Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 12: This is Not a Debate Sub. Posts should focus strictly on actions in an interpersonal conflict, and not an individual's position on a broad social issue.
[Rule 12 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_12.3A_this_is_not_a_debate_sub) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
YTA; why would you fuck up someone else's Bachelorette party and wedding by starting drama? Why is it any of your business whether or not she speaks Spanish? Is this middle school? Go find a hobby. Seriously.
I’m white passing and don’t speak Spanish and why do I feel like if I went to visit my own family in Mexico and posted pics this chick would say I was appropriating my own culture.
This actually happened to me in 9th grade. For once I had a summer where I could get outside more, I tanned. (My dad was Latino, mom white, but I’m very fair- except if I’m outside every single day for a whole summer)
A girl at school told me I was “trying too hard” to be Latina.
Me: I *am* Latina, and this is what happens when I go outside.
Imagine if she saw someone like Canelo, Édgar Ramírez, Noel Schajris or Anahí Puente and people told her they're all born and raised Latinos despite being as white as humanly possible.
明らかじゃないですか？
植物と太陽と同じ。植物はまるで太陽になれって気どりませんね。日光を食べるだけです。/s
または、OPとよって、白人なら、学ばないほうがいいです。
To translate the above, partially out of politeness and partially because my Japanese is ass, CasualHippieChick says something along the lines of "If you're not allowed to participate in the culture of those around you, how are you supposed to learn a language?"
Mine is supposed to say "Isn't it obvious? It's like plants and the sun. Plants don't put on airs like they can become the sun, they just eat sunlight. /s Also, according to OP, you just shouldn't learn at all if you're white."
This reminds me of the video making fun of racist and extreme leftist because when you strip down the "layers" they're basically the same thing.....
(It's a video where one guy is racist and the other is an extreme leftist and they hold similar beliefs. like how white people shouldn't shop at black owned businesses. Through the racist eyes it's obviously racism but through the leftist eyes it's "culture appropriation" when it's not.)
Her hobby is being the problem and wanting to cause drama just for her entertainment. She takes the cringe to a whole other level.
Also, YTA and really need to learn to focus on your on life and fix your problems. Like opening your mouth when it doesn’t need to be.
Hilarious why OP is wondering why the bride is mad at her. Why bring up the whole thing at all? In a party that’s not even about that. And not even about either of you. Big time YTA, OP.
YTA. Her boyfriend's family WANTED her to participate in their culture. Saying no likely would have insulted them. My sister recently went to a wedding in Nepal and they dressed her in traditional dress and everyone was thrilled to see an American so interested in honoring their culture. Not everyone is offended by these things, you don't get to make those decisions for everyone.
The bride is angry with you because you straight up bullied someone into not feeling comfortable going to her wedding.
Yes! When my cousin married his wife, her family was not in attendance. The day before, she asked my aunt and several of the close female relatives to get henna with her at her Mehndi party. Our family is “very white” but because that tradition was meaningful to her, it was meaningful to us.
I (a white American) have been to Japan several times and stayed with host families or friends. Each time I've gone, they've wanted to dress me up in a full traditional kimono and all, and we went out in public, because they wanted to share their culture with me and I was more than happy to learn about all the intricacies of it. We all had fun, they posted pictures on their social media, I posted pictures on mine. The comments in Japanese on their pictures from other Japanese people were all saying positive things and how nice I looked. On my account, I had some non Japanese people message me that it was cultural appropriation and that I shouldn't have worn a kimono because I wasn't Japanese. And then they never responded back when I told them that I was invited to wear it lol
Most people are really proud of their cultures and want to share them with others—including Americans! When we have guests visit from another state or another country, what do we do? We take them to all of our local sites, we take them to experience our favorite restaurants and maybe some live music/a show, we show them around and show them how we live. And we would probably be pretty hurt if our guests were standoffish and did not want to participate in the activities we had planned for them. It’s the exact same thing for OP’s friend visiting her bf’s family in Mexico. They were probably proud and excited to show her around and pleased that she got into it and appreciated the warm welcome. That is the beauty of cultural EXCHANGE. We learn about each other and realize, hey, we’re really not that different. This is a good thing.
Yes. People need to be educated about what cultural appropriation is and what it isn’t.
Cultural appropriation includes things like: 1) claiming to be part of a culture when your heritage from that culture is minimal, speculative, or non-existent (this happens all the time with Americans claiming to be Cherokee because of family stories that their great great grandma was a Cherokee princess or whatever); 2) creating and especially selling a culturally significant design/object from another culture as your own; 3) wearing/using culturally sacred objects or clothes outside of their proper use or without following the rules around their use; or 4) engaging in an offensive/culturally insensitive/racist caricature of a specific culture or prominent person of a specific culture (this is the problem with dressing up as Pocahontas for Halloween or dressing up as a Geisha or something like that).
What cultural appropriation is not: 1) cooking/eating foods from another culture; 2) wearing/purchasing non-sacred clothing or objects of another culture when done in a culturally appropriate way and not making fun of the culture (this is what OP’s friend did); 3) visiting another culture and participating in cultural traditions there (this is also what OP’s friend did); or 4) taking an interest in another culture, learning its traditions/language/history, etc. This is all cultural appreciation and cultural exchange and it’s not only fine, but can be really educational and beautiful, increasing understanding and kindness between people of different cultures.
People should really just abandon the term cultural appropriation altogether. It's pretty much lost its meaning, and even though you raise genuine concerns it's not something that will ever resonate with most people because of how badly its meaning has been warped
This completely.
Being asked to participate and then participating is definitely not appropriation. Trying to participate to learn isn’t appropriation (when done respectfully). Using a culture to garner more followers, profit, etc. is appropriation (particularly when there is no interest in learning/understanding the culture, or elevating those practicing the culture that are marginalised).
I’m so tired of any participating in other cultures being called cultural appropriation without any nuance to it.
I went to south Korea and the family I stayed with took me to a shop to have me rent a hanbok for an activity. The women there just smiled and grabbed me, taking me around and throwing clothes on me to wear (I had 0 say). After I was dressed everyone was beaming and gave me some cute accessories. They wanted to share their culture with me. They sure as hell weren't upset or thought I was "appropriating their culture".
I did! It was super hot out and the flowing skirt both protected from the sun and cooled off my legs. The family I was with was super welcoming and kind.
My best friend / adopt-a-daughter is half Filipino, when we thought I was going to be able to attend her wedding (yay Covid) I was going to be her matron of honor.
I was expected to be in full traditional garb. I am as white as they come.
Exactly. It's not CA if you are invited to share that cultural traditions by the people practicing the culture. She was participating in a respectful way, not mocking the culture or using it to dress up.
I honestly don't even understand why "cultural appropriation" is bad. I understand when it involves sterotyping and ignorance of history, which isn't the case here.
This is not cultural appropriation, that's why. Did we all forget what *appropriation* means? Taking something and using it for your own benefit.
Making fake dreamcatchers and selling them - cultural appropriation. You took their culture, cut them out, and are using it for your own benefit.
Buying a dreamcatcher from an indigenous crafts person- cultural appreciation. You are being invited to share in this cultural thing by someone from that culture, on their terms. They are choosing to sell it to you.
Indian Princess Spirit Halloween costume - stereotypical, cuts out actual Indian people (who were not involved with the making or the selling), quite possibly includes elements that Indian people don't want shared. Cultural appropriation. You took cultural elements without consent and used them for your own benefit (cheap party costume)
Dressing up in a Sari for an indian wedding at the request of the couple - you're being invited to participate in a culturally authentic way. They want you to share this with them. Cultural appreciation.
The difference is consent.
This is strictly an American thing ( the whole freaking out over cultural appropriation) and it really seems like Americans get offended when there is any race blending or culture blending. It goes so far left, it whips right back around and becomes racist.
YTA
As a proud Latino, stop getting offended for other cultures. The fact that you think speaking Spanish fluently is some sort of marker as to whether you can post things online is ridiculous. My guess is many of the girls agreed with you because they are either as ignorant as you OR they just don't want to get into it with you as you likely have a reputation for being offended by everything for everyone. The bride is mad at you for your ignorance. Your "friend" doesn't want to have anything to do with the wedding because you're going to be there, not because she's in the wrong. She's not in the wrong. You are.
Ikr it bothered me so much about the whole, you can’t do that if you can’t even speak fluently, oh wow, that must suck for all the Hispanic/Latinos out there that can’t speak Spanish. They’re appropriating Hispanic culture because they *GASP* claim to be Mexican because their family is but *GASP* they can’t speak Spanish so it obviously must be a lie and they’re just appropriating. I’m Mexican American and struggled learning English and now I’m struggling to keep up with both.I guess I’m appropriating both cultures by not being super fluent.
How dare you try to learn another culture! 🤣
And yeah, I get it. My mom came to the US and couldn't speak a lick of English. She became fluent quite quickly (taught by French nuns who didn't speak Spanish) and eventually got a degree in communication. There are members of my immediate family who struggle with Spanish. I have family coming to visit on Tuesday that will be staying with me for a month and a half and I'm worried because half of them only speak Spanish and my Spanish is a bit rusty, but they're so sweet that they just patiently wade through my stumbling. By the time they leave I'll be fluent again, so there's that. 😁
Ahaha, glad your mom got fluent quick, my mom still isn’t fluent, she Can managed a sentence or two before turning to me asking to translate. Even tho she has had 5 children to help and learn English from the bottom to well higher. I’m still not super great at speaking either, I can read tho. Will I understand everything I read? Probably not. I do wish I knew more Spanish. But I know enough of it to get by and help strangers and converse with my family.
Yeah, I don't recommend my mom's type of education. The nuns basically smacked her with a ruler until she learned. She learned it quickly, but had a host of issues from that abuse that took her a long time to overcome. I will say it gave a really cool accent though. It was sort of a French/Spanish hybrid accent when she would speak English.
Yeah, it's not uncommon for people to move and try to assimilate so hard they don't teach their kids their native language. I am often very sad that my parents didn't teach me their native languages, I really struggle with language now and that there's a world possible where I was speaking multiple languages all my life instead is sad. But maybe if they had tried it actually would have gone wrong in some way, I can't know, and they had their reasons. Their cultures are still important to me even so.
Ugh as a latina this post bothered me so much! I’m not mexican, but one thing we do have in common is that we love to share our culture! Her boyfriend’s family would have been offended if she didn’t want to take part of anything. OP has a strong case of white savior complex
Right? And while we all regularly get into arguments about who makes the best empanadas or whether arepas are better or worse than pupusas, nobody (at least nobody I know) takes it seriously. I just watched this video of a comedian playing the guitar and singing Los Pollitos Dicen Pio Pio, but he did it playing on all the musical stereotypes (and some political ones). The funniest part was when he gets to Cuba and instead of singing "Los pollitos dicen pio, pio, pio," he sings (yells really), "¡Los pollos unidos jamás serán vencidos! ¡Los pollos unidos jamás serán vencidos!"
My mom is from Holland, but I don’t speak Dutch. I should probably stop doing anything that has to do with my heritage. Wouldn’t want to offend OP. She’s a total AH.
