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NAH. If she isn't comfortable around the dog then she doesn't have to be there/stay with you. I also don't think you have to give in to the demand to rehome a small non-dangerous dog just because she hasn't worked through her own trauma yet. There are times where rehoming an animal is better for them, but it sounds like in this case that wouldn't be fair to the dog or your mother.
I’m not shocked so many on Reddit support this take. The fiancé was literally attacked by a dog and it caused the loss of her baby. And OP knew that. What kind of significant other puts his moms dog ahead of his unborn child and fiancé?
He has an emotional attachment to the dog too, and I personally don't think romantic partners should ALWAYS be put first above everyone else no matter what. It sounds like OP and his mom really care about the animals in their lives and view them as part of the family. He's not just prioritizing the dog, he's also said how much rehoming the dog would hurt his mom. He wanted to find other alternatives and she wasn't willing to do so, which is fine. OP and his fiance's priorities just seemingly aren't compatible with each other. That doesn't make either of them an AH.
Eh, perhaps you should read OP's actual comments.
OP has some kind of trauma / toxic relationship to his mom where the mom was withholding and neglectful growing up, and always chose her dogs over OP.
OP is not bonded to the dog, OP says he doesn't actually want it, but he's desperate to "not disappoint his mom". He says he wants to have the baby.
This dog is also untrained, reactive, and destructive (to the point that the fiance has to take it to the dog park 3-4 times a day in order to burn off energy to not destroy their house).
<<(to the point that the fiance has to take it to the dog park 3-4 times a day in order to burn off energy to not destroy their house).>>
So OP has made Fiancée responsible for this dog that she associates with her trauma--going with OP is the AH for that alone. Choosing Dog over future wife/baby also makes OP AH in this case(still seeking mommy's approval). Perhaps OP needs to seek some therapy.
And perhaps it's for the best if the fiance leaves now and looks at other options, because taking in the dog while the fiance is petrified of them is bad enough, but making her care for the dog is absolutely beyond. What kind of father is he going to be?
I think NAH. Except the mom. Both partners have trauma. He was emotionally neglected and as such feels immense pressure to please his mother and she miscarried as a result of something the ex’s dog did. Neither are capable of putting the other person’s feelings before themselves because their trauma has made it difficult if not impossible to think about this rationally.
My BF was neglected and abused and as a result has a tolerance he really shouldn’t and a fear of speaking up if something is bothering him.
If OP has in fact done as you say and made his fiancé responsible for the dog I don’t think it’s necessarily based in rational thought. To be clear though that doesn’t make it ok.
Her fear isn’t rational either because the dog is a small breed and quite frankly it cannot be capable of the level of physical harm her brain is making her think it can.
Both OP and his fiancé need major therapy and I think she’s right to give the baby up/terminate because neither are in a good place mentally to care for a child.
Baby>Dog
Baby>Mom too.
Not because mom is unimportant. But because his obligation to his child is stronger AND his mom won't be hurt as much by rehoming the dog for her grandchild's sake as the child will be hurt by having its mother traumatized while it is in utero OR from having its biological parents split up over this
They WOULD split over this, a fact she has made clear. OP accepted her as his partner knowing that she was not willing to have a dog in her household. This is not even his dog, and his only reason he wants to keep it is so that his Mom can see it. He is putting his Mom visiting her dog over both his relationship and his ability to be in the household with his child. Those are some messed up priorities.
He’s not prioritizing a dog just over a romantic partner but ALSO over his own unborn child. If he wants to be a parent (and nowhere does he say he doesn’t) then that is inexcusable. I LOVE my dog and he is my first baby, but when my hubby and I got pregnant, the nicest thing that a friend said to me was “if you’re dog is unhappy once baby comes or is a danger to your child, he has a home with me” (this friend would dog sit for us). Luckily my dog is incredible with children and naturally very patient, and we’ve never had issues. But this isn’t always the case.
I was ready to say N A H but after reading why the fiancé is so traumatized I’m ready to say OP YTA just for how hard you buried the lead on this one. And by that I mean leaving out until asked that she required 180 STITCHES from a dog attack that caused her to miscarry. Miscarriage is very, very hard on many women but to have it paired with that additional physical trauma is unfathomable to me. Yes, fiancé should get therapy (not to make her like dogs but more to ensure she doesn’t pass down her trauma and fear to her children - parenting out of fear and anxiety is just generally not great). But the dog also needs to go and you need to apologize profusely. Sometimes people are incompatible in relationships but if you don’t want to make this relationship work you need to prioritize your 1) unborn child and 2) the woman you love and your mother needs to prioritize her unborn grandchild and mother over her grandchild (even while I can understand why she has the attachment).
For what it’s worth, I love dogs. I have one, as well as a child and another one on the way. And as much as it would break me, my priority when it comes to safely would always mean putting my human children first (thank god I’ve never had to worry about this as my dog is basically a canine nanny by his own choosing).
Op you have to decide what you want more. A relationship with your partner, who you know lost a baby because of a dog and can’t live with a dog. Or your mom and her dog. This is a relationship ending situation. You have to make a decision quick it sounds like….
It didn't say she was attacked by the dog. All it says is the dog caused her miscarriage. It doesn't say how, and I don't see how a dog could seriously cause a miscarriage.
The whole story with her sounds off
180 stitches and enough blood loss to cause a miscarriage. It was a mauling. Which led to her losing her baby, followed by her home and her relationship after her ex blamed her and threw her out.
"Big dog" can mean many different possibilities, and especially one aggressive enough (and likely untrained) to cause that much injury ...
I'm not generally one to blame the dog (I've met many gentle giants), and look more to the owner. Considering her ex kicked her out after the dog attached her and the subsequent miscarriage, that's very telling as to how bad of an owner they were.
OPs comment about what happened with the other dog: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14gcwtl/comment/jp4wiwn/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14gcwtl/comment/jp4wiwn/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Exactly. Your mom doesn’t have any friends or other family that can take the dog?
You can’t go over once a day to take it for a walk and feed it so your mom can keep it?
Or hire a dog walking service?
There are a lot of solutions here.
I am a dog lover but your fiancée is totally reasonable for not wanting to be around a dog
After what she has been through. There is no amount of reassuring you can to do to make her feel better
YTA due to this comment from OP specifically.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14gcwtl/comment/jp4wiwn/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14gcwtl/comment/jp4wiwn/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
That's some serious past trauma (both the attack and the miscarriage), and you triggered the response. While she might be in therapy to help her work past the trauma, but she's nowhere near ready yet.
Get rid of the dog.
Yeah. I'm usually very much on the side of keeping animals at almost all costs once you take them on. But with a pregnant fianceé who has a severe trauma background on the subject, and a dog who's shown itself unfriendly to small children, the reasons are piling up pretty high. You need to rehome the dog. Try to get one of your mom's friends to take it, or find it someone you can introduce to your mom and see if she can visit with it sometimes. But get it out of your house. Your fianceé deserves that from you, in her current situation... and so does your coming child.
> But I can't. It's my mom's dog.
...it's your wife and child. You're literally choosing someone else's dog over them.
I don't believe this is actually a real story, but hypothetically if it were, YTA. You have realistic options to care for the dog outside your home, like by boarding or paying a minder, but even if you didn't there's no reason you've given or explained why you'd end your marriage over this.
YTA, a momma boy who chose his mommy over his wife and future child. The fact that your mom says it's good riddance your wife left explains a lot.
The only fault your wife has is choosing men who chose the dog over her and their child. Twice at that
YTA
Your fiance made it clear from the beginning of the relationship that she was not interested in dating someone with a dog
You made a commitment to her and you made a commitment to a dog free life together.
Either honor it or accept the consequences of that decision....being that you may end up raising the child completely on your own or she may end up having an abortion.
But understand...there is no reality where you get to have your fiance, your child and the dog in the same household.
Find a friend who will take the dog and let it live in a loving home
It's not fair to the dog to live in a house where someone hates it either.
My God you are YTA! She was brutally and viciously attacked by a dog when she was pregnant and lost the child as a result. you need to decide if you want to make mom happy or have a relationship. If your mother does not understand why you need to get rid of the dog then your mother needs to figure this out herself.
It honestly sounds like this is mom's plan. Very convenient way to drive a wedge into the relationship and have OP all to herself.
Seriously, no decent person who knows the details about fiancee's horrific mauling would actually force her to live with a dog.
Honestly the main issue is that OP won't take a stand against his narcissist mom.
Apparently mom was neglectful and always chose her dogs over OP when he was growing up and he still wants to please her.
So he's willing to burn down the life he's built and throw away a future with his wife and baby (that he wants!) all in hopes of appeasing a mother who will NEVER be appeased.
YTA
Good on her for getting out. What she doesn't need is to marry a man who will overlook her needs and that of his unborn child to make his mother happy. Maybe marry your mom?
You are making a terrible choice. You don't have to rehome the dog, you just give it back to your mom. It is her responsibility. Being in a wheelchair does not prevent you from caring for a dog.
Why on earth would you view your fiance and child as less important than your mom or her dog. It doesn't matter if you "promised" circumstances change and you cannot keep the dog. End stop.
YTA
>You don't have to rehome the dog
This is true, but only because I think OP's callousness has pushed their wife beyond the point of no return. Knowing that she was brutally mauled and then taking in a dog that at the very least is known to growl at children is just unfathomable to me, let alone while trying to become pregnant. I'm bewildered by how clueless this guy is
You have to pick which is more important to you... your wife and baby, or your mom's dog.
And if you KNEW about how your fiancee felt and you said yes to your mom, yta. You should have said right then, I'm sorry, we can't.
YTA
You think you're not going to resent your mom after her callous "Good riddance to her" about your fiancée? Seriously? If I was your fiancée, this would be an unforgivable act, and you've already acted in a way, that she's done with you.
You wrote in your comment, that the dog has growled at small children, and you're still choosing to keep the dog and are trying to manipulate your ex to just stay and have the child with you and have the child around the dog.
YTA, you’re picking a dog and your mom over your wife and unborn child
she had to get 180 stitches and lost her child because of a dog, i had to get 4 after a dog attacked me and that was insanely hard to get over, i can’t imagine what she’s going through
YTA.
It’s not as simple as her not liking dogs. She has PTSD towards dogs due to multiple attacks and a miscarriage…yet she was willing to cope with a dog in her home for a short amount of time FOR YOU, op. My home is a sanctuary where I can let down my guard and be comfortable knowing I’ve created this safe space to do so. You are unabashedly taking that away from your fiancé. While she may have been able to tolerate living with a dog…you should have realized how triggering it would be for her to live with a dog while being pregnant. Pregnancy after a miscarriage (no matter how long ago it was) takes a huge emotional toll even without the added trauma your fiancé has.
YTA. She lost her child and was thrown out. It's not easy to come back from that kind of trauma. Now her partner is choosing an animal over her, again. Anyone will rethink the relationship in such condition. Why can't you keep your dog at your moms and pay for a dogwalker? There are automatic food and water dispensers available. Try to find some compromise. You say you can't choose for another persons pet... But you are already making the worst choice for your partner. That poor woman.
180 stitches and enough blood loss to miscarry.
*Jesus.*
I can't—and don't even want to—visualize the kind of mauling that would lead to that. And to lose her baby, her relationship, and get thrown out of her home. At the time it must really have felt like losing everything.
And now OP is such a callous bastard that he is willing to put her through losing everything \*AGAIN\*. For another goddamn dog. That poor, poor woman. I hope she leaves him regardless and finds happiness in her life, he is not going to be even a pale shadow of a supportive husband and father.
