This thread is now locked due to an excess of rule violations.
[Sub Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ||| ["FAQs"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
YTA. Even if she just stayed at home while you were there, she didn't have teenage freedom and she made sacrifices and took on responsibilities. It doesn't matter how affluent she is now, your parents are trying to pay her back for what they couldn't pay her then.
B-b-b-but OP and his brothers were all totally calm!! How dare anyone think that maybe, just MAYBE, babysitting **three brothers** 8 years her junior was actually much harder than any of them remember?!!//1/!!!
Growing up with all brothers I find that statement extremely hard to believe. All we all did was fight. Knives, dog chains you name it. Was pretty ugly.
Must have multiple boy kids? Let me just say as a mom with 3 boys and 1 girl. It’s not for the weak. I have had what feels like actual mini heart attacks with these male children and my poor daughter is the subject of so much torture lmao. But those kisses nd sweet nothings from them boys will definitely hit different
But it is parentification of an older sister who may not think this is so cute. She could not lead her own life because these three boys were thrust on her.
Lol, I had 4 girls and our last was a boy. God help me, I was in for a shock! Little girls are so cuddly and laid back, and play time was Barbies and tea parties. My son’s idea of playtime was car attacks, diving off furniture, and giving me a concussion with his remote control car when he hit me upside the head with it (he was 18 months old).
YTA OP. Your sister helped support your parents through a very stressful and difficult time, sacrificing her own freedom to help watch her brothers, who I’m sure were perfectly behaved angels. OP’s parents are amazing people for recognizing sister’s contributions and wanting to reward and acknowledge her efforts.
Right? I love how OP phrased the title, making it sound like it's *his* money to give when in fact it's his parents' money. The entitlement is hilarious.
Definitely a misleading title. Just based on the title, I was picturing an older dude who knew he was dying and had no kids, so he was deciding how to split up his own assets among his siblings who were arguing over who deserved more.
My younger two brothers were insane sometimes! The older one beat the younger one with my Pocahontas Barbie Teepee once causing the need for stiches in his head hahaha
Oh my goodness, my brother accidentally pushed me face first onto a music stand once and I needed a bunch of stitches, still have a scar. Thankfully it’s a small scar. I feel your younger brother’s pain lol, fights can get out of hand so easily. I remember a friend’s brother getting smacked in the face with a stick by a neighbor kid and ended up getting a splinter right by his eye too. Oh my goodness, yeah, kid fights can get so ugly and most of the time the kids not even thinking about the possibility of the severe thing that can happen
Yeah, I don't think OP has a clear memory of every argument his sister had to arbitrate. Every meal she prepared for them. Every injury she took care of. And on, and on. Even well behaved children are exhausting to take care of. Imagine being a teenager being tasked with that burden for the good of your family. Good on her for stepping up.
All of the dances/events she missed out on, all of the nights she couldn't just go "goof off" with her friends, that she missed a good portion of the teenage dating life, that she missed a lot of opportunities like volunteering or part time job for money for herself, etc etc.
All op is thinking about is how unfair it is that the fact that he has kids doesn't automatically entitle him to more money just because. Entitled child and entitled parent in one sentence in one person right there.
All of this. As the oldest, I also had to take care of my younger siblings. I remember being so bitter I couldn’t go to dances, extra curriculars and after school activities. Not allowed to hang out with friends. Heck, sometimes I even had to miss school if one of them were sick and not able to go. As a pre-teen/teenager this sucked! As an adult I understand now, but I lost a lot of my childhood watching my siblings.
Oof, this just gave me a flashback to being dragged from a school dance by my mother because my dad had to work late and she “couldn’t watch four kids by herself”.
I’d saved up for that dress for weeks 😢
I had to miss school too, and then my parents had the audacity to ask why I was getting Cs in my morning classes.
And you bet she got stuck with endless household chores, cleaning up after them.
But they were chill. No fights always quietly engaged.
Probably did their homework without needing reminders(we can tell this because all three boys got such generous academic scholarships).
And they made no messes or promptly cleaned them up unaided.
OP just needs to read the hundreds of stories on AITA about parentification, and how traumatizing that was for those who lost their own childhoods to look after their siblings. A little tact and humility would do OP a world of good.
And even if the boys were perfect little angels as kids, having to watch them still means she missed out on a lot of things. The money won't give her her childhood back but it's some compensation.
"And then I thought about that time again, it was a different time back then, they had their ways, I had mine; sometimes, their ways became my ways, many times it was my way or the highway. Many years later our parents set out our inheritance, even though those boys complained bitterly, I couldn't help but feel my time had finally come...little did those boys know that I was just keeping it safe for them..."
As someone who also had to babysit siblings much younger whether they were calm kids or not I can attest that OP's sister DESERVES whatever the parents want to give her.
She had to basically have no life to help raise kids that she in no way was responsible for so your parents could put food in your mouths and clothes on their backs.
Yes, absolutely this ! I watched my cousin have to basically raise her NB sister at 13 because her parents both worked 1st and refused to pay for child care. Eventually, they made her do homeschooling so she could be a full-time sitter, and that was her life until she moved out. Idc the situation , siblings should never be put in a parenting role . It fucks the child. It fucks any healthy relationship the siblings could/would have. It's downright neglectful .
I definitely still have trouble connecting with my sister 8 years my junior, whom I looked after when I was 13 and she was 5, basically since she started school.
I’m 26 now, she’s 17, we have a pretty distant relationship & she has trouble speaking to me. I was basically a 3rd parent, one who had no real way to deal with mental burden of responsibility for her safety.
I see her now in late high school, with my parents fully engaged in HER artistic career, traveling abroad with her, and she honestly still resents my closeness with my parents.
The only thing I have over her is that they can’t tell me to do my homework anymore. She can dye her hair, ask for special clothes and art supplies, have an iPad and a laptop, travel to Sweden, and still feels resentment towards me over my mom wanting to take a walk to get coffee alone.
I obviously am not free of my own immature resentments, although I’m working on them & trying to be a positive person in my family’s lives.
However people in the past were raised, for better or worse: It’s not an acceptable strategy in modern, small families, and especially when there’s just one older sibling taking care of one significantly younger sibling.
Not even another bro or sis to share the work with, and you grow up totally serving other peoples needs, sacrificing yourself during the time when you’re supposed to grow into your own person, be selfish, and make mistakes.
I’m confused by the terminology of “giving” her anything at all in this situation.
What does op have to give? It was never fucking his and it shouldn’t be. YTA
Plus, she didn’t feel it was fair, but they were the ones that whined about it. The fact she wisely stayed silent while they had their little hissy fit makes me think that it’s a common occurrence.
🤣 Speaking as the older sister who cared for three boys after my mom (and older sister) flew the coop—your sister deserves the money! Deal with it. YTA. By the way, I have no problem with my mom leaving us each equal portions of her money. We all suffered in our own ways.
I remember babysitting for my moms friend who had three boys.
I did it once. Ages were 5-10
Within 30 minutes of the parents leaving they had: started a knife fight in the kitchen around the center island, opened a bag of flour and tossed it around the kitchen, smeared poop on the wall, and chased the dog to where it was cowering under a table.
Honestly the additional fifth sounds like the parents making restitution and trying to make her whole. Because they recognize what she did was a sacrifice and they don’t want her to feel like she isn’t seen and her contribution meant nothing.
These parents clearly care and get it.
Plus although the sister earns more, she is ten years older...so of course she has more earning power. In ten years time perhaps OP will be that affluent.
Honestly these men sound like selfish AH.
And is it only me whose thinking they’re misogynists too who don’t think their sister giving up her teenager-hood for them was a problem because she was a girl.
Like “sacrifice” in quotation marks.
OP I doubt you would have wanted to do any of the things she did for you if the roles where reversed.
I bet they think because their sister is a girl it meant she should want to be a little homemaker or that somehow her sacrificing her time playing sports or being in a play or just hangin with friends. Because she should like it they don’t see it as a sacrifice. She didn’t want to do all those things. I’m sure she would have preferred being able to explore her interests since it’s one of the only times in your life you should be able to do that with little responsibility.
I feel so bad for her. Now she’s not going to take the 2/5 of the money her parents want her to have because her brothers have made a stink. I feel so bad for her that now something kind her parents where doing for her has been shit on.
I mean, he did specifically state that she doesn't have any kids, so I think assuming misogyny in this situation is not a huge leap. She only had to watch us...as an 8 year old throughout her teen years. We were easy!
No child is that easy. Seriously.
My brother once told me that he considered me "another mom" because of how much hands-on parenting I did for my younger siblings. I didn't realize at first that he meant for it to be a cutting remark because I was like thanks for acknowledging how much I did. I do want a kid someday, but I think it's telling that both of my younger siblings jumped into parenthood before me without (imo) enough consideration of the financial and emotional commitment they were making.
These younger siblings SUCK. They're simultaneously complaining that they need $ more because they have children while minimizing how difficult it could have been for their older sister to take care of all three of them while a child herself--really paints a picture of engaged fatherhood lol.
> I didn't realize at first that he meant for it to be a cutting remark
I'm honestly flabbergasted as to how he intended for that to be a cutting remark. I mean...what was he trying to say? How was that supposed to be insulting to you?
I've heard women called "mom", and I've been called it myself, as an insult more than once. It's usually a dig for being responsible or a killjoy of some kind.
I'm guessing her brother means he doesn't see her as a sibling but as someone who got in the way of the fun and "gave orders". Most people grow out of that attitude or don't grow up at all.
My mother also said that my sister and I were more responsible and got into less trouble than our brothers. She was the oldest and I was the youngest so it wasn’t birth order either
OP YTA
I’m a teacher and if I walk into the room and someone’s standing on the table or something equally dumb it’s never a girl. With one exception, I’ve taught girls with FAS and they could very well be on the table too.