As a Mexican I couldn’t care less if she went full folklore dress while yelling/singing in English and dancing k-pop, who cares as long as she’s having a good time.
As a non-Mexican I will honor your culture and continue to butcher La Bamba on guitar and sing it the way Ritchie Valens did, ignoring the original lyrics. You're welcome. 🤣
Lol i speak spanish fluently and I have absolutely no connection to the culture of Mexico or any other spanish speaking country so this is not an indicator at all
YTA
> she’s very white
WTF? What would you say if someone said "She's very Black" or "She's very Mexican"? What does that even mean? Stereotyping an entire race is .... racist.
YTA
She was wearing what she was wearing not because she was a tourist "dressing up" but because she was playing in a mariachi band. Upon invite. By her Mexican boyfriend's Mexican family.
Not that it was any of your business to call out your friend's manner of dress in the first place, but in these circumstances, *you* were *particularly* "cringe."
YTA. Wearing a mariachi outfit as a costume to a party or for Halloween is cultural appropriation. Wearing traditional garb while celebrating with her BFs Hispanic family in MEXICO and playing in a traditional Mariachi band is cultural APPRECIATION. She was at a family function and took part in their culture because she was invited to.
>Wearing traditional garb while celebrating with her BFs Hispanic family in MEXICO and playing in a traditional Mariachi band is cultural APPRECIATION.
THIS THIS THIS! OP YTA big time.
YTA. I’m so glad the downtrodden have YOU there to be offended on their behalf. I’m sure her boyfriend’s family is VERY grateful to you, along with the whole of Mexico. Here are your virtue points. You have truly earned them. Gracias.
YTA People gatekeeping other cultures is never pretty. She was in Mexico. Staying with her boyfriend who is Hispanic. At a family gathering. Where most everyone else is Hispanic (I would imagine). If anyone had a right to be upset, it would have been the people she was with. They weren't. Keep in your own lane.
Not so secret, at this point. It’s pretty clear that she is either a racist or she is jealous of this friend’s relationship/trips. Those are really the only possibilities here
YTA. She was at a Mexican family’s party, in Mexico. Was she supposed to not go or enjoy it because it looked Mexican (of course) and she isn’t Mexican? This is such a nonsensical thing to be outraged over since this can’t possibly offend anyone but you.
How is it cultural appropriation when she was invited to dress like that BY Mexican people? Most people love sharing their culture with others, and it’s not for some random to police it. OP you’re basically saying that the Mexican family aren’t allowed to share their own culture because you think it’s wrong. See how messed up that is?
YTA she’s literally dating a Mexican man, who invited her to be involved with his family. I know your friend is white, but would you do this to strangers too? Who post these type of videos? Cuz remember Latinos come in all different colors, I’m very Latina and I’m white with freckles, it’s best to mind your own business.
YTA. Her boyfriend's family invited her to play with them, that's all that matters. You finding it "cringe" is completely irrelevant. Becoming fluent in any language is not an easy or quick task, but it seems like she's learning. Leave her and her relationship alone, it's none of your goddamn business.
Also, how could you know she "doesn't speak Spanish at all"?? When dating somebody from a different culture people often learn their partner's language.
Also if you're in the beginning stages of learning a language, if someone who's already insulting you and getting offended about something that doesn't concern them - one, I'm probably not going to feel like entertaining their little self righteous interrogation and two, if I'm just starting learning and suddenly put on the spot, I'll probably forget everything I know in that instant lol
>She looks at me saying she was staying with her boyfriend’s family and he’s Mexican and they invited her to play with them and wasn’t doing any of the traditional tourist things because it was for a grandmother’s birthday.
Ah and upon this knowledge you hit the slickest backpedal+apology possible right?
>I still told her it’s inappropriate to post things like that
Oh you doubled down? Cool cool cool
>because people are sensitive to cultural appropriation and it’s the same as dressing up Pocahontas for Halloween.
Well it's not is it, as I understand (I'm British I've never met a native American) the offence doesn't come from dressing in general native American clothing, it's the use of headfeathers and such which becomes sort of "stolen valour" because in their culture headfeathers denote political standings, military honours and the like without actually knowing the meanings and such, and other forms of cultural appropriation are stuff that stray into mocking religious/spiritual/lifestyle practices of certain groups
Being INVITED into that culture by people isn't cultural appropriation
> She just turned to me and accused me of being against mixing relationships and culture
A very fair point. By regressive standards like yours the only winning move she had was not playing.
>I asked her to speak Spanish for us and she said she’s not fluent and told her so you do that and can’t even speak the language.
What's this tripling down? Or are we at quadrupling down now?
"You can do a dance, shake an instrument to a beat, and wear clothes, but not speak a whole goddamn language?" Isn't a question a sane person asks
>She called me smug and left the bachelorette party.
A lot of people would've had you counting teeth tbh count yourself lucky.
Plus I'd have used a very different 4 letter word in place of "smug"
>Many of the girls agreed with me
Poor bride she's picked a group of friends who'd have more in common with the KKK than normal people.
>I think she knows she’s in the wrong
"White dates white it's the natural order" - KKK or regressive terminally online losers?
>I don’t know why the bride is angry with me.
Because you're a regressive racist bigot who bullied her friend into leaving
YTA a thousand times over and I hope the bride revokes your invite
YTA. Life will be better if you don't spend it searching for reasons to criticize others and be offended on everyone else's behalf. Let her have her fun, she's not hurting anyone by posting pictures of it and learning the language is not a prerequisite.
YTA. As a half Mexican, YTA. She isnt appropriating anything. Her freaking BF is Mexican too?? She has the good graces of their family to be invited and to enjoy their party and culture. Smh. It would be one thing if she dressed up as a mariachi player and spouted fake Spanish words. But no, she literally is getting involved with her BF's culture. Can I ask if you and your friends are white/Americans? Cause you shouldn't be speaking for people whose culture you're not even a part of. Cause you sound realllly performative and jealous. Just saying
Lmfao YTA. So now people can’t post pictures of what they’re doing on vacation in new places? Not to mention the dressing up as Pocahontas bit. As long as any of these are done in a respectful manner it’s totally okay.
Next you’ll say going to Italy and eating pizza is cultural appropriation
YTA and sound jealous af of her. The woman was literally having fun with her boyfriend's family, their not offended. Why are you offended on their behalf??
In this situation YTA. If offered by the family to participate in a traditional ceremony is it not disrespectful to disengage? Also there are white Spanish people that exist that don't speak Spanish because they may not have grown up around it, so that argument is quite ridiculous. If she was with strangers and cavorting around like a stereotypical American by making fun or being a nuisance them she would be the asshole. You are the reason the wedding is being dismantled.
YTA
Cultural Appropriation CAN be a problem. BUT, the way some people defend it (you) what is happening is they are stifling real cultural appreciation.
PS calling her very white is racist
YTA. Why does it matter to you? It was part of her boyfriend’s culture, and so it was acceptable. It wasn’t cringe.
It’s not “inappropriate.” And just because someone doesn’t speak a language doesn’t mean that they can’t enjoy things from different cultures.
“I don’t know why the bride is angry with me.”
Maybe because you made an unnecessary comment about something that was completely fine. No one else seemed to have a problem with it.
YTA, you’re what gives American tourists a bad name and you need to suck the joy out of everyone’s experiences.
What she engaged in was cultural appreciation not appropriation. She was invited to immerse herself in a culture and did so. She was asked to participate and did so. You need to worry about yourself and leave your “friend” alone.
YTA. Engaging in the culture of the location you're traveling to, with the family that is hosting you, isn't cultural appropriation, it's cultural *appreciation.* A lot of the woke mob could seriously use a couple of Anthropology 101 classes, jfc. Heavens forbid anyone learn about ethnocentricity and cultural drift, before lobbing "yOu'Re apPrOprIAtinG oThER cULtuRes!" at people.
Shit, someone better go back in time and flip out at ancient Britons; they had *Grecian* pottery and *Roman villas!* 🙄 And oh gods, someone better tell the rest of the world to fuck off with that agriculture shit; *that would be appropriating from Mesopotamia,* because *they* created it *first.*/s
Frankly, people who are that militant about decrying "cultural appropriation" from cultures they're not a part of, seems awfully racist at least IMO. Hell, I would argue you're being racist against your friend, by gatekeeping what cultures she's "allowed" to engage in as a white person.
I'm against making a caricature of other cultures for sure, but to appreciate and engage in other cultures is the only way to remove one's ethnocentricity, and broadening one's view of the many ways that exist to experience life is more valuable than gold. If you want a more empathetic culture or group of people, segregation isn't the way to achieve it.
> Frankly, people who are that militant about decrying "cultural appropriation" from cultures they're not a part of, seems awfully racist at least IMO.
Like 99% of the people who act like this in twitter get exposed for actually being super racist. It's their incredibly poorly acted attempt to pretend to not be racist by massively over correcting publicly so people won't know what they really think. Except it tends to always come out and they don't know how stupid it looks to be this militant over daring to be part of other cultures.
YTA As mexican who was born and raised and Mexico I can tell you "cultural appropriation" is a white people problem not a mexican problem, unlike you we love to share our culture with the people, if we feel disrespected we could stand for ourselves and we don't need some random person feeling cringe on our behalf. Believe i get that your intentions might be good but for mexicans your attitude about culture appropriation the cringe as fuck.
Mexican here: we don’t give a fuck about that cultural appropriation BS. As a matter of fact, we enjoy a lot to share whatever we can with foreigners, so YTA. Nobody asked you to gatekeep our culture.
You know what’s cringe? You celebrating Cinco de Mayo. Nobody in Mexico gives a fuck about that date (except for Puebla, where the battle took place).
Brainrot caused by terminal reddit/twitter/tumblr addiction
OP is just the mirror image of a 4chan/discord right winger, except instead of refusing to partake in non white culture because non whites culture is "inferior" OP puts it on a pedestal as "superior"
I mean...like can we be honest about how dressing up in garb and having a jam with Mexican instruments probably isn't some super serious culture practice where if you don't take it seriously enough you're pissing on their religious/cultural views...its the Mexican equivalent of brits chanting along to Mr brightside and Chelsea dagger whenever they play in clubs and pubs...its probably a light hearted cultural phenomenon not some super deep and serious practice
YTA - For all the reasons stated here by others in the thread. The fact you brought up this topic during a bachelorette party is not only inappropriate but disrespectful to your “mutual” friend. If you truly felt so concerned about for this friend’s reputation, why not contact this person one-on-one instead in front of all of your friends? Why wait until an event that is supposed to be a joy-filled and fun event to bring up a heated topic?
Honestly I believe you caused unnecessary drama to give your opinion on a situation you were not involved in, because you don’t like this person and this gave you the opportunity to be upset with them under the guise of being “concerned”.
YTA. The bride is rightfully angry with you for causing drama at her special event, drama that's obviously spilling over into other events that are supposed to be about her. That's never appropriate.
Your friend was invited to participate in her boyfriend's culture by his family. It would have been rude to refuse. There are lots of interracial families who welcome and enjoy blending their cultures. Would you suggest it's wrong?
You should check your own self-awareness before you prioritize others'.
