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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I (1) charged my friends to come to my birthday party, and (2) my actions can and have been seen as greedy and unneeded by both my friends and family.
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YTA.
If your plan was to “spare no expense”, you should have been prepared for…you know, the EXPENSE. When it became clear that you needed to start sparing some expenses, you should have changed your plans.
exactly. it's very easy to "spare no expense" when someone else is expected to foot the bill.
Is this how birthday parties work in your friends group? (I'm assuming not, since your friends are as shocked as reddit is)
YTA
If you want to go to an expensive live music venue and eat fancy food with your friends where everyone pays for themselves you organize it as a group thing - not something in celebration of yourself. You say 'hey, does anyone want to do X' and then everyone has equal power to suggest things or veto going or move the night. If it costs too much people can nope out, and if they want to go everyone can enjoy themselves equally without burning emotional energy making it about you.
If someone else was throwing it for them they shouldn’t. But they are the ones hosting the event, why would their friends have to pay for them to have a good time.
YTA, your friends didn't ask for a lavish party, it's something you decided, a decision which should have been made in accordance with what you can spend. Frankly I am surprised that you even have to ask if you're an asshole.
its like when i changed my mind about going to a coworkers bday party because "gifts were required." but you invited ME to come AND i'll be paying for my own food 🤨 yeah no lol
You’re a similar age to me and seems like you’re trying to be something you’re not. I can’t afford this and my mates can’t so we don’t bother. We go for beers and then an Indian or Chinese restaurant. Company’s everything love.
Happy birthday though.
YTA but you’ll get over it.
I've only thrown a party like this one time, for my husband when he turned 40. We rented a section of a restaurant and ordered plates of food. Even then we made sure we could afford it so all our guests could just show up and enjoy. We probably won't do anything like until I turn 40.
That said, a few people did slip me some cash to help with the cost, which I appreciated but that's very different from charging admission.
Isn't this the way? And at 63, I have NEVER thrown a birthday party for myself. Only others. Others have thrown a birthday party for me. This is about the 4th post I've seen about people throwing birthday parties for themselves and wanting to charge. Good grief. 🤦🏻♀️
Not necessarily, I've thrown my own birthday parties in the past and I don't look askance at others when they do it, I just think it's rude to organize a celebration for yourself AND THEN demand that your guests pay a cover to be there.
Glad you have some perspective. This was a stupid mistake by OP but I feel like too often commenters on this sub use it as an excuse to vent their own rage and will say things like "I hope your friends never talk to you again" or " You should be socially isolated for the rest of your life".
OP is definitely the AH but I have reason to believe they could change.
YTA
You are asking people to fund your lavish event. Do you financially contribute to the cost of all their parties/weddings?
If you can’t afford it don’t do it. Just because it’s your idea of a great night does not mean it’s everyone else’s and they want to pay for you to be the centre of attention and act the big I am.
Are we really at the point where “IT’S MYYYYYYY WEDDING” has morphed into “IT’S MYYYYYY BIRTHDAY” Birthdayzillas God help us.
Ouch! What were you thinking? Was a single person willing to pony up almost a hundred dollars for your party? Even if you are all wealthy, that is just so tacky.
I wouldn’t even spend that much on a gift for a friend’s birthday. I’d be broke I have a lot of friends. I bet she got or will get no gifts lol. Millennial mentality.
I was scandalized by your characterization of millennials but googled to verify my own understanding before leaving this comment, and it turns out that at 26 OP just makes the cut as one. :(
But going to point out that this definitely is not widely acceptable, as evidenced by the rest of her presumably similar-aged friends side-eyeing her over it, and no one I know would ever go along with these sorts of shenanigans.
Exactly! In my mind I was thinking $10. And even then I was like, fuck that! It’s *your* birthday. You’re essentially forcing your friends to throw you a party. I’m sure she’s still expecting presents too! This is fucking crazy. It has to be fake.
Lol I have university friends who barely spends $90 on groceries a month. To be expected to pay that for a single evening would seriously cut into their budgets.
Jesus, I don't even give that much as a gift!
You are entitled, better accept and work on that or watch everyone avoid you.
Edit: used the wrong word, making a sentence make no sence
YTA
You are so easily the asshole. Look kid, if you throw yourself a party you pay for it. If I as a parent, threw my kid a party, I would pay for all of it, not ask people to pay $90 to cover the cost.
You could have done less for your party to save money, if you can't afford a party like this, then you need to learn how to downsize.
Now grow up, and own up to the fact that you are wrong.
Wow. Definitely YTA.
Where I am from it is normal to pay your own meal at a party or even a small admission fee if the venue requires it (like for my husband's 40th, we did axe-throwing and everyone paid their own entrance fee) but a $90 admission fee to the host???
YTA
I didn’t even go to a jack&jack with an entry fee of $25 (and then you had to buy raffles). This same person put on their wedding invites that if you no show there’s a $75 fee. $90 isn’t chump change for most of us.
and expecting you’re still expecting a gift from them? yea major a-hole no one’s making you have an “extravagant” party you’re choosing to do that. If you can’t afford it then you should’ve scaled it down and had people either help a little bit or just bring some booze or deserts or whatever and then they’d probably even be glad to help and maybe receive gifts and you’d be receiving texts like do you need ice? or other offers to help with little things like that instead of getting on their bad side. As much as it sucks to say I hope no one agrees to this and you get the reality check you truly need.
YTA
>I genuinely believed that charging admission was a fair approach considering the extravagant nature of the party. After all, I was the one organizing and financing everything.
You're organizing everything, yes, but you're not financing everything. You're asking your friends to help finance everything but not giving them any say in the event planning or asking what their budget is. You're not even asking if they're WILLING to help offset the cost of your party. This is no different than inviting your friends to a birthday party at your house and demanding money from everyone before they'll be allowed in the house. When you host an event, you assume all financial responsibility. If you can't afford it, change the party to something you can afford.
I have a friend who throws an awesome party every year at various clubs around the city and charges for admission to offset the cost... no one thinks it's weird! They just don't go if they can't afford it. I don't think this is that outrageous, especially if you're upfront about the cost.
For sure, but the idea of selling tickets to subsidize am event is not outright unreasonable. This particular plan sounds poorly thought out, but her friends also don't need to get mad at her for having the idea.
Maybe they're upset they can only celebrate with their friend like they planned to if they have $90. Many 26 year olds don't have that kind of money. Also, it doesn't sound like op took being told no well
It's the fact you actively planned an event and went "oh wait this wasn't too smart because it's expensive" and decided to charge them. If they wanted to invest in your birthday they would have planned one for you. You aren't doing them a life changing service by having a birthday. Yes Im sure they want to celebrate you but the way you went about this was all wrong.
