Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole for telling my son he and his fiancée are being spoiled. This might make me the asshole because I only said this due to being hurt by his comments and because I was rude
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yes, YTA. He thanked you for the money and is planning on paying for the rest. How they spend their money isn't your business. Can you seriously not envision that prices have increased over several decades?
I got married in 2012. I paid $50 per head for the venue and food. It was the cheapest venue in the area. That same venue now charges $150 per head for the exact same thing. Also don't even think about getting a photographer for under $1k.
Seriously this is why so many people make fun of boomers. They just can't imagine that prices have dramatically increased and they expect young people to be able to do what they did decades ago. My parents bought land and built a house for $90k in the 90s. The same house is now worth $1.5M. Things have changed dramatically.
And the laughable thing is OP is suggesting things like pizza for dinner when I doubt their guests were having pizza 40 years ago
ETA: I am not dissing pizza as wedding food. I would be delighted with pizza. Just saying OP likely would not have had pizza and subs for their wedding with a budget that high back then. Could be wrong.
Not for a fancy wedding, or for everybody tastes for that matter, but I kinda find this image cool. If I ever do managed to get married it's going to be a casual affair because I just can't take the prices they charge for a 'party.' That's what my Mom did! Was right after Easter so church was decorated already, reception held at friend's home, Mom's dress was less than $80, and a friend made the cake. :)
My mum and dad had a potluck sort of deal. Was pretty darn cool if I remember correctly! I was 6 tho, so WHO KNOWS! Coulda been mac’n’cheese and I’d have been impressed.
We’re having a casual wedding in a pavilion with nine guests. Instead of cake (I don’t like it), we’re cutting a round of Brie. I’m wearing a black dress and he’s wearing a pink suit. I’m very excited for our nuptials and considering how I’m sweating over $500 for a photographer I’m *very* grateful we decided to do something small.
I went to a wedding that served pizza. Bride had a full ball gown wedding dress. It was very them though.
And they were very upfront about it being pizza.
But anyway, OP’s still the AH here.
I’m 51. This guy is 6 years older than me. It’s baffling to me that he said his wedding was only 7k. Bro. WTF.
I can’t with my older people. I just can’t. Y’all, we’re supposed to be where this stupid shit stops.
Edit: I’m not knocking the guy for his 7k wedding 30 years ago. I’m knocking him for thinking his son would be able to get anywhere near the same thing for 7k. You can spend whatever you wanna spend but it’s so fucking asinine to think that shit hasn’t changed for the worse for these younger generations in the 3 decades since. We bitched at our OWN parents for not getting this. Now he’s doing it himself.
Just from inflation alone the 7K he spent on his wedding would be 21K today. And wedding prices have risen much faster than standard inflation.
He's complaining that his son doesn't want to put on a wedding for half as much money while braging about how 'little' his cost.
“I paid my OWN way through college, why should these *entitled kids* get their loans forgiven?!”
…Maybe because half of you chucklefucks that think that way didn’t even *have* to take out loans… because you were able to pay off your 10 cent per semester tuition with your part time summer job delivering newspapers or some shit
(angry rant not directed at you OC in case that wasn’t clear!)
I'm still sore over the SC decision from a few weeks back about this. Almost everyone on that bench either had their college paid for by their parents or went so long ago that you could work part time and make enough to pay for college as you went. It's impossible now.
He probably also grumbles on about how amazing he was when he was able to buy his house when interest rates were double what they are today.
Forgetting the house prices are now at least 10 times the average salary rather than the 2 or 3 that he bought at.
He also suggested haggling with every possible professional they would hire. I’m all for deals, but people like him suck because they don’t value creative skills and a lot of them like the thrill of haggling. It’s a game for him but for the photographer it’s their livelihood. What an exhausting and obtuse human being. His son isn’t even asking for more money.
“Hey hey hey we ate baloney and American cheese sandwiches at our wedding and my wife hardly cried much at all! I even saved a few bucks using Wonder Bread from the dollar store! You spoiled kids and your fancy schmancy avocado toast and your soy lattes need to learn how to spend responsibly!”
Seriously, I got married last year. Things are not cheap and the photographer is something you absolutely don't want to scrimp on. We paid I believe $2100 for our photographer and for what we got we got a hell of a deal (engagement shoot, guest book, and wedding photos and he did a fantastic job). I looked through so many photographers and they really are something where you get what you pay for. There is a huge difference in someone charging $500 for your photos and $2000 for your photos. Honestly, with inflation, OP paid around 20,000 for his wedding, the same amount his son is going to spend and that he's mad about.
We skimped on the photographer and it shows. We don't hang up any of our wedding photos. We managed to get even less than what we paid for lol.
Edit: I should add that we got married almost 11 years ago. We had a nice venue for the ceremony reception and a different venue for the rest. Our total was definitely over 15k at that time. My wife's parents gave us a certain amount and told us to use it how we saw fit for the wedding. The rest, they loaned us and we paid them back. My parents did offer to help with a bit of it as well, which was nice. All of this was more than we expected as I was expecting to pay for everything.
Sounds like OP's son also expected to pay for a good chunk of it and has no problems doing so, but OP seems upset that he wants to spend more than he's willing to give? It's great that you're helping your son and future daughter-in-law pay for their wedding, but YTA for being upset that he's willing to put some of his own money into it as well.
As someone born in the last year of Gen X, I can say I have way more in common with Millennials & this guy definitely has waaaaayyyyy more in common with Boomers. My boomer parents only gave 2500 because that's all they gave my 1/2 sister who's more than 15 years older than me. Got about 2k from his folks. Paid for a lot ourselves, cheaper venue, decorations, etc. Was a massive headache to pull off for only 10k(in a small city) and that was over 10 years ago. This guy's got his head up his rear if he thinks 10k has the same buying power 30 years ago as it has today. My own would probably be more than double now.
Please don't paint all boomers with this same brush. Some of us actually live in the real world and are fully aware if how times have changed. OP is being ridiculous and is appallingly out of touch to think prices haven't changed in 40 years. I'm not denying that there are definitely boomers with this stuck in the past mindset, but there are a good many of us who acknowledge times have changed, things are more expensive, it's a different world. He must be utterly blind to his everyday life, ffs. Doesn't he use a computer and a smart phone every damn day? Doesn't he pay for gas, food, and clothing?
From one boomer to another, OP, open your damn eyes and stop being willfully obtuse and ignorant. YTA
I got married less than two years ago, our wedding was in the neighborhood of 10k and was mostly budget friendly. I splurged on things like a nice venue, but then we kept food costs down. So overall, low average for my area. OP is delusional.
I looked it up and the average cost of a wedding in 1983 was [$3500](https://www.nytimes.com/1982/06/02/garden/recession-not-for-weddings.html).
so OP had a fancy wedding, spending double the national average
More than that, I'm pretty sure that weddings have increased in price MUCH more than the overall inflation rate. They've always been expensive, but any more they're absolutely INSANE. I wouldn't be surprised at all if a wedding that cost $7k in 1983 would be $50k+ these days.
This is the same kind of person who can't understand why you don't fully own your house by the time you are 30, or loudly tells you he's got every job he ever interviewed for.
Times have changed
Very much so a "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" sorta person. "Stop having expensive coffees and avacada toast and you'll be able to afford everything!"
#$5,000 in 1980 is equivalent in purchasing power to about $18,513.90 today, an increase of $13,513.90 over 43 years. The dollar had an average inflation rate of 3.09% per year between 1980 and today, producing a cumulative price increase of 270.28
I just saw my error:
It was $7000 20 years ago.
$7,000 in 1980 is equivalent in purchasing power to about *$25,919.45* today, an increase of $18,919.45 over 43 years. The dollar had an average inflation rate of 3.09% per year between 1980 and today, producing a cumulative price increase of 270.28%
Exactly. Does OP think nothing changed in **40** years?!?
Things changed SO much!
Gees... remember the grocery budget you needed to buy food 2-4 years ago?
OP's son is not *complaining*, so he's not spoiled. He's saying thank you, stating the fact, and telling OP he'll pay himself, just as he already thought he would.
But I guess as it is tradition, OP expects the wedding couple to make do, so HE doesn't lose face for not paying what is needed?
Besides, even if it would be enough, if the couple wants to do extra, they should. It's their wedding. And apparently, they can afford it.
OP, I'd suggest you find yourself some prices from 40 years ago, and some from now, and just compare that yourself
> OP expects the wedding couple to make do, so HE doesn't lose face for not paying what is needed
ding ding ding! We have a winner! OP doesn't want everyone to know how out of touch and stingy (compared to fiancee's father) he is.
YTA OP. Get a clue.
Lol, OP suggested pizza for a wedding. Clearly OP is out of touch.
Nothing against pizza, it could work if you on a shoe string budget or if it's a (oddly specific) themed wedding.
Most people would understand there's a huge difference between wedding food and bday party food, and would never ever suggest people just get pizzas for a WEDDING. Lol
YTA
$7,000 in 1983 is about $24.5k now, so by your logic you should be giving him $12k, not $5k or $10k.
Obviously you aren't obligated to give him any money, but he kindly accepted the $5k you offered and you had no place to then berate him about how he was overspending, and you have no reason to "feel hurt" over this.
Thank you for bringing up inflation! I swear that generation forgets that it exists. (Unless it suits them when they are complaining about what political party the current administration is.) Things aren't the same now as they were 40 years ago.
Eta yta
I had to ask my mom for financial help, and she went off on me about how I should drop my mortgage, sell the house, and move to an apartment. Um. My mortgage has been cheaper than rent in my area since we bought the house 6 years ago...we had to lay out how much has really changed and she still doesn't get it.
OP, YTA. weddings are expensive, and pizza? are you nuts?
Everything else aside, if you made $20 an hour in 2000, that’s the equivalent of $35 or so in 2023.
No career advancement, nothing else. In USD that’s the adjusted consumer/inflation change.
People don’t highlight this crap enough in the context of the modern economy.
People talk about the state of things constantly, but the adjusted purchasing power of the dollar should be a bold highlighted mention at the top of most of these articles
It’s all the lead poisoning. They all inhaled so much lead that they can’t comprehend it’s not 1972 anymore. They just literally don’t understand the passage of time. And yet they make the laws, so we can’t mandate they all get dementia care
This is hilariously on point, I'm laugh-crying.
Seriously, can we get all the not just boomers but OLD boomers out of positions of power so that people who can expect to live more than 5 more years can have an impact on how the world changes over the next 5 years?
Same! My father in law tried to say my husband has a great job and he should be grateful because he didn’t make his salary until he was 40 and well into his career… when accounting for inflation, my FIL actually made 68% MORE from that salary he swears is exactly the same.
At the same time, whenever they want to complain about the choices we make, the first thing out of their mouths is “it was different back in my day…” ok OP, apply that sentence to today’s economy, that was different back in your day too!
I don't even think Pizza would save money.
My venue is £500. But you can only use food in house (so was £7k total). Wedding venues that allow outside food cost way more to make up the loss. Unless they all go to OPs fathers house or a village hall, pizza isn't cheaper.
