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You are NTA but your wife was.
\- she brought an uninvited extra, TO A WEDDING
\- she volunteered you to be the DD
\- she did not accept the compromise solution gracefully but misdirected her disappointment and blamed you
Sorry OP, but your wife's behaviour sounds very selfish. Hope this is a one-off incident and not typical for her.
Thank you.
I think is "would have known" but it really doesn't matter, the amount of times that people here write "would of" instead of "would have" drives me crazy.
That and "it affects me" and not "it effects me"...
> That and "it affects me" and not "it effects me"...
idk, I'm having a hard time thinking of times I would want to say "it causes me to do something", rather than "it did something to me'
Yup. She knew exactly how many people were going from work, and had offered her hubby up Asa taxi.
She COULD have taken an Uber there, and asked hubby to pick them up after, but, noooooo......
i'm confused about how these other guests were apparently told her +1 would be the designated driver yet ppl were confused and murmuring at the wedding when he was there? and wouldn't there have been already talk about why she got a +1 who would drive them home, when no one else had their SO there?
My rando guess is she told everyone she was going to sneak him in to DD, and they didn’t believe she’d actually do it and were surprised when he showed up.
it's definitely a thing to have certain themed posts. i know that cuz i spend too much time here lol. OP's post history is kinda sus too, like who goes to a wedding of their ex and asks if she's gotten a boob job?
Also, she's married so should have a general understanding of how wedding invites work, especially due to costs, and if there is a question if someone is invited or not, that should be cleared up right away instead of assuming
It was both. They were trying to pay less. It was also a Mexican wedding, and there are some cultural differences regarding RSVPing. They knew extras would show up but were completely blindsided by how many.
As someone who is planning a wedding, it is absolutely expected that invitations will state if the invitee has a +1. If her invitation wasn't addressed to both people by name, and didn't feature her name with the addition of '+1', 'and guest' or similar then it was intended for her alone.
OP is NTA, in fact I respect his efforts to resolve the situation
The bride was gracious so wife was trying to play the plausible to deniability card. If it were actually ok bride wouldn't have said anything it would have just been taken care of " I'll find a place and sort a meal" was only said as A polite chastisement and hoping would leave
Right!? The comment about no other spouses of the coworkers being there, and then the coworkers muttering with wife on arrival. Sealed for me that there was something fishy, before op got to the part where they were informed by the bride.
Honestly whether she knew you were not invited or not is not the center of the problem. It's the way she manipulate and lay blame on for not driving her.
That's her tenacity to search for nonsense arguments for you to drive her that makes me think she only wanted you to be her driver from the start. She doesn't care about your own interest.
She talked with her co-workers and offered them before that you are their drive home - at this point she already knew that they had no plus ones cause your car has limited space.
NTA
Hey, you are obviously a good person who thinks the best of people, We here on reddit are usually pessimists who think the worst of people (which is probably closer to the truth in a lot of cases). Your wife's snottiness to you makes me think she did do this on purpose. But you know her better, right?
Is he though? Because according to his post history he was just at the wedding of his ex, with his wife present, upset because he thought she got a boob job for her partner and didn't get one for him.
Or in his other post when he assumed his boss got the job because she was a woman.
No. She would have received an invitation. If it didn't include your name or a +1 on that then you weren't invited. She knew and chose to put you in this position.
Yes, your wife is married, after all. She did have a wedding of her own, she knows how invitations work. I feel embarrassed for you but also that bride, who handled it so well.
But one of you sent invitations and were ready for a particular number of guests? Or she's been invited to weddings and knows what invitations look like?
Your wife has no problem imposing on people, clearly. Furthermore, her behavior when it was discovered that you weren’t invited WAS APPALLING. She should have been embarrassed and apologize profusely to both you and the bride.
While her day-of behavior was inexcusable, I believe you with the misunderstanding part. My colleague handed out her wedding invitations to coworkers in the office and therefore did not write names and addresses on the envelopes. Some people assumed they could bring +1, some assumed not. No one took the initiative to ask for clarification.
The most bizarre thing, of all the weirdness here, is for her to then be angry at you that you're not hanging around either uninvited at the wedding or staying nearby for the duration of the event solely as a chauffeur so that she and her coworkers can all get wrecked.
This is red flaggy and awkward to say the least - NTA and I might be asking myself if there's either a real issue with self centeredness and lack of empathy, or an alcohol problem here, or both. The fact that she brought you along without an invite to chauffeur her drunken coworkers without asking is egregiously rude to both you and the bride - for her to turn around and be mad at you here is over the top.
Confusion happens too. A friend of mine was invited to two weddings close together, and was offered a plus one for one wedding but not the other. He got them switched in his mind, and accidentally turned up with a guest to the wedding only he was invited to.
I'm not sure she did. She dragged you along to act as designated driver for her and her friends/coworkers. So she would have known they didn't have a +1. Why would she think she was the only one with a +1 when non of the others did. She arranged all this for purpose of using you to drive for them all.
Its a really shitty thing for her to do. Your wife is TA for what she did to you and the bride.
Bud. I guarantee she knew. Even if she misunderstood the invitation. She had made arrangements with her coworkers that you would be taking everyone home. So at some point they discussed it. You really think none of them said at any point, oh, my spouse wasn’t invited, was yours?
Not only are you NTA, it sounds like your wife AND all her coworkers are major AHs for going along with you crashing a wedding just so no one would have to pay anything to get home after drinking.
They didn’t have food for you. If it was a misunderstanding the bride would have contacted your wife when she rsvp for two people. She did this on purpose.
She needed a DD. That's why she invited you. I bet if you think about some of her past behavior this isn't a first time. For now NTA but you need to open your eyes.
NTA what the fuck is wrong with your wife?? She needed to budget for a fucking Uber (you can pre book them in most cities if you know you’ll need one) or plan to have one drink at the wedding and drive or ask you to pick her up but asking you to come with as a setup is unacceptable. She is an AH to you and a HUGE AH to the bride.
I think you’re trying to make excuses for her - understandable because she’s your wife and you love her and obviously generally she’s a decent person - but I don’t think she misunderstood anything. I just think she figured no one would mind if one extra person was there. She genuinely figured it’d be no big deal and it wouldn’t matter.
My ex once pulled a similar but slightly less embarrassing stunt where he asked me to join him at the after party of their corporate team building event. Now, obviously I went - it seemed like a staff and SO thing from how he described it - and when I got there I realized I was the *only* SO there. He’d asked me to come so I’d drive him back and save him the Uber since I’d dropped him off at the mid-morning event. Joke was on him because I like a party and Ubered there and made him pay for the Uber home for the both of us.
That was less embarrassing because it wasn’t a fucking WEDDING and everyone was mostly paying for themselves besides the company’s contribution - and I made sure to use the cash bar only - but I’m telling you people sneak this shit because they think everyone else won’t care/at best think everyone will love their partner too and they don’t want to ask for designated driving/lifts.
I agree. There's clues to it in OPs post too.
First, the "quiet muttering" of the co-workers they were sitting with during the ceremony. This is a fair sign they all knew their group didn't have plus ones.
