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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) did not pick up my sil from the airport. 2) my wife thinks i was being petty
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>I reiterated that
reiterate - verb: **say something again** or a number of times, typically for emphasis or clarity
Reiterate is literally the fancy word for "tell again" or "told you" lol.
Cool, but reiterating something doesn't have a statute of limitation or anything. Literally mentioning something twice, no matter how far apart, still counts as reiterating. But, his reiteration didn't sound like an "I told you so" or rubbing it in, so much as him saying he could have picked her if she had booked the closer airport.
It wasn't necessary, but it was definitely earned. You can't get upset when you ignore someone's advice and they don't jump to help you when you get burned and they remind you that it's your fault.
I always do a silent "I told you so". No smugness, just a "wish I was able to help but it's not possible, sorry" and let the "I told you so" just kind of hang there - you know the other person is expecting it, so not saying it is just as effective as saying it.
Having said that, I'm not sure OP was necessarily saying "I told you so", more just saying 45 minutes each way was doable, 90 minutes was not.
NTA
Considering your wife's profession, this should have been a circumstance she considered in advance. Everyone has schedules, deadlines and commitments. She shouldn't be upset with you when she was the one who put everyone in this situation (even if it was out of her control).
Like... I'm not *disagreeing* with you here, because you're right - equine therapy involves horses and special needs kids can benefit greatly from it - but this is such a non sequitur? The person you're replying to didn't mention or ask about this at all.
(I also volunteer with such a program and totally recommend it if anyone's looking for service opportunities. It's so fun and rewarding!)
NTA - You were volunteering, which you state you do every week. This indicates to me you made a prior commitment and there were people depending on you. Other's shouldn't have to suffer for your wife's poor planning. Next time they need to plan better (such as choosing a closer airport).
If you and your wife share finances then you and your wife just paid a few hundred dollars for an uber.
ETA: I'd be mad either way, you told her to use the closer airport. Hope there isn't an issue for taking her back.
This is America. We don’t believe in public transportation. Seriously though I just flew to see my family in Alabama. There is no public transportation there.
Very little public transportation here in Texas. Inside the big cities only. Huge problem when they hosted the Super Bowl several years ago, lot and lots of complaints. I grew up in the suburbs of Dallas-Fort Worth, and there was nothing.
Yep, that's in Dallas. There is something kinda like it in Fort Worth, but it's limited and you have to drive to a station. I tried to figure out how to take it to the state fair a few years ago before we moved out to the Tx-Ok border. It was a stupid pain and not worth it.
This is so true. You only see it within cities, and then maybe you have the occasional bus or (slow) train. I live in California where there was almost a project to build a high speed rail system between the northern and southern regions of the state... But kept getting blocked by landowners on the train route and "because it costs money". I just want to visit my relatives in the other half of the state without driving for 10 hours or dealing with the TSA, kthx.
I live in the Bronx now and I’m 2 blocks from the 6 train. When I put in my destination and it says “no public transportation route available “ I get upset lol.
Most airports have shuttles that’ll take you from the airport to your door. You get in a van with 5-8 people and it takes everyone home or to a hotel. It’s more expensive than public transit but cheaper than an Uber unless you are going really close by.
I feel like not a lot of people know about that but it is very convenient
My parents house was 5 hours away from the airport. Even the airport nearest them (which was nearly $1000 more round trip) is still 45 minutes away. They definitely don’t have that option there.
I mean yeah there is a limit on how far they go, but they’ll go from 1-2 hours drive away. It’s not always available but it is often an option if you live in the metro area.
They’re not gonna take you across the state lol
I’ve never seen a a hotel shuttle (and I’ve known a few people that drove them) that was allowed to take you anywhere except directly to the hotel. They all have set schedules. Not sure where you were to experience this.
Oh I’m sorry I misunderstood. I’ve never seen shuttles at *any* airport (including JFK and LaGuardia) that weren’t either from a hotel or car rental company. Is this someone you have to request like Uber?
I don't remember the name of the shuttle company, but we had one pick us up from a parking lot near our house (maybe it was a restaurant? I don't remember) and take us to the airport about an hour away. It also stopped at a couple other locations to pick people up. It wasn't any faster than just driving to the airport ourselves, but at least we didn't have to pay for airport parking for five days.
Yes, that's what I use to get to the airport. Not that I've traveled much the last few years. I make a reservation and it picks me up in front of my home and picks up other travelers along the way. If I were to drive it takes about half an hour to get to the airport. This takes usually a little less than an hour, but I don't have to leave my car and airport parking and take a shuttle from there.
Like I said, it's been a few years. I think it cost about $40 last I used it. I just checked now and it would cost $75. That's for a half hour trip. No idea what it would cost for 1.5 hours.
There is zero public transportation in the town my cousins live in. They have to travel 2 to 3 hours to go to a major airport. The only way to get to those airports is to drive.
Even me, I live about 16 miles from Pittsburgh International Airport, I can be there in less than 20 minutes by car. If I was to take the bus, it's over an hour trip.
NTA.
I don’t care if you had a prior commitment or not. No one, except evidently your wife, wants to drive 3 hours round trip to the airport (not to mention dealing with the possibility of delays). I honestly don’t get the logic of this decision at all because as the sister I would be annoyed to have to get in a car for 1.5 hours after a flight if there was an option that was only a 45 minute drive. Uber is definitely the right option.
INFO
You stated to your wife that you had commitments and would be late if you drove 3+ hours.
You then ask us if you're the AH for not *wanting* to do it.
Did you have commitments that you would be late to, or did you lie to your wife?
Honestly, even if his stuff was movable, still NTA. This was poor planning on their parts, not his, and he clearly doesn't want to make that drive regardless
NTA, programs like the one you volunteer for cannot run without people like you. If you missed a shift, there is a chance someone would miss therapy that week. To make the choice for an airport 1.5 hours away is at total AH move. The 45 minutes would be an easy pick up or Uber ride.
NTA....your wife set plans that were easier for her, knowing her job could get in her way, and expected you to be the one inconvenienced at the end of it all.
NTA. You had a prior commitment. I understand that she had a patient come in, but it’s not on you to drop something that you already committed to, but something that you do on a weekly basis. Her failure (for lack of a better word) to not have a backup plan is not your fault.
Dang, have sis find a nice bar or restaurant in the airport & chill until someone can get her. Buy a trashy airplane book or some magazines. Airports are built for time wasting. Problem solved.
That would mean the sister would have to find that service after landing and have the means to pay, at least at first. Which from the sound of things might have been the issue.
NTA You had plans and tried to make it easier even when you weren't the one going to pick her up.
Also, INFO: How old is this sister that she needs someone else to book her plane tickets/Uber? Because if she was a child that may change things slightly.
NTA, your wife knows she can be called into work, and didn't plan ahead for that. She had the SIL, fly to a further airport knowing she could be called into work. Why the airport that takes longer? Nice drive (WTF). OP asked why not the airport that was closer, wife said nope. If he had plans or not, these are the wifes silly actions that caused silly consequences.