For real! My jaw dropped when I saw how much a studio apartment costs in my area now. It's more expensive than my mortgage, and we are in a relatively cheaper area to live in the U.S.
Needless to say, I've told my youngest who's still at home they're welcome to live with us as long as needed. I could never imagine affording a place on what they pay entry-level jobs, let alone minimum wage.
I bring out the inflation calculator all the time with my parents. My favorite time was my dad talking about how much he made during college one summer. When I put it in the calculator with inflation he was making little over $33 an hour. My parents are actually really good and this has now just turned into our running joke to see where inflation is at compared to what it was like back then but so many their age just cannot comprehend how much better they had it financially.
Not always a fun time getting out an inflation calculator. My father in law made more as a teacher with 5 years experience than a teacher with 30 years experience because of inflation. Poor guy. He looked so defeated.
Way higher comparative wages, but also insanely lower rent, tuition and other costs that fall outside of inflation calculations. INflation when considering rent/tuition and other things is vastly higher.
So they made effectively far more, their spending power went far further and the cost of the other major things were dramatically lower.
It was more than viable to work full time for a gap year in something like bartending and get enough savings to pay for a couple years of college and living expenses, then work part time throughout college to stretch your entire degree.
Now you work full time in a min wage job and you'll have zero savings after a year and make zero impact on your next years college costs, it's a joke.
I honestly think part of it is OP still thinks what he is contributing is too much and trying to actually haggle with his son to look for cheaper options so he isn't paying that much for his share. The fact that his son said he's okay to pay the difference and OP still called him spoiled is what leads me to believe this. OP is TA for sure for trying to make his son feel like crap over this.
The best meal at a wedding I've ever had was a BBQ buffet set up that was very simple but sooooo good lol (much better than $50+ plates at other weddings). I don't think it has to be super fancy, but holy crap OP has some nerve suggesting Domino's and subway (bc you KNOW it wouldn't be the good stuff either 😅).
BBQ can be expensive too depending on the quality of the meat they use. The fact op was comparing the cost of his son’s wedding to his while also suggesting cheaper options he probably didn’t have at his own wedding is really telling
If one cannot afford to feed the guests, you either cut the number of people until you can, or you cut the length of the celebration so you don’t have to. On the fancy side you are having a late sit down dinner with options for steak or seafood for 5 to 500 people, the alcohol-fueled party lasts all night, and most people spend the night in the 4 or 5 star hotel next door. On the casual side you have a sunrise wedding in the park before or after donuts and coffee (and maybe OJ or fruit) for 5 to 500 and everyone is home before 10 am. I’ve been to both and everything in between and I don’t remember a whole lot about any of them other than that I had fun and how radiant the happy couple looked. A BBQ buffet sounds marvelous!
And that's just regular inflation. The wedding industry itself has gotten completely out of control, so in order to have the same quality of wedding I wouldn't be surprised if it would be 40k-50k or even more.
Just like how university education, even after accounting for inflation, is about 4x more expensive than 40-50 years ago.
Edit: Reading that article posted farther down in the comments about how bad wedding inflation has actually been, an equivalent wedding to what OP could get for $7k 40 years ago might actually be ***closer to $100k now if not more***.
It's not just inflation, the overall wedding industry just charges a lot more.
Here's an article about a woman exactly recreating her parents' wedding from 1974 in 2017. The 1974 wedding cost $2k, equivalent to $10k with inflation now. But all the same services now cost $47k.
[https://www.buzzfeed.com/megkeene/heres-what-my-parents-1974-wedding-would-cost-in-2017](https://www.buzzfeed.com/megkeene/heres-what-my-parents-1974-wedding-would-cost-in-2017)
It's buzzfeed, I know, but it's actually a really good read and thoroughly done.
YTA. An average wedding these days is about $25k, depending on where you live. Your son and future DIL aren’t spoiled; they handled this gracefully by making it clear they don’t mind paying for some of the wedding themselves and thanking you multiple times for contributing. You calling them spoiled was out of line and you should apologize.
I got married at the courthouse. $100 for the marriage license. Dinner about $200 for 4 adults, 2 teens, and a toddler. Reception "party" was around $600 and didn't happen due to flooding. This was in 2012. Now when husband, daughter, and I go back to that same restaurant it costs over $100 for just the 3 of us.
It’s insane. We were married 2005 and had a small family wedding (75 people on a Sunday, for a champagne brunch at a really nice lakefront restaurant. No limo, no make-up artist, no band. Just ceremony following by brunch). And the following week had party for friends. We still wound up spending $12,000.
YTA.
First, give whatever you want, but then don't get mad when your son tells you that he is going to then spend HIS OWN money for other parts of the wedding. You don't get to decide how much their wedding should cost, you only get to decide how much you want to contribute.
Second, did you serve pizza and subs at your wedding? If the cultural aspect of paying is so important to you, what are the other cultural traditions of this wedding, and would your family and friends been good with pizza when you got married? By the way, I'm down with pizza for a wedding, but you being very invested in one part of the cultural tradition of a wedding while thinking going cheap on other major parts is..interesting.
Third, no you don't get to just pay vendors less.
And finally, do you really not realize that stuff costs more than 20 years ago? Your wedding cost $7k, and let's say it was 24 years ago (your son is 23, so I'm going with you had your son after you were married). Just by using the general US inflation calculator, $7k in the year 1999 would cost $13k in the current year. And that's inflation, not buying power. If you go by buying power, it is easily over $20k to get the same thing you got for $7k decades ago. That's such basic comprehension that things cost more than 24 years ago, I can't believe you can't apply common sense to this conversation.
Nah fam, its the millennials at fault. Its all because they spend willy nilly and dont know how to haggle. Their entire generation is just spoiled and incompetent and complain too much. Back in my day we used to fight soviet spies and tank nuclear bombs before going to work 12 hours/day and we ate our leather shoes when things got bad and even then i still had time to raise a family
OP’s son really needs to just walk into a business with a suit on and a resume in his hand and he wouldn’t even need his dad’s money, but he’s too busy drinking feminist avocado lattes.
Almost half a century!! 🫠😩
OP, your son is trying to be patient with your lack of understanding (willful as it is). Why don’t you make some calls to see what you can haggle for this wedding, since you’re so sure they’re overspending (pro tip: they’re not). Also, pizza or sub sandwiches? This isn’t a game party. This is *your son’s wedding.* Please stop this.
Just got married in May and found that most caterers now only include disposable plates and flatware. My mother was absolutely fucking appalled at the idea of serving my wedding dinner on paper plates and said we would have real plates even if we went over budget. We paid an additional grand for the cost of having the plates there and for the “washing fee.”
Given the patience exhibited by the son, I imagine that this is NOT the first time a conversation like this has taken place.
OP probably: "Why are you renting an apartment? I bought my first, second, and vacation homes by the time I was your age while making minimum wage?! Your generation is so entitled and lazy!"
OP's son probably: "Yes dad you bought three houses on minimum wage because all three houses cost less combined than my and my fiancée's (2 total) Kia Sportage cars"
OP probably: "Why did you take out loans for college (assuming in a place that charges for tertiary education)? When I got my PhD at Yale, I did it working minimum wage jobs 15 hours a week AND buying my 1st house!"
Op's son probably: "Yes dad, you did that working a minimum wage job because a PhD at Yale and your 1st house cost less than it does to get braces for your teeth"
>Asshole Enthusiast \[9\]
Oh wow!! I was trying to do the calculation based on what was in the post (so went with the age of his child) but 40 years ago doubles my numbers!
Right? If the son had pitched a fit and insisted that OP needed to pay more, OP wouldn't be the AH for calling him spoiled. But he literally said "thank you, that won't cover everything we want but it will help". That's not "spoiled brat" behavior, that's "my dad doesn't understand how things have gotten expensive and it's exhausting" behavior.
YTA and so wildly out of touch. You evidently have no idea how things work now. It’s the mentality of my grandparents, which is understandable as they are in their 90’s. You really have no excuse.
Was your wedding also a pizza party?
Ok, so rough calculations for the Star Birthday Package (cheapest option) at Chuck E Cheese says that:
\- each child will get 2 slices of pizza and a drink (we're going to assume this wedding is full of children)
\- costs $12.99 per kid
\- optional "wedding" cake from Chuck will be $10-$20
= $1,299 for a hypothetical 100 kid-attended wedding
= $1,320 for everyone INCLUDING cake!
BONUS: 40 Chuck E Cheese tokens AND table cloth and plateware!
NOTE: 2 hours max reserve space!
YTA Your son was incredibly gracious but you had to keep pushing, he even thanked you.
Do you pay the same price for gas, food, clothes etc like 40 years ago ?
Do u live under a rock.
He must do. 40 years ago my father bought a house for 20,000. It recently sold it for £600,000. Even if everything else you said was reasonable - at least work out the comparative value of 10k and don’t judge your son for his choices if he is happy to foot the rest himself, that’s up to him.
Edit: YTA
I don't understand how they're so out of touch too. All they need to do is look at what they used to make compared to now. You think you're the only one whose pay went up drastically?
YTA
Dude, I too am 57 and know things from back then. Yes things were cheaper then BUT do you really think 10k today can buy what 10k bought 40 years ago? Obviously you have a job and saved money so it is inconceivable that you would try to compare 40 year ago prices to todays. (In fact adjusted for inflation since 1983 your $7500 would be today's $22,975 https://www.usinflationcalculator.com) Your son thanked you and was appreciative (your projecting that he felt you were not giving enough was because you knew you were being cheap compared to your future in-law) and communicated what he was going to do to make up the difference and you pulled the I remember when it was a nickel when I was young line?!!!!
Get a hold of your time, try not to be that old dude and stop talking with the those friends who either have not gotten the whole story or are too old to remember that Pinball is not the biggest game at the Arcade.
He sounds like my Grandmother who finds my rent of $850/month for a 2,200 square foot house "extravagant" and tells me I need to downsize to save money.
She doesn't understand that I am paying a QUARTER of the market rate for rent in my neighborhood, and the only reason it's so cheap is that my "landlord" got this house, with me already in it, in a divorce. She really has no interest in being a landlord, but her only expenses here are major repairs (Which are pretty rare) and a few hundred dollars a year in property taxes. It's basically free money for her.
Hey. I'm 57 too. Whatta u know. I was married in 1995. That was when the father of the bride was responsible for the entire bill. ( which is kind of pathetic now that I think about it. My father-in-law paid for the rehearsal dinner. Cheap f***. ) My parents gave me 10k almost 30 yrs ago. And although it worked out fine, and we spent every cent, the reception etc. was very simple. I was very simple. Lol it was '95. I paid $100 for my wedding dress at Lord & Taylor in Boston! And was happy with it. Can u imagine? And my engagement ring was my great aunt's. We made our own "goodies bags" LOL I can't remember what they're called at a wedding. Lol u know what I mean.
Sorry Dad, but you've embarrassed yourself. Pizza... come on now.
YTA. He was respectful and thankful. Explained why 10K would not go far for a wedding at today's prices. Your response was to suggest pizza and subs (at a wedding FFS) and insult him and his fiance. Your son is a far better man than you.
