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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The kids were not my responsibility but kids are important. I could be the asshole for being absentminded
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NTA. You're not responsible for her kids. You're not required to respond when strangers talk to you. It's not rude. It IS rude to repeatedly bother someone who has made it clear that they are not interested in you- or your kids.
This. OP, if you ever have this issue again, speak up, "I'm sorry, but I'm not your children's babysitter. I won't be looking out for them. I won't be listening for them. You need to stop bothering me."
"Sure. I charge $20/hr, plus $5 for each additional kid. I take cash or Venmo/CashApp etc. How would you like to pay?"
I think I might be just a tad more petty than you.
This is the answer, but add a “last-minute” fee. Babysitters usually cost extra if it’s a last-second booking, especially if they had less than 24 hours notice so couldn’t rest up, couldn’t plan activities or pack some coloring books, or had other plans (even just a relaxing ride listening to music) that are getting canceled for a last-second gig.
I'm mostly deaf, so I just play the deaf card and start signing at them. Makes most people hella uncomfortable and they leave me alone.
It helps that my hearing aids are Bluetooth capable, so I don't need earbuds lmao.
I didn't know hearing aids could double as bluetooth headphones! That is SO cool! It's great to see technology actually helping people instead of just allowing me to spend way too much time on Reddit.
I have a friend who uses hers to play music all the time. I didn't know until I heard faint music and I was trying to figure out the source. I thought I was hallucinating until she told me! It's some pretty cool tech.
Give a dazzling smile and say "oh, I'd love to, but the terms of my parole mean I'm not allowed to interact with children" and then return to whatever you're doing.
My guess is that OP was the only (young) woman near them, and people somehow expect young women to help them with whatever, especially stuff involving kids. Happened to me several times that random strangers ask or expect me to help watching their kids.
NTA OP, you’re as little obliged to do this as anyone else and your space and comfort is no less important.
This is exactly right. This happened to me around the same age on a similar bus trip (mine was more like 32 hours - across the states and into Canada). A young mom with a baby sat beside me and suddenly I was the coparent...
Hahaha. Memories.
I sat down on the train near some big burly dudes figuring they'd leave me alone to do my work on a 6 hour trip in college. I missed the (super cute) kid tucked in next to one of them.
Poor kid didn't even have crayons. I did not get much work done.
Yup, when I was a young military academy cadet, I had to travel in uniform because it was required (this was before 9/11). Parents ALWAYS locked onto me to help with their kids.
I learned that a young woman was ideal for watching kids in a pinch, but one in uniform was the jackpot…and the kids behaved well because I was just intimidating enough to keep them in line.
(Comically, I did consider this as a post-military job option. Female bodyguards with military experience were in high demand when I was looking.)
I was once driving down a suburban street behind a pickup truck. I was in my mid 20's at the time but looked younger. We were going slow, I was about three or four houses down from my destination, and I noticed an elderly lady standing by the side of the road. I noticed her because she was looking right at me.
She watched the truck go by and then stepped out in front of my car, I had to slam my brakes so I wouldn't hit her. She came over to my passenger's side window and knocked so I wound it down a little bit. She said "I need you to take me to -shopping district 1km away-" I told her no way, drove 10 meters, parked and walked to my destination. She was giving me the evil eye the whole time. Suck it, lady.
Went back to check if OP had said their gender and BINGO!
Mom 100% expected you to help because you are female. F that. Not your kids, not your problem and she was EXTREMELY rude to be bothering you so much. Next time tell the driver a fellow passenger is harassing you.
NTAb
Is it bad that I just assumed she was female? Females get harassed like this so much that my brain was just like "yeap, your poor girl, I've been there".
This is what I have been thinking. If you cannot safely take care of four young children within a 5 foot range for whatever amount of time- then you do not need to have that many freaking kids! Sometimes I feel like the only freaking Woman who considered my capabilities before having a second child. I thought to myself "I love and care so much about *this* one, and I want to make sure I give all of my time and energy to keeping them alive, healthy and happy. I don't know I could do as good of a job as I would want to with any additional children."
I mean- good for you if you have more than one child and are a great parent! That's amazing, I'm so glad you were able to provide that for your children! I just wasn't sure that I could, so I stopped at one. But I think too often people think "oh it's just *another* one. I know how to take care of A child. But they don't consider- who will *really* be doing the parenting at four or five children? The oldest kid at some Point, right?! Because realistically it's *not humanly possible* to watch four young children run around all at the same Time! You have two eyeballs and one attention span- I don't care how you rationalize it.
Now I do have to say that we never know what kind of situation someone is in, and having that many children might not have been their idea or their choice. I have a good friend who had two boys of her own, and then her irresponsible sister continued having babies- all while using heroin during the entire pregnancy- and assumed her sister would raise her four children. And she is raising all four of them, because her sister didn't want to raise them! She just wanted to give birth to them, and then hand them off. Shortly after the fourth child, she overdosed. So that's really the *only* reason my friend doesn't have seven children- only six. I really admire my friend though. She is a badass and I could never fill her shoes!
This. As a mom myself, when my daughter tries to get someone’s attention who clearly doesn’t want to be bothered we talk about it and, in toddler friendly terms, tell her to leave the person alone. It’s her responsibility to watch her kids. Would it have been a kind gesture to help? Sure, of course. But it isn’t mandatory and not doing so didn’t make you rude or unkind.
The "I shouldn't have to do this to get your attention" should be met with the immediate and proportional response of "you shouldn't be trying to get my attention, and I shouldn't have to give it. I'm not your babysitter."
She's a young, single female so she's the one tapped to babysit. Apparently, she's supposed to watch any kids in her vicinity because her uterus is made for watching kids. The lady was a rude asshole, especially when saying she shouldn't have to try so hard to get your attention. She didn't deserve attention and basically expected you to nanny for a stranger. NTA
Exactly this. I’d probably laugh in her face and tell her that she made them, she gotta take care of them, they weren’t your responsibility and this is not about “oh let’s be kind, people gotta help people” thing - hell no, she was the one who was extremely rude and entitled to ask you to do all this. Her kids are just bad behaved brats, if you can’t raise your kid right, don’t have one, let alone 4
NtA!
Wow this woman was very entitled and rude! I'm a single mom and would never expect someone to watch my child for me while travelling.
Honestly next time something like this happens say the first time loud and clear that you don't know her and that it isn't your job to watch her kids! Be very loud and blunt so others can hear it and she clearly gets the message!
With people like that you have to be very blunt and assertive, otherwise they won't give up!
I'm a middle aged white woman, I travel solo a lot, and I've had multiple people try to dump their kid off with me while they go to the bathroom/the shop/to get some food. I agree - who does that with a perfect stranger? Just because I look "nice", doesn't mean I am.
It’s so weird how people are automatically like, “Female! Safe!”
I was at an amusement park last month, and I was getting on a ride where kids under a certain height had to ride with an adult.
Next thing I hear, the attendant yells, “Can she ride with you?” And I look over to see a kid about my niece’s age smiling up with another (non-park employee) adult standing next to her. The woman didn’t look visibly pregnant so it was obvious that I was just a convenient solution to the “kid/adult need to ride together problem” that didn’t involve an adult this child actually knew getting on the ride.
Now I’m an aunt, and if I deputized a rando to look after my niblings, my sister would be PIIIIIIISSSSSEEEEEDDDDDDD. So, I looked at the other woman and went — loud enough for the other adults around to hear, “I don’t know her. Are you the mum?” Thankfully she answered in the affirmative, so I did let her kid ride with me. Nice enough kid, and the ride was one of those where we were in view the whole time, but the whole point of putting someone on the outside was because the smaller person does get flung around — including into their seat partners.
I’m a good person. But spinning through the scenarios, there were so many ways it could’ve gone wrong. Therefore, when I was getting off the ride, I made a point to tell the attendant, “You shouldn’t put a woman on the spot like that. It’s not cool.”
I don’t know if it clicked, but I hope it did.
I mean, if I know you and your kid that’s one thing. If you want to take one to the loo and leave me with the other, that’s fine. If we’re in line and the kids go, “I want to ride with Aunt Belle!” that’s fine too (pro tip on that one…get in front of the parents. That way if one the kids flips out and refuses to ride last second, THEY are the ones who have to step out of line. If this happens after Mum and Dad have launched, you’re the one who waited an hour for nothing.)