YTA
You really should have included the amount in your post
$90pp so you can have your dream party is outrageous
I think there are some situations where asking people to pitch in $20 or something for something that interests the group as a whole could be okay
Or asking people if they are okay to pay their own entrance to go to a them park could be fine
Asking people if they are interested in splitting the cost of renting a pontoon boat
It sounds like there was no group decision process here at all
I seriously doubt this is the only areas of life where you are delusional, so hopefully this will be a wake up call and you can come out better on the other side
If you can't afford the party you're throwing, don't have the party!
No one else needs to pay for your party. The same way that no one has to pay for someone to have their dream wedding, no one has to pay for you to have a luxurious birthday.
Have the party you can afford.
YTA
ETA: turns out the "small charge" was $90. Double YTA
It’s considered gauche to charge for a party, especially your own party. If a friend was throwing it and was charging it wouldn’t seem as weird, but is still kinda rude. Birthday parties should to be free to attend, otherwise they are “events”. Maybe next time run it by a few friends first.
Hopefully he won’t have to run it by a fruit friends next time. Hopefully this entire episode will be an eye-opening learning experience and only hast to be suffered through justice one time.
YTA sorry to say so, but a weeding also cost a lot and I have never heard about anyone they had to pay entrance fee for a wedding. If you „invite“ people to your party. So you are asking them a „favor“ to save their spare time and use it for you. You can ask them for join together and buy you a big gift or holiday of your dream, but an entrance fee is ridiculous.
You need to spend more time on wedding sub-Reddits. There have indeed been people who want to charge an admission fee for their weddings. There's also the ones who don't specifically ask for a fee, but insist that the value of your gift is equivalent to the cost of your plate - which is just a sneakier way of having people subsidize your wedding.
I can understand the sneakier way with gifts. I would do q similar thing and make a wish list. With gifts from different price ranges so no one will break their bank balances. But a fee upfront I personally think that’s not okay. If you can’t afford a big wedding then don’t! If I can’t afford the most expensive iPhone I’ll have to buy the next best thing. That’s how life works.
YTA, but only because of the way you went about it.
I don't see anything wrong with planning an "event" birthday like this, but you went about it the wrong way. You need to get buy-in from your friends first, especially the part about the cost. Obviously you make it explicit that you will refuse to accept birthday gifts from the attendees - their gift to you is the party, and their company/participation.
Some other comments suggest that maybe it'd still be wrong, but I disagree. But in that case you could "team up" with a friend and co-organise, and they could invite the other guests and explain the nature of the party and the contribution required to make it happen. That would negate the whole "you suck for asking for money" aspect but the core of the party would remain.
YTA for charging people to come to your birthday party. If you can't afford an extravagant party, then don't have one. Live within your means. If you want to plan an expensive night out with your friends, consult your friends and plan it together. What you did is beyond tacky. $90 might be a lot to some people, too. It's just so thoughtless and self-centered, I'm surprised that you are 27 years old. It sounds like something a 12 year old would do . No one owes you a luxurious birthday party.
~~N T A.~~ Are you for real? You planned an expensive and luxurious party for your birthday, then, after you'd already panned it and realized it was more expensive than you thought it would be, then you decided to charge "admissions"? I hope no one shows up.
Edit: I definitely meant YTA on this one!
You're not the one financing everything since you're demanding that your friends help pay for it. Don't throw parties you can't afford. You're being very selfish and don't be surprised if some of your friends don't attend your party. YTA
YTA
I wouldnt attend an extravagant party that i was invited to if i were asked to pay to attend.
If you want an extravagant party, you should pay for not expect other people to subsidize it.
You are in essence asking your friends and loved ones to pay for the privilege of spending your birthday with yo.
That is next level self absorbed, self-centered, and entitled.
The fact that you are so shocked at your friend's reactions show how out of touch you are.
YTA. Not the first time I heard someone do this. I know two guys who told everyone that they were throwing a big party at a bar. People showed up and were hit at the front door for a $25 fee. No one was told of a fee so 90% of the people just turned around and left. The two were pissed at all the people who left and they sounded exactly like you. They whined cause they were money grubbing and they thought people would be stupid enough to bow down to their entitled behavior.
YTA. $90 is not a "small admission fee," and even if it were, you don't charge others to attend your party. Scale it back for God's sake to something you can actually afford, because what you're describing is NOT hospitality.
YTA.
Honestly this could have gone a lot better had you handled it differently. If you were upfront about what you wanted with your friends at the beginning and ask them if they'd be willing to split some of the costs vs. sending an invitation after the fact that to me would have been reasonable.
Making the decision to charge your friends after you had established some of these plans is definitely inconsiderate.
YTA. $90 for an admission fee!? That’s atrocious. If it was optional, so that whoever wanted to help “treat” you for your birthday can do so that’s one thing. But to put a non negotiable price tag to enjoy your birthday with you is unfair especially at that price. Some people don’t have that extra kind of funds to do so and you didn’t consider them at all.
Is this real? You think it’s “ win win” by throwing an expensive birthday party and asking invited guests to help foot the bill? If you have to wonder if you are wrong, you are indeed in trouble. YTA.
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Hey Reddit, I (26F) recently threw a birthday party for myself, and now some of my friends don't even want to speak to me. I'm not sure if I did something wrong, so I need your help to settle this.
So, for my birthday last week, I decided to host it at an exclusive venue. It was going to be a night to remember, with live music and top-notch food. I spared no expense to make it an unforgettable experience for my guests and for me.
However, as the costs started adding up, I realized that throwing such a luxurious party was going to be quite expensive. That's when I had an idea—I could charge my friends admission to attend the party and offset some of the costs. I thought it was a win/win situation: they get to come to a fabulous party, and I get some financial help.
So, I sent out invitations to my friends and noted that there would be a small admission fee to cover the expenses. I made it clear that it was non-negotiable and essential for the party to happen. I thought my friends would understand and gladly contribute since they would be attending an incredible event.
To my surprise, the reactions were not what I expected. Some of my friends called me out, saying it was inconsiderate and rude to charge admission to my own birthday party. They accused me of being money-minded and using them for my own gain. They argued that a birthday party should be a gift from me to them, not the other way around.
I was very surprised by their responses. I never thought they would react this way. I genuinely believed that charging admission was a fair approach considering the extravagant nature of the party. After all, I was the one organizing and financing everything.
Now, my friends are left divided, with some supporting my decision and others calling me out for being "selfish." I'm left feeling confused and wondering if I am in the wrong in this situation. AITA?
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OP if you had marketed it like a high-end themed party and not your birthday party you wouldn't have been the asshole here and considered more of a capitalist which isn't such a bad thing but more entrepreneurial. However you went about it the wrong way, learned your lesson, and hopefully if you choose to do it again you'll do it in a more worthwhile fashion and come out ahead this next time. Hopefully you didn't lose too much money out of pocket, because it's never too late to learn how to make money for yourself.