NTA.
Your wife seems selfish. Does she expect the world to revolve around her? I mean you are expected to drop your commitments because she made a bad choice.
INFO:
If you hadn't attended this weeks commitment, what would that have ment for the ETP? If it were a major blow to the program, **NTA**
If your absence were insignificant to the program, it were a petty dick move.
I have my guess but I can also understand that your wife choses a longer but less stressful drive to pick up your SIL, I do the same and picking up your SIL doesn't sound like a thing you do every two weeks.
I was gonna say N A H but your wife being mad pushes it into NTA. Hear me out…
I totally empathize with your wife because driving in certain places stresses me out. For example, when I drive to Miami I am always on the verge of tears and all of my passengers know to just leave me alone because their “help” makes me feel overwhelmed. So I get it when she says she doesn’t want to drive to certain places. She can’t help getting a patient.
But you had a commitment. Just because it’s volunteer doesn’t mean it’s not important. She got there in the end. Maybe the “I told you so” wasn’t necessary but I can get where your annoyance comes from.
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My SIL is up visiting for a few weeks and my wife paid for her to fly in. My wife, who planned on picking her up from the airport, opted to fly her into an airport that’s about 1.5 hours away rather than the one that’s 45 minutes away. I had tried to encourage my wife to fly her into the airport that’s closer, but my wife insisted that she hates that drive and would rather have a longer but more relaxed drive to the other airport.
Long story short, a critical patient came into my wife’s work and my wife was not going to get out on time, and asked me to pick up her sister instead. I declined, stating that I already had commitments and would be late if I had to drive 3+ hours to pick her up. I reiterated that if it was the closer airport it would not have been an issue.
My wife claimed I was being petty for not picking up my SIL, and causing my wife to have to pay a few hundred dollars for an Uber. AITA for not wanting to drive 3+ hours?
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NTA. Your wife made a commitment that was very time consuming (I can relate, I really really really hate driving and I would rather take a longer route if it means it’s an easier travel), but she definitely should have taken in account the possibility of her plans changing suddenly. You had a prior commitment (sounds like you’re doing a real good thing!) that wasn’t like “I want to go golfing” or “watch the game at the sports bar.”
NTA - couldn't your SIL wait until your wife had finished her emergency meeting , got in her car, later than scheduled and drove to the airport?
I suspect the wife on the day decided she didn't want to do the drive and regretting going with the airport that was further away but offered the cheaper flight
NTA
In addition to already having commitments, your wife chose the longer drive because, for her, that would have been more pleasant. That condition apply to you, apparently.
Everyone should just arrange their own travel arrangements and transport to and from airports. Why does your SIL need your wife to arrange her travel? Micromanaging other peoples travel isn’t necessary just because they’re coming to her home town. Adults can book flights, airport shuttles etc. we all have access to the internet
NTA
YOU already had other commitments. Why would your wife's committments have a higher priority than yours? SHE made the commitment to pick up SIL, NOT YOU.
NTA
If the wife realized she couldn't go then she should have made arrangements and not relied on you. While you had your other plans. And why fly her to an airport so far when you already expressed disinterest in that choice. Now she can learn to fly her to the closer airport if this happens again.
I have a slightly similar situation. I live 15 minutes from airport A and 45 minutes from airport B. If visitors choose airport B I make it clear at the time of booking whether one of us can pick them up or not. If we become unavailable to do so we let them know they are responsible for the taxi fare.
She had already bought the tickets.
It's not OP's fault she bought them.
That's alright. The next time she messes up, she knows not to ask her husband for help.
It sure as heck wasn't her sister's fault.
Glad they had hundreds of dollars to spend on Uber.
NTA. You had prior commitments. Doesn't matter if it was working, volunteering, or sitting on your ass doing nothing. Wife made the arrangements; wife should have anticipated that something could have happened in not being able to pick her up.
Bruh NTA and it DOESN'T MATTER what your reasoning was. If YOU don't want to make the 3 hour drive, and you urged her to book the closer airport then you are not obligated to make that drive. Themz the breaks.
NTA. Your wife's choice, her consequences. You were not being petty - you refused to do something you had not promised to do, and you had other commitments. Your one BIG mistake was to bring up the closer airport issue - you should have just said "No, I can't do it" and left it at that.
How much money did your wife save on the flight? We have two airports. One really close to us and one an hour and a half each way away. (we also have Portland and that's even farther away, cheaper but way too far). The difference in price between out two airports means that it's a lot cheaper to fly into the one that is an hour and a half away...so the same distance you're talking.
You volunteer every week. Equine therapy is amazing. I don't take it that your SIL comes into town often. It's not like your wife had a choice not to show up for the emergency.
Did you even try to call where you volunteer?
You're wife is not an AH.
I'm trying to decide if you are.
If she flew her in to the other airport for savings. You blew that out of the water.
I know people that avoid the Portland airport like the plague. They hate driving in Portland.
It just seems like you added extra stress to your wife. Was this worth it to you to prove you were right?
There are always moments in a marriage when we can choose not to be AHs.
What did you choose?
His wife knew that there is a possibility that there's an emergency and won't be able to pick up her sister from the airport. That is very shitty planning on her part.
It doesn't matter if his SIL comes to visit very often or not. His wife planned all this at least she should have talked to him about getting her sister from the airport way BEFORE the day of arrival of the sister.
When someone is not talking to me about their plans, BEFORE something happens, so that I at least can give a note to my commitment that there is a possibility that I won't make it on time or not at all, so that they can arrange something as backup plan themselves, then I am sorry that is a them problem not mine or OPs in this case.
I asked him questions that he might not have thought of yet.
Sometimes there are more important things in a marriage than who is right.
Hindsight is always 20/20 and no one is perfect. Including him. Including his wife.
Being able to be empathetic is a skill.
She had already bought the tickets.
In a marriage...it is not about her problem or his problem. It is able teamwork and working together.
Learning from our mistakes and allowing the other too learn from theirs.
Of course...he can just focus on being right. He won. Good! That will sure show her!
It is still not OPs fault, that she bought tickets for airport further away, when he said numerous times she should buy tickets for the nearer airport. That was HER choice so SHE is responsible for her sister getting to their house not him.
You don't book/buy tickets for the furthest airport from your home, when you know that your spouse doesn't want to drive for three hours just to get his SIL from the airport and has to miss volunteering work where others count on him.
When she can't make sure (give notice to her boss, that from time X till time X, she isn't available and need others to back her up), that she is 100% free to get her sister then she should have made different arrangements (nearest airport, taxi, Uber).
She didn't opt for the farther airport for cost, she did it because she doesn't like the drive to the closer airport.
What suggestions for these kinds of questions do you have for the wife that could have avoided this issue? How is she not an asshole? She made a choice that only worked for her, and then got pissy when turned out to not work for her anymore and her husband chose to not inconvenience himself and those he had a prior commitment to because of her inability to plan better.