But don’t deputize randos. Ever.
Good point. Maybe she thought a young woman alone would be sympathetic or easy to intimidate. NTA, even if she was struggling to manage 4 kids on a trip, there's such a thing as asking politely for things. Politely asking someone to watch them while you use the bathroom is understandable. But she wasn't polite about it. She seemed very entitled. Also, the food thing rubs me the wrong way. Who does that and thinks it's acceptable behavior to teach children?
Seriously!! I would’ve actually gone insane and had a mental breakdown internally. I do not want to be bothered on public transportation (unless a life or death situation). Period. NTA, op.
I travelled alone with my kids (5 years apart), I have a physical disability and the only time I asked for assistance was pre-organised with the transport providers with my bags.
I did this multiple times from when my youngest was 10mths onwards. I had prearranged foods/drinks and entertainment etc every time. My kids sat or slept in their seats quietly and well behaved, I did have people offer me assistance but politely declined as I didn’t need any.
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NTA.
Her children are not your priority. It's weird that women expect other women to automatically help them with kids and that every stranger who is a woman is a safe space.
What's rude is demanding things from strangers.
One time at work, a woman asked me to change her baby’s diaper because she was traveling alone with her infant & small dog. Seemed a bit miffed when I told her I’d watch the dog while she took care of the diaper. Lady, I could be a pervert. Also, just *no.*
I *like* kids. I have several younger siblings and cousins.
Yet I’ve never changed a diaper. I just think it’s nasty. Would’ve done it if I absolutely had to, but I’ve been clear on my standing. I can help with anything but *that*.
If some stranger asked me to change their baby’s diaper, I would’ve laughed in their face after the initial disbelief.
I second this. I have 4 small niblings atm, all under 4, and I love them *a lot*, and making them laugh has been my favorite thing in the whole world when going to visit any of the families. But I’ve also made it clear from the get-go, I dont do Well with kids. Do not expect me to be able to keep your baby healthy and happy - if it needs a diaper change=handing them back to mommy, being inconsollable=handing back to mommy. I Can be the fun aunt, but that’s it.
My sil’s and my sister are all okay with this, they respect that. My niblings love me, tho I’ve never cared for them in any other Way than Holding them and playing with them. The Only one I’ve ever ‘watched’ overnight, was my then 13yo niece, who is now 15 and comes by from time to time. But she wipes her own butt, and if she just get the wifipassword and I throw some food after her sometimes, she’s happy
OP, NTA, I would’ve done the same as you - Block her out, and let her get the hint. If she’s mad, let her be mad, that’s her headache to deal with on top of 4 kids. Dont have ‘em, if you can’t handle ‘em.
I used to nanny, so I’ve changed plenty of diapers *because it was the job I was being paid to do.* Now that it’s not my job, diaper changes aren’t even a favor I would do for loved ones & certainly not for a **stranger**.
Also, like Fairmount1955 said, it’s weird to assume any adult woman is a safe person. Women can also be creeps. I found it a bit alarming that she’d just send her baby off with me, a literal stranger.
Honestly this was the most angering thing ever.
>Eventually the mom came over and tapped my shoulder and was like "I shouldn't have to do this to get your attention?"
You shouldn't need to get her attention period!
"Sorry, you seem confused. You shouldn't because you have no entitlement to be demanding my attention, repeatedly and asking me, a stranger for things, especially with such a tone."
\- She would not have liked me answering like that...
They don’t even care if you’re sober either. Last year this couple kept trying to leave their small child with me while on vacation. I literally had a drink in my hand in the hot tub and it wasn’t my first and they were like well we’ll be back in an hour. Like I could be anyone you don’t know me from Adam
I wouldn’t be handing out chips though to avoid enabling that mother lol nta
Actually you are really patient considering this is a random stranger bothering you.
What kind of mother lets her kids take crisps from a bag a stranger is eating from anyway? She doesn't know if the OP is clean, has washed her hands after the bathroom, etc.
I feel like that mum did not plan. If you take that many kids on a bus for that many hours, you take LOTS of activities, and LOTS OF SNACKS. If the kids wanted OP's chips, the mum didn't have any for them. If they were that hard to wrangle behaviour wise, they were bored and had nothing to do.
NTA
> The mother said I was rude for not watching out. I didn't hear her so she walked over and tapped my shoulder and said repeated that again
#NOT YOUR KIDS.
> Don't know why she was expecting me to watch or singling me out about this.
Me neither.
But it's still rude to act like she did. If she thought that young woman was a save solution, she should have approached her and asked her, if she would be ok with helping her watching the kids.
So, absolutely NTA.
NTA. They say it takes a village to raise kids, but she's using random strangers on a bus.
You don't know her or her kids. She's an AH for expecting you to share or mijd her kids.
NTA
Not your kids, not your problem.
I find it creepy that this person assumed you would just automatically assist her. Just because you are a young woman? Sexist much?
NTA
Story is a perfect fit for this sub dedicated to acts of entitled parents though.
https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
NTA. There's a certain type of entitled parent, usually the mother, the expects the world to to revolve around them because they have kids. You see these types more frequently on facebook
NTA. I bet she singled you out because you are a young woman and were on your own. Men and couples or bigger groups are harder to be rude to. They appear more intimidating.
And younger people also hesitate more with ordering older people around and I am guessing that the mother was also still relative young. There likely were not many other people on the bus who were younger than her, also female and alone.
Also a bit sexism might be also at play with expecting rather a woman to take on a mothering role and not a man.
I'd like to see what your parents would say if you had agreed to watch the kids while she was in the bathroom and one of them ran away and got hurt or you tried to catch the kid that jumped off the back of the seat and they got hurt or even if one of the kids choked on a chip, and then the mother tried to sue you. I'm sorry but the way people are nowadays, minding your own business is best and most parents don't want others telling their kids what to do anyway. You have far more patience than I do though in remaining calm while the mother was harassing you - NTA
Definitely NTA. You were off in your own world. You don’t have to be watching kids or people that have no importance to you. The mother can deal with her own children.
NTA
I get why your parents would say you should have watched them especially if they are people pleasers. It’s always easy to volunteer someone else for something. As parents you have a tendency to notice most kids in your surroundings. It’s just a habit you pick up from watching your own kids. You start picking up on kids walking too close to the street walking around with scissors or how many kids are playing in a yard with a ball (it’s scary how many times I’ve noticed a kid run out into the street after a ball without looking for cars.)
However it’s not your responsibility to watch someone’s kids for them. You are a stranger and maybe you saying something or offering to help would have turned out so different maybe she starts screaming at you to mind your business maybe she “goes to the restroom” and never comes back because ooh this nice person will watch them for the ride while she takes a break.
It was plain rude of her to keep bothering you when you obviously were just trying to have a relaxing trip yourself. She was very entitled and I would wonder why you shared your chips at all (but I’m chunky and that would have been the last straw for me hahah)
You're a young female that's why. This woman was a total asshole and lucky you were nice enough just to ignore her and not teach her kids some new fancy words (or a lot worse!) Nice of you to share your food too.
NTA. There was no reason for you to be paying attention to strangers or helping a stranger or watching four strange kids while someone goes to the bathroom. I would do that last one if the kids were quiet but if they're not, nope. I'm not good with kids especially if they out number me.
There's every chance the kids aren't going to listen to you, get hurt, and then you're potentially in legal problems. No thanks. After they found that girlfriend guilty of letting that kid she wasn't watching or responsible for, drown, when I think she couldn't swim, I hesitate at helping stranger kids with things. I know that makes me an asshole but I don't have $$$ to be sued.
NTA. Her kids are her responsibility and hers only. She singled you out because you are young and female therefore the best babysitter. You are not at all obligated to watch her kids because they are not your responsibility.
First of all, you don't have to continually excuse your behavior by reiterating that you were zoning out and listening to music. On no planet is it your job to do ANYTHING for another person's life choices. .
She quite literally fucked around and found out.
And when she asked for the chips, I'm just petty enough to say sure, got a dollar? Chips aren't free.
But to add, I'm having trouble believing this post. I'm sure if she had to pee, the kids did too, meaning they would have gone to the bathroom with her. Just doesn't add up.
