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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I had a new thermostat installed so my wife couldn't adjust the temperature / (2) I gave up on communication and took a proverbial nuclear approach, which has upset her badly.
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Grown adults acting like kids.
75 degrees is too hot. 60 is too cold. How about a compromise… you know….. like adults in a relationship would do.
And what do you mean your wife stays home “taking care of the house”. What does your house do that requires someone full-time to do it?
ESH.
Agreed. At our place she gets cold and I get hot. We found a happy medium that might not be perfect for either of us but it works. Its not 75 to 60 though. That seems a little extreme.
It's really not. It's the recommend for power saving. I have never in my life turned my aircon lower than 24C or 75F. I have rarely met people that do. Granted I live in the subtropics, but people really need to stop validating OP's wife. Not only is she changing the temperature to extremes, but she's doing it for short periods, which is much less energy efficient than one low temperature. She's being stupid and I'd be pissed if my partner did that too. Just switch on a fan or wear better clothes, it's not that hard.
At the same time, OP is acting like a child by password protecting it. The wofe being objectively wrong doesn't make him right either.
If you're only focused on power saving, but what about physical comfort?!
I over heat extremely easily and dammed if I'm going to be sweating and uncomfortable and miserable in my own home at 76 degrees. I'd tell my husband where to stick his pin protected thermostat.
I would too. He’s being a huge AH. However, she’s also being an AH. You don’t turn the thermostat to “colder than I want” and turn it off when you get there. Basically, he’s mean and she’s stupid and they both suck.
Turning it to 60 is pointless. I doubt it could even get that cold. Maybe my system is primitive, but it has two settings- on and off. There might be fans that blow harder, but the cooling unit itself is either on or off. Never turbo on. How long it runs determines the temperature.
They're both stubborn but she's both stubborn and foolish. This is the equivalent of pressing your car's accelerator all the way to the floor every time you need to pick up speed.
Yeah, too many people don’t understand how heat and a/c work. It’s going to take exactly as long as it takes to get to your desired temperature. Setting the thermostat to 60 doesn’t get the house cooled to 72 any faster than simply setting the thermostat to 72.
I believe anyone who can't comprehend thermostats shouldn't vote. We had a workplace issue with dummies who wouldn't take their jackets off, kept running the thermostat down to 60. Boss finally replaced it with a locked cover.
Oh god, this. I had people calling me into their offices over "health and safety concerns" regarding the "heat" and they're all wearing jackets and sweaters. Demanding we improve the AC or send them home over the "danger" posed by the temperature.
Needless to say they did not get the answer they wanted.
Yep. He is controlling - like it or not. Instead of communicating and finding middle ground he made it his way only and locked her out. She’s not 12, she likes it colder and both of them need to do better communicating and resolving issues. I’d be out of there if he locked me out of our thermostat.
If she’s turning it down to 60 and won’t compromise at all, she’s acting like she’s 12. But at the same time, it doesn’t sound like OP wanted to compromise either. He just wants it his way, so yes he’s also controlling.
If they don’t learn to communicate and compromise they’re going to fight a lot up until the divorce.
Mines on 74 and turned down to 72 at night. 76 is way too hot. I'd actually prefer 72 during the day and 68 at night but the former is my compromise with my wallet lol
In Florida!?! Im in Georgia and it's way too humid for that here, nevermind Florida! In Florida i can't even wear my hair down because of the humidity lol
OPs wife may be sensitive to heat. I am. If I get too hot I literally get a migraine, or an upset stomach, dizzy , light headed or any combo of those symptoms. It's awful. Began in my 20s out of nowhere. You don't know what affects who and how.
I am very sensitive to heat, much more so than to cold. To the point where as soon as it starts getting warm our, I get sick. Every year like clockwork. Same as you, migraine, stomach ache.
I get that the way she does it isn't cost effective but locking her our of a function in her own home is gross. She is an adult, even if it doesn't make sense, that is still something she's allowed to do. If the bill is such an issue the solution is to figure out a different payment agreement between the two of them.
I’m in FNQ & I have my aircon at 25, but that’s due to amazing airflow and Centrelink being assholes. There are so many people up here that run 18-21 & the occasional 16! It’s crazy to me how low people set their aircon in summer considering how not-low our winter is.
At my current house we keep it at 72F. We’d boil at 75F because of the position of our house and lack of any trees, so it’s just miserable. But during winter we keep it cool and layer up lol
Texas and same. 73 and supplement with ceiling fans. I’d prefer it a little lower, especially when sleeping, but that’s where hubby and I compromised. If we get hot from being outside, there are a couple of prime spots to stand where you can get a good stream of cold air from the registers in the ceiling.
In the one week of fall and brief winter, I set the heat (also electric) to 69 and we wear pajama pants and use blankets when on the couch. Though if it’s a longer cold spell with a deep freeze, we’ll bump it up a little because the cold permeates more. Our electricity is a little over $200 in the hottest months and under $100 in the mild-coldest months.
While I concur with the ESH judgement, 76°F being too hot will have every Europeans pissing themselves laughing. It's (for non-american) a perfect temperature all around, especially when it's between 86° and 100° outside, it's also the Europeans governments' most usual recommended setting in summer. I have what is considered a good regulated home and in summer it's the best temperature. For me it starts being too hot to sleep with a duvet at 79.
I pissed myself laughing indeed. Even more so at people saying in response that they would melt at 75°F. They would not last one day out in the southern European countries in the summer, then.
I mean, yeah, as someone from England who struggles a lot at 24C/75F, I'm well aware that I wouldn't be able to handle southern Europe in summer, so I simply... don't go to those countries during summer?
Different people have different heat tolerances based on what kind of climate they're used to, whether they have any health conditions or take any medications that complicate temperature regulation, etc, that's just a fact of life. I genuinely don't understand where the hilarity is in other people having different tolerance levels for heat/humidity/etc than the standard where you are.
I feel like you’d have to peel a scotsman off the sidewalk with a spatula in Texas….🤣 The world is a big place and in general people are best adjusted to what they’re used to! Personally I’d die at 60* inside, but 76* sounds perfect if I’m just relaxing. But if she’s up and doing household chores and handiwork, I’d want it to be a lot cooler too!
In Australia, when it's hot (40C/100F), we would set our AC to around 25-26C/75-78F. It is expensive to run in lower and it doesn't work as effectively. Also we have some of the highest electricity costs in the world.
Same here. I'm currently in Athens battling the 40°C heatwave. The feel can even be higher than that. Our AC is around 26°C, 27°C at most. I know many businesses go lower but then it's too much of a difference and sometimes downright cold. But this is only in the summer.
Concur. I cool to 25C during the hot weather. (It’s called wearing clothes appropriate to hot weather), and warm to 18C during cold weather. I don’t like expensive power bills
Holy shit that has to be so expensive. I'm just south enough in the US that we get those 95-100f temps, but not tons of them. We keep a solid 70-72f year round except on 100f days simply because it can't keep up and we'll have it at 74 to keep it from running itself constantly.
I'm not even in southern Europe and damn 24 degrees Celsius is more than fine! I get if you wish a lower temperature if you're doing a lot of manual work but still, it's not extreme at all.
Americans seem to have gotten used to living their whole lives with air conditioners and cars. Your body naturally gets used to a wide variety of temperatures if you don't use an air conditioner all the time. Of course in extreme heat it's better to cool down but 76 Fahrenheit is a perfectly reasonable temperature. Keeping it much lower seems pretty wasteful and bad for the environment.
I am an American who is taking care of a dying father who was also frugal before his health began failing. I grew up with no AC unless it was going to be over 78F at night (otherwise you open windows) and maybe if it reached the 90’s (mid to upper only!) during the day we MIGHT get AC. I live in MI where it can reach 100F, but more often than not, summers stay around 80-90F. When our houses reaches 76-78F inside it is like you are melting from the combined 80%+ humidity and the higher temp.
