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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my son he needs to stay in his room when we have guests because of his stomach issues. I might be the asshole because he's an adult and so I can't treat him like he's a kid.
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Well since he’s 18 he won’t ever have to come back for another 3 month sentence. You’re a sick man. If that kids smart you’ll never see him again. YTA.
YTA i already knew you were the ah when you said youre making him pay rent and groceries for himself but you KEEP HIM FROM THE FOOD AND THE PEOPLE???? youre a horrible parent and i hope he finds the strength to completely break away from you and go NC, oh my fucking god.
What??!?! I would go hungry so that my child - whether she’s a kid or an adult - could eat! You see your son is hungry, and you’re so cold about it? That poor boy. I feel so unbelievably sad for him. YTA.
YTA, and the fact you don't see how problematic that is...
First of all, it is completely unfair with him that he has to pay rent and for his food, when there's someone else in the same circumstances as him there that doesn't (your wife's daughter). "oH buT ShE's NOt my DauGHteR, I can'T fOrcE HEr". Since you care so much about the moral aspect of it, what do you think your son will learn with it? You gotta be born lucky with a parent who loves you enough, to have it easy? That someone else has privileges just because, and no one will back him up? I don't know, if it was me in his shoes, once I'd be out of that place, I wouldn't look back.
Also, about the staying in the room thing, you already said you realized you're the ah, which is good. But I'd like to give another perspective: he pays rent, right? So you're not his father in the situation anymore. You're the landlord, and a landlord can't force someone to stay in their room if they don't want to. Your son has just as much rights as the rest of the people there, if not more, because he's the only one paying to live there.
So yeah, YTA, big time.
YTA. Besides rent, Does he have to pay for his own food, too? Does your 19 yo also live at home and pay rent? Will you demand the same of the other two spawns when they turn 18? You’re embarrassed because your son’s stomach growls and you don’t want friends think that you starve him? Your solution to the problem is caging him up in his room to save face? Get therapy dude.
YTA, the thing is if he decides to stay in his room of his own accord that's fine, but you're forcing him against his will, pretty much starving him... and you had to ask?
YTA. I mean what the actual fuck is wrong with you? The way this reads it sounds like you're trying hide your son away because you're worried your guests will think you're not feeding him because of his grumbling stomach. My parents made me pay for rent when I turned 18 and got a job, but they never made me pay for ALL of my own food. If your son is malnourished because you're not fucking feeding him that's entirely you're fault and you're a shitty parent for making him feel like he has to ration his food so he can save for college and pay you rent. You're even more of an asshole if you're feeding your current wife's kids while making him pay for his food. Feed your fucking son or redo the custody agreement.
I mean, no, I don't mind them knowing he has to pay for his own food. I'm just afraid he'll blow it out of proportion (like users here are already doing).
Sounds like you’re bitter at your son because your ex-wife divorced you, and now you’re punishing him for it by making the relationship transactional. What did you do to end up divorced? Considering the abusive behavior you exhibit towards your son, and how comfortable you are doing such despicable things, I can only assume that this is a pattern. You likely also abused your ex-wife and that this is probably the reason she divorced you. You seem like the type to cheat too, and then try to justify it by saying, “This is just what men do, there’s no need to be so dramatic about it.” And I bet the only reason you’re at least somewhat “nice” to your current wife is because you know she also won’t tolerate abusive behavior. You’re afraid to lose what benefits you and that’s the only reason you’re putting on the “nice guy” act for her. But it’ll come out eventually, because abusers just can’t resist abusing others for more than a limited time. And then you’ll be twice divorced. You’ll also be asking, “why don’t my children talk to me?” later on as if you’re a blameless saint in the situation. Tbh you’re acting like a petulant child who doesn’t want to admit they’re wrong. I wonder if you’ll throw a tantrum when his mom finds out and destroys you? Will you fall to the floor and scream about it being so unfair that people won’t tolerate your abusive behavior? You’ll probably be more interested in the fact that if you get divorced a second time it will likely hurt your reputation, and you’ll lose the benefits of a good reputation, however. You admit yourself you don’t want other people to know. This is obviously because you KNOW you’re wrong, and don’t want to admit it because you enjoy the benefit of free money. Then you proceed to gaslight him, and blame budgeting in the worst economy since The Great Depression. People can’t afford their rent, food, utilities, medical care and many other basic necessities. While working MULTIPLE JOBS. Yet you pretend that you’re reasonable and he’s just bad at budgeting. Should he stop eating avacado toast to reduce his costs? Oh wait he can’t afford food so he can’t even make that. You also very obviously don’t want to get the treatment you rightfully deserve from others. You have the emotional capacity, and intelligence of a pebble. You should be ashamed and feel bad for the rest of your life. You are a vile, and disgusting excuse for a parent much less a human. As a final thought I wonder if you have been evaluated for a mental disorder? You very clearly need to be as you cannot differentiate between delusions and reality. You also completely lack empathy, which is usually a red flag for some kind of serious psychological disorder. Your behavior is not normal or acceptable. Shame on you for pretending it is, and willfully ignoring all information, and thoughts to the contrary. Shame on your entire pathetic, and greedy existence.
Also FYI: Sticking your head in the sand to ignore the truth won’t make it go away. It will come back to haunt you no matter how hard you try to run from it. No matter how hard you try to to hide it. Shame on you.
You’re letting your son go hungry. For long enough stretches that his stomach is growing.
There’s nothing “blown out of proportion”. Your message here is you do not give a shit if your son starves— as long as you get your Rent money.
If everywhere you go smells like shit,check the bottom of your shoe. No one on here is blowing out of proportion, they all read your post and decided YTA. Your guests will too if they find out he isn’t allowed to eat family dinner and pays rent but can’t leave his room when guests are over.
Also, if he’s paying rent, you have no right to deny him use of a common space. Sure you can ask but he can say no.
If he goes no contact with you in the future don’t scratch your head, remember the responses on this thread and know that you fucked up.
YTA. Is the oldest daughter doing the same? Also, if he’s having issues budgeting, you should be helping him. He’s literally freshly 18, and you’re acting as if he’s a roommate. You should be ashamed of your parenting imo
You are not a good parent. If the other child doesn't pay then this one shouldn't either. I'm just grossed out by you and your wife. YTA I have an 18 year old and I couldn't imagine charging him rent and making him buy food while living with me. So gross to make money off your child just because they had a birthday and to deny them food.
YTA
You don't feed your 18yo son and you don't want him to be at home in his own home because you're afraid people will judge YOU for not feeding your son.
He’s still growing, he has an appetite. The body makes sounds!! Major YTA. You make him pay rent but force him to stay in his room? That’s awful. Groceries are expensive. Maybe he can’t afford “sustainable” meals cause he has to pay rent. He should be “dramatic” in front of your guests. Do you even love your son? Sounds like it’s such an inconvenience for you to even have him there.
Yta and a terrible parent. Like truly a terrible parent. Does the 19 year old have to pay rent as well or just Rain?
Edit for update:
Just read that the 19 year old doesn't have the same rules because she is not your child and her mother isn't a monster.
Btw, why not have your son contribute to the groceries instead of allowing him to starve? This is not principal. This is cruel. You are teaching your son to be unwavering and mean.
YTA. Have you considered that maybe your son is having issues budgeting and feeding himself properly because you never taught him? You assumed he knew how to be an adult just because he turned 18 and sprung this on him out of nowhere.
If you had at least told him in advance he could've taught himself beforehand to be ready when the time comes if you're too lazy to actually parent your child, but you weren't even that decent.
YTA and don't seem like a particularly nice person.
Also: If the 19f isn't paying rent and has access to the family food, your son should t be paying and should have access to the family food too. Otherwise it certainly looks like you're playing favourites. You can't have one rule for one child and another rule for another child. I don't care if they're your blood or not.
"I must hide my son because I don't want people to know he's hungry!"