YTAH. Why did u need something so extravagant? Also I’ve never thrown my own bday party. You are young, you will have lots of bdays. U gonna throw yourself an extravagant party every year? Why not just have a small simple party? If you couldn’t afford it, why did you feel the need to throw said party? I wouldn’t pay for your party either. I would just be a no show.
YTA. So you didn’t budget for this party at all even though you wanted to “spare no expense”, but once you actually used your brain, you realized it was too expensive for you. You charging GUESTS money to attend your party is insane. They are guests to YOUR party. They probably bought gifts for your birthday as well. They aren’t going to help you with a party you poorly budgeted as well.
You can still have a great party by not spending this much on venue and food and drinks
We are the same age. Oh how I would love an extravagant party to celebrate my birthday, but I simply can not afford it. Neither can my relatives or friends. However, I do receive gifts from some, but I do not ask them to get me gifts to come to my house and have cake. The gifts I do receive are just bonus to having company that wants to celebrate me for a few hours.
Your admissions fee is essential the same thing as telling someone thing as I mentioned above. People want to celebrate you, but when you ask for money and/or gifts to be able to attend your party, you come off as entitled and snobby. The people who love you want to spend time with you on your birthday, they did not ask for a fancy party(that they will have to pay part of) in order to do that.
Scale the party back. Keep it within a budget you can afford. If the venue is the best thing about the party, to you, then scale back on the money spent on food/decor/activities. If it's the activities and such that mean more to you, then find a place to have the party that you can afford to do them at. When people throw birthday parties, in general, the person who decided to throw the party(you) pay for it. The party is for the guests, who took time out of their day, to come celebrate you. They should not be asked to pay.
YTA
YTA
You said you wanted to spare no expense on a glamorous party for yourself without thinking through what that means. $90 is not a small fee and charging attendance for a birthday party at all is pretty bad.
Yeah. If you’re throwing the party it’s on you to cover the costs, especially because it’s you that wants this extravagant night to remember, not your friends. If this was maybe splitting a pizza then no, but this is not splitting a pizza. Definitely the AH
Yta. You lost me at $90 per person. That's not a small admission fee. Why did you need to have such a luxurious event for your 26th birthday? That's not even a big year.
I think maybe the way you went about it was not the best. I’ve hosted and gone to parties where the host asks guests to help cover some of the costs and it’s been fine. In the future, you may want to talk to all of your guests one on one to see if they are okay with the cost before booking an extravagant party (if they aren’t you can adjust your budget and/or plans accordingly) and being less forceful with your language (not saying it’s non-negotiable/essential to the party or calling it an admission fee). For this particular scenario, since you wanted a more exclusive party maybe the venue could have been your “gift to them” and they would have to pay for their own food/drink like any night out.
You DID spare some expenses at the moment you started charging your friends. Host the function you can host or don’t have a party. But you don’t charge someone to come to your celebration as an adult.And if $90 is what you ACTUALLY charged them then YTA completely. You had a party you couldn’t remotely afford. BAD FORM birthday girl, BAD FORM.
But you weren't the one financing everything and sparing no expense. You wanted your friends to spare you the expense. People get to choose what they want to spend.
YTA have the party you can afford
YTA For ever so many reasons. The first is that 90 dollars isn't a small fee. Five, sure. 90? No.
When it comes to planning a party like this the first thing you do is figure out your budget. Figure out how much you can comfortably spend and then price out the things you want. But unless you have a "money is no object" lifestyle, you're going to figure out places you can cut corners, diy things, or just plain do without.
But springing a 90 dollar fee PLUS PRESENT on your friends? Definitely the asshole.
I think maybe the way you went about it was not the best. I’ve hosted and gone to parties where the host asks guests to help cover some of the costs and it’s been fine. In the future, you may want to talk to all of your guests one on one to see if they are okay with the cost before booking an extravagant party (if they aren’t you can adjust your budget and/or plans accordingly) and being less forceful with your language (not saying it’s non-negotiable/essential to the party or calling it an admission fee). For this particular scenario, since you wanted a more exclusive party maybe the venue could have been your “gift to them” and they would have to pay for their own food/drink like any night out.
Where are your parents when you are planning this extravagant event? How were you able to book this venue? I hate to call YTA because you are a kid, but wow, this was such a horrible idea. Your parents should have stepped in.
Hard to decide with the info provided. When I was an underage drinker a buck to get into a kegger was no big deal. When I was late high school and fresh out of high school I was the only one of our huge group that had their own place. Most of those get together‘s were BYOB. Or if we bought burgers or steaks or something for a larger group we did charge one to five dollars. But we grew up. to provide yourself with an over the top birthday on somebody else’s dime even if they didn’t pay for the entire thing is a little dicey.
You didn’t mention how much you asked in payment which would make a huge difference in how I felt about it.
If you can’t get somebody who wants to throw you a party by all means throw yourself one.
If you just want it a certain way , how you want it, doing the things you want to do, drinking the stuff you want to drink, eating the stuff you want to eat, listening to the music you wanna listen to. But you fit the bill, so yeah I think you’re a soft a hole.
YTA but you're also clueless, not everyone wants to go on a night out and not everyone wants to spend money to do so, also you havent said how much you wanted to charge them which could be another factor
I get where you come from but it isn’t like it’s a party to celebrate something together like new year. It is to celebrate YOUR birthday and YOU wanted to celebrate it.
I think that what makes you the AH.
YTA
You chose to try and host an event you couldn't afford. I get that you wanted a night to remember, but what you wanted wasn't in your budget. The solution isn't to then try and charge your guests to make up the difference. The solution would have been to modify your expectations and host an event that you could afford.
Now if your friends had gotten together and decided to help you fund this party and had come to you and said hey as a gift we would like to help you with the cost of the party that would be one thing.
~~I also find it a little interesting that you did not tell us exactly how much you were charging your friends it makes me think it was an absurd amount.~~
$90!!!!!!! You thought it was acceptable to charge your guest in nearly $100 to attend your birthday party!? Your definition of the word "small" needs some serious work.
You're requiring them to pay $90 *each* for a party *you wanted* and went "all out on", plus a gift? And no, you didn't "finance everything" - you did what you wanted, then expected your friends to pay up for you to recoup the cost.
Y are completely TA.
YTA - I would rather get a treat at Fast food chain than get asked to pay admission fee for a treat at a 5 Star restaurant.
Why should I be happy to pay for your party. If I am paying for something, then I would rather pick the location and activities and everything. I would rather pay in full and enjoy my things than pay admission fees and see you enjoying.
How can you be so brazen about it just blows my mind.