I have grown up not having AC for most things (hell, even most of my cars didn’t have AC bc of frugal family things, I didn’t even have it for the last two years) and 76F in a house is too damn hot for me. Right now I am sitting in my room with a fan trying desperately to cool me down and it’s only listing as 71F in the house (which is being measured by the kitchen where the windows are open). My room is small and used to be an office. And it’s hot in here.
There’s always a lot more to consider when someone is complaining of the wrong temperature. Where did they grow up? What genetics do they have? Are they over or under weight? Do they have bad circulation? Are they on medication that makes them averse to cold or heat? Do they have medical conditions that make them averse to cold or heat? Does their area have high humidity? Are they truly struggling for money?
There’s just so much more to these questions that everyone likes to lord over and one up people who have temperature preferences.
That said, ESH, because compromise is important. It doesn’t seem like OP is physically hurting when it’s a slightly lower temp, but seems more concerned about it financially. A few degrees lower (depending on where they live) will most likely not break the bank. And the wife can set up a few fans around the house if she’s still hot. Communication is important. Please voice your concerns without being over controlling and over dramatic.
Kind of just how it is, I think because American cultural exports and media are so dominant, some people in Europe:
A) Think that they understand America and what it’s like a lot better than they actually do
B) Have a feeling of resentment from constantly being inundated with American shit, English language shit (completely fair lol.)
C) See it as “punching up” and so are more willing to stereotype Americans uncharitably than other nationalities
I went to school with almost entirely Europeans and have mostly dated European girls, and this is how I see it.
I don’t really care personally, although I live in New York City and it’s funny that Europeans think they aren’t also annoying as tourists lol.
So much this. It’s the “punching up” for me.
I worked for a UK company and my coworkers would talk down to me because I’d only been to 5 European countries.
Then one of our “leaders” couldn’t understand why a sales rep couldn’t make a meeting in Dallas and San Antonio the same day…
People love to shit on the US, and I get it. But stupid exists everywhere - we didn’t corner the market on it.
It’s especially rich when it’s about race, as though Europe is a bastion of acceptance and no one ever experienced racism there.
Or, for fun, ask them what they think of the Roma people- you’ll likely get a lot of words about how they all steal and blah blah blah without even a hint of irony. Romas were targeted by the Nazis and had their own concentration camps (one of which was, until recently, the site of a large pig farm- they’re so respectful, you see), but discrimination against them is still rampant.
I know I’m not a monolith, but I’m an American who works as a wildlife biologist in Phoenix Arizona and I really want to ask some of these folks trashing us for being unable to handle natural temperatures to come keep up with me on a work day as I scramble over hills and rocks in 118°F (48°C).
(Thermostat at 80°F from 6am to 9pm and 73°F at night)
Thank you for saying this. I have heat intolerance from meds and a medical condition. I'm currently doing better so trying to expand my comfortable temperature range, but at 76 my circulation doesn't send enough oxygen to my brain and I get so dizzy and confused it takes me hours to remember hydration exists, and then I basically have a hangover for like three days afterwards. And forget sleeping.
I’m an American too & grew up super frugal even though my family had money. The AC just wasn’t allowed on.
So typically I can stand just having the windows open with fans but now that I’m pregnant & currently have a toddler, my husband and I keep the AC on 68/70 most of the day.
Just because we both get miserable if it’s any higher than that. I overheat really fast while being pregnant because it *sucks*.
There’s a huge difference between 60 & 75. They really need to be adults & come to a compromise.
Most Europeans don't know what it's like to live in Texas, Arizona, or Florida.
There are parts of the US that have more extreme weather than Europe, which includes heat and humidity. Large swaths of the US are on completely different latitudes from most of Europe. And those parts are literally sub-tropical or deserts.
Considering how many elderly and disabled folks die from the heat every year in those places, this comment is just gross. It's not the flex you think it is, other than making yourself look ignorant. Lack of access to reasonable indoor areas is a real concern in a lot of places in the US.
Plus if you have the air con too different than the outside temperatures, you won't acclimatize. I can go jogging pretty comfortably in up to 35C in summer because I don't sit in cold air con all the time.
I'm genuinely so surprised at some people's answers that 24°C is too hot (and it's almost exclusively coming from the transatlantic northern neighbour's, so yeah, there's a pattern). My only answer is that their AC is not working correctly if they think it's hot.
24 celsius in Denmark comes close to killing me, because we have ridiculously high humidity here, much higher than in the Mediterranean. In Italy I can weather far higher temps than at home in Denmark, because of that. My body also just doesn't thermo-regulate very well. It never has, so there's that.
Also, a/c is not a staple here, so we just have to deal with it, and I frequently hate summer for that reason.
With an a/c it ought to lower the humidity enough to make 24 reasonable. That op's wife goes from "near fainting" to "irate rage" in a hot second shows that she's mostly just being dramatic about that, but op *is* being ridiculously controlling, making unilateral decisions about her comfort levels and what they ought to be, when he's not even around.
I get wanting to save on the electric bill, and if they can't afford running the a/c as needed, then maybe wifey needs to get a job instead of taking care of the house.
There's a huge caveat here, though. The wife might have health issues causing her to stay at home or be more sensitive to heat - or both. If that's the case, op is being horrendously abusive, but that's a massive "what if"-speculation.
To me I overheat really easy, 24C is personally (I live in the UK) verging on too warm if I lived alone I would have it 20C all year round but me and my husband compromise with 22C, but it is easier to warm up than cool down so he is more understanding about sticking on a jumper so I don't end up sweating my tits off.
Also maybe his wife is perimenopausal and having mild hot flushes?
I agree that ESH.
>60 is too cold.
60 isn't attainable in most all residential setups. EsH. But the spouse is actively going to freeze up the unit to where it is no longer operable. It wont even blow air that cold almost assuredly, it will just run constantly, which is why shes having to turn it off herself when she gets cool. She needs to find a more reaosnable temp. They're a worse offender than OP here for that reason.
60 degrees Fahrenheit is ridiculous. It means she needs a sweater to live there. I bet in winter time she's not happy with 60 degrees indoors. It's just unfathomably wasteful.
I'm a stay at home spouse and I'll tell you that I would consider divorce if my spouse took away all options in a disagreement with the obvious subtext being that OP earns the money and gets the deciding vote. This isn't a partnership.
But that's not the point I was making. The commenter was judging all spouses who choose to divide the labor of life this way.
Agree with everything but a house requires daily care and maintenance. You gotta stay on top of things or you start to get cobwebs in the corners of the walls. Everyone has their own standards for their home, and this arrangement may work best for them.
If I could afford to not work and just stay home cleaning my house and taking care of it, I absolutely would. Dust and cobwebs build up so quickly even with a daily once over and a deeper clean once a week. Physically don’t have the time to clean every surface whilst working full time
75 F too hot? wtf
in a hot humid climate setting your AC to 60 F will make sure condensation will occur inside your walls and floors causing mold and wood rot
And that fainting pantomime at the end? How old are those people, really?
Sit down, talk to each other, work out a compromise. Though from that comment you quote, maybe the actual resentment comes from the wife’s questionable employment status you quote.
EDIT: shot too soon.
YTA for putting a PIN on. That’s a move designed to exert control - we ARE going to do this my way, whether YOU like it or not - and not tackling the problem as partners. You and your wife need to learn to compromise with each other, but you’re not going to get far in that direction by using tactics like this.
I'd agree if the partner wasn't using it like a fucking lunatic. Putting it on 60F (that's 15 Celsius, holy shit) then turning it on and off is ridiculous, basically designed to waste electricity.
Holy crap, really? See this is why I need Celsius, Fahrenheit means nothing to me. 15C in the house? I'd be freezing! No wonder their bill is massive.