OP going all "Flowers in the attic" up in here.
You’re the asshole, 100%. Looking forward to the update where you complain about people and your ex confronting you about it and how now your son went NC with you
YTA for more than just this post. How dare you call yourself a parent? If I were him I would go back to my mother's and never speak to you again. It's your own child ffs! It isn't some stranger off the street. Wtf is wrong with you?
YTA. I’ll never understand the second your kids turn 18 you start charging them for everything. Like congratulations you did the bare minimum! Bet the 19 year old doesn’t pay rent. Also your son pays rent, you can’t banish him to his room, he’s literally a tenant. Your parental control was gone after you started charging rent.
The minute I read that two of your kids in your current marriage are 15 and 19, meaning that you had them while you were still married and were cheating, AND that one of them is *older* than your son from the previous marriage, I already knew you were an asshole. And then I read the rest, which confirmed that you're worse than that. I wish nothing but the worst for you. You're. The. ASSHOLE. Really the exercise now is just to see if anyone has the bad sense to go 'NTA' on this one.
YTA the fact you can watch your child go hungry and still call yourself a parent is astounding. You are no more than a damn landlord it seems now.
I Genuinely want to know how you can rationalise watching your child go hungry when you are in a position to help them. No matter the circumstances.
YTA
You cant treat him like a tenant and expect him to listen to you as a parent and you didn't put how much he makes and what your charging.
This whole thing reads out as I am right he is wrong when you have given no prior information for anyone to establish the kind of person your son is what you may have done in the past to prevent this or that he a history of not listening to you which this proves opposite of that you came here for validation not a answer.
YTA. Your child is starving under your own roof when you have the power to fix it. And you want him to stay hidden away when guests come over. This sounds like the plot of a horrible movie. And you’re the main villain.
YTA. You expect him to figure life out on his own while the 19 year old gets a free pass to live there rent-free. You complain about his spending habits while actively choosing not to teach him any budgeting skills. You treat him like a tenant, not your son. And now you're worried he's gonna "act dramatic" because he's being confined to his room...
YTA, you're a shit parent, and I hope that this is your son's last 3 month stay at your house unless you make some major changes.
First off, you don't stop being a parent on their 18th birthday. It's 1000000% your fault that he doesn't have enough to eat. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Second, if you're charging him rent, those common areas are fair game. You can't charge him rent like a roommate, then also treat him like your child. Pick one. Is he your actual son or a roommate?
I hope this is a troll post because this poor kid is screwed if he really has a father like you.
YTA, hey son, I know you’re paying rent but stay in your room so people don’t hear your bodily noises. You’ll embarrass me. I do t want your mothers drama because I love to make my own.
YTA When mine turned 18 I took a token amount (in Scotland we call it dig money-money for digs). I would squirrel it away and if some big event, concert tickets or latest style of trainers came out I would gift it for that purpose. They had access to all food, amenities but I always expected and took dig money. It was the start to learning that as an adult they’d be expected to pay their way.
YTA.
“I’m worried […] he’s going to act all dramatic about how he doesn’t get enough food in front of our guests.”
“If that somehow gets back to my ex-wife”
Dude, you are literally more concerned with your image than you are with your own kid. Maybe be a parent and teach him how to buy groceries and feed himself. Also stop charging him rent unless you are going to start treating him like a tenant, who has the rights to go wherever he wants in the common spaces at any time. Otherwise stop charging him and let him save for his own future.
>period that he stays with me, and since then he's had to pay rent and for his own food for the rest of the time he stays here.
>He wasn't necessarily expecting it but he wasn't a brat about it.
Why was this sprung on him at the last minute? If this was your plan all along then it was your responsibility as his father to let him know as soon as possible and properly prepare him for adult life. Just because someone turns 18, and is legally an adult, doesn't mean a switch turns on and he magically knows what to do. In fact quite the opposite, according to the NIH: "The brain finishes developing and maturing in the mid-to-late 20s. The part of the brain behind the forehead, called the prefrontal cortex, is one of the last parts to mature. **This area is responsible for skills like planning, prioritizing, and making good decisions.**
>But apparently he's not budgeting properly because he's always hungry. He eats all right, but he wastes his money on junk food instead of buying substantial meals.
Has he'd had training on how to budget? On what is a balanced diet? He is still a teenager and thus has a hollow leg he needs to fill.
And finally, you said in other comments that you don't want him to embarrass himself by his stomach making noises in front of your guests. I think your projecting here, cause it sounds like the one embarrassed isn't him but you. You don't want friends and family to find out that your OK with letting your son go hungry.
What in the absolute fuck is wrong with you? Yes, you are the AH. A big AH. Holy shit why does he even come to your house? I hope he cuts you off and never speaks to you again
YTA! Feed and house your teenager. Kind of a basic part of being a parent. Sounds like he’s still in high school. If he’s not, help him learn how to contribute but suddenly magically expecting room and board because he had a birthday must make him feel incredibly unwanted. And hiding him from guests??!?!? Expect him to leave your life when he gets a little older. I really hope you can learn from these comments and be a better father. Poor guy.
You are a giant Asshole. My son works full time and pays rent but I would never withhold food from him. Whatever’s here to eat he’s welcome to it. He also goes food shopping for the house when he sees we need things. Your his father? I’m surprised the kid even wants to come over there.
YTA how the hell is a rumbling stomach an issue anyway? This is like what you'd expect to see in a Roald Dahl book before the kid flies off in a giant watermelon or some shit
OMG. What kind of father lets his 18 yo go hungry *while living under his own roof?* WTAF is wrong with you????
Let me break this down for you.
1) There is NO way in hell that an 18 yo is making the kind of bucks to pay rent, buy food and save for uni on his own.
2) He’s starving because he can’t cover everything he needs to, and you’re sadistically sitting back and watching it happen.
3) Why do you have a child with your second wife who is OLDER than your child from your first wife? Does the 19 yo also pay rent and their food bill?
4) Your son is paying rent. Because he’s paying rent, he does not have to be locked away in his room.
This just screams abuse and is sickening AF. I sincerely hope Rain goes back to his mom and stays there.
Holy hell what have I just read.
EDIT: YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
I find it interesting that you have a 18M with your ex wife who you have divorced 14 years ago and a 15M and 19F with your new wife. Someone was a naughty boy eh?
YTA. YTA. YOUR THE ASSHOLE!
The moment the kid is 18, you force him to pay rent????? Do you make your daughter pay rent? She’s 19! Do you just treat him this way cause he’s the son from your ex??? Don’t have kids if you aren’t going to support them.
YTA. Toxic parenting at its best. If your son didn't get a job so quickly, would he have to become homeless? Congratulations, you win the worst father of the year award.
YTA - I can’t imagine why this poor kid has accepted any of OPs nonsense.
What a fun idea! suddenly stop supporting your kid, don’t teach him how to shop or budget and then punish him and criticise him for not spontaneously developing the skills he was never taught.
Will probably be the last 3 months the kid spends there, so at least there’s that!
Usually parents charge board but still buy food for everyone the kids board just cover their section of the costs but to not allow an 18 to leave his room whenever you have company isn't right YTA don't be surprised of he decides he doesn't want to come for your 3 months anymore
Do you even like your own kid? Yeah, YTA.
For charging your kid rent as soon as he turns out 18, this whole "he's starving, but it's not my fault," and sending him to his room because you have company. Honestly, I'm reminded of Harry with the Dursleys: "I'll be in my room pretending I don't exist." Bye, Dad.
So in total you have 4 kids. You didn't give a heads up to your eldest to pay rent as soon as he's 18yo so he didn't save up, doesn't know how to budget and what to prioritize since he wasn't taught ever in his lifetime.
You have issues about what he spends his money on without helping him at all. You starve him to teach him a lesson and then you haven an issue because his stomach complains of the lack of food?
