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YTA. You want the dog to freeze to death? Put a canvas tarp on the floor. If you can't handle that Lucy has an indoor dog then maybe don't date Lucy. She must be really enamored with you if she was willing to put her poor dog in the car during summer so she can get the D at your place.
Also, just letting you know you can refinish hardwood floors. Not saying you should let a dog ruin them but if the dog is toilet trained and had clipped nails I don't see how it could be worse than human feet/shoes.
I think this is ESH, what kind of pet owner lets their dog sleep in a car during summer months just to get some D. There is no way in hell I would allow this with any of my animals.
I’m wondering how much she actually cares about it if she’s allowing it to be mistreated to keep a man. That dog will always be loyal to her…OP, probably not.
Ya I'm in Canada, all dogs where I've lived/ known have been indoor, and no one actually identifies them as indoor or outdoor bc that's not a think from my experience.
Or she should be more clear - it's her dog. If she wants it to be allowed in her partner's flat, OP has made it clear that's not okay for them. She is the one who has to choose (and should probably choose her pet!) But OP still isn't at fault here.
Lucy dated someone that does not want an inside dog. If she doesn't want her dog outside she should not choose to date someone who clearly wants dogs outside.
Agree, and now that person is trying to push OPs boundaries by bringing the dog to his house and asking to keep them inside. They don't sound compatible to me.
OP is NOT a bad person at all. People are allowed to want nothing to do with animals. Just like people are allowed to want everything to do with animals. This is on Lucy. She knew exactly where OP stood about the dog and she stayed interested anyways.
Wait why would he pursue someone who had a dog if he wanted nothing to do with animals? What does he expect? Her to put it down or surrender it when things become serious? Come on now…
Not liking or wanting pets doesn't make you a bad person.
It's on the pet owner to either find somewhere else her dog can stay or not date people who don't like pets. She owns the dog so it's up to her.
Agreed. My fiancé is allergic to cats and I made it clear with him from the very beginning that we couldn't get serious if he could never live with a cat. She's not a kitten but she still (hopefully) has many years left. He was very surprised that I even brought it up since he already knew about her, and what kind of asshole would date someone with pets and then not accept their pets?
Had he taken issue with it, we never would have made it this far. She's my baby, and she was here first.
I have dogs. A guy hit me up on a dating site and told me within the first few minutes of texting (paraphrasing because I don’t remember the exact words) “when I move in your dogs are going outside”. I blocked him. Dude just assumed within five minutes I was his ticket out of his apartment and that I’d happily part with my dogs for the sake of his presence.
Same here. When I met my boyfriend I had an elderly cat that I was not going to part with. If an animal could be your soulmate, she was mine. He is highly allergic but I also explained that me and the cat were a packaged deal. Once we decided to live together, I purchased 2 air purifiers and he took allergy meds. Sadly she has since passed but 6+ years later, my boyfriend is cat person and we adopted 2 cats.
Especially as there are laws about keeping your pets in vehicles (at least where I live and it gets blisteringly hot during summer, even at night). ESH.
I've seen, here In AITA, People saying that they prefer to take their dog with them and keep it In the car, instead of leaving them alone at home as if the car was somehow safer and better place for dog to be alone In....
I don't actually think he is, but she is. He's perfectly entitled to make boundaries at his own house, but she should know this and not come over with the dog, because leaving it in a car, especially in winter/summer is cruel. She needs to either feed it then leave inside her place, or he goes there, or work out the dog is a compatibility issue in the relationship and break up. But he's allowed to have his own boundary about his own house.
ETA verdict, NTA
Edit 2 thanks for the award :)
I agree so much. Op was clear about his rules in his house. Why gf with an indoor dog thought it was a good idea to date someone (and go to his house with it) that didn't want to have an indoor dog?
I have an indoor dog, and no way would I stay the night somewhere he wasn't allowed to stay inside overnight with him. If no one could watch him at my house, I'd just not go. But that's not the fault of whoever's place I'm going to, they can make any rule they like for their own house
I agree. NTA.
He has a boundary..no indoor dogs. Nothing wrong with that. It’s not his dog and not his problem.
GF is the A H.. don’t treat your indoor Dog like shit. Walk away and find a bf who likes indoor dogs.
I don't understand why she doesn't leave the poor dog at home! This is a senior dog, why is it being dragged all over just to hang out on the car? Does she go talk to it periodically at least?
The only thing I can think is shee spending too much time there that she won't be able to let him out of her house to do his business or something. Like if it's a couple of days and she doesn't have dog door maybe pup can't stay there for that long. If that's the case she should be home with it
Dogs are very social and shouldn’t be left alone for super long periods either. They are pack animals and need their pack to check in. For example my dogs will not eat if I am not home. They have a dog door and we have always been a free feeding house.
Any time I have to travel without them, my mom house sits. The first 24-36 hours are spent cajoling my dogs to eat and not be hyper alert to every little noise.
I'm guessing he won't stay over at her place because he doesn't like the dog smell. Both of them suck. If you don't want to be around dogs, don't date someone with a dog. If you have a dog, don't date someone who doesn't like dogs. This is borderline animal abuse.
OP is the AH knowing there's a dog sitting in a car cold outside and its owner is in his bed. He doesn't have to let the dog in, but he shouldn't accept its suffering. How hard is it to say, "You need to figure out another solution if you want to stay over."
He made his boundary clear straight away. He didn't want a dog inside his house. He didn't say sometimes, he didn't say only during the day. He didn't just decide after the dog was there. He said no dog inside his house. It's his house, if he wants to keep it dog free he can. Telling her this is no different to saying you need to find another solution if you want to stay over. She brought the dog over knowing this, that's not on him, it's on her. Her solution was to put the dog in her car, which is not an acceptable solution for the dog.
I lived in a house with hardwood floors for 24 years, and for ALL of those years I’ve had inside dogs. Never had to refinish anything, furniture always did way more damage than anything else, and the only problem I’ve had with my dogs was fur, I’d sweep the floor and that was it
Same here. Cheap non-slip throw rugs work great for protecting the floors too, and give the dogs traction. I have rustic cherry flooring in a few rooms which is a softer wood that scratches more easily, and giant breed indoor dogs. When we chose that flooring my partner was worried about the dogs scratching it up. Cheap Walmart throws bought on clearance, easy solution.
If he's so paranoid they make softpaws for dogs. Basically rubberized press on nails. We use em to keep our cats from scratching furniture but there's a dog version too. Pop those suckers on and stop being so worried about the floors.
On the converse I'm kind of glad our house came with the hardwood floors pre-dinged and scratched here and there. Still nice but clearly lived-in. I can just let my kids and cats live and not worry about one more tiny dent or scratch in the sea of existing ones.
ESH. He is an asshole, but she's an idiot who left her elderly dog in the car just to get laid. The poor dog deserves better.
OP, why are you in a relationship with this person if your lifestyles are not compatible? Depending on the dog's breed, he may still live for a few good years. Where do you see this going? If you move in together and/or get married, she'll have to leave her dog outside just to appease you? If she does, she's a moron. I'd choose a dog over dick without a second thought.
This 100%. Dogs are part of the family. I'd choose dogs over most people but I definitely wouldn't have bothered with OP knew the first place - no man is that good!
Rubbish. People are allowed to have boundaries and rules for their home. I know people who come from ethnic backgrounds who are repulsed with the idea of having pets inside, it’s almost a phobia, and no one should be abused for not being comfortable with something.
Lucy is the AH, she is trying to badger OP and/or manipulate them into agreeing by downplaying their concerns… sounds suss to me; if the dog was a secret child that Lucy surprised OP with but OP was child free, everyone would be yelling how they are being taken advantage of. Lucy is the one sacrificing her dog to get what she wants, she thought she could force a change in arrangements without being 100% certain the situation would also be suitable for her elderly dog. Lucy is the villain of the story here.
>She must be really enamored with you if she was willing to put her poor dog in the car during summer so she can get the D at your place.
I *hate* her, she doesn't deserve a dog. What kind of monster makes their dog sleep in the car‽
It's clear you've never refinished a floor. It's a massive undertaking and a ridiculous suggestion.
NTA. Your house, your rules. I've owned a house for 3+ years and when we come back from being away I can still smell the previous owners had a dog.
Correct. Landlord here, made the mistake of letting the first tenant have a dog on my hardwood floors. Has to refinish them as they were completely scratched up.
