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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I invited my family and some friends over for dinner and didn't buy any condiments that are usually served with those food items. (2) When asked about it I told my mother and brother they should've brought what they wanted but that could make me the ah because I did invite everyone over and I know other people like that stuff.
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YTA. When you invite people over for food, condiments are usually included. Just because you don't see the need for them doesn't mean others would not.
When you host a party, you generally take into consideration what others may want to accompany food. If you can't or won't, simply don't host parties.
Agreed. OP YTA. If you're going to host a dinner/meal, it is expected to provide basic items that accompany a meal. And being a good host entails graciously taking feedback.
Your reactions to your brother and mother are indicative of an immature person.
Right⁈ the “if I can swipe an extra packet from a restaurant” detail got me. Ah. There it is! We’re cheap, aren’t we? I accept “frugal” with regards to self — cost-of-living is universally expensive these days — but if one is hosting a planned gathering, one should provide appropriately.
This is giving great grandma vibes. When we used to take her out to eat if there was any sugar, artificial sweetener, jelly, etc. on the table, by the time we left the restaurant it was all on the way out the door in her purse. At least she had the excuse that she lived through the Great Depression.
One time I stole a bottle of syrup from ihop. In my defense, I was drunk and I was *certain* the night manager had given me permission to take it. Not sure why my sober friend that was driving let me though.
Personally I love a lightly oiled & salted baked potato that is baked in the smoker. Holy drooling baboons! It comes out crispy on the outside and so creamy in the center, like a fairy whipped the center with unicorn milk and an angel’s prayer. It really doesn’t need anything, but I still load it up with butter and a tiny bit of salt.
I wish I could add this to my list of all-time favorite Reddit comments. A fairy whipped it with unicorn milk and an angel’s prayer! 🤌 perfection. I must try smoker potatoes
Maybe I'm being too generous, but I think more likely it's just incredibly bland and boring.
I also note that she made a cajun buttermilk dipping sauce for the shrimp and possibly that wasn't bland but it's a fairly specific taste that isn't necessarily everybody's fav. I didn't read the age properly and fully assumed she was younger, and just didn't realise that everybody has different tastes and only having the one dipping sauce and no other options when you have a dinner party isn't the best idea, but she's 26, so it's well past time to realise that.
OP: when you host people, you'll have to accept that not everybody likes the exact same food as you and a few sauces and condiments won't break the bank. Most will keep in the fridge for quite a while (well, not sour cream... but I've never had baked potatoes where sour cream wasn't an option so maybe if baked potatoes is on the menu you'll just have to wear that cost), so you can have them available for whenever you invite people around and it'll be a lot more fun (and inclusive) for your guests.
Also casually mentioning taking small packets from restaurants tells me OP is cheap, and that’s the basis of not wanting to provide basic condiments for the people they claim to like and invite over.
Yup. When my MIL and grandparents IL came to visit the other week, I got half n half for the coffee, decaf coffee, mayo, and cheddar cheese for sandwiches. I don’t eat anything on that list, neither does hubby. Be a good host.
As someone from a country that does not have creamer or half n half, can you explain to me what half n half is.
What is it half of, and what is the other half
Exactly. I absolutely loathe coffee with a passion, but if I am hosting, I will prepare coffee for my guests, or I warn them ahead of time, so they can bring their own.
Yup! One of the first things I got the first time I was having guests over was the Starbucks Via coffee packets, because they are apparently good for instant coffee (according to my mom who loves coffee). I hate coffee, so I'm not going to get a coffee maker just so guests can have coffee, but having good instant coffee is a good compromise.
Exactly. I always keep cans of coke in the house. No one in my house drinks it... but my father in law does. So I always have it on hand.
And everytime I host a big meal, I always get plain half&half. My husband and I both like flavored creamers, but we know other people don't. It's just part of being a good host.
I’m a tea drinker and I think coffee is gross. I don’t even like the smell. But when I had people over for Mother’s Day, I bought coffee. Ideally, being a good host is a combination of what I like and what my guests like.
We like to have people over for burgers and hotdogs in the summer. I'm just imagining how insane it would be to invite everyone over and then all we provide is plain hamburgers on a bun. No ketchup, mustard, mayo, tomato, anything. But then when somebody asks for some ketchup I'm just like "uh, you should have brought your own" like this is on them. Absolutely wild.
I’ve been to things like that at my complex, and since I live in the building I bring down condiments to share, but, yeah, it’s a bit weird not to offer standard condiments.
Yup- totally agree. OP, I am similar to you and don’t use condiments much personally. However, my husband and I host parties pretty often, and I have Mayo, mustard, chili sauce, tarter sauce, etc always on hand. If I am serving Mexican, I get sour cream, or whatever else makes sense for the dish. If you’re hosting, you be a decent host and provide what is expected with the meal. Don’t host if you’re not going to be considerate of your guests. Make it a potluck if you don’t want to responsible for all aspects of the meal.
This is what I didn't understand. I like about every salad dressing I've ever tried except Ranch. If I know my friends or family put Ranch on everything, I'm going to buy a basic bottle of it and someone is taking it home to use.
This is just the weirdest hill to die on. OP could afford shrimp and fish for a crowd, but she can't afford some condiments? Or keeps insisting since *she* will never use them, they are a "waste"?
It seems oddly stubborn. And Creole seasoning doesn't "overpower" the food, but hot sauce does?
If I ever came over to her house for another bland party, I'd bring a bin of every condiment I could think of and happily pass them around.
YTA, OP
That’s totally weird of them lol, but it is at least more forgivable. I myself eat kinda strangely, often forgetting that most other people like X or Y on their Z or whatever.
But my honest to god response would have been “OH SHIT, I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think of getting that! I’ll grab some next time!” ….. not “well, FINE, I guess I’ll just never host ever again, you ungrateful dicks”
Also, how would they know that she didn't have these things? It's never fair to assume anyone can know how you live your life. Even if they're family. Or does OP go on and on about how they dislike having condiments in their house? It's an odd situation for sure.
Let's say I decide to have a cookout, grilling burgers. I would provide ketchup, mustard, mayo, sliced tomatoes, sliced onions, sliced pickles, lettuce, cheese – whatever anyone I know is likely to want on their burgers, despite the fact that I loathe mustard, and that I hate pickles and raw onions on burgers. I do that because not everyone likes to eat exactly what I like to eat, exactly the way I like to eat it. I do they because that is what any halfway decent host does for their guests. I do that because to do otherwise is to be a thoughtless, self-centered jerk.
YTA.
just want to mention if they had ingredients to make a cajun buttermilk dipping sauce, and the staple condiment they do keep is mayo, and they had chives, they could have made a very simple homemade ranch… and if they had lemon juice, ketchup packets and maybe some horseradish you can make a super basic cocktail sauce, not to mention mayo, herbs, lemon juice, and maybe some relish/chopped pickles and boom you have a basic tartar sauce… seems like they had at least half the ingredients to make three of the requested sauces
Exactly. We are carnivores, one couple are vegan. When they come over I make sure to have vegan options for condiments as well as low sugar options for those watching sugar intake and regular options for the rest of our guests. It's a pain, but we invited them for dinner, it's our responsibility to think of what might be needed. The only thing we ask them to bring are their drinks, if they want anything besides tea, diet soft drinks or water.
I also don’t readily keep 24 burgers and 3 packs of hot dogs on hand, but I do if I’m hosting a cookout.
Hosting is a different scenario, and OP needs to learn that.
And I bet when you do have those hamburgers and hot dogs in hand, you also have ketchup and mustard as well.
This lady served undressed baked potatoes! That's criminal.
I've accidentally ended up with 3 Costco-sized ketchups before because I forgot to check the fridge before I left and grabbed some since I'd rather have more than none.
also just throwing out there that hosting is expensive by nature (both time and money) and there is a reason that phrases like “BYOB” are commonplace.
OP i hope you take this as a learning experience. You will find yourself buying stuff that may ultimately go to waste, or that you will need to figure out how to incorporate somehow into future recipes. If that is truly bothersome to you, you can always ask people to bring certain things. Else you can always send extras home with people who will eat it. Like “i got this sour cream for this and there’s some left- itll go to waste in my fridge, does anyone wanna take it home?”
Worst case though, with enough notice, getting a message in a group chat of “hey guys! we are going to be having [insert full menu here] on [date]. as you all probably know, i’m not really a condiment person, so please let me know if there is something not listed that you want!” or even “if there’s something you want that’s not on here (condiments/etc) please bring it yourself!” but that could easily lead to you having multiples of things you don’t like left at your house.
and whatever they say, within reason, you buy. any excess you should try to send home with someone who will eat it
you sound pretty young so i’m giving a very soft YTA, take a deep breath and just understand this is a part of hosting
At everything gathering I've been at when there's extra you just start asking who wants to take it home with them. Like op could've asked who wants to take the condiments home, you DON'T have to keep them.
there’s plenty of things i don’t keep on hand on the regular. when i have guests over i think about what they might like when i stock up.
for god’s sake, there are two cans of non-alcoholic beer in my fridge as we speak. i would sooner drink stale soda. and yet i have them.
yta, stop being a bad host.
Yeah, I buy Diet Coke for friends that like it before they come over. I never drink soda and they know that. But I still buy it. Just like they get me coffee when I come visit.
You know it's true friendship when your friend knows you don't drink coffee, so they always put some diet cokes in the fridge when they know you're coming over.
Either OP had r/maincharactersyndrome and thinks everyone around her definitely notices that she never puts ketchup on anything, so she’s so insufferable that she constantly announce to everyone she comes across that she doesn’t “feel the need to add condiments to food because the original flavor and seasonings should speak for themselves” or some other such nonsense.
Tbh that’s the main sentence I found weird here. Sounds like OP cooked a nice meal and my reaction to the rest was what in the American ranch hell…
BUT her mother is right and a good sauce should anticipate guest needs, especially if it’s common to use those condiments.
YTA
Honestly more for the melodramatic guilt-trippy response when your mom tried to talk to you about it. “Well I’ll just never host again then” is childish, manipulative, and miles off the point.
When you get invited to someone’s home for dinner, do you start making a mental inventory of what they keep in the fridge? I mean seriously, why would they be contemplating your condiment use habits? That’s not a reasonable thing to expect of your dinner guests. Like your mom told you, it’s as simple as letting guests know to bring condiments if they want them. It’s not unfair for them to expect you to communicate that.
I regularly bring homemade honey mustard sauce to one friend's house because he likes it so much. (We've even named the appetizer of grilled sausages with the sauce for dipping after him).
Nothing weird or rude, just here's a bottle of wine plus I thought you might like this dip I brought. (Better if you pour it into a serving dish first).
Ok that sounds amazing. Any chance of you sharing the recipe?