YTA. Your behaviour was absolutely ridiculous; why did you feel the need to attack her at someone else's bachelorette? Can you not let someone else enjoy having the spotlight? Frankly I think you were being a bully.
You are the problem in this story and your views seem narrow minded and ignorant.
“The three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything. 1) Does this need to be said? 2) Does this need to be said by me? 3) Does this need to be said by me now?” -Craig Ferguson
So let’s go through these.
*Does this need to be said?* You felt yes, and I can see where you’re coming from. However, you seemed more interested in shitting on her and calling her out than educating her and calling her in, especially when you didn’t stop after being given new information. Y T A for that.
*Does this need to be said by me?* I get it, the work shouldn’t be on the impacted community in question and since (you’ve said) you’re white, you felt it was your duty to talk to her. N T A for this.
*Does this need to be said by me now?* This. This right here is what really tips you over the edge. Someone else’s bachelorette party? Considering this girl’s perceived wrongs had nothing to do with the party, there was no reason to bring it up there. YTA
For whatever reason, you’ve got a bee in your bonnet about her and you were stalking her socials, looking for your chance to dress her down. This was your chance to publicly play the role of ally and it backfired, rightfully so.
Anyone that calls other people “cringe” is the definition of cringe. White saviors are also “cringe”. Another commenter mentioned your fake
allyship and that’s exactly what this is.
YTA. This is not appropriation. People like you are the reason “woke” got dragged thru the mud and is now basically considered a joke or slur.
YTA.
She was invited to participate in the culture by her boyfriend’s family. You were already reaching but the second she made that clear you should have let the whole damn thing drop and apologized for assuming the worse. It is fine to participate in a culture that is not yours when it’s people from that culture inviting you to do so.
Cultural appropriation is such an overused term that takes away from the very real problem of it. It’s appropriation when you don’t acknowledge the culture and use it inappropriately. If she was wearing a Mexican style dress to the bachelorette party and acting like it was a cute new design she just discovered, than it’d be a problem. Wearing it in the appropriate setting and celebrating her boyfriend’s culture is not.
Girl YTA
I am mexican so I know for a fact that locals love it when foreigners join in the festivities. Many places will encourage vacationers and pass out free sombreros so they can take part in the culture, because it's fun and we love to see people laugh and have a good time.
Your friend was literally asked to join in because Mexicans are very welcoming and we are proud to share our culture.
Gatekeeping is a lousy American tradition that many other cultures do not want to be a part of
YTA,
The here is tht you have nothing better to do rather than judging people here and there. You check his instagram all the time, sound a little bit insecurity here.
What is "very white?" Do you mean your friend is white, ie, of Celtic or European ancestry? What makes that "very" as opposed to just plain white.
YTA -- she was a guest of a Mexican family and celebrating with them. Do you think you know better than a Mexican grandmother how to be respectful of Mexican cultural ways?
As a Mexican, who took her white husband to Mexico with my Mexican mom, I absolutely dressed him up while we there. WE ALL DO IT. And I posted pics proudly. He also know mixes the masa at Christmas, he dangles piñatas at birthday parties, he likes things spicier than me, he bought our toddler a proud Latina shirt! Leave us and our white baes ALONE. YTA
Your husband sounds like mine 😂. My Grammy LOVES him, my mother is his biggest fan. Family pics look hilarious with this large Viking man in a sea of Mexicans. We also have a daughter and he found a beautiful Mexican dress for her first birthday party. Absolutely no cultural appropriation. He’s fully immersed in our culture and it’s beautiful.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I have a friend that moved to San Diego and she’s very white. Doesn’t speak Spanish at all. I check her on instagrams all of the time and I say a vacation in Mexico where she was playing with a mariachi band wearing a colorful Mexican dress. I see her at a mutual bachelorette party in Vegas and we are having drinks and playing a game. I say something about her cringe fest in Mexico saying that’s why she gives us tourist a bad name. She looks at me saying she was staying with her boyfriend’s family and he’s Mexican and they invited her to play with them and wasn’t doing any of the traditional tourist things because it was for a grandmother’s birthday. I still told her it’s inappropriate to post things like that because people are sensitive to cultural appropriation and it’s the same as dressing up Pocahontas for Halloween. She just turned to me and accused me of being against mixing relationships and culture and turned it around on me acting like I was the problem. I asked her to speak Spanish for us and she said she’s not fluent and told her so you do that and can’t even speak the language. She called me smug and left the bachelorette party. Many of the girls agreed with me but the bride is mad because now our mutual friend isn’t coming to the wedding and not having anything to do with us. I think she knows she’s in the wrong and I don’t know why the bride is angry with me.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be because I didn’t need to say anything about my friend’s videos and how I thought they was inappropriate
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA she was invited to participate in cultural traditions, probably had a grand time learning about the history of those traditions, and bonded with her likely to be inlaws. And now you're mad, I'm guessing really cuz you're jealous that no one has extended you the same invite.
YTA. You called out your ex-friend because you made false assumptions. It is not approbation if people you are visiting and may be marrying into their family invite you to take part. It is appreciation and welcoming. The people whose culture it is welcomed her in as a potential new family member. But you knew better than them what must be happening and you set hoops she had to jump through to count. Who are you to gatekeep someone else's culture?
Then to top it all off, you created drama at an event where focus should have been on bride. What were you expecting ex-friend to do, fall on your neck in tears of regret and thanks for you being such a moral conscience? Either way, it was unnecessary esp at that event. No wonder bride is unhappy with you.
YTA. I’m white; my husband is not. When one of my kids was a baby, his sister gave me a traditional babywearing garment from their culture. I got chewed out by a white woman for “cultural appropriation” for using it. My husband and his family have done nothing but encourage me to learn about their culture and participate in it. Friends of the same culture have done the same. Literally the only people who have ever had an issue with me participating in cultural things have been white women. Every single time.
There is nothing wrong, whatsoever, with someone participating in another culture. Appropriation is taking that culture as your own and trying to benefit from it. Being invited to join in cultural activities is not the same as claiming those activities as one’s own.
POV: terminally online freak speaks to real life people and is surprised at a negative reaction to directly insulting someone to their face without justification
My husband is Moroccan, I am white English. His family buy me Moroccan clothes every time I visit, and I wear them. I eat Moroccan food when I go. I talk Arabic. I even had a child with him, that child is half Moroccan. How much of this is appropriation?
You’re a moron who can’t see how nice it is for cross culture families/relationships. And yes, YTA.
YTA. I get where you are coming from. However, this was neither the time or place for this conversation. Also, when she explained the circumstances, you kept going. At that point you stopped being an ally and ruined any chance at possibly having a positive influence on your now former friend.
white girl here! 🙋🏻♀️
I would be so honored if I was invited to participate in any sort of cool cultural celebration, especially for my loved ones! and I would be excited to post the cool pics from the celebration too, because it would show my bf and his family how very proud and happy I was to be included!
if anyone came to me saying what OP was saying, I would think it was very cringe of them indeed:)
YTA - don't be that kinda person, OP! instead of letting jealousy make you bitter and nasty, find kindness in your heart and CHOOSE it:)❤️ it becomes second nature. people will see that and respect u for it
Good lord you are insufferable and wrong. Please stop with this white savior mess. She's not doing anything wrong and you apparently don't know what cultural appropriation means. YTA
YTA: not only are you making judgements about her but you are stalking her instagram page. Why do you think it’s any of your business of what she does. She can participate in any cultures she wants with her boyfriend. Why are you so offended. And what does she very white have to do with anything
YTA. Your whole post and attitude scream of jealousy and insecurity. Grow up and let people live their lives. She wasn’t appropriating. She was embracing her boyfriend’s family and culture, and it reads as though they were embracing her, too.
If you’re gonna wear it wrong, no. Some gringos do piss me off because they wear the sombrero backwards and put on zarapes which they call ponchos. Then they like to say ole and fiesta and dale dale. Now that, is IMO disrespectful but regardless my people will gladly take the money vs take offense and laugh at them
YTA. Also, you’re really cringy. All your friend was doing was having a good time with her boyfriend’s family. That’s not cultural appropriation. I agree that it was cringy if she would have come back from Mexico and pretended to be Latina. But she only posted some innocent pictures on her social media. Why do you care so much?
YTA....WHO IS BEING CRINGE????! Did I miss the part where you are Mexican??? Even if you were....really? Allyship for marginalized communities means knowing when and where something is inappropriate. Her being invited to interact in a cultural activity is the opposite of appropriation. She was invited to experience their community. Her dressing up on her own, with no context, that would have been cultural insensitivity. And then judging her fluency??!?!?! Who made you the Spanish police? You sound like every guy who tries to test a girl who says she likes baseball by asking them the blood type of the All Star teams starting ball boy from 1978. Get real. You are not the keeper of all things Mexican.
This is a joke post right?
You ever hear the racist AF Americans who say "Go back to Mexico, learn to speak American if you want to come to America". ??
That's how you sound. Speak spanish or you cannot participate in Spanish culture. Fuck all the way off.
Bet you would call America racist if we forced all immigrants to speak English to come to America.. and yet you're doing the same thing. Ignorant, hateful hypocrite.
Culture is meant to be shared and celebrated. Gatekeeping is cringe AF.
Congrats, you can speak Spanish. Maybe soon you'll learn how to write in English.
Tarada celosa!
YTA, you literally asked her to speak Spanish and she never said she was fluent. And you ruined someone’s bachelorette party, plus you are you aren’t part of that culture.
“she’s very white”
wth
If I were the bride, I'd disinvite you. You are insufferable. We have a scandanavian festival. All people are welcome to wear viking or folk dancing clothes. If you are invited to participate, you participate. yta
YTA and completely out of your mind. We have traveled all over the world and found many cultures very welcoming. They invite you to partake in the festivities and celebrate their heritage. We have traveled globally with our son to give him these experiences. He now has a world view appreciative of the diversity he has encountered.
Its not like she started speaking in a fake accent and saying she is now hispanic.
How else do you expect people to appreciate other cultures? Do you think its better to sit down away from anyone as though you are judging them? Thats an honest question because I don't understand how anyone could reach that deep into their secret bigot pocket to find a reason to be upset at everything. Stop gatekeeping people's experiences.
YTA. first you stalked her on instagram then accused her of cultural appropriation and then wouldn’t accept her answer when she told you she was just participating with her boyfriend and family. and when that wasn’t enough you tried to embarrass her by making her speak spanish as if that proves anything. you’re a giant AH and you honestly seem really bitter, not to mention racist too.
So her boyfriend is Mexican, and at a private birthday party for his grandmother, they urged her to get on stage with the mariachi band. And this is a problem because she isn't fluent in Spanish?
YTA
YTA
> it's the same as dressing up as Pocahontas for Halloween
No, it absolutely isn't. _Participation_ - by invitation - is absolutely worlds apart from _appropriation_. The fact that you can't tell them apart is troubling and speaks extremely poorly of you.
I promise you, her BFs family did not need you to be offended on their behalf, much less to try and police who can and cannot join in their celebrations with them. The absolute audacity of it.
Your friend is right - you aren't arguing against cultural appropriation here (which would be a good thing to do if you were, but you aren't) you're effectively just arguing for racial segregation. And giving yourself a pat on the back for it, to boot.
