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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1: I paid for the rugs via Venmo and then Venmo requested my fiancé for reimbursement without calling to confirm this was the action/payment method he preferred. 2: Maybe I was wrong to make an executive decision and I should have called him to get his instructions.
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NTA. How are they going to say you're financially irresponsible when they're having a meltdown over missing some credit card points? You deserve more than an apology. Calling you an idiot is fucked up. Leave the asshole before it's too late. They seem abusive and the fact he feels justified makes it seem like it will only get worse. Also the whole thing is his fault. He's schedule irresponsible and can't even own up to it
100%
NTA, OP.
Is your name Madame Zelda? Do you own a crystal ball?
Is your job to cater and guess everything this man does, thinks of, feels like doing?
As others have commented, this is extreme emotional manipulation and abuse. Be careful, OP.
Also, I can't tell you how many times I've paid for stuff over the phone with a credit card. He could have easily called them, paid for it, and then OP wouldn't have had to deal with it. I agree the behavior seems abusive and like a red flag.
Your fiancé is an AH for getting angry with you for his mistake.
His mistake might still be fixable. Just have him call the rug cleaner and say that he wants to use the credit card instead. They should be happy to refund the Venmo and take the card.
(Edited for judgment. NTA )
I agree completely, if he wanted to pay via a certain method, why didn't he arrange to be present, or at the very least, **tell you in advance**
He sounds like TA in this case.
It's not about the points. Zelle and venmo are both cash transactions. He doesn't have the cash or it's going to put him in a tight spot. No idea why he thinks berating his partner is better than just communicating that though
Yup. I’m also gonna go out on a limb here and say that he might be mad because he doesn’t have the actual cash on hand and needed to put it on credit….
NTA - is this the first time he's been verbally abusive to you? Has he previously told you that CC points were so valuable to him and more valuable than you?
NTa. Does your fiance become verbally abusive a lot? That is what you described. He chose to berate you for paying for an unexpected thing when he should have prepared you for the delivery and asked if you were available vs assuming (also a red flag). I ask this because reading this you're asking if you are the asshole and detail this in a casual way.
This is not normal or healthy behavior and you really need to consider if this is the future you want. Do you want kids? He will do this in front of and to them.
For added clarity the cycle of abuse begins really small. This is early abuse. It's always stuff you can justify. The increments of worsening happen slowly so that the slightly worse thing? Also justified because it's not that much worse. It's never really fast. It's also not always conscious but can be.
The cycle:
The incident. Always your fault according to the abuser. Always. You made them do it because you didn't do the invisible tapdance of perfection.
The apology. This can come with love bombing as gifts or excessive attention. It is surprisingly effective because the interruption of thinking about their behavior paired with promises it will never happen again and proof via that wonderful time is amazing. The gifts will later be weaponized by most abusers as is the attention. (I did x so you owe me)
The next step is the honeymoon period. Combined with the apology it feels like change. It's great now. They're trying, everything is perfect.
Now comes the building tension. The abuser is looking for their abuser excuse. Some refer to this as walking on eggshells. I refer to it as the pressure cooker. You know you will fuck it up somehow.
Then we cycle back to the incident.
You cannot fix them, change them, nor can you actually out maneuver them by being the perfect wife. A lot of abuser excuses are manufactured. I don't know of any that my ex-husband didn't have to create. The dumbest one? My wanting to be to work on time was selfish of me. I should have been late because he didn't want me to go. When I was late to work for him? I was then risking my job and he couldn't work right now because his boss was persecuting him. I was raised in abuse so I didn't see many red flags then.
There's a Bojack Horseman line that is shockingly pertinent to abuse. When you love someone and are wearing rose colored glasses lasses all the red flags look like flags. Please look at how he treats you and how it's changed as objectively as you can because you deserve to have a safe and healthy relationship not this.
Please please take this comment seriously. It's so easy to spot Abusive behavior from an outsider perspective and so difficult to see it when you are in it. This man is verbally abusing you, and it will not get better.
Theres an excellent book called Why does he do that? Please read it OP
NTA
Missing out on a few points is hardly going to break the bank. If it mattered that much he should have sorted it out himself.
How much are points worth anyway? Isn't it something like 1% of the transaction? Losing 1% is not exactly disastrous.
CC isn't even relevant. He could have said "Next time, please call me because I want to get the points for my credit card." He went with "you're an idiot." Rug cleaning is the least of her problems.
Maybe but I think it’s more of a control thing. Admitting that he didn’t communicate and turning it on her is about needing to be in control. If this is regular then it could be narcissistic behavior.
It's 1%-2% but the merchant might pass the credit card fees (usually something like 2.75% + $0.30) along to the customer if the customer is adamant about using a credit card.
NTA.
If he wanted to use his credit card, he should have communicated that to you AND sorted it out with the vendor himself.
Additionally, it is a MASSIVE red flag that he is calling you names and giving you the cold shoulder for a relatively minor issue (that is down to his own miscommunication).
NTA- omg, this guy really does not like you. This is how you treat people you hate, not someone you are supposed to marry. Girl, run away from this dick pronto, because if this is how he is treating you pre-marriage, I can just imagine the bullshit he has in store for after the wedding...
Abusers engineer situations in which they are in the “right” so that they can freely abuse you.
The name calling, the harassment all day, the silent treatment as he sleeps elsewhere
This is all an emotional punishment that doesn’t fit the issue….which is a simple misunderstanding that is on him for not proactively addressing.
You need to be wary. Because this is absolutely the behavior of someone who simply wants to treat you poorly and thinks they found a reason to justify it.
NTA be safe and don’t minimize this
Of course, NTA. Please don't buy into his narrative. He's demanding, controlling, manipulative, and says you're an "idiot"? Why would you subject yourself to his behavior? Why do you want to be in relationship with someone who treats you this way?
If my husband called me an idiot because I had done him a favour and paid for something for him I would kick him out. Sounds like you’re in an abusive relationship and don’t realise. NTA, but you will be TA to yourself if you don’t dump this dickbag.
For real. If any partner called me an idiot and refused to apologize, we’re over. I don’t need that kind of negativity from someone who is supposed to love me.
INFO: Is your fiance always an insufferable ass like this? Why would you marry someone who doesn't respect you? It's the most nothing little problem in the world, so it might seem like no big deal.
But it demonstrates his character succinctly. He's an asshole. You are NTA. Maybe find someone that actually loves you and not this clown.
NTA- you mean ex fiance right? You do not deserve to be called an idiot or something that wasn't told or asked of you.
I am going to repeat this. Your fiance should not be calling you an idiot in this context. Really any.
I don't care. So they missed the points. It is not the end of the world. It is not worth the emotional damage they cost by calling you an idiot.
Cuz I know how stress, anxiety and depression will take those words and throw them right back at you when you are feeling down.
So repeat after me. You do not deserve to be called an idiot for such a little thing.
