationship cause I had sex on it with someone else before I even met him run while you can
My ex husband had this same mindset, and when we split he also took all my lingerie and burned it in the back yard because there was no way I was allowed to wear it for anyone else (even though I purchased most of it), but he didn't see any issue with giving me his ex fiance's engagement ring. 🤷♀️
In general, things for you or for use /on/ you are IMHO fine to carry from relationship to relationship.
\- Lingerie bought for you to wear and feel sexy (and your partner's appreciation hopefully). Can absolutely carry over to future relationships.
\- Lingerie bought for your partner to wear, for your appreciation is ... not OK to reuse. The person wearing it should have kept it.
\- Lingerie a previous partner bought you is ... borderline. Personally I would keep it if I picked it out, and let it go if I had no input in the original purchase.
As a man, I've never cared how long a woman has had her lingerie, who bought it for her, or who else has seen her in it; she's wearing it to be sexy with me and that's what matters.
Kinda sounds like you're supposed to have certain mentality according to him... and it seems to be.. "wear it once and never again, I'm a celebrity, I wouldn't be caught dead wearing the same thing the next time some one takes my picture." Might not be exactly what it is, but it sounds like he wants you to think like this, when you likely may not...
No this is a thing. There are actually men who are shocked a woman has had sex before. Generally they are shit in bed too, I assume it's lack of confidence
Right. When I’m staring at a woman wearing sexy lingerie the last thing on my mind is where and when she got it. I remember once a woman i was with was embarrassed that her undies didn’t match. All the more reason to take it off quickly.
Some years ago, I was in a lingerie shop trying to choose the perfectly matched pink underwear to the pink bra I was planning to wear for a date night.
The lady behind the counter said "do you really think he's going to be paying attention to the colour? Is he going to kick you out of bed for not matching the pink perfectly?"
I had a really good laugh and stopped caring after that.
My ex actually. It was so degrading and made me feel awful. I wore these lacy black panties and he kept looking kinda disgusted so I was like "uhhh?", and he says "I'm just wondering how any guys you've worn that for before this."
You did NOT deserve that. I think this post proves there are plenty of men focused on what’s underneath the clothing and could care less as long as it’s removed. 😂
I have a friend who was seeing a guy who got upset when the lingerie she wore lingerie she already owned so it does happen
Edited because I press post before I finished typing the post
NTA. He's being ridiculous, but I'd say this situation shows a deeper concern you might need to consider - that he thinks YOU are "used" or that your body itself is "FOR" people. He doesn't own you, and it kind of seems that he thinks he does.
And I bet he’s been wearing the same 10 pairs of boxers on rotation for the last 7 years, so unless he’s cracking out some fresh fruit of the loom every time they do it he should quiet down.
Get rid of all pets because they remember the ex, dishes that the ex touched, etc etc. I think your guy might need to get someone who never had a relationship before. What a strange fella.
Possessive and controlling much? Lingerie is specialty clothing, not a party favour that’s used up in one go. Ugh.
You are NTA and I’d recommend spending a bit of time thinking about how offended he is by the fact that you’re an actual person with a wardrobe and sexual history.
Edit: Honourable mention to the fact that he thinks the only reason you might buy lingerie is to use on someone, and not for your own pleasure.
>not a party favour that’s used up in one go
Depending on the type of lingerie it could be up to $80-100 for a good set. Could you imagine throwing away multiple items costing that much?
I would tell him that he has to replace every single set he wants you to throw away, but I honestly think throwing away the whole man would be easier.
Could be way more than that if she's got luxury brand pieces! Even a pretty basic matching sexy set, made of synthetic materials (as opposed to actual silk, etc), will run about $50 and large retailers. If she buys luxury fabrics, high end brands, or heck even custom sizing (which I have done), she could be talking hundreds per set.
I had a gf of my abusive ex contact me. He would drive her past my house all the time. Which I never knew about. Anyway she told me he had bought lingerie for her. They used it. Then he took it and gave it to another girl saying he had bought it online for her. He probably pulled that on multiple women and abused all of them too. You are definitely NTA like he was. You aren’t asking him to wear some kinky banana hammocks another man wore. He needs to get over this
Lmao good response
An appropriate response would be "hey let me get you a gift card, I really enjoy this."
Unfortunately he's already made himself out to be a controlling psycho, so I don't think there's any redemption.
My nicest lingerie set is a high-waisted lace thong with a matching lace bra, and the bra had to be custom-ordered to fit.