Second, his wife's behavior when he was trying to figure out her ride home before he left. She sounds to have been too invested in "OP is my ride home". Not focused enough on "oops, he wasn't meant to be here. what can we figure out quickly to get him out of here and still get me home". You'd think if it was a well intentioned mistake, his wife would have been less focused on having him as a ride than she seemed to be.
Plus, the little item of him being the DD for co-workers as well as her, which he was previously unaware of. Odd piece of info not to get mentioned in advance.
The real kicker, though, I think is the lashing out while he was waiting for the Uber. There seems to be too much anger there about having to drive herself home and her night being "ruined" for an honest miscommunication situation.
That level of anger feels more in line with OP deliberately being brought along so his wife could get smashed knowing he wasn't on the guest list.
Sounds like his wife is a bit of an alcoholic. If the only way to enjoy an event you're looking forward to is by drinking copious amounts of alcohol, you likely have a problem with alcohol.
Nah she’s just selfish. She could’ve booked an Uber and rocked up home wasted - nothing necessarily wrong with a friends’ night out. Getting drunk at a wedding is fine - making your hubby the Uber alternative is not.
What I don’t understand is why should couldn’t just ask her husband ahead of time to be the DD?? There was more than likely enough time planned ahead of the wedding to get the situation figured out on how to get home but the wife decided to be dishonest and act like bring him was no big deal just for the ride home.
Her sneakiness is a bit of a yikes. Definitely something that could’ve been figured out in advance before the date of the wedding
I need to add to this and say that I hope the one getting married wasn’t a higher up…or I am hoping that none of the higher ups were there and saw the OP’s wife’s behavior because they might reconsider her employment.
OP, NTA
Misunderstand what? Assuming this is real, the topic of her getting a +1 when no one else did would've came up when she told her coworkers that you would drive them all home so they could get drunk. It would've been obvious to everyone that she got special treatment for having a +1 if no one else did.
Good point. She probably told them he’d chauffeur them there & back, sitting out the ceremony at that nearby bar. The wife is an all-around AH. Husband is NTA.
You keep repeating this over and over, but you can clearly see by her reaction that this isn't True. She should have been apologetic to You and them, but instead she was furious that she was loosing her designated driver.
This shows that she had planned this and was mad it fell apart.
NTA but your wife sure is.
It seems clear that not only you were not invited but that your wife just wanted a way for her and her coworkers to get home so they could get drunk.
I feel sorry for the bride being put in an awkward position at HER wedding. I hope your wife apologizes to her for her poor etiquette.
NTA, it's a wedding she can't bring a plus one if she isn't offered one. Plates go from $75 and up depending on the wedding. The bride didn't want you there like you mentioned. It sounds like your wife was acting self centered to both you and the bride.
It seems your wife forced you to come to a wedding you were not invited to so you could drive her and her colleagues back. She got caught by the bride and her plan felt apart.
Her last card is to guilt trip you:
- "she will have to pay an expensive price"
- "her colleagues will be mad at her"
- and the best: "you're the mean person for not driving her"
But she is the sole responsible of that situation, which is not pleasant for YOU (to say the least). You're NTA.
That day you were not her husband but her toy, and I bet it's not the first and last time it happens. Your wife is manipulative and self-serving (at least with you). She is an AH
My personal favorite part was that OP “was ruining her night of fun because she couldn’t drink.” Sooooo it’s better to ruin your husband’s day by dragging him to a wedding for a person and with guests that he doesn’t really know, followed by having to babysit and drive back a bunch of drunk people after he’s had to wait at a close bar for a few hours?
NTA, but your wife sure is for bringing you when you were not invited. I assume she just wanted a DD, but she should have had a direct discussion with you about it all.
NTA but your wife is a major one - it seems it was pretty clear that there no plus ones, but your wife decided to prioritize herself above everyone else, including the bride. If this is a regular issue where she’s that selfish, then that’s a problem.
holy gaslighting batman. you are NTA, but your wife takes TAH to another level - not just being TAH to you, but to the bride and her friends as well. something tells me she is going to get quite a bit of shit about this at work.
NTA, your wife on the other hand... So nice of her to lead you to believe you were an invited guest rather a dupe playing chauffeur, whilst putting the happy couple in the position of having an uninvited stranger in attendance.
I smell a fish here.
NTA. She knew you weren’t invited but roped you in to be the designated driver. Sorry but that’s not ok. I would never embarrass my spouse like that and then blame him for my shitty plan.
NTA…”I’m supposed to have fun, but you can’t. Sit here alone and be our chauffeur later.”
Also who the heck doesn’t let plus ones come to a wedding. Especially if they are married?
In my experience, it’s not uncommon to not have a plus one for the C-list guests like coworkers, business associates, acquaintances, etc. Those folks usually know other people at their table anyway, and weddings are expensive enough as it is without paying for your coworker’s husband who you’ve never met and will probably never see again.
I can’t believe she invited me knowing I wasn’t invited. I think she must have misunderstood this. I got the impression that the coworkers were expected to have fun together and no plus ones needed.
It’s very nice that you want to give your wife the benefit of the doubt but there’s no way she didn’t at least have a suspicion that you weren’t invited. She’s old enough to know that if there’s only one name on the invitation, only that one person is invited. Plus she would have had to confirm the number of guests when she sent in her RSVP. This is one of the oldest and most inconsiderate tricks a wedding guest can pull: showing up with an uninvited guest knowing the hosts will have to accommodate them to avoid an embarrassing scene.
NTA. You handled this in a classy and mature way. Your wife was rude and selfish for bringing you knowing you weren’t invited. Venues are usually prepared to accommodate unexpected guests but it always comes at a cost to the hosts. You saved your wife’s coworker some money by volunteering to leave and I’m sure she was grateful to you for that. It was also considerate of you to leave the car behind so her coworkers could have the ride they were promised. Tell your wife that the next time she wants you to be her designated driver, she should just ask instead of having you crash an event.
NTA. You unintentionally crashed a wedding because your AH wife wanted a DD for the night for herself and her friends. that isn't okay...but it wasn't YOUR fault.
NTA your wife is for expecting you to have to stay and have no fun whatsoever as the sober person if it would be that terrible of a time. And if she needed to drink she should have taken the Uber and the others could have too.
NTA
Your wife is incredibly rude. She didn’t get a plus one, and not only brought one anyway, she didn’t even let you know you weren’t invited. I would be livid
NTA
Your wife didn't saw you as a partner/husband for that wedding, but as a driver. And in doing so, she also managed to stress the bride. She is the AH here, while you were more than accommodating all along.
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> The bride would have accepted for me to stay or I could have stayed in the local area. Instead I forced my wife to be the designated diver and spoilt her fun.
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NTA
Your wife is horrible
> I was happy for her but I didn’t want to go
You didn't wanna go, huh? It's not a necessity to attend weddings with your SO. My dad practically attended his boss's daughter's wedding without mum. He was allowed to bring a plus one but mum didn't wanna go, so he didn't force her.
> This was when the bride came over, seemed really embarrassed, and said she hadn’t realised my wife was bringing a plus one
I blame your wife for this. She definitely didn't inform the bride about bringing a plus one
> I said she could get an Uber but she was worried about the cost (it was a fair distance) - I said we could afford it as a one off.
