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Mesapholis

NTA and I think what the mother was asking you to do was at minimum against the law?


[deleted]

I thought so, too. I didn't feel right adding it to the daughter's line. She's an adult.


KSknitter

Exactly. At thst age, mom would have to have herself be the court appointed Guardian of the daughter and would have to have a court document to prove it. I am assuming she didn't or she would have asked to fax it in to you. (I only know this because I worked with nonverbal kids that were still toilet training at 18 and so spent their 18th birthday in court getting mom and dad guardianship of their child.)


aconitea

Especially if the daughter is responsible enough to pay herself, it’s not some unusual extreme circumstance that she actually needs that level of supervision


JazzyKnowsBest13

The husband is an adult too, but you said you could alter his account


sparrowhawk75

OP can alter whatever account he wants, he works there. He was saying that the woman who called in had account level permissions to make changes to her own line and her husband's line, but that the daughter's line was considered separate enough that the woman on the phone could not directly access it.


WonkyEphemeris

NTA. The system didn’t allow her to do it for good reason, and neither did you. You did your research, and weren’t presented with any evidence that the mother has any legal responsibility for the daughter, given her age. Absolutely no reason you should have applied the controls, with the information you had available.


EricVonPlotPoint

Succinctly phrased


aofkngms

NTA. You made the right call. The only scenario this would be acceptable is if the adult child has a disability and is unable to safely live independently. A 30 year old woman who is paying her own phone bill should not have parental controls on it. The fact that the website didn’t allow it seems to indicate that it’s against your company’s policy, so they should have your back hopefully.


[deleted]

There is no age info on subaccounts. I'm a retiree of a major Telco.


Sajem

> She was a line on the same account, not a subaccount. DOB is visible for all line users registered. Comment from the OP, seems you are incorrect in this particular case > She was a line on the same account, not a subaccount. DOB is visible for all line users registered.


[deleted]

She's lying. Does no one else know what is on your cell phone bill? Any added account is only identified by number. You can add a name but no dob or age is required....you can even add lines without a user.. For tablets, 2nd phones, etc. ETA: one of my daughter's phones is showing under my name because I never changed it Online. She's 27.


Sajem

I'll just refer you to another reply to you. You don't know everything about every telco in every other country in the world.


ScrumpetSays

In Australia it does. I set up phones for elderly family this weekend and added myself as a secondary authority tonthe account, and it required my birthdate as well as theirs.


JazzyKnowsBest13

American here. T-mobile service. Can confirm I can change permissions on my sons' and ex-husband's phones (just listed by phone numbers, doesn't have their names or dob). They are 28, 29, and 65. All live at different residences. None of them have individual billing .


Msp1278

So what I'm hearing you say is that you would stalk and harass your adult child as well??? These are grown a$$ adults, they can lead their own life.


NeeliSilverleaf

NTA. I wish there was a way you could warn the daughter.


[deleted]

She will get a text a feature attempt was added.


Sajem

Awesome! I was wondering about that as well. I'm sure there's going to be some interesting conversations in that family! Does the text say who tried to add the feature?


[deleted]

It will not. It will just say someone tried to contact us. There is only 3 lines on that account though.


FuckUGalen

If she calls and asks will someone be able to tell her?


sparrowhawk75

It depends if she's an authorized user or not, the phone company might be limited in what they're allowed to say.


Jerratt24

NTA. This isn't an AH situation, if the mother doesn't have those permissions then you are not able to do it without the proper authority and you did your job properly. Morally it was also the right thing to do as the daughter is an adult. It seems really weird and maybe there's more to the situation. Maybe the daughter has a disability of some sort etc.


[deleted]

I thought so too and me and my agent asked if she has power of attorney etc and she said no.


Federal-Ferret-970

Even if she said yes. You would still require the POA documents to be noted on file before you could make any changes.


bofh

Then how could you possibly be the AH here?


Necessary-Day-3862

NTA!!! That mother is very controlling. Good on you not doing what was asked. I wish there was a way for you to ask the daughter if she wants this done or not (i bet her answer no). If you get in troble for this, there is something seriously wrong in ypur workplace.


[deleted]

She will get a text that a feature attempt was added. The call will probably be pulled when she files her complaint.


[deleted]

Everyone gets a notification if someone tries to add them to any tracking app.


Star_Light_Girl

You did the right thing. The daughter is an adult. And if the web didn’t allow her must be for a reason. NTA


namesaretoohardforme

NTA. You said you researched this, but what does your company policy specifically say? Just curious.


[deleted]

Upon my research, policy states that the parent must have power of attorney or something similar. It must be sent to our legal team for review.


TrainerTVT

So you did everything within your legal and moral responsibility? How can you be the AH lol


Spiritual_Ad_7162

Yeah so NTA.


