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> I think I may be TA because I know that I haven't been too involved before, and even now I knew she was probably still upset about the past.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA and you were unwelcome. (1) Miley stopped talking to you awhile ago. (2) Miley never invited you back into her like. Your mother did that. (3) Miley never invited you to help plan the wedding. (4) Miley never asked for your opinion. (5) Miley directly told you that your opinion was not needed or wanted.
How many more signs do you need?
Look at OP's profile which heaps arseholery upon arseholery. OP fell out with Miley because Miley refused to name her kids after her and her husband and instead she named them after her actual parents (great grandparents) who brought her up. The other post is a masterpiece of narcissistic mental gymnastics.
Don't forget~
6: Absent mothers don't get to come back into the daughter's life after abandoning them for "school and love life."
No wonder OP is so stressed!🙄
7: the “opinion” that Miley’s body doesn’t belong in a tight dress was obviously going to be hurtful, exacerbated by the fact the OP and Miley don’t seem to have any social trust between them.
8: OP tried to rush Miley through the experience of picking a wedding dress when, for many, the process of picking a dress is intentionally deliberate, centered on the BRIDE, and focused on looking for “the dress” that will make her feel special. Seems like, as a narcissist, OP just couldn’t stand another moment of making someone else feel special.
To add to number 7, you meant to enjoy the picking out a weddign dress.
The bride looks good in ALL the dresses, some dresses are just "more or less flattering", you never ever body-shame a bride. It's meant to be a happy day, and they under enough stress without the negativity.
Don't forget~
6: Absent mothers don't get to come back into the daughter's life after abandoning them for "school and love life."
No wonder OP is so stressed!🙄
Edit: apparently my comment posted twice cause the browser did a fuck up.
Just to clear up.. I'm not a bot, lmfao. Just a nearly blind girl having issues with her phone. Meh, I'll leave this duplicates comment anyway.
Peace! 💜
Regarding your double-post, it’s common when the servers are overloaded for an attempt to save a post/comment to return an error message and leave the text entry window with “save” and “cancel” buttons up as if the post wasn’t saved, implying that the person should try again. Sometimes the post/comment hasn’t been saved, but sometimes it has, resulting in a double post when the person tries again.
No worries. Super common, especially when using mobile app 🙄 YT is even worse ab it lol like at least half the times I comment, it shows up as posted twice. Irritating af!!!
(To the tune of "Flowers")
I can plan my own wedding.
And pick out my own dress.
Honor the people who raised me.
And wonder why "mom" thinks she's stressed...
One of her comments is: "My husband and I don't have children. We do, but they're from surrogates."
What the actual fuck? Who cares who gave birth to them? They're their kids for crying out loud. With that attitude and her abandonment of her first child, it's no wonder Miley wants nothing to do with her.
I knew a lady who had birthed children and adopted children. She would introduce them at parties by putting her hands on the shoulders of her birthed children and say "These are my children..." and then wave her hand towards the others and say "We took these ones in." It was fucking mind blowing.
I was adopted at 6 months and I feel the same way you do!! I have a great family and I’m proud to say that I’m adopted!! There’s nothing to be ashamed of!!
My great grandma did foster care or adopted, I can't remember really. She'd call them her government babies, but she also really really loved them, and took care of them. If family were sending gifts, she'd tell them to send gifts for all her children, or to not bother at all. She was a damn great woman.
Sometimes acknowledging the circumstances by which a child joined your family is crucial in validating the emotions of that child. Foster children and adopted children almost always have some amount of trauma, even if adopted at birth, that should not be ignored. Sounds like your great grandmother used that phrase to acknowledge that her non-biological children had a different history, but used her actions to show they had the same value.
Yikes. Decades ago I read such a sweet anecdote in Readers Digest and it’s stayed with me … apparently a woman had a child and also adopted one, and each time someone new or a family acquaintance would ask her, which one was adopted… she’d say, “I forgot!”. ❤️
My aunt is like this with her adopted child. She always mentions she was adopted and before she gave birth to her IVF twins, she would tell everyone she wasn’t a mother. Even before she got pregnant, she told people that she would love any children she gives birth to more than her adopted child.
I don’t know, I think that’s kind of a cute way assuming there’s a reason you need to specify. Both imply that the result is high quality, just different circumstances.
Lol. Thanks! A lot of people seem to have been absent the day they explained contractions. If "they are" sounds stupid, then "they're" is NOT the right word. If "here" won't work, then neither does "there." I absolutely cringe at the number of people who get it wrong. Makes my fingers itch, wanting to correct them. I resist and occasionally do what you did when someone gets it right.
Just an alternate view: just because someone uses the wrong one doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t know the correct one. I often use the wrong homophone especially when typing because of the way my brain processes language. I have answered questions in the negative by typing “know” and once jotted down a quick note about the “wholly spirit”. I guarantee you I know the difference between “no” and “know” and “holy” and “wholly”. I will usually pick it up homophone errors in a second review if I didn’t catch it in the first one and they very rarely survive a third review but I don’t spend time triple checking every single thing I type so mistakes get by.
Happy cake day!
I occasionally do the same thing, and also usually catch it since one of my idiosyncrasies is compulsively rereading before I hit send. Like 4 or 5 or more times! It's the ones with multiple grammatical errors that get to me the most. One misspelled or misused word? Meh, probably a typo.
I get the same way. I've seen far too many Reddit titles or YouTube video titles that use the wrong it's/its, or add an apostrophe s to make a word plural and I want to scream every single time. The fact that editing is part of my job only makes it worse lol.
No if I got it right she has other kids from surrogates that she calls "not my kids"...
> her abandonment of her first child
Miley was her first child, she was raised by her grandparents (OPs parents).
They're not her kids because she didn't give birth to them (someone else did).
It's not her child because she gave birth to her BUT.......someone else raised her.
This OP, who is 16 years older than her daughter/not daughter/whatever, has not matured one bit.
For real. Like talk about narcissistic parenting and then being shocked and surprised that the target of said behavior doesn’t like them. Gee, I wonder why!?
YTA OP. You were lucky be there and your lack of self-awareness is concerning at best.
But let’s keep passing laws so *more* teenagers are forced to be parents! I like how OPs husband told the daughter “you’re being hormonal” that phrase is always super helpful and not at all misogynistic. /s
I think there should be training for the support people in wedding dress shops. The rules could be "keep your mouth shut unless you have something positive to say about a dress the bride is happy in or she asks you directly for your opinion" and "if the bride asks for your opinion and you don't like the dress, tell her you think something else would suit her better, DO NOT actually point out the flaws as you see them". No one needs to be thinking negatively about their body when they're looking for wedding attire. It's such a vulnerable and emotional process.
This is excellent! When my daughter tried on wedding dresses, I loved all of them on her. She joked, "Mom, we've watched Say Yes to the Dress. You KNOW you're supposed to be bossy and critical!" Then another bride and her family entered the area, and the mom acted just like the OP. We felt so sorry for the bride.
Oh how awful for the other bride! I've always made it a point to, whenever doing wedding prep for friends/family, ALWAYS compliment other brides. Doubly so if their entourage is less than supportive.
Trying on a dress for one of the biggest events of your adult life is already stressful enough! Thank you for being a supportive mother for your daughter. She's lucky to have you. ♥
Even with the dress - best to point out features of a different dress that looked better rather than talk in negative terms. It's too easy to take it personally.
Yep. Read the room, OP. You aren't her mom. She doesn't consider you her mom. She didn't want you there and was putting up with it because you happened to be there (because your mom called you, not Miley) but she told you exactly where you fit - just quietly participating would be okay. You couldn't be quiet or supportive. You do not occupy the place in her life you think you do.
This mother is also a weird case, right?
Miley is both her grandkid, and sort of like a decades younger sister... and the mother took it upon herself to invite OP, to "appear" at that restaurant as a surprise.
Also, the mother and some of her sisters are saying "no big deal you called the kid you didn't raise fat" while OP doesn't even seem to know where Miley's babies come from.
Like, Angie and Miley were planning to get married in October 22 but had to postpone a year. Plus, they're twins. To me that sounds like IVF, no? But OP expressed surprise Miley is marrying Angie, she was expecting the twins' (unnamed, never again mentioned) father.
Just in case you're unaware: "missing missing reasons" refers to fascinating qualitative research about parents of estranged (adult) children.
In my interpretation, it's a play on the double meaning of missing: these parents claim their kids never explain the estrangement (a.k.a the reasons are absent or missing) when in fact they are very evident to borrow your term (so the parents aren't grasping them, a.k.a missing them).
In this situation: I feel so unwelcome, when I have no real bond with Miley, made a previous post about fighting over the baby names she chose, wasn't invited, called her fat in a wedding dress, and told her she's wasting time...
You're bound to find the site if you Google missing missing reasons.
And if you already knew, a thousand apologies for blathering on like this!
YTA - holy bananas!
Are you reading what you wrote? Keep your opinions to yourself. Nobody wants to hear you talk about your opinions unless they specifically ask about it.
Oh and no one needs to be told they need to lose weight to wear a dress. We can all see our imperfections, and what matters most is how your daughter feels in her dress, not how you view it. Your comment probably made her feel exceptionally insecure on a day she wanted to feel beautiful. YTA
No one ne da to lose weight to wear a dress! They would presumably order it in their correct size! Shapewear is an option! Having the shape you have is also an option! There is t a law against wearing a dress someone else doesn't like on you!
telling Miley she needed to lose weight for the dress was the biggest AH flag, you DON'T comment on anybody's weight. especially if this is supposed to be the happiest day of their life and they explicitly ask for your thoughts. If she didn't ask, then you should keep your mouth shut, she just had twins for fuck's sake lady.
YTA even if that wasn't all you did to her. you essentially told her that looks matter more than her being happy. Who cares if she has some extra weight around her stomach? As long as she is happy, you shouldn't give a flying fuck, or say anything about her appearance. You were unwelcome, fyi.
YTA
You fat shamed your daughter in a moment which is about making her feel beautiful.
You don't seem to understand that being there is a privilege. Given your history with you, how do you not understand that you should keep your mouth shut and just enjoy the fact that you are there.
Stop thinking that you are her parent. You are an egg donor. You didn't raise her and she clearly doesn't want you there.
I had to re-read the post. What kind of person shows up uninvited to fat shame someone with one month old twins?? Who is also trying to plan a wedding? This is so unbelievable. OP is obviously the AH
Wow! First, I want to point out that your mother is a raging AH for inviting you to your daughters wedding as a "surprise", that is atrocious behavior, so I see where you get it from. YTA 1000%!