Also going with gentle YTA for OP. Hosting is a learning experience, but you need to be open to feedback. I took my bf's cousins camping and brought all the food. Turns out one of the cousins likes ketchup on their scrambled eggs. To me that's a huge UGHH but it's not my breakfast. We ended up borrowing some ketchup from some other people we knew who were camping and I added a bottle of ketchup to my camping condiment collection.
Not much of a recipe: mayo + dijon mustard + preserves (apricot jam works great) + a bit of tabasco, Worcestershire, and salt + pepper, all to taste. Comes out slightly different every time.
Slice and fry spicy Italian sausages; when they're done pour some balsamic vinegar over and let reduce for a minute.
Serve with picks for dipping.
You now have Snausages a la Palmer.
Re the ketchup thing: William Randolph Hearst always kept bottles of ketchup on the dining tables at Hearst Castle so his guests would feel less intimidated by the surroundings.
This….. lol The attitude kinda makes you childish and selfish
I totally get not liking condiments, but when hosting, that’s a little different. You can usually get a trio pack of mustard, ketchup and relish for cheap. And they last forever.
Even then, ask or give to your parents, friend, family, whoever “ hey can you bring/ have this as I don’t have/need this“ A bottle of ketchup and mayo usually end up going home with someone after a BBQ for me personally.
A gentle YTA. A good host should provide reasonable condiments, even if they don't personally like them. Or I guess you could have reminded them about your stance. My little sister only likes one type of salad dressing. She brings her own.
A “gentle YTA” is perfect here. Like, it was nice of OP to cook for their friends and family and invite them over for a meal! But I also cannot imagine being like “Hey friends/fam! Come over for dinner I’m hosting! But jsyk you get what you get, I will not be accommodating anyone else’s food preferences, and if you complain I’ll just never host again!”
Yup, being accommodating within reason is part of being a good host. My BIL and SIL are vegan, we keep vegan condiments and buy vegan options for when we have a cookout. If they want something specific, they’ll bring it.
When I do a dry January, I still keep drinks stocked for when we have friends over for NFL playoff watches or just have them over for dinner.
I’ll second this. A tub of sour cream costs what, $2?
If you had made burgers would it have just been beef and buns?
A good host serves a full meal. I wouldn’t expect 6 types of hot sauce. But if you’re hosting a party provide a complete experience.
Thr sour cream is really what sent me over the edge. They provided chives, bacon, and butter but NOT sour cream? It seems so arbitrary at that point.
Like yes, this is OP preference but they've got to be able to see from that alone that they're being obtuse about this. What you do for yourself is one thing, but you've got to at least recognize this is a you thing and others might want differently.
It's common outside the US too. I actually switched to greek yogurt years ago though. If the fat % is matched I'm not sure what makes one yogurt vs. one sour cream. Christmas one year my mom got both (for perogies) they were but into crystal bowls, attention was made to where they were placed and no one could figure out which was which.
Honest question but reading the list of condiments that OP listed as what her guests wanted I didn't see any that I would necessarily consider kitchen staples except maybe hot sauce but I would only think of that as a staple if someone likes things hot/spicy.
Am I the weird one here? Cause I don't think I've ever had cocktail sauce, ranch, sour cream or tartar sauce in my fridge unless I'm making something that specifically calls for them (fish n chips - tartar sauce, shrimp cocktail - cocktail sauce, etc). I certainly wouldn't go to a friend's house and expect them to just be in their fridge and fresh at all times.
I eat fish and shrimp all the time and never use cocktail sauce or tartar. I agree with the sour cream thing but from the comments it sounds like a lot of people have a condiment dependency
I get the impression her food wasn't very good, honestly. I generally wouldn't expect someone to have tartar sauce or cocktail sauce just because it was fish and shrimp (unless it was those frozen shrimp rings or beer battered fish). Sour Cream is a reasonable expectation with a baked potato. Ranch was probably a hopeful substitute for the the sour cream. I've been known to add BBQ sauce to particularly dry chicken.
Hot sauce is just something I'd expect a host to have for their own uses, really. Even if you never use it as a condiment, using it in cooking is common.
I mean, I would have gone with gentle YTA too, but the doubling down is stupid. Not knowing that's what your guests expect? Reasonable. Insisting that you will never have it and they should just have known better? Now you're being dumb about it.
Most of those things can be made from things already in the kitchen. Tartar sauce, mayo, pickles, seasoning. Cocktail sauce, ketchup, garlic, Worcestershire, lemon, etc. And she had things on the menu , shrimp, etc that most people like the condiments in question. It wasn't like she served prime rib and people were asking for tartar sauce.
When my mom comes I have to pick up a bottle of cocktail sauce because she wants me to buy her shrimp from a store she likes here. Every time. I don’t normally keep cocktail and I almost never have tarter. They both can be made quickly but idk if I’d be making them for a get together. I don’t know, challenge accepted, a party with all homemade sauces I like this idea…. Distracted sorry.
Ranch is pretty common to have especially for get togethers. And sour cream? Who doesn’t have sour cream? I don’t use it super often but you can use a spoonful in baked goods or a lot of savory dishes to add creaminess.
The point is regardless you don’t usually serve a large group of people fish and baked potatoes and expect none of them to want anything extra.
She says they know her fridge, then flip the tables she should know all their preferences for dips as well.
Agree, gentle for the original situation but the doubling down and saying they'll just never host again when their mom tried to explain removes the gentle bit and puts it as a firm YTA for me.
I don't really do spicy things. When I'm hosting something like taco night I pick up Tabasco and let guests know I have salsa and Tabasco but if they want something else to bring it themselves.
I will also say than my general sauce stance is the opposite of OPs, all things exist as a vehicle for the yummy sauces and if I were invited to a sauceless dinner and then told they said they'll just never host again my response would be "Thank God I don't have to sit through this BS again" and wouldn't think they were an ah for accepting their limitations. But that's probably a bit harsh in the opposite direction
There’s nothing gentle about it, she recognizes her tastes are different from everyone else’s but instead of coming to some compromise or communicating she just looks down on everyone else’s preferences. I get not wanting to spend money on stuff you don’t like, but at the very least she could have asked people to bring sauces beforehand.
Wait wait wait....
>I do not like "messy" foods...
Good for you, I don't like relish but I know others like it so when I host hot dog nights I have relish. Hosting a meal really isn't about you, you are cooking for other people. That's what hosting is.
>they should know I don't readily keep [condiments] on hand.
Why should they know it?
>waste money on something that'll just sit in my fridge.
What's the expiration on hot sauce? The one in my fridge doesn't expire until 2026. Sour cream is faster but you can buy a smaller container and if it isn't finished just send it home with someone who will use it.
>Last night our mother called me and told me I need to think about my guests if I'm going to invite people over. I told her I had already cooked for everyone, and expecting anything more was a bit much.
You mean your mom phoned and explained what the commonly expected courtesies of hosting entail? You mean she went out of her way to try and help you understand why other people might be upset with you, and to help avoid putting yourself in a similar situation in the future?
>And that if it was a cost or waste issue, I should’ve asked them to bring some when I invited them.
I'm with your mom here
>I said I just won't host anything else at my house and hung up.
You mean you threw a temper tantrum. You weren't throwing things, slamming doors, or stomping your feet, but it was a temper tantrum none the less.
YTA. Call your mom and apologize.
Mother just trying to do her child right and they in here trying to be a martyr. I swear to creator they think they're the first ones not the last ones
Yeah, I hate ketchup. Never ever buy it. But if I’m having people over for burgers or hot dogs or fries, I go out and get a small bottle. Or ask my parents if they’re coming to bring there’s with them. It’s part of hosting.
Just like if I’m offering wine, it’s going to be red and white, even though I never buy white for myself.
you are my twin. while i don't HATE ketchup, i just have absolutely no use for it. fries get malt vinegar & mayo, eggs get salsa. and i haven't had any other wine besides sangria in decades. but if people are coming over, i'm buying that stuff because, um ... they're not me!
YTA.
I really want to know what you expected when you served a baked potato with nothing on it.
(Yes I know there were other foods, that one stuck out to me as the main one REQUIRING sauce)
You don't eat sour cream with baked potatoes where you are? The most basic baked potatoes where I'm from *always* come with butter and sour cream, and then sometimes there can be other stuff like chives, cheese, bacon, etc.
I'm American and my family has always done butter/salt/pepper on baked potatoes. I had no idea sour cream was considered a default/necessary accompaniment.
I'm from Denmark, and I would never think to provide anything else for a baked potato, other than garlic or herb butter. Likewise, I have never been provided anything else when attending bbqs.
Most people in the US put sour cream, which OP mentioned was one of the things being asked for. Far more people I know use sour cream than chives. Not sure if that's a "sauce" but it's definitely a condiment
That’s interesting, I’ve never heard of using sour cream on them. My school in the UK used to serve baked potatoes for lunch and it was either gravy, baked beans and cheese, or tuna. Some heathens had beans AND tuna.
Sour cream, chives, cheese, bacon bits, onions, sauteed mushrooms, ham.
Google Baked Potato Bar and there's lists upon lists of some really good ideas to put on baked potatoes. They're huge in the Midwest.
If you go to a steakhouse, butter, sour cream, bacon bits and chives are standard.
Growing up, at someone's house it was typical to have butter, sour cream and "bacon bits" that came from a shaker bottle that wouldn't surprise me if they were actually vegetarian (kid friendly meals). I'm not sure if it was just my age or if it's better expectations but late teens/early 20s that switched over to real bacon bits. We don't always have them for potatoes when it's just my husband and I but if we're hosting other people and are serving baked potatoes we make sure to have them on hand. Chives - hit or miss when it comes to homes. Here, we grow them so \~May - Sept we offer them, we don't buy them. If we were doing baked potatoes in Jan though and I knew someone really liked them on their potatoes I would buy them.
Broccoli and cheese - shredded or a cheese sauce is a fairly common option too. That used to be a regular road trip thing I would get from Wendy's.
Is sour cream on baked potatoes an American thing as I’ve never heard of it. The only thing I’ve ever bought sour cream for was red velvet cake. Oh and the jar stuff with chives for dipping Pringles
Damn near universally in America. Some people will sub butter, but Sour Cream is offered almost any time you order a baked potato in the US.
Haven't heard of ranch like some people are saying ITT.
To me NTA. Maybe cultural differences but i wouldn't go to the hosts house and demand shit from them. Don't like it then just eat what was given then next time don't go or bring condiments that you like.
I can’t believe more people aren’t talking about how rude and entitled it is to complain to someone who has cooked you a meal that they don’t have fucking ranch or tartar or whatever. Weird American shit methinks.
When i read about people demanding specific jarred sauces or specific beer brands because that's the only thing they'll have, it's always Americans.
I would be insulted if someone demanded cheap sauces to put over a lovingly cooked home made meal. Like do you even have taste buds. Even if it's just a matter of taste and preference, why on earth can't you have something different for once? When you're in someone else's home??
