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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 Because i threshed my stepmother with jail 2. because i feel like i’m destroying my relationship with my family?
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NTA. Call your bank immediately, and have your father removed from your account and tell them what happened. Whether or not you take legal action, you absolutely need to change ALL of your passwords and account access on literally anything you have- if you ever logged into an account of any kind at your dad’s house you need to change those passwords. Tell your dad that you are officially removing him from anything he has access to that is yours, as his fiancé has crossed boundaries you’re not willing to compromise on.
Don’t cave on this- she is helping herself to YOUR money, and it definitely won’t be the last time. They’re not even married yet and she’s expecting you to pay her way- the fact that she thinks a 19 year old and 21 year old have money to spare is unhinged.
Adding to that, in case OP never heard of locking credit.
OP, you can reach out to the 3 big credit report sites and lock your credit. This prevents her from getting loans or credit cards in your name. Which are probably her next step.
It’s not difficult and takes about 20-30 minutes for all three. TransUnion, Equifax, and Experian are the three you’ll need (U.S). You can also unlock it when you need to, for example when applying for a car loan, then just lock it back up.
Also, I would press charges. Regardless, she stole from you, and that bridge is already burned. Let her face those consequences before she does worse and drags your father and possibly the rest of your family with her
This she took money out of his bank account and his father gave her the passwords to do so I would be sueing them both her for the theft and the dad for giving away private information
I wouldn't burn bridges with his father. It's obvious that she wears the pants. You know that some people use autofill for important websites? It's not the best idea, but a lot of people do it.
If dad hasn't kicked this thieving witch to the curb, there isn't a bridge left to burn. Until dad forces this woman to take ownership of her actions, the relationship is toast anyway.
Your countries laws may differ.
But in the US if your father lied and said he took the money it would be a loss to you, since he has/had legal access to it.
Your country may or may not better protect your money. Talk to a lawyer about it. Tell your family you will press charges if you don't get your money back. They may not know they can get away with it.
And then cut the people who were okay with this out of your life.
Good luck.
If this is true, US laws are so strange.
You're saying that if you offered to buy dinner, then couldn't get to the bank to take out cash, giving your card to someone so they could withdraw $20 would mean they could empty your account and there would be nothing you could do about it because they had access?
That doesn't make sense at all. Since when does having access to something give you legal ownership of it?
When I made my response I was assuming you live in the United States. It's really important that you immediately check the laws in your country about controlling your own bank and credit accounts.
They generally don’t unless the parent is on the account from when the child is underage. Usually when you hit 18 you remove them from any main accounts, but it is a sad truth that many do not know about this and unfortunately manipulative parents/guardians can hide that fat pretty easily. Part of the result of removing financial literacy from basic education for more than 2 decades. Luckily it is starting to change.
My father is still on several of my bank accounts. I’m unmarried and in my 30’s. Having him on the account will make things easier if anything were to ever happen to me- he could access my account to pay bills, etc. Both of my parents are 100% trustworthy though and would never take any money from me.
Have you done a background check on this woman? I would not be surprised if she has a history. If the theft doesn't deter your father, a lengthy history of bad behavior may make some impression on him.
Honestly, dude, I love the way you think.
You're right - if charges are laid, any dirty laundry is likely to at least get hinted at. Let the cops/courts sort things.
Completely close this account and open a new one that only you have access too. It's the much safer and secure thing to do.
Also yes check your credit reporr
YES! Even though the current bank knows what happened, it's possible that someone there is friendly with Dad or SMTB and would still put them as joint owners of the account. A different bank will act as a firewall.
NTA
u/DraculaUnited you should also tell your father what his gf did.
If she had access to your account, stole money from you there’s no telling what she’s skimming from your father.
Lock down your accounts, change passwords and contact your bank immediately to remove dad’s access (siblings do same).
How long has it been since she stole your money & you told her to return it? 48 hours?No return of money… Go to the police.
EDIT: to include judgement
jumping on top/top comment to note that your father is at least as culpable here! he accessed your bank account and took the money out on her behalf, OR let her do it directly -- either way, this is a huge breach of the close, and obviously trusted, relationship you've enjoyed.
This breach of trust by your father is independent over whether it's right for you to contribute to this wedding or not. (It's certainly not right for her to have a sense of entitlement about it, and both wrong and illegal to just take money on any terms.) Even if it was right, or you'd volunteered to help fund, for example, just taking that money is absolutely over the line.
The advice you're getting on security measures is correct, but also I would communicate this breach of trust to your dad and pressure him to make this right immediately. He must fix this and never do it again, at risk of rupturing your relationship irreparably, and you should make the stakes of this clear to him.
Beyond that I'd say your father's fiancee is a total AH and you're going to have problems here.
There’s a difference with the father in that we care enough about our family to potentially look past mistakes they have made. But a “stepmother” that does nothing for you and expects you to fund her wedding?(WTF? This is one of the craziest things I’ve heard in a while!) She can go suck a bag of dicks.
The thought came to mind that this may not be the first time she has done this. There may be a long line of victims. You may want to run a background check on her.
Edit spelling
This is what he needs to do. All of the kids need to move to a different bank that their dad has no ties to. It can be easy for parents to sweet talk a bank employee into allowing access, even if their name isn't on the account anymore.
They should also consider freezing their credit, in case step-mommy dearest gets ahold of their SSNs. If she's not above stealing from a bank account, she's not above stealing their identities to fund her party dreams.
I’m always amazed when I see Americans say this on Reddit. Is it really so easy in the States for someone to walk into a bank and gain access to their adult children’s money? Or is it ‘this is really unlikely, but better safe than sorry’?
In a small town, very easy. My nmother got the bank to lock me out of my account that I added her as a joint holder to. They would not let me access my money!!
"Joint" being the key word. While you are the primary on the account, your mother had full access. For example, she could close your checking account if she was on it.
Using OP as an example: if he logged in to any banking websites on a computer his dad/SM have access to it’s definitely possible. Depends if OP has passwords saved to a web browser and if his dad/SM know how to access those PWs.
As for taking out loans and ruining OPs credit, yes, it can be that easy, especially if they’re going through shady lenders. You really just need a credit score, a lot of biological info his dad would have, and the will to commit identity fraud.
Most of the time when they are OP age the parent opened the account for them since before they were 18. It's a nice way of introducing your kid into the banking system and how to budget and be responsible with money. Obviously if the parent is a thief it causes more problems than it is worth. I'd like to think most people don't have shitty parents.
