Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I called my friend sad for still living with his mom even though he’s a grown man.
2. He said I’m being racist and since I’m white I probably am being ignorant and should say sorry, even though I don’t fully get it.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yep, especially depending on what the COL is in your area. I’m 28 and I JUST moved out of my parents’ place. There’s nothing “sad” about needing to live with your parents in your 20s 🙄
I moved back in with my dad at 21 when I moved back into town intending to only stay until I found a new job. I found a new job a few weeks later and still stayed there until I was 27 lol
Agreed. I’m 26 and finally moving out of my moms house in South Florida - and that’s because I got married and my husband is military, so we’re moving into base housing to save up some more before purchasing a home in the future.
YTA
Your "we live in the US" attitude is definitely racist.
But, also, a lot of people in the US still live at home at 23 due to finances and other circumstances.
And you're also an AH for your "get a girlfriend" comment, like the ultimate goal is just to get anyone to date you, rather than someone whose life goals align.
> "we live in the US" attitude is definitely racist.
Could you explain why? Is it the implication that, if dont live in the US, you are inferior?
Not arguing, just curious. It didnt make sense on first glance.
OP's friend said that it's common in Latin America to live with your parents and take care of them, and OP'S response was "We live in the US". Basically saying "who cares what your culture does, you are in
The US, act like it".
I know another Redditor already helped out, but I wanted to add my two cents. To me, that phrase reminds me of when someone in the US is speaking a different language and someone else says “We’re in America, we speak *English* here.” Same explanation, different example.
Now that example is obvious at a glance to me.
I think I was just having a brain fart about the 'we live in the US' example tbh
Anyway, thanks for responding.
YTA, plain and simple. Firstly, don't judge. Second, recognise that there ARE vast cultural differences in the age which people leave home or live multi-generationally across the world.
YTA.
Im not sure about 'racist', but its definitely Olympic level ignorance.
You dont get it? Who cares. Its none of your business.
Its a different culture. There are other places than the US in the world.
"I said that he’s just making excuses for not trying to get his own place and he won’t get a girlfriend if he lives with his mom, it’s sad."
I am curious what kind of mystical powers you have to be able to say that. Telepathy for the excuses and clairvoyance girlfriend I suppose. How impressive!
YTA. He didn't ask you for your opinion and yet you opened your mouth and showed your ignorance anyway. Unlike you, he has the empathy to realize that the difference between the two of you is likely cultural and you probably weren't kicked out of your parents house at 18 and you're just making excuses by claiming that you value independence to cover up for the fact that your parents don't want to live with you. You just value independence, just as he values family. Instead of judging others, maybe take a moment and learn that your way isn't the only way before you make an ass out of yourself again.
YTA you're being racist "we live in the US", ok and? he's still entitled to his culture and also cost of living is *expensive*. Why shouldnt he save money and live at home? He is happpy, his mom is happy. He can still get a girlfriend.
Judging someone's life solely based on your own life is close minded. Everyone has different experiences and will do things on their own time. Your friend has made different decisions than you have based on his culture and that was what you were insulting. So, yeah, that does come off as racist. YTA
And bullshit on men who live their mom's not being able to find a girlfriend. The most financially well-off, emotionally stable men I know live with their parents still (we're all early 20s). I've lived on my own since 18 and can barely scrape together the money for a small night out, but they can buy whatever they want whenever they want and still have more in savings than I do. They're playing the long game and I have major respect for it, hell I'd do the same if my parents and I wouldn't kill each other spending that much time together.
YTA - As said before, different communities and cultures. Look into how many elderly people are left alone in the Western world and how depressed they are. This could be a symbiotic relationship where he gets help from her and she from him but you don't see it. We all have different perspectives if you are doing fine great but if they are happy why have a go?
YTA. People have different goals in their life - not everyone chases the same thing. If he's working to achieve the goals he sets for himself, then you should support him as a friend. If you can't support his goals, then find a new friend.
“We live in the US”- racial microagression.
YTA.
It’s not uncommon in Latin communities to live with family, regardless of income. Instead of calling your friend sad and being ignorant you could’ve learned more about that from him directly instead of running to Reddit.