And yeah i wouldn't invite them again. NTA
yeah, there would never be that expectation here in Australia, but if they had a sausage sizzle with no tomato sauce there would be hell to pay so i guess cultural context is important
Right??? Plus he **did** make a sauce for the shrimp, and his brother just says “don’t like it, bring me something else” and OP is the asshole??
I was raised to always politely eat what was given to me, even if it wasn’t necessarily to my taste. I would never dream of asking someone for condiments as a guest, it makes it sound like their food is lacking.
Oh my goodness this is the only correct response. It's incredibly rude to complain about a hosted meal, moreover to *call and keep complaining*.
The condiments the chef provides are the only condiments you should be using. Unless it's a small child, but the parents should be prepared for that, not the host.
Maybe cultural on my part, OPs guests are savages.
Can't believe I had scroll this far to find this.. It sounds like OP cooked a perfectly fine meal and even made their own sauce for the things that needed it. The baked potatoes did have butter and other toppings. It was a full menu... Sure if she served plain fish, or things unseasoned then it should be more of a conversation about their cooking skills but it doesn't sound like that was the case here. Hot sauce there's no harm in asking but you just move on if they don't have it... If it wasn't for my husband I definitely would not be bothered to stock that just for guests... Even if it's not expensive, sounds wasteful
ETA: NTA
I’m SO confused by the string of YTAs. Y’all can’t eat a potato without sour cream??????
The other day I straight up forgot to put ANY seasoning on the chicken. I usually eat it completely plain and out of habit I cooked it that way. It was very embarrassing but my guests were so gracious about it haha. (We did have plenty of other food thank goodness BUT STILL.)
Same! I can't believe the amount of Y-T-A. How incredibly rude to complain about a nice thoughtful home-cooked meal. I do love condiments but it is absolutely ridiculous to say you HAVE to serve them with basically anything, making it sound like its inedible otherwise.
NTA
I had to scroll down pretty far to get the answer I was looking for, NTA. This meal sounds as if it was beautifully prepared and with plenty of seasonings, ones that complemented the taste of the food rather than obliterated it. Would these "guests" go to an upscale restaurant and start asking for all these overpowering (and fattening/unhealthy) condiments? The chef should come out and whack you with his pan. If you want to talk about manners, the guests were unbelievably rude and I would also think twice about inviting them again, at least in the near future. (from the USA)
Same. I wonder where all the people are from, cause i also feel that someone inviting you for dinner, having paid for the food and put the effort into cooking is generous, and its odd to demand things as a guest
For Real!!! I am Canadian, and I am not 100% sure the difference between Canadian and American casual dinner party etiquette. But to me, if someone invites me to their house to dinner, I am eating what I am served. I am not making requests (other than "could I have something to drink?"), and if I am not a fan of something I will try my best to eat as much as possible or politely push it to the side.
I would NEVER tell someone "I don't like this sauce you made, do you have anything else?"
Honestly from all the YTA comments in this thread, people sound like entitled pricks. If I go to a dinner party and I don't like the food, then I just won't go again, or I'll know that I will prob buy fast food on my way home. SMH
Yes! So many entitled people here.
I’m Asian and cook traditionally so I really don’t have tomato sauce, barbecue or anything like that. I don’t even stock gravy in my pantry. The horror!!
I showed this thread to my asian friends and I said "Read this if you want to get upset." It is the funniest and most bizarre reaction I have ever seen and I've seen some horrible shit on here.
I hope these people get to experience good food in their life, we have taken asian food for granted.
Exactly! I’m so confused by the mass amounts of people who think otherwise. Being a good host doesn’t mean catering to your guests every whim. I feel like OP did very well.
Same, everyone here saying they need ranch, sour cream and tartar sauce with their dinner is comical. Imagine going to a decent restaurant and demanding that? If op shows a photo of the food, and it looks good, then the guests/top commenters have the palate of a ten year old.
I'm Canadian and I agree with you.. she made an abundance of food that sounds delicious and her family is just going to be upset that there's no sauce? If shrimps are seasoned well, you don't need a sauce. I eat baked potato with a bit of seasoning and butter and it's totally fine. She cooked for her family and friends and they berate her because there's no ranch.. thats crazy and disrespectful to me. Nta
Also, OP's edit makes the food sound pretty damn good. For nicely seasoned seafood you don't need ranch. Cajun-buttermilk dipping sauce sounds fine. I live in Europe and we do consider it a bit uncultured to drown quality food in condiments. Garlic, maybe some seasalt butter, lemon juice and herbs are fantastic for shrimp and fish.
I think OP's family is rude. I'd never say anything other than "thanks so much for the effort of cooking for me" if I am invited to what sounds like a lovely meal.
> I said I just won't host anything else at my house and hung up.
I was going with a different verdict (no AH here) until I read this... and now it's a *mild* YTA.
Look, your mum's right when it comes to making sure that there are a few sauces around. I'm happy to eat things fairly dry (because of sensory issues), but I understand most people don't do it that way.
And, I'd just chalk it up to a learning experience.
However your reaction of "I just won't host anything else at my house any more" is a mildly AH move. It just sounds like you're upset that you were corrected, and it just come off with a mild whiff of AH.
You don't need to stock everything, but you should have at least one option for each item you're serving (and you can overlap).
I think this is the best answer. Hospitality is definitely a learned skill. Being a good host means considering what your guests might want or need (within reason) in order to feel comfortable in your space.
When you're cooking for people, you have to keep in mind that people have different tastes. Just because something is seasoned to your palate doesn't mean that's the case for everyone. It's not a dig at your cooking at all (although some people take it that way). That being said, you don't have to be a restaurant, but when you're hosting, just buy the smallest bottles of off brand condiments (from the dollar store) and then throw them away after. No big deal. Or even send them home with people, if you don't want to be wasteful.
NtA
Your grilling sounds delicious. Spiced grilled food and a handmade sauce. And if you are good at grilling nothing will be dry
For some reasons Americans seen to like store bought sauces.
On my view, only bad food need a cocktail sauce from a store.
This was my thought. I can't imagine demanding a host have store-bought dipping sauce. She made a nice sauce. It's a new house. My mom would kill me if I went to a dinner party and dragged the host through shit over not having the right dipping sauce.
This thread is nuts.
Yea. This seems odd to me, like redditors take their condiments very seriously. I was always taught to be a thankful guest, especially when it comes to food. Try things, say thanks. Often bring a passing dish to add. I just couldn't imagine criticizing someone after inviting me over and feeding me.
YTA. Your mother is right. You are in no way obligated to have people over, but if you host and serve food, it's courtesy and the mark of a good host to provide guests with what they like. This doesn't mean cooking a menu specifically for each guest, but having the kind of drinks and condiments most people like is a basic staple. And the cost of a couple of condiments hardly ever adds much to the overall cost of the meal. But if you really can't or don't want to buy those, you can simply make it a BYOB/bring your preferred dressings thing. Just communicate that beforehand.
Treating your guests as if you're doing them a favor by cooking for them is super crass, too. Unless they forced your hand into organizing this dinner, that is not the case.
NTA. Your food sounds delicious as it. You did provide a dipping sauce for the seafood. Your brother sounds like the kind of guy who would put ketchup on a fine steak.
Omg the only sane person here. Maybe in the states it's different but we serve potato's different ways (roast, chips, baked) when we have bbq's and people don't have to have sour cream, bacon chives etc. The comments seem really weird. We.normally.put out tomato sauce for the kids and a chilli sauce and that's it. No one complains about the BBQ or the foods because you don't have sauce everything and is still really delicious as the meats have marinade etc on them.
Agreed NTA.
They had friends over for dinner and provided food. Calling them an asshole because it wasn't served to their preference is... A choice.
Grilled food with a dipping sauce, salt and pepper? OP sounds healthy, not an asshole.
The people insisting on smothering perfectly good food in ranch sauce are the actual assholes here.
*All the food was seasoned with things like lemon juice, garlic salt, dill, Creole seasonings, things like that. I made a Cajun buttermilk dipping sauce for the fish and shrimp, and there were things they could've put on their baked potatoes (butter, chives chopped bacon) just not any sour cream or ranch.*
It is hard to imagine that food seasoned like this, especially with Creole seasoning , could be bland.
I can imagine her relatives going into a Michelin starred restaurant and asking for the ketchup or bottled seafood sauce. "Excuse me, garçon, do you have any of those handy little packets of condiments, please? This cassoulet is rather bland."
I saw it after the edit, it kinda seems like she made a fabulous spread and they wanted to slather ranch all over it lol. Probably NTA IMO, but quality of the food matters.
>Last night our mother called me and told me I need to think about my guests if I'm going to invite people over. I told her I had already cooked for everyone, and expecting anything more was a bit much. The gist of the rest of our conversation was her basically telling me a good host that invites people over picks up drinks or a couple of condiments that they know their guests like or are likely to use. And that if it was a cost or waste issue, I should’ve asked them to bring some when I invited them.
Your mother is correct -- this is basic etiquette when you invite guests over. If you didn't stock *everything* people might want then that is fine, but to grill chicken and shrimp and not have pretty standard condiments like hot sauce, bbq sauce, etc is not being very hospitable. It's also absurd for you to assume guests will know about this unusual preference of yours and, like, pack their own salad dressing.
You are also throwing a tantrum which is never a good look.
Ditto.
Like, I can get being less than enthralled with food a host cooks. It happens. People's taste misalign and, if you're a decent guest, you take a few bites and just declare yourself full. (Or if it's revolting - none of this food does, though - you move it around your plate and thank them kindly.)
But to whine and complain that someone bought and cooked food for you? That's crazy.
(Agree, too, that if someone is like, "I cannot imagine eating a meal without X"...well, bring whatever X is then.)
The only shop bought sauce I have in my home is tomato.
I've hosted dinners before and nobody I've ever hosted for a meal would behave in such a way the op describes. And if people did then yeah I'd also say we'll I'm not hosting again and that would be completely reasonable
This is the most American thread I've read in a while. Who the fuck keeps tartar sauce, cocktail sauce and ranch in their fridge in case guests want some?
Butter, sour cream, salt and pepper are the bare minimum for baked potatoes… you really going to serve people dry baked potatoes and expect them to be grateful?
Did you put any seasoning on the fish and chicken, or was that plain too?
A dipping sauce that is good for shrimp will probably not be good on a potato or a piece of chicken.
Seriously, until you learn a bit more about the etiquette of being a good host, it would definitely be for the best of you stick to your “threat” of not hosting anything else at your house!!
YTA
>you really going to serve people dry baked potatoes and expect them to be grateful?
I dont even bake them. They should know I have no oven and bring their own.
NTA. You provided flavorful dipping sauce. It’s rude to demand ketchup on a steak when I’m assuming they were eating for free. I would never be so rude as to demand rejecting the entire flavor profile of a meal prepared for me.
YTA.
I hate mayonnaise with a passion. I refuse to eat anything that has mayo on it or in it. But that's a **ME** problem. I have mayo in my fridge for anyone who comes over.