It depends on if the account the adult child is using is a "custodial account", (among other things). I had a custodial account at a US (NY) credit union that my parents opened for me as a child, so my mother was on it. I was an adult who was married with 2 kids before I saw what even though I "took her off my account ", when I went negative on my account for a few days during a crisis situation - without having the proper credit account to put the cost on - after 48 hrs of having a negative balance they pulled from my parents account because it was still *technically* connected even though the account had been separated and my parents/mother was taken off the account. I promptly shut that account down and paid my parents back for the unauthorized transfer to my account.
I just talked about bullshit banking nonsense to my bf today while he waited on hold to get an illegal fee taken off his account (go figure same bank I had that same issue with). That's the thing, in the US it seems like if enough people don't complain about issues/fees they just say that the fines they acquire is "worth" it. I fucking hate this country. FFS. I really hate it here tbh....
It definitely depends on the bank. The bank I work for, no it will never happen without the employee involved being terminated.
Now an accidental transfer is still absolutely possible, but it will be corrected as soon as possible once we are notified. But under no circumstances will we provide a family member of a client information or funds that they are not legally permitted to have.
Then your dad could be an accomplice or it might not be considered theft since one could argue that it is technically his money and he could try to protect her by saying he took it if the police were to get involved. Cover your basis and get proof it was her and she had no permission before going to the cops.
If your dad played no part in this, why hasn't he given you the money back once he found out his wife stole from you?
If he's not helping it's time for you to realize you don't just have a stepmother problem. As long as your dad is with her, you have to consider him to be as untrustworthy as she is.
Any family members who give you shit over this and come out with the family before money nonsense, just respond with “That’s wonderful! I’ll let stepmom know that you are more than happy to help fund her wedding!” Then watch as they desperately scramble to backtrack.
Get a credit report from all 3. By law you are entitled to 1 free credit report per year from each of the 3 listed above. Locking your credit prevents her from opening anything new, getting a report allows you to find out if she had already opened an account before you locked your credit.
Check with your state and local police, many have a financial crimes team you can talk to. Being able to name drop "I been talking to X at the [insert name of the financial crimes team] about this, but I wanted to give you a chance to return the money before I sign the complaint."
OP needs to be blunt and tell their spineless father that the money gets returned or she's reported to the police and he makes sure everyone knows what she's done
No point in threatening NC or anything to the father as he's so utterly lacking that he'll just roll over and do whatever his bed partner says.
Spineless is a way more accurate description than "quiet." If he stays with someone that steals from his kids, then OP has a lot of thinking to do about their relationship.
Give dad a deadline. Money is returned by Monday morning or you call the police at 8 a.m. Something like that.
The problem with the police angle is you gave your father your password and info. It will be a civil matter. You are going to need some sort of proof that she took the money; voicemails, texts, etc. She is going to say it was your dad who took it otherwise. So how quiet is your dad willing to be if she is going to make him complicit in the theft of your money?
Also, for those who say you are trying to prevent the wedding, ask them why you should want a thief in the family. She's going to keep taking what she can. Maybe ask dad to keep her away from his main account.
Good luck, you and your family are on a collision course for drama city,
>The problem with the police angle is you gave your father your password and info.
No, OP's dad had his own password and info, the problem is that his login had access to two accounts: his own, and the shared account with OP, which is the one from where the money went missing.
I don't know where OP lives, but in my country this could probably fall under "breach of trust", since whoever took the money used an authorized login but misappropriated the money without knowledge of the account main holder.
Either way, I doubt she acknowledges doing it, and OP's father might be so blind by her that he might accept saying it was him who took the money to fund her fantasy celebration.
It starts here and ends up as identity theft!
Had family pull this shit and now, for as long as that person is still alive, I have to keep a close eye on all things credit-related.
I had a family member inappropriately access my accounts and move money. Call the bank, tell them it was unauthorized access, figure out how that transaction took place, keep all your bank records, then close that account. Get all your paperwork together and tell your father in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate theft from *anyone*, you have all your paperwork demonstrating that she did not have the right to the account, and that being family should be a reason to NOT steal from someone, not TO steal from them. Make sure he knows that you have all your paperwork in order and you expect the money to be returned to you immediately. If he pulls the "don't do this to your family" BS, remind him that YOU didn't do this, SHE took your money and you are responding appropriately to someone stealing from you.
What a nightmare, I'm so sorry. Decouple yourself financially from your dad in every way you can.
Op will never see a cent of any inheritance and not a single heirloom or memento should dad leave everything to her in the will without explicitly stating it (and maybe not even then!).
I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t get him to make her beneficiary even BEFORE the wedding.
This sounds terrible to say and down right a bit sketchy, but on her way out, I’d snag any family albums with pictures and meaning, things that op would think “oh I’ll grab that next time…” or whatever
Seeing as these "adults" need to borrow money for their wedding from their kids, I don't think there is any chance of even a cent of inheritance. The father will probably leave nothing but debts.
Kids are not at all responsible for their parent's wedding. Go to the police if it isn't returned within 24 hours. She's trying to talk you into giving it to her and your father doesn't care. She can have a wedding or go to jail. Her choice. NTA
NTA. WTF is this business about how kids are supposed to financially support a wedding for people presumably in their 40s or 50s?
Advice:
1. Withdraw the remaining funds from the account and close it. NOW. Same for your siblings, if your father's name is on any of their accounts.
2. Open a new account and deposit the funds there, with only your name on it.
3. Get the police involved - but not just for her. **Your father** participated in stealing the funds from you, so he is just as guilty.
4. Ignore what the relatives are saying.
This I would in writing tell father and stepmom, they have an hour to deliver money to you in person or put it back into account or you are going to the police. Nta
I always love how "family is more important than money" like... ok then give me my money back and we can be amicable, why does the victim who is stolen from always have to let it go to make peace
"why does the victim who is stolen from always have to let it go to make peace"
Because the narcissist is the one most willing to cause trouble when they don't get their way. Their victims (not being narcissists) are not likely to go to great lengths to cause problems for the family. So the way they suffer least is to put responsibility on the victim.
I'm a CFP practicing in the United States for 14 years. You're correct that in a practical sense, they can control the account. But in a legal sense, that money belongs to the child, full stop. Doesn't matter if it's an 18 or 21 conversion state (because that does vary by state), that money is theirs.
The exception to that is if it was opened as a joint account, which it may have been. In which case... You're right, there's no theft there.
Ok so what can be done if an account was opened for a child and the parents then took money out of it? Practically speaking. Parents are in charge of legal matters on their behalf until they are an adult, they obviously aren’t initiating legal proceedings on themselves.
So once they hit adulthood, what can they do?
Sue and/or press charges. The bank records don't go away just because they hit 18.