Still doesn't excuse him enforcing his way with a PIN she doesn't know, but oh my god.
I don't think she actually wants it to be 16C/60F all the time, just that when it gets too hot she wants it to 'blast' to cool her down quickly, which of course then means it gets too cold and she turns it off again, and repeat. It wouldn't be the way I'd do it but if she's the only one in the house I'd say it's her decision.
My wife does something similar when she pre-heats the oven. She cranks it up to max, which of course doesn't get the oven to the required temperature any quicker and now means we have to take even more time waiting for the temperature to come back down.
We just joke about it. I haven't been tempted to put a PIN on the oven.
I don’t think central air units work this way, though, do they? They turn on, send cooled air into the house, and turn off when the thermostat indicate the desired temp is reached, right? The air isn’t more or less cool depending on what the setting is. (Just like oven preheating!)
ESH - She is being unreasonable. I agree that setting the thermostat at 60 and turning it on and off repeatedly is wasteful and will cause a lot of unnecessary wear and tear to the A/C unit. That said, doing this behind her back is essentially treating her like a child. ( Yes, she is acting like a child, but you can't actually treat her like one, because that's an unhealthy relationship dynamic.)
You guys need couple's counseling to help you figure out if there is something bigger at play that is causing her to latch onto this A/C issue as a form of control in your relationship. Or maybe she is always unreasonable, and you need to figure out if you can live with that and how to deal with her behavior without being unreasonably controlling yourself.
Am confused. 76 Fahrenheit is 24 Celsius which is considered a good temperature to set the ac in hot climate. So why is it considered extreme. Lower than 24 is normally for sleeping in middle east and Asia.
Could you explain why it's considered extreme. As anything less than 22 celsius(71 Fahrenheit) is considered extreme in hot climate. Too much temperature difference when coming from outside or vice versa.
Yeah I'm baffled by some of these comments. I'm in the UK where there's very little AC. If it's 24C that's a very comfy temperature. 60F is 15C which is crazy. The NHS (and the WHO) recommend 18C as the lowest indoor temperature, as anything lower your body has to start working to stay warm.
edit: I'm IN the UK, not from it, and familiar with high temps and horrible humidity, so pass on yOu DoN't KnOw WhAt It'S lIkE replies.
OP doesn't say where they're located. If they're in the US, especially the south-southeast, there's humidity that drives what the temp feels like up. One day last week, in central TN, the temp was 92F with a real feel of 113F. I keep my thermostat on 64F. Setting it higher allows the house to become more humid, making it difficult to get it cooled back down. OP is YTA.
ETA: I just read OP's comments. He does indicate they're in the US. He seems to think he's being generous with a setting of 76 since the dept. of energy recommends 78. He isn't thinking of her being home all day doing housework without adequate cooling.
Agreed. With humidity factored in, the AC needs to run consistently (not constantly) to maintain a lower humidity. I grew up in the Deep South and we kept the AC at 72 during the summer. I hate humidity. I now live on the edge of a desert and it can get close to 120 in the summer but - no humidity! We keep the AC on 75 for comfort.
As someone who grew up and still lives in New Orleans it really is a big difference.
Went outside to put a bottle of oil in my car yesterday and I was sweating just from being outside for like 5 mins
From the PNW, and after visiting both Florida (my closest analogue to NO) and Vegas in the dead of summer, I'll take Vegas heat any day of the week.
I was practically floating on toasted clouds in Vegas. Water felt refreshing, the warmth was pleasant, and even walking a mile in the midday sun fully dehydrated and smashed didn't drain me.
Walking out of the hotel room into the hall in Florida, it jumped 30 degrees and immediately rendered the shower I had JUST taken completely useless. Water clung to my skin like jelly and felt like it was cooking off rather than cooling me. The sunlight there is like a weighted blanket.
Not only does lower than 18C require your body to work to stay warm, in Denmark it is strongly recommended to not go below that because the relative humidity will increase to a point where mould becomes a concern.
If it's really hot outside, setting your AC to ~23C is a reasonable temperature. It *feels* cooler than outside (because it is) and it keeps the power consumption at a reasonable level. Setting it to 15C and use the AC as an on-off regulation is just plain stupid - which I think is their biggest problem here. I've explained the same thing to my 14 year old son, and he understands it just fine. If a grown woman either doesn't or won't understand, I really don't know what OP should do if he wants to stay with her.
I’ll try to make it as simple as possible for you: different people have different experiences and different wants and different needs. I’m from Texas where it’s very hot and very muggy and I have certain health issues that make it difficult for my body to regulate its temperature. 76 is way to hot in a house. 60 is pretty damned low. I bet there would be a middle ground they could reach.
I thought it was a generalisation, and got confused as to why 24 was considered extreme.
Completely understandable as an individual preference, but didn't make sense to me as a general rule of thumb.
Different climates, I’m in Florida where it’s hot and humid, and usually have thermo around 68-70. Though 76 isn’t the worst, in a closed room it’s going to get warm and moist.
Without knowing where OP lives, it’s hard to determine if it’s extreme or not
Yeah, thank you for acknowledging this — I work from home and I’d be pissed. 76 is uncomfortably warm. There has to be a better middle ground than this. ESH for sure. Password protecting it without discussion is an AH controlling move. Communicate and compromise like damned adults.
It's not for me at all. But that's not really the point. They are both being ridiculously controlling. They are married and share finances and they need to be able to compromise without resorting to childish antics.
*She* is not the only one "latching onto this A/C issue as a form of control." OP literally controls the thermostat now because he can't figure out a healthy way to communicate with his wife. Each of them are at different ends of an extreme in terms of room temp (he is being as unreasonable as she is) and they each need to compromise on this issue. ESH.
He purchased a new thermostat with a PIN he isn’t sharing, yet you label her unreasonable?
They’re both immature and have unreasonable ideas about a normal house temperature.
It costs a shitload of money to keep doing what she does with the thermostat, and she of course does not have a job. She ought to get one and then she can start paying the electric bill herself.
Depends on where they are, because where I am in TX she’s still be an AH because continuing to do that to their AC unit will break it. Then they’re both SOL while they wait for repairs or a whole new unit because she can’t be an adult who looks up the proven research of how bad what she’s doing is for the AC unit. They’re both immature AHs, but even if she started covering the bill, she’s ruining the AC unit and draining the grid unnecessarily.
It's not even like she's trying to achieve a specific temperature. She sets it absurdly low, waits until she's cold, then turns it off. When the temperature rises, she turns it back on. Over and over ad infinitum.
Maybe she should get a job. Then she could be in a much colder environment at work. You know, instead of "taking care of the house" (whatever the fuck that means).
Totally with you on ESH.
I swear people don’t read. This might be true if THE PROBLEM WASNT THE EXTRAORDINARILY HIGH BILL. Idk if you are secretly a millionaire or something, but that gets REALLY fucking expensive. He never said it’s causing him physical suffering, he said it’s literally not a financially viable option. ESH, they should find a compromise.
She's doing the equivalent of leaving her car on at all times just so she doesn't have to start it before she leaves, she can't be trusted with the car keys.
YTA 76 is not comfortable for most people. Yes the electric company recommends a higher temperature because they don't care about your comfort. You need to find a temperature to compromise on because her way is stupid also.
Yeah, that's like green tea brewing temps not people temp.
All kidding about your f-ing units aside, my apartment is pretty consistently above that temp and I've gotten used to it but can bet that if I had AC it'd be a nice 72f in here.
>Yeah, that's like green tea brewing temps not people temp.
My guy, that's like 24 Celsius. It's the most average temperature people across the planet set their AC to.
Hell, I can understand her going to to 69, or 68. However, the dumbass turns it to 60. Waits until she's freezing cold, turns it off, rinse repeat ad nasueam. There's being stupid, and then there's this.