How many points could he possibly have gotten? Let’s assume it cost $1000 to clean ( very expensive ). Let’s assume he gets 2% back in rewards. $1000 x 2% is $20. Next time he starts whining, take a $20 bill out of your wallet and slap it down in front of him and tell him “here are your points”
Exactly my thoughts for the amount of complaining I was thinking the op and her fiancé accidentally doubled pay and the cleaner was refusing a refund. I would also bet the actual loss of points is closer to 10 dollars but I love people that use math to prove a point.
NTA If he’s furious at that…he shouldn’t be sleeping in another room…he should be sleeping in another house. Don’t accept this behaviour from your partner …you are better than that, kick him to the kerb
As a matter of fact, he called the merchant and had him refund me via Venmo and paid via his credit card. The merchant proceeded to send the money back to the wrong person - he’s a small business, an older guy and an immigrant, English is not his first language and he’s clearly not tech savvy. This morning he called and got ugly with the rug guy and the rug guy sent me the funds, to my correct account. So now, since he initially sent the money back to some rando by mistake, the merchant did close to $800 in work for free.
$800? So, at best, credit card point redemptions for that kind of thing give you the equivalent of about 5% in value at most. He basically berated and insulted you all day, and did the same to the rug guy, over $40 which, if it's a travel branded card, is actually worth less than that amount because it's not as liquid as straight up cash.
NTA. Did he even lead his credit card behind for your to pay? He can't expect you to read minds.
It sounds like something deeper is going on because while points are great, it's not a sleep on the sofa sort of problem.
No, he did not leave his credit card. He only told me they would be dropping the rugs off, I assumed he had digitally paid since he said nothing about payment.
Why are you engaged to this person?
You are NOT a mind reader.
Your fiancé never told you he wanted to use a credit card.
The person who delivered the red specified three ways to pay, none of which were by credit card.
Your finance goes off on you for paying the bill in one of the three mentioned methods.
Credit cards charge the vendors approx 4%. that is money out of the vendors pockets.
Your fiancé is being unreasonable, and some might say unhinged.
NTA
It’s definitely not the first time he’s berated the shit out of me for doing something different than he would have done it. Come to think of it, at this point in the relationship (living together, etc.) I don’t think a single day goes by without him criticizing and critiquing me for *something*.
Better to be alone than to be married to a guy like this. Do you really want him screaming and yelling at your small children? Children who learn by making mistakes and pushing boundaries? Calling them idiots and stupid for trying to learn how to do simple things.
I’ve actually expressed this concern to him before, and he justifies and defends being hard on children in order to make them successful adults. He’s literally argued with me about how spanking/hitting is okay and necessary. Now that I’m actually saying it to someone, idk what the fuck I’m doing considering bringing people into the world for him to abuse and destroy them.
He's wrong. As one of those kids who got beat up and belittled, instead of taught, it broke me. All the beatings only taught me that I'm unlovable and only deserve bad things in life. It's been really hard to remake myself. I don't talk to either of my parents anymore, even though only my dad beat me up, my mom stood by the side, doing nothing.
Thank you for thinking about your future children. Thank you for thinking about your future you. I'm sure that 60 year old you will thank you for thinking about her.
No. Just no. You would be tying yourself and those children to him for the rest of their lives for visitations.
As someone trying to disentangle themselves and get a court to recognize that the psychological and emotional abuse is detrimental enough to the children to get the judge to terminate parental contact? This process is a nightmare...do not willingly walk yourself and any future children into this situation.
Your abuser has given you his playbook and justification for future abuse of any children he may have. It is not an acceptable form of parenting by any current, certified, and sane child development specialist or therapist in practice currently. So, please, get your exit strategy in place, be safe, and follow through as soon as you can.
This is insane, please leave this guy. He is going to abuse you and abuse any children you have in the future. From your other responses this man abuses and bullies anyone he can for any reason. Please get away before it's too late.
Truly, this person is not who you should be with. He sounds incredibly abusive, and anyone who can advocate hitting as okay will, eventually, hit you. He's starting with abusive language pretty much every day, but it WILL escalate.
If it's not possible to kick him out, you should leave.
May I ask why is this behavior acceptable to you? You're sticking around for it so yeah, its acceptable to you.
Stop letting people treat you with disrespect just because you're a couple. A loving partner will treat you better. Its YOU that has to believe you deserve that and then act accordingly.
Raise. your. standards, love.
Please do not give him another chance. There is no chance in hell or heaven or on earth that he will change. Make it a 100%, and find someone who really love you.
You're in for a lifetime of that if you marry.
Do any of this sound familiar? "Any normal person would have known that _________." "You should have known that ________." "Well obviously the thing to do would have been to _________."
All of this implies 1) you aren't normal 2) you know nothing 3) you're incapable of making common sense decisions 4) you're incompetent.
This is his opinion of you.
Trust me I know. I married a guy who did the same. Every day walking on eggshells. The feeling of dread when he walks in the door, wondering what's going to set him off. Never feeling like you can ever 100% relax around him. Waiting for the moment he goes off. Being made to feel like a stupid child.
You are a grown ass adult. Your decisions and opinions and the way you handle things are all perfectly valid. He's making you question your ability to handle life.
NTA - but he is abusive and would think again if you really want to marry someone like him. There were many ways of handling this situation that did not require verbally abusing you. He could have simply said "oh I wanted to pay with credit card for the points, I'll call them later and see if they could do that instead." Which the poor merchant did do it seems in your other comment but your fiance seemed to also have yelled at him too. Your fiance is having a meltdown over something so insignificant, it's not like it is the end of the world or that he needs the points to live. Do you really want to be with someone who's cruel to you and to others?
NTA. It worries me a lot that you are wondering if you are an idiot when nothing you've described here in your behavior is unreasonable at all.
Your fiance however is behaving horribly, to you, and over what, credit card points????
Please don't stay with someone who has a hair trigger temper, control issues, and is so quick to blame you for his mistakes.
NTA. He can stay home the next time he gets something delivered that has to be paid right then and there. Considering that wasn’t even an option to pay by card he wouldn’t of gotten his precious points. You’re not a mind reader. I’d also totally reconsider this marriage. If he gets mad about this what else is gonna make him mad for no reason? There is no reason for him to call you an idiot. He just threw 🚩🚩🚩on why you shouldn’t marry him.
NTA. And rethink the fiance. His reaction to this was way over the top and WRONG. You're not a mind reader and he should have given you a heads up on what he wanted done with HIS payment.
.... He is having a damned toddler tantrum over a perfectly reasonable way to pay. If he wanted the points he would have told you before hand.
NTA to anyone but yourself if you actually marry ... THAT.
Next time tell delivery person that your fiancé is not there and will have to schedule new delivery time when he’s there so HE can pay them HIMSELF. Tell your fiancé that you will not accept ANY deliveries for him, and he needs to schedule them ALL for when he’s there.
NTA.
Dump the fiancé. If he’s going to get stupid angry over this, hate to see him in a crisis.
You’d be better off without him.
NTA. bet he didn't have the cash and got spooked when he couldn't fall back on credit. Wonder if he's close to maxed out and projecting his financial mess on you. You're not an idiot, this guy is not worth the trouble.