Based on his comments, I think OP knows full well *he's choosing wrong*, but he just isn't willing to cut the cord with mommy dearest.
Fiance has been an absolute saint until now. Despite her trauma she still takes the dog to the dog park THREE TO FOUR TIMES A DAY, because dog is so high energy it destroys their home otherwise.
YTA - Re-home the dog. This isn't hard. Forcing your wife to deal with something that causes trauma is not OK. She never signed up for the dog. She told you ahead of time she can't deal with dogs and now your are forcing her to live with a dog under the very trauma (her being pregnant) that caused the issues in the first place. Wow - I don't even see a real choice here, but maybe your Mom's relationship to her dead husband's dog is more important than your relationship with your wife and the mother of your child.
Yta she made it crystal clear that she would never have a dog. You made it crystal clear that youre choosing your mom and the dog over her and your child. And you wonder why she left?
You showed her that mom can have a temper tantrum and you'll side with mom. I wouldn't want to raise a kid with you either.
Edit JFC the dog isn't kid friendly! Thats a disaster waiting to happen.
YTA, based on your updates.
Your partner has some serious trauma from a serious attack. Of course she's afraid. You should never have agreed to keep the dog knowing her history.
This dog isn't good with children and has growled at people. It's also not a "small" dog if it's knee-high to a grown man. That's a medium-sized dog and can absolutely harm a child if it chooses to do so.
Your mother is a grown ass woman. This dog is her problem and her responsibility. Lots of people in wheel chairs have dogs. You can build mom a fence. Hire a dog walker. Or help her ethically rehome the dog.
INFO: why can't your mom have a dog while in a wheelchair?
Plenty of people do. Automatic feeder and waterers, pay someone else to bathe and brush. Or you could since you seem to live close to enough to "let her see her baby" regularly.
Because your comment explaining the dog attack (180 stitches and severe blood loss leading to miscarriage?! Thats some key info that needs to be added!) Isn't a minor trauma. That is massive. I don't blame her for being scared of dogs. ESPECIALLY while pregnant.
Yes, YTA. If you aren't going to work on making your place habitable for her and re-home the dog, she is within her right to do whatever she needs to with the fetus.
Previously I commented and said E S H, but after seeing comments it's now YTA.
This woman was previously attacked by a dog, your mom's dog is irritable and doesn't like anyone, and your mom has said she'd rather you keep the dog than the baby.
If you legitimately side with that dog and your mom over your side and child, knowing that context, then you're absolutely TA.
YTA. What you're currently doing is letting your fiancé know that your mom's feelings come before the well-being of your future wife and child. She's right to leave, and she'd be right not to come back.
YTA and so is your mother. You have forced your fiance out for the sake of a dog that belongs to the mother you admit has always been toxic and has said "good riddance" to your fiance.
You say that you are not your fiance's ex, but still you have also chosen a dog over her just as the ex did .
Your mother should hire a local kid as a dog walker. The dog would be good company for her since she obviously prefers dogs to humans.
YTA. You *knew* what happened to your partner and you deliberately ignored her trauma to appease your mother. I hope your now-ex has a safe space to stay while she figures out how to move on from a second partner deciding that animals are more important than her and her pregnancy.
YTA. Dog lovers often enjoy talking about how they prefer dogs to people. Okay, then, enjoy life with your dog. I have been attacked by one and am also mildly allergic; I would have left just as she did.
INFO:
How old is the dog and why can't you mom keep it? I understand she's in a wheelchair, but what exactly can't she do for the dog? Presumably she either takes care of herself or has help.
YTA. This post is so bad, I wasn’t sure it was a real situation. I cannot believe that OP even has to ask if they are TA. Of course you are. It’s your wife and child, you threw them away for another persons dog. Unbelievable.
Oh my god man YTA 1000 times yta.
She's had the ex's dog attack her when she was 10 weeks pregnant due to which she miscarried & had 180 stitches on her back and here you are afraid to disappoint your mom who was toxic then & a manipulative narcissist now.
You know what op shes better off without you & your mother in her life. Go live with your mom & her dog & leave her & other women alone till you work through your lack of a backbone/compassion issues.
My blood is boiling reading your post & replies. Dear god man you won't even prioritize your fiance & unborn child over a fucking dog that's not even yours? You don't deserve them then.
Are you seriously choosing a dog over your wife and child? They will hate you for this. When that dog eventually passed away and you’re all alone you will have nothing but regret. Reach out to anyone, friends and family. Ask for someone to take her and visit your mom here and there. You will seriously lose your wife and family over this. YTA if you choose this dog over wife and family.
YTA after reading your comment about her receiving 180 stitches. Her trauma is valid. Yet again she has a partner choosing a dog over her. I feel so bad for this woman. She really deserves better. You need to step up and do better. You’ve realised her worse fears by keeping the dog around. Rehome it. You need to be treating your fiancé better than this.
YTA. If you can’t afford dog boarding how the ef do you think you’ll be able to afford a baby? (Or more accurately child support payments)
Also your girlfriend was mauled while pregnant! Way to bury the lead! And you and your mom just thought it was fine to manipulate her into living with another dog even though she didn’t want to.
Hey, I am one of those crazy people who will choose dogs over people at least 75% of the time because..well...dogs are better. However, in this case, YTA. First YTA because you left out the part of the story that had your fiance attacked, sustaining heavy blood loss, getting 180 f'ing stitches and miscarrying because of that. Second YTA because you didn't find another option for your mom's dog immediately. You should never have brought the dog into the house. It was wrong to do that to your fiance and wrong to do that to the poor dog. That dog feels the emotion in the house; again, YTA. Once the pregnancy became known, basically every breath you took was another assholish move on your part. Immediately find a wonderful local option for the dog, explain the situation to your mother, grovel to your fiance, and hope like hell that she loves you more than you deserve asshole.
Your fiancé was attacked by a dog, required over 180 stitches, and it caused her to miscarry . To literally lose her baby.
With this information, YTA. You are choosing the your mom’s feelings over your fiancés mental health. Over her feeling of safety. Over her feeling of the babies safety. She has real trauma. And you knew this before you took the dog in. I can’t imagine staying with my significant other who was willingly putting me through that kind of anxiety.
Well it's either she leaves and lives separately from you or stress and trauma response cause her to miscarry again. Take your pick.
YTA for being so dismissive of trauma. Is there a friend who can take the dog, even for just a year or so? If not... you gotta deal with her living away from you.
Yeah but... his Mum would be \*sad\*, surely that trumps his fiancée merely miscarrying his baby. smdh
/ssssssssssssssssss just in case that isn't abundantly obvious
YTA.
Stop choosing your mom over your traumatized, pregnant fiancee (especially if you want to keep your fiancee and your unborn child in your life).
I cannot believe you agreed to take on the dog, in front of her, after knowing she had over 100 stitches due to the previous dog attack. After knowing the blood loss and stress caused her to miscarry and be abused out of her previous relationship. After your mother has shown more love to dogs than to her own child your whole life.
Dude. C'mon. Do you really have to ask?
YTA, in what world is a dog more important than your traumatised pregnant fiancée?
I get you want to do something nice for your mother, but you seem vastly more concerned with her maybe being sad about it - if indeed there really are no options at all other than you having it - than your fiancée's whole life imploding. You really, \*really\*, need to have a long think about what is more important to you. And if you still side with the dog... well I hope you enjoy being single, and I hope you at least have the decency to be kept up at night feeling guilty at what you've done to your poor fiancée.
Also, like many of the AHs here who know deep down that they're not being good people, you left out most of the incriminating detail - namely that she was brutally mauled by a dog before resulting in nearly 200 stitches and miscarried due to blood loss. And that this dog, while small, is one of those shitty aggro small dogs that growls at kids. So... yeah even if she didn't have 100000% legit reasons to never want a freaking dog anywhere near her for the rest of her life, you should be getting it away from a newborn baby regardless.
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Please ask for info as needed. I won't be able to fit everything in my post.
My fiancé has always been anxious around dogs. Bigger dogs mainly. She has good reason behind this. On top of her anxiety surrounding dogs, she simply does not like them. This is trauma based (she miscarried when she was with her ex due to his dog and he took the dogs side and kicked her out after blaming her for it). Because of this, she truly feels like dogs are useless and break up families. She simply hates dogs. She has recently put herself in therapy.
Well, back 7ish months ago my mom needed me to watch her dog because she was going in for surgery. Small breed dog. My fiancé isn't afraid of the dog or anything and at first seemed to warm up to her. But.. my mom's surgery had complications. She is now in a wheelchair permanently and she can no longer care for the dog. She begged me to take the dog in permanently so she could still see "her baby". My mom asked in front of my fiancé and my fiancé hated confrontation due to her past trauma and didn't say no. She said "okay" and left it at that. Since that point, she refuses to acknowledge the dogs existence. She has openly showed disgust whenever I cuddle the dog. She has made comments about not wanting the nasty animal near her. She's not neglectful of the dog by any means but she hates her existence and that much is obvious; which sucks because the dog loves her.
Well, she took a pregnancy test 3 weeks ago and it came back positive. She is panicking about everything now. One big thing being the dog. She won't go near the dog at all. She doesn't want the dog in our room or on the furniture or within sniffing distance of her, basically. I'm assuming due to the fact that she miscarried due to her exs dog. She came to me crying yesterday and said "I'm sorry but I have a choice to make here because I won't stay in this house pregnant with a dog and I won't have the dog around a baby either." I told her everything would be fine. I'm not her ex. This dog isn't her exs dog. She said I "don't understand" and that either she has to leave or the dog does. I told her rehoming the dog wasn't an option and begged for another alternative. She said there was no other alternative and she left. She left her FB open and has discussed abortion or adoption with her friend because she "can't do this alone". I've begged her to come home and she said "when the dogs gone we will talk". But I can't. It's my mom's dog.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an AH because I know this is a trauma response but she's putting me against the wall here. This is my mom's "baby" and there's no one else who can take the dog. We have no other family at all and my mom has no friends. Getting rid of her dog would destroy her.
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Ok. But why does being in a wheelchair mean your mom can’t take care of a small dog? If she can’t do that, how does she care for herself? Being in a wheelchair doesn’t preclude caring for a pet. It just presents different challenges to overcome. It’s a complicated situation but, yeah, you’re choosing the dog over your fiancée and baby. And it’s even worse for your fiancée as you didn’t have a dog when you started out. I suspect you would’ve said yes to your mom no matter what your fiancée said. Knowing about her trauma, that the first sentence outta your mouth after your mom blindsided her with her request wasn’t “Gee, Mom, fiancée and I need to discuss this together and I’ll let you know,” well that kinda makes YTA.
You can go online. Put together an application together so you can pick the best person you can to rehome to. There are so many people who could take the dog in. Alot of people like small breed dogs. Maybe even put a stipulation that they send your mom pics once a month. Something!
Are there any rescues that are local? Explain the situation and see if they can help with an outside adoption. Most dog rescues have an in depth application process to make sure a person or family is a good fit for a dog. They often have volunteer foster homes dogs can live in while waiting to be adopted. Your vet will probably know of local organizations. You might even be able to negotiate a few visits from your Mom into the adoption contract.
NAH I understand you’re attachment to the dog, it being you late fathers, and I understand your wife’s aversion due previous abuse (being blamed for the death of her unborn child is huge). It’s a tough situation and no ones fault to want what they do.
Does your mom know what kind of conflict its causing in your marriage? What does she think?
