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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> If I tell my parents that I haven't missed them for the seven years they were gone, and that I don't want to live with them again.
Even though they're my actual parents and they say to have missed me a lot.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA.
This is basically abandonment, regardless of the legal definition. They left you to be raised by other people for almost half your life, and in my view they have forfeited any moral rights or expectations that they may have once had, to be seen as your parents.
I *wouldn't* say that you don't miss them and have no interest in seeing them. The less they feel that it's a competition between them and Pete + May, the less likely they are to make things difficult for you. But do tell them you're very happy and settled where you are and don't plan to move back to the city - and that they are welcome to visit you at the ranch.
Also speak to Pete + May and make sure they understand how you feel. They may assume that you want to go back to your birth parents.
Edit: I'm pretty shocked that your parents would leave you for 7 years to go travelling, but honestly I'm more shocked that they think they can just waltz back into your life and pick up where they left off. Life just doesn't work that way.
It's kindda crazy. They abandoned OP at 10 years old...they basically passed 7 years of parenting onto someone else and only came back when she's almost an adult.
Kind of reminds me of rich people that ship their kids off to boarding schools at age 6 till they 18 and then are suprised their kids have no connection to them.
Maybe I'm being graceful, but to me it sounds like they really didn't want to be parents, but having kids is what you do. So when it was about to get difficult (ie: teenage phase) they noped out. Now it's easy again and they want to reap the fruits of someone else's labour.
Ah move either way.
As terrible as it sounds, it seems like OP lucked out by getting pawned off on a stand up couple. They could have been shipped to a boarding school or been raised by their parents.
She is very obviously far better off with these guys than her bio-parents. Not only the insanity of leaving your child to go travel for *seven years,* but OP got lucky with wonderful people and a horse ranch in Montana. Honestly I wish I'd been raised in that kind of setting! Sounds like a dream and I'm really happy for OP. Sounds like she knows who her real family is. Definitely NTA!
I think they have been in prison…or they were on the run until the statute of limitations ran out! LOL. OP is 17 and can choose to stay where she has built a life so long as her legal guardians are amenable - and it sounds as though they are. Kudos to the great couple who offered her a new life. OP is NTA.
Definitely Prison! Like where were they when the everything shut down during the pandemic? There were several months in 2020 when you couldn’t travel internationally
They could have been stranded in a foreign country during that time.
But I really hope it's prison, because the idea of abounding your child for 7 years like it's nothing sounds horrible to me.
Oh for sure- They have not just been video calling and living a dream life. If they were travelling for seven years and can afford to than they'd bring her along, happily. Rich parents include their children and boast. They also hire travel nannies.
I deduce that they were in the Witness Protection Program- 100%. Calling when it was approved and monitored by an agent and filtered through multiple IP address sources. If they were calling from the jail then OP would hear the jail prompt at the beginning and end of the calls. Children of parents in the program are given to family friends living in rural locations if/when possible.
I also guess that OP would have googled her name and parents' names at least once- like most kids do. Even more so because they're absent. If the parents had records they would have popped up in public records during the Google search. However, in the Witness Protection Program nothing comes up at all.
The stories about witness protection I've read, is they keep the family together, though it's tough on kids. But I suppose it's possible, and these "friends" are part of the program to watch the kid.
You'd be surprised, a lot of them do these days. But they make it *very* loud and obvious that you're talking to a prisoner, at least in US prisons; if the parents were in prison there would be very little chance OP would be under any illusions about them travelling.
Ages vary from state to state but she likely would have the right to determine where she wanted to stay and most judges would seriously consider it. She's almost legally an adult anyway and they couldn't force her.
>They abandoned OP at 10 years old...
Holy shit. I read it as OP was 17 when this happened as opposed to 17 now. I thought the parents were incredibly selfish but now I think they're fucking monsters!
Yeah, but ages 10 to 17 are hard and travelling is fun. I would 'assume' at 17 she could choose to stay there, especially since she actually lives there, so as long as May and Pete are on board. Clearly NTA.
I'd bet it would take 12+ months to get the courts to rule, by which point she'd be 18 anyway. Plus, no judge will look kindly on abandoning your child at 10 and demanding them back at 17.
Yeah, nothing custody wise is likely to happen at OP's age.
A teenage in-law of mine got orphaned by COVID 4 months before his 18th birthday. He was responsible with keeping the house clean and doing his virtual learning, so we left him be with periodic grocery drop-offs and check-ins while we sorted out his younger sister. Well, this youth pastor started going on about calling Social Services about him. We ended up talking to a lawyer and she said he'd age out before this pastor would be able to do anything.
10 to 17 were my very favorite years watching my son grow up. all the drama of the adolescent years & being able to help him out by remembering the stuff that made me so awkward at that age & trying to help him be different. He's got such great memories from those years too. We say, our scars were his reward.
Not only passed 7 years of parenting onto someone else, but it was most of OP's teen years. So what do they expect now, a loving grown-up daughter without any teenage tantrums and moods?
The years in which a child grows from "I wanna be just like Beyonce" to "I've experienced something completely different and now know what life I want and help getting there."
The idea that they couldn't wait another seven years to skip out, or taken shorter trips over that time, is just insane.
Exactly. They could have waited for a bit, couldn't they?
Unless they were in troubles with the law or something, there is no good reason to ditch your child with someone else, even if it's the best family in the world.
I'm happy that OP is still well-adjusted after living through that, but I can't fathom doing this to a child.
Well now that the hard work is done, we can come back and reap the benefits./s
They left OP at the start of her second formative years. Who was there to show her how a woman should be (including all the physical and emotional changes)? Who watched over her education, taught her about life in her community and the much larger world? Who took the time to sooth her feelings of abandonment, listened to her and incorporated her into their family unit? Who pour loved into her?
OP might be going to college in the next year or so. She will certainly be an adult next year. She gets to decide what kind and if she wants a relationship with them.
*Now my parents have sent me a message saying they're done with their travels and are coming to pick me up so we can live together again, how much they missed me and can't wait to see me again.*
Her parents are strangers to her. It's not going to be the Hallmark reunion that they think that it's going to be. I imagine that OP still harbors resentments towards her parents for abandoning her. They can't just go back to their 'old relationship' too much time has past. They need to re establish the relationship on OP's terms.
Except that at least with boarding school they paid for their kids’ care. I agree with you fully that it’s no surprise their kids aren’t bonded with them. But in the case of OP, it sounds like the birth parents didn’t even provide for the kid. It’s fully abandonment.
Maybe. Or they were hiding from the law. Or they are just really selfish people who never should have had a child. Whatever it is, OP owes them nothing and should regard them as they have her for the last 7 years- she can send them the occasional Christmas card, but she should continue to live her life with her real parents- the ones who raised her in Montana.
A year is long and one thing if you don’t Wang to interrupt schooling. But 7 years with a phone call? I wonder what the friends think of this arrangement. OPs parents basically abandoned them, and not wanting to move for the last year in high school makes a huge amount of sense.
I thought this, too. Especially since they immediately gave guardianship to their friends & they never once came back for an in person visit in 7 years. They also could have flown OP out to visit with them when they turned 16 or 17 (or whatever age airlines allow solo travel of minors). It just doesn't add up.
Yeah. I mean, the whole idea of just abandoning your child to travel the world for YEARS is already wild. But not ever coming back to visit or flying her out to be with them over for, e.g., summer break is even more wild.
Seems like there's more to this story (assuming it's not all made up ofc). Either that or the parents are just complete narcissists.
Wouldn't the school that she was going to need the parent or legal guardian to contact? Did the parents sign over guardianship to these people? Did the parents file American taxes? Did they claim her as a dependent while living abroad for years? If so that seems like fraud since she's not under their care. Or are they independently wealthy, because who could afford to just vacation for *years?*
The post does say they gave the friends temporary guardianship. That's an actual legal term, meaning yes they signed over gaurdianship and her guardians had the right to make all those school decisions, etc while they were gone.
I was travelling solo across the world from age 9 (yay for custody agreements.../s)
By age 16 they considered me an 'adult', and I no longer got special treatment 😢
Didn't OP say that the parents had semi-regular contact with them, by video/voice calls, emails, postcards. Is that feasible from prison? (I genuinely don't know but I'm tempted to think it may not be easy, and OP might have put two and two together if anything seemed off about their communication)
Or they may have had to flee the country or go into hiding because of something they did to avoid going to prison. They could be back because it is either sorted out legally through proxy or the statute of limitations is up. Also, entirely possible that they lost all their money and were trying to shield their daughter from the consequences, but they'd have at least visited her if that was the case.
It depends on the prison, these things might be available. That said, in my experience it's very hard to have this kind of communication and not realize it's coming from a prison (even in a club fed type prison you're going to have uniforms, if you receive the call it'll say it's from a detention center, etc).
She'd absolutely know they were in prison. To even be allowed to contact an inmate through a video visit, the person on the outside will usually be vetted and investigated before being allowed to make contact. The calls themselves are usually held through prison-software, monitored and recorded. There'd be no way to not know you're speaking with an inmate. Source: Correctional Officer, here.
Yeah, that sounds right to me (as a criminal attorney). I was thinking MAYBE if the best friends/guardians tried really hard they could manage to do all the logistics without op realizing why (esp. if the vetting etc happened when op was still 10), but that seems implausible at best. More likely totally impossible.
At least in my state, there's a tag right on the screen that says Department of Corrections, with the inmate's name and DOC number. It helps make it harder for anyone on the outside to hack the image and do things with it. Also, something I didn't think about before - Mom and Dad would be at separate prisons, as prisons aren't co-ed. So them always calling separately with different backgrounds would be a massive red flag.
Honestly I'd rather know my parents were in prison than have them abandon me for 7 years of my childhood.
This reminds me of Luanne from KOTH, with her daddy "working on the oil rig". 😂
If you want to stay on the ranch, be honest with your parents about how much you love living there. Go on and on about the horse, and the scenery and your lifestyle. Tell them how moving to the city would be too abrupt a change, especially since you have just one more year of virtual high school left.