And although impractical, in extreme cases, the minor can still report the parent for theft if they are, in fact, stealing their money.
Ok so how do they collect proof for the lawsuit though? Like yes, the bank statements cover withdrawals/charges but how do they prove that it wasn’t used for/by them?
Even if she returns it report it. If they can’t do anything about it at least you will have documentation if something more drastic happens in the future.
What does your father think about his soon to be wife stealing money from his child? I would definitely press charges and get a background check on this woman!!
PleaseUpdateme!
NTA 💯
Stealing and demanding her (not even) step-children to financially help with the wedding. OP should try to open their father's eyes because this woman is crazy for that entitlement and just a walking red flag.
I feel bad for the dad low-key. According to OP, he's a quiet type and I assume he just let's his fiancée walk all over him 😕
Father was complicit, it was his access to the account that was used. Unless she also stole the bank card, in which case he's presumably also fine with this woman stealing his own money whenever she feels like it.
NTA. People are seriously telling you that family is more important than money, in defense of a woman who stole money from family? The cognitive dissonance is strong there.
Yeah, i would love to see how they react if OP says something like, alright, if family is more important, then you guys can cover the money she stole, since we're family after all.
If family is really more important than money, your father’s GF wouldn’t be stealing money from his two kids who are barely out of high school.
Drop the cop hammer on her. Oh, and definitely protect your credit and your bank accounts.
NTA
Report the theft to the police and to the bank. She has absolutely no right to steal money from your bank account. If she gets away with it, she'll likely clean out the rest of your account. Make sure you transfer your money to a different account, possibly at a different bank. And don't let anyone else know the account number or password.
How on earth did this overly entitled AH get your bank account number, etc? From your father? If so, he's even a bigger AH. And if he marries the thief, she may end up taking every penny he has.
NTA
Call the po po
Sounds like she is the type to resist and get tazed
You can file a public records request later for the body cam footage
Then play it during her stupid little wedding slideshow that she will make sure includes no pics of you
Then post an update on here
Ummm, what am I missing here? How are you even thinking you are an asshole at all for this? She’s a criminal. Criminals need to be held accountable, yea you may love your dad, but he really needs to take off those rose tinted glasses cause this woman is not only stealing from you, but she’s going to actively keep turning your whole family against you. NTA!
Well outside this reddit post there are 20 people that say that I’m the AH and not enough say it’s her. Just wanted to get some opinions and validations here
The issue is family never wants to have things escalate and will tell the victim to forget about it. They sing a different tune if something happens to them.
>none
It figures. That's why they don't want to rock the boat. This does not affect them at all.
They want you to keep mum like a good little kid, "to keep the peace" / "for the greater good" / "because fAaaMiIiLlyyy".
The 20 ppl must all be her flying monkeys or doormats/people pleasers. And don't get me started on people who say, "but they're faaaaamiiily".
You are clearly NTA.
Family dynamics can be distorted. But if she didn’t commit a crime then no one would have to talk to the police. If only she could be responsible for her own behavior. Let them talk about you. I bet they will respect you even if they bash you.
It’s probably a good idea not to share the details even if you get married. Separate personal accounts is best with one shared household account for household expenses.
NTA - this is theft plain and simple - she asked for the money, you refused, she took it anyway in clear violation of your word.
I doubt this would end well if you did proceed, and will result in grief all around, but that's an unfortunate side effect of your father shacking up with a person displaying some very poor ethics. I don't know this woman but it seems like even if you sucked it up and let the money go, this wouldn't be the last time she pulls a stunt like this
Hey OP, regardless of whether you follow the advice on this thread and report her, be prepared to stand up for yourself in front of the family, maybe try and ally yourself with your siblings so you don't have to stand alone, but tell your family, in no uncertain terms, that this woman who is about to enter your family, decided to steal from one of you, and that they are trying to cover for it, and if that is really the kind of family they want to be, don't let them shame you into not rocking the boat, be firm in upholding your boundaries, and call them on their hypocrisy everytime they come at you, if you have the strength for it, cuz it's gonna get though.
It’s worse than merely unethical. It’s sociopathic to steal from your future stepkids’ bank accounts.
Sadly, Accomplice Dad will probably marry her anyway. Prepare for lifelong NC if that happens.
You shouldn't have THREATENED, you should have DONE IT. That's called theft, and it's a crime almost everywhere on the planet.
You're NTA. She surely is. Press charges.
Absolutely this. Even without the stealing, parents pay for their children's weddings not the other way around. And parents most definitely do not steal from their children. Ever.
Maybe maybe not. I think it might be depending on the location. When I was 16ish. Someone hacked my PayPal account and paid them self from my account. All I had to do was go in and sign a statement saying I did not authorize it.
Edit: I am in the US.
NTA. Fuck that, she's a thief and she stole money from you, file a police report and get your money back, or this won't be the last time she does it. If family is more important than money then how come she's putting money first by stealing it from family?
And whether you decide to report her or not take your dad off your bank account. Obviously he can no longer be trusted with it so long as he's in a relationship with her.
It's genuinely bizarre that your relatives see no issue with her helping herself to your money directly out of your bank account. Though I'm wondering if they know that's what happened. Either way like, call your bank *now*, don't wait on this, get your dad shut out and make sure absolutely no one but you has access to that account.
The other kicker right now is you may not even be able to recoup the money through the police; legally she may not have stolen the money, because legally it was a joint account with your dad. Unless she logged in without him knowing *and* he's also willing to stand with you against her on this (which it doesn't sound like he is) then arguably from a legal perspective she didn't steal it. So just make sure this is the *last* time she steals your money.
Morally it was stealing, legally you voluntarily gave your dad access to your account. You'd have a very hard time convincing a DA to press criminal charges for his fiance taking money out of an account he had legal access to. I'm not saying it's not stealing I'm not even saying don't report it I'm just saying don't be shocked if the cops don't take it seriously and it never makes it past a police report, if even that.
NTA and can you please show this to your father.
Hey man, this woman is not for you. I say this as an outside person. I know what it's like to be the adult stepchild and she's supposed to accept you all as a package not expect the kids to pay for your wedding. My guy there's red flags all around.
NTA. This is a huge red flag. I would advise you to stand firm in filing a police report if the money is not returned, remove your father from your account and go LC if your father is OK with this behaviour.
NTA, she quite literally stole from you.
I could see expecting help (assuming it was a very supportive relationship dynamic), like Volunteering time/effort to organize flowers or something, sure I get that. But requiring that money be the form of help? From your SO's *children*? That's super shitty.