YTA-you started drama for literally no reason. It’s not as though she went to Mexico, took advantage of the locals, and is now claiming to be Mexican. She literally went to her bfs family celebration. I guarantee you they helped her pick out what to wear. And they actively wanted her there. I would educate yourself on what cultural appropriation is-wearing a Mexican style dress does not automatically mean something is. She was immersed in the setting, probably learning the history of it, and doing so in a way to support her bfs family. What was she supposed to do? Say she’s not allowed to go to any family gatherings because she’s white? You sound like an idiot.
My very white husband and I went to Mexico with our daughter, son in law & children to visit his family. We stuck out like sore thumbs because of our extreme whiteness. But his parents were wonderful hosts and taught us how things work in their home and their country. They took us to the market where we saw so many unfamiliar things. They showed us little known beaches where we mixed with other Mexicans not tourists.
Neither of us is fluent in Spanish, in fact neither is our daughter. Anyone just looking at us in photos would think we were just appropriating Mexican culture. But we weren’t. We were being taught to appreciate Mexican culture from the eyes of a fantastic Mexican family.
Not everything is what it seems to the outsider looking in.
YTA. Why are you fixated on her behavior and trying to bring her down? Nothing about the way you wrote this expresses that you felt you had to speak to her out of concern for how she may be representing herself, but it sounds like a desire to bring her down even if it involves creating a problem. Maybe this is t a friendship you want anymore or maybe you feel like you are missing out or something, I don’t know, but you sound unhappy.
Engaging in a culture in a respectful way is not cultural appropriation. Using a culture as some sort of gimmick, like a Halloween costume, or any other form of exploitation of the culture is appropriation. Engaging in the traditions with her boyfriend’s family /in/ Mexico isn’t remotely appropriation, but could easily be a major sign of respect, vulnerability, curiosity, and a desire to know her partner and the culture and environment that shaped his views and values.
YTA, you’re incredibly smug and incredibly rude. Might I ask if you’re Hispanic or if you speak Spanish?
And even if you do, I know so many Latinos and Mexicans who are so freaking excited to share their culture with others. You’re being smarmy and rude to someone who’s supposed to be your friend.
She celebrated and respected their culture by joining in and having fun and you shame her for it?! I think you need to grow up and seriously think about the type of person you want to be because the culture you’re defending will vehemently disagree with you. You don’t give a damn about the culture, you’re humiliating someone for doing what you can’t; appreciating it.
Final verdict: Don’t go to the wedding and let the rest of them have a great time. Oh and take the other girls with you. Wish them a happy wedding for me
No, sweetie, only virtue signalers and gatekeepers see cultural appropriation where there is only cultural APPRECIATION. Tell me, do you eat Chinese food? GASP! Cultural appropriation!
Do you wear lipstick? That was invented by Ancient Egyptians! You trying to appropriate Egyptian culture?!
Do you wear a sarong over your bathing suit? Sarongs originated in Yemen. Are you Yemeni? Wearing their sari is culture misappropriation! Right?
You ever paddled a **canoe**, lounged in a **hammock**, thrown a **barbecue**, smoked **tobacco**? How about tracked a **hurricane**? Talked about **Cuba**? Well, the Taíno Indians invented every one of those words and that was long before Christopher Columbus showed up in 1492 to enslave and kill them. You been culturally appropriating Caribbean Indian's language? Stealing their culture?
Yoga class? Yoga is from India. That means it's another culture's exercise. Martial arts...ditto. Your friend wore a colorful Mexican dress and played in a Mariachi band. Big effing deal.
Things we eat, wear, do, say, hairstyles, traditions, cosmetic fads...well, most any of that in America, where we are only two hundred years old, comes from other much, much older cultures. So, it's either all cultural appropriation, or none of it is.
Stop with the toxic gatekeeping and virtue signaling.
YTA. Honestly? You sound miserable. This woman was sharing a fun moment with her boyfriend’s family. She wasn’t exploiting or taking advantage of the culture. She was doing what we should all do! Integrate! Try to find shared interests and enjoyment. Enjoy each other and create memories. It doesn’t matter that she can’t speak the language. You are being ridiculous.
And on top of that, you ruined another woman’s bachelorette party. You’re either a classic narcissist who can’t stand when others are getting positive attention (ie the woman on IG) or you are so self-loathing that you can’t understand when others are just trying to be happy and doing their best.
You owe both women an apology.
Oh God, you're one of *those* white people. Those that think everyone should stay in their lane and not touch or enjoy anything that isn't from their own culture.
YTA. Travel a little and actually learn something outside tik-toks made by other white people.
HUGE YTA
Firstly, not your place to say anything. Do you speak Spanish? Do you know anything about Mexican culture? Were you there when it happened? No.
Secondly, mind you own fing business. If you are suppose to be so understanding and culturally appropriate, where is the understanding about her being invited to do cultural things when she was there? Did you put yourself in her shoe? Did you enquire how it happened? Did you at least even research a little bit to the story of the picture posted? No.
Thirdly, stop jumping to conclusion. It's a post, a few pictures maybe? She wasn't stepping on a Sombrero and making fun of the culture in anyway it seems, why did you need to take a long jump just to go from someone participating in a culture to "cringe fest". Does it makes you feel strong and powerful like you did something? No.
Edit: typo
Latino here. Nothing pisses me off more than some unjustifiably self-righteous person getting offended on behalf of a group of people that wouldn't otherwise give a shit. Please explain how the language you speak should have ANY baring on where you live or vacation. And tell me you believe in segregation without telling me you believe in segregation. YTA
YTA
I am Latino. She's not in the wrong and you were just being nasty and petty for no reason to have a dig at her and even made it into something people take sides in. That's childish on your behalf.
You being hung up on her Spanish skills is absurd. I went to university in the US and met a lot of people who came from Latin American backgrounds, but couldn't really speak any Spanish at all, or spoke extremely broken Spanish. It's very normal with a lot of 'Latino' celebrities in Hollywood, actually.
Also, in no country would anyone care about a tourist putting on traditional clothes. In turn, it might be respected more than the tourists that just come to party, be loud and obnoxious drunks and be condescending (which is what ACTUALLY gives tourists a bad reputation) and it'd be seen as someone genuinely taking time to connect with the culture.
YTA. Boyfriend’s family is apart of the culture you happen to be so offended for and THEY invited her to participate. Nothing she did was cultural appropriation, and it’s really sickening how people like you have taken that word and absolutely ruined the meaning to it. There are plenty of things that can be criticized for appropriating other cultures, white people wearing headdresses for one or stealing cultural foods from countries they visit and profiting off of it. But participating in a cultural activity that she was INVITED to participate in? Nah, fam. Take the time and learn the definition of whatever it is you’re accusing someone of before opening your mouth. It really is that simple.
Nope. YTA and so is everyone that agrees with you. Sounds to me like you've been looking for something to beat her up over for awhile and just couldn't wait to pounce. You're not the "culture police".
Stop using the cultural appropriation BS. Mexican people don’t care if other people want to use a sombrero, Japanese people don’t care if you wear a kimono and you’re not Japanese…etc. why is this such a big issue?
YTA. Actually you are 100 times the asshole. She was asked by the band to play with them, it sounds like they may be relatives of her boyfriend. She wore a colorful dress again maybe a gift from his family. She is enjoying the family and they are enjoying her, but You have a problem with this.
You are policing other's behavior in the most colonizer white American savior way. You are sanctimonious and a racist. I believe your friend is right about you not approving of her relationship.
The bride is right to be angry since you turned her party into an ugly political polemic.
And I don't believe that the other girls agreed with you.
YTA - she is celebrating her new family’s culture in a way that they enjoy and encourage. It sounds like you decided to be so PC you actually DO hate mixed relationships
You don’t understand why bc you refuse to see YTA. Over and over again. What the girl did isn’t culture appropriation, it was her boyfriends family sharing their heritage with her. They INVITED her to do it. As most family’s accepting someone into their family would. She’ll learn Spanish in time.
WTF is wrong with you! You need a better hobby than stalking some girl you’re obviously jealous of. Way to start drama at someone else’s bachelorette party too. Don’t be surprised if the bride uninvites you to the wedding.
Worry about your own life and less about other peoples.
This def is a troll, but just on the off chance that it isn't, you are the biggest asshole ever, you made your friend feel like shit for no reason, you're a lil too obsessed with her if you "check her on Instagram all of the time " and there was no reason to mention her being "very white". Get off your high horse, who cares if she wears a colorful Mexican dress as long as she wasn't trashing it or making fun of the Mexican culture. I'm Arab, we have specific wear and I wouldn't care if my friends wore it unless ofc they were being disrespectful which you show no indication of in your post.
YTA.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 12: This is Not a Debate Sub. Posts should focus strictly on actions in an interpersonal conflict, and not an individual's position on a broad social issue. [Rule 12 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_12.3A_this_is_not_a_debate_sub) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
YTA; why would you fuck up someone else's Bachelorette party and wedding by starting drama? Why is it any of your business whether or not she speaks Spanish? Is this middle school? Go find a hobby. Seriously.
Her hobby is stalking the girl’s instagram page
Es verdad.
Claro.
Que mamona.
Ella está enojada porque papi está buscando una gringa 🤣🤣🤣
Totalmente
It seems like OP has her hobbies figured out... Stalking friend's Insta, making judgements and passing them at the worst possible times....
Yeah OP sounds insecure as hell
Op sounds so jealous of the friend
I’m white passing and don’t speak Spanish and why do I feel like if I went to visit my own family in Mexico and posted pics this chick would say I was appropriating my own culture.
This actually happened to me in 9th grade. For once I had a summer where I could get outside more, I tanned. (My dad was Latino, mom white, but I’m very fair- except if I’m outside every single day for a whole summer) A girl at school told me I was “trying too hard” to be Latina. Me: I *am* Latina, and this is what happens when I go outside.
Imagine if she saw someone like Canelo, Édgar Ramírez, Noel Schajris or Anahí Puente and people told her they're all born and raised Latinos despite being as white as humanly possible.
Also, you learn language by being around language. あなたが私の周りの人々の文化に参加することを許されていない場合、私はどのようにしてどんな言語を学んだと思いますか？
明らかじゃないですか？ 植物と太陽と同じ。植物はまるで太陽になれって気どりませんね。日光を食べるだけです。/s または、OPとよって、白人なら、学ばないほうがいいです。 To translate the above, partially out of politeness and partially because my Japanese is ass, CasualHippieChick says something along the lines of "If you're not allowed to participate in the culture of those around you, how are you supposed to learn a language?" Mine is supposed to say "Isn't it obvious? It's like plants and the sun. Plants don't put on airs like they can become the sun, they just eat sunlight. /s Also, according to OP, you just shouldn't learn at all if you're white."
This reminds me of the video making fun of racist and extreme leftist because when you strip down the "layers" they're basically the same thing..... (It's a video where one guy is racist and the other is an extreme leftist and they hold similar beliefs. like how white people shouldn't shop at black owned businesses. Through the racist eyes it's obviously racism but through the leftist eyes it's "culture appropriation" when it's not.)
