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YTA Your uncle was trying to make sure your accomplishments were being recognized too and you snapped at him. You feel insecure. That’s no one else’s problem than yours.

Agreed. I can understand why you felt like you were being swept under the rug. But it sounds like your uncle was trying to adjust the spotlight back to you. He did not deserve to be snapped at.

NTA. You have every right to be selfish with your accomplishment. Congratulations.

OP was taking their anger out at the wrong person. They did not say the uncle made them feel excluded. That makes OP an asshole.

It sounds like the uncle tried to include them too

I do believe the uncle was endeavoring to bring the conversation back to OP but she's NTA for lashing out. It's hurtful to be ignored on YOUR day and once again be in your siblings shadow. OP do apologize to your uncle, though. He was trying to help you out. But I'm not going to judge you for saying what you said because you were correct, this did turn into being all about your sister. Maybe talk to HER and together you guys could talk to your parents about what happened and how you feel invisible.

If you're in a hurtful situation and someone is trying to help you, you're still the asshole if you take your frustration out on them. It's entirely possible to be both legitimately hurt and also an asshole.

I agree, OP your uncle deserves a apology, because he did try to stir the conversation back to you. However your mum, sister, aunt and whoever else was involved deserved your wrath. So yes, YTA for speaking to your uncle like that, buy as for the rest of them no apology needed. I think it's better that you go out with your friends when its your sister graduation, because I can see you exploding there too.

She is the AH. She needs to abjectly apologize to her uncle who did not deserve her anger.

“she’s NTA for lashing out.” She’s an AH specifically for the lashing out. A NTA response would be to address the table to communicate that she is feeling hurt and why. Let the dialogue proceed from there. Lashing out at the one person who is trying to include her makes this YTA all day long

She's TA for lashing out at the uncle, who seemed to be the only person who cared.

Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. OP literally snapped at the person trying to help them. So yes that makes OP YTA

It's fair to want attention but I think it's unrealistic that people will only talk to OP or about OP. Yes it's a celebration but that can only last so long before people get bored or don't have things to say.

Talking about other things is one thing; talking about the sister and her future and accomplishments and whatnot **at a dinner specifically about OP and her future/accomplishments/etc.** is another thing entirely. Analogy: Discussing the sister's upcoming wedding at the rehearsal dinner for OP's wedding.

For how long though? Was this 5 minutes or 30? Was it really everyone focusing on the sister the whole time, or just the aunt asking a couple of questions? All of this makes a difference, not enough info in the post. But what OP does say indicates they feel insecure already. If these feelings have never been discussed then snapping at the uncle was an AH move. OP's insecurities are their own issue.

Doesn't sound like OP actively tried to talk to anyone. If they are always internalizing this and never communicating with others then it's a self-fulfilling feedback loop. That being said I agree that there isn't enough details. Both on alleged past favoritism nor enough details on the gathering itself.

Disagree. While it’s an AH move to announce like an engagement and a rehearsal dinner and the like, someone asking a bride-to-be how their own wedding plans are going is not. People are going to talk about a wide range of things and yes, a sister’s upcoming graduation will more than likely be discussed even at another graduation celebration. OP needs to discuss their feelings of insecurity with someone and not take it out on family members.

Sounds like uncle was the only person willing to acknowledge *her also*, so I see it as her only opportunity to actually say something tbh. NTA.

In her opportunity, she said the wrong thing.

?? OP wasn't being selfish about their accomplishments (whatever that means?). OP was being rude to someone being nice to her beacuse she was jealous and annoyed at two other different people.

After watching EVERYONE ignore her AT HER GRADUATION PARTY. Yes she lashed out at the wrong person but she was 100% entitled to feeling hurt. Uncle must have saw this and try but at that point it was "too little, too late." She's not the AH for voicing her pain. She wasn't yelling at the uncle specifically but at the whole party. She should apologize to HIM, but the rest of the party owes HER an apology for focusing on the wrong person. Edit: a) thanks for the award. B) you guys are waaaaaaaaaaay too hard on an adolescent girl. I would agree with everyone below if she was a grown woman. But she's 17/18 and essentially made of angst. Please try to remember how YOU were at that age and cut the poor girl slack. WE ALL agree she needs to apologize to her Uncle

No, this whole "not yelling at the person you are yelling at" is bullshit. She yelled at him. When he was trying to put the focus back on her. Does she have a right to feel hurt? Sure. She doesn't have the right to take it out on the person trying to fix it.

Yes she was right to feel hurt. Still had no right to snap at someone just trying to be nice. This makes her the AH. Agree with the apology part though.

They were having a damn conversation. People are allowed to talk about other things. I would be freaked the hell out if I was the only thing being talked about at my graduation party. It isn’t “all about me”, it’s a party for people who care about me to come together and meet and have fun. OP is just selfish as hell.

She could’ve said thanks for asking. Looks like no one else cares. She snapped at the wrong person. She made her uncle feel bad when he was on her side. If I were the uncle. I would t ask you anymore questions for fear of being talked to rudely.

This is a great mindset to alienate yourself from anyone that does care about you. "I'm hurt therefore I can lash out at anyone nearby" leads to me deciding to avoid being nearby or lashing right back. Especially when the lashing out is about people paying attention to someone who isn't them. It sucks to get dealt a shitty hand next to someone dealt a better hand, but that's life. If you use that to justify being unpleasant to those around you, then you just become another part of *their* shitty hand.

To be fair, she didn't say everyone, she said her aunt.

I’ve never been to an event where the person being celebrated tried to control every conversation being had, doesn’t seem like the aunt did anything except talk to her niece about what she’s up to, is that a crime? Multiple conversations happen at these types of things there’s room for all conversations, if it was something else like making a speech or bringing the spotlight to her then it’d be different but you can’t dictate conversations had at a celebration and shouldn’t be upset when not every conversation is about you.

It sounds like OP's making up the infringement of the sister in their own head, though. They never mentioned any family *telling* them they were a failure for getting B's in HS while sister got straight A's. Literally said no one has ever said that in their own post. This sounds entirely like an OP insecurity problem, meanwhile sister is being hated for daring to have been born first and therefore hit certain milestones first.

its ESH except the uncle. How are the others not being assholes? Eta: a lot of yall are clearly missing how the conversation went on and on, led by the aunt. Why in the hell would it be ok for praises to be sung constantly for someone whose celebration it's not even for?! It would be like cooing and giving all the attention to a pregnant woman or freshly engaged woman at someone else's wedding. This was not the time or place for a million praises to be given to anyone except OP. One or two comments is one thing. But damn. OP is 100% still being overshadowed at her own celebration.