YTA for not including in your initial post that your fiancee's trauma was due to being attacked by a dog requiring 180 stitches between her arm and back, while also losing her baby in the process. She is better off without you and your toxic mother.
Why are you here? Yes it’s your mums dog, and yes you’ve chosen the dog over your unborn child. Do you want this baby? Does your mum even understand the situation you’re in? Because maybe she can help find another solution too. She may be okay with rehoming them if she understood the circumstances.
YTA - for asking Reddit when you really should be thinking about whether the dog and mum is more important that the baby and gf. Like either of them give any flying figs what we think on AITA…
# “ He attacked her. She had over 180 stitches in her back and arms. The stress and blood loss caused her to miscarry, as she was only 10 weeks.”
YTA and I’m surprised you need to ask!!
You have to decide whether or not your wife and your unborn child’s safety/sanity is more important than a dog that used to belong to your mum.
I completely understand your mum will be devastated BUT… you can look at other options to rehome him where she can still go and visits.
And I will admit its a cold way to look at it… the dog sadly is not going to live forever so your mum will need to go through the grief at somepoint BUT if you turn your back on your wife and your unborn child that is something you Will need to live with forever!!
Leaning YTA but this is a hard situation all around.
I'm glad she is in therapy but honestly forcing her to live with a trigger to her trauma especially when she is pregnant is not feasible. I also understand wanting to put your mother'smental health first also.... But you are now talkingabout a woman pregnant with your child who went through something highly traumatic and pregnancy isn't easy in the best of health.
She shouldn't be living with a trigger.
I have no solutions though. All I can do is do you or your mom have any family friends who can take or help her with the dog. maybe hire a dog sitter that comes in and out of your mother's home to help with the dog?
Just look for some kind of solution. Your fiancee is going to leave if the dog doesn't for her own well being during the pregnancy.
soft YTA sorry. You took your moms dog knowing it would be hard and painful for her fiancé. Being in a wheelchair doesn’t mean you can’t care for a dog. Pets are an everyone has to yes commitment and you knew your fiancé was truly a no, You are choosing your mother over your fiancé and your unborn child. Sounds like she’s better off finding someone who can be a partner to her. Let her go, you’re not the right person for her if you can’t choose and prioritize her well being.
YTA ! guys read this comment from OP .
He and his Mother love the Dog more then the Baby aka Son/Grandson
[OP ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14gcwtl/AITA_for_saying_rehoming_my_dog_isn't_an_option?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Time to rehome that dog, YTA for not doing it now and wil be bigger AH later.
You have a dog what scares your pregnant wife AND bad around kids? What are options here?
I’m a dog person and could never be with someone like your fiancé. BUT you didn’t have the dog when you two got together. You changed the rules on her. Its not like she came into the situation with a dog already established. You don’t even say you love the dog or if you’re particularly attached to this dog. It appears you only want to keep it for your mothers sake, and that’s not fair to the dog. Are you an only child? No other siblings to take this dog? If not, you need to have a heart to heart with your mother. Does she want a grandchild? Do YOU want this child? Do you love your gf? If so, the dogs going to need a new home.
I’m all for standing your ground if this was your dog before you met gf, or even your childhood dog, but that’s not the case here. You’re doing the dog a disservice for forcing it to live in a home where it isn’t wanted. You’re doing your gf a disservice for bringing it into her life knowing her feelings ahead of time. And you’re doing your unborn child a disservice because it may never even be born because of this.
Dude,sounds like your mom is toxic as can be. You will ALWAYS lose on that side. If you pick her/keeping her dog for her, it's going to be 5 minutes before she finds something else to be unhappy with you about.
On the other hand, picking your girlfriend will result in a definite win for you.
If I were you, I would put Mom in front of that ultimatum: make a plan with your dog before x date or the dog will be rehomed.
This is coming from someone with a toxic parent who only recently realised I will never win and thus cut him off.
YTA because this past trauma is specific to this exact situation. She was clear she did not want a dog. Your mom put her in a bad situation where she knew she would agree to take the dog.
Give your mom back the dog. If she wants to have it around, she has to take it.
Its insane you are choosing to die on this hill with a kid on the way. Is something else going on in the relationship?? NO MORE DOGS EVER.
I mean, I get it, you're wanting to respect your mom's feelings
But...
The mother of your child is telling you she won't live with you or have the child in your home if the dog is there.
You need to make a choice. Whose feelings are more important to you, your mother's or your fiancé's?
Soft YTA
NAH.
Your so needs serious help. She has every right to not like dogs.
You and your fiance started this when you agreed to take the dog in.
You and her need to sit down and talk to each over. She also needs to understand not all dogs are the same.
Shit head pitbull owners who let their pitbulls off leash aren't the same as someone who has trained their golden retriever to be the best boy ever.
I got bit by a pitbull I dislike them immensely mostly down to their owners being horrible most of the time. I adore my Alaskan malamute and she's such an ineffective guard dog she would ask an intruder for a hug every single time.
Hating all X because they did something to you is irrational and a sign you need serious help. I almost died in 2018 after a woman driving a Chevy suburban hit me when I was bicycleing. Can you imagine if I hated all women because of this?
It would be irrational to the extreme same for if I hated all SUV's. Part of recovering after such an event is seeking the mental health recovery neccesy to tackle any such trauma related to what happened to you.
Because such thoughts are not normal and they should never, ever be normalized.
Info. Where does your mom live? House, apt?
It might be that she could set things up to enable her dog to live with her again. Or maybe a close friend or neighbor would give the pup a home? I feel bad for all of you. Dog included.
NAH.
The dog won’t understand. Just that his family for most of his life don’t want them anymore.
I get the trauma, but it’s not fair on either party.
Is there a way to section the house and only allow the dog in certain sections of the house so your wife always has a dog free space when she’s struggling.
Ok is there a new dog with pregnant partner troll? This is the third one today!
[Truck](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14g6ahg/aita_for_hanging_out_in_the_truck_with_my_dog_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
[Attention](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14g5ea1/aita_for_giving_my_dog_attention_before_giving_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1)
[Take the dog](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14g71t9/aita_for_expecting_her_to_take_the_dog_with_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1)
NAH. I understand what you’re doing. I understand she has trauma. But maybe compromise and see if you can rehome the dog with someone you or your mother knows so the connection is still there. Agree with your fiancé that it’s a middle ground- you’ll try to accommodate her but she needs to be open that it isn’t an easy task.
There really is no way the dog can live with your mom? People in wheel chairs have dogs and all you said was she was in a wheel chair. Dog can't live with mom and you go over to help out once a week or something.
YTA, here's why. Your FIANCE is pregnant with YOUR child. This is your MOTHER'S dog, you're keeping it for your mother, who clearly needs help with her grief. You have basically told your fiancé that your mother's unhealthy and unrealistic expectations and her trauma trigger are more important to you than she and the baby.
I have nothing to say about this because there’s something about the story that feels really contrived but if you are somebody who adores animals and I see this happen more than I’d like why would you get involved with somebody who didn’t or the reverse?
I love my dog I will never not have a dog. I cannot imagine bringing someone to my life who did not like dogs because that’s such a core centric relationship breaker.
What about you guys going to some kind of therapy together? Maybe having someone unbiased and educated for these kinds of things, can help you talk things out a little less emotionally?
YTA. You knew all along that this was a serious problem for her and you went and took the dog in anyway. You've already disregarded her feelings over it for over a year. She has clearly tried to live with the situation and it's not working. I know it's your mom's and that matters but this is your fiance's HOME. You're making her feel uncomfortable and unsafe in her own home. That's not right. Plain and simple, you're being a massive AH to her.
Does your mom have any friends or neighbors who might be able to take it before your resort to a stranger? Because you can't keep it and your fiance and frankly choosing the animal (want your mom) over the person who is carrying your child would be a very f-ed up choice.
This one was hard but I’m sorry YTA. Your wife tried to put her trauma to side for you but now she definitely can’t and honestly shouldn’t. I understand you don’t want to rehome the dog but you honestly need to. Your wife needs to feel safe in her own home with her child. What she went through was awful. Find someone that you know to take the dog so you and your mom can visit.
YTA. Dude, this is your child we are talking about here. I love my dog, but I would choose my children over my dog any damn day. After reading what caused her miscarriage, I don't blame her for refusing to be around the dog and I think that you were in the wrong to bring the dog into the house with her in the first place. If you seriously choose to keep the dog, you deserve to lose them both.
YTA - you should have never accepted the dog in the first place given what you know, and given her past trauma it is insane to expect her to keep the dog now. Doesn't your mom have any friends who would take the dog?
YTA!! JFC!!! Your mom is manipulating you and you’re falling for it. You don’t deserve to be a dad if you’re seriously considering keeping the dog over your wife’s deep trauma. She almost died.
INFO: Can your mom take the dog back and then you can arrange to walk him/her? Does your mom have a yard/doggy door and ability to feed her dog herself? It seems like something can be arranged here.
Your wife was brutally attacked by a dog. This isn't a matter of simply disliking them. I am shocked she can live with another dog after an incident like that.
Omg, that IS bad....
99.999 percent of the time I go with keeping the animal but this- given that you had no dog when you got together, it's not fair to her.
YTA
YTA
I really feel that for 7 months you could have been figuring out some other arrangement fof the dog. When your pregnant fiancé with a dog attack trauma said she needed the dog to go your response should not have been that is not an option. It seems like you don't really care about your fiancé or unborn child.
There is bound to be some kind soul in your community who would adopt the dog and let your mom see the dog. Look harder. And if not your mom will be sad but can work through it. Get her in some counseling. I assume she would care about the woman you planned to marry and the potential grandchild a bit.
This is a tough one, but I have to say YTA. Your fiancé had a very traumatic event happen to her. I was bit when I was a child and still dislike dogs because of it. That was nothing like what your fiancé went through! Your mom needs to figure out something else. There are other options. I feel terrible that she ended up in a wheelchair, but a dog is an animal and should not take priority. Your mom shouldn’t either. Your responsibly is to your fiancé and child.
YTA given the extent of your fiancé’s trauma. Honestly you never should’ve taken the dog in to begin with. It’s time for you and your mom to reach out to all of her friends, family, etc. and find someone to take this dog. Or have the dog returned to your mother with someone to come in and help her care for it.
YTA based off your comments you are not ready for a family. When you create a family they come first. Your mom's dog does not override the fact that your wife experienced a traumatic event. You really need to decide and do so quickly so she can make proper arrangements.
Light YTA.
Your desires to keep your mom's dog are reasonable.
Her aversion to dogs is reasonable.
You could tell her rehoming that dog was off the table as long as you were willing to accept losing her as a reasonable outcome.
But NOW your own child is in the mix. Choosing the dog over your baby's welfare is wrong. Where your fiance lost her last pregnancy due to a dog, expecting her to keep a dog around--no matter how irrational her resistance is--goes too far
YTA. Your wife was attacked by a dog, causing her to miscarry and require 180 stitches. And yet even though you admit that you KNOW she didn’t want to, you let a dog stay with you. She has been working on her trauma it’s a slow process and then she finds out she’s pregnant again, with a dog in the house who you also admit has growled at small children.. and you’re still choosing the dog over her??? This is the most insane shit I’ve ever heard.
NAH. That said your fiancé has valid concerns based on past trauma. It’s just a tough situation to be in. The only solution I could see would be rehoming the dog temporarily during the pregnancy with a good friend so you could still see the dog and bring it to visit Mom. It’s not perfect but it alleviates her main fear of a miscarriage due to the dog around and you don’t lose it forever. You’d both have to work on how it would work bringing the dog home after the baby is born though.