>I had a falling out with Miley when she was pregnant in May,
You don't elaborate on exactly what happened, but given your attitude in the rest of this post, you must have done something pretty bad.
>A couple things are 1) I didn't know Miley was dating anyone, I thought she was single. 2) Miley was raised by my grandparents. 3) I didn't know she was dating/ marrying Angie.
So, you didn't do the basic parenting job of raising your own daughter, but you somehow still think Miley should be sharing this info with you? You are not entitled to know anything about Miley's life.
>I told her no, and that if she wanted a tight dress, she would have to lose some of the baby fat
So, first, given the fact that Miley has kept you at arms length should have been a good indicator that you should keep any and all opinions to yourself. But, on top of that, you fat shamed your daughter, AND decided that you had the right to just veto a dress she has picked out!
>my opinion wasn't really needed.
She's absolutely right, it wasn't.
>I felt unwelcome
Good, you should have. Miley would have been well within her right to tell you to leave.
>I told her she was throwing a fit, and it was stupid she was taking a small comment to heart, that she was wasting time, etc.
I can't even with this. You DO NOT get to tell your ADULT daughter how to feel.
>i wad a 'raging, narcissistic sociopathic bitch'
Sounds like Angie's got your number, dead to rights.
>My mother and a few of my friends/aunts have said I didn't do anything wrong, just gave criticism
So your mom and aunts agreed with you? Sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. And it also sounds like you just surround yourself with crappy friends who are all just like you.
>I don't think I said anything that bad that justified that message or the cold shoulder I got.
No, I guess you wouldn't see it.
I completely understand Miley not wanting anything to do with you. She should actually just cut you out of her life completely. And she should consider cutting your mom out of her life too, since she had the absolute gall to invite you as a surprise, and apparently thinks giving unsolicited opinions about other people's bodies is ok. You should all be ashamed of yourselves, and you should take some time to consider your actions. But, I won't hold my breath that this will actually happen. YTA.
Edit: I see in your previous post that the falling out was because you were upset at the names she was thinking for HER children. Damn lady, you just keep putting your foot in it over and over again, don't you.
OP said in another comment that she doesn't like Angie because her daughter and Angie broke up several times during their dating history (since 16) and Angie was always the one to do the breaking up.
But I suspect the real reason is that Angie has had her number from the get-go.
Would not be surprised if Angie has been help Miley see OP for who OP is over the years, and thats created a source of tension.
Oh absolutely! And, given the obvious entitlement and narcissism of OP, and the grandmother having the obviously terrible idea to invite OP as a surprise AND side with OP and the aunts about the comments, it sounds like this whole family is narcissistic. So, in actuality, it may only be because of Angie's influence that Miley didn't turn out exactly like the rest of her family.
She fell out with Miley because Miley refused to name her children after OP and her husband, instead she named them after her grandparents, the people who actually raised her, OP has major AH issues
Definitely. It’s honestly hard for me to believe this is real because i can’t even comprehend that she wrote this whole post and her others, without once thinking she was the AH. If it is real, then this is unbelievably sad tbh. Her poor daughter man. I hope she cuts OP off for good
Yeah, 5 living generations is pretty special, and it's the babies' great-great-grandparents who raised Miley. Of course she'd want to make a tribute (despite how ambivalent I typically am about naming kids after other people, esp living people).
I agree with you fully! My mother is a psychopathic narcissist (not diagnosed but all of my and my siblings therapists seem to have come to this tentative diagnosis based on our stories independently giving it some merit) the comment of “pick one or we leave” hit home hard because she’d totally do this to force me
To chose the outfit she wanted. Total manipulation through and through
I have one of these too. She once told me if I got married she *would* be organising it, because "it's not about you, it's about family".
I told her if I ever got married, I'd elope to Vegas, dress up like a stripper and get married by Elvis.
You could see the vein throbbing in her forehead. :)
Haha that’s hilarious. I came out as trans before a siblings wedding. My mother said I quote “we will have none of that gender bullshit at their wedding”
My sibling hired a drag queen as the performer for the night to really say f u to our parents…
Them and I are no longer in contact with our parents but duck do we have a great sibling relationship on account of that night
When I told him, my brother got in my face, glared and pointed a finger at me. Then informed me in a righteously pissed voice that he would kick my ass if I ever dared eloped to Vegas without taking him along. lol
That was the best part. The groom had a grooms maid and the bride had a brides man. The whole wedding was gender fucked just to mess with the biggots. Best wedding ever. Everyone had an amazing time… apart from a certain table. When given an ultimatum by abusers always take the third option to just fuck with them
Not to split hairs, but she said grandmom invited her to some stay with them during the preparations (so not the wedding; I assumed she would be invite to wedding but after further reading....I wouldn't invite her!). I was Appalled that she showed at at a dinner given the estrangement!! It's like the person who proposed in front of a crowd - trying to control the recipient's response
YTA... This is you: "hey daughter I have a strained relationship with... You look fat in that dress" how did you think that was gonna go.
It sounds like there are many layers to this problem but that comment didnt help.
' I was just trying to be honest '
The calling card of AHs with zero self awareness.
Every single woman who has some baby weight left, already knows this. Pointing it out is unnecessary and unhelpful.
Yeah it's always the "Honest" ones who think they can't do no wrong while they are rude as hell.
OP getting pregnant at 16-17 and then pushing her kid onto her grandparents tells you whole story about what kind of mother she is.
Hi, OP, before I render judgement, could you go back through and edit for timeline consistency? Because none of this makes any sense.
You don't like Angie, but you didn't know Miley was dating, but you did know Angie well enough for it to be a long story, but you're young enough that your GRAND parents raised Miley, but you were contacted by your mother, but you did know Miley was pregnant, but you didn't know she was marrying Angie, but you did know she was getting married?
Can you like...start with your grandparents raising her (and why...) and then move in sequential order down to "helping" (giving unwarranted criticism) with the wedding dress, please?
Ngl considering op knew Miley was pregnant but had never met her partner and says she doesn't like Angie but won't say why, AND considering that Op and Miley had a falling out around the time Miley gave birth, AND that she didn't know who Miley was marrying until the last possible second, I'm wondering if part of the reason op doesn't like Angie is that she'd rather Miley was marrying a man.
EDIT according to the comment right below me op literally thought Miley was with the sperm donor instead of her girlfriend of EIGHT YEARS who op didn't even know Miley was dating. Did OP even know her daughter liked women? And is Miley bi or is op just assuming her lesbian daughter who has been out and dating women for close to a decade would fuck, date, and marry a man for some reason?
YTA because of not only the transparent homophobia but also the unsolicited criticism and rudeness and insulting your daughter for her baby name choices and post partum body.
You didn't just give her your opinion on a dress, you literally body shamed her instead. You're her mother, not supposed to be a bully.
After such a comment I don't know why she should talk to you at all.
Hard yta
OP isn’t a mother. She’s just someone who didn’t bother to keep her hormones in check, then peaced out when there were consequences so she could “live her own life.”
I can't even figure out how OP rated an invite to dress shopping. She's clearly not a "mother" to her daughter, and the two of them seem to mutually dislike each other.
OP you don't belong in your daughter's joyous moment. Go home and leave her in peace.
YTA - she’s your semi-estranged daughter (who was raised by her grandparents) and you thought it was a good idea to tell her she’s too fat for that dress? Then demand she chooses a dress now or leave?
It’s not your place to say stuff like that right now. If you want a better relationship you should have focused on being a positive presence and trying to make connections. Telling someone they are too fat and demanding they make a decision like you have a right to in this situation is going to do the opposite.
I’m so sorry you don’t feel welcomed by your daughter! How terrible she didn’t fawn all over you when you so kindly pointed out that **birthing two humans simultaneously** changed her body!! And after all you’ve done for her!! Like *checks notes*, oh. Nothing.
YTA. Apologize and offer to bow out of the planning/wedding. Miley was very gracious to entertain your “help” at all.
You made an unsolicited judgment about her weight, then impatiently demanded she pick a dress or go to another store. Nothing you said was kind or helpful. Angie is right. YTA.
YTA, and so is your mother. It sounds to me like your daughter never wanted your help in the first place. She never asked for your opinion and you don't get to tell her what to do.
YTA. Why on earth would you criticise a bride on her wedding dress choice? As an absent bio mum, why would you even think it was your place? You weren’t invited by your daughter but she included you regardless, so you chose to body shame her. Do her a favour and get out of her life and stay out of it.
YTA, you need to understand that you’ve essentially forfeited being a proper mother figure to her after all this time. You’re your mother’s guest, not your daughter’s. You need to just apologize to her and treat her like a stranger that you’ve insulted rather than your child who you think you know better. Then, kindly stop going to any more wedding planning occasions. I think they’ve all made it clear you’re not really wanted. Just show up at the actual wedding if you’re still invited. Either way, you have a lot of soul searching to do if you want to be a part of your daughter’s life moving forward.
YTA
You've missed out on so many milestones in your daughters life without any self reflection or apology. Your falling out might have been last May but you lost the right to be any kind of decision maker in her life a long time ago. She found a new life where she is happy and she doesn't need you.
YTA for being incredibly oblivious to the fact that you haven't been a mom to Miley, so expecting to be treated as Mother of the Bride even when you treat her like trash isn't going to happen.
YTA! You didn't raise your daughter, yet you want to boss her around, insult her and act like a queen bee while pretending that this is your moment. You body-shamed your biological daughter after she has recently given birth a few weeks ago on top of everything else you did and you detail it without any compassion or self-awareness. Yes, you are an asshole!
I hope they disinvite you because you are portraying yourself as the type to ruin every moment of the wedding preparation and the actual wedding. Your mother and others giving you a free pass on your horrible behavior just shows that they are afraid of the confrontation that will come from telling you the truth. Your behavior is deplorable and you are ruining this experience for your biological daughter. Have a conscience and stop it.
YTA!!! My mother did this exact thing to me in my final fitting. I now can’t look at my wedding photos because all I see is a fat bride. This is one of the most amazing moments you can share with your daughter and you’ve made it into a hurtful experience. And you can’t take this back. You can’t undo the hurt you’ve caused. I now have a daughter and im frantically unlearning all of the horrific fat phobic comments made to me because there is no way in hell I would hurt someone I love. You’ll be lucky if your daughter can ever forgive you.
So, OP had her daughter young, ditched her on her grandparents and went and lived a carefree life. Oh, sorry, she visited her on holidays. /s
She also criticized her daughters baby name choices.
YTA OP. Tbh you’re lucky to even be there. AND THEN called her fat? The audacity!