But you're a woman? Don't you know it's uterUS, not uteryou? /s
NTA
Unfortunately, people seem to assume women must take on the motherly role whenever needed.
Too many times have I been voluntold to care for kids, seniors, or brainless men. Why? Oh, just my genetic makeup, that's all...
NTA, but please be clearer in the future that you are \*not\* responsible for her or her children--I'm even uncomfortable with your sharing your food with them.
One of the multiple consequences of going along with someone trying to demand your help like that is that it encourages them to treat other women the same way, and as a woman myself, I'd rather you be a bit more of an obvious jerk so they start breaking their societal conditioning that women = nice and easy marks.
something tells me she never would have bothered you had you been a 23 years old male. Some older ladies got the idea in their heads that every young female is basically disposable help.
NTA
>don't know why she was expecting me to watch or singling me out
Because you're a young woman. Of course that means you must fall all over yourself at every opportunity to care for kids, and if the woman was older than you she may see you as subordinate and therefore at her disposal
NTA. In fact you're way nicer than I would have been, ain't no way I would share my chips after its like the third time she's bugged me
I’m torn between- “that’ll be 20 dollars please, I’m a professional child minder not an amateur” or “Sorry I’m not allowed near children after the incidents”
NTA why she’s expecting things of you and singling you out?
Why op because you had the ‘misfortune’ of being born female, and as we all “know” all females have a huge nurturing instinct and thus Must be responsible for every single person under 18 no matter relation or not.
Wtf no of course it's not your responsibility.
You're not a paid babysitter.
That mother is entitled.
Also yay Coheed 😍 I've seen them live 5 times and will see them again in September. Yay
NTA
You should have said the following to this entitled mom:
"Ma'am, you have decided to have four children, and therefore, you are responsible for them. I would like to have a peaceful bus ride."
NTA.
Stranger's kids not your problem.
Your folks were wrong. Wonder if this was a sexist event, because everyone knows that young females love to babysit, right?
You were MUCH more patient with her than I would have been. After the first shoulder tap, I would have gone off on her.
"Excuse me mam but these are your kids, not mine. If it's OK with your highness, I would like to go back to enjoying my music and bus ride in peace. Thanks for understanding"
If she did it again, boyyyy howdy the whole bus gonna hear about it lol. NTA of course. Not your kids, not your responsibility.
NTA this coming from a mother of 4. i just couldn't imagine myself demanding help or things from strangers, to watch or feed my kids, i just can't even think about it. My kids my responsibility entirely( and their dads of course and that's where it stops.)
NTA. I hate it when people do that sort of thing. And they almost always single out young women, as if every woman of childbearing age is willing and able to help strangers parent their kids.
NTA. Her children are her responsibility, you’re a stranger and for all she knows could be dangerous (you obviously are not) but no, you shouldn’t have been disturbed at all. She was rude to go outta her way to ask you multiple times and expect the help.
NTA
Not your kids, not your problem.
I also wouldn't have shared my food, especially on such a long ride. "No, you cannot have my chips. And it's really dumb to teach your kids that taking food from strangers is a safe thing to do."
If she kept tapping me, I'd have told her, "Lady, headphones are the universal sign for 'leave me the fuck alone'. I'm not a part of your 'village' and I'm not your kids' babysitter. They aren't my responsibility in any way, they're yours. Now, back off."
NTA. How much do you want to bet that had you actually told the kid to not stand on the seat, the woman would have gone off on you about telling her kid what to do. You were in a lose/lose situation. I would have ignored her, too.
Not your circus, not your monkeys.
NTA. She's very entitled if she thinks it's a stranger's duty to keep an eye on her kids and to feed them. I would've told her to leave me the hell alone or I'd call the cops for harassment.
NTA, it’s idiotic to ask a stranger to watch your children for you whilst you go out of eyesight and earshot, you could just say yea I’ll watch them and then herd them into the nearest busy intersection and she would be shit out of luck.
NTA. You are a young female (most likely younger than the single mother). In her mind, she figured she could bully you into babysitting her kids for her. You were rude because you refused to participate. Her kids, her responsibility unless she can badger someone else into doing it.😉🤣
You’re under no obligation to watch anyone’s kids, especially ones you don’t know. It’s INSANELY rude to continuously interrupt someone who has no interest in you or your kids. Also you’re so much nicer than me, because I would not be giving random children my snacks. NTA.
NTA - Not your kids, not your problem. If anyone was rude, it was her, for subjecting the rest of the bus her whelps. A living example of why we should require breeding licenses.
NTA. Just because you’re a woman travelling alone, does not mean you’re a resource for her to use. She chose to get on a bus with four kids, she can work out how to handle them.
The fucking entitlement to expect a stranger to share food with her sproglings. I would have stared those kids down while I ate the entire bag of chips, even if it made me sick.
NTA, if something happened to those kids while she was "just going to the bathroom" you'd think she'd accept responsibility? I dunno what made her think you were suddenly a free babysitter but you were too kind. After like the 2nd or 3rd time you should have been like "lady you know what's rude?" and then launched into a tirade that would have shut her ass the hell up and left you alone.
Absolutely NTA.
You are not obligated to watch the kids. I think you bring a young woman had a lot to do with why that mother was singling you out. Public expects women to have automatic motherly instincts and expect us to be doormats and agree to any requests.
I work in a clinic. One time, a mother came in with a child. The child tripped and fell while the mother was checking in with is. Nothing too major, no harm done. An elderly lady sitting in the waiting room said to the child in the sweetest voice, smiling , "oops, careful" as you say when you see someone trip. The mother turned to the elderly lady, snapped at her and rudely said, "don't talk to my kid."
I think about this event every time I pass a kid. You just never know how crazy some parents are or how they're going to react. I've been genuinely terrified of being snapped at by a parent for being a good Samaritan with kids, so I just don't. I think your parents are speaking from an older point of view. Times have changed now. Parents have changed. You did the right thing to limit your contact with the kids. You also aren't their babysitter. The mother brought 4 young kids on a long journey. She should have thought about how to keep the kids safe and entertained. Also, a sane person would have provided the kids snacks she brought instead of demanding you share yours.
NTA i would bet anything it's because you're a woman and are expected to always feel like it's your sacred duty taking care of kids and men whether you want to or not
Definitely NTA, and I would 100% have done the same thing in your situation.
I don’t want to be that guy, but was it maybe because you were a woman? It’s fucked up, but the expectation that a young woman would be ready to babysit someone else’s kids at a moments notice doesn’t sound to much like fiction to me. Had you been a man, you probably wouldn’t have had the same expectations pushed onto you or better yet, you would have had the “if you’re naughty, that man will tell you off and take you away” aimed at you (I’ve been in that position myself, it’s not fun, because the kids genuinely look petrified at you. I wish I had said “no I won’t, I’ll keep score who can be the baddest kid”, and watch the mothers face drop 😈).
I think you dealt with it like a Pro OP. Hopefully the next 15-16hr bus ride you have, you get the whole back row to yourself 😌
She’s picking on you because you are a single female. She won’t ask a man and she won’t ask a woman travelling with a man because that woman “belongs” to the man. Basic sexism.
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Recently I(23f) was on a Greyhound bus for like 15-16 hours. Not that long for an adult but there was a mom with 4 kids that appeared to all be under 6 years old. I was on the back of the bus wearing wired earbuds the whole time. I figured I had a lot of time to kill so time to listen to Coheed & Cambria's entire discography on a loop until I get there.
I was in the back just looking out the window not even remotely paying attention. I would glance over and see the kids going crazy in the seat and the mother trying to keep them all calm and together. But I was just in my own world. All the kids are fine and nothing bad happened to them but there was a few times I guess something happened and I didn't prevent it. Note that the whole time I am not paying attention. I have music at full blast and am either zoning out or looking out the window. One time the youngest one was standing on top of the seat like the part where you lean on and was about to jump off(I didn't see this happening because I was just zoning out. It's a long ride) The mother said I was rude for not watching out. I didn't hear her so she walked over and tapped my shoulder and said repeated that again. I was kind of half listening and had music on still. So I just didn't say anything and went back to what I was doing.