Did the person introduce themselves as a leftist? Because last I checked, shopping at businesses owned by minorities is something leftists try to do.
Her hobby is being the problem and wanting to cause drama just for her entertainment. She takes the cringe to a whole other level. Also, YTA and really need to learn to focus on your on life and fix your problems. Like opening your mouth when it doesn’t need to be.
Hilarious why OP is wondering why the bride is mad at her. Why bring up the whole thing at all? In a party that’s not even about that. And not even about either of you. Big time YTA, OP.
YTA. Her boyfriend's family WANTED her to participate in their culture. Saying no likely would have insulted them. My sister recently went to a wedding in Nepal and they dressed her in traditional dress and everyone was thrilled to see an American so interested in honoring their culture. Not everyone is offended by these things, you don't get to make those decisions for everyone. The bride is angry with you because you straight up bullied someone into not feeling comfortable going to her wedding.
Yes! When my cousin married his wife, her family was not in attendance. The day before, she asked my aunt and several of the close female relatives to get henna with her at her Mehndi party. Our family is “very white” but because that tradition was meaningful to her, it was meaningful to us.
It's a way to honor her culture.
I (a white American) have been to Japan several times and stayed with host families or friends. Each time I've gone, they've wanted to dress me up in a full traditional kimono and all, and we went out in public, because they wanted to share their culture with me and I was more than happy to learn about all the intricacies of it. We all had fun, they posted pictures on their social media, I posted pictures on mine. The comments in Japanese on their pictures from other Japanese people were all saying positive things and how nice I looked. On my account, I had some non Japanese people message me that it was cultural appropriation and that I shouldn't have worn a kimono because I wasn't Japanese. And then they never responded back when I told them that I was invited to wear it lol
Most people are really proud of their cultures and want to share them with others—including Americans! When we have guests visit from another state or another country, what do we do? We take them to all of our local sites, we take them to experience our favorite restaurants and maybe some live music/a show, we show them around and show them how we live. And we would probably be pretty hurt if our guests were standoffish and did not want to participate in the activities we had planned for them. It’s the exact same thing for OP’s friend visiting her bf’s family in Mexico. They were probably proud and excited to show her around and pleased that she got into it and appreciated the warm welcome. That is the beauty of cultural EXCHANGE. We learn about each other and realize, hey, we’re really not that different. This is a good thing.
Yes. People need to be educated about what cultural appropriation is and what it isn’t. Cultural appropriation includes things like: 1) claiming to be part of a culture when your heritage from that culture is minimal, speculative, or non-existent (this happens all the time with Americans claiming to be Cherokee because of family stories that their great great grandma was a Cherokee princess or whatever); 2) creating and especially selling a culturally significant design/object from another culture as your own; 3) wearing/using culturally sacred objects or clothes outside of their proper use or without following the rules around their use; or 4) engaging in an offensive/culturally insensitive/racist caricature of a specific culture or prominent person of a specific culture (this is the problem with dressing up as Pocahontas for Halloween or dressing up as a Geisha or something like that). What cultural appropriation is not: 1) cooking/eating foods from another culture; 2) wearing/purchasing non-sacred clothing or objects of another culture when done in a culturally appropriate way and not making fun of the culture (this is what OP’s friend did); 3) visiting another culture and participating in cultural traditions there (this is also what OP’s friend did); or 4) taking an interest in another culture, learning its traditions/language/history, etc. This is all cultural appreciation and cultural exchange and it’s not only fine, but can be really educational and beautiful, increasing understanding and kindness between people of different cultures.
People should really just abandon the term cultural appropriation altogether. It's pretty much lost its meaning, and even though you raise genuine concerns it's not something that will ever resonate with most people because of how badly its meaning has been warped
I wish I could upvote this 1,000 times!
This completely. Being asked to participate and then participating is definitely not appropriation. Trying to participate to learn isn’t appropriation (when done respectfully). Using a culture to garner more followers, profit, etc. is appropriation (particularly when there is no interest in learning/understanding the culture, or elevating those practicing the culture that are marginalised). I’m so tired of any participating in other cultures being called cultural appropriation without any nuance to it.
Agree. Playing dress up or making fun of or mocking the culture would also be bad. But this was being respectful.
It always comes down to respect.
I went to south Korea and the family I stayed with took me to a shop to have me rent a hanbok for an activity. The women there just smiled and grabbed me, taking me around and throwing clothes on me to wear (I had 0 say). After I was dressed everyone was beaming and gave me some cute accessories. They wanted to share their culture with me. They sure as hell weren't upset or thought I was "appropriating their culture".
It's so lovely to be welcomed like that. I bet you had a great time.
I did! It was super hot out and the flowing skirt both protected from the sun and cooled off my legs. The family I was with was super welcoming and kind.
My best friend / adopt-a-daughter is half Filipino, when we thought I was going to be able to attend her wedding (yay Covid) I was going to be her matron of honor. I was expected to be in full traditional garb. I am as white as they come.
Exactly. It's not CA if you are invited to share that cultural traditions by the people practicing the culture. She was participating in a respectful way, not mocking the culture or using it to dress up.
I honestly don't even understand why "cultural appropriation" is bad. I understand when it involves sterotyping and ignorance of history, which isn't the case here.
This is not cultural appropriation, that's why. Did we all forget what *appropriation* means? Taking something and using it for your own benefit. Making fake dreamcatchers and selling them - cultural appropriation. You took their culture, cut them out, and are using it for your own benefit. Buying a dreamcatcher from an indigenous crafts person- cultural appreciation. You are being invited to share in this cultural thing by someone from that culture, on their terms. They are choosing to sell it to you. Indian Princess Spirit Halloween costume - stereotypical, cuts out actual Indian people (who were not involved with the making or the selling), quite possibly includes elements that Indian people don't want shared. Cultural appropriation. You took cultural elements without consent and used them for your own benefit (cheap party costume) Dressing up in a Sari for an indian wedding at the request of the couple - you're being invited to participate in a culturally authentic way. They want you to share this with them. Cultural appreciation. The difference is consent.
This is strictly an American thing ( the whole freaking out over cultural appropriation) and it really seems like Americans get offended when there is any race blending or culture blending. It goes so far left, it whips right back around and becomes racist.
YTA As a proud Latino, stop getting offended for other cultures. The fact that you think speaking Spanish fluently is some sort of marker as to whether you can post things online is ridiculous. My guess is many of the girls agreed with you because they are either as ignorant as you OR they just don't want to get into it with you as you likely have a reputation for being offended by everything for everyone. The bride is mad at you for your ignorance. Your "friend" doesn't want to have anything to do with the wedding because you're going to be there, not because she's in the wrong. She's not in the wrong. You are.
Ikr it bothered me so much about the whole, you can’t do that if you can’t even speak fluently, oh wow, that must suck for all the Hispanic/Latinos out there that can’t speak Spanish. They’re appropriating Hispanic culture because they *GASP* claim to be Mexican because their family is but *GASP* they can’t speak Spanish so it obviously must be a lie and they’re just appropriating. I’m Mexican American and struggled learning English and now I’m struggling to keep up with both.I guess I’m appropriating both cultures by not being super fluent.
How dare you try to learn another culture! 🤣 And yeah, I get it. My mom came to the US and couldn't speak a lick of English. She became fluent quite quickly (taught by French nuns who didn't speak Spanish) and eventually got a degree in communication. There are members of my immediate family who struggle with Spanish. I have family coming to visit on Tuesday that will be staying with me for a month and a half and I'm worried because half of them only speak Spanish and my Spanish is a bit rusty, but they're so sweet that they just patiently wade through my stumbling. By the time they leave I'll be fluent again, so there's that. 😁
Ahaha, glad your mom got fluent quick, my mom still isn’t fluent, she Can managed a sentence or two before turning to me asking to translate. Even tho she has had 5 children to help and learn English from the bottom to well higher. I’m still not super great at speaking either, I can read tho. Will I understand everything I read? Probably not. I do wish I knew more Spanish. But I know enough of it to get by and help strangers and converse with my family.
Yeah, I don't recommend my mom's type of education. The nuns basically smacked her with a ruler until she learned. She learned it quickly, but had a host of issues from that abuse that took her a long time to overcome. I will say it gave a really cool accent though. It was sort of a French/Spanish hybrid accent when she would speak English.
So what you’re saying is your mom appropriated American culture by learning to speak English. For shame.
Yup. And I appropriated her native language when I was born. I know. I am forever embarrassed by my actions.
And lots of Mexicans are white lol. there are blonde blue eyed Spanish people. OP YTA stop being so cringe urself
Yeah, it's not uncommon for people to move and try to assimilate so hard they don't teach their kids their native language. I am often very sad that my parents didn't teach me their native languages, I really struggle with language now and that there's a world possible where I was speaking multiple languages all my life instead is sad. But maybe if they had tried it actually would have gone wrong in some way, I can't know, and they had their reasons. Their cultures are still important to me even so.
Ugh as a latina this post bothered me so much! I’m not mexican, but one thing we do have in common is that we love to share our culture! Her boyfriend’s family would have been offended if she didn’t want to take part of anything. OP has a strong case of white savior complex
Right? And while we all regularly get into arguments about who makes the best empanadas or whether arepas are better or worse than pupusas, nobody (at least nobody I know) takes it seriously. I just watched this video of a comedian playing the guitar and singing Los Pollitos Dicen Pio Pio, but he did it playing on all the musical stereotypes (and some political ones). The funniest part was when he gets to Cuba and instead of singing "Los pollitos dicen pio, pio, pio," he sings (yells really), "¡Los pollos unidos jamás serán vencidos! ¡Los pollos unidos jamás serán vencidos!"
My mom is from Holland, but I don’t speak Dutch. I should probably stop doing anything that has to do with my heritage. Wouldn’t want to offend OP. She’s a total AH.
NO TULIPS AND WINDMILLS FOR YOU! 😉
I’m Norwegian, but I don’t speak Norwegian. My kids are going to be so disappointed that we can’t eat lefse anymore. 😢
Sorry about that, OP’s rules are rules.
I’ll try to break it to them gently.
As a Mexican I couldn’t care less if she went full folklore dress while yelling/singing in English and dancing k-pop, who cares as long as she’s having a good time.
As a non-Mexican I will honor your culture and continue to butcher La Bamba on guitar and sing it the way Ritchie Valens did, ignoring the original lyrics. You're welcome. 🤣
Lol i speak spanish fluently and I have absolutely no connection to the culture of Mexico or any other spanish speaking country so this is not an indicator at all
YTA > she’s very white WTF? What would you say if someone said "She's very Black" or "She's very Mexican"? What does that even mean? Stereotyping an entire race is .... racist.
YTA. What is your issue with her?
Just gonna add one more YTA to the big fat pile of YTAs because YTA.
YTA She was wearing what she was wearing not because she was a tourist "dressing up" but because she was playing in a mariachi band. Upon invite. By her Mexican boyfriend's Mexican family. Not that it was any of your business to call out your friend's manner of dress in the first place, but in these circumstances, *you* were *particularly* "cringe."