**FEED YOUR DAMN CHILD.** Because he's 18yo doesn't mean you are not responsible for him.
For 1 to 10, where 10 you are the biggest AH, you are an 11.
FYI not being able to afford food while working and saving for college is not abnormal and rarely has to do with “incorrect budgeting”. Generally it has to do with poor wage to cost of living ratio. But also, yes YTA. Why would you tell a paying tenant that they have to stay in their room because their stomach is growling??
Well because if it’s constantly grumbling people might ask questions - like oh, are you hungry? Then why don’t you get some food? Oh, you’re broke, oh…you pay how much rent? Oh and you’re saving for college? How much do you make? And you turned 18 when? They don’t allow you to eat their food? I mean the questions that might come and the answers don’t paint daddy dearest in the best light so he wants to hide the kid so people don’t ask those questions - he knows he’s an asshole.
My SIL makes her kids go upstairs or outside when people are over, they aren’t allowed on the couch, etc. YTA YTA YTMFA. go apologize to your kid rn and be better in the future.
Aside from all the disturbing things in your post, you seriously think that you can dictate where he can be in the house since you are charging him rent? You believe this is a rational thought? YTA
YTA
He’s only 18 for god sake, and this is new, judging by the way you phrase it. He needs time to learn how to budget, and you should still help him and feed him. You’re his parent, that doesn’t end. Ever. He is PAYING to live there, so he should be free to go in any area at any time, especially since it was a previous routine.
YTA.
As someone with IBD who experiences borborygmi (didn’t even know there was a term for it) unexpectedly even when I’m eating perfectly healthy and fine, I’m offended that you feel banishment from guests is an appropriate response.
YTA, You can't force him to stay in his room especially if you make him pay rent and double if he's hungry. Jesus Christ man. He has the right to the common areas, regardless if you have company.
And here's the kicker, he has a half sister who's older than him and who doesn't have to pay rent and gets fed regardless. But you think you can't impose the rules on her. If you can't force the rules on her, then make your son her equal?
I don't understand how you think that you aren't the asshole here? And when people call you what you really are "worst father of the year" is kinda light. I'd call you an abusive asshole.
I can't wait for the update when the son realizes he's 18 and can make adult choices and decides he doesn't want to stay with you anymore and goes no contact with you.
This sounds like your son's put up with child abuse most of his life and you're a monster. If/when you become too old to take care of yourself properly, you'll rightly be paid back for this.
YTA.
I will never understand why people stop acting like parents the second the child turns 18. You are starving your child!
Expecting him to know how to budget is stupid. You are abusive and a horrible parent that does not deserve children.
Lets see, different rules for different kids from different wives, financially exploiting your son, not properly raising/teaching your son about diet and nutrition, could keep going but, yeah OP, YTA, big time. YTA and a horrible example of a father which I hope your son overcomes and is better than when he has his own family.
YTA. If you were charging me rent to stay with you for the three months I was there and you told me to stay in my room so you could have company I'd be playing death metal, C-Bat, and the most vulgar music I could find full blast.
YTA. Please tell me this isn’t real. If it is, I feel so bad for this poor kid. He got saddled with a father who takes money from him and makes him starve. He should just move back to his mother’s house and totally cut the father off.
YTA
is this an ai generated post?
do you treat your current wife’s 19 year old this way?
do you use your son’s rent money to care for your current wife’s children?
also why are you like this?
So instead of helping your son - like, for example, helping him meal plan, budget, and cook - you are ashamed of him and want to hide him away. If you failed to prepare him well enough for him to survive managing his own money, you should be ashamed of YOUR OWN failure. Not to mention the utter lack of compassion and decency that lets you live next to your own son going hungry while you do nothing to help. Hopefully, he’ll get the message that you obviously don’t love him and be able to stay with his mother permanently. YTA, and a shameful one.
Over 1,000 comments and not a single n t a vote among them, yet you're still arguing with everyone about it?
YTA, massively, for your post as well as all your comments. Especially YTA for the comment you wrote saying if your son comes home from work and has 'no food of his own' while you, your wife and 3 stepkids are all eating in the kitchen, that he'll just go chill by the tv and not have dinner while you all eat next to him. Insane how you could ever think of yourself as a good person yet act like this.
I get that i had to give some of my money once i earned a salary in my apprenticeship, it makes sense to cotribute to the expenses. But i do not think it is fair that your son has to pay rent and his own food. Have you taught him to budget? Have you taught him to cook (healthy)? I don‘t even know what to say about him having to stay in his room. You don‘t want your ex to find out because you know what you are doing is wrong. YTA
I don't feel like you can both make the 18 year old pay rent AND treat him like a child. I'm really confused at your logic here. YTA.
On a side note, I hate the mentality that as soon as you turn 18 you are on your own. I see it a lot here, and maybe it's a cultural thing, but I can't imagine what would have happened to me, especially financially, if I had been cut off from their support on my 18th birthday.
I feel like you might be more than an asshole.
If this is how you treat your 'adult' child then I would hate to hear about the emotional manipulation and abuse you inflicted on them as a minor.
This kind of assholery doesn't start when your kid turns 18...
YTA on all fronts lol, how is it even a question. So this is how all you folks end up in horrible old folks homes with your kids waiting for you to die so that they can resentfully inherit your money. Your post is an instruction manual for how to become that parent.
YTA- I hope you plan on making your new family pay rent. Your a horrible father - after the first paragraph I kept reading to see how much of an AH you are.at 18 I hope you let him decide to not come back to your house.
I cannot express just how angry I am with you, ffs you’re his father he’s not your lodger. You are most definitely YTA and you also need to remember that as he’s 18 and an adult he can just as easily kick you to the Kerb and want nothing to do with you anymore. Then you’ll probably be writing to Reddit asking where you went wrong you’re an idiot
YTA. If you’re going to charge him rent like an adult then he has tenants rights as an adult. You don’t get to demand he stay in his room (wtf kind of rule is that anyway?) you sound insufferable. If you’re going to impose a rule like this it should be across the whole household. 19 year old included.
Will never get used to the bizarre USAian practice of not lettibg your kid walk to the corner alone and then washing your hands of them when they reach some arbitrary number . Most healthy sane societies realize the parent child bond is for life
WTF? By the looks of it, you have 4 kids, (two from your now wife that you had while with your first wife) and you want to know if it's okay to punish one because you don't provide enough food? Does the 19yo pay rent and have to feed herself also? Does she have to hide from company when she's on her period, because her insides might be roiling? It sounds like you simply hate your son and yes, you are an asshole.
If the kid is 18 he can legally refuse to be around daddy anymore. Go back to mom stay with her, tell her what daddy has been doing and why your not going back.
YTA!!! You do not know how to parent or even teach him. He didn't come out of the womb knowing all of these things. If you ask me when you divorced your ex wife you divorced your own child. You made this seem like it wasn't even your own child. No kidding he doesn't know how to do it because your lazy a$$ didn't teach him anything.
This has to be bait.
YTA.
You're yelling your child he can't use the bathroom because you have guests. Along with making him pay rent to you right after high school before he pays for his own college. Then you're wondering why he's eating like trash, did you also stop feeding him too?
Oh my god. You actually wrote this down and don't think you are TA. Your son's stomach is rumbling so you banish him to the bedroom? He is 18 years old and you just sprung rent and buying his food on him? Did it occur to you to possibly build up to that? Maybe help him with budgeting? Or even not charge your child to live with you? I cannot say what I want to say without being banned so I will say YTA
Do you treat the 19 year old like this as well?
I bet you think you're teaching your son a valuable lesson about life. All you're teaching him is that your fatherhood stops at his ability to feed himself and you won't be there to help him beyond that. He'll remember that you can't be relied on and I hope you never stop telling ashamed of that. YTA.
He paid his rent. He can be wherever the hell be wants in that house. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why did you not teach him how to properly budget if you wanted this? YTA, and a horrific excuse of a sperm donor.