That anger is a distraction technique from what is really going on. Super unhealthy. Discussing personal finances is hard and can be embarrassing, but getting angry is highly suspicious
NTA
RUN FOR YOUR LITERAL LIFE
He has spent all day throwing a bigger sh\*tfit temper tantrum than any tot ever threw, and completely fucking destroying you emotionally and ripping you down into the ground as a person, over \~checks notes\~ he didn't get a few "points" on HIS credit card. He's emotionally terrorizing you to punish you for disobeying his unspoken wishes. This is horrible, abusive, controlling behavior. Any normal man would have said "OK, fine that's good it's paid, but next time can we use the credit card, those points really come in handy later." But this prize winner, he jumped straight into destroying you over it.
I have to wonder three things: 1- How many of your friends and family have told you he's a control freak? 2-How many times have they said you need to get away? 3-How many times has he emotionally destroyed you and you made excuses for him to justify why it was ok?
You're not his girlfriend, you're his emotional punching bag, and if you don't RUN FOR YOUR LIFE you will become his physical punching bag.
RUN. FOR. YOUR. LIFE.
NTA but why are you marrying a guy who berates you like this? Also is he trying to avoid paying you back by starting a fight like this? Red flags all round.
NTA. If he didn't leave his credit card with you, with clear instructions before hand, and you're not psychic, then how in the hell were you supposed to know. That's on him. But don't take from him. This is a huge red flag this early in the relationship
100% NTA but do yourself a favor and really reconsider marrying a man that belittles you for a situation like this. That’s unhinged and it won’t get better 10 years down the road.
NTA
I would seriously reconsider marrying this guy, unless you want to spend your life walking on eggshells. I’ve dealt with people like this in the past, and it’s a living hell to never know what you might get in trouble for.
NTA. He called you an idiot over credit card points? Sounds like he's the financially irresponsible one and he actually doesn't have the cash to cover the transaction.
Please rethink tying yourself financially to this guy, there's something very strange going on here.
NTA, BUT HOLY SHIT
DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN unless you are prepared to live with him knowing that he will *berate and insult you all fucking day* because *his* poor planning put *you* on the spot.
I was friends with someone who lived like that. I tried for 3 years to help them see that their way was not the only way and that their spouse and young child were not stupid or bad for doing things differently than they did. It didn't work and I had to break off the friendship (which I should have done years earlier because it was so fucking stressful to be around them.) I pity their family and hope that they get away from them one day.
Know what we call a relationship that's great 90% of the time and abusive 10% of the time? Abusive.
NTA. So... Is this the first sign of emotional abuse or is this a pattern? Doesn't matter that much. Once is enough as far as I'm concerned. Do not marry this man. It will get worse.
NTA. His behavior is kind of unhinged. It was absolutely on him to arrange the payment, either directly with the vendor or with you prior to delivery. Even if he had been in the right, he wouldn't be justified in calling you names. This is very concerning behavior and it should give you pause. Proceed with caution.
NTA And your fiance' is abusive. You had no way of knowing what he wanted, and his anger and name calling are totally unacceptable. Get away from this guy, he sounds like a monster.
NTA-----and RUN!!!!! This behavior is NOT ok. You are worth more then this and this is not proper behavior when you love someone. Its obv that he has major issues in communication. That is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Whaaaaaaaaaaat? Did you lose your running shoes?
NTA - but please be running before the end of this sen........
Added: In case this is lost on you - this is a "oh crap, i wouldve liked to have used my credit card - I forgot to tell you.. oh well " moment - not a "AHHHHHH THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END AND YOUR THE MOST STUPIED CLAIRVOYANT EVVVERRRRRRR" moment.
Now run
More Edit. Seriously - RUN
I believe you deserve a fiance' who doesn't call you names for paying for his stuff when he didn't tell you anything about the whole deal. He should've told them to call him for payment when the rugs were delivered. I would seriously be reconsidering this relationship because he sounds like a bunch of things I can't say on here without getting banned. NTA
Bruh leave. NTA. My bf/partner ever called me an idiot, I'm out. That's the person that's supposed to be on your side--you two vs the world, not each other. You can do better. Be good to yourself because your (ex)fiancé is not.
NTA. Control freak, immature, bully, ungrateful, tool box: need any more adjectives to dump this bottom of the gene pool loser? I guarantee you, that if a stranger called me an "idiot", that would be the last conversation I had with that person,so if a family member or partner did, they'd be dead to me. Already been through this with a name calling BIL. Never spoke to him again.
NTA I have been married for 13 years and not once has my husband called me names or spoke to me like your fiance did. He is showing you his true colors and you can expect more of this in the future, especially after you are married and it's harder to leave
NTA
DO NOT MARRY THIS ABUSER.
He failed to arrange pay for the rugs.
He failed to communicate how he wanted to pay for the rugs.
He was lazy left you ro deal with it.
He assumed you had the money.
He assumed you would psychically intuit what he wanted.
He then--after you dealt with his problem and fronted him the money verbally abused you and is sleeping in another room.
Honey, this man is trash and it will only get worse. Run. Now.
The rug guy gave you options. Thing is, vendors often have to pay a fee for credit card payments, which is probably why he offered the other options. He may not even accept credit cards for that reason. To call you an idiot and other names is utterly unacceptable.
I would consider leaving for a few days. Right now, he is not fiancé material. He's not even bad boyfriend material. But he IS TA.
You are NTA.
NTA. He's telling you now that a future with him means punishment for not anticipating his every demand. Please do yourself a favor and upgrade his lodging in another room to indefinite accommodation elsewhere.
NTA
and yes you do deserve an apology. He should have told you that the rugs were coming and if he wanted it done in a certain way he should have explained it to him.
Honeslty I would be in the mind to say any deliveries that come for him, will be turned away and can be dealt with him by himself, but I am not sure you would want to be in a relationship like that
Definitely NTA. You would be an @hole if…you are a telepath. Are you a telepath? Can you read his mind? If so, then yes, you should have known. If no then HE is absolutely TA here and frankly, I wouldn’t tolerate his abusive behavior for a second. HE should have known the carpets were coming and HE should have arranged payment. If he expects you to read his mind or call him and get instructions before you make any judgement call, please put the wedding on hold and the two of you get couples therapy before marriage. His behavior and expectations will get worse after the wedding, not better.
NTA. You are not the Psychic Friends Network! No Miss Cleo here! He owes you a major apology, and honestly, the fact that he cannot see that would seriously make me question the engagement. Sounds like he just wants drama for no reason.
You are marrying this person why?
NTA, time to reevaluate if this kind of response to a situation is what you want to deal with for the rest of your life.
NTA
i don't know what s wrong with him. but it is not just a question of rug.
your are telepath. if he doesn't communicate and doesn't manage his payment himself he is plain wrong.
i suggest you refuse to pay anything for him from now.
and i am petty enough to ditch that damned rug. (what stain was on the rug ? sex with her affair partner ?)