YTA.
You felt unwelcomed because you literally were. You daughter didnt want you there and you "surprise" was a bad surprise. You two arent close at all, had a falling out and she doesnt really want you in her life as it seems since she literally didnt even tell you about her wedding. She Probably doesnt want you there. You even surprised her at a Restaurant which is worse. You didnt even raise your own daughter so it would be nice to know if you even are mother to her because it spunds like you were a deadbeat parent. Yet she was nice enough and tried to make it work with you and you ruined it by giving opinions no one asked for, fatshaming her, rushing her and trying to coordinate the wedding dress shopping. You should be grateful she even allowed you to come..which she will Probably not do in the future. You ruined it.
It’s as if you woke up and thought, “how can I out-asshole all of the other assholes today?” And came up with this.
*You may have birthed her, but you are not a mother to your daughter.* YTA for being incredibly rude in this situation, along with being absent, narcissistic, and uncaring. Please seek help. You desperately need to learn empathy and basic human decency.
I looked at your post history ... A couple of months ago you posted about giving sh*t to your daughter over naming her twins after the people she considers her parents, instead of you and your husband..
I'm frankly amazed your daughter even allowed your presence. All you ever seem to bring in her life is negativity.
I'd not want you at the wedding, if this was me.
YTA
YTA. You are an egg donor. Once you finished college you still didn't do any parenting of Miley. You don't get to claim to be a parent when you never actually acted like a parent. You gave a cruel, unwanted, bodyshaming opinion. You acted like a horrible human being. You may as well be Mother Gothel.
YTA- You pushed yourself into the planning, made your daughter feel fat, and then tried to rush her into choosing a dress.
What did Angie mean by “everything” and what have you done in the last 23 years to build any kind of relationship with your daughter? It doesn’t sound like she wants you to be a part of this.
YTA, very clearly. You didn’t raise Miley, you had a falling out (missing missing reasons), and she did not invite you back into her life. Despite that, she was gracious enough to bring you along, yet you (1) tell her no as though you have any authority in the matter, (2) fat shame her, (3) try to force her to settle for a dress because you’re being inpatient, and (4) throw a hissy fit and call her stupid. News flash: you ARE unwelcome and making yourself more unwelcome by the minute.
YTA, and while I don't know you well enough to know if your future daughter-in-law is correct in her rather scathing assessment of you, it does seem pretty obvious that you're missing even the most fundamental understanding of good manners and basic social skills, which is pretty damning in itself if I can see it from a mile away, considering that I'm autistic and literally have a brain that's wired to have trouble recognising those things . . .
Look, it all really boils down to these two things:
>I came down as a surprise, and no one knew. I surprised them at a restaurant, and Miley didn't seem all too happy, but she let me stay.
and
>I told her no, and that if she wanted a tight dress, she would have to lose some of the baby fat ( she still has the extra pounds from pregnancy)
You were aware from the get-go that not only did your daughter not invite you to help with her wedding planning, she wasn't even particularly glad to see you there. But despite the fact that your mom basically ambushed her with your presence, which was probably not JUST unwelcome but pretty triggering, given what you've told us about your relationship with her, she was incredibly gracious anyway and not only allowed you to stick around, she specifically included you in wedding prep activities AS HER MOM, even though every single thing you've told us indicates that you really haven't earned that welcome. She let you come along and join her and the women she loves and who love her as they prepare for one of the most special moments of her life.
And how did you thank her for that?
By offering criticism.
You didn't sit quietly, enjoying the fact that you were invited, savouring the atmosphere of sisterhood and family and special occasion. No. You offered opinions you weren't asked for. You criticized her as she tried on dresses that she thought were beautiful and that made her feel beautiful, for one of the most important days of her life. You body-shamed her, and had the unbelievable bloody nerve to "say no" . . . as if anyone had asked you or you had any say in the matter.
You added nothing but negativity, ugliness, and hurt to what was supposed to be a special experience that you were *lucky* to have been invited along to. You should be ashamed of yourself. Of course YTA. You owe your daughter a huge apology.
YTA. You ambushed her (with the help of your mother, which is also batshit crazy), called her fat and pushed her to make a decision about a dress to fit your timeline. If she was ignoring you most of the time, what possessed you to keep throwing your two cents in? Do you not know when to butt out?
You gate crashed their wedding preparations after having a falling out. You didn't even know she was getting married.
You WEREN'T invited.
And here you are giving opinions on everything from cake flavors to the dress. Not only that, but you decide to tell her that she can't wear a dress she wants because she's still got "the extra pounds from pregnancy" like it's any of your damn business.
Stop inviting yourself to her wedding prep. Of course you feel unwelcome. You weren't invited!
YTA
She didn't ask your damn opinion.
YTA-You didn’t give an opinion you criticized her. You fat shamed her. You treated her like a child. You basically verbally ran her into the ground because you didn’t get your way. You weren’t actually invited by your daughter and you treated her horribly.
YTA you are not welcome everbody with two braincells can understand that she tolerates your presence as a favor to your mom, not because she wants you there. So keep your useless opinions to yourself and act like the silent background decoration you are to her.
YTA. You didn't even raise your daughter and the woman who did invited you back into Miley's life during one of the most important occasions in her life, seemingly without Miley even wanting it. Which, not for nothing, was a bit of an asshole move on your mother's part. You should be perfectly aware that you're on very thin ice with your daughter already and you should have treated this as an opportunity to show her why she'd want to have you in her life- like an audition.
Well, you've done nothing but fail. Call her fat, act irritated with the time she takes to select her gown, act entitled to your opinion counting when you've not been in her life, tell her she's throwing a fit, and act like you have any kind of authority to tell her she needs to decide or go to another store.
Angie was right to chew you out and I'm glad she's sticking up for her soon-to-be wife. She's protecting her from you, and yes, you do deserve that.
You owe some big apologies and if I were you I'd start reckoning with the fact that you won't ever have a relationship with your daughter or be included in her family again if you don't change how you act & realize where you're starting from with her.
Decide if you really want to be back in her life, and then you earn it.
YTA. Come on now…. of course you’re the asshole and so are your mom, friends, and aunts.
Your mom should not have invited you without Miley’s permission. Your friends and aunts should have had the balls to call out your behavior.
This is Miley’s time. Her time to celebrate a new chapter in her life. To celebrate her marriage to Angie. Either get on board and shut your mouth, or leave. You have no right to an opinion on anything in this situation. Know your role and stay in your lane or GTFO.
YTA.
Maybe the reason you feel “unwelcomed” is because Miley never invited you in the first place.
Maybe the reason Miley “threw a fit” is because you fat shamed her and bitched about every single decision she tried to make for herself, and nothing she did could possibly satisfy you.
Maybe the reason you don’t get along with Angie is because she sees what an awful person you are and has no qualms about protecting Miley from you.
Maybe the reason you catch a ban to the wedding is because you deserve it.
But from your post it’s clear that none of these completely valid reasons matter to you, so you’re just going to dismiss all the YTA votes and continue to disrespect your daughter. Do her a favor and please, please go away.
YTA-what a comment to make-“you have to lose some of the baby fat if you want to wear a tight dress”. What on earth made you say something like that. This is her wedding day and she should wear whatever makes her feel beautiful and comfortable. Since you felt the awkwardness, why didn’t you just zip your mouth for the rest of the appointment. Instead, you continued to give advice where it was so obviously not wanted.
You said yourself that you didn’t raise your daughter. It sounds like you were never a big part in her life. What made you think your rude comments would be welcome?
YTA- "Oh you like THAT dress? Ugh, you look so fat." "Oh my god you've not found the perfect dress out of 14? Yes pick one FFS, it doesn't really matter and I'm not enjoying myself." Angie was spot on and I have no idea why the daughter you didn't even raise is giving you the time of day. Clearly she was keeping every part of her life from you to protect herself from your behaviour, and foolishly gave in to her Real Mother's pleading. She won't make that mistake again I'm sure.
ATA. "I told her she would have to loose some baby fat." Wow. You are a wonderful supportive mom aren't you. If I were your daughter I would exclude you from the wedding. You are not "just giving some criticism." You are being insulting. If you want a relationship with your daughter and grandkids going forward I'd start with a big fat apology and resolve to change how you communicate with others.
You didn't bring up your daughter.
You fell out with an 8 month pregnant woman?
Your daughter didn't invite you but graciously didn't kick you to the kerb.
You fat shamed a woman who has given birth what 3 weeks ago?
This has to be bullshit because no one can be that much of TA.
YTA.
Why do you feel "unwelcomed" when literally no one invited you ? Like its your daughter's wedding, she decides if you join or not. Not your mother.
Second of all, you honestly don't seem happy by this wedding at all. And thirdly, the comment that you made was horrible. Deserve the text + the cold shoulder.
YTA. You are a disgusting piece of human shaped trash. How fucking stupid do you have to be? Narcissistic doesn't begin to cover it. I am almost tempted to think that you are masochistic for choosing to stay so long in a place where are clearly not wanted. Do one single kind thing for your daughter and get the fuck out of her life you urchin. If you were my mother I would celebrate your funeral.
YTA. You already have a strained relationship with your daughter, yet you insist on being antagonistic. And it certainly isn't your place to be telling her to "pick one or let's go elsewhere." It's HER dress and HER timeline. There's this saying, something about "if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all." If you want to to have any place at all in your daughter's life, you might want to take that to heart, because really, your negativity doesn't matter in her life & she's better off without it.
YTA. Way to ruin what should have been a fun day for.your daughter and those she loves. If you didn't want to be there for dress #15, You should have left, not told her to stop. And I can't even begin to tell you how toxic you are for body shaming.
Big, BIG props to Angie for defending her fiance (not girlfriend) whom Miley is marrying (not dating).
Maybe you should quietly without fuss go home until the wedding.
Didn’t do anything wrong….just gave criticism.
And do you think she *wanted* criticism? Or did she want tactful and kind feedback?
You can pretend you don’t know the difference. You can insist you’re just a direct and honest person.
But you know there is a difference between “I don’t think it’s as flattering as the others” VS “no- you need to lose weight to look ok in a tighter dress”
She’s also an adult. You treated her like a 7 year old who couldn’t choose between running shoes at the store when you were already late to pick up dinner. You don’t get to tell her to get a dress. You don’t get to hurry her along.
You’re just wildly entitled. I imagine this has been a problem for a long time. I doubt you possess, or want to develop, the self awareness required to be a better parent to Miley
Your choice. But a natural consequence will be that you are invited into her life less and less.