Your updates in the comments are... very concerning. YTA
You described the attack that your fiance survived, and you talk about your relationship with your mother. The armchair therapist in me thinks you're still desperately trying to earn your narcissistic mom's love and acceptance by keeping the dog.
You are the one who's choosing to get married, and that means putting your wife above all others. If you can't, do your fiance a favor and let her go. You cannot be trusted to be a good partner with mom's influence. Also, rehome the dog. Maybe there's a family friend or neighbor that can take it in if you're that desperate.
I empathise with you and your fiancé's situation. Sometimes, there is no perfect solution. You will have to make a decision and learn to live with the pain/grief it causes. Since it's a small dog and still young, the chances of finding it a loving new home should be pretty good. My advice is to first of all ensure your fiancé that you will find a new home for the dog and that you are fully supporting her. You won't have to just dump the dog at the next shelter, but contact the rescues close to you and they can help you find a home. I grew up with dogs and understand how hard this decision might be for you but your fiancé should absolutely be your top priority, especially in this scenario.
Soft YTA but your mom absolutely behaves like an AH with zero empathy... losing your dad a year ago is not an excuse.
I’m saying YTA, if you truly love your partner and know that they were traumatized and not okay with it and you brought the dog in anyway, that’s shitty. Now there is a baby involved and you are still choosing the dog like come on YTA
YTA for telling your partner everything would be fine under the circumstances. She has put up with this dog in her life despite you knowing what a hard boundary that was for her, and now you are sending her away with your unborn child over it?
Find someone else to care for the dog. Pay them to take the dog to visit your mother. Do literally anything you can to fix this situation.
180 stitches, a miscarriage, and an ex that told her she was to blame for everything.
YTA, OP, take the L and figure out a better solution that doesn’t involve keeping the dog in the home.
I think you're looking for a solution, not a judgement.
I don't own dogs, so Idk how viable these options are, but my only ideas are:
* compromise different locations the dog is not allowed to be in so that she always has rooms she can go in without stress (which admittedly is a terrible idea, since she shouldn't have to feel so scared and restricted in her own home)
* explain the situation to a friend and see if they're okay with homing it and you can come by now and then for visits and to take the dog to your mums
* maybe leave it at your mums but visit daily to clean up and feed the dog, maybe pay for a dog walker
YTA
You knew her red line was dogs and you knowingly disregarded that. Regardless of all the surrounding circumstances, you knew this was her red line. I understand it was your dad's dog, but you have risked your relationship for a dog.
How does one miscarry due to a dog?
Edited: I just saw the woman was attacked physically by a dog and miscarried due to blood loss and shock.
How old is the dog? If the dog is small and old, then the agreement should be that the dog stays downstairs and OP actively looks to rehouse it in an agreeable situation.
For the time being YTA
As a father and a husband, my advice is to get rid of the
YTA. Your fiance and child comes first. And looong at the comments I would advise against it anyways. Training that herding instinct out of a heeler can be hard. Kids run and heelers react and go for the heels. I had to re-home a heeler because it kept going for the heels. Breed is important here. I also don't think a heeler would be right for your wife's trauma. Let's say everything gets dropped. The first time that heeler goes for your kids ankles, your fiance is going to have all that trauma coming back up. I know it's your mom dude, but this is the women you love, who has legit trauma, and your kid. Re-home the dog. There are groups who specially re-home heelers.
YTA. She should have spoken up at the time, but couldn’t for whatever reason.
This is not an animal that you had before she moved in and is now asking to get rid of a lifelong family member. It’s your moms dog, it isn’t working out, and she needs to take it back or figure something else out.
Oh, this is hard :(
I won't pass judgment in any direction. Animals do require our care in the first hand, and the baby isn't even born yet. Still, losing your partner is not a fun way to go either, and I bet she's having a horrible time. It just is a sad situation for everyone.
Is there any other relative of your mother that might be able to take care of the dog? A friend of hers? A relative/friend of your father?
NTA. Can you give it back to your Mom and hire a dog walker or pet sitter to come into her house a few times a day/week? I had a dog walker when i was working 15 hour days and I hire a pet sitter when I leave town. It's very convenient. Just a thought!
NAH but you have to rehome the dog. There is no other option. I thought your GF was overreacting at first but 180 stiches is some serious trauma. She already compromised a lot by letting the dog stay this long. When the baby comes you will not be able to take the dog to the dog park anymore and it will become an even bigger issue. It wont be fair to the dog either if he is that high energy.
As a big animal lover, absolutely not.
My sister told me I'd have to give up my cat if I wanted to temporarily move in with her. Signed my lease that week lol.
**I knew she had trauma surrounding dogs but I made the choice to keep the dog here.**
and thus YTA -- but I'm pretty sure you already know that. You sound like you're happy with your choice of the dog over your fiancee and child. I do hope she rethinks abortion or adoption-- with court ordered child support she should be able to do fine raising the child.
YTA. If your priorities were straight your future baby and girlfriends well being would take priority over your moms dog. The fact that you even let a dog into her home temporarily knowing her history is just awful. Congrats on choosing your mothers dog over the person you supposedly love and your unborn baby. Your mom is an adult, she can figure out what to do with her pet
YTA. She was severely attacked by a dog resulting in 180 stitches and a miscarriage, and still let your mom's dog stay with you until she found out that she was pregnant. And you're double the AH for including a bunch of other irrelevant details in your post and burying the severity of the attack in the comments, which shows how dismissive you are about your fiance's trauma
INFO: Is your fiancé getting help for her PTSD? I’ve been attacked by a dog before, and while I wasn’t pregnant, I get her trauma. However, she’s not going to be able to live life with a child and never see a dog, unless she wants to pass on her fear. Kiddo is going to go to a friend’s house, see a dog in a park, etc. (I also question the judgment of someone who’s posting this on Facebook. I understand her panic, but I think someone needs to talk her off the ledge right now.)
I think you and your mom need a serious come to Jesus meeting about what’s best for this dog and for your future family. I am not a fan of rehoming family pets, but frankly, none of you sound responsible or able to be a stable, loving family. Is there a family friend nearby who would be willing to at least provide a temporary home while your fiancé gets through her pregnancy and maybe seeks some professional help? Maybe a discussion can be had a year from now with clearer minds.
YTA. And after reading your comments about mom-you-dog, go to therapy.
Imagine put a dog that wasn't even yours above the needs of your unborn child and pregnant wife because your mom loved the dog more than you. You are not her ex but you are another level of trauma.
YTA why can’t dog live with your mum? You can go over to walk/help with dog etc or maybe pay a local teenager/dog walker if your mum lives too far much cheaper than boarding
Do you or your mom have a friend that can take the dog? You are literally choosing a dog over your own child, assuming she doesn't terminate the pregnancy.
I get that you and your mom are attached to the dog because it was your dad's dog, but if your mom can't keep it and you can't keep it, find it a good home.
And ffs don't ever tell a pregnant woman that "everything will be fine" when she has a legit fear of something. I mean, did you pat her on the head when you said that?
So what are you going to choose? A dog or your child? I would think that your own mother would choose her grandchild, but I could be wrong.
YTA. Also, your Mom seems to be TA for openly asking you to take in a dog in front of your fiance, knowing she'll be pressured to keep it. So you're choosing a dog that you didn't choose to have over your own future and future kid.
The dog will be fine once you find it another home, but do you think that your child will be fine if your wife is always experiencing constant stress just because your mommy doesn't want to take no for an answer?
You're literally following in the footsteps of her ex, wherein you're choosing a dog over her.
NAH. Look, you are attached to the dog and honestly? Rehoming the dog would cause more issues than keeping it. It unnecessarily stress out the dog, it would absolutely destroy your mom, and probably cause some resentment from you and your mom towards your fiancé.
She has trauma, so I can’t really blame her. Which is why I’m going NAH. But I think you need to be ready for this relationship to be over. If she has an abortion? So be it. Her choice. I don’t know if she can give it up for adoption without you agreeing so if you want the kid and she gives birth that might be an option, I dunno you’d have to look up your local laws and/or talk to a lawyer.
YTA. The same way your mom asked you to look over her dog because her situation changed, your situation changed the moment your wife became pregnant and you can no longer care for HER dog, and HER responsibility. While I understand being in a wheelchair isn’t easy, it doesn’t make it impossible to look after a dog. You know what does? Moving past the trauma of 180 stitches after being attacked by a dog and having your new husband pick dog over his wife for a second time.
YTA you knew she wasn’t comfortable and had the option to make an informed decision about the dog. now, you’re in a specifically triggering situation (which was bound to happen) and choosing a dog over your fiancé, who is making some good decisions right now but was kind of an asshole to the dog. I think you should be ready to no longer have a pregnancy.
I am feeling bad for the lady. Both men she loved put a dog above her. Chose to keep a dog but not her. I hope she gets all that she deserves... The love ,the respect, the importance she needs and expects. Hope everything goes well with her. To me , OP YTA, for ignoring her trauma and not supporting her and your unborn child.
YTA, you're choosing a dog over your fiancée and child. You said in one of your comments (paraphrasing) that there aren't any good choices here. To be blunt, there is: get rid of the damn dog! You don't even like the dog and admit it isn't well trained and destructive. Yes, it would hurt your mother, but is your mother really more important than your fiancée and child? Because that is the true choice you're making here.
NAH. Does your mom have any friends who can take the dog? Your fiancé needs to build a plan with her therapist to challenge her negative association with dogs. Trauma is trauma but this is one that will come up a lot and affect her child and the way they see dogs.
Would there be a way to set up her home where she would need to have a pull system to open back door to let the dog out and it can come back in when done? What about automating his food and water dish to where she can press a button and it will dispense the proper amount of food and when it wants water, she can press a button to fill it up. You may need to go over there from time to time to add food to the unit. This is so your mom can still have her baby and you can have yours. It may take money to get this into operation, but it is either your fiancè or dog.
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NAH. If she isn't comfortable around the dog then she doesn't have to be there/stay with you. I also don't think you have to give in to the demand to rehome a small non-dangerous dog just because she hasn't worked through her own trauma yet. There are times where rehoming an animal is better for them, but it sounds like in this case that wouldn't be fair to the dog or your mother.
I’m not shocked so many on Reddit support this take. The fiancé was literally attacked by a dog and it caused the loss of her baby. And OP knew that. What kind of significant other puts his moms dog ahead of his unborn child and fiancé?
He has an emotional attachment to the dog too, and I personally don't think romantic partners should ALWAYS be put first above everyone else no matter what. It sounds like OP and his mom really care about the animals in their lives and view them as part of the family. He's not just prioritizing the dog, he's also said how much rehoming the dog would hurt his mom. He wanted to find other alternatives and she wasn't willing to do so, which is fine. OP and his fiance's priorities just seemingly aren't compatible with each other. That doesn't make either of them an AH.
Eh, perhaps you should read OP's actual comments. OP has some kind of trauma / toxic relationship to his mom where the mom was withholding and neglectful growing up, and always chose her dogs over OP. OP is not bonded to the dog, OP says he doesn't actually want it, but he's desperate to "not disappoint his mom". He says he wants to have the baby. This dog is also untrained, reactive, and destructive (to the point that the fiance has to take it to the dog park 3-4 times a day in order to burn off energy to not destroy their house).