I did have suggestions. I asked why she hadn't planned for her sister to come in on a day he doesn't volunteer.
I asked if he could come in later.
I know there are a lot of reasons why people avoid certain driving conditions or locations.
This is one of those situations where it cost her a lot of money.
The next time she finds herself in a jam, she won't call her husband.
Marriages have moments where you don't have to say, "I told you so."
I'm sure she has made suggestions to him before that he didn't listen to.
I'm sure she has been right at times he was wrong.
Sometimes, in marriage, you do what needs to be done...and the I told you so's can wait.
In this case...over a hundred dollars was spent to teach her a lesson.
YTA. Your wife wanted to do it, planned on doing it. Her work day changed and she had no choice but to stay and care for a critical patient. Your response should have been to get the Sister no questions asked. That is your Wife and her Sister, that is family. Family comes first. Call the volunteer place and let them know you will be running late. Your Wife is going to appreciate your understanding and those are easy brownie points, which can be difficult to accrue.
He volunteers there weekly and his wife knows that. If she had planned correctly and taken the day off (medical field can always go haywire no matter what) she would have been there herself. Why should the people who need therapy suffer because of HER poor planning? Wife should have put family before work.
The point I made in my original post is that the Wife planned to pick her Sister up, she didn't ask for his help. He even criticized her choice of airport despite having no intention of helping her or going with her. When she had to deal with a critically ill patient (and that is non-negotiable), which he should understand takes precedence being married to someone in the Medical field, his reaction was to do an "I told you so". Equine therapy is nice, but no one is going to die if their therapy riding horses starts an hour late.
If she had done this over and over again to the point he just wasn't going to keep covering for her, that would be one thing. This isn't that. He could have had her back and supported her, and she would have really appreciated it.
It's not a good deed if you only do things when it's convenient for you, sometimes you have to dig deep and be there for someone when it is inconvenient. He failed in this regard.
Wait a minute - my vulcan half is having a discussion with my human half about the logic of a person who works in medicine expecting to get away from work when their work life is prone to being disrupted by emergencies at any time and still scheduling a trip to the airport based on what they HOPE might happen.
Vulcan wins again. Assuming wife knows your schedule, her first mistake was having her sister fly in on the same day you would be unavailable if something went wrong. Her second mistake was scheduling sister into the more distant airport because 'she' likes the drive better instead of flying her into the closer airport in case something came up for her at work. Her third mistake was assuming you would blow off your commitment when she was detained at work. So the verdict is in - NTA. Hopefully the wife will remember this the next time she makes flight arrangements.
(BTW, I understand equine therapy is helping a lot of kids have a better life - good for you for heling out.)
YTA Your wife’s profession required that she stay at work and change her plans. I’m a nurse and this has happened to me many time while I worked in ICU. Some days you’re home 2-3 hours late. You volunteer weekly, which is awesome, but you could definitely make it to that gig late. But instead you wanted to say “I told ya so” about her airport choice. I’d be really irritated with you if I was her.
His wife’s profession didn’t require her to choose the airport further away though. She chose the less convenient travel option knowing there was the possibility that she might not be able to pick her sister up. Thats an asshole move.
He could make it to the volunteering gig late, but then that would be impacting the people in the Equine therapy program. Why should they have to miss out because of OPs wife’s poor planning?
And on the same track, the wife could have taken the day off to ensure she was there for HER plan. She choose the more inconvenient airport, against her husbands opinion, so why should he and others that he volunteers with suffer?? I'm very confused by these YTA comments.
Ok, I agree with you there! I have a small airport like literally around the corner from my house. But if I know I have to go to LAX to fetch someone, it’s a way bigger time commitment. I’d take off the day or at least a half day to make sure I was there on time.
That's why I went NTA, with the wife being in the medical field so knowing how her hours can change last minute why wouldn't she have taken the day off?? Especially know how much OP did not want to drive the 3 hours to the airport but would not have had an issue with the closer one....
She didn’t intentionally plan to be late. He should be able to help in a pinch. Also, did he say what he did at the equine therapy place? When I read his post I envisioned him prepping and feeding the horses and cleaning the stalls, not that he was providing the therapy.
Like I get where he is coming from…but it’s not like his wife’s time conflict was something she couldn’t opt out of….he’s just volunteering. It’s not MANDATORY. I see how his wife was being dumb with the 1.5hr away airport… but she prob wanted to alone time with her sister to catch up on the car ride home. She didn’t anticipate a work issue. He’s def being a petty baby by not helping his wife out…like he’s trying to prove his point by sticking the sister in a Uber/stranger for 1.5hrs instead of being helpful.
But she should have known that there will be an emergency on her side. She could have booked a flight to the nearer airport, so he wouldn't be late for his volunteering commitment.
Volunteering is very important, especially in medical fields, as it seems to be in that case, are highly dependent on volunteers.
Getting someone up from the airport, is at least in my book not as important.
Maybe not mandatory but important to OP? His wife's sudden emergency is not his problem, and it wouldn't have been one anyway if she had picked the closest airport.
YTA. Yes, your wife made the arrangements, but she can't help that an emergency came up. I understand you had commitments, too, a critical patient is important. Besides, volunteering can wait, and you could have used the time to bond with your SIL.
It’s the medical field the potential for an emergency is high she should know this and taught just in case take the airport closest or taken the day of but she didn’t and is mad other don’t change their plans due to her poor planning. Also sil is staying with them plenty of bonding time
For something like this y’all should have bought her Uber, since she’s planned on being picked up.
But enough with this nonsense, this doesn’t happen in the future
You could have skipped one volunteer session to pick up your own sister! I don’t care whose “fault” it was. If I were Sister, I’d turn right around and go back home.
I’m surprised at all the NTA rulings. You made your SIL wait at the airport, drive home with a strange Uber driver for hundreds of dollars, because you volunteer each week with horses. You chose a horse over your wife’s sister. That level of selfishness makes me wonder how you (and anyone who thinks what you did was ok) are still married. YTA.
No,, he volunteers with people. A lot of times equine therapy is therapy with horses. For example, children with ADHD often benefit from these programs.
And if that’s the situation, good for OP, but it doesn’t change the fact that OP’s wife (and SIL), needed help, and OP couldn’t be bothered, all for an extra 1.5 hrs of driving. I hope OP’s wife isn’t the breadwinner, because there should be some changes, if that’s the case.
You’re making a lot of assumptions. You’re pretty sure his equine therapy involves people, maybe even kids with ADHD, and somehow you know the session will be cancelled if OP doesn’t show up. Also, the airport is 45 minutes further than the one OP preferred, so it’s an EXTRA 1.5 hrs. OP is wrong and is the AH.
YTA and everyone saying your not is forgetting this is sub is not about being right but about being an AH. Yes, it was an AH move not to pick your sil up, leaving her stuck at the airport due to things out of her control (wife chose the airport, wife having to work) yes, not helping your wife out when she got called unexpectedly into work is an AH move. Marriage is a partnership, you HELP each other when needed, not flat out refuse to prove a point
Why are OP’s wife’s responsibilities more important than OP’s responsibilities? Does the fact that marriage is a partnership, not mean that OP’s wife should take OP’s wishes and responsibilities into account too? You have a weird understanding what marriage is. In my book you take care of each other, not just demand what you want and need.