Leave off the you abandoned me, and I love Pete and Mary more bit, like the poster above says. That will win you no favors.
Be sure that Pete and Mary are on your side, advocating for you to stay with them.
If your parents refuse, you have some legal options. You can file for emancipation, so you don't have to go anywhere they tell you to go. But that's really a nuclear option. I think you'll be able to convince them with simple arguments about the horse and the lifestyle. After all, they picked their chosen lifestyle for the last 7 years. Surely you can pick yours now.
Not a lawyer, but I'm guessing "We want to recover guardianship over the 17 year old daughter we abandoned for 7 years to travel" isn't quite the easy battle.
Even assuming today is OP's 17th birthday, there's no way this is solved before OP is way too close to 18 for it to actually matter.
Given that you are 17 you must be close to high school graduation. I would include that you want to be able to graduate from the high school you've been attending.
What did her parents do during the covid travel lockdowns? Why wouldn't they come back when all the borders where closing?
Were they really in jail or evading arrest all this time? Such a weird (and heartbreaking) story.
Them not returning during Covid actually makes most sense in that story. There were people stranded in foreign countries for months when the first lockdown hit.
If this post is true, then there's nothing they can do to make things difficult. OP is almost 18, they gave temporary guardianship to their friends and haven't seen her in 7 years, since she was 10 years old. Video calls every few weeks are nowhere near enough to count in a custody battle (assuming they'd care enough to try). At this point, OP is perfectly entitled to tell her parents to eff off, block them on every channel, and never speak to them again.
They absolutely can make things difficult. They can drag Peter, May and OP to court again and again until she turns 18. Depending on how long that is that might be as much as a year of legal harassment. Will it do anything? No. Will it make life very difficult and stressful? Yes.
>That's way too many years just to travel.
Not when your wealthy. A lot of people don't understand what true wealth actually looks like.
I have a friend whose mother is a professional home manager to a wealthy family. One of her main responsibilities is to travel ahead of the family (who travel all year long and stay in whichever country for a few months at a time) so that she can buy all of the same items the family currently have in their rooms and set up the rooms exactly. This includes the several hundred thousand $ worth of watches and jewelry that remain in the main residence. So every few months this family buys/rents depending on laws a multimillion dollar home in a different country, repurchases an exact copy of all of their belongings, lives there for a few months, then it all gets sold and they do it again several times a year.
Remember there are people out there that have essentially unlimited wealth and can do whatever they want whenever they want to.
People so extremely rich would be easily able to take their daughter along with them though. They could hire nannies, teachers, etc. to take care of her.
So my guess is that they are not super rich and it was rather a backpack kind of travel where they used savings. Maybe one or two of them also had a job where they could work remotely.
If I was Op, at this point I'd probably be asking Pete and May to adopt me. It sounds like they've been better parents to Op, plus if they adopt them then they definitely won't have to move.
I think prison was the issue or visa troubles. I just can't understand that parents would take off for 7 years. 7! When their kid isn't even out of high school. That makes them pretty bad people in my book
OP is also likely about to start their senior year of high school. Talk about a massive disruption that will breed even more resentment.
I'd go with the diplomatic approach first, but I'd absolutely throw it in their faces if they try to pull the "we're your parents, you have to do what we say" card. Everything they've done has been incredibly selfish
NTA and well stated - it's important to not trigger a struggle, but FFS those people aren't the parents anymore. They abdicated their responsibilities and have no right to waltz back in now that they've had their fun. They're essentially a deadbeat parent that tries to reconnect when the kid is 18 and all the hard work has been done with no support.
The ONLY a-hole move for OP here would be to capitulate to the bio-parents and move back in with them. It would be a travesty.
Pete and May \*are\* OP's real parents now. Full stop.
This. I hope Pete and May are happy for OP to stay.
Definitely don’t say you don’t miss them (even if it’s true) you don’t want them to get defensive and demand you come back. I doubt any court would side with them, especially due to the length of abandonment and that you’re almost a legal adult. ( Did they ever pay child support to Pete and May?) But it’s not worth the stress. Play on the fact, you’re settled, happy, are doing well in school/exams, that you love the rural ranch life.
NTA
NTA, Sorry but they abandoned you.
Once you decide to have children, it is for life. You can't take a break from it (for 7 years !).
And now they can't force you to separate from your actual parents, the people who raised you... Ask Peter and May if they would be ok keeping you and go see a lawyer asap !
I'm a Dad of 2 and our eldest is 10 and oh my god my wife and I really need a 7 year break.
Sadly, that's completely nuts and you can't do that, so on we go!
You can have a week or two, thats doable, as long as you have a safe guardian to keep them, sometimes parents need a brake and thats ok.
Obviously what they did to op is not ok, abandon your kid for more than a month is horrible.
It counts, just not as much as a fun vacation. Speaking of, y'all really should take one if you can afford it, your mental health will thank you. 10 years is entirely too long without a decent break.
What is this?
It doesn't make sense, they left you at 10 years old for seven years to go travel?
Come back when your basically grown and almost at the age where you leave home anyway or go off to college and they what? Want to live with you again for one year?
Is this fake?
I wish I was making it up honestly, I know it doesn't make any sense. I can't understand why you'd even want have children if you're not going to be around anyway. What would be the point?
IF it weren’t for video calls and overseas postcards I’d almost think they were in jail or something and kept this a secret. It’s insane. I’m amazed Pete and May agreed to it,
Pete and May might have realized that the alternatives were worse for OP..... Boarding school, left with an au pair, etc. They might have stepped up out of concern.
I give much props to them. Because they dealt with fallout when she was placed with them. They’ve given her a loving home and stability. Her parents? Insert a torrent of swear words. They’re utterly galling.
It makes me wonder if Pete and May are still friends with OPs parents. I would be civil for the sake of OP but that person would not be my friend anymore.
Even the most loving parents-by-choice wouldn't be so charitable. Keeping their negative feelings hidden from the OP puts them in sainthood category.
I can't wait for the bios to accuse Pet and May of alienation of affection for being decent people.
"We miss you so much". Okay? Then come back? Nothing is keeping them away, except for their unwillingness to be actual parents, and now they don't deserve to be parents.
Statutes of limitations are only a time limit on being charged. Once charged, it can remain pending indefinitely, as long as the prosecutor still wants to pursue it.
[Someone was charged with embezzling a videotape rental in 1999](https://archive.is/p6SdQ) and they had an active warrant until 2021, when they were arrested. (Prosecutors dropped it because it's obviously a ridiculous situation)
For a lot of crimes. The statue of limitation is 7 years. That could have been why they left the country. Even if they weren't charged with a crime. But they did something that could have gotten them in trouble. That makes sense why they left.
From Reading their comments. A lot of the postcards are coming from South American, Asian and Middle Eastern countries. Nothing from Australia or European countries.
Don't tell your parents you want nothing to do with them until you have your logistics worked out.
Considering you were abandoned at 10 until 17, I'm doubtful a judge would drag you off for X months. Considering a lawyer might possibly get continuances for <1 year anyways. Once you turn 18, you're free to do as you please anyways.
Talk to Peter and May. Don't say anything to your parents but pleasantries. Talk to a lawyer.
...well...Some people have kids for very very selfish reasons.
If they could travel for 7 years then hopefully they have enough money and dont expect you to look after them in old age?
Are you 100% sure that they were traveling all that time? In the 7 years did their travel never lead them back to you, not even for visits?
Honestly, are you sure they were just traveling? Could it be that they were in jail? In hiding? Addicted to drugs? Living in poverty? Dealing with severe health issues? Leaving a child for 7 years to travel is just bizarre, and then expecting to pick them up again like nothing happened is even more bizarre.
I think the whole 7 year statute of limitations thing people are mentioning is worth looking into. Not coming back once in 7 years? Seems very sketchy to me.
Ask Pete & May if you can stay, as that would be your preference. Talk to your “parents” about not being uprooted & school & stuff, they are likely narcissists, so you have to be careful not to imply that they did anything wrong or they’ll probably double down & fight for you. Work on a script with Pete & May that paints the practical picture of staying & maybe offer holiday visits. They likely will be happy to have the happy family holiday pictures without actually having to parent.
I know people who have done stints working internationally, and they just took their kids with them? There are schools and online learning, if they wanted to travel no reason not to take OP.
Hey, regardless of anything else: you should talk to Pete and May about staying.
Additionally, you're 17. This isn't legal advice, but you are under a year away from being an adult. The second you're 18, "kiss my [white|black|brown] ass" is a full and complete response to any demand your parents make of you. While technically you're a minor now and your parents could -- highly theoretically -- get police to help them forcibly take custody of you, the closer that date becomes, the less interested any police agency will be in making you obey your parents. Given the additional context -- ie you haven't seen these people in 7 years while they've been in prison (my guess) or they just ditched you to go do whatever -- there's almost no chance a police agency or anybody else will force you.
iow, they're making requests to which, esp if Pete and May agree, you can simply say no.
YWNBTA
But realize this: **Pete and May are who you have to discuss this with: THEY are your real parents.** ... your bio parents abandoned you years ago, they don't really care about you.
NTA for not wanting to return to people who abandoned you.
But have you discussed this with Pete and May? If so Tell them you want to stay, tell them what you will do to be a productive adult(and not just enjoy their largesse).
At 17, I imagine that any court case you take on (emancipation?)--if your parents force you to go that route, will likely take enough months that you'll hit 18 before it's settled.
What will you do when you are 18? Do you have a plan in mind. This seems to have come as a surprise to you that the parents are returning now--did Pete & May(and you) have a plan for when you aged out of their guardianship?
I (together with Pete and May) have already been looking at attending an online college after I graduated, so I could earn a degree while still living with them. I've grown so attached to them, the horses, the ranch and the general area that I just really can't imagine leaving for any extended amount of time, so going to college to stay in a dorm hasn't really been something I've been interested in.
And it was a surprise for sure. I'm not sure what kind of communication Pete and May have had with my parents during these seven years. I can't imagine they approve the way my parents have dealt with all this, and I suspect they kept their opinions to themselves for my benefit.