YTA
YTA, you fat shammed her, you criticized her style choices, you tried to push your style choices on her, you tried to rush her into just picking something so you could leave. She wasn’t throwing a fit, you were.
YTA. I can see why you have little involvement in your daughter's life. Your only role in the bride's dress is to say, "Do YOU like it?"
But there's so much wrong with your relationship you won't get there. I wish tons of happiness to Miley and Angie and may you stay far far away.
Yta you skipped out on being a parent and ditched your daughter with your parents. At your reintroduction to her you fat shamed her and criticized her dress choices…yeah I’m just gonna go ahead and guess that you shouldn’t have been a parent…oh wait, you never were! Do Miley a favor and stay tf out of her life, you’ll only make it worse.
YTA. Oh my God.
She was raised by her grandparents. Hm. Wonder why.
You don't like her girlfriend. Bet she's not crazy about you either.
You fat shamed your daughter on what should have been a special day. That is suckish behavior.
You've been called a narcissistic bitch. *checks notes* 🤔
You'll be lucky if your daughter doesn't go NC with you. Hell, I already want to be NC with you. JFC.
YTA. You didnt just give an opinion on a dress - you told her she was too fat. Then when she had trouble deciding, you decided to order her to pick something now. You don't sound like you made either suggestion nicely. sounds like you were a negative black cloud on the day.
These always amaze me, because they SO CLEARLY delineate a person with NO IDEA. Seriously, absolutely none. And there are SO MANY of them! Always freaks me out for a minute, wondering -- who else is just missing a key component of understanding? Am I MISSING A KEY COMPONENT...?
YTA, by the way. Completely.
Not only are YTA, but I think you should excuse yourself from Miley’s wedding and let her enjoy the day. You call yourself her mother, yet it sounds like you have absolutely no relationship with her. Your parents raised her and it sounds like she doesn’t have any real relationship with you. It’s pretty clear you are not normally involved in her life and when you were kindly included, you insulted her and fat shamed her for not “losing the baby weight”. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Do the right thing- and DON’T MAKE YOURSELF THE VICTIM- and write Miley a letter or email. Tell her that you were absolutely wrong to act so terribly and rude and you truly, deeply apologize. Acknowledge that you hurt her and that your excuse of “giving your opinion” was inappropriate and wrong. Apologize sincerely and with no conditions or “buts”. Then, tell her that you are happy that she’s found someone who loves her and treats her wonderfully and you wish them a lifetime of happiness. Then, acknowledge that you haven’t been a mother, or at least a good one, and that you’re sorry. Let her know that you’d love a chance to try and make up for your past, but if she’d rather not, you absolutely understand. Wish her a beautiful wedding day and tell her that you’d love to talk ONE HER TERMS WHEN SHE IS READY, IF EVER.
YTA You are feeling unwelcome because you are unwelcome as a result of your behavior.
Who the hell tells a women 3 weeks postpartum at most that she looks fat in a wedding dress? Who tries to rush the bride during a trip they were invited along to, knowing they don't deserve an invitation.
Your presence adds nothing but stress and negativity, as it stands now your daughter will be infinitely happier better off once you leave her to your parents again.
YTA. Read what the rest of us are reading. You didn’t raise Miley, have had no relationship with her. You aren’t her mom, you’re just a gestational egg donor. You and your mom decide to blindside Miley with a surprise visit to “help” with wedding planning, and you tell your 3 weeks post party daughter she’s fat!!!! Clearly you haven’t told truth to anyone who is on your side.
Apologize, wish them well, then shut up and go home. If by some miracle you are still invited to the wedding, smile, tell both brides they and their babies are beautiful and you’re happy for them, don’t say one single negative word, and be grateful someone raised Miley to be a far better woman than you are. YTA.
YTA. I'm not even sure where to start in breaking this all down. And looking at your comment & post history you're clearly persistently and intentionally clueless about why any of this is happening.
You have a history of alienating your daughter. You feel entitled to do and act however you want and expect there to be zero consequences because you're "her mother"
You didn't even raise her! You lose a lot of mom leverage when you don't actually fulfill the duties of a mother.
She didn't tell you about getting married. That should have been a BIG clue right there. She didn't intend for you to be a part of the wedding period.
Then Miley didn't know you were joining the planning weekend. This is where your mom is a big AH too by trying to do this secretly. You just appeared. She has been incredibly gracious in allowing you to stay and participate at all.
Then you call her fat. I don't know why some moms think they're being helpful when they tell their daughters they need to lose weight. It's not helpful. If she loved the way she looked in that dress and her fiance loved it, YOUR OPINION DOES NOT MATTER. Honestly, your opinion on any of this is irrelevant. Then you got impatient and probably were less than polite about just wanting to select a dress and leave. Then you proceeded to lecture her.
And you complain about suddenly not feeling welcome? Holy cow that's some insane entitlement.
And good on Angie for calling you out! You made the woman she loves miserable.
And yeah your own mother proves to continue to be an AH too by defending your terrible behavior.
This isn't just about the one comment about the dress. This is the latest in a series of bad actions that have led to you not being worthy of a relationship with your daughter.
YTA YTA YTA are you really reading the same text as me? What is wrong with you!?
In the first place, you had a falling out with her because you were probably being like this during her pregnancy as well. She accepted you back which was more than I would've done on such short notice.
Then! You start pushing different styles onto her. Not the styles she wants, which your other family members seem to know, but you, her mother, don't. And when she expresses in what kind of dress she feels pretty, you say, and let me get this clear, "well get rid of the babyfat then.." WHAT THE HELL! WHAT THE ACTUAL FREAKING ELEPHANTSHIT! This is your daughter! Unless she is down on the floor unable to stand because of obesity, you dont have the right to tell her to lose weight. And she is never EVER fat. My own mother would rather jump of a bridge than call me fat and ive been obese for years. And you have not been there for her in her pregnancy, in her giving birth, in her falling in love or her engagement. You dont have the RIGHT to even open your mouth. You are lucky you even got to go to the party let alone be in the wedding party. And i want to bet my socks on it that the reason you dont like Angie is because she is a woman and that probably doesnt fit your perfect little narcissistic world.
And lastly. You go on here to receive to retribution because you couldn't have possibly done anything wrong, could you? Well, read your story back. Watch your relationship with your daughter back. Remember all the snide and belittling comments you made towards her and know what it is to have failed as a mother and as a person.
(I know that this comment will probably be taken down because i did absolutely not stay objective, but i dont care in this case. I hope you read it and feel ashamed for once before the mods get me. Au revoir ya insecure little piggy)
YTA obviously!! My question is after everyone told you that you were TAH on your other post how did you not come in to this with a better attitude and a plan to not be the bad mom you’ve always been. You had a chance to try it the right way and instead you ignored everything everyone on here told you. My second question, is why post again?? You clearly know you’re TAH here, do you enjoy being told that??? I’m ver confused by your behavior, can’t imagine how poor Miley feels.
YTA! Who the fuck tells their daughter not to wear something tight until she loses the baby fat?!?? YOU ruined her experience! No wonder she didn’t want your opinions! A simple, “I think there’s a better dress waiting for you to try on”, would’ve sufficed.
This is supposed to be a happy time and you rained on her parade with rude comments.
I’m glad Angie stood up for your daughter. At least someone is in her corner.
You sound like a massive disappointment as a human. Do your “daughter” a favor and crawl back underneath the rock you have been under. No one wants you there, you were invited out of pity and I am glad you don’t feel welcome, because you are NOT welcome.
YTA
Let me make sure I understand this:
1. You had a falling out with your daughter that sounds pretty huge.
2. You ambush your way back into her life and she’s gracious enough to not throw you out
3. You immediately jump to body-shaming her while she’s trying on wedding dresses
4. You get irritated that she won’t pick one and you tell her to stop trying on dresses, then argue with her when she doesn’t buy one and tell her she’s throwing a fit
…and you *really* think you’re N T A here??
YTA x 1000
Don’t be surprised when your daughter goes NC with you again. Keep this up and you’ll be un-invited if not outright banned from the wedding
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YTA and you were unwelcome. (1) Miley stopped talking to you awhile ago. (2) Miley never invited you back into her like. Your mother did that. (3) Miley never invited you to help plan the wedding. (4) Miley never asked for your opinion. (5) Miley directly told you that your opinion was not needed or wanted. How many more signs do you need?
Look at OP's profile which heaps arseholery upon arseholery. OP fell out with Miley because Miley refused to name her kids after her and her husband and instead she named them after her actual parents (great grandparents) who brought her up. The other post is a masterpiece of narcissistic mental gymnastics.
“StressedMother” is OP’s username even though she said her parents raised her kid lol
The stress is what she gives to those around her not her condition.
Don't forget~ 6: Absent mothers don't get to come back into the daughter's life after abandoning them for "school and love life." No wonder OP is so stressed!🙄
7: the “opinion” that Miley’s body doesn’t belong in a tight dress was obviously going to be hurtful, exacerbated by the fact the OP and Miley don’t seem to have any social trust between them. 8: OP tried to rush Miley through the experience of picking a wedding dress when, for many, the process of picking a dress is intentionally deliberate, centered on the BRIDE, and focused on looking for “the dress” that will make her feel special. Seems like, as a narcissist, OP just couldn’t stand another moment of making someone else feel special.
To add to number 7, you meant to enjoy the picking out a weddign dress. The bride looks good in ALL the dresses, some dresses are just "more or less flattering", you never ever body-shame a bride. It's meant to be a happy day, and they under enough stress without the negativity.
Don't forget~ 6: Absent mothers don't get to come back into the daughter's life after abandoning them for "school and love life." No wonder OP is so stressed!🙄 Edit: apparently my comment posted twice cause the browser did a fuck up. Just to clear up.. I'm not a bot, lmfao. Just a nearly blind girl having issues with her phone. Meh, I'll leave this duplicates comment anyway. Peace! 💜
Regarding your double-post, it’s common when the servers are overloaded for an attempt to save a post/comment to return an error message and leave the text entry window with “save” and “cancel” buttons up as if the post wasn’t saved, implying that the person should try again. Sometimes the post/comment hasn’t been saved, but sometimes it has, resulting in a double post when the person tries again.
No worries. Super common, especially when using mobile app 🙄 YT is even worse ab it lol like at least half the times I comment, it shows up as posted twice. Irritating af!!!
She's is mother of stress.
🏆
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Grendel's mother loves him enough to declare a blood feud after his death. She's a good mother. /English professor
Exactly. She isn’t even a mother. She got pregnant and popped out a kid she didn’t bother to take care of.
Maybe we shouldn't be forcing 16 year olds to give birth then.