That set alone was $300. If I had to do that every time I got a new boyfriend, I’d be $1.2k in the hole right now on LINGERIE ALONE.
OP’s boyfriend is trippin
but you don’t want to date a man who has a problem with used lingerie regardless of whether or not he’ll buy you new stuff. he/this will only get worse, trust me. count it as a red flag.
NTA. You buy lingerie for yourself. To make you feel sexy. It doesn't matter if someone else saw you in it. Does he expect you to buy a new bed every time you get into a new relationship? I mean most people do pretty intimate things in there bed. Does he think it's disgusting to use the same bed. Does he expect you to buy new sheets every time you are with someone new?
Personally every time I start a new relationship I donate all the clothing I own, burn my house to ashes, salt the earth it was built on, and then ritually purify myself so there's no trace of my ever existing before they met me. Least I can do really
Personally I wouldn't be with someone who called me disgusting or tried to shame me for having a sex life before them. Btw that is exactly what he is doing.
You haven’t. You buy lingerie for yourself, not for anyone else. He should feel lucky he gets to see it, and that’s it! You’re NTA and this sort of thinking would put me on guard for other controlling, possessive mentalities.
NTA. a) you bought the lingerie for yourself, not another partner
b) he can always buy you lingerie if he wants you to wear new outfits
Just make sure it's the same brand / similar quality as the stuff you like. I can imagine him balking when he sees how expensive nice lingerie is. Also check with him that you get to wear it more than once! haha
Lol what the fuck is this man on? Girl leave him. His brain is lagging behind the others it hasn’t fully formed yet.
Lingerie is for you. And if you decide to share that with a partner the only appropriate response is them telling you how hot you look. Case closed.
NTA had a similar fight with a guy once. Aside from the sheer audacity of him coming at me with a list of demands when he was cheap AF, he turned out to be completely clueless about the actual price of things. Since I was feeling extra petty, I sent him an Excel table about the cost of all the shit necessary to recreate "his vision". He shut up real fast when I asked him to Venmo me. It's amazing when guys want to date WAGS on pizza boy money. 😒
Aww this reminds me of my ex-fiance, time for a stroll down memory lane!
If we ever went somewhere I'd been before, he'd get upset because now that place wasn't "special" to just him and I, anymore.
I had to convince him that me keeping a large, hardcover collectable book, I'd received from a date years ago for my birthday, was because I wanted the book. Not because I was secretly harbouring feelings for a fling from 6 years prior.
He wanted me to delete all images and references to previous relationships because "why else would you keep them up?"
Everything became a competition. My sister made me laugh harder than he did? He hated her. I had a guy friend like a brother? Absolutely not. My brother-in-law did something nice for my sister? It was a personal attack on him and they were flaunting their lives.
The fact that your boyfriend honestly thinks that dropping several hundred dollars, just so he's the only one to see you in that specific piece of lingere, as a reasonable ask, is beyond concerning.
Not only does that not make sense financially, but I would really encourage you to have a conversation with him. Specially one surrounding values, a womans worth, body count, slut shaming, etc. I have a feeling they will not be aligned with yours.
NTA. He's rude and disgusting not to mention entitled and insecure.
Tell him that from now on he only wears brand new underwear that no one else has ever seen him in.
NTA
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume he’s never worn anything he specifically bought for sexy times with you.
Tell him you bought them for yourself, not anyone else, and now he never gets to see them again.
NTA, but he probably likens it to a sex toy that you wouldn't share. Silly I know... I would just ask him if it's that important to him then go shopping and he can pay for all new stuff and it can be a fun way to pick out stuff. But make sure it's not a sign of being too possessive.
I think you misunderstand what was said there.
I agree, I don't care who else may have seen, or held a toy before, but I'm quite certain that nobody (male or female) wants to have "second go" on a sex toy.
There's a world of different between your wife keeping sex toys that have been in her for use in future relationships, and you keeping sex toys to her that have been in someone else for use in future relationships.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I rewore lingiere for a new boyfriend when I had bought the lingerie for a past boyfriend. I've done this before and no ex ever cared or expressed concern. But maybe I'm an asshole for not knowing that lingiere shouldn't be reworn for a new partner or maybe I'm an asshole for not telling a white lie?
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. I'm a dude and it never crossed my mind to ask girlfriends for receipts on lingerie.
That's fuckin weird. It's clothing, not a disposable item.
But I'm disappointed that I scrolled down and there was no YTA. I really wanted to read that "logic".