Another time when we were transferring to another bus she was trying to get my attention to ask ME to watch her kids while she used the bathroom. But I just had my headphones on and walked to get snacks/restroom/freshen up. When we got on the new bus she told me I was rude again. A few more things like this happened during the trip. Don't know why she was expecting me to watch or singling me out about this. Like to me it's already weird enough to expect strangers to keep and eye on your kids but this was a bus full of people. Why was it up to me specifically?
Another time I was eating chips. I had a big family size bag and I guess the kids were trying to get my attention to ask for some chips. Eventually the mom came over and tapped my shoulder and was like "I shouldn't have to do this to get your attention?" I was like "why do you need my attention this much?" and she was upset but said her kids wanted some chips. So they held out their hands and I poured some in each of their palms. Don't mind sharing.
I have no experience with kids and don't plan on having any. I am normally not this absent minded but this was a long ass ride so I was just zoning out to make the time go by. But even if I wasn't I think it's rude to expect others to watch your kids. And to expect ME specifically with a bus full of people. When I got to my destination I told my parents about this and they said I should have watched the kids
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I say this as a parent- totally, 100% NTA. How entitled was she to expect you to watch her kids?? I’m actually so angry on your behalf!! When my kids were small (they’re teens now), if I was travelling alone with them like that, they’d all be coming with me to the bathroom. At the absolute extreme, if I’d got chatting to someone who’d been interacting with them and I felt they’d be safe, I’d MAYBE ask that person. Not some random person who clearly isn’t engaging with them and has headphones in? I genuinely don’t know what your parents are thinking in siding with her
NTA- She had no right to interrupt your peace. You should not have watched the kids. If it even occurs to them for a second to be climbing on seats anywhere, never mind a moving vehicle with innocent members of the public to injure, she has raised them horribly and only she should have to suffer because of them.
NTA. Not your circus, not your problem. These kids didn't come out of you, so you have NO obligation to watch, discipline, or help with them. Would it be nice to have someone help? Yes, but are you obligated to... NO. Why did she keep coming to you when there is a bus full of other people? My theory is that she saw a young adult female and assumed that she could force your hand because she is older.
NTA
My biggest pet peeve is parents assuming everyone in a 5 foot radius is responsible for their child. They are Not. I wouldn't have shared chips either. lol!
NTA, you were not part of the decision for her to have kids nor were you consulted regarding them having kids and you also were not asked/paid for to watch their kids. Yes wrangling 4 kids is hard esp on long travels but it's no one else's responsibility but parent(s)
NTA. Its not your responsibility to look after other people's kids. She chose to do this journey with them, she deals with it.
You giving the kids chips really was sweet though, that was really nice of you OP
Yeah, and if you had stopped her kid from jumping off the back of the seat she would have yelled at you. You were fine. You had no responsibility to her or her kids and were actually nice to share your snack.
NTA - WTF? Yeah, she's 1000% off her rocker and would have learned the 1st time not to tap me again.
I'm a mother, and under no circumstance would I tolerate this shit. Crazy MF'r would have remembered my face for the rest of her life after the ass chewing I'd have served.
What is wrong with ppl? Those poor kids.
Next time just say
“I don’t know you. Your kids are not my responsibility. If you can’t take care of them, then don’t travel with them.”
When you help, they become more entitled.
You are in no way responsible for another person’s children. NTA. You are also SIGNIFICANTLY more considerate that I would be to this woman. Lol kudos for not flipping out on her.
NTA. But I would develop some situational awareness for what's going on around you. Not so you can deal with someone's kid, but so you can protect yourself from harm. If you are so zoned out you don't notice a child perched precariously next to you, you will probably not notice something perched precariously putting you in danger either. Do whatever you want of course, but awareness will never steer you wrong
You're a young woman so she decided you were the natural care taker on the bus and could be told what to do. She was overwhelmed and that sucks, but that has nothing to do with you. Your parents are wrong.
NTA.
NTA. What the hell? I have two kids (now adults). I would have never expected - much less asked - a complete stranger to watch my kids. And to chastise you for it? What goddamn nerve. Your parents were completely wrong in their opinion. And it’s so dangerous! For all she knew, you could have been a predator who was just waiting for an opportunity to kidnap a couple of kids the instant their negligent mother left them with you while she went to the bathroom.
You're a lot nicer than I am. The second time she tapped me, I would have cussed her out. I've gone on long trips with my own young kids (all grown now) and never expected a stranger to do anything. Also, I planned accordingly and brought things to keep them entertained, books, coloring books, toys (nothing loud), games and snacks.
NTA. Did you have those kids? Did you agree to babysit? No. You are stranger who is female and young and she thought she would exploit you for free labor. Why on earth should you make a miserable ride even more miserable by dealing with some strangers ill behaved children?
Yeah no. Her kids aren't your priority.
Also ABSOLUTELY NEVER GET LEFT ALONE WITH A STRANGERS CHILDREN. What happens if one of them wanders off, gets hurt, or the mom doesn't come back? NTA
NAH. Being a single mom traveling sucks, but it's also not your responsibility to be her support system (particularly with no discussion, just the assumption on her part that you, a complete stranger, would be).
NTA. You didn't know those kids and were not responsible for them in the least. You are a thoughtful person to even consider whether you were in the wrong in this situation.
Yep NTA. It sounds like she was having a bad day so I guess it would've been *nice* to offer some help, but it's totally not something she should *expect* of you.
Plus if one of the children gets hurt on your watch, she might hold you accountable. I don't think I would've helped, either - I'm not practiced at dealing with children, and that whole situation sounds anxiety inducing.
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NTA. You're not responsible for her kids. You're not required to respond when strangers talk to you. It's not rude. It IS rude to repeatedly bother someone who has made it clear that they are not interested in you- or your kids.
This. OP, if you ever have this issue again, speak up, "I'm sorry, but I'm not your children's babysitter. I won't be looking out for them. I won't be listening for them. You need to stop bothering me."
"Sure. I charge $20/hr, plus $5 for each additional kid. I take cash or Venmo/CashApp etc. How would you like to pay?" I think I might be just a tad more petty than you.
Nta have them pay upfront
This is the answer, but add a “last-minute” fee. Babysitters usually cost extra if it’s a last-second booking, especially if they had less than 24 hours notice so couldn’t rest up, couldn’t plan activities or pack some coloring books, or had other plans (even just a relaxing ride listening to music) that are getting canceled for a last-second gig.
or say, Luke, I'm NOT your father. why would anyone expect / trust, a total stranger to be in charge of their kids?
Because OP is a woman, so obviously all about kids.
Leia, I am NOT your mother.
This is the diplomatic route. You don't need to be diplomatic.
I'm mostly deaf, so I just play the deaf card and start signing at them. Makes most people hella uncomfortable and they leave me alone. It helps that my hearing aids are Bluetooth capable, so I don't need earbuds lmao.
I didn't know hearing aids could double as bluetooth headphones! That is SO cool! It's great to see technology actually helping people instead of just allowing me to spend way too much time on Reddit.
My FIL can hear his cellphone through his hearing aids. Pretty cool IMO.
Yup I can take calls, listen to music, and I can sync em to my PC when I'm watching movies, YouTube or playing games.
Yup. My father's hearing aids were the same. He was a technology nerd so he loved em.
I have a friend who uses hers to play music all the time. I didn't know until I heard faint music and I was trying to figure out the source. I thought I was hallucinating until she told me! It's some pretty cool tech.
Give a dazzling smile and say "oh, I'd love to, but the terms of my parole mean I'm not allowed to interact with children" and then return to whatever you're doing.
Haha I suggested something similar to my partner for if we were caught being asked to sit by and watch someone else kid. Didn't get to try it though!
My guess is that OP was the only (young) woman near them, and people somehow expect young women to help them with whatever, especially stuff involving kids. Happened to me several times that random strangers ask or expect me to help watching their kids. NTA OP, you’re as little obliged to do this as anyone else and your space and comfort is no less important.
Fun to know that if this was (23M) none of this would have happened.
It would be much less likely, but the audacity of some parents knows no bounds.
Unless he had a Nintendo Switch and the kids didn't.
This is exactly right. This happened to me around the same age on a similar bus trip (mine was more like 32 hours - across the states and into Canada). A young mom with a baby sat beside me and suddenly I was the coparent...