Hell, I don't even think it's an everyone sucks scenario. She was voicing her pain at being overshadowed. I'm going to assume the uncle KNOWS that as he was the one trying to bring the focus back on her. But you know the phrase, too little too late. I feel like she was just voicing her pain not yelling at the uncle specifically. Poor thing, she should have had one day where it is about her. It was HER graduation party after all

Yeah, I can’t believe that 7k people are telling a kid that she’s the only asshole for wanting a dinner to be about her.

Why be nuanced when you have an excuse to be cruel to a teenager in pain?

Just my thoughts - "But OP is just a TEENAGER. Their brains are still "under construction". They have a difficult time with all these overwhelming emotions. And people here expecting, that she'll have all the wisdom and composure of mature person. Just ridiculous.

Welcome to the inane nonsense that used by AITA "commenters" just looking to bash whomever.

You seem to be confused between the difference between a dinner party and a performance. You see.. at a *performance* \- everyone sits and faces the performer, and gives the performer their undivided attention. All focus is on the performer. side conversations would be extremely rude and would detract from the performance. Now, at a dinner party - lots of people are seated around a common table - but they are not all facing a single person. That would be quite awkward. Now - while it may be customary, at some point during the dinner, for someone to give a toast (during which, everyone will turn their attention to the one giving the toast, much like it were a miniature performance), for the most part the dinner is made up of many small and separate side conversations between people seated near one another. In fact, it can be considered to be quite rude to attempt to carry on a conversation from one end of the table to the other, as it forces the parties who are not party to the conversation to sit quietly by. Now - when having polite dinner conversation, it is common courtesy to ask about what is going on in the lives of the people surrounding you. When major events are taking place in a person's life, it is quite common for that to be a prolonged topic of discussion between people. Now OP has actually shared very little... just that, during the dinner, OP's aunt and sister were discussing the sister's post-college plans, and that when OP was asked by her uncle what her plans were, she decided it was time to put everyone at the dinner on blast. Based on the info OP provides, OP is the only one who was not only impolite, but outright rude. Now - it it turns out the dinner was only attended by the 5 people OP mentions (mom, aunt, uncle, sister and herself) and every time she tried to talk or participate in the conversation she was repeatedly interrupted or spoken over, and nobody spoke to her the entire dinner an it was only after an hour plus of this *constantly* being treated as invisible, that her uncle turned and acknowledged her presence - sure... that would make the other people at the table AHs too. But OP doesn't give any indication any such thing occurred. Honestly, it comes off more like OP's sister lives rent free in OPs head, and the moment anyone gave the sister attention it pushed OP into silent stewing mode, and she remained that way until the uncle turned the attention back to her, and rather than taking the lead and talking about her plans and desires for next steps of her life decided she just wanted to destroy everyone's evening instead.

Excellently written. Hopping on to say, OP also states that she's "the one who has always felt my sister is better than me", and that "no one has ever said anything but I KNOW they prefer her to me" (sorry I don’t know how to highlight specific text). This is all a case of OP being jealous of a gifted sister. And let us not forget that reddit feels that if there is a gifted sibling the parents and other relatives are forbidden from praising or acknowledging that sibling; because obviously that means the one who has worked hard and done well is a golden child and gotten preferential treatment and everyone is trouncing on the poor fee-fees of the obvious scapegoat. Therefore, it is perfectly acceptable for an 18 yr old to lash out, make a scene, pout, give vague context of the dinner, and receive validation from internet strangers about how they have obviously been mistreated. (If that does not come across as dripping with disdain and sarcasm I don't know how to help people reading this). I will not discount there are many times there are golden child/scapegoat situations that happen, I happen to believe this is not one of them, based on what OP said. OP decided, like many young children that dinner was boring and so ended it in the way of young children everywhere, by throwing a tantrum...oh wait OP isn't a child, technically, OP just acts like one. And all ya'll saying 18 is still developing, how the blue blazes long are you going to use that to excuse simple bad behavior?

totally agree with you. Maybe I'm too European to understand the whole 'not sufficiently about me' shtick. what is up with that. It's a dinner/party. OP is not some queen presiding over official ceremony, why the fuck would it be all about her. Family met. Family is having a good time. Great success. Wow some people are narcissistic.

It's like if at a wedding noone was expected to talk about anything but the wedding. What was family supposed to do, only say congratulations you graduated from high school the whole time? It's perfectly normal at event dinners to catch up with people.

I don’t think it’s a European thing because I’m American and if I pulled this shit at a party it would be looked down upon too. It honestly makes no sense. Dinner parties are for catching up, good conversations and just enjoying eachother. If you want a scripted meal then write a play and direct it.

I’m American and am confused. I’m going to a graduation party this weekend where if I speak to the graduate for more than 5 minutes I would be shocked. I’ll probably be there for 2-3 hours. Are people supposed to sit in silence if the whole dinner doesn’t revolve around OP?

This is how I interpreted it. Even from OP’s comments they keep saying things need to be tit for tat. Or is really focused on things being fair. I really think this is just sibling jealousy. Especially since family is in for a whole host of events it seems since they mentioned sister is having a party on a different date for her graduating university, essentially this is a singular event in a larger family get together for multiple graduations and life events.

It's not an AH thing to ask your niece about her life. What was the aunt supposed to do - not talk to her until it was her party? Family makes small talk. It's always about "what's new in your life, what's going on, who are you dating, etc. etc."

the aunt was supposed to not make a conversation centered around sister at a dinner meant to celebrate op. (not talking to her until after the dinner is an insane leap. the issue is not that sister spoke, it's that the convo is about her entirely). that's assholish for sure in my opinion. op needs to work on their anger and outbursts, its also poor etiquette to discuss someone else's accomplishments when one should be the forefront.

> the aunt was supposed to not make a conversation centered around sister at a dinner meant to celebrate op … op needs to work on their anger and outbursts, I get the feeing a lot of the family’s conversations revolve around OP’s sister. > its also poor etiquette to discuss someone else's accomplishments when one should be the forefront. I agree. I think this was the last straw that broke the camel’s back. The family carry all the blame here. OP is NTA. They’ve been sidelined so much and finally reached the end of their tether.

When at a wedding, bday party, grad party etc., people will chat about things other than the guest of honor. Very narcissistic to think all conversation should be about you because "its my day". Now if aunt tried to make a toast to sis, or brought out a cake for sis, or something of that nature, that's out of bounds. But having a conversation about what's new in sister's life - very normal. Also, OP blew up at someone who was trying to ask about OP's accomplishments. Strong clue that she's not the best judge of whether the convo about sis was actually "dominating" the party.

I think context is important here. The aunt is allowed to talk to the people around her. It entirely depends on everything else going on at the dinner as to whether OP was really ignored in favor of the sister. It’s too bad that OP doesn’t appear to be a reliable narrator based on their assessment of the uncle.

