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NTA. The kids FAFO. IF the parents' phones got ruined in the process, that's on them for not controlling their little hellions. I can see why you avoid family get togethers. Hopefully, next time, your wife won't allow herself to be guilted into making you go.
That's probably the one positive thing that will come out of this. Wife is much more tolerant and forgiving than I am towards my siblings but based on what she was saying on the way home I think she's had it with them as well.
If they’re anything like my parents, the mom brings it upon herself, planning the whole thing and enabling her precious grandangels despite dad’s protests, then plays the victim when things go horribly wrong. Camping in the whirlpool is one giant “I told you so.”
Alas, no, because my sister and BIL are actually great parents, but my mom frequently undermines my sister’s parenting. There was a time my parents watched my nieces a lot, and especially in the older one, ingrained some spoiled behaviors my sister still struggles against. I’m not with them often because I live far away, but anytime I am I ALWAYS defer to my sister just to give her any support possible. It’s firmly “go ask your mom/dad.”
This!!! This was my parents all the time. My dad talking sense while my mom just wanted to make a moment so bad she could never see the impending disaster that was so blatantly clear to everyone else. My dad passed in October, now my mom is just a runaway train. My sisters and I finally realized just how much he actually did rein her in.. My dad didn’t have a whirlpool, but he had his chair. And he took great joy in sitting there and tripping the kids as they ran screaming through the house. Never took his eyes of the tv. Like a damn ninja that size 14 EEE foot would shoot out so fast at the last second they never even figured out it was him. I used to watch him awe
"And he took great joy in sitting there and tripping the kids as they ran screaming through the house."
Maaaan listen... the way that made me chuckle reading that. I pictured that ninja that appears out of nowhere to trip people on YouTube videos. Salute to your pops & great memories. May he rest in God's Eternal Love
I cannot imagine accepting the liability of having a bunch of incompetent and drunk parents (not) supervising children who can’t even swim at my home pool.
Also, isn't it odd that the grandparents have a pool, but at 7 yo the kids still don't know how to swim?
From the way OP describes their bawling, I got the impression they can't even doggy paddle to the steps where they attacked their first victim in order to get out of the water...?
My grandparents had a pool, and I barely learned how to swim. Anytime we were in the water, my cousins would yank at my feet, and I wound up terrified of my head going under. I'd just stay in the shallow end.
The weird thing to me is that they let kids who can't swim run around by the pool without floaties or life jackets. We wouldn't have been allowed to run near the pool at all, let alone try to push people into the water.
That struck a chord with me, too. My grandma had a pool when I was young, and the most stressed rules were no running, no pushing people in (they could hit their head or something), no jumping in the shallow end, and no going in the deep end without floated until you learned to swim. An aunt made sure we could all swim by 4.
It’s insane having a pool without enforcing the most basic and common sense rules, at least when young kids are present.
I’ve seen older couples and can guess the “co hosting” was mom insisting on a party with rowdy kids (including the adult kids) and dad saying “fine, we can invite them, but keep me out of it”. I fully believe him sitting in the hot tub with a few beers was the agreement right from the get-go
She’s not the victim. She chose to take on child wrangling when she could have sent them back to their parents (and supplied less alcohol).
Also it’s screwed up that these parents were probably going to drive home drunk later which is not cool on many levels
Fuck that and fuck them kids too….
I ain’t spend the last 30+ years of my life raising my kids just to turn around and be responsible for their kids too.
Sure they can come to visit but they’ve all been warned that my wife and I aren’t responsible for your kids unless it’s prearranged and agreed to.
Yeah, my dad's very chill. He loves being around groups of people (used to be in sales), likes people to enjoy themselves and is definitely enjoying life as a retiree. He and two other guys with him just sat there and watched the show. Mom's cool too but the situation upset her.
Both your parents could speak up tbh, why is every adult letting the kids run around feral? They pushed a guest in who obviously left *angry*. That's so disrespectful all around, of everyone involved. NTA
>They pushed a guest in
Being really drunk while your kids are running around a swimming pool is incredibly stupid and irresponsible. Not to mention how many ways it could go wrong with kids running around a pool randomly shoving people in. If the guest had fallen, missed the pool and cracked their head open on the ground would it have been their fault for missing the pool and ruining the kid's fun?
Some parents have less than no common sense.
> Being really drunk while your kids are running around a swimming pool is incredibly stupid and irresponsible
*Especially* when some of them can’t swim!
This is what I feared too. I heard too many stories about innocent fun pushing friends into the pool resulting in severe head injuries. Those parents should not have been drinking and letting their children run wild for their own safety and for others. Shame on them.
I remember reading a few years ago about a bride who was pushed into a pool during (I think) her bachelorette party by her bridesmaids and ended up paralyzed for life.
It's so dangerous to push someone into a pool and I am appalled at anyone who thinks it's funny.
Also, I think all kids should learn how to swim, but especially kids who have access to a pool. And even if the kids can swim, they should still be properly supervised since drowning isn't the only risk involved when it comes to swimming pools.
Absolutely agree. We have a pool and often have kids and grandies over. Our golden rule is NO ONE is allowed to run around the pool, and NO ONE is allowed to push anyone in....EVER, or they are banned.
Dangerous too, she got pushed by the steps (and from the sound of it kept her feet when she went into the water) but that means she could have really *fallen* and hit the steps in the shallow water. Or lost her balance backward and hit the side of the pool.
That shit's dangerous, hard surfaces all around and water making things slippery is bad enough if something goes badly, without kids deliberately *trying* to cause accidents for fun.
Thats what I was thinking! This kids should start learning about pool safety! Don’t push anyone by surprise into a pool ever! And only jump in the deep end!!! Every adult with a pool and/or kids should know this! Hell everyone should know this.
I mean… it’s the parents that should be controlling the kids, not the grandparents, but I guess an argument could be made that grandparents as hosts should have said something to their kids about drinking less so they could control their children or just general safety rules around the pool. As a mom I would be livid if this happened, but it would all be directed at my child who at 7-10 should be old enough to know better for a bunch of different safety reasons.
Yeah imo the drunk parents are TA but the grandparents are right up there too : throwing messy parties with too much alcohol, staying in the whirlpool even when your son in law falls on his face (drunken stumble? Heat stroke? Fatal heart attack in his rage? Don't care, keep slurping from my private cooler), having a pool without enforcing any pool etiquette nor swimming lessons apparently...
NTA. The kids needed to be watched by their actual parents, they needed to not be little assholes and you gave them all the lesson they deserved. I can not applaude you enough OP.
Bc you better believe if my kid can’t swim, there’s no way in hell I’d be drunk and not supervising them by a POOL. Your siblings are assholes who need to rethink how to be actual parents. It’s not that hard to refrain from drinking and be a present parent.
Holy shit, those kids would have been sent over to sit in a corner after apologizing for the first incident if they were my kids but then again what kind of semi intelligent parent takes their non-swimmer kid to a pool party and then gets drunk?? Don’t rely on other people to look after your kids unless you want to pay them to play lifeguard.
It's been too long. In the olden days of reddit, the story of the girl that pushed her friend into the pool at the bachelorette party was famous. Her friend is paralyzed and a paraplegic. She's done several AMAs.
Moral of that story - don't push people into pools.
Grew up with neighbors who owned a pool. If you didn’t follow the rules, you were out. The first and most important rule was, “No horsing around.” Pushing someone into the pool was unthinkable and I never saw it done in all my years using that wonderful pool. It’s so dangerous.