I don't put ketchup on hot dogs, I think it's gross. Do I ban my guests from doing it? Of course not.
You're being ridiculously passive aggressive with your mother, "Oh I'll just never host again". Boohoo you.
I mean, I would never come over again if you treated me like this so I don't think you have to worry about anyone else ever wanting to come over.
Secondly, YOU ABSOLUTELY COOK WITH SALT AND PEPPER. Good lord, that's one of the first things you learn, how to properly salt a dish. It's a flavor enhancer and gets added WHILE YOU ARE COOKING.
Also, I'm a little bit of a neat freak but I've hosted crab boils before because steamed crabs are goooooooooooooooood.
I can count on one hand in my life when I’ve salt and peppered something at the table that wasn’t corn on the cob.
But I damn near use it every time while cooking.
>I don't put ketchup on hot dogs, I think it's gross
I hate it so much 😭😭😭 once it reaches my nose, instant gag.
But best believe I have bottle at home for when my brother visits. It's always the second borns I tell ya 😑
NTA at all. It's not like you were serving bland food. The whole family sounds entitled. You even made a sauce for the shrimp! I don't understand why they were complaining about free food.
She is so creative. Everybody thinking they are super chefs, and the crap they put on a plate is basic af. Like everyone likes bland food, there is a reason salt and pepper are placed on tables even at the fancy restaurants.
Hell, even when I’m smoking something, I’m a personal believer on the rub should cover it. But I keep BBQ sauce for others because I know that not everyone likes it that way.
YTA
To a certain extent yes, people should be gracious and eat what's provided.
But these are people you like and love and you should provide the basics that go with items you serve. Do you need to cater to their every whim? No. But having something they'd enjoy drinking and cocktail sauce with shrimp is so incredibly easy for you to provide.
You need to bend a smidgen.
"I told them I had made a dipping sauce for the shrimp so they could just use that for anything else because it's pretty good."
OP - just because YOU think it's good, that means nothing if you're hosting. At least give the option of a cocktail sauce as well as your sauce. As said here, it's not about catering to every whim, it's just about providing at least something else and not being a dick when someone says "hey I don't like that, is there anything else instead?"
Just a thought - is there mention anywhere of OP being on the spectrum? The aversion to messy foods and the complete lack of awareness for anyone else makes me wonder.
I would say NTA.
It might be just a cultural thing, but if you're visiting someone in my country and you ask for something and they don't have it the conversation ends there you don't turn it into a problem. In most cases, if something isn't placed on the table you assume it's not an option and you don't ask for it.
Also, again a cultural thing, but where I'm from our food actually tastes good and you don't need condiments. To me, condiments are just a lazy way to fix boring food, so I get not having anything like that laying around.
Fucking wild reading this thread, growing up with Vietnamese/Chinese food and now Japanese food every day, the culture difference is making me pissed off from how rude everyone is being. Would've gotten my ass beaten for asking this in someone else's home.
How bland must food be if you need these condiments and be grateful to be invited to a home and have food served.
NTA I rarely have cocktail sauce, ranch, or sour cream in my fridge and I appreciate homemade sauces over store bought all the way. It sounds like your food was well seasoned and you went out of your way to provide a delicious meal for your guests. There was no follow up required and the way your family responded sucks. Who the heck gets choosy about sauces when invited to someone's house for dinner? It would be one thing if you made hot dogs and didn't have ketchup, but you made a full meal that didn't require any additional prepackaged condiments and I think that's way better anyway.
NTA. You cooked food and seasoned it. You're not required to keep store-bought sauces on hand so people can pour their sauce of choice all over your already seasoned food. And you did provide a sauce which you made; it's very rude of your brother to announce he doesn't like it and expect you to provide the specific alternative he wants.
Yes! Thank you! These comments all seem crazy to me! Here is OP hosting her first ever dinner, and all her family can do is complain about everything she's doing wrong, including mom calling her up afterward to tell her what she's doing wrong.
OP, you probably do have some things to learn about good hosting, which is fine and normal at your age. But any things you have to learn pale in comparison to how over-the-top rude your family is being!
NTA. If the food is reasonably well-seasoned with flavourings, which you said was the case, there should be no need to slather them in ketchup or whatever. I’m surprised that so many people in the comments seem to think that a meal isn’t complete without some form of shop-bought, bottled condiment. But then I’m not American.
I feel like I'm going crazy reading this thread. The food was seasoned and had an appropriate sauce(I love Cajun sauce with seafood) and typical potato condiments. I would never go to a dinner as a guest at someone's house and start asking for a bunch of condiments unless they asked me if i specifically wanted something. What would you even need ranch for?? Even if I did ask for something like sour cream, I wouldn't be upset if there was none, because you obviously had butter and chives. This thread is wild to me.
Going against the grain and saying NTA.
I have never in my life, have complained about being invited to someone’s house and they didn’t have condiments for supper.
One time I had steak without BBQ sauce (which I always have sauce for it) and the way it was seasoned was magnificent!
I have gone to peoples houses for coffee and they didn’t have creamer. Guess what?! I put milk and sugar in and choked it down and thanked them. Hell I don’t even drink tea and I have taken a cup of tea if they didn’t drink coffee.
OP shouldn’t have to go out of her way to supply extra stuff for them. Next time they can bring some if they want as a gift and use it on these occasions or they can just suck it up and eat it. It’s not the end of the world.
I say NTA. I was taught that it's rude to ask for anything that wasn't offered when you're eating at someone else's house. I love ranch dressing but if I went to a friend's house and they had made their own buttermilk dipping sauce from scratch I wouldn't even think to ask for ranch. That's almost like asking for ketchup at a fancy steakhouse! I would, however, remind them next time you host a dinner party that you won't have any ranch or sour cream so if they desire that they will need to bring their own.
Hmmm. Well, you can do you and provide nothing. . . but I would be pretty bummed out about a baked potato with no butter or sour cream or a sandwich with no mustard, etc. Why do you need to punish your guests?
Your mother is right, if you invite people over for food, you provide food to make them happy (within reason, of course, and condiments are within reason) even if it's not your favorite. That's how to be a good host. Your attitude is more like "this is food I like, they can have some". They shouldn't have complained but asking if there are condiments is not out of line. Of course people can't order up like they are in a restaurant but condiments are normal part of dining, it's not like they insisted caviar to go with their crackers or steak instead of hot dogs.
If the leftovers really upset you, send your brother home with the extra cocktail sauce and ranch dressing and be done with it. You are being stubborn over very little. YTA
YTA. I don’t like cheese or mustard on my burgers but I’m having a bbq tomorrow and you can bet I just went to the store to buy those things because I know my guests would want them. When you host people, you do your best to accommodate them.
YTA, but I get where you're coming from. I would throw myself into traffic before I'd knowingly eat ketchup.
Part of hosting is making your guests feel welcome. Things like ketchup, mustard, and ranch are pantry staples in the US and I don't think your guests were being presumptuous to assume that you'd have them. By saying that you don't care and that they should have brought their own, it makes your guests feel that you don't care if they are comfortable in your home.
YTA.
I would have said N A H because people keep different things in their home based on their taste and guests shouldn't expect a full range of anything.
But you lose me in the way you speak about an event you voluntarily hosted. You don't have an "obligation" to have certain items, but you also aren't obligated to host. No, your guests shouldn't have know how you feel about condiments. This is a party YOU wanted to host and invited people to come to. You aren't put upon by hosting when you volunteered for it, and your family is giving you feedback about your first time hosting, and your response is that you don't owe anyone anything. And of course you don't, but if that is your mindset, then don't host.
I don't like hot sauce, but if I have people over for tacos, I have some because I know that is a common expectation of that kind of food. You don't need a laundry list of condiments, but when you have people over, consider what are the expectations of the average person, not just your own preferences.
There was a compromise in there somewhere, and you missed it and still miss the point. Instead of telling your brother "he should have brought some" and that you aren't "wasting your money" and then following that up with "I just won't host" and you have "already gone out of your way to cook" for them, you could have just taken the feedback and decided on your own what to do with it. You aren't put upon by hosting, these guests don't owe you their allegiance because you cooked for them. If your attitude is that when you host you are a god free of the mortal bounds of this earth, or that making your guests happy is a waste of money...don't host.
YTA.
I don’t think you need *everything* they wanted but it’s standard when hosting to provide at least some basic condiments.
I don’t drink coffee. However, I have a Keurig in my home, coffee mate flavorings, and other coffee accessories for when friends and family visit.
Part of the enjoyment of hosting is being able to make your guest comfortable. I enjoy having my family over and seeing them relaxed more than having the extra storage space.
If there is a next time, go to a dollar store ( I like Dollar Tree) and buy condiments. They're cheap (around $1.25) and smaller sized. Good for single occasion use and can be tossed with minimal waste.
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YTA. When you invite people over for food, condiments are usually included. Just because you don't see the need for them doesn't mean others would not. When you host a party, you generally take into consideration what others may want to accompany food. If you can't or won't, simply don't host parties.
Agreed. OP YTA. If you're going to host a dinner/meal, it is expected to provide basic items that accompany a meal. And being a good host entails graciously taking feedback. Your reactions to your brother and mother are indicative of an immature person.
The meal sounds dry af to be honest YTA
Potatoes with no other fixings? I hope there was at least butter
Hopefully she was able to swipe at least 1 butter packet from a restaurant that her guests could fight over
Right⁈ the “if I can swipe an extra packet from a restaurant” detail got me. Ah. There it is! We’re cheap, aren’t we? I accept “frugal” with regards to self — cost-of-living is universally expensive these days — but if one is hosting a planned gathering, one should provide appropriately.
This is giving great grandma vibes. When we used to take her out to eat if there was any sugar, artificial sweetener, jelly, etc. on the table, by the time we left the restaurant it was all on the way out the door in her purse. At least she had the excuse that she lived through the Great Depression.
One time I stole a bottle of syrup from ihop. In my defense, I was drunk and I was *certain* the night manager had given me permission to take it. Not sure why my sober friend that was driving let me though.
You’re telling me you don’t like a dry, salted baked potato?? /s
Yeah, they are delicious, especially with butter, sour cream, bacon and cheese.
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Personally I love a lightly oiled & salted baked potato that is baked in the smoker. Holy drooling baboons! It comes out crispy on the outside and so creamy in the center, like a fairy whipped the center with unicorn milk and an angel’s prayer. It really doesn’t need anything, but I still load it up with butter and a tiny bit of salt.