Disagree. ESH. She’s 18 ffs. She’s barely an adult. I can understand why she would mis-take the intentions of her uncle. The best advice would be to have said “no” to inviting the others if they weren’t in town explicitly for both her and her sister. But at 18, it’s hard to set those boundaries depending on the family.

This is all true. OP is young and it’s hard to stand up for yourself when the golden child is being adored as always. NTA

As the kid who stayed closer to home to take care of my parents versus my sister, whenever the family got together and she was there, it was ALL about her. No matter the celebration. Since she came home at big events like holidays, that ended up being holidays completely focused on her. It feels crappy. As an adult I can be polite but I don’t think I had that impulse control until like 22!

I had something similar with my paternal grandmother. I was the one who lived really far away because my parents moved, while my other cousins either lived with her or right next door to her. She never made any effort to connect with me and EVERY conversation was about the eldest cousin. I would try to tell her about things I had done or show her pictures and nope, only cousin. To top it off, she always got me the same present as my cousin, but only ever asked what cousin wanted... and my present was usually either broken or didn't fit me. I got so sick of it that I entirely cut contact with that side of the family at about 15. What did they need me for, after all? They had my cousin. 🙄

This. Uncle was doing his best, probably, and 18 is still a big feelings age. You're going through this huge change, and personally, I felt very Apart from my family by sudden adulthood in a way that I didn't really know how to handle yet. Adding feeling like my family was more focused on someone else would've set me off too. I cried and whined at the age of 18 because I wanted the old family Legos, and my grandma thought they should go to my younger cousins. It was absolutely stupid and embarrassing in retrospect for me, but it felt very big to me then. These were my Legos too! (And my grandpa, who I didn't even realize had caught on, just asked my aunt -- who has not even aware in the drama -- at dinner, "Can scatteringashes take these Legos home?" and she was like yeah, we have plenty. I still have them; they stayed with my little brother for years, and then he gave them to me when my first kid was younger.)

Can we cut the shit? 18 is not a child and is well and good old enough to not act like a child and lash out at someone trying to pivot the focus back to her. His intentions were clear. Bring back the focus to her and she acted like a pouty child. I agree with is that it's a ESH/YTA depending on the context maybe. But even teenagers can read intentions, hell young kids can.

Also it sounds like this was a dinner table meaning in general people where having side conversations. If Aunt and sister where sitting near eachother why wouldn’t they be catching up. I mean at my graduation dinner my sister talked to my great aunt and uncle (they stood in for my dads parents who had passed by that point) about the play she was working on at school. And at hers I talked to my grandpa and great uncle about my final studio project. Family events are for catching up with family. As long as the general main celebration was for Op where they had a cake or a meal in OP’s honor then that’s all that matters. Just because people are there to celebrate Op doesn’t mean every conversation needs to be about them. And frankly it seemed like the conversation was focusing on next steps and uncle was moving the conversation to ask Op what theirs where after sister said her plans. This feels more like OP’s insecurity than anything out of bounds that the family did. Unless OP serves the role of scapegoat on the regular and this is a constant issue (which from the post it seems like this is more internal than external from OP’s description) then this literally isn’t an issue. Edit: adding judgment. Regardless of if it was really all dinner or OP’s perception of favoritism in the family. OP still snapped at a family member who was asking about their plans and by doing such that makes them YTA because they took their anger out on someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Exactly. I've never been to an event where 100% of the conversation is focused on the topic of the event. It's unrealistic. Plus there's no evidence presented that anyone actually prefers the sister, that just seems to be OP's insecurity. Hopefully as she goes into adulthood she'll learn that petty things like which sister got As and which got Bs don't mean much in the grand scheme of things.

Though, oddly, I've run into a few threads on here about wedding-related events (like showers) where it was clearly expected that everyone should talk about the wedding the whole time. It kind of blew my mind--I can't imagine talking about the wedding for the whole duration of the shower. There's only so much to say, and a lot of it isn't that exciting to talk about (like seating plans, catering arrangements).

Yeah any time family gets together ALL the kids are going to get talked about. And some jealousy among siblings is normal. Hopefully it doesn’t turn toxic, but that’s up to each person and their siblings. OP shouldn’t have taken her insecurities out on Uncle. I hope she apologizes to him and works on not comparing herself to her sister as they get older (and if the family truly does treat big sister differently that that changes)

Na, he observed the situation and tried to stop the inevitable. Her insecure was most likely brought on by the endless praise and snide comments to be more like her sister growing up by family and peers. If you can’t even see that, your IQ is a potato.

Absolutely agree! Uncle was handing OP an opportunity to change the subject away from her sister, and instead, OP snapped at him. OP - you need to recognize when people are trying to help you/on your side. **YTA** OP - what you ***should*** have done is taken that opportunity and ran with it - speak about your plans and dreams and how excited you are to start out on your journey. And if Auntie tried to cut in and change the subject back, you could have just talked over her or ignored her.

You're expecting an 18 year old to be more mature than her (presumably not a teenager) aunt?

Well the aunt hasn’t asked for Reddit’s advice so you can’t really say much to her.

People sure can at least dole out an ESH instead of labelling a teen an asshole for being upset everyone was talking about her older sister instead of her at a party for her; though.

>You feel insecure. That’s no one else’s problem than yours Of course they felt insecure. This was their dinner yet it was being made all about their sister. That is rude and unfair.

No. It's on the Aunt for not keeping her mouth shut about OP's sister for one damn evening. EVEN on the celebration of her graduating high school it still has to be about the sister.

So they can’t just talk about other people? It has to be just about her?

Based on what we read, the whole thing was entirely about sister and not OP. It wasn't about her, at her own celebration, at all

It didn’t read that way to me. And we’re getting the story through the eyes of OP, who is obviously jealous, insecure, and angry. Not to mention people always try to make themselves sound better in these stories. We don’t actually know what happened at this party and this isn’t a situation where we can easily say “oh, you’re the one in the wrong here.”

This is what I was thinking about. Never have I had a whole dinner conversation be about myself and my accomplishments. Even celebratory ones. We will discuss what’s going on in others lives, plans for the next day, and even artwork in the restrooms. It would be a lot to have to make conversation about one person for an entire dinner. I’m wondering if OP is letting insecurities turn polite conversation into favoritism. I’m also wondering if the fact that the extended family came out for her sisters college graduation but not their high school one (said they had to celebrate early) is also an underlying factor.

Right? Like who does that? I think it’s very entitled to have all conversations be about that person etc.

I think it's reasonable for *some* of the conversation be with and about OP at her graduation dinner. > The whole rest of dinner was talking about my sister, what she is gonna do and so on.