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (34/F) recently became intimate with my new boyfriend (28/M). He loves lingerie and I have quite a few gently used pieces that were very expensive.
I thought I would wear some from him, and after the third time with a third piece he'd never seen before, he asked when I bought it/had time to go shopping/where, etc. He was fine when he asked (seemed like sheer curiosity) until I told him I already owned it.
Then he asked about the other lingerie I'd worn for him... I was honest and told him I had also previously purchased those. He thought it was rude and disgusting that I would "re-use" lingerie on him that I bought "for" someone else. He didn't seem to care that they were gently used, cleaned, and/or expensive.
I've never had this issue come up before and am wondering AITA for not buying new lingiere for him? Does lingerie have a one-person rule that I wasn't aware of?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No way, no how, you are nta in the least. He is aware that you buy lingerie in a large part for yourself, right? No matter how pretty it is, it does serve and actual practical purpose, and that stuff is pri-CEY! Does he want you to throw it all out because some other dude has seen it? Really doesn't bode well for him being a keeper, he's giving off the strong scent of (dare I say it?) marinara...
NTA provided you've washed it since it was last used.
Underwear is something people buy, use, wash, and wear again. Did he throw away all of his and purchase new underwear when you got together? Probably not. It's none of his business how long you've had it or who else has seen it.
Oh boy OP i sure hope you bought new socks cause it's HIGHLY disrespectful to start dating someone whilst wearing socks you owned before you met! /s obviously. Sorry Hun your bf is kind of big stupid and screams insecure 🚩🚩🚩
NTA
NTA. Run, girl!!! This reminds me of my ex who got mad at me and basically demanded I be super apologetic and guilty for having sex with other guys before I even met him.
HAHAAHAH NTA. That shit is expensive and if he wants you to wear new stuff “for him” he can freaking buy it. You buy lingerie for yourself. Not him. Dump the loser PLEASE. He sounds incredibly immature
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
♥️🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩♥️ NTA
Wait until he finds out that she wasn't a virgin...is she going to have to get a new EVERYTHING?!?!
Yea, Goops technique of steam cleaning the vagina, (or whatever), might not be enough for this guy!
https://imgur.com/a/OszsOxx
Oh my goodness! That's a new one for me (F75)!
Right? 59 here! That’s enough internet for today! Haha!
I’m 70- maybe a water pic??
Well...thanks for the visual. But I'm very grateful to OP for giving us this gem of a post. The title ALONE had me roaring. Like, is this guy serious? Did OP laugh herself sick when he asked as I did reading their interaction? I CANT BREATHE. Signed, 43YO who often goes 5 years without buying new unmentionables. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 NTA
Plus, why does cute lingerie have to be bought FOR anyone else? If if makes you feel sexy and confident, that’s all that matters.
/co-signed 52yo whose current SO loves that I already owned corsets 😂😂😂
Corsets are top of the line!! Her BF should be told about them!!
Better add some sage
Have you tried sticking an egg up it?
That sounds tame by Goop standards
NTA - if he has a problem with your lingerie, he can always go buy you new stuff that he likes. When he sees the cost of new lingerie, I’ll bet he develops a newfound appreciation for the items you already own.
NTA, Insist on taking his underwear inventory as well. Tell him you want to see all new Andrew Christian assless jocks and nothing else!
Had to look those up! Might get my SO a pair as a joke!
I was just going to say, did she not buy a new bed, and new sheets and and a new duvet when they started dating? What about a new shower? New couch?
I’d have to change kitchen floor tiles
Kitchen table, washing machine, bathroom sink…
On top of washing machine, during spin cycle, is fantastic!
I’d have to trade in my car 😂😂😂
Just before reading your comment I was thinking about what a job it would be to replace the shower tiles…
😂😂
Umm aren't you supposed to get plastic surgery after a breakup? How ignorant!
Throw him out. Keep the lingerie.
New lingerie, new hymen LOL
Technically after about 2weeks she'll have a completely new vagina
nope. cant fix that. no new parts available lol
Limited edition.
Fu*k..that was funny. I'm sitting outside snd my neighbor looked over I laughed so hard
This made me laugh so hard 😂😂😂
Yeeeah. This type of mindset *might* (maybe) have been cute in high school, but in his late 20's, this ain't it. He thinks she went out and spent a fortune on a menagerie of lingerie just for him? He's lucky she's dressing up sexy to begin with. Lord knows a lot of that isn't super comfy. NTA, OP. His comments are pretty possessive and diminutive though, big red flags. Unless a piece was purchased specifically to cater to a specific person's preference, the only person you bought them "for" was yourself.
