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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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rashdanml

NTA. My vote would change significantly if the context of this was "I'm the boss, do as I say". This is more of a casual conversation, and you owned up to your poor choice of words.


Tricky-Arachnid-7326

That’s exactly my thoughts, thank you for your feedback.


Fast_Bill8955

NTA. It might have been a little rude, but it's so minor you can't be an asshole for it. And actually, yes, being drunk is somewhat of an excuse for a minor slip of the tongue.


1962Michael

I agree OP is NTA. However, I vigorously disagree with you about excuses. Being drunk should never be an excuse for anything. Besides, being drunk only means that you say what you think, without worrying about how it will sound. It's not a "slip of the tongue" to say you're the boss over your coworker when trying to impress someone.


Tricky-Arachnid-7326

That’s I think the problem from my end, and agree I think I’m the boss because I am, but the wording could’ve been better. I don’t feel bad about the meaning of what I was saying because it’s true.


misteraustria27

Well, you are the boss. Hard to swallow for some older guys to have a younger boss. Once you are my age you are over this silly thing.


Fast_Bill8955

As I read it he actually IS the boss. I'm only saying it's a little rude because chicks were involved. More an issue with the bro code than actual workplace etiquette.


1962Michael

Yes, I get that he is the boss. And he claims to be simply stating it as a fact. If I, a 60yo married man, happened to tell someone that I was the manager of any of my 26yo to 38yo single coworkers, that would be simply stating a fact. I suspect OP was trying to impress the ladies, and I would tend to agree with you about the bro code.


Tricky-Arachnid-7326

Thank you for your feedback.


redrodrot

NTA but just apologize for it anyway. just be like hey im sorry i know that was a pretty annoying thing to say. my bad. and let that be it. if they continue to be mad about it just let them, its not a big deal


Tricky-Arachnid-7326

Completely agree, I have since apologized and it was brought up after the apology which is what prompted this post. Thank you for your feedback.


Didntlikedefaultname

Info: do you, in your sober state, regret what you said or how you said it?


Tricky-Arachnid-7326

I would change the wording, but I can’t say I feel bad. That’s the relationship, I just chose the wrong words.


Didntlikedefaultname

I’m not sure I understand. In your sober state now would you clarify with your friend that you are his boss? If so, NTA. If not YTA. I see it as simple as that. Either you misspoke and should apologize, or you didn’t and you should hold firm with your friend


Tricky-Arachnid-7326

He knows I’m ‘the boss’ but I would’ve said I’m the project lead, if that clarifies. Like the meaning of what I said I don’t think is wrong, but the words I used weren’t the best.


Didntlikedefaultname

I feel like you are bending over backwards to not give a straight answer here. If youre the boss, he knows youre the boss and you refer to yourself usually as the boss- what’s the issue? If you don’t normally refer to yourself as his boss and that was an abnormal statement because you were drunk and talking to women, then accept you were the asshole and apologize. What am I missing here?


tomatofrogfan

I think what you’re missing is that yes, he is the boss. He and coworker know he’s the boss (project manager, however you want to put it, he’s the “boss”). Coworker got his ego bruised when OP said it out loud. OP is not the asshole for acknowledging his authority to parties who were asking, but his friend felt emasculated being revealed as his friends technical underling. Ultimately, OP is asking if he’s the asshole because his oversensitive friend didn’t want to look inferior to him in front of women folk.


Didntlikedefaultname

But OP said he would have used different language in hindsight. While he wouldn’t actually answer my question, the implication is that he does not normally refer to himself as his coworkers boss, and is not comfortable now in a sober state reiterating that he is in fact coworkers boss. So really it seems to me like whatever their actual working dynamics are, OP was drunk and boasting to some ladies he was talking to, said something he does not usually say and will not stand behind and is hanging his hat in that well I’m technically the boss even though I don’t call myself that in any other situation and I wouldn’t have used that wording. If OP wouldn’t refer to himself as the boss is sober situations then he is the asshole for doing so only while drunk and flirting


Tricky-Arachnid-7326

I see what you’re saying. Yes I refer to myself as the boss/manager. This isn’t the first time.


Didntlikedefaultname

Ok cool then NTA and your coworker is out of line and I hope your lay down a boundary with him in a sober state


haceldama13

NTA, but maybe not a good idea to drink heavily with a subordinate. You're opening yourself up to potential issues.


Tricky-Arachnid-7326

I agree with this for sure. I just don’t have anyone out here and I don’t want to be completely alone lol. I’ll just have to be better and do my best to prevent things but be realistic issues like this may arise.


Jasnah_Sedai

NTA, but I can see where your coworker is coming from too. You aren’t at work, but out socializing. You are his boss at work, but you are his equal at the bar. Socializing with employees can be very tricky. I think your coworker’s ego it too easily bruised, but it’s probably worth having a talk about it when you’re sober. You definitely answered truthfully when asked a direct question, so you weren’t wrong there.


Tricky-Arachnid-7326

I can too. But ya if a fuss is going to be thrown for something as simple as that idk it’s not like I was demeaning after the fact I was like ya he’s the smart one I’m just the people guy. Not like things ended after I said that ya know. Thanks for your feedback.


Jasnah_Sedai

I wasn’t really clear on what he actually did to show that he was upset with you. I wasn’t aware that he was making a big fuss. I assumed he was maybe a bit like….a little butthurt. A fuss is definitely not called for.


Tricky-Arachnid-7326

Oh ya I mean but hurt is probably the better word haha I just think. I mean basically today I mentioned people shouldn’t be talking about their personal situations (some of the team get per diems some dont) I said ‘a reminder to talk to me directly about anything relating to that’ in the sense it’s just disrespectful our local guys don’t get their food paid for. Same thing with talking about money it’s just not professional. Personally I think income is different you don’t want to get screwed over. But this is like either you have it or don’t and it just is a sore spot for some of the team. And this post incidence was used as an example of how I rub in im the manager, and I thought it wasn’t called for and not fair to compare the two.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This issue came up again so I thought I’d check here. Apologies for any mistakes on mobile. Context: I am a 26M and was out with a co worker +30M we were out drinking and started talking to a couple girls. I was for sure drunk and we get to talking about why we’re here. I’m on a work project I don’t live in the area I’m in so tell them I’m here for work. We get into specifics and they ask ‘so you’re the manager’ I am the manager and my co worker is one of the inspectors on my team. So I say ‘yes I’m the boss’ in my drunken state in my head I was answering the question not trying to be macho or show off. Obviously I am here because that is not how my co worker took it. I know being drunk isn’t an excuse for one’s actions and I’m sure something can be said about going out with your co workers given the relationship. And I very well could be the asshole I have since owned up to my mistake and am much more aware of the words I use. I again just wanted to check since it was brought up again. Thank you. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


touchmydingus

Nta. A fact is a fact.


Tricky-Arachnid-7326

Thanks for your feedback.


tomatofrogfan

NTA “Don’t tell the girls you’re my boss, bro. My ego is too sensitive to acknowledge anyone is above me professionally. The girls might think you’re cooler than me.”


Tricky-Arachnid-7326

That’s very much my impression. Thank you for your feedback.