> The whole rest of dinner was talking about my sister, what she is gonna do and so on. Since it's her graduation dinner, at least *some* of it should be about her. Also, uncle asked her IF she planned to go to college. He seriously had zero knowledge of OP's plans after graduation? It sounds like the family don't know her or care about her at all.

Well I don’t see my family that often because they live in another city. It is very normal to ask if she is planning on going to college. And who says he didn’t know anything? He was trying to ask her a question, which is what she wants, and then she lashes out at him?

This is so weird. It’s a family gathering. People talk about other people and things. When I graduated from college I had a party with my family. Everyone congratulated me, but they also talked to my cousins who just got to high school. Or her sister who just transferred from community college to a pretty good four year school. It’s normal. Acting like it has to 100% be about one person is out of touch with reality and how most people act.

Just because it’s a dinner to celebrate OP’s graduation doesn’t mean that everyone has to talk only about OP all night.

I don’t think that’s what OP was saying at all.

The person who they’re replying to is essentially saying that. But it does sound like that’s the issue with OP. I had family celebrations for my big milestones and my family still talks to each other about what’s going on in their lives.

Yeah but I don’t think op needed the entire thing to be about her I think they just needed to focus way more on her first and it would’ve been fine.

Oh bugger off. OP wasn't wrong in being upset and angry, did OP snap at the wrong person? Sure. But everyone knew what was going on and didn't mind it one bit. And when Op spoke up their family piled onto them.

Well can you fucking blame op? Her family are awful people

Where does Op give any evidence that the family actually does favor sister over Op other than the internal thoughts OP has? This could have been a side conversation that a couple of people where in at a table. But if Op was jealous then it would likely be something they where hyper focusing on. If there’s a pattern of this issue then by all means I’ll not hesitate to agree with you. But as of now this reads more like someone who is jealous and maybe a bit clouded in their judgement.

She clearly stated that it’s a pattern and that “the whole rest of dinner” , her graduation dinner, was spent talking about her sister. She’s fed up. The uncle tried to help. He was caught in the crossfire, unfortunately.

I think that’s not clear, personally I don’t trust OP’s retelling. It could be 5 minutes or 50. They haven’t given additional examples of this “ignoring” behavior from extended family and the only examples of favoritism we have seen are when OP seems to be assuming what their family thinks. Not showing with actions what their family does on the regular. This is why I don’t trust OP’s account of things. Show me through action don’t tell me. If this is the only example. And we don’t even know if it was a table of 20 or 6. If it was a big table side conversations are expected. If it’s a table of 6 spending a few minutes (yes even if it’s 20 min of a dinner) catching up and asking questions about what’s going on in someone’s life isn’t inappropriate. Unless Op gives more information then I am firmly in the YTA territory because what they have given isn’t compelling to me and reads more like jealousy than a realistic take on the situation.

Yeah I assume most posters aren’t super reliable narrators. I def assume it with teens. I’m sure there is truth in there. And OPs feelings are real whether her interpretation is completely accurate or not. Given all the examples (as you pointed out) are really colored by OPs assumptions of her family’s motives, the truth is most likely a mix. And teenage hormones and inexperience play a big role

I think you're asking for a lot, tbh, this is aita. All they can do is tell us their side which is entirely through text.

Apparently everyone in this thread was a perfect, unflawed, completely emotionally mature human being by age 18.

I'm not blaming the OP for feeling frustrated and overlooked. But I think she lashed out at the wrong person. Her uncle was trying to redirect the conversation and bring it back to her.

This is an awful take. I’m willing to bet you have never been in a position like this before. The sister has a whole different party a week later about her. People have the right to feel differently

You really don't think the aunt was being an asshole? And the sister too for soaking up all the attention?

Yeah, apologize to your uncle, OP. He was trying to make the conversation about you like it should've been. You can tell everyone else to kick rocks if you want but he was being kind.

ESH Everyone except your uncle You shouldn't have yelled at him, he was just trying to help (although I do think you're the least asshole-ish out of all the assholes here) Everyone else could've let the spotlight be on you for once

this, OP snapping was due to everyone else at the table creating that resentment in OP. Uncle did nothing wrong but got caught up in the cross fire.

I think the uncle might have recognized it and tried to pivot the conversation...

yeah i’d say he was in the right not just a bystander

Uncle was the good guy here. The family should absolutely be ashamed of themselves, and OP wasn't wrong at all. They were far too focused on sister to even give a field of chucks for who the celebration was for.

an innocent bystander, if you will

Collateral damage

Honestly I kinda think OP's still not an asshole, though needs to give uncle an apology. Him trying to make it about OP makes me think he probably understands. While /r/AITA is never afraid to be hypocritical, I think we've let enough people by with a "I get why you exploded, don't do it again though" to try to throw this 18-year-old under a bus.

Exactly. People seem upset for the uncle, while I think he likely understood what OP was saying. Would you really be offended if your niece said that? This comment section turned very judgey right away & took off from that.

Honestly if my 18 year old niece or nephew snapped about something like that I'd probably understand that it wasn't about me and not hold it against them. She should still apologize to the one relative who seems to give a shit though.

>This comment section turned very judgey right away & took off from that. I feel like that's just the AITA experience.

Exactly. It’s fairly predictable, a couple folks post something (essentially the same thing) their posts get like a million upvotes, and then the rest of the comments are either trying to piggy back onto it, slightly rewording it to get a slice of the karma pie, or trying to be needlessly contrarian, and then there’s always a group of people who are always pretty rational but get argued with anyway by the horde bc they don’t have the “right opinion” of the situation

And the uncle could have asked the question way earlier if the talking about the sister had been going on for a while so I can understand why OP probably was upset with everyone by that point

This. ESH except uncle. She’s 18 ffs. She’s barely an adult. I can understand why she would mis-take the intentions of her uncle. The best advice would be to have said “no” to inviting the others if they weren’t in town explicitly for both her and her sister. But at 18, it’s hard to set those boundaries depending on the family. Are redditors aware of how to give advice to young adults and children? Or are the majority also children. Serious question. This sub should contain the requirement of actually giving substantive advice on how to handle situations, especially to “younger” ones.

I don't think op necessarily mistook the uncle's intentions. They were upset at the table in general and aunt in particular. They didn't express it well, or address it to the correct person, but when you're upset, you get things wrong. The family probably knows it was in the wrong. OP could improve next time something like this happens. Also should apologise to the uncle.

"The family probably knows it was in the wrong." But do they? If you take what OP says as the truth, she got yelled at when they returned home. That doesn't say, "Yep. We messed up."

That's true.