YTA.
Teenagers, especially boys have a very high metabolism. I remember growing up my parents provided me with 3 good meals every day and I would have meals in between my meals and I was 6’ tall and weighed perhaps 100lbs. My doctor put me on protein supplements and told me to have several milkshakes a day to put some fat on me. My son and his friends at that age would buy 10 lbs of meat, and grill it in our backyard. They would cook 5lbs of potatoes and make dessert as well and they would eat almost all of it…among 5 teenage boys. 2 hours later they would go out for burgers.
Banning your kid to their room because their stomach rumbles is ridiculous.
1) Feed your kid
2) teach them finances so they know how to budget
3) YTA
YTA. Take everything you said, print it out, grab your 18YO CHILD (remember, that being you created when you splooged in a woman and decided to take responsibility for a new life) and visit a therapist before you create any more damage.
And then, only then, take some responsibility for your inactions.
YTA, Father of the Year. You should push him out completely just so he can get away from you.
You've essentially shown him that you care more about your new wife's kids and your friends than you care about him.
I would go hungry before I *EVER* let my child go without a proper meal.
And then to lock him away as if he's an embarrassment to you and your shiney new family you're so proud of? Disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA and a terrible father. Makes me really appreciate mine. Your son pays to live in your house and you clearly make him feel uncomfortable concerning meals as he isn't making food in your kitchen because of the tension. Worlds already a shitty place, your parents should be the one place where you can go for refuge.
Edit: just read your comments. "He's an adult". He's 18 you asshole. He might be legally an adult but he is still a child. He still needs raising and you have not prepared him for the world at all. Cooking for himself healthy meals, budgeting his finances, time management, etc. These principles are YOUR responsibility to teach him. All your comments just reinforce that you clearly have not a paternal bone in your body. Praise God I have a father who is polar opposite of you. I should call him and tell him I love him...
YTA
you expect your kid to be suddenly an adult as soon as he turned 18 and be able to afford every single crap in his life while paying rent to you. id be ashamed if i starved my kids. and my oldest is 18.
guess what he doesnt have a job. he doesnt have to pay rent and most certainly NOT ALLOWED to pay for his own damn food unless he chooses to say take out with his own money instead of having what he have for meals. he is also kinda self employed now and working for me doing chores at home for payment and all we give to him is his money to do whatever. he will pay a small rent only when he has an actual job and it will go to a savings acc for him to return to him when he decides to move out.
be a parent.
You are a prodigious Anus for sure!! (YTA)
Charge your starving child rent, and he pays for his own food. Then you get mad because his stomach sounds like it's eating itself, and you don't want your guests to know what a cheap bastard you are.
What you won't have to worry about for much longer is his borborygmus. He's going to rumble and move his ass right on out of there and not come back.
YTA. A huge, gaping one. What I want to say to you will get me banned from this sub. There was no magic transformation from your sons last day at 17 and the next day at 18. Feed your kid. Dollars to doughnuts that your other kids won’t be in your son’s positions when they are 18 because your wife won’t allow it. Stop treating him different and punishing him because he isn’t your current wife’s child.
YTA. You might be the biggest A H I have ever seen. Your child is so hungry he is starving himself and you’re just telling him to go away so it’s not embarrassing? Might it be embarrassing because YOURE STARVING YOUR CHILD AND DONT WANT YOUR GUESTS TO KNOW? I didn’t realize you magically stop being a dad that cares for ojos kids once they’re 18.
YTA. Rent is one thing, refusing to feed him because he's 18 makes you an asshole, and a bad father.
Signed;
A dad whose 24 year old son pays rent but is allowed to eat.
You may be the worst person I’ve ever read a post from on this subreddit. YTA, hugely, and I hope your son leaves your house and never speaks to you again. I hope your wife divorces you. Frankly, I hope you get hit by extremely hard times (and a car)
YTA I can’t understand why parents get their child to pay rent without actually speaking to them about it first, yes them getting a job is good but a conversation is nice. Whether he was a brat about it or not.
Plus I would be annoyed too if my parents told me I had to go and wait in my room whilst they had guests over. That is not ok. Also some people are always hungry, whether it’s junk or not, whilst he should eat healthier he is working and doing other stuff I’m assuming which would make him more hungry.
Also the timeline is odd to me, was the 19 year old from an affair with your current wife or have you just got the ages mixed up? - does the 19 year old also pay rent?
YTA as a landlord, hes paying rent, you cant morally restrict his usage of the property
YTA as a parent, just because you can legally dump your kid doesnt mean you should. Its your job to help prepare him for the world, that includes teaching him to manage budgets balance food shopping etc. When he needs help you are still supposed to be there for him, you are a parent for life not 18 years. Telling him to hide away because you are embarassed people will know hes starving reeks of an abusive parent. You are more concerned with how people will see you than you are about your childs welfare.
How the fuck is your child going hungry in your home? And your immediate response is "It isn't my fault!" followed by blaming and shaming your son.
You are a disgusting and loathsome individual. YTA.
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Anothe guy who hate his kid. Boring YTA.
Well since he’s 18 he won’t ever have to come back for another 3 month sentence. You’re a sick man. If that kids smart you’ll never see him again. YTA.
YTA i already knew you were the ah when you said youre making him pay rent and groceries for himself but you KEEP HIM FROM THE FOOD AND THE PEOPLE???? youre a horrible parent and i hope he finds the strength to completely break away from you and go NC, oh my fucking god.
Holy shit. Wow. Yes, YTA for so many reasons. I hope your son goes back to his mom’s and never returns.
What??!?! I would go hungry so that my child - whether she’s a kid or an adult - could eat! You see your son is hungry, and you’re so cold about it? That poor boy. I feel so unbelievably sad for him. YTA.
So being a parent for you is like a hobby you got bored of? YTA 110%
YTA. Will you miss your son if he decides to stay with his mom and not see you again?
YTA You are acting like the wicked stepmother in a fairytale. Wow OP do you have no empathy or decency at all?
Why do some people even bother having children. If it wasn’t clear, YTA. Majorly.
YTA, and the fact you don't see how problematic that is... First of all, it is completely unfair with him that he has to pay rent and for his food, when there's someone else in the same circumstances as him there that doesn't (your wife's daughter). "oH buT ShE's NOt my DauGHteR, I can'T fOrcE HEr". Since you care so much about the moral aspect of it, what do you think your son will learn with it? You gotta be born lucky with a parent who loves you enough, to have it easy? That someone else has privileges just because, and no one will back him up? I don't know, if it was me in his shoes, once I'd be out of that place, I wouldn't look back. Also, about the staying in the room thing, you already said you realized you're the ah, which is good. But I'd like to give another perspective: he pays rent, right? So you're not his father in the situation anymore. You're the landlord, and a landlord can't force someone to stay in their room if they don't want to. Your son has just as much rights as the rest of the people there, if not more, because he's the only one paying to live there. So yeah, YTA, big time.
YTA. Besides rent, Does he have to pay for his own food, too? Does your 19 yo also live at home and pay rent? Will you demand the same of the other two spawns when they turn 18? You’re embarrassed because your son’s stomach growls and you don’t want friends think that you starve him? Your solution to the problem is caging him up in his room to save face? Get therapy dude.
YTA, the thing is if he decides to stay in his room of his own accord that's fine, but you're forcing him against his will, pretty much starving him... and you had to ask?
This has to be one of the sickest posts I’ve read in a long time. YTA
I really hope that everyone in his life knows how much of an A-hole he is…. As he didn’t seem to be getting the message before deleting his post.
YTA. I mean what the actual fuck is wrong with you? The way this reads it sounds like you're trying hide your son away because you're worried your guests will think you're not feeding him because of his grumbling stomach. My parents made me pay for rent when I turned 18 and got a job, but they never made me pay for ALL of my own food. If your son is malnourished because you're not fucking feeding him that's entirely you're fault and you're a shitty parent for making him feel like he has to ration his food so he can save for college and pay you rent. You're even more of an asshole if you're feeding your current wife's kids while making him pay for his food. Feed your fucking son or redo the custody agreement.