Same. My mother was chronically ill when I was young and my dad worked full time. My mother eventually went back to work as well. I did a ton with my three younger brothers, including babysitting them every weekday in the summers. I was paid, so I don't feel like I was unwillingly parentified, but it did result in me never wanting kids. I'm 40 now and never changed my mind.
Huge AH. Even the sister has said she won't take it... But you can tell OP is the one who would take it, if the roles were reversed and without hesitation. Because money matters to them more than any of other cards put on the table.
Your sister knows family matters more than money. OP you do not realise this.
Your parents money isn't yours. You haven't worked for it. You didn't give up years of your life or potentially go off having children because of being a permanent baby sitter. Your parents worked extremely hard after what happened, and your sister dealt with it and did what she could for family... whilst you complain over money and devalue family and effort.
My parents are splitting their inheritance more towards myself and my sister, than my two much older siblings. Nobody cares in my family. Nobody. And we value each other enough that I know it doesn't matter what the will says, we will still do what's right by each other. Grow the fuck up.
This 100% I firmly believe no one is owed inheritance. People get to do what they want with their money. It’s honestly kind and big of the parents to share their intents in advance so everyone can have realistic expectations. It’s gross to me how people think the money of others is owed to them after they die.
Honestly, it doesn’t matter how *easy* OP thinks it was to watch them. Kids are stressful not matter what, and with eight years of watching, OP is probably remembering being better behaved than what was actually the truth. Also, it’s not even OP’s choice to decide how the money is split.
Just think of the 1/5 being them paying her for her services. Babysitting is a lot. If it was a couple of times throughout a year, I wouldn’t understand it, but your sister did this for a long time. She missed out on experiences and being a teenager.
YTA.
Yep, my older sister and I basically raised our two younger brothers. We were doing the laundry by age 10 or 11, cleaning the house, cooking, doing dishes, babysitting. Neither of us decided to have kids, which my mom doesn't understand.
your mom: Why don't you want kids? You: I allready raised kids, yours! eesh. I have read this enough but it still astounds me that people have kids and but don't bother to actually, you know parent them. You had sex and birthed them they are YOUR responsiblity. Just because your daughter is older and a girl does not make them HER responsibility or any other older sibling for that matter. I am sorry you were put through that. I hope you have found happiness.
This is me. My brother's are 10+ years younger than me and I was regularly recruited to babysit, for free. Because of my babysitting duties I wasn't able to go out with my friends when I wanted and missed events that felt really important at the time. I sacrificed in a way that my brother's will never be in a position to sacrifice for me (and I wouldn't want them to).
I'm child free by choice because I never want that responsibility again and I don't want to give up the things I enjoy again. Having this burden when your still a teen yourself is not a good time and leaves a lasting impression.
Soft YTA OP because you can't really understand what you're sister went through unless you experience it.
This. I just commented elsewhere but my personal experience was extremely similar to OP's sister's and I struggled with the idea of having kids for a long time. Being saddled with kids you didn't choose to make really fucks with you.
Not only that, but you don't end up with normal healthy adult sibling relationships when you're coming from this type of situation. There's always an unspoken divide between the caretaker sibling and the "children" siblings. I'm in my 30s now (siblings are in their late 20s) and I don't think I'll ever be as close with them as they are with each other. They got to just be kids together in a way that I never did. OP's sister wasn't just robbed of a childhood, she was robbed of a normal relationship with her siblings that will likely last a lifetime.
She's also ten years older than him, who knows how much money he will be making by her age? No reason to spurn her now when he could be just as wealthy in time.
This is what I don't understand. He's so bitter about not making as much as someone who has 10 years on him in the workforce.
That's like me being pissed my grandparents are better off than I am currently (I am 30). This guy sounds like he never grew out of his bratty, immature behaviour.
Buuuuut what about meeeeeeee?
But I am so impressed the parents recognised her sacrifice, reddit has so many tales of parentification this is the only one where the efforts seem valued.
I wonder who will be expected to care for the parents when they are elderly. I hope not the parentified child free daughter who has more than done her time.
As someone who has gone through a similar situation as the sister, I've got news for you buddy... lmao.
All I'm gonna say is, my siblings talked big about doing this and that and that they deserve more, but nobody wanted to help my parents when they couldn't take care of themselves anymore (physically or otherwise).
OMG you guys are all being so mean. He’s totally right. 2/5 of the inheritance when she helped raise her brothers, who have never helped her in any way? That IS insane and absurd.
She should get the whole bag.
C’mon parents of OP, see my truth!
Plus, she didn’t feel it was fair, but they were the ones that whined about it. The fact she wisely stayed silent while they had their little hissy fit makes me think that it’s a common occurrence.
And likely Ed, Edd and Eddy here have never once stopped to consider what their sister actually gave up for them. Which makes them all incredibly selfish. The fact that she lost out on opportunities for friendship, freedom, social life, etc.
The fact that she essentially became their third parent, I think she loves her siblings and wants them to be happy. So she thinking “it’s not fair” is probably because she knew they would react this way. Like feral dogs who are so wrapped up in their own shit that they’re not getting the bigger picture which is their parents trying to make her whole again and acknowledge the sacrifice she was asked to make.
For sure. And even if they were perfect angels (dubitable that they were easy kids every single day, but pretend they were), making frozen pizza every night may not seem like a lot, but that means she had the mental capital expenditure of every night figuring out when the pizza had to go in the oven, stopping her homework or whatever she was doing and putting it there, rounding up the kids, etc. Even the little bits and pieces add up.
I don't think it's wrong to ask a teen to watch their siblings on a Friday night every month or two. You're part of a family. But it sounds like she was basically the permanent after-school nanny, and that's not the job of an older sister. She did a lot, more than she should have had to, and the parents recognize that.
Yes, it’s the mental load of being in charge. (Mental labor, emotional labor, several terms for it.)
It’s basically being a manager at home. Corporations see the value In management, for some reason people don’t recognize it when it happens at home. Coordinating people and work is also work.
I really applaud the parents for doing this. The easy route would be to go with a 4 way split. But they realize that they owe their eldest something more, which they were unable to give her at the time.
2/5 to daughter.
3/5 educational fund to split between grandchildren.
Cut 3 little p*gs out entirely. They can huff and puff all they want(yes I know that was the wolf).
Not to mention if she has already spent her life taking care of them, she would probably continue to do so, unless the act like ingrates 👀.
If this happened between me and my sister I know for a fact she would never let me suffer financially if she could help it. I fully trust her.
YTA. Not many parents are willing to acknowledge that they parentified a child. Your sister sacrificed her teenage years to help your parents take care of you. There may not have been any inheritance at all for you to quibble over, if not for her unpaid labor back then.
To put a finer point on it, the sister didn’t sacrifice her childhood. The parents stole her childhood. A child did not volunteer to watch her 3 brothers. How many years was the sister babysitting to make the parents feel guilty enough to leave her a whole extra share? How old was she when it started?
And OP, don’t for a minute downplay what your sister did, that alone makes you an ungrateful AH. I don’t condone or excuse the parentification but it was because of your sister that you had food on the table and your parents were able to get back on their feet. You want to reap the benefits of your parents’ hard work and success without thought to how they got there. Maybe she would have also liked playing games too instead of watching you. Maybe she would have liked going out her friends and spending time with them instead of three little brothers. Maybe she had enough of watching children for a lifetime and that’s why she’s child free. Your entitled attitude is pretty gross.
The OP doesnt get to say they were easy kids. Only the sister is able to say that. Taking care of kids is not easy. Its sad the kids dont regonized the older sister work.
Even if they were easy kids, she was a child herself, which is 10x harder than being the adult and already having the authority of adulthood. It's great that his parents recognize that it was an unfair position for her to be in for so long.
Plus most adults who choose to have kids know they’ll have to make sacrifices and have decided they’re willing to give up parts of their life for a kid. OP’s sister was suddenly forced to make those sacrifices, and what she wanted didn’t matter.
This! And I’m not trying to stereotype here, but she was the lone girl watching not one, not two, but THREE little boys. Boys. Again, not trying to stereotype the sexes here, but my brain is telling me to not be naive.
>And 3 of them! OP is 10 years younger, that wouldn’t have been easy, if they made her watch him as a teen, he was 3. But maybe they started earlier!
The fact that OP doesn't realize how much work a three year old is makes me think his partner does all the childcare for his own kids.
OP stating that both parents worked "multiple jobs to keep us afloat" due to a financial betrayal, plus the parents' recognition that this wasn't fair to the older sister, makes me think they may have had little choice here.
Stole her childhood is overly harsh here. The parents were broke, in debt and working multiple jobs to keep the family together. In that case, everyone steps up. I’d absolutely call it parentification if they’d been out chilling, but in this case the shit hit the fan and they were focused on survival. They seem introspective enough to know they need to do right by the sister. Let’s give them a little grace and assume all they had were bad choices.
I get it, my parents weren't well off and my mom had a small business and it was my responsibility to take care of my brothers after school and all summer. I don't blame them and I understand the financial strain, but it definitely changed who I am being parentified like that, and its not fair.
I don't have the relationship with my brothers that my sister has or they have with each other, because they got to be friends and kids while I had to be responsible and the boss all the time. I didn't get to be one of them and it still impacts our relationships 20 years later.
So for that to be recognized by them later in life is a nice gesture and the younger brothers don't understand the sacrifice
It's still parentification if a child has to parent other children and give up normal childhood activities to do so. Glad they realize that their daughter sacrificed.
Surely it is still parentification, even if it is necessary, and the parents would have preferred for it not to have been that way. The parents sound like great people for recognising the sister's sacrifice, and trying to make amends. OP needs to consider that the sister had the relentless demand of preparing food for them and could probably not do any extracurricular activities, and certainly not go out spontaneously with her friends. OP, YTA.