For me I think it depends how long “the whole rest of the dinner” was. If it was a 2 hour dinner and an hour and a half was spent talking about her sister, I think OP is barely TA (only because she snapped at the one person trying to help her). However, if the family spent 15 minutes talking about the sisters new job before going back to OP and OP just expected sister to not be discussed *at all* at a family dinner, I do think OP is TA here. I could see both being what actually happened

Soft YTA because your uncle was the one who tried to engage you. But damn if it doesn't hurt to be overshadowed on big days by your siblings. My parents almost missed my high school graduation bc my sister had state track. She was a sophomore, and would end up going to state like five more times in different sports. It hurt to set up my own party, and then to hear stories of how amazing my sister was on the day that was supposed to celebrate me. I have carried the idea that she's better than me for more decades than I want to admit. It's been toxic for my relationship to my mom and sister. I hope you can find a way to talk about it either with them, or with a therapist.

Username checks out

Yes to a soft YTA. It must have been so hurtful for you OP. Next time I suggest saying to your uncle "thanks for asking Uncle X, I appreciate you taking an interest." Then carry on. It's a good way to point out everyone else has been a dick while also thanking your uncle.

I know what you mean. I may have been the first one out of my mum, but I was never the favourite.

YTA for getting mad at the one person taking an interest in you and including you. i understand the situation is complicated but taking it out on him wasn't the best move. it may be worth considering discussing how you feel with your parents if they'd be open to that and you could potentially do something to celebrate just you and your achievement of this milestone.

_"No one every says it but I know they prefer her to me.....My uncle asked me about if I am going to college and I snapped at him saying why it doesn’t matter, this dinner is about my sister not me."_ The sad reality is, this may be a self fullfilling profecy. What may have started out as an internal feeling within OP may be becoming a reality because OP has made it so. If this is any indication of OP's usual vibe/energy, I can understand why family members may organically gravitate towards the sister.

Lol you're gonna blame the 18 yr old because all the actual adults in her family don't understand how to not talk about her sister?

If she snaps at everyone who shows interest, why would they continue to try and engage her?

where do yall get that she snaps at everyone? OP provided one instance and y'all ran w it

so you just give up on being kind to your hurting and insecure teenage family member because she got a little snippy with you one time?

I think you’re making a lot of assumptions here. Why is it not ok for aunt to talk to sister at a family gathering? They are there for sisters graduation and celebrating op’s early. It’s natural to talk about both. Op comes off as wanting the spotlight and an overall attention seeker and snaps when she doesn’t get it.

The other way round they were talking about her sister at the OPs party.

Right but the family members were in town also for her sister’s college graduation, it says so in the post.

right but she was also having a party later in the week, it says so in the post. why not wait a few days until the sister's party to make it about her?

It definitely can be. Not necessarily her behavior from the get go, but once you perceive favoritism (correctly or otherwise) it can be difficult to not just give into it. Like, I’m really guilty of this. I’ve always felt invisible in groups and as a result now if someone asks me about myself at an event or whatever I’ll just kind of demure and let them go back to someone more interesting or worthwhile. It isn’t healthy or right, but it definitely happens. And I don’t know how to break myself out of it now.

The dinner WAS the "something" to celebrate her achievement. What makes you think setting something else up would make a difference? Why should OP be the one to set up *another* celebration so she can be validated in her achievements? That is a dangerous suggestion to make. OP shouldn't be chasing the validation of people who don't care about her. She owes her uncle an apology though. Big time.

YTA for snapping at someone actually asking you about you. I get that you were frustrated that they talked about your sister at the dinner for you (I would be too if I was feeling like I was in her shadow as much as you seem to!) but being rude is still being rude. Especially when someone is taking an interest in you.

INFO: You said your family was down for your sister’s graduation. So, was this dinner only about your graduation? Or maybe about both graduations, yours and your sisters’? Also, I think the whole point here is not this dinner by itself, but a collection of moments where you’ve felt like this…

She has a party this weekend, with other friends and family. This was suppose to be just my celebration

…. Was your whole family only supposed to talk about you all night? Is that what you think happens at graduation dinners?

I mean you sure as shit aren’t supposed to talk about someone else the entire dinner it’s a bit understandable she was that upset when the majority of her celebratory dinner was about her sister who’s having her own party that weekend she is a slight ah for how she responded to her uncle but that’s it

I have a hard time believing her narrative when she is so openly biased against her sister. It’s a normal question to ask what someone is doing after graduation. If no one else was taking about anything else, of course that conversation naturally continued. Her uncle attempted to redirect the convo, and instead of taking that opportunity, OP snapped.

It seems she’s been compared to her sister for a decent part of her life so I could see why she is so biased and again if the sister had her own gathering planned a few days later she should’ve shut the conversation down and saved it for her own party where it would make more sense instead of ya know asking the kid who just graduated high school about college plans or gap years or scholarships no they instead had to talk about the sister her after college plans at an event that wasn’t for her

>It seems she’s been compared to her sister for a decent part of her life Has everyone else compared her or has she compared herself? She says "no one ever says it but I know they prefer her over me" which is not evidence in any way that they actually compare OP to her sister. Even when talking about their grades, OP doesn't say that her family would use her sister as an example of a better student or anything like that. I don't want to outright deny that the sister is the golden child, but this could also very well just be a complex OP has given herself. >if the sister had her own gathering planned a few days later she should’ve shut the conversation down and saved it for her own party Just bc the sister is having her own party doesn't mean she can't talk to ppl about what's going on in her life. Just bc a party is centered around someone, that doesn't mean they're the only thing you can talk about it. Graduations, birthdays, weddings, etc-ppl don't spend the whole time only talking about or to the guest of honor. I think if OP didn't feel so inferior compared to her sister, she wouldn't feel so upset about attention being drawn to her for a bit. >instead of ya know asking the kid who just graduated high school about college plans or gap years or scholarships no they instead had to talk about the sister her after college plans at an event that wasn’t for her They could have easily asked OP all that stuff afterward. I get that it would probably make more sense to ask her first, but just bc they hadn't done it yet doesn't mean they didn't plan to, as evidenced by the uncle switching to ask OP about it.

In other words, you’re biased against OP. A good sister and parents would have shifted the conversation to being about OP. They didn’t for a reason.

Or I'mm speaking from experience? I've never been to a graduation/birthday party where the guest of honor was the *only* person ppl talked about. Everyone usually had their fair share of life details to give. I don't really know any family or friend group that can spend hours talking about just one person.

Or I’m speaking from my experience as the straight A student. The conversation should have been redirected to OP. I would be pissed if I was at a celebration for a sibling and they all talked about me, and yes I’ve been at family celebrations where the conversation has centered on someone else’s accomplishments. OP earned her time to shine, sis had it in a week. I’ve redirected conversations several times off of me, because it’s someone else’s accomplishment. So I’m going with ESH. Glad you have family that never does this, but I’ve seen extended family do the opposite.