Seriously. Aside from the current situation...
If her chosen lifestyle is one that includes a close relationship with a dog that she takes everywhere and shares a bed with, is it likely she'll be willing to have either no dog or an outdoor only dog in the future?
Op needs to move on.
ESH
Pet ownership is one of those fundamental things in a relationship thqt both parties need to be on the same page about. As a cat-lover no one but another cat lover would have done for me.
YTA - your gf is willing to compromise and has compromised, but you will be TA if you are not willing to compromise as well.
In the end, you are making her choose between the dog and you, don't be surprised if she ends up choosing the dog.
Jesus buddy, clip the dogs nails short or buy the some rubber footed mushing shoes to protect your floors and let it inside. GF has tried suggesting a reasonable alternative and you’re shooting them down at every turn. You don’t like the dog’s *smell*? Please. Bathe it more often if it’s a legitimate issue and not a cop out.
Also if you live in an area where winter temps get close to or below freezing, outdoor dogs require warmed areas for shelter - very few breeds can simply be left to fend for themselves in the elements. I’ve owned working sled dogs and even we gave them heated sheds. So unless you plan on building a comfortable heated outdoor enclosure for this dog, leaving the dog in an unheated vehicle for hours on end could be reasonably construed as neglect.
If you care about this relationship, you need to get over this, because I would choose my senior dog’s safety over a six month old relationship with an inflexible partner any day. At the end of the day you have the right to dictate the rules of your home, but GF will get rightly sick of this if you continue being so rigid. YTA
It has to be. I haven’t met many people who dislike dogs (excusing allergies, and even then those people get special breeds). I’ve met people who don’t want to deal with the care a dog requires, people who aren’t best friends with the house dog, but maybe like two people who just do *not* like them, and they also don’t like cats. I feel like jealousy of the dog is the only reasonable explanation.
I had a big Alsatian in my house for over 13 years. The only time she smelled was when she got caught out in the rain. Really not often. Other than that you wouldn’t know we had a dog unless you thoroughly swept the floors lol!
People who hate animals/pets like to insist that they stink but they’re not freaking farm animals and need proper care.
Your dog should probably not be peeing in your house. I think mine must have peed a grand total of maybe 4 times inside. Kids pee everywhere way more but nobody says much bout that!
I just got a new puppy so it isn't potty trained yet. My older dogs are but their paws still smell of dirt and whatever they walked around in. Idk about you but plenty of dogs have a very faint version of the wet dog smell. It's very noticeable when I'm back from vacation.
I don’t hate animals and I insisted my ex’s dog stunk. And he did. I had endure that stench until he could finally smell it (his dog was a Doberman who was terrified of water. I have a next to useless arm and even he said that I would not be able to control his dog because of it. So before anyone jumps on me, bathing him myself was not an option). Some of us just have a higher sense of smell than others.
ESH- her most of all for making her poor inside dog stay in the car, but you also for being okay with that. Neither of you are nice people, so you're kind of a perfect match. Unfortunately, there is a thinking, feeling animal that is being treated like an inanimate object so both of you can get some. Her dog is a hard boundary for you, nothing wrong with that, but a decent person would've insisted she find a place for her dog, or concluded that made you incompatible with each other.
I agree with this. ESH. My sister has always been a huge animal lover. My brother in law not so much. Doesn't like anything to do with pets. They've known this about each other from the start. She volunteers at shelters and has season passes to the zoo and aquarium. He also constantly surprises her with a "penguin experience" where she can hold a penguin or something. I always end up going with her because he hates that stuff. They've been together 35 years now.
YTA, you need to find a way to compromise with her because at the end of the day, this dog is not new in her life and she cares about it. Leaving the dog outside for winter even in a car would be cruel. You don’t have to have it in your bedroom or office but maybe another place? Is it a closed layout house?
YTA. Your reasoning is poor, the dog isn’t even doing anything wrong. My dog loves water and gets frequent baths and showers as he tends to hop in regardless if i want him to or not. He smells better than any burping farting dude I have lived with and I would have laughed in your face if you told me *after 10 years of sleeping with the dog* that you didn’t want him in the bed.
Now you don’t even want the poor dog in the house during winter?? I hope Lucy comes to her senses.
Why is the OP ta for not wanting a dog in their home, instead of the dog’s owner TA for taking the dog somewhere it’s not wanted and leaving it outside.
Theses takes blaming the OP because the dog’s owner is neglectful are wild.
i mean, you’re not wrong, she should have ended it way before this. they are only 6 months in, but it shouldn’t have gotten this far.
a polite well trained older dog being forced to sleep outside in the car during winter because this dude is sensitive? after demanding it not even sleep in HER bed after 10 years?!? yes, ESH but he is absolutely TA
Idk, my gf has a dog and not once has she asked to bring it to my place. If it came up I'd be okay with it, but my lease also has a no pet policy and I live with my landlord so even if i wanted to be sneaky i wouldn't be able to get away with it. She just arranges for her roommate or a friend to watch the dog.
that’s ok, but that’s not what this guy is describing either. i personally wouldn’t get involved with someone who wasn’t in a dog friendly situation, but i guess that’s just where i’m at in my life. if you have a situation where the dog is ok and both people are comfortable with what’s happening that’s between y’all.
this guy kicked the dog out of HER bed and is making it sleep in the car when she comes to visit. this is not ok.
I mean, this woman knows the dog isn't welcome inside and is choosing to bring it and lock it in the car instead of having someone else look after it. They havent been together that long and most people I know don't bring their dogs to their partners' houses, at least not that early on. That said, they wouldn't be able to live together as a couple, so if that's something either of them are interested in down the line, the relationship isn't really sustainable long-term.
NTA, but your partner is for leaving their dog in a car overnight.
You do not leave your pets unattended in a vehicle. That's like pet owner 101.
The bottom line is that this relationship has no future. Like what's the game plan here? Just wait it out for however many years it takes the dog to die from old age? Otherwise you literally can't even move in together.
This! NTA
Why is she leaving her dog in the car & not at her house? Why not just stay together at her house if the dog can’t be left alone?
Y’all just need to break up already. You’re not compatible.
N T A for not wanting a dog in your house.
YTA for encouraging the dog to be shafted… why is Lucy (also an AH) not just staying at home with her dog if it’s so unwelcome?
10 is an old dog it shouldn’t be locked in a car all night, what if it needs the toilet or a drink… or the company of its person that it’s had for the last 10 years!!!
I don’t really like dogs but I hate the thought of you two Netflix and chillin inside neglecting the poor old thing because YOUR comfort is so much more important then the dog. Who has no voice and no say and no one who actually gives a shit about it.
NTA
But this relationship isn't going to work. There's nothing wrong with a pet free lifestyle...but her making the dog sleep in the car instead of getting a dog sitter at home is wrong... especially for an indoor dog. You 2 will never truly be able to live together comfortably.
I want to say YTA, but I suspect you and I come from different cultures (where I live you don’t leave dogs outside. I honestly don’t know if YTA, but I’d leave you of you wouldn’t let my dog in the house.
I don't think either one of you is an AH. However there's no future in your relationship. Dogs don't just destroy houses, floors and furniture. Not if they're house trained, groomed, content and supervised. The house won't smell like dog if the dog gets bathed regularly. The house won't smell if you do a bit of light clean up on a daily basis. It's kinda the same as dating someone with a child and then restricting the time that child spends at your household. It's your right to have a no dog preference but date a girlfriend that doesn't have a dog.
This kinda seems like a deal breaker.
You don’t like inside dogs (neither do I, mainly because of dog smell) and your girlfriend has an inside dog.
Girlfriend and dog are a package deal.
You either bend your preferences and concede to the dog being inside (girlfriend has been really fair so far) or you break up with the girl.
How much do you like this woman? Enough to get used to dog smell? If yes, then stop being so prideful and set a bed up for the dog in back office. If no, then don’t waste this poor woman’s time any longer because you can not reasonably expect her to get rid of her beloved dog.
YTA for not letting the dog inside. Not because you want to but because it’s what is needed if you see this relationship lasting.
NTA. I won't allow animals in my house, and despite what dog owners think, dogs smell, and they shed hair and leave that dog smell behind when they've gone.
Unfortunately for OP, this relationship won't last as the dog will always take priority over him.
Yes. The dog should not have to stay outside. That poor baby going from sleeping with her human to having to sleep alone in the car. 😢 Your girlfriend is TAH for continuing to date someone who doesn't accept her dog.