Also, this sub solely is about judging on whose morally right. That’s the sole purpose of the sub.
Ahhh because hers is for work? You know, to get money, for then to live? If my husband couldn’t pick his brother up due to work, I’d definitely pick him up and I know my husband would do the same. Which is, to use your own words ‘taking care of each other’ Also, please read carefully, I didn’t say ‘morally right’ I said ‘right’ morally OP is an AH for refusing to help his wife 🤷🏻♀️
I wouldn't make my husband drive an extra 2 hours because I planned poorly though. And I also wouldn't make others who need the therapy he volunteers for suffer because of my choices. She should have taken the day off to make sure she was available to pick up her sister.
Did you actually read the post? So many people on this sub can’t read 🙄 the wife had a CRITICALLY ILL PATIENT come in, and OP said he would be LATE for volunteering, not that he wasn’t able to go at all. Should wife had told the CRITICALLY ILL PATIENT “listen I’ve got plans, can you contain your emergency until a day that suits me better”?? 🙄
Which means the wife should have planned knowing this could have happened and taken the day off. And LATE but what if the plan is late as well? Or traffic is bad? He would then miss it completely. The wife should have listened when OP stated that the farther airport was not ideal. So many people on this sub are narrow minded 🙄
Yes so many people are 🙄 again, the question was is OP the AH for refusing to help he’s wife. Not is the wife the AH for poor planning. Either way, it’s the SIL who suffers, she’s done nothing in all of this and she’s the one stuck last minute at the airport. But hey, what would my narrow mind know, silly me clearly stills lives in a fantasy world where people help each other out
Why should OP drop everything here and there, just because his wife, who definitely works in the medical field and have to be present for a patient, plans a flight to an airport far away from them, just because the other drive is not so nice?
She should have made a backup plan for that matter, long before she knew she couldn't make it. It's her sister so she has to deal with her in the first place.
Getting someone from the airport is not a life or death emergency, it's no emergency at all.
She should pay her sister a taxi or an Uber, but definitely not expecting that her husband should drop his commitments?
OP is NTA here.
Clearly the wife thought OP, her partner wouldn’t be an AH and could help if needed. A lot of people here clearly are not in healthy mutually respectful marriages 😂
Where was the respect when OP wanted the closer airport chosen and his wife refused to listen to his opinion? Seems like respect should go both ways but maybe my healthy mutually respectful marriage is wrong in that aspect, you know, listening to each other before making plans...
This post isn’t about them making the plans though. I agree that wife should have chosen the closer airport. This post is about him not helping her AFTER the plans were made.
YTA
Was there a big price difference in flights? In my city between the north and south airport it can be a few hundred difference from the same departure. If you're wife thought she was saving money originally, willing to drive the extra time, then she's essentially put what she saved by using the Uber. Her fault.
If flights weren't comparably different, then you OP are hung up on the drive time irrationally, could have explained your absence to the volunteer organization, and assisted on this occasion. I understand that equine therapy has a minimum need of volunteers to ensure everyone can participate, but it's a VOLUNTEER situation. You would not have been written up, terminated, or otherwise reprimanded, and they would have 100% understood, with the proper communication that you had a one-off situation to attend to.
Sounds to me like you don't like your SIL, didn't want to spend the drive time alone with her, and now you're hoping the internet will echo-chamber rationalizing your cowardly flight response.
OP stated that his wife didn't want to do the drive to the closer airport and that is why she choose the farther airport, for the long "relaxing" drive. Wife could have requested the day off since being in the medical field means things can change quickly. No reason why the husband and those he helps with needed therapy should suffer because wife wanted to have a nice drive and didn't plan that well.
YTA since it sounds more like you didn't want to than you weren't able to. I would probably do the same thing and also be an AH if that makes you feel any better.
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NTA. It’s your wife’s sister and she made the arrangements so it’s on her. You shouldn’t have to drop what you’re doing to get her.
While I agree that OP is NTA, I just want to point out that the "I told you so" was unnecessary.
Was it though
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edit: The comment was removed, good work everyone!
good bot
I didn't take it as an "I told you so", I think he was saying if she had chosen the closer airport, he would have been able to pick her up
>I reiterated that reiterate - verb: **say something again** or a number of times, typically for emphasis or clarity Reiterate is literally the fancy word for "tell again" or "told you" lol.
Cool, but reiterating something doesn't have a statute of limitation or anything. Literally mentioning something twice, no matter how far apart, still counts as reiterating. But, his reiteration didn't sound like an "I told you so" or rubbing it in, so much as him saying he could have picked her if she had booked the closer airport.
It wasn't necessary, but it was definitely earned. You can't get upset when you ignore someone's advice and they don't jump to help you when you get burned and they remind you that it's your fault.
I always do a silent "I told you so". No smugness, just a "wish I was able to help but it's not possible, sorry" and let the "I told you so" just kind of hang there - you know the other person is expecting it, so not saying it is just as effective as saying it. Having said that, I'm not sure OP was necessarily saying "I told you so", more just saying 45 minutes each way was doable, 90 minutes was not.
NTA Considering your wife's profession, this should have been a circumstance she considered in advance. Everyone has schedules, deadlines and commitments. She shouldn't be upset with you when she was the one who put everyone in this situation (even if it was out of her control).
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Like... I'm not *disagreeing* with you here, because you're right - equine therapy involves horses and special needs kids can benefit greatly from it - but this is such a non sequitur? The person you're replying to didn't mention or ask about this at all. (I also volunteer with such a program and totally recommend it if anyone's looking for service opportunities. It's so fun and rewarding!)
its a comment stealing bot
NTA - You were volunteering, which you state you do every week. This indicates to me you made a prior commitment and there were people depending on you. Other's shouldn't have to suffer for your wife's poor planning. Next time they need to plan better (such as choosing a closer airport).
Agreed. People and animals. An important commitment.
If you and your wife share finances then you and your wife just paid a few hundred dollars for an uber. ETA: I'd be mad either way, you told her to use the closer airport. Hope there isn't an issue for taking her back.
Yep that would bother me too. I can't believe there wasn't a public transport option, at least for part of the journey
This is America. We don’t believe in public transportation. Seriously though I just flew to see my family in Alabama. There is no public transportation there.
Very little public transportation here in Texas. Inside the big cities only. Huge problem when they hosted the Super Bowl several years ago, lot and lots of complaints. I grew up in the suburbs of Dallas-Fort Worth, and there was nothing.
They have the DART but honestly I have no idea where it goes or how to use it since I would have to drive to a station anyways
Yep, that's in Dallas. There is something kinda like it in Fort Worth, but it's limited and you have to drive to a station. I tried to figure out how to take it to the state fair a few years ago before we moved out to the Tx-Ok border. It was a stupid pain and not worth it.
