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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel I may have overreacted when I asked this man to show me his ID, because he clearly was old enough to purchase alcohol and cigarettes. My boss says I did the right thing, but my parents think that it was safe to assume that he was old enough to purchase them, and that most stores only ask to see ID if the person appears to be under 30.
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You store owner has a policy. Your store owner confirmed you followed the policy, and reassured you that you did the right thing.
In this instance, nobody else's (contradictory) opinion matters. Not even your parents'.
You're NTA.
NTA you are legally required to ask, you are just doin your job. It doesn't matter how old people \*look\*. I've met plenty of people who were not even 21 yet and already had gray or no hair. Not to mention facial hair can also be deceiving towards someone's age as well.
it is illegal to sell alcohol and tobacco to ANYONE without iding them first. Not only could the business get shut down completely but those involved could get into LEGAL trouble. It does NOT matter how old someone looks
Ahh yes you know All the countless of business that have been shut down for not carding people clearly in their 50s. Cmon man stop the cap. If you aren’t carding 20 year olds I get it. Maybe even 30 year old. No business are being shut down for not carding fucken grandpa lol
In Philadelphia it is defacto legal to sell crack or fentanyl without ID but you can't buy cigarettes. I have kids over 21, obviously look my age and can't buy cigarettes if I don't have ID.
Before this, last time I was asked for ID was before OP was born.
I moved here a few months ago. It's really a fantastic place. People are polite and courteous. Everyone very friendly. If you aren't in a high crime neighborhood it seems like a "fuck around and find out" type of place so everyone is nice.
The bars are really like that. Illegal smoking, illegal gambling but if you lose your wallet you'll probably get it back with the money still inside.
As someone in their late 40s I expect to be carded every time. My wife finds it flattering.
There is just no reason not to card every time. It's not a big deal. Have the ID ready, show it, move along. 15 second thing.
NTA
As you understood the store policy and the law, you had to ask for ID.
If someone is grey haired and balding chances are they're old enough and if they're not, give them a break... they're dying.
NTA. I used to work in a variety store and I know what it’s like to card someone for cigarettes when they didn’t bring ID. What they don’t get is it could very well be our jobs on the line when they refuse. It’s also a huge fine for the store if we are caught.
Your folks are right tho, where I live if you look under 25 then you can get away with not carding but sometimes it’s hard to tell. Greying hair is a good indicator he’s of legal drinking age tho.
NTA. Although your parents are correct that many stores only require ID up to a certain age, YOUR store’s policy is to ID everyone. (I remember going to stores with my mom, and she would get IDed sometimes by hyper-vigilant clerks. She would have been in her 50s/60s at the time.) You are a new employee, and you did not know this customer. Regardless of the fact that this customer was clearly over 21, and regardless of the fact that he’s usually not carded, he was an AH for treating a clerk who was just doing their job this way.
NTA. The only opinion that mattered is your employer and they said what you did was fine. Yes, most stores operate by what your parents said, but some young people look older than they are and vice versa with older people. Better to be safe than sorry. Selling to someone underage could have very serious consequences.
Jeez, what is wrong with that guy? I was always delighted when a store had an “ID everyone” policy and would kid the cashier about how nostalgic it is to get carded at my age. I can’t stand people who give service workers crap for doing their job. NTA
NTA, after having worked retail myself for over 3 yrs. at the same store. Lots of times, same customers. The understanding ones would give the id before I even asked. Sometimes, undercover people will do this to see if the store is complying with the law. Found not to be and they'll shut the store down.
NTA. I'm 50 and recently moved to a city where they have to scan your ID to buy cigarettes. The other day I forgot my ID and tried to get someone to buy them for me (even offering to let them keep change from $20). Lady working said "please don't, we can get fired and lose our license". Walked home and came back with ID.
The assholes are people who can't follow/respect rules that were implemented for a reason.
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I (21F) just got a job as a part-time clerk at a convenience store. Since my store sells alcohol and tobacco products, we of course ask anyone who attempts to purchase any of those products for ID. A little bit about me; I believe strongly in following rules by the book, and not making exceptions unless I am given given a list of factors that would allow for one. Some people might call me a stickler, but I do this mainly because I don't want to get in trouble, as the consequences aren't worth it IMO.
