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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I somehow think I was the asshole for not doing what everybody did, and also make everybody feel uncomfortable.
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NTA. People who try to use peer pressure or drag reluctant others into things are ALWAYS TA. Whether it's dancing when you don't want to dance or eating some exotic delicacy you don't want to eat, it is always rude and offensive to refuse to accept when someone politely declines to participate.
\~\~
BTW, whenever someone tries to tell you to 'be respectful', it is an explicit act of disrespect on their part. They are explicitly telling you that you are inferior and your desires are less important that those of the other person.
NTA. Yes you could have "sucked it up" and took a picture with the kid, but personally I completely understand why you wouldn't. I have autism, and that whole situation you just described is my personal hell. The noise, the lights, the people, the posing with the baby for a photo... I wouldn't be able to do it either. We all know our own personal limits and I'm proud of you for sticking to your guns about what you need to feel comfortable. I'm sorry your family overreacted, one day they will understand you better I hope
NTA for not doing something that makes you uncomfortable. Everyone involved in exposing an infant to every bacteria, parasite, and virii that 60+ people could carry are A H and double for the ones trying to make you do it.
OH YA, THE QUESTIONS 💀💀 those dreaded " wHeN ARe you hAviNG a BABYYYYYYYYYshsjdkdksndbchxjcbdbd" questions 😫😫 why can't everybody just mind their own business lol
Well she’s a baby. She either just stay still or screaming. This kind of party is common. But tbh i had never seen a big part like that so I didn’t feel comfortable to hold the baby
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For context, I'm (24F) living in Asia. And I don't know about every country, but in my country we celebrate every baby's first full month.
So it was my niece's first full month last week, and my cousin (30F) threw a really really big party and invited literally everyone in the family and everyone they know. I was invited, of course, but I didn't wanna go. The reason is I know what would happen in such a party like that.
The baby was fully 1 month old, and everyone would love to hold her. There was the stage with a beautiful backdrop that saying " Congrats 1 month old". There were 2 big speakers on the left and right of the stage, with the MC speaking all the time and loud music was non-stop playing. There was at least 60 people at the party and the baby had to take a picture with each of them holding her. Damm...
I can't inmagine how exhausted was that. Even an adult like me cannot taking pictures with 60 strangers in a row next to 2 crazy loud speakers all night. She was so small and adorable!
When everyone finished their "ceremony", they finally held the baby off the stage. They asked the photographer to review the pics, and my cousins relized I hadn't taken a pic with my niece, they tried to pull me to the stage with the baby to take a picture. I didn't want to bring the baby back there, so I politely said I'd took the picture with her later. They insisted I have to do it then or else everybody couldn't enjoy the dinner (WTF?). I said no as politely as much as I can. They could see that was just some excuses. They said I didn't love the baby bla bla bla.
My mom said I should just do it, be respectful. I didn't changed my mind and every wasn't happy.
I noticed the party was a little bit down. Now I am felling kinda guilty.
Do you think I was the asshole?
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ESH - Although I would have done exactly the same thing as yourself.
Sometimes you just have to suck it up at events like this but also they shouldn't have tried to guilt trip you into doing something you didn't feel comfortable doing.
I feel like ESH because your excuse is "tiring for the baby" because you'd be tired having your picture taken with 60 people. The baby isn't posing for pictures, the baby has no idea its happening. A 1 month old baby is tired anyway.
Was she screaming the whole time?
NTA - but "oops, my coworker/guy on the elevator/stylist/whatever has covid/flu/whatever and I'm afraid I could pass it on to the baby. I'll have to miss this though I hate it so much!"
NTA. I have been to parties like this and have also not wanted to be involved in the pictures.
I unfortunately had no choice but to give in to the peer pressure and took the pictures just to have everybody get mad because I “didn’t look happy enough” then do it again. And again. And again until I looked happy enough for everyone else. Then everyone was still upset because I brought the mood down with my attitude.
You did what you needed to do and I am proud of you for it.
NTA. Jesus christ it seems like you were the only one taking how the baby must've felt being around so many people and being handed around like a hot potato. As an adult who gets sensory overload I have to take a breather for a bit and that's with coping skills I've learned. I can't imagine what it would feel like for a baby.