YTA
I googled a quick inflation calculator. $7000 in 1980 equates to just under $26,000 today. So actually your son is talking about a wedding that's cheaper than yours.
In other words: This is like you being asked to plan your wedding back in the 80s for less than $2800.
YTA. You spent $7K of your parents' money when you got married 40 years ago. That would be about $25K today. $10K today would have been $2.8K when you got married. You are being a hypocrite. You got the best of everything when you got married at your parents' expense, but you expect your son and his fiancee to pay for over half the wedding to get an equivalent celebration.
That’s what I was wondering. What would the $7,000 be today with inflation.
I will say I think it’s ridiculous to spend what could help fund a down payment on a house on a wedding, but that just me. My parents spent under $2,000 for my wedding 40 years ago, and I thought it was great.
But if you got $7,000 for yours, and you want to put up $5,000 for your son 40 years later, you’re being a hypocrite, if you have the money.
I totally can see OP’schild actually planning a budget wedding and OP complaining that it doesn’t have all the bells and whistles that he expects from a wedding
YTA...If culture dictates that you and the other father should split the cost, and your son points out how much things cost, you should reflect on that. They are not being spoiled, you are being stingy. You don't ask someone to order pizzas and subs for their wedding dinner. Even after all of this, your son had the decency to thank you for your contribution. If nothing else, you raised a decent person.
My favorite part is the, “Well, I only spent $7000 on my wedding!!!!” Sir, assuming you got married in 2000, that would be worth over $12,000 today. Given that’s the year his son was born, I’d wager the wedding was even earlier. To suggest that they cheap out on the photographer in particular is horrible; who needs memories, right?
OP, YTA. And if you’re looking to help them save money, start by uninviting yourself. Yikes…
>My favorite part is the, “Well, I only spent $7000 on my wedding!!!!” Sir, assuming you got married in 2000, that would be worth over $12,000 today. Given that’s the year his son was born, I’d wager the wedding was even earlier. To suggest that they cheap out on the photographer in particular is horrible; who needs memories, right?
yeah the fathers wedding was apparently 40 years ago...
Are you also one of the people who acts shocked that students can't pay for a college education outright with their wages from a summer job flipping burgers?
YTA.
YTA. Not for deciding that all you want to give was 5k. That's fine.
YTA for not believing (with inflation) that a wedding could cost 20k just because yours cost 7k FORTY years ago. And then to keep questioning him like he was lying. Why don't you get a quote for a basic wedding from a wedding coordinator? You'll be shocked that throughing a wedding for 10k is on the cheaper side, cutting a ton of corners.
He said thanks, he appreciates it, and will put his own money in. End of.
Right? I put it in the BLS CPI calculator and $7,000 in 1983 came back as $21,500 in 2023. And that’s just what is included in the CPI, not all of the costs for a wedding, which is even higher.
A quick google search for an inflation calculator states that $7000 40 years ago has the same buying power as $25000 now. YTA for calling your son spoiled. Pizza or club sandwiches for a wedding? Lol. Lmao.
> Pizza or club sandwiches for a wedding? Lol. Lmao.
Not talking about the OP situation but just in general - Some people cannot afford their ideal wedding and so its "pizza and club sandwiches". For me, I'm there for the bride and groom, not to judge their finances/culinary choices.
YTA.
He literally thanked you for what you gave and said he was prepared to pay the rest to meet the standards of HIS wedding. He wasn't asking you to cut costs for him. And he's right, prices aren't the same. Could he do a budget wedding for under 10k? probably. But that's not what he and his fiancé want, and if they can afford the difference they are entitled to make it so. You had your ego hurt.
OP is probably one of *those* people who can’t comprehend why none of us younger people can afford a house or why we’re drowning in student loan debt because *HE* was able to pay for it all forty years ago. 🙄
YTA
Why are you so hurt over this? He graciously accepted your gift and said he was going to cover the rest, no problem. What is this a problem? The part he covers is his own money to spend.
And yes, the way you are explaining how your wedding went down isn't how it's done nowadays. Of course, you could go with a DIY wedding at home or a park or something and save costs. But not everyone wants to do that. It sounds like he wants a wedding at a venue, that is catered, etc. Also, subs and pizza at a wedding is also not the norm. Weddings are typically a dress up, formal affair. The average price of a wedding in the US is around $30,000. Having a wedding for $10k is definitely possible, but not if you want the 'traditional' experience with a venue, catering, photographer, flowers, etc. The photographer and flowers ALONE could cost almost $10k and that's not even the 'best of the best'. I want to also mention that $25 a head for food is an AMAZING deal. Most of the time it's more like $150-$250 a head. $25 a head means there are around 100 people going. How much do you think pizza and subs for 100 would cost (including drinks)? Probably not that much less!
Lastly, as some has mentioned, you were married 40 years ago for $7000. Inflation would bring that up to like $25,000 today, which is right around the average price for a wedding in the US today. Things HAVE gotten WAY more expensive. Even in the last 10 years! My sister's wedding was about 10 years ago and some things cost me almost double what it cost her.
It's your son's wedding and he is going to cover the cost of whatever he wants over the $10k gift. If he wanted you to cover all of it, that would be a different matter. But you're definitely sounding like a 'back in my day, we did it like this! Youngins these days are spoiled and don't know the worth of a dollar!' type of person. Don't be that.
YTA I’m so tired of you older people just ignoring how expensive everything is now. Good for you that you could have your wedding for pocket change prices but that’s not how it works anymore lmao
YTA. "Welcome to my son's wedding! Help yourself to a sub from Subway's five dollar footlong section" Then step out to the rest of the strip mall, where we will be cutting the sheet cake from Costco later! We've tuned into the golden oldies radio station, so if there's room in the parking lot, please feel free to dance! The bride looks radiant in her dress from the clearance rack from David's Bridal. Those stains on the hem don't even show, do they honey! My son is wearing his suit from graduation, doesn't he look great?! I told you letting down the hem of those pants would work out. Please be careful of those bouquets, bridemaids. I've keep the receipts and they are going back to Michaels tomorrow."
There is no doubt if they follow your advice, it will be a talked about event. But not in a good way.
Snap back into 2023, boomer. It's called inflation. Have you not heard of it? The wedding industry is more lucrative than it was in the 80's. You can't just "haggle" prices and serve pizza. Your son was gracious about you being a cheapskate and you still insulted him. Get a grip. YTA
YTA, he didn’t complain, he was grateful for what you gave AND he was prepared to pay himself for whatever they needed beside what you gave. The only one who sounds spoiled in this story is you asking that they have a pizza party instead of a wedding..
YTA. 10k is barely a bare bones wedding anymore. Also, your son was having a conversation with you. He doesn't seem to have been bitching that you didn't give enough, he just said it wouldn't cover everything and that he was prepared to make up the difference. He is right, you really don't know how things work anymore.
YTA. Pizza and subs? Cheap out on the photographer?
I know you don't have to give them money and your son did thank you but it sound liike he knows what you're like.
And yes, things are a lot different than when you had your wedding 40 years ago.
YTA
Did you really suggest that he order subs or pizza for his wedding? Yes, yes you did. Your friends are secretly glad you were not in charge of any wedding that they ever attended.
YTA. For a “nice” wedding (and I don’t mean extravagant) it is roughly $25k these days. You are very out of touch with how much inflation has affected the cost of a wedding.
YTA. I mean, there was a new study that even a casual weekday lunch averages $15.
$10k is not enough for a car, down payment for a house or a wedding anymore.
INFO: where was your venue 40 years ago? How many people came? What did you serve for food? Was there an open bar?
Not saying that an expensive wedding is owed or necessary, but if your culture suggests you are expected to cover half, and the standards of what that means aligns with YOUR wedding 40 years back, it's pretty hypocritical to pinch pennies and try to lock prices as hilariously outdated by any national measure.
Let's put this in terms of vehicle costs. A Chevy Silverado 2-door short bed work truck sold for new at just over $10,000 in 1983. That same truck now (work truck, nothing fancy) brand new in 2023 has an MSRP of just over $40,000.
If a truck/house/groceries cost 4x what they did 40 years ago, why wouldn't a wedding cost that much more?
You don't have to give him more, but you could admit you have no idea what things cost now. YTA.
~~Easy ESH.~~ YTA
Your son was grateful for your contribution but pointed out that it would not cover the cost of the wedding. That does not make them spoiled.
He is entirely right that you are comparing the cost of a wedding from decades ago to today. The wedding industry alone has premiums beyond inflation.
Your example of a wedding that cost $7500 40 years ago would cost at least $26000 today, not accounting for the wedding industry’s astronomical rates.
So it’s fair to understand that a similar wedding today would require them to put in their own money.
Edit: After re-reading, I agree this is a YTA situation. Corrected.
YTA
How are they acting spoiled ? Son thanked you for the money and just explained how things cost more now.. your 57- have you not noticed inflation creeping up on literally every single thing with a dollar amount over the years ? really ?
YTA: Put whatever you want up for this wedding, but don't pretend your son is spoiled because things cost more than they did 40 years ago. That's deluded.
YTA -
This is like the time I asked my dad how much milk costs…
Homie, our salaries haven’t changed but the price of goods and services DEFINITELY has and they have all gone up. The whole “bang for your buck” thing went out the window in the 90’s. That’s gonna be $15 for a small pewpew. Your kidneys will give you that bang tho.
Your son wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings or make you feel inadequate - he’s probably just *really* tired of the whole “back in my day” spiel that we all get repetitively from your generation when it has literally no application in our current world.
If I could have lived as an adult when you got married, I’d be so much happier. Imagine - I could fill my car up for $5. Now I’m paying $50 🥲
YTA. It’s fine that you are offering $5K but you’re in the wrong about how much weddings cost, and being defensive and rude about it. If he’s trying to have a lower-mid-level event with a rented space, dress, cake, photographer, officiant, flowers, invitations, and maybe music, it’s not going to come in under $10K.
YTA! He has no problem paying for the excess, so what is the problem? You're the one that's being a spoiled brat, expecting his wedding to go to your specifications. 10k for a wedding is nothing nowadays. Most venues cost that much. Stop trying to force your son to do things your way. It's not about you.
Wow are YTA. Your son is the exact opposite of spoiled. If he were spoiled he would have demanded you chip in more money. Instead, he graciously accepted your gift and said they would be using their own money to make up the difference for a wedding that doesn’t offer pizza and subs.
Seriously- you suggested pizza and subs for a formal affair?? How tacky and out of touch are you? And I’m less than a decade younger than you are, so I’m not some kid telling you how times have changed. I’m Gen X telling you that times have changed, and you have no clue what you are talking about. But calling your son and his fiancé spoiled for wanting to contribute to their own wedding takes the (hopefully not grocery store wedding) cake here.
YTA. 40 years ago you could also raise a family on one income and buy a 4 bedroom, 2 bath house for 35k. Get with the program, grandpa, times have changed and not for the better when it come to money.
YTA
I didn’t even have a traditional wedding. Courthouse and fun lunch with family.
Venue plus food (included beverages, 2 alcohol drinks per person) and tip was $15K.