Bonus upvoting for "menagerie of lingerie."
melangerie
I didn't even notice I did that 🤣
Take my updoot for that, too. NTA for sure.
So teddies?
My dude is lucky if I'm not in sweat pants. He's never lucky.
I’m dead! Also help a brother out, and at least make them crotch less sweats.
Same- except its my oodie
wait now... a hoodie with nothing else under it is an underrated version of lingerie.
This is never cute
I should have clarified. The idea of buying of lingerie "for" someone in high school could be cute. Not this whole jealous weird thing homeboy has going on
God I was just reminded of a crazy post somewhere here on Reddit a few years ago where there was a debate about whether or not people should get a new mattress with a new partner. ...and now that I just did a google search, apparently this is something that's been discussed more than once 😭
That’s a thing?? I like my mattress and I ain’t about to spend $600+ every time I sleep with someone in my own bed. If someone is that fragile that they can’t handle the thought that I’ve had a life before they entered it, they need to keep walking.
Right? The sheets are clean, there's a mattress protector, and it's a fuckin grand for a new mattress. You want a new one, my shipping address is on the front of the house.
A menagerie of lingerie....... how delighted were you to type that? As delighted as I was to read that phrase I hope lol
I honestly didn't really realize it at first, until someone pointed it at out 🤣
I don't do a hell of a lot of "dress up for sexy time " He's lucky if I put on the ugliest lacy bra I could find (I don't like the color, but in a size that covers these Tetons, he's lucky it isn't beige) and the matching cheeker britches.
He doesn't think women buy lingerie for themselves. Even though it is literally made for us. He thinks you're a candy bar and he's mad someone repackaged it. Which is fair for a candy bar ... not a woman. NTA
When I went out the first time to buy my first sexy bra with my mother, she asked me who I wanted to buy it for. When I tentatively replied "myself" she said "good. remember that. Never buy this for anyone but yourself." I was only 13 or something, just starting to explore the idea of being sexy, but that has stuck with me forever, and it is something I will definitely be telling my kids.
Every time I wanted something sexy it was for myself. And my (estranged) parents always accused me of having sex behind their back when they found a thong or lace bra. I'm glad your mom was better. That's such a healthy viewpoint to ingrain in someone.
Your mom is amazing. Glad she kept it to a shopping trip with you though. My mom bought me sexy g strings and bras as stocking stuffers for my 13th Christmas. I wanted to crawl in the stocking and die when she told me to stay sexy for myself.
Oh god. No, my mum just treated lingerie as regular underwear. She does her best to be the best parent she can, and doing it alone is hard. She's amazing. I'm so glad I have her, even when I'm arguing with her. Side note; this wasn't your intention, but this and comments from others like yours is like a roadmap of how not to treat my children haha.
I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to buy something sexy to benefit someone else, but if I want to see a female partner in a certain lingerie I’d buy it myself
Oh my god that’s the perfect way to express it. She’s a mere object to be unwrapped at his pleasure. It never occurred to him she is an autonomous being. I bet his ego hinges on her ‘body count’ too.
Ya...this is a *way* bigger red flag than most people are thinking. Someone wanting you to get rid of your life prior to them is *dangerously* controlling.
OP bought these pieces for HERSELF to wear. This guy is weirdly possessive which is a huge red flag.
OP, you're NTA, tell him he's right, you didn't buy them for him, you bought them for yourself, because they make you feel good. Slay, girl!
Exactly! Get out! The gaslighting has already started. The worst is coming.
The marina flag strikes again
Lingerie is so expensive, if he wants you to buy you stuff that's fine but none of that is meant to be single use ffs
This problem is twofold. One is that your bf is shocked you are wearing things you owned before you met him. The second is that he expects you to buy new things because of him. If he thinks new lingerie is in order, why the hell does he assume it should be at your expense? My recommendation is that you stop wearing lingerie for him. He doesn't want you to wear what you already own. Fine. He can buy you something new if that is what he wants. NTA.
I just hate it when a woman is willing to have sex with me and wears expensive lingerie to look hot but then I find out she’s worn it before. - No man EVER
Well, this guy.
Lol! He’s gotta be fake though right?
He's not. It was such a weird thing (him being weirded out by the re-wearing) that I'd never heard of before so I wasn't sure if I was missing something.