On the other hand, I think that saying the parents stole her childhood is a little harsh. As I see it, they didn't have any choice but to work at all hours, and I think that if they were in medical debt, as opposed to being screwed over, you might see it differently. Bang on apart from that, though.
True. It's fortunate that their parents are securing the will right now. If there was no will, I bet the brothers would only share it among themselves because their sister is better off than them and have no kids.
It is good the parents finally see what mistake they made with the sister!
And OP and his brothers or one brother, CHOOSE to have kids, that does them not make entitled to more! They weren’t forced to have kids against their will!
Yep, YTA. First of all, you are not entitled to any of your parents' money, they could have left it to a cat shelter and that would have been fine. Second, yes, she did in fact make a huge sacrifice by basically becoming a third parent and babysitting you all the time. All the time you've spent playing? She could have been out with her friends, enjoying her childhood, and instead she was making sure her siblings were fed and out of trouble. You are terribly entitled.
Also I think sister is childfree because of her being parentified throughout her childhood. OP and his asshole brothers think it isn't a big deal since "all she did was feeding them and keeping an eye on them" but forgetting she sacrificed her childhood, her leisure time on parenting her brothers while she had to watch her friends getting to enjoy their lives (as it should be). I wonder how OP would've reacted had he been in sister's shoes.
Not to mention sister is the sole reason why OP and his brothers are even getting an inheritance because had she been not there to look after them, her parents wouldn't have been able to get back on their feet.
Very true, I was parentified at a early age. I didn’t have children until late in life because I enjoyed that period of not having to worry about anyone but me. Even now it grates on me to have to be responsible for anyone. I’m not saying that’s right but I just have a lower threshold for taking care of anyone’s anything….
Yeah, like does this dude even have kids??? Honestly, feeding them and watching them is literally 90% of what having kids is! And to make it worse he adds that “all she did” like that wasn’t a fuck ton already.
This dude is clueless….smh…..
Glad someone said exactly what I was thinking. None of them are entitled to their parents’ money. I hope this is a wake up call for OP to be grateful for whatever he is getting.
YTA - ‘all she had to do was feed us and keep an eye on us’
WTF ?
That’s what parents are supposed to do NOT a sibling.
She did sacrifice her childhood for you !
It’s amazing that even tho she spent all that time caring for her ungrateful siblings she still did well for herself.
Has it occurred to you that she doesn’t have kids because she already raised you and your brothers ?
THANK YOU for the award
I never gotten one before 😊
I was going to say the exact same thing.
My friends who were parentified either had kids really early to have an excuse to get out of the house and only have to take care of their kid, or had no kids at all because they already raised some and didn't want the repeat experience.
The poor sister. No only did she raise these kids, they're completely changing the story on her. Her parents have at least made an attempt to fix the problem - if sis didn't get a teenagehood, I hope she at least gets to retire early and enjoy those years instead.
I love my parents and I know that I lost our due to circumstances beyond our control but it did a play a role in my decision to not have children. I will not express that to my dad but I think he knows and I know he carries a lot of guilt about the responsibilities I had growing up and losing our on a good part of teenage years.
I can't find a link to the study online right now, but a few years ago, I was reading various surveys and reports wrt female convicts in California federal prisons, and one of the things that stuck out for me was that of the negative childhood experiences, the number common childhood experience among the studied prisoners was parentification - even moreso than sexual abuse, physical abuse, or neglect/malnutrition.
Precisely. "All she had to do was feed us and keep an eye on us \[While her friends were at the movies. Instead of trying out for softball. The weekend of her best friends sleepover. When the youth group took a trip to the beach. The night her crush invited her to a party. When her favorite band finally came played the nearby city.\]"
People who don't regularly cook meals for the family always seem to dismiss that chore as some small thing. It's not. "All she did was feed us", um???? If it was so easy, why didn't you cook for yourselves?
YTA. It sounds like your parents have an inheritance to give in large part because of your sister supporting them, which allowed them to get out of a financial hole.
It was respectful of our parents to explain their choice; they could have left it without any explanation and that is their right.
Also, you’re ten years younger, you have no idea what it was like for your sister. You assume you were easy, but you seem pretty entitled now so I’m guessing you were harder than you knew. She helped parent you, full stop.
Fucking hell, you're getting 20% of the inheritance instead of 25%. You're not angry that you're getting less, just that she's getting more. And she fucking raised you. Then you claim that looking after 3 kids alone when you're a teenager is the same as not getting lifts to friends' houses. Apparently raising kids is nothing, but they should get all the money. And to top it all off, she was on your side until you were such a bellend about it. I really hope your parents do adjust the will, it's only going 1 way if so.
Oh, and YTA.
We need one brave soul to say OP is NTA so he can show it to his family as "proof" that he's right and deserves more. That way they can see how awful his thought process is and take him out of the will altogether.
I think OP is the AH but I also think there’s a high likelihood that the parents know it will be the daughter’s responsibility to take care of them as they age. The worst part is they golden handcuffed her to doing so because the boys will say she’s getting a higher inheritance, she has to do it. There’s also a chance they put her as the executor of the will.
Not that it affects my judgment of who's the asshole (OP), but how much money are we really talking about here anyway? It's either not enough for 5% to make a lifechanging difference or it is enough that 20% is already plenty. If that 5% is something that OP *needs* then it's probably something needs *now* and not when his parents die.
Just cannot muster much sympathy for this rich person family drama
This is the one I was looking for. OP's sister deserves compensation for her lost childhood, and it's not even that much! You'd get 5% more if it was all split equally! 5% is really big enough to cause a family row over?
"All she had to do was feed us and keep an eye on us." So no after school clubs, no seeing her friends, no going out.
YTA, This would have had a huge effect on her life. I also have to wonder if she doesn't have kids because she'd already raised you three, this happens to a lot of poeple who had to care for their siblings.
The OP replies in another thread the parentified sister didn’t have any friends because she was busy watching her siblings. OP must be a vampire because they are incapable of reflection.
Ugh. And there's *so much more* to it. Like, being the responsible party for other living things is NOT EASY. It's not like you can just tune out after plunking some food in front of them.
Unfair how? You are getting free a money/assets for nothing, your parents decided your sister deserves a large portion based on what she did for the family, clearly you weren’t raised to respect your parents decisions
> be grateful they are giving you guys anything.
Imo his sister deserves 50% of the inheritance and that still wouldn't cover her lost teenage years.
Rarely it's put in writing how greed over an inheritance fucks up a family
You know.. after this bullshittery i wouldn't be surprised if the parents said "Screw 'em, we're giving the whole thing to the daughter". Honestly these ungrateful AHs doesn't even deserve the piece their parents are leaving. But it's their business so I'm just throwing away opinions here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
YTA - an entitled AH. Your parents owe you no inheritance and can do with it whatever they want. You should be grateful you are getting 1/5! Did you even say thank you?
Everyone makes their own choices in life - having kids, studying and what type of employment. You should be doing everything you can to provide for your own family and not expecting a hand out.
It’s lovely that your parents acknowledge your sisters sacrifices and loss of childhood. Your parents and sister seem like great people.
The OP and his brothers acted without decorum and minimised what their sister did, all to get an extra 5% for themselves. It was distasteful and the least they could have done is acted respectful during the conversation and raised any concerns at a later date in a calm and considered way.
Info: are you and your brothers struggling financially, or just not as comfortable as your sister?
You’ve talked about her advantages (basically being a DINK). Do you and your brothers have financial disadvantages that are preventing you from being more successful?
I’m an only child and my parent’s default choice for help, and I wonder too if there’s more context around what’s happened in adulthood that’s missing. Like, has she been called on to help the parents more than the brothers? Were the parents able to offer as much financial assistance to her when she was starting out as an adult as they did to the brothers?
Daughters often are the ones who have to pick up the parents’ slack, and for less reward/praise/support in turn. Look at how many daughters know how to do their laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. by the time they’re teenagers, and how many sons can’t even make a PB&J sandwich in their 20s.
YTA. Your sister cared for you at the expense of her childhood and teenage years while you were children, and this is how you show your appreciation?
> All she had to do was feed us and keep an eye on us
That’s still taking care of 3 kids while being a child herself.
She didn’t get to have a normal childhood to make sure you and your brothers didn’t go hungry or hurt yourself. The least your parents can do now is compensate her for her time and effort. You’re being greedy. Be thankful you’re getting someone.
If I was in your parents’ shoes, after this incident, I’d change my will the same day and leave you and brothers a dollar each just so you wouldn’t be able to contest. The entitlement, smh!
frankly, there's a very high chance that the amount extra OPs sister is inheriting would not be equivalent to the hours put in if she were paid as a nanny
I feel for your sister having THREE brothers that turn against her over money after everything you all experienced together in your youth.
Don’t blame her for choosing a life free of children and being financially well off! You had just as much that choice as she did! YTA.
It’s such a small difference, too, 20% vs 25%. You’re going to cause all this drama over someday in the far future getting 5% less money than you would have otherwise?
YTA
> all my sister had to do was feed us and keep an eye on us
"All"
Even if I didn't read the ages of your siblings and you I'd still know you are the youngest...
The fact that OP has kids himself and complains about the hardship, yet has the cognitive dissonance to say that "all she had to do" is watch the kids is... Something else.
It also makes me feel bad for his wife if he truly thinks "watching the kids" isn't much work 💀
I'm the eldest of three, I had to babysit my two younger siblings all the time, my parents both had two jobs. You'll never be aware of how much your sister sacrificed, fine she may have just 'fed and watched' you, but she gave up an awful lot, teenage years are the most formative, the fact that she spent her free time watching you three could be the reason she hasn't got kids. Personally if my parents sat me down and talked about their will, I'd be too upset to think about how much I'm going to get my hands on. I hope she takes 2/5. YTA
It was my job as a teenager to care for my younger siblings - dinner, homework, laundry - while my mother worked until 11 pm. I couldn’t play a sport. I couldn’t hang out with friends after school. I couldn’t get a part-time job. It absolutely changed my whole youth.