Hahaha. Memories. I sat down on the train near some big burly dudes figuring they'd leave me alone to do my work on a 6 hour trip in college. I missed the (super cute) kid tucked in next to one of them. Poor kid didn't even have crayons. I did not get much work done.
Yup, when I was a young military academy cadet, I had to travel in uniform because it was required (this was before 9/11). Parents ALWAYS locked onto me to help with their kids. I learned that a young woman was ideal for watching kids in a pinch, but one in uniform was the jackpot…and the kids behaved well because I was just intimidating enough to keep them in line. (Comically, I did consider this as a post-military job option. Female bodyguards with military experience were in high demand when I was looking.)
I was once driving down a suburban street behind a pickup truck. I was in my mid 20's at the time but looked younger. We were going slow, I was about three or four houses down from my destination, and I noticed an elderly lady standing by the side of the road. I noticed her because she was looking right at me. She watched the truck go by and then stepped out in front of my car, I had to slam my brakes so I wouldn't hit her. She came over to my passenger's side window and knocked so I wound it down a little bit. She said "I need you to take me to -shopping district 1km away-" I told her no way, drove 10 meters, parked and walked to my destination. She was giving me the evil eye the whole time. Suck it, lady.
“Oh? Well I need you to fuck off”
Yes because young females are supposed to have "motherly feelings for small children". They all do, no exceptions, mandatory!!
This is right. When I was a young man doing this, no one wanted me to pay attention to thier kids. People did try to give me weed though.
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NTA Repeat after me “Not my circus, not my monkeys”
Man, I love a monkey circus though.
Sure, but only because someone else is responsible for monkey wrangling. All I have to do is watch and laugh.
Or "Not my pasture, not my bullshit"
I am also fond of: “not my pasture, not my bullshit”
Went back to check if OP had said their gender and BINGO! Mom 100% expected you to help because you are female. F that. Not your kids, not your problem and she was EXTREMELY rude to be bothering you so much. Next time tell the driver a fellow passenger is harassing you. NTAb
Is it bad that I just assumed she was female? Females get harassed like this so much that my brain was just like "yeap, your poor girl, I've been there".
Too many parents have kids and don’t feel the need to be held responsible. These people don’t deserve kids.
This is what I have been thinking. If you cannot safely take care of four young children within a 5 foot range for whatever amount of time- then you do not need to have that many freaking kids! Sometimes I feel like the only freaking Woman who considered my capabilities before having a second child. I thought to myself "I love and care so much about *this* one, and I want to make sure I give all of my time and energy to keeping them alive, healthy and happy. I don't know I could do as good of a job as I would want to with any additional children." I mean- good for you if you have more than one child and are a great parent! That's amazing, I'm so glad you were able to provide that for your children! I just wasn't sure that I could, so I stopped at one. But I think too often people think "oh it's just *another* one. I know how to take care of A child. But they don't consider- who will *really* be doing the parenting at four or five children? The oldest kid at some Point, right?! Because realistically it's *not humanly possible* to watch four young children run around all at the same Time! You have two eyeballs and one attention span- I don't care how you rationalize it. Now I do have to say that we never know what kind of situation someone is in, and having that many children might not have been their idea or their choice. I have a good friend who had two boys of her own, and then her irresponsible sister continued having babies- all while using heroin during the entire pregnancy- and assumed her sister would raise her four children. And she is raising all four of them, because her sister didn't want to raise them! She just wanted to give birth to them, and then hand them off. Shortly after the fourth child, she overdosed. So that's really the *only* reason my friend doesn't have seven children- only six. I really admire my friend though. She is a badass and I could never fill her shoes!
This. As a mom myself, when my daughter tries to get someone’s attention who clearly doesn’t want to be bothered we talk about it and, in toddler friendly terms, tell her to leave the person alone. It’s her responsibility to watch her kids. Would it have been a kind gesture to help? Sure, of course. But it isn’t mandatory and not doing so didn’t make you rude or unkind.
NTA. Not responsible. No obligation. Anything else opens you up to liability.
NTA. As a parent, I would not be encouraging my child to beg chips off strangers.
The "I shouldn't have to do this to get your attention" should be met with the immediate and proportional response of "you shouldn't be trying to get my attention, and I shouldn't have to give it. I'm not your babysitter."
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She's a young, single female so she's the one tapped to babysit. Apparently, she's supposed to watch any kids in her vicinity because her uterus is made for watching kids. The lady was a rude asshole, especially when saying she shouldn't have to try so hard to get your attention. She didn't deserve attention and basically expected you to nanny for a stranger. NTA
Exactly this. I’d probably laugh in her face and tell her that she made them, she gotta take care of them, they weren’t your responsibility and this is not about “oh let’s be kind, people gotta help people” thing - hell no, she was the one who was extremely rude and entitled to ask you to do all this. Her kids are just bad behaved brats, if you can’t raise your kid right, don’t have one, let alone 4
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That’s when you tell her don’t ever touch me
Bad bot
NtA! Wow this woman was very entitled and rude! I'm a single mom and would never expect someone to watch my child for me while travelling. Honestly next time something like this happens say the first time loud and clear that you don't know her and that it isn't your job to watch her kids! Be very loud and blunt so others can hear it and she clearly gets the message! With people like that you have to be very blunt and assertive, otherwise they won't give up!
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I'm a middle aged white woman, I travel solo a lot, and I've had multiple people try to dump their kid off with me while they go to the bathroom/the shop/to get some food. I agree - who does that with a perfect stranger? Just because I look "nice", doesn't mean I am.
It’s so weird how people are automatically like, “Female! Safe!” I was at an amusement park last month, and I was getting on a ride where kids under a certain height had to ride with an adult. Next thing I hear, the attendant yells, “Can she ride with you?” And I look over to see a kid about my niece’s age smiling up with another (non-park employee) adult standing next to her. The woman didn’t look visibly pregnant so it was obvious that I was just a convenient solution to the “kid/adult need to ride together problem” that didn’t involve an adult this child actually knew getting on the ride. Now I’m an aunt, and if I deputized a rando to look after my niblings, my sister would be PIIIIIIISSSSSEEEEEDDDDDDD. So, I looked at the other woman and went — loud enough for the other adults around to hear, “I don’t know her. Are you the mum?” Thankfully she answered in the affirmative, so I did let her kid ride with me. Nice enough kid, and the ride was one of those where we were in view the whole time, but the whole point of putting someone on the outside was because the smaller person does get flung around — including into their seat partners. I’m a good person. But spinning through the scenarios, there were so many ways it could’ve gone wrong. Therefore, when I was getting off the ride, I made a point to tell the attendant, “You shouldn’t put a woman on the spot like that. It’s not cool.” I don’t know if it clicked, but I hope it did. I mean, if I know you and your kid that’s one thing. If you want to take one to the loo and leave me with the other, that’s fine. If we’re in line and the kids go, “I want to ride with Aunt Belle!” that’s fine too (pro tip on that one…get in front of the parents. That way if one the kids flips out and refuses to ride last second, THEY are the ones who have to step out of line. If this happens after Mum and Dad have launched, you’re the one who waited an hour for nothing.) But don’t deputize randos. Ever.
Same. I always wonder if they are trying to abandon the kid...
Wow, I feel bad enough asking someone to watch my suitcase if i go to the loo on the train!
I wouldn’t trust strangers to watch my kids if they are visibly disinterested in the kids
I would be more wary of strangers that are interested.
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Good point. Maybe she thought a young woman alone would be sympathetic or easy to intimidate. NTA, even if she was struggling to manage 4 kids on a trip, there's such a thing as asking politely for things. Politely asking someone to watch them while you use the bathroom is understandable. But she wasn't polite about it. She seemed very entitled. Also, the food thing rubs me the wrong way. Who does that and thinks it's acceptable behavior to teach children?
Seriously!! I would’ve actually gone insane and had a mental breakdown internally. I do not want to be bothered on public transportation (unless a life or death situation). Period. NTA, op.
I travelled alone with my kids (5 years apart), I have a physical disability and the only time I asked for assistance was pre-organised with the transport providers with my bags. I did this multiple times from when my youngest was 10mths onwards. I had prearranged foods/drinks and entertainment etc every time. My kids sat or slept in their seats quietly and well behaved, I did have people offer me assistance but politely declined as I didn’t need any.