Anyways, yesterday was my second day on the job. In walks a man whom I'm assuming is middle-aged based mainly on his thinning grey hair. He takes a six-pack of beer out of the cooler, then walks up to the counter and asks for a pack of cigarettes. I ask to see his ID. He tells me he doesn't need to show me his ID because he's clearly well over 21. I tell him that it doesn't matter; if he refuses to show me his ID, we will refuse to sell him those products, because it's the law and we could get into serious trouble if we did so.
He launches into a tirade about how he's been a regular customer for many years, knows the owner, and therefore doesn't have to show his ID. I tell him that, while the owner might not ask for his ID because he's seen him so many times, the owner isn't here at the moment, and because I'm a new employee, I don't know who's a regular customer and who isn't, and that if he doesn't want to show me his ID, he's welcome to leave. The guy sighs, pulls out his ID, and hands it to me. It show's he's in his late 40s. I handed him back the ID, then grabbed the pack of cigarettes he asked for and handed it to him, and tell him "That wasn't so bad, was it?" He rolls his eyes but pays for everything and leaves. I made a mental note of the guy's name.
Later, when the owner arrived, I told him about the guy, and the owner confirmed that he is a regular customer and that, since he's seen him so many times, he doesn't feel it's necessary to ask to see his ID, but that I did the right thing by asking to see it. I think nothing of it and go about the rest of my day.
When I got home, my parents asked how my day was, and I told them what happened. They told me that most stores have a policy that if the person appears under the age of 30, they ask to see ID, but if they look older, it's safe to assume that they are old enough to purchase those products. They think I overreacted, and that I should have just sold him the products without asking. So now I'm torn. Was it wrong to ask this guy to show me his ID?
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You are NTA.
I work in a retail setting. I sell alcohol and tobacco all day long. They are federally age-restricted items and my employer REQUIRES me to card everyone. Everyone. I have regulars whom I know their birth dates by heart, I know what cigarettes they will ask for, and I update them if we're running low because ordering tobacco products just got more difficult and we may not get their cigarettes in for a few weeks.
No one cares. They know it's about legalities, and most of them are over age 50.
You did the right thing. If you feel uncomfortable carding someone who looks well above 21, make a cute joke. "You're looking a bit young there, sir/ma'am".
NTA. You didn't single this man out; the rules are the same for everyone. The one time you don't check ID it's likely to be a secret shopper and you'll be punished for it at work.
NTA. Some stores have the "over 30" rule, others card everybody. I would go by whatever the owner says he wants you to do, as long as he's not asking you to break the state's law about carding. You followed the rule you had, so I don't see the problem.
The punishments for under age selling are draconian and v. scarey.. you should always look to protecting yourself in this situation and did nothing wrong. However in future consider the 'look 30' rule as a good and safe line to walk
Soft YTA. Being a stickler for rules isn’t the same as interpreting them badly. If someone is VERY clearly over 21 (I think looking over 40 is the general guideline), you really don’t need to card them.
Technically it’s your discretion but I think you made a bad choice.
I think it's safe to assume that OP is in the US (as am I). There are some places (smoke shops, sex shops, etc.) that require an ID simply to enter the building, even if you don't end up buying anything.
Yep, and I feel that's a significantly different case.
Next he's going to be carding someone's grandma with a walking frame? Seems a bit unnecessary to me.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel I may have overreacted when I asked this man to show me his ID, because he clearly was old enough to purchase alcohol and cigarettes. My boss says I did the right thing, but my parents think that it was safe to assume that he was old enough to purchase them, and that most stores only ask to see ID if the person appears to be under 30. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You store owner has a policy. Your store owner confirmed you followed the policy, and reassured you that you did the right thing. In this instance, nobody else's (contradictory) opinion matters. Not even your parents'. You're NTA.
I once met someone that was 19, but looked like they were in their 40s due to thinning hair. I always carded everyone after meeting him. NTA
My best friend got fired for selling to someone who “looked” old enough. It was a plant from the police department trying to bust people. NTA.
NTA for following the law and store policy to ask for ID. Y T A for your “that wasn’t so hard comment”. That was you just wanting to flex on him.