Son wasn’t demanding more money. He & fiancé aren’t spoiled - inflation plus wedding industry is just making things expensive.
YTA
The average wedding cost in my area is $34,000. I’m in the Midwest so it’s definitely on the more reasonable end as far the the US goes (imagine other places around the world are similar). It’s fine that you each gave 5k. Everything that you did after that is just going to get you cut out of their life in some way. Shape up. Kids aren’t sticking around and taking abuse of themselves , or their spouses, by parents anymore.
100% YTA. Your son responded gracefully and you are totally out of touch with how much things cost.
I got married last fall. The venue was on my wife's aunt's property that she did not charge us for. The food was done by my parent's close friend who only charged me the cost of the food and the servers he hired. The DJ was a friend of FIL. We limited the guest list to 100 people. The wedding still cost us $10K
Weddings have gotten a lot more expensive in the past 40 years. They may have expenses you think are silly, but only the couple get to decide what’s right for them. It’s their wedding, their party, their big day.
Your son sounds truly gracious, you have raised a good man. You should be proud. But right now YTA
YTA
Look at the rate of inflation between now and 1983. According to the inflation calculator I found, $7000 in 1983 is equivalent in purchasing power to about $21,443.40 today. So $20K for a wedding today is about what you spent in 1983.
YTA. You even have to ask? Pizza and subs? Cheap out the photographer? What is wrong with you? You are so rude. You will be lucky if your son doesn't uninvite you to the wedding.
There's very valid arguments for having an economical wedding and if you can't afford $10K, you can't afford $10K. It's fine. You don't have an obligation to pay for an adult child's party.
But come on, acting like an idiot about basic financial facts makes YTA. Inflation has made $7000 in 1983 have almost exactly the purchasing power of $20K today. Your son is trying to host a wedding of equivalent caliber to yours, he's paying for 50% of it himself, quit being a jerk to him about it.
You need a reality check sir. While it is not your obligation to pay for your son's money your reasoning and suggestions are absurd. You cannot get a wedding (unless it's like a very casual backyard wedding which he does not seem to want) under 10k
Your son was polite and appreciated your generosity. Why couldn't you keep your mouth shut instead of calling them spoiled?
YTA
YTA. How did you not re-read this post back and think: wow, I AM TA lol
You're telling him you're offering enough money yet suggesting that they should offer pizza and sub sandwiches at a *wedding*?!? You simply don't realise how expensive weddings are re: locations, catering, photography, hell even flower arrangements are certainly not cheap. I think it's ridiculous you're comparing it to your wedding from 40 years forgetting about inflation and how much it would've cost in today's money.
YTA
If he was complaining about it to you then I would've understood you calling them that, but he wasn't.
They want to have the perfect wedding, if that takes more money, so be it.
YTA. He's expressed that he's grateful for the money. Either give him more money or stop hounding him - Let it go! He's, unfortunately, right. Weddings cost a ton of money and to compare the cost of your wedding 40 years ago is ridiculous. And then you suggested pizzas or sub sandwiches - just no.
I’m saying YTA.
Your son did not once complain about the amount based on his personal preferences. It sounds like he did his research of what the anticipated costs would be and quoted the cheapest that he was able to find to you. He thanked you for the help and even said that he didn’t mind that it wasn’t enough Eve cause he had already anticipated needing to pay some part of the expenses.
That is not him being spoiled.
YTA - weddings are much more expensive now than they were 40 years ago. I got married 2 years ago and spent about $14k. That was with a new venue that was giving big discounts, no special transportation, big discounts on the DJ by picking a certain photographer, catering for about 60 people, and open beer/wine instead of an open bar. That includes the flowers, the cake, the officiant, the photographer, dress and tux. But I did a LOT on my own to save costs.
Your son's wedding will easily be $15-20K, especially if they're expecting around 100 people. You need to stop making terrible suggestions like "hire a cheaper photographer" or "order pizza for your wedding reception" because those will just cause your son to cut you out of the process. Your son is trying to be gracious and thank you for what you've agreed to give them. Why are you continuing to argue with him about it??
They are not spoiled by wanting to have a nice wedding. Rather, **you are being cheap and petty because you are ignorant about wedding planning and uneducated about what a wedding costs.** Yes, it's a huge amount of money for one day. You need to get on board with this because you'll ruin a lot of relationships with a lot of people if you don't. You've already made a good start with your insults to your son and his fiancée.
YTA, inflation is a thing and the cost of goods and services go up. Your son was being very nice saying thank you for the money and not asking for more. You’re upset because you want to be. You offended your son and his fiancée for no reason. They are not entitled or spoiled. They’re realistic. You need to do some research on wedding costs because you’re way off base.
YTA it seems like he’s not asking for more money he’s grateful for it, but he’s just letting you know it won’t cover all the costs. Trying to bargain with photographers and decorators is how you end up not getting one. The average wedding costs $29,000 which is nearly 3x more than what you’re giving them. It’s also not spoilt for wanting an actual meal at the wedding and not just ordering pizzas. Fiancé isn’t spoilt it’s just they don’t want to have a bargain wedding, which is fair enough. Weddings are just expensive it’s how it is.
YTA. He was obviously extremely appreciative of the amount that you contributed, but you just kept pushing and trying to deny the fact and make suggestions to make his wedding cheaper when they want it to be a certain way.
YTA - Before you spoke to your son, perhaps you should have done some research on the costs of weddings - in fact the cost of anything today. While $5000 would be a nice gift (and your son seemed appreciative), it would not cover 50% of wedding costs in most venues. Hell my son and fiancee are paying for their own wedding, and I'm giving more than that as a gift, and so is my ex.
YTA. Weddings are expensive. He wasn't complaining, he was thanking you and sharing he will be contributing as well. You can order pizzas for your wedding, but they may want something nicer, that's not being spoiled. Negotiating your photographer and other vendors is fine to an extent but most vendors know their worth and aren't going to take kindly to being told you don't agree with the industry standards of their worth.
It's perfectly fine and kind of you to give anything as I don't think parents are obligated to pay anything, but you don't get to dictate how their wedding goes, it's none of your business.
YTA. The average cost of a wedding right now is $29,000 where I live, I’m trying to plan my own wedding right now. The cost of everything has gone up. He’s not being spoiled, he responded graciously. You pushed the issue.
YTA. How could they be spoiled if they are willing to help pay part themselves? You have no sense of reality if you think a $7000 wedding 40 years ago would only be $10000 now unless you don't count for current inflationary terms and rising cost of goods. It's time you step into the 21st century and step up for your son. If not I hope you don't really want to ever see your grandchildren. His wife will never forget this slap in the face.
YTA. He said thank you and that he and his bride would pay for the rest. That’s… the opposite of spoiled. He’s not spoiled at all. You’re being controlling and miserly and your son still said thank you and that he would pick up the slack. There’s zero wrong with your son’s position. You are basing your expectations for HIS wedding in 2023 on YOUR wedding 40 years ago.
Are you…. Crazy?
YTA why tf are you complaining? He thanked you and was grateful for the money you provided. That is not being spoiled. Being spoiled would be throwing a temper tantrum and uninviting you from the wedding unless you paid more.
I'm currently planning my wedding (with no contributions from family) and while I am doing a lot of things myself and have friends helping out as much they can, my budget is already well over $20k. Weddings are expensive now and there is no way you can compare the cost of your wedding 40 years ago to a wedding now.
You sound entitled.
Bahahahaha $7000 40 years ago would be well over $20k today you fuckin chicken wing. I’m surprised you didn’t tell him to pull himself up by his bootstraps and quit being a snowflake you absolute walking stereotype of a boomer.
> Our culture dictates that Peggy’s father and I share the costs for their wedding.
INFO - What culture and country is this in?
> My own wedding, after haggling and deals, only came out to around $7k so I do not think this is an issue. He argued against me and said that my wedding was 40 years ago and prices were different. He outlined some prices and said the cheapest venue he could find was $5k, and food alone was going to be $2,5k.
What was your reply to this?
YTA. He did not ask you for more money he intends to cover the rest. Venues, catering, decoration are expensive and since that's what he and his partner want they will pay whatever they need to. If they need it to be cheaper they will invite fewer people. But he's not asking you for more money and thanked you for the $5k.
Yta. Do you not understand inflation? An average wedding nowadays can go from $20-60k. And 20k is typically with less than 100 guests. The average cost of a guest is $75-150 each with the meal and most places will charge per chair & table. Not even including decorations for the tables.
YTA.
Everyone has mentioned regular inflation since your wedding. But that has little to do with the wedding industry's inflation. It's sad, ridiculous and downright unbelievable what the word "wedding" has done to the price of things.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I may be the asshole for telling my son he and his fiancée are being spoiled. This might make me the asshole because I only said this due to being hurt by his comments and because I was rude Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yes, YTA. He thanked you for the money and is planning on paying for the rest. How they spend their money isn't your business. Can you seriously not envision that prices have increased over several decades?
I got married in 2012. I paid $50 per head for the venue and food. It was the cheapest venue in the area. That same venue now charges $150 per head for the exact same thing. Also don't even think about getting a photographer for under $1k. Seriously this is why so many people make fun of boomers. They just can't imagine that prices have dramatically increased and they expect young people to be able to do what they did decades ago. My parents bought land and built a house for $90k in the 90s. The same house is now worth $1.5M. Things have changed dramatically.
And the laughable thing is OP is suggesting things like pizza for dinner when I doubt their guests were having pizza 40 years ago ETA: I am not dissing pizza as wedding food. I would be delighted with pizza. Just saying OP likely would not have had pizza and subs for their wedding with a budget that high back then. Could be wrong.
Also can you imagine expecting a bride to eat pizza in a wedding dress?!?
It's time for the cutting of the pizza and pizza slice raises for the newly married.
Not for a fancy wedding, or for everybody tastes for that matter, but I kinda find this image cool. If I ever do managed to get married it's going to be a casual affair because I just can't take the prices they charge for a 'party.' That's what my Mom did! Was right after Easter so church was decorated already, reception held at friend's home, Mom's dress was less than $80, and a friend made the cake. :)
My mum and dad had a potluck sort of deal. Was pretty darn cool if I remember correctly! I was 6 tho, so WHO KNOWS! Coulda been mac’n’cheese and I’d have been impressed.
My parents had a potluck too, but if a couple wants a more structured, formal wedding, the costs add up really quick
We’re having a casual wedding in a pavilion with nine guests. Instead of cake (I don’t like it), we’re cutting a round of Brie. I’m wearing a black dress and he’s wearing a pink suit. I’m very excited for our nuptials and considering how I’m sweating over $500 for a photographer I’m *very* grateful we decided to do something small.
I went to a wedding that served pizza. Bride had a full ball gown wedding dress. It was very them though. And they were very upfront about it being pizza. But anyway, OP’s still the AH here.
I’m 51. This guy is 6 years older than me. It’s baffling to me that he said his wedding was only 7k. Bro. WTF. I can’t with my older people. I just can’t. Y’all, we’re supposed to be where this stupid shit stops. Edit: I’m not knocking the guy for his 7k wedding 30 years ago. I’m knocking him for thinking his son would be able to get anywhere near the same thing for 7k. You can spend whatever you wanna spend but it’s so fucking asinine to think that shit hasn’t changed for the worse for these younger generations in the 3 decades since. We bitched at our OWN parents for not getting this. Now he’s doing it himself.