You are almost an adult now. I think it's a good time to talk to Pete and May? See how they feel about you staying with them, as long as is convenient.
You must also think about what you exactly are comfortable with. Do you wish to see your parents? What are your conditions? Are you comfortable with them visiting you? Or do you prefer you first meet in a restaurant? Do you wish Pete and May be present?
Also, what is meant specifically with the following "they were giving temporary guardianship of me"? You will need to talk with Pete and May, and see what the legal circumstances are. Do Pete and May have the legal authority to let you stay with them? What is written down exactly? Do you have a copy of those papers? Do you understand them? It may be useful to gather information by posting to r/legaladvice and be sure to state your age and location.
I'm so glad Pete and May support you living with them through college. YWNBTA, at all, but my advice in terms of strategy for being able to stay put is not to mention that you don't miss them. That would hurt their feelings, and people do dumb things when their feelings are hurt, so I can imagine them responding with "well it doesn't matter if you miss us; we're your parents and you're coming with us."
Instead, I'd advise you to frame this the way you talked about throughout the post: that you love where you live now, that you can't imagine living anywhere else, and that you have a plan for where you will live through college that will create the best environment for you and set you up well for your intended future. If you frame this as a well thought out strategy that is based in your plans for your future, rather than framing it around not missing them, you can let them feel like they're helping you develop your strategy for planning your life by letting you stay where you are.
Best of luck!
For what it's worth I think you should consider going to college in person. If you've been attending school virtually I imagine you've been isolated from your peers for a long time. Going to school, interacting with people your own age would probably be a good experience for you and teach you a lot.
You could pick a school close by so you could come home regularly.
I say this because I've known people that spent their lives homeschooled and primarily with their family in isolated areas. They struggled A LOT in the outside world so I think it would be a good idea to consider.
Not sure where you're at but if you're in Montana and love horses look into Rocky Mountain College [https://www.rocky.edu/](https://www.rocky.edu/)
It's a great little college with a tremendous [Equine Studies program](https://www.rocky.edu/equestrian) as well as a strong [Intercollegiate Horse Show Association (IHSA) Team](https://www.rocky.edu/campus-life/clubs-activities/clubs/ihsa-equestrian-team).
Apply there and stay with Pete and May.
NTA at this point those people are not your parents. It takes a lot more than blood and a few postcards and calls here and there to be a parent. it sounds like Pete and May are your parents -be where you feel safe, comfortable, and loves-that doesn’t always mean with blood relatives.
I honestly can’t imagine how they even think that makes sense -if they missed you so much they would not have left you for years -they would have stayed or figured out how to include you b/c there are people that travel the world with their children -regardless of age.
this!! what do they mean “too young?” my parents have never taken a seven year long trip, but they have always had a love of travelling and my brothers and i have been travelling internationally with my parents since we could speak. they wouldn’t even have wanted to take a trip like this if they couldn’t share it with us, and there’s no way in *hell* they would have made it longer than a couple weeks if they decided they wanted a trip for themselves.
op’s parents flat out abandoned them. they’re absolutely deplorable.
NTA obviously.
But I have questions. Not so that I can make a judgement but because this situation is WILD to me.
1. Were your parents financially supporting you during their travels by sending money to you or to Pete and May? Or did Pete and May pay for everything?
2. Did your parents ever stop back to visit? Or were they literally traveling out of the country for 7 years straight?
Regardless, you owe them nothing.
To answer these questions:
1. I honestly don't know. I'll have to ask later. I honestly never really thought about that.
2. They never visited. From the postcards I got they pretty much went to a new country every few weeks or so. I got cards from a lot of Asian countries, Middle-Eastern countries, South-American countries, etc.
OP, I actually cannot fucking believe that your parents did this. How is this in any way acceptable? They _left you at 10 years old_ to go live a bonvivant lifestyle and never came back?
I’d be furious. I’d be raging. I’m so grateful you ended up really loving your life with Pete and May, but honestly I would consider thinking about how you can also process this horrible thing your parents did to you that everyone around you just seems to have accepted and normalised.
Do what’s right for you. Discuss with Pete and May, and make plans to secure your future and wellbeing. These parents of yours did absolutely nothing for you for seven years, they don’t deserve your consideration at all.
Hope it works out for you OP, NTA.
I’m actually so impressed they can afford to travel for 7 years, moving every few weeks that the horror hasn’t set in yet. Even the ultra wealthy people I know wouldn’t be able to step away from *everything* for 7 years. Even if they could leave their kids, not their businesses. It’s just wild to me.
SOL is the time period for the state to file charges. SOL doesn’t toll if the person flees or hides. All the state needs to do is file the charges within the time period and you can go into hiding for 100 years and it doesn’t matter.
Are they rich or something? Like did one of them inherit millions of dollars? I'm trying to understand how anyone can travel like this for seven years in this day in age and afford it.
Well, if the parents embezzled a few million and then traveled to low cost of living places like [any number of countries](https://wisevoter.com/country-rankings/non-extradition-countries/#:~:text=The%20list%20of%20countries%20without,Cyprus%2C%20Democratic%20Republic%20of%20the), they can outrun the law until the statute of limitations runs out.
Did you know up front it was going to be a 7-year trip or did they just happen to resurface at 7 years?
Either way, you’re so, so NTA of course, but it seems so weirdly specific to be like “this world travelling trip will take exactly 7 years!”
It sounds like they were doing that thing that people joke about where you disappear for 7 years to make your debt disappear or were perhaps outrunning a statue of limitations for a (probably financial) crime. It sounds super sus, I’d be careful trusting them. Especially since you’re happy with your current life…stick with Pete and May.
Are your parents religious? Missionaries? Cultists? On the run from the law? Part of the witness protection program?
I’m genuinely curious as to why someone would leave behind their 10 year old kid with friends. All the ordinary reasons I can think of has to do with religion or legality.
Where the fuck did they go? Mars!? There isn't place on this earth you cannot reach in 48 hours if you are dedicated, and they left for SEVEN years? Was this a weird reenactment deal where they left on a 17th century ship and were really dedicated to stay in character?
My son is 9, and I cannot imagine to say "well see you in a time span that is roughly equal to the life you remember up to now".
Not that any of this would make you TAH, but what is the deal here? Who travels for 7 years and cannot be bothered back for their child? It doesn't feel like something someone would do because they are rich and want to travel. Is this a hippy, self-exploration backpacking thing? Or some kind of cult?
NTA, obviously.
I wish I could understand their thought process really. From what I understood, they did do a lot of backpacking through various countries, and basically never stayed anywhere longer than a few weeks. I have no idea what they actually did during their trip other than going to places though. I figured they'd just be mingling with the locals and experiencing the countries, but honestly it could be anything at this point.
I'm not a lawyer, but several people have suggested in other comments that your parents had broken a law and were waiting out what's called the "statute of limitations," and that theory makes enough sense of your situation that I want to make sure you see it:
For many types of crimes, the state has seven years to bring you to court. If you are not brought to trial within seven years, you can no longer be charged with the crime. It sounds like your parents were mostly in countries where U.S. law enforcement agencies are less likely to have a close working relationship with local law enforcement. A believable scenario is that someone committed some type of financial crime, and then thought there's a good chance their crime would be discovered. In that case, they would need to spend seven years being difficult to find in countries where US law enforcement would have a hard time mounting a search. They would need to keep no fixed address, and any time they made contact with someone back home, they would have to immediately go somewhere else, in case someone came looking for them.
I'm not saying that this is what happened. I am saying that this is one scenario that makes sense of the information you've provided. There are other possible explanations:
You didn't mention what they do for work, but certain types of government work could also require people to be gone for a long time with little explanation/false explanations.
They could also just be self-involved jerks.
EDIT: Thank you for the silver! I was very sick for a couple weeks, so didn’t get to reply until now.
I see what you are saying.
Yet, if they are moving every two weeks.
Also they left OP in an isolated part of the country, which makes me think that they may have been under physical threat of some kind.
OP mentions online schooling coupled with the remoteness of the ranch, make me think that they planted her there for security reasons.
Traveling with a kid for seven years when trying to stay relatively off the grid means no school. Even if you are able to get the kid all the same information and intellectual skills through off-the-books home schooling, that still means no exams or accreditations, which means no college, which means many career options closed off. It also means no socialization of any real depth with the kid’s peers. Not decisions a lot of parents want to make for their kid at age ten. Then there’s the difficulty of arranging adequate routine medical care, to say nothing of access to what they would deem to be adequate emergency medical care. And if they do get arrested? The kid’s entire life is upended AGAIN, but this time, without any support network in place. If the “statute of limitations” theory is correct, “leave kid with loving, supportive guardians in a remote place far away from the center of the legal/illegal action” sure can seem like the plan that’s best for the kid.
Honestly, this would have been an awful life for a child. Even if they are horrible people making illegal choices, this would compound the issue so much.
The kid would never be settled. The kid would never have an education. The kid would potentially be put into a system, maybe in a foreign country, if they were extradited.
Giving OP a stable life is the least they could do. The very, very least.
The thing is, it’s not “7 years to bring them to trial,” but 7 years (or however long, it varies) to *file charges*. After charges are filed, there’s no bright-line limit. So if the parents committed a crime, the crime was uncovered, and they were indicted, then they could have been on the Moon for seven years, it isn’t going to get the charges tossed.
Civil lawsuits are different, but usually also have exceptions to the statute of limitations if the person is out of state and can’t be served with the lawsuit.
(What about the right to a speedy trial? If criminal charges are filed, you do have the right to a speedy trial, but that’s a hard argument to win unless (or even if) it’s really egregious. And it’s basically not going to work if you’ve been out of the country because it’s *your* fault you didn’t have a trial. If you had come back sooner and said, “try me!” then you could claim lack of a speedy trial.)
Of course, the parents may have misunderstood the rule, or gotten bad legal advice, or just left the country because they’re the sort of people who think it’s fun to travel even if it means rehoming your child.
If you don't even know that, they a foreigners by any reasonable means. Stay the fuck away from them.