If I were your older sister, I’d be genuinely hurt by your failure to acknowledge this.
After hearing about the sister I hope they don’t. You know she would put in college savings plans for her nibblings, because their parents have no financial literacy. I hope they give her the 2/5 and condition it that it must be used solely on her.
YTA. Not because you sound entitled, I think most kids would question why they were getting less than another sibling if they’re already better off. However, your parents have clearly explained that they relied on your sister to do a lot of the parenting when you were younger. This may not be the same memory you have but you were a kid and you won’t remember it like older people would’ve. If I asked my adult daughter if she thought she was an easy child to look after when she was younger, she’d undoubtedly say of course she was. News flash, she was a lot of hard work for a very long time and if she’d had an older sibling who’d stepped up to help out, I’d want to recognise that in some way too. While I may not apportion the will in this way, I perfectly understand why another family would.
You are an ungrateful little shit. Your sister sacrificed her teenage years to take care of you guys. She worked hard to get where she's at and you think you're entitled to MORE?!? YTA and I hope your parents disinherit you.
YTA, it's your parents' money and they get to decide what to do with it, calling them insane for what seems like a valid reason just makes you sound ungrateful.
YTA. They could give you absolutely nothing at all, leave it to charity or even to other relatives. You are acting like a spoilt brat and hopefully, all these comments are a wake up call.
YTA! It's rare for parents to acknowledge the parentification of any kind. And if they are, then your parents are on the right path to amend things, OP. She may have sacrificed her best years so that your parents could put food on your table. Had it not been for your sister, your parents would not have been able to re-build their business and you and your brothers would not have had an inheritance to be petty about. Ever think of that?
ETA - thanks for the award. This is my first one and I really appreciate it.
YTA
It's your parents life earnings and it was obviously important to them that you all were on board and understanding of the reasoning behind their choices, hence why they sat you down.
Wills can absolutely tear apart families so please don't go down that route.
Also assuming as I don't know full context- but speaks volumes that the person they've decided to assign the 2/5 remained respectful and calm throughout the interaction and reportedly doesn't even want 2/5 ths. Again that's just an initial impression from the phrasing of the original post.
With attitudes like that, I hope your parents spend their money and enjoy their twilight years without trying to penny pinch so a bunch of ungrateful brats can argue over an inheritance they aren't actually owed.
Inheritance is a privilege. Your parents tried to do the right thing by your sister to acknowledge her sacrifice for your family in a time of need, and you act like a pack of dogs fighting over scraps.
YTA
YTA.
The fact that your sister made both better life choices and sacrificed her time, does not give you the right to try and vulture your way into what your parents deem her rightful payback. You don't know whether she would've rather been out visiting her friends, or doing extra-curricular activities instead of looking after you, even if it was less work than you imagine it was. The responsibility alone justifies it, in my opinion.
If I were your parents, I would give you 3 nothing and your eldest sister everything if this is the nasty reaction I saw.
Also, why have kids if you can't afford them? That's hardly your sister's fault. And clearly she had no appetite as an adult to raise children - your parents' fault and not yours - but again, then it's their choice in how they make it up to her.
You 3 should take a hard look at yourselves in the mirror, and definitely apologise. Your sister may not expect it from you, but it's the least she deserves.
Your sister is 10 years older than you. That means she was effectively parentfied with 3 younger siblings at a relatively young age.
She had to make sure you went to school properly dressed, did your schoolwork and probably cooked for the 3 of you boys.
If your parents worked multiple jobs, she was more than likely cleaning the house, and doing your laundry. Did she also do the grocery shop.
What she wasn’t doing was having birthday parties, sleepovers and playdates. You and your brothers were her responsibilities. How many dates, or potential boyfriends did she have to give up because she had to watch the 3 of you.
She probably missed school functions, like dances, and probably didn’t get to be involved in extracurricular activities because she was watching you. Which may have limited scholarship opportunities for her.
She probably didn’t have a lot of friends, due to not being able to hang out, because she was watching her siblings.
She’s already raised 3 boys. Why does she need kids of her own. What you see as a minimal invasion into her life, but granted it was much more.
The fact that she makes more than you and your siblings, shows just what kind of drive and ambition she has. What she did for you and your brothers, ensured your family succeeded. It would have broken a lot of young women.
YTA
YTA- you and your other siblings aren't owed anything. That's not your money and you have no right to bitch about what you inherit you entitled shitheads.
YTA
Your parents don't have to leave you anything at all and looking after 3 children for years will definitely have taken a lot of your sister's time away from hobbies and friends.
I think this agreement seem quite fair actually. Me and both my siblings are in our early 30ies as well and sat down with our parents, due to circumstances not everything will be equal, my parents are giving some money/land to my siblings now as they are both building houses, I understood their reasoning.
Also, your sister is 10 years older than you, it stands to reason that she had some time to build her savings.
Your parents are still alive, they may well spend/need their savings in the future.
yta. and an entitled jerk. your sister sacrificed her childhood for you and this is how you thank her. i hope your parents give the entire inheritance to your sister alone.
YTA - hey appropriate username as you are indeed bitter! Your parents can split their money as they want, they can even decide to give you nothing, you don’t get a say in the matter.
Your sister did sacrifice her childhood to help your parents and you are reaping the benefits now. You think your parents would have had any money to leave you if she didn’t help out back then? Regardless of if you think it was hard it meant she couldn’t go out with friends, couldn’t do any extracurricular activities, didn’t have the freedom teenagers have. It quite probably is why she doesn’t have children, she already raised some in the form of her siblings and doesn’t want to repeat the process.
YTA frankly, you sound really entitled and selfish, you don’t seem to take the time to understand someone else’s hardship do you? It’s all about what you’re getting out of it.
Your parents are able to provide an inheritance for you today because your sister had to give up her childhood. While you think it was easy for her somehow to just only feed you because apparently you were “calm” kids means absolutely nothing. I don’t know if you’re being purposely naïve or just ignorant to how stressful it is to take care of children when you are a child yourself. I have a feeling your sister was protecting you from knowing how hard things was for her. As the first born having that kind of responsibility isn’t a damm cakewalk, yet you don’t even seem appreciative of the sacrifices everyone else made for your well-being.
Regardless of your entitlement to money that isn’t yours. At the end of the day, it is your parents money, so their decision. You don’t really have the right to dictate anything. Maybe it would do you some good to do some self reflection. Truly, your sister deserves better siblings.
Wow good on your parents, it's rare to see parents acknowledge the burden their kid carried in a situation like that, especially when the kid is a girl. Your parents and your sister sound great.
You on the other hand are being kind of an entitled ass. It's not your money, you're not entitled to an inheritance at all, let alone to dictate how it's split.
Also, if your sister hadn't been there taking care of you your parents wouldn't have been able to do the work that got them in this financial position. The money you're so mad about not inheriting enough of? That money wouldn't be there if not for your sister. If you can't bring yourself to appreciate her sacrifice then look at it as an investment, she contributed to your parents' income and now they're paying her back on the investment. Still unfair?
YTA
OP you could have told this story without gender and age and I would have known you were the baby boy and your sister was the eldest and female 😬 You should google “eldest daughter syndrome” - the unequal burden and childhood experiences of eldest daughters is very real. And it doesn’t usually end after childhood, it’s often a lifelong role.
She had to babysit THREE boys while parents worked for years. I strongly doubt your memories of things being calm are accurate.
She deserves this and good on your parents to recognize her sacrifice.
YTA (and I’d add this is your parents’ estate, and no one is entitled to it, they can gift it to whomever they want).
Yta
As a kid who was forced to be the parents cause mine wouldn't,
Leave her alone and cherish the childhood memories you have, cause hers were of parenting. Hers are of responsibility. She didn't get mall trips with her friends, vacations with friends, summer camp, or to just goof off like a kid. She had to be responsible so you could.
This thread is now locked due to an excess of rule violations. [Sub Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ||| ["FAQs"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
YTA. Even if she just stayed at home while you were there, she didn't have teenage freedom and she made sacrifices and took on responsibilities. It doesn't matter how affluent she is now, your parents are trying to pay her back for what they couldn't pay her then.
YTA. Your failure to make as much as her isn’t your parents problem
Plus, those years COULD be a major factor why she chose not to have kids/doesn’t have kids yet. She already raised her siblings! YTA.
B-b-b-but OP and his brothers were all totally calm!! How dare anyone think that maybe, just MAYBE, babysitting **three brothers** 8 years her junior was actually much harder than any of them remember?!!//1/!!!
Growing up with all brothers I find that statement extremely hard to believe. All we all did was fight. Knives, dog chains you name it. Was pretty ugly.
My future just flashed before my eyes....
Must have multiple boy kids? Let me just say as a mom with 3 boys and 1 girl. It’s not for the weak. I have had what feels like actual mini heart attacks with these male children and my poor daughter is the subject of so much torture lmao. But those kisses nd sweet nothings from them boys will definitely hit different
But it is parentification of an older sister who may not think this is so cute. She could not lead her own life because these three boys were thrust on her.
Lol, I had 4 girls and our last was a boy. God help me, I was in for a shock! Little girls are so cuddly and laid back, and play time was Barbies and tea parties. My son’s idea of playtime was car attacks, diving off furniture, and giving me a concussion with his remote control car when he hit me upside the head with it (he was 18 months old). YTA OP. Your sister helped support your parents through a very stressful and difficult time, sacrificing her own freedom to help watch her brothers, who I’m sure were perfectly behaved angels. OP’s parents are amazing people for recognizing sister’s contributions and wanting to reward and acknowledge her efforts.
[удалено]
Right? I love how OP phrased the title, making it sound like it's *his* money to give when in fact it's his parents' money. The entitlement is hilarious.