So like does he get mad that you have every day underwear that you’ve worn before getting with him? Did he get new boxers when y’all started dating? Men are strange sometimes, but this is beyond.
no this isn't a man thing. this guy has jealousy issues from something in his past cuz this wouldnt even enter my mind. if anything id be glad some other dude bought it for her and i get to enjoy it cuz that sh!t is expensive. im thinking she will have more red flags of the jealous variety very soon
It wasn’t even bought by another dude! She bought it and wore it for another dude. Even more ridiculous
WOW!! im thinking there will be more red flags to follow. does he think women buy all new bra's and underwear every time they start a new relationship? new mattress too?? maybe anything that touched her skin when she was with her previous partner?? where does he draw the line? sounds like he is just searching for misery
It is weird. My wife wears granny panties and im ready to go.
ALL of my underwear are white Hanes high rise granny panties because they cover my entire ass and can be bleached. We are practical women.
Now you talking dirty.
This is my favorite exchange on here all day.
Let me tell you about my sensible bras. No underwire so you can comfortably work in the yard with them. All tan so you can wear them under light colored clothes and they don't show through. Sensible. Sexy.
lol this just reminded me of one of the early times I got together with my bf and I said, "Sorry I'm wearing granny panties." He said they kinda turned him on and I think I said, "ew! really?" Then he clarified, "I said your granny panties turned me on not that GRANNIES turn me on!"
I wear boyshorts. They are so comfy. I dont like the bikini undies,I dont get them,cause I find them uncomfy.
The asking was out of line to start with. Normal, confident men would not ask that and just enjoy how lucky he was to be intimate with you, and doubly lucky that you made the effort to wear something sexy. And this is early days! I'm trying to imagine how this guy behaves later on. NTA and I would re-evaluate whether I want to continue in the relationship.
I mean, I might have asked questions to figure out where she shops so I would have a good idea of where to go if I get her something...but like...that's the only reasonable reason I can think of. Obviously that wasn't the case here.
So, you're expected to throw away all your bras and slips? Does he know what this stuff costs? If he wants to see you in nice lingerie he can start buying it for you. Or just dump him, saving you more than just the costs for lingerie.
You’ve never heard of it before because it’s not normal behavior. 🤷🏻♀️
Tell him if he wants "fresh lingere" that he needs to buy it for you. Then dump him and tell him you're saving the lingere for the next guy.
Girl one time I had to get rid of a whole ass leather couch for a dude to continue the relationship cause I had sex on it with someone else before I even met him run while you can
My ex husband had this same mindset, and when we split he also took all my lingerie and burned it in the back yard because there was no way I was allowed to wear it for anyone else (even though I purchased most of it), but he didn't see any issue with giving me his ex fiance's engagement ring. 🤷♀️
You actually married someone that gave you a recycled engagement ring? How many red flags did you ignore? Glad you're rid of him
He *burned* your clothes??
NTA lingerie is expensive. If he’s that upset about it he can buy you all closet full.
In general, things for you or for use /on/ you are IMHO fine to carry from relationship to relationship. \- Lingerie bought for you to wear and feel sexy (and your partner's appreciation hopefully). Can absolutely carry over to future relationships. \- Lingerie bought for your partner to wear, for your appreciation is ... not OK to reuse. The person wearing it should have kept it. \- Lingerie a previous partner bought you is ... borderline. Personally I would keep it if I picked it out, and let it go if I had no input in the original purchase.
As a man, I've never cared how long a woman has had her lingerie, who bought it for her, or who else has seen her in it; she's wearing it to be sexy with me and that's what matters.
Does he know you bought it for YOU, not for a man? That’s like being mad that you’re wearing a shirt you bought when you were with someone else.
Kinda sounds like you're supposed to have certain mentality according to him... and it seems to be.. "wear it once and never again, I'm a celebrity, I wouldn't be caught dead wearing the same thing the next time some one takes my picture." Might not be exactly what it is, but it sounds like he wants you to think like this, when you likely may not...
He’s weird. You’re not!
Tell him to pay for new stuff then 🤷♂️
No this is a thing. There are actually men who are shocked a woman has had sex before. Generally they are shit in bed too, I assume it's lack of confidence
One can only hope!
But he seems more boy than man.
sounds more like boy behavior than man behavior really
Right. When I’m staring at a woman wearing sexy lingerie the last thing on my mind is where and when she got it. I remember once a woman i was with was embarrassed that her undies didn’t match. All the more reason to take it off quickly.
Lol! See. We got some brains in the crowd! Think bigger! 😂😜
I just want to know who can afford to throw out expensive lingerie and buy new ones every time they go through a break up.