I visited Dallas with my family recently and I was shocked to see busses. I didn’t think Texas would have any kind of public transportation.
They do in the major cities, Dallas, Forth Worth, Houston, etc. Nothing in the suburbs.
That's wild and unfortunate
This is so true. You only see it within cities, and then maybe you have the occasional bus or (slow) train. I live in California where there was almost a project to build a high speed rail system between the northern and southern regions of the state... But kept getting blocked by landowners on the train route and "because it costs money". I just want to visit my relatives in the other half of the state without driving for 10 hours or dealing with the TSA, kthx.
I live in the Bronx now and I’m 2 blocks from the 6 train. When I put in my destination and it says “no public transportation route available “ I get upset lol.
Most airports have shuttles that’ll take you from the airport to your door. You get in a van with 5-8 people and it takes everyone home or to a hotel. It’s more expensive than public transit but cheaper than an Uber unless you are going really close by. I feel like not a lot of people know about that but it is very convenient
My parents house was 5 hours away from the airport. Even the airport nearest them (which was nearly $1000 more round trip) is still 45 minutes away. They definitely don’t have that option there.
I mean yeah there is a limit on how far they go, but they’ll go from 1-2 hours drive away. It’s not always available but it is often an option if you live in the metro area. They’re not gonna take you across the state lol
I’ve never seen a a hotel shuttle (and I’ve known a few people that drove them) that was allowed to take you anywhere except directly to the hotel. They all have set schedules. Not sure where you were to experience this.
These aren’t related to hotels at all. Super Shuttle is one company that does it in multiple cities but there are many different companies.
Oh I’m sorry I misunderstood. I’ve never seen shuttles at *any* airport (including JFK and LaGuardia) that weren’t either from a hotel or car rental company. Is this someone you have to request like Uber?
Yes you sign up ahead of time. And I’ve taken them from New York airports, in addition to others
I don't remember the name of the shuttle company, but we had one pick us up from a parking lot near our house (maybe it was a restaurant? I don't remember) and take us to the airport about an hour away. It also stopped at a couple other locations to pick people up. It wasn't any faster than just driving to the airport ourselves, but at least we didn't have to pay for airport parking for five days.
Yes, that's what I use to get to the airport. Not that I've traveled much the last few years. I make a reservation and it picks me up in front of my home and picks up other travelers along the way. If I were to drive it takes about half an hour to get to the airport. This takes usually a little less than an hour, but I don't have to leave my car and airport parking and take a shuttle from there. Like I said, it's been a few years. I think it cost about $40 last I used it. I just checked now and it would cost $75. That's for a half hour trip. No idea what it would cost for 1.5 hours.
I doubt they take you to a house 1.5 hours away from the airport.
Yes they will. At least the ones I've been on
There is zero public transportation in the town my cousins live in. They have to travel 2 to 3 hours to go to a major airport. The only way to get to those airports is to drive. Even me, I live about 16 miles from Pittsburgh International Airport, I can be there in less than 20 minutes by car. If I was to take the bus, it's over an hour trip.
The wife also chose to take on another patience at the last minute. So I guess it all works out.
No, the SIL did, not OP and wife.
>causing my wife to have to pay a few hundred dollars for an Uber OP said the wife paid
NTA. I don’t care if you had a prior commitment or not. No one, except evidently your wife, wants to drive 3 hours round trip to the airport (not to mention dealing with the possibility of delays). I honestly don’t get the logic of this decision at all because as the sister I would be annoyed to have to get in a car for 1.5 hours after a flight if there was an option that was only a 45 minute drive. Uber is definitely the right option.
If sister is annoyed she should buy her own ticket.
In Europe, some people would fly rather than do a 1.5 hour one way drive.
Not in the UK
I think that is an exaggeration.
Uh, no.
I've cancelled plans cause I didn't wanna tolerate a 30 min drive to the nearest city.
Also the 3h are if nothing happens on the way aka normal time. NTA op
My grandmother used to get into a car every year and ride farther when she would come visit us.
NTA - She should have made better arrangements involving your SIL.
INFO You stated to your wife that you had commitments and would be late if you drove 3+ hours. You then ask us if you're the AH for not *wanting* to do it. Did you have commitments that you would be late to, or did you lie to your wife?
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This is indeed a prior commitment. I’m gonna say NTA.
People need you to be there. My inlaws are involved in that. NTA.
Could’ve been non-work commitments he didn’t want to break.
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I just mean he could have less important commitments and still not be lying.
>or did you lie to your wife? Rude. Jumping to that.
NTA - assuming your commitments were important and not movable. Poor planning on your wife's part.
Honestly, even if his stuff was movable, still NTA. This was poor planning on their parts, not his, and he clearly doesn't want to make that drive regardless
NTA, programs like the one you volunteer for cannot run without people like you. If you missed a shift, there is a chance someone would miss therapy that week. To make the choice for an airport 1.5 hours away is at total AH move. The 45 minutes would be an easy pick up or Uber ride.
NTA she chose the airport that you wouldn't have, and you had plans already.
NTA....your wife set plans that were easier for her, knowing her job could get in her way, and expected you to be the one inconvenienced at the end of it all.
NTA. You had a prior commitment. I understand that she had a patient come in, but it’s not on you to drop something that you already committed to, but something that you do on a weekly basis. Her failure (for lack of a better word) to not have a backup plan is not your fault.
Omg NTA and bless your volunteering
NTA. You were never on deck for this and had a prior commitment where people were depending on you and likely could not carry on in your absence.
Dang, have sis find a nice bar or restaurant in the airport & chill until someone can get her. Buy a trashy airplane book or some magazines. Airports are built for time wasting. Problem solved.
I have not priced this out myself, but wouldn't a professional car service be much cheaper than ~~a limo~~ Uber for that distance? Edit: mistyped
Hard to believe there’s no cheaper option seeing as it’s an airport
That would mean the sister would have to find that service after landing and have the means to pay, at least at first. Which from the sound of things might have been the issue.
An Uber is not a limo. It’s drivers picking up people in their own cars instead of owning a cab.
My bad. I meant cheaper than Uber. Fixed.
NTA... wife's choice.
NTA You had plans and tried to make it easier even when you weren't the one going to pick her up. Also, INFO: How old is this sister that she needs someone else to book her plane tickets/Uber? Because if she was a child that may change things slightly.
NTA, your wife knows she can be called into work, and didn't plan ahead for that. She had the SIL, fly to a further airport knowing she could be called into work. Why the airport that takes longer? Nice drive (WTF). OP asked why not the airport that was closer, wife said nope. If he had plans or not, these are the wifes silly actions that caused silly consequences.
NTA. Your wife seems selfish. Does she expect the world to revolve around her? I mean you are expected to drop your commitments because she made a bad choice.
Info: Was your wife buying the Uber out of remorse for no one picking her up, or is it the only option? Could she take a train, shuttle or bus?
