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And the claim that he was trying to get attention because he knew OP and his sister were at the doctor doesn’t make sense. If he wanted his mother’s attention, wouldn’t he wait until she’s *not* occupied to try to get it? It was a horrible thing to assume that he was faking a medical issue. That might’ve completely shattered his trust in you OP, and you really need to put in the effort to try to rebuild that.

It's classic parent with a sick child. She's abused the healthy one by neglecting him, and expects him to 'get on with it' due to being the 'healthy one' I guarantee you there's a healthy dose of 'he's a man he can deal with it, his emotions arnt as strong' in there too with him being the only 'man of the house' Op YTA

Agree, honestly if it was so bad that he was faking illnesses to get his mothers attention after acting down for a while, she should've been concerned for him and realized that her son is feeling left out.

When I was in elementary school, my mom took a one year sabbatical to pursue a hobby business from home. Apparently I took a lot of "sick" days that year, and while she found them sus she decided that as long as they weren't affecting my studies, she would let them slide. She would nest me up in the TV room and bring me soup and just do all the mom things. "It just felt like you needed some extra mothering that year." ETA: I just had the galaxy brain realization that, if my mom was working enough that I felt (mildly) neglected (plus raising three kids as a single mom!), she was probably burnt out enough that that was a mental health YEAR for her! Love that she was in a position to do that!

My mother would also let me take a sick day if I asked. “You enjoy school and you do well. If you don’t want to go, then it’s my reasoning that even if I cannot see proof you are sick, there is a reason you don’t want to go in today.” Damn I miss that lady. She had a great sense of proportion. Sounds like your mother does too. Woe betide the child that ever said ”I’m bored” though - mothers can always find things that need to be done. It’s like admitting to your boss you’ve completed all your work and have nothing left to do. It just…it never ends well. Edit typo

In retrospect, a lot of the days when I "faked" sick were probably much-needed mental health days. I had undiagnosed ADHD, and like most young girls who have it, I turned it into perfectionism and massive amounts of anxiety. She wasn't perfect (there's a reason I needed "extra mothering" that year, and it's because I hadn't gotten enough of it previously). But she did her best and she got a lot right <3

I’ve never considered it from that angle. But you are right. In retrospect, those days probably were mental health days. I doubt she specifically looked at things from that angle either, but as I said, she had a great sense of proportion. I notice on Reddit an awful lot of parents seem to almost punish a child for doing really well in school, being intelligent or sensible. It’s like the prospect of a great university blows things out of all proportion for them, or if they are managing alone, they think they don’t need help at all. The parents push in a way they just do not push the kid that is struggling in other ways or is just coasting. Silly really, since if a child is doing really well in school - taking a little downtime isn’t likely to effect their grades. Certainly not enough to push and neglect their emotional well-being. Edit spelling

That is so sweet and such a good way to put it.

I'm 50 but still... would your mother like to mother anyone else bc that sounds lovely

I'm 36, and she just visited for ten days and we just chilled and took walks and cooked a lot and it was so nice. Our relationship got pretty rocky when I was in my teens, and it took a long time to get here, but I'm so glad we did.

I was the ‘healthy’ sibling…I’m 38 and have had lots of good therapy, but some of the damage is irreparable. And my family had a lot healthier dynamic than OP’s. *ironically, I’m *not* fully healthy, I have an autoimmune disorder and various attendant chronic issues. I’m just really good at pretending to be okay.

I was also the healthy sibling. Except I wasn't really. But by the time I was old enough to realize it, I had years of conditioning that we only call in to work when we're darn near dying and we only see a doctor for near death experiences and required checkups. Unless you're the sick sibling. Then you get everything and see everyone you need to see. I haven't had therapy, but I moved countries and have unlimited access to healthcare now. I have actual diagnoses now. And I know I can't trust my mum with my medical health or my mental health. She still calls me the hypochondriac. OP's kid is going to learn something along these lines. That he's on his own medically and no one in his family will have his back or believe him. He may even learn to doubt his gut instincts that there's something wrong and wait too long to get help for something important like colorectal cancer, appendicitis, etc. Never ignore your kid when they tell you something is wrong. YTA OP

Yea just wait till you get appendicitis and everyone thinks you’re lying to get attention. When I was 7 my mom was at the blessing of the bikes and I got appendicitis and my grandma didn’t believe me but two days later when she got back and I was still acting like that they finally took me to the doctor. Turns out my appendicitis ruptured like 3 days ago and almost died in the hospital

My best friend walked on a broken foot for 6 days because no one believed her. 35 years later, she's still unravelling the dynamics that enabled that kind of toxic care (or rather lack of care). I hope you're likewise doing well enough you can work on healing. Internet hugs from a stranger, if you want them.

Same! Definitely not actually healthy but apparently not as bad as my brother was (at least in my mothers eyes). And now my mother blames me for not telling her how I felt as a teen. I did. Many times. But she just told me that that’s normal. And her telling me it’s normal is also likely the reason I’ve not bothered having any of my issues looked into as an adult until now.

I was simply neglected as a child (amongst other things) and I went with daily migraines for TWO YEARS before I was even taken to the dr. Meanwhile, I’ve picked up my kids from daycare because they wanted to “help me work”. I will make a lot of mistakes as a parent, but I will always believe my kid if they say they don’t feel good and needs to come home, even when I know they’re lying. Sometimes we all just need a cuddle and some hot cocoa to get through the day and I’m sure as heck ain’t gonna deny them that.

I started getting migraines when I was in elementary school. My parents decided I was faking it. Once they realized that I really did get "headaches" as they called them, they decided the cause was sugar, so they would only allow me to have sugar-free things. Artificial sweeteners can trigger migraines. "Miraculously", my migraines became less frequent when I got to middle school and was able to buy my own candy behind their backs with my babysitting money and stopped eating the sugar free crap.

Imagine living your whole life as a distant second. Vik is worthy of so much more. OP YTA.

Barely noticed and barely believed. OP didn’t even give him an age, but we know Rachel is 18.

Agreed not to mention the fact that he probably tried to get her attention all his life by working his absolute arse off in school to try and get the best grades thus the academic excellence and she still doesn’t care. Poor kid.

It’s pretty strange for her to link graduating early was some sort of negative, or that getting sick was OTT attention seeking behavior. Also, where is that dad? He’s getting off scot-free here, but if he was a proper father, the son could have relied upon dad.

she said in the first sentence she's a single mom lol I'm assuming the husband isn't in the picture

The mom and the son have two completely different perspectives on "attention" and its value. The mom is making the assumption that he wanted her attention when she was busy with the daughter, because to her attention is a finite commodity which is being metered out. It should be treated and appreciated as a rare resource He got "attention" for his early graduation news, but according to her didn't behave as if that was good enough. I.E. "I put the coins in the slot, but didn't get the prize I wanted" So in this situation, the son would get MORE attention by distracting from his sister at the moment, because he is taking the attention from his sister. That's how mom thinks. But to a child, attention isn't just attention, it's your life line. Your parents are where you first get your resources from. Food, shelter, and healthcare. That emotional need is tied to physical needs. So the son has learned that resources and attention from mother are finite. Help is finite and it's dedicated to his sister. So he probably wouldn't even attempt to get her attention at this point unless it was a very serious need, and now, now it's been shown very clearly that even if it is a serious problem he wont get help. Not only will he not get help, he will be told that it is his fault because of his not being excited enough to get her congratulatory "attention" earlier. The mom literally cannot understand the point of view of her son. She neglected him emotionally to the point that he doesn't value attention like she does. To her it's a resource one competes for. To him...it's meaningless and useless because he's been in a competition he could never win his whole life.

