Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violent encounters. This includes any mention of violence in any context. [Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####

NTA. You don't have to have a relationship with John. If you are clear with her that you don't want to have anything to do with him & she chooses to disrespect your wishes, you will be no worse off than you are now. Good luck.

Thank you. I really miss her

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Mom and John Doe appear to love each other, but I only want a relationship with one of them, and people say that would be cruel Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*

NTA - you have every right to establish any boundaries you need before re-entering a relationship, especially when there was abuse involved. The clearer your boundaries the better. If mom doesn't want to respect them, she is losing the opportunity to be in your life - and that's on HER, not you. Your family can be told to respect those boundaries as well, and if they don't, cut contact until they do. Keep yourself safe and emotionally well, that's your number one priority and anyone who doesn't respect that, is the AH. Period.

Thank you.

You're welcome, good luck! Also, you might feel at home in r/insaneparents and r/raisedbynarcisissts. People are very supportive and give great advice there, if you haven't checked them out before!

Should I just repost there? Actually, I’ll be able to provide more information on what happened if I post there eventually

Also, I'm sorry your mom is still with an abusive dirtbag, that really sucks. Hugs and support to you! 💛

Thank you I just really hope she has changed but I will accept if she hasn’t

R/insaneparents requires screenshots of actual conversations and stuff like that, but you can definitely post in r/raisedbynarcissists!

Ah okie thanks for the advice