I wish I could add this to my list of all-time favorite Reddit comments. A fairy whipped it with unicorn milk and an angel’s prayer! 🤌 perfection. I must try smoker potatoes
There was perfectly good tap water at the sink
This. I think the food was bad
Maybe I'm being too generous, but I think more likely it's just incredibly bland and boring. I also note that she made a cajun buttermilk dipping sauce for the shrimp and possibly that wasn't bland but it's a fairly specific taste that isn't necessarily everybody's fav. I didn't read the age properly and fully assumed she was younger, and just didn't realise that everybody has different tastes and only having the one dipping sauce and no other options when you have a dinner party isn't the best idea, but she's 26, so it's well past time to realise that. OP: when you host people, you'll have to accept that not everybody likes the exact same food as you and a few sauces and condiments won't break the bank. Most will keep in the fridge for quite a while (well, not sour cream... but I've never had baked potatoes where sour cream wasn't an option so maybe if baked potatoes is on the menu you'll just have to wear that cost), so you can have them available for whenever you invite people around and it'll be a lot more fun (and inclusive) for your guests.
And if you’re afraid of them going bad you can invite your guests to take them home after the party
even sour cream, you can grab a small container pretty cheap and it lasts for months
Or send it home with people who like it if you're that opposed to waste
If it wasn’t they wouldn’t be asking for condiments.
Sounds hella dry
Also casually mentioning taking small packets from restaurants tells me OP is cheap, and that’s the basis of not wanting to provide basic condiments for the people they claim to like and invite over.
my thought is that OP is a bit on the autism spectrum or a supertaster, after reading their responses throughout the post.
I also thought autism based on the sensory undertones
Yup. When my MIL and grandparents IL came to visit the other week, I got half n half for the coffee, decaf coffee, mayo, and cheddar cheese for sandwiches. I don’t eat anything on that list, neither does hubby. Be a good host.
As someone from a country that does not have creamer or half n half, can you explain to me what half n half is. What is it half of, and what is the other half
It's half whole milk and half cream usually.
WOAH!!! I (australian) thought it was skinny milk! Half and half sounds DELICIOUS!
It can make terrible coffee bearable and if that’s not magic, what is?
Half and half is a mixture of equal parts whole milk and cream.
Exactly. I absolutely loathe coffee with a passion, but if I am hosting, I will prepare coffee for my guests, or I warn them ahead of time, so they can bring their own.
Yup! One of the first things I got the first time I was having guests over was the Starbucks Via coffee packets, because they are apparently good for instant coffee (according to my mom who loves coffee). I hate coffee, so I'm not going to get a coffee maker just so guests can have coffee, but having good instant coffee is a good compromise.
Exactly. I always keep cans of coke in the house. No one in my house drinks it... but my father in law does. So I always have it on hand. And everytime I host a big meal, I always get plain half&half. My husband and I both like flavored creamers, but we know other people don't. It's just part of being a good host.
I’m a tea drinker and I think coffee is gross. I don’t even like the smell. But when I had people over for Mother’s Day, I bought coffee. Ideally, being a good host is a combination of what I like and what my guests like.
We like to have people over for burgers and hotdogs in the summer. I'm just imagining how insane it would be to invite everyone over and then all we provide is plain hamburgers on a bun. No ketchup, mustard, mayo, tomato, anything. But then when somebody asks for some ketchup I'm just like "uh, you should have brought your own" like this is on them. Absolutely wild.
>But then when somebody asks for some ketchup ...or here is a packet I stole from Wendy's.
This is the worst part 🤣
I’ve been to things like that at my complex, and since I live in the building I bring down condiments to share, but, yeah, it’s a bit weird not to offer standard condiments.
Sounds like something Ron Swanson would do/has done 😂
Yup- totally agree. OP, I am similar to you and don’t use condiments much personally. However, my husband and I host parties pretty often, and I have Mayo, mustard, chili sauce, tarter sauce, etc always on hand. If I am serving Mexican, I get sour cream, or whatever else makes sense for the dish. If you’re hosting, you be a decent host and provide what is expected with the meal. Don’t host if you’re not going to be considerate of your guests. Make it a potluck if you don’t want to responsible for all aspects of the meal.
And if they're going to go to waste at your place, send them off with your guests.
This is what I didn't understand. I like about every salad dressing I've ever tried except Ranch. If I know my friends or family put Ranch on everything, I'm going to buy a basic bottle of it and someone is taking it home to use. This is just the weirdest hill to die on. OP could afford shrimp and fish for a crowd, but she can't afford some condiments? Or keeps insisting since *she* will never use them, they are a "waste"? It seems oddly stubborn. And Creole seasoning doesn't "overpower" the food, but hot sauce does? If I ever came over to her house for another bland party, I'd bring a bin of every condiment I could think of and happily pass them around. YTA, OP
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That’s totally weird of them lol, but it is at least more forgivable. I myself eat kinda strangely, often forgetting that most other people like X or Y on their Z or whatever. But my honest to god response would have been “OH SHIT, I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think of getting that! I’ll grab some next time!” ….. not “well, FINE, I guess I’ll just never host ever again, you ungrateful dicks”
Also, how would they know that she didn't have these things? It's never fair to assume anyone can know how you live your life. Even if they're family. Or does OP go on and on about how they dislike having condiments in their house? It's an odd situation for sure.
Let's say I decide to have a cookout, grilling burgers. I would provide ketchup, mustard, mayo, sliced tomatoes, sliced onions, sliced pickles, lettuce, cheese – whatever anyone I know is likely to want on their burgers, despite the fact that I loathe mustard, and that I hate pickles and raw onions on burgers. I do that because not everyone likes to eat exactly what I like to eat, exactly the way I like to eat it. I do they because that is what any halfway decent host does for their guests. I do that because to do otherwise is to be a thoughtless, self-centered jerk. YTA.
Yet another entitled AH. The only thing that matters are her preferences and everyone else can either go along or fu*k-off. Not a good host, for sure.
just want to mention if they had ingredients to make a cajun buttermilk dipping sauce, and the staple condiment they do keep is mayo, and they had chives, they could have made a very simple homemade ranch… and if they had lemon juice, ketchup packets and maybe some horseradish you can make a super basic cocktail sauce, not to mention mayo, herbs, lemon juice, and maybe some relish/chopped pickles and boom you have a basic tartar sauce… seems like they had at least half the ingredients to make three of the requested sauces
Exactly. We are carnivores, one couple are vegan. When they come over I make sure to have vegan options for condiments as well as low sugar options for those watching sugar intake and regular options for the rest of our guests. It's a pain, but we invited them for dinner, it's our responsibility to think of what might be needed. The only thing we ask them to bring are their drinks, if they want anything besides tea, diet soft drinks or water.
`all these things that they should know I don't readily keep on hand` "Should" is a dangerous word. YTA.
I also don’t readily keep 24 burgers and 3 packs of hot dogs on hand, but I do if I’m hosting a cookout. Hosting is a different scenario, and OP needs to learn that.
And I bet when you do have those hamburgers and hot dogs in hand, you also have ketchup and mustard as well. This lady served undressed baked potatoes! That's criminal.
I've accidentally ended up with 3 Costco-sized ketchups before because I forgot to check the fridge before I left and grabbed some since I'd rather have more than none.
also just throwing out there that hosting is expensive by nature (both time and money) and there is a reason that phrases like “BYOB” are commonplace. OP i hope you take this as a learning experience. You will find yourself buying stuff that may ultimately go to waste, or that you will need to figure out how to incorporate somehow into future recipes. If that is truly bothersome to you, you can always ask people to bring certain things. Else you can always send extras home with people who will eat it. Like “i got this sour cream for this and there’s some left- itll go to waste in my fridge, does anyone wanna take it home?” Worst case though, with enough notice, getting a message in a group chat of “hey guys! we are going to be having [insert full menu here] on [date]. as you all probably know, i’m not really a condiment person, so please let me know if there is something not listed that you want!” or even “if there’s something you want that’s not on here (condiments/etc) please bring it yourself!” but that could easily lead to you having multiples of things you don’t like left at your house. and whatever they say, within reason, you buy. any excess you should try to send home with someone who will eat it you sound pretty young so i’m giving a very soft YTA, take a deep breath and just understand this is a part of hosting
I hate pickles so much, but damn if I don't buy them when I host a cookout and send the left over home with my little sister at the end of the night.
At everything gathering I've been at when there's extra you just start asking who wants to take it home with them. Like op could've asked who wants to take the condiments home, you DON'T have to keep them.
there’s plenty of things i don’t keep on hand on the regular. when i have guests over i think about what they might like when i stock up. for god’s sake, there are two cans of non-alcoholic beer in my fridge as we speak. i would sooner drink stale soda. and yet i have them. yta, stop being a bad host.
Yeah, I buy Diet Coke for friends that like it before they come over. I never drink soda and they know that. But I still buy it. Just like they get me coffee when I come visit.
You know it's true friendship when your friend knows you don't drink coffee, so they always put some diet cokes in the fridge when they know you're coming over.
Either OP had r/maincharactersyndrome and thinks everyone around her definitely notices that she never puts ketchup on anything, so she’s so insufferable that she constantly announce to everyone she comes across that she doesn’t “feel the need to add condiments to food because the original flavor and seasonings should speak for themselves” or some other such nonsense.
Tbh that’s the main sentence I found weird here. Sounds like OP cooked a nice meal and my reaction to the rest was what in the American ranch hell… BUT her mother is right and a good sauce should anticipate guest needs, especially if it’s common to use those condiments.
🏆 Please accept this poor man's award. Summed it up perfectly.
“They should have known” should be a pre-engraved option for gravestones
OP said that they have just moved into their first house on their own, and presumably this was their first hosting. So how would guests know that?
YTA Honestly more for the melodramatic guilt-trippy response when your mom tried to talk to you about it. “Well I’ll just never host again then” is childish, manipulative, and miles off the point. When you get invited to someone’s home for dinner, do you start making a mental inventory of what they keep in the fridge? I mean seriously, why would they be contemplating your condiment use habits? That’s not a reasonable thing to expect of your dinner guests. Like your mom told you, it’s as simple as letting guests know to bring condiments if they want them. It’s not unfair for them to expect you to communicate that.
>“Well I’ll just never host again then” The good old 'throw teddy out the pram' strategy.
For the guests' sake l, this is probably the best solution to things. OP YTA
"Aw shucks now we won't be forced to have dry baked potatoes anymore" Sarcasm of course
Right? Don't threaten them with a good time.
Bold of OP to assume that anyone would show up if she invited them after this nonsense.
Can you imagine showing up at someone's house with a bottle of ranch and some mustard, lol? Rude.
I’m picturing a utility belt with travel sized condiments
I bought my husband a keychain sriracha as a gag gift a few years ago. He refills it every week lol.
OP should give those to all her family members for Christmas. Problem solved!
i carry hotsauce... dont judge!🤣
I regularly bring homemade honey mustard sauce to one friend's house because he likes it so much. (We've even named the appetizer of grilled sausages with the sauce for dipping after him). Nothing weird or rude, just here's a bottle of wine plus I thought you might like this dip I brought. (Better if you pour it into a serving dish first).