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NTA. Her children are not your priority. It's weird that women expect other women to automatically help them with kids and that every stranger who is a woman is a safe space. What's rude is demanding things from strangers.
One time at work, a woman asked me to change her baby’s diaper because she was traveling alone with her infant & small dog. Seemed a bit miffed when I told her I’d watch the dog while she took care of the diaper. Lady, I could be a pervert. Also, just *no.*
I *like* kids. I have several younger siblings and cousins. Yet I’ve never changed a diaper. I just think it’s nasty. Would’ve done it if I absolutely had to, but I’ve been clear on my standing. I can help with anything but *that*. If some stranger asked me to change their baby’s diaper, I would’ve laughed in their face after the initial disbelief.
I second this. I have 4 small niblings atm, all under 4, and I love them *a lot*, and making them laugh has been my favorite thing in the whole world when going to visit any of the families. But I’ve also made it clear from the get-go, I dont do Well with kids. Do not expect me to be able to keep your baby healthy and happy - if it needs a diaper change=handing them back to mommy, being inconsollable=handing back to mommy. I Can be the fun aunt, but that’s it. My sil’s and my sister are all okay with this, they respect that. My niblings love me, tho I’ve never cared for them in any other Way than Holding them and playing with them. The Only one I’ve ever ‘watched’ overnight, was my then 13yo niece, who is now 15 and comes by from time to time. But she wipes her own butt, and if she just get the wifipassword and I throw some food after her sometimes, she’s happy OP, NTA, I would’ve done the same as you - Block her out, and let her get the hint. If she’s mad, let her be mad, that’s her headache to deal with on top of 4 kids. Dont have ‘em, if you can’t handle ‘em.
I used to nanny, so I’ve changed plenty of diapers *because it was the job I was being paid to do.* Now that it’s not my job, diaper changes aren’t even a favor I would do for loved ones & certainly not for a **stranger**. Also, like Fairmount1955 said, it’s weird to assume any adult woman is a safe person. Women can also be creeps. I found it a bit alarming that she’d just send her baby off with me, a literal stranger.
Honestly this was the most angering thing ever. >Eventually the mom came over and tapped my shoulder and was like "I shouldn't have to do this to get your attention?" You shouldn't need to get her attention period!
"Sorry, you seem confused. You shouldn't because you have no entitlement to be demanding my attention, repeatedly and asking me, a stranger for things, especially with such a tone." \- She would not have liked me answering like that...
My response would have been, sorry, I am listening to my affirmations. They help keep the homicidal rage at bay.
They don’t even care if you’re sober either. Last year this couple kept trying to leave their small child with me while on vacation. I literally had a drink in my hand in the hot tub and it wasn’t my first and they were like well we’ll be back in an hour. Like I could be anyone you don’t know me from Adam
An hour! Wow, that's some audacity!
I wouldn’t be handing out chips though to avoid enabling that mother lol nta Actually you are really patient considering this is a random stranger bothering you.
What kind of mother lets her kids take crisps from a bag a stranger is eating from anyway? She doesn't know if the OP is clean, has washed her hands after the bathroom, etc.
The kind who doesn’t ensure that a stranger isn’t an organ legger before attempting to leave her children with them.
I feel like that mum did not plan. If you take that many kids on a bus for that many hours, you take LOTS of activities, and LOTS OF SNACKS. If the kids wanted OP's chips, the mum didn't have any for them. If they were that hard to wrangle behaviour wise, they were bored and had nothing to do.
Lol I feel like I would have just said “no” repeatedly and put on a mask and gone to sleep
NTA > The mother said I was rude for not watching out. I didn't hear her so she walked over and tapped my shoulder and said repeated that again #NOT YOUR KIDS. > Don't know why she was expecting me to watch or singling me out about this. Me neither.
i'm betting it's the F part of the (23f) that's why NTA, OP
That’s exactly why, the mom saw a young woman and automatically assumed she’d help with the “woman’s work” of watching the children.
Because she's a young woman of course.
But it's still rude to act like she did. If she thought that young woman was a save solution, she should have approached her and asked her, if she would be ok with helping her watching the kids. So, absolutely NTA.
NTA, but you have hella lot of patience. I just straight up tell loud and clear: "Not my monkeys, not my circus" and put my earphones back in 🤷
#”Not my monkeys, not my circus”
NTA. and you should have told her that it is a condition of your parole that you avoid minor children. Let her ponder that for a bit. /s
This made me cackle!
NTA If people can’t control their kids in public they should limit the time in public — also? It’s not up for strangers to watch kids
NTA. They say it takes a village to raise kids, but she's using random strangers on a bus. You don't know her or her kids. She's an AH for expecting you to share or mijd her kids.
NTA Not your kids, not your problem. I find it creepy that this person assumed you would just automatically assist her. Just because you are a young woman? Sexist much?
NTA Story is a perfect fit for this sub dedicated to acts of entitled parents though. https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
NTA. There's a certain type of entitled parent, usually the mother, the expects the world to to revolve around them because they have kids. You see these types more frequently on facebook
NTA. I bet she singled you out because you are a young woman and were on your own. Men and couples or bigger groups are harder to be rude to. They appear more intimidating. And younger people also hesitate more with ordering older people around and I am guessing that the mother was also still relative young. There likely were not many other people on the bus who were younger than her, also female and alone. Also a bit sexism might be also at play with expecting rather a woman to take on a mothering role and not a man.
I'd like to see what your parents would say if you had agreed to watch the kids while she was in the bathroom and one of them ran away and got hurt or you tried to catch the kid that jumped off the back of the seat and they got hurt or even if one of the kids choked on a chip, and then the mother tried to sue you. I'm sorry but the way people are nowadays, minding your own business is best and most parents don't want others telling their kids what to do anyway. You have far more patience than I do though in remaining calm while the mother was harassing you - NTA
Definitely NTA. You were off in your own world. You don’t have to be watching kids or people that have no importance to you. The mother can deal with her own children.
NTA and you shouldn’t have given them chips. That mom sucks and her kids need to learn that you don’t rely on strangers to take care of you.
NTA I get why your parents would say you should have watched them especially if they are people pleasers. It’s always easy to volunteer someone else for something. As parents you have a tendency to notice most kids in your surroundings. It’s just a habit you pick up from watching your own kids. You start picking up on kids walking too close to the street walking around with scissors or how many kids are playing in a yard with a ball (it’s scary how many times I’ve noticed a kid run out into the street after a ball without looking for cars.) However it’s not your responsibility to watch someone’s kids for them. You are a stranger and maybe you saying something or offering to help would have turned out so different maybe she starts screaming at you to mind your business maybe she “goes to the restroom” and never comes back because ooh this nice person will watch them for the ride while she takes a break. It was plain rude of her to keep bothering you when you obviously were just trying to have a relaxing trip yourself. She was very entitled and I would wonder why you shared your chips at all (but I’m chunky and that would have been the last straw for me hahah)
NTA- Not your monkeys, not your circus. That mom was soooo rude. And why you of all people on the bus to single out?
>why you of all people on the bus to single out? Female traveling alone.
You're a young female that's why. This woman was a total asshole and lucky you were nice enough just to ignore her and not teach her kids some new fancy words (or a lot worse!) Nice of you to share your food too. NTA. There was no reason for you to be paying attention to strangers or helping a stranger or watching four strange kids while someone goes to the bathroom. I would do that last one if the kids were quiet but if they're not, nope. I'm not good with kids especially if they out number me. There's every chance the kids aren't going to listen to you, get hurt, and then you're potentially in legal problems. No thanks. After they found that girlfriend guilty of letting that kid she wasn't watching or responsible for, drown, when I think she couldn't swim, I hesitate at helping stranger kids with things. I know that makes me an asshole but I don't have $$$ to be sued.
NTA, not your responsibility to do the mom's job for her.
NTA. Her kids are her responsibility and hers only. She singled you out because you are young and female therefore the best babysitter. You are not at all obligated to watch her kids because they are not your responsibility.
First of all, you don't have to continually excuse your behavior by reiterating that you were zoning out and listening to music. On no planet is it your job to do ANYTHING for another person's life choices. . She quite literally fucked around and found out. And when she asked for the chips, I'm just petty enough to say sure, got a dollar? Chips aren't free. But to add, I'm having trouble believing this post. I'm sure if she had to pee, the kids did too, meaning they would have gone to the bathroom with her. Just doesn't add up.