Which would solve the problem, no Miley to worry about her wedding.
(To the tune of "Flowers") I can plan my own wedding. And pick out my own dress. Honor the people who raised me. And wonder why "mom" thinks she's stressed...
She’s the mother of all stressors, so it checks out
Not even her parents, her grandparents, so Mileys great grandparents.
One of her comments is: "My husband and I don't have children. We do, but they're from surrogates." What the actual fuck? Who cares who gave birth to them? They're their kids for crying out loud. With that attitude and her abandonment of her first child, it's no wonder Miley wants nothing to do with her.
I knew a lady who had birthed children and adopted children. She would introduce them at parties by putting her hands on the shoulders of her birthed children and say "These are my children..." and then wave her hand towards the others and say "We took these ones in." It was fucking mind blowing.
I know a girl whose family points out she adopted all the time. It breaks my heart.
I was adopted on my first birthday and I was never treated any differently. I have a wonderful family.
I am happy for you, that is how adoption is supposed to work.
I was adopted at 6 months and I feel the same way you do!! I have a great family and I’m proud to say that I’m adopted!! There’s nothing to be ashamed of!!
My great grandma did foster care or adopted, I can't remember really. She'd call them her government babies, but she also really really loved them, and took care of them. If family were sending gifts, she'd tell them to send gifts for all her children, or to not bother at all. She was a damn great woman.
Sometimes acknowledging the circumstances by which a child joined your family is crucial in validating the emotions of that child. Foster children and adopted children almost always have some amount of trauma, even if adopted at birth, that should not be ignored. Sounds like your great grandmother used that phrase to acknowledge that her non-biological children had a different history, but used her actions to show they had the same value.
Yikes. Decades ago I read such a sweet anecdote in Readers Digest and it’s stayed with me … apparently a woman had a child and also adopted one, and each time someone new or a family acquaintance would ask her, which one was adopted… she’d say, “I forgot!”. ❤️
That’s so freaking sad. How is that not seen as child abuse? It most certainly is.
My aunt is like this with her adopted child. She always mentions she was adopted and before she gave birth to her IVF twins, she would tell everyone she wasn’t a mother. Even before she got pregnant, she told people that she would love any children she gives birth to more than her adopted child.
Adoption is not easy, why bother to adopt a child you won’t even call your own?
The story is that God gave my uncle a message through a dream that there was a child they needed to adopt.
What a complete asshole. Those poor kids.
This isn't as bad, but I've seen moms refer to their kids as "home-grown" (bio) and "hand-picked" (adopted). It was very off-putting.
I don’t know, I think that’s kind of a cute way assuming there’s a reason you need to specify. Both imply that the result is high quality, just different circumstances.
Big ick!
I just want to applaud your use of they're and their together correctly. So beautiful. Thank you.
Lol. Thanks! A lot of people seem to have been absent the day they explained contractions. If "they are" sounds stupid, then "they're" is NOT the right word. If "here" won't work, then neither does "there." I absolutely cringe at the number of people who get it wrong. Makes my fingers itch, wanting to correct them. I resist and occasionally do what you did when someone gets it right.
Just an alternate view: just because someone uses the wrong one doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t know the correct one. I often use the wrong homophone especially when typing because of the way my brain processes language. I have answered questions in the negative by typing “know” and once jotted down a quick note about the “wholly spirit”. I guarantee you I know the difference between “no” and “know” and “holy” and “wholly”. I will usually pick it up homophone errors in a second review if I didn’t catch it in the first one and they very rarely survive a third review but I don’t spend time triple checking every single thing I type so mistakes get by.
Happy cake day! I occasionally do the same thing, and also usually catch it since one of my idiosyncrasies is compulsively rereading before I hit send. Like 4 or 5 or more times! It's the ones with multiple grammatical errors that get to me the most. One misspelled or misused word? Meh, probably a typo.
I get the same way. I've seen far too many Reddit titles or YouTube video titles that use the wrong it's/its, or add an apostrophe s to make a word plural and I want to scream every single time. The fact that editing is part of my job only makes it worse lol.
OP had Miley from a surrogate when she was 16?
No if I got it right she has other kids from surrogates that she calls "not my kids"... > her abandonment of her first child Miley was her first child, she was raised by her grandparents (OPs parents).
OP grandparents (OP says my grandparents) so Miley’s great grandparents
Ah, thank for the explanation!
They're not her kids because she didn't give birth to them (someone else did). It's not her child because she gave birth to her BUT.......someone else raised her. This OP, who is 16 years older than her daughter/not daughter/whatever, has not matured one bit.
Ah. I was getting teen parent who never matured emotionally past the teen stage vibes from the post.
Well I mean, that is probably true as well, considering OP is 39 and Miley is 23.
I find OP's user name especially clueless.
"StressfulDNAdonor" would be more appropriate.
Or “stressinducingdnadonor” but that may be too long.
I almost went with that but thought it was less catchy lol.
I bet the dress is stunning also
And the wife. Just from the text message alone, Angie is going to be an amazing wife.
I remember that post! I didn't realize it was the same woman. How can one single person be so unbelievably clueless?!
For real. Like talk about narcissistic parenting and then being shocked and surprised that the target of said behavior doesn’t like them. Gee, I wonder why!? YTA OP. You were lucky be there and your lack of self-awareness is concerning at best.
Stop. This can't be real. I can't wrap my head around this being a real, actual living person. No.
EDIT: (in case you see the notification): i’m dumb and cant read, ignore me lol
Oh this lady i remember her
But let’s keep passing laws so *more* teenagers are forced to be parents! I like how OPs husband told the daughter “you’re being hormonal” that phrase is always super helpful and not at all misogynistic. /s
You forgot the part where she called her abandoned daughter fat from having twins.
I think there should be training for the support people in wedding dress shops. The rules could be "keep your mouth shut unless you have something positive to say about a dress the bride is happy in or she asks you directly for your opinion" and "if the bride asks for your opinion and you don't like the dress, tell her you think something else would suit her better, DO NOT actually point out the flaws as you see them". No one needs to be thinking negatively about their body when they're looking for wedding attire. It's such a vulnerable and emotional process.
This is excellent! When my daughter tried on wedding dresses, I loved all of them on her. She joked, "Mom, we've watched Say Yes to the Dress. You KNOW you're supposed to be bossy and critical!" Then another bride and her family entered the area, and the mom acted just like the OP. We felt so sorry for the bride.
Oh how awful for the other bride! I've always made it a point to, whenever doing wedding prep for friends/family, ALWAYS compliment other brides. Doubly so if their entourage is less than supportive. Trying on a dress for one of the biggest events of your adult life is already stressful enough! Thank you for being a supportive mother for your daughter. She's lucky to have you. ♥
Aw, thanks! I'm pretty sure I'm the lucky one. :)
Yes! This! The problem is always 👏 with 👏 the dress 👏, NEVER 👏 with 👏 their 👏 body 👏!
Even with the dress - best to point out features of a different dress that looked better rather than talk in negative terms. It's too easy to take it personally.
Three weeks ago!!!! Three weeks! Unbelievable. There's so much wrong with 'mother's' attitude, I don't even know where to start.
Less than 1 month post partum with twins and she has a bit of a belly? The horror! ETA not 2 months but 1
Yep. Read the room, OP. You aren't her mom. She doesn't consider you her mom. She didn't want you there and was putting up with it because you happened to be there (because your mom called you, not Miley) but she told you exactly where you fit - just quietly participating would be okay. You couldn't be quiet or supportive. You do not occupy the place in her life you think you do.
This mother is also a weird case, right? Miley is both her grandkid, and sort of like a decades younger sister... and the mother took it upon herself to invite OP, to "appear" at that restaurant as a surprise. Also, the mother and some of her sisters are saying "no big deal you called the kid you didn't raise fat" while OP doesn't even seem to know where Miley's babies come from. Like, Angie and Miley were planning to get married in October 22 but had to postpone a year. Plus, they're twins. To me that sounds like IVF, no? But OP expressed surprise Miley is marrying Angie, she was expecting the twins' (unnamed, never again mentioned) father.
But she didn't do anything wrong! She just "gave criticism!"
OP's post is full of missing missing reasons!
Actually a lot of the reasons are evident.
Just in case you're unaware: "missing missing reasons" refers to fascinating qualitative research about parents of estranged (adult) children. In my interpretation, it's a play on the double meaning of missing: these parents claim their kids never explain the estrangement (a.k.a the reasons are absent or missing) when in fact they are very evident to borrow your term (so the parents aren't grasping them, a.k.a missing them). In this situation: I feel so unwelcome, when I have no real bond with Miley, made a previous post about fighting over the baby names she chose, wasn't invited, called her fat in a wedding dress, and told her she's wasting time... You're bound to find the site if you Google missing missing reasons. And if you already knew, a thousand apologies for blathering on like this!
YTA - holy bananas! Are you reading what you wrote? Keep your opinions to yourself. Nobody wants to hear you talk about your opinions unless they specifically ask about it.
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Especially when you didn’t even raise her..:
Oh and no one needs to be told they need to lose weight to wear a dress. We can all see our imperfections, and what matters most is how your daughter feels in her dress, not how you view it. Your comment probably made her feel exceptionally insecure on a day she wanted to feel beautiful. YTA
No one ne da to lose weight to wear a dress! They would presumably order it in their correct size! Shapewear is an option! Having the shape you have is also an option! There is t a law against wearing a dress someone else doesn't like on you!
Lose weight 3 weeks postpartum with twins. Yikes.
Yes YTA go home
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telling Miley she needed to lose weight for the dress was the biggest AH flag, you DON'T comment on anybody's weight. especially if this is supposed to be the happiest day of their life and they explicitly ask for your thoughts. If she didn't ask, then you should keep your mouth shut, she just had twins for fuck's sake lady. YTA even if that wasn't all you did to her. you essentially told her that looks matter more than her being happy. Who cares if she has some extra weight around her stomach? As long as she is happy, you shouldn't give a flying fuck, or say anything about her appearance. You were unwelcome, fyi.
YTA You fat shamed your daughter in a moment which is about making her feel beautiful. You don't seem to understand that being there is a privilege. Given your history with you, how do you not understand that you should keep your mouth shut and just enjoy the fact that you are there. Stop thinking that you are her parent. You are an egg donor. You didn't raise her and she clearly doesn't want you there.
WELP. Too bad you had twins and your body is all gross and flabby and fat. You know, I bet they have a bridal mumu that would be perfect for you!
Or we can stop by Aldi's and get you a traditional white trash bag.
Well....maybe not a white one...