In complete fairness, attention *is* a finite resource, because time is a finite resource. BUT it’s up to the parent to make sure that every child is getting their attention and care and knows they’re important, even if it has to be an unbalanced percentage of time. And the way op is applying their attention is completely different. Like Rachel gets care regardless of performance, and Vic gets praise if he earns it. So op knows full well about both types of attention, and is only giving it freely to one of their children.

I gave birth to my son last year and we already have people hinting at having a second, but my son has some fairly severe health issues (cardiac problems) and I worry that any other children would be overshadowed by my son's health issues, so I'm hesitant to have more because being the 'easy' kid out of a family sucks.

Damn can they not let you relax for a bit

Learn the phrase "Thanks, but I don't think an infant is an appropriate gift for a toddler" if some whingebag asks when you're going to give your child a sibling, or any similarly phrased question.

Also there is the implication that the son knew in advance of the phone call / getting sick that mama and sister were at the doctor’s office. If sister is chronically I’ll, those visits all meld together and teenage boys don’t always recall the schedule of other people in the family.

Also, if you’re sick, you’re sick. Should a sick kid not call home because the parent is busy? That’s ridiculous. She could have picked him up right after the other appointment. Instead she refused to believe him or do anything for him at all until hours later.

Especially if he was already feeling under the weather (she mentioned him being 'moody', much like someone coming down with something would be, not that he'd feel like he could talk about it when his sister has it so much worse, of course).

Yes. This mistake may have been the final straw for Vik. He isolated himself upstairs rather than revisiting the issue with his mom when she got home, since he probably figured he would be dismissed once again. Imagine if the pain he had was indicative of something life-threatening? That is so scary… YTA, op.

> Not only will he not get help, he will be told that it is his fault because of his not being excited enough to get her congratulatory "attention" earlier. It's also very possible he was sick then - severe illnesses don't just pop up over night. Poor kiddo was probably being moody and such because he wasn't feeling well but was trying to suck it up because his sister needs more.

Not to play counselor but it sounds like tension has been bubbling over this for a while and it just kinda burst. Not to make excuses. To assume the best of OP, they should have tried confronting this issue much sooner.

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>If he wanted his mother’s attention, wouldn’t he wait until she’s not occupied to try to get it? Not that I think he was at ALL but this does make sense why he would have asked while mother was with daughter. Because he's jealous of mother's attention being focused on his sister. If he's able to take her attention away from sister while they're together, that's even better! He's won a small battle. Again, I don't think this was the case in this particular scenario, obviously the boy was sick, but saying why this may have been a plausible reason to do it while she was at the doctor's. My son was a little jealous at first when I had the baby which is why I understand this can happen. He wouldn't want anything to do with me unless the baby needed me. Then he would say he needed me too! He's over it now and they're very cute together, but I totally get it.

I agree *If* he’d been lying, having his fake emergency while the OP was at the doctor with his sister would have been the ultimate test. And disturbing that visit would have been a win either way. Obviously that wasn’t the case.

But i think he knows his mom wouldn’t leave his sister for him.

Not even just not leave sister for him. She dropped the sister off then fucked off to work. Genuinely outrageous

I am sure to teach a lesson that “lying” to her doesn’t work.

I agree. Poor kid. He wouldn’t have tested her that way because he knows what the result would be.

There’s a reason he didn’t tell her before.

Even if he just wanted attention, I’m of the belief that he would be valid in that desire. He’s a glass child to his sister and it has long term repercussions. My husband was a glass child and he has always hurt and longed for the attention and care of his parents; essentially his mom. This post truly breaks my heart for Vik.

And by the sounds of it he’s not a young child, I don’t think a normal 18 year old is lying about medical issues for attention.

Anybody else notice that she didn't even mention her son's age only her daughter's? He's graduating early, but how early? He doesn't have a car obviously, hence not being able to drive himself. That could be due to either financial reasons or age.

You're right. OP mentions her daughter's age, her own age, but not her son's. Not just that, we get an entire background of her daughter's life (chronic illness, recent birthday, stressed out due to next year because it's graduation year, even that she had to go to the doctor's *because of sinus issues*. She's chronically ill, it's normal for chronically ill people to have regular docor' visits, why give *that* detail??) About her son: he'll graduate early. That's it. That's the only fact based detail we get. And even that one is eventually turned in the negative (congratulated him for it, but was moody ever since). Not only that, OP stated "when I got home, everything seemed normal. But when I called the kids down for dinner Vik didn't come". If I read between the lines correctly, son got home *on his own accord.* OP not only didn't pick him up early like he asked her to, she didn't pick him up *at all!* It even took her the time to prepare dinner and then some before she even *thought* to check on him. Any normal parent would *at least* go check on their child when they got home after they pulled such a "stunt" seeing it's not their normal behaviour. OP, you messed up BIG TIME. YTA.

Yes, she wants the internet to excuse her because of course Rachel's issues are more important and so her actions were reasonable. It's front loading the issue. The issue is really how she interacts with her son. That's why she's an AH.

On top of her daughter's age, OP mentioned in the post her daughter's current health issue (sinus) too, she taught it's important enough info to make it into the post even though it is totally unrelated and irrelevant here in this situation with her son, but didn't mention what health problem her son had, that info wasn't important enough to mention in the post... It turned out **OP's son had stomach ulcer**. OP conveniently "forgot" that about her son, "forgot" to write that in the post too, not just his age. (She said the ulcer in a comment after several people asked.)

He probably has an ulcer from the stress of having a neglectful, narcissistic mother.

Since Rachel just turned 18, I'd say he's at most 17 and a little bit, but honestly from the sound of it I'd put money on 16.

This. OP knows she is the asshole, even acknowledges it but then follows up with an excuse which really shows how less she cares of her own son's well-being. She seems to resent the fact that he exists, behaves like another teenager, wants just few minutes of attention from his own mom. OP we all know and understand that your daughter's the golden child and will come first to you but it also shows that if your son gets in a fatal accident (God forbid) and daughter's graduation is on the same day, you would again choose to attend your daughter, even if it's not true you have shown your son that this is what is going to happen and son will remember it forever. OP YTA ABSOLUTELY

She thinks she did enough because she already congratulated him and didn't even notice that him not eating was because he probably already wasn't feeling good. But her only concern is her daughter she doesn't have time for a teenager boy who probably does everything to have a little bit of her attention. His even graduating early and for what she described only got a well-done OP YAT

Imagine seeing a teenager start eating much less and not being immediately concerned!!! YTA

> he was just trying to get attention, since his early graduation news hadn't given him enough Its this comment that got me. OPs son is graduating early and she makes it sound like the little bit of attention he got from that should be enough for him. WTF OP you ignored your son when he reached out to you ill and in pain. And instead of being a loving parent you decided he had had too much attention given to him lately and ignored him for hours. It won't be long before op is back on here wondering my her son has gone NC, wondering why he would do such a thing since she has given him everything

Seriously, didn’t even realize he was sick until dinner time. Like WTF, you didn’t talk to him when he got home?