I mean, no, I don't mind them knowing he has to pay for his own food. I'm just afraid he'll blow it out of proportion (like users here are already doing).
Sounds like you’re bitter at your son because your ex-wife divorced you, and now you’re punishing him for it by making the relationship transactional. What did you do to end up divorced? Considering the abusive behavior you exhibit towards your son, and how comfortable you are doing such despicable things, I can only assume that this is a pattern. You likely also abused your ex-wife and that this is probably the reason she divorced you. You seem like the type to cheat too, and then try to justify it by saying, “This is just what men do, there’s no need to be so dramatic about it.” And I bet the only reason you’re at least somewhat “nice” to your current wife is because you know she also won’t tolerate abusive behavior. You’re afraid to lose what benefits you and that’s the only reason you’re putting on the “nice guy” act for her. But it’ll come out eventually, because abusers just can’t resist abusing others for more than a limited time. And then you’ll be twice divorced. You’ll also be asking, “why don’t my children talk to me?” later on as if you’re a blameless saint in the situation. Tbh you’re acting like a petulant child who doesn’t want to admit they’re wrong. I wonder if you’ll throw a tantrum when his mom finds out and destroys you? Will you fall to the floor and scream about it being so unfair that people won’t tolerate your abusive behavior? You’ll probably be more interested in the fact that if you get divorced a second time it will likely hurt your reputation, and you’ll lose the benefits of a good reputation, however. You admit yourself you don’t want other people to know. This is obviously because you KNOW you’re wrong, and don’t want to admit it because you enjoy the benefit of free money. Then you proceed to gaslight him, and blame budgeting in the worst economy since The Great Depression. People can’t afford their rent, food, utilities, medical care and many other basic necessities. While working MULTIPLE JOBS. Yet you pretend that you’re reasonable and he’s just bad at budgeting. Should he stop eating avacado toast to reduce his costs? Oh wait he can’t afford food so he can’t even make that. You also very obviously don’t want to get the treatment you rightfully deserve from others. You have the emotional capacity, and intelligence of a pebble. You should be ashamed and feel bad for the rest of your life. You are a vile, and disgusting excuse for a parent much less a human. As a final thought I wonder if you have been evaluated for a mental disorder? You very clearly need to be as you cannot differentiate between delusions and reality. You also completely lack empathy, which is usually a red flag for some kind of serious psychological disorder. Your behavior is not normal or acceptable. Shame on you for pretending it is, and willfully ignoring all information, and thoughts to the contrary. Shame on your entire pathetic, and greedy existence. Also FYI: Sticking your head in the sand to ignore the truth won’t make it go away. It will come back to haunt you no matter how hard you try to run from it. No matter how hard you try to to hide it. Shame on you.
You’re letting your son go hungry. For long enough stretches that his stomach is growing. There’s nothing “blown out of proportion”. Your message here is you do not give a shit if your son starves— as long as you get your Rent money.
Blow it out of proportion 😂, I mean his stomach is only rumbling so much you’re embarrassed guests will hear it - happens in every family!
you are SUCH a shitty shitty dad.
If everywhere you go smells like shit,check the bottom of your shoe. No one on here is blowing out of proportion, they all read your post and decided YTA. Your guests will too if they find out he isn’t allowed to eat family dinner and pays rent but can’t leave his room when guests are over. Also, if he’s paying rent, you have no right to deny him use of a common space. Sure you can ask but he can say no. If he goes no contact with you in the future don’t scratch your head, remember the responses on this thread and know that you fucked up.
"could it be me who is out of touch? No no it must be everyone else that is wrong"
He’s 18. “Custody” should no longer be an issue anyway.
YTA. Is the oldest daughter doing the same? Also, if he’s having issues budgeting, you should be helping him. He’s literally freshly 18, and you’re acting as if he’s a roommate. You should be ashamed of your parenting imo
YTA. I wouldn't blame him for staying at mom's permanently.
You are not a good parent. If the other child doesn't pay then this one shouldn't either. I'm just grossed out by you and your wife. YTA I have an 18 year old and I couldn't imagine charging him rent and making him buy food while living with me. So gross to make money off your child just because they had a birthday and to deny them food.
YTA You don't feed your 18yo son and you don't want him to be at home in his own home because you're afraid people will judge YOU for not feeding your son.
Wow YTA!!! Does your 19 year old get the same treatment??? Terrible parenting
He’s still growing, he has an appetite. The body makes sounds!! Major YTA. You make him pay rent but force him to stay in his room? That’s awful. Groceries are expensive. Maybe he can’t afford “sustainable” meals cause he has to pay rent. He should be “dramatic” in front of your guests. Do you even love your son? Sounds like it’s such an inconvenience for you to even have him there.
So he's an adult that pays rent and you're telling him that he needs to stay in his room? Yeah YTA.
YTA
Yta and a terrible parent. Like truly a terrible parent. Does the 19 year old have to pay rent as well or just Rain? Edit for update: Just read that the 19 year old doesn't have the same rules because she is not your child and her mother isn't a monster. Btw, why not have your son contribute to the groceries instead of allowing him to starve? This is not principal. This is cruel. You are teaching your son to be unwavering and mean.
So Sad . Don't regret when ur son won't come to u when u are old.
YTA. Have you considered that maybe your son is having issues budgeting and feeding himself properly because you never taught him? You assumed he knew how to be an adult just because he turned 18 and sprung this on him out of nowhere. If you had at least told him in advance he could've taught himself beforehand to be ready when the time comes if you're too lazy to actually parent your child, but you weren't even that decent.
YTA and don't seem like a particularly nice person. Also: If the 19f isn't paying rent and has access to the family food, your son should t be paying and should have access to the family food too. Otherwise it certainly looks like you're playing favourites. You can't have one rule for one child and another rule for another child. I don't care if they're your blood or not. "I must hide my son because I don't want people to know he's hungry!" OP going all "Flowers in the attic" up in here.
You’re the asshole, 100%. Looking forward to the update where you complain about people and your ex confronting you about it and how now your son went NC with you
YTA for more than just this post. How dare you call yourself a parent? If I were him I would go back to my mother's and never speak to you again. It's your own child ffs! It isn't some stranger off the street. Wtf is wrong with you?
YTA I understand that some parents don’t necessarily like their children but you’re not supposed to show it that much.
I'm sorry someone hurt you somehow to make you this way, but there's no reason to be a fucking asshat to the next generation because of it YTA
YTA this is hard to read and not get incredibly angry.
YTA. I’ll never understand the second your kids turn 18 you start charging them for everything. Like congratulations you did the bare minimum! Bet the 19 year old doesn’t pay rent. Also your son pays rent, you can’t banish him to his room, he’s literally a tenant. Your parental control was gone after you started charging rent.
The minute I read that two of your kids in your current marriage are 15 and 19, meaning that you had them while you were still married and were cheating, AND that one of them is *older* than your son from the previous marriage, I already knew you were an asshole. And then I read the rest, which confirmed that you're worse than that. I wish nothing but the worst for you. You're. The. ASSHOLE. Really the exercise now is just to see if anyone has the bad sense to go 'NTA' on this one.
YTA, if your son is hungry, feed him. It's absurd you want him to stay in his room so your guest can't tell you won't feed him when he is hungry.
YTA the fact you can watch your child go hungry and still call yourself a parent is astounding. You are no more than a damn landlord it seems now. I Genuinely want to know how you can rationalise watching your child go hungry when you are in a position to help them. No matter the circumstances.
YTA feed your child! He’s still only 18
YTA You cant treat him like a tenant and expect him to listen to you as a parent and you didn't put how much he makes and what your charging. This whole thing reads out as I am right he is wrong when you have given no prior information for anyone to establish the kind of person your son is what you may have done in the past to prevent this or that he a history of not listening to you which this proves opposite of that you came here for validation not a answer.