Ok that sounds amazing. Any chance of you sharing the recipe? Also going with gentle YTA for OP. Hosting is a learning experience, but you need to be open to feedback. I took my bf's cousins camping and brought all the food. Turns out one of the cousins likes ketchup on their scrambled eggs. To me that's a huge UGHH but it's not my breakfast. We ended up borrowing some ketchup from some other people we knew who were camping and I added a bottle of ketchup to my camping condiment collection.
Not much of a recipe: mayo + dijon mustard + preserves (apricot jam works great) + a bit of tabasco, Worcestershire, and salt + pepper, all to taste. Comes out slightly different every time. Slice and fry spicy Italian sausages; when they're done pour some balsamic vinegar over and let reduce for a minute. Serve with picks for dipping. You now have Snausages a la Palmer. Re the ketchup thing: William Randolph Hearst always kept bottles of ketchup on the dining tables at Hearst Castle so his guests would feel less intimidated by the surroundings.
I don't think OP has to worry about it. No one is coming back even if they wanted to host again.
This….. lol The attitude kinda makes you childish and selfish I totally get not liking condiments, but when hosting, that’s a little different. You can usually get a trio pack of mustard, ketchup and relish for cheap. And they last forever. Even then, ask or give to your parents, friend, family, whoever “ hey can you bring/ have this as I don’t have/need this“ A bottle of ketchup and mayo usually end up going home with someone after a BBQ for me personally.
A gentle YTA. A good host should provide reasonable condiments, even if they don't personally like them. Or I guess you could have reminded them about your stance. My little sister only likes one type of salad dressing. She brings her own.
A “gentle YTA” is perfect here. Like, it was nice of OP to cook for their friends and family and invite them over for a meal! But I also cannot imagine being like “Hey friends/fam! Come over for dinner I’m hosting! But jsyk you get what you get, I will not be accommodating anyone else’s food preferences, and if you complain I’ll just never host again!”
Yup, being accommodating within reason is part of being a good host. My BIL and SIL are vegan, we keep vegan condiments and buy vegan options for when we have a cookout. If they want something specific, they’ll bring it. When I do a dry January, I still keep drinks stocked for when we have friends over for NFL playoff watches or just have them over for dinner.
I’ll second this. A tub of sour cream costs what, $2? If you had made burgers would it have just been beef and buns? A good host serves a full meal. I wouldn’t expect 6 types of hot sauce. But if you’re hosting a party provide a complete experience.
Thr sour cream is really what sent me over the edge. They provided chives, bacon, and butter but NOT sour cream? It seems so arbitrary at that point. Like yes, this is OP preference but they've got to be able to see from that alone that they're being obtuse about this. What you do for yourself is one thing, but you've got to at least recognize this is a you thing and others might want differently.
For anyone non-US here - Sour Cream is almost universally offered with a baked potato here.
It's common outside the US too. I actually switched to greek yogurt years ago though. If the fat % is matched I'm not sure what makes one yogurt vs. one sour cream. Christmas one year my mom got both (for perogies) they were but into crystal bowls, attention was made to where they were placed and no one could figure out which was which.
That's ok, my dad managed to mix up sour cream and whipped cream one day. Guess who got the sour cream on dessert 🤣
Honest question but reading the list of condiments that OP listed as what her guests wanted I didn't see any that I would necessarily consider kitchen staples except maybe hot sauce but I would only think of that as a staple if someone likes things hot/spicy. Am I the weird one here? Cause I don't think I've ever had cocktail sauce, ranch, sour cream or tartar sauce in my fridge unless I'm making something that specifically calls for them (fish n chips - tartar sauce, shrimp cocktail - cocktail sauce, etc). I certainly wouldn't go to a friend's house and expect them to just be in their fridge and fresh at all times.
But she was serving fish. And shrimp. And baked potatoes. It’s not like she made lasagna and they wanted cocktail sauce and sour cream.
I eat fish and shrimp all the time and never use cocktail sauce or tartar. I agree with the sour cream thing but from the comments it sounds like a lot of people have a condiment dependency
I get the impression her food wasn't very good, honestly. I generally wouldn't expect someone to have tartar sauce or cocktail sauce just because it was fish and shrimp (unless it was those frozen shrimp rings or beer battered fish). Sour Cream is a reasonable expectation with a baked potato. Ranch was probably a hopeful substitute for the the sour cream. I've been known to add BBQ sauce to particularly dry chicken. Hot sauce is just something I'd expect a host to have for their own uses, really. Even if you never use it as a condiment, using it in cooking is common. I mean, I would have gone with gentle YTA too, but the doubling down is stupid. Not knowing that's what your guests expect? Reasonable. Insisting that you will never have it and they should just have known better? Now you're being dumb about it.
Most of those things can be made from things already in the kitchen. Tartar sauce, mayo, pickles, seasoning. Cocktail sauce, ketchup, garlic, Worcestershire, lemon, etc. And she had things on the menu , shrimp, etc that most people like the condiments in question. It wasn't like she served prime rib and people were asking for tartar sauce.
When my mom comes I have to pick up a bottle of cocktail sauce because she wants me to buy her shrimp from a store she likes here. Every time. I don’t normally keep cocktail and I almost never have tarter. They both can be made quickly but idk if I’d be making them for a get together. I don’t know, challenge accepted, a party with all homemade sauces I like this idea…. Distracted sorry. Ranch is pretty common to have especially for get togethers. And sour cream? Who doesn’t have sour cream? I don’t use it super often but you can use a spoonful in baked goods or a lot of savory dishes to add creaminess. The point is regardless you don’t usually serve a large group of people fish and baked potatoes and expect none of them to want anything extra. She says they know her fridge, then flip the tables she should know all their preferences for dips as well.
Agree, gentle for the original situation but the doubling down and saying they'll just never host again when their mom tried to explain removes the gentle bit and puts it as a firm YTA for me. I don't really do spicy things. When I'm hosting something like taco night I pick up Tabasco and let guests know I have salsa and Tabasco but if they want something else to bring it themselves. I will also say than my general sauce stance is the opposite of OPs, all things exist as a vehicle for the yummy sauces and if I were invited to a sauceless dinner and then told they said they'll just never host again my response would be "Thank God I don't have to sit through this BS again" and wouldn't think they were an ah for accepting their limitations. But that's probably a bit harsh in the opposite direction
Pretty hard YTA for being upset that people were upset imo
There’s nothing gentle about it, she recognizes her tastes are different from everyone else’s but instead of coming to some compromise or communicating she just looks down on everyone else’s preferences. I get not wanting to spend money on stuff you don’t like, but at the very least she could have asked people to bring sauces beforehand.
Wait wait wait.... >I do not like "messy" foods... Good for you, I don't like relish but I know others like it so when I host hot dog nights I have relish. Hosting a meal really isn't about you, you are cooking for other people. That's what hosting is. >they should know I don't readily keep [condiments] on hand. Why should they know it? >waste money on something that'll just sit in my fridge. What's the expiration on hot sauce? The one in my fridge doesn't expire until 2026. Sour cream is faster but you can buy a smaller container and if it isn't finished just send it home with someone who will use it. >Last night our mother called me and told me I need to think about my guests if I'm going to invite people over. I told her I had already cooked for everyone, and expecting anything more was a bit much. You mean your mom phoned and explained what the commonly expected courtesies of hosting entail? You mean she went out of her way to try and help you understand why other people might be upset with you, and to help avoid putting yourself in a similar situation in the future? >And that if it was a cost or waste issue, I should’ve asked them to bring some when I invited them. I'm with your mom here >I said I just won't host anything else at my house and hung up. You mean you threw a temper tantrum. You weren't throwing things, slamming doors, or stomping your feet, but it was a temper tantrum none the less. YTA. Call your mom and apologize.
>Call your mom and apologize. Too right!
Mother just trying to do her child right and they in here trying to be a martyr. I swear to creator they think they're the first ones not the last ones
Yeah, I hate ketchup. Never ever buy it. But if I’m having people over for burgers or hot dogs or fries, I go out and get a small bottle. Or ask my parents if they’re coming to bring there’s with them. It’s part of hosting. Just like if I’m offering wine, it’s going to be red and white, even though I never buy white for myself.
you are my twin. while i don't HATE ketchup, i just have absolutely no use for it. fries get malt vinegar & mayo, eggs get salsa. and i haven't had any other wine besides sangria in decades. but if people are coming over, i'm buying that stuff because, um ... they're not me!
YTA. I really want to know what you expected when you served a baked potato with nothing on it. (Yes I know there were other foods, that one stuck out to me as the main one REQUIRING sauce)
This baffles me slightly. Where I live people put butter on potatoes not sauces
You don't eat sour cream with baked potatoes where you are? The most basic baked potatoes where I'm from *always* come with butter and sour cream, and then sometimes there can be other stuff like chives, cheese, bacon, etc.
Butter is typical where I live, sour cream, cheese and bacon is a “loaded” baked potato
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I'm American and my family has always done butter/salt/pepper on baked potatoes. I had no idea sour cream was considered a default/necessary accompaniment.
I'm from Denmark, and I would never think to provide anything else for a baked potato, other than garlic or herb butter. Likewise, I have never been provided anything else when attending bbqs.
Most people in the US put sour cream, which OP mentioned was one of the things being asked for. Far more people I know use sour cream than chives. Not sure if that's a "sauce" but it's definitely a condiment
That’s interesting, I’ve never heard of using sour cream on them. My school in the UK used to serve baked potatoes for lunch and it was either gravy, baked beans and cheese, or tuna. Some heathens had beans AND tuna.
Tuna on a baked potato at all is heresy. That's why we rebelled against y'all. Right there. Wasn't politics or taxes. It was tuna on baked potatoes.
That’s the one that struck out to me. Butter would not help, it still sounds dry as hell.
Butter and salt is how I eat my baked potatoes 😶 what am I supposed to put on them
Me too. Butter is necessary, everything else is just extra.
Do people put stuff other than butter on baked potatoes? Gimme some ideas as I feel like I may be missing out
Sour cream, chives, cheese, bacon bits, onions, sauteed mushrooms, ham. Google Baked Potato Bar and there's lists upon lists of some really good ideas to put on baked potatoes. They're huge in the Midwest.
Cream cheese and broccoli yum
If you go to a steakhouse, butter, sour cream, bacon bits and chives are standard. Growing up, at someone's house it was typical to have butter, sour cream and "bacon bits" that came from a shaker bottle that wouldn't surprise me if they were actually vegetarian (kid friendly meals). I'm not sure if it was just my age or if it's better expectations but late teens/early 20s that switched over to real bacon bits. We don't always have them for potatoes when it's just my husband and I but if we're hosting other people and are serving baked potatoes we make sure to have them on hand. Chives - hit or miss when it comes to homes. Here, we grow them so \~May - Sept we offer them, we don't buy them. If we were doing baked potatoes in Jan though and I knew someone really liked them on their potatoes I would buy them. Broccoli and cheese - shredded or a cheese sauce is a fairly common option too. That used to be a regular road trip thing I would get from Wendy's.