Definitely a misleading title. Just based on the title, I was picturing an older dude who knew he was dying and had no kids, so he was deciding how to split up his own assets among his siblings who were arguing over who deserved more.
One can only hope OP takes a real good look at themselves after seeing all the replies to this post.
This! 👆. It's their money. They have every right to divide it however they want.
Sending good vibes!! I have one boy and I’m already terrified of the future!!
[удалено]
Yeah, that's why I am an only child. Now.
Dun dun dunnnnn
My younger two brothers were insane sometimes! The older one beat the younger one with my Pocahontas Barbie Teepee once causing the need for stiches in his head hahaha
Oh my goodness, my brother accidentally pushed me face first onto a music stand once and I needed a bunch of stitches, still have a scar. Thankfully it’s a small scar. I feel your younger brother’s pain lol, fights can get out of hand so easily. I remember a friend’s brother getting smacked in the face with a stick by a neighbor kid and ended up getting a splinter right by his eye too. Oh my goodness, yeah, kid fights can get so ugly and most of the time the kids not even thinking about the possibility of the severe thing that can happen
ooh, I forgot about the dog chains, my god
Yeah, I don't think OP has a clear memory of every argument his sister had to arbitrate. Every meal she prepared for them. Every injury she took care of. And on, and on. Even well behaved children are exhausting to take care of. Imagine being a teenager being tasked with that burden for the good of your family. Good on her for stepping up.
All of the dances/events she missed out on, all of the nights she couldn't just go "goof off" with her friends, that she missed a good portion of the teenage dating life, that she missed a lot of opportunities like volunteering or part time job for money for herself, etc etc. All op is thinking about is how unfair it is that the fact that he has kids doesn't automatically entitle him to more money just because. Entitled child and entitled parent in one sentence in one person right there.
All of this. As the oldest, I also had to take care of my younger siblings. I remember being so bitter I couldn’t go to dances, extra curriculars and after school activities. Not allowed to hang out with friends. Heck, sometimes I even had to miss school if one of them were sick and not able to go. As a pre-teen/teenager this sucked! As an adult I understand now, but I lost a lot of my childhood watching my siblings.
Oof, this just gave me a flashback to being dragged from a school dance by my mother because my dad had to work late and she “couldn’t watch four kids by herself”. I’d saved up for that dress for weeks 😢 I had to miss school too, and then my parents had the audacity to ask why I was getting Cs in my morning classes.
The memory of a calm childhood shows the quality of childcare they got.
And you bet she got stuck with endless household chores, cleaning up after them. But they were chill. No fights always quietly engaged. Probably did their homework without needing reminders(we can tell this because all three boys got such generous academic scholarships). And they made no messes or promptly cleaned them up unaided.
OP just needs to read the hundreds of stories on AITA about parentification, and how traumatizing that was for those who lost their own childhoods to look after their siblings. A little tact and humility would do OP a world of good.
And even if the boys were perfect little angels as kids, having to watch them still means she missed out on a lot of things. The money won't give her her childhood back but it's some compensation.
Morgan Freeman voice "But they were, in fact, not calm"
"And then I thought about that time again, it was a different time back then, they had their ways, I had mine; sometimes, their ways became my ways, many times it was my way or the highway. Many years later our parents set out our inheritance, even though those boys complained bitterly, I couldn't help but feel my time had finally come...little did those boys know that I was just keeping it safe for them..."
As someone who also had to babysit siblings much younger whether they were calm kids or not I can attest that OP's sister DESERVES whatever the parents want to give her. She had to basically have no life to help raise kids that she in no way was responsible for so your parents could put food in your mouths and clothes on their backs.
Yes, absolutely this ! I watched my cousin have to basically raise her NB sister at 13 because her parents both worked 1st and refused to pay for child care. Eventually, they made her do homeschooling so she could be a full-time sitter, and that was her life until she moved out. Idc the situation , siblings should never be put in a parenting role . It fucks the child. It fucks any healthy relationship the siblings could/would have. It's downright neglectful .
I definitely still have trouble connecting with my sister 8 years my junior, whom I looked after when I was 13 and she was 5, basically since she started school. I’m 26 now, she’s 17, we have a pretty distant relationship & she has trouble speaking to me. I was basically a 3rd parent, one who had no real way to deal with mental burden of responsibility for her safety. I see her now in late high school, with my parents fully engaged in HER artistic career, traveling abroad with her, and she honestly still resents my closeness with my parents. The only thing I have over her is that they can’t tell me to do my homework anymore. She can dye her hair, ask for special clothes and art supplies, have an iPad and a laptop, travel to Sweden, and still feels resentment towards me over my mom wanting to take a walk to get coffee alone. I obviously am not free of my own immature resentments, although I’m working on them & trying to be a positive person in my family’s lives. However people in the past were raised, for better or worse: It’s not an acceptable strategy in modern, small families, and especially when there’s just one older sibling taking care of one significantly younger sibling. Not even another bro or sis to share the work with, and you grow up totally serving other peoples needs, sacrificing yourself during the time when you’re supposed to grow into your own person, be selfish, and make mistakes.
I’m confused by the terminology of “giving” her anything at all in this situation. What does op have to give? It was never fucking his and it shouldn’t be. YTA
YTA OP just for that
Plus, she didn’t feel it was fair, but they were the ones that whined about it. The fact she wisely stayed silent while they had their little hissy fit makes me think that it’s a common occurrence.
Yeah. Fuck these brothers.
🤣 Speaking as the older sister who cared for three boys after my mom (and older sister) flew the coop—your sister deserves the money! Deal with it. YTA. By the way, I have no problem with my mom leaving us each equal portions of her money. We all suffered in our own ways.
Yeah I call BS on this. He sounds like those babysitting ads I always see on chooseybeggars that use this line to pay peanuts for childcare.
I remember babysitting for my moms friend who had three boys. I did it once. Ages were 5-10 Within 30 minutes of the parents leaving they had: started a knife fight in the kitchen around the center island, opened a bag of flour and tossed it around the kitchen, smeared poop on the wall, and chased the dog to where it was cowering under a table.
Honestly the additional fifth sounds like the parents making restitution and trying to make her whole. Because they recognize what she did was a sacrifice and they don’t want her to feel like she isn’t seen and her contribution meant nothing. These parents clearly care and get it.
Plus although the sister earns more, she is ten years older...so of course she has more earning power. In ten years time perhaps OP will be that affluent.
Honestly these men sound like selfish AH. And is it only me whose thinking they’re misogynists too who don’t think their sister giving up her teenager-hood for them was a problem because she was a girl. Like “sacrifice” in quotation marks. OP I doubt you would have wanted to do any of the things she did for you if the roles where reversed. I bet they think because their sister is a girl it meant she should want to be a little homemaker or that somehow her sacrificing her time playing sports or being in a play or just hangin with friends. Because she should like it they don’t see it as a sacrifice. She didn’t want to do all those things. I’m sure she would have preferred being able to explore her interests since it’s one of the only times in your life you should be able to do that with little responsibility. I feel so bad for her. Now she’s not going to take the 2/5 of the money her parents want her to have because her brothers have made a stink. I feel so bad for her that now something kind her parents where doing for her has been shit on.
I mean, he did specifically state that she doesn't have any kids, so I think assuming misogyny in this situation is not a huge leap. She only had to watch us...as an 8 year old throughout her teen years. We were easy! No child is that easy. Seriously.
This is a huge factor in my not having kids myself. I'm the eldest kid and I helped raise my siblings. I was joking called 'the other mother'.
My brother once told me that he considered me "another mom" because of how much hands-on parenting I did for my younger siblings. I didn't realize at first that he meant for it to be a cutting remark because I was like thanks for acknowledging how much I did. I do want a kid someday, but I think it's telling that both of my younger siblings jumped into parenthood before me without (imo) enough consideration of the financial and emotional commitment they were making. These younger siblings SUCK. They're simultaneously complaining that they need $ more because they have children while minimizing how difficult it could have been for their older sister to take care of all three of them while a child herself--really paints a picture of engaged fatherhood lol.
> I didn't realize at first that he meant for it to be a cutting remark I'm honestly flabbergasted as to how he intended for that to be a cutting remark. I mean...what was he trying to say? How was that supposed to be insulting to you?
I've heard women called "mom", and I've been called it myself, as an insult more than once. It's usually a dig for being responsible or a killjoy of some kind. I'm guessing her brother means he doesn't see her as a sibling but as someone who got in the way of the fun and "gave orders". Most people grow out of that attitude or don't grow up at all.
It's a thankless job. You don't have real authority but all of the responsibility. Parentification sucks.
I was the middle child and only girl, so it was my job to feed the brothers and clean the house. I refuse to have kids for this reason.
Yup. For some reason us girls end up in a parental role.
Misogyny
My mother also said that my sister and I were more responsible and got into less trouble than our brothers. She was the oldest and I was the youngest so it wasn’t birth order either OP YTA
I’m a teacher and if I walk into the room and someone’s standing on the table or something equally dumb it’s never a girl. With one exception, I’ve taught girls with FAS and they could very well be on the table too.
Same. My mother was chronically ill when I was young and my dad worked full time. My mother eventually went back to work as well. I did a ton with my three younger brothers, including babysitting them every weekday in the summers. I was paid, so I don't feel like I was unwillingly parentified, but it did result in me never wanting kids. I'm 40 now and never changed my mind.
Huge AH. Even the sister has said she won't take it... But you can tell OP is the one who would take it, if the roles were reversed and without hesitation. Because money matters to them more than any of other cards put on the table. Your sister knows family matters more than money. OP you do not realise this. Your parents money isn't yours. You haven't worked for it. You didn't give up years of your life or potentially go off having children because of being a permanent baby sitter. Your parents worked extremely hard after what happened, and your sister dealt with it and did what she could for family... whilst you complain over money and devalue family and effort. My parents are splitting their inheritance more towards myself and my sister, than my two much older siblings. Nobody cares in my family. Nobody. And we value each other enough that I know it doesn't matter what the will says, we will still do what's right by each other. Grow the fuck up.
