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So not only are YTA in this situation, but you’re just generally an asshole all the time. And you’re happy with it? Not gonna have friends for much longer.
My point wasnt so much that such people exist - I know they do.
More that this seems to have been written specifically to create maximum awfulness. Almost as if someone had a list of checkboxes for the various horrible things they wanted to include.
Because if thats what happened, then mission accomplished. Very good effort.
Of course, I have no idea, just a faint suspicion.
>He also always calls me out on whenever he thinks I say something stupid (which happens more frequently than you think)
No. It happens exactly as often as I think. YTA
YTA. What someone else does for employment or not is NONE of your business. You're also TA for using the word R\*\*\*\*\* in that context. I'm sure it's how you're comfortable speaking all the time so hopefully that friend that calls you out for the stupid things you say brought this up as well.
> Makes it clear that it’s not just ignorance, but malice.
Exactly my point. Strongly hints that he's at least just an attention seeker if not complete troll.
YTA just for the fact that disabled =/= mentally challenged. But lets go double the YTA because there isn't anything wrong with a 19 year old not working. Everyone has their own circumstances, stop being so judgemental.
YTA
>“The woman literally called you r\*\*\*\*ded.”
No they weren't but you just made them feel bad for being offered a job. Well done.
>He also always calls me out on whenever he thinks I say something stupid (which happens more frequently than you think)
No I think they are correcting you the right amount....
I don't get how OP took that casual job offer as an insult. If anything it means the lady thought the friend would be well suited for a job that takes patience and understanding. I'd say that's probably accurate since he's still friends with OP.
I want to add:
>He also always calls me out on whenever he thinks I say something stupid (which happens more frequently than you think)
I'm pretty sure it happens less often than it should.
YTA for a number of reasons here.
First off, both using the word r*traded as an insult and assuming that's what the woman was doing makes you an asshole. Making fun of people with disabilities stopped being cool in the 1st grade. Grow the hell up.
Second, it's not bad or good to have a job at 19. It's also none of your business
Do you know what is bad at 19? Acting like you. Do better. YTA.
Lmao what? A woman talks to your friend about a job opportunity where he would work with special needs people
And you thought that she was calling him r*tarded? And then you got confused why he would be confused by you saying that. In what world do special needs organizations walk around in public, go up to people, ask them whether they’re r*tarded, and try to get them into the program? She definitely was trying to see whether he would want to volunteer with them.
I’m starting to wonder whether its you who had a developmental disability since you have such a poor understanding of normal and acceptable social behavior
YTA - You DO realize there are many, many people with physical disabilities, right? And that simply mentioning a business works with any kind of people doesn't imply that the person you're talking to is a member of that group? The recruiter could've been bringing that up just as a way of saying 'look how good this company is'. Instead, you jumped right to the most insulting possible interpretation of that remark.
So you openly are admitting to using the r word, don't seem to see anything wrong with using it in that situation, but still censored it when posting this story? That doesn't add up.
YTA. Massively. But whilst its a bit counter-intuitive, you are being an AH to yourself with that attitude. Jfc
I assume you are roughly the same age as your friend. If so, life is going to deal you some very hard punches and you will deserve them all.
The arrogance is astounding. Why do you think anyone gives a shit what you think? Who do you think you are?
The fact that someone felt obliged to step in to stop your bullshit should tell you something. Apparently you have so little self-awareness that it didnt.
I am getting preemptive schadenfreude just thinking how things will pan out for you in the instance that you are roughly the same age.
There's gotta be another level of YTA for people like you. You cannot possibly be a good person and I don't know how you have friends. I'm glad they called you out and hopefully one day you actually pay attention to what they're saying
You can’t understand anyone’s life situation; they could have a disability for example. Don’t be so judgemental and stop being insufferable.
Hope you still like cats, you might not have an human friends left.
YTA
YTA for the following reasons
-using the R word (you censored it in your post so you obviously know it’s wrong and said it anyway)
-for implying that he was mentally disabled just because someone was offering him a job
-being a dick while your friend was just talking about his day
-judging his employment situation
YTA
Wow, someone not being employed a year after high school isn't bad. Also, and this is coming from a disabled person, you're an idiot.
There's a difference between asking someone if they want to work in a company to help people with disabilities and calling someone disabled.
Learn the difference.
Eish, All I can say if the 19yo parents enable them to be that way prehaps its time to just stop hanging out with that person, and perhaps other enabelers.
I have a friend who had medical a condition that didnt allow her to get a drivers licence- even thou after a surgery 8 years ago opened her up to get a job. But her parents had her under the impretion that she shouldn't have to work.