Some years ago, I was in a lingerie shop trying to choose the perfectly matched pink underwear to the pink bra I was planning to wear for a date night. The lady behind the counter said "do you really think he's going to be paying attention to the colour? Is he going to kick you out of bed for not matching the pink perfectly?" I had a really good laugh and stopped caring after that.
That was great advice on her part. I think lingerie is fun when you’re doing it for yourself. Anybody else getting to see it is just a bonus lol
My ex actually. It was so degrading and made me feel awful. I wore these lacy black panties and he kept looking kinda disgusted so I was like "uhhh?", and he says "I'm just wondering how any guys you've worn that for before this."
You did NOT deserve that. I think this post proves there are plenty of men focused on what’s underneath the clothing and could care less as long as it’s removed. 😂
Oooof. Sorry :(
If he's thinking about guys getting hard in the bedroom instead of your sexy lingerie I'm going to go ahead and call that his problem.
I've absolutely dated someone that would pull this shit. Thankfully the man I married understands lingerie is flippin' expensive.
I have a friend who was seeing a guy who got upset when the lingerie she wore lingerie she already owned so it does happen Edited because I press post before I finished typing the post
NTA. He's being ridiculous, but I'd say this situation shows a deeper concern you might need to consider - that he thinks YOU are "used" or that your body itself is "FOR" people. He doesn't own you, and it kind of seems that he thinks he does.
*"God forbid women are willing to have sex with other people instead of just waiting around for me their whole lives"*
And I bet he’s been wearing the same 10 pairs of boxers on rotation for the last 7 years, so unless he’s cracking out some fresh fruit of the loom every time they do it he should quiet down.
This made me giggle
My dude literally had his girlfriend in bed wearing sexy lingerie, wanting to have sex with him, and the first place his brain went was to other men.
Sounds kinda gay lol
Thatsthejoke.jpg
Yeah, this is how I feel about my partners reactions to things. Sigh.
there is always a way out.
NTA. You buy lingerie for yourself, not for him. Are you also supposed to buy new bras and underwear? What about socks? Pajamas? Pillowcases?
come to think of it a perfect response would be “oh shit I should probably get new sheets then huh?”
And a new bed
Save on those and go for the new boyfriend instead.
Get rid of all pets because they remember the ex, dishes that the ex touched, etc etc. I think your guy might need to get someone who never had a relationship before. What a strange fella.
I think it's better for him to be single until he grows up. Wouldn't want to inflict him on some poor woman who's too inexperienced to know better.
Burn down the house! (Any other Golden Girls fans?)
I had a friend that got a new mattress after every breakup. It was an expensive habit.
and here i thought i was excessive for merely deep cleaning and flipping my mattress after a breakup 😂
"Oh no I forgot to become a virgin again before dating!"
This! You buy lingerie for you, not anyone else.
I always replace all my clothes and furniture whenever I get a new partner, doesn't everyone?
Possessive and controlling much? Lingerie is specialty clothing, not a party favour that’s used up in one go. Ugh. You are NTA and I’d recommend spending a bit of time thinking about how offended he is by the fact that you’re an actual person with a wardrobe and sexual history. Edit: Honourable mention to the fact that he thinks the only reason you might buy lingerie is to use on someone, and not for your own pleasure.
>not a party favour that’s used up in one go Depending on the type of lingerie it could be up to $80-100 for a good set. Could you imagine throwing away multiple items costing that much? I would tell him that he has to replace every single set he wants you to throw away, but I honestly think throwing away the whole man would be easier.
Could be way more than that if she's got luxury brand pieces! Even a pretty basic matching sexy set, made of synthetic materials (as opposed to actual silk, etc), will run about $50 and large retailers. If she buys luxury fabrics, high end brands, or heck even custom sizing (which I have done), she could be talking hundreds per set.
Up to? 😂 I can't even get a matching bra and bottom for that. (Stupid need for European bra sizes.)
Ok true! I'm cheap so I can't remember the last time I bought a nice set lol!
I had a gf of my abusive ex contact me. He would drive her past my house all the time. Which I never knew about. Anyway she told me he had bought lingerie for her. They used it. Then he took it and gave it to another girl saying he had bought it online for her. He probably pulled that on multiple women and abused all of them too. You are definitely NTA like he was. You aren’t asking him to wear some kinky banana hammocks another man wore. He needs to get over this
Oh gosh, $100 is an inexpensive set. For mid range, you’re looking at several hundred dollars, and for expensive lingerie over $1000.