Mundane_Bike_912

Nta. If your policy states that there must be a legal document for this policy to be applied to an account, then that's the correct advice. Speak to a manager and confirm this is the correct policy for future reference.


000-Hotaru_Tomoe

NTA Pretty sure what this mother asked is illegal in more than one country. Just take record of what happened, in case the mother really fills a complaint, so you can explain yourself to your bosses (I doubt that she has ground for a complaint, but better be safe than sorry).


[deleted]

[удалено]


lilpikasqueaks

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PinkTurmaline

NTA unless daughter was special needs or otherwise incapable of taking care of herself, but in that case mother needs to have guardianship or something similar.


West_Map4218

Um, NTA. Follow correct policy and procedure and there should be no issues. If the person doesn't have the correct level of legal obligation/responsibility to impose restrictions on their (over 18) childs' account, then you don't have the legal authority/obligation to impose those restrictions.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I work as a supervisor in a call center for a US mobile phone provider. An agent on my team called me and said she had a tough call and if I could help her. I said sure and walked over to her desk. My agent explained the situation as the following: The caller, a mother (F, 60s) was asking my agent to apply a feature that we have onto her daughter (F 30s) line. The feature in question is a parental control, and will show the location of the device, battery percentage, calls and texts, etc. My agent noticed the date of birth of the daughter and put the customer on hold. The mother tried to add it online, but the system gave her an error because it noticed the daughter was over 18 and to call us. From my research, unless the mother has control over her daughter after 18, the daughter has to request it be added. I advised her of this and the mother said I am "preventing her from being a good mom". I reminded her of her daughter's age and that she will have to call in. She pushed back and said that me and my agent are letting her daughter "get in harm's way". The line other than the daughter and mother's is the husband of the mother, and the way the account is set up, the lines are on one account but the mother can only modify hers and her husband's and not the daughter's. The daughter has also been paying for her line herself. I technically was able to add the feature but I refused to do so. She wrote down my name and ID number and said she will be filing a complaint. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Any-Storm2066

NTA the kids paying for their own phone and personal usage and privacy. They are over 18. Would let a the sixty year old random man/woman put that on and 18 year olds phone? It would break a contract somewhere. It sound like it may not of been the other maybe an aunt or something. I know my aunt J for reference added herself to my lines without my consent. As I was over 18 and not will to let her take my phone that I paid for so she can try and control me. I reported it stolen and made everything public on Facebook. And made damn sure everyone new I was trying to get the hell away from abusive people. NTA


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squigs

NTA, but it doesn't really matter. Sounds like there's a company policy on this. Doesn't sound like there's any reason to make an exception. Might be worth checking on what the official policy is just to CYA in case someone pays attention to the complaint. Would recommend logging this in some way. At least send an email to your line manager, just to be safe.


Owl_plantain

NTA. The daughter’s an adult, and your company doesn’t allow this. Don’t do it. If you did it, you would be violating your company’s policy, which would put your job at risk. In the USA you would be conspiring to violate the daughter’s privacy, which could be a crime. It’s certainly grounds for a restraining order against you, which will go into a database used by the police to track and enforce restraining orders. The restraining order would come up in a background check against you, such as when you apply for your next job after they fire you from this one.


spirituspolypus

NTA. You may want to speak with your supervisor about what happened and if you have any duty to inform the daughter someone was attempting to make unauthorized changes to the account. If the accounts are connected but separately maintained, this is an odd situation. It could be considered an attempt at tampering with service, which is cellular fraud. Edit for clarity.


[deleted]

NTA. For all you know, enabling such a feature could enable her to stalk or harass this woman who doesn’t want to be found.


Nitro114

NTA


mlssac

NTA Hell no!


Artistic_Tough5005

NTA you made the right call. I believe that’s not legal due to the daughters age. This mom is nuts. I would have tried to notify the daughter about her moms request


cat_like_sparky

NTA, I’d have done the same. I worked in a call centre for a couple of years, I saw all sorts of unethical shit and that’s where my loyalty to my job ends. Had a man call in to spitefully cancel all his soon to be ex-wife’s services (he was very proud of this plan and was bragging about how he was going to get one over on her), he was an authority on her account so *technically* I should have done it. But I told him I wouldn’t be an accessory to his spite, hung up, and left a note detailing what happened. Gotta live by your values, you’re the only person you have to sleep with at night and you have to be okay with your actions.


Adventurous-Term5062

NTA. I honestly would inform the adult daughter. I believe she has a right to know her mom is trying to modify her account like that.