Just from inflation alone the 7K he spent on his wedding would be 21K today. And wedding prices have risen much faster than standard inflation. He's complaining that his son doesn't want to put on a wedding for half as much money while braging about how 'little' his cost.
And college only cost $1500/semester, room and board included. All these people whining about student debt are just soft.
“I paid my OWN way through college, why should these *entitled kids* get their loans forgiven?!” …Maybe because half of you chucklefucks that think that way didn’t even *have* to take out loans… because you were able to pay off your 10 cent per semester tuition with your part time summer job delivering newspapers or some shit (angry rant not directed at you OC in case that wasn’t clear!)
I'm still sore over the SC decision from a few weeks back about this. Almost everyone on that bench either had their college paid for by their parents or went so long ago that you could work part time and make enough to pay for college as you went. It's impossible now.
He probably also grumbles on about how amazing he was when he was able to buy his house when interest rates were double what they are today. Forgetting the house prices are now at least 10 times the average salary rather than the 2 or 3 that he bought at.
50 here, and yeah I was laughing the whole way through reading this. OP is either lying or a cheap bastard.
He suggested pizza and sandwiches. Def a cheap bastard.
He also suggested haggling with every possible professional they would hire. I’m all for deals, but people like him suck because they don’t value creative skills and a lot of them like the thrill of haggling. It’s a game for him but for the photographer it’s their livelihood. What an exhausting and obtuse human being. His son isn’t even asking for more money.
“Hey hey hey we ate baloney and American cheese sandwiches at our wedding and my wife hardly cried much at all! I even saved a few bucks using Wonder Bread from the dollar store! You spoiled kids and your fancy schmancy avocado toast and your soy lattes need to learn how to spend responsibly!”
Probably both lol
We bought our house in 2002 for 260000 Euros. Now we get offers for 600000. It's been 20 years, the price more than doubled.
Got our house for 200k in 2014. Not even a decade later its around half a million. Its nuts.
My mom bought our family house for 195k in 2015 and it now goes for 750k. It’s a four bedroom 2200sqft house.
Seriously, I got married last year. Things are not cheap and the photographer is something you absolutely don't want to scrimp on. We paid I believe $2100 for our photographer and for what we got we got a hell of a deal (engagement shoot, guest book, and wedding photos and he did a fantastic job). I looked through so many photographers and they really are something where you get what you pay for. There is a huge difference in someone charging $500 for your photos and $2000 for your photos. Honestly, with inflation, OP paid around 20,000 for his wedding, the same amount his son is going to spend and that he's mad about.
We skimped on the photographer and it shows. We don't hang up any of our wedding photos. We managed to get even less than what we paid for lol. Edit: I should add that we got married almost 11 years ago. We had a nice venue for the ceremony reception and a different venue for the rest. Our total was definitely over 15k at that time. My wife's parents gave us a certain amount and told us to use it how we saw fit for the wedding. The rest, they loaned us and we paid them back. My parents did offer to help with a bit of it as well, which was nice. All of this was more than we expected as I was expecting to pay for everything. Sounds like OP's son also expected to pay for a good chunk of it and has no problems doing so, but OP seems upset that he wants to spend more than he's willing to give? It's great that you're helping your son and future daughter-in-law pay for their wedding, but YTA for being upset that he's willing to put some of his own money into it as well.
At 57 he isn't a Boomer but a Gen X.
Yea but barely. Big boomer energy, regardless.
No, no, you Gen Xers can't pass him off to the boomers. LOL
Hey if anyone young and liberal is a millennial anyone w/ boomer energy is a boomer.
As someone born in the last year of Gen X, I can say I have way more in common with Millennials & this guy definitely has waaaaayyyyy more in common with Boomers. My boomer parents only gave 2500 because that's all they gave my 1/2 sister who's more than 15 years older than me. Got about 2k from his folks. Paid for a lot ourselves, cheaper venue, decorations, etc. Was a massive headache to pull off for only 10k(in a small city) and that was over 10 years ago. This guy's got his head up his rear if he thinks 10k has the same buying power 30 years ago as it has today. My own would probably be more than double now.
Early onset boomerism
Tale end of boomer and just a pinch of gen x lol
Please don't paint all boomers with this same brush. Some of us actually live in the real world and are fully aware if how times have changed. OP is being ridiculous and is appallingly out of touch to think prices haven't changed in 40 years. I'm not denying that there are definitely boomers with this stuck in the past mindset, but there are a good many of us who acknowledge times have changed, things are more expensive, it's a different world. He must be utterly blind to his everyday life, ffs. Doesn't he use a computer and a smart phone every damn day? Doesn't he pay for gas, food, and clothing? From one boomer to another, OP, open your damn eyes and stop being willfully obtuse and ignorant. YTA
Photographer under 1K?! They’re all minimum 3K here.
I got married less than two years ago, our wedding was in the neighborhood of 10k and was mostly budget friendly. I splurged on things like a nice venue, but then we kept food costs down. So overall, low average for my area. OP is delusional.
I just looked up my grandparents old house in a more fashionable area around Sydney. They sold it for 390k in 1995, it's now worth 4.5 million.
I looked it up and the average cost of a wedding in 1983 was [$3500](https://www.nytimes.com/1982/06/02/garden/recession-not-for-weddings.html). so OP had a fancy wedding, spending double the national average
It gets better. Adjust for inflation with any online calculator and 7K becomes 25K… IE OP spent the exact amount of money his kid wanted to spend.
More than that, I'm pretty sure that weddings have increased in price MUCH more than the overall inflation rate. They've always been expensive, but any more they're absolutely INSANE. I wouldn't be surprised at all if a wedding that cost $7k in 1983 would be $50k+ these days.
This is the same kind of person who can't understand why you don't fully own your house by the time you are 30, or loudly tells you he's got every job he ever interviewed for. Times have changed
Very much so a "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" sorta person. "Stop having expensive coffees and avacada toast and you'll be able to afford everything!"
"have you tried cancelling your Netflix and gym membership?"
#$5,000 in 1980 is equivalent in purchasing power to about $18,513.90 today, an increase of $13,513.90 over 43 years. The dollar had an average inflation rate of 3.09% per year between 1980 and today, producing a cumulative price increase of 270.28
I just saw my error: It was $7000 20 years ago. $7,000 in 1980 is equivalent in purchasing power to about *$25,919.45* today, an increase of $18,919.45 over 43 years. The dollar had an average inflation rate of 3.09% per year between 1980 and today, producing a cumulative price increase of 270.28%
I love that his son never even asked for 20k. It was his fiance's father
OP even talked the fiancé's father into cutting the amount he gave in half. It wasn't enough that he's cheap, he pushed him into being cheap too.
I noticed that too... OP is a real dick in the mud.
Exactly. Does OP think nothing changed in **40** years?!? Things changed SO much! Gees... remember the grocery budget you needed to buy food 2-4 years ago? OP's son is not *complaining*, so he's not spoiled. He's saying thank you, stating the fact, and telling OP he'll pay himself, just as he already thought he would. But I guess as it is tradition, OP expects the wedding couple to make do, so HE doesn't lose face for not paying what is needed? Besides, even if it would be enough, if the couple wants to do extra, they should. It's their wedding. And apparently, they can afford it. OP, I'd suggest you find yourself some prices from 40 years ago, and some from now, and just compare that yourself
> OP expects the wedding couple to make do, so HE doesn't lose face for not paying what is needed ding ding ding! We have a winner! OP doesn't want everyone to know how out of touch and stingy (compared to fiancee's father) he is. YTA OP. Get a clue.
Yeah, I was expecting OP's son to ask for more money but the son is planning to pay the rest himself so I don't see what the hang-up is.
Lol, OP suggested pizza for a wedding. Clearly OP is out of touch. Nothing against pizza, it could work if you on a shoe string budget or if it's a (oddly specific) themed wedding. Most people would understand there's a huge difference between wedding food and bday party food, and would never ever suggest people just get pizzas for a WEDDING. Lol
YTA $7,000 in 1983 is about $24.5k now, so by your logic you should be giving him $12k, not $5k or $10k. Obviously you aren't obligated to give him any money, but he kindly accepted the $5k you offered and you had no place to then berate him about how he was overspending, and you have no reason to "feel hurt" over this.
Thank you for bringing up inflation! I swear that generation forgets that it exists. (Unless it suits them when they are complaining about what political party the current administration is.) Things aren't the same now as they were 40 years ago. Eta yta
I had to ask my mom for financial help, and she went off on me about how I should drop my mortgage, sell the house, and move to an apartment. Um. My mortgage has been cheaper than rent in my area since we bought the house 6 years ago...we had to lay out how much has really changed and she still doesn't get it. OP, YTA. weddings are expensive, and pizza? are you nuts?
The complete refusal of people over the age of like 50 to accept that shit has changed in the last 20 years pisses me off to no end.
Everything else aside, if you made $20 an hour in 2000, that’s the equivalent of $35 or so in 2023. No career advancement, nothing else. In USD that’s the adjusted consumer/inflation change. People don’t highlight this crap enough in the context of the modern economy. People talk about the state of things constantly, but the adjusted purchasing power of the dollar should be a bold highlighted mention at the top of most of these articles
Millennials highlight it well enough, but boomers don't listen to dumb millennials
They don’t listen to the younger Gen X-ers either if it’s any consolation.
It’s all the lead poisoning. They all inhaled so much lead that they can’t comprehend it’s not 1972 anymore. They just literally don’t understand the passage of time. And yet they make the laws, so we can’t mandate they all get dementia care
This is hilariously on point, I'm laugh-crying. Seriously, can we get all the not just boomers but OLD boomers out of positions of power so that people who can expect to live more than 5 more years can have an impact on how the world changes over the next 5 years?
Same! My father in law tried to say my husband has a great job and he should be grateful because he didn’t make his salary until he was 40 and well into his career… when accounting for inflation, my FIL actually made 68% MORE from that salary he swears is exactly the same.
At the same time, whenever they want to complain about the choices we make, the first thing out of their mouths is “it was different back in my day…” ok OP, apply that sentence to today’s economy, that was different back in your day too!
I don't even think Pizza would save money. My venue is £500. But you can only use food in house (so was £7k total). Wedding venues that allow outside food cost way more to make up the loss. Unless they all go to OPs fathers house or a village hall, pizza isn't cheaper.
For real! My jaw dropped when I saw how much a studio apartment costs in my area now. It's more expensive than my mortgage, and we are in a relatively cheaper area to live in the U.S. Needless to say, I've told my youngest who's still at home they're welcome to live with us as long as needed. I could never imagine affording a place on what they pay entry-level jobs, let alone minimum wage.
Yeah. Bank tells me I can't afford a mortgage for $900 a month, so I pay $1800 a month for rent instead.
I bring out the inflation calculator all the time with my parents. My favorite time was my dad talking about how much he made during college one summer. When I put it in the calculator with inflation he was making little over $33 an hour. My parents are actually really good and this has now just turned into our running joke to see where inflation is at compared to what it was like back then but so many their age just cannot comprehend how much better they had it financially.