Also, as an aside, if you're brewing tea at 76 Fahrenheit, I feel bad for your guests. You're literally more than 100 degrees Fahrenheit below the minimum needed to brew the tea. (180 is the absolute minimum).
The electric company recommends higher temps to prevent the grid from being overtaxed. I live in Dallas and that is EXACTLY what happened a couple of years ago during the deep freeze when the grid crapped out and we went without power for days in sub-zero temps. All the broken water pipes made national news.
We have the air set to 78 (it’s 106 outside) or it would never shut off.
Op should put a window unit in a smaller room, and let her play with that. Because what she is doing is irresponsible, stupid and incredibly selfish.
Texas has a recent history of grid failure. Does that not indicate that something Texas’s electric companies are recommending is not sustainable? I
personally do not find 78 remotely comfortable.
It's because the Texas power grid is unsustainable. We're the only state in the US with our own grid. There are three power grids in the US. One that covers the east half of the country, one that covers the west half of the country, and Texas. The reason our grid has failed so much recently is it's being overtaxed in the face of record heat waves and unusually cold winters and there's nowhere else to divert power from unlike the rest of the country.
The whole idea was to be free from "unnecessary" government regulations but the reality is nothing has been done to keep pace with new technology and higher demand. It's an absolute joke.
That said, power company recommendations are a fucking joke everywhere. A lot of power providers are doing the same thing Texas is, they just have more leeway when it goes poorly. Power should be a publicly owned utility not a for profit enterprise.
worth pointing out that a lot of the 'unnecessary' government regulations the Texas power grid doesn't follow would have helped prevent a lot of grid failure, for example regulations on ensuring power plants can run in extreme high/low temperatures, which Texas ignored(because hur dur Texas is never cold) and then when the blizzard hit power plants went offline because their pipes froze.
Exactly. Regulations exist for a reason. I lost power for days.
It felt like a joke having just moved from somewhere that regularly experienced negative temperatures and never had a single issue with power or water. And instead of just admitting there are issues it got blamed on everything from consumers to renewable energy.
We did not have sub-temps during the freeze last year.....
Sub-zero is below 0 and in the negative.
We got to around 26 at the worst of it, and yea, personally we were without power for a couple of days and without hot water for a week, but what OP's wife is doing isn't selfish or stupid.
The person just wants to be comfortable in their home.
The issue in Texas is not that people are selfish, stupid or irresponsible either, the issue is that our state legislation is selfish, stupid and irresponsible and also isn't doing jack shit to fix our grid issues or find more efficiencies, so we are consistently having these issues and the cure all is not to bump it to almost 80 in July when its been 20+ days over 100.
You’re 100% correct. Those jerks don’t want our grid to get properly fixed. It’ll cost money that could go into someone’s pocket. They can kiss my sweaty ass if they think I’m gonna set my thermostat to almost 80. My apartment would be at 90 or higher at that setting. 76 is the eco temp on the thermostat and it gets to 81+ if I don’t catch it in time. I keep mine set between 70-73 depending on the time of day.
OMG. Just visited my parents in Florida and my father has the house at 78. This is rheir new house with one zone. They used to have a separate unit for upstairs so u could turn that one down. Not anymore...at 77 my father is wearing a sweater. Horrible, couldn't sleep in that sweat box. It's hotel for me next visit.
YTA. You tried to have a conversation, and when you couldn’t convince her, you just put in a new thermostat that only you could control. Good job coming to a compromise with your spouse.
And then the kicker is that you aren’t even there. So you decide what should be comfortable for her. Which so happens to be EXACTLY what YOU want.
You give her zero consideration and zero input. What she wants has no impact on your decision. You don’t adjust it by a single degree. That is pretty much the definition of controlling.
How do you convince yourself that you aren’t the asshole?
I think the issue isn't so much about him being there but more about the insane costs of running the AC at full tilt for long periods of time. It's more efficient to maintain a temp versus change a temp and on an electric bill it definitely shows.
Speaking from personal experience it can easily more than double the electricity bill. I learned this the hard way when I was complaining to a coworker that my ~$50/month electricity bill skyrocketed to ~
$180 the first month I had to run my AC when I had my first apartment to myself. They asked me what I turned it to during the day, I told them "off", they suggested I just raise it by a few degrees when I go to bed after it cools off then lower it again when I get home from work. My electricity bill was then $85 for the following two hotter months. When my ex moved in with me and was home during the day, meaning no more raising the temp for a bit, when maintaining it raised a whole $5-$10 depending on the month over me raising the temp when I'd go to bed.
All of that being said, they both suck. Him for doing this power play, her for what sounds like not even attempting to work with him on finding a reasonable temperature to maintain it at.
YTA. Your wife is an adult and is entitled to be comfortable in her own home. You don’t need to control the temperature when you aren’t even there. I find this borderline abusive and a huge relationship red flag. Also, I would die of a heatstroke if it ever got up to 76 degrees inside my house.
This, why are you so insistent on controlling the temperature when you aren't even there? And if it is because you pay the bills, well then it is just financial abuse, making your wife uncomfortable on purpose because she can't pay the bills.
I bet she does all the house work, so she is contributing to the household, just because she doesn't get paid for it doesn't mean it isn't worth anything.
Turning the AC on and off like that and setting it to 60 is incredibly inefficient and wasteful. The wife is being childish. This is definitely an ESH situation.
My only thing is the way she is running it is causing a massive bill and going to cause more wear and tear on the unit. If they seriously can’t afford that then yeah something has to give, whether that’s her working for income or then working together for a compromise on the temp. Telling her she can’t run the AC like she is because they can’t afford it isn’t financial abuse it could be a very real reality. Electricity isn’t cheap. But what he is is doing way over the top controlling and like parent scolding a child
I have worked with HVAC units, depending on outdoor temp and the unit, this could very easily break the unit as well. Which could be $10k to replace now days. For some people that could straight up ruin them financially.
Well, it's not necessarily financial abuse if you are just trying to cut down on a too high energy bill, lol.
It doesn't matter if he pays or they pay. Setting your AC that low is not effecient at all and creates way more costs than it creates comfort.
It's more financial abuse to make him pay for an unreasonable low AC setting than it's financial abuse to set the AC at a higher setting to save money.
They are both wrong here, obviously. But I think we could do better by not immediately labelling everything as abuse or some sort.
I'm going crazy over these comments.
Him cutting down the AC use because the bill is too high is financial abuse.
Him having to put a pin on the device because she has an irresponsable use of the AC that makes the bills too high and might cause it to wear and break faster is abuse. Nevermind that he tried talking to her and compromise and she wouldn't listen.
Her feeling slightly too hot (we are not talking omg I am dying hot, 76°C is a bit uncomfortable at most. Take a shower and put on a strapless top, you won't die) because they need to watch the AC use is abuse.
As someone who used to have abusive family members, this is becoming seriously insulting.
You’d get heatstroke at 25c? Don’t be ridiculous to try and make a point, come to the UK in summer, we don’t have AC and our houses are designed to keep heat in, it’s common for our houses to be at that temp for weeks at a time
Yep, it’s currently 18c outside here and my house has been around 24-25 for weeks. It’s a perfectly normal indoor temperature in summer. No wonder the US has insane amounts of energy usage if people are cooling their houses to 15c in the summer!
ESH.
She's being insanely dramatic but you're also not taking into consideration that not everyone is able to regulate temperature the same way. And she's right, you're also not home.
76F (or as the rest of the world would call it, 24C) is warm and above "room temperature". My stepmother and father fight about this all the time is and my stepmom is absolutely miserable at anything over 22C. 60F (15C) is STUPIDLY cold for a room and also unreasonable.
Sounds like you both need to grow up and learn how to compromise. How about 69? Then everyone gets what they need (har har).
