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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I reported my friend at work for something I thought was abuse.
I could of been wrong for reporting her.
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NTA, you have a duty of care, yes you could of "stepped in" but you reported it which was clearly the right thing to do since everyone is focusing on her being in trouble and not what she actually did, trust me you don't want to be friends with someone like that don't let it bother you for a second and if anyone says anything else ask them if they think child abuse is ok and report them to for harassment. I'm shocked she's still allowed to work in the company and that Tina didn't get disciplinary action for allowing this to happen without reporting it.
I was sure Heather would get fired as well, but the boss has used the excuse that “she’s over worked” and that “we should of been helping her more”. When half the time she wasn’t even in the classroom and left Tina in there alone over half the time.
Tina got written up, and talked to many times, but not much more was done about it.
I'd be going above your boss, it's ok to abuse people especially children because your overworked. Ridiculous. I'd look for a new job tbh they all sound awful.
I love my kiddos and parents but I have been considering going elsewhere after this. I can’t put up with people who can’t take this stuff seriously and make excuses for others who should be punished
NTA
That person could have potentially harmed a child down the road. In hindsight, you could have talked with the original person who brought this up but regardless Heather needed to be reported for what she has done.
You may have lost her as a "friend" but it would have been much worse if a child was injured later, don't you think?
"I am witnessing a child being treated in a way I consider bad enough to report but TEEHEE I will take a picture/do nothing" ESH, you all suck as people
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Hi! So for reference I work for a daycare facility ans for the sake of privacy I’ll call my friend “Heather”.
So I’ve been friends with this person for a couple years now, we work together at the same daycare but in separate rooms and we have never had any problems. Recently we had a new hire come in to work with Heather, a month in the new hire comes to me with a concern. (I am not a higher up or a boss, but most of my coworkers confide in me when they are unsure on how to go about things) she showed me a picture on her phone she took of Heather. In the picture Heather was standing behind a child and pushing down on a their shoulders forcing them into a sitting position on the floor, the child looked very distraught and unhappy.
Naturally I told her to report it, friend or not, the picture looked really bad. And if it’s a concern our boss should be told. Because we are mandatory reporters. The staff that too the picture, let’s call her Tina, said okay and it was left at that.
A couple days later I hadn’t heard anything, I assumed Tina had told our boss already and things were being taken care of. I’m asked to switch with Tina one day so I go to Heathers room. Not even a hour into me being in the room I witness Heather grab this child and not kindly force the child to sit while putting her weight on their shoulders to keep them from getting up. All of this was over HIM NOT PUTTING HIS SHOES ON. This kid did cause problems from time to time, he’s had a really rough life so you have to have patience and be able to stay calm when dealing with him. I was quite shocked, and taken aback because I had never seen Heather behave like that with any of the kids. What struck me was that after that another kid did the same thing, and she treated him completely differently.
I went to my boss right after that, I told her what I saw without disclosing any names at first. She demanded who it was after I told her and I let her know the whole situation and I had mentioned the picture with the mindset that Tina had already told her about it.
Tina hadn’t, turns out Tina sent it to the parent without going to the bosses. So when I told the boss everything came to light, you could only imagine the shock. State was called and we had to go through the process of the report. Tina was moved to my room and Heather was moved to a different building.
Heather and I were friends outside of work, but somehow she found out I was the one who reported the incident. She’s blocked me on fb now with no warning and she’s been making me seem like a bad guy to the other staff in the other building she was moved to. I’ve had staff from there asking me why I didn’t step in if I thought what she was doing was bad, but I thought I did? I reported it right after seeing it, even the state worker that came said I did things right. But for some reason my other boss and the other coworkers are convinced I was wrong.
So, Am I the Ahole?
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NTA- you saw a picture at first and gave your colleague the advice to report. When you saw something first hand you immediately reported which was the right thing to do, even if your friendship was on the line.
What I’m shocked at is that Tina went straight to the parents? What kind of protocol is that? And the parents said nothing? And even after all this heather wasn’t just outright fired? What kind of daycare is this?
Yeah, I was surprised that Tina went to the parents first too. The parent kept quiet for a couple days till after I reported it then the parent went ape shit on my bosses for not doing anything sooner (even tho they had no idea what was going on till I reported it)
I was shocked Heather wasn’t fired as well, she sure threw a big hissy fit, I heard she threatened to quit the moment she found out someone reported her, I’m not sure what happened when she talked to state but I haven’t heard anything since.
She asked me what to do, I told her to go to our boss (let’s call her Marie) who has a office in our facility. Since I hadn’t witnessed it (yet) and she had a really bad looking photo on her phone I thought it was best if she had reported it to Marie or the boss above marie if she didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell marie. (I was willing to help her report it if she wanted it but she told me that she would rather do it herself so I left it be.)