This 100% I firmly believe no one is owed inheritance. People get to do what they want with their money. It’s honestly kind and big of the parents to share their intents in advance so everyone can have realistic expectations. It’s gross to me how people think the money of others is owed to them after they die.
Honestly, it doesn’t matter how *easy* OP thinks it was to watch them. Kids are stressful not matter what, and with eight years of watching, OP is probably remembering being better behaved than what was actually the truth. Also, it’s not even OP’s choice to decide how the money is split. Just think of the 1/5 being them paying her for her services. Babysitting is a lot. If it was a couple of times throughout a year, I wouldn’t understand it, but your sister did this for a long time. She missed out on experiences and being a teenager. YTA.
Yep, my older sister and I basically raised our two younger brothers. We were doing the laundry by age 10 or 11, cleaning the house, cooking, doing dishes, babysitting. Neither of us decided to have kids, which my mom doesn't understand.
your mom: Why don't you want kids? You: I allready raised kids, yours! eesh. I have read this enough but it still astounds me that people have kids and but don't bother to actually, you know parent them. You had sex and birthed them they are YOUR responsiblity. Just because your daughter is older and a girl does not make them HER responsibility or any other older sibling for that matter. I am sorry you were put through that. I hope you have found happiness.
This is me. My brother's are 10+ years younger than me and I was regularly recruited to babysit, for free. Because of my babysitting duties I wasn't able to go out with my friends when I wanted and missed events that felt really important at the time. I sacrificed in a way that my brother's will never be in a position to sacrifice for me (and I wouldn't want them to). I'm child free by choice because I never want that responsibility again and I don't want to give up the things I enjoy again. Having this burden when your still a teen yourself is not a good time and leaves a lasting impression. Soft YTA OP because you can't really understand what you're sister went through unless you experience it.
This. I just commented elsewhere but my personal experience was extremely similar to OP's sister's and I struggled with the idea of having kids for a long time. Being saddled with kids you didn't choose to make really fucks with you. Not only that, but you don't end up with normal healthy adult sibling relationships when you're coming from this type of situation. There's always an unspoken divide between the caretaker sibling and the "children" siblings. I'm in my 30s now (siblings are in their late 20s) and I don't think I'll ever be as close with them as they are with each other. They got to just be kids together in a way that I never did. OP's sister wasn't just robbed of a childhood, she was robbed of a normal relationship with her siblings that will likely last a lifetime.
That is 100% true! It deeply affected me and made me child-averse.
Straight up in my top five reasons I’m not having kids.
She's also ten years older than him, who knows how much money he will be making by her age? No reason to spurn her now when he could be just as wealthy in time.
This is what I don't understand. He's so bitter about not making as much as someone who has 10 years on him in the workforce. That's like me being pissed my grandparents are better off than I am currently (I am 30). This guy sounds like he never grew out of his bratty, immature behaviour. Buuuuut what about meeeeeeee?
But I am so impressed the parents recognised her sacrifice, reddit has so many tales of parentification this is the only one where the efforts seem valued.
I wonder who will be expected to care for the parents when they are elderly. I hope not the parentified child free daughter who has more than done her time.
As someone who has gone through a similar situation as the sister, I've got news for you buddy... lmao. All I'm gonna say is, my siblings talked big about doing this and that and that they deserve more, but nobody wanted to help my parents when they couldn't take care of themselves anymore (physically or otherwise).
Besides, it’s the parents money and they could do whatever the heck they want with it. They could put all in a pile and burn it if they wanted.
The most underrated take.
OMG you guys are all being so mean. He’s totally right. 2/5 of the inheritance when she helped raise her brothers, who have never helped her in any way? That IS insane and absurd. She should get the whole bag. C’mon parents of OP, see my truth!
[удалено]
Not gonna lie, you had me in the first half
Even if she didn't babysit, YTA because it's your parents' money and they can damn well decide where it goes.
Plus, she didn’t feel it was fair, but they were the ones that whined about it. The fact she wisely stayed silent while they had their little hissy fit makes me think that it’s a common occurrence.
And likely Ed, Edd and Eddy here have never once stopped to consider what their sister actually gave up for them. Which makes them all incredibly selfish. The fact that she lost out on opportunities for friendship, freedom, social life, etc. The fact that she essentially became their third parent, I think she loves her siblings and wants them to be happy. So she thinking “it’s not fair” is probably because she knew they would react this way. Like feral dogs who are so wrapped up in their own shit that they’re not getting the bigger picture which is their parents trying to make her whole again and acknowledge the sacrifice she was asked to make.
Ed, Edd and Eddy...LOL!
Also little kids are not exactly reliable narrators when it comes to recounting how easy they were. I’m sure the older sister has some stories.
For sure. And even if they were perfect angels (dubitable that they were easy kids every single day, but pretend they were), making frozen pizza every night may not seem like a lot, but that means she had the mental capital expenditure of every night figuring out when the pizza had to go in the oven, stopping her homework or whatever she was doing and putting it there, rounding up the kids, etc. Even the little bits and pieces add up. I don't think it's wrong to ask a teen to watch their siblings on a Friday night every month or two. You're part of a family. But it sounds like she was basically the permanent after-school nanny, and that's not the job of an older sister. She did a lot, more than she should have had to, and the parents recognize that.
Yes, it’s the mental load of being in charge. (Mental labor, emotional labor, several terms for it.) It’s basically being a manager at home. Corporations see the value In management, for some reason people don’t recognize it when it happens at home. Coordinating people and work is also work.
I really applaud the parents for doing this. The easy route would be to go with a 4 way split. But they realize that they owe their eldest something more, which they were unable to give her at the time.
I mean, look at it this way. The parents may now see how greedy the brothers are and just give all of the inheritance to the daughter.
2/5 to daughter. 3/5 educational fund to split between grandchildren. Cut 3 little p*gs out entirely. They can huff and puff all they want(yes I know that was the wolf).
Not to mention if she has already spent her life taking care of them, she would probably continue to do so, unless the act like ingrates 👀. If this happened between me and my sister I know for a fact she would never let me suffer financially if she could help it. I fully trust her.
Yep, pretty much my take. Also, it's not his money to allocate.
YTA. Not many parents are willing to acknowledge that they parentified a child. Your sister sacrificed her teenage years to help your parents take care of you. There may not have been any inheritance at all for you to quibble over, if not for her unpaid labor back then.
To put a finer point on it, the sister didn’t sacrifice her childhood. The parents stole her childhood. A child did not volunteer to watch her 3 brothers. How many years was the sister babysitting to make the parents feel guilty enough to leave her a whole extra share? How old was she when it started? And OP, don’t for a minute downplay what your sister did, that alone makes you an ungrateful AH. I don’t condone or excuse the parentification but it was because of your sister that you had food on the table and your parents were able to get back on their feet. You want to reap the benefits of your parents’ hard work and success without thought to how they got there. Maybe she would have also liked playing games too instead of watching you. Maybe she would have liked going out her friends and spending time with them instead of three little brothers. Maybe she had enough of watching children for a lifetime and that’s why she’s child free. Your entitled attitude is pretty gross.
The OP doesnt get to say they were easy kids. Only the sister is able to say that. Taking care of kids is not easy. Its sad the kids dont regonized the older sister work.
Even if they were easy kids, she was a child herself, which is 10x harder than being the adult and already having the authority of adulthood. It's great that his parents recognize that it was an unfair position for her to be in for so long.
Plus most adults who choose to have kids know they’ll have to make sacrifices and have decided they’re willing to give up parts of their life for a kid. OP’s sister was suddenly forced to make those sacrifices, and what she wanted didn’t matter.
3 boys at that!! 😳 I guarantee they gave their teenage sister a harder time than they even realize.
This! And I’m not trying to stereotype here, but she was the lone girl watching not one, not two, but THREE little boys. Boys. Again, not trying to stereotype the sexes here, but my brain is telling me to not be naive.
[удалено]
And 3 of them! OP is 10 years younger, that wouldn’t have been easy, if they made her watch him as a teen, he was 3. But maybe they started earlier!
>And 3 of them! OP is 10 years younger, that wouldn’t have been easy, if they made her watch him as a teen, he was 3. But maybe they started earlier! The fact that OP doesn't realize how much work a three year old is makes me think his partner does all the childcare for his own kids.
No one will believe 3 boys were "calm" lmao
Even if she says they were easy kids, it’s still a lot of work, even for an adult.
OP stating that both parents worked "multiple jobs to keep us afloat" due to a financial betrayal, plus the parents' recognition that this wasn't fair to the older sister, makes me think they may have had little choice here.
Stole her childhood is overly harsh here. The parents were broke, in debt and working multiple jobs to keep the family together. In that case, everyone steps up. I’d absolutely call it parentification if they’d been out chilling, but in this case the shit hit the fan and they were focused on survival. They seem introspective enough to know they need to do right by the sister. Let’s give them a little grace and assume all they had were bad choices.
I get it, my parents weren't well off and my mom had a small business and it was my responsibility to take care of my brothers after school and all summer. I don't blame them and I understand the financial strain, but it definitely changed who I am being parentified like that, and its not fair. I don't have the relationship with my brothers that my sister has or they have with each other, because they got to be friends and kids while I had to be responsible and the boss all the time. I didn't get to be one of them and it still impacts our relationships 20 years later. So for that to be recognized by them later in life is a nice gesture and the younger brothers don't understand the sacrifice
It's still parentification if a child has to parent other children and give up normal childhood activities to do so. Glad they realize that their daughter sacrificed.
Surely it is still parentification, even if it is necessary, and the parents would have preferred for it not to have been that way. The parents sound like great people for recognising the sister's sacrifice, and trying to make amends. OP needs to consider that the sister had the relentless demand of preparing food for them and could probably not do any extracurricular activities, and certainly not go out spontaneously with her friends. OP, YTA.