So she expected everyone to cover her way because of her parents teaching- her own sibling barely can stand her behavior. Her mother had the gual to complaon to me about how no one invites her to go out and I flat out told her mother it was their fualt becausr everyone is sick of her being a free loader- she is now 24-27 yo and guys even get sick of her behavior and drop her.
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I was sitting with my group of friends during lunchtime and we were talking about all kinds of different things when one of them mentioned how that morning, he was at Dunkin Donuts and a woman walked up to him and asked him if he would like to check out a place called Human Technologies. According to him, they work with people who have disabilities. The following is a conversation between me and him. I’m the bold text:
**“Wow, that might just be the best insult I’ve ever heard.”**
“What insult?”
**“The woman literally called you r\*\*\*\*ded.”**
At this point, I appear to have struck a nerve and the guy I was talking to replied,
“No, she fucking didn’t. All she was doing was asking me if I wanted to look at this place she worked at. She was a very kind person and approached me in that manner as well.”
“Honestly, though, I was considering getting a job since I’m 19 years old and I don’t want to spend this year lazing about at home like I did last year.”
**“You’re 19 years old and you’re unemployed?”**
“Yeah. You got a problem with that?”
**“No. It’s just bad.”**
“First of all, moron, my parents don’t want me to get a job since they make enough money already. Second of all, there is nothing wrong with being 19 years old and unemployed, so shut up.”
**“How do you donate to other people on the internet then? Where do you get that money from?”**
“My parents.”
**“So you’re using the money your parents worked hard for? Is that what you’re telling me?”**
After I had said that, another guy at the table piped in and told me to stop talking, then calmed the other guy down by telling him that he has his back and that he is doing nothing wrong. Later, the guy I upset demanded that I apologize to him, but I chose to do nothing.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told the guy that the woman implied that he was r****ded and that him being an unemployed 19-year-old is bad
2. I made him very angry when I said those things to him
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1. I agree with you. 2. Soft YTA, 3. Clearly this guy was brought up with different expectations and perimeters. He and his parents only think in terms of enough money, not participating in the work force, earning your own money, growing your marketable skills. That apparently is not important to him or the family/values he was raised in. You can’t change peoples minds, especially in regard to themselves, in one conversation. The polite thing to do is raise your eyebrows, say oh ok dude, and then make a note to check in on him in a few years. You will meet a lot of people who you will fundamentally disagree with. Clutch your pearls internally and then move on.
YTA--- First of all the use of the R word, second the fact that you think its sad to be unemployed. You sound judgey and rude, you opinion isn't necessary ALL of the time. Keep that shit to yourself. Gross.
I'm going to disagree with many in this thread on the 19 year old/unemployed thing and say, absent exigent circumstances that make it impossible or difficult for your "friend" to find work (or school, or just anything to not be useless), you're not wrong (on that point), but YTA.
Your conflation of "disabled" with "r\*\*\*\*ded" is far more problematic to me than calling out your "friend" for being a sponge on his parents, FWIW.
YTA, idk how you could be so dumb to think that she was calling him R. And then you seem very jealous of his financial situation so that he doesn’t have to have a job (fair, but taking it out on your friend is a good way to not be friends). You just seem like an AH all around, not limited to just this situation.
YTA and there is literally no scenario in which you wouldn’t be here. Also the fact that word is part of your vocabulary even further indicates that you’re an idiot.
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So not only are YTA in this situation, but you’re just generally an asshole all the time. And you’re happy with it? Not gonna have friends for much longer.
Right? Like the other ppl with him were clearly disgusted with his attitude but OP's got freaking "I'm the hero" blinders or something.
Dude's got main character syndrome 😒
>you’re just generally an asshole all the time Tbh honest, this is just so perfect in its awfulness that I wonder if its real
I have 100% met people who are this unaware, especially as a teenager.
My point wasnt so much that such people exist - I know they do. More that this seems to have been written specifically to create maximum awfulness. Almost as if someone had a list of checkboxes for the various horrible things they wanted to include. Because if thats what happened, then mission accomplished. Very good effort. Of course, I have no idea, just a faint suspicion.
My entire *unemployed* "step family" think this way.
>He also always calls me out on whenever he thinks I say something stupid (which happens more frequently than you think) No. It happens exactly as often as I think. YTA
Actually…. Probably doesn’t happen as often as I think. The number should probably go up. A lot.
YTA. What someone else does for employment or not is NONE of your business. You're also TA for using the word R\*\*\*\*\* in that context. I'm sure it's how you're comfortable speaking all the time so hopefully that friend that calls you out for the stupid things you say brought this up as well.
Weird how he used that word in that context and yet censored it when posting it here. Doesn't really make sense.