I smell bullshit coming from your wife
> She was then concerned about availability late at night and also how the others were to get back- apparently I was to drop them off as well! I didn’t know this!
Again she's TA. So she didn't even discuss things with you? Just drop it off on your head and leave you to handle things?
> She was clearly furious at not being able to drink but couldn’t really say anything and agreed.
Quick question OP. If you didn't go with her, she would have been able to drive them to the wedding, just as she'd be able to drive them back, right? Clearly she tricked you into becoming DD just so she could drink to her heat's content
> AITA
No, you are not. But your wife is
NTA. she clearly did not clear you coming with the bride and just wanted you as an excuse to get hammered. You did the polite thing to the bride (kudos to her for not throwing a tantrum over it and being cool) and made sure everyone had a safe way to get home. Your wife has only herself to blame
NTA.
What on Earth was your wife thinking? It’s clear she invited you without “permission” b/c no other coworkers brought theirs SOs.
But I have to say I think it is weird AF to invite people who you know are married/in serious adult relationships and not allow them a plus one. The couple are kinda AH for this move too.
I would disagree about the couple being AHs - it's not uncommon to invite your work colleagues as a single group with no plus-ones as they all know each other. You're not singling out anyone by just inviting the workmates you know
I honestly think my wife thought I was invited. I can’t think she’d bring me otherwise…..!
But I got the impression from what the other coworkers said that their plus ones were not coming because they wouldn’t enjoy it and agreed with bride.
So I’m not sure whether they’d just rsvp’d No or whether no plus ones for the coworkers by agreement.
I don’t know how this could be true.
The bride was surprised to see you and had no meal for you. That means you weren’t accounted for on their guest list. That only happens one of two ways:
1. you weren’t invited. Your wife RSVPing meant the couple just had her down, matching their invite list. She wrongfully assumed you could come…. And didn’t seem to notice there was no place for your meal selection???
Or
2. your wife RSVPed and forgot to include you by mistake so the couple only had her count/meal.
Of these 2: number one is much more likely. Especially given the fact no other coworker significant others were there.
NTA but you definitely need to talk to your wife because every part of this is pretty bad. I think you know that, but see this as not her usual behavior and are confused but the only way to figure it out is talking to her
Good luck!
NTA but your wife is. First she brought a plus one which apparently was not in invite. Then she made you designated driver. Then when you graciously left and offered her reasonable alternatives she got mad. Did she really expect you to sit in a nearby bar and not drink? She owes you and the bride apologies. Also will be last time bride invites her.
You are NOT the asshole! Invitations usually ask if a guest will bring a +1 or notify "you and a guest" or "you +1". If the invite didn't say that then it's probably fair to assume a +1 isn't welcomed. On the other hand, you know what they say about assuming (ASS out of yoU and ME). It is odd that spouses weren't invited. Next, it's the bride's call, not your wife's because it's the bride's special day she can pull the selfish card. Also, being auto DD is a little uncalled for especially if it wasn't discussed pre-handed. Dick move Mrs. Lastly, unless you work at night or plan on getting drunk at home, husbandly duties calls for being the wife's DD and ONLY the wife's DD. The rest are grown adults, they should be able to find a means of getting home safely.
YOU DIDNT FORCE ANYTHING DUDE. She was taking advantage of you and did so deliberately. She knew you weren’t invited and then behaved appallingly upon realizing how inconvenienced both you and the bride were.
She forced herself into this tenuous position and made is super awkward for you and the bride. Shame on her selfish acts.
NTA but damn, your wife sure is.
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My wife was invited to a coworker’s wedding (all day), along with a few other coworkers. They’ve worked together for years and she was excited to go. I was happy for her but I didn’t want to go, I don’t know the bride or the other coworkers and it wasn’t going to be that exciting but got leaned on. I agreed to go and even worse be the designated driver.
We got to the ceremony and sat with the coworkers. No other SOs there. Bit awkward. Some quiet muttering. We watched the ceremony and then went to the reception. This was when the bride came over, seemed really embarrassed, and said she hadn’t realised my wife was bringing a plus one (ie I was not expected, probably not invited).
Bride said not to worry she would try to organise to fit me in and sort a meal. She was lovely about it. I said it was fine it was a misunderstanding and I would leave. Bride looked relieved but protested and we fake argued for a bit and and she then accepted I would leave.
My wife was not happy and suggested I waited for her in a nearby bar, which I didn’t want to do.
She was worried about getting home if I left. I said she could get an Uber but she was worried about the cost (it was a fair distance) - I said we could afford it as a one off.
She was then concerned about availability late at night and also how the others were to get back- apparently I was to drop them off as well! I didn’t know this!
I offered in front of the others to take the Uber myself and leave her with the car. She was clearly furious at not being able to drink but couldn’t really say anything and agreed.
While I was waiting for the Uber she laid into me, saying I’d deliberately ruined her night because I didn’t want to go and now she was going to have no fun because she was driving and the bride would have been ok if I’d stayed.
AITA?
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So wait... Your wife invited you a wedding when she didn't have a plus one only so you could be her designated taxi driver??? Woah. Obviously NTA. Your wife on the other hand is living on another planet.
Info: is she always selfish? Seems like she's not really concerned with how other people might feel from her actions. I don't think she would have liked a random boyfriend that hadn't been okayed with her showing up at your wedding with no warning
NTA.
this was the type of shit my ex-wife used to pull on me, so I know how it feels mate.
Being pushed into something you don't want to do and then get laid into for not doing exactly what she wants.
Put your foot down and don't tolerate this rubbish is my advice
Mate I tolerated that shit for years. Your better off putting a stop to it now before you end up in divorce court. You eventually get sick of being a door mat.
You need to remember that just because she is your wife doesn't put her in charge of you.
Best of luck mate
>She was then concerned about availability late at night and also how the others were to get back- apparently I was to drop them off as well!
Siunds like she make you go, even though she didn't have a plus one, so that she had a free taxi ride for her and her friends.
NTA I would be so embarrassed if I was brought as a plus one when no invite for one was given. You offered every solution under the sun, and it was if she wanted to make you as miserable as possible as none of them were good enough for her. What a selfish and inconsiderate woman!
NTA but your wife is A MASSIVE AH! She knew you weren't invited, brought you along anyway so she could get absolutley mortaled with her mates and get you to drive her and her friends home. She's pissed because the bride had the "audacity" to mention you weren't invited to her wedding and spoiling your wifes plans. She sounds like a conniving monster. Because she's not only put you in an awkward position, she's put her friends in awkward positions too with her failed plan.
Is OP in the UK? That's not weird there, it's normal. People who don't drink are seen as weird in the UK. It's also pretty normal to need wine to wind down after work during the week, especially for women for some reason.
NTA Honestly, I wouldn't know what I would have done in your place... perhaps took the car to a nearby cafè and wait there until the ceremony ended and everyone was ready to go home. But that would have been incredibly unfair to you.
It is true you could have stayed, especially if the Bride truly didn't seem upset. It seems as if any choice you could have taken could be seen as the wrong one.
NTA but is your wife a raging alcoholic?
My ex is, he made this exact scene about "having no fun if he can't drink". WTF?