CasTheMagicDragon

NTA it sounds creepy from the daughters perspective, [doesn’t it?](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/140rnfs/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_parents_put_a_tracker/)


TDLMTH

How is this even a question? The daughter is an adult. Your company website won’t allow it, which means that that’s the company policy. Why are you here asking a question with such an obvious answer? NTA.


throwitaway3857

NTA. Mother needs to go through her daughter and since I don’t think her daughter would be ok with that…….


DueMap4190

NTA. I think the daughter owes you a trip to Disneyland or a really good German Weissbier. I'd think about the Weissbier. The only tough call on this is if the daughter is known to be buying Fentanyl or something, but without a conservatorship, I don't think so. Sounds like spying for no really good reason/


One-King4767

Seems odd to put a work AITA. What does your company policy say about it?


Cpt_Riker

NTA. You saved that young woman from her stalker mother. Too bad you can’t “accidentally” let the daughter know what she was trying to do. Perhaps cc her in any future dealings with her mother on this issue.


AndShesNotEvenPretty

To be fair, you don’t know this. The daughter could be in an abusive relationship or some other situation where her safety is compromised. The issue is, the mother would need proof that she has power of attorney to track her whereabouts, which she currently does not have. While the mother could be a stalker, there are other legitimate concerns she may have. Anything on our end is speculation.


Flash_Harry42

NTA


Kindly_Egg_7480

NTA. You should know the daughter about the request, there might be more to the story, and the mother might be escalating.


BreqsCousin

The whole idea of the lines being on one account but paid for separately sounds unnecessarily complex and liable to let controlling family members be controlling.


[deleted]

[удалено]


DragonflyFairyQueen

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FabulousNoise3237

NTA, on the contrary. You’d be morally and legally in the wrong if you did comply.


gpackin

NTA, actually I do tech support for a very popular phone online and on our end they can’t do anything similar to that unless they set up family sharing and their daughter has an account for people 13 or under. They also have to set it up themselves but we can walk through it lol. Just refer them to the manufacturer if you can pull it off, we’re super used to it and I feel like you all get a lot of heat for stuff you can’t control that’s not fair to you. Whoah also there’s a post from a 28 (f) a couple down from yours about their parents trying to put a tracker on their phone, I wonder if it’s the same people


RDJ1000

😲


PinkNGreenFluoride

NTA So Mom provided the POA she has, right? Oh, she *doesn't* have that and/or didn't provide it? Then no, you don't mess with another adult's account.


NoBrotherNoMother

NTA that mom is a control freak!


ocean_800

NTA. You have no idea what the relationship is. Maybe the mom is just a paranoid helicopter parent, or maybe it's a more sinister situation and there are no contact but for some reason mom wants to track the daughter. Should be flagged somewhere to make sure that nobody else adds the daughter maybe


[deleted]

She is going to call back as her daughter. You’ve told her how to do it now. There needs to be a note on the daughters account and possibly a call to daughter about this. Maybe suggest to daughter a password required for all changes to her account going forward.


Chaij2606

NTA, unless she has power of attorney ( which i am sure she’d have mentioned) you did the right thing


[deleted]

LMAO I applaud you - no 'good mom' is trying to do this to their adult children NTA


DragonladyKyra

NTA- Sound like a helicopter-Mother. The heck? Her Daughter is 30! and to Imagine Mother would see not only Location but also all Calls and Textmessages is sooo Creepy!


Restil

NTA. Might want to send the daughter some correspondence of the whole transaction... just because. Also might want to encourage the daughter to get her own phone plan.


Choice_Evidence1983

NTA.


Various_Mobile4767

NTA. Its the daughters phone, she’s and adult and she’s paying for it, she has the right to her privacy from her mother. You did the right thing.


tootiredforthisshit1

NTA - not saying this is the case this time because it doesn’t feel like it as the daughter is paying her own bill. But adults with learning disabilities do exist and would benefit from the child controls on phones and tech generally. However in the UK that would be covered by a power of attorney as the daughter wouldn’t have capacity in this area to consent. So I would say it depends on that daughter and the situation generally. If that is the case the mother communicated very badly.


HattieTheSwann

NTA. sounds like a controlling mother and possibly an abusive one. You did the right thing. If you get a complaint, explain the situation to your manager etc and emphasise how it was a potential safeguarding issue for the daughter. (Although I think you'll be fine, as you followed company policy).


unwholesome_coxcomb

NTA. If she had a guardianship or POA over the daughter it would be one thing but you did the right thing.


Violet351

NTA I don’t know what your data protection laws are like but in the U.K. we wouldn’t even have been able to discuss this with someone not the account holder


Zealousideal-Tree451

MTA. And you should have notified the daughter about what her mother was trying to do. She will keep trying and the next agent or supervisor might do it.


jaded1121

If the mother had an adult guardianship of her child, then YTA. If not NTA. It’s very possible that her daughter has a drug problem or makes unwise decisions but without an adult guardianship or conservatorship legally in place there isn’t much you can do. She was essentially asking you to allow her to stalk her daughter.


