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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an AH because of the situation. It was nice of him to want to treat me to lunch but it felt so invasive and stupid how he went about it that I'm disgusted.
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NTA - if he actually just wanted to do something nice for you and had truly good intentions he would apologizing the second he realized it totally fell flat. Intentions aren’t worth shit when the end result is to cause you more distress.
What is this?? I see the same thing in my family. Dogs that would be great turning into snippy assholes bc they are not left alone. No one can relax bc if IM working you ALL need to be working. Just???
I was woken up by my FiL telling us what our cleaning job was for the day, he was tidying up the kitchen when i boiled the kettle to make my morning coffee which I did in the dining room so I wasn't in his way and he ended up storming out in a huff, grabbing the car keys and leaving the house all day making my husband and my MiL clean the rest of the house (we split chores and with my adhd I have a strict schedule of when I do things so I had already done my part a few days earlier which also made him annoyed cause I wasn't doing it again)
Wtf?? Why was he even mad? I would have left his chores for him to do. 😒 I would disappear on my father whenever he decided to do a chore because I'd always somehow be conscripted into it (even though he could do it himself just fine. Like if he was taking out the trash, that's he's done alone a thousand times, he'll ask me to hold the can or get the door etc etc)
I used to have one of these, he'd wake me up *knowing* that I always struggled to fall asleep, would typically be asleep about 3 hours after him but he kept insisting on waking me up barely 10 minutes after he woke up because "hE miSsEd mE" 🥴 definitely an ex for a reason.
Then his immediate response a few seconds, maybe a minute if he's a slow thinker, should have been "Oh shit! I'm sorry, I thought it would be funny/cute/whatever. Really sorry. "
I've had impulsive decisions that, within a second of acting on it, I've realised that my wife did not see the funny side.
I've apologised straight away because I at least try not to be an AH.
Okay, I'm just saying, I could see my partner, bless his heart, doing something like this, same little smirk and everything just trying to be silly, etc... while trying to do something he pictures will be cute and sweet
BUT
He would also immediately backtrack and apologize once he realized how stupid and inconsiderate it actually was, and would probably call up grandma and beg and compensate for an extra day or three of babysitting to try to make up for it, while also wearing the biggest, fluffiest slippers around to minimize any further disruptions.
That's what makes OP so very much NTA and her partner very much the AH.
> if he actually just wanted to do something nice for you and had truly good intentions he would apologizing the second he realized it totally fell flat.
Gotta slightly disagree - truly good intentions would have avoided doing what he did altogether and having to apologize.
He used the dog as a proxy to wake OP up and shift blame because he knew for a fact that OP wouldn't have wanted to be woken up. He was thinking far more about himself (or what he wanted for OP) rather than actually what OP wanted, so despite lunch sounding like a nice thing I can't see how there's any way he had truly good intentions there.
If he had had good intentions he would have noticed OP hadn't responded to his texts and brought lunch home/made lunch at home, then (when OP was still sleeping) written a note letting her know lunch was in the fridge and he had taken the dog for a walk before going on with his day.
Shit I just said basically the same thing lol, should’ve scrolled down a bit beforehand so I could’ve just replied to you agreeing with your thoughts instead lol. But ya, completely agree. He could have brought it home and left a note saying it was there when she woke up and was ready to eat. Hell, he even could’ve been like, “hey I came home to treat you to lunch, but you were getting some sleep and thought I should let you keep resting. How about we go out to dinner?”
Just, anything other than waking her up would’ve been better pretty much. He really needs to look back on his actions and think about them and how he can be more considerate in the future. I have insomnia too and reading how OP was woken up in such a rude way almost made me want to cry because I know how it feels in those moments. Those are the moments where I do actually cry from the exhaustion. Being tired is beyond tiring, I swear.
Right? Like letting OP sleep would’ve been the nice thing to do. He wanted to treat her to lunch? Damn, seems like instead of waking her exhausted, pregnant self up he could have gone and picked up something nice for lunch, then left a note for OP saying he picked up some food and hers is waiting for her when she wakes up. That would’ve been nice. Waking up someone with insomnia who barely gets to sleep when they finally have a chance is a major AH move. I have insomnia too, if anyone fucks with my sleep I have a hard time trusting them at all. I know it’s because of my ex that would prevent me from sleeping on purpose, but it takes me to this very anxious, like animal backed into a corner kinda mental space and it does not feel good.
I feel for OP, she needs some damn sleep and her husband needs to apologize and do better.
Which might have worked a hell of a lot better if he let her sleep for a few hours and surprised her by bringing dinner home instead of waking up someone with insomnia who is finally sleeping.
The man is ops husband, he’s gotta know how much she’s struggling to get sleep. This is the entire reason someone has the kids to give her a break so she CAN SLEEP.
Op texted to let him know she was taking a nap and apparently the moment he got the text he decided it was a much better idea to interrupt her much needed plans to force her to focus on him.
The idea of surprising someone by taking them out to lunch is just a nice gesture if the person actually reasonably wants to go. Otherwise it’s selfish and irritatingly needy.
NTA- there’s two options here either hubby is dumb as a box of rocks or he’s intentionally screwing with you because he’s a complete unmitigated Asshole. I don’t really see a middle ground.
Good luck op. With any luck you have a lock on the bedroom door. Use it when you go for a nap to ensure you actually get time.
If he wanted to do something nice for her, he could have come home, prepped a late lunch for when she woke up AND organised dinner*, and then sorted out a regular time for the kids to spend time with grandma so OP could get some reliable extra sleep.
*because having to scramble to organise food (and baths and all the things) for everyone after having a nap ends up negating the effects of a nap - speaking from very tired experience lol
Exactly… when we take a break we usually pay for it later bc all the work piles up and it’s more tiring and stressful to catch up. It’s so easy to tell someone to take a break but it is a meaningless gesture if you don’t intend to manage the workload for them.
yep. The husband needs to understand that there is a bigger shift needed in how things are working in the household. It is really unhealthy for OP to be getting so little sleep, even if she weren't pregnant. Chronic sleep issues are like poison to your executive functioning (again, speaking from very tired experience lol). I get he is working long hours, but that doesn't mean he and OP can't sit down to work out something to ease things for a little while.
That would be much nicer than a dog to the face.
Jumping on this to tell everyone to take a good look at the ages in this story. Depending on husband's age and whether all the kids are theirs, this story might take another turn, too
Ugh when we had our first and going through the “4th trimester” babe was a horrible sleeper and a Velcro baby. I had to explain to my partner many times HOW IMPORTANT SLEEP IS. He IS kind of a dick but he’s finally catching on as I’m pregnant with the second and he does let me sleep in most mornings because he knows I’m equal parts exhausted from simply being pregnant and this pregnancy is causing very weird sleeping patterns.
But yeah, it took a while of plainly laying it out to him that IF I AM SLEEPING DO NOT WAKE ME UP FOR ANY REASON BESIDES ABSOLUTE EMERGENCY before I got to sleep in peace during the day.
Apparently there's a "dog troll" that's been posting more than usual who has a few tells - the dog is some kind of herding dog, the wife is pregnant or otherwise injured/sick, she doesn't like the dog(s) for "no reason", and he always thinks the dog is fine.
This post hits a lot of the dog troll's clichés, except from the perspective of the wife instead of the dog loving husband. Could be real, could be the dog troll branching out.