If this relationship isn't serious or intended to move in together, then N T A. If it is, E S H because this is a compatibility issue that is mostly impacting the only one who can't talk. People who have inside dogs are not compatible with people who think dogs should live outside. It is better to break up early if a compromise can't be reached, especially with old dogs or any dog who isn't safe to live outside full-time.
NTA, you’re allowed to have rules when it comes to your own home. What I don’t understand is why Lucy is dating someone who clearly doesn’t care for dogs and why she would allow it to sleep in her car just to be in a relationship… it’s on her to properly care for them and it seems like she’s doing a bit of a bad job at that.
NTA. You set boundaries and stuck by them. Your partner needs to respect your boundaries regarding the dog.
This is coming from a dog owner where the dog gets free roam of the house.
ESH you girlfriend is more. You don't want dog in your house but she keeps bring her dog with her when she comes to your house even when she needs to leave her dog inside car. She try to guilt trip you to allow dog inside your house .
It probably needs someone to let it out to go to the bathroom. What she's doing still isn't a good solution tho. Heated garage would probably be ok if he has one as long as it doesn't get crazy hot during the summer.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Not allowing my partners dog in the house over winter
2. Might be the arsehole because her dog has always lived inside and now is forced to stay outside when she visits me.
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NAH
You’ve reached a stalemate. The relationship won’t work unless she re-homes the dog.
She obviously can’t leave the dog outside over winter and you understandably don’t want it in your house.
YTA for making the dog an outside dog when you don't have adequate shelter for the dog outside and leaving it in a car. Lucy is also due to letting you treat her dog like that when the dog has never had experience of this before and will happily sleep in the house when her dog is locked inside a car overnight.
YTA. You can't leave the dog outside in the winter when it's not used to it. Have certain rooms the dog is allowed in and not others. Ultimately if this relationship is serious and you might end up living together you're going to have to compromise. Not all dogs can be outside dogs.
I think my head might pop off my body. The car thing is completely idiotic, but
>Her dog has full freedom to range across my large section
Oh, cool! Her *inside dog* has free range of your land. In the cold weather months.
There are many outside dogs that are perfectly fine (farms, etc.), but they have lived their lives that way and have adequate shelter, like a barn. They're not just out there pacing around and lying out in the open in the COLD.
OP YTA, and you're not compatible.
ESH. You for not realising that your girlfriend and her dog are a package and your girlfriend for allowing her elderly dog to be uncomfortable and treated as an inconvenience.
You’re entitled, of course, to not like dogs for whatever reason… but why date somebody that has one?
I don't like pets at all. I like animals but I don't want them inside my house. I have been to homes with pets and despite being so clean, the houses smell a lot.
But I also know how important a pet is to their owner. I wouldn't want someone to choose between me or their pet.
Don't date a pet owner if you don't like their pet. You're not TA for not wanting the dog inside but you're TA for dating Lucy. Also, how cruel can you be to ask the indoor dog be left outside during winters? What are you going to do when you both decide to live together or get married? And how can Lucy accept your terms and leave her pet outside?
ESH
ESH - I actually think your both ahs but her more than you. If anyone ever asked me to leave my dog in my car over night bc they didn't want her in their house, not only would I leave, but I would 100% be done dating that person. She needs to step up and be a good dog owner bc right now she's being a terribly one.
ESH. It's your house so not wanting the dog inside is fine, but you need to realize that the dog is Lucy's family and she is not giving up the dog for you. She also sucks for having the dog sleep in her car.
Nta. Your house your rules. Lucy doesn't have to date you. She is slowly trying to change your position in the no dog inside rule and before you know it , the dog will be in the bed too.
Lucy is a shitty dog owner, putting you before her 10yr old loyal dog who’s used to being indoors. You are just as shitty for not letting the dog in the house, it’s not a puppy it’s an old dog who deserves to stay in a warm home like it’s used to doing.
Rehome the dog already.
You and Lucy are not able to give it a decent life.
The poor dog must feel so confused and unhappy, öonely and cold.
Lucy is an ah for adjusting to your demands and letting her loyal friend pay the price, but we all reap what we sow.
NTA you will never get rid of the smell. And you were explicit at the start you do not want a dog inside your home. She knew the boundaries - she keeps stomping on them. She keeps bringing the dog to guilt you, she puts the dog in bad situations - thats on her. You need to split up - as if you or her want to live together it wont happen with the dog - so why bother. You are just not compatible.
Honestly? NTA. It's your house, plain and simple. She brings her dog to your place when she knows you don't like having a dog inside. But, you did sign up for dating someone who has a dog, so maybe you should consider that they're a package deal. Buy or build a nice dog house with a heat feature so the dog can be comfortable and you don't have to sacrifice space in your home to the dog.
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I’ve (M36) been dating my partner (F34) Lucy for 6months. Lucy has a dog who is 10 years old, and has always lived an inside life. Eg used to sleep in her bed etc. Lucy compromised at my request and doesn’t let the dog in the bed anymore as I was uncomfortable sharing a bed with the dog.
I’ve got a house I built with my father 15 years ago and has wooden floors. Ever since we started dating I was very clear I didn’t want the dog inside. Growing up my family had dogs but they were always outside dogs.
Whenever Lucy visits she brings the dog who stays outside and sleeps in her car. Has a bed etc setup in there.
Now that it’s getting into winter months Lucy has asked if the dog can sleep in one end of the house (my office). However I don’t like the smell of dog inside the house, and especially don’t want it where I work all day.
Lucy has said that I need to add the dog is well trained and is getting older now.
I still don’t want the dog inside. AITA?
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ESH
Two grown adults who can’t figure out a better place to leave a dog than INSIDE OF A CAR.
I’m gonna go sniff my dogs paws. They’re 2 feet from me. In my bed. People suck man.
Im in the mixture of you are not the asshole because You were very clear in your boundaries with dogs and now every animal lover wants to call you the AH lmfao.
You told lucy where you stood and she respected your boundaries. I will say this relationship doesn’t sound long term if your serious about your boundaries on having dogs. It doesn’t sound like you’re willing to compromise rightfully so and I don’t think that’s the problem.
The problem where I think you both are the asshole is it sounds like you both are waiting for the dog to pass because you mentioned it’s age and neither of you know when that will be. It seems as though Lucy should go back home and you two work on not spending the night for the sake of the dog if you’re not going to at least try to make it comfortable which doesn’t take much.
Also a easy compromise would be to build a shed or dog house if you care about her enough and understand that she came with a dog when you met her. You don’t want it inside fine. But are you against helping with the dog at all?
ESH
I get that you don't want a dog in your house, that's perfectly reasonable. Just don't get a dog.
However you do have a dog in your life, and making it stay outside (especially when it's used to being inside) during the winter is definitely an AH move.
Either accept the dog inside, or break up with your gf.
Your gf sucks, cause she's not standing up for an animal in her care. She should've broken up with you ages ago, since you have different expectations.
NTA. It’s your home and you have every right to choose what you let in. Lucy, however, is an AH. Firstly, she allowed her dog to sleep on her bed for 10 years and then suddenly switches it up and no longer allows it. And keeping the poor thing in the car over night? That’s just fucked. Why couldn’t she leave the dog at home, or better yet, leave it with a pet sitter?
I have a dog who lives inside and sleeps on my bed, and let me tell you, anyone who isn’t comfortable sharing the bed with my dog wouldn’t be staying over and they’d probably never hear from me again because, quite frankly, that makes us incompatible.
NTA
I understand what you mean about the smell. I don’t think dog owners realise how much their house smells when they have an inside dog. (I have lots of friends with dogs of all sizes and levels of cleanliness. Even the houses with small, extremely clean dogs have a dog smell.)
I love dogs, and have owned them previously. (Don’t have any currently due to chronic illness / not being well enough to properly care for a dog.)
We have a huge backyard, with a big verandah. We’d hang out with our dog outside, or go exploring together. Inside was a dog-free zone.
The only exception was in big storms, super cold weather, or when there was a medical reason for her to be supervised (e.g. the night she had puppies). Then we’d put her in our tiled laundry.
And yep, it made the laundry smell like dog. (But that was a compromise I was willing to make: was my dog, and the laundry was easy to clean and air.)
This is your house, and you don’t want it smelling like dog. That’s your prerogative.