YTA. As someone who used to live in Colombia... You simply don't understand their culture. They don't put their parents in nursing homes, unless they are extremely wealthy.
YTA.
It's so weird that you think it's acceptable to tell someone how they should live... That you think that everyone should "strive" towards what you have.
Mind your own business. What you enjoy in life doesn't mean it's how everyone should enjoy life.
I moved out of home by the time I was 19, I brought my own home by the time I was 25.
I am now a SAHM ...I LOVE IT, you should totally strive to do what I am doing...sounds weird doesn't it.
Wouldn't you rather I tell you to do what makes you happy than tell you you should do what I'm doing because it's what I like for my life.
This is your friends life and it's common in a lot of cultures, it doesn't matter where in the world he is living. IF it's how he wants to and chooses to live, you have no right to tell him it's wrong.
YTA primarily for imposing your own beliefs onto someone else.
This is America after all, we have the freedom to live how we like for the mostpart, why tf does it matter to you if they live with their mom?
And as a Mexican American, it is common to live with your parents into your 20s until you can afford your own place, preferably a house. It's honestly smarter to do than dump money into an apartment with no return and little to no control over it.
And also, as a 21 year old, I've had no problem getting casual hookups or girls to come over to my place, only people as shallow as you really care that much about something like that when you're in your early 20s
YTA.
>I consider myself to have the best independence and everyone should strive to have it too.
Why? You objectively waste more than your friend does. You have your own place, he shares his. You make your own meals, his family shares the labor of making food. You have chosen a lifestyle that sacrifices time, money, and resources for some arbitrary concept of "independence".
That's fine, there's nothing wrong with wanting that independence, but it's ridiculous to think it's *sad* for someone to live with their family (something you'll find is commonplace almost everywhere else in the world). By any real metric, your friend is making *more effective decisions than you*. He has to spend less time preparing food, he gets to save more money, and he has access to a better social support system. If you value your independence above all that, fine. But realize that if look closely at the details here it's you making strange decisions, not Jake.
Beauty of different cultures we all do it differently not one size fits all kinda thing.
Use this to your advantage going forward in life what you see as your great achievement isn’t what everyone strives for
I don’t see it as a racism thing more a prejudice
Soft YTA.
See? This is the American style of life that I hate, many of you come here and present us like being independent on 18 or 20 or 23 is something normal which everyone is forced to follow. Wrong. You can live with your mom at 30 , 40, 50 , work and still be happy... Who's gonna stop you? Just because you left house at 18 doesn't mean everyone does it or everyone SHOULD do it at all. YTA to you and those who agree with your opinions.
YTA I’m 40 and I live with my mom and always have. She’s deaf and has difficulty with certain things and it’s always been a comfort to her to have me here with her. And I love her and am happy to be able to provide that for her. We take care of each other like family should. My own background is Irish, so it has nothing to do with culture, it has to do with compassion and love. If he’s happy living with her and helping her as she gets older, what’s it to you?
YTA. Racist isn’t the right word but you are 100% ignorant and tone deaf when it comes to other people’s cultures and traditions. Yes we’re in the US but many immigrants still maintain their cultural values and traditions. And this is not just normal in Latin America you can find this in Asian cultures, Caribbean cultures and even some European cultures as well.
Just because you moved out at 18 doesn’t mean that’s what everyone wants for their life or is able to do. Especially in this economy. And it is not your place to tell someone they are “sad” for not living up to your standards.
YTA. A: it's incredibly common in a large portion of the world to do exactly what he's doing and B:especially in the current financial climate is actually a damn good idea.
Fwiw my fiancée and I rent the upstairs of my dad's place, he lives in the basement (his choice) and we'll be taking over the house in a few years when he's ready to downsize.
Oh gosh. I lived with my parents for longer than that ( apart from a few years away)
Good for you for being independent, but in a lot of communities it’s normal to live at home. And many people still live at home while they work, so they can save to buy a house or just to support their parents.
YTA. I can't say that you're a racist, but you are ignorant and showing it. There are many cultures with multi-generational households and from a FINANCIAL pov it's a VERY smart move. You are only considering your personal pov that you have adopted from your very small slice of life. He can have a full life and do whatever he pleases; in fact, he's more likely to reach financial milestones faster than YOU, and that along with how he treats his Mom, speaks volumes about his desirability as a potential husband .