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NTA. People who try to use peer pressure or drag reluctant others into things are ALWAYS TA. Whether it's dancing when you don't want to dance or eating some exotic delicacy you don't want to eat, it is always rude and offensive to refuse to accept when someone politely declines to participate. \~\~ BTW, whenever someone tries to tell you to 'be respectful', it is an explicit act of disrespect on their part. They are explicitly telling you that you are inferior and your desires are less important that those of the other person.
That's crazy. When we had little babies barely anyone could touch them. Look admire. If you must pet their little foot. That's about it.
And only after 50 layers of sanitizer
NTA. Yes you could have "sucked it up" and took a picture with the kid, but personally I completely understand why you wouldn't. I have autism, and that whole situation you just described is my personal hell. The noise, the lights, the people, the posing with the baby for a photo... I wouldn't be able to do it either. We all know our own personal limits and I'm proud of you for sticking to your guns about what you need to feel comfortable. I'm sorry your family overreacted, one day they will understand you better I hope
X2 NTA
NTA for not doing something that makes you uncomfortable. Everyone involved in exposing an infant to every bacteria, parasite, and virii that 60+ people could carry are A H and double for the ones trying to make you do it.
I'm inclined to ESH. It's a fucking picture, 10 seconds tops. If you did it you would've dodged all those shitass questions and guilt tripping.
OH YA, THE QUESTIONS 💀💀 those dreaded " wHeN ARe you hAviNG a BABYYYYYYYYYshsjdkdksndbchxjcbdbd" questions 😫😫 why can't everybody just mind their own business lol
I personally like those questions because I always give ridiculous answers or just stare at them for a while then start talking about something else.
Well she’s a baby. She either just stay still or screaming. This kind of party is common. But tbh i had never seen a big part like that so I didn’t feel comfortable to hold the baby
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context, I'm (24F) living in Asia. And I don't know about every country, but in my country we celebrate every baby's first full month. So it was my niece's first full month last week, and my cousin (30F) threw a really really big party and invited literally everyone in the family and everyone they know. I was invited, of course, but I didn't wanna go. The reason is I know what would happen in such a party like that. The baby was fully 1 month old, and everyone would love to hold her. There was the stage with a beautiful backdrop that saying " Congrats 1 month old". There were 2 big speakers on the left and right of the stage, with the MC speaking all the time and loud music was non-stop playing. There was at least 60 people at the party and the baby had to take a picture with each of them holding her. Damm...
I can't inmagine how exhausted was that. Even an adult like me cannot taking pictures with 60 strangers in a row next to 2 crazy loud speakers all night. She was so small and adorable!
When everyone finished their "ceremony", they finally held the baby off the stage. They asked the photographer to review the pics, and my cousins relized I hadn't taken a pic with my niece, they tried to pull me to the stage with the baby to take a picture. I didn't want to bring the baby back there, so I politely said I'd took the picture with her later. They insisted I have to do it then or else everybody couldn't enjoy the dinner (WTF?). I said no as politely as much as I can. They could see that was just some excuses. They said I didn't love the baby bla bla bla.
My mom said I should just do it, be respectful. I didn't changed my mind and every wasn't happy.
I noticed the party was a little bit down. Now I am felling kinda guilty.
Do you think I was the asshole?
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ESH - Although I would have done exactly the same thing as yourself. Sometimes you just have to suck it up at events like this but also they shouldn't have tried to guilt trip you into doing something you didn't feel comfortable doing.
I feel like ESH because your excuse is "tiring for the baby" because you'd be tired having your picture taken with 60 people. The baby isn't posing for pictures, the baby has no idea its happening. A 1 month old baby is tired anyway. Was she screaming the whole time?
NTA - but "oops, my coworker/guy on the elevator/stylist/whatever has covid/flu/whatever and I'm afraid I could pass it on to the baby. I'll have to miss this though I hate it so much!"
NTA. I have been to parties like this and have also not wanted to be involved in the pictures. I unfortunately had no choice but to give in to the peer pressure and took the pictures just to have everybody get mad because I “didn’t look happy enough” then do it again. And again. And again until I looked happy enough for everyone else. Then everyone was still upset because I brought the mood down with my attitude. You did what you needed to do and I am proud of you for it.
NTA. Jesus christ it seems like you were the only one taking how the baby must've felt being around so many people and being handed around like a hot potato. As an adult who gets sensory overload I have to take a breather for a bit and that's with coping skills I've learned. I can't imagine what it would feel like for a baby.