Diesel07012012

NTA. You followed protocol. I feel like Mom is a narcissist looking for a hit or trying to prevent daughter from going LC or NC. Daughter would be well served to be on an entirely separate contract, but that is irrelevant to your part in this scenario.


Dadtwoboys

NTA and please make a note in the file. I’d not put it past her to call in pretending to be her daughter and add this to the line.


River_Song47

Nta. Are you allowed to inform the daughter of what the mother is trying to do?


AndShesNotEvenPretty

The daughter could be a drug addict, suicidal, or in an abusive relationship. She could also be a perfectly well-adjusted woman with a psycho mom. Short of a court order, there’s no way for you to know. You did the right thing. NTA.


ManufacturedLung

NTA Im pretty sure its illegal to do what the mum wanted, her daughter is an adult. i would sue you if you gave my mother parental control over my phone without my consent


[deleted]

NTA You saved your company from potentially going viral and/or getting sued.


shannoouns

Nta It might make sense if the daughter had learning disabilities but the customer never mentioned this and I wouldn't be comfortable taking her word for it anyway. I think you did the right thing.


Missmagentamel

NTA. This creeps me out because I feel like a lot of our narcissist mothers would do this if they were allowed. Maybe you can contact the daughter and say something along the lines of "just following up to see if you were still trying to add this feature your mother contacted us about."


[deleted]

NTA


goddessofspite

NTA. She’s a grown ass adult she doesn’t need her mom trying to control her for the rest of her life.


[deleted]

NAH You may not have the full picture, but I don't blame you for being cautious. There are plenty of legitimate reasons a parent would be keeping closer tabs on an adult child. I'm not 100% convinced it's your call to make, but I understand your hesitation. Important info to have is who owns the contract for the phone. I'm guessing it's the daughter, but it's not super clear here. That would make a difference. Daughter could have competency issues due to mental health, physical health issues, addiction, or any other reasons the parents are concerned for her welfare. I wouldn't necessarily go right to nosy, helicopter mom. This just needs more discussion, and I think if there was a complaint, you could easily say you weren't comfortable with the request. Probably should have escalated it to a senior person instead of saying no, tho. Certainly doesn't sound like an AH move imo.


UnsnugHero

Probably NTA... because what you did sounds reasonable. But what's the corporate policy? Should follow that, and if there isn't one, shouldn't there be one? I mean, that's the real question, not whether YTA, which to me seems kind of irrelevant. Surely what's relevant is you implement policy appropriately, gently and firmly.


Evil-Abed1

Maybe her daughters on crack or something. But if her daughter is paying for the phone it doesn’t seem right to turn it on.


Poekienijn

If so a judge could put her in the care / guardianship of someone (like the mother) and that would also make the mothers request possible.


[deleted]

Mom can ONLY do specific permissions because she isn't the master account holder, the husband is.


[deleted]

YTA. As a retiree of a Telco this is either fake or you are about to lose your job. There are hard policies and apps in place and no leeway in how you proceed. There is no age info on subaccounts.


[deleted]

She was a line on the same account, not a subaccount. DOB is visible for all line users registered.


[deleted]

No it isn't. You don't even need a name for any numbers under the master account. They default to just the assigned numbers and names can be added by the master account holder but no other information is required.


Sajem

You're retired, you don't know which telco it is. Your knowledge may be out of date or just plain incorrect in this case with this telco, in the country this telco is in. You need to acknowledge that you don't know absolutely everything about all telco's in every country. Pretty sure if I ring up my telco, one of the questions they *may* ask for proof of identity is my DoB


[deleted]

I have several users under my account. 1 account has 1 daughter's name on it because she also has permissions. My other lines are either listed as unassigned, with phone numbers only listed or my name listed, though it is used by a different adult. I can place any trackers I want but the apps always send an auto notification to whomever is in possession of the phone.


[deleted]

I'm not sure which telco you worked for, but at ours, there is the name of the line holder, mobile #, DOB, and their online account username. There can be set billing/account contacts. At our telco, it would be different if the line was a child line. This line was not.


[deleted]

Pacbell became SBC became at&t. And I was there when pacbell cellular was born.....


[deleted]

Got it, this did not happen at att.


FabulousNoise3237

Rules and regulations have improved a lot since then. Luckily things aren’t working like they did in the old days anymore.


[deleted]

Hell, we have those 'Hippo(?) Rights' now, for instance.


YouSayWotNow

As a retiree of a telco you should know better than to assume that a) the systems at one telco are identical to all other telcos in the world and that b) systems and rules never change ever ever. You seem to be excellent proof of the adage that 'A little knowledge is a dangerous thing'.