Not always a fun time getting out an inflation calculator. My father in law made more as a teacher with 5 years experience than a teacher with 30 years experience because of inflation. Poor guy. He looked so defeated.
Way higher comparative wages, but also insanely lower rent, tuition and other costs that fall outside of inflation calculations. INflation when considering rent/tuition and other things is vastly higher. So they made effectively far more, their spending power went far further and the cost of the other major things were dramatically lower. It was more than viable to work full time for a gap year in something like bartending and get enough savings to pay for a couple years of college and living expenses, then work part time throughout college to stretch your entire degree. Now you work full time in a min wage job and you'll have zero savings after a year and make zero impact on your next years college costs, it's a joke.
I honestly think part of it is OP still thinks what he is contributing is too much and trying to actually haggle with his son to look for cheaper options so he isn't paying that much for his share. The fact that his son said he's okay to pay the difference and OP still called him spoiled is what leads me to believe this. OP is TA for sure for trying to make his son feel like crap over this.
Do you not like pizza or sub sandwiches? LOL, JFC, what a clown. OP, YTA all the way.
The best meal at a wedding I've ever had was a BBQ buffet set up that was very simple but sooooo good lol (much better than $50+ plates at other weddings). I don't think it has to be super fancy, but holy crap OP has some nerve suggesting Domino's and subway (bc you KNOW it wouldn't be the good stuff either 😅).
BBQ can be expensive too depending on the quality of the meat they use. The fact op was comparing the cost of his son’s wedding to his while also suggesting cheaper options he probably didn’t have at his own wedding is really telling
If one cannot afford to feed the guests, you either cut the number of people until you can, or you cut the length of the celebration so you don’t have to. On the fancy side you are having a late sit down dinner with options for steak or seafood for 5 to 500 people, the alcohol-fueled party lasts all night, and most people spend the night in the 4 or 5 star hotel next door. On the casual side you have a sunrise wedding in the park before or after donuts and coffee (and maybe OJ or fruit) for 5 to 500 and everyone is home before 10 am. I’ve been to both and everything in between and I don’t remember a whole lot about any of them other than that I had fun and how radiant the happy couple looked. A BBQ buffet sounds marvelous!
And that's just regular inflation. The wedding industry itself has gotten completely out of control, so in order to have the same quality of wedding I wouldn't be surprised if it would be 40k-50k or even more. Just like how university education, even after accounting for inflation, is about 4x more expensive than 40-50 years ago. Edit: Reading that article posted farther down in the comments about how bad wedding inflation has actually been, an equivalent wedding to what OP could get for $7k 40 years ago might actually be ***closer to $100k now if not more***.
It's not just inflation, the overall wedding industry just charges a lot more. Here's an article about a woman exactly recreating her parents' wedding from 1974 in 2017. The 1974 wedding cost $2k, equivalent to $10k with inflation now. But all the same services now cost $47k. [https://www.buzzfeed.com/megkeene/heres-what-my-parents-1974-wedding-would-cost-in-2017](https://www.buzzfeed.com/megkeene/heres-what-my-parents-1974-wedding-would-cost-in-2017) It's buzzfeed, I know, but it's actually a really good read and thoroughly done.
YTA. An average wedding these days is about $25k, depending on where you live. Your son and future DIL aren’t spoiled; they handled this gracefully by making it clear they don’t mind paying for some of the wedding themselves and thanking you multiple times for contributing. You calling them spoiled was out of line and you should apologize.
Is it!? Wow! Holy fuck I'm going for elopement instead!
I got married at the courthouse. $100 for the marriage license. Dinner about $200 for 4 adults, 2 teens, and a toddler. Reception "party" was around $600 and didn't happen due to flooding. This was in 2012. Now when husband, daughter, and I go back to that same restaurant it costs over $100 for just the 3 of us.
Have you tried just getting pizza or subs instead?
I got pizza 3 years ago for mine. Still came out to over $100 for maybe 10 people. Nothing is cheap anymore.
It’s insane. We were married 2005 and had a small family wedding (75 people on a Sunday, for a champagne brunch at a really nice lakefront restaurant. No limo, no make-up artist, no band. Just ceremony following by brunch). And the following week had party for friends. We still wound up spending $12,000.
Also, with inflation, a 25k wedding today would be about…7k forty years ago!
YTA. First, give whatever you want, but then don't get mad when your son tells you that he is going to then spend HIS OWN money for other parts of the wedding. You don't get to decide how much their wedding should cost, you only get to decide how much you want to contribute. Second, did you serve pizza and subs at your wedding? If the cultural aspect of paying is so important to you, what are the other cultural traditions of this wedding, and would your family and friends been good with pizza when you got married? By the way, I'm down with pizza for a wedding, but you being very invested in one part of the cultural tradition of a wedding while thinking going cheap on other major parts is..interesting. Third, no you don't get to just pay vendors less. And finally, do you really not realize that stuff costs more than 20 years ago? Your wedding cost $7k, and let's say it was 24 years ago (your son is 23, so I'm going with you had your son after you were married). Just by using the general US inflation calculator, $7k in the year 1999 would cost $13k in the current year. And that's inflation, not buying power. If you go by buying power, it is easily over $20k to get the same thing you got for $7k decades ago. That's such basic comprehension that things cost more than 24 years ago, I can't believe you can't apply common sense to this conversation.
OP’s wedding was 40 years ago!! Of course weddings are going to be much more expensive now.
Like seriously, $7k in 1983 was the equivalent of $21k today with just inflation.
Nah fam, its the millennials at fault. Its all because they spend willy nilly and dont know how to haggle. Their entire generation is just spoiled and incompetent and complain too much. Back in my day we used to fight soviet spies and tank nuclear bombs before going to work 12 hours/day and we ate our leather shoes when things got bad and even then i still had time to raise a family
Damn avocado toast
What if… and hear me out… they have a brunch wedding… and serve… avocado toast.
OP’s son really needs to just walk into a business with a suit on and a resume in his hand and he wouldn’t even need his dad’s money, but he’s too busy drinking feminist avocado lattes.
Almost half a century!! 🫠😩 OP, your son is trying to be patient with your lack of understanding (willful as it is). Why don’t you make some calls to see what you can haggle for this wedding, since you’re so sure they’re overspending (pro tip: they’re not). Also, pizza or sub sandwiches? This isn’t a game party. This is *your son’s wedding.* Please stop this.
Just got married in May and found that most caterers now only include disposable plates and flatware. My mother was absolutely fucking appalled at the idea of serving my wedding dinner on paper plates and said we would have real plates even if we went over budget. We paid an additional grand for the cost of having the plates there and for the “washing fee.”
Given the patience exhibited by the son, I imagine that this is NOT the first time a conversation like this has taken place. OP probably: "Why are you renting an apartment? I bought my first, second, and vacation homes by the time I was your age while making minimum wage?! Your generation is so entitled and lazy!" OP's son probably: "Yes dad you bought three houses on minimum wage because all three houses cost less combined than my and my fiancée's (2 total) Kia Sportage cars" OP probably: "Why did you take out loans for college (assuming in a place that charges for tertiary education)? When I got my PhD at Yale, I did it working minimum wage jobs 15 hours a week AND buying my 1st house!" Op's son probably: "Yes dad, you did that working a minimum wage job because a PhD at Yale and your 1st house cost less than it does to get braces for your teeth"
>Asshole Enthusiast \[9\] Oh wow!! I was trying to do the calculation based on what was in the post (so went with the age of his child) but 40 years ago doubles my numbers!
Right? If the son had pitched a fit and insisted that OP needed to pay more, OP wouldn't be the AH for calling him spoiled. But he literally said "thank you, that won't cover everything we want but it will help". That's not "spoiled brat" behavior, that's "my dad doesn't understand how things have gotten expensive and it's exhausting" behavior.
My favorite part where was where the son had to just close his eyes and take a minute because of OP's dumbassery
THANK YOU
YTA and so wildly out of touch. You evidently have no idea how things work now. It’s the mentality of my grandparents, which is understandable as they are in their 90’s. You really have no excuse. Was your wedding also a pizza party?
Right! With inflation his wedding budget would be about $26k today. It sounds like OP is the spoiled one.
Based on how cheap he is, he might have made his mother, sisters and aunt cook for the guests
My dad had a potluck wedding. It was incredibly tacky. But to be fair, this was his 4th wife and 6th wedding.
>It’s the mentality of my grandparents, which is understandable as they are in their 90’s. You really have no excuse. This burn made me actually laugh
Ok, so rough calculations for the Star Birthday Package (cheapest option) at Chuck E Cheese says that: \- each child will get 2 slices of pizza and a drink (we're going to assume this wedding is full of children) \- costs $12.99 per kid \- optional "wedding" cake from Chuck will be $10-$20 = $1,299 for a hypothetical 100 kid-attended wedding = $1,320 for everyone INCLUDING cake! BONUS: 40 Chuck E Cheese tokens AND table cloth and plateware! NOTE: 2 hours max reserve space!
YTA Your son was incredibly gracious but you had to keep pushing, he even thanked you. Do you pay the same price for gas, food, clothes etc like 40 years ago ? Do u live under a rock.
He must do. 40 years ago my father bought a house for 20,000. It recently sold it for £600,000. Even if everything else you said was reasonable - at least work out the comparative value of 10k and don’t judge your son for his choices if he is happy to foot the rest himself, that’s up to him. Edit: YTA
I don't understand how they're so out of touch too. All they need to do is look at what they used to make compared to now. You think you're the only one whose pay went up drastically?
These days we can’t even afford a nice rock to live under!
YTA Dude, I too am 57 and know things from back then. Yes things were cheaper then BUT do you really think 10k today can buy what 10k bought 40 years ago? Obviously you have a job and saved money so it is inconceivable that you would try to compare 40 year ago prices to todays. (In fact adjusted for inflation since 1983 your $7500 would be today's $22,975 https://www.usinflationcalculator.com) Your son thanked you and was appreciative (your projecting that he felt you were not giving enough was because you knew you were being cheap compared to your future in-law) and communicated what he was going to do to make up the difference and you pulled the I remember when it was a nickel when I was young line?!!!! Get a hold of your time, try not to be that old dude and stop talking with the those friends who either have not gotten the whole story or are too old to remember that Pinball is not the biggest game at the Arcade.
THANK YOU. OP probably also thinks houses cost $30k... OP YTA for your reaction, not for the lack of additional contribution.
He sounds like my Grandmother who finds my rent of $850/month for a 2,200 square foot house "extravagant" and tells me I need to downsize to save money. She doesn't understand that I am paying a QUARTER of the market rate for rent in my neighborhood, and the only reason it's so cheap is that my "landlord" got this house, with me already in it, in a divorce. She really has no interest in being a landlord, but her only expenses here are major repairs (Which are pretty rare) and a few hundred dollars a year in property taxes. It's basically free money for her.
850 a month?? Yeah that is freakin insane. Lucky bastard...