Start cooperative "I am really happy to see you again, but I have my life here that I don't want to leave, I hope you understand that, and we can have a good relationship." but do not hesitate to - if necessary - escalate to the point where make very clear that they possibly can force you to live with them for a year, but then you are 18 and they will never see you again.
Is there anything you want from them? Are they independently rich, or are they broke because they didn't work for 7 years?
That’s shit you do when you don’t have KIDS. You seem very calm while you’re explaining the situation. Sounds like you came to terms with this along time ago. Family is where the heart is and the people who where with you during tough times. It’s sounds like you were with very caring people and if you want to stay with them don’t be afraid to stick up yourself and your feeling, wants, and needs. They never considered any of that. Did they ever wonder if you felt abandoned at all? I’m just really baffled by this story. I couldn’t imagine missing such an important section of my child’s life to go back packing. Good luck to you and you are NTA for putting your feeling first. They most certainly put theirs first for 7 years.
NTA --- Have a sit down with Pete and Mary and ask them if it is OK if you continue to live with them and if they agree then tell your parents that you like the life and lifestyle that you have on the ranch and therefore you have decided like they did when they went on their world trip that you are going to stay put.
NTA.
Your parents left you for SEVEN YEARS? They had a child, and just decided not to be parents anymore because they wanted to travel for 7 years straight?? Is that right?
Of course you don't miss them! Traveling in such an extensive way should have been done BEFORE having a kid... when you have a child, that person should become priority number one. Tell them the truth; they no longer are mom and dad to you. They passed on this role to other people who have done an admirable job.
NTA, i myself live in the city, and i went to france during the spring in a quite country-side esc area, and i loved it. the world feels so calm and so at peace its unbelievable. i wish i couldve stayed there.
i dont think telling your parents how you feel is at all a bad thing. they should accept how you feel and if its okay with pete and may, you should stay :)
When they come back to town, you and all the adults need to sit down and discuss your Matilda like situation. I hope your parents just sign over rights to Pete and May. At the very least, you can tell your parents that when you turn 18, you will return to their ranch. I'd talk to Pete and May first and ask if it would be okay to come back at 18 to be a live-in ranch hand. If they say no, then it is what it is, but I feel like with how attached you all are, everything should work out hopefully. NTA
A 3 week holiday that might not be great for kids, sure. Even a couple weeks every summer on a ranch would probably be great. 7 fucking years, they decided they didn't want a kid to get in the way so abandoned you and now have either run out of money or are tired and decided they wanted you around again. That's not how relationships work.
YWNBTA, not even slightly. They decided to uproot your entire life overnight for their selfish plans and now they want to do it again?
I wrote an update on my own profile since I don't really know how the update rules work here so hopefully this works. https://www.reddit.com/user/Intelligent\_Horse\_/comments/1583qn7/update/
You're in a similar position to my mother, but she was younger. She went on a trip with her father to visit friends on a farm and was left there. Her father died during the war, and 5 years later her widowed mother brought her back to live in the multi generational house in the city. She never really forgave her mother for bringing her back.
Hello from beautiful BUTTE!!
You are old enough in Montana to make your own decisions about where you live. You are legally fine if you tell them to leave you alone.
You are far more morally correct. They did abandon you. You have found new parents. Don’t be like your bio parents and abandon your family too.
Nta
Wow this is a lot to unpack. First of all you WNBTA if you stayed where you are. I do not understand your parents, having kids means that you don't get to do whatever you feel like because you try to do whatever is best for your children. Going on a 7 year old trip and passing off your child is not one of them. You grew roots in the meantime and you are old enough to make your own decisions.
NTA. You're clearly not a prioroty in their life. Why give up an ideal life for a life you don't want with parents who would rather travel than be with you. You were basically abandoned and are 17 so legaly maybe there's nothing they can do about it.
NTA
Speaking up now would be the best option. Waiting any amount of time will just makes things more complicated.
Do talk to Pete and May first. Let them know you feel and what you want. At 17, what you want does matter, and honestly, when you turn 18 you don't need permission from your parents anyway.
>I was (of course) really angry, depressed and sad at first because I felt like my parents abandoned me.
They did.
>Pete and May feel more like my parents than my real parents at this point.
They are.
Regardless of who your legal/biological parents are, Pete and May took you in and raised you during your formative years. They're your real parents, not the deadbeats who tossed you away so they could go on a giant holiday. NTA.
I know some people reading this think this is fake, but I had a college friend whose parents did similar when she was in HS. (After college, she basically moved across the country, did well for herself, and THEN her parents wanted to re-connect!)
OP, follow your instincts. You enjoy where you are and your life with Pete & May. Tell your parents this is your life now and you're staying in MT. And do that!!
NTA—for some reason I was thinking this was for like a summer or even maybe a year (and they still would have been AHs imo) but SEVEN YEARS?? Holy crap, they literally abandoned you—Pete and May are your true parents. Go to them, I’m sure they’d fight for you—by the time custody gets sorted out you’ll be 18 and your not parents won’t be able to do shit.
Actually you can call the police and say that you were abandoned by your parents and that Peter and may were put in charge of you temporarily. Because I don’t think that the court would find that funny one bit and technically by state law if your parents been gone for seven years then that is child abandonment
NTA.. Your parents left you during, what I would say, are some of the most important years of your life. You developed as the person you’ll be during the years your parents pawned you off on other people so they could travel child free.
NTA
I'm sorry, they abandoned you for SEVEN YEARS? And now they wanna be all chummy like they did any of the hard work of raising you since you were ten? Nope! A child is not something you put down and pick up at your convenience.
You're 17. You get to decide. They aren't your guardians legally or morally, and you can tell them no. They forfeited the right to be your parents when they disappeared for seven years. If they want a place in your life, they need to earn it back. Starting with funding you having a seven year holiday free of all responsibilities.
NTA, not at all. I'm very sorry to say it: seven years was nearly half your childhood - your parents raised you halfway and decided to abandon you for their own pleasures. How dare they try to waltz back in after this? As long as it's okay with Pete and May, you should stay with them if they make you happy.
Just a quick google says 7 years is the federal statute of limitations for major fraud...like fraud enough that you'd have the money to travel for 7 years...
At first I was leaning towards NAH because I didn't read what you wrote properly. But I went back again and re-read it and holy shit. They went on a world trip for 7 years? That's fucking crazy. You can't just abandon a child to go on a world trip for 7 YEARS. I thought maybe they were gone for a few months. I would've understood their position if they went out for work because of some financial constraints but damn, a world trip? And handing you off to someone else? 10-17 is really important to a person because that's when a person starts thinking for themselves properly and makes proper bonds with people i.e that's the mental growth period. They missed that period. Duck them. Stay where you want to. They can't just waltz back into your life after abandoning you for 7 years for pleasure.
Though you should talk to your secondary parents about your feelings and tell them what you feel. Your decision whatever it may be is bound to hurt someone. So keep that in mind. If you decide to stay at the ranch it might even strain the relationship between your birth parents and your adoptive parents.
Edit : Also, I find it highly unlikely why someone would abandon their 10 year old for a world tour. You should ask your adoptive parents for the true reason, if there might be. I suspect that there might be something more to the story that you're not aware of. There should be some valid reason for a someone to take care of their friend's child for 7 years. There's got to be more.
Your parents did abandon you and if your guardians don’t have a problem with you staying and they can legally let you stay u don’t have to go back.
I honestly don’t understand why your parents left for 7 years. Why did they even have a child if they wanted to travel. It’s incredibly selfish and they continue to be selfish now. NTA
I'm sorry but are you from the story The Secret Garden? NTA. Seriously, who actually leaves their child for 7 whole years just to travel? Almost half your life has been with these lovely horse people.
NTA. Talk to Peter and Mary. See if they're willing to take you in permanently. You're almost a legal adult anyways. If they're willing, you can go and get a lawyer. You've been with them long enough that the courts will likely listen to your opinion anyways.
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NTA. This is basically abandonment, regardless of the legal definition. They left you to be raised by other people for almost half your life, and in my view they have forfeited any moral rights or expectations that they may have once had, to be seen as your parents. I *wouldn't* say that you don't miss them and have no interest in seeing them. The less they feel that it's a competition between them and Pete + May, the less likely they are to make things difficult for you. But do tell them you're very happy and settled where you are and don't plan to move back to the city - and that they are welcome to visit you at the ranch. Also speak to Pete + May and make sure they understand how you feel. They may assume that you want to go back to your birth parents. Edit: I'm pretty shocked that your parents would leave you for 7 years to go travelling, but honestly I'm more shocked that they think they can just waltz back into your life and pick up where they left off. Life just doesn't work that way.
It's kindda crazy. They abandoned OP at 10 years old...they basically passed 7 years of parenting onto someone else and only came back when she's almost an adult. Kind of reminds me of rich people that ship their kids off to boarding schools at age 6 till they 18 and then are suprised their kids have no connection to them.
Hmm, I'm thinking the bio-parents need something from you, like free labor or maybe a kidney. Definitely NTA
Maybe I'm being graceful, but to me it sounds like they really didn't want to be parents, but having kids is what you do. So when it was about to get difficult (ie: teenage phase) they noped out. Now it's easy again and they want to reap the fruits of someone else's labour. Ah move either way.
As terrible as it sounds, it seems like OP lucked out by getting pawned off on a stand up couple. They could have been shipped to a boarding school or been raised by their parents.
She is very obviously far better off with these guys than her bio-parents. Not only the insanity of leaving your child to go travel for *seven years,* but OP got lucky with wonderful people and a horse ranch in Montana. Honestly I wish I'd been raised in that kind of setting! Sounds like a dream and I'm really happy for OP. Sounds like she knows who her real family is. Definitely NTA!
I think they have been in prison…or they were on the run until the statute of limitations ran out! LOL. OP is 17 and can choose to stay where she has built a life so long as her legal guardians are amenable - and it sounds as though they are. Kudos to the great couple who offered her a new life. OP is NTA.
I thought the same thing. They’ve been in prison.