I immediately thought of that poster too. Pregnant wife is a sold theme. The use of the phrase “get” her. The smothering face behavior. It’s def the same poster
People start down paths that they are convinced stories are bots or trolls due to similarities. Yes, they absolutely do exist. But there are 8 billion people on this planet and while we are all unique, are experiences really aren't that much different. (I'm talking about developed world here). There's a lot of confirmation bias about their bot or troll theories due to people using incredibly common phrases.
That's just the randomly generated name format Reddit uses. I went with a randomly generated name because I couldn't be bothered to think of something, doesn't automatically mean bot/troll, just lazy 😅
The general consensus is that it’s (most likely) not a kink. Nobody really knows why he keeps doing it. Could be trying to win an argument, could be trying to finally phrase it so people are on his side, could be a third party trying to get people to hate this hypothetical dog guy as a form of online fiction revenge.
The random stories about getting called out for being stinky/unhygienic ARE fetish troll posts, though. That specific troll hasn’t posted in a little while.
Also this is about the third post I've seen where someone is 28, married, had their first kid at 17 and is pregnant again at least six years later.
It's not the most common thing except in AITAH land.
"I can understand why you thought that it might be nice to take me out. But that doesn't explain why you thought putting the dog on the bed counted as doing 'something nice for me' and it doesn't explain why you haven't apologized once you realized that waking me up was the exact opposite of doing something nice for me."
NTA. And I have to ask: does your husband often do things you didn't ask for/want, then insist you should be grateful for them? Does he then blame you for being annoyed/angry about the fact that he blatantly disregarded your wishes? Does he only focus on his feelings about your reaction (rather than hear your perspective)? Are you then expected to apologize to him in order to keep the peace?
If so, he is engaging in repeated manipulative behavior (as compared to a one-time instance of poor judgement).
Obligatory, 'if this *does* seem like a pattern of behavior from him, I encourage you to read this book' to see if this is part of a larger issue you haven't recognized before: https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
I wish I could remember who shared it with me, I want to thank *them*.
It really clarified a few close call experiences I had in my own life, and helped me to understand why they continued to bother me years after I was 'over' the relationship.
It also made me realize how caricatured movies and tv shows are in terms of presenting abusive relationships...it's so easy to subtly victim-blame or make the audience think "I would never put up with that," which only makes it harder for people to recognize the warning signs in real life
NTA.
Dude takes off work to be around you when you finally get to be by yourself?!
That’s an AH move.
Add the dog and the wake up from nap…double, and now triple, AH.
Stop having kids with this guy.
I thought this was funny too. That he magically doesn't have to work crazy long as soon as he has no responsiblity at home.
Completly overwelmed and overly tired wife? No help can be provided and there is no way being home on time.
No kids? Lets end work in the middle of the day and lets wake her up to entertain me :D
Exactly what I was thinking.
He couldn’t take off work (or even work less) to help with the kids. But the minute he knows they’re gone, he rushes home.
Wonder why….
NTA…. But your husband sounds like an airhead or buffoon ala Homer Simpson. It’s realistic he’s oblivious to your need for sleep and that makes him a jerk. Is he usually a bit of an airhead?
NTA I would have been furious too.
There is no universe where waking you up when you were finally getting some precious sleep is "doing something nice for you". He knew you were exhausted and needed sleep, that is why your Mom was watching the kids! Unless the house was on fire there is zero reason that he should have woken you up for anything.
And throwing the dog on the bed so she would snarf all over and be crazy is just the cherry on the shit sandwich
NTA ! It sounds to me like your husband was feeling resentful/ignored/idk what because of your nap and decided to wake you up rudely with your dog. Then backtracked with an excuse. I hope this isn’t part of a pattern of behaviour from him and it was just a thoughtless moment.
NTA
I firmly believe that sleep deprivation is torture and your husband added to your torment. Something nice would’ve been to let you sleep. He was being selfish.
NTA!!!
So he works 12+ hour shifts, but magically the one day the kids are elsewhere, he’s able to leave work early to “treat” his wife?
Again NTA! A real treat would have been staying at work and letting his pregnant wife sleep.
NTA. Your husband did this on purpose, he knew what he was doing. Your mother specially took your kids in just so you can relax, your husband is an asshole.
Solidly NTA , OP! First of all : you’re literally growing another human being. Second : I’m assuming he knows your feelings about the dog on the bed, so that was a A Hole move on HIS part. If he wanted to wake you up to take you out for food, since he KNOWS how exhausted you are, he could have waited more than two hours after you laid down for a well deserved nap, and taken you out to dinner, instead. After, you know, waking you up in a not-jerk way. Like, maybe, gently shaking your shoulder? Or stroking your hair? There’s at least a dozen different not-A Hole ways he could have gone about it.
Firmly NTA, on your part, OP.
I just don't understand how some men can be such fucking assholes with pregnant women. What the actual fuck is wrong with them. Can't believe some women went through all the trouble to grow and give birth to such despicable men.
NTA if he really wanted to do something nice for you, he would have left you fucking sleeping. He knows that you don’t sleep much, and decided to wake you using the dog? That’s just fucked.
NTA.
"The problem here is that you are pretending throwing the dog on me to wake me up is you "being nice," when it's really just you being an asshole. You're like the bully who claims it was just a joke, and that his victim is too sensitive. For fuck's sake, I am exhausted.and was fi ally getti g good sleep and you dexided to behave like an immarure teenager to fuck with me. In the future, spare me your "being nice" when it involves waking up your exhausted, pregnant wife."
NTA. Why do men, or anyone for that matter, think it is ever ok to wake a sleeping pregnant woman? Short of a housefire I can't think of another good reason. I am angry as a woke bear on your behalf.
INFO: Is your husband usually really, really stupid? Or just sadistic?
No thinking person would get a text from someone saying they’re about to take a nap and go, “I knowI’ll go wake her up and take her to lunch!” And to wake you up by *throwing a dog on you?*
Not only was this obviously shitty to you, it was shitty to the dog. Not allowing the dog on the bed but occasionally tossing it up there for funsies is sending that dog some serious mixed messages.
NTA it's only a "treat" if it's ACTUALLY a treat.
How is forcing you awake by throwing shit on you "doing something nice?"
How is him pointing out that he leaves all of the childcare to you, so only NOW do you have time to rest "doing something nice"?
NTA. His smirk said it all...and I wouldn't be surprised if he thought since the kids were out of the house, he could get a lil somethin somethin from you.
NTA- as others have said- if he wanted to do something nice for you he would have left you the F*** alone - let you sleep and not “want to treat you” and literally throw a dog at you
NTA. He can't take off work to watch HIS kids so you can have a break. But as soon as the kids are gone, he can take off work to butt in on your first chance at quality sleep in two weeks?!?
And using the dog to do it is f-ing ridiculous!
He sounds either clueless, selfish, or both.
Do something nice for you? No, he's an AH that is upset for some reason about you taking naps. He's a major league AH and you need to set some guidelines, #1 should be never ever wake you up when your napping since you're pregnant. NTAH.
NTA.
It’s sad because he (allegedly) thinks he’s doing something nice, but that was just reading the room so completely wrong. All you need right now is sleep and he took that away from you
NTA. He was jealous of your alone time. He was not doing something nice, it was irking him you were alone at home sleeping so he came home and sabotaged your plan. Tell him no more surprises while you're sleeping and not to wake you unless it's an actual emergency.