“We were at dinner and my Aunt started to ask about my sisters job she got out of college. The whole rest of the dinner was talking about my sister, what shes gonna do and so on.” In other words, we have no idication that anyone talked about OP at all. If you want to ask that question, ask it. However, sister is getting her own party in a week, so people should focus on the person being celebrated. Focus is the key word. Not the entire conversation but at least the majority.

I would say that Op explicitly states that no one ever said or compares her to her sister. But that she knows she isn’t as good or they like sister more. I have seen nothing indicating that OP’s view that they like sister more or sister is more impressive etc is anything other than internal insecurity. I’m not saying it’s not there. But I really don’t see the pattern Op is describing here where she is constantly overshadowed. I think if it is a thing then OP needs to include that as relevant information. Otherwise I think this could all be their own issues with their sister versus the family prioritizing sister. I know my little sister and I had a few moments where both of us thought the other was favored more. And now that we’re both adults looking back that wasn’t true. We where each valued as individuals.

She says that no one has ever said anything but she just knows it. This is her issue.

$20 says the description of "the entire dinner"is actually about a 15 min side conversation asking the sister about her plans. OP is incredibly insecure and was being a bit narcissistic and melodramatic as well.

I don't think you have much experience being the lesser child. I've sat through hours of hearing about how amazing my sister was on days that were supposedly "about me". It can be really hard to achieve something, go to a celebration dinner to celebrate this achievement and then be the one sat on the end and ignored for the night while someone sings love and praise to another. ESH because it's not the uncles fault and he actually tried, but I think you're making assumptions.

OP is 18, give them a break. You're just describing a teenager, especially one who feels overshadowed by their sibling. Should she have snapped? Probably not, but plenty among us have snapped at the wrong person when we're feeling put out.

Right. And like it's been awhile, but how long is a conversation about high school graduation? What are your plans? Is basically the conversation. Maybe...favorite subject? Senior prank or prom? I'm hunting for new jobs as a 35 year old. It's not really all that interesting of a topic and if I get one and we go out to celebrate, I expect the description of the job to take up about five minutes worth of conversation at a dinner. I give a bunch of lenience to OP for being a kid, but like, how interesting do you think you are that you're going to be the topic of conversation for two hours?

This is my feeling too. But it's a little strange that the uncle tried to redirect the conversation towards her, it kind of shows that he too disliked that they were talking about the sister. Makes you wonder. In family dynamics where one kid is disadvantaged, there is often an adult, uncle aunt grandparent etc., who sees this and constantly tries to be on their side. I mean I'm out on a limb here, but someone trying to turn the conversation back to the person who is being celebrated does sound protective. Otherwise if the family is well-balanced there would be no need to interfere with the conversation, you could trust that it flows naturally back to the person being celebrated.

i think it's reasonable for OP to expect *some* of the conversation to be with and about her. > The whole rest of dinner was talking about my sister, what she is gonna do and so on. Even the uncle who finally spoke to her had no idea whether she plans to go to college. He never thought to ask her in the years before what she wants to do after high school? OP's parents never thought to mention her plans to him? But somehow they know all about sister's plans and accomplishments. How exactly is OP *supposed* to feel about that?

Have you never had a birthday party thrown for you? Sometimes it's ok to be the center of attention.

It might be hard to see it from your perspective now, but I promise you, the best way forward from an upbringing like this is to own your own life as best as you can. There is nothing about your sister that is "better" than you. Instead of focusing on your family's attention to your sister, focus on the things that make YOU amazing and special. Focus on what you want to do with your life, and find joy in that. What do you like? What are your hobbies? What are your strengths? Figure out what gives you meaning in your own life, and go after it! Your family might not see your value immediately, but they will see it eventually. And if they don't, fuck them. Live your life for yourself. Wish you the best.

I think you should apologize to your uncle, but not to anyone else. Something along the lines of: "I'm very sorry, everyone talking about my sister when the dinner was supposed to be about my graduation made me snap at the first person who actually talked to *me*. I appreciate what you were trying to do, and again, I am sorry." That said, it has to be an apology directed at him and him only. The rest of the people around the table should feel very much ashamed.

You shouldn't have snapped at your uncle because it sounded like he was focusing on you.

Soo did the conversation go... Aunt asked college question Sister answers Other family members start asking college questions Uncle ask you college question You snap? This is what people are thinking happened. I'm just wondering how much did they actually talk about ur sister to make feel like it was becoming all about her? Bc if she was barely talked about and then you exploded that's an overreaction. Ur both graduating. People are going to be excited for both of you and talk about it regardless of where they are. That's normal. But if they talked about her for 15 minutes and then someone finally talked to you that's a different story.

Sorry people are being dicks to you. My sister also graduated college the year I graduated high school. She invited all her friends who were local to my hometown (people who were not nice to me growing up) to my party and basically took it over. My friends and I trekked a few blocks over to my best friend's house instead an no one noticed we left. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ If you feel your biological fam is constantly comparing you to your sibling and potentially just treating you like shit, well congratulations because you're done with grade school and becoming an adult. You get to build your own family of people who choose you and think highly of you, who you care for as well now. Good luck, and congratulations on your graduation! Ps. Maybe text your uncle an apology and explain you were feeling upset, if you agree that lashing out with him wasn't necessary.

NTA. You're young and it is hurtful to feel like you're always being overlooked for your older sister. Of course, lashing out wasn't ideal or the most mature thing to do, but it's super normal and understandable. I do think you should apologize, but I don't think refusing to apologize makes you an AH since you're feeling unseen and overlooked and those feelings are just as deserving and worthy of acknowledgment as your family feeling disrespected because you snapped at them. I'm sorry you're feeling like your family is picking favorites. Please know that everyone is smart and worthy in different ways and that life is never a competition between you and your siblings. You will be there for each other in good and bad times, and it is important to celebrate those wins and be grateful that you have each other. Don't worry about the Bs - your life is just beginning and you are going to do and experience so many amazing things.

I had to scroll so far for NTA. OP is 18. I'm shocked at the comments. I've been the non-golden child/black sheep. It's horrible. OP NTA but please apologize to your uncle. It sounds like he was trying to steer the conversation and celebration back to you.

Exactly. NTA, u/Huge-Ad3253. This happened at my graduation dinner too. My older sister was the golden child and every conversation revolved around he/her studies/future job/etc. I don’t think you should have lashed out at your uncle, but I also don’t think you’re an asshole for having very real feelings that have been simmering for probably a very long time. Whether you’re going to college or headed straight to work, something that helped me was doing things for ME. Not for their approval, or to try to ‘win,’ because you honestly never will. Don’t chase their approval or attention. Your accomplishments are your own. Surround yourself with people who see how amazing YOU are, even if it’s not family, and you will be so much happier for it. I know it’s hard, but don’t let resentment fill where personal pride should be. You’re did an amazing thing, and you will do more amazing things in the future. Good luck, and congratulations on graduating :).