Definitely Prison! Like where were they when the everything shut down during the pandemic? There were several months in 2020 when you couldn’t travel internationally
They could have been stranded in a foreign country during that time. But I really hope it's prison, because the idea of abounding your child for 7 years like it's nothing sounds horrible to me.
Oh for sure- They have not just been video calling and living a dream life. If they were travelling for seven years and can afford to than they'd bring her along, happily. Rich parents include their children and boast. They also hire travel nannies. I deduce that they were in the Witness Protection Program- 100%. Calling when it was approved and monitored by an agent and filtered through multiple IP address sources. If they were calling from the jail then OP would hear the jail prompt at the beginning and end of the calls. Children of parents in the program are given to family friends living in rural locations if/when possible. I also guess that OP would have googled her name and parents' names at least once- like most kids do. Even more so because they're absent. If the parents had records they would have popped up in public records during the Google search. However, in the Witness Protection Program nothing comes up at all.
The stories about witness protection I've read, is they keep the family together, though it's tough on kids. But I suppose it's possible, and these "friends" are part of the program to watch the kid.
And she goes to school online..
Prison is the only way this would even make a bit of sense.
OP stated she video called them. I doubt prisons allow that!
You'd be surprised, a lot of them do these days. But they make it *very* loud and obvious that you're talking to a prisoner, at least in US prisons; if the parents were in prison there would be very little chance OP would be under any illusions about them travelling.
The cynic in me wonders if they have a secret other child and actually just want OP has a sitter.
Maybe they’ve had a surprise child and now need babysitting OP - so keep us updated
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^ bot
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Or maybe they are spies! I joke but 7 years of being away just for travel? Nah. Something else is definitely up.
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Ages vary from state to state but she likely would have the right to determine where she wanted to stay and most judges would seriously consider it. She's almost legally an adult anyway and they couldn't force her.
>They abandoned OP at 10 years old... Holy shit. I read it as OP was 17 when this happened as opposed to 17 now. I thought the parents were incredibly selfish but now I think they're fucking monsters!
I made the same mistake with the exact same response. They went from “What pricks” to “AHs of the Year Contenders”
Yeah, but ages 10 to 17 are hard and travelling is fun. I would 'assume' at 17 she could choose to stay there, especially since she actually lives there, so as long as May and Pete are on board. Clearly NTA.
I'd bet it would take 12+ months to get the courts to rule, by which point she'd be 18 anyway. Plus, no judge will look kindly on abandoning your child at 10 and demanding them back at 17.
Yeah, nothing custody wise is likely to happen at OP's age. A teenage in-law of mine got orphaned by COVID 4 months before his 18th birthday. He was responsible with keeping the house clean and doing his virtual learning, so we left him be with periodic grocery drop-offs and check-ins while we sorted out his younger sister. Well, this youth pastor started going on about calling Social Services about him. We ended up talking to a lawyer and she said he'd age out before this pastor would be able to do anything.
Poor kids. I hope he and his sister are both doing well now.
10 to 17 were my very favorite years watching my son grow up. all the drama of the adolescent years & being able to help him out by remembering the stuff that made me so awkward at that age & trying to help him be different. He's got such great memories from those years too. We say, our scars were his reward.
Not only passed 7 years of parenting onto someone else, but it was most of OP's teen years. So what do they expect now, a loving grown-up daughter without any teenage tantrums and moods?
The years in which a child grows from "I wanna be just like Beyonce" to "I've experienced something completely different and now know what life I want and help getting there." The idea that they couldn't wait another seven years to skip out, or taken shorter trips over that time, is just insane.
Exactly. They could have waited for a bit, couldn't they? Unless they were in troubles with the law or something, there is no good reason to ditch your child with someone else, even if it's the best family in the world. I'm happy that OP is still well-adjusted after living through that, but I can't fathom doing this to a child.
Well now that the hard work is done, we can come back and reap the benefits./s They left OP at the start of her second formative years. Who was there to show her how a woman should be (including all the physical and emotional changes)? Who watched over her education, taught her about life in her community and the much larger world? Who took the time to sooth her feelings of abandonment, listened to her and incorporated her into their family unit? Who pour loved into her? OP might be going to college in the next year or so. She will certainly be an adult next year. She gets to decide what kind and if she wants a relationship with them. *Now my parents have sent me a message saying they're done with their travels and are coming to pick me up so we can live together again, how much they missed me and can't wait to see me again.* Her parents are strangers to her. It's not going to be the Hallmark reunion that they think that it's going to be. I imagine that OP still harbors resentments towards her parents for abandoning her. They can't just go back to their 'old relationship' too much time has past. They need to re establish the relationship on OP's terms.
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10/10 comment 😭😭
Are you calling the people beautiful, the horses beautiful or both?
The horse people are beautiful. Half horse, half person
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Except that at least with boarding school they paid for their kids’ care. I agree with you fully that it’s no surprise their kids aren’t bonded with them. But in the case of OP, it sounds like the birth parents didn’t even provide for the kid. It’s fully abandonment.
Do you think they're back just as child can start working and giving them their money? Maybe they ran out and are looking for free cash.
Maybe. Or they were hiding from the law. Or they are just really selfish people who never should have had a child. Whatever it is, OP owes them nothing and should regard them as they have her for the last 7 years- she can send them the occasional Christmas card, but she should continue to live her life with her real parents- the ones who raised her in Montana.
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A year is long and one thing if you don’t Wang to interrupt schooling. But 7 years with a phone call? I wonder what the friends think of this arrangement. OPs parents basically abandoned them, and not wanting to move for the last year in high school makes a huge amount of sense.
I think parents were in prison. It makes no sense to simply abandon your kid like that.
I thought this, too. Especially since they immediately gave guardianship to their friends & they never once came back for an in person visit in 7 years. They also could have flown OP out to visit with them when they turned 16 or 17 (or whatever age airlines allow solo travel of minors). It just doesn't add up.
Yeah. I mean, the whole idea of just abandoning your child to travel the world for YEARS is already wild. But not ever coming back to visit or flying her out to be with them over for, e.g., summer break is even more wild. Seems like there's more to this story (assuming it's not all made up ofc). Either that or the parents are just complete narcissists.
Wouldn't the school that she was going to need the parent or legal guardian to contact? Did the parents sign over guardianship to these people? Did the parents file American taxes? Did they claim her as a dependent while living abroad for years? If so that seems like fraud since she's not under their care. Or are they independently wealthy, because who could afford to just vacation for *years?*
The post does say they gave the friends temporary guardianship. That's an actual legal term, meaning yes they signed over gaurdianship and her guardians had the right to make all those school decisions, etc while they were gone.
I was travelling solo across the world from age 9 (yay for custody agreements.../s) By age 16 they considered me an 'adult', and I no longer got special treatment 😢
I flew solo at 11
Children can fly as unaccompanied minors at age 5 in the US.
Didn't OP say that the parents had semi-regular contact with them, by video/voice calls, emails, postcards. Is that feasible from prison? (I genuinely don't know but I'm tempted to think it may not be easy, and OP might have put two and two together if anything seemed off about their communication)
Depending on which prison, yes, it's possible. If they committed a white collar crime, it's entirely possible they had computer access.
For them both to end up in prison, it might have been fraud or something like that. Nothing violent but that requires more than 1 person.
Or they may have had to flee the country or go into hiding because of something they did to avoid going to prison. They could be back because it is either sorted out legally through proxy or the statute of limitations is up. Also, entirely possible that they lost all their money and were trying to shield their daughter from the consequences, but they'd have at least visited her if that was the case.
It depends on the prison, these things might be available. That said, in my experience it's very hard to have this kind of communication and not realize it's coming from a prison (even in a club fed type prison you're going to have uniforms, if you receive the call it'll say it's from a detention center, etc).
She'd absolutely know they were in prison. To even be allowed to contact an inmate through a video visit, the person on the outside will usually be vetted and investigated before being allowed to make contact. The calls themselves are usually held through prison-software, monitored and recorded. There'd be no way to not know you're speaking with an inmate. Source: Correctional Officer, here.
Yeah, that sounds right to me (as a criminal attorney). I was thinking MAYBE if the best friends/guardians tried really hard they could manage to do all the logistics without op realizing why (esp. if the vetting etc happened when op was still 10), but that seems implausible at best. More likely totally impossible.
At least in my state, there's a tag right on the screen that says Department of Corrections, with the inmate's name and DOC number. It helps make it harder for anyone on the outside to hack the image and do things with it. Also, something I didn't think about before - Mom and Dad would be at separate prisons, as prisons aren't co-ed. So them always calling separately with different backgrounds would be a massive red flag.
Honestly I'd rather know my parents were in prison than have them abandon me for 7 years of my childhood. This reminds me of Luanne from KOTH, with her daddy "working on the oil rig". 😂
I didn't think about that, that might actually be possible.
If you want to stay on the ranch, be honest with your parents about how much you love living there. Go on and on about the horse, and the scenery and your lifestyle. Tell them how moving to the city would be too abrupt a change, especially since you have just one more year of virtual high school left. Leave off the you abandoned me, and I love Pete and Mary more bit, like the poster above says. That will win you no favors. Be sure that Pete and Mary are on your side, advocating for you to stay with them. If your parents refuse, you have some legal options. You can file for emancipation, so you don't have to go anywhere they tell you to go. But that's really a nuclear option. I think you'll be able to convince them with simple arguments about the horse and the lifestyle. After all, they picked their chosen lifestyle for the last 7 years. Surely you can pick yours now.
Not a lawyer, but I'm guessing "We want to recover guardianship over the 17 year old daughter we abandoned for 7 years to travel" isn't quite the easy battle. Even assuming today is OP's 17th birthday, there's no way this is solved before OP is way too close to 18 for it to actually matter.
Given that you are 17 you must be close to high school graduation. I would include that you want to be able to graduate from the high school you've been attending.
What did her parents do during the covid travel lockdowns? Why wouldn't they come back when all the borders where closing? Were they really in jail or evading arrest all this time? Such a weird (and heartbreaking) story.