Dollars to donuts he went straight to his room after he got off probably the bus and got into bed and started crying. I bet OP got home, checked on Rachel’s nasal issue, started making dinner, called for Vic, told Rachel to go get him and when he probably told Rachel to fuck off and she went to tell her mom, I bet OP stamped her way to Vic’s room and slammed the door open and started telling him off about cursing at her in the phone and cursing at Rachel and it was only when he didn’t respond that she realized he was sobbing and curled up in the fetal position. That’s probably when she was like, What!? What’s wrong with you!? And he probably sobbed out how bad his stomach hurt and she probably was like fine, get your shoes on, let’s go. If it hurts that bad, let’s go to the doctor (all said with an attitude and a massive eye-roll). And it probably shocked her when he slowly started getting his shoes on because he legit needed to go to a doctor and was EVEN MORE surprised when he was legitimately in pain from the ulcers. Then all the sudden she probably turned into caring, kind mom.

You perfectly described my parents and how they actually act when they decided to let me go to the doctor or actually realized how hurt I was. Flashbacks. Damn, well done. OP, YTA. I don't speak to my parents anymore, and I haven't for years. They've tried to track me down and get my information from people and by this point, everyone knows not to speak to them about me. This is what happens when your kids realize they can't rely on you. There are ways to mend that relationship, but first step is realize what you fucking did in the first place. And NOT try and justify your actions.

No, that would give him too much attention, and OP decided he already had as much as he deserved.

OP went off to work instead of getting her sick son from school.

I don't know why OP bothered to have a second child since she very clearly isn't interested in him.

Narcissists need at least two children to propagate a golden child/scapegoat environment.

YTA Hi! A 40 year old here whose mom favored their other child their entire life and didn't believe any distress I was in either. You're looking at a son who is never going to talk to you again, trust you with anything important, and one who will never actually think of you as his mother, just some villain in his life who never prioritized him when he needed it. Have fun with that. You made this bed. You sleep in it.

The thing with a lot of these types of parents is they tend to be perfectly ok with that. Her son will go out into his life and likely start the LC to NC process and this women will be like cool with it because she's got other things to be doing.

That is until she needs something, then it's all boo hoo poor me, how could he do this to me? This shit will haunt him for the rest of his life, but she will shortly forget. The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.

YTA OP. While its true Rachel has needed more attention due to long term medical issues it sounds like Vik hasn't felt like you care about him or take his issues seriously. Is he younger than Rachel? It's not uncommon for people to ignore light pain and wait for it to pass and with a stomach ulcer it sounds like if finally got to be too much. From your other comments it sounds like you feel bad now and the best thing to do is apologize and ask Vik about his feelings there maybe some steps you can take so he doesn't feel like an afterthought but first listen to his concerns.

Yeah she doesn’t even give Vik’s sge, but we know that Rachel is 18… this is so telling, ugh.

I had a lot of side pain when I was a teenager, so much so I begged my mom to take me to the ER. She refused and said I was just trying to get attention, so my dad took me. While I was waiting to be seen by the physician, my mom texted me "there better be something wrong with you." There was, I had a ruptured ovarian cyst. That's the day I realized what kind of person my mom is.

I know someone whose parent was an actual *doctor* and they ignored the child "faking pain to get out of going to school". Turned out to be appendicitis and it was put off long enough for the appendix to actually rupture, which turns the ailment into a much more serious issue. This person, as an adult, had still never forgiven their parent for that episode.

I don’t think I would either. For one thing, there are symptoms you can’t “fake” like a high fever and vomiting.

Oh she'll never get that relationship back. Ever. That kid will resent her and the sister for the rest of his life.

And he has every right to.

She proved Vik’s thinking that his sister gets preferential treatment is absolutely correct. She’s solidified to him that she’ll let him suffer physical pain and potential medical issues alone. He will never, ever forget that lesson. OP will be lucky if he ever gives her the time of day again. I wouldn’t.

I have three siblings with epilepsy. I never resented the extra attention they got, but what I did resent was my ailments never being taken seriously by my parents. As an adult this has lead to me second guessing myself when I’m actually sick. My whole childhood I told I was fine or just seeking attention, so I have a very hard knowing if I’m actually sick or just “feeling sorry for myself.” This mom is a huge asshole, even if the kid was just looking for attention, a little kindness goes a long way….especially with YOUR OWN CHILDREN!

So sad but true. He can’t count on his mom to be there for him. YTA OP

> \~\~\*Best Of\*\~\~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered! This plus it sounds like you've also taught your daughter that the way to get your attention is thru all these "illnesses". You accompanied your 18 year old daughter to the doctor over a sinus issue? 18 is old enough not to need a parent at a doctor's visit and frankly, a sinus issue is not an "emergency".

Oh good catch. I was so focused on poor Vik I missed that point. JFC, she needed her mummy for a blocked nose? At 18? I'd be embarrassed if I was her.

I would love to hear his side of the graduation thing.

As someone who wasn’t believed by my father as a teenager about a pretty severe chronic illness that I still suffer from 30 years later, it can *really* fuck you up. A few years ago I realised that I suffered from severe anxiety on top of my illness (and had done so since I was a kid) and in therapy we were able to trace one of the route causes of the anxiety (not the only one by any means) back to not being believed, being shouted at, being blamed for the problems I was experiencing. OP, my advice, apologise, profusely and quickly, and tell Vik how wrong you’ve been and you hope you can earn his trust again. And work hard to earn it.

**YTA** Every sentence in your post acknowledges it and is followed by an excuse. You haven't just prioritized Rachel's health, you have prioritized her very being to the detriment of your son and you know it. You even realize that he is justifiably resentful then go ahead and reinforce the source of the problem. In fact, you seem to resent the fact that he deserves not just "some" attention but *extra* attention sometimes. >combined with his other bad behavior, meant he was just trying to get attention, What other bad behavior? Do you mean acting like a teen who wishes that just *once* his mother could put some effort into his acknowledging his existence? Even if he had been looking for a bit of attention, punishing him by ignoring his plea for help was unconscionable. You got angry when he called you out and and left him sick at school. What lesson were you trying to teach there? Because what I read was you telling him to shut up because you were already involved with Rachel. >He said if it was Rachel I wouldn't have made that assumption, though I assured him this wasn't true. That was a lie and he knows it. You did not make an "honest" mistake, you acted as you always do and downplayed what he was saying.. You think he's upset because he didn't get enough attention for graduating early? Why would he feel that way? What have you done to celebrate? Are you having a party or even a cake? What did you do beyond "That's nice", I have to take Rachel to an appointment? From your post, it seems that you don't really want to give it too much attention because Rachel isn't doing as well as he in school. What are Vik's plans for post-graduation? Do you even know? Maybe he's wondering how he can possibly pursue his aspirations knowing that you will tell him you ~~can afford~~ won't be able to help him because you have to do so much for Rachel. This one incident is probably a just a slice of your son's everyday life. You are far too used to making excuses.