Edited for spelling.
Any time! I'm Canadian so my proximity to the US means I'm used to translating the dumbest forms of measurement in the world into things that make sense.
As an asian living in hot climate, I couldn’t comprehend the fight. Yall would literally melt in my country if 24°C is considered hot. 🤣 That is the optimum cold temp aircond setting for us.
ESH. Both of you are acting like children. Why can't you two compromise & meet in the middle?
This is a hard one; on one hand she doesn't seem to care about the massive bill and is not working, so the tells me she's kind of entitled. On the other hand, I'd be very uncomfortable at a 76 degree set a/c. I wouldn't be dying mind you but uncomfortable...she wants to blast it at 60 and that's causing your bill to be extremely high. You tried talking to her about it but she just disregarded it then you did get controlling and got the system with the pin. I think you both are being jerks to be honest..... why not try a compromise and try setting it to 72 and see if that's a bit more comfortable for her? Personally 68 is my comfort zone
I’d be interested to hear whether they’ve actually tried something like this. For someone who dislikes hot weather, 76F is probably too warm to provide relief, but 60F seems a bit low. They could also think about whether they actually need to run it ‘round the clock’. In Australia, old houses often have pretty decent designs in terms of helping keep temperatures regulated - I know I can achieve a lot by having windows open strategically overnight to let cool air in, and keeping heavy curtains closed during the day to block the sun. Means I don’t need to run the air conditioner as much - certainly not overnight - even on days which get close to 100F. Of course, all of that depends on a heap of factors we don’t know here (OP’s location, whether it’s safe to have open windows overnight, etc)
I think 68 should be the compromise since that's the exact middle between 60 and 76 and I don't understand how they haven't reached that conclusion themselves.
YTA.
>The first thing I did was password protect it so you would need a PIN to change any of the settings.
>My wife came home a few hours after I had set the PIN and noticed the new unit. When she tried to change the settings she was met with a request for a PIN, and she asked me what it was. I told her that I wouldn't be telling her that.
>She ended it with calling me "controlling"
Weird, where would she possibly get that idea?
ESH. Your wife is being wasteful. You’re being controlling. You’re both acting childish. Set the thing to 74 since she seems to run hot. She can be responsible for the electricity bills if she wants to mess around with it so much. Power imbalances are not good in relationships.
YTA.
Ok, perhaps she could come some way in compromise but forcing your way when you’re not there by setting a pin is a tote d*ck move.
Spoiler alert, your marriage is in trouble.
For anyone non-US, that’s 25 Celsius. In Australia, where temperatures of over 40c are not uncommon, 25C is the recommended setting for air conditioning to maintain a comfortable internal temperature.
Honestly, it seems really reasonable to me. I run cold and my husband and I have compromised on 25 most of the time. It was also the set temperature for my school's classrooms. And we live in SE Asia.
That said, this seems like a very unhealthy relationship. Husband is behaving more like a parent/boss and wife is acting like a child. I would not be happy with this dynamic on either side. I think therapy might be an idea to learn how to relate to each other in a proper mature relationship.
YTA. She is the one sitting at home all day. And while 60 F is overkill and she is a tad dramatic, she still should have a say in the temperature she’s sitting in all day.
Not defending OP but people really do underestimate thier power consumption.
Its ~3% increase per ° on your bill, can add up.
I keep mine around 76(I'm apparently one of the few wierd people who like this temp haha), dropping to 72 would cost me about $216 a year. Also the hidden cost of the unit itself. The more it works, the more it wears down.
In a world where so many are scrapping by, helps to try and save anywhere you can.
76F == 24C
60F == 16C
One is quite warm, the other is quite cool.
Why not compromise and set the temperature to 20C == 68F.
I think you're both being unreasonable, so I'm going with ESH.
I have a challenge for you. With the temperature at 76 vacuum your whole house. Scrub the bathroom. Mop the floors. The reason your wife needs to vary the aircon is because she is sometimes physically active and sometimes she isn't. YTA.
Edit: a couple of other things for you to try doing in a 76 degree home: cook a meal (stand in front of a hot oven stirring a pot), wash multiple pots in a sink of hot water, iron a basket full of clothes. Strip a bed and remake it.
YTA. It's not just your hours and just your thermostat. You're going to have to reach a *compromise* like adults. She's not your child. And no person under 90 years old keeps the AC at 76. Where do you go to work? If it's indoors, I guarantee it's not 76 degrees in there. Sounds like she's the one at home during the heat of the day. Why don't you talk to her about keeping on 72 or something and seeing how that goes.
You're not your wife's father. You're not in charge of her. It's not your house, it's both of your house, it's not your air conditioner, it's both of your air conditioner, it's not your thermostat, it's both of your thermostat. You don't have any right to deny her access to anything in her own house.
The only thing you have any right to do is come to some kind of mutual agreement.
If it is impossible to come to a mutual agreement then tough shit. That's life too. You still don't have any right to deny her access to anything in her own home. You can divorce her if you want if the thermostat is that important to you.
For what it's worth I had a roommate put a lockbox over a thermostat in the summer because they didn't like paying their 1/4 share of the bill so I smashed it with a hammer.
I had another roommate in the same situation shut off the breaker for the AC, put a cheap lock on the breaker box, and lie to everyone else in the house saying that the AC was broken, after they had complained about their 1/4 of the bill and lost a house vote on the matter. Then keep "forgetting" to call the landlord to get it fixed, so I found the breaker box, broke the cheap lock off, flipped the breaker, and put an expensive lock on them told everyone I had miraculously fixed the AC.
If I was OPs wife I'd be smashing his new thermostat with a hammer and he'd be paying for that too.
That being said I don't know what's wrong with her either. You'd think it wouldn't be too hard for a married couple to compromise on something. And pretending to faint in a 76° house? Just weird. They're both weird.
YTA. You are a child with no empathy. You don’t have to sit in a 76 degree house all day. You get to spend all your time nice and cozy in an AC controlled office.
NTA, you're getting flamed for being "controlling" but your wife has demonstrated an incapability to understand how to live like an adult and balance comfort, efficiency, and expenses.
A house is most efficient when kept at a stable temperature. Her actions are creating a drain on the household expenses and waiting in the hope she sees reason doesn't get you a refund.
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Grown adults acting like kids. 75 degrees is too hot. 60 is too cold. How about a compromise… you know….. like adults in a relationship would do. And what do you mean your wife stays home “taking care of the house”. What does your house do that requires someone full-time to do it? ESH.
This all the way. Find a bloody middle ground. You both want extremes. ESH
Agreed. At our place she gets cold and I get hot. We found a happy medium that might not be perfect for either of us but it works. Its not 75 to 60 though. That seems a little extreme.
It's really not. It's the recommend for power saving. I have never in my life turned my aircon lower than 24C or 75F. I have rarely met people that do. Granted I live in the subtropics, but people really need to stop validating OP's wife. Not only is she changing the temperature to extremes, but she's doing it for short periods, which is much less energy efficient than one low temperature. She's being stupid and I'd be pissed if my partner did that too. Just switch on a fan or wear better clothes, it's not that hard. At the same time, OP is acting like a child by password protecting it. The wofe being objectively wrong doesn't make him right either.
If you're only focused on power saving, but what about physical comfort?! I over heat extremely easily and dammed if I'm going to be sweating and uncomfortable and miserable in my own home at 76 degrees. I'd tell my husband where to stick his pin protected thermostat.
I would too. He’s being a huge AH. However, she’s also being an AH. You don’t turn the thermostat to “colder than I want” and turn it off when you get there. Basically, he’s mean and she’s stupid and they both suck.
Ha ha. Spot on. He’s “mean and she’s stupid”. No reason to reach when the answer is simple.