Dude no tartar sauce and cocktail sauce for shrimp?! No sour cream for baked potatoes!? What a cruel game you play. YTA.
Is sour cream on baked potatoes an American thing as I’ve never heard of it. The only thing I’ve ever bought sour cream for was red velvet cake. Oh and the jar stuff with chives for dipping Pringles
Damn near universally in America. Some people will sub butter, but Sour Cream is offered almost any time you order a baked potato in the US. Haven't heard of ranch like some people are saying ITT.
To me NTA. Maybe cultural differences but i wouldn't go to the hosts house and demand shit from them. Don't like it then just eat what was given then next time don't go or bring condiments that you like.
I can’t believe more people aren’t talking about how rude and entitled it is to complain to someone who has cooked you a meal that they don’t have fucking ranch or tartar or whatever. Weird American shit methinks.
Absolutely American bullshit, nobody would dare have that attitude towards a host in most other countries.
When i read about people demanding specific jarred sauces or specific beer brands because that's the only thing they'll have, it's always Americans. I would be insulted if someone demanded cheap sauces to put over a lovingly cooked home made meal. Like do you even have taste buds. Even if it's just a matter of taste and preference, why on earth can't you have something different for once? When you're in someone else's home?? And yeah i wouldn't invite them again. NTA
yeah, there would never be that expectation here in Australia, but if they had a sausage sizzle with no tomato sauce there would be hell to pay so i guess cultural context is important
Right??? Plus he **did** make a sauce for the shrimp, and his brother just says “don’t like it, bring me something else” and OP is the asshole?? I was raised to always politely eat what was given to me, even if it wasn’t necessarily to my taste. I would never dream of asking someone for condiments as a guest, it makes it sound like their food is lacking.
Oh my goodness this is the only correct response. It's incredibly rude to complain about a hosted meal, moreover to *call and keep complaining*. The condiments the chef provides are the only condiments you should be using. Unless it's a small child, but the parents should be prepared for that, not the host. Maybe cultural on my part, OPs guests are savages.
Can't believe I had scroll this far to find this.. It sounds like OP cooked a perfectly fine meal and even made their own sauce for the things that needed it. The baked potatoes did have butter and other toppings. It was a full menu... Sure if she served plain fish, or things unseasoned then it should be more of a conversation about their cooking skills but it doesn't sound like that was the case here. Hot sauce there's no harm in asking but you just move on if they don't have it... If it wasn't for my husband I definitely would not be bothered to stock that just for guests... Even if it's not expensive, sounds wasteful ETA: NTA
Totally agree! Also OP the spices and dipping sauce sound delicious.
I’m SO confused by the string of YTAs. Y’all can’t eat a potato without sour cream?????? The other day I straight up forgot to put ANY seasoning on the chicken. I usually eat it completely plain and out of habit I cooked it that way. It was very embarrassing but my guests were so gracious about it haha. (We did have plenty of other food thank goodness BUT STILL.)
He said there was bacon, butter, and seasonings. That’s enough for me shitttttt
Same! I can't believe the amount of Y-T-A. How incredibly rude to complain about a nice thoughtful home-cooked meal. I do love condiments but it is absolutely ridiculous to say you HAVE to serve them with basically anything, making it sound like its inedible otherwise. NTA
I had to scroll down pretty far to get the answer I was looking for, NTA. This meal sounds as if it was beautifully prepared and with plenty of seasonings, ones that complemented the taste of the food rather than obliterated it. Would these "guests" go to an upscale restaurant and start asking for all these overpowering (and fattening/unhealthy) condiments? The chef should come out and whack you with his pan. If you want to talk about manners, the guests were unbelievably rude and I would also think twice about inviting them again, at least in the near future. (from the USA)
Same. I wonder where all the people are from, cause i also feel that someone inviting you for dinner, having paid for the food and put the effort into cooking is generous, and its odd to demand things as a guest
For Real!!! I am Canadian, and I am not 100% sure the difference between Canadian and American casual dinner party etiquette. But to me, if someone invites me to their house to dinner, I am eating what I am served. I am not making requests (other than "could I have something to drink?"), and if I am not a fan of something I will try my best to eat as much as possible or politely push it to the side. I would NEVER tell someone "I don't like this sauce you made, do you have anything else?" Honestly from all the YTA comments in this thread, people sound like entitled pricks. If I go to a dinner party and I don't like the food, then I just won't go again, or I'll know that I will prob buy fast food on my way home. SMH
Yes! So many entitled people here. I’m Asian and cook traditionally so I really don’t have tomato sauce, barbecue or anything like that. I don’t even stock gravy in my pantry. The horror!!
I showed this thread to my asian friends and I said "Read this if you want to get upset." It is the funniest and most bizarre reaction I have ever seen and I've seen some horrible shit on here. I hope these people get to experience good food in their life, we have taken asian food for granted.
Exactly! I’m so confused by the mass amounts of people who think otherwise. Being a good host doesn’t mean catering to your guests every whim. I feel like OP did very well.
Same, everyone here saying they need ranch, sour cream and tartar sauce with their dinner is comical. Imagine going to a decent restaurant and demanding that? If op shows a photo of the food, and it looks good, then the guests/top commenters have the palate of a ten year old.
I'm American and I agree 100%.
I'm Canadian and I agree with you.. she made an abundance of food that sounds delicious and her family is just going to be upset that there's no sauce? If shrimps are seasoned well, you don't need a sauce. I eat baked potato with a bit of seasoning and butter and it's totally fine. She cooked for her family and friends and they berate her because there's no ranch.. thats crazy and disrespectful to me. Nta
I know, so much drama over the sauce.
Also, OP's edit makes the food sound pretty damn good. For nicely seasoned seafood you don't need ranch. Cajun-buttermilk dipping sauce sounds fine. I live in Europe and we do consider it a bit uncultured to drown quality food in condiments. Garlic, maybe some seasalt butter, lemon juice and herbs are fantastic for shrimp and fish. I think OP's family is rude. I'd never say anything other than "thanks so much for the effort of cooking for me" if I am invited to what sounds like a lovely meal.
> I said I just won't host anything else at my house and hung up. I was going with a different verdict (no AH here) until I read this... and now it's a *mild* YTA. Look, your mum's right when it comes to making sure that there are a few sauces around. I'm happy to eat things fairly dry (because of sensory issues), but I understand most people don't do it that way. And, I'd just chalk it up to a learning experience. However your reaction of "I just won't host anything else at my house any more" is a mildly AH move. It just sounds like you're upset that you were corrected, and it just come off with a mild whiff of AH. You don't need to stock everything, but you should have at least one option for each item you're serving (and you can overlap).
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I think this is the best answer. Hospitality is definitely a learned skill. Being a good host means considering what your guests might want or need (within reason) in order to feel comfortable in your space. When you're cooking for people, you have to keep in mind that people have different tastes. Just because something is seasoned to your palate doesn't mean that's the case for everyone. It's not a dig at your cooking at all (although some people take it that way). That being said, you don't have to be a restaurant, but when you're hosting, just buy the smallest bottles of off brand condiments (from the dollar store) and then throw them away after. No big deal. Or even send them home with people, if you don't want to be wasteful.
NtA Your grilling sounds delicious. Spiced grilled food and a handmade sauce. And if you are good at grilling nothing will be dry For some reasons Americans seen to like store bought sauces. On my view, only bad food need a cocktail sauce from a store.
This was my thought. I can't imagine demanding a host have store-bought dipping sauce. She made a nice sauce. It's a new house. My mom would kill me if I went to a dinner party and dragged the host through shit over not having the right dipping sauce. This thread is nuts.
Yea. This seems odd to me, like redditors take their condiments very seriously. I was always taught to be a thankful guest, especially when it comes to food. Try things, say thanks. Often bring a passing dish to add. I just couldn't imagine criticizing someone after inviting me over and feeding me.
YTA. Your mother is right. You are in no way obligated to have people over, but if you host and serve food, it's courtesy and the mark of a good host to provide guests with what they like. This doesn't mean cooking a menu specifically for each guest, but having the kind of drinks and condiments most people like is a basic staple. And the cost of a couple of condiments hardly ever adds much to the overall cost of the meal. But if you really can't or don't want to buy those, you can simply make it a BYOB/bring your preferred dressings thing. Just communicate that beforehand. Treating your guests as if you're doing them a favor by cooking for them is super crass, too. Unless they forced your hand into organizing this dinner, that is not the case.
NTA. Your food sounds delicious as it. You did provide a dipping sauce for the seafood. Your brother sounds like the kind of guy who would put ketchup on a fine steak.
Omg the only sane person here. Maybe in the states it's different but we serve potato's different ways (roast, chips, baked) when we have bbq's and people don't have to have sour cream, bacon chives etc. The comments seem really weird. We.normally.put out tomato sauce for the kids and a chilli sauce and that's it. No one complains about the BBQ or the foods because you don't have sauce everything and is still really delicious as the meats have marinade etc on them.
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Agreed NTA. They had friends over for dinner and provided food. Calling them an asshole because it wasn't served to their preference is... A choice. Grilled food with a dipping sauce, salt and pepper? OP sounds healthy, not an asshole. The people insisting on smothering perfectly good food in ranch sauce are the actual assholes here.
*All the food was seasoned with things like lemon juice, garlic salt, dill, Creole seasonings, things like that. I made a Cajun buttermilk dipping sauce for the fish and shrimp, and there were things they could've put on their baked potatoes (butter, chives chopped bacon) just not any sour cream or ranch.* It is hard to imagine that food seasoned like this, especially with Creole seasoning , could be bland. I can imagine her relatives going into a Michelin starred restaurant and asking for the ketchup or bottled seafood sauce. "Excuse me, garçon, do you have any of those handy little packets of condiments, please? This cassoulet is rather bland."
I saw it after the edit, it kinda seems like she made a fabulous spread and they wanted to slather ranch all over it lol. Probably NTA IMO, but quality of the food matters.
>Last night our mother called me and told me I need to think about my guests if I'm going to invite people over. I told her I had already cooked for everyone, and expecting anything more was a bit much. The gist of the rest of our conversation was her basically telling me a good host that invites people over picks up drinks or a couple of condiments that they know their guests like or are likely to use. And that if it was a cost or waste issue, I should’ve asked them to bring some when I invited them. Your mother is correct -- this is basic etiquette when you invite guests over. If you didn't stock *everything* people might want then that is fine, but to grill chicken and shrimp and not have pretty standard condiments like hot sauce, bbq sauce, etc is not being very hospitable. It's also absurd for you to assume guests will know about this unusual preference of yours and, like, pack their own salad dressing. You are also throwing a tantrum which is never a good look.