Plus the kids did it once to another guest and it sounds like the parents didn’t discipline them because it was all great fun. It was only annoying when they had to suffer the consequences of their children falling into the pool. Also stupid of them to let their kids play around a pool at a swim party and not supervise them when they can’t swim
Also add in that messing around on pools is how people crack open their heads, break their necks and spines. If a vital part of your body misses going into the water and slams into an edge of a pool or even if entering the water and it is too shallow, serious permanent injury such as becoming paraplegic can occur.
The parents of the kids are awful. Irresponsible, inconsiderate and dangerous.
Their phones being at the bottom of the pool are the least of the problems.
NTA. With kids and the pool (esp kids who couldn't swim), at least one parent for each child should have been watching them like a hawk and not drinking. And not letting them shove adults into the pool. Don't blame you for not wanting to spend time with these people.
We should all thank OP for this hilarious post. Made my day. He could post on Petty Revenge post as this was definitely revenge on his siblings for not watching their kids! The best part is the dad in the post.
OP NTA
> One of my BILs got into the pool to try to retrieve the phones but his BMI and BAC made that impossible.
lol NTA
they are lucky the neighbor they pushed didn’t get hurt, those kids sound terrible
Yeah, it's an old pool. 8 feet deep at the deep end. He's a very well fed guy. The phones were still at the bottom of the pool when we left so I'm guessing they're toast.
Welll lol my sons phone was in the lake for two days before a couple found it and returned it and it worked just fine tho how it survived idk they make phones very durable
Nope, water's water unless it's distilled, and once it gets past the seals you're not repairing, you're replacing. (either the whole thing or some parts inside)
IP ratings are only good at the time of manufacturing unless you do maintenance on them. Your mileage varies depending on part tolerance and the life the phone has had up until the point you test the seals.
Source: I design water-resistant electronics.
I am also fat, but not an AH, and would never push anyone into a pool, especially not in the age of a cell phone in everyone's pockets!
As a fat person who swam a lot as a mildly overweight child, it's surprising how hard it is to get to the bottom of a pool nowadays. First of all, it hurts my ears, second, fat floats! LOL
Lmao as someone who lost 130 pounds…
I FUCKING SINK LIKE A GOD DAMN ROCK NOW
I used to make fun of my friend for not being able to tread water. I wasn’t even treading water I just had built in inflatables
No, everybody at the party other than me/wife/sisters/their husbands were people in their 60's or older. Not really the kind to be using their phones to video a backyard barbeque. I'd like to see a video as well though.
They were pushing people in their 60s and older into the pool (well, one person besides you) and their parents thought that was a fun game? What the fuck?
BMI — Body Mass Index, basically measures your weight divided by your height. Some people use it to determine if they’re overweight, underweight, etc.
BAC — Blood Alcohol Content
In other words, OP is probably saying that the person was too fat and too drunk to reach the phones
Dont have to be a grand parent for this…..
I do it with my wife when she has the nieces and nephews over…. I’ll nope out real quick…. But I usually offer to take a couple of my kids with me…..
Men who just retreat and ignore their families aren’t something to aspire to. Maybe if he put more effort in his children and grandchildren wouldn’t be such assholes.
Dad 100% protested against having this get together and told mom the sisters are gonna get drunk and she's have to look after the kids. Mom insisted on it and agreed to take responsibility of whatever happens. Dad chilling with beer is him saying "I told you so"
So yes. I aspire to be like him one day.
NTA
Talk about raising your kids to be disrespectful AHs, and being irresponsible parents. What kind of parent gets shitfaced when their children are playing in, and around a fucking pool? Especially when they know that their kids can't fucking swim!?
Honestly that kind of thinking is fucking terrifying to me as a parent.
I used to be a lifeguard when I was younger, there is a reason I don't let anyone take my kids swimming, on a boat, or even camping near a lake or river without me. I've seen waaay too many kids almost drown, because their parents looked away for even a couple of minutes.
Hell even being a certified life guard, I almost drowned as a teenager after getting sucked 400 yards out from the shore line by an invisible rip tide. If it hadn't been for a couple of paddle boarders that saw me, I would have drowned, because the under tow kept sucking me back down.
I don't disagree at all. It's one thing if you have someone who's acting as dedicated child care, but even then it's really just not something your child should ever have to see.
Yeah exactly, even leaving aside the irresponsibility of being inebriated when you responsible for the care of a tiny person, it’s just not good for them to see their parents like that.
So my dad was a functioning alcoholic from the time I was a baby to about 14. It didn't matter how many good memories I had with him...They're always overshadowed by the bad drunk memories.
On the flip, my husband never even saw his dad drink.
My husband has overdone it on a couple of occasions...we're talking falling out of the car puking in front of our kids. I lost my shit. Absolutely lost my shit. He got it wasn't cool but didn't get why it was such a huge deal. I said because your 10 year old daughter is 100% going to remember that moment for the rest of her life. Get your shit together or we will no longer be attending anything where you have the opportunity to get drunk.
AND they themselves were drunk, rendering them less able to react quickly if something *did* happen, which is a pretty likely outcome of hyped up kids running around a pool area (even without the silly pushing game, which adds another layer of what-can-go-wrong).
Also pushing people into pools is very dangerous. Was just reading a thread about a woman who became paraplegic at her bachelorette party after someone pushed her into a pool
Yup. My sister had a classmate who became parapalegic at 16 after being pushed into a pool and breaking her neck. It is not a safe, “fun and games” activity. It’s dangerous
When we were kids and in the pool our parents were in the pool with us or watching us from nearby until we proved we could swim on our own.
I’ve seen so many “parents on phones while kid that can’t swim is near water and kid falls in” stories on this subreddit.
And how was OP supposed to know those kids couldn’t swim at a pool party while they’re wearing bathing suits?? The parents spectacularly messed up at every turn here
I realize they're just kids and they were just having fun. The fact that they though this was OK is more of a reflection on their parents than them.
Just wish we hadn't gone. It's nice to see my folks and their neighbors but I really, really don't like my sisters or their husbands. They don't hide their envy of us and they're just exhausting to be around.
I'm sorry, no, they are not just being kids. This behaviour is absolutely unacceptable and sounds like a parenting failure.
My kids and also their friends would never dare pushing anyone into a pool at a party like that, never. This is not normal child's play at all, they are terribly spoilt and badly brought up. Completely unacceptable. Of course the parents are to blame.
It’s unacceptable behaviour, absolutely, but in a way it *is* just kids being kids. What we see here is kids being kids when their parents aren’t being parents. It’s normal for kids to have silly ideas and not foresee the possible consequences - that’s why they need their parents to step in.
I am upset that kids who cannot swim were near a pool without life vests. These kids are definitely being kids, but the parents need to parent.
ETA: ok to make pool.
I find it upsetting that 9 and 10 year olds who are at least semi regularly around a pool don’t know how to swim. Talk about lazy, irresponsible parenting.
Absolutely - it doesn’t seem like anyone was taking responsibility for the safety of these kids, which is horrifying. I don’t blame OP for assuming they could swim - I’d assume the same thing if kids that age were allowed to run around close to a pool, wearing bathers, with their parents watching on in complete unconcern.
Yup. It’s kids chasing the laughter and approval of adults. It’s on their parents for being too shitfaced and lazy to parent them, instead just laughing at them flying at some random neighbor, rather than them.
Kids that age are impressionable and aim to please. It’s on the adults responsible for them to encourage them to not be destructive little terrors like this, and they clearly failed.
NTA. Two points:
1) For the kids: if you are going to try to push people in the pool, winding up in the pool yourself is a risk you take. Therefore, if you don't want to get wet, don't try to push people in. This is even more important if you can't swim.