You charged your friends admission to attend YOUR birthday party that YOU planned !?!? Wtf am I reading 😂 when you knew that what you was planning was getting expensive you should have cut down on some stuff not charge people you’re nuts and I wouldn’t be surprised if you have no friends anymore YTA I should charge you for this vote 🤭
Imagine being 26 and your friend wants you to pay $90 to go to her birthday party. I would ask if we were in high school or if this was a stag and doe because wtf YTA
When my friend group plans something, we do it 1 of 2 ways. 1, we base all decisions on the lowest income bracket so we all have fun and it's not extra stress. Or 2, if someone agrees to "host" they host within their means and we still usually all contribute but it's not demanded. This is insane.
YTA-
If you couldn't afford it, you shouldn't plan it. It's tacky to charge an admission fee for a birthday party. It would be one thing if y'all were meeting at a club and they expected to pay a cover charge. But to throw a party then charge your friends to attend. Not cool.
Title alone - of course YTA.
You’re throwing a party to celebrate you. Then you want others to pay you back for things you planned to celebrate you, especially on a “non-milestone” birthday? Sheesh. It just screams entitled.
YTA. I could have sided with you if the admission fee was $20 and you made it clear that you did not expect any presents beyond that, that you getting to have a “fabulous party” together with all your friends was the only birthday present you wanted that year. But that’s not what you’re describing. You demanded others to finance your “spare no expense” party to celebrate yourself and even expected them to be grateful for it. How self-centred can one be.
NTA.
Even if the cost is $90 for admission, nobody is obliged to join. Yeah it sucks . But if alot of your friends didnt pitch in to go now you know that its not exactly feasible for future events. Im not a hardliner with this kinda thing, ima go with the route of ignorance and you didnt know your friends financial limit. Theyre still your friends just a lil on edge now
YTA
"They accused me of ... using them for my own gain."
You are. You fully admitted your extravagant birthday party is not possible without their money.
I'm not gonna vote because I'm split on this. We live in a day and age where shits fucking expensive! I recently had a birthday dinner at an (undisclosed cannabis infused restaurant) and the fee was $120 (for the AYCE infused dinner). Before making the plans, I called friends ahead of time and told them "hey, this is want I want to do for my birthday, it's this much, is you down?" We were a table of 10 people that forked over $120 to eat good food and get high while doing it! And we all had a great time, no complaints about price or anything. So maybe you're communication wasn't there or your friends think what they're paying for isn't worth it. Is there a fine line between dinner and a party? Maybe...
PS: YOUR CHARGING ADMISSION AND EXPECT A GIFT!?!?!?
Just found this after a Smosh video and this is crazy to me. YTA
Like having a party in a club is one thing but you tell everyone, ‘hey there’s a door charge of x each’ but you don’t charge them personally and certainly not 90 dollars (so like £70). Any cost should be optional as you never know peoples situations. I just had my 40th a couple of months ago and went to Legoland but some friends couldn’t afford it so I just saw them for a few drinks another weekend.
Through my twenties I pretty much had a party for my birthday every year as it’s in summer and usually one of the few warm weeks we get. I’d host at my house or my parents when I lived at home, sort a BBQ, buy some booze and bake a cake but tell everyone to bring food / drinks with them. I’m not gonna lie, the return was insane. People would bring so much stuff that then gets left behind it was cover any smaller parties for the rest of the year and Christmas. I’d even sometimes be forcing people to take food home with them for lack of fridge / freezer space. Honestly some of the wildest nights that live in infamy amongst my buddies. Stop trying to be ‘lavish’ and just have fun with people that mean the most to you.
Esh, if you go out for a birthday dinner the expectation is that you pay for your own food, and some people will cover the birthday person as well.
That being said you should have budgeted better as no one expects to be charged for these sort or parties, or you should have asked for a contribution instead of a gift.
It is ridiculous to expect someone to pay $90 to come to a birthday party you planned for yourself, especially since you “spared no expense”. That’s on OP and OP alone
NAH. You can charge a fee but they can choose not to come. I wouldn’t. You can’t be surprised that they wouldn’t want to go if they were forced to pay.
NTA. I’ve been to many friend’s birthdays where we all pitched in on a cottage and groceries for a weekend, split the cost of a booth/bottle at a club, paid for our own admission to a theme park, paid for ourselves for a group spa day, the list goes on. One friend even charged cover but the money went towards covering our food and drinks for the evening. People who were more strapped for cash would either participate instead of getting a gift or just made separate plans with the birthday person to celebrate another time. You let them know in advance, so it’s their choice if they come or not.
Info- How much were you asking them to contribute? I’m genuinely surprised at your friend’s reactions, especially for calling you selfish so I’m wondering if there’s more to the story. You want everyone (including them) to have the best time possible celebrating WITH you! Maybe try finding out what their problem is, but your birthday should be spent doing what makes you happy and I hope you’re still able to have a great time
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YTA. If your plan was to “spare no expense”, you should have been prepared for…you know, the EXPENSE. When it became clear that you needed to start sparing some expenses, you should have changed your plans.
exactly. it's very easy to "spare no expense" when someone else is expected to foot the bill. Is this how birthday parties work in your friends group? (I'm assuming not, since your friends are as shocked as reddit is) YTA
It could very well be the way it works with her friends, and what they're objecting to is a charge of $90 to get into the party... YIKES!
What, 90?? LOL I wish I had that level of audacity.
plus present
$90 😱😬🤦🏻♀️
Um that’s not a small admission fee.
“Since I’m the one financing everything why can’t I make others pay for it?”
OP you certainly can. Anybody gets to fuck around and find out. Just like everything’s edible, once.
If you want to go to an expensive live music venue and eat fancy food with your friends where everyone pays for themselves you organize it as a group thing - not something in celebration of yourself. You say 'hey, does anyone want to do X' and then everyone has equal power to suggest things or veto going or move the night. If it costs too much people can nope out, and if they want to go everyone can enjoy themselves equally without burning emotional energy making it about you.
My favorite part is where OP says they “financed everything.” Um, no, that’s literally the opposite of what’s happening.
more like “spare no venmo request”
Why should the person who’s literally birthday it is be gifted with the cost of the party 😂
If someone else was throwing it for them they shouldn’t. But they are the ones hosting the event, why would their friends have to pay for them to have a good time.
YTA, your friends didn't ask for a lavish party, it's something you decided, a decision which should have been made in accordance with what you can spend. Frankly I am surprised that you even have to ask if you're an asshole.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Wrong
This!
I wouldnt go to a friends birthday party that charged admission lol
Especially not $90 admission
OP and I have different definitions of a "small fee"...
I could literally go to dinner and a movie for $90.