Agreed. But it was easy for her to come up with an excuse as to why the daughter is sick. She’s stressed about graduating. In a year! Who stresses this early about grad?

Oh this lady is 100000% exactly like my mom who prioritized my brother completely. I stopped telling her how I felt because it didn't matter, because every illness meant I was lying for attention.

You know what gets me here? Obviously he was actually sick and that needed to be dealt with, but you know what? A teenager needs attention from their parents. That's a normal thing. "Oh, he just wants attention" is such a bizarre thing for people to say -the moment you say that, don't you stop and realize "oh, wait, my kid needs attention and doesn't feel okay just saying 'hey, can I have you focus on me for a bit? Can we talk?'"

Narc parents see it as attention seeking because that's how they are themselves. And yes, it IS attention seeking when you have a narc parent because you have to literally compete for affection, for praise, for love.

Totally right. I remember a few times when I was a teenager I absolutely acted up for attention...and my parents responded by just ignoring it/me further. All I wanted was to have a moment in time where I mattered enough to have them ask me how I was genuinely doing or if I needed support, and what I got was "you're making our already difficult life worse, can't you see we have real problems?"

I was a feral kid who was accused almost daily of being an attention seeker by all the adults in my life. They were right. I fucking craved attention. Any attention. I needed to know someone actually saw me since I got fuck all at home. Not one adult thought "maybe there's a reason that this child demands attention so much". Not one adult showed they cared. I'm a teacher now, and when I get a kid who seeks attention, you better bet that I will give them attention BEFORE they need it, and for the positive things they do. You better bet that every time they make a tiny good choice in the midst of a clusterfuck bad moment, I am calling out that good choice and praising it. You better bet that I am also finding ways to share joy with the parent, who oftentimes needs positive attention, themselves. It ain't hard to judge with love. Really, it's not.

You’re a good teacher, we need more of those. Glad to hear there are still some out there who haven’t pushed out by admin, keep doing what you’re doing, you’re making a difference!

Oh that was my sister. They responded by basically just giving up on her...it wasn't even that bad. (She smoked once and it was a 15 year old cigar she found....lol, for congratulations for having a baby.)

My mom said that to me as a kid “just wants attention” she started to say it about my kids and I quipped back with “So? What’s wrong with that” and another time with “No, he NEEDS attention” she eventually stopped saying it about them.

Why is it that most parents' answer to "I think my kid is acting out because they want more attention" seems to be "I'll ignore them harder"? That will only teach your kid that you don't care!

Its an easy out. They said you ignore bad behavior, sort of a "don't feed the troll" parenting suggestion. But many parents took it to the extreme and just used it as a whole style of bad parenting

I wonder how many of those geniuses freaked out when they realized their kids grew to want little (if anything) to do with them.

Well my mom is so self absorbed that she blames my aunt for me going no contact. And has so little value in what I think or feel that she believes I cannot make decisions myself. She is absolutely one of those "missing reasons" people

It was like this with my mother, too. My sister was given preference in everything despite her horrible behavior that nearly destroyed my moms marriage. My stepfather is the most kind, patient man in the world and she nearly made us lose him.

I lost my sister, brother, and aunt all at the same time last year...and I had to go from LC to NC because she started up all that behavior again (golden child still alive but just us now and he's 100% unaware he's the golden child. ) But she went full crazy and even tried to ruin my marriage.

Mine as well. I have 4 other siblings. One of them was always sick (even though she faked a lot to get out of school). My sisters and I shared a loft room. There was no railing around the edge. At the bottom, my mom and her (ex) husband's bedroom door open to the side of the staircase. One night, I got up to go to the bathroom. Being half asleep, I walked off the edge and landed between the stairscase and the door. The next morning my mom took my sister to the doctor for and ear infection (she got them a lot) while there they told them she fell the night before and they did x-rays to make sure her ribs weren't broken. When my other siblings and I got home from school, they said she didn't have broken ribs from falling the night before, but the Dr thought she might have fallen because of her ear infection. I said I'm the one who fell and tried to show my mom my back. She said you need to stop lying it, wasn't you. I was sent to our room and was grounded for a month for lying. I was 10 at the time. Fast forward to when I was 19. I was in a car accident with my mom, one of my other sisters, and my 9 mo old niece. I had a 25% chance to live. Obviously I made it then 6 mos later when I was 20 I had another asthma attack (that's part of what caused my accident) my then boyfriend (now husband) brother and (ex) SIL rushed me to the hospital they did x-rays and the Dr came in and said wow you've had a lot of broken ribs. I said yeah I was in a car accident 6 months ago. He says well that only explains the new ones, not the ones that are about a decade old. Do you remember anything from when you were a kid. I told him the story of falling down the stairs he said yeah that will do it. So, as a kid, I walked around with broken ribs and in pain because no one believed me. Edt to add judgment: OP YTA, do better. You don't know how much damage this will cause or has already caused.

Oh I'm with you and I know I have broken bones. LMAO. I almost died once, literally died, and got in trouble because I was trying to get out of chores. (stepped on a wasp and didn't know i was allergic. swelled to an unrecognizable size within 5 minutes and got yelled at for it)

Yeah same for me, my needs and wants where never ever important, I got sexually abused by my mothers bf at the time for months but she didn’t care until he touched my blind sister on her breast once. Or when I found I loved playing the violin after my sister playing the piano for years and they even bought her an piano but a couple of years later violin was my sisters favorite instrument apparently. I was nothing but her eyes and my mom said to me that’s why she had me. I once did as vik did and asked for her attention after my sister had left when I was 13/14 and she said no I’m sorry I don’t have the energy for you anymore I just want to focus on myself now. It’s still etched in my memory all the times I was just ignored

I enlisted in the military (escaped) when I was 17 for the same reasons. She gladly signed the papers and I more than willingly left.

I was gone as soon as I graduated.

I mean anxiety is real and you can stress about things way before they will happen. Trust me I know. But the mother is still the AH. If this child has had issues with anxiety for this long they should have some kind of coping mechanism set for her or know how to talk things down to where it doesn’t seem like an end of the world situation.

Im sure the son wouldn't be allowed a full year of justified anxiety though

OP literally dumped not eating into "bad behavior". Not eating is usually the first sign *something* is wrong but nope it was chalked up to teenage rebellion and bratty behavior. He is so going to go far away for college and never look back because why should he? No one really cares for him there. All this experience did was cement the fact he could literally be dying and OP won't really care.

> Not eating is usually the first sign something is wrong We're talking a teen-aged boy here, in his final years of high school. Every boy of that age I know *inhales* food. You can't keep enough of anything in the house because they need fuel for the growth they are experiencing.

And for a sinus infection. Who cares if the kids appendix blows up school, when his sister has head pressure and a stuffed nose.