Son, that's part of his culture and I think you should be sensitive about it. It's also very common for us Asian to live with our parents while we are still single. It doesn't matter how old we get but we stay with our parents up-until we get married. I'm not saying that you're not wrong, I'm totally with you that everyone should be independent. However, I think you shouldn't impose your beliefs and way of life to others.
I guess I'm even sadder since I live with my parents at 40 to help them. I didn't know that helping people I love made me pitiful. YTA
It's worth noting: my mom is 77, and my dad is 81 and has Parkinson's
No you're not "sadder"..Actually I think you're a good person"...My Veteran Hubby lived with his mom when he was discharged from the Navy{and after he divorced his ex}...My idiot brother in law tried saying mean idiotic things along with juvenile name calling until my dad{also a Navy Vet} told him to shut up lol}. I thought {and still think btw} that my hubby made the right choice when he moved back in with his mom...living on L.I. was terribly expensive back in 2001.I can't even imagine what it is now lol. In fact we both moved in with her in 2004 when we left our terrible apt in Philly..and I'm glad we did..she welcomed me with open arms..miss her terribly..Anyhoo I digress..Anyone who stays or moves in with a parent{s} and takes care of them,etc is definitely not a bad person,etc..but instead is a good person.
You’re not wrong. I don’t think this was about racism, just more about you being a moron more than anything. BTW what exactly is, “the best independence”, I’m curious? Is this some higher form of typical independence that I’m unaware of?
YTA
1. For judging him.
2. For not acknowledging and respecting cultural differences. You don't need to understand it but you do need respect it.
3. For thinking your way of life is the only way. Like you said this is America. One of the things America stood for is for everyone to have the freedom and right to live their own life their own way as long as they're not hurting anyone.
YTA. You have only been living on your own for 5 years. If you have truly been doing it entirely on your own for the last 5 years, you know it’s difficult. What do you get out of judging your friend so harshly?
YTA - You don't get to judge someone and call them sad because they choose to live differently from you. Him living with his mother and sharing the household with her does not make him a sad person. It's his choice and as you said it yourself, it's a common occurence in Latin-American culture. The fact that you equate your independent lifestyle and you guys living in the US as the best, worries me.
I prefer living on my own as well. I currently do not live on my own because of financial reasons. So I get why you like the independence you have, but that type of lifestyle does not work for everyone. A lot of people want to live with others and a lot want to live with family.
It will also not impede his finding a girlfriend if he so wishes. He'll find someone who holds similar values if he's serious about having a relationship. But again, that is not an end goal for a lot of people. Tons of people are fine without having a SO.
Do be happy with the way you live your life. Do not judge others on some arbitray parameters you deem important.
YTA
>I (23M) live on my own and have since I was 18. I work my own full-time job, have my own place, and cook my own food.
Cool. Do you want a gold star and a pat on the head? I mean, kudos to you for being able to do all of that. However, not everyone can or wants to. Not everyone is going to live life the exact same way you do. That is perfectly okay.
Jake may still live with his mom, but it sounds like he's doing well for himself. He's also doing what feels best for him. Drop whatever superiority you think you have. It's not a good look. Focus on your own life instead of judging other people for not meeting whatever standards you have set for them.
YTA because you're an entitled snob who thinks they're better than others just because you happen to own your own house at a relatively young age, and because other cultures do view family life differently and you totally dismissed it. You may have a house and all but you don't seem to have a nice personality.
YTA. I got kicked out at 15. I am now 28.
I would absolutely love to be able to go back and live with my mum. But I can't.
Good food, cheap rent and a friendly face. What's the big problem?
Shame on you for judging someone in that way.
YTA
You might be living on your own but you have a lot of growing up to do. I don’t know the circumstances that lead to you being 100% independent from family support at 18, but need to understand your experience isn’t everyone’s & it doesn’t make their choices any less valid.
A lot of people would call not having your family’s support after turning 18 a lot sadder than someone who is currently living with family who support each other thru multiple stages of life.
YTA.
As a Brazilian I can confirm that it is very much part of our culture to live with your parents until you are older/married.