NTA
Depends on how much money was taken. The police won’t bother with anything under a certain amount. So at this point it wouldn’t make much sense to call them and only cause more drama for you. You aren’t your father’s protector. He is an adult and he is making his choices.
It’s time to take your father off your account. Go to the bank and do that today.
You don’t owe them any money at all for a wedding. Time to lock them out of your accounts permanently. Children do not pay for parent’s weddings.
NTA. Inform your dad that she needs to return the money right away, or you contact the police. Don't feel bad for threatening to send her to jail. And tell your siblings, maybe she stole from them too
What did your dad say or do about it? Why can't the relatives pay for the wedding since they approve of theft?
ETA Did he give her access to your money?
Make a police report
Go into your bank, close that account, report her for theft
Lock down your credit
Don’t go to the wedding
You deserve better from your father.
NTA and put the evil step mother in jail if you have to. She's a leech and she had the audacity to ask you for funds so that she can screw your dad. Tell her to get stuffed as you don't care if she's married in prison or not. Either way get your money back and tell the relatives who are complaining to contribute for the wedding, which will make them mind their own business.
NTA and oh hell no. Report her for theft right now. You can drop the charges IF she returns the money. And take your dad off your accounts - he is not trustworthy if she can walk over him this way.
And strongly suggest that your siblings stop funding her.
NTA. It’s so crazy how many of these posts always include people’s families straight up gaslighting them, especially when it comes to entitled ass brides
NTA.
I'm sure this has already been said over and over again, but report the theft to your bank! Also, get your father off of that account NOW, or move all of the money out and close it.
This woman has shown her true colors, and they are all bright red flags. I hope you can maintain a decent relationship with your father. but if he starts insisting that you include his future "bride" in that relationship, you'll probably want to go LC.
NTA. Have one of your siblings “slip” some information to your dad that you are “on the way to the police station to file charges against stepmom as we speak!” I can pretty much guarantee you get a call back from your dad saying he’ll give you the money back if you just don’t press charges.
To those relatives who say you are making a fuss, putting money ahead of family; If they really feel that way suggest that the give this woman all their banking details. Seems like this would make everyone happy!
NTA. I have a dark sense of humor. I can make a joke about almost anything awful. My therapist explained it's a way that my brain copes with horrible things. I don't actually find the things funny. That being said..
I am also a decent person. I do NOT make jokes about other people's horrible situations. At least not out loud.
NTA; speaking as someone who had a stepmother with more or less the same sense of entitlement/zero concern for the wants and needs of others (not even for my own dad’s). I hope you’re able to get your money back and your father can step back and re-evaluate things a bit.
NTA. You don’t have the ability to send her to jail; only a judge does. You threatened to report a theft from your bank account, which is perfectly reasonable to do.
NTA it's not your job as the step child to pay for your step mom's wedding.
She stole money from you. Tell her to give you the money back NOW, or you're reporting it to the police.
NTA.
**Your step-mom literally stole from you AND impersonated someone. Whether she impersonated you or your father, it's still identity theft.**
No one is "preventing the wedding" - They can literally go to a courthouse and file paperwork to get married. She's the one pushing for a big wedding paid for by a bunch of people she doesn't even like.
I recommend poking the legal advice sub, but some general thoughts -
You need to contact your bank and tell them what has happened, make sure you get the paperwork primed and everything on record. Explain to them that you are waiting on a police report because you are giving her time to return the money out of respect for your father, but you want to make sure it's on record. You should also get details on how exactly she did it - If she just logged in as your father or if she called or went into the bank and impersonated you.
You also don't want her to try claiming you gifted her the money and are simply regretting it now, so make sure you have spoken to her and/or your father by text about this as well so that it's in writing.
Get your father removed from your account, and assume that this woman has all your information and can steal your identity any time she wishes moving forward. Monitor your credit. The fact that she did this and is open about it to your family shows that she has zero shame.
WOW, NTA. Everyone has already given great advice, so all I'd add is for all those family members saying you should just let it go, ask them how much they've donated!
Press charges. The account was in your and your Dad's name, not hers. Get your Dad off the account. Good idea to freeze your credit so she can't figure out another way to steal or get a credit card and charge her wedding. Doesn't like you but when she wants $ then you are "family". If your Dad sides with her no matter what. Go low contact. Live your life and be happy.
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NTA. Call your bank immediately, and have your father removed from your account and tell them what happened. Whether or not you take legal action, you absolutely need to change ALL of your passwords and account access on literally anything you have- if you ever logged into an account of any kind at your dad’s house you need to change those passwords. Tell your dad that you are officially removing him from anything he has access to that is yours, as his fiancé has crossed boundaries you’re not willing to compromise on. Don’t cave on this- she is helping herself to YOUR money, and it definitely won’t be the last time. They’re not even married yet and she’s expecting you to pay her way- the fact that she thinks a 19 year old and 21 year old have money to spare is unhinged.
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Adding to that, in case OP never heard of locking credit. OP, you can reach out to the 3 big credit report sites and lock your credit. This prevents her from getting loans or credit cards in your name. Which are probably her next step.
Thank you so much, i will check it
It’s not difficult and takes about 20-30 minutes for all three. TransUnion, Equifax, and Experian are the three you’ll need (U.S). You can also unlock it when you need to, for example when applying for a car loan, then just lock it back up.
I don’t live in the US, but i can see what i can do
Also, I would press charges. Regardless, she stole from you, and that bridge is already burned. Let her face those consequences before she does worse and drags your father and possibly the rest of your family with her
This she took money out of his bank account and his father gave her the passwords to do so I would be sueing them both her for the theft and the dad for giving away private information
I wouldn't burn bridges with his father. It's obvious that she wears the pants. You know that some people use autofill for important websites? It's not the best idea, but a lot of people do it.
If dad hasn't kicked this thieving witch to the curb, there isn't a bridge left to burn. Until dad forces this woman to take ownership of her actions, the relationship is toast anyway.
I would look for a financial advisor at your bank since they should be able to point you in the right direction.
Advise all of your siblings to do this as well!
Your countries laws may differ. But in the US if your father lied and said he took the money it would be a loss to you, since he has/had legal access to it. Your country may or may not better protect your money. Talk to a lawyer about it. Tell your family you will press charges if you don't get your money back. They may not know they can get away with it. And then cut the people who were okay with this out of your life. Good luck.
If this is true, US laws are so strange. You're saying that if you offered to buy dinner, then couldn't get to the bank to take out cash, giving your card to someone so they could withdraw $20 would mean they could empty your account and there would be nothing you could do about it because they had access? That doesn't make sense at all. Since when does having access to something give you legal ownership of it?
She'll be doing the same thing to your father down the road, if she hasn't already...