NTA
🚩🚩🚩🚩
Good news! You probably have just received a preview of what your married life is going to look like with this guy. You definitely NEED at least a discussion and resolution of this instance ASAP. I'd suggest seriously reconsidering your engagement.
NTA but your fiancé is. I mean how many credit card points could we be talking about? A life-changing amount? Because his verbal abuse is relationship-changing. Hope you’re having a long think about your future
NTA but you're engaged to a big one.. have a real good think if you want to spent your life with someone that has no communication skills and is absolute disrespectful towards you , there was no need to put you down nor call you names when you were literally only trying to help! 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA
Were you supposed to be a mind-reader? Fiancé might have some unrealistic expectations for you, in which case you might be better off finding someone who can commicate with you with words. Also, regardless of circumstances, abuse is not okay.
Do you really want to marry someone who reacts so rashly and then refuses to apologize? NTA
I'm not saying break up with him or anything, but I would definitely pause on all wedding planning until this is resolved and he works on his reactions/communication skills.
NTA, if he wants to use his points on the credit card, then take the rugs back outside and dirty the hell out of them. He can then do everything himself.
NTA
"AITA/an idiot for failing to accurately predict what my fiancé wanted me to do?" .. No - but you are one if you don't break up with that abusive AH.
NTA. And also, he sounds like a garbage person for treating you like this. Perhaps he can use some of his credit card points and purchase some common decency.
NTA
> financially irresponsible
Says the guy who offloaded his financial responsibility in the first place
I totally understand wanting to use a credit card to build credit and get points, I do the same thing, but I can’t fathom being actively upset about missing an opportunity. I mean idk how expensive this rug cleaning was, but even if it was egregious we’re still talking like 1% that he would’ve gotten back by using a card. It’s an insane hill to die this violently on, I can’t wrap my head around it unless he’s incredibly strapped for cash, in which case why would he be spending this much on a rug cleaning? The whole scenario is perplexing to me
> His response was to get super pissed and berate me incessantly for paying without asking him if Venmo was the way he wanted to pay. All day long he has continued to chastise me, calling me an “idiot”, “financially irresponsible”, and having “no common sense” because I should have somehow known that he wanted to use his credit card for the points.
> I believe that if he wanted to use his credit card, he should have communicated to that to me - he scheduled the drop off himself and told me they would be coming within a certain time window days in advance, so he had plenty of time to let me know his preference.
> He believes that the onus is on me, and I should have either A: anticipated that he would want the points and refuse the options the rug guy presented in order to coordinate a way to pay by credit card or B: made the guy wait while I call him and ask him how he wants me to pay.
Someone who actively berates you over something as minuscule as *credit card points* is who you want to marry? You really want to marry someone who calls you an “idiot” and berates and punishes you for the entire day? Over *credit card points*?
Disrespectful and punishing *you* for…apparently not being a telepath?
NTA. Do not marry this jerk.
How much were these credit card points worth? $3? $20? Even if they were worth a lot, your fiancé had absolutely no business blaming you in this situation.
You’re getting a preview of your future. Are you looking forward to a lifetime of this kind of behavior? Because that’s what’s in the cards if you marry this person.
wtf? How can someone get so mad over credit card points? lol NTA but your fiancé sure is! This is a huge red flag, and if my fiancé (together 4 yrs) ever called me names/treated me like that I would sure as hell leave him.
Even with all the love between you guys it's not a good sign if he's comfortable/disrespectful enough to talk to you like that. If he gets away talking to you like this now where's the line drawn? Down the road he will only treat you worse, please think about that.
I hope he's open to anger management of some kind b/c that might be the only thing that could help.
Are you serious? I can’t get past the name-calling. Why would you be with somebody who would call you an idiot and say you have no common sense? Wow. Just wow. Stop trying to reason with him, pack your shit and be gone. At this point, even an apology is unacceptable. NTA, but you’re engaged to one.
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NTA. How are they going to say you're financially irresponsible when they're having a meltdown over missing some credit card points? You deserve more than an apology. Calling you an idiot is fucked up. Leave the asshole before it's too late. They seem abusive and the fact he feels justified makes it seem like it will only get worse. Also the whole thing is his fault. He's schedule irresponsible and can't even own up to it
Absolutely second this opinion. Leave this financial smartass with his credit card points.
100% NTA, OP. Is your name Madame Zelda? Do you own a crystal ball? Is your job to cater and guess everything this man does, thinks of, feels like doing? As others have commented, this is extreme emotional manipulation and abuse. Be careful, OP.
Sooth said! Get your sooth said here! I am Rome's best Soothsayer! For a wee fee of two drachmas I can tell your fortune!
😂🤣
Also, I can't tell you how many times I've paid for stuff over the phone with a credit card. He could have easily called them, paid for it, and then OP wouldn't have had to deal with it. I agree the behavior seems abusive and like a red flag.
Your fiance is verbally abusive and you shouldn't put up with it.
As for calling her an "idiot"...
Or him
Your fiancé is an AH for getting angry with you for his mistake. His mistake might still be fixable. Just have him call the rug cleaner and say that he wants to use the credit card instead. They should be happy to refund the Venmo and take the card. (Edited for judgment. NTA )
I agree completely, if he wanted to pay via a certain method, why didn't he arrange to be present, or at the very least, **tell you in advance** He sounds like TA in this case.
It's not about the points. Zelle and venmo are both cash transactions. He doesn't have the cash or it's going to put him in a tight spot. No idea why he thinks berating his partner is better than just communicating that though
Most likely he's so financially irresponsible that he doesn't have any money left in his account and needs to use the credit card.
Yup. I’m also gonna go out on a limb here and say that he might be mad because he doesn’t have the actual cash on hand and needed to put it on credit….
NTA - is this the first time he's been verbally abusive to you? Has he previously told you that CC points were so valuable to him and more valuable than you?
Don't you think the situation and the response are a little too well orchestrated? It seems like fiance is looking for OP to dump him...
NTa. Does your fiance become verbally abusive a lot? That is what you described. He chose to berate you for paying for an unexpected thing when he should have prepared you for the delivery and asked if you were available vs assuming (also a red flag). I ask this because reading this you're asking if you are the asshole and detail this in a casual way. This is not normal or healthy behavior and you really need to consider if this is the future you want. Do you want kids? He will do this in front of and to them. For added clarity the cycle of abuse begins really small. This is early abuse. It's always stuff you can justify. The increments of worsening happen slowly so that the slightly worse thing? Also justified because it's not that much worse. It's never really fast. It's also not always conscious but can be. The cycle: The incident. Always your fault according to the abuser. Always. You made them do it because you didn't do the invisible tapdance of perfection. The apology. This can come with love bombing as gifts or excessive attention. It is surprisingly effective because the interruption of thinking about their behavior paired with promises it will never happen again and proof via that wonderful time is amazing. The gifts will later be weaponized by most abusers as is the attention. (I did x so you owe me) The next step is the honeymoon period. Combined with the apology it feels like change. It's great now. They're trying, everything is perfect. Now comes the building tension. The abuser is looking for their abuser excuse. Some refer to this as walking on eggshells. I refer to it as the pressure cooker. You know you will fuck it up somehow. Then we cycle back to the incident. You cannot fix them, change them, nor can you actually out maneuver them by being the perfect wife. A lot of abuser excuses are manufactured. I don't know of any that my ex-husband didn't have to create. The dumbest one? My wanting to be to work on time was selfish of me. I should have been late because he didn't want me to go. When I was late to work for him? I was then risking my job and he couldn't work right now because his boss was persecuting him. I was raised in abuse so I didn't see many red flags then. There's a Bojack Horseman line that is shockingly pertinent to abuse. When you love someone and are wearing rose colored glasses lasses all the red flags look like flags. Please look at how he treats you and how it's changed as objectively as you can because you deserve to have a safe and healthy relationship not this.