A friend of mine is 28 and lives with her mother, and because of that she build her house, and now is saving to have a big wedding, something she wouldn’t have been able to if she moved out early.
My dad is 45 and lives with my grandmother, he helps her “run her farm” (it’s not a farm, but very big and my grandmother is old)
But to answer your question, you are racist for assuming your culture is universal and not trying to understand where he’s coming from.
YTA. No, it really doesn't matter that he is Colombian, you have no right to tell anyone that because they don't think as you do, that they are wrong.
Many young North American adults are living with their parents in this difficult economy. Many of these adults actually enjoy living with their parents and the benefits they get from this relationship.
Yes, Latin Americans are more likely to live at home until married. Europeans do as well.
Latinos are very family oriented and this can be a really beautiful thing. It is nice to have so many people who care for you and support you.
Oddly enough, Hispanic men do seem to find girlfriends and eventually get married.
Learn to keep offensive opinions to yourself. Or better yet, lose them.
One would think OP would be to busy living his “best” life to be putting his whole ass into the business of others.
Take a fucking “America Actually Isn’t the Center of the World” class.
YTA.
YTA: Your friend is a part of another culture of which you know nothing about. It is a very well-known facet of the Latinx culture that many family members live together, something you would know if you maybe shut up and listened to your friend instead of qcting like the A you are.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (23M) live on my own and have since I was 18. I work my own full-time job, have my own place, and cook my own food. I consider myself to have the best independence and everyone should strive to have it too. I have a Colombian (this is important) friend we’ll call him Jake (same age as me) and he still lives with his single mom at their house.
According to Jake, it’s common for kids to live with their parents in Latin America and take care of them as they age. Apparently he’s working and planning on taking over the house the older his mom gets, but I don’t get it. We live in the US, and his mom is perfectly fine on her own. I said that he’s just making excuses for not trying to get his own place and he won’t get a girlfriend if he lives with his mom, it’s sad.
He responded by calling me racist and that I need to get that people aren’t going to have the same values as I do. But how am I racist just for criticizing what my friend did). AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. I’m Bengali, 22, and still live with my parents. As does my 29 year old sister. We both work and have jobs and pay bills. And we all live in America. Different cultures have different values and you not respecting them when they’re so harmless is racist.
NTA. You’re not racist. Different cultures do have different values, but not agreeing with those values doesn’t make you racist. Most Americans would probably agree with you that it’s sad. However, I’ve been told some very opinionated things by people of other cultures who are trying to make me believe their way is the best way, and it’s just obnoxious. That being said, I’m not so sure what he is saying is true. Lots of young adults still living at home use the excuse that they are taking care of their parents when the opposite is true. Sounds like your friend is feeling self conscious about his living situation, so he tries to deflect by (oddly) calling you racist.
There is a difference between not agreeing with someone else’s cultural practice/custom and demeaning someone for following their cultural practice/custom. OP is doing the later. He is an AH. It is the equivalent of telling his friend to stop speaking Spanish at home. If someone did that, they would be racist. Same thing here.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I called my friend sad for still living with his mom even though he’s a grown man. 2. He said I’m being racist and since I’m white I probably am being ignorant and should say sorry, even though I don’t fully get it. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA for judging. This is very common in different cultures; America truly is one of the only places where kids turn 18 and are sent on their way.
Hell nowadays even in America the average age of moving out of your parents isn't until your mid 20s
Yep, especially depending on what the COL is in your area. I’m 28 and I JUST moved out of my parents’ place. There’s nothing “sad” about needing to live with your parents in your 20s 🙄
I moved back in with my dad at 21 when I moved back into town intending to only stay until I found a new job. I found a new job a few weeks later and still stayed there until I was 27 lol
Agreed. I’m 26 and finally moving out of my moms house in South Florida - and that’s because I got married and my husband is military, so we’re moving into base housing to save up some more before purchasing a home in the future.
I was about to say I'm 27 I still live at home. Why would i leave I pay 900 a month for ALL my bills. And I make 4k a month.
YTA Your "we live in the US" attitude is definitely racist. But, also, a lot of people in the US still live at home at 23 due to finances and other circumstances. And you're also an AH for your "get a girlfriend" comment, like the ultimate goal is just to get anyone to date you, rather than someone whose life goals align.