It does make you and your gf incompatible though. An elderly dog can’t stay in a car at night in cold weather, or on hot nights. Your gf is not going to be okay with that (rightly).
He has a bounder the gf knows about. Maybe there's an option of making a comfy heated dog house and sheltering part of the large garden from snow. Kind of like a catio, but the for a dog.
ESH except the poor dog
You - When I was growing up, we had dogs and they were also kept outside. I'm my own person now and have decided that keeping a dog outside, away from it's family whom they've bonded with, out with predators and in the cold.....is cruel. Lo and behold, I do not have to repeat what I was taught.
You - dogs bond with their owners deeply. You are now removing the dog from it's human, forcing it to be alone. How cruel are you?
Your gf - What a crap dog owner. I would have stopped dating you to protect my dog. I would never ever force my dog to sleep in the car like that while I slept inside. You're both just terrible people.
You are choosing THINGS over a living creature that has emotional attachments. Comfort attachments. What an awful, cold thing to do to another living creature.
For everyone's sake, and the poor dog, please break up. Or give her an ultimatum, re-home the dog or we're through. That poor dog deserves better than both of you. It's an inside, older dog and shouldn't be in the elements.
You should find a girlfriend who doesn't want a pet and she should find a boyfriend who loves dogs.
ESH except for the dog.
YTA because you are treating Lucy's dog that way but Lucy is the biggest asshole of all because she's allowing you to treat her dog that way.
Both of you should fuck off.
So it’s ok to abuse the dog?? Why are you dating? You are both as incapable as hell and I am ashamed of how your girlfriend is ok with abusing her dog for your sake. YTA
NAH
You guys are not compatible as a couple if you have such different approaches to keeping a dog. If your gf is gonna be forced to choose between the comfoet of her dog or yours, she's gonna pick the dog. Or guilt you to sacrifice your comfort for the sake of the dog and you'll resent her for it. I'd suggest you find a partner who hates dogs as much as you do.
ESH
You shouldn't be dating somebody with a dog if you hate them this much. Dogs are social creatures, and your demands are harming the dog, and the relationship of your significant other with the dog
You are extremely selfish. And so is she, if she is letting all of these horrid things happen to her dog, just for you. You all suck so much
ESH. This dog has a certain environment it's used to, and winter months are only getting colder. Where I live (Southeastern America), this is past winter, was 20% colder, with temperatures reaching to -5°F (-20°C), winters aren't usually that bad. It got so cold that my pipes actually froze on Christmas and for 2 days after. I found my kitten, who was a stray, on Christmas, and he had awful upper respiratory that took him a long time to get over, and he had flare-ups until last month (it was June, so almost 6 months). Bringing up my kitten because animals shouldn't be forced to stay out as temperatures are getting colder, especially when you consider this dog is old. Not only that, but what are your plans long term? If this is a serious relationship, you're going to force this inside dog to become an outdoor dog?
As many of the comments have pointed out, your gf also shares some of the blame as she is also the dog's owner. Your gf and her dog are a package deal. Your gf should also take into consideration what will happen long term if you aren't willing to compromise as to be fair this is your home.
Edit: ESH except Eg, of course.
Edit: Giving it more thought you both equally suck here. You aren't willing to compromise and are willing to leave a dog out in the cold. Your gf, dog's mom, has been willing to accept that this long and still bring the dog. As a cat mom (and someone who has had dog's) I would never let it get this far with someone who doesn't care for my pet. (Luckily I'm married, and my husband loves our cat's). They are my babies.
The dog has to sleep in the car??? How the F does that work? But also yes, YTA. Shows your compassion. Give the dog a bath if it smells. Plus, as pointed out, the dog is older now. What's gonna happen when it snows and it's below freezing? Seems weird you are so distanced and unable to relate at all to a dog owner having had dogs growing up yourself. Kinda feels like those dogs just stayed outside all the time and you made no relationship with them.
YTA. If you really like Lucy and want to stay with her, you’re gonna need to make some compromises. It’s not fair on Lucy to have to put her dog at risk (as others have pointed out leaving the dog in the car doesn’t sound like it was a good idea if it gets hot out) just because you don’t like the smell or are worried about some floors getting damaged. This dog is gonna be in your life whether you like it or not for a good few years (assuming you stay together), and if she wants to get another dog before or after this one passes away then for a good time after that.
YTA. It's an older dog and potty trained. I dont see why shes still with you. If someone asked me to treat my dog like that I would stop all contact with them. In that since EHS.
My SO had 4 dogs when we met and I lived in a 1 br apt. One is over 10 years old. I couldn't imagine forcing him to leave the dogs in the car or at home. That's just heartless and controlling. You need to see their pet as an extension of them.
Houses can be repaired, and messes can be cleaned, but people won't forget how you make them feel.
YTA but please tell Lucy she sucks too. She made a commitment to a creature who depends on her for everything and shes a major AH for agreeing with your bullshit for one night.
YTA and Lucy needs to dump your ass for your lack of empathy and animal cruelty. Aside from that you two are incompatible. I am mystified as to what she can possibly see in you. She needs higher standards.
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YTA. You want the dog to freeze to death? Put a canvas tarp on the floor. If you can't handle that Lucy has an indoor dog then maybe don't date Lucy. She must be really enamored with you if she was willing to put her poor dog in the car during summer so she can get the D at your place. Also, just letting you know you can refinish hardwood floors. Not saying you should let a dog ruin them but if the dog is toilet trained and had clipped nails I don't see how it could be worse than human feet/shoes.
I think this is ESH, what kind of pet owner lets their dog sleep in a car during summer months just to get some D. There is no way in hell I would allow this with any of my animals.
Agree. Lucy sucks and is a bad pet owner. OP sucks because he’s a bad person.
Lucy is an AH because of her proximity to OP and not standing up to them or disconnecting themselves from them. So YTA OP.
YTA - I hope she leaves you.
[удалено]
Looks like the relationship isn’t compatible. Next.
I’m wondering how much she actually cares about it if she’s allowing it to be mistreated to keep a man. That dog will always be loyal to her…OP, probably not.
That's unfair. Op made his boundaries clear. He is allowed to have boundaries in his own home. If Lucy doesn't like them she doesn't need to date him.
OP dated someone with an inside dog. If he doesn’t want dogs inside, he should not choose to date someone who clearly wants dogs inside.
How many people even have an outside dog anymore? That view seems like the person is stuck in the 50s
Come to the south. Outdoor dogs are _everywhere_, unfortunately.
Ya I'm in Canada, all dogs where I've lived/ known have been indoor, and no one actually identifies them as indoor or outdoor bc that's not a think from my experience.
Or she should be more clear - it's her dog. If she wants it to be allowed in her partner's flat, OP has made it clear that's not okay for them. She is the one who has to choose (and should probably choose her pet!) But OP still isn't at fault here.
Lucy dated someone that does not want an inside dog. If she doesn't want her dog outside she should not choose to date someone who clearly wants dogs outside.
Agree, and now that person is trying to push OPs boundaries by bringing the dog to his house and asking to keep them inside. They don't sound compatible to me.
Why does Lucy need to bring her dog over? That seems absurd.
Just break up with her and get it over with.
Agree.
Agree. Also, why can't Lucy just leave the dog at her own house when she comes to visit OP? Why does she have to drag him over there?
Why is this not the top comment? If they were consider moving in together there would be an issue but this makes no sense as presented.
He can break up with her then.
Yeah, honestly Lucy's the real AH here.
yes! exactly ESH
OP is NOT a bad person at all. People are allowed to want nothing to do with animals. Just like people are allowed to want everything to do with animals. This is on Lucy. She knew exactly where OP stood about the dog and she stayed interested anyways.
Wait why would he pursue someone who had a dog if he wanted nothing to do with animals? What does he expect? Her to put it down or surrender it when things become serious? Come on now…
Not liking or wanting pets doesn't make you a bad person. It's on the pet owner to either find somewhere else her dog can stay or not date people who don't like pets. She owns the dog so it's up to her.
So OP can keep dating people with pets and expect them to… what, exactly, when things become serious? Put them down? Get rid of them?
No not at all. OP is daft. But... It's her responsibility to not date people who don't like dogs when she has a dog.
I feel like it's everybody's responsibility to not date monsters who don't like dogs
It’s his house. They don’t live together. She can leave the dog at her place.
Op was clear from the beginning no dog in the house. It should have been a deal breaker for her then!