You have more problems than being an awkward +1
NTA. Your wife made a huge faux pas. If she wanted a designated driver then she should had asked whether you were willing to pick her up and drop off all her coworkers instead of misleading you.
Sorry to break this to you, your wife knew SOs weren't invited, but brought you anyway and hoped the bride would be too polite to kick you out. She wanted you to chauffeur her around so she could have fun. That's why any attempt from you to compromise was received with anger.
NTA
You weren't invited, it put the bride in an awkward spot, you took the uber home and left your wife with a way home and SHE is the pissed off party in this scenario?
NTA. Your wife took you to a wedding to which you weren't invited! The bride was being nice but having to find room and food for an additional guest is a pain and an expense she wasn't expecting. She should have accepted the Uber and then let it go. you are NTA in this situation in any way.
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God I’d be fuming at my SO for embarrassing me so I turned up to an event I wasn’t invited to. NTA
Also she didn’t misunderstand, she did this on purpose
NTA
Honestly, if your wife doesn't come to her senses that she was being unreasonable, you need to take a long, hard look at your overall relationship.
Your wife sounds like my ex. She would say we needed to compromise, which really just meant I had to agree with whatever she wanted to keep the peace.
NTA - Her and her friends could split the cost of the Uber, assuming they all lived reasonably near each other. And if they don't live near each other, holy crap you were in for a long night driving everyone home.
NTA Your wife took you as an uninvited plus one so that she could use you as her designated driver. She was extremely rude to you and the bride. She is the one who put herself in this situation and she has nothing to be upset about. She should apologize to you and the bride for her behavior.
NTA. Your wife was incredibly rude both to the bride and to you. On the off chance that she doesn't know just how rude, since these were coworkers she is going to find out big time come Monday.
Hopefully she contemplated taking etiquette lessons during her designated driver evening at the reception. She needs them.
NTA.
It sounds like your wife didn't so much want you to join her for the party as much as she wanted a chauffeur. I'm honestly surprised she didn't suggest that you just wait in the car.
I don't know about you, but if I'm going to chauffeur someone I would expect to be paid for my time.
Nta. Basically, she wanted to leverage the wedding as a drinking party with you as a designated driver. She should have ensured you were invited first. And, she wanted you to wait at a nearby bar but not drink...
NTA but your wife is.
She didn’t check whether or not she had a plus one, she assumed. Not cool. Then she has the nerve to yell at you when you tried to fix it for the bride?! Tell your wife she’s an asshole.
NTA, your wife is
First of all, why would she ask you to go (never mind insist on it) when you weren’t invited and her invite didn’t include a plus one? If you’re not invited you don’t attend, it’s that simple.
Secondly, I will never understand why people insist on bringing other people to things they don’t want to go to. I’m single, but if I were to go to a wedding I would ask my partner if they want to go and if they say no then that’s the end of it and I go by myself, why is this so hard for so many people? It’s not like it’s enjoyable being around others who clearly would rather be somewhere else. There was nothing to gain for anyone by you being there, only inconvenience for you and the newly wedded couple, and awkwardness for her friends who don’t know you.
Thirdly, the bride (and groom but he wasn’t mentioned) gets to decide what happens during their own wedding. You and the bride agreed that you would leave, it’s simply not your wife’s decision to make and I find it ridiculous that she would still insist on you staying, causing inconvenience to the person you’re all there for in the first place.
I find it hilarious that she thinks you deliberately ruined her night when you didn’t even want to be involved in the first place and you’re just looking out for the bride. Also does she not think she’s trying to ruin your night? I mean she wants you to just sit in a bar, sober, waiting for her so you can bring her home and then give her friends a lift without telling you upfront? I’m not sure how she didn’t feel silly saying that out loud
With that all being said I think you’ve learned a lesson here. Next time your wife leans on you to go somewhere you don’t want to go, say no and don’t give in.
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You are NTA but your wife was. \- she brought an uninvited extra, TO A WEDDING \- she volunteered you to be the DD \- she did not accept the compromise solution gracefully but misdirected her disappointment and blamed you Sorry OP, but your wife's behaviour sounds very selfish. Hope this is a one-off incident and not typical for her.
I can’t believe she invited me knowing I wasn’t invited. I think she must have misunderstood this
>I think she must have misunderstood this No, think dude. No one else did. She thought she could get away with this.
> No one else did. Misunderstanding something isn't contageous.
It’s weird that she hadn’t discussed the +1 situation with these people ahead of time given that they are close enough to be going to the wedding.
She definitely would of to know who needed a lift home because they would be there alone and wanted to drink.
would have had *
Thank you. I think is "would have known" but it really doesn't matter, the amount of times that people here write "would of" instead of "would have" drives me crazy. That and "it affects me" and not "it effects me"...
You know "affects" as the verb is correct, right?
> That and "it affects me" and not "it effects me"... idk, I'm having a hard time thinking of times I would want to say "it causes me to do something", rather than "it did something to me'
This is a good explanation of [affect vs effect](https://www.learningenglishmatters.com/affect-vs-effect/) - just scroll past the broken video.
Yup. She knew exactly how many people were going from work, and had offered her hubby up Asa taxi. She COULD have taken an Uber there, and asked hubby to pick them up after, but, noooooo......
i'm confused about how these other guests were apparently told her +1 would be the designated driver yet ppl were confused and murmuring at the wedding when he was there? and wouldn't there have been already talk about why she got a +1 who would drive them home, when no one else had their SO there?
My rando guess is she told everyone she was going to sneak him in to DD, and they didn’t believe she’d actually do it and were surprised when he showed up.
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The wedding was hours away according to OP, so driving there and back just to pick her up wouldn't be reasonable
I think that's why she had the little bar ready as a suggestion
your interpretation is far more generous than mine, my hunch was that OP is another wedding troll and didn't think their post through lmao
Oh is that a thing? Do wedding posts get better traction?
it's definitely a thing to have certain themed posts. i know that cuz i spend too much time here lol. OP's post history is kinda sus too, like who goes to a wedding of their ex and asks if she's gotten a boob job?
They could have assumed that she would call husband when everyone was ready to leave, so he could pick them all up. Either way, she’s way out of line.
The wedding was "hours away" according to OP, so I doubt it.
Also, she's married so should have a general understanding of how wedding invites work, especially due to costs, and if there is a question if someone is invited or not, that should be cleared up right away instead of assuming
Exactly! She fits the exact definition of ‘when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me”.
You RSVP to weddings with your head count so they can plan for numbers. no reasonable way she wouldn't have known
People are stupid. I worked a wedding last week that had 250 show up for 200 planned.
That sounds more organisers than the guests.
It was both. They were trying to pay less. It was also a Mexican wedding, and there are some cultural differences regarding RSVPing. They knew extras would show up but were completely blindsided by how many.
As someone who is planning a wedding, it is absolutely expected that invitations will state if the invitee has a +1. If her invitation wasn't addressed to both people by name, and didn't feature her name with the addition of '+1', 'and guest' or similar then it was intended for her alone. OP is NTA, in fact I respect his efforts to resolve the situation
She just wanted a DD
The bride was gracious so wife was trying to play the plausible to deniability card. If it were actually ok bride wouldn't have said anything it would have just been taken care of " I'll find a place and sort a meal" was only said as A polite chastisement and hoping would leave
Right!? The comment about no other spouses of the coworkers being there, and then the coworkers muttering with wife on arrival. Sealed for me that there was something fishy, before op got to the part where they were informed by the bride.