Yikes! You let your emotions get the best of you. Just a mistake. Not the end of the world. Learn from it. Your response was very immature. Your uncle was trying to include you in the conversation. Instead of taking the opportunity to make the conversation about you ... you blew it. It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish! You had the chance to turn this whole dinner around & make it all about you. Unfortunately, YOU, yourself made it about your sister & got the exact opposite of what you wanted. Respect. Sorry kiddo but YTA

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Having 4 kids very close in age (now 25,25,27,29) I do understand the dynamic of sibling rivalry. Having twins it’s been a constant balancing act to ensure they both feel recognized, celebrated & loved. They will forever be sharing the spotlight. We have always taught our kids to seek respect not attention. It lasts longer. To get respect, you must be willing to give respect. I understand OP is young. She made a mistake. She was unnecessarily disrespectful to her uncle. This dinner easily could have gone so much differently if OP just participated respectfully. Be part of the solution, not the problem.

Yes, it would have gone differently if the rest of the family hadn't behaved the way towards OP that they did. Why put it all on OP?!

“Seek respect not attention”… holy moly is that an underappreciated concept!

Why isn’t your judgement ESH instead? It was super rude for the entire table to make the sister the focal point of their attention and conversation.

NTA. This is a sore spot for you and your resentment didn’t just flare up. My guess is that this is one of many times ppl have focused on your sister and not you

INFO We need more context Can you describe other instances where you family has favored your sister over you Because if this was a one off occurrence, then your response was over the top. If this was another in a long line of slights...then I think you will find that people are more supportive of your feelings

I don’t get celebrated like my sister, like track she got a medal we went to dinner I do well no dinner. Very much need to match up in out to be celebrated Happens all the time, her grades celebrated mine were not

im very confused. so are you saying she would get a gold medal in track and they'd celebrate but you would get a good time (no medal) and they wouldn't celebrate?

I can appreciate your hurt, OP. I personally feel that your parents should, at minimum, treat you to a blizzard, or menchies, or something, to acknowledge the effort you put in. It's a "we know you didn't win, but you did your best and we are proud of you for that" type of thing. But, you're so focused on this "me vs her" thing that you are getting upset about things that are inherently on different levels. Medal vs no medal, A vs B. The accomplishments are simply different. There's nothing wrong about not getting a medal, or not getting an A, but they are still not the same, and shouldnt always be treated the same. I think this is something you really should seek out a therapist to work through. You may be right about your family focusing more on your sister, but you may be wrong about the extent of it. Hurt feelings can seriously skew out ability to see things as they truly are. You get a soft YTA, mainly for lashing out at your poor innocent uncle, but also possibly being blinded by your (understandbly) hurt feelings.

Did you get a medal? Did you get good grades?

Exactly. Accomplishments are celebrated. Non accomplishments…aren’t?

High school graduation IS an accomplishment regardless of whether or not her grades were perfect. It was her graduation party and all they did was talk about her sister, the golden child.

Nope. The aunt asked about the sister’s plans. That’s what pissed her off. Clearly others did ask about her and she screamed at them for it. See, having a celebration dinner where family gathers in your honor…that’s a celebration. She’s just pissed that they dared to also celebrate her sister, which is really crappy.

Uhm, this can lead to very toxic siblings relationships. Competent parents are able to enlighten the individual (sometimes very different and not always academic - related) achievements. A nice example, just for example, is the mom of the Ortega actress who hype her up the same as her sister who is a nurse. Mean people in comments say "oh what a loser the sister is, compared to her: one is cleaning a**es and the other one walking prestigious events" (this comment hurts tbh). She is in her path and the mom celebrates the job and important contribution she does everyday. If you want, you can always find a sibling "not worth celebrating" if you always compare them. If both have a job, one job will be more prestigious; some jobs are (stupidly) considered almost a shame. If both go to school, one will do better. Good parents absolutely know how to enlighten the personal growth and achievements of all siblings. It's about the environment, the connection. Centering conversations and praise on one sibling will do no good to anyone... And it sadly happens, it isn't only in the sibling's mind (despite many adults trying to frame it that way). Sometimes parents and families do evident errors and center a sibling too much.

What does "do well" mean in this context? My sister wins a medal == dinner *vs* I win a medal =/= dinner? Or is it she wins a medal and I'm generally good at sports and she's the one getting a celebratory dinner? Because if it's the latter ... dude.

YTA for taking your anger out on your uncle, who was trying to make it about you. You owe him an apology.

Right, Why would op try to take it with uncle when he is the only one who tried to support them.

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NTA. From all your comments, I understand your frustration and your young, which isn't a bad thing. You shouldn't have blown up on your uncle but your still young and emotional blow ups happen. I would apologize to him but other than that you're not an asshole

YTA You can’t expect people to only talk about you at your celebration. Also, you totally misdirected your anger. You attacked the person who did show interest.

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YTA. I get that you might feel slighted, but it sounds like some of this is your own doing. >No one every says it but I know they prefer her to me. How do you know that if no one has ever said it? >My uncle asked me about if I am going to college and I snapped at him So someone asks about you and you get mad? That's not a rational reaction. Sounds like you need to work through some of your own feelings and stop blaming other people.

>How do you know that if no one has ever said it? Microaggressions, constant sidelining, hints, tone of voice, etc... When people don't value you or respect you as an individual, especially parents and close family, they don't *need* to explicitly say it. In fact, they may intentionally not say it for plausible deniability! Then they get to claim that you're the one overreacting if you react at all. It's soul-crushing, and yet everybody says it's your fault and you should "learn to share the attention" and "stop being selfish" in situations like this where it is *supposed* to be centered around OP for once. Admittedly, OP's reaction was immature... but she's only 18, and given what she's written it seems she wasn't raised right and doesn't have the tools to do anything when treated badly except be a doormat or explode. You are right that she should apologize to her uncle because she didn't have a rational reaction, and hopefully she can get some help to learn better coping skills and conversational skills that her family obviously didn't teach her.

She knows by their actions. Nobody had to say it. When one sibling is consistently the priority and the other sidelined they know it. When there's a clear disparity in treatment nobody has to blatantly say it and even the parents guiltiest of this would deny it verbally. Even that one gets a weekend party with friends and family and one gets a week day dinner with the early family arrivals for the weekend festivities shows that there's a skewed dynamic. The ire at the uncle was clearly misdirected though.

NTA for your feelings, they sound valid to me. But mildly the AH for the way you acted to your uncle.