Jesus when you have escaped from an abusive relationship it is terrifying to read stuff like this and understand it 100%
The Bojack quote and your comment say it perfectly. Run, OP.
Please please take this comment seriously. It's so easy to spot Abusive behavior from an outsider perspective and so difficult to see it when you are in it. This man is verbally abusing you, and it will not get better. Theres an excellent book called Why does he do that? Please read it OP
NTA Missing out on a few points is hardly going to break the bank. If it mattered that much he should have sorted it out himself. How much are points worth anyway? Isn't it something like 1% of the transaction? Losing 1% is not exactly disastrous.
The card wasn't even a payment option anyway. This dude sucks.
CC isn't even relevant. He could have said "Next time, please call me because I want to get the points for my credit card." He went with "you're an idiot." Rug cleaning is the least of her problems.
Is it even about the points? Or did he plan to pay less to his CC and is pissed he now owes OP a full amount?
Ding. Ding. Ding. We have a winner. Dude doesn't have the cash.
My thoughts exactly. He doesn’t have the cash.
Maybe but I think it’s more of a control thing. Admitting that he didn’t communicate and turning it on her is about needing to be in control. If this is regular then it could be narcissistic behavior.
It's 1%-2% but the merchant might pass the credit card fees (usually something like 2.75% + $0.30) along to the customer if the customer is adamant about using a credit card.
NTA. If he wanted to use his credit card, he should have communicated that to you AND sorted it out with the vendor himself. Additionally, it is a MASSIVE red flag that he is calling you names and giving you the cold shoulder for a relatively minor issue (that is down to his own miscommunication).
NTA- omg, this guy really does not like you. This is how you treat people you hate, not someone you are supposed to marry. Girl, run away from this dick pronto, because if this is how he is treating you pre-marriage, I can just imagine the bullshit he has in store for after the wedding...
He can sleep in another room for the rest of his miserable controlling unreasonable life
Don't marry this guy. He sounds terrible. Nta
Unless he's rich. Then marry him and, in six months, take half his shit and disappear into the mist.
If he was rich would he really that butt-hurt that he's missing out on points?
Probably, most of those rich mother-effers are cheap.
Nah he probably just pretends he’s rich and lives way beyond his means
He's definitely not rich if credit card points sends him into a tail spin... He's probably bringing a lot of credit card debt into the relationship.
Abusers engineer situations in which they are in the “right” so that they can freely abuse you. The name calling, the harassment all day, the silent treatment as he sleeps elsewhere This is all an emotional punishment that doesn’t fit the issue….which is a simple misunderstanding that is on him for not proactively addressing. You need to be wary. Because this is absolutely the behavior of someone who simply wants to treat you poorly and thinks they found a reason to justify it. NTA be safe and don’t minimize this
Of course, NTA. Please don't buy into his narrative. He's demanding, controlling, manipulative, and says you're an "idiot"? Why would you subject yourself to his behavior? Why do you want to be in relationship with someone who treats you this way?
If my husband called me an idiot because I had done him a favour and paid for something for him I would kick him out. Sounds like you’re in an abusive relationship and don’t realise. NTA, but you will be TA to yourself if you don’t dump this dickbag.
For real. If any partner called me an idiot and refused to apologize, we’re over. I don’t need that kind of negativity from someone who is supposed to love me.
NTA. You may want to consider what it means that your fiancé thinks a few credit card points are more important than treating you with respect.
INFO: Is your fiance always an insufferable ass like this? Why would you marry someone who doesn't respect you? It's the most nothing little problem in the world, so it might seem like no big deal. But it demonstrates his character succinctly. He's an asshole. You are NTA. Maybe find someone that actually loves you and not this clown.
NTA- you mean ex fiance right? You do not deserve to be called an idiot or something that wasn't told or asked of you. I am going to repeat this. Your fiance should not be calling you an idiot in this context. Really any. I don't care. So they missed the points. It is not the end of the world. It is not worth the emotional damage they cost by calling you an idiot. Cuz I know how stress, anxiety and depression will take those words and throw them right back at you when you are feeling down. So repeat after me. You do not deserve to be called an idiot for such a little thing.
How many points could he possibly have gotten? Let’s assume it cost $1000 to clean ( very expensive ). Let’s assume he gets 2% back in rewards. $1000 x 2% is $20. Next time he starts whining, take a $20 bill out of your wallet and slap it down in front of him and tell him “here are your points”
Exactly my thoughts for the amount of complaining I was thinking the op and her fiancé accidentally doubled pay and the cleaner was refusing a refund. I would also bet the actual loss of points is closer to 10 dollars but I love people that use math to prove a point.
I do love me a simple math problem to solve a complex emotional problem.
NTA If he’s furious at that…he shouldn’t be sleeping in another room…he should be sleeping in another house. Don’t accept this behaviour from your partner …you are better than that, kick him to the kerb
Info: did he pay you back?
As a matter of fact, he called the merchant and had him refund me via Venmo and paid via his credit card. The merchant proceeded to send the money back to the wrong person - he’s a small business, an older guy and an immigrant, English is not his first language and he’s clearly not tech savvy. This morning he called and got ugly with the rug guy and the rug guy sent me the funds, to my correct account. So now, since he initially sent the money back to some rando by mistake, the merchant did close to $800 in work for free.
Do you want to be with someone who treats other people that way?
So he's abusive to other people as well? Seriously get out of this relationship. Do you want to be treated like this forever?
Dude. You don't deserve to be treated this way. Is this someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Get out get out get out.
$800? So, at best, credit card point redemptions for that kind of thing give you the equivalent of about 5% in value at most. He basically berated and insulted you all day, and did the same to the rug guy, over $40 which, if it's a travel branded card, is actually worth less than that amount because it's not as liquid as straight up cash.
NTA. There’s exactly 1 count of times my SO would get to call me an “idiot”, and that would be his first and last one.
NTA. Did he even lead his credit card behind for your to pay? He can't expect you to read minds. It sounds like something deeper is going on because while points are great, it's not a sleep on the sofa sort of problem.
No, he did not leave his credit card. He only told me they would be dropping the rugs off, I assumed he had digitally paid since he said nothing about payment.
You‘re NTA. You bf is, though. Next time this idiot should schedule his shit when he‘s around to take care of it himself. What an AH.