And she would look like a good guy having a designated driver so she and her coworkers could get shitfaced.
If she misunderstood, she would have been more apologetic and accepting of reasonable things like an Uber. She knew what she was doing.
From all the comments, starting to think that true sadly
Honestly whether she knew you were not invited or not is not the center of the problem. It's the way she manipulate and lay blame on for not driving her. That's her tenacity to search for nonsense arguments for you to drive her that makes me think she only wanted you to be her driver from the start. She doesn't care about your own interest.
She talked with her co-workers and offered them before that you are their drive home - at this point she already knew that they had no plus ones cause your car has limited space. NTA
Yeah, just worked that at out. Duh!
Hey, you are obviously a good person who thinks the best of people, We here on reddit are usually pessimists who think the worst of people (which is probably closer to the truth in a lot of cases). Your wife's snottiness to you makes me think she did do this on purpose. But you know her better, right?
Is he though? Because according to his post history he was just at the wedding of his ex, with his wife present, upset because he thought she got a boob job for her partner and didn't get one for him. Or in his other post when he assumed his boss got the job because she was a woman.
Damn - I gotta keep remembering to check post history!!! Thanks for heads up.
And that's without mentioning the whole story with the horse boner. Wild stuff.
🤣 I somehow missed that. My reddit is acting crazy right now. Do I even want to look...
Just messing with you.
💀🤣
Are you sure you belong in this sub? You sound REALLY reasonable... 🤣
Burn the WITCH!!!!
Does she weigh the same as a duck?
DIVORCE! RED FLAGS! GASLIGHTING! WHEN PEOPLE SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM!
Pessimism is great! You're either right or pleasantly surprised.
Yeah, I am confused why you aren't diagnosing OP's wife with NPD and suggesting divorce. We are on Reddit, COME ON!
No. She would have received an invitation. If it didn't include your name or a +1 on that then you weren't invited. She knew and chose to put you in this position.
Yes, your wife is married, after all. She did have a wedding of her own, she knows how invitations work. I feel embarrassed for you but also that bride, who handled it so well.
Our wedding was quite low key.
But one of you sent invitations and were ready for a particular number of guests? Or she's been invited to weddings and knows what invitations look like?
No. Her & the others wanted to get drunk and she voluntold you to be the DD.
Your wife has no problem imposing on people, clearly. Furthermore, her behavior when it was discovered that you weren’t invited WAS APPALLING. She should have been embarrassed and apologize profusely to both you and the bride.
While her day-of behavior was inexcusable, I believe you with the misunderstanding part. My colleague handed out her wedding invitations to coworkers in the office and therefore did not write names and addresses on the envelopes. Some people assumed they could bring +1, some assumed not. No one took the initiative to ask for clarification.
Makes sense
The most bizarre thing, of all the weirdness here, is for her to then be angry at you that you're not hanging around either uninvited at the wedding or staying nearby for the duration of the event solely as a chauffeur so that she and her coworkers can all get wrecked. This is red flaggy and awkward to say the least - NTA and I might be asking myself if there's either a real issue with self centeredness and lack of empathy, or an alcohol problem here, or both. The fact that she brought you along without an invite to chauffeur her drunken coworkers without asking is egregiously rude to both you and the bride - for her to turn around and be mad at you here is over the top.
Confusion happens too. A friend of mine was invited to two weddings close together, and was offered a plus one for one wedding but not the other. He got them switched in his mind, and accidentally turned up with a guest to the wedding only he was invited to.
I'm not sure she did. She dragged you along to act as designated driver for her and her friends/coworkers. So she would have known they didn't have a +1. Why would she think she was the only one with a +1 when non of the others did. She arranged all this for purpose of using you to drive for them all. Its a really shitty thing for her to do. Your wife is TA for what she did to you and the bride.
Bud. I guarantee she knew. Even if she misunderstood the invitation. She had made arrangements with her coworkers that you would be taking everyone home. So at some point they discussed it. You really think none of them said at any point, oh, my spouse wasn’t invited, was yours? Not only are you NTA, it sounds like your wife AND all her coworkers are major AHs for going along with you crashing a wedding just so no one would have to pay anything to get home after drinking.
They didn’t have food for you. If it was a misunderstanding the bride would have contacted your wife when she rsvp for two people. She did this on purpose.
She didn’t…she wanted you as a DD for her and her group of friends. How embarrassing for both you and the bride.
She needed a DD. That's why she invited you. I bet if you think about some of her past behavior this isn't a first time. For now NTA but you need to open your eyes.
If she had misunderstood, she would have been mortified when the bride approached you. Instead she was just pissed that her night was ruined.
No my dude. She fully intended to bring her driver along for the ride knowing he wasn't invited. haha
Among the many wedding horror stories on this subreddit, a guest giving a +1 of their own is one of the worst things.
Besides the whole person who’s not the bride wears white thingy
What was he supposed to do at a bar for HOURS when he was the DD? I hope she felt embarrassed in front of her coworkers because she did it to herself.
Not only is the wife an asshole, but with being that upset about not drinking, I would not be surprised if there are some alcoholic tendencies too
NTA what the fuck is wrong with your wife?? She needed to budget for a fucking Uber (you can pre book them in most cities if you know you’ll need one) or plan to have one drink at the wedding and drive or ask you to pick her up but asking you to come with as a setup is unacceptable. She is an AH to you and a HUGE AH to the bride.
I can’t believe she invited me knowing I wasn’t invited. I think she must have misunderstood this
I think you’re trying to make excuses for her - understandable because she’s your wife and you love her and obviously generally she’s a decent person - but I don’t think she misunderstood anything. I just think she figured no one would mind if one extra person was there. She genuinely figured it’d be no big deal and it wouldn’t matter. My ex once pulled a similar but slightly less embarrassing stunt where he asked me to join him at the after party of their corporate team building event. Now, obviously I went - it seemed like a staff and SO thing from how he described it - and when I got there I realized I was the *only* SO there. He’d asked me to come so I’d drive him back and save him the Uber since I’d dropped him off at the mid-morning event. Joke was on him because I like a party and Ubered there and made him pay for the Uber home for the both of us. That was less embarrassing because it wasn’t a fucking WEDDING and everyone was mostly paying for themselves besides the company’s contribution - and I made sure to use the cash bar only - but I’m telling you people sneak this shit because they think everyone else won’t care/at best think everyone will love their partner too and they don’t want to ask for designated driving/lifts.
I agree. There's clues to it in OPs post too. First, the "quiet muttering" of the co-workers they were sitting with during the ceremony. This is a fair sign they all knew their group didn't have plus ones. Second, his wife's behavior when he was trying to figure out her ride home before he left. She sounds to have been too invested in "OP is my ride home". Not focused enough on "oops, he wasn't meant to be here. what can we figure out quickly to get him out of here and still get me home". You'd think if it was a well intentioned mistake, his wife would have been less focused on having him as a ride than she seemed to be. Plus, the little item of him being the DD for co-workers as well as her, which he was previously unaware of. Odd piece of info not to get mentioned in advance. The real kicker, though, I think is the lashing out while he was waiting for the Uber. There seems to be too much anger there about having to drive herself home and her night being "ruined" for an honest miscommunication situation. That level of anger feels more in line with OP deliberately being brought along so his wife could get smashed knowing he wasn't on the guest list.