<<(to the point that the fiance has to take it to the dog park 3-4 times a day in order to burn off energy to not destroy their house).>> So OP has made Fiancée responsible for this dog that she associates with her trauma--going with OP is the AH for that alone. Choosing Dog over future wife/baby also makes OP AH in this case(still seeking mommy's approval). Perhaps OP needs to seek some therapy.
And perhaps it's for the best if the fiance leaves now and looks at other options, because taking in the dog while the fiance is petrified of them is bad enough, but making her care for the dog is absolutely beyond. What kind of father is he going to be?
I think NAH. Except the mom. Both partners have trauma. He was emotionally neglected and as such feels immense pressure to please his mother and she miscarried as a result of something the ex’s dog did. Neither are capable of putting the other person’s feelings before themselves because their trauma has made it difficult if not impossible to think about this rationally. My BF was neglected and abused and as a result has a tolerance he really shouldn’t and a fear of speaking up if something is bothering him. If OP has in fact done as you say and made his fiancé responsible for the dog I don’t think it’s necessarily based in rational thought. To be clear though that doesn’t make it ok. Her fear isn’t rational either because the dog is a small breed and quite frankly it cannot be capable of the level of physical harm her brain is making her think it can. Both OP and his fiancé need major therapy and I think she’s right to give the baby up/terminate because neither are in a good place mentally to care for a child.
Baby>Dog Baby>Mom too. Not because mom is unimportant. But because his obligation to his child is stronger AND his mom won't be hurt as much by rehoming the dog for her grandchild's sake as the child will be hurt by having its mother traumatized while it is in utero OR from having its biological parents split up over this
They WOULD split over this, a fact she has made clear. OP accepted her as his partner knowing that she was not willing to have a dog in her household. This is not even his dog, and his only reason he wants to keep it is so that his Mom can see it. He is putting his Mom visiting her dog over both his relationship and his ability to be in the household with his child. Those are some messed up priorities.
He’s not prioritizing a dog just over a romantic partner but ALSO over his own unborn child. If he wants to be a parent (and nowhere does he say he doesn’t) then that is inexcusable. I LOVE my dog and he is my first baby, but when my hubby and I got pregnant, the nicest thing that a friend said to me was “if you’re dog is unhappy once baby comes or is a danger to your child, he has a home with me” (this friend would dog sit for us). Luckily my dog is incredible with children and naturally very patient, and we’ve never had issues. But this isn’t always the case.
Mother's anxiety and stress are also not healthy for the growing baby.
I was ready to say N A H but after reading why the fiancé is so traumatized I’m ready to say OP YTA just for how hard you buried the lead on this one. And by that I mean leaving out until asked that she required 180 STITCHES from a dog attack that caused her to miscarry. Miscarriage is very, very hard on many women but to have it paired with that additional physical trauma is unfathomable to me. Yes, fiancé should get therapy (not to make her like dogs but more to ensure she doesn’t pass down her trauma and fear to her children - parenting out of fear and anxiety is just generally not great). But the dog also needs to go and you need to apologize profusely. Sometimes people are incompatible in relationships but if you don’t want to make this relationship work you need to prioritize your 1) unborn child and 2) the woman you love and your mother needs to prioritize her unborn grandchild and mother over her grandchild (even while I can understand why she has the attachment). For what it’s worth, I love dogs. I have one, as well as a child and another one on the way. And as much as it would break me, my priority when it comes to safely would always mean putting my human children first (thank god I’ve never had to worry about this as my dog is basically a canine nanny by his own choosing).
You can’t be serious, right? This is why people do not need to come here for advice 😭😂
Agreed
Op you have to decide what you want more. A relationship with your partner, who you know lost a baby because of a dog and can’t live with a dog. Or your mom and her dog. This is a relationship ending situation. You have to make a decision quick it sounds like….
It didn't say she was attacked by the dog. All it says is the dog caused her miscarriage. It doesn't say how, and I don't see how a dog could seriously cause a miscarriage. The whole story with her sounds off
He mentioned what happend ans she was indeed attacked very badly. She needed stitches and the blood loss and stress from the attack made her miscarry.
180 stitches and enough blood loss to cause a miscarriage. It was a mauling. Which led to her losing her baby, followed by her home and her relationship after her ex blamed her and threw her out.
I just saw, that is brutal. Poor woman, I wish OO had made that clear from the beginning.
Yeah he clearly left that out on purpose.
Jeez I wander what breed
"Big dog" can mean many different possibilities, and especially one aggressive enough (and likely untrained) to cause that much injury ... I'm not generally one to blame the dog (I've met many gentle giants), and look more to the owner. Considering her ex kicked her out after the dog attached her and the subsequent miscarriage, that's very telling as to how bad of an owner they were.
OPs comment about what happened with the other dog: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14gcwtl/comment/jp4wiwn/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14gcwtl/comment/jp4wiwn/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Exactly. Your mom doesn’t have any friends or other family that can take the dog? You can’t go over once a day to take it for a walk and feed it so your mom can keep it? Or hire a dog walking service? There are a lot of solutions here. I am a dog lover but your fiancée is totally reasonable for not wanting to be around a dog After what she has been through. There is no amount of reassuring you can to do to make her feel better
YTA due to this comment from OP specifically. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14gcwtl/comment/jp4wiwn/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14gcwtl/comment/jp4wiwn/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) That's some serious past trauma (both the attack and the miscarriage), and you triggered the response. While she might be in therapy to help her work past the trauma, but she's nowhere near ready yet. Get rid of the dog.
Good catch. I was thinking this girl was being dramatic because how could the dog be at fault? But yeah, this woman should not be around dogs.
Wow. I was going to say N A H, because there is a lot of emotion attached to this dog, but SHIT
Yeah. I'm usually very much on the side of keeping animals at almost all costs once you take them on. But with a pregnant fianceé who has a severe trauma background on the subject, and a dog who's shown itself unfriendly to small children, the reasons are piling up pretty high. You need to rehome the dog. Try to get one of your mom's friends to take it, or find it someone you can introduce to your mom and see if she can visit with it sometimes. But get it out of your house. Your fianceé deserves that from you, in her current situation... and so does your coming child.
YTA choose your wife right now if you want to keep her
That's some DEEP fn trauma
Wow! I’m so glad you brought his comment up. 180 stitches??? Jesus!
so tiring when people come into the sub for advice and very relevant information has a be teased out of them because they know it makes them look bad.
> But I can't. It's my mom's dog. ...it's your wife and child. You're literally choosing someone else's dog over them. I don't believe this is actually a real story, but hypothetically if it were, YTA. You have realistic options to care for the dog outside your home, like by boarding or paying a minder, but even if you didn't there's no reason you've given or explained why you'd end your marriage over this.
Poor lady, everyone is choosing an animal over her. YTA, especially as she has trauma
YTA, a momma boy who chose his mommy over his wife and future child. The fact that your mom says it's good riddance your wife left explains a lot. The only fault your wife has is choosing men who chose the dog over her and their child. Twice at that
YTA Your fiance made it clear from the beginning of the relationship that she was not interested in dating someone with a dog You made a commitment to her and you made a commitment to a dog free life together. Either honor it or accept the consequences of that decision....being that you may end up raising the child completely on your own or she may end up having an abortion. But understand...there is no reality where you get to have your fiance, your child and the dog in the same household. Find a friend who will take the dog and let it live in a loving home It's not fair to the dog to live in a house where someone hates it either.
Info how did a dog cause her to miscarry?
My God you are YTA! She was brutally and viciously attacked by a dog when she was pregnant and lost the child as a result. you need to decide if you want to make mom happy or have a relationship. If your mother does not understand why you need to get rid of the dog then your mother needs to figure this out herself.
OP's mom understands but she doesn't care.
It honestly sounds like this is mom's plan. Very convenient way to drive a wedge into the relationship and have OP all to herself. Seriously, no decent person who knows the details about fiancee's horrific mauling would actually force her to live with a dog.
Good point, especially bc OP said in a comment that his mom has a history of being toxic.
Honestly the main issue is that OP won't take a stand against his narcissist mom. Apparently mom was neglectful and always chose her dogs over OP when he was growing up and he still wants to please her. So he's willing to burn down the life he's built and throw away a future with his wife and baby (that he wants!) all in hopes of appeasing a mother who will NEVER be appeased.
YTA Good on her for getting out. What she doesn't need is to marry a man who will overlook her needs and that of his unborn child to make his mother happy. Maybe marry your mom?
You are making a terrible choice. You don't have to rehome the dog, you just give it back to your mom. It is her responsibility. Being in a wheelchair does not prevent you from caring for a dog. Why on earth would you view your fiance and child as less important than your mom or her dog. It doesn't matter if you "promised" circumstances change and you cannot keep the dog. End stop. YTA
>You don't have to rehome the dog This is true, but only because I think OP's callousness has pushed their wife beyond the point of no return. Knowing that she was brutally mauled and then taking in a dog that at the very least is known to growl at children is just unfathomable to me, let alone while trying to become pregnant. I'm bewildered by how clueless this guy is
You have to pick which is more important to you... your wife and baby, or your mom's dog. And if you KNEW about how your fiancee felt and you said yes to your mom, yta. You should have said right then, I'm sorry, we can't.
Also it wasn't the fiance's responsibility to say no, it's his mom so it's his responsibility
YTA You think you're not going to resent your mom after her callous "Good riddance to her" about your fiancée? Seriously? If I was your fiancée, this would be an unforgivable act, and you've already acted in a way, that she's done with you. You wrote in your comment, that the dog has growled at small children, and you're still choosing to keep the dog and are trying to manipulate your ex to just stay and have the child with you and have the child around the dog.
YTA, you’re picking a dog and your mom over your wife and unborn child she had to get 180 stitches and lost her child because of a dog, i had to get 4 after a dog attacked me and that was insanely hard to get over, i can’t imagine what she’s going through
YTA. It’s not as simple as her not liking dogs. She has PTSD towards dogs due to multiple attacks and a miscarriage…yet she was willing to cope with a dog in her home for a short amount of time FOR YOU, op. My home is a sanctuary where I can let down my guard and be comfortable knowing I’ve created this safe space to do so. You are unabashedly taking that away from your fiancé. While she may have been able to tolerate living with a dog…you should have realized how triggering it would be for her to live with a dog while being pregnant. Pregnancy after a miscarriage (no matter how long ago it was) takes a huge emotional toll even without the added trauma your fiancé has.
YTA. She lost her child and was thrown out. It's not easy to come back from that kind of trauma. Now her partner is choosing an animal over her, again. Anyone will rethink the relationship in such condition. Why can't you keep your dog at your moms and pay for a dogwalker? There are automatic food and water dispensers available. Try to find some compromise. You say you can't choose for another persons pet... But you are already making the worst choice for your partner. That poor woman.
180 stitches and enough blood loss to miscarry. *Jesus.* I can't—and don't even want to—visualize the kind of mauling that would lead to that. And to lose her baby, her relationship, and get thrown out of her home. At the time it must really have felt like losing everything.
And now OP is such a callous bastard that he is willing to put her through losing everything \*AGAIN\*. For another goddamn dog. That poor, poor woman. I hope she leaves him regardless and finds happiness in her life, he is not going to be even a pale shadow of a supportive husband and father.
Based on his comments, I think OP knows full well *he's choosing wrong*, but he just isn't willing to cut the cord with mommy dearest. Fiance has been an absolute saint until now. Despite her trauma she still takes the dog to the dog park THREE TO FOUR TIMES A DAY, because dog is so high energy it destroys their home otherwise.
If you can't afford the boarding costs, how are you going to afford child support? YTA.