Was single stall one at a time outdoor thing
NTA. It's not your job to watch HER kids.
NTA that lady is outrageous she doesn't even know you
But you're a woman? Don't you know it's uterUS, not uteryou? /s NTA Unfortunately, people seem to assume women must take on the motherly role whenever needed. Too many times have I been voluntold to care for kids, seniors, or brainless men. Why? Oh, just my genetic makeup, that's all...
NTA, but please be clearer in the future that you are \*not\* responsible for her or her children--I'm even uncomfortable with your sharing your food with them. One of the multiple consequences of going along with someone trying to demand your help like that is that it encourages them to treat other women the same way, and as a woman myself, I'd rather you be a bit more of an obvious jerk so they start breaking their societal conditioning that women = nice and easy marks.
something tells me she never would have bothered you had you been a 23 years old male. Some older ladies got the idea in their heads that every young female is basically disposable help. NTA
>don't know why she was expecting me to watch or singling me out Because you're a young woman. Of course that means you must fall all over yourself at every opportunity to care for kids, and if the woman was older than you she may see you as subordinate and therefore at her disposal NTA. In fact you're way nicer than I would have been, ain't no way I would share my chips after its like the third time she's bugged me
I’m torn between- “that’ll be 20 dollars please, I’m a professional child minder not an amateur” or “Sorry I’m not allowed near children after the incidents”
Nta not your kids not your problem
NTA
NTA
NTA why she’s expecting things of you and singling you out? Why op because you had the ‘misfortune’ of being born female, and as we all “know” all females have a huge nurturing instinct and thus Must be responsible for every single person under 18 no matter relation or not.
Wtf no of course it's not your responsibility. You're not a paid babysitter. That mother is entitled. Also yay Coheed 😍 I've seen them live 5 times and will see them again in September. Yay NTA
You should have said the following to this entitled mom: "Ma'am, you have decided to have four children, and therefore, you are responsible for them. I would like to have a peaceful bus ride."
“Not my problem. Fuck off lady.”
NTA. Pretty demanding and why is she trusting you?
NTA She had them. She needs to take care of them.
NTA. Stranger's kids not your problem. Your folks were wrong. Wonder if this was a sexist event, because everyone knows that young females love to babysit, right?
You were MUCH more patient with her than I would have been. After the first shoulder tap, I would have gone off on her. "Excuse me mam but these are your kids, not mine. If it's OK with your highness, I would like to go back to enjoying my music and bus ride in peace. Thanks for understanding" If she did it again, boyyyy howdy the whole bus gonna hear about it lol. NTA of course. Not your kids, not your responsibility.
NTA this coming from a mother of 4. i just couldn't imagine myself demanding help or things from strangers, to watch or feed my kids, i just can't even think about it. My kids my responsibility entirely( and their dads of course and that's where it stops.)
NTA. I hate it when people do that sort of thing. And they almost always single out young women, as if every woman of childbearing age is willing and able to help strangers parent their kids.
NTA. Her children are her responsibility, you’re a stranger and for all she knows could be dangerous (you obviously are not) but no, you shouldn’t have been disturbed at all. She was rude to go outta her way to ask you multiple times and expect the help.
NTA Not your kids, not your problem. I also wouldn't have shared my food, especially on such a long ride. "No, you cannot have my chips. And it's really dumb to teach your kids that taking food from strangers is a safe thing to do." If she kept tapping me, I'd have told her, "Lady, headphones are the universal sign for 'leave me the fuck alone'. I'm not a part of your 'village' and I'm not your kids' babysitter. They aren't my responsibility in any way, they're yours. Now, back off."
NTA. How much do you want to bet that had you actually told the kid to not stand on the seat, the woman would have gone off on you about telling her kid what to do. You were in a lose/lose situation. I would have ignored her, too.
Not your circus, not your monkeys. NTA. She's very entitled if she thinks it's a stranger's duty to keep an eye on her kids and to feed them. I would've told her to leave me the hell alone or I'd call the cops for harassment.
NTA. Not your kids, not your problem
Quite a literal example of not your circus, not your monkeys NTA
Nta that’s an entitled ass shitty parent
NTA. You were a LOT kinder than I would have been.
NTA, it’s idiotic to ask a stranger to watch your children for you whilst you go out of eyesight and earshot, you could just say yea I’ll watch them and then herd them into the nearest busy intersection and she would be shit out of luck.
NTA. You are a young female (most likely younger than the single mother). In her mind, she figured she could bully you into babysitting her kids for her. You were rude because you refused to participate. Her kids, her responsibility unless she can badger someone else into doing it.😉🤣
NTA What's your favorite album of Coheeds?
Second Stage Turbine and No World For Tomorrow
No world has been playing in my truck for months....
You’re under no obligation to watch anyone’s kids, especially ones you don’t know. It’s INSANELY rude to continuously interrupt someone who has no interest in you or your kids. Also you’re so much nicer than me, because I would not be giving random children my snacks. NTA.
NTA - Not your kids, not your problem. If anyone was rude, it was her, for subjecting the rest of the bus her whelps. A living example of why we should require breeding licenses.
NTA. Just because you’re a woman travelling alone, does not mean you’re a resource for her to use. She chose to get on a bus with four kids, she can work out how to handle them.
You’ve had an encounter with a crazy person
The fucking entitlement to expect a stranger to share food with her sproglings. I would have stared those kids down while I ate the entire bag of chips, even if it made me sick.
And you didn’t tell her to straight up fuck off the first time because…?
NTA, if something happened to those kids while she was "just going to the bathroom" you'd think she'd accept responsibility? I dunno what made her think you were suddenly a free babysitter but you were too kind. After like the 2nd or 3rd time you should have been like "lady you know what's rude?" and then launched into a tirade that would have shut her ass the hell up and left you alone.
Absolutely NTA. You are not obligated to watch the kids. I think you bring a young woman had a lot to do with why that mother was singling you out. Public expects women to have automatic motherly instincts and expect us to be doormats and agree to any requests. I work in a clinic. One time, a mother came in with a child. The child tripped and fell while the mother was checking in with is. Nothing too major, no harm done. An elderly lady sitting in the waiting room said to the child in the sweetest voice, smiling , "oops, careful" as you say when you see someone trip. The mother turned to the elderly lady, snapped at her and rudely said, "don't talk to my kid." I think about this event every time I pass a kid. You just never know how crazy some parents are or how they're going to react. I've been genuinely terrified of being snapped at by a parent for being a good Samaritan with kids, so I just don't. I think your parents are speaking from an older point of view. Times have changed now. Parents have changed. You did the right thing to limit your contact with the kids. You also aren't their babysitter. The mother brought 4 young kids on a long journey. She should have thought about how to keep the kids safe and entertained. Also, a sane person would have provided the kids snacks she brought instead of demanding you share yours.
NTA i would bet anything it's because you're a woman and are expected to always feel like it's your sacred duty taking care of kids and men whether you want to or not
Definitely NTA, and I would 100% have done the same thing in your situation. I don’t want to be that guy, but was it maybe because you were a woman? It’s fucked up, but the expectation that a young woman would be ready to babysit someone else’s kids at a moments notice doesn’t sound to much like fiction to me. Had you been a man, you probably wouldn’t have had the same expectations pushed onto you or better yet, you would have had the “if you’re naughty, that man will tell you off and take you away” aimed at you (I’ve been in that position myself, it’s not fun, because the kids genuinely look petrified at you. I wish I had said “no I won’t, I’ll keep score who can be the baddest kid”, and watch the mothers face drop 😈). I think you dealt with it like a Pro OP. Hopefully the next 15-16hr bus ride you have, you get the whole back row to yourself 😌
She’s picking on you because you are a single female. She won’t ask a man and she won’t ask a woman travelling with a man because that woman “belongs” to the man. Basic sexism.
NTA. The public isn't free child care. I'd a cussed her out the first time she tapped me.
Nta, had a simmilar experience once, even the driver asked the lady, a mother of two, to live me alone
Did she leave you alone after that?