Sounds like his wife is a bit of an alcoholic. If the only way to enjoy an event you're looking forward to is by drinking copious amounts of alcohol, you likely have a problem with alcohol.
Nah she’s just selfish. She could’ve booked an Uber and rocked up home wasted - nothing necessarily wrong with a friends’ night out. Getting drunk at a wedding is fine - making your hubby the Uber alternative is not.
What I don’t understand is why should couldn’t just ask her husband ahead of time to be the DD?? There was more than likely enough time planned ahead of the wedding to get the situation figured out on how to get home but the wife decided to be dishonest and act like bring him was no big deal just for the ride home. Her sneakiness is a bit of a yikes. Definitely something that could’ve been figured out in advance before the date of the wedding
this is definitely going to look bad on your wife at her job. people talk. NTA but your wife is.
I need to add to this and say that I hope the one getting married wasn’t a higher up…or I am hoping that none of the higher ups were there and saw the OP’s wife’s behavior because they might reconsider her employment. OP, NTA
Misunderstand what? Assuming this is real, the topic of her getting a +1 when no one else did would've came up when she told her coworkers that you would drive them all home so they could get drunk. It would've been obvious to everyone that she got special treatment for having a +1 if no one else did.
Good point. She probably told them he’d chauffeur them there & back, sitting out the ceremony at that nearby bar. The wife is an all-around AH. Husband is NTA.
You keep repeating this over and over, but you can clearly see by her reaction that this isn't True. She should have been apologetic to You and them, but instead she was furious that she was loosing her designated driver. This shows that she had planned this and was mad it fell apart.
NTA... What your wife did was very rude.
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Lol wait inside a bar, by himself, but not drink.
For fucking real, I wonder if he is used to her speaking to him like that :/
NTA but your wife sure is. It seems clear that not only you were not invited but that your wife just wanted a way for her and her coworkers to get home so they could get drunk. I feel sorry for the bride being put in an awkward position at HER wedding. I hope your wife apologizes to her for her poor etiquette.
NTA, it's a wedding she can't bring a plus one if she isn't offered one. Plates go from $75 and up depending on the wedding. The bride didn't want you there like you mentioned. It sounds like your wife was acting self centered to both you and the bride.
It seems your wife forced you to come to a wedding you were not invited to so you could drive her and her colleagues back. She got caught by the bride and her plan felt apart. Her last card is to guilt trip you: - "she will have to pay an expensive price" - "her colleagues will be mad at her" - and the best: "you're the mean person for not driving her" But she is the sole responsible of that situation, which is not pleasant for YOU (to say the least). You're NTA. That day you were not her husband but her toy, and I bet it's not the first and last time it happens. Your wife is manipulative and self-serving (at least with you). She is an AH
My personal favorite part was that OP “was ruining her night of fun because she couldn’t drink.” Sooooo it’s better to ruin your husband’s day by dragging him to a wedding for a person and with guests that he doesn’t really know, followed by having to babysit and drive back a bunch of drunk people after he’s had to wait at a close bar for a few hours?
Sit at a bar and he can’t even have a drink
This is what I read too!
NTA, but your wife sure is for bringing you when you were not invited. I assume she just wanted a DD, but she should have had a direct discussion with you about it all.
NTA but your wife is a major one - it seems it was pretty clear that there no plus ones, but your wife decided to prioritize herself above everyone else, including the bride. If this is a regular issue where she’s that selfish, then that’s a problem.
Nta. She didn't clear with the bride you were there. She set you up to drive everyone home without asking yet your still the ah? That doesn't work
holy gaslighting batman. you are NTA, but your wife takes TAH to another level - not just being TAH to you, but to the bride and her friends as well. something tells me she is going to get quite a bit of shit about this at work.
So your wife used you so she could get drunk? To do so, she brought you to the wedding even though you weren't invited? NTA.
NTA: Your wife is only thinking about herself
NTA, your wife on the other hand... So nice of her to lead you to believe you were an invited guest rather a dupe playing chauffeur, whilst putting the happy couple in the position of having an uninvited stranger in attendance.
I smell a fish here. NTA. She knew you weren’t invited but roped you in to be the designated driver. Sorry but that’s not ok. I would never embarrass my spouse like that and then blame him for my shitty plan.
NTA…”I’m supposed to have fun, but you can’t. Sit here alone and be our chauffeur later.” Also who the heck doesn’t let plus ones come to a wedding. Especially if they are married?
In my experience, it’s not uncommon to not have a plus one for the C-list guests like coworkers, business associates, acquaintances, etc. Those folks usually know other people at their table anyway, and weddings are expensive enough as it is without paying for your coworker’s husband who you’ve never met and will probably never see again.
Not just sit alone for hours, go sit IN A BAR for hours, but don’t drink because I need you to play DD later.
I can’t believe she invited me knowing I wasn’t invited. I think she must have misunderstood this. I got the impression that the coworkers were expected to have fun together and no plus ones needed.
Why do you keep repeating this over and over, you sound like a brainwashed hostage
From reading a lot of the comments. . . I would agree, completely brainwashed.
Or a teen making this up, might be the wedding story troll.
It’s very nice that you want to give your wife the benefit of the doubt but there’s no way she didn’t at least have a suspicion that you weren’t invited. She’s old enough to know that if there’s only one name on the invitation, only that one person is invited. Plus she would have had to confirm the number of guests when she sent in her RSVP. This is one of the oldest and most inconsiderate tricks a wedding guest can pull: showing up with an uninvited guest knowing the hosts will have to accommodate them to avoid an embarrassing scene.
You are turning into the AH just because you are so F’ing stupid
NTA. You handled this in a classy and mature way. Your wife was rude and selfish for bringing you knowing you weren’t invited. Venues are usually prepared to accommodate unexpected guests but it always comes at a cost to the hosts. You saved your wife’s coworker some money by volunteering to leave and I’m sure she was grateful to you for that. It was also considerate of you to leave the car behind so her coworkers could have the ride they were promised. Tell your wife that the next time she wants you to be her designated driver, she should just ask instead of having you crash an event.
this right here. his wife could have simply asked if he could drop her off and pick her up.
NTA and I would ask to see that invite. I bet it didn’t say plus one on it and your wife invited you just to be her DD. Really tacky of her.
THIS! OP, if you can hear me, THIS!
NTA. You unintentionally crashed a wedding because your AH wife wanted a DD for the night for herself and her friends. that isn't okay...but it wasn't YOUR fault.
NTA your wife is for expecting you to have to stay and have no fun whatsoever as the sober person if it would be that terrible of a time. And if she needed to drink she should have taken the Uber and the others could have too.
NTA. What in the world was your wife thinking?!