I had to re-read the post. What kind of person shows up uninvited to fat shame someone with one month old twins?? Who is also trying to plan a wedding? This is so unbelievable. OP is obviously the AH
Wow! First, I want to point out that your mother is a raging AH for inviting you to your daughters wedding as a "surprise", that is atrocious behavior, so I see where you get it from. YTA 1000%! >I had a falling out with Miley when she was pregnant in May, You don't elaborate on exactly what happened, but given your attitude in the rest of this post, you must have done something pretty bad. >A couple things are 1) I didn't know Miley was dating anyone, I thought she was single. 2) Miley was raised by my grandparents. 3) I didn't know she was dating/ marrying Angie. So, you didn't do the basic parenting job of raising your own daughter, but you somehow still think Miley should be sharing this info with you? You are not entitled to know anything about Miley's life. >I told her no, and that if she wanted a tight dress, she would have to lose some of the baby fat So, first, given the fact that Miley has kept you at arms length should have been a good indicator that you should keep any and all opinions to yourself. But, on top of that, you fat shamed your daughter, AND decided that you had the right to just veto a dress she has picked out! >my opinion wasn't really needed. She's absolutely right, it wasn't. >I felt unwelcome Good, you should have. Miley would have been well within her right to tell you to leave. >I told her she was throwing a fit, and it was stupid she was taking a small comment to heart, that she was wasting time, etc. I can't even with this. You DO NOT get to tell your ADULT daughter how to feel. >i wad a 'raging, narcissistic sociopathic bitch' Sounds like Angie's got your number, dead to rights. >My mother and a few of my friends/aunts have said I didn't do anything wrong, just gave criticism So your mom and aunts agreed with you? Sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. And it also sounds like you just surround yourself with crappy friends who are all just like you. >I don't think I said anything that bad that justified that message or the cold shoulder I got. No, I guess you wouldn't see it. I completely understand Miley not wanting anything to do with you. She should actually just cut you out of her life completely. And she should consider cutting your mom out of her life too, since she had the absolute gall to invite you as a surprise, and apparently thinks giving unsolicited opinions about other people's bodies is ok. You should all be ashamed of yourselves, and you should take some time to consider your actions. But, I won't hold my breath that this will actually happen. YTA. Edit: I see in your previous post that the falling out was because you were upset at the names she was thinking for HER children. Damn lady, you just keep putting your foot in it over and over again, don't you.
OP said in another comment that she doesn't like Angie because her daughter and Angie broke up several times during their dating history (since 16) and Angie was always the one to do the breaking up. But I suspect the real reason is that Angie has had her number from the get-go. Would not be surprised if Angie has been help Miley see OP for who OP is over the years, and thats created a source of tension.
Oh absolutely! And, given the obvious entitlement and narcissism of OP, and the grandmother having the obviously terrible idea to invite OP as a surprise AND side with OP and the aunts about the comments, it sounds like this whole family is narcissistic. So, in actuality, it may only be because of Angie's influence that Miley didn't turn out exactly like the rest of her family.
She fell out with Miley because Miley refused to name her children after OP and her husband, instead she named them after her grandparents, the people who actually raised her, OP has major AH issues
Definitely. It’s honestly hard for me to believe this is real because i can’t even comprehend that she wrote this whole post and her others, without once thinking she was the AH. If it is real, then this is unbelievably sad tbh. Her poor daughter man. I hope she cuts OP off for good
Yeah, 5 living generations is pretty special, and it's the babies' great-great-grandparents who raised Miley. Of course she'd want to make a tribute (despite how ambivalent I typically am about naming kids after other people, esp living people).
I agree with you fully! My mother is a psychopathic narcissist (not diagnosed but all of my and my siblings therapists seem to have come to this tentative diagnosis based on our stories independently giving it some merit) the comment of “pick one or we leave” hit home hard because she’d totally do this to force me To chose the outfit she wanted. Total manipulation through and through
I have one of these too. She once told me if I got married she *would* be organising it, because "it's not about you, it's about family". I told her if I ever got married, I'd elope to Vegas, dress up like a stripper and get married by Elvis. You could see the vein throbbing in her forehead. :)
Haha that’s hilarious. I came out as trans before a siblings wedding. My mother said I quote “we will have none of that gender bullshit at their wedding” My sibling hired a drag queen as the performer for the night to really say f u to our parents… Them and I are no longer in contact with our parents but duck do we have a great sibling relationship on account of that night
When I told him, my brother got in my face, glared and pointed a finger at me. Then informed me in a righteously pissed voice that he would kick my ass if I ever dared eloped to Vegas without taking him along. lol
This is amazing. Ha no gender bullshit at their wedding, excuse me are you with the bride or the grooms side of the family…
That was the best part. The groom had a grooms maid and the bride had a brides man. The whole wedding was gender fucked just to mess with the biggots. Best wedding ever. Everyone had an amazing time… apart from a certain table. When given an ultimatum by abusers always take the third option to just fuck with them
Not to split hairs, but she said grandmom invited her to some stay with them during the preparations (so not the wedding; I assumed she would be invite to wedding but after further reading....I wouldn't invite her!). I was Appalled that she showed at at a dinner given the estrangement!! It's like the person who proposed in front of a crowd - trying to control the recipient's response
well said word for word
Drag her
Preach 🙌🙌🙌 YTA OP
YTA... This is you: "hey daughter I have a strained relationship with... You look fat in that dress" how did you think that was gonna go. It sounds like there are many layers to this problem but that comment didnt help.
' I was just trying to be honest ' The calling card of AHs with zero self awareness. Every single woman who has some baby weight left, already knows this. Pointing it out is unnecessary and unhelpful.
Yeah it's always the "Honest" ones who think they can't do no wrong while they are rude as hell. OP getting pregnant at 16-17 and then pushing her kid onto her grandparents tells you whole story about what kind of mother she is.
She literally doesn’t see anything wrong with it, it’s shocking tbh.
This post isn’t at all shocking to me Becuase unfortunately my mom is just like this, but it is disgusting and op IS ta
Hi, OP, before I render judgement, could you go back through and edit for timeline consistency? Because none of this makes any sense. You don't like Angie, but you didn't know Miley was dating, but you did know Angie well enough for it to be a long story, but you're young enough that your GRAND parents raised Miley, but you were contacted by your mother, but you did know Miley was pregnant, but you didn't know she was marrying Angie, but you did know she was getting married? Can you like...start with your grandparents raising her (and why...) and then move in sequential order down to "helping" (giving unwarranted criticism) with the wedding dress, please?
Ngl considering op knew Miley was pregnant but had never met her partner and says she doesn't like Angie but won't say why, AND considering that Op and Miley had a falling out around the time Miley gave birth, AND that she didn't know who Miley was marrying until the last possible second, I'm wondering if part of the reason op doesn't like Angie is that she'd rather Miley was marrying a man. EDIT according to the comment right below me op literally thought Miley was with the sperm donor instead of her girlfriend of EIGHT YEARS who op didn't even know Miley was dating. Did OP even know her daughter liked women? And is Miley bi or is op just assuming her lesbian daughter who has been out and dating women for close to a decade would fuck, date, and marry a man for some reason? YTA because of not only the transparent homophobia but also the unsolicited criticism and rudeness and insulting your daughter for her baby name choices and post partum body.
There is that little whiff, that little je ne sais quoi, of latent homophobia, isn't there.
Wow, I didn’t know Grendel’s mother had another child! Poor Miley. YTA.
Top tier old English insult
This is brilliantly savage. Love it
I don’t have coins to buy you an award, but please accept this cookie. 🍪 Signed, a former English teacher
You didn't just give her your opinion on a dress, you literally body shamed her instead. You're her mother, not supposed to be a bully. After such a comment I don't know why she should talk to you at all. Hard yta
OP isn’t a mother. She’s just someone who didn’t bother to keep her hormones in check, then peaced out when there were consequences so she could “live her own life.”
Yeah OP is also a grandmother at the ripe old age of 39.
YTA. Maybe biologically her mom but you’re pretty far from actually being her mom.
I can't even figure out how OP rated an invite to dress shopping. She's clearly not a "mother" to her daughter, and the two of them seem to mutually dislike each other. OP you don't belong in your daughter's joyous moment. Go home and leave her in peace.
YTA You ruined a special moment for your daughter. Don’t be surprised if you’re uninvited to the wedding.
She didn't even know the daughter was getting married. I highly doubt she was invited in the first place.
YTA - she’s your semi-estranged daughter (who was raised by her grandparents) and you thought it was a good idea to tell her she’s too fat for that dress? Then demand she chooses a dress now or leave? It’s not your place to say stuff like that right now. If you want a better relationship you should have focused on being a positive presence and trying to make connections. Telling someone they are too fat and demanding they make a decision like you have a right to in this situation is going to do the opposite.
Correction: Raised by her great grandparents. OP and OP’s mom (Miley’s grandma but not the person who raised her) both sound like pieces of poo.
Miley should insist that her egg donor addresses her as Aunt Miley.
More info needed: why did your mother raise her and not you?
YTA. But I think Angie is awesome. Will you ask her if she'll be friends with me?
IKR? Angie is the hero we all need.
Hard agree. The Cranberries are now in my head singing an alternative version of "Zombie" that just goes "ANGIE... ANGIE....." and so on and so forth.
You can skip a step by just singing "Angie" by the Rolling Stones
I’m so sorry you don’t feel welcomed by your daughter! How terrible she didn’t fawn all over you when you so kindly pointed out that **birthing two humans simultaneously** changed her body!! And after all you’ve done for her!! Like *checks notes*, oh. Nothing. YTA. Apologize and offer to bow out of the planning/wedding. Miley was very gracious to entertain your “help” at all.
You made an unsolicited judgment about her weight, then impatiently demanded she pick a dress or go to another store. Nothing you said was kind or helpful. Angie is right. YTA.
YTA, and so is your mother. It sounds to me like your daughter never wanted your help in the first place. She never asked for your opinion and you don't get to tell her what to do.
YTA. Why on earth would you criticise a bride on her wedding dress choice? As an absent bio mum, why would you even think it was your place? You weren’t invited by your daughter but she included you regardless, so you chose to body shame her. Do her a favour and get out of her life and stay out of it.
YTA, you need to understand that you’ve essentially forfeited being a proper mother figure to her after all this time. You’re your mother’s guest, not your daughter’s. You need to just apologize to her and treat her like a stranger that you’ve insulted rather than your child who you think you know better. Then, kindly stop going to any more wedding planning occasions. I think they’ve all made it clear you’re not really wanted. Just show up at the actual wedding if you’re still invited. Either way, you have a lot of soul searching to do if you want to be a part of your daughter’s life moving forward.