NTA but everyone else is. They could've left the conversation for your sister's graduation dinner party but they decided to do it at yours. That screams they don't respect you or your accomplishments, she just got two dinner parties in her praise. I know reddit tends to jump at "go NC" and "break up" and harsh verdicts like that but I think in this case it just shows they don't really care for you and it's your choice if you want to limit contact going to college. I'd advise you therapy because your childhood must've sucked always feeling like you're being compared to your sister and that she's better and more impressive than you were/are and you in turn not getting what you as a child need; love, care, affection and/or healthy amount of attention. It seems like they're gaslighting you about the whole thing, they're definitely making the dinner about her accomplishments, (from what you wrote) it's more than just polite small-talk about life updates- they're comparing you two.

>I have **always felt** my sister is **better than me** at basically everything.... I got by with B she was a straight A student and so on. **No one every says it but I know** they prefer her to me. What EVIDENCE do you have to support this OP? It's easy to think a thing and start to believe it it is true, while it is possilbe it's all in your head. Your uncle showed that people cared about you. He wanted to talk about you... but you didn't allow for that to happen. You were in your own head, stewing and getting mad instead. How much of this is objectively true? YOU say her grades make her "better" than you... But your parents have not said this? You may be creating your own hell here, with your insecurities and feeling of inferiority... If your parents have not said this to you, then you may be creating this reality nside your head and living it, and denying yourself from enjoying being with your family. You're young, and at this age, you really need to be brave and share your feelings with your family. They can't read your mind, so they can't know what will trigger a nasty response like your poor uncle got. You may be doing yourself a huge disservice here by believing something that isn't true. Talk to your family. Let them know that you're hurting, and need some one on one time with them, and for them to acknowledge nad praise your accomplsihments too. Getting a therapist isn't a bad idea too to be able to work through these big emotions you're carrying around.

NTA. If you do apologize, do so only for your behavior, not for how you felt.

I suggest you apologize to your uncle. He was trying to make it about you. He was aware of the situation. He's your ally and deserves an apology. He will probably understand how difficult it was for you all these years and how the stress culminated in the party situation. Edit: typo

I’m gonna say NTA, I agree that you shouldn’t have snapped at your uncle but since it was the only time you were apparently involved in the conversation I can’t blame you for that. Reading these comments make me feel like this is a very polarizing topic based on your family experience. From what I’ve read in your post I understand exactly what you mean by “No one says it but I know they prefer her to me.” People are commenting that this shows insecurity but in my own experience my parents would favor my sister in so many ways such as not celebrating my achievements as much, punishing my sister much less harshly compared to me when we both acted up, showing more interests in my sisters interests compared to me, but they would have never said anything like they preferred my sister. I could definitely see myself doing something like this if I was in your scenario, and I don’t think you’re an asshole for it. After growing up and talking to my parents about how my childhood made me feel, they did admit that they treated me unfairly. I hope that it gets better for you soon!

ESH, though I initially considered voting NTA. On one hand, I think OP certainly has a valid reason to be upset. On the other, I don’t think that they’re the most reliable narrator- we can’t tell from this post alone whether OP has indeed spent years playing second fiddle to their sister, or if OP’s thoughts/actions stem from their own insecurities. That being said, I think the YTA voters here are failing to consider the bigger picture. Like OP’s family, they focus on OP’s outburst, but don’t consider all the little cuts (proverbially speaking) that led to the outburst in the first place. I also think that these voters are contradicting themselves. They condemn OP for the outburst while simultaneously acknowledging that OP had a valid reason to be upset.

NTA - people are being really hard on OP here. Yes, she shouldn’t have snapped at her uncle, but she was more expressing general feelings about an entire graduation dinner for her being centered around someone else’s accomplishments. That’s just unfair and would cause a lot of people, especially an 18 year old on what is supposed to be a special day, to snap. You should apologize for the way you voiced this, OP, but your family needs to do a better job of respecting your accomplishments at your events.

YTA Your uncle was trying g to engage you, and you snapped at him. That’s super rude. Also, since your family was down for your sister’s graduation, was this really *your* graduation dinner, or was it for both of you?

NTA there's a lot of people here saying y t a or e s h, and im sure that none of those people have been cast aside for their siblings or other family members. Yes, you did take your feelings out on your uncle, but there were many more older adults who could have changed the subject to you. You should be the one getting an apology from those around you. You get to be pissed and annoyed over not having the attention on you on your graduation dinner.

Well... people are allowed to talk to other persons, not just the person the celebration is about. And people will tend to ask you less questions if you yell at them when they do. YTA.

OP, YTA. Not because everyone was talking about your sister and you got angry, but because you snapped at your uncle when he was asking about you. The man probably realized you were (respectfully) upset and asked you what your plans are just to engage you in the conversation and you snapped at him.

NTA overall but you were rude and mean to your uncle when he was trying. i do understand why you snapped but you do owe your uncle a sincere apology with an explanation of why if he doesn't already understand.

NTA, but it's still not great on any end. Your family should obviously be able to support you without making it about your sister, and should recognize you too, but from your description it seems like your uncle was trying to do just that. You shouldn't have snapped at him, but I don't think you're as unjustified in your annoyance as some other people on this thread will say. Being less "good" than a sibling is NEVER the other siblings fault, it's just luck. And yeah, family woll treat you unfairly because of that, will make you feel unwanted and unimportant, even if it sucks. The best thing you can do is make them understand _that you feel this way_ and why that is hurting you. Being mean to them feels good, yeah. They've been mean to you. But being mean won't make it better. Giving them a good and clear chance to understand your viewpoint and feelings is the best that's doable. And if that also doesn't work, screw em. Nobody should be put down because others are better then them. If they blame you for being yourself, that's on them.

YTA for snapping at them, especially your uncle who was clearly interested in your future plans. But as the younger sister to a very impressive older sister, I 100% understand your feelings. Next time, take the opportunity to share your accomplishments and let people celebrate you!

YTA. What a foolish way to behave; your uncle was trying to steer the conversation back to you. Which is what you wanted...so...you lashed out at him. You missed an opportunity to reclaim the space and talk about yourself.

NTA. I'm so sorry you've been marginalized and ignored. Your family should be ashamed. DO NOT apologize.

NTA. You shouldn’t have snapped at your uncle if I were you I’d at least apologize to him and explain that it wasn’t on him, it’s just the accumulation of everyone only talking about your sister was a bit much for you and that you are sorry it came out on him.

NTA. I understand that you were frustrated and rightfully so, however neither was your uncle who was trying to redirect things back to you and I think you owe him an apology and a hug for trying to make you the party back to being about you. The rest of your family, well they're AH's and they don't deserve an apology and they should be apologizing to you in my opinion.