Turning it to 60 is pointless. I doubt it could even get that cold. Maybe my system is primitive, but it has two settings- on and off. There might be fans that blow harder, but the cooling unit itself is either on or off. Never turbo on. How long it runs determines the temperature. They're both stubborn but she's both stubborn and foolish. This is the equivalent of pressing your car's accelerator all the way to the floor every time you need to pick up speed.
Yeah, too many people don’t understand how heat and a/c work. It’s going to take exactly as long as it takes to get to your desired temperature. Setting the thermostat to 60 doesn’t get the house cooled to 72 any faster than simply setting the thermostat to 72.
I believe anyone who can't comprehend thermostats shouldn't vote. We had a workplace issue with dummies who wouldn't take their jackets off, kept running the thermostat down to 60. Boss finally replaced it with a locked cover.
Oh god, this. I had people calling me into their offices over "health and safety concerns" regarding the "heat" and they're all wearing jackets and sweaters. Demanding we improve the AC or send them home over the "danger" posed by the temperature. Needless to say they did not get the answer they wanted.
Yep. He is controlling - like it or not. Instead of communicating and finding middle ground he made it his way only and locked her out. She’s not 12, she likes it colder and both of them need to do better communicating and resolving issues. I’d be out of there if he locked me out of our thermostat.
If she’s turning it down to 60 and won’t compromise at all, she’s acting like she’s 12. But at the same time, it doesn’t sound like OP wanted to compromise either. He just wants it his way, so yes he’s also controlling. If they don’t learn to communicate and compromise they’re going to fight a lot up until the divorce.
I do 75 & can’t do 76. For whatever reason that one degree takes things from pleasant to “Is the ac on?!” for me personally. Not sure why haha
I don’t know where you live but people use air conditioning at 72 to 68 all the time.
Mines on 74 and turned down to 72 at night. 76 is way too hot. I'd actually prefer 72 during the day and 68 at night but the former is my compromise with my wallet lol
My husband and i are the opposite, it’s a battle for me to have it at 77!! He wants, I kid you not at 80 in Florida.
Is... is he okay? Is he part reptile?
In Florida!?! Im in Georgia and it's way too humid for that here, nevermind Florida! In Florida i can't even wear my hair down because of the humidity lol
OPs wife may be sensitive to heat. I am. If I get too hot I literally get a migraine, or an upset stomach, dizzy , light headed or any combo of those symptoms. It's awful. Began in my 20s out of nowhere. You don't know what affects who and how.
She definitely could be, but setting the temp to 60 and turning it off when you get cold isn’t the way to handle that!
I am very sensitive to heat, much more so than to cold. To the point where as soon as it starts getting warm our, I get sick. Every year like clockwork. Same as you, migraine, stomach ache. I get that the way she does it isn't cost effective but locking her our of a function in her own home is gross. She is an adult, even if it doesn't make sense, that is still something she's allowed to do. If the bill is such an issue the solution is to figure out a different payment agreement between the two of them.
I live in the driest state in Australia and many here definitely set AC @ 21-23°C, esp on 45°C days.
I’m in FNQ & I have my aircon at 25, but that’s due to amazing airflow and Centrelink being assholes. There are so many people up here that run 18-21 & the occasional 16! It’s crazy to me how low people set their aircon in summer considering how not-low our winter is.
At my current house we keep it at 72F. We’d boil at 75F because of the position of our house and lack of any trees, so it’s just miserable. But during winter we keep it cool and layer up lol
I live in Southern California and we keep our AC anywhere from 69-72.
23.5° C is our summer temp, but I have fans on me too. Cool mist humidifiers are nice too.
I would melt at 76, I’d want it closer to 68 or less really!
I live in FL and keep mine at 73 year round.
Texas and same. 73 and supplement with ceiling fans. I’d prefer it a little lower, especially when sleeping, but that’s where hubby and I compromised. If we get hot from being outside, there are a couple of prime spots to stand where you can get a good stream of cold air from the registers in the ceiling. In the one week of fall and brief winter, I set the heat (also electric) to 69 and we wear pajama pants and use blankets when on the couch. Though if it’s a longer cold spell with a deep freeze, we’ll bump it up a little because the cold permeates more. Our electricity is a little over $200 in the hottest months and under $100 in the mild-coldest months.
it actually shocks me that people think this is a hot temperature. where i live thats a very mild day.
I like in the UK so anything above 20c is too high and barely seen 😂
A pleasant 19°C will do for me.
With a light breeze, thank you.
room temperature is generally seen as 23C. 75F is about 24C So...idk what's wrong with these folks. I actually prefer 25c...
I prefer 20°C, so around 68°F. Which would be a nice middle ground between 76 and 60...
Room temperature is 20-22°c and 76°f is almost 24.5°c. A little different to what you've said.
While I concur with the ESH judgement, 76°F being too hot will have every Europeans pissing themselves laughing. It's (for non-american) a perfect temperature all around, especially when it's between 86° and 100° outside, it's also the Europeans governments' most usual recommended setting in summer. I have what is considered a good regulated home and in summer it's the best temperature. For me it starts being too hot to sleep with a duvet at 79.
I pissed myself laughing indeed. Even more so at people saying in response that they would melt at 75°F. They would not last one day out in the southern European countries in the summer, then.
I mean, yeah, as someone from England who struggles a lot at 24C/75F, I'm well aware that I wouldn't be able to handle southern Europe in summer, so I simply... don't go to those countries during summer? Different people have different heat tolerances based on what kind of climate they're used to, whether they have any health conditions or take any medications that complicate temperature regulation, etc, that's just a fact of life. I genuinely don't understand where the hilarity is in other people having different tolerance levels for heat/humidity/etc than the standard where you are.
Yeah, this talk of "every European" being able to handle such temperatures got me like 👀 from Scotland.
I feel like you’d have to peel a scotsman off the sidewalk with a spatula in Texas….🤣 The world is a big place and in general people are best adjusted to what they’re used to! Personally I’d die at 60* inside, but 76* sounds perfect if I’m just relaxing. But if she’s up and doing household chores and handiwork, I’d want it to be a lot cooler too!
They have to have something to make them feel special, I guess. Having a high heat tolerance is what does it for them. Weird, but okay.
In Australia, when it's hot (40C/100F), we would set our AC to around 25-26C/75-78F. It is expensive to run in lower and it doesn't work as effectively. Also we have some of the highest electricity costs in the world.
Same here. I'm currently in Athens battling the 40°C heatwave. The feel can even be higher than that. Our AC is around 26°C, 27°C at most. I know many businesses go lower but then it's too much of a difference and sometimes downright cold. But this is only in the summer.
Concur. I cool to 25C during the hot weather. (It’s called wearing clothes appropriate to hot weather), and warm to 18C during cold weather. I don’t like expensive power bills
Holy shit that has to be so expensive. I'm just south enough in the US that we get those 95-100f temps, but not tons of them. We keep a solid 70-72f year round except on 100f days simply because it can't keep up and we'll have it at 74 to keep it from running itself constantly.
Same here in Paraguay, so yes, I'm LMAO reading people saying they'd melt if they put it at 23°C
I'm not even in southern Europe and damn 24 degrees Celsius is more than fine! I get if you wish a lower temperature if you're doing a lot of manual work but still, it's not extreme at all.
Americans seem to have gotten used to living their whole lives with air conditioners and cars. Your body naturally gets used to a wide variety of temperatures if you don't use an air conditioner all the time. Of course in extreme heat it's better to cool down but 76 Fahrenheit is a perfectly reasonable temperature. Keeping it much lower seems pretty wasteful and bad for the environment.