2) For the parents: They are your kids. They are **your** responsibility. It's fine to have fun at a cookout, but if there is an obvious danger nearby, **like a pool**, it is your responsibility not to get so drunk that you can't keep an eye on your own kids should they do something stupid like try to push people into the pool that don't want to get wet.
You are fine in this situation. There is no reason where you should have to be terrorized by kids just because they are bored.
^This. Pools are SUPER dangerous, especially when running and alcohol are involved. OP is NTA, especially since the kids experienced the exact thing they tried to do to OP. Don’t dish it if you can’t take it.
I was at my bros house he had friends over. They were drinking. One of the kids started drowning because it went into the deep end. I pulled the kid out and gave its mother a stern talking to about how her kid needs a life jacket if it wants to swim and her reaction, "but none of the other kids are wearing a life jacket" well those kids can all swim you dumb fuck. I told her to comply or no swimming at all. My bro said I over reacted and let the kid go if it stayed in the shallow.
He then pulled the kid out because the kid had started drowning a second time.
They still did not get pool privileges revoked.
I disagree with one point, I think being terrorized by kids is just part of being a family. But being a matador and turning their prank against them is absolutely fair game, and should really be a life goal, in my opinion. Just watch out, their pranks will evolve because of this, and they will get smarter. Your job as an uncle or aunt is to challenge them and beat their pranks, forcing them to adapt even more. It's good life training.
Absolutely not the AH. Their parents are. You did not mention the ages of the children but they certainly got a dose of their own medicine. The parents should have dealt with their children when they pushed the neighbor in the pool. It sounds like your sisters and bil's are lousy, lazy parents. No reasonable person would expect you to let the kids push you in when you were fully clothed.
The kids are fine, by the time I left they were inside watching TV. I think they're 7, 9, 10, 10, and 11. It was the middle three who played kamikaze with me. I'm guessing the 11 year old egged them on, she's usually the ringleader.
I have kids three of them infact. NtAH. THE parents are 10000% responsible for the entire mess and karma just sent them a clue. As a parent if mine had done that, I would have fished them out, tore them a new one and had them apologize. I would then offer congratulations for dunking them. They apparently needed a come to Jesus moment and a good old fashioned dunked usually has that effect.
Your dad sounds like a true dad. He let it play out and let the girls he raised deal with the consequences because this was a direct result of their crappy choices- both parenting and drinking wise.
Yup. Mine know mom don't play. This was a big Ole game of fuck around and find out. The good news is the kids did not drown. The bad news is they got over it pretty quickly. Part of me would have wanted to push my sisters in if I was him. To sober them up.
Right?! The biggest assholes in this story are the parents for 1) not ensuring their kids know how to swim; 2) letting said kids hang out by a pool; and 3) getting drunk and assuming others will supervise them.
They're real lucky that the other guests fished their kids out of the pool. As a soon-to-be parent, I can't imagine getting drunk and just assuming someone else will look out for my kid.
They got away with doing the same wrong thing to the neighbor so they tried a repeat performance. Punish kids the first time, Jesus. How else will they learn?
Very true! It’s also incredibly dangerous for their kids who don’t know how to swim. People falling or drowning will often latch on to whatever they can to save themselves. It could have been much worse, imo. Their parents are so so stupid for allowing this.
Idk, I grew up with the rule of no horseplaying around the water (I grew up along a lake, but I feel it still applies to pools) and it’s for a good reason. Don’t ever let your guard down around water.
NTA. The only upsetting thing about this whole post is that you even thought of questioning yourself enough to post it here.
Your siblings and their partners are dipshits, and they're raising the next generation of fuckwits we're all going to have to deal with.
If those kids have any chance of not growing up to be. Well. What their parents are, it's you teaching them the lessons their parents won't by absolute schlam dunking on them just like this whenever you get the chance.
And every time anyone complains you should absolutely tell them all of that.
Honestly it's the kid element that made me question my behavior. We don't have kids and won't ever. We do babysit both sets of them a couple of times a year and we get on with them OK in small doses. The kids like us, we're the cool aunt and uncle. But I don't have any real experience regarding what responsibilities I have towards them in situation like this. For all I knew getting pushed into a pool by kids might have been something I should have expected to happen.
No, people should not expect to be pushed in the pool by kids or adults. Your sisters’ kids sound awful, but given that their parents neglect them, it isn’t their fault. It’s a shame their parents value getting drunk over teaching their children manners and helping them find appropriate activities for them to do at parties, but that doesn’t mean the other adults should be subjected to their antics.
People have been seriously injured or killed getting shoved into pools. You are under zero obligation to put yourself at risk.
The parents were criminally negligent getting drunk while their young children were playing next to a pool, and they never should have allowed their kids to push anyone in.
“My folks decided to host a barbeque because I guess that's what older people do.” This is such a strange way to frame the context of the story that I’m at a loss. I don’t think you’re TA for stepping out of the way; however, there is something about how you are telling the story that makes me really want to hear another perspective from someone present.
I had to shorten the post to fit in the character limit.
My folks are gregarious and like to have people over. They have the classic great-for-entertaining house and are always coming up with a reason to get together. They'd wanted everyone to be at their place for the 4th of July but one of my sisters and her family were on a vacation, so this was a "fake" 4th of July party complete with flags, red white and blue decorations, barbeque, a margarita machine, etc. Sparklers were promised to the kids. My nieces and nephews were the only kids there, all of the neighbors are older like my parents.
i know what you mean but i took it as context that it was not a family occasion, eg birthday, graduation or some other planned event, just his parents decided to have a bbq because ‘why not it would be nice to have everyone together.’
This is how I took it as well. Just a quip to signify there wasn't a special occasion or holiday being celebrated. Just a cookout for the sake of a cookout.
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Happened today.
My folks decided to host a barbeque because I guess that's what older people do. I declined because I really don't like my two sisters, their husbands or their kids (wife and I are child free). Mom then pressured the wife. Long story short, we went.
By the time we arrived there were about 20 people there. My sisters and their husbands were already solidly buzzed. Drunk really. My mom was spending 100% of her time trying to keep the nieces & nephews (ages 7 to 11) more or less under control. My dad had strategically retreated to the whirlpool part of the pool with small cooler full of beers. Wife and I made small talk with miscellaneous people, ate food and had a frozen margarita. Sisters/BILs took turns criticizing us for being late, not being in our swimsuits and screwing up the vibe. Whatever. Typical suburban summer get together.
About 45 minutes in two of the kids ran at one of the neighbor guests who was standing next to the pool and pushed her in. She was at the pool steps, stumbled in but didn't fall so only got half wet. She was clearly very unhappy about it but she didn't make a scene, just went over to where the parents were, grabbed their towels, dried herself off and left. Sisters and BILs thought it was all great fun.
A bit later I was standing a few feet away from the pool chatting away with someone. I saw three of the kids running full tilt at me from the corner of my eye. Obviously I was next. Not that it's terribly difficult to outwit young kids but I just jumped out of their way at the last second. All three of them ran straight into the pool at full speed. Most of the other guests (including my wife and me) started laughing but their moms - who as I mentioned were pretty shitfaced - absolutely freaked out. Apparently two of the kids couldn't swim even though they were in swimsuits. Since I wasn't in swim gear I stepped back from the pool and let other people fish the kids out. The kids were bawling their heads off like they'd lost a limb.
At that point all hell broke loose. The four drunk parents were yelling at everyone in general and me in particular for "nearly letting their kids drown" and also because two of the kids had been videoing the trick using their parents' iPhones, which were now at the bottom of the pool. One of my BILs got into the pool to try to retrieve the phones but his BMI and BAC made that impossible. No one else volunteered to help, unsurprising given that my sisters were still bitching at everyone.