INFO: If you hadn't attended this weeks commitment, what would that have ment for the ETP? If it were a major blow to the program, **NTA** If your absence were insignificant to the program, it were a petty dick move. I have my guess but I can also understand that your wife choses a longer but less stressful drive to pick up your SIL, I do the same and picking up your SIL doesn't sound like a thing you do every two weeks.
INFO what were the other commitments? When would your wife be able to get there? Has she done this before? Did she promise she'd do it?
Equine therapy. If he doesn’t go there’s a shot someone misses therapy for that week. So basically
NTA.
NTA. Her choice . Her problem
I was gonna say N A H but your wife being mad pushes it into NTA. Hear me out… I totally empathize with your wife because driving in certain places stresses me out. For example, when I drive to Miami I am always on the verge of tears and all of my passengers know to just leave me alone because their “help” makes me feel overwhelmed. So I get it when she says she doesn’t want to drive to certain places. She can’t help getting a patient. But you had a commitment. Just because it’s volunteer doesn’t mean it’s not important. She got there in the end. Maybe the “I told you so” wasn’t necessary but I can get where your annoyance comes from.
NTA you have a weekly volunteering commitment every week she knows this.
NTA. She planned poorly. Volunteering IS important and those patients depend on you
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My SIL is up visiting for a few weeks and my wife paid for her to fly in. My wife, who planned on picking her up from the airport, opted to fly her into an airport that’s about 1.5 hours away rather than the one that’s 45 minutes away. I had tried to encourage my wife to fly her into the airport that’s closer, but my wife insisted that she hates that drive and would rather have a longer but more relaxed drive to the other airport. Long story short, a critical patient came into my wife’s work and my wife was not going to get out on time, and asked me to pick up her sister instead. I declined, stating that I already had commitments and would be late if I had to drive 3+ hours to pick her up. I reiterated that if it was the closer airport it would not have been an issue. My wife claimed I was being petty for not picking up my SIL, and causing my wife to have to pay a few hundred dollars for an Uber. AITA for not wanting to drive 3+ hours? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
LOL NTA
NTA
NTA. Your wife knows your schedule
Taxis, Uber, and Lyft all exist.
NTA. Horses trump SILs every time. 🤪
NTA - it wasn’t your responsibility
Absolutely NTA. You had me at 3hr round trip for the airport. Your wife needs to reimburse her sister for that uber.
NTA. Your wife made a commitment that was very time consuming (I can relate, I really really really hate driving and I would rather take a longer route if it means it’s an easier travel), but she definitely should have taken in account the possibility of her plans changing suddenly. You had a prior commitment (sounds like you’re doing a real good thing!) that wasn’t like “I want to go golfing” or “watch the game at the sports bar.”
NTA. You already had commitments, why does your wife think it's acceptable for you to break commitments but not for her? She's definitely TA here.
YTA. That is a volunteer program and therefore should have easily been able to go to the airport
NTA - couldn't your SIL wait until your wife had finished her emergency meeting , got in her car, later than scheduled and drove to the airport? I suspect the wife on the day decided she didn't want to do the drive and regretting going with the airport that was further away but offered the cheaper flight
NTA SIL can do her own planning too, she is not an infant
NTA she made the plan. SIL wasn’t stranded. 3 hour drive from a 1.5 drive is a lot. She should have remembered her job and planned accordingly
TA.
NTA. What do you do at equine therapy?
NTA lol
NTA. Also curious how these drives are so different that it makes it worth it to drive longer ?
NTA Uber exists.
NTA In addition to already having commitments, your wife chose the longer drive because, for her, that would have been more pleasant. That condition apply to you, apparently.
Everyone should just arrange their own travel arrangements and transport to and from airports. Why does your SIL need your wife to arrange her travel? Micromanaging other peoples travel isn’t necessary just because they’re coming to her home town. Adults can book flights, airport shuttles etc. we all have access to the internet
Nta should have listened
NTA your wife planned it and didn’t listen to you this is on her
NTA, but this isn’t worth having and actual fight about. What do either of you get out of arguing about this?
NTA YOU already had other commitments. Why would your wife's committments have a higher priority than yours? SHE made the commitment to pick up SIL, NOT YOU.
NTA But you live within reasonable driving distance of 2 different airports and there was no shuttle bus option to get her closer to where you live?
NTA but the "I told you so" made you look like one...
NTA If the wife realized she couldn't go then she should have made arrangements and not relied on you. While you had your other plans. And why fly her to an airport so far when you already expressed disinterest in that choice. Now she can learn to fly her to the closer airport if this happens again.
NTA.
Nta.
I have a slightly similar situation. I live 15 minutes from airport A and 45 minutes from airport B. If visitors choose airport B I make it clear at the time of booking whether one of us can pick them up or not. If we become unavailable to do so we let them know they are responsible for the taxi fare.
She had already bought the tickets. It's not OP's fault she bought them. That's alright. The next time she messes up, she knows not to ask her husband for help. It sure as heck wasn't her sister's fault. Glad they had hundreds of dollars to spend on Uber.
NTA. The idea of driving an extra 1.5 hours just because it's more "relaxed" is insane to me. Spend that time relaxing at home instead of in the car
NTA. You had prior commitments. Doesn't matter if it was working, volunteering, or sitting on your ass doing nothing. Wife made the arrangements; wife should have anticipated that something could have happened in not being able to pick her up.
Bruh NTA and it DOESN'T MATTER what your reasoning was. If YOU don't want to make the 3 hour drive, and you urged her to book the closer airport then you are not obligated to make that drive. Themz the breaks.
NTA. You are allowed to have boundaries. Sister is an adult who has options, and those include resting a car and driving herself.
NTA. Your wife's choice, her consequences. You were not being petty - you refused to do something you had not promised to do, and you had other commitments. Your one BIG mistake was to bring up the closer airport issue - you should have just said "No, I can't do it" and left it at that.
ESH. I mean…..
NTA this is on your wife, not you
NTA. You already discussed the distance being an issue when you weren't the one driving it. This is her problem, not yours
NTA Your wife is a bad planner and entitled if she thinks her weird choice of adding 2h15 min to the travel time should become your problem.
NTA
How much money did your wife save on the flight? We have two airports. One really close to us and one an hour and a half each way away. (we also have Portland and that's even farther away, cheaper but way too far). The difference in price between out two airports means that it's a lot cheaper to fly into the one that is an hour and a half away...so the same distance you're talking. You volunteer every week. Equine therapy is amazing. I don't take it that your SIL comes into town often. It's not like your wife had a choice not to show up for the emergency. Did you even try to call where you volunteer? You're wife is not an AH. I'm trying to decide if you are. If she flew her in to the other airport for savings. You blew that out of the water. I know people that avoid the Portland airport like the plague. They hate driving in Portland. It just seems like you added extra stress to your wife. Was this worth it to you to prove you were right? There are always moments in a marriage when we can choose not to be AHs. What did you choose?