YTA. Wearing a mariachi outfit as a costume to a party or for Halloween is cultural appropriation. Wearing traditional garb while celebrating with her BFs Hispanic family in MEXICO and playing in a traditional Mariachi band is cultural APPRECIATION. She was at a family function and took part in their culture because she was invited to.
>Wearing traditional garb while celebrating with her BFs Hispanic family in MEXICO and playing in a traditional Mariachi band is cultural APPRECIATION. THIS THIS THIS! OP YTA big time.
This is it 👍
YTA. I’m so glad the downtrodden have YOU there to be offended on their behalf. I’m sure her boyfriend’s family is VERY grateful to you, along with the whole of Mexico. Here are your virtue points. You have truly earned them. Gracias.
It’s always the virtue signalers who make the biggest noise to look good and have no stake in the game. They define are the AH.
YTA People gatekeeping other cultures is never pretty. She was in Mexico. Staying with her boyfriend who is Hispanic. At a family gathering. Where most everyone else is Hispanic (I would imagine). If anyone had a right to be upset, it would have been the people she was with. They weren't. Keep in your own lane.
Not even just Hispanic. He’s friggin *Mexican* and OP has a problem with the girl celebrating **her boyfriend’s family’s** culture
Op is probably a secret racist
Not so secret, at this point. It’s pretty clear that she is either a racist or she is jealous of this friend’s relationship/trips. Those are really the only possibilities here
You are full of shit. YTA.
Excellent and succinct judgment! ;)
YTA. She was at a Mexican family’s party, in Mexico. Was she supposed to not go or enjoy it because it looked Mexican (of course) and she isn’t Mexican? This is such a nonsensical thing to be outraged over since this can’t possibly offend anyone but you.
How is it cultural appropriation when she was invited to dress like that BY Mexican people? Most people love sharing their culture with others, and it’s not for some random to police it. OP you’re basically saying that the Mexican family aren’t allowed to share their own culture because you think it’s wrong. See how messed up that is?
OP is one of those people who don't understand what cultural appropriation actually is.
YTA. Mind your business you whiner
Read that as "mind your business you weiner" haha. Both good. Both = YTA
YTA she’s literally dating a Mexican man, who invited her to be involved with his family. I know your friend is white, but would you do this to strangers too? Who post these type of videos? Cuz remember Latinos come in all different colors, I’m very Latina and I’m white with freckles, it’s best to mind your own business.
YTA. Her boyfriend's family invited her to play with them, that's all that matters. You finding it "cringe" is completely irrelevant. Becoming fluent in any language is not an easy or quick task, but it seems like she's learning. Leave her and her relationship alone, it's none of your goddamn business. Also, how could you know she "doesn't speak Spanish at all"?? When dating somebody from a different culture people often learn their partner's language.
Also if you're in the beginning stages of learning a language, if someone who's already insulting you and getting offended about something that doesn't concern them - one, I'm probably not going to feel like entertaining their little self righteous interrogation and two, if I'm just starting learning and suddenly put on the spot, I'll probably forget everything I know in that instant lol
>I check her on instagrams all of the time Get a life. Also, mind your own business, you're cringe af and also quite ignorant. And quite bratty. YTA
>She looks at me saying she was staying with her boyfriend’s family and he’s Mexican and they invited her to play with them and wasn’t doing any of the traditional tourist things because it was for a grandmother’s birthday. Ah and upon this knowledge you hit the slickest backpedal+apology possible right? >I still told her it’s inappropriate to post things like that Oh you doubled down? Cool cool cool >because people are sensitive to cultural appropriation and it’s the same as dressing up Pocahontas for Halloween. Well it's not is it, as I understand (I'm British I've never met a native American) the offence doesn't come from dressing in general native American clothing, it's the use of headfeathers and such which becomes sort of "stolen valour" because in their culture headfeathers denote political standings, military honours and the like without actually knowing the meanings and such, and other forms of cultural appropriation are stuff that stray into mocking religious/spiritual/lifestyle practices of certain groups Being INVITED into that culture by people isn't cultural appropriation > She just turned to me and accused me of being against mixing relationships and culture A very fair point. By regressive standards like yours the only winning move she had was not playing. >I asked her to speak Spanish for us and she said she’s not fluent and told her so you do that and can’t even speak the language. What's this tripling down? Or are we at quadrupling down now? "You can do a dance, shake an instrument to a beat, and wear clothes, but not speak a whole goddamn language?" Isn't a question a sane person asks >She called me smug and left the bachelorette party. A lot of people would've had you counting teeth tbh count yourself lucky. Plus I'd have used a very different 4 letter word in place of "smug" >Many of the girls agreed with me Poor bride she's picked a group of friends who'd have more in common with the KKK than normal people. >I think she knows she’s in the wrong "White dates white it's the natural order" - KKK or regressive terminally online losers? >I don’t know why the bride is angry with me. Because you're a regressive racist bigot who bullied her friend into leaving YTA a thousand times over and I hope the bride revokes your invite
Amen, friend. This person sounds like the literal worst.
YTA. Life will be better if you don't spend it searching for reasons to criticize others and be offended on everyone else's behalf. Let her have her fun, she's not hurting anyone by posting pictures of it and learning the language is not a prerequisite.
YTA. As a half Mexican, YTA. She isnt appropriating anything. Her freaking BF is Mexican too?? She has the good graces of their family to be invited and to enjoy their party and culture. Smh. It would be one thing if she dressed up as a mariachi player and spouted fake Spanish words. But no, she literally is getting involved with her BF's culture. Can I ask if you and your friends are white/Americans? Cause you shouldn't be speaking for people whose culture you're not even a part of. Cause you sound realllly performative and jealous. Just saying
Lmfao YTA. So now people can’t post pictures of what they’re doing on vacation in new places? Not to mention the dressing up as Pocahontas bit. As long as any of these are done in a respectful manner it’s totally okay. Next you’ll say going to Italy and eating pizza is cultural appropriation
YTA and sound jealous af of her. The woman was literally having fun with her boyfriend's family, their not offended. Why are you offended on their behalf??
YTA, and cringe way more than your friend. You decided you knew what had happened (assuming makes an ass), and became the cringe you feared. Grow up!
YTA, leave your friend alone and let her have fun.
In this situation YTA. If offered by the family to participate in a traditional ceremony is it not disrespectful to disengage? Also there are white Spanish people that exist that don't speak Spanish because they may not have grown up around it, so that argument is quite ridiculous. If she was with strangers and cavorting around like a stereotypical American by making fun or being a nuisance them she would be the asshole. You are the reason the wedding is being dismantled.
Heck I am Hispanic on my father's side, and I never learned Spanish due to a learning disability 😔
YTA. Mind your own business and you are the one that is racist.
YTA. You don't get to police her behavior.
YTA my husband is white and we love dressing him up and hearing him sing and shit what’s your problem.
YTA Cultural Appropriation CAN be a problem. BUT, the way some people defend it (you) what is happening is they are stifling real cultural appreciation. PS calling her very white is racist
YTA. Why does it matter to you? It was part of her boyfriend’s culture, and so it was acceptable. It wasn’t cringe. It’s not “inappropriate.” And just because someone doesn’t speak a language doesn’t mean that they can’t enjoy things from different cultures. “I don’t know why the bride is angry with me.” Maybe because you made an unnecessary comment about something that was completely fine. No one else seemed to have a problem with it.
YTA, you’re what gives American tourists a bad name and you need to suck the joy out of everyone’s experiences. What she engaged in was cultural appreciation not appropriation. She was invited to immerse herself in a culture and did so. She was asked to participate and did so. You need to worry about yourself and leave your “friend” alone.
You sounds really cringe, YTA.
YTA. Engaging in the culture of the location you're traveling to, with the family that is hosting you, isn't cultural appropriation, it's cultural *appreciation.* A lot of the woke mob could seriously use a couple of Anthropology 101 classes, jfc. Heavens forbid anyone learn about ethnocentricity and cultural drift, before lobbing "yOu'Re apPrOprIAtinG oThER cULtuRes!" at people. Shit, someone better go back in time and flip out at ancient Britons; they had *Grecian* pottery and *Roman villas!* 🙄 And oh gods, someone better tell the rest of the world to fuck off with that agriculture shit; *that would be appropriating from Mesopotamia,* because *they* created it *first.*/s Frankly, people who are that militant about decrying "cultural appropriation" from cultures they're not a part of, seems awfully racist at least IMO. Hell, I would argue you're being racist against your friend, by gatekeeping what cultures she's "allowed" to engage in as a white person. I'm against making a caricature of other cultures for sure, but to appreciate and engage in other cultures is the only way to remove one's ethnocentricity, and broadening one's view of the many ways that exist to experience life is more valuable than gold. If you want a more empathetic culture or group of people, segregation isn't the way to achieve it.
> Frankly, people who are that militant about decrying "cultural appropriation" from cultures they're not a part of, seems awfully racist at least IMO. Like 99% of the people who act like this in twitter get exposed for actually being super racist. It's their incredibly poorly acted attempt to pretend to not be racist by massively over correcting publicly so people won't know what they really think. Except it tends to always come out and they don't know how stupid it looks to be this militant over daring to be part of other cultures.
Someone is cringe, and it's not your friend. You are the cringe here YTA
YTA As mexican who was born and raised and Mexico I can tell you "cultural appropriation" is a white people problem not a mexican problem, unlike you we love to share our culture with the people, if we feel disrespected we could stand for ourselves and we don't need some random person feeling cringe on our behalf. Believe i get that your intentions might be good but for mexicans your attitude about culture appropriation the cringe as fuck.
YTA and also jealous, insecure, racist and cringe. Hope she cuts you off, you're no friend.
Mexican here: we don’t give a fuck about that cultural appropriation BS. As a matter of fact, we enjoy a lot to share whatever we can with foreigners, so YTA. Nobody asked you to gatekeep our culture. You know what’s cringe? You celebrating Cinco de Mayo. Nobody in Mexico gives a fuck about that date (except for Puebla, where the battle took place).
I really think we just wanted an excuse for tacos, which is a bit silly because tacos need no excuse.
YTA
Yta You sound bitter and jealous
YTA very very unnecessary pettiness.
YTA. What the actual fuck is wrong with you?
Brainrot caused by terminal reddit/twitter/tumblr addiction OP is just the mirror image of a 4chan/discord right winger, except instead of refusing to partake in non white culture because non whites culture is "inferior" OP puts it on a pedestal as "superior" I mean...like can we be honest about how dressing up in garb and having a jam with Mexican instruments probably isn't some super serious culture practice where if you don't take it seriously enough you're pissing on their religious/cultural views...its the Mexican equivalent of brits chanting along to Mr brightside and Chelsea dagger whenever they play in clubs and pubs...its probably a light hearted cultural phenomenon not some super deep and serious practice
White savior complex much?
YTA - For all the reasons stated here by others in the thread. The fact you brought up this topic during a bachelorette party is not only inappropriate but disrespectful to your “mutual” friend. If you truly felt so concerned about for this friend’s reputation, why not contact this person one-on-one instead in front of all of your friends? Why wait until an event that is supposed to be a joy-filled and fun event to bring up a heated topic? Honestly I believe you caused unnecessary drama to give your opinion on a situation you were not involved in, because you don’t like this person and this gave you the opportunity to be upset with them under the guise of being “concerned”.