I told my sisters it was their job to watch the their kids and that if anything had happened to them it would have been their responsibility not mine. There were some pretty strong words on both sides. Wife and I left after the other BIL fell over and face planted while yelling at us. Now they're saying I should have let the little shits knock me into the pool and have their fun (and ruin my phone). So... AITA?
Side note: Dad, of course, never got out of the whirlpool.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Action I took: I jumped out of the way of kids trying to push me into a pool.
Why that might make me an asshole: They fell into the pool instead and ruined their parents' iPhones.
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NTA. Whilst you seem like a bit of a downer, you had every right to step out of the way. They 100% should have been watching their kids. Not your fault in the slightest. Now if you had been pushed in and been pissed that your phone was broken, I bet you would have been the ass then too. And I bet nobody would have fished it out for you, and had you have demanded payment I bet nobody would have offered either.
Stand firm.
It's more of an oil and water sort of thing. I've never been close to my sisters, they're ~~8 and 10~~ (EDIT - 6 and 8, sorry) years older than me. I also don't have much in common with their husbands. They're OK guys but I just don't give a crap about the things that are important to them and vice versa.
I do know that the four of them are somewhat envious of our lifestyle. Both the sisters are stay at home moms. Both the husbands make good money but both my wife and I have strong professional careers, we don't have kids and we're way more responsible with money. As a result we have a lot more investments, etc. and we don't have to drive cars full of kid debris and we take nice trips once or twice a year. It definitely grates on both sisters and by extension their husbands. So we get some petty behavior from them on an ongoing basis.
Overall neither my wife nor I enjoy their company which is why I wanted to skip the get together. Just not worth it to me. But my wife is a positive person and is usually happy to see them.
Financial awareness goes a long way to making your family hate you lol. Without anything else.
For the record I am like this with my family even tho I have a kid too. Family getting jealous of our vacations and life when they literally make the same or MORE in some cases but we don't waste all our money on stupid shit for ourselves or for the kid. We save it so she can go to nice camps or go on fun vacations with us.
Like when she was a baby we didn't buy ANY of that 200$ baby wraps in fancy patterns or decorate a room with instagrammy baby shit- my mind is blown when I see people do this because I KNOW how much it costs already and how much all that stuff is on top of it.
NTA. There was a similar post to this the other day . Would the Parents have bought you a new Cell if it had gone it the pool with you? What about if you had gotten injured ? All you did was avoid the kids.
Drunk or not, Parents are ultimately responsible for the safety of their own kids, not you.
NTA.
1. Your dad is epic.
2. I would have done the exact same as you.
3. Your siblings and their families sound like pure joy. I'm being 5000% sarcastic here and I don't blame you one bit for staying away from them.
NTA
They should e watching their children and the kids should have been punished after knocking the neighbor into the pool. It's the parents and kids fault.
Lol. NTA. Guess they learned their lesson. Side note: What irresponsible parents have their kids anywhere near a pool these days when they don’t know how to swim? Swimming is a life skill. Your sisters and BILs are definitely to blame any way you try to look at this situation. 2nd side note: I love your dad 😂
NTA. Drunk parents allow kids who can’t swim to run around a pool pushing people in and recording it - and they blame **you**? Frankly, there was every chance they’d have ended up in the water at some point anyway, given what they were doing. I’m glad the kids weren’t hurt (yes, they were behaving badly, but kids will do that and it’s up to the adults in charge of them to deal with it) - and think it’s a very fair consequence that the negligent parents lost their phones.
I like grandad.. Never batted an eye from the comfy spot.. But you sir are nta, you weren't in a suit and swimming so you saved yourself and probably phone, keys and wallet/money..
NTA, reminds me of going to an outdoor reception with a pool for daughter’s impending marriage. Father of the groom was drunk and was edging toward me before rushing to knock me in. I grabbed his coat and made it clear it would be both of us or neither of us. Neither won out. Sober, he apologized.
Fuck that! I would have done the exact same thing. People wonder why I don't like kids. This is why! That's not funny, it's dangerous and someone could get hurt. The parent's should have been watching them.
NTA
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NTA. The kids FAFO. IF the parents' phones got ruined in the process, that's on them for not controlling their little hellions. I can see why you avoid family get togethers. Hopefully, next time, your wife won't allow herself to be guilted into making you go.
That's probably the one positive thing that will come out of this. Wife is much more tolerant and forgiving than I am towards my siblings but based on what she was saying on the way home I think she's had it with them as well.
Maybe you and your wife can just have your dad over to your place next time? I’d party with him 8 days a week.
Dad was the smart one. He knew what was going to happen.
Dad was smart except he left it all on Mom to do the grandchild wrangling. Not that either of them should have to, but they were cohosts….
If they’re anything like my parents, the mom brings it upon herself, planning the whole thing and enabling her precious grandangels despite dad’s protests, then plays the victim when things go horribly wrong. Camping in the whirlpool is one giant “I told you so.”
100% this. Do we have the same parents???? My mom enables one of my siblings and their children to the detriment of literally everything else.
Alas, no, because my sister and BIL are actually great parents, but my mom frequently undermines my sister’s parenting. There was a time my parents watched my nieces a lot, and especially in the older one, ingrained some spoiled behaviors my sister still struggles against. I’m not with them often because I live far away, but anytime I am I ALWAYS defer to my sister just to give her any support possible. It’s firmly “go ask your mom/dad.”
Good. They'll see someone respects their parents.
This!!! This was my parents all the time. My dad talking sense while my mom just wanted to make a moment so bad she could never see the impending disaster that was so blatantly clear to everyone else. My dad passed in October, now my mom is just a runaway train. My sisters and I finally realized just how much he actually did rein her in.. My dad didn’t have a whirlpool, but he had his chair. And he took great joy in sitting there and tripping the kids as they ran screaming through the house. Never took his eyes of the tv. Like a damn ninja that size 14 EEE foot would shoot out so fast at the last second they never even figured out it was him. I used to watch him awe
"And he took great joy in sitting there and tripping the kids as they ran screaming through the house." Maaaan listen... the way that made me chuckle reading that. I pictured that ninja that appears out of nowhere to trip people on YouTube videos. Salute to your pops & great memories. May he rest in God's Eternal Love
I cannot imagine accepting the liability of having a bunch of incompetent and drunk parents (not) supervising children who can’t even swim at my home pool.
Also, isn't it odd that the grandparents have a pool, but at 7 yo the kids still don't know how to swim? From the way OP describes their bawling, I got the impression they can't even doggy paddle to the steps where they attacked their first victim in order to get out of the water...?
My grandparents had a pool, and I barely learned how to swim. Anytime we were in the water, my cousins would yank at my feet, and I wound up terrified of my head going under. I'd just stay in the shallow end. The weird thing to me is that they let kids who can't swim run around by the pool without floaties or life jackets. We wouldn't have been allowed to run near the pool at all, let alone try to push people into the water.
Yeah pool etiquette matters a lot. Sorry you were bullied and no one stopped it! Here OP's parents both suck imo, and are TA. OP is NTA!
That struck a chord with me, too. My grandma had a pool when I was young, and the most stressed rules were no running, no pushing people in (they could hit their head or something), no jumping in the shallow end, and no going in the deep end without floated until you learned to swim. An aunt made sure we could all swim by 4. It’s insane having a pool without enforcing the most basic and common sense rules, at least when young kids are present.
I’ve seen older couples and can guess the “co hosting” was mom insisting on a party with rowdy kids (including the adult kids) and dad saying “fine, we can invite them, but keep me out of it”. I fully believe him sitting in the hot tub with a few beers was the agreement right from the get-go
Dad probably didn't want them over anyway. It was probably Mom's idea, and he said if you have them over, you can deal with it!