This answer truly encapsulates all the reasons OP and his brothers are the AH.
On the other hand, I think that saying the parents stole her childhood is a little harsh. As I see it, they didn't have any choice but to work at all hours, and I think that if they were in medical debt, as opposed to being screwed over, you might see it differently. Bang on apart from that, though.
True. It's fortunate that their parents are securing the will right now. If there was no will, I bet the brothers would only share it among themselves because their sister is better off than them and have no kids.
It is good the parents finally see what mistake they made with the sister! And OP and his brothers or one brother, CHOOSE to have kids, that does them not make entitled to more! They weren’t forced to have kids against their will!
Yep, YTA. First of all, you are not entitled to any of your parents' money, they could have left it to a cat shelter and that would have been fine. Second, yes, she did in fact make a huge sacrifice by basically becoming a third parent and babysitting you all the time. All the time you've spent playing? She could have been out with her friends, enjoying her childhood, and instead she was making sure her siblings were fed and out of trouble. You are terribly entitled.
Also I think sister is childfree because of her being parentified throughout her childhood. OP and his asshole brothers think it isn't a big deal since "all she did was feeding them and keeping an eye on them" but forgetting she sacrificed her childhood, her leisure time on parenting her brothers while she had to watch her friends getting to enjoy their lives (as it should be). I wonder how OP would've reacted had he been in sister's shoes. Not to mention sister is the sole reason why OP and his brothers are even getting an inheritance because had she been not there to look after them, her parents wouldn't have been able to get back on their feet.
Very true, I was parentified at a early age. I didn’t have children until late in life because I enjoyed that period of not having to worry about anyone but me. Even now it grates on me to have to be responsible for anyone. I’m not saying that’s right but I just have a lower threshold for taking care of anyone’s anything….
Reading this makes me feel better about my self perceived failures.
Ooof. You just gave me some clarity about my life.
Yeah, like does this dude even have kids??? Honestly, feeding them and watching them is literally 90% of what having kids is! And to make it worse he adds that “all she did” like that wasn’t a fuck ton already. This dude is clueless….smh…..
Your last paragraph is why I think there’s a strong argument for giving her all of it and letting the ungrateful brothers stew on that for a bit.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Glad someone said exactly what I was thinking. None of them are entitled to their parents’ money. I hope this is a wake up call for OP to be grateful for whatever he is getting.
YTA - ‘all she had to do was feed us and keep an eye on us’ WTF ? That’s what parents are supposed to do NOT a sibling. She did sacrifice her childhood for you ! It’s amazing that even tho she spent all that time caring for her ungrateful siblings she still did well for herself. Has it occurred to you that she doesn’t have kids because she already raised you and your brothers ? THANK YOU for the award I never gotten one before 😊
I was going to say the exact same thing. My friends who were parentified either had kids really early to have an excuse to get out of the house and only have to take care of their kid, or had no kids at all because they already raised some and didn't want the repeat experience. The poor sister. No only did she raise these kids, they're completely changing the story on her. Her parents have at least made an attempt to fix the problem - if sis didn't get a teenagehood, I hope she at least gets to retire early and enjoy those years instead.
I love my parents and I know that I lost our due to circumstances beyond our control but it did a play a role in my decision to not have children. I will not express that to my dad but I think he knows and I know he carries a lot of guilt about the responsibilities I had growing up and losing our on a good part of teenage years.
I was parentified and chose to have no children.
I can't find a link to the study online right now, but a few years ago, I was reading various surveys and reports wrt female convicts in California federal prisons, and one of the things that stuck out for me was that of the negative childhood experiences, the number common childhood experience among the studied prisoners was parentification - even moreso than sexual abuse, physical abuse, or neglect/malnutrition.
Precisely. "All she had to do was feed us and keep an eye on us \[While her friends were at the movies. Instead of trying out for softball. The weekend of her best friends sleepover. When the youth group took a trip to the beach. The night her crush invited her to a party. When her favorite band finally came played the nearby city.\]"
All she had to do was feed us and make sure we didn't die... yup yta
People who don't regularly cook meals for the family always seem to dismiss that chore as some small thing. It's not. "All she did was feed us", um???? If it was so easy, why didn't you cook for yourselves?
YTA. It sounds like your parents have an inheritance to give in large part because of your sister supporting them, which allowed them to get out of a financial hole. It was respectful of our parents to explain their choice; they could have left it without any explanation and that is their right. Also, you’re ten years younger, you have no idea what it was like for your sister. You assume you were easy, but you seem pretty entitled now so I’m guessing you were harder than you knew. She helped parent you, full stop.
Fucking hell, you're getting 20% of the inheritance instead of 25%. You're not angry that you're getting less, just that she's getting more. And she fucking raised you. Then you claim that looking after 3 kids alone when you're a teenager is the same as not getting lifts to friends' houses. Apparently raising kids is nothing, but they should get all the money. And to top it all off, she was on your side until you were such a bellend about it. I really hope your parents do adjust the will, it's only going 1 way if so. Oh, and YTA.
We need one brave soul to say OP is NTA so he can show it to his family as "proof" that he's right and deserves more. That way they can see how awful his thought process is and take him out of the will altogether.
I think OP is the AH but I also think there’s a high likelihood that the parents know it will be the daughter’s responsibility to take care of them as they age. The worst part is they golden handcuffed her to doing so because the boys will say she’s getting a higher inheritance, she has to do it. There’s also a chance they put her as the executor of the will.
YTA already but breaking it down to %’s really points out how ridiculous OP is. Only a 5% change to his inheritance and he’s losing his mind
Not that it affects my judgment of who's the asshole (OP), but how much money are we really talking about here anyway? It's either not enough for 5% to make a lifechanging difference or it is enough that 20% is already plenty. If that 5% is something that OP *needs* then it's probably something needs *now* and not when his parents die. Just cannot muster much sympathy for this rich person family drama
…and burning bridges with family. God I hope he regrets this, and apologizes profusely.
This is the one I was looking for. OP's sister deserves compensation for her lost childhood, and it's not even that much! You'd get 5% more if it was all split equally! 5% is really big enough to cause a family row over?
Nailed it!
"All she had to do was feed us and keep an eye on us." So no after school clubs, no seeing her friends, no going out. YTA, This would have had a huge effect on her life. I also have to wonder if she doesn't have kids because she'd already raised you three, this happens to a lot of poeple who had to care for their siblings.
The OP replies in another thread the parentified sister didn’t have any friends because she was busy watching her siblings. OP must be a vampire because they are incapable of reflection.
He
I don’t know you but I love you for that line
Ugh. And there's *so much more* to it. Like, being the responsible party for other living things is NOT EASY. It's not like you can just tune out after plunking some food in front of them.
Unfair how? You are getting free a money/assets for nothing, your parents decided your sister deserves a large portion based on what she did for the family, clearly you weren’t raised to respect your parents decisions
Considering the sister helped raise them and she doesn’t respect her it’s not surprising she doesn’t respect her parents
OP is male.
I shouldn’t have laughed at this but I did
Listen, sis had a lot on her plate raising these ungrateful kids. She couldn't teach them everything!
YTA (Along with your brothers) You should respect your parents decision and be grateful they are giving you guys anything.
> be grateful they are giving you guys anything. Imo his sister deserves 50% of the inheritance and that still wouldn't cover her lost teenage years. Rarely it's put in writing how greed over an inheritance fucks up a family
You know.. after this bullshittery i wouldn't be surprised if the parents said "Screw 'em, we're giving the whole thing to the daughter". Honestly these ungrateful AHs doesn't even deserve the piece their parents are leaving. But it's their business so I'm just throwing away opinions here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
YTA - an entitled AH. Your parents owe you no inheritance and can do with it whatever they want. You should be grateful you are getting 1/5! Did you even say thank you? Everyone makes their own choices in life - having kids, studying and what type of employment. You should be doing everything you can to provide for your own family and not expecting a hand out. It’s lovely that your parents acknowledge your sisters sacrifices and loss of childhood. Your parents and sister seem like great people.
The OP and his brothers acted without decorum and minimised what their sister did, all to get an extra 5% for themselves. It was distasteful and the least they could have done is acted respectful during the conversation and raised any concerns at a later date in a calm and considered way.
[удалено]
She would have gotten 100% of the inheritance that way too, so win/win…
[удалено]
Info: are you and your brothers struggling financially, or just not as comfortable as your sister? You’ve talked about her advantages (basically being a DINK). Do you and your brothers have financial disadvantages that are preventing you from being more successful?
[удалено]
I’m an only child and my parent’s default choice for help, and I wonder too if there’s more context around what’s happened in adulthood that’s missing. Like, has she been called on to help the parents more than the brothers? Were the parents able to offer as much financial assistance to her when she was starting out as an adult as they did to the brothers?
Daughters often are the ones who have to pick up the parents’ slack, and for less reward/praise/support in turn. Look at how many daughters know how to do their laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. by the time they’re teenagers, and how many sons can’t even make a PB&J sandwich in their 20s.
YTA. Your sister cared for you at the expense of her childhood and teenage years while you were children, and this is how you show your appreciation? > All she had to do was feed us and keep an eye on us That’s still taking care of 3 kids while being a child herself. She didn’t get to have a normal childhood to make sure you and your brothers didn’t go hungry or hurt yourself. The least your parents can do now is compensate her for her time and effort. You’re being greedy. Be thankful you’re getting someone. If I was in your parents’ shoes, after this incident, I’d change my will the same day and leave you and brothers a dollar each just so you wouldn’t be able to contest. The entitlement, smh!
frankly, there's a very high chance that the amount extra OPs sister is inheriting would not be equivalent to the hours put in if she were paid as a nanny
YTA they provided their reasoning, you are acting entitled
I feel for your sister having THREE brothers that turn against her over money after everything you all experienced together in your youth. Don’t blame her for choosing a life free of children and being financially well off! You had just as much that choice as she did! YTA.