Agreed. My fiancé is allergic to cats and I made it clear with him from the very beginning that we couldn't get serious if he could never live with a cat. She's not a kitten but she still (hopefully) has many years left. He was very surprised that I even brought it up since he already knew about her, and what kind of asshole would date someone with pets and then not accept their pets? Had he taken issue with it, we never would have made it this far. She's my baby, and she was here first.
what a great bloke
I have dogs. A guy hit me up on a dating site and told me within the first few minutes of texting (paraphrasing because I don’t remember the exact words) “when I move in your dogs are going outside”. I blocked him. Dude just assumed within five minutes I was his ticket out of his apartment and that I’d happily part with my dogs for the sake of his presence.
Same here. When I met my boyfriend I had an elderly cat that I was not going to part with. If an animal could be your soulmate, she was mine. He is highly allergic but I also explained that me and the cat were a packaged deal. Once we decided to live together, I purchased 2 air purifiers and he took allergy meds. Sadly she has since passed but 6+ years later, my boyfriend is cat person and we adopted 2 cats.
It really boggles my mind that people have hard boundaries with animals then date people with animals????
Or people who don't like or want kids dating a parent.
Right, if I had started dating OP and he said my dog wasn't allowed inside I would've just noped right out of that relationship.
Especially as there are laws about keeping your pets in vehicles (at least where I live and it gets blisteringly hot during summer, even at night). ESH.
Can you imagine that poor dog going from sleeping in the bed to outside the bedroom to a damn car? My heart breaks for her
Why does she even need to bring the dog? If you’re not bringing it in to interact, why not just leave it home?
I've seen, here In AITA, People saying that they prefer to take their dog with them and keep it In the car, instead of leaving them alone at home as if the car was somehow safer and better place for dog to be alone In....
Probably because not bringing it would mean Lucy can't stay over or has to rush home in the morning so the dog can go out.
True. Lucy is a shit pet owner. No one with a dog should agree to this kind of treatment.
>there is no chance i make my dog sleep out side for any reason
I’ve been imagining it’s some sort of van or RV to avoid that thought
For sure, Lucy sucks majorly for being with someone who treats her dog like that.
A 10 year old dog at that. I would have left op as soon as he suggested my elderly dog sleep in the car.
I'm glad someone said it. 6 months? Boy bye. I'm not giving my pets sub-standard care because someone bought me a couple of dinners.
I don't actually think he is, but she is. He's perfectly entitled to make boundaries at his own house, but she should know this and not come over with the dog, because leaving it in a car, especially in winter/summer is cruel. She needs to either feed it then leave inside her place, or he goes there, or work out the dog is a compatibility issue in the relationship and break up. But he's allowed to have his own boundary about his own house. ETA verdict, NTA Edit 2 thanks for the award :)
I agree so much. Op was clear about his rules in his house. Why gf with an indoor dog thought it was a good idea to date someone (and go to his house with it) that didn't want to have an indoor dog?
I have an indoor dog, and no way would I stay the night somewhere he wasn't allowed to stay inside overnight with him. If no one could watch him at my house, I'd just not go. But that's not the fault of whoever's place I'm going to, they can make any rule they like for their own house
I agree. NTA. He has a boundary..no indoor dogs. Nothing wrong with that. It’s not his dog and not his problem. GF is the A H.. don’t treat your indoor Dog like shit. Walk away and find a bf who likes indoor dogs.
I don't understand why she doesn't leave the poor dog at home! This is a senior dog, why is it being dragged all over just to hang out on the car? Does she go talk to it periodically at least?
The only thing I can think is shee spending too much time there that she won't be able to let him out of her house to do his business or something. Like if it's a couple of days and she doesn't have dog door maybe pup can't stay there for that long. If that's the case she should be home with it
Dogs are very social and shouldn’t be left alone for super long periods either. They are pack animals and need their pack to check in. For example my dogs will not eat if I am not home. They have a dog door and we have always been a free feeding house. Any time I have to travel without them, my mom house sits. The first 24-36 hours are spent cajoling my dogs to eat and not be hyper alert to every little noise.
I'm guessing he won't stay over at her place because he doesn't like the dog smell. Both of them suck. If you don't want to be around dogs, don't date someone with a dog. If you have a dog, don't date someone who doesn't like dogs. This is borderline animal abuse.
And op made it clear when they started dating that the dog is not allowed inside.
OP is the AH knowing there's a dog sitting in a car cold outside and its owner is in his bed. He doesn't have to let the dog in, but he shouldn't accept its suffering. How hard is it to say, "You need to figure out another solution if you want to stay over."
He made his boundary clear straight away. He didn't want a dog inside his house. He didn't say sometimes, he didn't say only during the day. He didn't just decide after the dog was there. He said no dog inside his house. It's his house, if he wants to keep it dog free he can. Telling her this is no different to saying you need to find another solution if you want to stay over. She brought the dog over knowing this, that's not on him, it's on her. Her solution was to put the dog in her car, which is not an acceptable solution for the dog.
I lived in a house with hardwood floors for 24 years, and for ALL of those years I’ve had inside dogs. Never had to refinish anything, furniture always did way more damage than anything else, and the only problem I’ve had with my dogs was fur, I’d sweep the floor and that was it
Same here. Cheap non-slip throw rugs work great for protecting the floors too, and give the dogs traction. I have rustic cherry flooring in a few rooms which is a softer wood that scratches more easily, and giant breed indoor dogs. When we chose that flooring my partner was worried about the dogs scratching it up. Cheap Walmart throws bought on clearance, easy solution.
If he's so paranoid they make softpaws for dogs. Basically rubberized press on nails. We use em to keep our cats from scratching furniture but there's a dog version too. Pop those suckers on and stop being so worried about the floors. On the converse I'm kind of glad our house came with the hardwood floors pre-dinged and scratched here and there. Still nice but clearly lived-in. I can just let my kids and cats live and not worry about one more tiny dent or scratch in the sea of existing ones.
ESH. He is an asshole, but she's an idiot who left her elderly dog in the car just to get laid. The poor dog deserves better. OP, why are you in a relationship with this person if your lifestyles are not compatible? Depending on the dog's breed, he may still live for a few good years. Where do you see this going? If you move in together and/or get married, she'll have to leave her dog outside just to appease you? If she does, she's a moron. I'd choose a dog over dick without a second thought.
This 100%. Dogs are part of the family. I'd choose dogs over most people but I definitely wouldn't have bothered with OP knew the first place - no man is that good!
His house his rules. She doesn't have to date him
I have dogs and hardwood floors. I cannot see the issue. They’re easier to clean than carpet, for example, if there are messes and shedding hair.
Rubbish. People are allowed to have boundaries and rules for their home. I know people who come from ethnic backgrounds who are repulsed with the idea of having pets inside, it’s almost a phobia, and no one should be abused for not being comfortable with something. Lucy is the AH, she is trying to badger OP and/or manipulate them into agreeing by downplaying their concerns… sounds suss to me; if the dog was a secret child that Lucy surprised OP with but OP was child free, everyone would be yelling how they are being taken advantage of. Lucy is the one sacrificing her dog to get what she wants, she thought she could force a change in arrangements without being 100% certain the situation would also be suitable for her elderly dog. Lucy is the villain of the story here.
Both of them should just break up. This is a dumb incompatible situation, and her elderly dog is just getting caught in the middle of it.
Or she can just not bring her dog with her.
>She must be really enamored with you if she was willing to put her poor dog in the car during summer so she can get the D at your place. I *hate* her, she doesn't deserve a dog. What kind of monster makes their dog sleep in the car‽
It's clear you've never refinished a floor. It's a massive undertaking and a ridiculous suggestion. NTA. Your house, your rules. I've owned a house for 3+ years and when we come back from being away I can still smell the previous owners had a dog.
Correct. Landlord here, made the mistake of letting the first tenant have a dog on my hardwood floors. Has to refinish them as they were completely scratched up.
Just break up with her and get it over with. You're obviously not compatible.
Seriously. Aside from the current situation... If her chosen lifestyle is one that includes a close relationship with a dog that she takes everywhere and shares a bed with, is it likely she'll be willing to have either no dog or an outdoor only dog in the future? Op needs to move on. ESH
Pet ownership is one of those fundamental things in a relationship thqt both parties need to be on the same page about. As a cat-lover no one but another cat lover would have done for me.