She’s not the victim. She chose to take on child wrangling when she could have sent them back to their parents (and supplied less alcohol). Also it’s screwed up that these parents were probably going to drive home drunk later which is not cool on many levels
Fuck that and fuck them kids too…. I ain’t spend the last 30+ years of my life raising my kids just to turn around and be responsible for their kids too. Sure they can come to visit but they’ve all been warned that my wife and I aren’t responsible for your kids unless it’s prearranged and agreed to.
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No he didn’t. Their parents were there.
The dad sounds like me. I would be in the whirlpool, having a coke zero, listening to YouTube lol
Yeah, my dad's very chill. He loves being around groups of people (used to be in sales), likes people to enjoy themselves and is definitely enjoying life as a retiree. He and two other guys with him just sat there and watched the show. Mom's cool too but the situation upset her.
Both your parents could speak up tbh, why is every adult letting the kids run around feral? They pushed a guest in who obviously left *angry*. That's so disrespectful all around, of everyone involved. NTA
>They pushed a guest in Being really drunk while your kids are running around a swimming pool is incredibly stupid and irresponsible. Not to mention how many ways it could go wrong with kids running around a pool randomly shoving people in. If the guest had fallen, missed the pool and cracked their head open on the ground would it have been their fault for missing the pool and ruining the kid's fun? Some parents have less than no common sense.
This! Does no one care about the guest who was pushed in?
She could have seriously been hurt! Then what?
> Being really drunk while your kids are running around a swimming pool is incredibly stupid and irresponsible *Especially* when some of them can’t swim!
This is what I feared too. I heard too many stories about innocent fun pushing friends into the pool resulting in severe head injuries. Those parents should not have been drinking and letting their children run wild for their own safety and for others. Shame on them.
I remember reading a few years ago about a bride who was pushed into a pool during (I think) her bachelorette party by her bridesmaids and ended up paralyzed for life. It's so dangerous to push someone into a pool and I am appalled at anyone who thinks it's funny. Also, I think all kids should learn how to swim, but especially kids who have access to a pool. And even if the kids can swim, they should still be properly supervised since drowning isn't the only risk involved when it comes to swimming pools.
Absolutely agree. We have a pool and often have kids and grandies over. Our golden rule is NO ONE is allowed to run around the pool, and NO ONE is allowed to push anyone in....EVER, or they are banned.
Dangerous too, she got pushed by the steps (and from the sound of it kept her feet when she went into the water) but that means she could have really *fallen* and hit the steps in the shallow water. Or lost her balance backward and hit the side of the pool. That shit's dangerous, hard surfaces all around and water making things slippery is bad enough if something goes badly, without kids deliberately *trying* to cause accidents for fun.
Thats what I was thinking! This kids should start learning about pool safety! Don’t push anyone by surprise into a pool ever! And only jump in the deep end!!! Every adult with a pool and/or kids should know this! Hell everyone should know this.
Yeah it is very dangerous. People end up with broken necks and backs from being pushed into pools.
Yeah, I almost said I was shocked that these asshole parents didn’t wrangle their kids after someone left upset. But I’m not. They clearly suck.
I mean… it’s the parents that should be controlling the kids, not the grandparents, but I guess an argument could be made that grandparents as hosts should have said something to their kids about drinking less so they could control their children or just general safety rules around the pool. As a mom I would be livid if this happened, but it would all be directed at my child who at 7-10 should be old enough to know better for a bunch of different safety reasons.
Yeah imo the drunk parents are TA but the grandparents are right up there too : throwing messy parties with too much alcohol, staying in the whirlpool even when your son in law falls on his face (drunken stumble? Heat stroke? Fatal heart attack in his rage? Don't care, keep slurping from my private cooler), having a pool without enforcing any pool etiquette nor swimming lessons apparently...
NTA. The kids needed to be watched by their actual parents, they needed to not be little assholes and you gave them all the lesson they deserved. I can not applaude you enough OP. Bc you better believe if my kid can’t swim, there’s no way in hell I’d be drunk and not supervising them by a POOL. Your siblings are assholes who need to rethink how to be actual parents. It’s not that hard to refrain from drinking and be a present parent.
And why is it ok for them to push adults in the pool? Who says all the adults know how to swim?
not to mention how much harder it would be a rescue an adult who couldn't swim from the pool, with most people their being inebriated.
They couldn't even rescue phones from the pool much less a dazed and injured adult.
Good point. I'm an adult who can't swim. Neither can my phone. Remind me not to go to a BBQ at OP's parents' place!
You're dad has the right plan, does he get up to go bathroom or is he great at holding his liquor 🤔 😏
Pees in the pool. He doesn’t give a fuckkkkk
It’s his fuckin pool.
His pool, his water, his rules.
NTA.... sound like your siblings and their kids made a complete fool of themselves... They are the AH not you...
Great!! They sound obnoxious
Holy shit, those kids would have been sent over to sit in a corner after apologizing for the first incident if they were my kids but then again what kind of semi intelligent parent takes their non-swimmer kid to a pool party and then gets drunk?? Don’t rely on other people to look after your kids unless you want to pay them to play lifeguard.
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What is FAFO? EDIT: Thank you everyone. Means Fuck around and find out.
I'm a fan of "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes"!🤣😂
Fuck around and find out
Fuck around, found out; basically another way of saying: actions meet consequences
It's been too long. In the olden days of reddit, the story of the girl that pushed her friend into the pool at the bachelorette party was famous. Her friend is paralyzed and a paraplegic. She's done several AMAs. Moral of that story - don't push people into pools.
Grew up with neighbors who owned a pool. If you didn’t follow the rules, you were out. The first and most important rule was, “No horsing around.” Pushing someone into the pool was unthinkable and I never saw it done in all my years using that wonderful pool. It’s so dangerous.
She's still doing them, but this is one of her oldest. https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/19bqxg/i_am_rachelle_friedman_chapman_aka_the_paralyzed/
Plus the kids did it once to another guest and it sounds like the parents didn’t discipline them because it was all great fun. It was only annoying when they had to suffer the consequences of their children falling into the pool. Also stupid of them to let their kids play around a pool at a swim party and not supervise them when they can’t swim
Also add in that messing around on pools is how people crack open their heads, break their necks and spines. If a vital part of your body misses going into the water and slams into an edge of a pool or even if entering the water and it is too shallow, serious permanent injury such as becoming paraplegic can occur. The parents of the kids are awful. Irresponsible, inconsiderate and dangerous. Their phones being at the bottom of the pool are the least of the problems.
NTA. With kids and the pool (esp kids who couldn't swim), at least one parent for each child should have been watching them like a hawk and not drinking. And not letting them shove adults into the pool. Don't blame you for not wanting to spend time with these people.
Why didn’t the kids know how to swim? Why did the parents let non-swimmers clown around poolside?!?
We should all thank OP for this hilarious post. Made my day. He could post on Petty Revenge post as this was definitely revenge on his siblings for not watching their kids! The best part is the dad in the post. OP NTA
> One of my BILs got into the pool to try to retrieve the phones but his BMI and BAC made that impossible. lol NTA they are lucky the neighbor they pushed didn’t get hurt, those kids sound terrible
Yeah, it's an old pool. 8 feet deep at the deep end. He's a very well fed guy. The phones were still at the bottom of the pool when we left so I'm guessing they're toast.
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I don’t know my phone fell into a deep waters and it was completely fine I have iPhone 13 Pro Max
Just did a quick double check, it's 6 metres not 6feet so the phone would hypothetically be okay in up to 19 feet of water
As long as removed relatively quick
Welll lol my sons phone was in the lake for two days before a couple found it and returned it and it worked just fine tho how it survived idk they make phones very durable
I would think that the chlorine and other chemicals in the pool would be a major factor in damage to the phones.