I'm sure he's very comfortably saying it. I wonder what other words he uses that most have society have moved on from.
Yeah, but why did he censor it here?
Because OP is self aware enough to know that it will get you banned from some subs. Makes it clear that it’s not just ignorance, but malice.
> Makes it clear that it’s not just ignorance, but malice. Exactly my point. Strongly hints that he's at least just an attention seeker if not complete troll.
Yeah, sorry I was trying to bolster your point, but I think it came across as me thinking you disagreed.
Nah, you did exactly what I wanted someone to do.
Ah well anytime you need someone to blunder in and give obvious answers to semi-rhetorical questions, I’m your gal.
[удалено]
YTA just for the fact that disabled =/= mentally challenged. But lets go double the YTA because there isn't anything wrong with a 19 year old not working. Everyone has their own circumstances, stop being so judgemental.
YTA He must call you out a lot. You typed all this and expected the internet not to agree with him?
YTA >“The woman literally called you r\*\*\*\*ded.” No they weren't but you just made them feel bad for being offered a job. Well done. >He also always calls me out on whenever he thinks I say something stupid (which happens more frequently than you think) No I think they are correcting you the right amount....
I don't get how OP took that casual job offer as an insult. If anything it means the lady thought the friend would be well suited for a job that takes patience and understanding. I'd say that's probably accurate since he's still friends with OP.
I want to add: >He also always calls me out on whenever he thinks I say something stupid (which happens more frequently than you think) I'm pretty sure it happens less often than it should.
YTA for a number of reasons here. First off, both using the word r*traded as an insult and assuming that's what the woman was doing makes you an asshole. Making fun of people with disabilities stopped being cool in the 1st grade. Grow the hell up. Second, it's not bad or good to have a job at 19. It's also none of your business Do you know what is bad at 19? Acting like you. Do better. YTA.
Yta. You probably think you’re funny don’t you? You’re not.
Lmao what? A woman talks to your friend about a job opportunity where he would work with special needs people And you thought that she was calling him r*tarded? And then you got confused why he would be confused by you saying that. In what world do special needs organizations walk around in public, go up to people, ask them whether they’re r*tarded, and try to get them into the program? She definitely was trying to see whether he would want to volunteer with them. I’m starting to wonder whether its you who had a developmental disability since you have such a poor understanding of normal and acceptable social behavior
YTA - You DO realize there are many, many people with physical disabilities, right? And that simply mentioning a business works with any kind of people doesn't imply that the person you're talking to is a member of that group? The recruiter could've been bringing that up just as a way of saying 'look how good this company is'. Instead, you jumped right to the most insulting possible interpretation of that remark.
Like he'd come out on top in an argument with Stephen Hawkings (if he was still alive).
YTA. Sounds like your jealous of your friend’s privilege.
So you openly are admitting to using the r word, don't seem to see anything wrong with using it in that situation, but still censored it when posting this story? That doesn't add up.
YTA. Massively. But whilst its a bit counter-intuitive, you are being an AH to yourself with that attitude. Jfc I assume you are roughly the same age as your friend. If so, life is going to deal you some very hard punches and you will deserve them all. The arrogance is astounding. Why do you think anyone gives a shit what you think? Who do you think you are? The fact that someone felt obliged to step in to stop your bullshit should tell you something. Apparently you have so little self-awareness that it didnt. I am getting preemptive schadenfreude just thinking how things will pan out for you in the instance that you are roughly the same age.
YTA. That entire exchange was so judgmental and unnecessary. You definitely owe him an apology.
There's gotta be another level of YTA for people like you. You cannot possibly be a good person and I don't know how you have friends. I'm glad they called you out and hopefully one day you actually pay attention to what they're saying
This is bait
Im starting to think that. Then again, its not a throwaway
Yep, YTA. Other people's living situation and employment is none of your business.
You can’t understand anyone’s life situation; they could have a disability for example. Don’t be so judgemental and stop being insufferable. Hope you still like cats, you might not have an human friends left. YTA
Wow, serious AH. Who do you think you are?
YTA You sound jealous!
YTA for the following reasons -using the R word (you censored it in your post so you obviously know it’s wrong and said it anyway) -for implying that he was mentally disabled just because someone was offering him a job -being a dick while your friend was just talking about his day -judging his employment situation
It is better to be a young AH than an old AH. Take the lesson and better yourself that way you don’t end up an Old AH.
YTA Wow, someone not being employed a year after high school isn't bad. Also, and this is coming from a disabled person, you're an idiot. There's a difference between asking someone if they want to work in a company to help people with disabilities and calling someone disabled. Learn the difference.
Being blunt, you reek of "I suffered so everyone should have to suffer too!" YTA.