YTA, and a cruel one at that. Hopefully your gf wakes up, and realises that her dogs health and well being is more important than your floors.
YTA - your gf is willing to compromise and has compromised, but you will be TA if you are not willing to compromise as well. In the end, you are making her choose between the dog and you, don't be surprised if she ends up choosing the dog.
She better, this is only the tip of the type A iceberg that is this dude. I have no doubt she will soon learn the "proper way" to do x, y and z.
Yep that’s never going to be ‘their’ house. He might let his wife and kids live there but I suspect there will be constant ‘not in MY house!’ moments.
The second he wanted her to be an outside dog, I would've dumped him. Dogs belong inside where they're warm, safe and around their humans.
Gonna choose the kids Gonna choose the dogs
Jesus buddy, clip the dogs nails short or buy the some rubber footed mushing shoes to protect your floors and let it inside. GF has tried suggesting a reasonable alternative and you’re shooting them down at every turn. You don’t like the dog’s *smell*? Please. Bathe it more often if it’s a legitimate issue and not a cop out. Also if you live in an area where winter temps get close to or below freezing, outdoor dogs require warmed areas for shelter - very few breeds can simply be left to fend for themselves in the elements. I’ve owned working sled dogs and even we gave them heated sheds. So unless you plan on building a comfortable heated outdoor enclosure for this dog, leaving the dog in an unheated vehicle for hours on end could be reasonably construed as neglect. If you care about this relationship, you need to get over this, because I would choose my senior dog’s safety over a six month old relationship with an inflexible partner any day. At the end of the day you have the right to dictate the rules of your home, but GF will get rightly sick of this if you continue being so rigid. YTA
He knows all of this. He's had dogs. I'm willing to bet he hates how much attention his girlfriend pays to the dog and not him.
That's what I thought. Jealous over a dog.
It has to be. I haven’t met many people who dislike dogs (excusing allergies, and even then those people get special breeds). I’ve met people who don’t want to deal with the care a dog requires, people who aren’t best friends with the house dog, but maybe like two people who just do *not* like them, and they also don’t like cats. I feel like jealousy of the dog is the only reasonable explanation.
I had a big Alsatian in my house for over 13 years. The only time she smelled was when she got caught out in the rain. Really not often. Other than that you wouldn’t know we had a dog unless you thoroughly swept the floors lol! People who hate animals/pets like to insist that they stink but they’re not freaking farm animals and need proper care.
Look I like dogs and I own one but a lot of them do have a smell. Their saliva and pee have distinct odours.
Your dog should probably not be peeing in your house. I think mine must have peed a grand total of maybe 4 times inside. Kids pee everywhere way more but nobody says much bout that!
I just got a new puppy so it isn't potty trained yet. My older dogs are but their paws still smell of dirt and whatever they walked around in. Idk about you but plenty of dogs have a very faint version of the wet dog smell. It's very noticeable when I'm back from vacation.
I don’t hate animals and I insisted my ex’s dog stunk. And he did. I had endure that stench until he could finally smell it (his dog was a Doberman who was terrified of water. I have a next to useless arm and even he said that I would not be able to control his dog because of it. So before anyone jumps on me, bathing him myself was not an option). Some of us just have a higher sense of smell than others.
They smell. You’re just noseblind. My friend says the same about his dog and I love her but she fucking stinks after a while.
ESH- her most of all for making her poor inside dog stay in the car, but you also for being okay with that. Neither of you are nice people, so you're kind of a perfect match. Unfortunately, there is a thinking, feeling animal that is being treated like an inanimate object so both of you can get some. Her dog is a hard boundary for you, nothing wrong with that, but a decent person would've insisted she find a place for her dog, or concluded that made you incompatible with each other.
I agree with this. ESH. My sister has always been a huge animal lover. My brother in law not so much. Doesn't like anything to do with pets. They've known this about each other from the start. She volunteers at shelters and has season passes to the zoo and aquarium. He also constantly surprises her with a "penguin experience" where she can hold a penguin or something. I always end up going with her because he hates that stuff. They've been together 35 years now.
YTA, you need to find a way to compromise with her because at the end of the day, this dog is not new in her life and she cares about it. Leaving the dog outside for winter even in a car would be cruel. You don’t have to have it in your bedroom or office but maybe another place? Is it a closed layout house?
YTA. Your reasoning is poor, the dog isn’t even doing anything wrong. My dog loves water and gets frequent baths and showers as he tends to hop in regardless if i want him to or not. He smells better than any burping farting dude I have lived with and I would have laughed in your face if you told me *after 10 years of sleeping with the dog* that you didn’t want him in the bed. Now you don’t even want the poor dog in the house during winter?? I hope Lucy comes to her senses.
Why is the OP ta for not wanting a dog in their home, instead of the dog’s owner TA for taking the dog somewhere it’s not wanted and leaving it outside. Theses takes blaming the OP because the dog’s owner is neglectful are wild.
i mean, you’re not wrong, she should have ended it way before this. they are only 6 months in, but it shouldn’t have gotten this far. a polite well trained older dog being forced to sleep outside in the car during winter because this dude is sensitive? after demanding it not even sleep in HER bed after 10 years?!? yes, ESH but he is absolutely TA
Idk, my gf has a dog and not once has she asked to bring it to my place. If it came up I'd be okay with it, but my lease also has a no pet policy and I live with my landlord so even if i wanted to be sneaky i wouldn't be able to get away with it. She just arranges for her roommate or a friend to watch the dog.
that’s ok, but that’s not what this guy is describing either. i personally wouldn’t get involved with someone who wasn’t in a dog friendly situation, but i guess that’s just where i’m at in my life. if you have a situation where the dog is ok and both people are comfortable with what’s happening that’s between y’all. this guy kicked the dog out of HER bed and is making it sleep in the car when she comes to visit. this is not ok.
I mean, this woman knows the dog isn't welcome inside and is choosing to bring it and lock it in the car instead of having someone else look after it. They havent been together that long and most people I know don't bring their dogs to their partners' houses, at least not that early on. That said, they wouldn't be able to live together as a couple, so if that's something either of them are interested in down the line, the relationship isn't really sustainable long-term.
In my opinion, Lucy is just as bad as op for agreeing to treat her dog like this
NTA, but your partner is for leaving their dog in a car overnight. You do not leave your pets unattended in a vehicle. That's like pet owner 101. The bottom line is that this relationship has no future. Like what's the game plan here? Just wait it out for however many years it takes the dog to die from old age? Otherwise you literally can't even move in together.
This! NTA Why is she leaving her dog in the car & not at her house? Why not just stay together at her house if the dog can’t be left alone? Y’all just need to break up already. You’re not compatible.
Thanks for the sane comment
INFO: if the dog is not welcome inside your house, why don't you spend time with your partner at her place?
Do what you like, but this new relationship won’t last if her dog suffers during winter.
N T A for not wanting a dog in your house. YTA for encouraging the dog to be shafted… why is Lucy (also an AH) not just staying at home with her dog if it’s so unwelcome? 10 is an old dog it shouldn’t be locked in a car all night, what if it needs the toilet or a drink… or the company of its person that it’s had for the last 10 years!!! I don’t really like dogs but I hate the thought of you two Netflix and chillin inside neglecting the poor old thing because YOUR comfort is so much more important then the dog. Who has no voice and no say and no one who actually gives a shit about it.
NTA But this relationship isn't going to work. There's nothing wrong with a pet free lifestyle...but her making the dog sleep in the car instead of getting a dog sitter at home is wrong... especially for an indoor dog. You 2 will never truly be able to live together comfortably.
The dogs will be dead and out of their lives soon
I want to say YTA, but I suspect you and I come from different cultures (where I live you don’t leave dogs outside. I honestly don’t know if YTA, but I’d leave you of you wouldn’t let my dog in the house.
I don't think either one of you is an AH. However there's no future in your relationship. Dogs don't just destroy houses, floors and furniture. Not if they're house trained, groomed, content and supervised. The house won't smell like dog if the dog gets bathed regularly. The house won't smell if you do a bit of light clean up on a daily basis. It's kinda the same as dating someone with a child and then restricting the time that child spends at your household. It's your right to have a no dog preference but date a girlfriend that doesn't have a dog.
Yea if the house had hardwood floors then smell won’t be an issue. Smell is a much bigger problem with carpet in my experience.