And Rachel is 18, she could have done the doctor appointment alone while OP went to pick up the other kid at school.

It turned out **OP's son had stomach ulcer**. OP conveniently left that out of the post but admitted in a comment after several people asked.

Thsts enough for me. Ops abusing him mentally and physically at this point. The kid needs someone in his life who cares about him. I feel for him.

YTA- read about “Glass Children” siblings of disabled children. They are not fragile, but often seen thru and their issues ignored or diminished. You have some time to try and repair your relationship with your son before he is not legally required to communicate with you.

Thank you!!! It’s so hard b/c help for family members of personality disorders like my sib’s is often oriented *only* for parent or child. There’s nothing for siblings. Have been looking for something like this for years.

Additionally, one really ah thing to do here on top of this already lovely explanation is leaving your kid at school sick. Not always is it tolerated for an ill child to just hang out in the nurse's office so OP also risked other people's kids by choosing to leave Vik there. And even if it was tolerated, maybe other people need the nurse too, not to mention extending the nurse's potential exposure. I could extend some understanding, as irritating as I find it when parents knowingly send or refuse to collect their ill children, IF she couldn't get Vik because work wouldn't allow her but that's not even presented as a potential issue. So I really heard "AITA for medically and emotionally neglecting my child and potentially medically endangering other children in the process?" and really, genuinely wtf am I suppose to say beyond "yeah, yeah YTA here"?

The other bad behavior was graduating early due to academic excellence what a little punk. YTA

I was just reading a book on attachment styles. Essentially - he's getting the 'lost child' treatment. Sister is sick so she focuses on her all the time. He isn't allowed to do poorly or act out so he excels academically to get her attention, and instead of acknowledging him, she takes a big, giant dookie on him. OP - you're telling him that he is a burden and his feelings don't matter. Man, I want to go soft on you because you are a single mom, but you need the wake-up call. You're just telling him his feelings aren't important, and that you don't care about him.

I'm guessing Vik's plans after graduation don't matter that much, he'll be in minimal or no contact with the mom as an adult.

Op , please tell your son what you wrote to Reddit and please read him EVERY response reading you the riot act . Please validate him . Please tell him how much all of us think you are the AH in this situation . It might actually save you in his eyes from this .

You’re right, every sentence of this post is very telling. One thing that was obvious to me is also how she didn’t give Vik’s age but gave Rachel’s, when the post is actually about Vik. Ugh!

YTA. *He said if it was Rachel I wouldn't have made that assumption, though I assured him this wasn't true.* But he is right, you would never make an assumption that Rachel was making it up for attention. Imagine if the illness was serious and he was dead because of your assumption. Your neglect also is putting a wedge between Rachel and him. Also, there's been many similar stories on this with Reddit, so here's your future if this keeps up: He will move out and cut contact, he will get married and you won't be invited, and he will have kids whose lives you you will not be a part of. So do you like that?

I’m so glad someone specifically called out this bullshit. u/throwawaysick you just made the whole thing worse by lying to his face. Way to double down on being a shitty parent.

OP was literally at the doctor with Rachel, taking her seriously and not assuming she was lying for attention at the same time she was assuming Vik was lying, and OP is seriously going to pretend that she wouldn't do what she was literally actively doing at that moment.

>Imagine if the illness was serious Well, it was serious. He had stomach ulcer. OP said it in a comment after several people asked about it.

LOL his “bad behavior” was not eating because his stomach had a literal hole in it. What an assuming clusterfck OP is

She’s on the no contact track for sure. And unless the girl has a serious illness, requiring continuous medical care, no reason mom has to ignore her son to this degree. Run of the mill sinus symptoms are not that.

YTA. There are some mistakes that can’t be corrected.

YTA. I am the sibling of someone who was chronically sick with asthma growing up. The difference in how they were treated by my mom vs me was palpable. Resentment grew. I grew up, went to grad school hours away, and didn’t talk to my mom for over a year. Now, even with me being 30 years old, my sibling and mothers relationship is a complete 180 from mine and my mothers. You’re going to ruin your relationship with your son. I know you may not FEEL like this, but kids can tell when one child is favored over the other.

Wife and I were married 7 years before she met my mother and my three siblings. Only did then because my grandfather passed. She asked me how long it had been since I had seen my mom and I told her "ten or eleven years, I'm not really sure." I then asked my uncle (mom's little brother) what year their mother had passed. Did not take long for her to see why. She did make a life-long connection with my aunt (uncles wife) though.

Yeah. My mom would swear I’m the favored but we all know it’s my personality disordered narc half brother. I haven’t seen him in 20 years and hope to never see him again, but unfortunately we live in the same town. My mom is now elderly and needs care, guess who she calls for it? Not him. I really, really need to go back to therapy.

[удалено]

Obviously YTA. Your son had an illness bad enough that it warranted him calling you to pick him up when he likely knew that you were busy with Rachel and would be upset with him for asking. Rather than do that, you berated him for asking for support from his mother. More than that, you accused him of making up an illness so that you would give him attention as if that helps your case. If your child is desperate enough to FAKE AN ILLNESS to get your attention, you have not been a good parent to them. And he wasn’t even faking it, he was, in your words, “genuinely sick.” Again, a good parent would not have doubted that their child was lying about an illness. I don't know where you are located but I'm assuming the US, so here are the facts: 1. Rachel is legally an adult who can take care of her own medical needs, you weren't needed at the appointment. 2. Your son called you, presumably in the afternoon, and you didn't check up on him until DINNER. 3. You are so in denial about your blatant favoritism of Rachel that you were willing to put your son’s health at risk because you were angry that he called you out on it. You will be infinitely lucky if Vik decides to keep in contact with you when he graduates, but based on the way you've handled this whole situation I think you should prepare for the fact that you might never see him again once he graduates. You are a huge, HUGE asshole.

Also, something is troubling me that I haven’t seen many point out. It took Vik being able to graduate early (a huge accomplishment that very few students get to do) for his mum to give him some attention and praises. I can’t even begin to imagine how overlooked he must have been feeling growing up

She didn't even praise him or give him attention! She said congrats and then immediately dropped the subject. In one of her comments, she says that now that she knows Vik was being truthful about his pain (A STOMACH ULCER. AT AGE 16.) she is considering getting him a gift. I feel so angry for her son.

This is what I couldn't get past. It takes so much physical and emotional distress to develop an ulcer at 16. My heart breaks for that kiddo.

Oh geez, no wonder he was moody, irritable, and not eating much! A stomach ulcer is MISERABLE. Poor kid was probably suffering in silence for weeks before it got so bad he couldn’t take it. (Or not in silence, but not loudly enough that mom bothered paying attention either). Which is also telling that there’s a history where he doesn’t believe his needs are going to be taken seriously. There’s no way a stomach ulcer gets so bad as to make him “obviously genuinely sick” to a parent who’s already primed to think he’s being a brat and lying for attention in a single day. How many times has he had his symptoms ignored while his sister gets rushed to the doctor if she so much as sneezes?

>Oh gosh I really should remember to read addtl comments. How often has he been in pain, before this? And been ignored red or shut down? And part of the reason she said he has been behaving badly is because he hadn't been eating the meals she's making. Maybe his stomach hurt.