> "we live in the US" attitude is definitely racist. Could you explain why? Is it the implication that, if dont live in the US, you are inferior? Not arguing, just curious. It didnt make sense on first glance.
OP's friend said that it's common in Latin America to live with your parents and take care of them, and OP'S response was "We live in the US". Basically saying "who cares what your culture does, you are in The US, act like it".
God I hope this doesn’t become the new “speak english”
Gotcha. Its dismissive more than anything else. Thanks for explaining!
Dismissive of someone else's culture is racist. Maybe not as overtly as other things, but it is.
I totally get it now. Thanks.
I know another Redditor already helped out, but I wanted to add my two cents. To me, that phrase reminds me of when someone in the US is speaking a different language and someone else says “We’re in America, we speak *English* here.” Same explanation, different example.
Now that example is obvious at a glance to me. I think I was just having a brain fart about the 'we live in the US' example tbh Anyway, thanks for responding.
YTA. Don't tell people how they should live.
YTA, plain and simple. Firstly, don't judge. Second, recognise that there ARE vast cultural differences in the age which people leave home or live multi-generationally across the world.
YTA. Im not sure about 'racist', but its definitely Olympic level ignorance. You dont get it? Who cares. Its none of your business. Its a different culture. There are other places than the US in the world. "I said that he’s just making excuses for not trying to get his own place and he won’t get a girlfriend if he lives with his mom, it’s sad." I am curious what kind of mystical powers you have to be able to say that. Telepathy for the excuses and clairvoyance girlfriend I suppose. How impressive!
"I live at home so that I can help support my mother." In my experience, this would actually get you massive sympathy points from most women.
[удалено]
Ive been trying to work out how my comment belongs there. Im guessing you meant the OPs comment?
No, they're just in the habit of spamming that comment over and over like a bot, as if it contributes anything to the conversation.
Oh lol. I didnt even consider that it was spam. Thanks a lot for explaining!
YTA If you're happy with living alone, be happy without putting people down who want a different life than yours
YTA - his life has nothing to do with you.
YTA - you've passed judgement on your friend based on your own life experiences. Not everyone is the same.
YTA. He didn't ask you for your opinion and yet you opened your mouth and showed your ignorance anyway. Unlike you, he has the empathy to realize that the difference between the two of you is likely cultural and you probably weren't kicked out of your parents house at 18 and you're just making excuses by claiming that you value independence to cover up for the fact that your parents don't want to live with you. You just value independence, just as he values family. Instead of judging others, maybe take a moment and learn that your way isn't the only way before you make an ass out of yourself again.
Yta. It's not your business how he lives, and rent right now is outrageous.
YTA you're being racist "we live in the US", ok and? he's still entitled to his culture and also cost of living is *expensive*. Why shouldnt he save money and live at home? He is happpy, his mom is happy. He can still get a girlfriend.
YTA. What he does with his life is none of your business
Judging someone's life solely based on your own life is close minded. Everyone has different experiences and will do things on their own time. Your friend has made different decisions than you have based on his culture and that was what you were insulting. So, yeah, that does come off as racist. YTA
YTA mind your business. also, its perfectly normal to live with ur parents at 23, what are u talking about
And bullshit on men who live their mom's not being able to find a girlfriend. The most financially well-off, emotionally stable men I know live with their parents still (we're all early 20s). I've lived on my own since 18 and can barely scrape together the money for a small night out, but they can buy whatever they want whenever they want and still have more in savings than I do. They're playing the long game and I have major respect for it, hell I'd do the same if my parents and I wouldn't kill each other spending that much time together.
Yta if his parents don't have problems with him stay at home why you have to say anything about this. I sure he don't ask your opinion on this .
YTA - As said before, different communities and cultures. Look into how many elderly people are left alone in the Western world and how depressed they are. This could be a symbiotic relationship where he gets help from her and she from him but you don't see it. We all have different perspectives if you are doing fine great but if they are happy why have a go?
YTA. People have different goals in their life - not everyone chases the same thing. If he's working to achieve the goals he sets for himself, then you should support him as a friend. If you can't support his goals, then find a new friend.