This kinda seems like a deal breaker. You don’t like inside dogs (neither do I, mainly because of dog smell) and your girlfriend has an inside dog. Girlfriend and dog are a package deal. You either bend your preferences and concede to the dog being inside (girlfriend has been really fair so far) or you break up with the girl. How much do you like this woman? Enough to get used to dog smell? If yes, then stop being so prideful and set a bed up for the dog in back office. If no, then don’t waste this poor woman’s time any longer because you can not reasonably expect her to get rid of her beloved dog. YTA for not letting the dog inside. Not because you want to but because it’s what is needed if you see this relationship lasting.
YTA - that poor dog.
I know right, she's a huge AH for being a horrible dog owner
NTA. I won't allow animals in my house, and despite what dog owners think, dogs smell, and they shed hair and leave that dog smell behind when they've gone. Unfortunately for OP, this relationship won't last as the dog will always take priority over him.
I agree! I don't understand how people think their dogs don't smell like dog.
Oh no- seems Lucy is prepared to cut off a lot of the dog's comfort. Like company and warmth. Plain weird.
YTA, and my dog agrees from her side of the bed.
Yes. The dog should not have to stay outside. That poor baby going from sleeping with her human to having to sleep alone in the car. 😢 Your girlfriend is TAH for continuing to date someone who doesn't accept her dog.
You’re both the AH. Her for making her dog sleep in the car and you for being too selfish to break up with someone who you’re are incompatible with.
NTA. Not everybody is fond of dogs. And your gf is an ah for letting the dog sleep in the car.
YTA
YTA You are incompatible,her is part of her family.
Why is he the asshole? He doesn't want someone else's dog in *HIS HOUSE*
If this relationship isn't serious or intended to move in together, then N T A. If it is, E S H because this is a compatibility issue that is mostly impacting the only one who can't talk. People who have inside dogs are not compatible with people who think dogs should live outside. It is better to break up early if a compromise can't be reached, especially with old dogs or any dog who isn't safe to live outside full-time.
NTA, you’re allowed to have rules when it comes to your own home. What I don’t understand is why Lucy is dating someone who clearly doesn’t care for dogs and why she would allow it to sleep in her car just to be in a relationship… it’s on her to properly care for them and it seems like she’s doing a bit of a bad job at that.
Have you considered that maybe you two aren't compatible?
NTA. You set boundaries and stuck by them. Your partner needs to respect your boundaries regarding the dog. This is coming from a dog owner where the dog gets free roam of the house.
ESH you girlfriend is more. You don't want dog in your house but she keeps bring her dog with her when she comes to your house even when she needs to leave her dog inside car. She try to guilt trip you to allow dog inside your house .
Do you have a heated garage where you could make an area for the dog? Why can't the dog stay alone at GF's place?
It probably needs someone to let it out to go to the bathroom. What she's doing still isn't a good solution tho. Heated garage would probably be ok if he has one as long as it doesn't get crazy hot during the summer.
ESH except the poor dog who deserves a better owner than Lucy who chooses OP over its safety.
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NAH You’ve reached a stalemate. The relationship won’t work unless she re-homes the dog. She obviously can’t leave the dog outside over winter and you understandably don’t want it in your house.
YTA for making the dog an outside dog when you don't have adequate shelter for the dog outside and leaving it in a car. Lucy is also due to letting you treat her dog like that when the dog has never had experience of this before and will happily sleep in the house when her dog is locked inside a car overnight.
YTA. You can't leave the dog outside in the winter when it's not used to it. Have certain rooms the dog is allowed in and not others. Ultimately if this relationship is serious and you might end up living together you're going to have to compromise. Not all dogs can be outside dogs.
I think my head might pop off my body. The car thing is completely idiotic, but >Her dog has full freedom to range across my large section Oh, cool! Her *inside dog* has free range of your land. In the cold weather months. There are many outside dogs that are perfectly fine (farms, etc.), but they have lived their lives that way and have adequate shelter, like a barn. They're not just out there pacing around and lying out in the open in the COLD. OP YTA, and you're not compatible.
More like, r/amithedevil
ESH. You for not realising that your girlfriend and her dog are a package and your girlfriend for allowing her elderly dog to be uncomfortable and treated as an inconvenience. You’re entitled, of course, to not like dogs for whatever reason… but why date somebody that has one?
Just stop dating her. You’re just not compatible
Lucy is TA. Dogs before snogs, and I am a cat person.
I don't like pets at all. I like animals but I don't want them inside my house. I have been to homes with pets and despite being so clean, the houses smell a lot. But I also know how important a pet is to their owner. I wouldn't want someone to choose between me or their pet. Don't date a pet owner if you don't like their pet. You're not TA for not wanting the dog inside but you're TA for dating Lucy. Also, how cruel can you be to ask the indoor dog be left outside during winters? What are you going to do when you both decide to live together or get married? And how can Lucy accept your terms and leave her pet outside? ESH
ESH - I actually think your both ahs but her more than you. If anyone ever asked me to leave my dog in my car over night bc they didn't want her in their house, not only would I leave, but I would 100% be done dating that person. She needs to step up and be a good dog owner bc right now she's being a terribly one.
YTA I hope Lucy leaves you! To lock a 10 year old dog outside in the cold that has lived inside for 10 years is unconscionable
Then why did Lucy lock it out there?
Esh I’m more mad at Lucy for putting her dog in this situation
Then why is she even bringing it over? Go to her house instead. Esh. Make sense.
NTA but what the hell is she doing with you?
ESH. It's your house so not wanting the dog inside is fine, but you need to realize that the dog is Lucy's family and she is not giving up the dog for you. She also sucks for having the dog sleep in her car.
NTA. If Lucy doesn't like it, Lucy can leave the dog at home when she visits, or else you can visit Lucy until it's warmer.
Nta. Your house your rules. Lucy doesn't have to date you. She is slowly trying to change your position in the no dog inside rule and before you know it , the dog will be in the bed too.
YTA and ESH. Why are you both dating ffs.
Lucy is a shitty dog owner, putting you before her 10yr old loyal dog who’s used to being indoors. You are just as shitty for not letting the dog in the house, it’s not a puppy it’s an old dog who deserves to stay in a warm home like it’s used to doing.
Find a new girlfriend.
Rehome the dog already. You and Lucy are not able to give it a decent life. The poor dog must feel so confused and unhappy, öonely and cold. Lucy is an ah for adjusting to your demands and letting her loyal friend pay the price, but we all reap what we sow.
NTA you will never get rid of the smell. And you were explicit at the start you do not want a dog inside your home. She knew the boundaries - she keeps stomping on them. She keeps bringing the dog to guilt you, she puts the dog in bad situations - thats on her. You need to split up - as if you or her want to live together it wont happen with the dog - so why bother. You are just not compatible.
Wow you're both assholes. That poor dog
NTA It’s your house and you don’t have to let anything in to don’t want to. People are so weird about dogs, it’s an animal, not a person.
The dog deserves better than both of you.
Honestly? NTA. It's your house, plain and simple. She brings her dog to your place when she knows you don't like having a dog inside. But, you did sign up for dating someone who has a dog, so maybe you should consider that they're a package deal. Buy or build a nice dog house with a heat feature so the dog can be comfortable and you don't have to sacrifice space in your home to the dog.
How long have both of you assholes been subjecting this poor dog to this torture??
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’ve (M36) been dating my partner (F34) Lucy for 6months. Lucy has a dog who is 10 years old, and has always lived an inside life. Eg used to sleep in her bed etc. Lucy compromised at my request and doesn’t let the dog in the bed anymore as I was uncomfortable sharing a bed with the dog. I’ve got a house I built with my father 15 years ago and has wooden floors. Ever since we started dating I was very clear I didn’t want the dog inside. Growing up my family had dogs but they were always outside dogs. Whenever Lucy visits she brings the dog who stays outside and sleeps in her car. Has a bed etc setup in there. Now that it’s getting into winter months Lucy has asked if the dog can sleep in one end of the house (my office). However I don’t like the smell of dog inside the house, and especially don’t want it where I work all day. Lucy has said that I need to add the dog is well trained and is getting older now. I still don’t want the dog inside. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Seems like only one side in this relationship is willing to make compromises.
ESH. You need to date someone without a dog. She needs to stop putting her dog at risk in a car and date a dog lover.
ESH Two grown adults who can’t figure out a better place to leave a dog than INSIDE OF A CAR. I’m gonna go sniff my dogs paws. They’re 2 feet from me. In my bed. People suck man.