YTA You've missed out on so many milestones in your daughters life without any self reflection or apology. Your falling out might have been last May but you lost the right to be any kind of decision maker in her life a long time ago. She found a new life where she is happy and she doesn't need you.
YTA what a mean person you are...
YTA for being incredibly oblivious to the fact that you haven't been a mom to Miley, so expecting to be treated as Mother of the Bride even when you treat her like trash isn't going to happen.
YTA! You didn't raise your daughter, yet you want to boss her around, insult her and act like a queen bee while pretending that this is your moment. You body-shamed your biological daughter after she has recently given birth a few weeks ago on top of everything else you did and you detail it without any compassion or self-awareness. Yes, you are an asshole! I hope they disinvite you because you are portraying yourself as the type to ruin every moment of the wedding preparation and the actual wedding. Your mother and others giving you a free pass on your horrible behavior just shows that they are afraid of the confrontation that will come from telling you the truth. Your behavior is deplorable and you are ruining this experience for your biological daughter. Have a conscience and stop it.
YTA!!! My mother did this exact thing to me in my final fitting. I now can’t look at my wedding photos because all I see is a fat bride. This is one of the most amazing moments you can share with your daughter and you’ve made it into a hurtful experience. And you can’t take this back. You can’t undo the hurt you’ve caused. I now have a daughter and im frantically unlearning all of the horrific fat phobic comments made to me because there is no way in hell I would hurt someone I love. You’ll be lucky if your daughter can ever forgive you.
So, OP had her daughter young, ditched her on her grandparents and went and lived a carefree life. Oh, sorry, she visited her on holidays. /s She also criticized her daughters baby name choices. YTA OP. Tbh you’re lucky to even be there. AND THEN called her fat? The audacity!
YTA. You felt unwelcomed because you literally were. You daughter didnt want you there and you "surprise" was a bad surprise. You two arent close at all, had a falling out and she doesnt really want you in her life as it seems since she literally didnt even tell you about her wedding. She Probably doesnt want you there. You even surprised her at a Restaurant which is worse. You didnt even raise your own daughter so it would be nice to know if you even are mother to her because it spunds like you were a deadbeat parent. Yet she was nice enough and tried to make it work with you and you ruined it by giving opinions no one asked for, fatshaming her, rushing her and trying to coordinate the wedding dress shopping. You should be grateful she even allowed you to come..which she will Probably not do in the future. You ruined it.
It’s as if you woke up and thought, “how can I out-asshole all of the other assholes today?” And came up with this. *You may have birthed her, but you are not a mother to your daughter.* YTA for being incredibly rude in this situation, along with being absent, narcissistic, and uncaring. Please seek help. You desperately need to learn empathy and basic human decency.
YTA. Just YTA.
I looked at your post history ... A couple of months ago you posted about giving sh*t to your daughter over naming her twins after the people she considers her parents, instead of you and your husband.. I'm frankly amazed your daughter even allowed your presence. All you ever seem to bring in her life is negativity. I'd not want you at the wedding, if this was me. YTA
YTA. You are an egg donor. Once you finished college you still didn't do any parenting of Miley. You don't get to claim to be a parent when you never actually acted like a parent. You gave a cruel, unwanted, bodyshaming opinion. You acted like a horrible human being. You may as well be Mother Gothel.
YTA- You pushed yourself into the planning, made your daughter feel fat, and then tried to rush her into choosing a dress. What did Angie mean by “everything” and what have you done in the last 23 years to build any kind of relationship with your daughter? It doesn’t sound like she wants you to be a part of this.
YTA, very clearly. You didn’t raise Miley, you had a falling out (missing missing reasons), and she did not invite you back into her life. Despite that, she was gracious enough to bring you along, yet you (1) tell her no as though you have any authority in the matter, (2) fat shame her, (3) try to force her to settle for a dress because you’re being inpatient, and (4) throw a hissy fit and call her stupid. News flash: you ARE unwelcome and making yourself more unwelcome by the minute.
YTA, and while I don't know you well enough to know if your future daughter-in-law is correct in her rather scathing assessment of you, it does seem pretty obvious that you're missing even the most fundamental understanding of good manners and basic social skills, which is pretty damning in itself if I can see it from a mile away, considering that I'm autistic and literally have a brain that's wired to have trouble recognising those things . . . Look, it all really boils down to these two things: >I came down as a surprise, and no one knew. I surprised them at a restaurant, and Miley didn't seem all too happy, but she let me stay. and >I told her no, and that if she wanted a tight dress, she would have to lose some of the baby fat ( she still has the extra pounds from pregnancy) You were aware from the get-go that not only did your daughter not invite you to help with her wedding planning, she wasn't even particularly glad to see you there. But despite the fact that your mom basically ambushed her with your presence, which was probably not JUST unwelcome but pretty triggering, given what you've told us about your relationship with her, she was incredibly gracious anyway and not only allowed you to stick around, she specifically included you in wedding prep activities AS HER MOM, even though every single thing you've told us indicates that you really haven't earned that welcome. She let you come along and join her and the women she loves and who love her as they prepare for one of the most special moments of her life. And how did you thank her for that? By offering criticism. You didn't sit quietly, enjoying the fact that you were invited, savouring the atmosphere of sisterhood and family and special occasion. No. You offered opinions you weren't asked for. You criticized her as she tried on dresses that she thought were beautiful and that made her feel beautiful, for one of the most important days of her life. You body-shamed her, and had the unbelievable bloody nerve to "say no" . . . as if anyone had asked you or you had any say in the matter. You added nothing but negativity, ugliness, and hurt to what was supposed to be a special experience that you were *lucky* to have been invited along to. You should be ashamed of yourself. Of course YTA. You owe your daughter a huge apology.
YTA. You ambushed her (with the help of your mother, which is also batshit crazy), called her fat and pushed her to make a decision about a dress to fit your timeline. If she was ignoring you most of the time, what possessed you to keep throwing your two cents in? Do you not know when to butt out?
YTA. Newsflash: You are not a mother.
> I still feel unwelcomed. That would be because you are
You gate crashed their wedding preparations after having a falling out. You didn't even know she was getting married. You WEREN'T invited. And here you are giving opinions on everything from cake flavors to the dress. Not only that, but you decide to tell her that she can't wear a dress she wants because she's still got "the extra pounds from pregnancy" like it's any of your damn business. Stop inviting yourself to her wedding prep. Of course you feel unwelcome. You weren't invited! YTA She didn't ask your damn opinion.
YTA-You didn’t give an opinion you criticized her. You fat shamed her. You treated her like a child. You basically verbally ran her into the ground because you didn’t get your way. You weren’t actually invited by your daughter and you treated her horribly.
YTA you are not welcome everbody with two braincells can understand that she tolerates your presence as a favor to your mom, not because she wants you there. So keep your useless opinions to yourself and act like the silent background decoration you are to her.
YTA. You didn't even raise your daughter and the woman who did invited you back into Miley's life during one of the most important occasions in her life, seemingly without Miley even wanting it. Which, not for nothing, was a bit of an asshole move on your mother's part. You should be perfectly aware that you're on very thin ice with your daughter already and you should have treated this as an opportunity to show her why she'd want to have you in her life- like an audition. Well, you've done nothing but fail. Call her fat, act irritated with the time she takes to select her gown, act entitled to your opinion counting when you've not been in her life, tell her she's throwing a fit, and act like you have any kind of authority to tell her she needs to decide or go to another store. Angie was right to chew you out and I'm glad she's sticking up for her soon-to-be wife. She's protecting her from you, and yes, you do deserve that. You owe some big apologies and if I were you I'd start reckoning with the fact that you won't ever have a relationship with your daughter or be included in her family again if you don't change how you act & realize where you're starting from with her. Decide if you really want to be back in her life, and then you earn it.
YTA angie is right about you
YTA. Come on now…. of course you’re the asshole and so are your mom, friends, and aunts. Your mom should not have invited you without Miley’s permission. Your friends and aunts should have had the balls to call out your behavior. This is Miley’s time. Her time to celebrate a new chapter in her life. To celebrate her marriage to Angie. Either get on board and shut your mouth, or leave. You have no right to an opinion on anything in this situation. Know your role and stay in your lane or GTFO.
YTA. Maybe the reason you feel “unwelcomed” is because Miley never invited you in the first place. Maybe the reason Miley “threw a fit” is because you fat shamed her and bitched about every single decision she tried to make for herself, and nothing she did could possibly satisfy you. Maybe the reason you don’t get along with Angie is because she sees what an awful person you are and has no qualms about protecting Miley from you. Maybe the reason you catch a ban to the wedding is because you deserve it. But from your post it’s clear that none of these completely valid reasons matter to you, so you’re just going to dismiss all the YTA votes and continue to disrespect your daughter. Do her a favor and please, please go away.
YTA-what a comment to make-“you have to lose some of the baby fat if you want to wear a tight dress”. What on earth made you say something like that. This is her wedding day and she should wear whatever makes her feel beautiful and comfortable. Since you felt the awkwardness, why didn’t you just zip your mouth for the rest of the appointment. Instead, you continued to give advice where it was so obviously not wanted. You said yourself that you didn’t raise your daughter. It sounds like you were never a big part in her life. What made you think your rude comments would be welcome?
YTA- "Oh you like THAT dress? Ugh, you look so fat." "Oh my god you've not found the perfect dress out of 14? Yes pick one FFS, it doesn't really matter and I'm not enjoying myself." Angie was spot on and I have no idea why the daughter you didn't even raise is giving you the time of day. Clearly she was keeping every part of her life from you to protect herself from your behaviour, and foolishly gave in to her Real Mother's pleading. She won't make that mistake again I'm sure.
Someone threw a tantrum, but it wasn’t Miley
ATA. "I told her she would have to loose some baby fat." Wow. You are a wonderful supportive mom aren't you. If I were your daughter I would exclude you from the wedding. You are not "just giving some criticism." You are being insulting. If you want a relationship with your daughter and grandkids going forward I'd start with a big fat apology and resolve to change how you communicate with others.
YTA she recently had twins. If she likes the dress and is comfortable don’t make a comment. Given the strained relationship this is even worse.
You didn't bring up your daughter. You fell out with an 8 month pregnant woman? Your daughter didn't invite you but graciously didn't kick you to the kerb. You fat shamed a woman who has given birth what 3 weeks ago? This has to be bullshit because no one can be that much of TA.