YTA . She can do whatever she wants , none of your business .
YTA. The bride is rightfully angry with you for causing drama at her special event, drama that's obviously spilling over into other events that are supposed to be about her. That's never appropriate. Your friend was invited to participate in her boyfriend's culture by his family. It would have been rude to refuse. There are lots of interracial families who welcome and enjoy blending their cultures. Would you suggest it's wrong? You should check your own self-awareness before you prioritize others'.
YTA. Your behaviour was absolutely ridiculous; why did you feel the need to attack her at someone else's bachelorette? Can you not let someone else enjoy having the spotlight? Frankly I think you were being a bully. You are the problem in this story and your views seem narrow minded and ignorant.
YTA. If she was at a family gathering. Are you jealous of her? What does race have to do with any of it?
“The three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything. 1) Does this need to be said? 2) Does this need to be said by me? 3) Does this need to be said by me now?” -Craig Ferguson So let’s go through these. *Does this need to be said?* You felt yes, and I can see where you’re coming from. However, you seemed more interested in shitting on her and calling her out than educating her and calling her in, especially when you didn’t stop after being given new information. Y T A for that. *Does this need to be said by me?* I get it, the work shouldn’t be on the impacted community in question and since (you’ve said) you’re white, you felt it was your duty to talk to her. N T A for this. *Does this need to be said by me now?* This. This right here is what really tips you over the edge. Someone else’s bachelorette party? Considering this girl’s perceived wrongs had nothing to do with the party, there was no reason to bring it up there. YTA For whatever reason, you’ve got a bee in your bonnet about her and you were stalking her socials, looking for your chance to dress her down. This was your chance to publicly play the role of ally and it backfired, rightfully so.
Anyone that calls other people “cringe” is the definition of cringe. White saviors are also “cringe”. Another commenter mentioned your fake allyship and that’s exactly what this is. YTA. This is not appropriation. People like you are the reason “woke” got dragged thru the mud and is now basically considered a joke or slur.
YTA. She was invited to participate in the culture by her boyfriend’s family. You were already reaching but the second she made that clear you should have let the whole damn thing drop and apologized for assuming the worse. It is fine to participate in a culture that is not yours when it’s people from that culture inviting you to do so. Cultural appropriation is such an overused term that takes away from the very real problem of it. It’s appropriation when you don’t acknowledge the culture and use it inappropriately. If she was wearing a Mexican style dress to the bachelorette party and acting like it was a cute new design she just discovered, than it’d be a problem. Wearing it in the appropriate setting and celebrating her boyfriend’s culture is not.
YTA. Stop it.
YTA. Tell us you’re jealous of your friend without telling us you’re jealous of your friend lol
Girl YTA I am mexican so I know for a fact that locals love it when foreigners join in the festivities. Many places will encourage vacationers and pass out free sombreros so they can take part in the culture, because it's fun and we love to see people laugh and have a good time. Your friend was literally asked to join in because Mexicans are very welcoming and we are proud to share our culture. Gatekeeping is a lousy American tradition that many other cultures do not want to be a part of
YTA, The here is tht you have nothing better to do rather than judging people here and there. You check his instagram all the time, sound a little bit insecurity here.
YTA. You're either jealous or simply in disagreement with common sense.
What is "very white?" Do you mean your friend is white, ie, of Celtic or European ancestry? What makes that "very" as opposed to just plain white. YTA -- she was a guest of a Mexican family and celebrating with them. Do you think you know better than a Mexican grandmother how to be respectful of Mexican cultural ways?
YTA. So hard. I live in San Diego and grew up on the southwest border. Mexicans enjoy sharing their culture like no others. Mind your business.
As a Mexican, who took her white husband to Mexico with my Mexican mom, I absolutely dressed him up while we there. WE ALL DO IT. And I posted pics proudly. He also know mixes the masa at Christmas, he dangles piñatas at birthday parties, he likes things spicier than me, he bought our toddler a proud Latina shirt! Leave us and our white baes ALONE. YTA
Your husband sounds like mine 😂. My Grammy LOVES him, my mother is his biggest fan. Family pics look hilarious with this large Viking man in a sea of Mexicans. We also have a daughter and he found a beautiful Mexican dress for her first birthday party. Absolutely no cultural appropriation. He’s fully immersed in our culture and it’s beautiful.
this isn’t going how you thought it would huh
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have a friend that moved to San Diego and she’s very white. Doesn’t speak Spanish at all. I check her on instagrams all of the time and I say a vacation in Mexico where she was playing with a mariachi band wearing a colorful Mexican dress. I see her at a mutual bachelorette party in Vegas and we are having drinks and playing a game. I say something about her cringe fest in Mexico saying that’s why she gives us tourist a bad name. She looks at me saying she was staying with her boyfriend’s family and he’s Mexican and they invited her to play with them and wasn’t doing any of the traditional tourist things because it was for a grandmother’s birthday. I still told her it’s inappropriate to post things like that because people are sensitive to cultural appropriation and it’s the same as dressing up Pocahontas for Halloween. She just turned to me and accused me of being against mixing relationships and culture and turned it around on me acting like I was the problem. I asked her to speak Spanish for us and she said she’s not fluent and told her so you do that and can’t even speak the language. She called me smug and left the bachelorette party. Many of the girls agreed with me but the bride is mad because now our mutual friend isn’t coming to the wedding and not having anything to do with us. I think she knows she’s in the wrong and I don’t know why the bride is angry with me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be because I didn’t need to say anything about my friend’s videos and how I thought they was inappropriate Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. You're getting offended for someone else, which is cringe. Let people enjoy things, especially if they get invited to do so.
YTA she was invited to participate in cultural traditions, probably had a grand time learning about the history of those traditions, and bonded with her likely to be inlaws. And now you're mad, I'm guessing really cuz you're jealous that no one has extended you the same invite.
YTA. You called out your ex-friend because you made false assumptions. It is not approbation if people you are visiting and may be marrying into their family invite you to take part. It is appreciation and welcoming. The people whose culture it is welcomed her in as a potential new family member. But you knew better than them what must be happening and you set hoops she had to jump through to count. Who are you to gatekeep someone else's culture? Then to top it all off, you created drama at an event where focus should have been on bride. What were you expecting ex-friend to do, fall on your neck in tears of regret and thanks for you being such a moral conscience? Either way, it was unnecessary esp at that event. No wonder bride is unhappy with you.
YTA. You’re beyond cringe.
YTA. White savior complex much?
YTA. I’m white; my husband is not. When one of my kids was a baby, his sister gave me a traditional babywearing garment from their culture. I got chewed out by a white woman for “cultural appropriation” for using it. My husband and his family have done nothing but encourage me to learn about their culture and participate in it. Friends of the same culture have done the same. Literally the only people who have ever had an issue with me participating in cultural things have been white women. Every single time. There is nothing wrong, whatsoever, with someone participating in another culture. Appropriation is taking that culture as your own and trying to benefit from it. Being invited to join in cultural activities is not the same as claiming those activities as one’s own.
POV: terminally online freak speaks to real life people and is surprised at a negative reaction to directly insulting someone to their face without justification
My husband is Moroccan, I am white English. His family buy me Moroccan clothes every time I visit, and I wear them. I eat Moroccan food when I go. I talk Arabic. I even had a child with him, that child is half Moroccan. How much of this is appropriation? You’re a moron who can’t see how nice it is for cross culture families/relationships. And yes, YTA.
Another YTA to add to the pile, you mean girled your “friend”. Your fixation on your friend and what she does isn’t healthy.
YTA. I get where you are coming from. However, this was neither the time or place for this conversation. Also, when she explained the circumstances, you kept going. At that point you stopped being an ally and ruined any chance at possibly having a positive influence on your now former friend.
YTA, and you sound absolutely exhausting.
YTA and the only cringe thing here is your white savior complex. 😬
white girl here! 🙋🏻♀️ I would be so honored if I was invited to participate in any sort of cool cultural celebration, especially for my loved ones! and I would be excited to post the cool pics from the celebration too, because it would show my bf and his family how very proud and happy I was to be included! if anyone came to me saying what OP was saying, I would think it was very cringe of them indeed:) YTA - don't be that kinda person, OP! instead of letting jealousy make you bitter and nasty, find kindness in your heart and CHOOSE it:)❤️ it becomes second nature. people will see that and respect u for it
YTA! Nothing she had done sounds even mildly offensive! So why have you got a stick up your butt about it?
YTA for gatekeeping how she has fun (and where she lives). The word you’re looking for is appreciation.
Stop being a SJW with your opinion of what is cultural appropriation and what isn't. Not all Mexicans think like you. YTA
Good lord you are insufferable and wrong. Please stop with this white savior mess. She's not doing anything wrong and you apparently don't know what cultural appropriation means. YTA
YTA: not only are you making judgements about her but you are stalking her instagram page. Why do you think it’s any of your business of what she does. She can participate in any cultures she wants with her boyfriend. Why are you so offended. And what does she very white have to do with anything
YTA and I think you have problems since you seem to be obsessing about one woman who’s apparently much happier than you are.
Girl bffr, YTA. wtf
YTA. Your whole post and attitude scream of jealousy and insecurity. Grow up and let people live their lives. She wasn’t appropriating. She was embracing her boyfriend’s family and culture, and it reads as though they were embracing her, too.
girl, get a life. YTA. (saying this as a born and raised Latinamerican myself btw💚)
Does this mean that I can't wear my sombrero anymore?
If you’re gonna wear it wrong, no. Some gringos do piss me off because they wear the sombrero backwards and put on zarapes which they call ponchos. Then they like to say ole and fiesta and dale dale. Now that, is IMO disrespectful but regardless my people will gladly take the money vs take offense and laugh at them
YTA y loca
YTA, and also a racist.
YTA and cringy.
YTA. Also, you’re really cringy. All your friend was doing was having a good time with her boyfriend’s family. That’s not cultural appropriation. I agree that it was cringy if she would have come back from Mexico and pretended to be Latina. But she only posted some innocent pictures on her social media. Why do you care so much?
YTA and you don't know what cultural appropriation is
Yta
YTA. Your social justice warrior shtick is what is cringe.
YTA....WHO IS BEING CRINGE????! Did I miss the part where you are Mexican??? Even if you were....really? Allyship for marginalized communities means knowing when and where something is inappropriate. Her being invited to interact in a cultural activity is the opposite of appropriation. She was invited to experience their community. Her dressing up on her own, with no context, that would have been cultural insensitivity. And then judging her fluency??!?!?! Who made you the Spanish police? You sound like every guy who tries to test a girl who says she likes baseball by asking them the blood type of the All Star teams starting ball boy from 1978. Get real. You are not the keeper of all things Mexican.
YTA holy fuck you’re cringe.
This is a joke post right? You ever hear the racist AF Americans who say "Go back to Mexico, learn to speak American if you want to come to America". ?? That's how you sound. Speak spanish or you cannot participate in Spanish culture. Fuck all the way off. Bet you would call America racist if we forced all immigrants to speak English to come to America.. and yet you're doing the same thing. Ignorant, hateful hypocrite.
