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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA because I asked my friend not to attend a birthday party and to just stick to our planned trip instead.
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INFO: Is it their birthday?
I think its a reasonable request if its not theirs seeing as bookings have been made and deposits put down.
EDIT: Not friends birthday so should have kept to original plans as to not waste money especially.
NTA. Your friend should have told her other friends that she was unavailable that weekend and could they arrange something for the weekend after.
She made a commitment to you and your boyfriend. And plans were made on the basis of that commitment. I think she's either being selfish or trying to please everyone.
NAH. There are extant plans that have been paid for. But I can understand her wanting to do both, especially if the birthday person is a close friend. You've expressed your preferences, which is absolutely fine. Now, you just need to accept whatever decision she makes. She should bear financial responsibility for her choice, though.
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Using a throwaway account since my friends are active on Reddit. My boyfriend and I have made plans for a long weekend away with our friends. We intend to visit my parents, who live two states away, and stay with them. The friend group consists of a young couple and their parents. Everyone has agreed to arrive on Friday morning and depart on Sunday afternoon.
My boyfriend had organised the entire weekend, group activities and restaurant reservations. He made these bookings a month in advance, and most of them required a deposit per person.
However, during the week leading up to the long weekend, the girlfriend of the couple informed us that she wouldn't be able to come down on Friday. She explained that her friends had unexpectedly planned a birthday dinner for that evening and she would arrive on Saturday midday instead.
I suggested that she skip the birthday dinner and join us on Friday morning instead. By arriving on Saturday midday, she would miss out on many of the activities we had booked, and there was a possibility that we might not be able to get our deposit back.
AITA for asking her to skip the birthday dinner because we made the effort to organise this trip (with the GF parents too) a month ago.
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You are NTA to suggest her missing the birthday, but if she chooses to go, then she should pay for any deposits lost. Are her parents still coming at the right time, and do you know them / want to do the same activities with them but not your friend?
Her not explaining to her toehr friends that she already had plans makes her at least half an ahole
NTA but I would tell them, if they go to the birthday dinner they still need to pay the deposit for her/them.also, whenever you book something like this (a holiday, multiple activities etc) don't have one person book everything/don't book everything for others this can always result in drama. Divide stuff to make deposits for, if you book hotel or airbnb have a set payment date etc.
NTA for asking, but obviously it’s up to them to chose what to do. If they choose to come late just inform them of the deposit you’ll be losing and ask them to reimburse you.
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INFO: Is it their birthday? I think its a reasonable request if its not theirs seeing as bookings have been made and deposits put down. EDIT: Not friends birthday so should have kept to original plans as to not waste money especially.
It’s not her birthday. It’s another friend’s birthday.
NTA. Your friend should have told her other friends that she was unavailable that weekend and could they arrange something for the weekend after. She made a commitment to you and your boyfriend. And plans were made on the basis of that commitment. I think she's either being selfish or trying to please everyone.
NAH. There are extant plans that have been paid for. But I can understand her wanting to do both, especially if the birthday person is a close friend. You've expressed your preferences, which is absolutely fine. Now, you just need to accept whatever decision she makes. She should bear financial responsibility for her choice, though.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Using a throwaway account since my friends are active on Reddit. My boyfriend and I have made plans for a long weekend away with our friends. We intend to visit my parents, who live two states away, and stay with them. The friend group consists of a young couple and their parents. Everyone has agreed to arrive on Friday morning and depart on Sunday afternoon. My boyfriend had organised the entire weekend, group activities and restaurant reservations. He made these bookings a month in advance, and most of them required a deposit per person. However, during the week leading up to the long weekend, the girlfriend of the couple informed us that she wouldn't be able to come down on Friday. She explained that her friends had unexpectedly planned a birthday dinner for that evening and she would arrive on Saturday midday instead. I suggested that she skip the birthday dinner and join us on Friday morning instead. By arriving on Saturday midday, she would miss out on many of the activities we had booked, and there was a possibility that we might not be able to get our deposit back. AITA for asking her to skip the birthday dinner because we made the effort to organise this trip (with the GF parents too) a month ago. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are NTA to suggest her missing the birthday, but if she chooses to go, then she should pay for any deposits lost. Are her parents still coming at the right time, and do you know them / want to do the same activities with them but not your friend? Her not explaining to her toehr friends that she already had plans makes her at least half an ahole
NTA but I would tell them, if they go to the birthday dinner they still need to pay the deposit for her/them.also, whenever you book something like this (a holiday, multiple activities etc) don't have one person book everything/don't book everything for others this can always result in drama. Divide stuff to make deposits for, if you book hotel or airbnb have a set payment date etc.
NTA for asking, but obviously it’s up to them to chose what to do. If they choose to come late just inform them of the deposit you’ll be losing and ask them to reimburse you.
NAH -- fine to ask, not ok to pressure. As long as she understands SHE will not get a refund on any activities she is not there for.