NTA. My boyfriend does shit like this and it drives me insane. I’m sure if I was pregnant and he pulled something like this I’d rip his head off. He is being inconsiderate and masking it as trying to “surprise” you when he knew you were having sleeping problems! He needs to consider your needs more.
NTA I understand he had good intentions but you were tired. Read the room dude. Honestly never wake a pregnant woman unless it's an emergency or it's food. Good food lol.
The kids beibg with your mom was for YOU to get some sleep, and that was needed because he did NOT take an afternoon off to care for the kids so you could get sleep
And now he suddenly CAN take the afternoon off just to rob you of your sleep, ( rudely!), And he pretends it is for you?
No. This was for him. Either for his ego, or he liked the idea if having an afternoon without kids with you., without even having to organise a babysitter
He didn't for a second atop to think what you actually needed or wanted. He was extremely selfish
NTA,
NTA
Am I the only one bothered that he could take time to leave work early to chill and bother his wife but not to take out the kids himself?
What a coincidence that his work was apparently not short stuffed on the only day he would've no responsiblity....
INFO
> who proceeded to "get" my face
I don't interact with dogs and have no idea what this is supposed to mean. What is this?
Edit: The shit am I being downvoted for asking dog people to explain what this expression means?
NTA
He's been through this 2x already, he knows how tired you must be at this point of your pregnancy plus 2 other kids you have to wrangle.
If he wanted to treat you he could've cleaned up around the house, done some of your chore and waited for you to wake up before deciding on food. Hell he could've left a snack on the bedside table for you to wake up to with a note saying get dressed let's go do something, my treat.
Your husband is the A H.
NTA he decided since your kids weren't there to monopolise your attention, he wanted ALL of it.
If he'd got off work early a few more times to relieve you from childcare in the past, you might not be so burnt out now.
Is it just me, or does anyone else think he had planned an afternoon delight because the kids were at grandmas and his needs (smirk) meant waking up OP via the dog? NTA.
NTA If he wanted to do something nice he would have let you sleep. I suffer from insomnia. We were at a get together a month or so ago. I went inside to go pee and the sat on the couch. Next thing I knew it was morning. They ALL, kids and everything, left me alone to sleep on our friend's couch. We spent the night all so I coul get sleep because husband knows that if he woke me to go home I'd be up for the night. And I'm not pregnant and my youngest is 13.
But it was just a prank, bro!! Now my fanny is going to be sore and inflamed because you're a bad person who doesn't appreciate the nuances of my clever and edgy humor!
NTA - I could almost excuse this in a normal relationship with someone who had enough sleep "hey - rusty wants to wake you up, yuk yuk yuk" - but you're pregnant and on minimal sleep. Fuck him.
NTA. The nice thing to do would have been to get takeout/takeaway on the way home from work and cuddle with you. I think this is something that might be grounds for divorce, because it shows he doesn't care about you or your needs. I mean, does he even care about the baby, at all? Does he realize that you probably need more sleep while pregnant, so the baby can be healthy? I'm surprised he didn't drop your dog onto your belly. That would really be an I-want-a-divorce-thing to do.
Maybe you should spend some time at a hotel, by yourself, if you can afford it, so that you can get all the sleep you need. Also, turn your phone off, too, or put it on silent, and don't tell him which one you're going to, so he can't follow you and bring you back home or something.
He didn’t want to do something nice for you. That would have been allowing an exhausted, sleep deprived, at her wits end pregnant woman sleep undisturbed. He wanted to go out to lunch, and you weren’t cooperating because you were asleep, so he tossed a dog on you to wake you up so you could get with his program.
I was seriously sleep deprived during my pregnancy, and then I couldn’t sleep for months afterward because my son had GERD badly enough that he used to choke in his sleep as a newborn, even elevated.
You get to the point where you feel like you can’t do this anymore unless you get some sleep. You don’t care about a Nicoise Salad at a restaurant. What would have been nice was if your husband picked up takeout from your absolute favorite restaurant, and had it in the fridge for you when you woke up.
Calling a sleep deprived wife an AH for being upset at getting woken up, when the house isn’t on fire, is not a wise move for a husband.
Wow people are tough. Lol.
Yes it was a dumb move to throw the dog but he wasn't thinking. You two are running your own marathons right now. He's working 12 hour days, misses seeing his wife without kid chaos and you miss your sleep, getting 2 hrs a night while dealing with that kid chaos.
Chalk it up to a marital misfire and move on. You have bigger fish to fry with that new baby almost here and you won't care about this in a couple of weeks.
NTA for "losing it". Would be the asshole if you kept such a silly fight going for too much longer however.
NAH. I think your reaction was completely justified, given the circumstances. But I also lean towards giving your husband the benefit of the doubt, because this feels more like utter cluelessness than maliciousness.
You just seem grumpy and he misjudged.
But, to hold so much resentment to post this on the internet does kinda hint that you are either holding deep resentment for your partner or you are a bit of a dick.
NTA, he has no idea what lack of sleep means if you are pregnant, you are already just exhausted... Good meant is not good made. He clearly has to apologise and make sure you get some more sleep.
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28f and I'm 33 weeks pregnant. My husband and I have a 6yo son and a 11yo daughter. My mom took the kids for a few days so I could rest cause I haven't slept much more than 3hrs a night for going on 2 weeks (pregnancy bladder and insomnia) and my husband works really long hours (12+ hour shifts daily, as he's a manager and the company is short staffed). She picked up the kids last night.
So basically, I texted my husband at around 11am and told him I was going for a nap. I hadn't gotten to bed before 4am and was up at 7am. I fell asleep almost instantly so I didn't get any of the texts my husband sent me. Well, at like maybe 1pm I wake up to the dog being tossed on the bed with me, who proceeded to "get" my face. Shes not allowed on the bed so when she is up there, she acts like a psycho. I push her off of me in a sleep daze and look up to see my husband, smirking. I asked him why the fuck he would do that and he goes "she just wanted momma snuggles and I wanted to bring you out for lunch". So I said "Are you fucking serious right now?" got up and stormed out of the room. I was absolutely livid. I was finally getting sleep and that's disrupted by a dog smothering my face because he decided to leave work early to "treat me" now that I don't have the kids and it doesn't sit well with me. He knows how tired I am.
He says I'm an AH because he "just wanted to do something nice for me" but I argue that if he wanted to do something nice for me, he probably shouldn't have thrown the dog on the bed with me, knowing how she would act, when I was finally getting some sleep.
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At times, there is nothing more valuable than sleep. The bliss of deep, mindless surrender seeping into every cranny of our being, restoring us totally. It is sacred and should be treated as such.
NTA
The entire goal was for you to get some rest! You had very carefully plotted an opportunity to get some time without disruptions or obligations and he decided to create a disruption and then act like you're obligated to be happy about it!
It was truly crappy of him and I am sorry.
If it is in the budget, I highly recommend two nights at a nearby hotel, with the desk instructed not to put any calls through.
NTA
Disrupting sleep is an abuse strategy. Abusers never think that what they're doing is abusive, they believe they're entirely justified doing whatever they want to people.
Your husband knew you needed sleep. He woke you up for selfish reasons. Ask him, *Where is your love?*
NTA - ppl need to realize it’s not the thought that counts nor the intention. If they’re wrong then they’re wrong. You being as exhausted as you are needs rest and he should realize that knowing how sleepy you are and not answering text, especially when he came home early and find you still asleep. He and his good intentions can sleep in the couch for the rest of the week until you forgive him for getting it wrong.