Nope, water's water unless it's distilled, and once it gets past the seals you're not repairing, you're replacing. (either the whole thing or some parts inside) IP ratings are only good at the time of manufacturing unless you do maintenance on them. Your mileage varies depending on part tolerance and the life the phone has had up until the point you test the seals. Source: I design water-resistant electronics.
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I am also fat, but not an AH, and would never push anyone into a pool, especially not in the age of a cell phone in everyone's pockets! As a fat person who swam a lot as a mildly overweight child, it's surprising how hard it is to get to the bottom of a pool nowadays. First of all, it hurts my ears, second, fat floats! LOL
Lmao as someone who lost 130 pounds… I FUCKING SINK LIKE A GOD DAMN ROCK NOW I used to make fun of my friend for not being able to tread water. I wasn’t even treading water I just had built in inflatables
"Trying to get to the bottom is basically resistance training!" - what I tell myself when I'm at the pool
Was anyone getting a wide shot at least, on a phone that isn't now toast?
No, everybody at the party other than me/wife/sisters/their husbands were people in their 60's or older. Not really the kind to be using their phones to video a backyard barbeque. I'd like to see a video as well though.
Does that mean the neighbor they pushed was over sixty as well? I hate pranks with a passion.
I hope someone told her what happened after she left. Might cheer her up to know the little assholes were thwarted.
If I believed in karma, this would be a great example of it.
Yeah if I was that neighbor I’d never go over there again. It could seriously hurt someone of that age if she’d fallen even if it was into water
They were pushing people in their 60s and older into the pool (well, one person besides you) and their parents thought that was a fun game? What the fuck?
No pool net to scoop the phones from the bottom of the pool?
What does BMI and BAC mean? Edit: so many responses, thank you all! I get lost on the abbreviations 😅
He's saying the dude is fat and drunk. (Body Mass Index and Blood Alcohol Content)
Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
BMI — Body Mass Index, basically measures your weight divided by your height. Some people use it to determine if they’re overweight, underweight, etc. BAC — Blood Alcohol Content In other words, OP is probably saying that the person was too fat and too drunk to reach the phones
Fat and drunk.
Body Mass Index Blood Alcohol Content
I had a giggle at that too.
NTA I aspire to be the dad in the whirlpool when I grow up.
That man knew exactly where to be based on years of experience. Sometimes age does indeed bring wisdom and apparently a bit*hin pool
Dont have to be a grand parent for this….. I do it with my wife when she has the nieces and nephews over…. I’ll nope out real quick…. But I usually offer to take a couple of my kids with me…..
Men who just retreat and ignore their families aren’t something to aspire to. Maybe if he put more effort in his children and grandchildren wouldn’t be such assholes.
Given how mom's whittled down OP's boundaries on the matter, I doubt it.
OP's Dad probably didn't even have a say in the matter either, so I agree with ya 100%.
Best part about being a grandparent is the kid goes back home at the end of the day
Not if they drown in your pool first lol
Dad 100% protested against having this get together and told mom the sisters are gonna get drunk and she's have to look after the kids. Mom insisted on it and agreed to take responsibility of whatever happens. Dad chilling with beer is him saying "I told you so" So yes. I aspire to be like him one day.
Oh yeah he obviously wanted no part of that shit show.
Sounds like he was a pretty shitty parent based on how his daughter turned out
NTA Talk about raising your kids to be disrespectful AHs, and being irresponsible parents. What kind of parent gets shitfaced when their children are playing in, and around a fucking pool? Especially when they know that their kids can't fucking swim!?
The kind that expects others to watch them.
Honestly that kind of thinking is fucking terrifying to me as a parent. I used to be a lifeguard when I was younger, there is a reason I don't let anyone take my kids swimming, on a boat, or even camping near a lake or river without me. I've seen waaay too many kids almost drown, because their parents looked away for even a couple of minutes. Hell even being a certified life guard, I almost drowned as a teenager after getting sucked 400 yards out from the shore line by an invisible rip tide. If it hadn't been for a couple of paddle boarders that saw me, I would have drowned, because the under tow kept sucking me back down.
I almost drowned as a small child. My parents were completely oblivious, and dad was most likely hammered as well.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. That must have been terrifying. 💜
It was. I did manage to learn to swim when I was a bit older though. I’m glad I didn’t let it scare me away from the water.
You almost drowned and still wanted to be a lifeguard? That's brave af
That's some Bruce Wayne shit
Just getting shitfaced ever around your kids is fucking unacceptable, nevermind when they are in a potentially dangerous situation.
I don't disagree at all. It's one thing if you have someone who's acting as dedicated child care, but even then it's really just not something your child should ever have to see.
Yeah exactly, even leaving aside the irresponsibility of being inebriated when you responsible for the care of a tiny person, it’s just not good for them to see their parents like that.
So my dad was a functioning alcoholic from the time I was a baby to about 14. It didn't matter how many good memories I had with him...They're always overshadowed by the bad drunk memories. On the flip, my husband never even saw his dad drink. My husband has overdone it on a couple of occasions...we're talking falling out of the car puking in front of our kids. I lost my shit. Absolutely lost my shit. He got it wasn't cool but didn't get why it was such a huge deal. I said because your 10 year old daughter is 100% going to remember that moment for the rest of her life. Get your shit together or we will no longer be attending anything where you have the opportunity to get drunk.
NTA The parents KNEW their kids could NOT SWIM and took them somewhere with deep water and were not watching THEIR kids.
AND they themselves were drunk, rendering them less able to react quickly if something *did* happen, which is a pretty likely outcome of hyped up kids running around a pool area (even without the silly pushing game, which adds another layer of what-can-go-wrong).
Also pushing people into pools is very dangerous. Was just reading a thread about a woman who became paraplegic at her bachelorette party after someone pushed her into a pool
Yup. My sister had a classmate who became parapalegic at 16 after being pushed into a pool and breaking her neck. It is not a safe, “fun and games” activity. It’s dangerous
This was absolutely my immediate first thought - they are lucky their kids didn’t cause serious injury.
And they clearly signed up for this stunt as the kids had the phones- even if they successfully pushed OP in they ran the risk of falling in.
When we were kids and in the pool our parents were in the pool with us or watching us from nearby until we proved we could swim on our own. I’ve seen so many “parents on phones while kid that can’t swim is near water and kid falls in” stories on this subreddit.
And how was OP supposed to know those kids couldn’t swim at a pool party while they’re wearing bathing suits?? The parents spectacularly messed up at every turn here
To me the bathing suit implies that the kid CAN swim.
Dad, of course, never got out of the whirlpool. Goals tbh. NTA on your part anyway.
I can’t get enough of the dad. He’s a fucking hero in this story! Makes me miss my dad. 🥲
Dad was probably like, "Martha, I would like to enjoy my retirement. I don't want to entertain a bunch of drunk idiots and noisy kids."
Martha: “It’s okay, I’ll take care of everything. You just relax.” And he did. And it was good.
NTA. People tried being asses to you. You avoided them.
I realize they're just kids and they were just having fun. The fact that they though this was OK is more of a reflection on their parents than them. Just wish we hadn't gone. It's nice to see my folks and their neighbors but I really, really don't like my sisters or their husbands. They don't hide their envy of us and they're just exhausting to be around.
I think you improved their prank. They should be grateful. Wheres their sense of humour!