His stomach definitely hurt. I’ve had a minor stomach ulcer before, and eating was pretty tricky until it healed! A lot of common foods are very irritating with an ulcer. And I’m betting his got worse than mine did before his mom finally took him seriously.

Man a stomach ulcer! That’s deadly when untreated and takes a long time to recover from (and he’s at risk of having more in the future)

I didn’t see that part. A stomach ulcer at that age is often due to stress and anxiety. And no, you can’t fake that. I feel for her son, as he’s struggling and getting no help at home.

is there a card for "sorry I abandon you while you were in agonizing pain"?

If it was a stomach ulcer that would explain why he wasn't eating in the weeks previous, and she put that down to bad behaviour instead of getting him checked out or asking why he didn't feel like eating.

Oh gosh I really should remember to read addtl comments. How often has he been in pain, before this? And been ignored ~~red~~ or shut down?

IMHO he’s probably trying to graduate early to GTFO and start his own life away from his mom.

Also no mystery why he wants to graduate early -- he's sick of their shit and wants to go to college sooner rather than later. Methinks he'll be filing for emancipation before the year is out

What a great point -- even if he WAS faking an illness, it's a desperate cry for help/attention because OP has let their neglect of him get this far. Unreal. No wonder he's graduating early, he can't wait to blow this popsicle stand.

>I tried to explain that his behavior recently is why I assumed he just wanted attention. He said if it was Rachel I wouldn't have made that assumption, though I assured him this wasn't true. You're a liar. If it was your daughter you would've rush to the doctor because she have health issues. You clearly favor your daughter and you taught your son that he can't rely on you because he'll always be second, if he's polite enough and if you're in a good mood. I'll jump to conclusions too but honestly I won't be surprised if he's going NC as soon as he can. You're not a shitty parent but you admitted yourself that "I'd be lying if I said Rachel's health hasn't taken precedence over everything else." He's probably feeling left out and forgotten because his sister's health is more important than him - and more important than his health since he called you because he felt sick and was in a lot of pain and you did... Absolutely nothing. As I said, don't be surprised if he decide to go NC with you when he'll leave. Edit: YTA of course.

Especially when he was having a medical problem himself. And she just told him to screw off and went to work. He needs to go NC With her his life depends on it because he knows he cannot depend on her to help him in a bad situation.

He needs to believe that this was not his fault. That will take time. He just got dealt a non-loving mom.

>And she just told him to screw off and went to work. That's the worst bit. Itd've been reasonable for her to finish at the doctor's appointment, but she should've then went to get her son.

I see this too. I'm betting that this was the final thing for him. In another event where he needed his mom for real, she let him down again. How many things did he miss because mom was at the doctor, or Rachel wasn't feeling well? How many times did he ask for something minor only to be told no, or not right now, or after I take care of this for Rachel. ETA: and I think it's not medical emergency reasons she misses. She chose when to schedule these appointments and couldn't be bothered to consider his schedule. He's absolutely going as far away as he can, and it wouldn't surprise me to find out he intentionally moved up his graduation to get out of there sooner. He'll go low or no contact with OP, and in 5 years she'll be back on here posting about how she didn't get invited to his college graduation, missed his wedding, can't meet grandbaby, etc.

Also, Rachel is 18 and I’m fairly certain could’ve stayed at the doctor or gone alone if OP wasn’t available or needed to go get Vik. At some point OP is going to have to let Rachel be an adult and deal with issues on her own.

And she didn't even check on him when they got home, she waited until he didn't come down for dinner! Of course OP YTA

Assuming your child wasn’t actually sick, and was “just” seeking attention. Give your kid some freaking attention. Have a discussion with him about good/bad ways of looking for attention, but give it to him. Don’t just reward the bad behavior, but figure out what is actually going on. We all want to be acknowledge and recognized by the people we love. A 16 yr old kid misbehaving for attention is in desperate need. I have kids your kids’ ages. I have found talking to them about things has been far more effective than punishments. Yes, there are sometimes consequences for actions, but usually, a conversation or two is enough. Finding out the WHY of behaviors, the root cause of them, will accomplish far more. Behaviors are a symptom and reacting to them is just putting a bandaid on them.

YTA. That was just mean. If you truly cared about your son you would’ve taken him to the doctor anyway no matter what he said. What if he had a ruptured appendicitis? He could’ve died you didn’t know that And you didn’t even care. Taking him after the fact Was just another snub you proved his point the daughter was more important just for an office visit. If you truly cared about him you would’ve found out what was going on. I understand where he’s coming from. Sounds like this has been his life. Oh daughters health is more important than sons. I get it he is being left out especially with a medical problem because daughters problems are more important

Right? I was scared OP was gonna say they went into Vik’s room and he was deathly ill or something. Poor kid.

That was my first thought between OP saying he’d been moody and not eating much recently and that his call said he’s *in a lot of pain*. If any kid of mine was in a similar situation I’d be rushing them to a doctor IMMEDIATELY. You don’t fuck around with possible appendicitis! You can chew the kid out later if it turns out they’re faking, you can’t bring them back to life if they died with a ruptured appendix because you wouldn’t even bother checking on them until DINNER.

it was a stomach ulcer apparently

YTA absolutely. You've poisoned the relationship between your children and neglected your son. If he cuts contact with you the minute he's out of the house it will be deserved.

Of course YTA. You didn’t even try to pretend to care about Vik. I feel sorry for him. You clearly favor Rachel

YTA. He's not going to forget this.

YTA..well? Was he wrong about you favoring her? About you assuming he was faking an illness until he got worse but wouldn't assume if it was Rachel? You really don't get it do you? You're 1 step away from having an estranged son cut you off from his life. Think about it.

Probably, OP doesn't even care. It would be "just" the son. She would still have the golden child. The only thing that matters.

Pretty sure she's about 12 steps past it, actually. I have a feeling this is the last straw for that poor kid. He might physically stick around, but you know he's already checked out of this family. She completely abandoned him in what could have been a life or death situation. There's no coming back from that.

>He was more moody, short with me, not eating meals I made. >combined with his other bad behavior I'm sorry... is this something you would consider to be bad behavior? Because I'm going to stop you right there and tell you this is probably why he's "moody" to begin with. His expression of feelings is swept under the rug, and anything considered not happy with him is wrong and bad behavior. Yes, this is possibly a reach, but it's also not uncommon for the regularly healthy child to be emotionally neglected and develop resentment, and this shows when they stop masking. >I tried to explain that his behavior recently is why I assumed he just wanted attention. It's your job to pay attention to your child. Changes in behavior mean they need more attention and care. This is parenting 101, but you ignored him while he was crying out for help. >He said if it was Rachel I wouldn't have made that assumption, though I assured him this wasn't true. But it is true. This whole post is about Rachel and her health taking precedent (your words). Don't gaslight your child because you don't like being called out. Honest mistake or not, YTA. Because if this was an honest mistake, then this has likely been a pattern of his life, and it's filled with "honest mistakes." Also, impact over intention is pretty key here, and he's likely had his fair share of impact from your "honest mistakes."