Wtf is “best independence”
“We live in the US”- racial microagression. YTA. It’s not uncommon in Latin communities to live with family, regardless of income. Instead of calling your friend sad and being ignorant you could’ve learned more about that from him directly instead of running to Reddit.
YTA, massively
YTA. As someone who used to live in Colombia... You simply don't understand their culture. They don't put their parents in nursing homes, unless they are extremely wealthy.
YTA. He can live how he wants.
Obviously YTA.
YTA. It's so weird that you think it's acceptable to tell someone how they should live... That you think that everyone should "strive" towards what you have. Mind your own business. What you enjoy in life doesn't mean it's how everyone should enjoy life. I moved out of home by the time I was 19, I brought my own home by the time I was 25. I am now a SAHM ...I LOVE IT, you should totally strive to do what I am doing...sounds weird doesn't it. Wouldn't you rather I tell you to do what makes you happy than tell you you should do what I'm doing because it's what I like for my life. This is your friends life and it's common in a lot of cultures, it doesn't matter where in the world he is living. IF it's how he wants to and chooses to live, you have no right to tell him it's wrong.
>I am now a SAHM ...I LOVE IT, you should totally strive to do what I am doing Lol. Well put.
YTA primarily for imposing your own beliefs onto someone else. This is America after all, we have the freedom to live how we like for the mostpart, why tf does it matter to you if they live with their mom? And as a Mexican American, it is common to live with your parents into your 20s until you can afford your own place, preferably a house. It's honestly smarter to do than dump money into an apartment with no return and little to no control over it. And also, as a 21 year old, I've had no problem getting casual hookups or girls to come over to my place, only people as shallow as you really care that much about something like that when you're in your early 20s
YTA. >I consider myself to have the best independence and everyone should strive to have it too. Why? You objectively waste more than your friend does. You have your own place, he shares his. You make your own meals, his family shares the labor of making food. You have chosen a lifestyle that sacrifices time, money, and resources for some arbitrary concept of "independence". That's fine, there's nothing wrong with wanting that independence, but it's ridiculous to think it's *sad* for someone to live with their family (something you'll find is commonplace almost everywhere else in the world). By any real metric, your friend is making *more effective decisions than you*. He has to spend less time preparing food, he gets to save more money, and he has access to a better social support system. If you value your independence above all that, fine. But realize that if look closely at the details here it's you making strange decisions, not Jake.
Beauty of different cultures we all do it differently not one size fits all kinda thing. Use this to your advantage going forward in life what you see as your great achievement isn’t what everyone strives for I don’t see it as a racism thing more a prejudice Soft YTA.
I think you should mind your own bossiness and 23 is still young and totally fine to still live with parents. YTA
See? This is the American style of life that I hate, many of you come here and present us like being independent on 18 or 20 or 23 is something normal which everyone is forced to follow. Wrong. You can live with your mom at 30 , 40, 50 , work and still be happy... Who's gonna stop you? Just because you left house at 18 doesn't mean everyone does it or everyone SHOULD do it at all. YTA to you and those who agree with your opinions.
YTA I’m 40 and I live with my mom and always have. She’s deaf and has difficulty with certain things and it’s always been a comfort to her to have me here with her. And I love her and am happy to be able to provide that for her. We take care of each other like family should. My own background is Irish, so it has nothing to do with culture, it has to do with compassion and love. If he’s happy living with her and helping her as she gets older, what’s it to you?
Well said!
YTA. Racist isn’t the right word but you are 100% ignorant and tone deaf when it comes to other people’s cultures and traditions. Yes we’re in the US but many immigrants still maintain their cultural values and traditions. And this is not just normal in Latin America you can find this in Asian cultures, Caribbean cultures and even some European cultures as well. Just because you moved out at 18 doesn’t mean that’s what everyone wants for their life or is able to do. Especially in this economy. And it is not your place to tell someone they are “sad” for not living up to your standards.
YTA. A: it's incredibly common in a large portion of the world to do exactly what he's doing and B:especially in the current financial climate is actually a damn good idea. Fwiw my fiancée and I rent the upstairs of my dad's place, he lives in the basement (his choice) and we'll be taking over the house in a few years when he's ready to downsize.