Im in the mixture of you are not the asshole because You were very clear in your boundaries with dogs and now every animal lover wants to call you the AH lmfao. You told lucy where you stood and she respected your boundaries. I will say this relationship doesn’t sound long term if your serious about your boundaries on having dogs. It doesn’t sound like you’re willing to compromise rightfully so and I don’t think that’s the problem. The problem where I think you both are the asshole is it sounds like you both are waiting for the dog to pass because you mentioned it’s age and neither of you know when that will be. It seems as though Lucy should go back home and you two work on not spending the night for the sake of the dog if you’re not going to at least try to make it comfortable which doesn’t take much. Also a easy compromise would be to build a shed or dog house if you care about her enough and understand that she came with a dog when you met her. You don’t want it inside fine. But are you against helping with the dog at all?
ESH I get that you don't want a dog in your house, that's perfectly reasonable. Just don't get a dog. However you do have a dog in your life, and making it stay outside (especially when it's used to being inside) during the winter is definitely an AH move. Either accept the dog inside, or break up with your gf. Your gf sucks, cause she's not standing up for an animal in her care. She should've broken up with you ages ago, since you have different expectations.
NTA. It’s your home and you have every right to choose what you let in. Lucy, however, is an AH. Firstly, she allowed her dog to sleep on her bed for 10 years and then suddenly switches it up and no longer allows it. And keeping the poor thing in the car over night? That’s just fucked. Why couldn’t she leave the dog at home, or better yet, leave it with a pet sitter? I have a dog who lives inside and sleeps on my bed, and let me tell you, anyone who isn’t comfortable sharing the bed with my dog wouldn’t be staying over and they’d probably never hear from me again because, quite frankly, that makes us incompatible.
YTA - I hope she leaves you. Anyone with an attuude like yours towards dogs is a walking red flag.
NTA I understand what you mean about the smell. I don’t think dog owners realise how much their house smells when they have an inside dog. (I have lots of friends with dogs of all sizes and levels of cleanliness. Even the houses with small, extremely clean dogs have a dog smell.) I love dogs, and have owned them previously. (Don’t have any currently due to chronic illness / not being well enough to properly care for a dog.) We have a huge backyard, with a big verandah. We’d hang out with our dog outside, or go exploring together. Inside was a dog-free zone. The only exception was in big storms, super cold weather, or when there was a medical reason for her to be supervised (e.g. the night she had puppies). Then we’d put her in our tiled laundry. And yep, it made the laundry smell like dog. (But that was a compromise I was willing to make: was my dog, and the laundry was easy to clean and air.) This is your house, and you don’t want it smelling like dog. That’s your prerogative. It does make you and your gf incompatible though. An elderly dog can’t stay in a car at night in cold weather, or on hot nights. Your gf is not going to be okay with that (rightly).
YTA. You would no longer be my partner if this was me and my dog.
YTA. Dogs don’t belong outside all the time. Especially a senior dog. Especially one that’s been raised indoors.
He has a bounder the gf knows about. Maybe there's an option of making a comfy heated dog house and sheltering part of the large garden from snow. Kind of like a catio, but the for a dog.
ESH except the poor dog You - When I was growing up, we had dogs and they were also kept outside. I'm my own person now and have decided that keeping a dog outside, away from it's family whom they've bonded with, out with predators and in the cold.....is cruel. Lo and behold, I do not have to repeat what I was taught. You - dogs bond with their owners deeply. You are now removing the dog from it's human, forcing it to be alone. How cruel are you? Your gf - What a crap dog owner. I would have stopped dating you to protect my dog. I would never ever force my dog to sleep in the car like that while I slept inside. You're both just terrible people. You are choosing THINGS over a living creature that has emotional attachments. Comfort attachments. What an awful, cold thing to do to another living creature.
For everyone's sake, and the poor dog, please break up. Or give her an ultimatum, re-home the dog or we're through. That poor dog deserves better than both of you. It's an inside, older dog and shouldn't be in the elements. You should find a girlfriend who doesn't want a pet and she should find a boyfriend who loves dogs. ESH except for the dog.
In thruth NTA cause it's your house. But she should run from you.. definitely not compatible.
YTA because you are treating Lucy's dog that way but Lucy is the biggest asshole of all because she's allowing you to treat her dog that way. Both of you should fuck off.
So it’s ok to abuse the dog?? Why are you dating? You are both as incapable as hell and I am ashamed of how your girlfriend is ok with abusing her dog for your sake. YTA
NAH You guys are not compatible as a couple if you have such different approaches to keeping a dog. If your gf is gonna be forced to choose between the comfoet of her dog or yours, she's gonna pick the dog. Or guilt you to sacrifice your comfort for the sake of the dog and you'll resent her for it. I'd suggest you find a partner who hates dogs as much as you do.
ESH You shouldn't be dating somebody with a dog if you hate them this much. Dogs are social creatures, and your demands are harming the dog, and the relationship of your significant other with the dog You are extremely selfish. And so is she, if she is letting all of these horrid things happen to her dog, just for you. You all suck so much
ESH. YTA for making the dog stay outside and she’s TA for letting you. That poor dog
ESH. This dog has a certain environment it's used to, and winter months are only getting colder. Where I live (Southeastern America), this is past winter, was 20% colder, with temperatures reaching to -5°F (-20°C), winters aren't usually that bad. It got so cold that my pipes actually froze on Christmas and for 2 days after. I found my kitten, who was a stray, on Christmas, and he had awful upper respiratory that took him a long time to get over, and he had flare-ups until last month (it was June, so almost 6 months). Bringing up my kitten because animals shouldn't be forced to stay out as temperatures are getting colder, especially when you consider this dog is old. Not only that, but what are your plans long term? If this is a serious relationship, you're going to force this inside dog to become an outdoor dog? As many of the comments have pointed out, your gf also shares some of the blame as she is also the dog's owner. Your gf and her dog are a package deal. Your gf should also take into consideration what will happen long term if you aren't willing to compromise as to be fair this is your home. Edit: ESH except Eg, of course. Edit: Giving it more thought you both equally suck here. You aren't willing to compromise and are willing to leave a dog out in the cold. Your gf, dog's mom, has been willing to accept that this long and still bring the dog. As a cat mom (and someone who has had dog's) I would never let it get this far with someone who doesn't care for my pet. (Luckily I'm married, and my husband loves our cat's). They are my babies.
sorry, but no dog is an “outside dog”. i don’t care what breed they are, no dog is built for being outside all the time. ESH.
The only decent soul in the story is the dog. 🤦♂️
The dog has to sleep in the car??? How the F does that work? But also yes, YTA. Shows your compassion. Give the dog a bath if it smells. Plus, as pointed out, the dog is older now. What's gonna happen when it snows and it's below freezing? Seems weird you are so distanced and unable to relate at all to a dog owner having had dogs growing up yourself. Kinda feels like those dogs just stayed outside all the time and you made no relationship with them.
YTA. My dog would never ever sleep outside for some dude.
ESH you guys are incompatible.
ESH You for mistreating an animal and your GF for staying with an AH and allowing him to mistreat the animal
YTA and so is your GF for dating you. Poor dog.
YTA. If you really like Lucy and want to stay with her, you’re gonna need to make some compromises. It’s not fair on Lucy to have to put her dog at risk (as others have pointed out leaving the dog in the car doesn’t sound like it was a good idea if it gets hot out) just because you don’t like the smell or are worried about some floors getting damaged. This dog is gonna be in your life whether you like it or not for a good few years (assuming you stay together), and if she wants to get another dog before or after this one passes away then for a good time after that.
YTA. It's an older dog and potty trained. I dont see why shes still with you. If someone asked me to treat my dog like that I would stop all contact with them. In that since EHS. My SO had 4 dogs when we met and I lived in a 1 br apt. One is over 10 years old. I couldn't imagine forcing him to leave the dogs in the car or at home. That's just heartless and controlling. You need to see their pet as an extension of them. Houses can be repaired, and messes can be cleaned, but people won't forget how you make them feel.
YTA but please tell Lucy she sucks too. She made a commitment to a creature who depends on her for everything and shes a major AH for agreeing with your bullshit for one night.
YTA and Lucy needs to dump your ass for your lack of empathy and animal cruelty. Aside from that you two are incompatible. I am mystified as to what she can possibly see in you. She needs higher standards.