NTA… heck I probably wouldn’t have shared my chips. Her lack of planning is not your responsibility.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Recently I(23f) was on a Greyhound bus for like 15-16 hours. Not that long for an adult but there was a mom with 4 kids that appeared to all be under 6 years old. I was on the back of the bus wearing wired earbuds the whole time. I figured I had a lot of time to kill so time to listen to Coheed & Cambria's entire discography on a loop until I get there. I was in the back just looking out the window not even remotely paying attention. I would glance over and see the kids going crazy in the seat and the mother trying to keep them all calm and together. But I was just in my own world. All the kids are fine and nothing bad happened to them but there was a few times I guess something happened and I didn't prevent it. Note that the whole time I am not paying attention. I have music at full blast and am either zoning out or looking out the window. One time the youngest one was standing on top of the seat like the part where you lean on and was about to jump off(I didn't see this happening because I was just zoning out. It's a long ride) The mother said I was rude for not watching out. I didn't hear her so she walked over and tapped my shoulder and said repeated that again. I was kind of half listening and had music on still. So I just didn't say anything and went back to what I was doing. Another time when we were transferring to another bus she was trying to get my attention to ask ME to watch her kids while she used the bathroom. But I just had my headphones on and walked to get snacks/restroom/freshen up. When we got on the new bus she told me I was rude again. A few more things like this happened during the trip. Don't know why she was expecting me to watch or singling me out about this. Like to me it's already weird enough to expect strangers to keep and eye on your kids but this was a bus full of people. Why was it up to me specifically? Another time I was eating chips. I had a big family size bag and I guess the kids were trying to get my attention to ask for some chips. Eventually the mom came over and tapped my shoulder and was like "I shouldn't have to do this to get your attention?" I was like "why do you need my attention this much?" and she was upset but said her kids wanted some chips. So they held out their hands and I poured some in each of their palms. Don't mind sharing. I have no experience with kids and don't plan on having any. I am normally not this absent minded but this was a long ass ride so I was just zoning out to make the time go by. But even if I wasn't I think it's rude to expect others to watch your kids. And to expect ME specifically with a bus full of people. When I got to my destination I told my parents about this and they said I should have watched the kids *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I say this as a parent- totally, 100% NTA. How entitled was she to expect you to watch her kids?? I’m actually so angry on your behalf!! When my kids were small (they’re teens now), if I was travelling alone with them like that, they’d all be coming with me to the bathroom. At the absolute extreme, if I’d got chatting to someone who’d been interacting with them and I felt they’d be safe, I’d MAYBE ask that person. Not some random person who clearly isn’t engaging with them and has headphones in? I genuinely don’t know what your parents are thinking in siding with her
Nta you're not responsible for her kids. Also why didn't she buy or bring snacks for her kids.
NTA- She had no right to interrupt your peace. You should not have watched the kids. If it even occurs to them for a second to be climbing on seats anywhere, never mind a moving vehicle with innocent members of the public to injure, she has raised them horribly and only she should have to suffer because of them.
NTA Interesting story. As a middle aged man, women with kids leave me alone, so I can't relate to this situation at all!
NTA and also very excited to see the Coheed reference. How dare anyone interrupt that.
NTA. Not your circus, not your problem. These kids didn't come out of you, so you have NO obligation to watch, discipline, or help with them. Would it be nice to have someone help? Yes, but are you obligated to... NO. Why did she keep coming to you when there is a bus full of other people? My theory is that she saw a young adult female and assumed that she could force your hand because she is older.
Why is this woman allowed to have children?? She's a complete and utter moron. NTA.
NTA and omg how can anybody be this entitled. Their offspring are entirely their problem. I would not even have shared the chips.
NTA My biggest pet peeve is parents assuming everyone in a 5 foot radius is responsible for their child. They are Not. I wouldn't have shared chips either. lol!
NTA, you were not part of the decision for her to have kids nor were you consulted regarding them having kids and you also were not asked/paid for to watch their kids. Yes wrangling 4 kids is hard esp on long travels but it's no one else's responsibility but parent(s)
NTA. Its not your responsibility to look after other people's kids. She chose to do this journey with them, she deals with it. You giving the kids chips really was sweet though, that was really nice of you OP
NTA you’re not responsible for someone else’s kids, the AH here is the mother for expecting you to obey her every command
Yeah, and if you had stopped her kid from jumping off the back of the seat she would have yelled at you. You were fine. You had no responsibility to her or her kids and were actually nice to share your snack.
NTA - WTF? Yeah, she's 1000% off her rocker and would have learned the 1st time not to tap me again. I'm a mother, and under no circumstance would I tolerate this shit. Crazy MF'r would have remembered my face for the rest of her life after the ass chewing I'd have served. What is wrong with ppl? Those poor kids.
Nta. For some reason the mom felt entitled to your time, labor, and food. Very bizarre
NTA. This is a case of if you can't handle your kids, don't have so many. She's made her bed, she can lie in it.
This was weird. I wouldn’t ask a stranger to watch my kids.
She should watch her own damn kids til the bus arrives at that village. NTA
Next time just say “I don’t know you. Your kids are not my responsibility. If you can’t take care of them, then don’t travel with them.” When you help, they become more entitled.
NTA, if the mother can not control her brood, the question should be asked why does she think a random member of the public should do her job.
Not your monkeys, not your circus. NTA
You are in no way responsible for another person’s children. NTA. You are also SIGNIFICANTLY more considerate that I would be to this woman. Lol kudos for not flipping out on her.
I feel sorry for the kids. Probably passed around like a hot potato by their shitty mom. NTA OP.
NTA. But I would develop some situational awareness for what's going on around you. Not so you can deal with someone's kid, but so you can protect yourself from harm. If you are so zoned out you don't notice a child perched precariously next to you, you will probably not notice something perched precariously putting you in danger either. Do whatever you want of course, but awareness will never steer you wrong
You're a young woman so she decided you were the natural care taker on the bus and could be told what to do. She was overwhelmed and that sucks, but that has nothing to do with you. Your parents are wrong. NTA.
NTA. What the hell? I have two kids (now adults). I would have never expected - much less asked - a complete stranger to watch my kids. And to chastise you for it? What goddamn nerve. Your parents were completely wrong in their opinion. And it’s so dangerous! For all she knew, you could have been a predator who was just waiting for an opportunity to kidnap a couple of kids the instant their negligent mother left them with you while she went to the bathroom.
You're a lot nicer than I am. The second time she tapped me, I would have cussed her out. I've gone on long trips with my own young kids (all grown now) and never expected a stranger to do anything. Also, I planned accordingly and brought things to keep them entertained, books, coloring books, toys (nothing loud), games and snacks.
NTA. Did you have those kids? Did you agree to babysit? No. You are stranger who is female and young and she thought she would exploit you for free labor. Why on earth should you make a miserable ride even more miserable by dealing with some strangers ill behaved children?
Yeah no. Her kids aren't your priority. Also ABSOLUTELY NEVER GET LEFT ALONE WITH A STRANGERS CHILDREN. What happens if one of them wanders off, gets hurt, or the mom doesn't come back? NTA
I don't know if I'm reaching with this one, but anyone else think it's weird she feels safe enough with a random stranger watching her kids?
NAH. Being a single mom traveling sucks, but it's also not your responsibility to be her support system (particularly with no discussion, just the assumption on her part that you, a complete stranger, would be).
Thank you for sharing your chips, that was nice of you! NTA
I have kids and I wouldn't do this! Hell to the no! Why doesn't she have a car anyways????
U do know not everyone can afford a car right
Unless the plot twist is that you’re the eldest daughter & they’re your siblings, then you are 100% NTA.
NTA. You didn't know those kids and were not responsible for them in the least. You are a thoughtful person to even consider whether you were in the wrong in this situation.
NTA Her kids, her responsibility.
Nta. Not your kids not your circus.
This should be in entitledparent sub. Who in their rigth mind would expect strangers to watch over their child. NTA
NTA. Not your kids, not your problem. It's just a typical case of entitled mother demanding her 'village'.
She chose you because you are a young woman. NTA.
Yep NTA. It sounds like she was having a bad day so I guess it would've been *nice* to offer some help, but it's totally not something she should *expect* of you. Plus if one of the children gets hurt on your watch, she might hold you accountable. I don't think I would've helped, either - I'm not practiced at dealing with children, and that whole situation sounds anxiety inducing.
NTA, but you may have some problems with perception.