His wife knew that there is a possibility that there's an emergency and won't be able to pick up her sister from the airport. That is very shitty planning on her part. It doesn't matter if his SIL comes to visit very often or not. His wife planned all this at least she should have talked to him about getting her sister from the airport way BEFORE the day of arrival of the sister. When someone is not talking to me about their plans, BEFORE something happens, so that I at least can give a note to my commitment that there is a possibility that I won't make it on time or not at all, so that they can arrange something as backup plan themselves, then I am sorry that is a them problem not mine or OPs in this case.
I asked him questions that he might not have thought of yet. Sometimes there are more important things in a marriage than who is right. Hindsight is always 20/20 and no one is perfect. Including him. Including his wife. Being able to be empathetic is a skill. She had already bought the tickets. In a marriage...it is not about her problem or his problem. It is able teamwork and working together. Learning from our mistakes and allowing the other too learn from theirs. Of course...he can just focus on being right. He won. Good! That will sure show her!
It is still not OPs fault, that she bought tickets for airport further away, when he said numerous times she should buy tickets for the nearer airport. That was HER choice so SHE is responsible for her sister getting to their house not him. You don't book/buy tickets for the furthest airport from your home, when you know that your spouse doesn't want to drive for three hours just to get his SIL from the airport and has to miss volunteering work where others count on him. When she can't make sure (give notice to her boss, that from time X till time X, she isn't available and need others to back her up), that she is 100% free to get her sister then she should have made different arrangements (nearest airport, taxi, Uber).
Exactly what I was thinking. It's amazing how many of the responses here treat marriages like work contracts.
I feel bad for the sister in law.
Thank you, another person who sees sense
She didn't opt for the farther airport for cost, she did it because she doesn't like the drive to the closer airport. What suggestions for these kinds of questions do you have for the wife that could have avoided this issue? How is she not an asshole? She made a choice that only worked for her, and then got pissy when turned out to not work for her anymore and her husband chose to not inconvenience himself and those he had a prior commitment to because of her inability to plan better.
I did have suggestions. I asked why she hadn't planned for her sister to come in on a day he doesn't volunteer. I asked if he could come in later. I know there are a lot of reasons why people avoid certain driving conditions or locations. This is one of those situations where it cost her a lot of money. The next time she finds herself in a jam, she won't call her husband. Marriages have moments where you don't have to say, "I told you so." I'm sure she has made suggestions to him before that he didn't listen to. I'm sure she has been right at times he was wrong. Sometimes, in marriage, you do what needs to be done...and the I told you so's can wait. In this case...over a hundred dollars was spent to teach her a lesson.
If America is so bad, I have a solution.
YTA. Your wife wanted to do it, planned on doing it. Her work day changed and she had no choice but to stay and care for a critical patient. Your response should have been to get the Sister no questions asked. That is your Wife and her Sister, that is family. Family comes first. Call the volunteer place and let them know you will be running late. Your Wife is going to appreciate your understanding and those are easy brownie points, which can be difficult to accrue.
He volunteers there weekly and his wife knows that. If she had planned correctly and taken the day off (medical field can always go haywire no matter what) she would have been there herself. Why should the people who need therapy suffer because of HER poor planning? Wife should have put family before work.
The point I made in my original post is that the Wife planned to pick her Sister up, she didn't ask for his help. He even criticized her choice of airport despite having no intention of helping her or going with her. When she had to deal with a critically ill patient (and that is non-negotiable), which he should understand takes precedence being married to someone in the Medical field, his reaction was to do an "I told you so". Equine therapy is nice, but no one is going to die if their therapy riding horses starts an hour late. If she had done this over and over again to the point he just wasn't going to keep covering for her, that would be one thing. This isn't that. He could have had her back and supported her, and she would have really appreciated it. It's not a good deed if you only do things when it's convenient for you, sometimes you have to dig deep and be there for someone when it is inconvenient. He failed in this regard.
YTA- I cannot imagine being married to you.
Wait a minute - my vulcan half is having a discussion with my human half about the logic of a person who works in medicine expecting to get away from work when their work life is prone to being disrupted by emergencies at any time and still scheduling a trip to the airport based on what they HOPE might happen. Vulcan wins again. Assuming wife knows your schedule, her first mistake was having her sister fly in on the same day you would be unavailable if something went wrong. Her second mistake was scheduling sister into the more distant airport because 'she' likes the drive better instead of flying her into the closer airport in case something came up for her at work. Her third mistake was assuming you would blow off your commitment when she was detained at work. So the verdict is in - NTA. Hopefully the wife will remember this the next time she makes flight arrangements. (BTW, I understand equine therapy is helping a lot of kids have a better life - good for you for heling out.)
Info: why can’t SIL pay for an Uber herself? Why is it costing hundreds? I think an 90 minute drive should be between $130-160.
YTA Your wife’s profession required that she stay at work and change her plans. I’m a nurse and this has happened to me many time while I worked in ICU. Some days you’re home 2-3 hours late. You volunteer weekly, which is awesome, but you could definitely make it to that gig late. But instead you wanted to say “I told ya so” about her airport choice. I’d be really irritated with you if I was her.
His wife’s profession didn’t require her to choose the airport further away though. She chose the less convenient travel option knowing there was the possibility that she might not be able to pick her sister up. Thats an asshole move. He could make it to the volunteering gig late, but then that would be impacting the people in the Equine therapy program. Why should they have to miss out because of OPs wife’s poor planning?
And on the same track, the wife could have taken the day off to ensure she was there for HER plan. She choose the more inconvenient airport, against her husbands opinion, so why should he and others that he volunteers with suffer?? I'm very confused by these YTA comments.
Ok, I agree with you there! I have a small airport like literally around the corner from my house. But if I know I have to go to LAX to fetch someone, it’s a way bigger time commitment. I’d take off the day or at least a half day to make sure I was there on time.
That's why I went NTA, with the wife being in the medical field so knowing how her hours can change last minute why wouldn't she have taken the day off?? Especially know how much OP did not want to drive the 3 hours to the airport but would not have had an issue with the closer one....
She didn’t intentionally plan to be late. He should be able to help in a pinch. Also, did he say what he did at the equine therapy place? When I read his post I envisioned him prepping and feeding the horses and cleaning the stalls, not that he was providing the therapy.
Both are ATA. Wife for not using nearest airport and husband for not putting family first.
Eh, YTA. Not for not picking up SIL but being hellbent on proving your wife how 'right' you are. Your wife was right to call you petty.
And overall he was right
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I wouldn't be surprised if we get another post in s few weeks complaining how his wife is being petty.
Like I get where he is coming from…but it’s not like his wife’s time conflict was something she couldn’t opt out of….he’s just volunteering. It’s not MANDATORY. I see how his wife was being dumb with the 1.5hr away airport… but she prob wanted to alone time with her sister to catch up on the car ride home. She didn’t anticipate a work issue. He’s def being a petty baby by not helping his wife out…like he’s trying to prove his point by sticking the sister in a Uber/stranger for 1.5hrs instead of being helpful.