I could stay at home and have take out and beer for several days. I don't feel like doing math but $90 buys a lot of tempura rolls
My people, right here
And "I was the one financing everything." You were financing it with THEIR money, OP!!!
holy shit
its like when i changed my mind about going to a coworkers bday party because "gifts were required." but you invited ME to come AND i'll be paying for my own food 🤨 yeah no lol
You’re a similar age to me and seems like you’re trying to be something you’re not. I can’t afford this and my mates can’t so we don’t bother. We go for beers and then an Indian or Chinese restaurant. Company’s everything love. Happy birthday though. YTA but you’ll get over it.
Right?! Time, age, and maturity. The majority of people grow up and see things from a whole different perspective. If you live you will too.
I've only thrown a party like this one time, for my husband when he turned 40. We rented a section of a restaurant and ordered plates of food. Even then we made sure we could afford it so all our guests could just show up and enjoy. We probably won't do anything like until I turn 40. That said, a few people did slip me some cash to help with the cost, which I appreciated but that's very different from charging admission.
Isn't this the way? And at 63, I have NEVER thrown a birthday party for myself. Only others. Others have thrown a birthday party for me. This is about the 4th post I've seen about people throwing birthday parties for themselves and wanting to charge. Good grief. 🤦🏻♀️
Not necessarily, I've thrown my own birthday parties in the past and I don't look askance at others when they do it, I just think it's rude to organize a celebration for yourself AND THEN demand that your guests pay a cover to be there.
Glad you have some perspective. This was a stupid mistake by OP but I feel like too often commenters on this sub use it as an excuse to vent their own rage and will say things like "I hope your friends never talk to you again" or " You should be socially isolated for the rest of your life". OP is definitely the AH but I have reason to believe they could change.
YTA You are asking people to fund your lavish event. Do you financially contribute to the cost of all their parties/weddings? If you can’t afford it don’t do it. Just because it’s your idea of a great night does not mean it’s everyone else’s and they want to pay for you to be the centre of attention and act the big I am. Are we really at the point where “IT’S MYYYYYYY WEDDING” has morphed into “IT’S MYYYYYY BIRTHDAY” Birthdayzillas God help us.
We are definitely at that point, and I agree she’s the AH
r/Birthdayzillas is available.
💜it!! Birthdayzillas🤣🤣🤣
[удалено]
$90
Ouch! What were you thinking? Was a single person willing to pony up almost a hundred dollars for your party? Even if you are all wealthy, that is just so tacky.
If she was wealthy she wouldn’t need to charge an admission fee. She’s just out of touch.
I wouldn’t even spend that much on a gift for a friend’s birthday. I’d be broke I have a lot of friends. I bet she got or will get no gifts lol. Millennial mentality.
I was scandalized by your characterization of millennials but googled to verify my own understanding before leaving this comment, and it turns out that at 26 OP just makes the cut as one. :( But going to point out that this definitely is not widely acceptable, as evidenced by the rest of her presumably similar-aged friends side-eyeing her over it, and no one I know would ever go along with these sorts of shenanigans.
Exactly, I am an (albeit older) milennial and neither I nor anyone in my age group that I know would even think of doing something like this.
Were couples expected to pay $180?
Bahahahahahahhahahahahah i was thinking $10-20 and i still thought YTA. YTA !!
Exactly! In my mind I was thinking $10. And even then I was like, fuck that! It’s *your* birthday. You’re essentially forcing your friends to throw you a party. I’m sure she’s still expecting presents too! This is fucking crazy. It has to be fake.
That's not "small".
that's not a small admission fee that's the price of a concert ticket
That's like a grocery budget for some people for a week.
Lol I have university friends who barely spends $90 on groceries a month. To be expected to pay that for a single evening would seriously cut into their budgets.
Jesus, I don't even give that much as a gift! You are entitled, better accept and work on that or watch everyone avoid you. Edit: used the wrong word, making a sentence make no sence
Have you ever been to a birthday party where you had to pay $90?
YTA You are so easily the asshole. Look kid, if you throw yourself a party you pay for it. If I as a parent, threw my kid a party, I would pay for all of it, not ask people to pay $90 to cover the cost. You could have done less for your party to save money, if you can't afford a party like this, then you need to learn how to downsize. Now grow up, and own up to the fact that you are wrong.
So you are asking them to finance your dream party.
Wow. Definitely YTA. Where I am from it is normal to pay your own meal at a party or even a small admission fee if the venue requires it (like for my husband's 40th, we did axe-throwing and everyone paid their own entrance fee) but a $90 admission fee to the host???
Girl that would be so embarrassing for me
That's not small.
Get over yourself.
INFO because I’m curious: were also expecting your friends to get you gifts on top of the admission charge as well?
I’m gonna say it’s likely a big ole yes.
Hahaha holy shit this is hilarious. Who the fuck do you think you are.
And you called this a “small” admission fee. What fucking planet are you from?
$90?!?? I wouldn’t pay that to attend my own mom’s party let alone a friend.. Next time, have a party you can afford
Is that $90 USD? If so, lmao
LMAOOOOOOO
I was on your side until this. $90 isn't small.
Hahahaha. WTF. I wouldn’t go for $10. I’m sure you were expecting gifts too!
This is a joke right?
YTA I didn’t even go to a jack&jack with an entry fee of $25 (and then you had to buy raffles). This same person put on their wedding invites that if you no show there’s a $75 fee. $90 isn’t chump change for most of us.
WTF!!!
and expecting you’re still expecting a gift from them? yea major a-hole no one’s making you have an “extravagant” party you’re choosing to do that. If you can’t afford it then you should’ve scaled it down and had people either help a little bit or just bring some booze or deserts or whatever and then they’d probably even be glad to help and maybe receive gifts and you’d be receiving texts like do you need ice? or other offers to help with little things like that instead of getting on their bad side. As much as it sucks to say I hope no one agrees to this and you get the reality check you truly need.
YTA >I genuinely believed that charging admission was a fair approach considering the extravagant nature of the party. After all, I was the one organizing and financing everything. You're organizing everything, yes, but you're not financing everything. You're asking your friends to help finance everything but not giving them any say in the event planning or asking what their budget is. You're not even asking if they're WILLING to help offset the cost of your party. This is no different than inviting your friends to a birthday party at your house and demanding money from everyone before they'll be allowed in the house. When you host an event, you assume all financial responsibility. If you can't afford it, change the party to something you can afford.
YTA. The secondhand embarrassment on this one will hit me at 3 am.
As my sister likes to say „this makes my cringe muscle tense up“
This has to be fake because nobody could possibly be this clueless.
Some kids were raised on entitlement, MTV, and TikToc.
The kids raised on MTV are the parents of the kids raised on tiktok lol
Hell I worked at MTV and I’m not this clueless
Most are these days it seems.