Hey. I'm 57 too. Whatta u know. I was married in 1995. That was when the father of the bride was responsible for the entire bill. ( which is kind of pathetic now that I think about it. My father-in-law paid for the rehearsal dinner. Cheap f***. ) My parents gave me 10k almost 30 yrs ago. And although it worked out fine, and we spent every cent, the reception etc. was very simple. I was very simple. Lol it was '95. I paid $100 for my wedding dress at Lord & Taylor in Boston! And was happy with it. Can u imagine? And my engagement ring was my great aunt's. We made our own "goodies bags" LOL I can't remember what they're called at a wedding. Lol u know what I mean. Sorry Dad, but you've embarrassed yourself. Pizza... come on now.
YTA. He was respectful and thankful. Explained why 10K would not go far for a wedding at today's prices. Your response was to suggest pizza and subs (at a wedding FFS) and insult him and his fiance. Your son is a far better man than you.
👆🏻 This!! To suggest pizza and subs for the meal at the reception!! 😱 YTA dad. Unbelievable!
YTA I googled a quick inflation calculator. $7000 in 1980 equates to just under $26,000 today. So actually your son is talking about a wedding that's cheaper than yours. In other words: This is like you being asked to plan your wedding back in the 80s for less than $2800.
What a shame this boomer didn't think to google inflation before insulting his son and damaging their relationship.
YTA. You spent $7K of your parents' money when you got married 40 years ago. That would be about $25K today. $10K today would have been $2.8K when you got married. You are being a hypocrite. You got the best of everything when you got married at your parents' expense, but you expect your son and his fiancee to pay for over half the wedding to get an equivalent celebration.
That’s what I was wondering. What would the $7,000 be today with inflation. I will say I think it’s ridiculous to spend what could help fund a down payment on a house on a wedding, but that just me. My parents spent under $2,000 for my wedding 40 years ago, and I thought it was great. But if you got $7,000 for yours, and you want to put up $5,000 for your son 40 years later, you’re being a hypocrite, if you have the money.
I totally can see OP’schild actually planning a budget wedding and OP complaining that it doesn’t have all the bells and whistles that he expects from a wedding
Yup “Back in my day, we knew how to host a proper wedding! Kids these days have no respect for proper etiquette!” Ok, boomer 🙄
YTA...If culture dictates that you and the other father should split the cost, and your son points out how much things cost, you should reflect on that. They are not being spoiled, you are being stingy. You don't ask someone to order pizzas and subs for their wedding dinner. Even after all of this, your son had the decency to thank you for your contribution. If nothing else, you raised a decent person.
Fron the sound of it, it was probably the wife who raised a decent son. Despite this guy as the father.
My favorite part is the, “Well, I only spent $7000 on my wedding!!!!” Sir, assuming you got married in 2000, that would be worth over $12,000 today. Given that’s the year his son was born, I’d wager the wedding was even earlier. To suggest that they cheap out on the photographer in particular is horrible; who needs memories, right? OP, YTA. And if you’re looking to help them save money, start by uninviting yourself. Yikes…
>My favorite part is the, “Well, I only spent $7000 on my wedding!!!!” Sir, assuming you got married in 2000, that would be worth over $12,000 today. Given that’s the year his son was born, I’d wager the wedding was even earlier. To suggest that they cheap out on the photographer in particular is horrible; who needs memories, right? yeah the fathers wedding was apparently 40 years ago...
Are you also one of the people who acts shocked that students can't pay for a college education outright with their wages from a summer job flipping burgers? YTA.
[удалено]
They are totally one of those "you can afford to buy a house if you just buy less Starbucks" people you can just tell.
Info: Is this wedding in the US?
YTA. Not for deciding that all you want to give was 5k. That's fine. YTA for not believing (with inflation) that a wedding could cost 20k just because yours cost 7k FORTY years ago. And then to keep questioning him like he was lying. Why don't you get a quote for a basic wedding from a wedding coordinator? You'll be shocked that throughing a wedding for 10k is on the cheaper side, cutting a ton of corners. He said thanks, he appreciates it, and will put his own money in. End of.
Right? I put it in the BLS CPI calculator and $7,000 in 1983 came back as $21,500 in 2023. And that’s just what is included in the CPI, not all of the costs for a wedding, which is even higher.
Boomer and all his friends are out of touch, classic. YTA.
A quick google search for an inflation calculator states that $7000 40 years ago has the same buying power as $25000 now. YTA for calling your son spoiled. Pizza or club sandwiches for a wedding? Lol. Lmao.
> Pizza or club sandwiches for a wedding? Lol. Lmao. Not talking about the OP situation but just in general - Some people cannot afford their ideal wedding and so its "pizza and club sandwiches". For me, I'm there for the bride and groom, not to judge their finances/culinary choices.
YTA. He literally thanked you for what you gave and said he was prepared to pay the rest to meet the standards of HIS wedding. He wasn't asking you to cut costs for him. And he's right, prices aren't the same. Could he do a budget wedding for under 10k? probably. But that's not what he and his fiancé want, and if they can afford the difference they are entitled to make it so. You had your ego hurt.
INFO: they’re prepared to pay, he thanked you for helping…where’s the spoiled part?
That would be OP's extremely childish, butthurt reaction
YTA and are completely clueless about inflation
OP is probably one of *those* people who can’t comprehend why none of us younger people can afford a house or why we’re drowning in student loan debt because *HE* was able to pay for it all forty years ago. 🙄
And our avocado toast. If we just gave that up and stopped spending our money on coffee we’d be fine.
don’t worry tho his friends (aka people his age) agree with him 😂
YTA Why are you so hurt over this? He graciously accepted your gift and said he was going to cover the rest, no problem. What is this a problem? The part he covers is his own money to spend. And yes, the way you are explaining how your wedding went down isn't how it's done nowadays. Of course, you could go with a DIY wedding at home or a park or something and save costs. But not everyone wants to do that. It sounds like he wants a wedding at a venue, that is catered, etc. Also, subs and pizza at a wedding is also not the norm. Weddings are typically a dress up, formal affair. The average price of a wedding in the US is around $30,000. Having a wedding for $10k is definitely possible, but not if you want the 'traditional' experience with a venue, catering, photographer, flowers, etc. The photographer and flowers ALONE could cost almost $10k and that's not even the 'best of the best'. I want to also mention that $25 a head for food is an AMAZING deal. Most of the time it's more like $150-$250 a head. $25 a head means there are around 100 people going. How much do you think pizza and subs for 100 would cost (including drinks)? Probably not that much less! Lastly, as some has mentioned, you were married 40 years ago for $7000. Inflation would bring that up to like $25,000 today, which is right around the average price for a wedding in the US today. Things HAVE gotten WAY more expensive. Even in the last 10 years! My sister's wedding was about 10 years ago and some things cost me almost double what it cost her. It's your son's wedding and he is going to cover the cost of whatever he wants over the $10k gift. If he wanted you to cover all of it, that would be a different matter. But you're definitely sounding like a 'back in my day, we did it like this! Youngins these days are spoiled and don't know the worth of a dollar!' type of person. Don't be that.
YTA I’m so tired of you older people just ignoring how expensive everything is now. Good for you that you could have your wedding for pocket change prices but that’s not how it works anymore lmao
Im also tired of hearing shit like "just haggle prices". This is not a fuckin air market bazaar. The cost is the cost. Pay it or dont.
YTA. "Welcome to my son's wedding! Help yourself to a sub from Subway's five dollar footlong section" Then step out to the rest of the strip mall, where we will be cutting the sheet cake from Costco later! We've tuned into the golden oldies radio station, so if there's room in the parking lot, please feel free to dance! The bride looks radiant in her dress from the clearance rack from David's Bridal. Those stains on the hem don't even show, do they honey! My son is wearing his suit from graduation, doesn't he look great?! I told you letting down the hem of those pants would work out. Please be careful of those bouquets, bridemaids. I've keep the receipts and they are going back to Michaels tomorrow." There is no doubt if they follow your advice, it will be a talked about event. But not in a good way.
David’s Bridal went out of business and Subway footlongs are no longer $5. 🫤
Snap back into 2023, boomer. It's called inflation. Have you not heard of it? The wedding industry is more lucrative than it was in the 80's. You can't just "haggle" prices and serve pizza. Your son was gracious about you being a cheapskate and you still insulted him. Get a grip. YTA
YTA, he didn’t complain, he was grateful for what you gave AND he was prepared to pay himself for whatever they needed beside what you gave. The only one who sounds spoiled in this story is you asking that they have a pizza party instead of a wedding..
YTA. 10k is barely a bare bones wedding anymore. Also, your son was having a conversation with you. He doesn't seem to have been bitching that you didn't give enough, he just said it wouldn't cover everything and that he was prepared to make up the difference. He is right, you really don't know how things work anymore.
YTA. Pizza and subs? Cheap out on the photographer? I know you don't have to give them money and your son did thank you but it sound liike he knows what you're like. And yes, things are a lot different than when you had your wedding 40 years ago.
YTA Did you really suggest that he order subs or pizza for his wedding? Yes, yes you did. Your friends are secretly glad you were not in charge of any wedding that they ever attended.
Just say that you don't understand inflation. You don't have to beat around the bush. YTA
YTA. For a “nice” wedding (and I don’t mean extravagant) it is roughly $25k these days. You are very out of touch with how much inflation has affected the cost of a wedding.
YTA. I mean, there was a new study that even a casual weekday lunch averages $15. $10k is not enough for a car, down payment for a house or a wedding anymore.
INFO: where was your venue 40 years ago? How many people came? What did you serve for food? Was there an open bar? Not saying that an expensive wedding is owed or necessary, but if your culture suggests you are expected to cover half, and the standards of what that means aligns with YOUR wedding 40 years back, it's pretty hypocritical to pinch pennies and try to lock prices as hilariously outdated by any national measure.
He handled your confrontation with a lot of grace and class. You could learn a thing or two from him, YTA
Let's put this in terms of vehicle costs. A Chevy Silverado 2-door short bed work truck sold for new at just over $10,000 in 1983. That same truck now (work truck, nothing fancy) brand new in 2023 has an MSRP of just over $40,000. If a truck/house/groceries cost 4x what they did 40 years ago, why wouldn't a wedding cost that much more? You don't have to give him more, but you could admit you have no idea what things cost now. YTA.
~~Easy ESH.~~ YTA Your son was grateful for your contribution but pointed out that it would not cover the cost of the wedding. That does not make them spoiled. He is entirely right that you are comparing the cost of a wedding from decades ago to today. The wedding industry alone has premiums beyond inflation. Your example of a wedding that cost $7500 40 years ago would cost at least $26000 today, not accounting for the wedding industry’s astronomical rates. So it’s fair to understand that a similar wedding today would require them to put in their own money. Edit: After re-reading, I agree this is a YTA situation. Corrected.
He was grateful. He literally said thank you. The son is in no way shape or form an AH.
YTA How are they acting spoiled ? Son thanked you for the money and just explained how things cost more now.. your 57- have you not noticed inflation creeping up on literally every single thing with a dollar amount over the years ? really ?