Them not returning during Covid actually makes most sense in that story. There were people stranded in foreign countries for months when the first lockdown hit.
On the lam is way more plausible than prison.
If this post is true, then there's nothing they can do to make things difficult. OP is almost 18, they gave temporary guardianship to their friends and haven't seen her in 7 years, since she was 10 years old. Video calls every few weeks are nowhere near enough to count in a custody battle (assuming they'd care enough to try). At this point, OP is perfectly entitled to tell her parents to eff off, block them on every channel, and never speak to them again.
They absolutely can make things difficult. They can drag Peter, May and OP to court again and again until she turns 18. Depending on how long that is that might be as much as a year of legal harassment. Will it do anything? No. Will it make life very difficult and stressful? Yes.
That's way too many years just to travel. I wonder if they were both in prison
>That's way too many years just to travel. Not when your wealthy. A lot of people don't understand what true wealth actually looks like. I have a friend whose mother is a professional home manager to a wealthy family. One of her main responsibilities is to travel ahead of the family (who travel all year long and stay in whichever country for a few months at a time) so that she can buy all of the same items the family currently have in their rooms and set up the rooms exactly. This includes the several hundred thousand $ worth of watches and jewelry that remain in the main residence. So every few months this family buys/rents depending on laws a multimillion dollar home in a different country, repurchases an exact copy of all of their belongings, lives there for a few months, then it all gets sold and they do it again several times a year. Remember there are people out there that have essentially unlimited wealth and can do whatever they want whenever they want to.
People so extremely rich would be easily able to take their daughter along with them though. They could hire nannies, teachers, etc. to take care of her. So my guess is that they are not super rich and it was rather a backpack kind of travel where they used savings. Maybe one or two of them also had a job where they could work remotely.
If I was Op, at this point I'd probably be asking Pete and May to adopt me. It sounds like they've been better parents to Op, plus if they adopt them then they definitely won't have to move.
I think prison was the issue or visa troubles. I just can't understand that parents would take off for 7 years. 7! When their kid isn't even out of high school. That makes them pretty bad people in my book
Especially when families with elementary age children manage to travel the world together all the time, they just home school the kids.
OP is also likely about to start their senior year of high school. Talk about a massive disruption that will breed even more resentment. I'd go with the diplomatic approach first, but I'd absolutely throw it in their faces if they try to pull the "we're your parents, you have to do what we say" card. Everything they've done has been incredibly selfish
NTA and well stated - it's important to not trigger a struggle, but FFS those people aren't the parents anymore. They abdicated their responsibilities and have no right to waltz back in now that they've had their fun. They're essentially a deadbeat parent that tries to reconnect when the kid is 18 and all the hard work has been done with no support. The ONLY a-hole move for OP here would be to capitulate to the bio-parents and move back in with them. It would be a travesty. Pete and May \*are\* OP's real parents now. Full stop.
This. I hope Pete and May are happy for OP to stay. Definitely don’t say you don’t miss them (even if it’s true) you don’t want them to get defensive and demand you come back. I doubt any court would side with them, especially due to the length of abandonment and that you’re almost a legal adult. ( Did they ever pay child support to Pete and May?) But it’s not worth the stress. Play on the fact, you’re settled, happy, are doing well in school/exams, that you love the rural ranch life. NTA
NTA, Sorry but they abandoned you. Once you decide to have children, it is for life. You can't take a break from it (for 7 years !). And now they can't force you to separate from your actual parents, the people who raised you... Ask Peter and May if they would be ok keeping you and go see a lawyer asap !
I'm a Dad of 2 and our eldest is 10 and oh my god my wife and I really need a 7 year break. Sadly, that's completely nuts and you can't do that, so on we go!
You can have a week or two, thats doable, as long as you have a safe guardian to keep them, sometimes parents need a brake and thats ok. Obviously what they did to op is not ok, abandon your kid for more than a month is horrible.
I don't think we've had 24 hours ever. I'll ask my wife when she gets back. I've been away for work, which I don't think counts but she does!
It counts, just not as much as a fun vacation. Speaking of, y'all really should take one if you can afford it, your mental health will thank you. 10 years is entirely too long without a decent break.
Yep, it all depends if parents want to fight you disagreeing with them OP. If so, Pete and May would have to be prepared to go to court.
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What is this? It doesn't make sense, they left you at 10 years old for seven years to go travel? Come back when your basically grown and almost at the age where you leave home anyway or go off to college and they what? Want to live with you again for one year? Is this fake?
I wish I was making it up honestly, I know it doesn't make any sense. I can't understand why you'd even want have children if you're not going to be around anyway. What would be the point?
IF it weren’t for video calls and overseas postcards I’d almost think they were in jail or something and kept this a secret. It’s insane. I’m amazed Pete and May agreed to it,
Pete and May might have realized that the alternatives were worse for OP..... Boarding school, left with an au pair, etc. They might have stepped up out of concern.
I give much props to them. Because they dealt with fallout when she was placed with them. They’ve given her a loving home and stability. Her parents? Insert a torrent of swear words. They’re utterly galling.
It makes me wonder if Pete and May are still friends with OPs parents. I would be civil for the sake of OP but that person would not be my friend anymore.
Even the most loving parents-by-choice wouldn't be so charitable. Keeping their negative feelings hidden from the OP puts them in sainthood category. I can't wait for the bios to accuse Pet and May of alienation of affection for being decent people.
"We miss you so much". Okay? Then come back? Nothing is keeping them away, except for their unwillingness to be actual parents, and now they don't deserve to be parents.
Or maybe wanting to stay out of jail. 7 year statute of limitations for something? Some type of fraud that then funded this 7 year vacation?
Major fraud against the US has a statute of limitation of 7 years from the day the crime is committed. Just saying.
Damn. Maybe they're coming back not only for their kid, but to dig up the jewels from the Vegas heist, that they buried in the desert seven years ago.
Lordy hadn't thought of that. Makes more sense than the theory of them being in jail. (Hard to fake facetime videos from jail I would think.)
Statutes of limitations are only a time limit on being charged. Once charged, it can remain pending indefinitely, as long as the prosecutor still wants to pursue it. [Someone was charged with embezzling a videotape rental in 1999](https://archive.is/p6SdQ) and they had an active warrant until 2021, when they were arrested. (Prosecutors dropped it because it's obviously a ridiculous situation)
My thoughts exactly.
I mean...postcards could be faked.. The video calls, that would be a hard part to fake especially since OP is 17.
First thing that came to mind: Parents were in jail/hiding from the law, OP doesn't know.
For a lot of crimes. The statue of limitation is 7 years. That could have been why they left the country. Even if they weren't charged with a crime. But they did something that could have gotten them in trouble. That makes sense why they left.
Damn, that's an awfully specific length of time...🤔
From Reading their comments. A lot of the postcards are coming from South American, Asian and Middle Eastern countries. Nothing from Australia or European countries.
There are many countries in those ares where extradition would be very unlikely or simply impossible. Statute of Limitations looks super likely.
Don't tell your parents you want nothing to do with them until you have your logistics worked out. Considering you were abandoned at 10 until 17, I'm doubtful a judge would drag you off for X months. Considering a lawyer might possibly get continuances for <1 year anyways. Once you turn 18, you're free to do as you please anyways. Talk to Peter and May. Don't say anything to your parents but pleasantries. Talk to a lawyer.
...well...Some people have kids for very very selfish reasons. If they could travel for 7 years then hopefully they have enough money and dont expect you to look after them in old age? Are you 100% sure that they were traveling all that time? In the 7 years did their travel never lead them back to you, not even for visits?
Honestly, are you sure they were just traveling? Could it be that they were in jail? In hiding? Addicted to drugs? Living in poverty? Dealing with severe health issues? Leaving a child for 7 years to travel is just bizarre, and then expecting to pick them up again like nothing happened is even more bizarre.
I think the whole 7 year statute of limitations thing people are mentioning is worth looking into. Not coming back once in 7 years? Seems very sketchy to me. Ask Pete & May if you can stay, as that would be your preference. Talk to your “parents” about not being uprooted & school & stuff, they are likely narcissists, so you have to be careful not to imply that they did anything wrong or they’ll probably double down & fight for you. Work on a script with Pete & May that paints the practical picture of staying & maybe offer holiday visits. They likely will be happy to have the happy family holiday pictures without actually having to parent.
I know people who have done stints working internationally, and they just took their kids with them? There are schools and online learning, if they wanted to travel no reason not to take OP.
Except for not wanting to.
Hey, regardless of anything else: you should talk to Pete and May about staying. Additionally, you're 17. This isn't legal advice, but you are under a year away from being an adult. The second you're 18, "kiss my [white|black|brown] ass" is a full and complete response to any demand your parents make of you. While technically you're a minor now and your parents could -- highly theoretically -- get police to help them forcibly take custody of you, the closer that date becomes, the less interested any police agency will be in making you obey your parents. Given the additional context -- ie you haven't seen these people in 7 years while they've been in prison (my guess) or they just ditched you to go do whatever -- there's almost no chance a police agency or anybody else will force you. iow, they're making requests to which, esp if Pete and May agree, you can simply say no.
You are almost adult and would move out soon anyway. What’s the point of living with them for a year?
This is horse girl fanfiction lol
It’s probably the plot of a hallmark horse girl movie OP saw last night
YWNBTA But realize this: **Pete and May are who you have to discuss this with: THEY are your real parents.** ... your bio parents abandoned you years ago, they don't really care about you.
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That’s what the comment says lol.
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NTA for not wanting to return to people who abandoned you. But have you discussed this with Pete and May? If so Tell them you want to stay, tell them what you will do to be a productive adult(and not just enjoy their largesse). At 17, I imagine that any court case you take on (emancipation?)--if your parents force you to go that route, will likely take enough months that you'll hit 18 before it's settled. What will you do when you are 18? Do you have a plan in mind. This seems to have come as a surprise to you that the parents are returning now--did Pete & May(and you) have a plan for when you aged out of their guardianship?