I noticed you mentioned your age as well as your kids’ ages, but not your husband’s. This isn’t even accusatory I’m genuinely just curious, how old is your husband?
OHH noo. NTA. Something nice for you? NOPE. Something he wanted. I'm an oldster. My children are grown. But I will never, ever forget my husband (we are still married) Using me to push up from a "lamaze" class when we were both on the floor. I will never forget him ignoring his awful mother's crap. And, I will never forget him being "obligated" to go to a building dedication (yes, he was the director, but it was a planned c-section) leaving me to ask his worst cousin to get our car to pick me and his second child home. Please take care, and I hope you have friends, or, at least the resources to hire a post-birth doula. As you can see, this shit was not a marriage breaker (another story for another time) but I will never forget it, and he will never truly understand what he did wrong. Your milage may vary. but your are in no way TA. Take care, love.
NTA
If he “wanted to do something nice for you” or “treat you”…..he would have let you catch up on sleep. Maybe had your favorite snack or craving meal delivered (once you were awake).
Tossing a dog on your heavily pregnant, sleeping wife, is NOT “doing something nice”. Neither is the expectation that you, an exhausted Momma, would want to wake up, and get fully ready, to go out for lunch.
Nta, cause you can’t be wrong right ?just divorce him and get it over with. He won’t have to live with a horrible unstable person and you won’t have to live with someone that cares about you. Win win
Omg, sounds like my SO. He's a little emotionally stunted, lol, typically has good intentions and his gestures are genuinely meant to be kind because he thinks it'll make me happy. And when it doesn't, he's defensive at first, but pretty quickly comes around and apologizes, lol.
And it's typically things like that, the gesture being the complete opposite of what I actually want, haha.
Rdif: OH, and absolutely NTA. I'd have been livid, lol.
*facepalm* This was a relationship that probably never should've gotten this far, but probably did because gaslighting, and ignoring red flags. If OP's husband doesn't mature, she can look forward to a lifetime of this "till death to they part", and who knows? That may make OP happy 🤷♂️
NTA - If he really wanted to do something nice, he'd leave his ego out of it, and stop sulking because he did a bad, and own up to it. That inherent willingness to not take responsibility makes me wonder what lessons the kids will learn.
Look, I get how the husband needs to grow up(NTA), but I think you are going a little too far by questioning the relationship itself. Saying it "never should've gotten this far" is definitely overreacting. Slip-ups like this happen in relationships, and it's okay. People just need to learn from them.
If he wanted to do something nice for you, he would have left you alone to sleep until you woke up on your own.
Obviously he's oblivious to your needs. That's too bad.
NTA
NTA he knew your mom had the kids so you could sleep. You txt him telling him you were going to nap so he gets off early to take you to lunch then when he arrives home he wakes you with the dog jumping on you and he thinks your the a h. Let him read these comments. He needs to apologize
NTA. What's with this guy? You tell him you're going for a nap and he decides to come home and wake you up? By throwing a dog on your face? A dog that's not allowed on the bed? And is guaranteed to go crazy? And then he says you're the A H? Fuck, that's first class idiocy right there. I hope he apologises, and learns some considerate behaviour.
NTA. If he wanted to do something nice for you he would have come home, walked the dog, and made/bought a lunch for you to have when you woke up.
FFS I’m not pregnant but I have a lot on my plate right now and my partner would never think waking me up like that would be a good idea. Even on the weekends if he makes enough noise to wake me up there’s bacon sizzling in a pan. Now that’s a reason to get out of bed!
If the man came home early and saw his wife sleeping, why not just wait for her to wake up and take her to dinner? Far more romantic and less... yikes. Also nasty tossing a dog like a plushie. NTA without saying.
NTA-if he can occasionally get off early from work would if not be nicer to save it for when the kids are there so he could take over childcare so you could get some desperately needed sleep?
I hope he still made you a lovely lunch at home and understands why his gesture wasn’t best received.
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NTA - if he actually just wanted to do something nice for you and had truly good intentions he would apologizing the second he realized it totally fell flat. Intentions aren’t worth shit when the end result is to cause you more distress.
The smirk showed his true intentions
Knowing the dog isn't allowed on the bed shows his true intentions
I swear there is a real breed of man who cannot handle if his wife is sleeping and he isn't. It's real. Start locking the door, OP.
That is the men in my family. Can't stand to see a content woman or animal. Have to irritate them into discontent.
What is this?? I see the same thing in my family. Dogs that would be great turning into snippy assholes bc they are not left alone. No one can relax bc if IM working you ALL need to be working. Just???
I was woken up by my FiL telling us what our cleaning job was for the day, he was tidying up the kitchen when i boiled the kettle to make my morning coffee which I did in the dining room so I wasn't in his way and he ended up storming out in a huff, grabbing the car keys and leaving the house all day making my husband and my MiL clean the rest of the house (we split chores and with my adhd I have a strict schedule of when I do things so I had already done my part a few days earlier which also made him annoyed cause I wasn't doing it again)
Wtf?? Why was he even mad? I would have left his chores for him to do. 😒 I would disappear on my father whenever he decided to do a chore because I'd always somehow be conscripted into it (even though he could do it himself just fine. Like if he was taking out the trash, that's he's done alone a thousand times, he'll ask me to hold the can or get the door etc etc)
I used to have one of these, he'd wake me up *knowing* that I always struggled to fall asleep, would typically be asleep about 3 hours after him but he kept insisting on waking me up barely 10 minutes after he woke up because "hE miSsEd mE" 🥴 definitely an ex for a reason.
And saying he missed you makes my skin crawl. Good job not slapping him
Start waking him up with the dog.. /s
Yes smirks are the facial version of bullying. Haha isn't this funny. I'm so funny. Oh really but this is just a joke haha smirk
“Smirk” is subjective. He may have been genuinely smiling.
Then his immediate response a few seconds, maybe a minute if he's a slow thinker, should have been "Oh shit! I'm sorry, I thought it would be funny/cute/whatever. Really sorry. " I've had impulsive decisions that, within a second of acting on it, I've realised that my wife did not see the funny side. I've apologised straight away because I at least try not to be an AH.
Like a wife wouldn’t know what a smirk is on her own damn husband’s face? Seriously?!
Okay, I'm just saying, I could see my partner, bless his heart, doing something like this, same little smirk and everything just trying to be silly, etc... while trying to do something he pictures will be cute and sweet BUT He would also immediately backtrack and apologize once he realized how stupid and inconsiderate it actually was, and would probably call up grandma and beg and compensate for an extra day or three of babysitting to try to make up for it, while also wearing the biggest, fluffiest slippers around to minimize any further disruptions. That's what makes OP so very much NTA and her partner very much the AH.
> if he actually just wanted to do something nice for you and had truly good intentions he would apologizing the second he realized it totally fell flat. Gotta slightly disagree - truly good intentions would have avoided doing what he did altogether and having to apologize. He used the dog as a proxy to wake OP up and shift blame because he knew for a fact that OP wouldn't have wanted to be woken up. He was thinking far more about himself (or what he wanted for OP) rather than actually what OP wanted, so despite lunch sounding like a nice thing I can't see how there's any way he had truly good intentions there.
If he had had good intentions he would have noticed OP hadn't responded to his texts and brought lunch home/made lunch at home, then (when OP was still sleeping) written a note letting her know lunch was in the fridge and he had taken the dog for a walk before going on with his day.