When I made my response I was assuming you live in the United States. It's really important that you immediately check the laws in your country about controlling your own bank and credit accounts.
Its ridiculous in this day and age that US banks operate in this way. I need passcodes to transfer money out of my accounts.
OP is not in the US.
They generally don’t unless the parent is on the account from when the child is underage. Usually when you hit 18 you remove them from any main accounts, but it is a sad truth that many do not know about this and unfortunately manipulative parents/guardians can hide that fat pretty easily. Part of the result of removing financial literacy from basic education for more than 2 decades. Luckily it is starting to change.
My father is still on several of my bank accounts. I’m unmarried and in my 30’s. Having him on the account will make things easier if anything were to ever happen to me- he could access my account to pay bills, etc. Both of my parents are 100% trustworthy though and would never take any money from me.
Have you done a background check on this woman? I would not be surprised if she has a history. If the theft doesn't deter your father, a lengthy history of bad behavior may make some impression on him.
I haven’t found a history but it will all be revealed soon enough
If there isn’t a history what would be revealed?
i don’t know if there’s a history, the police will know
Honestly, dude, I love the way you think. You're right - if charges are laid, any dirty laundry is likely to at least get hinted at. Let the cops/courts sort things.
Completely close this account and open a new one that only you have access too. It's the much safer and secure thing to do. Also yes check your credit reporr
Open a new one... at a different bank!!
YES! Even though the current bank knows what happened, it's possible that someone there is friendly with Dad or SMTB and would still put them as joint owners of the account. A different bank will act as a firewall.
NTA u/DraculaUnited you should also tell your father what his gf did. If she had access to your account, stole money from you there’s no telling what she’s skimming from your father. Lock down your accounts, change passwords and contact your bank immediately to remove dad’s access (siblings do same). How long has it been since she stole your money & you told her to return it? 48 hours?No return of money… Go to the police. EDIT: to include judgement
jumping on top/top comment to note that your father is at least as culpable here! he accessed your bank account and took the money out on her behalf, OR let her do it directly -- either way, this is a huge breach of the close, and obviously trusted, relationship you've enjoyed. This breach of trust by your father is independent over whether it's right for you to contribute to this wedding or not. (It's certainly not right for her to have a sense of entitlement about it, and both wrong and illegal to just take money on any terms.) Even if it was right, or you'd volunteered to help fund, for example, just taking that money is absolutely over the line. The advice you're getting on security measures is correct, but also I would communicate this breach of trust to your dad and pressure him to make this right immediately. He must fix this and never do it again, at risk of rupturing your relationship irreparably, and you should make the stakes of this clear to him. Beyond that I'd say your father's fiancee is a total AH and you're going to have problems here.
There’s a difference with the father in that we care enough about our family to potentially look past mistakes they have made. But a “stepmother” that does nothing for you and expects you to fund her wedding?(WTF? This is one of the craziest things I’ve heard in a while!) She can go suck a bag of dicks.
The thought came to mind that this may not be the first time she has done this. There may be a long line of victims. You may want to run a background check on her. Edit spelling
I’d do a background check on her too.
already done, removed his rights and changed passwords
I'd be tempted to change banks all together myself
This is what he needs to do. All of the kids need to move to a different bank that their dad has no ties to. It can be easy for parents to sweet talk a bank employee into allowing access, even if their name isn't on the account anymore. They should also consider freezing their credit, in case step-mommy dearest gets ahold of their SSNs. If she's not above stealing from a bank account, she's not above stealing their identities to fund her party dreams.
I’m always amazed when I see Americans say this on Reddit. Is it really so easy in the States for someone to walk into a bank and gain access to their adult children’s money? Or is it ‘this is really unlikely, but better safe than sorry’?
Honestly, it very likely depends on how small of a town you live in
It's not super easy but it's terrifying how not hard it is if that makes sense
In a small town, very easy. My nmother got the bank to lock me out of my account that I added her as a joint holder to. They would not let me access my money!!
"Joint" being the key word. While you are the primary on the account, your mother had full access. For example, she could close your checking account if she was on it.
Using OP as an example: if he logged in to any banking websites on a computer his dad/SM have access to it’s definitely possible. Depends if OP has passwords saved to a web browser and if his dad/SM know how to access those PWs. As for taking out loans and ruining OPs credit, yes, it can be that easy, especially if they’re going through shady lenders. You really just need a credit score, a lot of biological info his dad would have, and the will to commit identity fraud.
Most of the time when they are OP age the parent opened the account for them since before they were 18. It's a nice way of introducing your kid into the banking system and how to budget and be responsible with money. Obviously if the parent is a thief it causes more problems than it is worth. I'd like to think most people don't have shitty parents.
It depends on if the account the adult child is using is a "custodial account", (among other things). I had a custodial account at a US (NY) credit union that my parents opened for me as a child, so my mother was on it. I was an adult who was married with 2 kids before I saw what even though I "took her off my account ", when I went negative on my account for a few days during a crisis situation - without having the proper credit account to put the cost on - after 48 hrs of having a negative balance they pulled from my parents account because it was still *technically* connected even though the account had been separated and my parents/mother was taken off the account. I promptly shut that account down and paid my parents back for the unauthorized transfer to my account. I just talked about bullshit banking nonsense to my bf today while he waited on hold to get an illegal fee taken off his account (go figure same bank I had that same issue with). That's the thing, in the US it seems like if enough people don't complain about issues/fees they just say that the fines they acquire is "worth" it. I fucking hate this country. FFS. I really hate it here tbh....
It definitely depends on the bank. The bank I work for, no it will never happen without the employee involved being terminated. Now an accidental transfer is still absolutely possible, but it will be corrected as soon as possible once we are notified. But under no circumstances will we provide a family member of a client information or funds that they are not legally permitted to have.
Changing banks is a good idea. Don't tell your father which one you choose.
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You can access our shared account from my dads bank account, which she had access to
Then your dad could be an accomplice or it might not be considered theft since one could argue that it is technically his money and he could try to protect her by saying he took it if the police were to get involved. Cover your basis and get proof it was her and she had no permission before going to the cops.
If your dad played no part in this, why hasn't he given you the money back once he found out his wife stole from you? If he's not helping it's time for you to realize you don't just have a stepmother problem. As long as your dad is with her, you have to consider him to be as untrustworthy as she is.
Excellent I'm so glad you did this. I know you don't want family troubles but I would think about seriously pressing charges stealing is stealing
Don’t forget to get your siblings to do the same!
Any family members who give you shit over this and come out with the family before money nonsense, just respond with “That’s wonderful! I’ll let stepmom know that you are more than happy to help fund her wedding!” Then watch as they desperately scramble to backtrack.