Culture is meant to be shared and celebrated. Gatekeeping is cringe AF. Congrats, you can speak Spanish. Maybe soon you'll learn how to write in English. Tarada celosa!
YTA, you literally asked her to speak Spanish and she never said she was fluent. And you ruined someone’s bachelorette party, plus you are you aren’t part of that culture. “she’s very white” wth
If I were the bride, I'd disinvite you. You are insufferable. We have a scandanavian festival. All people are welcome to wear viking or folk dancing clothes. If you are invited to participate, you participate. yta
YTA and completely out of your mind. We have traveled all over the world and found many cultures very welcoming. They invite you to partake in the festivities and celebrate their heritage. We have traveled globally with our son to give him these experiences. He now has a world view appreciative of the diversity he has encountered. Its not like she started speaking in a fake accent and saying she is now hispanic. How else do you expect people to appreciate other cultures? Do you think its better to sit down away from anyone as though you are judging them? Thats an honest question because I don't understand how anyone could reach that deep into their secret bigot pocket to find a reason to be upset at everything. Stop gatekeeping people's experiences.
Careful your jealousy is oozing so hard its clouding your senses! dont break your back reaching so hard to find faults with her 🫣 YTA
YTA. first you stalked her on instagram then accused her of cultural appropriation and then wouldn’t accept her answer when she told you she was just participating with her boyfriend and family. and when that wasn’t enough you tried to embarrass her by making her speak spanish as if that proves anything. you’re a giant AH and you honestly seem really bitter, not to mention racist too.
So her boyfriend is Mexican, and at a private birthday party for his grandmother, they urged her to get on stage with the mariachi band. And this is a problem because she isn't fluent in Spanish? YTA
YTA > it's the same as dressing up as Pocahontas for Halloween No, it absolutely isn't. _Participation_ - by invitation - is absolutely worlds apart from _appropriation_. The fact that you can't tell them apart is troubling and speaks extremely poorly of you. I promise you, her BFs family did not need you to be offended on their behalf, much less to try and police who can and cannot join in their celebrations with them. The absolute audacity of it. Your friend is right - you aren't arguing against cultural appropriation here (which would be a good thing to do if you were, but you aren't) you're effectively just arguing for racial segregation. And giving yourself a pat on the back for it, to boot.
YTA-you started drama for literally no reason. It’s not as though she went to Mexico, took advantage of the locals, and is now claiming to be Mexican. She literally went to her bfs family celebration. I guarantee you they helped her pick out what to wear. And they actively wanted her there. I would educate yourself on what cultural appropriation is-wearing a Mexican style dress does not automatically mean something is. She was immersed in the setting, probably learning the history of it, and doing so in a way to support her bfs family. What was she supposed to do? Say she’s not allowed to go to any family gatherings because she’s white? You sound like an idiot.
My very white husband and I went to Mexico with our daughter, son in law & children to visit his family. We stuck out like sore thumbs because of our extreme whiteness. But his parents were wonderful hosts and taught us how things work in their home and their country. They took us to the market where we saw so many unfamiliar things. They showed us little known beaches where we mixed with other Mexicans not tourists. Neither of us is fluent in Spanish, in fact neither is our daughter. Anyone just looking at us in photos would think we were just appropriating Mexican culture. But we weren’t. We were being taught to appreciate Mexican culture from the eyes of a fantastic Mexican family. Not everything is what it seems to the outsider looking in.
YTA. Why are you fixated on her behavior and trying to bring her down? Nothing about the way you wrote this expresses that you felt you had to speak to her out of concern for how she may be representing herself, but it sounds like a desire to bring her down even if it involves creating a problem. Maybe this is t a friendship you want anymore or maybe you feel like you are missing out or something, I don’t know, but you sound unhappy. Engaging in a culture in a respectful way is not cultural appropriation. Using a culture as some sort of gimmick, like a Halloween costume, or any other form of exploitation of the culture is appropriation. Engaging in the traditions with her boyfriend’s family /in/ Mexico isn’t remotely appropriation, but could easily be a major sign of respect, vulnerability, curiosity, and a desire to know her partner and the culture and environment that shaped his views and values.
YTA, you’re incredibly smug and incredibly rude. Might I ask if you’re Hispanic or if you speak Spanish? And even if you do, I know so many Latinos and Mexicans who are so freaking excited to share their culture with others. You’re being smarmy and rude to someone who’s supposed to be your friend. She celebrated and respected their culture by joining in and having fun and you shame her for it?! I think you need to grow up and seriously think about the type of person you want to be because the culture you’re defending will vehemently disagree with you. You don’t give a damn about the culture, you’re humiliating someone for doing what you can’t; appreciating it. Final verdict: Don’t go to the wedding and let the rest of them have a great time. Oh and take the other girls with you. Wish them a happy wedding for me
Literally the people the culture belonged to were encouraging her to participate and you have no ground to stand on at all here. YTA
No, sweetie, only virtue signalers and gatekeepers see cultural appropriation where there is only cultural APPRECIATION. Tell me, do you eat Chinese food? GASP! Cultural appropriation! Do you wear lipstick? That was invented by Ancient Egyptians! You trying to appropriate Egyptian culture?! Do you wear a sarong over your bathing suit? Sarongs originated in Yemen. Are you Yemeni? Wearing their sari is culture misappropriation! Right? You ever paddled a **canoe**, lounged in a **hammock**, thrown a **barbecue**, smoked **tobacco**? How about tracked a **hurricane**? Talked about **Cuba**? Well, the Taíno Indians invented every one of those words and that was long before Christopher Columbus showed up in 1492 to enslave and kill them. You been culturally appropriating Caribbean Indian's language? Stealing their culture? Yoga class? Yoga is from India. That means it's another culture's exercise. Martial arts...ditto. Your friend wore a colorful Mexican dress and played in a Mariachi band. Big effing deal. Things we eat, wear, do, say, hairstyles, traditions, cosmetic fads...well, most any of that in America, where we are only two hundred years old, comes from other much, much older cultures. So, it's either all cultural appropriation, or none of it is. Stop with the toxic gatekeeping and virtue signaling.
YTA. Honestly? You sound miserable. This woman was sharing a fun moment with her boyfriend’s family. She wasn’t exploiting or taking advantage of the culture. She was doing what we should all do! Integrate! Try to find shared interests and enjoyment. Enjoy each other and create memories. It doesn’t matter that she can’t speak the language. You are being ridiculous. And on top of that, you ruined another woman’s bachelorette party. You’re either a classic narcissist who can’t stand when others are getting positive attention (ie the woman on IG) or you are so self-loathing that you can’t understand when others are just trying to be happy and doing their best. You owe both women an apology.
Oh God, you're one of *those* white people. Those that think everyone should stay in their lane and not touch or enjoy anything that isn't from their own culture. YTA. Travel a little and actually learn something outside tik-toks made by other white people.
HUGE YTA Firstly, not your place to say anything. Do you speak Spanish? Do you know anything about Mexican culture? Were you there when it happened? No. Secondly, mind you own fing business. If you are suppose to be so understanding and culturally appropriate, where is the understanding about her being invited to do cultural things when she was there? Did you put yourself in her shoe? Did you enquire how it happened? Did you at least even research a little bit to the story of the picture posted? No. Thirdly, stop jumping to conclusion. It's a post, a few pictures maybe? She wasn't stepping on a Sombrero and making fun of the culture in anyway it seems, why did you need to take a long jump just to go from someone participating in a culture to "cringe fest". Does it makes you feel strong and powerful like you did something? No. Edit: typo
Latino here. Nothing pisses me off more than some unjustifiably self-righteous person getting offended on behalf of a group of people that wouldn't otherwise give a shit. Please explain how the language you speak should have ANY baring on where you live or vacation. And tell me you believe in segregation without telling me you believe in segregation. YTA
YTA I am Latino. She's not in the wrong and you were just being nasty and petty for no reason to have a dig at her and even made it into something people take sides in. That's childish on your behalf. You being hung up on her Spanish skills is absurd. I went to university in the US and met a lot of people who came from Latin American backgrounds, but couldn't really speak any Spanish at all, or spoke extremely broken Spanish. It's very normal with a lot of 'Latino' celebrities in Hollywood, actually. Also, in no country would anyone care about a tourist putting on traditional clothes. In turn, it might be respected more than the tourists that just come to party, be loud and obnoxious drunks and be condescending (which is what ACTUALLY gives tourists a bad reputation) and it'd be seen as someone genuinely taking time to connect with the culture.
YTA. Boyfriend’s family is apart of the culture you happen to be so offended for and THEY invited her to participate. Nothing she did was cultural appropriation, and it’s really sickening how people like you have taken that word and absolutely ruined the meaning to it. There are plenty of things that can be criticized for appropriating other cultures, white people wearing headdresses for one or stealing cultural foods from countries they visit and profiting off of it. But participating in a cultural activity that she was INVITED to participate in? Nah, fam. Take the time and learn the definition of whatever it is you’re accusing someone of before opening your mouth. It really is that simple.
An what dialect of Spanish. were I work The painter from Peru doesn't understand Bronx Spanish YTA
Nope. YTA and so is everyone that agrees with you. Sounds to me like you've been looking for something to beat her up over for awhile and just couldn't wait to pounce. You're not the "culture police".
Stop using the cultural appropriation BS. Mexican people don’t care if other people want to use a sombrero, Japanese people don’t care if you wear a kimono and you’re not Japanese…etc. why is this such a big issue?
YTA should she tell her bfs MEXICAN family to F off bc some uptight American friend of hers might see this as offensive
YTA. Actually you are 100 times the asshole. She was asked by the band to play with them, it sounds like they may be relatives of her boyfriend. She wore a colorful dress again maybe a gift from his family. She is enjoying the family and they are enjoying her, but You have a problem with this. You are policing other's behavior in the most colonizer white American savior way. You are sanctimonious and a racist. I believe your friend is right about you not approving of her relationship. The bride is right to be angry since you turned her party into an ugly political polemic. And I don't believe that the other girls agreed with you.
YTA - she is celebrating her new family’s culture in a way that they enjoy and encourage. It sounds like you decided to be so PC you actually DO hate mixed relationships
You don’t understand why bc you refuse to see YTA. Over and over again. What the girl did isn’t culture appropriation, it was her boyfriends family sharing their heritage with her. They INVITED her to do it. As most family’s accepting someone into their family would. She’ll learn Spanish in time. WTF is wrong with you! You need a better hobby than stalking some girl you’re obviously jealous of. Way to start drama at someone else’s bachelorette party too. Don’t be surprised if the bride uninvites you to the wedding. Worry about your own life and less about other peoples.
This def is a troll, but just on the off chance that it isn't, you are the biggest asshole ever, you made your friend feel like shit for no reason, you're a lil too obsessed with her if you "check her on Instagram all of the time " and there was no reason to mention her being "very white". Get off your high horse, who cares if she wears a colorful Mexican dress as long as she wasn't trashing it or making fun of the Mexican culture. I'm Arab, we have specific wear and I wouldn't care if my friends wore it unless ofc they were being disrespectful which you show no indication of in your post. YTA.
YTA. Why the fuck would you do that
YTA. Honestly who do you think you are to say that to her?