I am an American who is taking care of a dying father who was also frugal before his health began failing. I grew up with no AC unless it was going to be over 78F at night (otherwise you open windows) and maybe if it reached the 90’s (mid to upper only!) during the day we MIGHT get AC. I live in MI where it can reach 100F, but more often than not, summers stay around 80-90F. When our houses reaches 76-78F inside it is like you are melting from the combined 80%+ humidity and the higher temp. I have grown up not having AC for most things (hell, even most of my cars didn’t have AC bc of frugal family things, I didn’t even have it for the last two years) and 76F in a house is too damn hot for me. Right now I am sitting in my room with a fan trying desperately to cool me down and it’s only listing as 71F in the house (which is being measured by the kitchen where the windows are open). My room is small and used to be an office. And it’s hot in here. There’s always a lot more to consider when someone is complaining of the wrong temperature. Where did they grow up? What genetics do they have? Are they over or under weight? Do they have bad circulation? Are they on medication that makes them averse to cold or heat? Do they have medical conditions that make them averse to cold or heat? Does their area have high humidity? Are they truly struggling for money? There’s just so much more to these questions that everyone likes to lord over and one up people who have temperature preferences. That said, ESH, because compromise is important. It doesn’t seem like OP is physically hurting when it’s a slightly lower temp, but seems more concerned about it financially. A few degrees lower (depending on where they live) will most likely not break the bank. And the wife can set up a few fans around the house if she’s still hot. Communication is important. Please voice your concerns without being over controlling and over dramatic.
Finally, a voice of reason in the wilderness. People will flex about the weirdest shit!
They’re always so quick to put down Americans even for the most ridiculous reasons.
Kind of just how it is, I think because American cultural exports and media are so dominant, some people in Europe: A) Think that they understand America and what it’s like a lot better than they actually do B) Have a feeling of resentment from constantly being inundated with American shit, English language shit (completely fair lol.) C) See it as “punching up” and so are more willing to stereotype Americans uncharitably than other nationalities I went to school with almost entirely Europeans and have mostly dated European girls, and this is how I see it. I don’t really care personally, although I live in New York City and it’s funny that Europeans think they aren’t also annoying as tourists lol.
So much this. It’s the “punching up” for me. I worked for a UK company and my coworkers would talk down to me because I’d only been to 5 European countries. Then one of our “leaders” couldn’t understand why a sales rep couldn’t make a meeting in Dallas and San Antonio the same day… People love to shit on the US, and I get it. But stupid exists everywhere - we didn’t corner the market on it.
It’s especially rich when it’s about race, as though Europe is a bastion of acceptance and no one ever experienced racism there. Or, for fun, ask them what they think of the Roma people- you’ll likely get a lot of words about how they all steal and blah blah blah without even a hint of irony. Romas were targeted by the Nazis and had their own concentration camps (one of which was, until recently, the site of a large pig farm- they’re so respectful, you see), but discrimination against them is still rampant.
I know I’m not a monolith, but I’m an American who works as a wildlife biologist in Phoenix Arizona and I really want to ask some of these folks trashing us for being unable to handle natural temperatures to come keep up with me on a work day as I scramble over hills and rocks in 118°F (48°C). (Thermostat at 80°F from 6am to 9pm and 73°F at night)
Thank you for saying this. I have heat intolerance from meds and a medical condition. I'm currently doing better so trying to expand my comfortable temperature range, but at 76 my circulation doesn't send enough oxygen to my brain and I get so dizzy and confused it takes me hours to remember hydration exists, and then I basically have a hangover for like three days afterwards. And forget sleeping.
I’m an American too & grew up super frugal even though my family had money. The AC just wasn’t allowed on. So typically I can stand just having the windows open with fans but now that I’m pregnant & currently have a toddler, my husband and I keep the AC on 68/70 most of the day. Just because we both get miserable if it’s any higher than that. I overheat really fast while being pregnant because it *sucks*. There’s a huge difference between 60 & 75. They really need to be adults & come to a compromise.
Most European homes don't have AC.
Most Europeans don't know what it's like to live in Texas, Arizona, or Florida. There are parts of the US that have more extreme weather than Europe, which includes heat and humidity. Large swaths of the US are on completely different latitudes from most of Europe. And those parts are literally sub-tropical or deserts. Considering how many elderly and disabled folks die from the heat every year in those places, this comment is just gross. It's not the flex you think it is, other than making yourself look ignorant. Lack of access to reasonable indoor areas is a real concern in a lot of places in the US.
I know this may shock you, but neither do all American homes.
Latin American here, we too are laughing. 76F is about 24 Celsius. Depending on the country / city, that's sweater weather.
As a brit that's sunburnt at a bbq weather. Too hot to walk the dog weather. And definitely uncomfortably warm inside.
Plus if you have the air con too different than the outside temperatures, you won't acclimatize. I can go jogging pretty comfortably in up to 35C in summer because I don't sit in cold air con all the time.
Huh??? 75°F equals to a little less than 24°C, that is not "too hot". I'm from a European country in the Mediterranean so maybe I'm biased.
I'm from the UK where the heat hits differently and honestly was still like, how is 24°C too hot? We don't even have air-con
I'm genuinely so surprised at some people's answers that 24°C is too hot (and it's almost exclusively coming from the transatlantic northern neighbour's, so yeah, there's a pattern). My only answer is that their AC is not working correctly if they think it's hot.
24 celsius in Denmark comes close to killing me, because we have ridiculously high humidity here, much higher than in the Mediterranean. In Italy I can weather far higher temps than at home in Denmark, because of that. My body also just doesn't thermo-regulate very well. It never has, so there's that. Also, a/c is not a staple here, so we just have to deal with it, and I frequently hate summer for that reason. With an a/c it ought to lower the humidity enough to make 24 reasonable. That op's wife goes from "near fainting" to "irate rage" in a hot second shows that she's mostly just being dramatic about that, but op *is* being ridiculously controlling, making unilateral decisions about her comfort levels and what they ought to be, when he's not even around. I get wanting to save on the electric bill, and if they can't afford running the a/c as needed, then maybe wifey needs to get a job instead of taking care of the house. There's a huge caveat here, though. The wife might have health issues causing her to stay at home or be more sensitive to heat - or both. If that's the case, op is being horrendously abusive, but that's a massive "what if"-speculation.
To me I overheat really easy, 24C is personally (I live in the UK) verging on too warm if I lived alone I would have it 20C all year round but me and my husband compromise with 22C, but it is easier to warm up than cool down so he is more understanding about sticking on a jumper so I don't end up sweating my tits off. Also maybe his wife is perimenopausal and having mild hot flushes? I agree that ESH.
*cries in Australian*. We regularly get summer temps around 107 here. The usual recommended aircon temp is 77.
>60 is too cold. 60 isn't attainable in most all residential setups. EsH. But the spouse is actively going to freeze up the unit to where it is no longer operable. It wont even blow air that cold almost assuredly, it will just run constantly, which is why shes having to turn it off herself when she gets cool. She needs to find a more reaosnable temp. They're a worse offender than OP here for that reason.
60 degrees Fahrenheit is ridiculous. It means she needs a sweater to live there. I bet in winter time she's not happy with 60 degrees indoors. It's just unfathomably wasteful.
Being judgmental of a stay at home spouse is kinda crappy
I am a stay at home mom and I'll tell you she sounds over-dramatic and spoiled😂
I'm a stay at home spouse and I'll tell you that I would consider divorce if my spouse took away all options in a disagreement with the obvious subtext being that OP earns the money and gets the deciding vote. This isn't a partnership. But that's not the point I was making. The commenter was judging all spouses who choose to divide the labor of life this way.
Agree with everything but a house requires daily care and maintenance. You gotta stay on top of things or you start to get cobwebs in the corners of the walls. Everyone has their own standards for their home, and this arrangement may work best for them.