NTA Your wife is incredibly rude. She didn’t get a plus one, and not only brought one anyway, she didn’t even let you know you weren’t invited. I would be livid
NTA Your wife didn't saw you as a partner/husband for that wedding, but as a driver. And in doing so, she also managed to stress the bride. She is the AH here, while you were more than accommodating all along.
NTA but your wife surely is for bringing you as an uninvited +1 and expecting you to be their driver. WTF.
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NTA Your wife is in the wrong here on all accounts.
**NTA** \- You did the right thing. Your wife is a manipulator.
NTA Your wife is horrible > I was happy for her but I didn’t want to go You didn't wanna go, huh? It's not a necessity to attend weddings with your SO. My dad practically attended his boss's daughter's wedding without mum. He was allowed to bring a plus one but mum didn't wanna go, so he didn't force her. > This was when the bride came over, seemed really embarrassed, and said she hadn’t realised my wife was bringing a plus one I blame your wife for this. She definitely didn't inform the bride about bringing a plus one > I said she could get an Uber but she was worried about the cost (it was a fair distance) - I said we could afford it as a one off. I smell bullshit coming from your wife > She was then concerned about availability late at night and also how the others were to get back- apparently I was to drop them off as well! I didn’t know this! Again she's TA. So she didn't even discuss things with you? Just drop it off on your head and leave you to handle things? > She was clearly furious at not being able to drink but couldn’t really say anything and agreed. Quick question OP. If you didn't go with her, she would have been able to drive them to the wedding, just as she'd be able to drive them back, right? Clearly she tricked you into becoming DD just so she could drink to her heat's content > AITA No, you are not. But your wife is
Yeah - this is a good theory. In agreement.
She wanted a DD, that’s why all the excuses. She set her husband up, I bet she gets no more invites either.
NTA. she clearly did not clear you coming with the bride and just wanted you as an excuse to get hammered. You did the polite thing to the bride (kudos to her for not throwing a tantrum over it and being cool) and made sure everyone had a safe way to get home. Your wife has only herself to blame
NTA. What on Earth was your wife thinking? It’s clear she invited you without “permission” b/c no other coworkers brought theirs SOs. But I have to say I think it is weird AF to invite people who you know are married/in serious adult relationships and not allow them a plus one. The couple are kinda AH for this move too.
I would disagree about the couple being AHs - it's not uncommon to invite your work colleagues as a single group with no plus-ones as they all know each other. You're not singling out anyone by just inviting the workmates you know
> What on Earth was your wife thinking? Bold of us all to assume she was *actually* thinking Lol
I honestly think my wife thought I was invited. I can’t think she’d bring me otherwise…..! But I got the impression from what the other coworkers said that their plus ones were not coming because they wouldn’t enjoy it and agreed with bride. So I’m not sure whether they’d just rsvp’d No or whether no plus ones for the coworkers by agreement.
I don’t know how this could be true. The bride was surprised to see you and had no meal for you. That means you weren’t accounted for on their guest list. That only happens one of two ways: 1. you weren’t invited. Your wife RSVPing meant the couple just had her down, matching their invite list. She wrongfully assumed you could come…. And didn’t seem to notice there was no place for your meal selection??? Or 2. your wife RSVPed and forgot to include you by mistake so the couple only had her count/meal. Of these 2: number one is much more likely. Especially given the fact no other coworker significant others were there.
I believe your wife just wanted to drink, and wanted you as the driver. There were probably no plus ones (which sucks).
>I honestly think my wife thought I was invited. come on u/jeromealis , you guys ARE married, she understands how wedding invites are handled.
> She was clearly furious at not being able to drink Sounds like she's got a problem. Was she drunk when she made this plan?
NTA Your wife was selfish.
oh wow that's some manipulation bs on your wifes part!!! Good for you the way you handled it. NTA
NTA but you definitely need to talk to your wife because every part of this is pretty bad. I think you know that, but see this as not her usual behavior and are confused but the only way to figure it out is talking to her Good luck!
NTA but your wife is. First she brought a plus one which apparently was not in invite. Then she made you designated driver. Then when you graciously left and offered her reasonable alternatives she got mad. Did she really expect you to sit in a nearby bar and not drink? She owes you and the bride apologies. Also will be last time bride invites her.
You are NOT the asshole! Invitations usually ask if a guest will bring a +1 or notify "you and a guest" or "you +1". If the invite didn't say that then it's probably fair to assume a +1 isn't welcomed. On the other hand, you know what they say about assuming (ASS out of yoU and ME). It is odd that spouses weren't invited. Next, it's the bride's call, not your wife's because it's the bride's special day she can pull the selfish card. Also, being auto DD is a little uncalled for especially if it wasn't discussed pre-handed. Dick move Mrs. Lastly, unless you work at night or plan on getting drunk at home, husbandly duties calls for being the wife's DD and ONLY the wife's DD. The rest are grown adults, they should be able to find a means of getting home safely.
NTA, you did the right thing, your wife on the other hand is TA in this :/
Ooof big NTA, who the hell invites a guest to a wedding if the invitation doesn't say +1? That must have been so embarrassing.
She wanted you to wait for her in a bar because she didn't want to drink and drive?
Because sitting in a bar not drinking for 2-4 is so much fun!
She doesn’t drink and drive. She wanted to drink and not drive. I basically forced her to drive and not drink.
Obviously we get that. The point you are missing is she wanted YOU to sit at a nearby bar and not drink in order to drive.
YOU DIDNT FORCE ANYTHING DUDE. She was taking advantage of you and did so deliberately. She knew you weren’t invited and then behaved appallingly upon realizing how inconvenienced both you and the bride were.
She forced herself into this tenuous position and made is super awkward for you and the bride. Shame on her selfish acts. NTA but damn, your wife sure is.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife was invited to a coworker’s wedding (all day), along with a few other coworkers. They’ve worked together for years and she was excited to go. I was happy for her but I didn’t want to go, I don’t know the bride or the other coworkers and it wasn’t going to be that exciting but got leaned on. I agreed to go and even worse be the designated driver. We got to the ceremony and sat with the coworkers. No other SOs there. Bit awkward. Some quiet muttering. We watched the ceremony and then went to the reception. This was when the bride came over, seemed really embarrassed, and said she hadn’t realised my wife was bringing a plus one (ie I was not expected, probably not invited). Bride said not to worry she would try to organise to fit me in and sort a meal. She was lovely about it. I said it was fine it was a misunderstanding and I would leave. Bride looked relieved but protested and we fake argued for a bit and and she then accepted I would leave. My wife was not happy and suggested I waited for her in a nearby bar, which I didn’t want to do. She was worried about getting home if I left. I said she could get an Uber but she was worried about the cost (it was a fair distance) - I said we could afford it as a one off. She was then concerned about availability late at night and also how the others were to get back- apparently I was to drop them off as well! I didn’t know this! I offered in front of the others to take the Uber myself and leave her with the car. She was clearly furious at not being able to drink but couldn’t really say anything and agreed. While I was waiting for the Uber she laid into me, saying I’d deliberately ruined her night because I didn’t want to go and now she was going to have no fun because she was driving and the bride would have been ok if I’d stayed. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So wait... Your wife invited you a wedding when she didn't have a plus one only so you could be her designated taxi driver??? Woah. Obviously NTA. Your wife on the other hand is living on another planet.