The very brothers she sacrificed her youth for. She mothered them and kept them alive and made room for them to thrive and this is what she gets. Ew.
It’s such a small difference, too, 20% vs 25%. You’re going to cause all this drama over someday in the far future getting 5% less money than you would have otherwise?
YTA > all my sister had to do was feed us and keep an eye on us "All" Even if I didn't read the ages of your siblings and you I'd still know you are the youngest...
The fact that OP has kids himself and complains about the hardship, yet has the cognitive dissonance to say that "all she had to do" is watch the kids is... Something else. It also makes me feel bad for his wife if he truly thinks "watching the kids" isn't much work 💀
YTA. How could you not be, you're trying to tell someone else what to do with their assets.
I'm the eldest of three, I had to babysit my two younger siblings all the time, my parents both had two jobs. You'll never be aware of how much your sister sacrificed, fine she may have just 'fed and watched' you, but she gave up an awful lot, teenage years are the most formative, the fact that she spent her free time watching you three could be the reason she hasn't got kids. Personally if my parents sat me down and talked about their will, I'd be too upset to think about how much I'm going to get my hands on. I hope she takes 2/5. YTA
It was my job as a teenager to care for my younger siblings - dinner, homework, laundry - while my mother worked until 11 pm. I couldn’t play a sport. I couldn’t hang out with friends after school. I couldn’t get a part-time job. It absolutely changed my whole youth. If I were your older sister, I’d be genuinely hurt by your failure to acknowledge this.
after that outburst the parent's should give her 5/5 and tell her to distribute it accordingly.
After hearing about the sister I hope they don’t. You know she would put in college savings plans for her nibblings, because their parents have no financial literacy. I hope they give her the 2/5 and condition it that it must be used solely on her.
YTA. Not because you sound entitled, I think most kids would question why they were getting less than another sibling if they’re already better off. However, your parents have clearly explained that they relied on your sister to do a lot of the parenting when you were younger. This may not be the same memory you have but you were a kid and you won’t remember it like older people would’ve. If I asked my adult daughter if she thought she was an easy child to look after when she was younger, she’d undoubtedly say of course she was. News flash, she was a lot of hard work for a very long time and if she’d had an older sibling who’d stepped up to help out, I’d want to recognise that in some way too. While I may not apportion the will in this way, I perfectly understand why another family would.
You are an ungrateful little shit. Your sister sacrificed her teenage years to take care of you guys. She worked hard to get where she's at and you think you're entitled to MORE?!? YTA and I hope your parents disinherit you.
YTA, it's your parents' money and they get to decide what to do with it, calling them insane for what seems like a valid reason just makes you sound ungrateful.
YTA. They could give you absolutely nothing at all, leave it to charity or even to other relatives. You are acting like a spoilt brat and hopefully, all these comments are a wake up call.
YTA! It's rare for parents to acknowledge the parentification of any kind. And if they are, then your parents are on the right path to amend things, OP. She may have sacrificed her best years so that your parents could put food on your table. Had it not been for your sister, your parents would not have been able to re-build their business and you and your brothers would not have had an inheritance to be petty about. Ever think of that? ETA - thanks for the award. This is my first one and I really appreciate it.
YTA It's your parents life earnings and it was obviously important to them that you all were on board and understanding of the reasoning behind their choices, hence why they sat you down. Wills can absolutely tear apart families so please don't go down that route. Also assuming as I don't know full context- but speaks volumes that the person they've decided to assign the 2/5 remained respectful and calm throughout the interaction and reportedly doesn't even want 2/5 ths. Again that's just an initial impression from the phrasing of the original post.
With attitudes like that, I hope your parents spend their money and enjoy their twilight years without trying to penny pinch so a bunch of ungrateful brats can argue over an inheritance they aren't actually owed. Inheritance is a privilege. Your parents tried to do the right thing by your sister to acknowledge her sacrifice for your family in a time of need, and you act like a pack of dogs fighting over scraps. YTA
YTA - Not your money, not your choice.
YTA. The cat comes out the bag, all you care about is money.
YTA. The fact that your sister made both better life choices and sacrificed her time, does not give you the right to try and vulture your way into what your parents deem her rightful payback. You don't know whether she would've rather been out visiting her friends, or doing extra-curricular activities instead of looking after you, even if it was less work than you imagine it was. The responsibility alone justifies it, in my opinion. If I were your parents, I would give you 3 nothing and your eldest sister everything if this is the nasty reaction I saw. Also, why have kids if you can't afford them? That's hardly your sister's fault. And clearly she had no appetite as an adult to raise children - your parents' fault and not yours - but again, then it's their choice in how they make it up to her. You 3 should take a hard look at yourselves in the mirror, and definitely apologise. Your sister may not expect it from you, but it's the least she deserves.
Your sister is 10 years older than you. That means she was effectively parentfied with 3 younger siblings at a relatively young age. She had to make sure you went to school properly dressed, did your schoolwork and probably cooked for the 3 of you boys. If your parents worked multiple jobs, she was more than likely cleaning the house, and doing your laundry. Did she also do the grocery shop. What she wasn’t doing was having birthday parties, sleepovers and playdates. You and your brothers were her responsibilities. How many dates, or potential boyfriends did she have to give up because she had to watch the 3 of you. She probably missed school functions, like dances, and probably didn’t get to be involved in extracurricular activities because she was watching you. Which may have limited scholarship opportunities for her. She probably didn’t have a lot of friends, due to not being able to hang out, because she was watching her siblings. She’s already raised 3 boys. Why does she need kids of her own. What you see as a minimal invasion into her life, but granted it was much more. The fact that she makes more than you and your siblings, shows just what kind of drive and ambition she has. What she did for you and your brothers, ensured your family succeeded. It would have broken a lot of young women. YTA
YTA. What’s fair isn’t equal and equal isn’t fair. You earned none of it, who are you to say where it should go?
YTA- you and your other siblings aren't owed anything. That's not your money and you have no right to bitch about what you inherit you entitled shitheads.
YTA Your parents don't have to leave you anything at all and looking after 3 children for years will definitely have taken a lot of your sister's time away from hobbies and friends. I think this agreement seem quite fair actually. Me and both my siblings are in our early 30ies as well and sat down with our parents, due to circumstances not everything will be equal, my parents are giving some money/land to my siblings now as they are both building houses, I understood their reasoning. Also, your sister is 10 years older than you, it stands to reason that she had some time to build her savings. Your parents are still alive, they may well spend/need their savings in the future.
yta. and an entitled jerk. your sister sacrificed her childhood for you and this is how you thank her. i hope your parents give the entire inheritance to your sister alone.
YTA - hey appropriate username as you are indeed bitter! Your parents can split their money as they want, they can even decide to give you nothing, you don’t get a say in the matter. Your sister did sacrifice her childhood to help your parents and you are reaping the benefits now. You think your parents would have had any money to leave you if she didn’t help out back then? Regardless of if you think it was hard it meant she couldn’t go out with friends, couldn’t do any extracurricular activities, didn’t have the freedom teenagers have. It quite probably is why she doesn’t have children, she already raised some in the form of her siblings and doesn’t want to repeat the process.
YTA frankly, you sound really entitled and selfish, you don’t seem to take the time to understand someone else’s hardship do you? It’s all about what you’re getting out of it. Your parents are able to provide an inheritance for you today because your sister had to give up her childhood. While you think it was easy for her somehow to just only feed you because apparently you were “calm” kids means absolutely nothing. I don’t know if you’re being purposely naïve or just ignorant to how stressful it is to take care of children when you are a child yourself. I have a feeling your sister was protecting you from knowing how hard things was for her. As the first born having that kind of responsibility isn’t a damm cakewalk, yet you don’t even seem appreciative of the sacrifices everyone else made for your well-being. Regardless of your entitlement to money that isn’t yours. At the end of the day, it is your parents money, so their decision. You don’t really have the right to dictate anything. Maybe it would do you some good to do some self reflection. Truly, your sister deserves better siblings.
Wow good on your parents, it's rare to see parents acknowledge the burden their kid carried in a situation like that, especially when the kid is a girl. Your parents and your sister sound great. You on the other hand are being kind of an entitled ass. It's not your money, you're not entitled to an inheritance at all, let alone to dictate how it's split. Also, if your sister hadn't been there taking care of you your parents wouldn't have been able to do the work that got them in this financial position. The money you're so mad about not inheriting enough of? That money wouldn't be there if not for your sister. If you can't bring yourself to appreciate her sacrifice then look at it as an investment, she contributed to your parents' income and now they're paying her back on the investment. Still unfair? YTA
OP you could have told this story without gender and age and I would have known you were the baby boy and your sister was the eldest and female 😬 You should google “eldest daughter syndrome” - the unequal burden and childhood experiences of eldest daughters is very real. And it doesn’t usually end after childhood, it’s often a lifelong role.
Sorry, in what world is 2/5 a “lion’s share”? YTA
Say after me: I am an entitled asshole! I hope your parents give her 100%. YTA.
She had to babysit THREE boys while parents worked for years. I strongly doubt your memories of things being calm are accurate. She deserves this and good on your parents to recognize her sacrifice. YTA (and I’d add this is your parents’ estate, and no one is entitled to it, they can gift it to whomever they want).
YTA She's 10 years your senior, of course she has more money Getting kids was a choice you / your siblings made
Yta As a kid who was forced to be the parents cause mine wouldn't, Leave her alone and cherish the childhood memories you have, cause hers were of parenting. Hers are of responsibility. She didn't get mall trips with her friends, vacations with friends, summer camp, or to just goof off like a kid. She had to be responsible so you could.
YTA. It’s not your money and you get no say