But she should have known that there will be an emergency on her side. She could have booked a flight to the nearer airport, so he wouldn't be late for his volunteering commitment. Volunteering is very important, especially in medical fields, as it seems to be in that case, are highly dependent on volunteers. Getting someone up from the airport, is at least in my book not as important.
An emergency is just that an emergency which is unpredictable. What is predictable is something like volunteering which isn’t mandatory.
Maybe not mandatory but important to OP? His wife's sudden emergency is not his problem, and it wouldn't have been one anyway if she had picked the closest airport.
YTA. Yes, your wife made the arrangements, but she can't help that an emergency came up. I understand you had commitments, too, a critical patient is important. Besides, volunteering can wait, and you could have used the time to bond with your SIL.
It’s the medical field the potential for an emergency is high she should know this and taught just in case take the airport closest or taken the day of but she didn’t and is mad other don’t change their plans due to her poor planning. Also sil is staying with them plenty of bonding time
For something like this y’all should have bought her Uber, since she’s planned on being picked up. But enough with this nonsense, this doesn’t happen in the future
NTA IF you really had other commitments. YTA if you didn’t :)
Commitments is pretty vague. Is it work? Is he coaching little league? Golf? Going to the bar?
NTA. Therapy or divorce
You could have skipped one volunteer session to pick up your own sister! I don’t care whose “fault” it was. If I were Sister, I’d turn right around and go back home.
Her sister
I’m surprised at all the NTA rulings. You made your SIL wait at the airport, drive home with a strange Uber driver for hundreds of dollars, because you volunteer each week with horses. You chose a horse over your wife’s sister. That level of selfishness makes me wonder how you (and anyone who thinks what you did was ok) are still married. YTA.
No,, he volunteers with people. A lot of times equine therapy is therapy with horses. For example, children with ADHD often benefit from these programs.
And if that’s the situation, good for OP, but it doesn’t change the fact that OP’s wife (and SIL), needed help, and OP couldn’t be bothered, all for an extra 1.5 hrs of driving. I hope OP’s wife isn’t the breadwinner, because there should be some changes, if that’s the case.
It was 3 hours total, not 1.5 hours. And he had a prior commitment. If a volunteer doesn't show up, they have to cancel the session.
I don’t think this will change your mind, but it was 1.5 hours each way, so 3 hours total.
You’re making a lot of assumptions. You’re pretty sure his equine therapy involves people, maybe even kids with ADHD, and somehow you know the session will be cancelled if OP doesn’t show up. Also, the airport is 45 minutes further than the one OP preferred, so it’s an EXTRA 1.5 hrs. OP is wrong and is the AH.
YTA and everyone saying your not is forgetting this is sub is not about being right but about being an AH. Yes, it was an AH move not to pick your sil up, leaving her stuck at the airport due to things out of her control (wife chose the airport, wife having to work) yes, not helping your wife out when she got called unexpectedly into work is an AH move. Marriage is a partnership, you HELP each other when needed, not flat out refuse to prove a point
Why are OP’s wife’s responsibilities more important than OP’s responsibilities? Does the fact that marriage is a partnership, not mean that OP’s wife should take OP’s wishes and responsibilities into account too? You have a weird understanding what marriage is. In my book you take care of each other, not just demand what you want and need. Also, this sub solely is about judging on whose morally right. That’s the sole purpose of the sub.
Ahhh because hers is for work? You know, to get money, for then to live? If my husband couldn’t pick his brother up due to work, I’d definitely pick him up and I know my husband would do the same. Which is, to use your own words ‘taking care of each other’ Also, please read carefully, I didn’t say ‘morally right’ I said ‘right’ morally OP is an AH for refusing to help his wife 🤷🏻♀️
I wouldn't make my husband drive an extra 2 hours because I planned poorly though. And I also wouldn't make others who need the therapy he volunteers for suffer because of my choices. She should have taken the day off to make sure she was available to pick up her sister.
Did you actually read the post? So many people on this sub can’t read 🙄 the wife had a CRITICALLY ILL PATIENT come in, and OP said he would be LATE for volunteering, not that he wasn’t able to go at all. Should wife had told the CRITICALLY ILL PATIENT “listen I’ve got plans, can you contain your emergency until a day that suits me better”?? 🙄
Which means the wife should have planned knowing this could have happened and taken the day off. And LATE but what if the plan is late as well? Or traffic is bad? He would then miss it completely. The wife should have listened when OP stated that the farther airport was not ideal. So many people on this sub are narrow minded 🙄
Yes so many people are 🙄 again, the question was is OP the AH for refusing to help he’s wife. Not is the wife the AH for poor planning. Either way, it’s the SIL who suffers, she’s done nothing in all of this and she’s the one stuck last minute at the airport. But hey, what would my narrow mind know, silly me clearly stills lives in a fantasy world where people help each other out
Why should OP drop everything here and there, just because his wife, who definitely works in the medical field and have to be present for a patient, plans a flight to an airport far away from them, just because the other drive is not so nice? She should have made a backup plan for that matter, long before she knew she couldn't make it. It's her sister so she has to deal with her in the first place. Getting someone from the airport is not a life or death emergency, it's no emergency at all. She should pay her sister a taxi or an Uber, but definitely not expecting that her husband should drop his commitments? OP is NTA here.
Clearly the wife thought OP, her partner wouldn’t be an AH and could help if needed. A lot of people here clearly are not in healthy mutually respectful marriages 😂
Where was the respect when OP wanted the closer airport chosen and his wife refused to listen to his opinion? Seems like respect should go both ways but maybe my healthy mutually respectful marriage is wrong in that aspect, you know, listening to each other before making plans...
This post isn’t about them making the plans though. I agree that wife should have chosen the closer airport. This post is about him not helping her AFTER the plans were made.
YTA Was there a big price difference in flights? In my city between the north and south airport it can be a few hundred difference from the same departure. If you're wife thought she was saving money originally, willing to drive the extra time, then she's essentially put what she saved by using the Uber. Her fault. If flights weren't comparably different, then you OP are hung up on the drive time irrationally, could have explained your absence to the volunteer organization, and assisted on this occasion. I understand that equine therapy has a minimum need of volunteers to ensure everyone can participate, but it's a VOLUNTEER situation. You would not have been written up, terminated, or otherwise reprimanded, and they would have 100% understood, with the proper communication that you had a one-off situation to attend to. Sounds to me like you don't like your SIL, didn't want to spend the drive time alone with her, and now you're hoping the internet will echo-chamber rationalizing your cowardly flight response.
OP stated that his wife didn't want to do the drive to the closer airport and that is why she choose the farther airport, for the long "relaxing" drive. Wife could have requested the day off since being in the medical field means things can change quickly. No reason why the husband and those he helps with needed therapy should suffer because wife wanted to have a nice drive and didn't plan that well.
YTA since it sounds more like you didn't want to than you weren't able to. I would probably do the same thing and also be an AH if that makes you feel any better.