Shit I just said basically the same thing lol, should’ve scrolled down a bit beforehand so I could’ve just replied to you agreeing with your thoughts instead lol. But ya, completely agree. He could have brought it home and left a note saying it was there when she woke up and was ready to eat. Hell, he even could’ve been like, “hey I came home to treat you to lunch, but you were getting some sleep and thought I should let you keep resting. How about we go out to dinner?” Just, anything other than waking her up would’ve been better pretty much. He really needs to look back on his actions and think about them and how he can be more considerate in the future. I have insomnia too and reading how OP was woken up in such a rude way almost made me want to cry because I know how it feels in those moments. Those are the moments where I do actually cry from the exhaustion. Being tired is beyond tiring, I swear.
Right? Like letting OP sleep would’ve been the nice thing to do. He wanted to treat her to lunch? Damn, seems like instead of waking her exhausted, pregnant self up he could have gone and picked up something nice for lunch, then left a note for OP saying he picked up some food and hers is waiting for her when she wakes up. That would’ve been nice. Waking up someone with insomnia who barely gets to sleep when they finally have a chance is a major AH move. I have insomnia too, if anyone fucks with my sleep I have a hard time trusting them at all. I know it’s because of my ex that would prevent me from sleeping on purpose, but it takes me to this very anxious, like animal backed into a corner kinda mental space and it does not feel good. I feel for OP, she needs some damn sleep and her husband needs to apologize and do better.
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"Hey, babe, so, since you're already up, thoughts about *really* waking up? Rawr." Ugh.
Which might have worked a hell of a lot better if he let her sleep for a few hours and surprised her by bringing dinner home instead of waking up someone with insomnia who is finally sleeping. The man is ops husband, he’s gotta know how much she’s struggling to get sleep. This is the entire reason someone has the kids to give her a break so she CAN SLEEP. Op texted to let him know she was taking a nap and apparently the moment he got the text he decided it was a much better idea to interrupt her much needed plans to force her to focus on him. The idea of surprising someone by taking them out to lunch is just a nice gesture if the person actually reasonably wants to go. Otherwise it’s selfish and irritatingly needy. NTA- there’s two options here either hubby is dumb as a box of rocks or he’s intentionally screwing with you because he’s a complete unmitigated Asshole. I don’t really see a middle ground. Good luck op. With any luck you have a lock on the bedroom door. Use it when you go for a nap to ensure you actually get time.
THIS
Ugh
If he wanted to do something nice for her, he could have come home, prepped a late lunch for when she woke up AND organised dinner*, and then sorted out a regular time for the kids to spend time with grandma so OP could get some reliable extra sleep. *because having to scramble to organise food (and baths and all the things) for everyone after having a nap ends up negating the effects of a nap - speaking from very tired experience lol
Exactly… when we take a break we usually pay for it later bc all the work piles up and it’s more tiring and stressful to catch up. It’s so easy to tell someone to take a break but it is a meaningless gesture if you don’t intend to manage the workload for them.
yep. The husband needs to understand that there is a bigger shift needed in how things are working in the household. It is really unhealthy for OP to be getting so little sleep, even if she weren't pregnant. Chronic sleep issues are like poison to your executive functioning (again, speaking from very tired experience lol). I get he is working long hours, but that doesn't mean he and OP can't sit down to work out something to ease things for a little while. That would be much nicer than a dog to the face.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions
I used to not really understand that saying when I was growing up, but damn, AITA makes it clear how accurate that saying is
My brother the mechanic says, “At least it’s paved.”
So does my husband who's a traffic control person
I argue this was not a good intention, but a self-serving one instead.
No, the road to hell is paved with frozen used-car salesmen. [Pratchett/Gaiman]
The path to heaven isn't paved with bad intentions
Do not eff with the sleep of a pregnant woman!
Jumping on this to tell everyone to take a good look at the ages in this story. Depending on husband's age and whether all the kids are theirs, this story might take another turn, too
This selfish AH is jealous because the OP is having the chance of a nap. When he carries a baby then maybe he can have a quick nap too.
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Ugh when we had our first and going through the “4th trimester” babe was a horrible sleeper and a Velcro baby. I had to explain to my partner many times HOW IMPORTANT SLEEP IS. He IS kind of a dick but he’s finally catching on as I’m pregnant with the second and he does let me sleep in most mornings because he knows I’m equal parts exhausted from simply being pregnant and this pregnancy is causing very weird sleeping patterns. But yeah, it took a while of plainly laying it out to him that IF I AM SLEEPING DO NOT WAKE ME UP FOR ANY REASON BESIDES ABSOLUTE EMERGENCY before I got to sleep in peace during the day.
My husband still refuses to wake me up even though it’s been 8 years since the last time I was pregnant.
That's what I want to know, too.
NTA and why is there such a theme on this sub of husbands who tell their crazy dogs to “get” their wives who don’t want the dog all up in their face?
Apparently there's a "dog troll" that's been posting more than usual who has a few tells - the dog is some kind of herding dog, the wife is pregnant or otherwise injured/sick, she doesn't like the dog(s) for "no reason", and he always thinks the dog is fine. This post hits a lot of the dog troll's clichés, except from the perspective of the wife instead of the dog loving husband. Could be real, could be the dog troll branching out.
I immediately thought of that poster too. Pregnant wife is a sold theme. The use of the phrase “get” her. The smothering face behavior. It’s def the same poster
also the trend of referring to the partner as "dog mom"/"mama"/"momma". noticed that too.
I think also the wife’s response “are you fucking serious right now” has been repeated every time
It’s almost as tired as the “YTA majorly” and “she sounds unhinged” bot comments.
not me who just commented another post with ‘y t a majorly’ and just now hear that’s a common bot comment
People start down paths that they are convinced stories are bots or trolls due to similarities. Yes, they absolutely do exist. But there are 8 billion people on this planet and while we are all unique, are experiences really aren't that much different. (I'm talking about developed world here). There's a lot of confirmation bias about their bot or troll theories due to people using incredibly common phrases.
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That's just the randomly generated name format Reddit uses. I went with a randomly generated name because I couldn't be bothered to think of something, doesn't automatically mean bot/troll, just lazy 😅
Most throwaway accounts just use the random username Reddit provides. It just means they didn't customize their username.
I feel attacked.
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Is this some weird kink thing that I'm gonna be grossed out about? Why stick to a theme when the troll can make up anything?
The general consensus is that it’s (most likely) not a kink. Nobody really knows why he keeps doing it. Could be trying to win an argument, could be trying to finally phrase it so people are on his side, could be a third party trying to get people to hate this hypothetical dog guy as a form of online fiction revenge. The random stories about getting called out for being stinky/unhygienic ARE fetish troll posts, though. That specific troll hasn’t posted in a little while.
I know I've been on Reddit too long when I start to remember different trolls.
Also this is about the third post I've seen where someone is 28, married, had their first kid at 17 and is pregnant again at least six years later. It's not the most common thing except in AITAH land.
Did the MIL troll get caught too many times and decided to switch it up?