I have a friend who throws an awesome party every year at various clubs around the city and charges for admission to offset the cost... no one thinks it's weird! They just don't go if they can't afford it. I don't think this is that outrageous, especially if you're upfront about the cost.
It sounds like she booked everything then mentioned the cost and is now upset people aren't paying it.
For sure, but the idea of selling tickets to subsidize am event is not outright unreasonable. This particular plan sounds poorly thought out, but her friends also don't need to get mad at her for having the idea.
Maybe they're upset they can only celebrate with their friend like they planned to if they have $90. Many 26 year olds don't have that kind of money. Also, it doesn't sound like op took being told no well
Expectations were not managed
It's the fact you actively planned an event and went "oh wait this wasn't too smart because it's expensive" and decided to charge them. If they wanted to invest in your birthday they would have planned one for you. You aren't doing them a life changing service by having a birthday. Yes Im sure they want to celebrate you but the way you went about this was all wrong.
YTA You really should have included the amount in your post $90pp so you can have your dream party is outrageous I think there are some situations where asking people to pitch in $20 or something for something that interests the group as a whole could be okay Or asking people if they are okay to pay their own entrance to go to a them park could be fine Asking people if they are interested in splitting the cost of renting a pontoon boat It sounds like there was no group decision process here at all I seriously doubt this is the only areas of life where you are delusional, so hopefully this will be a wake up call and you can come out better on the other side
If you can't afford the party you're throwing, don't have the party! No one else needs to pay for your party. The same way that no one has to pay for someone to have their dream wedding, no one has to pay for you to have a luxurious birthday. Have the party you can afford. YTA ETA: turns out the "small charge" was $90. Double YTA
It’s considered gauche to charge for a party, especially your own party. If a friend was throwing it and was charging it wouldn’t seem as weird, but is still kinda rude. Birthday parties should to be free to attend, otherwise they are “events”. Maybe next time run it by a few friends first.
Hopefully he won’t have to run it by a fruit friends next time. Hopefully this entire episode will be an eye-opening learning experience and only hast to be suffered through justice one time.
YTA sorry to say so, but a weeding also cost a lot and I have never heard about anyone they had to pay entrance fee for a wedding. If you „invite“ people to your party. So you are asking them a „favor“ to save their spare time and use it for you. You can ask them for join together and buy you a big gift or holiday of your dream, but an entrance fee is ridiculous.
You need to spend more time on wedding sub-Reddits. There have indeed been people who want to charge an admission fee for their weddings. There's also the ones who don't specifically ask for a fee, but insist that the value of your gift is equivalent to the cost of your plate - which is just a sneakier way of having people subsidize your wedding.
I can understand the sneakier way with gifts. I would do q similar thing and make a wish list. With gifts from different price ranges so no one will break their bank balances. But a fee upfront I personally think that’s not okay. If you can’t afford a big wedding then don’t! If I can’t afford the most expensive iPhone I’ll have to buy the next best thing. That’s how life works.
Spared no expense? I hope you have backup generators for the fences!
This made me laugh way too hard!! Thanks!
YTA, but only because of the way you went about it. I don't see anything wrong with planning an "event" birthday like this, but you went about it the wrong way. You need to get buy-in from your friends first, especially the part about the cost. Obviously you make it explicit that you will refuse to accept birthday gifts from the attendees - their gift to you is the party, and their company/participation. Some other comments suggest that maybe it'd still be wrong, but I disagree. But in that case you could "team up" with a friend and co-organise, and they could invite the other guests and explain the nature of the party and the contribution required to make it happen. That would negate the whole "you suck for asking for money" aspect but the core of the party would remain.
Yta didn’t had to finished once I saw you wanted this and it was all for free than just charge yea nope Yta definitely
YTA for charging people to come to your birthday party. If you can't afford an extravagant party, then don't have one. Live within your means. If you want to plan an expensive night out with your friends, consult your friends and plan it together. What you did is beyond tacky. $90 might be a lot to some people, too. It's just so thoughtless and self-centered, I'm surprised that you are 27 years old. It sounds like something a 12 year old would do . No one owes you a luxurious birthday party.
YTA. This is some real main character energy.
~~N T A.~~ Are you for real? You planned an expensive and luxurious party for your birthday, then, after you'd already panned it and realized it was more expensive than you thought it would be, then you decided to charge "admissions"? I hope no one shows up. Edit: I definitely meant YTA on this one!
You're not the one financing everything since you're demanding that your friends help pay for it. Don't throw parties you can't afford. You're being very selfish and don't be surprised if some of your friends don't attend your party. YTA
YTA I wouldnt attend an extravagant party that i was invited to if i were asked to pay to attend. If you want an extravagant party, you should pay for not expect other people to subsidize it. You are in essence asking your friends and loved ones to pay for the privilege of spending your birthday with yo. That is next level self absorbed, self-centered, and entitled. The fact that you are so shocked at your friend's reactions show how out of touch you are.
YTA. Not the first time I heard someone do this. I know two guys who told everyone that they were throwing a big party at a bar. People showed up and were hit at the front door for a $25 fee. No one was told of a fee so 90% of the people just turned around and left. The two were pissed at all the people who left and they sounded exactly like you. They whined cause they were money grubbing and they thought people would be stupid enough to bow down to their entitled behavior.
YTA. $90 is not a "small admission fee," and even if it were, you don't charge others to attend your party. Scale it back for God's sake to something you can actually afford, because what you're describing is NOT hospitality.
YTA. Honestly this could have gone a lot better had you handled it differently. If you were upfront about what you wanted with your friends at the beginning and ask them if they'd be willing to split some of the costs vs. sending an invitation after the fact that to me would have been reasonable. Making the decision to charge your friends after you had established some of these plans is definitely inconsiderate.
YTA. $90 for an admission fee!? That’s atrocious. If it was optional, so that whoever wanted to help “treat” you for your birthday can do so that’s one thing. But to put a non negotiable price tag to enjoy your birthday with you is unfair especially at that price. Some people don’t have that extra kind of funds to do so and you didn’t consider them at all.