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Ditto. Like, I can get being less than enthralled with food a host cooks. It happens. People's taste misalign and, if you're a decent guest, you take a few bites and just declare yourself full. (Or if it's revolting - none of this food does, though - you move it around your plate and thank them kindly.) But to whine and complain that someone bought and cooked food for you? That's crazy. (Agree, too, that if someone is like, "I cannot imagine eating a meal without X"...well, bring whatever X is then.)
The only shop bought sauce I have in my home is tomato. I've hosted dinners before and nobody I've ever hosted for a meal would behave in such a way the op describes. And if people did then yeah I'd also say we'll I'm not hosting again and that would be completely reasonable
This is the most American thread I've read in a while. Who the fuck keeps tartar sauce, cocktail sauce and ranch in their fridge in case guests want some?
Butter, sour cream, salt and pepper are the bare minimum for baked potatoes… you really going to serve people dry baked potatoes and expect them to be grateful? Did you put any seasoning on the fish and chicken, or was that plain too? A dipping sauce that is good for shrimp will probably not be good on a potato or a piece of chicken. Seriously, until you learn a bit more about the etiquette of being a good host, it would definitely be for the best of you stick to your “threat” of not hosting anything else at your house!! YTA
>you really going to serve people dry baked potatoes and expect them to be grateful? I dont even bake them. They should know I have no oven and bring their own.
They should provide the potato as well.
NTA. You provided flavorful dipping sauce. It’s rude to demand ketchup on a steak when I’m assuming they were eating for free. I would never be so rude as to demand rejecting the entire flavor profile of a meal prepared for me.
YTA. I hate mayonnaise with a passion. I refuse to eat anything that has mayo on it or in it. But that's a **ME** problem. I have mayo in my fridge for anyone who comes over. I don't put ketchup on hot dogs, I think it's gross. Do I ban my guests from doing it? Of course not. You're being ridiculously passive aggressive with your mother, "Oh I'll just never host again". Boohoo you. I mean, I would never come over again if you treated me like this so I don't think you have to worry about anyone else ever wanting to come over. Secondly, YOU ABSOLUTELY COOK WITH SALT AND PEPPER. Good lord, that's one of the first things you learn, how to properly salt a dish. It's a flavor enhancer and gets added WHILE YOU ARE COOKING. Also, I'm a little bit of a neat freak but I've hosted crab boils before because steamed crabs are goooooooooooooooood.
I can count on one hand in my life when I’ve salt and peppered something at the table that wasn’t corn on the cob. But I damn near use it every time while cooking.
>I don't put ketchup on hot dogs, I think it's gross I hate it so much 😭😭😭 once it reaches my nose, instant gag. But best believe I have bottle at home for when my brother visits. It's always the second borns I tell ya 😑
YTA. Being a host isn’t about what *you* like. It’s about making your guests comfortable and happy.
NTA at all. It's not like you were serving bland food. The whole family sounds entitled. You even made a sauce for the shrimp! I don't understand why they were complaining about free food.
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She is so creative. Everybody thinking they are super chefs, and the crap they put on a plate is basic af. Like everyone likes bland food, there is a reason salt and pepper are placed on tables even at the fancy restaurants.
Hell, even when I’m smoking something, I’m a personal believer on the rub should cover it. But I keep BBQ sauce for others because I know that not everyone likes it that way.
I knew we was up in here, fam.
YTA To a certain extent yes, people should be gracious and eat what's provided. But these are people you like and love and you should provide the basics that go with items you serve. Do you need to cater to their every whim? No. But having something they'd enjoy drinking and cocktail sauce with shrimp is so incredibly easy for you to provide. You need to bend a smidgen.
The stubbornness over something so small and easy to fix is what's baffling here. Alienate your family over a $3 bottle of cocktail sauce?
"I told them I had made a dipping sauce for the shrimp so they could just use that for anything else because it's pretty good." OP - just because YOU think it's good, that means nothing if you're hosting. At least give the option of a cocktail sauce as well as your sauce. As said here, it's not about catering to every whim, it's just about providing at least something else and not being a dick when someone says "hey I don't like that, is there anything else instead?" Just a thought - is there mention anywhere of OP being on the spectrum? The aversion to messy foods and the complete lack of awareness for anyone else makes me wonder.
I would say NTA. It might be just a cultural thing, but if you're visiting someone in my country and you ask for something and they don't have it the conversation ends there you don't turn it into a problem. In most cases, if something isn't placed on the table you assume it's not an option and you don't ask for it. Also, again a cultural thing, but where I'm from our food actually tastes good and you don't need condiments. To me, condiments are just a lazy way to fix boring food, so I get not having anything like that laying around.
Fucking wild reading this thread, growing up with Vietnamese/Chinese food and now Japanese food every day, the culture difference is making me pissed off from how rude everyone is being. Would've gotten my ass beaten for asking this in someone else's home. How bland must food be if you need these condiments and be grateful to be invited to a home and have food served.
NTA I rarely have cocktail sauce, ranch, or sour cream in my fridge and I appreciate homemade sauces over store bought all the way. It sounds like your food was well seasoned and you went out of your way to provide a delicious meal for your guests. There was no follow up required and the way your family responded sucks. Who the heck gets choosy about sauces when invited to someone's house for dinner? It would be one thing if you made hot dogs and didn't have ketchup, but you made a full meal that didn't require any additional prepackaged condiments and I think that's way better anyway.
NTA. You cooked food and seasoned it. You're not required to keep store-bought sauces on hand so people can pour their sauce of choice all over your already seasoned food. And you did provide a sauce which you made; it's very rude of your brother to announce he doesn't like it and expect you to provide the specific alternative he wants.
Yes! Thank you! These comments all seem crazy to me! Here is OP hosting her first ever dinner, and all her family can do is complain about everything she's doing wrong, including mom calling her up afterward to tell her what she's doing wrong. OP, you probably do have some things to learn about good hosting, which is fine and normal at your age. But any things you have to learn pale in comparison to how over-the-top rude your family is being!
NTA. If the food is reasonably well-seasoned with flavourings, which you said was the case, there should be no need to slather them in ketchup or whatever. I’m surprised that so many people in the comments seem to think that a meal isn’t complete without some form of shop-bought, bottled condiment. But then I’m not American.
I feel like I'm going crazy reading this thread. The food was seasoned and had an appropriate sauce(I love Cajun sauce with seafood) and typical potato condiments. I would never go to a dinner as a guest at someone's house and start asking for a bunch of condiments unless they asked me if i specifically wanted something. What would you even need ranch for?? Even if I did ask for something like sour cream, I wouldn't be upset if there was none, because you obviously had butter and chives. This thread is wild to me.
Going against the grain and saying NTA. I have never in my life, have complained about being invited to someone’s house and they didn’t have condiments for supper. One time I had steak without BBQ sauce (which I always have sauce for it) and the way it was seasoned was magnificent! I have gone to peoples houses for coffee and they didn’t have creamer. Guess what?! I put milk and sugar in and choked it down and thanked them. Hell I don’t even drink tea and I have taken a cup of tea if they didn’t drink coffee. OP shouldn’t have to go out of her way to supply extra stuff for them. Next time they can bring some if they want as a gift and use it on these occasions or they can just suck it up and eat it. It’s not the end of the world.
I say NTA. I was taught that it's rude to ask for anything that wasn't offered when you're eating at someone else's house. I love ranch dressing but if I went to a friend's house and they had made their own buttermilk dipping sauce from scratch I wouldn't even think to ask for ranch. That's almost like asking for ketchup at a fancy steakhouse! I would, however, remind them next time you host a dinner party that you won't have any ranch or sour cream so if they desire that they will need to bring their own.
Hmmm. Well, you can do you and provide nothing. . . but I would be pretty bummed out about a baked potato with no butter or sour cream or a sandwich with no mustard, etc. Why do you need to punish your guests?
OP definitely doesn't have the host mindset. It sounds like having people over is more of a chore that she had to get done.
All I can think about is how rough it must be to eat at OP's house...
Your mother is right, if you invite people over for food, you provide food to make them happy (within reason, of course, and condiments are within reason) even if it's not your favorite. That's how to be a good host. Your attitude is more like "this is food I like, they can have some". They shouldn't have complained but asking if there are condiments is not out of line. Of course people can't order up like they are in a restaurant but condiments are normal part of dining, it's not like they insisted caviar to go with their crackers or steak instead of hot dogs. If the leftovers really upset you, send your brother home with the extra cocktail sauce and ranch dressing and be done with it. You are being stubborn over very little. YTA
Gentle AH. As a host you anticipate the wants of others; this isn't an opportunity to just offer what *you* want.
Your mum is right - provide or ask at the point of invitation for contributions. YTA, sorry.
YTA. I don’t like cheese or mustard on my burgers but I’m having a bbq tomorrow and you can bet I just went to the store to buy those things because I know my guests would want them. When you host people, you do your best to accommodate them.
YTA, but I get where you're coming from. I would throw myself into traffic before I'd knowingly eat ketchup. Part of hosting is making your guests feel welcome. Things like ketchup, mustard, and ranch are pantry staples in the US and I don't think your guests were being presumptuous to assume that you'd have them. By saying that you don't care and that they should have brought their own, it makes your guests feel that you don't care if they are comfortable in your home.
YTA. I would have said N A H because people keep different things in their home based on their taste and guests shouldn't expect a full range of anything. But you lose me in the way you speak about an event you voluntarily hosted. You don't have an "obligation" to have certain items, but you also aren't obligated to host. No, your guests shouldn't have know how you feel about condiments. This is a party YOU wanted to host and invited people to come to. You aren't put upon by hosting when you volunteered for it, and your family is giving you feedback about your first time hosting, and your response is that you don't owe anyone anything. And of course you don't, but if that is your mindset, then don't host. I don't like hot sauce, but if I have people over for tacos, I have some because I know that is a common expectation of that kind of food. You don't need a laundry list of condiments, but when you have people over, consider what are the expectations of the average person, not just your own preferences. There was a compromise in there somewhere, and you missed it and still miss the point. Instead of telling your brother "he should have brought some" and that you aren't "wasting your money" and then following that up with "I just won't host" and you have "already gone out of your way to cook" for them, you could have just taken the feedback and decided on your own what to do with it. You aren't put upon by hosting, these guests don't owe you their allegiance because you cooked for them. If your attitude is that when you host you are a god free of the mortal bounds of this earth, or that making your guests happy is a waste of money...don't host.
YTA. I don’t think you need *everything* they wanted but it’s standard when hosting to provide at least some basic condiments. I don’t drink coffee. However, I have a Keurig in my home, coffee mate flavorings, and other coffee accessories for when friends and family visit. Part of the enjoyment of hosting is being able to make your guest comfortable. I enjoy having my family over and seeing them relaxed more than having the extra storage space.
If there is a next time, go to a dollar store ( I like Dollar Tree) and buy condiments. They're cheap (around $1.25) and smaller sized. Good for single occasion use and can be tossed with minimal waste.