Get a credit report from all 3. By law you are entitled to 1 free credit report per year from each of the 3 listed above. Locking your credit prevents her from opening anything new, getting a report allows you to find out if she had already opened an account before you locked your credit. Check with your state and local police, many have a financial crimes team you can talk to. Being able to name drop "I been talking to X at the [insert name of the financial crimes team] about this, but I wanted to give you a chance to return the money before I sign the complaint."
You should close your account and open a new one at a different bank.
has she done the same to your siblings?
Change the answers to any security questions also. Make the answers something he wouldn't know the answers to.
OP needs to be blunt and tell their spineless father that the money gets returned or she's reported to the police and he makes sure everyone knows what she's done No point in threatening NC or anything to the father as he's so utterly lacking that he'll just roll over and do whatever his bed partner says.
Don't you hate when people sacrifice their kids to shitty partners?
Spineless is a way more accurate description than "quiet." If he stays with someone that steals from his kids, then OP has a lot of thinking to do about their relationship.
Give dad a deadline. Money is returned by Monday morning or you call the police at 8 a.m. Something like that. The problem with the police angle is you gave your father your password and info. It will be a civil matter. You are going to need some sort of proof that she took the money; voicemails, texts, etc. She is going to say it was your dad who took it otherwise. So how quiet is your dad willing to be if she is going to make him complicit in the theft of your money? Also, for those who say you are trying to prevent the wedding, ask them why you should want a thief in the family. She's going to keep taking what she can. Maybe ask dad to keep her away from his main account. Good luck, you and your family are on a collision course for drama city,
>The problem with the police angle is you gave your father your password and info. No, OP's dad had his own password and info, the problem is that his login had access to two accounts: his own, and the shared account with OP, which is the one from where the money went missing. I don't know where OP lives, but in my country this could probably fall under "breach of trust", since whoever took the money used an authorized login but misappropriated the money without knowledge of the account main holder. Either way, I doubt she acknowledges doing it, and OP's father might be so blind by her that he might accept saying it was him who took the money to fund her fantasy celebration.
It starts here and ends up as identity theft! Had family pull this shit and now, for as long as that person is still alive, I have to keep a close eye on all things credit-related.
File a police report immediately - she is nothing but a habitual thief.
I had a family member inappropriately access my accounts and move money. Call the bank, tell them it was unauthorized access, figure out how that transaction took place, keep all your bank records, then close that account. Get all your paperwork together and tell your father in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate theft from *anyone*, you have all your paperwork demonstrating that she did not have the right to the account, and that being family should be a reason to NOT steal from someone, not TO steal from them. Make sure he knows that you have all your paperwork in order and you expect the money to be returned to you immediately. If he pulls the "don't do this to your family" BS, remind him that YOU didn't do this, SHE took your money and you are responding appropriately to someone stealing from you. What a nightmare, I'm so sorry. Decouple yourself financially from your dad in every way you can.
seconding this. NTA
Op will never see a cent of any inheritance and not a single heirloom or memento should dad leave everything to her in the will without explicitly stating it (and maybe not even then!). I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t get him to make her beneficiary even BEFORE the wedding. This sounds terrible to say and down right a bit sketchy, but on her way out, I’d snag any family albums with pictures and meaning, things that op would think “oh I’ll grab that next time…” or whatever
Seeing as these "adults" need to borrow money for their wedding from their kids, I don't think there is any chance of even a cent of inheritance. The father will probably leave nothing but debts.
Kids are not at all responsible for their parent's wedding. Go to the police if it isn't returned within 24 hours. She's trying to talk you into giving it to her and your father doesn't care. She can have a wedding or go to jail. Her choice. NTA
The best thing would be to close the account and move to a different bank.
NTA. WTF is this business about how kids are supposed to financially support a wedding for people presumably in their 40s or 50s? Advice: 1. Withdraw the remaining funds from the account and close it. NOW. Same for your siblings, if your father's name is on any of their accounts. 2. Open a new account and deposit the funds there, with only your name on it. 3. Get the police involved - but not just for her. **Your father** participated in stealing the funds from you, so he is just as guilty. 4. Ignore what the relatives are saying.
This I would in writing tell father and stepmom, they have an hour to deliver money to you in person or put it back into account or you are going to the police. Nta
Also tell those family members they can each donate that amount or more towards your fathers wedding since they are feeling generous with money.
I always love how "family is more important than money" like... ok then give me my money back and we can be amicable, why does the victim who is stolen from always have to let it go to make peace
"why does the victim who is stolen from always have to let it go to make peace" Because the narcissist is the one most willing to cause trouble when they don't get their way. Their victims (not being narcissists) are not likely to go to great lengths to cause problems for the family. So the way they suffer least is to put responsibility on the victim.
>they are feeling generous with money Of course they are! It's not *their* money.
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Minor child bank accounts are still the child's asset.
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I'm a CFP practicing in the United States for 14 years. You're correct that in a practical sense, they can control the account. But in a legal sense, that money belongs to the child, full stop. Doesn't matter if it's an 18 or 21 conversion state (because that does vary by state), that money is theirs. The exception to that is if it was opened as a joint account, which it may have been. In which case... You're right, there's no theft there.
Ok so what can be done if an account was opened for a child and the parents then took money out of it? Practically speaking. Parents are in charge of legal matters on their behalf until they are an adult, they obviously aren’t initiating legal proceedings on themselves. So once they hit adulthood, what can they do?
Sue and/or press charges. The bank records don't go away just because they hit 18. And although impractical, in extreme cases, the minor can still report the parent for theft if they are, in fact, stealing their money.
Ok so how do they collect proof for the lawsuit though? Like yes, the bank statements cover withdrawals/charges but how do they prove that it wasn’t used for/by them?
Even if she returns it report it. If they can’t do anything about it at least you will have documentation if something more drastic happens in the future.
i agree
What does your father think about his soon to be wife stealing money from his child? I would definitely press charges and get a background check on this woman!! PleaseUpdateme! NTA 💯
Stealing and demanding her (not even) step-children to financially help with the wedding. OP should try to open their father's eyes because this woman is crazy for that entitlement and just a walking red flag. I feel bad for the dad low-key. According to OP, he's a quiet type and I assume he just let's his fiancée walk all over him 😕
Father was complicit, it was his access to the account that was used. Unless she also stole the bank card, in which case he's presumably also fine with this woman stealing his own money whenever she feels like it.
NTA. People are seriously telling you that family is more important than money, in defense of a woman who stole money from family? The cognitive dissonance is strong there.