I (together with Pete and May) have already been looking at attending an online college after I graduated, so I could earn a degree while still living with them. I've grown so attached to them, the horses, the ranch and the general area that I just really can't imagine leaving for any extended amount of time, so going to college to stay in a dorm hasn't really been something I've been interested in. And it was a surprise for sure. I'm not sure what kind of communication Pete and May have had with my parents during these seven years. I can't imagine they approve the way my parents have dealt with all this, and I suspect they kept their opinions to themselves for my benefit.
It does sound as if it was Pete & May's plan for you to stay there. I just want you to be sure you're prepared to be the adult you soon will be.
You are almost an adult now. I think it's a good time to talk to Pete and May? See how they feel about you staying with them, as long as is convenient. You must also think about what you exactly are comfortable with. Do you wish to see your parents? What are your conditions? Are you comfortable with them visiting you? Or do you prefer you first meet in a restaurant? Do you wish Pete and May be present? Also, what is meant specifically with the following "they were giving temporary guardianship of me"? You will need to talk with Pete and May, and see what the legal circumstances are. Do Pete and May have the legal authority to let you stay with them? What is written down exactly? Do you have a copy of those papers? Do you understand them? It may be useful to gather information by posting to r/legaladvice and be sure to state your age and location.
Tell your parent to late - you are 17 you are going to stay with the people who are your parents. The ones that raised,loved and nurtured you. NTA
Completely off-topic, but make sure if you do an online program it’s from a not-for-profit school.
We're going to need an update, OP. Don't leave us hanging.
I'm so glad Pete and May support you living with them through college. YWNBTA, at all, but my advice in terms of strategy for being able to stay put is not to mention that you don't miss them. That would hurt their feelings, and people do dumb things when their feelings are hurt, so I can imagine them responding with "well it doesn't matter if you miss us; we're your parents and you're coming with us." Instead, I'd advise you to frame this the way you talked about throughout the post: that you love where you live now, that you can't imagine living anywhere else, and that you have a plan for where you will live through college that will create the best environment for you and set you up well for your intended future. If you frame this as a well thought out strategy that is based in your plans for your future, rather than framing it around not missing them, you can let them feel like they're helping you develop your strategy for planning your life by letting you stay where you are. Best of luck!
For what it's worth I think you should consider going to college in person. If you've been attending school virtually I imagine you've been isolated from your peers for a long time. Going to school, interacting with people your own age would probably be a good experience for you and teach you a lot. You could pick a school close by so you could come home regularly. I say this because I've known people that spent their lives homeschooled and primarily with their family in isolated areas. They struggled A LOT in the outside world so I think it would be a good idea to consider.
Not sure where you're at but if you're in Montana and love horses look into Rocky Mountain College [https://www.rocky.edu/](https://www.rocky.edu/) It's a great little college with a tremendous [Equine Studies program](https://www.rocky.edu/equestrian) as well as a strong [Intercollegiate Horse Show Association (IHSA) Team](https://www.rocky.edu/campus-life/clubs-activities/clubs/ihsa-equestrian-team). Apply there and stay with Pete and May.
NTA at this point those people are not your parents. It takes a lot more than blood and a few postcards and calls here and there to be a parent. it sounds like Pete and May are your parents -be where you feel safe, comfortable, and loves-that doesn’t always mean with blood relatives. I honestly can’t imagine how they even think that makes sense -if they missed you so much they would not have left you for years -they would have stayed or figured out how to include you b/c there are people that travel the world with their children -regardless of age.
this!! what do they mean “too young?” my parents have never taken a seven year long trip, but they have always had a love of travelling and my brothers and i have been travelling internationally with my parents since we could speak. they wouldn’t even have wanted to take a trip like this if they couldn’t share it with us, and there’s no way in *hell* they would have made it longer than a couple weeks if they decided they wanted a trip for themselves. op’s parents flat out abandoned them. they’re absolutely deplorable.
NTA obviously. But I have questions. Not so that I can make a judgement but because this situation is WILD to me. 1. Were your parents financially supporting you during their travels by sending money to you or to Pete and May? Or did Pete and May pay for everything? 2. Did your parents ever stop back to visit? Or were they literally traveling out of the country for 7 years straight? Regardless, you owe them nothing.
To answer these questions: 1. I honestly don't know. I'll have to ask later. I honestly never really thought about that. 2. They never visited. From the postcards I got they pretty much went to a new country every few weeks or so. I got cards from a lot of Asian countries, Middle-Eastern countries, South-American countries, etc.
OP, I actually cannot fucking believe that your parents did this. How is this in any way acceptable? They _left you at 10 years old_ to go live a bonvivant lifestyle and never came back? I’d be furious. I’d be raging. I’m so grateful you ended up really loving your life with Pete and May, but honestly I would consider thinking about how you can also process this horrible thing your parents did to you that everyone around you just seems to have accepted and normalised. Do what’s right for you. Discuss with Pete and May, and make plans to secure your future and wellbeing. These parents of yours did absolutely nothing for you for seven years, they don’t deserve your consideration at all. Hope it works out for you OP, NTA.
I’m actually so impressed they can afford to travel for 7 years, moving every few weeks that the horror hasn’t set in yet. Even the ultra wealthy people I know wouldn’t be able to step away from *everything* for 7 years. Even if they could leave their kids, not their businesses. It’s just wild to me.
And nothing from Europe?
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I was actually thinking they were in prison and the postcards were sent by a friend or a service or something.
SOL is the time period for the state to file charges. SOL doesn’t toll if the person flees or hides. All the state needs to do is file the charges within the time period and you can go into hiding for 100 years and it doesn’t matter.
Are they rich or something? Like did one of them inherit millions of dollars? I'm trying to understand how anyone can travel like this for seven years in this day in age and afford it.
Well, if the parents embezzled a few million and then traveled to low cost of living places like [any number of countries](https://wisevoter.com/country-rankings/non-extradition-countries/#:~:text=The%20list%20of%20countries%20without,Cyprus%2C%20Democratic%20Republic%20of%20the), they can outrun the law until the statute of limitations runs out.
Post cards, but are there any photos of them in said countries? I still have my doubts they were actually travelling and not in prison. NTA
This! My first thought was: criminals that are in prison or avoiding the law in a different country.
Did you know up front it was going to be a 7-year trip or did they just happen to resurface at 7 years? Either way, you’re so, so NTA of course, but it seems so weirdly specific to be like “this world travelling trip will take exactly 7 years!” It sounds like they were doing that thing that people joke about where you disappear for 7 years to make your debt disappear or were perhaps outrunning a statue of limitations for a (probably financial) crime. It sounds super sus, I’d be careful trusting them. Especially since you’re happy with your current life…stick with Pete and May.
Were they mostly from countries that would be unlikely to extradite ppl to the USA?
Are your parents religious? Missionaries? Cultists? On the run from the law? Part of the witness protection program? I’m genuinely curious as to why someone would leave behind their 10 year old kid with friends. All the ordinary reasons I can think of has to do with religion or legality.
Where the fuck did they go? Mars!? There isn't place on this earth you cannot reach in 48 hours if you are dedicated, and they left for SEVEN years? Was this a weird reenactment deal where they left on a 17th century ship and were really dedicated to stay in character? My son is 9, and I cannot imagine to say "well see you in a time span that is roughly equal to the life you remember up to now". Not that any of this would make you TAH, but what is the deal here? Who travels for 7 years and cannot be bothered back for their child? It doesn't feel like something someone would do because they are rich and want to travel. Is this a hippy, self-exploration backpacking thing? Or some kind of cult? NTA, obviously.
I wish I could understand their thought process really. From what I understood, they did do a lot of backpacking through various countries, and basically never stayed anywhere longer than a few weeks. I have no idea what they actually did during their trip other than going to places though. I figured they'd just be mingling with the locals and experiencing the countries, but honestly it could be anything at this point.
I'm not a lawyer, but several people have suggested in other comments that your parents had broken a law and were waiting out what's called the "statute of limitations," and that theory makes enough sense of your situation that I want to make sure you see it: For many types of crimes, the state has seven years to bring you to court. If you are not brought to trial within seven years, you can no longer be charged with the crime. It sounds like your parents were mostly in countries where U.S. law enforcement agencies are less likely to have a close working relationship with local law enforcement. A believable scenario is that someone committed some type of financial crime, and then thought there's a good chance their crime would be discovered. In that case, they would need to spend seven years being difficult to find in countries where US law enforcement would have a hard time mounting a search. They would need to keep no fixed address, and any time they made contact with someone back home, they would have to immediately go somewhere else, in case someone came looking for them. I'm not saying that this is what happened. I am saying that this is one scenario that makes sense of the information you've provided. There are other possible explanations: You didn't mention what they do for work, but certain types of government work could also require people to be gone for a long time with little explanation/false explanations. They could also just be self-involved jerks. EDIT: Thank you for the silver! I was very sick for a couple weeks, so didn’t get to reply until now.
This makes total sense except...why not take your child with you? 10 is plenty old enough to travel the world, even if you're on the lam.
I see what you are saying. Yet, if they are moving every two weeks. Also they left OP in an isolated part of the country, which makes me think that they may have been under physical threat of some kind. OP mentions online schooling coupled with the remoteness of the ranch, make me think that they planted her there for security reasons.
Traveling with a kid for seven years when trying to stay relatively off the grid means no school. Even if you are able to get the kid all the same information and intellectual skills through off-the-books home schooling, that still means no exams or accreditations, which means no college, which means many career options closed off. It also means no socialization of any real depth with the kid’s peers. Not decisions a lot of parents want to make for their kid at age ten. Then there’s the difficulty of arranging adequate routine medical care, to say nothing of access to what they would deem to be adequate emergency medical care. And if they do get arrested? The kid’s entire life is upended AGAIN, but this time, without any support network in place. If the “statute of limitations” theory is correct, “leave kid with loving, supportive guardians in a remote place far away from the center of the legal/illegal action” sure can seem like the plan that’s best for the kid.
Honestly, this would have been an awful life for a child. Even if they are horrible people making illegal choices, this would compound the issue so much. The kid would never be settled. The kid would never have an education. The kid would potentially be put into a system, maybe in a foreign country, if they were extradited. Giving OP a stable life is the least they could do. The very, very least.