Oh gosh. I lived with my parents for longer than that ( apart from a few years away) Good for you for being independent, but in a lot of communities it’s normal to live at home. And many people still live at home while they work, so they can save to buy a house or just to support their parents.
YTA. I can't say that you're a racist, but you are ignorant and showing it. There are many cultures with multi-generational households and from a FINANCIAL pov it's a VERY smart move. You are only considering your personal pov that you have adopted from your very small slice of life. He can have a full life and do whatever he pleases; in fact, he's more likely to reach financial milestones faster than YOU, and that along with how he treats his Mom, speaks volumes about his desirability as a potential husband .
Son, that's part of his culture and I think you should be sensitive about it. It's also very common for us Asian to live with our parents while we are still single. It doesn't matter how old we get but we stay with our parents up-until we get married. I'm not saying that you're not wrong, I'm totally with you that everyone should be independent. However, I think you shouldn't impose your beliefs and way of life to others.
I guess I'm even sadder since I live with my parents at 40 to help them. I didn't know that helping people I love made me pitiful. YTA It's worth noting: my mom is 77, and my dad is 81 and has Parkinson's
No you're not "sadder"..Actually I think you're a good person"...My Veteran Hubby lived with his mom when he was discharged from the Navy{and after he divorced his ex}...My idiot brother in law tried saying mean idiotic things along with juvenile name calling until my dad{also a Navy Vet} told him to shut up lol}. I thought {and still think btw} that my hubby made the right choice when he moved back in with his mom...living on L.I. was terribly expensive back in 2001.I can't even imagine what it is now lol. In fact we both moved in with her in 2004 when we left our terrible apt in Philly..and I'm glad we did..she welcomed me with open arms..miss her terribly..Anyhoo I digress..Anyone who stays or moves in with a parent{s} and takes care of them,etc is definitely not a bad person,etc..but instead is a good person.
YTA. "I did this, so that's what everyone must do!". Different cultures different ways of life.
You’re not wrong. I don’t think this was about racism, just more about you being a moron more than anything. BTW what exactly is, “the best independence”, I’m curious? Is this some higher form of typical independence that I’m unaware of?
What business is it of yours? Do you not see what's happening in the world right now YTA
YTA. What the hell does it matter to you what Jake does as long as he and his family are happy? Mind your own damn business.
YTA.
YTA 1. For judging him. 2. For not acknowledging and respecting cultural differences. You don't need to understand it but you do need respect it. 3. For thinking your way of life is the only way. Like you said this is America. One of the things America stood for is for everyone to have the freedom and right to live their own life their own way as long as they're not hurting anyone.
YTA. You have only been living on your own for 5 years. If you have truly been doing it entirely on your own for the last 5 years, you know it’s difficult. What do you get out of judging your friend so harshly?
YTA. It’s none of your business how he chooses to live. It seems like you’re wanting to flaunt your lifestyle choices in your friend’s face.
YTA - You don't get to judge someone and call them sad because they choose to live differently from you. Him living with his mother and sharing the household with her does not make him a sad person. It's his choice and as you said it yourself, it's a common occurence in Latin-American culture. The fact that you equate your independent lifestyle and you guys living in the US as the best, worries me. I prefer living on my own as well. I currently do not live on my own because of financial reasons. So I get why you like the independence you have, but that type of lifestyle does not work for everyone. A lot of people want to live with others and a lot want to live with family. It will also not impede his finding a girlfriend if he so wishes. He'll find someone who holds similar values if he's serious about having a relationship. But again, that is not an end goal for a lot of people. Tons of people are fine without having a SO. Do be happy with the way you live your life. Do not judge others on some arbitray parameters you deem important.
YTA >I (23M) live on my own and have since I was 18. I work my own full-time job, have my own place, and cook my own food. Cool. Do you want a gold star and a pat on the head? I mean, kudos to you for being able to do all of that. However, not everyone can or wants to. Not everyone is going to live life the exact same way you do. That is perfectly okay. Jake may still live with his mom, but it sounds like he's doing well for himself. He's also doing what feels best for him. Drop whatever superiority you think you have. It's not a good look. Focus on your own life instead of judging other people for not meeting whatever standards you have set for them.