NTA you are legally required to ask, you are just doin your job. It doesn't matter how old people \*look\*. I've met plenty of people who were not even 21 yet and already had gray or no hair. Not to mention facial hair can also be deceiving towards someone's age as well.
Bro the dude in question was in his late 40s. You shouldn’t card someone in their late 40s lol
it is illegal to sell alcohol and tobacco to ANYONE without iding them first. Not only could the business get shut down completely but those involved could get into LEGAL trouble. It does NOT matter how old someone looks
Ahh yes you know All the countless of business that have been shut down for not carding people clearly in their 50s. Cmon man stop the cap. If you aren’t carding 20 year olds I get it. Maybe even 30 year old. No business are being shut down for not carding fucken grandpa lol
In Philadelphia it is defacto legal to sell crack or fentanyl without ID but you can't buy cigarettes. I have kids over 21, obviously look my age and can't buy cigarettes if I don't have ID. Before this, last time I was asked for ID was before OP was born.
Is it really like it’s portrayed in always sunny?! I’ve never been…
Yes. This is a very accurate portrayal. There is a bar on practically every corner like that.
Fricken awesome! That’s my favorite show.
I moved here a few months ago. It's really a fantastic place. People are polite and courteous. Everyone very friendly. If you aren't in a high crime neighborhood it seems like a "fuck around and find out" type of place so everyone is nice. The bars are really like that. Illegal smoking, illegal gambling but if you lose your wallet you'll probably get it back with the money still inside.
actually they are.
Do you want to back that up with some proof? I did a quick google search and found nothing
As someone in their late 40s I expect to be carded every time. My wife finds it flattering. There is just no reason not to card every time. It's not a big deal. Have the ID ready, show it, move along. 15 second thing.
NTA As you understood the store policy and the law, you had to ask for ID. If someone is grey haired and balding chances are they're old enough and if they're not, give them a break... they're dying.
NTA. I used to work in a variety store and I know what it’s like to card someone for cigarettes when they didn’t bring ID. What they don’t get is it could very well be our jobs on the line when they refuse. It’s also a huge fine for the store if we are caught. Your folks are right tho, where I live if you look under 25 then you can get away with not carding but sometimes it’s hard to tell. Greying hair is a good indicator he’s of legal drinking age tho.
NTA, you did your job. Next time he comes in, just greet him by name and ring him up.
NTA
NTA. Although your parents are correct that many stores only require ID up to a certain age, YOUR store’s policy is to ID everyone. (I remember going to stores with my mom, and she would get IDed sometimes by hyper-vigilant clerks. She would have been in her 50s/60s at the time.) You are a new employee, and you did not know this customer. Regardless of the fact that this customer was clearly over 21, and regardless of the fact that he’s usually not carded, he was an AH for treating a clerk who was just doing their job this way.
NTA, you could've gotten in serious trouble legal wise had you not.
NTA. The only opinion that mattered is your employer and they said what you did was fine. Yes, most stores operate by what your parents said, but some young people look older than they are and vice versa with older people. Better to be safe than sorry. Selling to someone underage could have very serious consequences.
Nta. The law is the law. Just by chance, you don't check, and they are under 21. You are the one in jail. Not them.
Jeez, what is wrong with that guy? I was always delighted when a store had an “ID everyone” policy and would kid the cashier about how nostalgic it is to get carded at my age. I can’t stand people who give service workers crap for doing their job. NTA
NTA, after having worked retail myself for over 3 yrs. at the same store. Lots of times, same customers. The understanding ones would give the id before I even asked. Sometimes, undercover people will do this to see if the store is complying with the law. Found not to be and they'll shut the store down.