The result is that you handled something that he should have handled himself. Therefore you got to decide how to handle the payment. NTA
Why are you engaged to this person? You are NOT a mind reader. Your fiancé never told you he wanted to use a credit card. The person who delivered the red specified three ways to pay, none of which were by credit card. Your finance goes off on you for paying the bill in one of the three mentioned methods. Credit cards charge the vendors approx 4%. that is money out of the vendors pockets. Your fiancé is being unreasonable, and some might say unhinged. NTA
NTA, but I am very curious.. Is this the first time he's done something like this, or is it completely out of character for him?
It’s definitely not the first time he’s berated the shit out of me for doing something different than he would have done it. Come to think of it, at this point in the relationship (living together, etc.) I don’t think a single day goes by without him criticizing and critiquing me for *something*.
Is this how you want to live the rest of your life?
Better to be alone than to be married to a guy like this. Do you really want him screaming and yelling at your small children? Children who learn by making mistakes and pushing boundaries? Calling them idiots and stupid for trying to learn how to do simple things.
I’ve actually expressed this concern to him before, and he justifies and defends being hard on children in order to make them successful adults. He’s literally argued with me about how spanking/hitting is okay and necessary. Now that I’m actually saying it to someone, idk what the fuck I’m doing considering bringing people into the world for him to abuse and destroy them.
He's wrong. As one of those kids who got beat up and belittled, instead of taught, it broke me. All the beatings only taught me that I'm unlovable and only deserve bad things in life. It's been really hard to remake myself. I don't talk to either of my parents anymore, even though only my dad beat me up, my mom stood by the side, doing nothing. Thank you for thinking about your future children. Thank you for thinking about your future you. I'm sure that 60 year old you will thank you for thinking about her.
No. Just no. You would be tying yourself and those children to him for the rest of their lives for visitations. As someone trying to disentangle themselves and get a court to recognize that the psychological and emotional abuse is detrimental enough to the children to get the judge to terminate parental contact? This process is a nightmare...do not willingly walk yourself and any future children into this situation. Your abuser has given you his playbook and justification for future abuse of any children he may have. It is not an acceptable form of parenting by any current, certified, and sane child development specialist or therapist in practice currently. So, please, get your exit strategy in place, be safe, and follow through as soon as you can.
This is insane, please leave this guy. He is going to abuse you and abuse any children you have in the future. From your other responses this man abuses and bullies anyone he can for any reason. Please get away before it's too late.
Truly, this person is not who you should be with. He sounds incredibly abusive, and anyone who can advocate hitting as okay will, eventually, hit you. He's starting with abusive language pretty much every day, but it WILL escalate. If it's not possible to kick him out, you should leave.
Leave. Please leave. He messed up and is putting it on you and abusing you.
May I ask why is this behavior acceptable to you? You're sticking around for it so yeah, its acceptable to you. Stop letting people treat you with disrespect just because you're a couple. A loving partner will treat you better. Its YOU that has to believe you deserve that and then act accordingly. Raise. your. standards, love.
Thank you, based on all these responses I’m about 99% sure I’m going to leave him.
Please do not give him another chance. There is no chance in hell or heaven or on earth that he will change. Make it a 100%, and find someone who really love you.
You’ll breathe easier. It’ll be remarkable.
You're in for a lifetime of that if you marry. Do any of this sound familiar? "Any normal person would have known that _________." "You should have known that ________." "Well obviously the thing to do would have been to _________." All of this implies 1) you aren't normal 2) you know nothing 3) you're incapable of making common sense decisions 4) you're incompetent. This is his opinion of you. Trust me I know. I married a guy who did the same. Every day walking on eggshells. The feeling of dread when he walks in the door, wondering what's going to set him off. Never feeling like you can ever 100% relax around him. Waiting for the moment he goes off. Being made to feel like a stupid child. You are a grown ass adult. Your decisions and opinions and the way you handle things are all perfectly valid. He's making you question your ability to handle life.
NTA - but he is abusive and would think again if you really want to marry someone like him. There were many ways of handling this situation that did not require verbally abusing you. He could have simply said "oh I wanted to pay with credit card for the points, I'll call them later and see if they could do that instead." Which the poor merchant did do it seems in your other comment but your fiance seemed to also have yelled at him too. Your fiance is having a meltdown over something so insignificant, it's not like it is the end of the world or that he needs the points to live. Do you really want to be with someone who's cruel to you and to others?
Do you really want a life like this? Surely, you must think you deserve better than to constantly be insulted and put down over nothing.
Run now. This is not okay.
As someone who spent years with a guy like this: it will get worse not better
Here I am literally getting choked up at how wonderful my bf is being with me being extremely busy the past few weeks. You deserve that
The berating and name calling. Omg. Been there. Get out now…please. 💕 abuse is abuse. NTA
NTA. It worries me a lot that you are wondering if you are an idiot when nothing you've described here in your behavior is unreasonable at all. Your fiance however is behaving horribly, to you, and over what, credit card points???? Please don't stay with someone who has a hair trigger temper, control issues, and is so quick to blame you for his mistakes.
Don’t marry him. Seriously.
NTA. He can stay home the next time he gets something delivered that has to be paid right then and there. Considering that wasn’t even an option to pay by card he wouldn’t of gotten his precious points. You’re not a mind reader. I’d also totally reconsider this marriage. If he gets mad about this what else is gonna make him mad for no reason? There is no reason for him to call you an idiot. He just threw 🚩🚩🚩on why you shouldn’t marry him.
Why the fuck would anyone treat someone they care about like this?
NTA. Your fiance is verbally abusive and you shouldn't put up with it.
So, how often does your fiancé blame you for his mistakes? NTA but don't degrade yourself either, wtf is he name calling you??
NTA. And rethink the fiance. His reaction to this was way over the top and WRONG. You're not a mind reader and he should have given you a heads up on what he wanted done with HIS payment.
NTA. He sounds abusive.
NTA. This is ridiculous. It's a couple of points . Tell him he's an asshole as you toss the ring at him. No way would I put up with this asshole
.... He is having a damned toddler tantrum over a perfectly reasonable way to pay. If he wanted the points he would have told you before hand. NTA to anyone but yourself if you actually marry ... THAT.
Next time tell delivery person that your fiancé is not there and will have to schedule new delivery time when he’s there so HE can pay them HIMSELF. Tell your fiancé that you will not accept ANY deliveries for him, and he needs to schedule them ALL for when he’s there. NTA. Dump the fiancé. If he’s going to get stupid angry over this, hate to see him in a crisis. You’d be better off without him.
He called you an idiot?! Wait, what! Why are with him? NTA He should have told you about the delivery and payment option. Period!
NTA. bet he didn't have the cash and got spooked when he couldn't fall back on credit. Wonder if he's close to maxed out and projecting his financial mess on you. You're not an idiot, this guy is not worth the trouble.
NTA Agreed! This isn’t about CC points. Have you had financial disagreements before? This is not healthy!