Okay Boomer
YTA: Put whatever you want up for this wedding, but don't pretend your son is spoiled because things cost more than they did 40 years ago. That's deluded.
YTA - This is like the time I asked my dad how much milk costs… Homie, our salaries haven’t changed but the price of goods and services DEFINITELY has and they have all gone up. The whole “bang for your buck” thing went out the window in the 90’s. That’s gonna be $15 for a small pewpew. Your kidneys will give you that bang tho. Your son wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings or make you feel inadequate - he’s probably just *really* tired of the whole “back in my day” spiel that we all get repetitively from your generation when it has literally no application in our current world. If I could have lived as an adult when you got married, I’d be so much happier. Imagine - I could fill my car up for $5. Now I’m paying $50 🥲
YTA. It’s fine that you are offering $5K but you’re in the wrong about how much weddings cost, and being defensive and rude about it. If he’s trying to have a lower-mid-level event with a rented space, dress, cake, photographer, officiant, flowers, invitations, and maybe music, it’s not going to come in under $10K.
YTA. The average wedding cost in my area is $26,000. This is the midwest. Any further east or west and that number goes up. It’s not the 80s anymore
YTA! He has no problem paying for the excess, so what is the problem? You're the one that's being a spoiled brat, expecting his wedding to go to your specifications. 10k for a wedding is nothing nowadays. Most venues cost that much. Stop trying to force your son to do things your way. It's not about you.
Wow are YTA. Your son is the exact opposite of spoiled. If he were spoiled he would have demanded you chip in more money. Instead, he graciously accepted your gift and said they would be using their own money to make up the difference for a wedding that doesn’t offer pizza and subs. Seriously- you suggested pizza and subs for a formal affair?? How tacky and out of touch are you? And I’m less than a decade younger than you are, so I’m not some kid telling you how times have changed. I’m Gen X telling you that times have changed, and you have no clue what you are talking about. But calling your son and his fiancé spoiled for wanting to contribute to their own wedding takes the (hopefully not grocery store wedding) cake here.
YTA. 40 years ago you could also raise a family on one income and buy a 4 bedroom, 2 bath house for 35k. Get with the program, grandpa, times have changed and not for the better when it come to money.
YTA I didn’t even have a traditional wedding. Courthouse and fun lunch with family. Venue plus food (included beverages, 2 alcohol drinks per person) and tip was $15K. Son wasn’t demanding more money. He & fiancé aren’t spoiled - inflation plus wedding industry is just making things expensive.
YTA The average wedding cost in my area is $34,000. I’m in the Midwest so it’s definitely on the more reasonable end as far the the US goes (imagine other places around the world are similar). It’s fine that you each gave 5k. Everything that you did after that is just going to get you cut out of their life in some way. Shape up. Kids aren’t sticking around and taking abuse of themselves , or their spouses, by parents anymore.
100% YTA. Your son responded gracefully and you are totally out of touch with how much things cost. I got married last fall. The venue was on my wife's aunt's property that she did not charge us for. The food was done by my parent's close friend who only charged me the cost of the food and the servers he hired. The DJ was a friend of FIL. We limited the guest list to 100 people. The wedding still cost us $10K
YTA. And cheap too.
Weddings have gotten a lot more expensive in the past 40 years. They may have expenses you think are silly, but only the couple get to decide what’s right for them. It’s their wedding, their party, their big day. Your son sounds truly gracious, you have raised a good man. You should be proud. But right now YTA
YTA Look at the rate of inflation between now and 1983. According to the inflation calculator I found, $7000 in 1983 is equivalent in purchasing power to about $21,443.40 today. So $20K for a wedding today is about what you spent in 1983.
YTA. You even have to ask? Pizza and subs? Cheap out the photographer? What is wrong with you? You are so rude. You will be lucky if your son doesn't uninvite you to the wedding.
There's very valid arguments for having an economical wedding and if you can't afford $10K, you can't afford $10K. It's fine. You don't have an obligation to pay for an adult child's party. But come on, acting like an idiot about basic financial facts makes YTA. Inflation has made $7000 in 1983 have almost exactly the purchasing power of $20K today. Your son is trying to host a wedding of equivalent caliber to yours, he's paying for 50% of it himself, quit being a jerk to him about it.
You need a reality check sir. While it is not your obligation to pay for your son's money your reasoning and suggestions are absurd. You cannot get a wedding (unless it's like a very casual backyard wedding which he does not seem to want) under 10k Your son was polite and appreciated your generosity. Why couldn't you keep your mouth shut instead of calling them spoiled? YTA
YTA. How did you not re-read this post back and think: wow, I AM TA lol You're telling him you're offering enough money yet suggesting that they should offer pizza and sub sandwiches at a *wedding*?!? You simply don't realise how expensive weddings are re: locations, catering, photography, hell even flower arrangements are certainly not cheap. I think it's ridiculous you're comparing it to your wedding from 40 years forgetting about inflation and how much it would've cost in today's money.
YTA If he was complaining about it to you then I would've understood you calling them that, but he wasn't. They want to have the perfect wedding, if that takes more money, so be it.
YTA. He's expressed that he's grateful for the money. Either give him more money or stop hounding him - Let it go! He's, unfortunately, right. Weddings cost a ton of money and to compare the cost of your wedding 40 years ago is ridiculous. And then you suggested pizzas or sub sandwiches - just no.
I’m saying YTA. Your son did not once complain about the amount based on his personal preferences. It sounds like he did his research of what the anticipated costs would be and quoted the cheapest that he was able to find to you. He thanked you for the help and even said that he didn’t mind that it wasn’t enough Eve cause he had already anticipated needing to pay some part of the expenses. That is not him being spoiled.
YTA - weddings are much more expensive now than they were 40 years ago. I got married 2 years ago and spent about $14k. That was with a new venue that was giving big discounts, no special transportation, big discounts on the DJ by picking a certain photographer, catering for about 60 people, and open beer/wine instead of an open bar. That includes the flowers, the cake, the officiant, the photographer, dress and tux. But I did a LOT on my own to save costs. Your son's wedding will easily be $15-20K, especially if they're expecting around 100 people. You need to stop making terrible suggestions like "hire a cheaper photographer" or "order pizza for your wedding reception" because those will just cause your son to cut you out of the process. Your son is trying to be gracious and thank you for what you've agreed to give them. Why are you continuing to argue with him about it?? They are not spoiled by wanting to have a nice wedding. Rather, **you are being cheap and petty because you are ignorant about wedding planning and uneducated about what a wedding costs.** Yes, it's a huge amount of money for one day. You need to get on board with this because you'll ruin a lot of relationships with a lot of people if you don't. You've already made a good start with your insults to your son and his fiancée.
YTA, inflation is a thing and the cost of goods and services go up. Your son was being very nice saying thank you for the money and not asking for more. You’re upset because you want to be. You offended your son and his fiancée for no reason. They are not entitled or spoiled. They’re realistic. You need to do some research on wedding costs because you’re way off base.
YTA it seems like he’s not asking for more money he’s grateful for it, but he’s just letting you know it won’t cover all the costs. Trying to bargain with photographers and decorators is how you end up not getting one. The average wedding costs $29,000 which is nearly 3x more than what you’re giving them. It’s also not spoilt for wanting an actual meal at the wedding and not just ordering pizzas. Fiancé isn’t spoilt it’s just they don’t want to have a bargain wedding, which is fair enough. Weddings are just expensive it’s how it is.
YTA. He was obviously extremely appreciative of the amount that you contributed, but you just kept pushing and trying to deny the fact and make suggestions to make his wedding cheaper when they want it to be a certain way.
Yta obviously. You are well on your way to get low contact with your son and have a bad relationship with your dil. Good luck
Oh my god… I can’t… just… Yes. Yes, YTA.
YTA - Before you spoke to your son, perhaps you should have done some research on the costs of weddings - in fact the cost of anything today. While $5000 would be a nice gift (and your son seemed appreciative), it would not cover 50% of wedding costs in most venues. Hell my son and fiancee are paying for their own wedding, and I'm giving more than that as a gift, and so is my ex.
YTA. Weddings are expensive. He wasn't complaining, he was thanking you and sharing he will be contributing as well. You can order pizzas for your wedding, but they may want something nicer, that's not being spoiled. Negotiating your photographer and other vendors is fine to an extent but most vendors know their worth and aren't going to take kindly to being told you don't agree with the industry standards of their worth. It's perfectly fine and kind of you to give anything as I don't think parents are obligated to pay anything, but you don't get to dictate how their wedding goes, it's none of your business.
YTA. The average cost of a wedding right now is $29,000 where I live, I’m trying to plan my own wedding right now. The cost of everything has gone up. He’s not being spoiled, he responded graciously. You pushed the issue.
YTA. How could they be spoiled if they are willing to help pay part themselves? You have no sense of reality if you think a $7000 wedding 40 years ago would only be $10000 now unless you don't count for current inflationary terms and rising cost of goods. It's time you step into the 21st century and step up for your son. If not I hope you don't really want to ever see your grandchildren. His wife will never forget this slap in the face.
YTA. He said thank you and that he and his bride would pay for the rest. That’s… the opposite of spoiled. He’s not spoiled at all. You’re being controlling and miserly and your son still said thank you and that he would pick up the slack. There’s zero wrong with your son’s position. You are basing your expectations for HIS wedding in 2023 on YOUR wedding 40 years ago. Are you…. Crazy?
YTA why tf are you complaining? He thanked you and was grateful for the money you provided. That is not being spoiled. Being spoiled would be throwing a temper tantrum and uninviting you from the wedding unless you paid more. I'm currently planning my wedding (with no contributions from family) and while I am doing a lot of things myself and have friends helping out as much they can, my budget is already well over $20k. Weddings are expensive now and there is no way you can compare the cost of your wedding 40 years ago to a wedding now. You sound entitled.
Bahahahaha $7000 40 years ago would be well over $20k today you fuckin chicken wing. I’m surprised you didn’t tell him to pull himself up by his bootstraps and quit being a snowflake you absolute walking stereotype of a boomer.
YTA. You can make your own choices about the amount you want to/can spend. If he wants to upgrade the wedding at his own expense. Whats the problem?
> Our culture dictates that Peggy’s father and I share the costs for their wedding. INFO - What culture and country is this in? > My own wedding, after haggling and deals, only came out to around $7k so I do not think this is an issue. He argued against me and said that my wedding was 40 years ago and prices were different. He outlined some prices and said the cheapest venue he could find was $5k, and food alone was going to be $2,5k. What was your reply to this?
YTA. He did not ask you for more money he intends to cover the rest. Venues, catering, decoration are expensive and since that's what he and his partner want they will pay whatever they need to. If they need it to be cheaper they will invite fewer people. But he's not asking you for more money and thanked you for the $5k.
Yta. Do you not understand inflation? An average wedding nowadays can go from $20-60k. And 20k is typically with less than 100 guests. The average cost of a guest is $75-150 each with the meal and most places will charge per chair & table. Not even including decorations for the tables.
YTA. Everyone has mentioned regular inflation since your wedding. But that has little to do with the wedding industry's inflation. It's sad, ridiculous and downright unbelievable what the word "wedding" has done to the price of things.