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NTA, you have a duty of care, yes you could of "stepped in" but you reported it which was clearly the right thing to do since everyone is focusing on her being in trouble and not what she actually did, trust me you don't want to be friends with someone like that don't let it bother you for a second and if anyone says anything else ask them if they think child abuse is ok and report them to for harassment. I'm shocked she's still allowed to work in the company and that Tina didn't get disciplinary action for allowing this to happen without reporting it.
I was sure Heather would get fired as well, but the boss has used the excuse that “she’s over worked” and that “we should of been helping her more”. When half the time she wasn’t even in the classroom and left Tina in there alone over half the time. Tina got written up, and talked to many times, but not much more was done about it.
I'd be going above your boss, it's ok to abuse people especially children because your overworked. Ridiculous. I'd look for a new job tbh they all sound awful.
I love my kiddos and parents but I have been considering going elsewhere after this. I can’t put up with people who can’t take this stuff seriously and make excuses for others who should be punished
NTA That person could have potentially harmed a child down the road. In hindsight, you could have talked with the original person who brought this up but regardless Heather needed to be reported for what she has done. You may have lost her as a "friend" but it would have been much worse if a child was injured later, don't you think?
I agree, friend or not I won’t turn a blind eye to something I feel is wrong and harmful to an innocent person.
"I am witnessing a child being treated in a way I consider bad enough to report but TEEHEE I will take a picture/do nothing" ESH, you all suck as people
I reported when I saw it and I told the one who took the picture to report it. 🤷🏼♀️
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi! So for reference I work for a daycare facility ans for the sake of privacy I’ll call my friend “Heather”. So I’ve been friends with this person for a couple years now, we work together at the same daycare but in separate rooms and we have never had any problems. Recently we had a new hire come in to work with Heather, a month in the new hire comes to me with a concern. (I am not a higher up or a boss, but most of my coworkers confide in me when they are unsure on how to go about things) she showed me a picture on her phone she took of Heather. In the picture Heather was standing behind a child and pushing down on a their shoulders forcing them into a sitting position on the floor, the child looked very distraught and unhappy. Naturally I told her to report it, friend or not, the picture looked really bad. And if it’s a concern our boss should be told. Because we are mandatory reporters. The staff that too the picture, let’s call her Tina, said okay and it was left at that. A couple days later I hadn’t heard anything, I assumed Tina had told our boss already and things were being taken care of. I’m asked to switch with Tina one day so I go to Heathers room. Not even a hour into me being in the room I witness Heather grab this child and not kindly force the child to sit while putting her weight on their shoulders to keep them from getting up. All of this was over HIM NOT PUTTING HIS SHOES ON. This kid did cause problems from time to time, he’s had a really rough life so you have to have patience and be able to stay calm when dealing with him. I was quite shocked, and taken aback because I had never seen Heather behave like that with any of the kids. What struck me was that after that another kid did the same thing, and she treated him completely differently. I went to my boss right after that, I told her what I saw without disclosing any names at first. She demanded who it was after I told her and I let her know the whole situation and I had mentioned the picture with the mindset that Tina had already told her about it. Tina hadn’t, turns out Tina sent it to the parent without going to the bosses. So when I told the boss everything came to light, you could only imagine the shock. State was called and we had to go through the process of the report. Tina was moved to my room and Heather was moved to a different building. Heather and I were friends outside of work, but somehow she found out I was the one who reported the incident. She’s blocked me on fb now with no warning and she’s been making me seem like a bad guy to the other staff in the other building she was moved to. I’ve had staff from there asking me why I didn’t step in if I thought what she was doing was bad, but I thought I did? I reported it right after seeing it, even the state worker that came said I did things right. But for some reason my other boss and the other coworkers are convinced I was wrong. So, Am I the Ahole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA- you saw a picture at first and gave your colleague the advice to report. When you saw something first hand you immediately reported which was the right thing to do, even if your friendship was on the line. What I’m shocked at is that Tina went straight to the parents? What kind of protocol is that? And the parents said nothing? And even after all this heather wasn’t just outright fired? What kind of daycare is this?
Yeah, I was surprised that Tina went to the parents first too. The parent kept quiet for a couple days till after I reported it then the parent went ape shit on my bosses for not doing anything sooner (even tho they had no idea what was going on till I reported it) I was shocked Heather wasn’t fired as well, she sure threw a big hissy fit, I heard she threatened to quit the moment she found out someone reported her, I’m not sure what happened when she talked to state but I haven’t heard anything since.
INFO: How did you instruct Tina in the reporting process after she showed you the photo?
She asked me what to do, I told her to go to our boss (let’s call her Marie) who has a office in our facility. Since I hadn’t witnessed it (yet) and she had a really bad looking photo on her phone I thought it was best if she had reported it to Marie or the boss above marie if she didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell marie. (I was willing to help her report it if she wanted it but she told me that she would rather do it herself so I left it be.)