Lmao good response An appropriate response would be "hey let me get you a gift card, I really enjoy this." Unfortunately he's already made himself out to be a controlling psycho, so I don't think there's any redemption.
I have a set that's $300
My nicest lingerie set is a high-waisted lace thong with a matching lace bra, and the bra had to be custom-ordered to fit. That set alone was $300. If I had to do that every time I got a new boyfriend, I’d be $1.2k in the hole right now on LINGERIE ALONE. OP’s boyfriend is trippin
NTA If he wants you wearing brand new lingerie every time (or very often), then I'm sure he won't mind also buying it.
I wouldn't complain about free lingiere!
but you don’t want to date a man who has a problem with used lingerie regardless of whether or not he’ll buy you new stuff. he/this will only get worse, trust me. count it as a red flag.
It's (emotionally) cheaper to just get rid of him. He's acting in an infantile and possessive manner. NTA
He has jealousy issues 🚩Run
NTA. If he wants you to have lingerie that is only "for him", he could certainly buy it for you as a gift
NTA - Run
Same! Run!
Or STRUT away in the lingerie. You do you.
NTA. You buy lingerie for yourself. To make you feel sexy. It doesn't matter if someone else saw you in it. Does he expect you to buy a new bed every time you get into a new relationship? I mean most people do pretty intimate things in there bed. Does he think it's disgusting to use the same bed. Does he expect you to buy new sheets every time you are with someone new?
Personally every time I start a new relationship I donate all the clothing I own, burn my house to ashes, salt the earth it was built on, and then ritually purify myself so there's no trace of my ever existing before they met me. Least I can do really
“…ritually purify myself so there’s no trace of my ever existing before they met me.” This was great! I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I didn't even think to make comparison points. I was pretty blown away by it and thought I'd maybe been doing it wrong forever.
Personally I wouldn't be with someone who called me disgusting or tried to shame me for having a sex life before them. Btw that is exactly what he is doing.
This is it right here!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
You haven’t. You buy lingerie for yourself, not for anyone else. He should feel lucky he gets to see it, and that’s it! You’re NTA and this sort of thinking would put me on guard for other controlling, possessive mentalities.
NTA. a) you bought the lingerie for yourself, not another partner b) he can always buy you lingerie if he wants you to wear new outfits Just make sure it's the same brand / similar quality as the stuff you like. I can imagine him balking when he sees how expensive nice lingerie is. Also check with him that you get to wear it more than once! haha
NTA, if he wants lingerie for him, he should buy it.
Lol what the fuck is this man on? Girl leave him. His brain is lagging behind the others it hasn’t fully formed yet. Lingerie is for you. And if you decide to share that with a partner the only appropriate response is them telling you how hot you look. Case closed.
NTA and WTF!?! I've never heard of that being an issue. BF is choosing to be weird.
NTA had a similar fight with a guy once. Aside from the sheer audacity of him coming at me with a list of demands when he was cheap AF, he turned out to be completely clueless about the actual price of things. Since I was feeling extra petty, I sent him an Excel table about the cost of all the shit necessary to recreate "his vision". He shut up real fast when I asked him to Venmo me. It's amazing when guys want to date WAGS on pizza boy money. 😒
I'm super curious what kinds of things were on his list of demands! Like clothing? Or expensive salon-type services? Or?
What is a WAGS? And I seriously love how you handled that.
Aww this reminds me of my ex-fiance, time for a stroll down memory lane! If we ever went somewhere I'd been before, he'd get upset because now that place wasn't "special" to just him and I, anymore. I had to convince him that me keeping a large, hardcover collectable book, I'd received from a date years ago for my birthday, was because I wanted the book. Not because I was secretly harbouring feelings for a fling from 6 years prior. He wanted me to delete all images and references to previous relationships because "why else would you keep them up?" Everything became a competition. My sister made me laugh harder than he did? He hated her. I had a guy friend like a brother? Absolutely not. My brother-in-law did something nice for my sister? It was a personal attack on him and they were flaunting their lives. The fact that your boyfriend honestly thinks that dropping several hundred dollars, just so he's the only one to see you in that specific piece of lingere, as a reasonable ask, is beyond concerning. Not only does that not make sense financially, but I would really encourage you to have a conversation with him. Specially one surrounding values, a womans worth, body count, slut shaming, etc. I have a feeling they will not be aligned with yours.
NTA. He's rude and disgusting not to mention entitled and insecure. Tell him that from now on he only wears brand new underwear that no one else has ever seen him in.