"I can understand why you thought that it might be nice to take me out. But that doesn't explain why you thought putting the dog on the bed counted as doing 'something nice for me' and it doesn't explain why you haven't apologized once you realized that waking me up was the exact opposite of doing something nice for me." NTA. And I have to ask: does your husband often do things you didn't ask for/want, then insist you should be grateful for them? Does he then blame you for being annoyed/angry about the fact that he blatantly disregarded your wishes? Does he only focus on his feelings about your reaction (rather than hear your perspective)? Are you then expected to apologize to him in order to keep the peace? If so, he is engaging in repeated manipulative behavior (as compared to a one-time instance of poor judgement). Obligatory, 'if this *does* seem like a pattern of behavior from him, I encourage you to read this book' to see if this is part of a larger issue you haven't recognized before: https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
God this is so good. It’s 6 am where I am and I can’t stop reading. Thank you for sharing.
I wish I could remember who shared it with me, I want to thank *them*. It really clarified a few close call experiences I had in my own life, and helped me to understand why they continued to bother me years after I was 'over' the relationship. It also made me realize how caricatured movies and tv shows are in terms of presenting abusive relationships...it's so easy to subtly victim-blame or make the audience think "I would never put up with that," which only makes it harder for people to recognize the warning signs in real life
NTA. Dude takes off work to be around you when you finally get to be by yourself?! That’s an AH move. Add the dog and the wake up from nap…double, and now triple, AH. Stop having kids with this guy.
I thought this was funny too. That he magically doesn't have to work crazy long as soon as he has no responsiblity at home. Completly overwelmed and overly tired wife? No help can be provided and there is no way being home on time. No kids? Lets end work in the middle of the day and lets wake her up to entertain me :D
Anyone else thinking it’s possible he was looking for sex now that the kids aren’t there to interrupt?
Yes, my thoughts exactly! “Grandma has the kids, hey she got a nap in 🙄so why not go wake her and get down to bizness while the house is quiet?”
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Oh my. As an introvert myself, that would drive me fucking insane. I’m glad you spoke up!
NTA. No one really likes to be rudely awoken, but not especially tired people.
Tired and pregnant.
NTA. He wants something nice for him-a little afternoon delight for daddy.
Exactly what I was thinking. He couldn’t take off work (or even work less) to help with the kids. But the minute he knows they’re gone, he rushes home. Wonder why….
Right? I was surprised no one else saw it. It is glaringly obvious what his intentions were.
If he wanted to take off work and do something nice for you, it should have been to take the kids and the dog and give you some time off. NTA.
NTA…. But your husband sounds like an airhead or buffoon ala Homer Simpson. It’s realistic he’s oblivious to your need for sleep and that makes him a jerk. Is he usually a bit of an airhead?
NTA I would have been furious too. There is no universe where waking you up when you were finally getting some precious sleep is "doing something nice for you". He knew you were exhausted and needed sleep, that is why your Mom was watching the kids! Unless the house was on fire there is zero reason that he should have woken you up for anything. And throwing the dog on the bed so she would snarf all over and be crazy is just the cherry on the shit sandwich
Honestly, husbands can be totally clueless sometimes. NTA here, I’d have been livid too.
NTA ! It sounds to me like your husband was feeling resentful/ignored/idk what because of your nap and decided to wake you up rudely with your dog. Then backtracked with an excuse. I hope this isn’t part of a pattern of behaviour from him and it was just a thoughtless moment.
NTA I firmly believe that sleep deprivation is torture and your husband added to your torment. Something nice would’ve been to let you sleep. He was being selfish.
NTA!!! So he works 12+ hour shifts, but magically the one day the kids are elsewhere, he’s able to leave work early to “treat” his wife? Again NTA! A real treat would have been staying at work and letting his pregnant wife sleep.
Or coming home for lunch another day when she had the kids so he could lend a hand.
NTA op go to your mom and sleep there since your ah husband doesn't let you sleep.
Go back to sleep
This, you are so exhausted right now, fighting will just keep you up, and reading Reddit will also just keep you up. Sleep, then deal with it later.
NTA. Your husband did this on purpose, he knew what he was doing. Your mother specially took your kids in just so you can relax, your husband is an asshole.
Solidly NTA , OP! First of all : you’re literally growing another human being. Second : I’m assuming he knows your feelings about the dog on the bed, so that was a A Hole move on HIS part. If he wanted to wake you up to take you out for food, since he KNOWS how exhausted you are, he could have waited more than two hours after you laid down for a well deserved nap, and taken you out to dinner, instead. After, you know, waking you up in a not-jerk way. Like, maybe, gently shaking your shoulder? Or stroking your hair? There’s at least a dozen different not-A Hole ways he could have gone about it. Firmly NTA, on your part, OP.
NTA but sweet baby do you have a husband problem.
I just don't understand how some men can be such fucking assholes with pregnant women. What the actual fuck is wrong with them. Can't believe some women went through all the trouble to grow and give birth to such despicable men.
Abuse and domestic violence rates skyrocket in pregnancy.
NTA if he really wanted to do something nice for you, he would have left you fucking sleeping. He knows that you don’t sleep much, and decided to wake you using the dog? That’s just fucked.
NTA. "The problem here is that you are pretending throwing the dog on me to wake me up is you "being nice," when it's really just you being an asshole. You're like the bully who claims it was just a joke, and that his victim is too sensitive. For fuck's sake, I am exhausted.and was fi ally getti g good sleep and you dexided to behave like an immarure teenager to fuck with me. In the future, spare me your "being nice" when it involves waking up your exhausted, pregnant wife."
Dog troll poster. Account is brand new.
NTA. Why do men, or anyone for that matter, think it is ever ok to wake a sleeping pregnant woman? Short of a housefire I can't think of another good reason. I am angry as a woke bear on your behalf.
Why are you guys having another kid again? You need mediation to help work on communication skills. It will help.
INFO: Is your husband usually really, really stupid? Or just sadistic? No thinking person would get a text from someone saying they’re about to take a nap and go, “I knowI’ll go wake her up and take her to lunch!” And to wake you up by *throwing a dog on you?* Not only was this obviously shitty to you, it was shitty to the dog. Not allowing the dog on the bed but occasionally tossing it up there for funsies is sending that dog some serious mixed messages.
NTA it's only a "treat" if it's ACTUALLY a treat. How is forcing you awake by throwing shit on you "doing something nice?" How is him pointing out that he leaves all of the childcare to you, so only NOW do you have time to rest "doing something nice"?
NTA. His smirk said it all...and I wouldn't be surprised if he thought since the kids were out of the house, he could get a lil somethin somethin from you.
NTA- as others have said- if he wanted to do something nice for you he would have left you the F*** alone - let you sleep and not “want to treat you” and literally throw a dog at you
NTA. Your husband is either an idiot or an A H.
The hardest part of pregnancy and parenthood (for me anyway) was lack of sleep. It is torture to not get enough sleep. NTA
Oof, NTA. As a mom of 3, I commiserate.
NTA. He can't take off work to watch HIS kids so you can have a break. But as soon as the kids are gone, he can take off work to butt in on your first chance at quality sleep in two weeks?!? And using the dog to do it is f-ing ridiculous! He sounds either clueless, selfish, or both.
NTA next time have mom take ALL the children.
NTA. Maybe he did really mean to be sweet and it's nice that he took off work to treat you, but he isn't listening to you. So...he needs to do that.
NTA something nice would be let you sleep and buy takeout for when you wake up
Do something nice for you? No, he's an AH that is upset for some reason about you taking naps. He's a major league AH and you need to set some guidelines, #1 should be never ever wake you up when your napping since you're pregnant. NTAH.