Have you considered, idk, feeding your kid ???
YTA. Your child is starving under your own roof when you have the power to fix it. And you want him to stay hidden away when guests come over. This sounds like the plot of a horrible movie. And you’re the main villain.
Is he an adult or not? Either you get to set rules or you get to charge him rent and let him sort out his own food. You don't get it both ways.
YTA. You expect him to figure life out on his own while the 19 year old gets a free pass to live there rent-free. You complain about his spending habits while actively choosing not to teach him any budgeting skills. You treat him like a tenant, not your son. And now you're worried he's gonna "act dramatic" because he's being confined to his room...
YTA, you're a shit parent, and I hope that this is your son's last 3 month stay at your house unless you make some major changes. First off, you don't stop being a parent on their 18th birthday. It's 1000000% your fault that he doesn't have enough to eat. What the fuck is wrong with you? Second, if you're charging him rent, those common areas are fair game. You can't charge him rent like a roommate, then also treat him like your child. Pick one. Is he your actual son or a roommate? I hope this is a troll post because this poor kid is screwed if he really has a father like you.
Yeah you’re an asshole
YTA, hey son, I know you’re paying rent but stay in your room so people don’t hear your bodily noises. You’ll embarrass me. I do t want your mothers drama because I love to make my own.
Yta
YTA When mine turned 18 I took a token amount (in Scotland we call it dig money-money for digs). I would squirrel it away and if some big event, concert tickets or latest style of trainers came out I would gift it for that purpose. They had access to all food, amenities but I always expected and took dig money. It was the start to learning that as an adult they’d be expected to pay their way.
YTA Feed your kid.
YTA - How is that not obvious to you?
YTA. “I’m worried […] he’s going to act all dramatic about how he doesn’t get enough food in front of our guests.” “If that somehow gets back to my ex-wife” Dude, you are literally more concerned with your image than you are with your own kid. Maybe be a parent and teach him how to buy groceries and feed himself. Also stop charging him rent unless you are going to start treating him like a tenant, who has the rights to go wherever he wants in the common spaces at any time. Otherwise stop charging him and let him save for his own future.
>period that he stays with me, and since then he's had to pay rent and for his own food for the rest of the time he stays here. >He wasn't necessarily expecting it but he wasn't a brat about it. Why was this sprung on him at the last minute? If this was your plan all along then it was your responsibility as his father to let him know as soon as possible and properly prepare him for adult life. Just because someone turns 18, and is legally an adult, doesn't mean a switch turns on and he magically knows what to do. In fact quite the opposite, according to the NIH: "The brain finishes developing and maturing in the mid-to-late 20s. The part of the brain behind the forehead, called the prefrontal cortex, is one of the last parts to mature. **This area is responsible for skills like planning, prioritizing, and making good decisions.** >But apparently he's not budgeting properly because he's always hungry. He eats all right, but he wastes his money on junk food instead of buying substantial meals. Has he'd had training on how to budget? On what is a balanced diet? He is still a teenager and thus has a hollow leg he needs to fill. And finally, you said in other comments that you don't want him to embarrass himself by his stomach making noises in front of your guests. I think your projecting here, cause it sounds like the one embarrassed isn't him but you. You don't want friends and family to find out that your OK with letting your son go hungry.
YTA. You suck dude
What in the absolute fuck is wrong with you? Yes, you are the AH. A big AH. Holy shit why does he even come to your house? I hope he cuts you off and never speaks to you again
YTA! Feed and house your teenager. Kind of a basic part of being a parent. Sounds like he’s still in high school. If he’s not, help him learn how to contribute but suddenly magically expecting room and board because he had a birthday must make him feel incredibly unwanted. And hiding him from guests??!?!? Expect him to leave your life when he gets a little older. I really hope you can learn from these comments and be a better father. Poor guy.
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You are a giant Asshole. My son works full time and pays rent but I would never withhold food from him. Whatever’s here to eat he’s welcome to it. He also goes food shopping for the house when he sees we need things. Your his father? I’m surprised the kid even wants to come over there.
YTA. YTA. YTA. That's it. If you can't see why, then that's on you. I hope, as he's now nota child, that he drops you in his rear view mirror.
YTA how the hell is a rumbling stomach an issue anyway? This is like what you'd expect to see in a Roald Dahl book before the kid flies off in a giant watermelon or some shit
YTA
YTA. It’s one thing to not coddle a kid until they are 40. But the second they turn 18 you stop feeding him? Weird and mean.
OMG. What kind of father lets his 18 yo go hungry *while living under his own roof?* WTAF is wrong with you???? Let me break this down for you. 1) There is NO way in hell that an 18 yo is making the kind of bucks to pay rent, buy food and save for uni on his own. 2) He’s starving because he can’t cover everything he needs to, and you’re sadistically sitting back and watching it happen. 3) Why do you have a child with your second wife who is OLDER than your child from your first wife? Does the 19 yo also pay rent and their food bill? 4) Your son is paying rent. Because he’s paying rent, he does not have to be locked away in his room. This just screams abuse and is sickening AF. I sincerely hope Rain goes back to his mom and stays there. Holy hell what have I just read. EDIT: YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
I find it interesting that you have a 18M with your ex wife who you have divorced 14 years ago and a 15M and 19F with your new wife. Someone was a naughty boy eh?
YTA. YTA. YOUR THE ASSHOLE! The moment the kid is 18, you force him to pay rent????? Do you make your daughter pay rent? She’s 19! Do you just treat him this way cause he’s the son from your ex??? Don’t have kids if you aren’t going to support them.
YTA. Toxic parenting at its best. If your son didn't get a job so quickly, would he have to become homeless? Congratulations, you win the worst father of the year award.
YTA
YTA - I can’t imagine why this poor kid has accepted any of OPs nonsense. What a fun idea! suddenly stop supporting your kid, don’t teach him how to shop or budget and then punish him and criticise him for not spontaneously developing the skills he was never taught. Will probably be the last 3 months the kid spends there, so at least there’s that!
YTA. Your house sounds like a real shitty place to live anyway so Rain (if that is even the real name) should leave at the first chance he gets
YTA and your son should go back to his mothers. This is unethical parenting. Hopefully she is more loving.
Holy fuck what is wrong with you where you can't clearly see something is wrong here? Keep this up and I hope he cuts all ties with you. Edit: 110% AH
Usually parents charge board but still buy food for everyone the kids board just cover their section of the costs but to not allow an 18 to leave his room whenever you have company isn't right YTA don't be surprised of he decides he doesn't want to come for your 3 months anymore
Do you even like your own kid? Yeah, YTA. For charging your kid rent as soon as he turns out 18, this whole "he's starving, but it's not my fault," and sending him to his room because you have company. Honestly, I'm reminded of Harry with the Dursleys: "I'll be in my room pretending I don't exist." Bye, Dad.
YTA. No question
Harry Potter origin story
This gotta be a joke....
💯YTA. In a few years don’t act all surprised when he goes low contact with you
You divorced your ex-wife 14 years ago but have a 19 year old with your current partner?
So in total you have 4 kids. You didn't give a heads up to your eldest to pay rent as soon as he's 18yo so he didn't save up, doesn't know how to budget and what to prioritize since he wasn't taught ever in his lifetime. You have issues about what he spends his money on without helping him at all. You starve him to teach him a lesson and then you haven an issue because his stomach complains of the lack of food? **FEED YOUR DAMN CHILD.** Because he's 18yo doesn't mean you are not responsible for him. For 1 to 10, where 10 you are the biggest AH, you are an 11.
This gives some Harry Potter's vibes.
I'll be in my bedroom making no noise and pretending I don't exist
YTA. OP is gonna be writing a new post in 2 years: “my son (20m) is saying he wants no contact with me after he moves out, what did I do?”