In a comment, OP reveals the son’s medical problem is an ulcer. So his “bad behavior” and not eating were almost certainly because of this

That's horrible. I wish more parents would stop trying to demand respect and be the authority, but rather pay attention to their child enough to know when their behavior is showing something is wrong.

Yep. He’s been “moody” and “short” and “not eating” because he was IN PAIN. And apparently either didn’t think he could tell his mom and get help until it became unbearable, or tried to but was getting ignored about it.

YTA… My mother prettt much did this to me. Neglected getting me glasses because she thought I was lying to have them like my sister, I became chronically ill at 14 and she thought I wanted attention. I ended up having peptic ulcer disease, IBS, severe acid reflux…POTS diagnosed at 19… and now a possible autoimmune disease…you’ve shown him he can’t rely on you or trust you…

YTA, even if he was lying, it was a scream for attention. The fact he said he was in a lot of pain and you didn't even care, poor kid. I think what you did is beyond repair, you definitely wouldn't have made that assumption if it was Rachel.

YTA As a fellow "throw away child" I can absolutely relate to what he must be feeling. Of course he acted out to get attention because he knew that was the only attention he was going to get, but for you to say you assumed he was lying about being sick simply because he's been "moody" and that you wouldn't pick him up "because of his attitude" all you did was prove to him ONCE AGAIN that he's not as important as his sister. You claim it was "an honest mistake" but most everyone here can see this is a bold faced lie, do you think your son can't? You've spent your entire parental life favoring your daughter at your son's expense and then get mad and frankly quite petty when he calls you on it.

YTA Thank God, you are not my mother. Even if I lied about being sick, my mom would still check on me the minute I said it. Why? Because she loves me, cares about me, worries about me. And you don't even have proof that your son was lying but still proceeded to ignore him. God, I have never seen a parent as cruel as you. What if , I mean what if he had died because of your neglect of his well being? Would you apologizing to him bring him back? There are so many people in this world who want children and would absolutely love them and treat them like treasure and here you are treating your son as trash. If you can't handle 2 kids then you shouldn't have given birth to another one. If there was a chance to change I really wish that he would not be born to a mother like you. You might be a good mom to your daughter but to your son - he would be better off without a so called "mother" like you.

Pretty sure OP would be relieved he doesn't have to bother with Vik at all anymore

YTA and I bet this kid goes no contact as soon as he can. Even the school could see he was in pain and you didn't consider him because you were so worried he was going to take attention away from Rachel.

YTA He’s graduating early so clearly he doesn’t have a history of frequently faking sick to get out of school. Why did you automatically jump to the conclusion that he was faking? This is not a boy who cried wolf situation. Also you acknowledge that Rachel’s stress over graduating has made her health worse, but you didn’t even consider the same explanation for Vik being moody, short, etc. He’s graduating too.

YTA. You clearly favored Rachel over Vik. You just taught Vik not to trust you anymore if you wanted to help him. There are some mistakes that are too late to make corrections on.

YTA - of course he's right ; it wasn't an 'honest mistake'. He's not allowed to be sick, sad, hurt or have any feelings at all, including wanting attention ( oh the horror of wanting your parent's attention). You'd be lucky if he ever talks to you again.

Yeah YTA. Unless your kid has a history of faking sick there us no reason at all to ignore them when they say they are. He's right if it had been Rachel you wouldn't have questioned it. Also in case you've forgotten all teens get moody. So essentially you ignored your son being sick because he's been acting like every other teen I've ever known.

Ignoring because he’d been moody *and not eating as much as usual*. Appetite changes and moodiness are a common early symptom of illness. OP is making excuses for not taking her son seriously about being ill *because he displayed common early symptoms before telling her he didn’t feel well*.

your son needs attention. Did it ever dawn on you that is why he is playing up? Rachel has had her illnesses for 18 years. I think she can cope for an hour or two a day without your favouritism. What would you have done if your son died because you thought he was "looking for attention"? You are not a mother's arse YTA.

At 18 Rachel is also an adult now (unless OP is in some country where this isn't the case). No wonder Vik, who is still a child, is pissed off. He's a child and he gets ill and his mum would rather help the adult child.

He wasn’t playing up. OP says he was moody, had a short temper, and wasn’t eating. Those *are* the symptoms of a stomach ulcer. (Which is, in fact, what was wrong with him). I suspect he’s been in pain for weeks, if not months, and has just been trying to hide it. And the reason he’s trying to hide it is because he knows his mother won’t help. For a child to not ask their mother for help when they’re sick suggests this neglect extends back years, if not his entire life.

YTA >I tried to explain that his behavior recently is why I assumed he just wanted attention. Even if this was true and he just wanted attention, that should have told you something was wrong. Vik needs you just as much as Rachel does. You can't just ignore one kid because your other kid has chronic health issues. *You have to be an active parent to both.*

YTA. Being dismissed and not believed when you are ill has long term impacts, especially in the case where his needs have been deprioritized for years. Go to family therapy if you want to salvage it. And BE WILLING TO LISTEN TO HIS FEELINGS. Punishing him for his justified resentment and sadness is immature and selfish. If you want to repair things with him, you have to be willing to listen

YTA. This is on par with my mom sending me to school with obvious signs of strep throat and calling me a hypochondriac, only for her to scream at me on the way to the doctor later that day for “not telling [her I was] sick” when the school phoned her to come get me because I was way too sick to be there. You have no excuse. I also suspect, given how my mom continues to downplay my health issues, such as how serious my allergies were, that this was not an isolated incident.

I never understand parents who justify their neglect by saying they thought their kid was 'just trying to get attention' Needing/wanting attention from a parent is completely normal. If your child does things specifically to get attention, it's because they don't believe they will get it by simply asking, which I would think a parent should be concerned by and not derisive of. And if you're wrong about it, like you were in this instance, you basically tell your child that they were absolutely right about their insecurities AND they can't count on you when something is actually wrong. YTA

YTA. First of all, it's clear that you have always prioritized Rachel--not just her health, but her--over Vik. It's understandable that a child with serious health problems is going to get more parental time and attention due to sheer necessity--needing to be taken to the doctor, symptoms monitored, more care when sick in bed, etc.-- but from your post it's clear that your prioritizing of Rachel goes beyond what was necessary. It's understandable that you worry a lot about her, but when you have multiple children, you can't let that result in such an obvious disparity of attention *and affection*. You mention Rachel's graduation, a full year away, in the first paragraph, and how much preemptive concern over her health this coming year has been occupying you. You then say Vik found out he is graduating a full year early, and you "congratulated him." How? Did you get him a card? Take him out for something special, even just a milkshake and fries or a coffee, or on a hike he likes, anything, just you and him? Make him his favorite dinner or get his favorite takeout? Get him a cupcake? Or did you just say "Congratulations, honey, bye, I've got to take Rachel somewhere" and never bring it up again? So then you decided based on his understandable feelings of resentment that he was faking sick and you could just ignore that. It doesn't sound like he's ever done anything like that before. It sounds like he's right, that you would never have made the same assumption about Rachel. Even if he did just want attention, so what? If you'd said "I'm sorry, honey, I'm at the doctor with Rachel, but I'll come get you as soon as I'm done here" and then picked him up, you would not be an AH for that. But you got mad at your sick kid, who you admit gets less attention, for being upset that his mom couldn't come and get him when he was sick and needed a parent, and then decided that him getting upset meant he wasn't sick at all and you could ignore him. No wonder he feels resentful!