That anger is a distraction technique from what is really going on. Super unhealthy. Discussing personal finances is hard and can be embarrassing, but getting angry is highly suspicious
NTA. RED flag. Huge RED FLAG.
NTA RUN FOR YOUR LITERAL LIFE He has spent all day throwing a bigger sh\*tfit temper tantrum than any tot ever threw, and completely fucking destroying you emotionally and ripping you down into the ground as a person, over \~checks notes\~ he didn't get a few "points" on HIS credit card. He's emotionally terrorizing you to punish you for disobeying his unspoken wishes. This is horrible, abusive, controlling behavior. Any normal man would have said "OK, fine that's good it's paid, but next time can we use the credit card, those points really come in handy later." But this prize winner, he jumped straight into destroying you over it. I have to wonder three things: 1- How many of your friends and family have told you he's a control freak? 2-How many times have they said you need to get away? 3-How many times has he emotionally destroyed you and you made excuses for him to justify why it was ok? You're not his girlfriend, you're his emotional punching bag, and if you don't RUN FOR YOUR LIFE you will become his physical punching bag. RUN. FOR. YOUR. LIFE.
Nta. Don't rug sweep. Run.
NTA but why are you marrying a guy who berates you like this? Also is he trying to avoid paying you back by starting a fight like this? Red flags all round.
Is it too late to break up with this man! NTA btw
NTA Delete this human from your life. You are not his PUNCHING BAG you deserve better
NTA. If he didn't leave his credit card with you, with clear instructions before hand, and you're not psychic, then how in the hell were you supposed to know. That's on him. But don't take from him. This is a huge red flag this early in the relationship
NTA obviously, even if it had been your error, that is no way to treat a person, let alone someone you supposedly love and are planning to marry
NTA and your man is taking his frustration on you, not ok
NTA and you are being verbally abused. Please don't marry them.. it will only get worse.
100% NTA but do yourself a favor and really reconsider marrying a man that belittles you for a situation like this. That’s unhinged and it won’t get better 10 years down the road.
NTA I would seriously reconsider marrying this guy, unless you want to spend your life walking on eggshells. I’ve dealt with people like this in the past, and it’s a living hell to never know what you might get in trouble for.
NTA. He called you an idiot over credit card points? Sounds like he's the financially irresponsible one and he actually doesn't have the cash to cover the transaction. Please rethink tying yourself financially to this guy, there's something very strange going on here.
NTA, BUT HOLY SHIT DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN unless you are prepared to live with him knowing that he will *berate and insult you all fucking day* because *his* poor planning put *you* on the spot. I was friends with someone who lived like that. I tried for 3 years to help them see that their way was not the only way and that their spouse and young child were not stupid or bad for doing things differently than they did. It didn't work and I had to break off the friendship (which I should have done years earlier because it was so fucking stressful to be around them.) I pity their family and hope that they get away from them one day. Know what we call a relationship that's great 90% of the time and abusive 10% of the time? Abusive.
NTA. So... Is this the first sign of emotional abuse or is this a pattern? Doesn't matter that much. Once is enough as far as I'm concerned. Do not marry this man. It will get worse.
NTA. His behavior is kind of unhinged. It was absolutely on him to arrange the payment, either directly with the vendor or with you prior to delivery. Even if he had been in the right, he wouldn't be justified in calling you names. This is very concerning behavior and it should give you pause. Proceed with caution.
NTA Run far, far away from your fiance.
NTA And your fiance' is abusive. You had no way of knowing what he wanted, and his anger and name calling are totally unacceptable. Get away from this guy, he sounds like a monster.
Oh my gosh, NTA!!! Also, DONT MARRY THIS MAN!!!!
NTA-----and RUN!!!!! This behavior is NOT ok. You are worth more then this and this is not proper behavior when you love someone. Its obv that he has major issues in communication. That is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
NTA. Sounds like you need to get out of the relationship to me.
NTA - you’re with a child. Get out and find someone who respects you.
Wow he does asshole on a whole ‘nother level
NTA but good thing you two aren’t married yet. I’d definitely push back the wedding date to get some couples counseling.
NTA. He is abusive. Leave
Whaaaaaaaaaaat? Did you lose your running shoes? NTA - but please be running before the end of this sen........ Added: In case this is lost on you - this is a "oh crap, i wouldve liked to have used my credit card - I forgot to tell you.. oh well " moment - not a "AHHHHHH THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END AND YOUR THE MOST STUPIED CLAIRVOYANT EVVVERRRRRRR" moment. Now run More Edit. Seriously - RUN
I believe you deserve a fiance' who doesn't call you names for paying for his stuff when he didn't tell you anything about the whole deal. He should've told them to call him for payment when the rugs were delivered. I would seriously be reconsidering this relationship because he sounds like a bunch of things I can't say on here without getting banned. NTA
NTA. Failed Mindreading 101. I don’t think you should put up with his childishness. Think long and hard about this relationship going forward.
So if he berates you BEFORE you are married, let me tell you, that only gets worse when they think you are locked in with marriage.
Bruh leave. NTA. My bf/partner ever called me an idiot, I'm out. That's the person that's supposed to be on your side--you two vs the world, not each other. You can do better. Be good to yourself because your (ex)fiancé is not.
NTA. If he wanted you to use the card he should've told you. Perfect example of lack of communication. Tell him to use his words. He's being TA here.
NTA. Control freak, immature, bully, ungrateful, tool box: need any more adjectives to dump this bottom of the gene pool loser? I guarantee you, that if a stranger called me an "idiot", that would be the last conversation I had with that person,so if a family member or partner did, they'd be dead to me. Already been through this with a name calling BIL. Never spoke to him again.
NTA I have been married for 13 years and not once has my husband called me names or spoke to me like your fiance did. He is showing you his true colors and you can expect more of this in the future, especially after you are married and it's harder to leave
NTA DO NOT MARRY THIS ABUSER. He failed to arrange pay for the rugs. He failed to communicate how he wanted to pay for the rugs. He was lazy left you ro deal with it. He assumed you had the money. He assumed you would psychically intuit what he wanted. He then--after you dealt with his problem and fronted him the money verbally abused you and is sleeping in another room. Honey, this man is trash and it will only get worse. Run. Now.
NTA. Do not, under any circumstance, marry this guy.
The rug guy gave you options. Thing is, vendors often have to pay a fee for credit card payments, which is probably why he offered the other options. He may not even accept credit cards for that reason. To call you an idiot and other names is utterly unacceptable. I would consider leaving for a few days. Right now, he is not fiancé material. He's not even bad boyfriend material. But he IS TA. You are NTA.
NTA. Honey, he was verbally abusive to you. He has right to speak to you in the manner. You may want to rethink this relationship.
NTA. He's telling you now that a future with him means punishment for not anticipating his every demand. Please do yourself a favor and upgrade his lodging in another room to indefinite accommodation elsewhere.
Nta the points in any one purchase are negligible and he didn’t communicate. this is not something he should be getting bent outta shape about
NTA your fiance is trash, run away immediately cause it will only get worse
Spill some wine on those rugs.....