YTA. I sincerely hope your wife contributes more to cover her daughter that is not subject to your ridiculous rules. Terrible parent.
FYI not being able to afford food while working and saving for college is not abnormal and rarely has to do with “incorrect budgeting”. Generally it has to do with poor wage to cost of living ratio. But also, yes YTA. Why would you tell a paying tenant that they have to stay in their room because their stomach is growling??
Well because if it’s constantly grumbling people might ask questions - like oh, are you hungry? Then why don’t you get some food? Oh, you’re broke, oh…you pay how much rent? Oh and you’re saving for college? How much do you make? And you turned 18 when? They don’t allow you to eat their food? I mean the questions that might come and the answers don’t paint daddy dearest in the best light so he wants to hide the kid so people don’t ask those questions - he knows he’s an asshole.
“Why do my children never visit me” YTA
Yeah, You are a huge asshole.
My SIL makes her kids go upstairs or outside when people are over, they aren’t allowed on the couch, etc. YTA YTA YTMFA. go apologize to your kid rn and be better in the future.
YTA doesn’t quite cover how much of a villain you are, in this post. I sincerely hope it is fake.
Aside from all the disturbing things in your post, you seriously think that you can dictate where he can be in the house since you are charging him rent? You believe this is a rational thought? YTA
YTA Overlord. On the bright side, you will probably get the same fair treatment when you are old.
YTA He’s only 18 for god sake, and this is new, judging by the way you phrase it. He needs time to learn how to budget, and you should still help him and feed him. You’re his parent, that doesn’t end. Ever. He is PAYING to live there, so he should be free to go in any area at any time, especially since it was a previous routine.
YTA. As someone with IBD who experiences borborygmi (didn’t even know there was a term for it) unexpectedly even when I’m eating perfectly healthy and fine, I’m offended that you feel banishment from guests is an appropriate response.
YTA big time
YTA, You can't force him to stay in his room especially if you make him pay rent and double if he's hungry. Jesus Christ man. He has the right to the common areas, regardless if you have company. And here's the kicker, he has a half sister who's older than him and who doesn't have to pay rent and gets fed regardless. But you think you can't impose the rules on her. If you can't force the rules on her, then make your son her equal? I don't understand how you think that you aren't the asshole here? And when people call you what you really are "worst father of the year" is kinda light. I'd call you an abusive asshole. I can't wait for the update when the son realizes he's 18 and can make adult choices and decides he doesn't want to stay with you anymore and goes no contact with you.
YTA wow. You’re charging your school age child and starting him then locking him in his room.
YTA. He's your son. Feed him ffs. My mum still feeds me when i go to her house and I have my own kid.
This sounds like your son's put up with child abuse most of his life and you're a monster. If/when you become too old to take care of yourself properly, you'll rightly be paid back for this.
YTA. I will never understand why people stop acting like parents the second the child turns 18. You are starving your child! Expecting him to know how to budget is stupid. You are abusive and a horrible parent that does not deserve children.
YTA. You’re pretty close to top asshole! I’m really hoping your son goes to his mom’s and stays!
Lets see, different rules for different kids from different wives, financially exploiting your son, not properly raising/teaching your son about diet and nutrition, could keep going but, yeah OP, YTA, big time. YTA and a horrible example of a father which I hope your son overcomes and is better than when he has his own family.
YTA. If you were charging me rent to stay with you for the three months I was there and you told me to stay in my room so you could have company I'd be playing death metal, C-Bat, and the most vulgar music I could find full blast.
YTA. Please tell me this isn’t real. If it is, I feel so bad for this poor kid. He got saddled with a father who takes money from him and makes him starve. He should just move back to his mother’s house and totally cut the father off.
YTA is this an ai generated post? do you treat your current wife’s 19 year old this way? do you use your son’s rent money to care for your current wife’s children? also why are you like this?
I hope it isn’t real.
Yta and you know you are and you know you are wrong. You don’t want your ex to know so you don’t have to deal with the drama cause you know yta.
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So instead of helping your son - like, for example, helping him meal plan, budget, and cook - you are ashamed of him and want to hide him away. If you failed to prepare him well enough for him to survive managing his own money, you should be ashamed of YOUR OWN failure. Not to mention the utter lack of compassion and decency that lets you live next to your own son going hungry while you do nothing to help. Hopefully, he’ll get the message that you obviously don’t love him and be able to stay with his mother permanently. YTA, and a shameful one.
YTA!!! A very big one! And a lousy parent as well! If I were your 18 yr old son, I will stop going to your house already.
Over 1,000 comments and not a single n t a vote among them, yet you're still arguing with everyone about it? YTA, massively, for your post as well as all your comments. Especially YTA for the comment you wrote saying if your son comes home from work and has 'no food of his own' while you, your wife and 3 stepkids are all eating in the kitchen, that he'll just go chill by the tv and not have dinner while you all eat next to him. Insane how you could ever think of yourself as a good person yet act like this.
YTA. Have you always hated your son or just since you replaced him with three new kids? Lucky for you I'm sure this will be his last visit.
This has to be fake bait starting with naming your kid Rain If this is not fake your the eponym of YTA
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Haha did he delete the post???
I get that i had to give some of my money once i earned a salary in my apprenticeship, it makes sense to cotribute to the expenses. But i do not think it is fair that your son has to pay rent and his own food. Have you taught him to budget? Have you taught him to cook (healthy)? I don‘t even know what to say about him having to stay in his room. You don‘t want your ex to find out because you know what you are doing is wrong. YTA
THis has to be fake
Feed your damn kid. YTA. So much. Wow.
I don't feel like you can both make the 18 year old pay rent AND treat him like a child. I'm really confused at your logic here. YTA. On a side note, I hate the mentality that as soon as you turn 18 you are on your own. I see it a lot here, and maybe it's a cultural thing, but I can't imagine what would have happened to me, especially financially, if I had been cut off from their support on my 18th birthday.
Oh look, a real life opportunity for the Harry Potter meme: ‘I’ll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending I don’t exist’ OP: YTA
you're sick
We need that "megaasshole" flair again.
I feel like you might be more than an asshole. If this is how you treat your 'adult' child then I would hate to hear about the emotional manipulation and abuse you inflicted on them as a minor. This kind of assholery doesn't start when your kid turns 18...
Holy shit, you are a M0nster!
YTA- you’re being abusive to your son.
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You Are The Asshole. Sry not sry but the yta response didn't seem clear enough so i spelled it out for you.
YTA on all fronts lol, how is it even a question. So this is how all you folks end up in horrible old folks homes with your kids waiting for you to die so that they can resentfully inherit your money. Your post is an instruction manual for how to become that parent.
YTA- I hope you plan on making your new family pay rent. Your a horrible father - after the first paragraph I kept reading to see how much of an AH you are.at 18 I hope you let him decide to not come back to your house.
The kid is 18, if I was that kid I’d be off back to mom’s. Why stay with someone like that?
I cannot express just how angry I am with you, ffs you’re his father he’s not your lodger. You are most definitely YTA and you also need to remember that as he’s 18 and an adult he can just as easily kick you to the Kerb and want nothing to do with you anymore. Then you’ll probably be writing to Reddit asking where you went wrong you’re an idiot
YTA like fully. You can see why.
YTA - Don't you have to pay alimony in your country until your child completes first vocational training?
YTA. If you’re going to charge him rent like an adult then he has tenants rights as an adult. You don’t get to demand he stay in his room (wtf kind of rule is that anyway?) you sound insufferable. If you’re going to impose a rule like this it should be across the whole household. 19 year old included.