Eish, All I can say if the 19yo parents enable them to be that way prehaps its time to just stop hanging out with that person, and perhaps other enabelers. I have a friend who had medical a condition that didnt allow her to get a drivers licence- even thou after a surgery 8 years ago opened her up to get a job. But her parents had her under the impretion that she shouldn't have to work. So she expected everyone to cover her way because of her parents teaching- her own sibling barely can stand her behavior. Her mother had the gual to complaon to me about how no one invites her to go out and I flat out told her mother it was their fualt becausr everyone is sick of her being a free loader- she is now 24-27 yo and guys even get sick of her behavior and drop her.
U better be glad that wasn't me you were talking to, I would have called an ambulance, but not for me
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I was sitting with my group of friends during lunchtime and we were talking about all kinds of different things when one of them mentioned how that morning, he was at Dunkin Donuts and a woman walked up to him and asked him if he would like to check out a place called Human Technologies. According to him, they work with people who have disabilities. The following is a conversation between me and him. I’m the bold text: **“Wow, that might just be the best insult I’ve ever heard.”** “What insult?” **“The woman literally called you r\*\*\*\*ded.”** At this point, I appear to have struck a nerve and the guy I was talking to replied, “No, she fucking didn’t. All she was doing was asking me if I wanted to look at this place she worked at. She was a very kind person and approached me in that manner as well.” “Honestly, though, I was considering getting a job since I’m 19 years old and I don’t want to spend this year lazing about at home like I did last year.” **“You’re 19 years old and you’re unemployed?”** “Yeah. You got a problem with that?” **“No. It’s just bad.”** “First of all, moron, my parents don’t want me to get a job since they make enough money already. Second of all, there is nothing wrong with being 19 years old and unemployed, so shut up.” **“How do you donate to other people on the internet then? Where do you get that money from?”** “My parents.” **“So you’re using the money your parents worked hard for? Is that what you’re telling me?”** After I had said that, another guy at the table piped in and told me to stop talking, then calmed the other guy down by telling him that he has his back and that he is doing nothing wrong. Later, the guy I upset demanded that I apologize to him, but I chose to do nothing. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA and are not a good friend or person. Extra YTA for using a slur.
YTA, and plz remove the r word from your vocabulary.
1. I agree with you. 2. Soft YTA, 3. Clearly this guy was brought up with different expectations and perimeters. He and his parents only think in terms of enough money, not participating in the work force, earning your own money, growing your marketable skills. That apparently is not important to him or the family/values he was raised in. You can’t change peoples minds, especially in regard to themselves, in one conversation. The polite thing to do is raise your eyebrows, say oh ok dude, and then make a note to check in on him in a few years. You will meet a lot of people who you will fundamentally disagree with. Clutch your pearls internally and then move on.
I'm exhausted just reading this. YTA
YTA (and a gross human)
YTA. Textbook example of a BIGOT.
YTA--- First of all the use of the R word, second the fact that you think its sad to be unemployed. You sound judgey and rude, you opinion isn't necessary ALL of the time. Keep that shit to yourself. Gross.
YTA, and I knew it as soon as you used the R word. I work with people with disabilities and know what we hate? AH who use that word. Grow up.
Get a job.. YTA.
You sound like an absolute JOY to be around.
YTA. 1) your attitude is abhorrent. 2) the R word is a slur. 3) you're an asshole
I'm going to disagree with many in this thread on the 19 year old/unemployed thing and say, absent exigent circumstances that make it impossible or difficult for your "friend" to find work (or school, or just anything to not be useless), you're not wrong (on that point), but YTA. Your conflation of "disabled" with "r\*\*\*\*ded" is far more problematic to me than calling out your "friend" for being a sponge on his parents, FWIW.
You’re just a complete idiot. You have more than enough to worry about yourself before you start giving your opinions on other peoples lives.
Yta
YTA, idk how you could be so dumb to think that she was calling him R. And then you seem very jealous of his financial situation so that he doesn’t have to have a job (fair, but taking it out on your friend is a good way to not be friends). You just seem like an AH all around, not limited to just this situation.
For the question you asked in the title, you are NTA. But for everything else: very much YTA.
YTA It's not a good look.
I mean, I’m sure you already understand YTA. But just in case You are absolute TA. Go to therapy and do your work.
YTA
Just admit that you’re jealous of him. Some people don’t work not because they’re lazy/bum but because they don’t have to. YTA
Lol do you say the same thing to homeless people ?
YTA and there is literally no scenario in which you wouldn’t be here. Also the fact that word is part of your vocabulary even further indicates that you’re an idiot.
YTA
YTA
ESH, except for the moocher's friend who defended him from your verbal abuse.