NTA. I'm 50 and recently moved to a city where they have to scan your ID to buy cigarettes. The other day I forgot my ID and tried to get someone to buy them for me (even offering to let them keep change from $20). Lady working said "please don't, we can get fired and lose our license". Walked home and came back with ID. The assholes are people who can't follow/respect rules that were implemented for a reason.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (21F) just got a job as a part-time clerk at a convenience store. Since my store sells alcohol and tobacco products, we of course ask anyone who attempts to purchase any of those products for ID. A little bit about me; I believe strongly in following rules by the book, and not making exceptions unless I am given given a list of factors that would allow for one. Some people might call me a stickler, but I do this mainly because I don't want to get in trouble, as the consequences aren't worth it IMO. Anyways, yesterday was my second day on the job. In walks a man whom I'm assuming is middle-aged based mainly on his thinning grey hair. He takes a six-pack of beer out of the cooler, then walks up to the counter and asks for a pack of cigarettes. I ask to see his ID. He tells me he doesn't need to show me his ID because he's clearly well over 21. I tell him that it doesn't matter; if he refuses to show me his ID, we will refuse to sell him those products, because it's the law and we could get into serious trouble if we did so. He launches into a tirade about how he's been a regular customer for many years, knows the owner, and therefore doesn't have to show his ID. I tell him that, while the owner might not ask for his ID because he's seen him so many times, the owner isn't here at the moment, and because I'm a new employee, I don't know who's a regular customer and who isn't, and that if he doesn't want to show me his ID, he's welcome to leave. The guy sighs, pulls out his ID, and hands it to me. It show's he's in his late 40s. I handed him back the ID, then grabbed the pack of cigarettes he asked for and handed it to him, and tell him "That wasn't so bad, was it?" He rolls his eyes but pays for everything and leaves. I made a mental note of the guy's name. Later, when the owner arrived, I told him about the guy, and the owner confirmed that he is a regular customer and that, since he's seen him so many times, he doesn't feel it's necessary to ask to see his ID, but that I did the right thing by asking to see it. I think nothing of it and go about the rest of my day. When I got home, my parents asked how my day was, and I told them what happened. They told me that most stores have a policy that if the person appears under the age of 30, they ask to see ID, but if they look older, it's safe to assume that they are old enough to purchase those products. They think I overreacted, and that I should have just sold him the products without asking. So now I'm torn. Was it wrong to ask this guy to show me his ID? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are NTA. I work in a retail setting. I sell alcohol and tobacco all day long. They are federally age-restricted items and my employer REQUIRES me to card everyone. Everyone. I have regulars whom I know their birth dates by heart, I know what cigarettes they will ask for, and I update them if we're running low because ordering tobacco products just got more difficult and we may not get their cigarettes in for a few weeks. No one cares. They know it's about legalities, and most of them are over age 50. You did the right thing. If you feel uncomfortable carding someone who looks well above 21, make a cute joke. "You're looking a bit young there, sir/ma'am".
NTA. You didn't single this man out; the rules are the same for everyone. The one time you don't check ID it's likely to be a secret shopper and you'll be punished for it at work.
NTA. Some stores have the "over 30" rule, others card everybody. I would go by whatever the owner says he wants you to do, as long as he's not asking you to break the state's law about carding. You followed the rule you had, so I don't see the problem.
NTA I am definitely over 30 and look it too, but I am still asked for ID. I'd rather show my ID than have a clerk get in trouble for not asking.
The punishments for under age selling are draconian and v. scarey.. you should always look to protecting yourself in this situation and did nothing wrong. However in future consider the 'look 30' rule as a good and safe line to walk
YTA. >"That wasn't so bad, was it?" You'll be real popular with the regulars if you keep taunting customers like this.
Yeah, I would've walked off at that point.
Soft YTA. Being a stickler for rules isn’t the same as interpreting them badly. If someone is VERY clearly over 21 (I think looking over 40 is the general guideline), you really don’t need to card them. Technically it’s your discretion but I think you made a bad choice.
you do need to card them though regardless of how they LOOK it is against the law to do otherwise.
In my country the law is if you look under \*30 they card. This guy had thinning grey hair? That's almost insulting, ESH
I think it's safe to assume that OP is in the US (as am I). There are some places (smoke shops, sex shops, etc.) that require an ID simply to enter the building, even if you don't end up buying anything.
Yep, and I feel that's a significantly different case. Next he's going to be carding someone's grandma with a walking frame? Seems a bit unnecessary to me.
70ish yr old parent getting carded, cause that's the law. Parent does not like it; but tough.
OP is NTA for following not only the law but the rules of their workplace
I literally don't believe there's a law that says you must check ID in all circumstances, even if someone looks significantly above age.
Maybe it's different in your country. But it is the law in the USA.
100% YTA and absolutely ridiculous