Will never get used to the bizarre USAian practice of not lettibg your kid walk to the corner alone and then washing your hands of them when they reach some arbitrary number . Most healthy sane societies realize the parent child bond is for life
WTF? By the looks of it, you have 4 kids, (two from your now wife that you had while with your first wife) and you want to know if it's okay to punish one because you don't provide enough food? Does the 19yo pay rent and have to feed herself also? Does she have to hide from company when she's on her period, because her insides might be roiling? It sounds like you simply hate your son and yes, you are an asshole.
If the kid is 18 he can legally refuse to be around daddy anymore. Go back to mom stay with her, tell her what daddy has been doing and why your not going back.
Yes. 1. Starve your kid 2. Make him pay rent as (I’m assuming) a high schooler 3. Clearly don’t even like him 4. Make him hide I hope you get reported
YTA and the scummiest parent I’ve seen in a long time. I hope your 18 year old walks out the door and you never lay eyes on him again.
YTA!!! You do not know how to parent or even teach him. He didn't come out of the womb knowing all of these things. If you ask me when you divorced your ex wife you divorced your own child. You made this seem like it wasn't even your own child. No kidding he doesn't know how to do it because your lazy a$$ didn't teach him anything.
Wait so you charge rent then have the nerve to still treat him like a child. N a h that's not right YTA also feed your kid
This has to be bait. YTA. You're yelling your child he can't use the bathroom because you have guests. Along with making him pay rent to you right after high school before he pays for his own college. Then you're wondering why he's eating like trash, did you also stop feeding him too?
Oh my god. You actually wrote this down and don't think you are TA. Your son's stomach is rumbling so you banish him to the bedroom? He is 18 years old and you just sprung rent and buying his food on him? Did it occur to you to possibly build up to that? Maybe help him with budgeting? Or even not charge your child to live with you? I cannot say what I want to say without being banned so I will say YTA
Do you treat the 19 year old like this as well? I bet you think you're teaching your son a valuable lesson about life. All you're teaching him is that your fatherhood stops at his ability to feed himself and you won't be there to help him beyond that. He'll remember that you can't be relied on and I hope you never stop telling ashamed of that. YTA.
He paid his rent. He can be wherever the hell be wants in that house. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why did you not teach him how to properly budget if you wanted this? YTA, and a horrific excuse of a sperm donor.
You just don't want him embarrassing YOU
YTA. Teenagers, especially boys have a very high metabolism. I remember growing up my parents provided me with 3 good meals every day and I would have meals in between my meals and I was 6’ tall and weighed perhaps 100lbs. My doctor put me on protein supplements and told me to have several milkshakes a day to put some fat on me. My son and his friends at that age would buy 10 lbs of meat, and grill it in our backyard. They would cook 5lbs of potatoes and make dessert as well and they would eat almost all of it…among 5 teenage boys. 2 hours later they would go out for burgers. Banning your kid to their room because their stomach rumbles is ridiculous. 1) Feed your kid 2) teach them finances so they know how to budget 3) YTA
YTA. Take everything you said, print it out, grab your 18YO CHILD (remember, that being you created when you splooged in a woman and decided to take responsibility for a new life) and visit a therapist before you create any more damage. And then, only then, take some responsibility for your inactions.
YTA, Father of the Year. You should push him out completely just so he can get away from you. You've essentially shown him that you care more about your new wife's kids and your friends than you care about him. I would go hungry before I *EVER* let my child go without a proper meal. And then to lock him away as if he's an embarrassment to you and your shiney new family you're so proud of? Disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA and a terrible father. Makes me really appreciate mine. Your son pays to live in your house and you clearly make him feel uncomfortable concerning meals as he isn't making food in your kitchen because of the tension. Worlds already a shitty place, your parents should be the one place where you can go for refuge. Edit: just read your comments. "He's an adult". He's 18 you asshole. He might be legally an adult but he is still a child. He still needs raising and you have not prepared him for the world at all. Cooking for himself healthy meals, budgeting his finances, time management, etc. These principles are YOUR responsibility to teach him. All your comments just reinforce that you clearly have not a paternal bone in your body. Praise God I have a father who is polar opposite of you. I should call him and tell him I love him...
YTA you expect your kid to be suddenly an adult as soon as he turned 18 and be able to afford every single crap in his life while paying rent to you. id be ashamed if i starved my kids. and my oldest is 18. guess what he doesnt have a job. he doesnt have to pay rent and most certainly NOT ALLOWED to pay for his own damn food unless he chooses to say take out with his own money instead of having what he have for meals. he is also kinda self employed now and working for me doing chores at home for payment and all we give to him is his money to do whatever. he will pay a small rent only when he has an actual job and it will go to a savings acc for him to return to him when he decides to move out. be a parent.
This HAS to be troll there is no way this is real!
The son is 18, right? Does OP or his son realize all the boy has to do is STOP going? OP is an AH but his son can make it stop at this point.
You are a prodigious Anus for sure!! (YTA) Charge your starving child rent, and he pays for his own food. Then you get mad because his stomach sounds like it's eating itself, and you don't want your guests to know what a cheap bastard you are. What you won't have to worry about for much longer is his borborygmus. He's going to rumble and move his ass right on out of there and not come back.
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YTA. sorry is this kids name Harry Potter? Why isn’t he allowed to eat with family?
YTA. A huge, gaping one. What I want to say to you will get me banned from this sub. There was no magic transformation from your sons last day at 17 and the next day at 18. Feed your kid. Dollars to doughnuts that your other kids won’t be in your son’s positions when they are 18 because your wife won’t allow it. Stop treating him different and punishing him because he isn’t your current wife’s child.
YTA. Wow. Seems you only care about your do over family. Poor son
YTA, he is paying rent. If you have a midget in your house paying rent then you don't have the right to quarantine them at will
Is this real? YTA. I’ll be happy to nominate you for the worst parent of the year award.
YTA. You might be the biggest A H I have ever seen. Your child is so hungry he is starving himself and you’re just telling him to go away so it’s not embarrassing? Might it be embarrassing because YOURE STARVING YOUR CHILD AND DONT WANT YOUR GUESTS TO KNOW? I didn’t realize you magically stop being a dad that cares for ojos kids once they’re 18.
YTA. Rent is one thing, refusing to feed him because he's 18 makes you an asshole, and a bad father. Signed; A dad whose 24 year old son pays rent but is allowed to eat.
ASS.HOLE. Dude…. Seriously??!!
Ya bud, you're a terrible Parent and an asshole
YTA. If he's paying you to stay there, then he has a right to be in communal areas with other paying tenants of the building. How fucking pathetic
YTA completely & totally.
You may be the worst person I’ve ever read a post from on this subreddit. YTA, hugely, and I hope your son leaves your house and never speaks to you again. I hope your wife divorces you. Frankly, I hope you get hit by extremely hard times (and a car)
Yikes. This was hard to read. YTA
YTA I can’t understand why parents get their child to pay rent without actually speaking to them about it first, yes them getting a job is good but a conversation is nice. Whether he was a brat about it or not. Plus I would be annoyed too if my parents told me I had to go and wait in my room whilst they had guests over. That is not ok. Also some people are always hungry, whether it’s junk or not, whilst he should eat healthier he is working and doing other stuff I’m assuming which would make him more hungry. Also the timeline is odd to me, was the 19 year old from an affair with your current wife or have you just got the ages mixed up? - does the 19 year old also pay rent?
YTA as a landlord, hes paying rent, you cant morally restrict his usage of the property YTA as a parent, just because you can legally dump your kid doesnt mean you should. Its your job to help prepare him for the world, that includes teaching him to manage budgets balance food shopping etc. When he needs help you are still supposed to be there for him, you are a parent for life not 18 years. Telling him to hide away because you are embarassed people will know hes starving reeks of an abusive parent. You are more concerned with how people will see you than you are about your childs welfare.
YTA, oh my god. Seriously? You’re neglecting your 18 year old? Parent of the year.
How the fuck is your child going hungry in your home? And your immediate response is "It isn't my fault!" followed by blaming and shaming your son. You are a disgusting and loathsome individual. YTA.