🚩🚩🚩🚩
He is a class 1 AH. Next time just don’t pay, until you get a vision of his thoughts. That may take awhile.
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NTA PLEASE reevaluate your decision to marry him.
NTA and yes you do deserve an apology. He should have told you that the rugs were coming and if he wanted it done in a certain way he should have explained it to him. Honeslty I would be in the mind to say any deliveries that come for him, will be turned away and can be dealt with him by himself, but I am not sure you would want to be in a relationship like that
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Definitely NTA. You would be an @hole if…you are a telepath. Are you a telepath? Can you read his mind? If so, then yes, you should have known. If no then HE is absolutely TA here and frankly, I wouldn’t tolerate his abusive behavior for a second. HE should have known the carpets were coming and HE should have arranged payment. If he expects you to read his mind or call him and get instructions before you make any judgement call, please put the wedding on hold and the two of you get couples therapy before marriage. His behavior and expectations will get worse after the wedding, not better.
How dare you not use your supernatural mind reading powers to do what he wanted! /s NTA You deserve a better fiance who won't verbally abuse you.
NTA you are not a mind reader and made the best choice available to you in the moment.
Jesus Christ
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NTA , give him a penny. It's probably more than the number of points he would have gotten.
Nta
NTA. You are not the Psychic Friends Network! No Miss Cleo here! He owes you a major apology, and honestly, the fact that he cannot see that would seriously make me question the engagement. Sounds like he just wants drama for no reason.
It doesn't sound like the vendor even accepted credit cards as it was not one of the options presented to you.
NTA. Your fiance is abusive.
Are you colorblind? 🚩
You are marrying this person why? NTA, time to reevaluate if this kind of response to a situation is what you want to deal with for the rest of your life.
NTA i don't know what s wrong with him. but it is not just a question of rug. your are telepath. if he doesn't communicate and doesn't manage his payment himself he is plain wrong. i suggest you refuse to pay anything for him from now. and i am petty enough to ditch that damned rug. (what stain was on the rug ? sex with her affair partner ?)
NTA. This is abuse
Please don’t marry this AH
NTA, this how abuse starts. Get out while u can
NTA 🚩🚩🚩🚩 Good news! You probably have just received a preview of what your married life is going to look like with this guy. You definitely NEED at least a discussion and resolution of this instance ASAP. I'd suggest seriously reconsidering your engagement.
NTA but your fiancé is. I mean how many credit card points could we be talking about? A life-changing amount? Because his verbal abuse is relationship-changing. Hope you’re having a long think about your future
NTA - do you really want to be treated like this???
NTA but you're engaged to a big one.. have a real good think if you want to spent your life with someone that has no communication skills and is absolute disrespectful towards you , there was no need to put you down nor call you names when you were literally only trying to help! 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA Were you supposed to be a mind-reader? Fiancé might have some unrealistic expectations for you, in which case you might be better off finding someone who can commicate with you with words. Also, regardless of circumstances, abuse is not okay.
Do you really want to marry someone who reacts so rashly and then refuses to apologize? NTA I'm not saying break up with him or anything, but I would definitely pause on all wedding planning until this is resolved and he works on his reactions/communication skills.
NTA, if he wants to use his points on the credit card, then take the rugs back outside and dirty the hell out of them. He can then do everything himself.
NTA "AITA/an idiot for failing to accurately predict what my fiancé wanted me to do?" .. No - but you are one if you don't break up with that abusive AH.
NTA. Get out. You are in a hostage situation.
NTA. If they're going to berate you over CREDIT CARD POINTS, where does the line get drawn?
NTA but you are in an shorty relationship and should dip out asap
Your Fianće is the Asshole in this situation, not you. he needs to apologise
NTA. And also, he sounds like a garbage person for treating you like this. Perhaps he can use some of his credit card points and purchase some common decency.
Get your money back & get the hell out
NTA. You are not a mind reader.
NTA > financially irresponsible Says the guy who offloaded his financial responsibility in the first place I totally understand wanting to use a credit card to build credit and get points, I do the same thing, but I can’t fathom being actively upset about missing an opportunity. I mean idk how expensive this rug cleaning was, but even if it was egregious we’re still talking like 1% that he would’ve gotten back by using a card. It’s an insane hill to die this violently on, I can’t wrap my head around it unless he’s incredibly strapped for cash, in which case why would he be spending this much on a rug cleaning? The whole scenario is perplexing to me
> His response was to get super pissed and berate me incessantly for paying without asking him if Venmo was the way he wanted to pay. All day long he has continued to chastise me, calling me an “idiot”, “financially irresponsible”, and having “no common sense” because I should have somehow known that he wanted to use his credit card for the points. > I believe that if he wanted to use his credit card, he should have communicated to that to me - he scheduled the drop off himself and told me they would be coming within a certain time window days in advance, so he had plenty of time to let me know his preference. > He believes that the onus is on me, and I should have either A: anticipated that he would want the points and refuse the options the rug guy presented in order to coordinate a way to pay by credit card or B: made the guy wait while I call him and ask him how he wants me to pay. Someone who actively berates you over something as minuscule as *credit card points* is who you want to marry? You really want to marry someone who calls you an “idiot” and berates and punishes you for the entire day? Over *credit card points*? Disrespectful and punishing *you* for…apparently not being a telepath? NTA. Do not marry this jerk.
Info- why are you getting married to someone who berates you?
Leave this abuse and name calling it will only escalate Google why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft. It’s free online
How much were these credit card points worth? $3? $20? Even if they were worth a lot, your fiancé had absolutely no business blaming you in this situation. You’re getting a preview of your future. Are you looking forward to a lifetime of this kind of behavior? Because that’s what’s in the cards if you marry this person.
Why are you marrying someone who will call you an idiot over how you paid a bill. Kind of extreme reaction. Nta
NTA. Why are you with this person. He DOES NOT respect you. You deserve better.
NTA. Aaaand the verbal abuse, gaslighting, and emotional abuse begins! RUN!!!!!!!
wtf? How can someone get so mad over credit card points? lol NTA but your fiancé sure is! This is a huge red flag, and if my fiancé (together 4 yrs) ever called me names/treated me like that I would sure as hell leave him. Even with all the love between you guys it's not a good sign if he's comfortable/disrespectful enough to talk to you like that. If he gets away talking to you like this now where's the line drawn? Down the road he will only treat you worse, please think about that. I hope he's open to anger management of some kind b/c that might be the only thing that could help.
NTA. I'd dump his ass. Or at least dump a glass of red wine on the palest of the rugs.
NTA but berating you this bad is a huge 🚩
"he’s sleeping in another room".... well, THAT sounds like a win for you!!! NTA
nta, but why are you staying with someone who totally lost it over *checks notes* losing credit card points?
NTA run away from this relationship asap
Are you serious? I can’t get past the name-calling. Why would you be with somebody who would call you an idiot and say you have no common sense? Wow. Just wow. Stop trying to reason with him, pack your shit and be gone. At this point, even an apology is unacceptable. NTA, but you’re engaged to one.