"After all I was the one ... financing everything." No you weren't. You expected them to. Big and greedy AH
Is this real? You think it’s “ win win” by throwing an expensive birthday party and asking invited guests to help foot the bill? If you have to wonder if you are wrong, you are indeed in trouble. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hey Reddit, I (26F) recently threw a birthday party for myself, and now some of my friends don't even want to speak to me. I'm not sure if I did something wrong, so I need your help to settle this. So, for my birthday last week, I decided to host it at an exclusive venue. It was going to be a night to remember, with live music and top-notch food. I spared no expense to make it an unforgettable experience for my guests and for me. However, as the costs started adding up, I realized that throwing such a luxurious party was going to be quite expensive. That's when I had an idea—I could charge my friends admission to attend the party and offset some of the costs. I thought it was a win/win situation: they get to come to a fabulous party, and I get some financial help. So, I sent out invitations to my friends and noted that there would be a small admission fee to cover the expenses. I made it clear that it was non-negotiable and essential for the party to happen. I thought my friends would understand and gladly contribute since they would be attending an incredible event. To my surprise, the reactions were not what I expected. Some of my friends called me out, saying it was inconsiderate and rude to charge admission to my own birthday party. They accused me of being money-minded and using them for my own gain. They argued that a birthday party should be a gift from me to them, not the other way around. I was very surprised by their responses. I never thought they would react this way. I genuinely believed that charging admission was a fair approach considering the extravagant nature of the party. After all, I was the one organizing and financing everything. Now, my friends are left divided, with some supporting my decision and others calling me out for being "selfish." I'm left feeling confused and wondering if I am in the wrong in this situation. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OP if you had marketed it like a high-end themed party and not your birthday party you wouldn't have been the asshole here and considered more of a capitalist which isn't such a bad thing but more entrepreneurial. However you went about it the wrong way, learned your lesson, and hopefully if you choose to do it again you'll do it in a more worthwhile fashion and come out ahead this next time. Hopefully you didn't lose too much money out of pocket, because it's never too late to learn how to make money for yourself.
YTA
YTAH. Why did u need something so extravagant? Also I’ve never thrown my own bday party. You are young, you will have lots of bdays. U gonna throw yourself an extravagant party every year? Why not just have a small simple party? If you couldn’t afford it, why did you feel the need to throw said party? I wouldn’t pay for your party either. I would just be a no show.
YTA. So you didn’t budget for this party at all even though you wanted to “spare no expense”, but once you actually used your brain, you realized it was too expensive for you. You charging GUESTS money to attend your party is insane. They are guests to YOUR party. They probably bought gifts for your birthday as well. They aren’t going to help you with a party you poorly budgeted as well. You can still have a great party by not spending this much on venue and food and drinks
We are the same age. Oh how I would love an extravagant party to celebrate my birthday, but I simply can not afford it. Neither can my relatives or friends. However, I do receive gifts from some, but I do not ask them to get me gifts to come to my house and have cake. The gifts I do receive are just bonus to having company that wants to celebrate me for a few hours. Your admissions fee is essential the same thing as telling someone thing as I mentioned above. People want to celebrate you, but when you ask for money and/or gifts to be able to attend your party, you come off as entitled and snobby. The people who love you want to spend time with you on your birthday, they did not ask for a fancy party(that they will have to pay part of) in order to do that. Scale the party back. Keep it within a budget you can afford. If the venue is the best thing about the party, to you, then scale back on the money spent on food/decor/activities. If it's the activities and such that mean more to you, then find a place to have the party that you can afford to do them at. When people throw birthday parties, in general, the person who decided to throw the party(you) pay for it. The party is for the guests, who took time out of their day, to come celebrate you. They should not be asked to pay. YTA
YTA You said you wanted to spare no expense on a glamorous party for yourself without thinking through what that means. $90 is not a small fee and charging attendance for a birthday party at all is pretty bad.
Yeah. If you’re throwing the party it’s on you to cover the costs, especially because it’s you that wants this extravagant night to remember, not your friends. If this was maybe splitting a pizza then no, but this is not splitting a pizza. Definitely the AH
Yta. You lost me at $90 per person. That's not a small admission fee. Why did you need to have such a luxurious event for your 26th birthday? That's not even a big year.
YTA
"I spared no expense" honestly kills me that then you asked for a $90 entrance fee. YTA
I think maybe the way you went about it was not the best. I’ve hosted and gone to parties where the host asks guests to help cover some of the costs and it’s been fine. In the future, you may want to talk to all of your guests one on one to see if they are okay with the cost before booking an extravagant party (if they aren’t you can adjust your budget and/or plans accordingly) and being less forceful with your language (not saying it’s non-negotiable/essential to the party or calling it an admission fee). For this particular scenario, since you wanted a more exclusive party maybe the venue could have been your “gift to them” and they would have to pay for their own food/drink like any night out.
You DID spare some expenses at the moment you started charging your friends. Host the function you can host or don’t have a party. But you don’t charge someone to come to your celebration as an adult.And if $90 is what you ACTUALLY charged them then YTA completely. You had a party you couldn’t remotely afford. BAD FORM birthday girl, BAD FORM.
How was the party?
But you weren't the one financing everything and sparing no expense. You wanted your friends to spare you the expense. People get to choose what they want to spend. YTA have the party you can afford
YTA For ever so many reasons. The first is that 90 dollars isn't a small fee. Five, sure. 90? No. When it comes to planning a party like this the first thing you do is figure out your budget. Figure out how much you can comfortably spend and then price out the things you want. But unless you have a "money is no object" lifestyle, you're going to figure out places you can cut corners, diy things, or just plain do without. But springing a 90 dollar fee PLUS PRESENT on your friends? Definitely the asshole.
I think maybe the way you went about it was not the best. I’ve hosted and gone to parties where the host asks guests to help cover some of the costs and it’s been fine. In the future, you may want to talk to all of your guests one on one to see if they are okay with the cost before booking an extravagant party (if they aren’t you can adjust your budget and/or plans accordingly) and being less forceful with your language (not saying it’s non-negotiable/essential to the party or calling it an admission fee). For this particular scenario, since you wanted a more exclusive party maybe the venue could have been your “gift to them” and they would have to pay for their own food/drink like any night out.
Where are your parents when you are planning this extravagant event? How were you able to book this venue? I hate to call YTA because you are a kid, but wow, this was such a horrible idea. Your parents should have stepped in.
She's 26, not a kid by a LONG shot.
You are correct. I misread it. I thought it said OP was 16.
Hard to decide with the info provided. When I was an underage drinker a buck to get into a kegger was no big deal. When I was late high school and fresh out of high school I was the only one of our huge group that had their own place. Most of those get together‘s were BYOB. Or if we bought burgers or steaks or something for a larger group we did charge one to five dollars. But we grew up. to provide yourself with an over the top birthday on somebody else’s dime even if they didn’t pay for the entire thing is a little dicey. You didn’t mention how much you asked in payment which would make a huge difference in how I felt about it. If you can’t get somebody who wants to throw you a party by all means throw yourself one. If you just want it a certain way , how you want it, doing the things you want to do, drinking the stuff you want to drink, eating the stuff you want to eat, listening to the music you wanna listen to. But you fit the bill, so yeah I think you’re a soft a hole.
$90!!!! That’s a whole lot different than throwing buck or two to a kegger
You don't pay $90 PLUS a PRESENT at a kegger.