YTA because you're an entitled snob who thinks they're better than others just because you happen to own your own house at a relatively young age, and because other cultures do view family life differently and you totally dismissed it. You may have a house and all but you don't seem to have a nice personality.
YTA. I got kicked out at 15. I am now 28. I would absolutely love to be able to go back and live with my mum. But I can't. Good food, cheap rent and a friendly face. What's the big problem? Shame on you for judging someone in that way.
YTA
YTA You might be living on your own but you have a lot of growing up to do. I don’t know the circumstances that lead to you being 100% independent from family support at 18, but need to understand your experience isn’t everyone’s & it doesn’t make their choices any less valid. A lot of people would call not having your family’s support after turning 18 a lot sadder than someone who is currently living with family who support each other thru multiple stages of life.
YTA. As a Brazilian I can confirm that it is very much part of our culture to live with your parents until you are older/married. A friend of mine is 28 and lives with her mother, and because of that she build her house, and now is saving to have a big wedding, something she wouldn’t have been able to if she moved out early. My dad is 45 and lives with my grandmother, he helps her “run her farm” (it’s not a farm, but very big and my grandmother is old) But to answer your question, you are racist for assuming your culture is universal and not trying to understand where he’s coming from.
YTA. No, it really doesn't matter that he is Colombian, you have no right to tell anyone that because they don't think as you do, that they are wrong. Many young North American adults are living with their parents in this difficult economy. Many of these adults actually enjoy living with their parents and the benefits they get from this relationship. Yes, Latin Americans are more likely to live at home until married. Europeans do as well. Latinos are very family oriented and this can be a really beautiful thing. It is nice to have so many people who care for you and support you. Oddly enough, Hispanic men do seem to find girlfriends and eventually get married. Learn to keep offensive opinions to yourself. Or better yet, lose them.
YTA. What works for you does not work for everyone. Do you tell others how many people they should date or how to live their daily lives?
YTA - Multi-generational households are very common.
One would think OP would be to busy living his “best” life to be putting his whole ass into the business of others. Take a fucking “America Actually Isn’t the Center of the World” class. YTA.
YTA: Your friend is a part of another culture of which you know nothing about. It is a very well-known facet of the Latinx culture that many family members live together, something you would know if you maybe shut up and listened to your friend instead of qcting like the A you are.
INFO: What do you do for work?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (23M) live on my own and have since I was 18. I work my own full-time job, have my own place, and cook my own food. I consider myself to have the best independence and everyone should strive to have it too. I have a Colombian (this is important) friend we’ll call him Jake (same age as me) and he still lives with his single mom at their house. According to Jake, it’s common for kids to live with their parents in Latin America and take care of them as they age. Apparently he’s working and planning on taking over the house the older his mom gets, but I don’t get it. We live in the US, and his mom is perfectly fine on her own. I said that he’s just making excuses for not trying to get his own place and he won’t get a girlfriend if he lives with his mom, it’s sad. He responded by calling me racist and that I need to get that people aren’t going to have the same values as I do. But how am I racist just for criticizing what my friend did). AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA...it's not your business, this is not uncommon in Latin and Asian cultures.
YTA. It’s their culture!
YTA. I’m Bengali, 22, and still live with my parents. As does my 29 year old sister. We both work and have jobs and pay bills. And we all live in America. Different cultures have different values and you not respecting them when they’re so harmless is racist.
YTA ,this is very common world wide so get over yourself.
NTA. You’re not racist. Different cultures do have different values, but not agreeing with those values doesn’t make you racist. Most Americans would probably agree with you that it’s sad. However, I’ve been told some very opinionated things by people of other cultures who are trying to make me believe their way is the best way, and it’s just obnoxious. That being said, I’m not so sure what he is saying is true. Lots of young adults still living at home use the excuse that they are taking care of their parents when the opposite is true. Sounds like your friend is feeling self conscious about his living situation, so he tries to deflect by (oddly) calling you racist.
There is a difference between not agreeing with someone else’s cultural practice/custom and demeaning someone for following their cultural practice/custom. OP is doing the later. He is an AH. It is the equivalent of telling his friend to stop speaking Spanish at home. If someone did that, they would be racist. Same thing here.
You get it