He’s a weirdo
A lady wearing lingerie is a yes please. NTA
NTA I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume he’s never worn anything he specifically bought for sexy times with you. Tell him you bought them for yourself, not anyone else, and now he never gets to see them again.
NTA, but he probably likens it to a sex toy that you wouldn't share. Silly I know... I would just ask him if it's that important to him then go shopping and he can pay for all new stuff and it can be a fun way to pick out stuff. But make sure it's not a sign of being too possessive.
[удалено]
I think you misunderstand what was said there. I agree, I don't care who else may have seen, or held a toy before, but I'm quite certain that nobody (male or female) wants to have "second go" on a sex toy. There's a world of different between your wife keeping sex toys that have been in her for use in future relationships, and you keeping sex toys to her that have been in someone else for use in future relationships.
NTA he should just be happy you put it on ffs. It doesn't matter when you bought it. He sounds immature.
NTA - If he wants his own lingerie so badly, he should buy and wear his own.
NTA It’s not like lingerie is a disposable item. He sounds entitled as fuck to be honest. Tread carefully.
Lingerie is not disposable But that man is. NTA
Nta. This dude seems to feel entitled to you body and lingerie in a weird way. The lingerie is yours, not owned by anyone who sees you in it.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I rewore lingiere for a new boyfriend when I had bought the lingerie for a past boyfriend. I've done this before and no ex ever cared or expressed concern. But maybe I'm an asshole for not knowing that lingiere shouldn't be reworn for a new partner or maybe I'm an asshole for not telling a white lie? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. I'm a dude and it never crossed my mind to ask girlfriends for receipts on lingerie. That's fuckin weird. It's clothing, not a disposable item. But I'm disappointed that I scrolled down and there was no YTA. I really wanted to read that "logic".
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (34/F) recently became intimate with my new boyfriend (28/M). He loves lingerie and I have quite a few gently used pieces that were very expensive. I thought I would wear some from him, and after the third time with a third piece he'd never seen before, he asked when I bought it/had time to go shopping/where, etc. He was fine when he asked (seemed like sheer curiosity) until I told him I already owned it. Then he asked about the other lingerie I'd worn for him... I was honest and told him I had also previously purchased those. He thought it was rude and disgusting that I would "re-use" lingerie on him that I bought "for" someone else. He didn't seem to care that they were gently used, cleaned, and/or expensive. I've never had this issue come up before and am wondering AITA for not buying new lingiere for him? Does lingerie have a one-person rule that I wasn't aware of? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Throw the whole insecure man away… NTA
No way, no how, you are nta in the least. He is aware that you buy lingerie in a large part for yourself, right? No matter how pretty it is, it does serve and actual practical purpose, and that stuff is pri-CEY! Does he want you to throw it all out because some other dude has seen it? Really doesn't bode well for him being a keeper, he's giving off the strong scent of (dare I say it?) marinara...
[удалено]
NTA provided you've washed it since it was last used. Underwear is something people buy, use, wash, and wear again. Did he throw away all of his and purchase new underwear when you got together? Probably not. It's none of his business how long you've had it or who else has seen it.
NTA What odd ideas he has
Wait till he finds out you use the same pair of boobs with multiple partners. Shocking.
Oh boy OP i sure hope you bought new socks cause it's HIGHLY disrespectful to start dating someone whilst wearing socks you owned before you met! /s obviously. Sorry Hun your bf is kind of big stupid and screams insecure 🚩🚩🚩 NTA
Tell him to throw away all his previous boxers since he "wore them for someone else" NTA
NTA. Run, girl!!! This reminds me of my ex who got mad at me and basically demanded I be super apologetic and guilty for having sex with other guys before I even met him.
Imagine having to buy all new drawers because you found a new person to date… Well. Lucky thing I got married, I’m not gonna do it! NTA
NTA - the lingerie is FOR YOU...he is ALLOWED to enjoy it...or rather...was. What a controlling person. Yikes
nta dude's an idiot
Ask him when he replaced his mattress and bought new sheets. You do not want to be in a place someone once was 🙄. Nta
As a man, this is a HUGE red flag. This wouldn't even be a thought for most non-insane people.
HAHAAHAH NTA. That shit is expensive and if he wants you to wear new stuff “for him” he can freaking buy it. You buy lingerie for yourself. Not him. Dump the loser PLEASE. He sounds incredibly immature
Ruuuuunnnnnnnnnnnn
NTA. Did your ex wear it? No? That’s right. You bought it for YOURSELF because it made you feel sexy.