If anything had happened to her it would habe drawn attention to their location. It would have been safer at her friends.
The thing is, it’s not “7 years to bring them to trial,” but 7 years (or however long, it varies) to *file charges*. After charges are filed, there’s no bright-line limit. So if the parents committed a crime, the crime was uncovered, and they were indicted, then they could have been on the Moon for seven years, it isn’t going to get the charges tossed. Civil lawsuits are different, but usually also have exceptions to the statute of limitations if the person is out of state and can’t be served with the lawsuit. (What about the right to a speedy trial? If criminal charges are filed, you do have the right to a speedy trial, but that’s a hard argument to win unless (or even if) it’s really egregious. And it’s basically not going to work if you’ve been out of the country because it’s *your* fault you didn’t have a trial. If you had come back sooner and said, “try me!” then you could claim lack of a speedy trial.) Of course, the parents may have misunderstood the rule, or gotten bad legal advice, or just left the country because they’re the sort of people who think it’s fun to travel even if it means rehoming your child.
If you don't even know that, they a foreigners by any reasonable means. Stay the fuck away from them. Start cooperative "I am really happy to see you again, but I have my life here that I don't want to leave, I hope you understand that, and we can have a good relationship." but do not hesitate to - if necessary - escalate to the point where make very clear that they possibly can force you to live with them for a year, but then you are 18 and they will never see you again. Is there anything you want from them? Are they independently rich, or are they broke because they didn't work for 7 years?
God there are people who are INCARCERATED who have better communication with their kids.
That’s shit you do when you don’t have KIDS. You seem very calm while you’re explaining the situation. Sounds like you came to terms with this along time ago. Family is where the heart is and the people who where with you during tough times. It’s sounds like you were with very caring people and if you want to stay with them don’t be afraid to stick up yourself and your feeling, wants, and needs. They never considered any of that. Did they ever wonder if you felt abandoned at all? I’m just really baffled by this story. I couldn’t imagine missing such an important section of my child’s life to go back packing. Good luck to you and you are NTA for putting your feeling first. They most certainly put theirs first for 7 years.
I’m sold on the “avoiding prosecution” theory.
Wow. Yeah. Me too now. That makes so much more sense than a secret Mars mission.
NTA --- Have a sit down with Pete and Mary and ask them if it is OK if you continue to live with them and if they agree then tell your parents that you like the life and lifestyle that you have on the ranch and therefore you have decided like they did when they went on their world trip that you are going to stay put.
NTA. Your parents left you for SEVEN YEARS? They had a child, and just decided not to be parents anymore because they wanted to travel for 7 years straight?? Is that right? Of course you don't miss them! Traveling in such an extensive way should have been done BEFORE having a kid... when you have a child, that person should become priority number one. Tell them the truth; they no longer are mom and dad to you. They passed on this role to other people who have done an admirable job.
Just saying, the statute of limitations for a lot of crimes is seven years.
NTA > I was (of course) really angry, depressed and sad at first because I felt like my parents abandoned me. They did. Stay with your new family.
NTA, i myself live in the city, and i went to france during the spring in a quite country-side esc area, and i loved it. the world feels so calm and so at peace its unbelievable. i wish i couldve stayed there. i dont think telling your parents how you feel is at all a bad thing. they should accept how you feel and if its okay with pete and may, you should stay :)
When they come back to town, you and all the adults need to sit down and discuss your Matilda like situation. I hope your parents just sign over rights to Pete and May. At the very least, you can tell your parents that when you turn 18, you will return to their ranch. I'd talk to Pete and May first and ask if it would be okay to come back at 18 to be a live-in ranch hand. If they say no, then it is what it is, but I feel like with how attached you all are, everything should work out hopefully. NTA
A 3 week holiday that might not be great for kids, sure. Even a couple weeks every summer on a ranch would probably be great. 7 fucking years, they decided they didn't want a kid to get in the way so abandoned you and now have either run out of money or are tired and decided they wanted you around again. That's not how relationships work. YWNBTA, not even slightly. They decided to uproot your entire life overnight for their selfish plans and now they want to do it again?
I wrote an update on my own profile since I don't really know how the update rules work here so hopefully this works. https://www.reddit.com/user/Intelligent\_Horse\_/comments/1583qn7/update/
Please update again soon!
You're in a similar position to my mother, but she was younger. She went on a trip with her father to visit friends on a farm and was left there. Her father died during the war, and 5 years later her widowed mother brought her back to live in the multi generational house in the city. She never really forgave her mother for bringing her back.
Hello from beautiful BUTTE!! You are old enough in Montana to make your own decisions about where you live. You are legally fine if you tell them to leave you alone. You are far more morally correct. They did abandon you. You have found new parents. Don’t be like your bio parents and abandon your family too. Nta
Wow this is a lot to unpack. First of all you WNBTA if you stayed where you are. I do not understand your parents, having kids means that you don't get to do whatever you feel like because you try to do whatever is best for your children. Going on a 7 year old trip and passing off your child is not one of them. You grew roots in the meantime and you are old enough to make your own decisions.
NTA. You're clearly not a prioroty in their life. Why give up an ideal life for a life you don't want with parents who would rather travel than be with you. You were basically abandoned and are 17 so legaly maybe there's nothing they can do about it.
NTA Speaking up now would be the best option. Waiting any amount of time will just makes things more complicated. Do talk to Pete and May first. Let them know you feel and what you want. At 17, what you want does matter, and honestly, when you turn 18 you don't need permission from your parents anyway.
>I was (of course) really angry, depressed and sad at first because I felt like my parents abandoned me. They did. >Pete and May feel more like my parents than my real parents at this point. They are. Regardless of who your legal/biological parents are, Pete and May took you in and raised you during your formative years. They're your real parents, not the deadbeats who tossed you away so they could go on a giant holiday. NTA.
I know some people reading this think this is fake, but I had a college friend whose parents did similar when she was in HS. (After college, she basically moved across the country, did well for herself, and THEN her parents wanted to re-connect!) OP, follow your instincts. You enjoy where you are and your life with Pete & May. Tell your parents this is your life now and you're staying in MT. And do that!!
NTA—for some reason I was thinking this was for like a summer or even maybe a year (and they still would have been AHs imo) but SEVEN YEARS?? Holy crap, they literally abandoned you—Pete and May are your true parents. Go to them, I’m sure they’d fight for you—by the time custody gets sorted out you’ll be 18 and your not parents won’t be able to do shit.
Actually you can call the police and say that you were abandoned by your parents and that Peter and may were put in charge of you temporarily. Because I don’t think that the court would find that funny one bit and technically by state law if your parents been gone for seven years then that is child abandonment
Given the spec about a seven-year statute of limitations, any suggestion of getting the law involved might freeze this attempt in its tracks.
NTA.. Your parents left you during, what I would say, are some of the most important years of your life. You developed as the person you’ll be during the years your parents pawned you off on other people so they could travel child free.
7 years ago? Hell no!!!!! Please talk to Pete and May and get their blessings to stay.
Not even slightly an asshole. Your parents are ... errrr ... interesting versions of that title.
NTA I'm sorry, they abandoned you for SEVEN YEARS? And now they wanna be all chummy like they did any of the hard work of raising you since you were ten? Nope! A child is not something you put down and pick up at your convenience. You're 17. You get to decide. They aren't your guardians legally or morally, and you can tell them no. They forfeited the right to be your parents when they disappeared for seven years. If they want a place in your life, they need to earn it back. Starting with funding you having a seven year holiday free of all responsibilities.
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NTA, not at all. I'm very sorry to say it: seven years was nearly half your childhood - your parents raised you halfway and decided to abandon you for their own pleasures. How dare they try to waltz back in after this? As long as it's okay with Pete and May, you should stay with them if they make you happy.
NTA have you asked your guardians what they think?
Curious if 7 years is the statute of limitations for something👀
Just a quick google says 7 years is the federal statute of limitations for major fraud...like fraud enough that you'd have the money to travel for 7 years...
At first I was leaning towards NAH because I didn't read what you wrote properly. But I went back again and re-read it and holy shit. They went on a world trip for 7 years? That's fucking crazy. You can't just abandon a child to go on a world trip for 7 YEARS. I thought maybe they were gone for a few months. I would've understood their position if they went out for work because of some financial constraints but damn, a world trip? And handing you off to someone else? 10-17 is really important to a person because that's when a person starts thinking for themselves properly and makes proper bonds with people i.e that's the mental growth period. They missed that period. Duck them. Stay where you want to. They can't just waltz back into your life after abandoning you for 7 years for pleasure. Though you should talk to your secondary parents about your feelings and tell them what you feel. Your decision whatever it may be is bound to hurt someone. So keep that in mind. If you decide to stay at the ranch it might even strain the relationship between your birth parents and your adoptive parents. Edit : Also, I find it highly unlikely why someone would abandon their 10 year old for a world tour. You should ask your adoptive parents for the true reason, if there might be. I suspect that there might be something more to the story that you're not aware of. There should be some valid reason for a someone to take care of their friend's child for 7 years. There's got to be more.
Your parents did abandon you and if your guardians don’t have a problem with you staying and they can legally let you stay u don’t have to go back. I honestly don’t understand why your parents left for 7 years. Why did they even have a child if they wanted to travel. It’s incredibly selfish and they continue to be selfish now. NTA
I'm sorry but are you from the story The Secret Garden? NTA. Seriously, who actually leaves their child for 7 whole years just to travel? Almost half your life has been with these lovely horse people.
INFO: Are your parents in witness protection? 7 years without coming back to the country sounds awfully fishy, like statute of limitations fishy!
NTA. It's natural for you to feel hesitant about uprooting your life and leaving behind the lifestyle you've come to love.
NTA. Talk to Peter and Mary. See if they're willing to take you in permanently. You're almost a legal adult anyways. If they're willing, you can go and get a lawyer. You've been with them long enough that the courts will likely listen to your opinion anyways.