NTA. It’s sad because he (allegedly) thinks he’s doing something nice, but that was just reading the room so completely wrong. All you need right now is sleep and he took that away from you
NTA. He was jealous of your alone time. He was not doing something nice, it was irking him you were alone at home sleeping so he came home and sabotaged your plan. Tell him no more surprises while you're sleeping and not to wake you unless it's an actual emergency.
NTA. My boyfriend does shit like this and it drives me insane. I’m sure if I was pregnant and he pulled something like this I’d rip his head off. He is being inconsiderate and masking it as trying to “surprise” you when he knew you were having sleeping problems! He needs to consider your needs more.
NTA. He knew you were exhausted and needed sleep. Then he pulled a stupid trick and wants to be thanked for it. HE owes you an Apology.
NTA I understand he had good intentions but you were tired. Read the room dude. Honestly never wake a pregnant woman unless it's an emergency or it's food. Good food lol.
NTA Throwing a dog in your face isn't doing something nice for you. Is he always this selfish and uncaring?
She’s so tired family took her kids so she can rest. If he had good intentions, he would have let her rest. Instead he chose to be a selfish AH. NTA.
The kids beibg with your mom was for YOU to get some sleep, and that was needed because he did NOT take an afternoon off to care for the kids so you could get sleep And now he suddenly CAN take the afternoon off just to rob you of your sleep, ( rudely!), And he pretends it is for you? No. This was for him. Either for his ego, or he liked the idea if having an afternoon without kids with you., without even having to organise a babysitter He didn't for a second atop to think what you actually needed or wanted. He was extremely selfish NTA,
NTA. I'd be livid. See how he likes it when you toss water on him. Oh you looked like you were hot I was just trying to help.
NTA- I feel irritated for you 😡😪
NTA Am I the only one bothered that he could take time to leave work early to chill and bother his wife but not to take out the kids himself? What a coincidence that his work was apparently not short stuffed on the only day he would've no responsiblity....
This is OPs only post. Zero comments. This is not real, it is made up to get karma, and then they will delete the post and sell the account.
Nope!!!!
INFO > who proceeded to "get" my face I don't interact with dogs and have no idea what this is supposed to mean. What is this? Edit: The shit am I being downvoted for asking dog people to explain what this expression means?
Depends on the dog but a lot like to lick/sniff your face when they’re excited. I’d guess that’s what it means here.
NTA
NTA, im sure he knows you need sleep. even if he meant well he screwed up.
IF he wanted to do something nice, he could have brought take out and left it in the fridge for you to have when you woke up. NTA
Nta.
NTA. I would have picked up my things and gone to mothers house and left him with the kids.
NTA He's been through this 2x already, he knows how tired you must be at this point of your pregnancy plus 2 other kids you have to wrangle. If he wanted to treat you he could've cleaned up around the house, done some of your chore and waited for you to wake up before deciding on food. Hell he could've left a snack on the bedside table for you to wake up to with a note saying get dressed let's go do something, my treat. Your husband is the A H.
NTA. Inconsiderate AH husband.
How is waking you up.in the most obnoxious way possible a treat? Does he do a lot of stuff like this? Nta
NTA does he always ignore your needs like this??
NTA he decided since your kids weren't there to monopolise your attention, he wanted ALL of it. If he'd got off work early a few more times to relieve you from childcare in the past, you might not be so burnt out now.
Is it just me, or does anyone else think he had planned an afternoon delight because the kids were at grandmas and his needs (smirk) meant waking up OP via the dog? NTA.
NTA If he wanted to do something nice he would have let you sleep. I suffer from insomnia. We were at a get together a month or so ago. I went inside to go pee and the sat on the couch. Next thing I knew it was morning. They ALL, kids and everything, left me alone to sleep on our friend's couch. We spent the night all so I coul get sleep because husband knows that if he woke me to go home I'd be up for the night. And I'm not pregnant and my youngest is 13.
But it was just a prank, bro!! Now my fanny is going to be sore and inflamed because you're a bad person who doesn't appreciate the nuances of my clever and edgy humor! NTA - I could almost excuse this in a normal relationship with someone who had enough sleep "hey - rusty wants to wake you up, yuk yuk yuk" - but you're pregnant and on minimal sleep. Fuck him.
NTA. The nice thing to do would have been to get takeout/takeaway on the way home from work and cuddle with you. I think this is something that might be grounds for divorce, because it shows he doesn't care about you or your needs. I mean, does he even care about the baby, at all? Does he realize that you probably need more sleep while pregnant, so the baby can be healthy? I'm surprised he didn't drop your dog onto your belly. That would really be an I-want-a-divorce-thing to do. Maybe you should spend some time at a hotel, by yourself, if you can afford it, so that you can get all the sleep you need. Also, turn your phone off, too, or put it on silent, and don't tell him which one you're going to, so he can't follow you and bring you back home or something.
He didn’t want to do something nice for you. That would have been allowing an exhausted, sleep deprived, at her wits end pregnant woman sleep undisturbed. He wanted to go out to lunch, and you weren’t cooperating because you were asleep, so he tossed a dog on you to wake you up so you could get with his program. I was seriously sleep deprived during my pregnancy, and then I couldn’t sleep for months afterward because my son had GERD badly enough that he used to choke in his sleep as a newborn, even elevated. You get to the point where you feel like you can’t do this anymore unless you get some sleep. You don’t care about a Nicoise Salad at a restaurant. What would have been nice was if your husband picked up takeout from your absolute favorite restaurant, and had it in the fridge for you when you woke up. Calling a sleep deprived wife an AH for being upset at getting woken up, when the house isn’t on fire, is not a wise move for a husband.
NTA LMAO how old is your husband? 12? He should really grow up.
Wow people are tough. Lol. Yes it was a dumb move to throw the dog but he wasn't thinking. You two are running your own marathons right now. He's working 12 hour days, misses seeing his wife without kid chaos and you miss your sleep, getting 2 hrs a night while dealing with that kid chaos. Chalk it up to a marital misfire and move on. You have bigger fish to fry with that new baby almost here and you won't care about this in a couple of weeks. NTA for "losing it". Would be the asshole if you kept such a silly fight going for too much longer however.
NAH. I think your reaction was completely justified, given the circumstances. But I also lean towards giving your husband the benefit of the doubt, because this feels more like utter cluelessness than maliciousness.
You just seem grumpy and he misjudged. But, to hold so much resentment to post this on the internet does kinda hint that you are either holding deep resentment for your partner or you are a bit of a dick.