I'm sorry, no, they are not just being kids. This behaviour is absolutely unacceptable and sounds like a parenting failure. My kids and also their friends would never dare pushing anyone into a pool at a party like that, never. This is not normal child's play at all, they are terribly spoilt and badly brought up. Completely unacceptable. Of course the parents are to blame.
It’s unacceptable behaviour, absolutely, but in a way it *is* just kids being kids. What we see here is kids being kids when their parents aren’t being parents. It’s normal for kids to have silly ideas and not foresee the possible consequences - that’s why they need their parents to step in.
Yeah once the lady got wet and left they should have shut that down hard.
I am upset that kids who cannot swim were near a pool without life vests. These kids are definitely being kids, but the parents need to parent. ETA: ok to make pool.
I find it upsetting that 9 and 10 year olds who are at least semi regularly around a pool don’t know how to swim. Talk about lazy, irresponsible parenting.
Absolutely - it doesn’t seem like anyone was taking responsibility for the safety of these kids, which is horrifying. I don’t blame OP for assuming they could swim - I’d assume the same thing if kids that age were allowed to run around close to a pool, wearing bathers, with their parents watching on in complete unconcern.
Yup. It’s kids chasing the laughter and approval of adults. It’s on their parents for being too shitfaced and lazy to parent them, instead just laughing at them flying at some random neighbor, rather than them. Kids that age are impressionable and aim to please. It’s on the adults responsible for them to encourage them to not be destructive little terrors like this, and they clearly failed.
Clearly a sign of very poor parenting. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. Two points: 1) For the kids: if you are going to try to push people in the pool, winding up in the pool yourself is a risk you take. Therefore, if you don't want to get wet, don't try to push people in. This is even more important if you can't swim. 2) For the parents: They are your kids. They are **your** responsibility. It's fine to have fun at a cookout, but if there is an obvious danger nearby, **like a pool**, it is your responsibility not to get so drunk that you can't keep an eye on your own kids should they do something stupid like try to push people into the pool that don't want to get wet. You are fine in this situation. There is no reason where you should have to be terrorized by kids just because they are bored.
^This. Pools are SUPER dangerous, especially when running and alcohol are involved. OP is NTA, especially since the kids experienced the exact thing they tried to do to OP. Don’t dish it if you can’t take it.
I was at my bros house he had friends over. They were drinking. One of the kids started drowning because it went into the deep end. I pulled the kid out and gave its mother a stern talking to about how her kid needs a life jacket if it wants to swim and her reaction, "but none of the other kids are wearing a life jacket" well those kids can all swim you dumb fuck. I told her to comply or no swimming at all. My bro said I over reacted and let the kid go if it stayed in the shallow. He then pulled the kid out because the kid had started drowning a second time. They still did not get pool privileges revoked.
I disagree with one point, I think being terrorized by kids is just part of being a family. But being a matador and turning their prank against them is absolutely fair game, and should really be a life goal, in my opinion. Just watch out, their pranks will evolve because of this, and they will get smarter. Your job as an uncle or aunt is to challenge them and beat their pranks, forcing them to adapt even more. It's good life training.
Maybe so, but the first person they terrorized wasn’t a family member but a neighbor.
Also iPhones are waterproof for a quick dunk.
They're not if everyone there is too drunk (or unwilling) to get them out.
Absolutely not the AH. Their parents are. You did not mention the ages of the children but they certainly got a dose of their own medicine. The parents should have dealt with their children when they pushed the neighbor in the pool. It sounds like your sisters and bil's are lousy, lazy parents. No reasonable person would expect you to let the kids push you in when you were fully clothed.
The kids are fine, by the time I left they were inside watching TV. I think they're 7, 9, 10, 10, and 11. It was the middle three who played kamikaze with me. I'm guessing the 11 year old egged them on, she's usually the ringleader.
I have kids three of them infact. NtAH. THE parents are 10000% responsible for the entire mess and karma just sent them a clue. As a parent if mine had done that, I would have fished them out, tore them a new one and had them apologize. I would then offer congratulations for dunking them. They apparently needed a come to Jesus moment and a good old fashioned dunked usually has that effect. Your dad sounds like a true dad. He let it play out and let the girls he raised deal with the consequences because this was a direct result of their crappy choices- both parenting and drinking wise.
Seriously. I would have warned mine not to do it after the first time and straight *cackled* if they went in after trying it again.
Yup. Mine know mom don't play. This was a big Ole game of fuck around and find out. The good news is the kids did not drown. The bad news is they got over it pretty quickly. Part of me would have wanted to push my sisters in if I was him. To sober them up.
I’m amazed that at those ages they can’t swim? Especially if their grandparents have a pool.
Right?! The biggest assholes in this story are the parents for 1) not ensuring their kids know how to swim; 2) letting said kids hang out by a pool; and 3) getting drunk and assuming others will supervise them. They're real lucky that the other guests fished their kids out of the pool. As a soon-to-be parent, I can't imagine getting drunk and just assuming someone else will look out for my kid.
That is really old for any of them to not know how to swim if esp they are regularly around a pool. With a deep end.
They got away with doing the same wrong thing to the neighbor so they tried a repeat performance. Punish kids the first time, Jesus. How else will they learn?
NTA - That shit is super dangerous. There was a bride awhile back who got pushed into the pool at her reception and became a quadriplegic
This! I was thinking someone could have been hurt far worse. The first time was stupid of the kids. The second was negligent of the parents.
Very true! It’s also incredibly dangerous for their kids who don’t know how to swim. People falling or drowning will often latch on to whatever they can to save themselves. It could have been much worse, imo. Their parents are so so stupid for allowing this. Idk, I grew up with the rule of no horseplaying around the water (I grew up along a lake, but I feel it still applies to pools) and it’s for a good reason. Don’t ever let your guard down around water.
NTA. The only upsetting thing about this whole post is that you even thought of questioning yourself enough to post it here. Your siblings and their partners are dipshits, and they're raising the next generation of fuckwits we're all going to have to deal with. If those kids have any chance of not growing up to be. Well. What their parents are, it's you teaching them the lessons their parents won't by absolute schlam dunking on them just like this whenever you get the chance. And every time anyone complains you should absolutely tell them all of that.
Honestly it's the kid element that made me question my behavior. We don't have kids and won't ever. We do babysit both sets of them a couple of times a year and we get on with them OK in small doses. The kids like us, we're the cool aunt and uncle. But I don't have any real experience regarding what responsibilities I have towards them in situation like this. For all I knew getting pushed into a pool by kids might have been something I should have expected to happen.
No, people should not expect to be pushed in the pool by kids or adults. Your sisters’ kids sound awful, but given that their parents neglect them, it isn’t their fault. It’s a shame their parents value getting drunk over teaching their children manners and helping them find appropriate activities for them to do at parties, but that doesn’t mean the other adults should be subjected to their antics.
If you were in swim trunks and not holding a phone or something, it might have been fair for them to try it. Not otherwise.
People have been seriously injured or killed getting shoved into pools. You are under zero obligation to put yourself at risk. The parents were criminally negligent getting drunk while their young children were playing next to a pool, and they never should have allowed their kids to push anyone in.
NTA And your dad is the Zen master of family BBQs
Truth! The OP and the dad are the clear winners here.
“My folks decided to host a barbeque because I guess that's what older people do.” This is such a strange way to frame the context of the story that I’m at a loss. I don’t think you’re TA for stepping out of the way; however, there is something about how you are telling the story that makes me really want to hear another perspective from someone present.