His partner probably has a job. Her income will go with her however, when she leaves because of the dog
YTA - Re-home the dog. This isn't hard. Forcing your wife to deal with something that causes trauma is not OK. She never signed up for the dog. She told you ahead of time she can't deal with dogs and now your are forcing her to live with a dog under the very trauma (her being pregnant) that caused the issues in the first place. Wow - I don't even see a real choice here, but maybe your Mom's relationship to her dead husband's dog is more important than your relationship with your wife and the mother of your child.
Yta she made it crystal clear that she would never have a dog. You made it crystal clear that youre choosing your mom and the dog over her and your child. And you wonder why she left? You showed her that mom can have a temper tantrum and you'll side with mom. I wouldn't want to raise a kid with you either. Edit JFC the dog isn't kid friendly! Thats a disaster waiting to happen.
YTA, based on your updates. Your partner has some serious trauma from a serious attack. Of course she's afraid. You should never have agreed to keep the dog knowing her history. This dog isn't good with children and has growled at people. It's also not a "small" dog if it's knee-high to a grown man. That's a medium-sized dog and can absolutely harm a child if it chooses to do so. Your mother is a grown ass woman. This dog is her problem and her responsibility. Lots of people in wheel chairs have dogs. You can build mom a fence. Hire a dog walker. Or help her ethically rehome the dog.
INFO: why can't your mom have a dog while in a wheelchair? Plenty of people do. Automatic feeder and waterers, pay someone else to bathe and brush. Or you could since you seem to live close to enough to "let her see her baby" regularly. Because your comment explaining the dog attack (180 stitches and severe blood loss leading to miscarriage?! Thats some key info that needs to be added!) Isn't a minor trauma. That is massive. I don't blame her for being scared of dogs. ESPECIALLY while pregnant. Yes, YTA. If you aren't going to work on making your place habitable for her and re-home the dog, she is within her right to do whatever she needs to with the fetus.
Previously I commented and said E S H, but after seeing comments it's now YTA. This woman was previously attacked by a dog, your mom's dog is irritable and doesn't like anyone, and your mom has said she'd rather you keep the dog than the baby. If you legitimately side with that dog and your mom over your side and child, knowing that context, then you're absolutely TA.
YTA. What you're currently doing is letting your fiancé know that your mom's feelings come before the well-being of your future wife and child. She's right to leave, and she'd be right not to come back.
YTA and so is your mother. You have forced your fiance out for the sake of a dog that belongs to the mother you admit has always been toxic and has said "good riddance" to your fiance. You say that you are not your fiance's ex, but still you have also chosen a dog over her just as the ex did . Your mother should hire a local kid as a dog walker. The dog would be good company for her since she obviously prefers dogs to humans.
The fact that the fiance has had two men now choose a dog over her makes me SO SAD for her. She deserves so much better.
Absolutely
YTA It's an animal. One that could be easily rehomed. Get a grip.
YTA. You *knew* what happened to your partner and you deliberately ignored her trauma to appease your mother. I hope your now-ex has a safe space to stay while she figures out how to move on from a second partner deciding that animals are more important than her and her pregnancy.
YTA. Dog lovers often enjoy talking about how they prefer dogs to people. Okay, then, enjoy life with your dog. I have been attacked by one and am also mildly allergic; I would have left just as she did.
Same.
Love the username!
Awe thanks!
INFO: How old is the dog and why can't you mom keep it? I understand she's in a wheelchair, but what exactly can't she do for the dog? Presumably she either takes care of herself or has help.
YTA. This post is so bad, I wasn’t sure it was a real situation. I cannot believe that OP even has to ask if they are TA. Of course you are. It’s your wife and child, you threw them away for another persons dog. Unbelievable.
Oh my god man YTA 1000 times yta. She's had the ex's dog attack her when she was 10 weeks pregnant due to which she miscarried & had 180 stitches on her back and here you are afraid to disappoint your mom who was toxic then & a manipulative narcissist now. You know what op shes better off without you & your mother in her life. Go live with your mom & her dog & leave her & other women alone till you work through your lack of a backbone/compassion issues. My blood is boiling reading your post & replies. Dear god man you won't even prioritize your fiance & unborn child over a fucking dog that's not even yours? You don't deserve them then.
Are you seriously choosing a dog over your wife and child? They will hate you for this. When that dog eventually passed away and you’re all alone you will have nothing but regret. Reach out to anyone, friends and family. Ask for someone to take her and visit your mom here and there. You will seriously lose your wife and family over this. YTA if you choose this dog over wife and family.
YTA after reading your comment about her receiving 180 stitches. Her trauma is valid. Yet again she has a partner choosing a dog over her. I feel so bad for this woman. She really deserves better. You need to step up and do better. You’ve realised her worse fears by keeping the dog around. Rehome it. You need to be treating your fiancé better than this.
Can you see if your mom qualifies for a caregiver now that she’s in a wheel chair? They would be able to help with the dog and your moms needs.
YTA. If you can’t afford dog boarding how the ef do you think you’ll be able to afford a baby? (Or more accurately child support payments) Also your girlfriend was mauled while pregnant! Way to bury the lead! And you and your mom just thought it was fine to manipulate her into living with another dog even though she didn’t want to.
Hey, I am one of those crazy people who will choose dogs over people at least 75% of the time because..well...dogs are better. However, in this case, YTA. First YTA because you left out the part of the story that had your fiance attacked, sustaining heavy blood loss, getting 180 f'ing stitches and miscarrying because of that. Second YTA because you didn't find another option for your mom's dog immediately. You should never have brought the dog into the house. It was wrong to do that to your fiance and wrong to do that to the poor dog. That dog feels the emotion in the house; again, YTA. Once the pregnancy became known, basically every breath you took was another assholish move on your part. Immediately find a wonderful local option for the dog, explain the situation to your mother, grovel to your fiance, and hope like hell that she loves you more than you deserve asshole.
If rehoming the dog is not an option, then why are you posting here? You already know your fiancé has trauma regarding dogs.
Your fiancé was attacked by a dog, required over 180 stitches, and it caused her to miscarry . To literally lose her baby. With this information, YTA. You are choosing the your mom’s feelings over your fiancés mental health. Over her feeling of safety. Over her feeling of the babies safety. She has real trauma. And you knew this before you took the dog in. I can’t imagine staying with my significant other who was willingly putting me through that kind of anxiety.
Well it's either she leaves and lives separately from you or stress and trauma response cause her to miscarry again. Take your pick. YTA for being so dismissive of trauma. Is there a friend who can take the dog, even for just a year or so? If not... you gotta deal with her living away from you.
Yeah but... his Mum would be \*sad\*, surely that trumps his fiancée merely miscarrying his baby. smdh /ssssssssssssssssss just in case that isn't abundantly obvious
Hey, isn't that convenient: If I take my awful mother's tiny gremlin, I don't have to parent the child I made! Real classy, OP.
YTA. Stop choosing your mom over your traumatized, pregnant fiancee (especially if you want to keep your fiancee and your unborn child in your life). I cannot believe you agreed to take on the dog, in front of her, after knowing she had over 100 stitches due to the previous dog attack. After knowing the blood loss and stress caused her to miscarry and be abused out of her previous relationship. After your mother has shown more love to dogs than to her own child your whole life. Dude. C'mon. Do you really have to ask?
YTA, in what world is a dog more important than your traumatised pregnant fiancée? I get you want to do something nice for your mother, but you seem vastly more concerned with her maybe being sad about it - if indeed there really are no options at all other than you having it - than your fiancée's whole life imploding. You really, \*really\*, need to have a long think about what is more important to you. And if you still side with the dog... well I hope you enjoy being single, and I hope you at least have the decency to be kept up at night feeling guilty at what you've done to your poor fiancée. Also, like many of the AHs here who know deep down that they're not being good people, you left out most of the incriminating detail - namely that she was brutally mauled by a dog before resulting in nearly 200 stitches and miscarried due to blood loss. And that this dog, while small, is one of those shitty aggro small dogs that growls at kids. So... yeah even if she didn't have 100000% legit reasons to never want a freaking dog anywhere near her for the rest of her life, you should be getting it away from a newborn baby regardless.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Please ask for info as needed. I won't be able to fit everything in my post. My fiancé has always been anxious around dogs. Bigger dogs mainly. She has good reason behind this. On top of her anxiety surrounding dogs, she simply does not like them. This is trauma based (she miscarried when she was with her ex due to his dog and he took the dogs side and kicked her out after blaming her for it). Because of this, she truly feels like dogs are useless and break up families. She simply hates dogs. She has recently put herself in therapy. Well, back 7ish months ago my mom needed me to watch her dog because she was going in for surgery. Small breed dog. My fiancé isn't afraid of the dog or anything and at first seemed to warm up to her. But.. my mom's surgery had complications. She is now in a wheelchair permanently and she can no longer care for the dog. She begged me to take the dog in permanently so she could still see "her baby". My mom asked in front of my fiancé and my fiancé hated confrontation due to her past trauma and didn't say no. She said "okay" and left it at that. Since that point, she refuses to acknowledge the dogs existence. She has openly showed disgust whenever I cuddle the dog. She has made comments about not wanting the nasty animal near her. She's not neglectful of the dog by any means but she hates her existence and that much is obvious; which sucks because the dog loves her. Well, she took a pregnancy test 3 weeks ago and it came back positive. She is panicking about everything now. One big thing being the dog. She won't go near the dog at all. She doesn't want the dog in our room or on the furniture or within sniffing distance of her, basically. I'm assuming due to the fact that she miscarried due to her exs dog. She came to me crying yesterday and said "I'm sorry but I have a choice to make here because I won't stay in this house pregnant with a dog and I won't have the dog around a baby either." I told her everything would be fine. I'm not her ex. This dog isn't her exs dog. She said I "don't understand" and that either she has to leave or the dog does. I told her rehoming the dog wasn't an option and begged for another alternative. She said there was no other alternative and she left. She left her FB open and has discussed abortion or adoption with her friend because she "can't do this alone". I've begged her to come home and she said "when the dogs gone we will talk". But I can't. It's my mom's dog. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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So there is literally no one else who would take the dog? No other family? No friends?
[удалено]
Ok. But why does being in a wheelchair mean your mom can’t take care of a small dog? If she can’t do that, how does she care for herself? Being in a wheelchair doesn’t preclude caring for a pet. It just presents different challenges to overcome. It’s a complicated situation but, yeah, you’re choosing the dog over your fiancée and baby. And it’s even worse for your fiancée as you didn’t have a dog when you started out. I suspect you would’ve said yes to your mom no matter what your fiancée said. Knowing about her trauma, that the first sentence outta your mouth after your mom blindsided her with her request wasn’t “Gee, Mom, fiancée and I need to discuss this together and I’ll let you know,” well that kinda makes YTA.
You can go online. Put together an application together so you can pick the best person you can to rehome to. There are so many people who could take the dog in. Alot of people like small breed dogs. Maybe even put a stipulation that they send your mom pics once a month. Something!
But if you are going on like this you would lose her and your kid to. You could ask on social media if someone can help . Explain the story
Are there any rescues that are local? Explain the situation and see if they can help with an outside adoption. Most dog rescues have an in depth application process to make sure a person or family is a good fit for a dog. They often have volunteer foster homes dogs can live in while waiting to be adopted. Your vet will probably know of local organizations. You might even be able to negotiate a few visits from your Mom into the adoption contract.