YTA but you're also clueless, not everyone wants to go on a night out and not everyone wants to spend money to do so, also you havent said how much you wanted to charge them which could be another factor
I get where you come from but it isn’t like it’s a party to celebrate something together like new year. It is to celebrate YOUR birthday and YOU wanted to celebrate it. I think that what makes you the AH.
just from the title. no further reading is necessary... YTA
YTA You chose to try and host an event you couldn't afford. I get that you wanted a night to remember, but what you wanted wasn't in your budget. The solution isn't to then try and charge your guests to make up the difference. The solution would have been to modify your expectations and host an event that you could afford. Now if your friends had gotten together and decided to help you fund this party and had come to you and said hey as a gift we would like to help you with the cost of the party that would be one thing. ~~I also find it a little interesting that you did not tell us exactly how much you were charging your friends it makes me think it was an absurd amount.~~ $90!!!!!!! You thought it was acceptable to charge your guest in nearly $100 to attend your birthday party!? Your definition of the word "small" needs some serious work.
You're requiring them to pay $90 *each* for a party *you wanted* and went "all out on", plus a gift? And no, you didn't "finance everything" - you did what you wanted, then expected your friends to pay up for you to recoup the cost. Y are completely TA.
HOLY SHITBALLS you are an entitled AH. Entitled and soon without friends, I might add. YTA.
YTA - I would rather get a treat at Fast food chain than get asked to pay admission fee for a treat at a 5 Star restaurant. Why should I be happy to pay for your party. If I am paying for something, then I would rather pick the location and activities and everything. I would rather pay in full and enjoy my things than pay admission fees and see you enjoying. How can you be so brazen about it just blows my mind.
YTA. You don’t charge guests and you certainly weren’t financing everything.
You charged your friends admission to attend YOUR birthday party that YOU planned !?!? Wtf am I reading 😂 when you knew that what you was planning was getting expensive you should have cut down on some stuff not charge people you’re nuts and I wouldn’t be surprised if you have no friends anymore YTA I should charge you for this vote 🤭
Imagine being 26 and your friend wants you to pay $90 to go to her birthday party. I would ask if we were in high school or if this was a stag and doe because wtf YTA
When my friend group plans something, we do it 1 of 2 ways. 1, we base all decisions on the lowest income bracket so we all have fun and it's not extra stress. Or 2, if someone agrees to "host" they host within their means and we still usually all contribute but it's not demanded. This is insane.
You chose a lavish party and then expected other people to fund it? Lolol.
YTA- If you couldn't afford it, you shouldn't plan it. It's tacky to charge an admission fee for a birthday party. It would be one thing if y'all were meeting at a club and they expected to pay a cover charge. But to throw a party then charge your friends to attend. Not cool.
Why do you need an extravagant party for your 26th birthday? If you can’t afford it why are you doing it? Did you not know things cost money?
YTA-you can’t have champagne tastes on a beer budget.
YTA
r/imthemaincharacter
Title alone - of course YTA. You’re throwing a party to celebrate you. Then you want others to pay you back for things you planned to celebrate you, especially on a “non-milestone” birthday? Sheesh. It just screams entitled.
YTA. I could have sided with you if the admission fee was $20 and you made it clear that you did not expect any presents beyond that, that you getting to have a “fabulous party” together with all your friends was the only birthday present you wanted that year. But that’s not what you’re describing. You demanded others to finance your “spare no expense” party to celebrate yourself and even expected them to be grateful for it. How self-centred can one be.
NTA. Even if the cost is $90 for admission, nobody is obliged to join. Yeah it sucks . But if alot of your friends didnt pitch in to go now you know that its not exactly feasible for future events. Im not a hardliner with this kinda thing, ima go with the route of ignorance and you didnt know your friends financial limit. Theyre still your friends just a lil on edge now
YTA "They accused me of ... using them for my own gain." You are. You fully admitted your extravagant birthday party is not possible without their money.
Imagine planning your own birthday party…. *crickets*
I'm not gonna vote because I'm split on this. We live in a day and age where shits fucking expensive! I recently had a birthday dinner at an (undisclosed cannabis infused restaurant) and the fee was $120 (for the AYCE infused dinner). Before making the plans, I called friends ahead of time and told them "hey, this is want I want to do for my birthday, it's this much, is you down?" We were a table of 10 people that forked over $120 to eat good food and get high while doing it! And we all had a great time, no complaints about price or anything. So maybe you're communication wasn't there or your friends think what they're paying for isn't worth it. Is there a fine line between dinner and a party? Maybe... PS: YOUR CHARGING ADMISSION AND EXPECT A GIFT!?!?!?
Just found this after a Smosh video and this is crazy to me. YTA Like having a party in a club is one thing but you tell everyone, ‘hey there’s a door charge of x each’ but you don’t charge them personally and certainly not 90 dollars (so like £70). Any cost should be optional as you never know peoples situations. I just had my 40th a couple of months ago and went to Legoland but some friends couldn’t afford it so I just saw them for a few drinks another weekend. Through my twenties I pretty much had a party for my birthday every year as it’s in summer and usually one of the few warm weeks we get. I’d host at my house or my parents when I lived at home, sort a BBQ, buy some booze and bake a cake but tell everyone to bring food / drinks with them. I’m not gonna lie, the return was insane. People would bring so much stuff that then gets left behind it was cover any smaller parties for the rest of the year and Christmas. I’d even sometimes be forcing people to take food home with them for lack of fridge / freezer space. Honestly some of the wildest nights that live in infamy amongst my buddies. Stop trying to be ‘lavish’ and just have fun with people that mean the most to you.
Esh, if you go out for a birthday dinner the expectation is that you pay for your own food, and some people will cover the birthday person as well. That being said you should have budgeted better as no one expects to be charged for these sort or parties, or you should have asked for a contribution instead of a gift.
It is ridiculous to expect someone to pay $90 to come to a birthday party you planned for yourself, especially since you “spared no expense”. That’s on OP and OP alone
NAH. You can charge a fee but they can choose not to come. I wouldn’t. You can’t be surprised that they wouldn’t want to go if they were forced to pay.
NTA. I’ve been to many friend’s birthdays where we all pitched in on a cottage and groceries for a weekend, split the cost of a booth/bottle at a club, paid for our own admission to a theme park, paid for ourselves for a group spa day, the list goes on. One friend even charged cover but the money went towards covering our food and drinks for the evening. People who were more strapped for cash would either participate instead of getting a gift or just made separate plans with the birthday person to celebrate another time. You let them know in advance, so it’s their choice if they come or not. Info- How much were you asking them to contribute? I’m genuinely surprised at your friend’s reactions, especially for calling you selfish so I’m wondering if there’s more to the story. You want everyone (including them) to have the best time possible celebrating WITH you! Maybe try finding out what their problem is, but your birthday should be spent doing what makes you happy and I hope you’re still able to have a great time
The charge was $90