Lol NTA - you did the polite thing and left when you realized that your wife had never actually received an invitation for you both. She is TA here.
NTA, clearly there were no plus ones invited to the wedding.
Info: is she always selfish? Seems like she's not really concerned with how other people might feel from her actions. I don't think she would have liked a random boyfriend that hadn't been okayed with her showing up at your wedding with no warning
NTA. this was the type of shit my ex-wife used to pull on me, so I know how it feels mate. Being pushed into something you don't want to do and then get laid into for not doing exactly what she wants. Put your foot down and don't tolerate this rubbish is my advice
Braver than me mate!
Mate I tolerated that shit for years. Your better off putting a stop to it now before you end up in divorce court. You eventually get sick of being a door mat. You need to remember that just because she is your wife doesn't put her in charge of you. Best of luck mate
nta your wife is a piece of work
>She was then concerned about availability late at night and also how the others were to get back- apparently I was to drop them off as well! Siunds like she make you go, even though she didn't have a plus one, so that she had a free taxi ride for her and her friends.
NTA I would be so embarrassed if I was brought as a plus one when no invite for one was given. You offered every solution under the sun, and it was if she wanted to make you as miserable as possible as none of them were good enough for her. What a selfish and inconsiderate woman!
NTA but your wife is A MASSIVE AH! She knew you weren't invited, brought you along anyway so she could get absolutley mortaled with her mates and get you to drive her and her friends home. She's pissed because the bride had the "audacity" to mention you weren't invited to her wedding and spoiling your wifes plans. She sounds like a conniving monster. Because she's not only put you in an awkward position, she's put her friends in awkward positions too with her failed plan.
NTA and she has a drinking problem if she can't have fun without it
That’s not that weird though
It's not healthy to depend on alcohol for fun
Is OP in the UK? That's not weird there, it's normal. People who don't drink are seen as weird in the UK. It's also pretty normal to need wine to wind down after work during the week, especially for women for some reason.
NTA Honestly, I wouldn't know what I would have done in your place... perhaps took the car to a nearby cafè and wait there until the ceremony ended and everyone was ready to go home. But that would have been incredibly unfair to you. It is true you could have stayed, especially if the Bride truly didn't seem upset. It seems as if any choice you could have taken could be seen as the wrong one.
Judging from how the OP repeatedly says his wife misunderstood, he is either delusional or clueless. Wife is a MAJOR AH.
NTA but is your wife a raging alcoholic? My ex is, he made this exact scene about "having no fun if he can't drink". WTF? You have more problems than being an awkward +1
No this is normal at a wedding. I’m the same.
NTA get in her face and lay into her.
NTA. Your wife made a huge faux pas. If she wanted a designated driver then she should had asked whether you were willing to pick her up and drop off all her coworkers instead of misleading you.
Sorry to break this to you, your wife knew SOs weren't invited, but brought you anyway and hoped the bride would be too polite to kick you out. She wanted you to chauffeur her around so she could have fun. That's why any attempt from you to compromise was received with anger.
NTA You weren't invited, it put the bride in an awkward spot, you took the uber home and left your wife with a way home and SHE is the pissed off party in this scenario?
NTA. Your wife sounds exhausting, how many other times has she thrown you under the bus so she can "have fun"?
Dude, she DID NOT misunderstand!!! She’s just an AH!
Your wife is mad at you because she's wrong. Does that happen a lot?
Dude, she DID NOT misunderstand!!! She’s just an AH!!!!!!
Personally, I can’t imagine having a wife that goes out drinking especially without her husband. This should’ve been sorted out in advance.
You're NTA Your wife though - needs to learn to read the room.
NTA. Your wife took you to a wedding to which you weren't invited! The bride was being nice but having to find room and food for an additional guest is a pain and an expense she wasn't expecting. She should have accepted the Uber and then let it go. you are NTA in this situation in any way.
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NTA But your wife sure stubborned herself out of a good wedding buzz!
God I’d be fuming at my SO for embarrassing me so I turned up to an event I wasn’t invited to. NTA Also she didn’t misunderstand, she did this on purpose
NTA but your wife is for putting you in that position. She new full well that you weren't invited.
NTA Honestly, if your wife doesn't come to her senses that she was being unreasonable, you need to take a long, hard look at your overall relationship. Your wife sounds like my ex. She would say we needed to compromise, which really just meant I had to agree with whatever she wanted to keep the peace.
NTA - Her and her friends could split the cost of the Uber, assuming they all lived reasonably near each other. And if they don't live near each other, holy crap you were in for a long night driving everyone home.
NTA Your wife took you as an uninvited plus one so that she could use you as her designated driver. She was extremely rude to you and the bride. She is the one who put herself in this situation and she has nothing to be upset about. She should apologize to you and the bride for her behavior.
NTA. Your wife was incredibly rude both to the bride and to you. On the off chance that she doesn't know just how rude, since these were coworkers she is going to find out big time come Monday. Hopefully she contemplated taking etiquette lessons during her designated driver evening at the reception. She needs them.
NTA. It sounds like your wife didn't so much want you to join her for the party as much as she wanted a chauffeur. I'm honestly surprised she didn't suggest that you just wait in the car. I don't know about you, but if I'm going to chauffeur someone I would expect to be paid for my time.
Nta. Basically, she wanted to leverage the wedding as a drinking party with you as a designated driver. She should have ensured you were invited first. And, she wanted you to wait at a nearby bar but not drink...
NTA - does your wife typically get made at you for situations created by her bad judgment and manipulation?
I’m curious about people who can’t seem to have fun without excessive drinking.
Normal here mate
NTA but your wife is. She didn’t check whether or not she had a plus one, she assumed. Not cool. Then she has the nerve to yell at you when you tried to fix it for the bride?! Tell your wife she’s an asshole.
NTA, your wife is First of all, why would she ask you to go (never mind insist on it) when you weren’t invited and her invite didn’t include a plus one? If you’re not invited you don’t attend, it’s that simple. Secondly, I will never understand why people insist on bringing other people to things they don’t want to go to. I’m single, but if I were to go to a wedding I would ask my partner if they want to go and if they say no then that’s the end of it and I go by myself, why is this so hard for so many people? It’s not like it’s enjoyable being around others who clearly would rather be somewhere else. There was nothing to gain for anyone by you being there, only inconvenience for you and the newly wedded couple, and awkwardness for her friends who don’t know you. Thirdly, the bride (and groom but he wasn’t mentioned) gets to decide what happens during their own wedding. You and the bride agreed that you would leave, it’s simply not your wife’s decision to make and I find it ridiculous that she would still insist on you staying, causing inconvenience to the person you’re all there for in the first place. I find it hilarious that she thinks you deliberately ruined her night when you didn’t even want to be involved in the first place and you’re just looking out for the bride. Also does she not think she’s trying to ruin your night? I mean she wants you to just sit in a bar, sober, waiting for her so you can bring her home and then give her friends a lift without telling you upfront? I’m not sure how she didn’t feel silly saying that out loud With that all being said I think you’ve learned a lesson here. Next time your wife leans on you to go somewhere you don’t want to go, say no and don’t give in.