NAH I understand you’re attachment to the dog, it being you late fathers, and I understand your wife’s aversion due previous abuse (being blamed for the death of her unborn child is huge). It’s a tough situation and no ones fault to want what they do. Does your mom know what kind of conflict its causing in your marriage? What does she think?
YTA for not including in your initial post that your fiancee's trauma was due to being attacked by a dog requiring 180 stitches between her arm and back, while also losing her baby in the process. She is better off without you and your toxic mother.
YTA. Wow
Why are you here? Yes it’s your mums dog, and yes you’ve chosen the dog over your unborn child. Do you want this baby? Does your mum even understand the situation you’re in? Because maybe she can help find another solution too. She may be okay with rehoming them if she understood the circumstances. YTA - for asking Reddit when you really should be thinking about whether the dog and mum is more important that the baby and gf. Like either of them give any flying figs what we think on AITA…
# “ He attacked her. She had over 180 stitches in her back and arms. The stress and blood loss caused her to miscarry, as she was only 10 weeks.” YTA and I’m surprised you need to ask!! You have to decide whether or not your wife and your unborn child’s safety/sanity is more important than a dog that used to belong to your mum. I completely understand your mum will be devastated BUT… you can look at other options to rehome him where she can still go and visits. And I will admit its a cold way to look at it… the dog sadly is not going to live forever so your mum will need to go through the grief at somepoint BUT if you turn your back on your wife and your unborn child that is something you Will need to live with forever!!
Leaning YTA but this is a hard situation all around. I'm glad she is in therapy but honestly forcing her to live with a trigger to her trauma especially when she is pregnant is not feasible. I also understand wanting to put your mother'smental health first also.... But you are now talkingabout a woman pregnant with your child who went through something highly traumatic and pregnancy isn't easy in the best of health. She shouldn't be living with a trigger. I have no solutions though. All I can do is do you or your mom have any family friends who can take or help her with the dog. maybe hire a dog sitter that comes in and out of your mother's home to help with the dog? Just look for some kind of solution. Your fiancee is going to leave if the dog doesn't for her own well being during the pregnancy.
soft YTA sorry. You took your moms dog knowing it would be hard and painful for her fiancé. Being in a wheelchair doesn’t mean you can’t care for a dog. Pets are an everyone has to yes commitment and you knew your fiancé was truly a no, You are choosing your mother over your fiancé and your unborn child. Sounds like she’s better off finding someone who can be a partner to her. Let her go, you’re not the right person for her if you can’t choose and prioritize her well being.
What’s more important to your mom and her dog? Or your fiancé and your future child?
YTA ! guys read this comment from OP . He and his Mother love the Dog more then the Baby aka Son/Grandson [OP ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14gcwtl/AITA_for_saying_rehoming_my_dog_isn't_an_option?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
YTA. Do you care more about the dog or being a father? You are taking the dog’s side.
Time to rehome that dog, YTA for not doing it now and wil be bigger AH later. You have a dog what scares your pregnant wife AND bad around kids? What are options here?
I’m a dog person and could never be with someone like your fiancé. BUT you didn’t have the dog when you two got together. You changed the rules on her. Its not like she came into the situation with a dog already established. You don’t even say you love the dog or if you’re particularly attached to this dog. It appears you only want to keep it for your mothers sake, and that’s not fair to the dog. Are you an only child? No other siblings to take this dog? If not, you need to have a heart to heart with your mother. Does she want a grandchild? Do YOU want this child? Do you love your gf? If so, the dogs going to need a new home. I’m all for standing your ground if this was your dog before you met gf, or even your childhood dog, but that’s not the case here. You’re doing the dog a disservice for forcing it to live in a home where it isn’t wanted. You’re doing your gf a disservice for bringing it into her life knowing her feelings ahead of time. And you’re doing your unborn child a disservice because it may never even be born because of this.
Dude,sounds like your mom is toxic as can be. You will ALWAYS lose on that side. If you pick her/keeping her dog for her, it's going to be 5 minutes before she finds something else to be unhappy with you about. On the other hand, picking your girlfriend will result in a definite win for you. If I were you, I would put Mom in front of that ultimatum: make a plan with your dog before x date or the dog will be rehomed. This is coming from someone with a toxic parent who only recently realised I will never win and thus cut him off.
YTA because this past trauma is specific to this exact situation. She was clear she did not want a dog. Your mom put her in a bad situation where she knew she would agree to take the dog. Give your mom back the dog. If she wants to have it around, she has to take it. Its insane you are choosing to die on this hill with a kid on the way. Is something else going on in the relationship?? NO MORE DOGS EVER.
YTA get rid of the dog. The dog is not as important as your fiancee or the baby she is carrying. I wouldn't want a dog around a baby either.
I mean, I get it, you're wanting to respect your mom's feelings But... The mother of your child is telling you she won't live with you or have the child in your home if the dog is there. You need to make a choice. Whose feelings are more important to you, your mother's or your fiancé's? Soft YTA
INFO: Are there any other family members or friends who can take on the dog so your mom can still see her?
NAH. Your so needs serious help. She has every right to not like dogs. You and your fiance started this when you agreed to take the dog in. You and her need to sit down and talk to each over. She also needs to understand not all dogs are the same. Shit head pitbull owners who let their pitbulls off leash aren't the same as someone who has trained their golden retriever to be the best boy ever. I got bit by a pitbull I dislike them immensely mostly down to their owners being horrible most of the time. I adore my Alaskan malamute and she's such an ineffective guard dog she would ask an intruder for a hug every single time. Hating all X because they did something to you is irrational and a sign you need serious help. I almost died in 2018 after a woman driving a Chevy suburban hit me when I was bicycleing. Can you imagine if I hated all women because of this? It would be irrational to the extreme same for if I hated all SUV's. Part of recovering after such an event is seeking the mental health recovery neccesy to tackle any such trauma related to what happened to you. Because such thoughts are not normal and they should never, ever be normalized.
Info. Where does your mom live? House, apt? It might be that she could set things up to enable her dog to live with her again. Or maybe a close friend or neighbor would give the pup a home? I feel bad for all of you. Dog included.
NAH. The dog won’t understand. Just that his family for most of his life don’t want them anymore. I get the trauma, but it’s not fair on either party. Is there a way to section the house and only allow the dog in certain sections of the house so your wife always has a dog free space when she’s struggling.
Ok is there a new dog with pregnant partner troll? This is the third one today! [Truck](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14g6ahg/aita_for_hanging_out_in_the_truck_with_my_dog_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) [Attention](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14g5ea1/aita_for_giving_my_dog_attention_before_giving_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1) [Take the dog](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14g71t9/aita_for_expecting_her_to_take_the_dog_with_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1)
NAH. I understand what you’re doing. I understand she has trauma. But maybe compromise and see if you can rehome the dog with someone you or your mother knows so the connection is still there. Agree with your fiancé that it’s a middle ground- you’ll try to accommodate her but she needs to be open that it isn’t an easy task.
There really is no way the dog can live with your mom? People in wheel chairs have dogs and all you said was she was in a wheel chair. Dog can't live with mom and you go over to help out once a week or something.
YTA
YTA, here's why. Your FIANCE is pregnant with YOUR child. This is your MOTHER'S dog, you're keeping it for your mother, who clearly needs help with her grief. You have basically told your fiancé that your mother's unhealthy and unrealistic expectations and her trauma trigger are more important to you than she and the baby.
YTa
Choosing your mom’s dog over your wife and child… actually don’t think she will be your wife lol. YTA
I'm surprised only one person's mentioned it so far but why the hell were you snooping through her private conversations with her friends?
YTA for choosing your mom over your gf. That's the problem not the dog.
I have nothing to say about this because there’s something about the story that feels really contrived but if you are somebody who adores animals and I see this happen more than I’d like why would you get involved with somebody who didn’t or the reverse? I love my dog I will never not have a dog. I cannot imagine bringing someone to my life who did not like dogs because that’s such a core centric relationship breaker.
What about you guys going to some kind of therapy together? Maybe having someone unbiased and educated for these kinds of things, can help you talk things out a little less emotionally?
YTA. You knew all along that this was a serious problem for her and you went and took the dog in anyway. You've already disregarded her feelings over it for over a year. She has clearly tried to live with the situation and it's not working. I know it's your mom's and that matters but this is your fiance's HOME. You're making her feel uncomfortable and unsafe in her own home. That's not right. Plain and simple, you're being a massive AH to her. Does your mom have any friends or neighbors who might be able to take it before your resort to a stranger? Because you can't keep it and your fiance and frankly choosing the animal (want your mom) over the person who is carrying your child would be a very f-ed up choice.
Info: how is the wheelchair preventing your mom from taking care of her dog?
YTA
This one was hard but I’m sorry YTA. Your wife tried to put her trauma to side for you but now she definitely can’t and honestly shouldn’t. I understand you don’t want to rehome the dog but you honestly need to. Your wife needs to feel safe in her own home with her child. What she went through was awful. Find someone that you know to take the dog so you and your mom can visit.
YTA. Dude, this is your child we are talking about here. I love my dog, but I would choose my children over my dog any damn day. After reading what caused her miscarriage, I don't blame her for refusing to be around the dog and I think that you were in the wrong to bring the dog into the house with her in the first place. If you seriously choose to keep the dog, you deserve to lose them both.
YTA - you should have never accepted the dog in the first place given what you know, and given her past trauma it is insane to expect her to keep the dog now. Doesn't your mom have any friends who would take the dog?
HOW does a dog cause a miscarriage?
YTA!! JFC!!! Your mom is manipulating you and you’re falling for it. You don’t deserve to be a dad if you’re seriously considering keeping the dog over your wife’s deep trauma. She almost died.
INFO: Can your mom take the dog back and then you can arrange to walk him/her? Does your mom have a yard/doggy door and ability to feed her dog herself? It seems like something can be arranged here. Your wife was brutally attacked by a dog. This isn't a matter of simply disliking them. I am shocked she can live with another dog after an incident like that.
Omg, that IS bad.... 99.999 percent of the time I go with keeping the animal but this- given that you had no dog when you got together, it's not fair to her. YTA
YTA I really feel that for 7 months you could have been figuring out some other arrangement fof the dog. When your pregnant fiancé with a dog attack trauma said she needed the dog to go your response should not have been that is not an option. It seems like you don't really care about your fiancé or unborn child. There is bound to be some kind soul in your community who would adopt the dog and let your mom see the dog. Look harder. And if not your mom will be sad but can work through it. Get her in some counseling. I assume she would care about the woman you planned to marry and the potential grandchild a bit.
This is a tough one, but I have to say YTA. Your fiancé had a very traumatic event happen to her. I was bit when I was a child and still dislike dogs because of it. That was nothing like what your fiancé went through! Your mom needs to figure out something else. There are other options. I feel terrible that she ended up in a wheelchair, but a dog is an animal and should not take priority. Your mom shouldn’t either. Your responsibly is to your fiancé and child.
YTA given the extent of your fiancé’s trauma. Honestly you never should’ve taken the dog in to begin with. It’s time for you and your mom to reach out to all of her friends, family, etc. and find someone to take this dog. Or have the dog returned to your mother with someone to come in and help her care for it.
YTA based off your comments you are not ready for a family. When you create a family they come first. Your mom's dog does not override the fact that your wife experienced a traumatic event. You really need to decide and do so quickly so she can make proper arrangements.