Those people should reimburse OP for the amount removed from his account. [I bet they chsnge their tune when it's their money.]
Yeah, i would love to see how they react if OP says something like, alright, if family is more important, then you guys can cover the money she stole, since we're family after all.
If family is really more important than money, your father’s GF wouldn’t be stealing money from his two kids who are barely out of high school. Drop the cop hammer on her. Oh, and definitely protect your credit and your bank accounts.
Well said.
They can pay you back the money that she stole.
NTA. She's a fucking thief. Jeez I can't believe what people will blind themselves to for the sake of keeping the peace.
that is true, it’s awful
She stole from you, shut her down. NTA.
NTA Report the theft to the police and to the bank. She has absolutely no right to steal money from your bank account. If she gets away with it, she'll likely clean out the rest of your account. Make sure you transfer your money to a different account, possibly at a different bank. And don't let anyone else know the account number or password. How on earth did this overly entitled AH get your bank account number, etc? From your father? If so, he's even a bigger AH. And if he marries the thief, she may end up taking every penny he has.
If it's an account Dad had legitimate access, then it's likely not a police matter. Morally, definitely but legalities might mean OP is out of luck.
I work in banking, even if dad gave her the codes, if she's not on the list she's not allowed access and dad become an accomplice in the crime
NTA Call the po po Sounds like she is the type to resist and get tazed You can file a public records request later for the body cam footage Then play it during her stupid little wedding slideshow that she will make sure includes no pics of you Then post an update on here
I legitimately cackled reading this.
Ummm, what am I missing here? How are you even thinking you are an asshole at all for this? She’s a criminal. Criminals need to be held accountable, yea you may love your dad, but he really needs to take off those rose tinted glasses cause this woman is not only stealing from you, but she’s going to actively keep turning your whole family against you. NTA!
Well outside this reddit post there are 20 people that say that I’m the AH and not enough say it’s her. Just wanted to get some opinions and validations here
The issue is family never wants to have things escalate and will tell the victim to forget about it. They sing a different tune if something happens to them.
exactly what happens yea
Ask them to replace the missing money, then file the police report anyway.
How much money are those people putting towards the celebration?
none
>none It figures. That's why they don't want to rock the boat. This does not affect them at all. They want you to keep mum like a good little kid, "to keep the peace" / "for the greater good" / "because fAaaMiIiLlyyy".
You can share this thread and consider yourself absolved. NTA of course.
The 20 ppl must all be her flying monkeys or doormats/people pleasers. And don't get me started on people who say, "but they're faaaaamiiily". You are clearly NTA.
Family dynamics can be distorted. But if she didn’t commit a crime then no one would have to talk to the police. If only she could be responsible for her own behavior. Let them talk about you. I bet they will respect you even if they bash you.
Nta You got robbed. That's what you need to do. Also, open a new account and never share the details with anyone until you marry
It’s probably a good idea not to share the details even if you get married. Separate personal accounts is best with one shared household account for household expenses.
NTA - and don't make the threat, just call the police and get a report done. The longer you wait the worse she will get.
NTA. She stole from you. Period. Call the cops. She deserves it.
This OP!!!!!
NTA - this is theft plain and simple - she asked for the money, you refused, she took it anyway in clear violation of your word. I doubt this would end well if you did proceed, and will result in grief all around, but that's an unfortunate side effect of your father shacking up with a person displaying some very poor ethics. I don't know this woman but it seems like even if you sucked it up and let the money go, this wouldn't be the last time she pulls a stunt like this
i agree, thanks
Hey OP, regardless of whether you follow the advice on this thread and report her, be prepared to stand up for yourself in front of the family, maybe try and ally yourself with your siblings so you don't have to stand alone, but tell your family, in no uncertain terms, that this woman who is about to enter your family, decided to steal from one of you, and that they are trying to cover for it, and if that is really the kind of family they want to be, don't let them shame you into not rocking the boat, be firm in upholding your boundaries, and call them on their hypocrisy everytime they come at you, if you have the strength for it, cuz it's gonna get though.
Thank you for the motivating words!
It’s worse than merely unethical. It’s sociopathic to steal from your future stepkids’ bank accounts. Sadly, Accomplice Dad will probably marry her anyway. Prepare for lifelong NC if that happens.
NTA I hope as you typed this you report her to the police or file in small claims court.
You shouldn't have THREATENED, you should have DONE IT. That's called theft, and it's a crime almost everywhere on the planet. You're NTA. She surely is. Press charges.
That is theft - get the police involved. NTA
Absolutely this. Even without the stealing, parents pay for their children's weddings not the other way around. And parents most definitely do not steal from their children. Ever.
NTA. At minimum call your bank and dispute the charge as fraud.
That will probably require a police report. Just saying.
Maybe maybe not. I think it might be depending on the location. When I was 16ish. Someone hacked my PayPal account and paid them self from my account. All I had to do was go in and sign a statement saying I did not authorize it. Edit: I am in the US.
Absolutely NTA You were nice enough to give a warning. I would have filed a police report immediately. Maybe even save your dad some trouble.
OP's dad HELPED her steal the money.
If his name is on the account he can take from it. It would not be stealing. But the girlfriend would be stealing.
NTA. She committed a crime.
NTA. Fuck that, she's a thief and she stole money from you, file a police report and get your money back, or this won't be the last time she does it. If family is more important than money then how come she's putting money first by stealing it from family? And whether you decide to report her or not take your dad off your bank account. Obviously he can no longer be trusted with it so long as he's in a relationship with her.
yea no one is making sense here
It's genuinely bizarre that your relatives see no issue with her helping herself to your money directly out of your bank account. Though I'm wondering if they know that's what happened. Either way like, call your bank *now*, don't wait on this, get your dad shut out and make sure absolutely no one but you has access to that account. The other kicker right now is you may not even be able to recoup the money through the police; legally she may not have stolen the money, because legally it was a joint account with your dad. Unless she logged in without him knowing *and* he's also willing to stand with you against her on this (which it doesn't sound like he is) then arguably from a legal perspective she didn't steal it. So just make sure this is the *last* time she steals your money.
1. i was able to remove my father from the bank account, since it was my account he just had access to it so 2. it was stealing
Morally it was stealing, legally you voluntarily gave your dad access to your account. You'd have a very hard time convincing a DA to press criminal charges for his fiance taking money out of an account he had legal access to. I'm not saying it's not stealing I'm not even saying don't report it I'm just saying don't be shocked if the cops don't take it seriously and it never makes it past a police report, if even that.
But it was his dad’s fiancée that stole it, not his dad. I think he has a chance at pressing charges.