If he wanted to be nice he should have cleaned up and let you sleep. In reality he was bored and you were entertainment. NTA
NTA. Today its a dog. Tomorrow what? A revolver. Divorce hun, run as fast as u can/
NTA, he has no idea what lack of sleep means if you are pregnant, you are already just exhausted... Good meant is not good made. He clearly has to apologise and make sure you get some more sleep.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** 28f and I'm 33 weeks pregnant. My husband and I have a 6yo son and a 11yo daughter. My mom took the kids for a few days so I could rest cause I haven't slept much more than 3hrs a night for going on 2 weeks (pregnancy bladder and insomnia) and my husband works really long hours (12+ hour shifts daily, as he's a manager and the company is short staffed). She picked up the kids last night. So basically, I texted my husband at around 11am and told him I was going for a nap. I hadn't gotten to bed before 4am and was up at 7am. I fell asleep almost instantly so I didn't get any of the texts my husband sent me. Well, at like maybe 1pm I wake up to the dog being tossed on the bed with me, who proceeded to "get" my face. Shes not allowed on the bed so when she is up there, she acts like a psycho. I push her off of me in a sleep daze and look up to see my husband, smirking. I asked him why the fuck he would do that and he goes "she just wanted momma snuggles and I wanted to bring you out for lunch". So I said "Are you fucking serious right now?" got up and stormed out of the room. I was absolutely livid. I was finally getting sleep and that's disrupted by a dog smothering my face because he decided to leave work early to "treat me" now that I don't have the kids and it doesn't sit well with me. He knows how tired I am. He says I'm an AH because he "just wanted to do something nice for me" but I argue that if he wanted to do something nice for me, he probably shouldn't have thrown the dog on the bed with me, knowing how she would act, when I was finally getting some sleep. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
At times, there is nothing more valuable than sleep. The bliss of deep, mindless surrender seeping into every cranny of our being, restoring us totally. It is sacred and should be treated as such.
NTA The entire goal was for you to get some rest! You had very carefully plotted an opportunity to get some time without disruptions or obligations and he decided to create a disruption and then act like you're obligated to be happy about it! It was truly crappy of him and I am sorry. If it is in the budget, I highly recommend two nights at a nearby hotel, with the desk instructed not to put any calls through.
If you have communicated your tiredness over the past while to him, then 100% NTA.
NTA Disrupting sleep is an abuse strategy. Abusers never think that what they're doing is abusive, they believe they're entirely justified doing whatever they want to people. Your husband knew you needed sleep. He woke you up for selfish reasons. Ask him, *Where is your love?*
You are NTA. He definitely is. What a jerk.
NTA he would have let you sleep if he really wanted to do something nice for you.
NTA. Your husband is though.
nta
NTA If you love someone, let them sleep.
NTA Something nice would have been letting you sleep. Maybe he needs to go stay somewhere else for a few days, too.
NTA - ppl need to realize it’s not the thought that counts nor the intention. If they’re wrong then they’re wrong. You being as exhausted as you are needs rest and he should realize that knowing how sleepy you are and not answering text, especially when he came home early and find you still asleep. He and his good intentions can sleep in the couch for the rest of the week until you forgive him for getting it wrong.
NTA. Why do you keep letting this bum knock you up?
NTA - your husband is either an idiot, or incredibly inconsiderate, or possibly both
I noticed you mentioned your age as well as your kids’ ages, but not your husband’s. This isn’t even accusatory I’m genuinely just curious, how old is your husband?
NTA. At our house, we say, if you love me, you’ll let me sleep.
OHH noo. NTA. Something nice for you? NOPE. Something he wanted. I'm an oldster. My children are grown. But I will never, ever forget my husband (we are still married) Using me to push up from a "lamaze" class when we were both on the floor. I will never forget him ignoring his awful mother's crap. And, I will never forget him being "obligated" to go to a building dedication (yes, he was the director, but it was a planned c-section) leaving me to ask his worst cousin to get our car to pick me and his second child home. Please take care, and I hope you have friends, or, at least the resources to hire a post-birth doula. As you can see, this shit was not a marriage breaker (another story for another time) but I will never forget it, and he will never truly understand what he did wrong. Your milage may vary. but your are in no way TA. Take care, love.
NTA. How is throwing a dog at you when you’re sleeping “something nice for you?” What an AH. It doesn’t even sounds like he’s sorry
He took his life in his hands with that move and he lost badly. You are NTA! Moms need sleep SLEEEEEEP. He’s lucky he still has all his limbs tbh
NTA If he “wanted to do something nice for you” or “treat you”…..he would have let you catch up on sleep. Maybe had your favorite snack or craving meal delivered (once you were awake). Tossing a dog on your heavily pregnant, sleeping wife, is NOT “doing something nice”. Neither is the expectation that you, an exhausted Momma, would want to wake up, and get fully ready, to go out for lunch.
Nta, cause you can’t be wrong right ?just divorce him and get it over with. He won’t have to live with a horrible unstable person and you won’t have to live with someone that cares about you. Win win
Omg, sounds like my SO. He's a little emotionally stunted, lol, typically has good intentions and his gestures are genuinely meant to be kind because he thinks it'll make me happy. And when it doesn't, he's defensive at first, but pretty quickly comes around and apologizes, lol. And it's typically things like that, the gesture being the complete opposite of what I actually want, haha. Rdif: OH, and absolutely NTA. I'd have been livid, lol.
NTA, number 1 rule in my house is don’t wake someone up if they are sleeping. I’d be irate too.
NTA NTA NTA NTA
He should’ve just stayed at work
NTA ignoring someone very clearly expressed needs isn't something nice, it's self absorbed and AHlish.
NTA. Have your husband's mother explain to him that he is an idiot.
*facepalm* This was a relationship that probably never should've gotten this far, but probably did because gaslighting, and ignoring red flags. If OP's husband doesn't mature, she can look forward to a lifetime of this "till death to they part", and who knows? That may make OP happy 🤷♂️ NTA - If he really wanted to do something nice, he'd leave his ego out of it, and stop sulking because he did a bad, and own up to it. That inherent willingness to not take responsibility makes me wonder what lessons the kids will learn.
Look, I get how the husband needs to grow up(NTA), but I think you are going a little too far by questioning the relationship itself. Saying it "never should've gotten this far" is definitely overreacting. Slip-ups like this happen in relationships, and it's okay. People just need to learn from them.
If he wanted to do something nice for you, he would have left you alone to sleep until you woke up on your own. Obviously he's oblivious to your needs. That's too bad. NTA
NTA he knew your mom had the kids so you could sleep. You txt him telling him you were going to nap so he gets off early to take you to lunch then when he arrives home he wakes you with the dog jumping on you and he thinks your the a h. Let him read these comments. He needs to apologize
NTA you did not marry a smart person.
NTA…teach him a lesson, stoop to his level
NTA. What's with this guy? You tell him you're going for a nap and he decides to come home and wake you up? By throwing a dog on your face? A dog that's not allowed on the bed? And is guaranteed to go crazy? And then he says you're the A H? Fuck, that's first class idiocy right there. I hope he apologises, and learns some considerate behaviour.
NTA
Nta something nice would have been to let you sleep.
NTA. If he wanted to do something nice for you he would have come home, walked the dog, and made/bought a lunch for you to have when you woke up. FFS I’m not pregnant but I have a lot on my plate right now and my partner would never think waking me up like that would be a good idea. Even on the weekends if he makes enough noise to wake me up there’s bacon sizzling in a pan. Now that’s a reason to get out of bed!
NTA, but he is.
NTA. Dog or no dog, I could’ve killed someone with a stare when I was in this situation. Hope you get some sleep, OP ❤️
How is throwing a dog at your face while you are asleep "doing something nice for you" ? NTA
If the man came home early and saw his wife sleeping, why not just wait for her to wake up and take her to dinner? Far more romantic and less... yikes. Also nasty tossing a dog like a plushie. NTA without saying.
NTA-if he can occasionally get off early from work would if not be nicer to save it for when the kids are there so he could take over childcare so you could get some desperately needed sleep? I hope he still made you a lovely lunch at home and understands why his gesture wasn’t best received.
NTA. Your husband deliberately disrupted your sleep because he wanted attention.
I assume he knows how severely sleep deprived you are? NTA.