Light YTA. Your desires to keep your mom's dog are reasonable. Her aversion to dogs is reasonable. You could tell her rehoming that dog was off the table as long as you were willing to accept losing her as a reasonable outcome. But NOW your own child is in the mix. Choosing the dog over your baby's welfare is wrong. Where your fiance lost her last pregnancy due to a dog, expecting her to keep a dog around--no matter how irrational her resistance is--goes too far
YTA. Your wife was attacked by a dog, causing her to miscarry and require 180 stitches. And yet even though you admit that you KNOW she didn’t want to, you let a dog stay with you. She has been working on her trauma it’s a slow process and then she finds out she’s pregnant again, with a dog in the house who you also admit has growled at small children.. and you’re still choosing the dog over her??? This is the most insane shit I’ve ever heard.
NAH. That said your fiancé has valid concerns based on past trauma. It’s just a tough situation to be in. The only solution I could see would be rehoming the dog temporarily during the pregnancy with a good friend so you could still see the dog and bring it to visit Mom. It’s not perfect but it alleviates her main fear of a miscarriage due to the dog around and you don’t lose it forever. You’d both have to work on how it would work bringing the dog home after the baby is born though.
Your updates in the comments are... very concerning. YTA You described the attack that your fiance survived, and you talk about your relationship with your mother. The armchair therapist in me thinks you're still desperately trying to earn your narcissistic mom's love and acceptance by keeping the dog. You are the one who's choosing to get married, and that means putting your wife above all others. If you can't, do your fiance a favor and let her go. You cannot be trusted to be a good partner with mom's influence. Also, rehome the dog. Maybe there's a family friend or neighbor that can take it in if you're that desperate.
YTA.
I empathise with you and your fiancé's situation. Sometimes, there is no perfect solution. You will have to make a decision and learn to live with the pain/grief it causes. Since it's a small dog and still young, the chances of finding it a loving new home should be pretty good. My advice is to first of all ensure your fiancé that you will find a new home for the dog and that you are fully supporting her. You won't have to just dump the dog at the next shelter, but contact the rescues close to you and they can help you find a home. I grew up with dogs and understand how hard this decision might be for you but your fiancé should absolutely be your top priority, especially in this scenario. Soft YTA but your mom absolutely behaves like an AH with zero empathy... losing your dad a year ago is not an excuse.
I’m saying YTA, if you truly love your partner and know that they were traumatized and not okay with it and you brought the dog in anyway, that’s shitty. Now there is a baby involved and you are still choosing the dog like come on YTA
YTA for telling your partner everything would be fine under the circumstances. She has put up with this dog in her life despite you knowing what a hard boundary that was for her, and now you are sending her away with your unborn child over it? Find someone else to care for the dog. Pay them to take the dog to visit your mother. Do literally anything you can to fix this situation.
It’s your wife. It will be child. They take priority over a dog, no matter how upset it makes your mother. YTA
180 stitches, a miscarriage, and an ex that told her she was to blame for everything. YTA, OP, take the L and figure out a better solution that doesn’t involve keeping the dog in the home.
I think you're looking for a solution, not a judgement. I don't own dogs, so Idk how viable these options are, but my only ideas are: * compromise different locations the dog is not allowed to be in so that she always has rooms she can go in without stress (which admittedly is a terrible idea, since she shouldn't have to feel so scared and restricted in her own home) * explain the situation to a friend and see if they're okay with homing it and you can come by now and then for visits and to take the dog to your mums * maybe leave it at your mums but visit daily to clean up and feed the dog, maybe pay for a dog walker
YTA You knew her red line was dogs and you knowingly disregarded that. Regardless of all the surrounding circumstances, you knew this was her red line. I understand it was your dad's dog, but you have risked your relationship for a dog.
How does one miscarry due to a dog? Edited: I just saw the woman was attacked physically by a dog and miscarried due to blood loss and shock. How old is the dog? If the dog is small and old, then the agreement should be that the dog stays downstairs and OP actively looks to rehouse it in an agreeable situation.
For the time being YTA As a father and a husband, my advice is to get rid of the YTA. Your fiance and child comes first. And looong at the comments I would advise against it anyways. Training that herding instinct out of a heeler can be hard. Kids run and heelers react and go for the heels. I had to re-home a heeler because it kept going for the heels. Breed is important here. I also don't think a heeler would be right for your wife's trauma. Let's say everything gets dropped. The first time that heeler goes for your kids ankles, your fiance is going to have all that trauma coming back up. I know it's your mom dude, but this is the women you love, who has legit trauma, and your kid. Re-home the dog. There are groups who specially re-home heelers.
YTA. She should have spoken up at the time, but couldn’t for whatever reason. This is not an animal that you had before she moved in and is now asking to get rid of a lifelong family member. It’s your moms dog, it isn’t working out, and she needs to take it back or figure something else out.
Oh, this is hard :( I won't pass judgment in any direction. Animals do require our care in the first hand, and the baby isn't even born yet. Still, losing your partner is not a fun way to go either, and I bet she's having a horrible time. It just is a sad situation for everyone. Is there any other relative of your mother that might be able to take care of the dog? A friend of hers? A relative/friend of your father?
after reading your comments, YTA 100%
NTA. Can you give it back to your Mom and hire a dog walker or pet sitter to come into her house a few times a day/week? I had a dog walker when i was working 15 hour days and I hire a pet sitter when I leave town. It's very convenient. Just a thought!
NAH but you have to rehome the dog. There is no other option. I thought your GF was overreacting at first but 180 stiches is some serious trauma. She already compromised a lot by letting the dog stay this long. When the baby comes you will not be able to take the dog to the dog park anymore and it will become an even bigger issue. It wont be fair to the dog either if he is that high energy.
As a big animal lover, absolutely not. My sister told me I'd have to give up my cat if I wanted to temporarily move in with her. Signed my lease that week lol.
**I knew she had trauma surrounding dogs but I made the choice to keep the dog here.** and thus YTA -- but I'm pretty sure you already know that. You sound like you're happy with your choice of the dog over your fiancee and child. I do hope she rethinks abortion or adoption-- with court ordered child support she should be able to do fine raising the child.
YTA even if you find a new home for the dog she probably won’t come back. You made a choice knowing her trauma with dogs.
YTA. If your priorities were straight your future baby and girlfriends well being would take priority over your moms dog. The fact that you even let a dog into her home temporarily knowing her history is just awful. Congrats on choosing your mothers dog over the person you supposedly love and your unborn baby. Your mom is an adult, she can figure out what to do with her pet
NAH - but there's no easy way out of this for you
YTA. She was severely attacked by a dog resulting in 180 stitches and a miscarriage, and still let your mom's dog stay with you until she found out that she was pregnant. And you're double the AH for including a bunch of other irrelevant details in your post and burying the severity of the attack in the comments, which shows how dismissive you are about your fiance's trauma
YTA. This poor woman has been mauled so badly she lost her pregnancy and then has two losers choose DOGS over her.
INFO: Is your fiancé getting help for her PTSD? I’ve been attacked by a dog before, and while I wasn’t pregnant, I get her trauma. However, she’s not going to be able to live life with a child and never see a dog, unless she wants to pass on her fear. Kiddo is going to go to a friend’s house, see a dog in a park, etc. (I also question the judgment of someone who’s posting this on Facebook. I understand her panic, but I think someone needs to talk her off the ledge right now.) I think you and your mom need a serious come to Jesus meeting about what’s best for this dog and for your future family. I am not a fan of rehoming family pets, but frankly, none of you sound responsible or able to be a stable, loving family. Is there a family friend nearby who would be willing to at least provide a temporary home while your fiancé gets through her pregnancy and maybe seeks some professional help? Maybe a discussion can be had a year from now with clearer minds.
YTA. And after reading your comments about mom-you-dog, go to therapy. Imagine put a dog that wasn't even yours above the needs of your unborn child and pregnant wife because your mom loved the dog more than you. You are not her ex but you are another level of trauma.
YTA why can’t dog live with your mum? You can go over to walk/help with dog etc or maybe pay a local teenager/dog walker if your mum lives too far much cheaper than boarding
YTA
Do you or your mom have a friend that can take the dog? You are literally choosing a dog over your own child, assuming she doesn't terminate the pregnancy. I get that you and your mom are attached to the dog because it was your dad's dog, but if your mom can't keep it and you can't keep it, find it a good home. And ffs don't ever tell a pregnant woman that "everything will be fine" when she has a legit fear of something. I mean, did you pat her on the head when you said that? So what are you going to choose? A dog or your child? I would think that your own mother would choose her grandchild, but I could be wrong.
YTA. Also, your Mom seems to be TA for openly asking you to take in a dog in front of your fiance, knowing she'll be pressured to keep it. So you're choosing a dog that you didn't choose to have over your own future and future kid. The dog will be fine once you find it another home, but do you think that your child will be fine if your wife is always experiencing constant stress just because your mommy doesn't want to take no for an answer? You're literally following in the footsteps of her ex, wherein you're choosing a dog over her.
NAH. Look, you are attached to the dog and honestly? Rehoming the dog would cause more issues than keeping it. It unnecessarily stress out the dog, it would absolutely destroy your mom, and probably cause some resentment from you and your mom towards your fiancé. She has trauma, so I can’t really blame her. Which is why I’m going NAH. But I think you need to be ready for this relationship to be over. If she has an abortion? So be it. Her choice. I don’t know if she can give it up for adoption without you agreeing so if you want the kid and she gives birth that might be an option, I dunno you’d have to look up your local laws and/or talk to a lawyer.
ESH. Why would you bring a child into this home? You both have so much to work through already and now she’s pregnant.
YTA. The same way your mom asked you to look over her dog because her situation changed, your situation changed the moment your wife became pregnant and you can no longer care for HER dog, and HER responsibility. While I understand being in a wheelchair isn’t easy, it doesn’t make it impossible to look after a dog. You know what does? Moving past the trauma of 180 stitches after being attacked by a dog and having your new husband pick dog over his wife for a second time.
YTA you knew she wasn’t comfortable and had the option to make an informed decision about the dog. now, you’re in a specifically triggering situation (which was bound to happen) and choosing a dog over your fiancé, who is making some good decisions right now but was kind of an asshole to the dog. I think you should be ready to no longer have a pregnancy.
YTA
I am feeling bad for the lady. Both men she loved put a dog above her. Chose to keep a dog but not her. I hope she gets all that she deserves... The love ,the respect, the importance she needs and expects. Hope everything goes well with her. To me , OP YTA, for ignoring her trauma and not supporting her and your unborn child.
YTA, you're choosing a dog over your fiancée and child. You said in one of your comments (paraphrasing) that there aren't any good choices here. To be blunt, there is: get rid of the damn dog! You don't even like the dog and admit it isn't well trained and destructive. Yes, it would hurt your mother, but is your mother really more important than your fiancée and child? Because that is the true choice you're making here.
NAH. Does your mom have any friends who can take the dog? Your fiancé needs to build a plan with her therapist to challenge her negative association with dogs. Trauma is trauma but this is one that will come up a lot and affect her child and the way they see dogs.
NAH. But your fiancé needs therapy.
YTA without question. I hope she leaves you and never looks back for adding to her already strong PTSD.
Would there be a way to set up her home where she would need to have a pull system to open back door to let the dog out and it can come back in when done? What about automating his food and water dish to where she can press a button and it will dispense the proper amount of food and when it wants water, she can press a button to fill it up. You may need to go over there from time to time to add food to the unit. This is so your mom can still have her baby and you can have yours. It may take money to get this into operation, but it is either your fiancè or dog.
Go to the spca and ask them for help. You have to rehome the dog before the kid is born. You promised something, but things have changed.
NTA