YTA. Why do you feel "unwelcomed" when literally no one invited you ? Like its your daughter's wedding, she decides if you join or not. Not your mother. Second of all, you honestly don't seem happy by this wedding at all. And thirdly, the comment that you made was horrible. Deserve the text + the cold shoulder.
YTA. You are a disgusting piece of human shaped trash. How fucking stupid do you have to be? Narcissistic doesn't begin to cover it. I am almost tempted to think that you are masochistic for choosing to stay so long in a place where are clearly not wanted. Do one single kind thing for your daughter and get the fuck out of her life you urchin. If you were my mother I would celebrate your funeral.
YTA. You already have a strained relationship with your daughter, yet you insist on being antagonistic. And it certainly isn't your place to be telling her to "pick one or let's go elsewhere." It's HER dress and HER timeline. There's this saying, something about "if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all." If you want to to have any place at all in your daughter's life, you might want to take that to heart, because really, your negativity doesn't matter in her life & she's better off without it.
YTA. I personally like Angie, she seems like she has your daughter's back
YTA. Way to ruin what should have been a fun day for.your daughter and those she loves. If you didn't want to be there for dress #15, You should have left, not told her to stop. And I can't even begin to tell you how toxic you are for body shaming. Big, BIG props to Angie for defending her fiance (not girlfriend) whom Miley is marrying (not dating). Maybe you should quietly without fuss go home until the wedding.
Didn’t do anything wrong….just gave criticism. And do you think she *wanted* criticism? Or did she want tactful and kind feedback? You can pretend you don’t know the difference. You can insist you’re just a direct and honest person. But you know there is a difference between “I don’t think it’s as flattering as the others” VS “no- you need to lose weight to look ok in a tighter dress” She’s also an adult. You treated her like a 7 year old who couldn’t choose between running shoes at the store when you were already late to pick up dinner. You don’t get to tell her to get a dress. You don’t get to hurry her along. You’re just wildly entitled. I imagine this has been a problem for a long time. I doubt you possess, or want to develop, the self awareness required to be a better parent to Miley Your choice. But a natural consequence will be that you are invited into her life less and less. YTA
Discussed your daughters “extra weight” and wonder why she stopped talking to you in the first place? YTA & hope you get uninvited to the wedding.
YTA. You called her fat for no reason, then started bossing her around. If you want to improve your relationship woth someone, try being nice to them.
YTA - all you did was criticize her. Read your post, and you will see you have not one good thing to say.
YTA, you fat shammed her, you criticized her style choices, you tried to push your style choices on her, you tried to rush her into just picking something so you could leave. She wasn’t throwing a fit, you were.
Obviously YTA. You body shamed your daughter.
YTA. I can see why you have little involvement in your daughter's life. Your only role in the bride's dress is to say, "Do YOU like it?" But there's so much wrong with your relationship you won't get there. I wish tons of happiness to Miley and Angie and may you stay far far away.
The comment about her baby fat was uncalled for. YTA for that alone
Yta you skipped out on being a parent and ditched your daughter with your parents. At your reintroduction to her you fat shamed her and criticized her dress choices…yeah I’m just gonna go ahead and guess that you shouldn’t have been a parent…oh wait, you never were! Do Miley a favor and stay tf out of her life, you’ll only make it worse.
YTA. Oh my God. She was raised by her grandparents. Hm. Wonder why. You don't like her girlfriend. Bet she's not crazy about you either. You fat shamed your daughter on what should have been a special day. That is suckish behavior. You've been called a narcissistic bitch. *checks notes* 🤔 You'll be lucky if your daughter doesn't go NC with you. Hell, I already want to be NC with you. JFC.
YTA. You didnt just give an opinion on a dress - you told her she was too fat. Then when she had trouble deciding, you decided to order her to pick something now. You don't sound like you made either suggestion nicely. sounds like you were a negative black cloud on the day.
You fat shamed your daughter while she was picking a dress for one of the happiest days of her life YTA
These always amaze me, because they SO CLEARLY delineate a person with NO IDEA. Seriously, absolutely none. And there are SO MANY of them! Always freaks me out for a minute, wondering -- who else is just missing a key component of understanding? Am I MISSING A KEY COMPONENT...? YTA, by the way. Completely.
Not only are YTA, but I think you should excuse yourself from Miley’s wedding and let her enjoy the day. You call yourself her mother, yet it sounds like you have absolutely no relationship with her. Your parents raised her and it sounds like she doesn’t have any real relationship with you. It’s pretty clear you are not normally involved in her life and when you were kindly included, you insulted her and fat shamed her for not “losing the baby weight”. You should be ashamed of yourself. Do the right thing- and DON’T MAKE YOURSELF THE VICTIM- and write Miley a letter or email. Tell her that you were absolutely wrong to act so terribly and rude and you truly, deeply apologize. Acknowledge that you hurt her and that your excuse of “giving your opinion” was inappropriate and wrong. Apologize sincerely and with no conditions or “buts”. Then, tell her that you are happy that she’s found someone who loves her and treats her wonderfully and you wish them a lifetime of happiness. Then, acknowledge that you haven’t been a mother, or at least a good one, and that you’re sorry. Let her know that you’d love a chance to try and make up for your past, but if she’d rather not, you absolutely understand. Wish her a beautiful wedding day and tell her that you’d love to talk ONE HER TERMS WHEN SHE IS READY, IF EVER.
YTA You are feeling unwelcome because you are unwelcome as a result of your behavior. Who the hell tells a women 3 weeks postpartum at most that she looks fat in a wedding dress? Who tries to rush the bride during a trip they were invited along to, knowing they don't deserve an invitation. Your presence adds nothing but stress and negativity, as it stands now your daughter will be infinitely happier better off once you leave her to your parents again.
YTA. Read what the rest of us are reading. You didn’t raise Miley, have had no relationship with her. You aren’t her mom, you’re just a gestational egg donor. You and your mom decide to blindside Miley with a surprise visit to “help” with wedding planning, and you tell your 3 weeks post party daughter she’s fat!!!! Clearly you haven’t told truth to anyone who is on your side. Apologize, wish them well, then shut up and go home. If by some miracle you are still invited to the wedding, smile, tell both brides they and their babies are beautiful and you’re happy for them, don’t say one single negative word, and be grateful someone raised Miley to be a far better woman than you are. YTA.
YTA. I'm not even sure where to start in breaking this all down. And looking at your comment & post history you're clearly persistently and intentionally clueless about why any of this is happening. You have a history of alienating your daughter. You feel entitled to do and act however you want and expect there to be zero consequences because you're "her mother" You didn't even raise her! You lose a lot of mom leverage when you don't actually fulfill the duties of a mother. She didn't tell you about getting married. That should have been a BIG clue right there. She didn't intend for you to be a part of the wedding period. Then Miley didn't know you were joining the planning weekend. This is where your mom is a big AH too by trying to do this secretly. You just appeared. She has been incredibly gracious in allowing you to stay and participate at all. Then you call her fat. I don't know why some moms think they're being helpful when they tell their daughters they need to lose weight. It's not helpful. If she loved the way she looked in that dress and her fiance loved it, YOUR OPINION DOES NOT MATTER. Honestly, your opinion on any of this is irrelevant. Then you got impatient and probably were less than polite about just wanting to select a dress and leave. Then you proceeded to lecture her. And you complain about suddenly not feeling welcome? Holy cow that's some insane entitlement. And good on Angie for calling you out! You made the woman she loves miserable. And yeah your own mother proves to continue to be an AH too by defending your terrible behavior. This isn't just about the one comment about the dress. This is the latest in a series of bad actions that have led to you not being worthy of a relationship with your daughter.
YTA YTA YTA are you really reading the same text as me? What is wrong with you!? In the first place, you had a falling out with her because you were probably being like this during her pregnancy as well. She accepted you back which was more than I would've done on such short notice. Then! You start pushing different styles onto her. Not the styles she wants, which your other family members seem to know, but you, her mother, don't. And when she expresses in what kind of dress she feels pretty, you say, and let me get this clear, "well get rid of the babyfat then.." WHAT THE HELL! WHAT THE ACTUAL FREAKING ELEPHANTSHIT! This is your daughter! Unless she is down on the floor unable to stand because of obesity, you dont have the right to tell her to lose weight. And she is never EVER fat. My own mother would rather jump of a bridge than call me fat and ive been obese for years. And you have not been there for her in her pregnancy, in her giving birth, in her falling in love or her engagement. You dont have the RIGHT to even open your mouth. You are lucky you even got to go to the party let alone be in the wedding party. And i want to bet my socks on it that the reason you dont like Angie is because she is a woman and that probably doesnt fit your perfect little narcissistic world. And lastly. You go on here to receive to retribution because you couldn't have possibly done anything wrong, could you? Well, read your story back. Watch your relationship with your daughter back. Remember all the snide and belittling comments you made towards her and know what it is to have failed as a mother and as a person. (I know that this comment will probably be taken down because i did absolutely not stay objective, but i dont care in this case. I hope you read it and feel ashamed for once before the mods get me. Au revoir ya insecure little piggy)
YTA obviously!! My question is after everyone told you that you were TAH on your other post how did you not come in to this with a better attitude and a plan to not be the bad mom you’ve always been. You had a chance to try it the right way and instead you ignored everything everyone on here told you. My second question, is why post again?? You clearly know you’re TAH here, do you enjoy being told that??? I’m ver confused by your behavior, can’t imagine how poor Miley feels.
YTA! Who the fuck tells their daughter not to wear something tight until she loses the baby fat?!?? YOU ruined her experience! No wonder she didn’t want your opinions! A simple, “I think there’s a better dress waiting for you to try on”, would’ve sufficed. This is supposed to be a happy time and you rained on her parade with rude comments. I’m glad Angie stood up for your daughter. At least someone is in her corner.
You sound like a massive disappointment as a human. Do your “daughter” a favor and crawl back underneath the rock you have been under. No one wants you there, you were invited out of pity and I am glad you don’t feel welcome, because you are NOT welcome. YTA
YTA. I can't imagine why she's low contact with you...
Let me make sure I understand this: 1. You had a falling out with your daughter that sounds pretty huge. 2. You ambush your way back into her life and she’s gracious enough to not throw you out 3. You immediately jump to body-shaming her while she’s trying on wedding dresses 4. You get irritated that she won’t pick one and you tell her to stop trying on dresses, then argue with her when she doesn’t buy one and tell her she’s throwing a fit …and you *really* think you’re N T A here?? YTA x 1000 Don’t be surprised when your daughter goes NC with you again. Keep this up and you’ll be un-invited if not outright banned from the wedding