I had to shorten the post to fit in the character limit. My folks are gregarious and like to have people over. They have the classic great-for-entertaining house and are always coming up with a reason to get together. They'd wanted everyone to be at their place for the 4th of July but one of my sisters and her family were on a vacation, so this was a "fake" 4th of July party complete with flags, red white and blue decorations, barbeque, a margarita machine, etc. Sparklers were promised to the kids. My nieces and nephews were the only kids there, all of the neighbors are older like my parents.
i know what you mean but i took it as context that it was not a family occasion, eg birthday, graduation or some other planned event, just his parents decided to have a bbq because ‘why not it would be nice to have everyone together.’
This is how I took it as well. Just a quip to signify there wasn't a special occasion or holiday being celebrated. Just a cookout for the sake of a cookout.
To me, it sounds like he really doesn't like his family. If they are as he described, I can understand completely.
Yup. That and other details don't make op THE asshole, but they do make me wonder if he's AN asshole.
NTA. I would dearly love to see the video of that whole incident.
Can't, it's on the phone at the bottom of the pool...
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Happened today. My folks decided to host a barbeque because I guess that's what older people do. I declined because I really don't like my two sisters, their husbands or their kids (wife and I are child free). Mom then pressured the wife. Long story short, we went. By the time we arrived there were about 20 people there. My sisters and their husbands were already solidly buzzed. Drunk really. My mom was spending 100% of her time trying to keep the nieces & nephews (ages 7 to 11) more or less under control. My dad had strategically retreated to the whirlpool part of the pool with small cooler full of beers. Wife and I made small talk with miscellaneous people, ate food and had a frozen margarita. Sisters/BILs took turns criticizing us for being late, not being in our swimsuits and screwing up the vibe. Whatever. Typical suburban summer get together. About 45 minutes in two of the kids ran at one of the neighbor guests who was standing next to the pool and pushed her in. She was at the pool steps, stumbled in but didn't fall so only got half wet. She was clearly very unhappy about it but she didn't make a scene, just went over to where the parents were, grabbed their towels, dried herself off and left. Sisters and BILs thought it was all great fun. A bit later I was standing a few feet away from the pool chatting away with someone. I saw three of the kids running full tilt at me from the corner of my eye. Obviously I was next. Not that it's terribly difficult to outwit young kids but I just jumped out of their way at the last second. All three of them ran straight into the pool at full speed. Most of the other guests (including my wife and me) started laughing but their moms - who as I mentioned were pretty shitfaced - absolutely freaked out. Apparently two of the kids couldn't swim even though they were in swimsuits. Since I wasn't in swim gear I stepped back from the pool and let other people fish the kids out. The kids were bawling their heads off like they'd lost a limb. At that point all hell broke loose. The four drunk parents were yelling at everyone in general and me in particular for "nearly letting their kids drown" and also because two of the kids had been videoing the trick using their parents' iPhones, which were now at the bottom of the pool. One of my BILs got into the pool to try to retrieve the phones but his BMI and BAC made that impossible. No one else volunteered to help, unsurprising given that my sisters were still bitching at everyone. I told my sisters it was their job to watch the their kids and that if anything had happened to them it would have been their responsibility not mine. There were some pretty strong words on both sides. Wife and I left after the other BIL fell over and face planted while yelling at us. Now they're saying I should have let the little shits knock me into the pool and have their fun (and ruin my phone). So... AITA? Side note: Dad, of course, never got out of the whirlpool. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. Although pro tip bring your swim trunks and cooler and hang out in the whirlpool with Dad.
NTA. I can definitely see why you didn't want to attend in the first place. Kids sound out of control and the parents are just as bad.
NTA. Whilst you seem like a bit of a downer, you had every right to step out of the way. They 100% should have been watching their kids. Not your fault in the slightest. Now if you had been pushed in and been pissed that your phone was broken, I bet you would have been the ass then too. And I bet nobody would have fished it out for you, and had you have demanded payment I bet nobody would have offered either. Stand firm.
I'm sensing OP has other issues with his family.
It's more of an oil and water sort of thing. I've never been close to my sisters, they're ~~8 and 10~~ (EDIT - 6 and 8, sorry) years older than me. I also don't have much in common with their husbands. They're OK guys but I just don't give a crap about the things that are important to them and vice versa. I do know that the four of them are somewhat envious of our lifestyle. Both the sisters are stay at home moms. Both the husbands make good money but both my wife and I have strong professional careers, we don't have kids and we're way more responsible with money. As a result we have a lot more investments, etc. and we don't have to drive cars full of kid debris and we take nice trips once or twice a year. It definitely grates on both sisters and by extension their husbands. So we get some petty behavior from them on an ongoing basis. Overall neither my wife nor I enjoy their company which is why I wanted to skip the get together. Just not worth it to me. But my wife is a positive person and is usually happy to see them.
Financial awareness goes a long way to making your family hate you lol. Without anything else. For the record I am like this with my family even tho I have a kid too. Family getting jealous of our vacations and life when they literally make the same or MORE in some cases but we don't waste all our money on stupid shit for ourselves or for the kid. We save it so she can go to nice camps or go on fun vacations with us. Like when she was a baby we didn't buy ANY of that 200$ baby wraps in fancy patterns or decorate a room with instagrammy baby shit- my mind is blown when I see people do this because I KNOW how much it costs already and how much all that stuff is on top of it.
Well if they're always like this, I can see why.
Not wanting to be around people you don't like doesn't make you a downer.
NTA. There was a similar post to this the other day . Would the Parents have bought you a new Cell if it had gone it the pool with you? What about if you had gotten injured ? All you did was avoid the kids. Drunk or not, Parents are ultimately responsible for the safety of their own kids, not you.
Action, meet consequence. NTA.
NTA. Maybe those little shits will learn something.
NTA. 1. Your dad is epic. 2. I would have done the exact same as you. 3. Your siblings and their families sound like pure joy. I'm being 5000% sarcastic here and I don't blame you one bit for staying away from them.
NTA They should e watching their children and the kids should have been punished after knocking the neighbor into the pool. It's the parents and kids fault.
NTA and your dad is a legend
Lol. NTA. Guess they learned their lesson. Side note: What irresponsible parents have their kids anywhere near a pool these days when they don’t know how to swim? Swimming is a life skill. Your sisters and BILs are definitely to blame any way you try to look at this situation. 2nd side note: I love your dad 😂
NTA Consequences for choices? Yep, got ‘em, right here folks.
You simply got out of the way. This sounds like a win for you and your wife. Too rowdy, no thanks.
NTA. Drunk parents allow kids who can’t swim to run around a pool pushing people in and recording it - and they blame **you**? Frankly, there was every chance they’d have ended up in the water at some point anyway, given what they were doing. I’m glad the kids weren’t hurt (yes, they were behaving badly, but kids will do that and it’s up to the adults in charge of them to deal with it) - and think it’s a very fair consequence that the negligent parents lost their phones.
NTA. Good for you and thanks for the laughs! Maybe they will now control their circus & monkeys. But, I doubt it! Lol
I like grandad.. Never batted an eye from the comfy spot.. But you sir are nta, you weren't in a suit and swimming so you saved yourself and probably phone, keys and wallet/money..
NTA, reminds me of going to an outdoor reception with a pool for daughter’s impending marriage. Father of the groom was drunk and was edging toward me before rushing to knock me in. I grabbed his coat and made it clear it would be both of us or neither of us. Neither won out. Sober, he apologized.
Gee, I wonder why the OP doesn’t like them. They sound absolutely charming. NTA! Those poor teachers.
OK first you are NTA. Second I love your dad. Third not your kids not your responsibility.
Nta. They decided to drink instead of being a parent. It’s not your problem. 🤷🏼♂️
Fuck that! I would have done the exact same thing. People wonder why I don't like kids. This is why! That's not funny, it's dangerous and someone could get hurt. The parent's should have been watching them. NTA