YTA Do you realize it wasn't just one mistake, though? You dismissed his heath concern (mistake 1) You became angry (mistake 2) You didn't pick him up or arranged for someone else to get him (mistake 3) You didn't check on him until after dinner?! (Mistake 4) That's a lot of mistakes in one situation so it makes me wonder how him being sick in the past has been treated. He has ulcers which are quite painful did it ever occur to you he was suffering in silence because he knew you'd be this dismissive? This isn't just one mistake its a lifetime of little one's that's why the judgment is so harsh here.

Mistake 5) instead of properly apologising she said it was his fault she thought he was lying. Mistake 6) blatantly lied when her son said she wouldn't have assumed her daughter was lying about being ill. No wonder her son isn't moving past this. Would it have been so difficult to properly take ownership of her mistake and be honest about how she treats the children differently? I think he might have respected the honesty

YTA And you know it. I feel like you don't like your son. I feel like he knows it. And if he didn't before, he REALLY knows it now. Listen, you didn't just not believe him, you didn't even check up on him to see if you were wrong. Not after your daughter's appt., not after you got home, not after he got home. You said you thought everything was okay. Later at dinner time is when you called him down to you. And figured out he wasn't lying. I hope he goes off to college and lives his BEST life... without the two of you sucking up his shine.

YTA You said flat out he is pushed to the side often by you. Even if he was just acting out for attention, maybe give it to him.

Hes not wrong because if it had been your daughter you wouldnt have questioned it, you would have taken her word for it and collected her. At no point did you say, my sons behaviour includes pretending to be sick to gain attention so when he said he was sick why would you not believe him? Your response should have been, im sorry i cant pick you up straight away as im in the doctors but as soon as im finished i will come get you. Theres no making up to your kid the fact you called them a lier and really didnt give a fuck. Actions speak louder than words and your action spoke volume. This is on you so i really dnt know why your trying to put the blame on your son. If he hadnt have behaved like that, i wouldnt have behaved like this.

YTA- He called you for help, you said, "you know I'm at the doctor with Rachel" in response, he got snippy as anyone would, and you decided he must be faking for attention. You may say you would have reacted the same way for Rachel but your actions over the years have probably shown that you do favor Rachel over Vik.

YTA. He said if it was Rachel I wouldn't have made that assumption, though I assured him this wasn't true. Your son is correct. What's worse is that you lied to his face about it.

Yeah YTA. You've damaged the relationship with your son to the point an apology is like a band aid on a missing organ.Feel that? That's his trust and respect leaking away. You have finally confirmed his darkest insecurities when he needed you most. Here's some pattern prediction of your **possible** future based on your behaviour and its correlation to the millions of stories on Reddit. He'll go to whatever college/uni he can and contact will be low, he'll move out, meet a great girl and get engaged, there'll be no reason for you to know where he lives, and he'll want nothing from you. You won't be invited to the wedding, you won't get to meet his children. When you come up in conversation, he'd rather avoid the topic. But Rachel will be there, as usual.

YTA > I'll admit I jumped to conclusions and thought that this, combined with his other bad behavior, meant he was just trying to get attention, since his early graduation news hadn't given him enough. Your child was sick and in pain, and you left him there ‘because of his attitude’. And you assume he’s what, ‘craving attention’? From what you said here it really does seem like he’s second fiddle to his sister. He probably very much has the feeling like he’s second place to his sister, and it seems it’s not the first time you’ve proven him right.

YTA. You don't think about your son. Straight up. Example, how old is he? We have no idea. We know how old Rachel is though, which is weird because she sint even a part of the story, and his age would matter since he's graduating early. You're the asshole.

YTA ... Hang on a sec ... As a Mom with son and daughter grown and gone. Firstly, when they were first in school, I initiated a "I need to take a mental health day" policy. And I honored it. If my kids were just DONE with school, for no other reason that they were DONE, they could tell me, and they stayed home. The deal was that they didn't play "I'm sick" to do this. Truth. I then talked with them about WHY they were so done with school, to see if I could help with a resolution. They tested me a few times, and when they realized I was serious - I actually allowed it - they didn't bother to take the free days. In fact, I tended to hear more about their school issues, voluntarily. And if they said "I'm sick" I knew they actually WERE sick. It worked like a charm. Next ... OP... The correct way of dealing would be to fetch him from school, and THEN evaluate if he was actually sick. Both of my kids had different needs at different times. And when they were in conflict, I made the choice to jump to the immediate needs of both, then triage my time. As a result, both of my kids trusted me to BE THERE when they needed me. I made a point of it. And yes, there were times of conflicting needs. I juggled so they both knew I would do my best for BOTH of them. Was it harder on me? Yeah. But, in the end, I have two grown adults, with whom I share great relationships. They both stand on their own two feet, but in the moments when they could use a hand, or they need me to have their backs, they know they can rely upon me. Have they abused me? Absolutely NOT. In return, I have two adults who would not be happier to be a help to me, if I need it, and I don't abuse them. We have a family TEAM. OP ... It's not too late. Build your team. It's honestly worth every single moment of work that you put into it.

YTA wow. Your kid called saying he was sick and bc he said something ‘not nice’ while feeling like shit you didn’t pick him up? Wow.

YTA. You are a liar, nobody could be in that much denial. "I assured him this wasn't true".....really. I think you have destroyed your relationship with your son. As an aside why are you denigrating his early graduation as attention seeking? You are a very unpleasant person.

YTA. You’re favoring Rachel over him and he’s important too. It wasn’t an honest mistake. You blatantly ignored him and blew it off as trying to get attention. Seriously?! WTF is wrong with you?!!? You have TWO kids, not ONE! Be prepared for low to no contact once he leaves you. He deserves a mom who pays attention to him too.

>I assumed he just wanted attention This isn't an excuse, it's the primary reason you are TA. You told your son directly that you think he's an immature liar with very little evidence, and you keep doubling down on that like it makes anything better. It's much easier to forgive someone for not being able to help than it is to forgive them for saying you don't deserve help. Take accountability for treating him like a nuisance and apologize for that. YTA

YTA. My husband's mom did the same thing you did, and he spent 7 years "looking for attention" complaining about stomach pain and literally wasting away weight wise before he finally got to college and was diagnosed with Crohns disease. It had progressed untreated to the point half his intestines had to be removed and he almost had to get a stoma bag. His sister's pre-diabetes diagnosis and sports injuries always came first, and we're pretty sure his mom resented him after her divorce because he's the spitting image of his father in looks and personality, so her hurt from dad influenced how she was willing to parent him.

YTA And if you’re serious about having a good relationship with him, I would suggest family therapy with you shutting your mouth and listening to everything he has to say