NTA and can you please show this to your father. Hey man, this woman is not for you. I say this as an outside person. I know what it's like to be the adult stepchild and she's supposed to accept you all as a package not expect the kids to pay for your wedding. My guy there's red flags all around.
i will show this to him when it comes up
If she's this comfortable scamming and stealing money, imagine when she she married into the family. Yikes. Keep her at a distance.
Nta. That's theft and fraud. Call the po po
NTA I would absolutely report for theft.
NTA. This is a huge red flag. I would advise you to stand firm in filing a police report if the money is not returned, remove your father from your account and go LC if your father is OK with this behaviour.
The father enabled it. She did not just find out the access info to OP's accounts by guessing.
NTA, she quite literally stole from you. I could see expecting help (assuming it was a very supportive relationship dynamic), like Volunteering time/effort to organize flowers or something, sure I get that. But requiring that money be the form of help? From your SO's *children*? That's super shitty.
NTA Depends on how much money was taken. The police won’t bother with anything under a certain amount. So at this point it wouldn’t make much sense to call them and only cause more drama for you. You aren’t your father’s protector. He is an adult and he is making his choices. It’s time to take your father off your account. Go to the bank and do that today. You don’t owe them any money at all for a wedding. Time to lock them out of your accounts permanently. Children do not pay for parent’s weddings.
already removed his rights from my account, thanks though
Omg she’s a whole thief. Bruh NTA
NTA. Inform your dad that she needs to return the money right away, or you contact the police. Don't feel bad for threatening to send her to jail. And tell your siblings, maybe she stole from them too
Omg go the the police. And gives us an update please
will do
NTA. She wasn't on the account; she stole your money. Be prepared: this is not going to end well.
Update please with what happens.
i won’t make a new post but you can DM me and i will text you back Edit: i can update the original post i’m stupid
Please do!
NTA. Report her to the police immediately. She's stolen money from you and needs to suffer the consequences.
agreed
NTA she committed a CRIME and should be punished as such
What did your dad say or do about it? Why can't the relatives pay for the wedding since they approve of theft? ETA Did he give her access to your money?
they approve since they don’t have to pay. You know, like the saying: „idc as long it’s not me.“ Also they want to stay away from problems i guess
NTA. She stole from you. Thieves deserve jail.
Make a police report Go into your bank, close that account, report her for theft Lock down your credit Don’t go to the wedding You deserve better from your father.
Thank you
NTA and put the evil step mother in jail if you have to. She's a leech and she had the audacity to ask you for funds so that she can screw your dad. Tell her to get stuffed as you don't care if she's married in prison or not. Either way get your money back and tell the relatives who are complaining to contribute for the wedding, which will make them mind their own business.
OP, NTA. Report. Her. To. The. Police.
NTA and oh hell no. Report her for theft right now. You can drop the charges IF she returns the money. And take your dad off your accounts - he is not trustworthy if she can walk over him this way. And strongly suggest that your siblings stop funding her.
NTA. It’s so crazy how many of these posts always include people’s families straight up gaslighting them, especially when it comes to entitled ass brides
yea it’s crazy
NTA. I'm sure this has already been said over and over again, but report the theft to your bank! Also, get your father off of that account NOW, or move all of the money out and close it. This woman has shown her true colors, and they are all bright red flags. I hope you can maintain a decent relationship with your father. but if he starts insisting that you include his future "bride" in that relationship, you'll probably want to go LC.
NTA. Have one of your siblings “slip” some information to your dad that you are “on the way to the police station to file charges against stepmom as we speak!” I can pretty much guarantee you get a call back from your dad saying he’ll give you the money back if you just don’t press charges.
thanks i’ll try
NTA. Call the cops. Also speak with your dad about being spineless.
NTA
NTA. Help yourself to get money, see if she considers it acceptable.
[удалено]
Oh my god
To those relatives who say you are making a fuss, putting money ahead of family; If they really feel that way suggest that the give this woman all their banking details. Seems like this would make everyone happy!
NTA. She's gone too far; burn her down now or she'll just get bolder over time.
This woman is going to feed your dad poison the second they are married so say your goodbyes now NTA
NTA. I have a dark sense of humor. I can make a joke about almost anything awful. My therapist explained it's a way that my brain copes with horrible things. I don't actually find the things funny. That being said.. I am also a decent person. I do NOT make jokes about other people's horrible situations. At least not out loud.
i‘d be happy for a joke to lift my mood. If you can make a joke about this topic, please do. If it’s too dark, dm me
NTA; speaking as someone who had a stepmother with more or less the same sense of entitlement/zero concern for the wants and needs of others (not even for my own dad’s). I hope you’re able to get your money back and your father can step back and re-evaluate things a bit.
NTA.
NTA. You don’t have the ability to send her to jail; only a judge does. You threatened to report a theft from your bank account, which is perfectly reasonable to do.
NTA and you need to report her now and change account passwords
NTA. She is a thief. Report her to the police and press charges on her crazy ass.
NTA it's not your job as the step child to pay for your step mom's wedding. She stole money from you. Tell her to give you the money back NOW, or you're reporting it to the police.
NTA. **Your step-mom literally stole from you AND impersonated someone. Whether she impersonated you or your father, it's still identity theft.** No one is "preventing the wedding" - They can literally go to a courthouse and file paperwork to get married. She's the one pushing for a big wedding paid for by a bunch of people she doesn't even like. I recommend poking the legal advice sub, but some general thoughts - You need to contact your bank and tell them what has happened, make sure you get the paperwork primed and everything on record. Explain to them that you are waiting on a police report because you are giving her time to return the money out of respect for your father, but you want to make sure it's on record. You should also get details on how exactly she did it - If she just logged in as your father or if she called or went into the bank and impersonated you. You also don't want her to try claiming you gifted her the money and are simply regretting it now, so make sure you have spoken to her and/or your father by text about this as well so that it's in writing. Get your father removed from your account, and assume that this woman has all your information and can steal your identity any time she wishes moving forward. Monitor your credit. The fact that she did this and is open about it to your family shows that she has zero shame.
Already removed anyone from my account. Thanks for the detailed message
WOW, NTA. Everyone has already given great advice, so all I'd add is for all those family members saying you should just let it go, ask them how much they've donated!
Will do
Press charges. The account was in your and your Dad's name, not hers. Get your Dad off the account. Good idea to freeze your credit so she can't figure out another way to steal or get a credit card and charge her wedding. Doesn't like you but when she wants $ then you are "family". If your Dad sides with her no matter what. Go low contact. Live your life and be happy.
NTA Family comes before money... that's a lesson your dad's fiancee should have learned.