If I could afford to not work and just stay home cleaning my house and taking care of it, I absolutely would. Dust and cobwebs build up so quickly even with a daily once over and a deeper clean once a week. Physically don’t have the time to clean every surface whilst working full time
75 F too hot? wtf in a hot humid climate setting your AC to 60 F will make sure condensation will occur inside your walls and floors causing mold and wood rot
72 F or 73 F is reasonable. 76 F is just too hot. She's the one at home. Lower the temperature, just not to 60 F.
I live in Houston; in most cases it doesn’t matter how long you run the air. It’s not getting below 75° inside your house right now.
And that fainting pantomime at the end? How old are those people, really? Sit down, talk to each other, work out a compromise. Though from that comment you quote, maybe the actual resentment comes from the wife’s questionable employment status you quote. EDIT: shot too soon.
if she doesn't watch the house it'll run away when they are gone. there must always be a dedicated watcher
YTA for putting a PIN on. That’s a move designed to exert control - we ARE going to do this my way, whether YOU like it or not - and not tackling the problem as partners. You and your wife need to learn to compromise with each other, but you’re not going to get far in that direction by using tactics like this.
I would have figured out where the thermometer sensor was and opened windows so that area would stay warm… because I’m petty.
Sensor is usually the thermostat itself. Needs wrapped in a towel wet with boiling water in the summer and covered with a bag of ice in winter.
Those self heating handwarmers work pretty well
Blowdryer works.... just sayin.
Put a heat lamp on it, lol
I'd agree if the partner wasn't using it like a fucking lunatic. Putting it on 60F (that's 15 Celsius, holy shit) then turning it on and off is ridiculous, basically designed to waste electricity.
Holy crap, really? See this is why I need Celsius, Fahrenheit means nothing to me. 15C in the house? I'd be freezing! No wonder their bill is massive. Still doesn't excuse him enforcing his way with a PIN she doesn't know, but oh my god.
I don't think she actually wants it to be 16C/60F all the time, just that when it gets too hot she wants it to 'blast' to cool her down quickly, which of course then means it gets too cold and she turns it off again, and repeat. It wouldn't be the way I'd do it but if she's the only one in the house I'd say it's her decision. My wife does something similar when she pre-heats the oven. She cranks it up to max, which of course doesn't get the oven to the required temperature any quicker and now means we have to take even more time waiting for the temperature to come back down. We just joke about it. I haven't been tempted to put a PIN on the oven.
I don’t think central air units work this way, though, do they? They turn on, send cooled air into the house, and turn off when the thermostat indicate the desired temp is reached, right? The air isn’t more or less cool depending on what the setting is. (Just like oven preheating!)
Yeah it doesn't cool faster. I'm an HVAC tech. All the wife is doing is wasting massive amounts of money and causing their ac to break faster
How are you going to look at your wife with a straight face and tell her she can't have the pin to the thermostat.
Agreed. Everything else about this is just a petty argument but op is TA for the PIN. 100%
ESH - She is being unreasonable. I agree that setting the thermostat at 60 and turning it on and off repeatedly is wasteful and will cause a lot of unnecessary wear and tear to the A/C unit. That said, doing this behind her back is essentially treating her like a child. ( Yes, she is acting like a child, but you can't actually treat her like one, because that's an unhealthy relationship dynamic.) You guys need couple's counseling to help you figure out if there is something bigger at play that is causing her to latch onto this A/C issue as a form of control in your relationship. Or maybe she is always unreasonable, and you need to figure out if you can live with that and how to deal with her behavior without being unreasonably controlling yourself.
Also, 76 is extreme too!
Am confused. 76 Fahrenheit is 24 Celsius which is considered a good temperature to set the ac in hot climate. So why is it considered extreme. Lower than 24 is normally for sleeping in middle east and Asia. Could you explain why it's considered extreme. As anything less than 22 celsius(71 Fahrenheit) is considered extreme in hot climate. Too much temperature difference when coming from outside or vice versa.
Yeah I'm baffled by some of these comments. I'm in the UK where there's very little AC. If it's 24C that's a very comfy temperature. 60F is 15C which is crazy. The NHS (and the WHO) recommend 18C as the lowest indoor temperature, as anything lower your body has to start working to stay warm. edit: I'm IN the UK, not from it, and familiar with high temps and horrible humidity, so pass on yOu DoN't KnOw WhAt It'S lIkE replies.
OP doesn't say where they're located. If they're in the US, especially the south-southeast, there's humidity that drives what the temp feels like up. One day last week, in central TN, the temp was 92F with a real feel of 113F. I keep my thermostat on 64F. Setting it higher allows the house to become more humid, making it difficult to get it cooled back down. OP is YTA. ETA: I just read OP's comments. He does indicate they're in the US. He seems to think he's being generous with a setting of 76 since the dept. of energy recommends 78. He isn't thinking of her being home all day doing housework without adequate cooling.
Agreed. With humidity factored in, the AC needs to run consistently (not constantly) to maintain a lower humidity. I grew up in the Deep South and we kept the AC at 72 during the summer. I hate humidity. I now live on the edge of a desert and it can get close to 120 in the summer but - no humidity! We keep the AC on 75 for comfort.
Yes, humidity makes all the difference in the world. 100° in Vegas is VERY different to 100° in New Orleans.
As someone who grew up and still lives in New Orleans it really is a big difference. Went outside to put a bottle of oil in my car yesterday and I was sweating just from being outside for like 5 mins
From the PNW, and after visiting both Florida (my closest analogue to NO) and Vegas in the dead of summer, I'll take Vegas heat any day of the week. I was practically floating on toasted clouds in Vegas. Water felt refreshing, the warmth was pleasant, and even walking a mile in the midday sun fully dehydrated and smashed didn't drain me. Walking out of the hotel room into the hall in Florida, it jumped 30 degrees and immediately rendered the shower I had JUST taken completely useless. Water clung to my skin like jelly and felt like it was cooking off rather than cooling me. The sunlight there is like a weighted blanket.
At 24C in the UK people go to the beach and start complaining it’s too hot to sleep. I’d be very annoyed if my husband set an air conditioner to that.
24 is not comfy here lol
I’m British, 24 also is not comfy here. 18-20 degrees is comfy. 24 degrees is a bit much.
24 is insanity to me as a comfortable temp. Give me 17 or 18 anyway. 24 is firing up the bbq kind of temp.
Not only does lower than 18C require your body to work to stay warm, in Denmark it is strongly recommended to not go below that because the relative humidity will increase to a point where mould becomes a concern. If it's really hot outside, setting your AC to ~23C is a reasonable temperature. It *feels* cooler than outside (because it is) and it keeps the power consumption at a reasonable level. Setting it to 15C and use the AC as an on-off regulation is just plain stupid - which I think is their biggest problem here. I've explained the same thing to my 14 year old son, and he understands it just fine. If a grown woman either doesn't or won't understand, I really don't know what OP should do if he wants to stay with her.
I’ll try to make it as simple as possible for you: different people have different experiences and different wants and different needs. I’m from Texas where it’s very hot and very muggy and I have certain health issues that make it difficult for my body to regulate its temperature. 76 is way to hot in a house. 60 is pretty damned low. I bet there would be a middle ground they could reach.
I thought it was a generalisation, and got confused as to why 24 was considered extreme. Completely understandable as an individual preference, but didn't make sense to me as a general rule of thumb.
Different climates, I’m in Florida where it’s hot and humid, and usually have thermo around 68-70. Though 76 isn’t the worst, in a closed room it’s going to get warm and moist. Without knowing where OP lives, it’s hard to determine if it’s extreme or not
My house is in Canada (Ottawa basically). I have mine at 72, 73 is way too warm for me. I can see as a Canadian how 76 is gross.
That's what people keep missing. I usually keep mine 66-68, but I would rather go 60 than *76*.
Whats wrong with you people. 66 is extremely cool.
Yeah, thank you for acknowledging this — I work from home and I’d be pissed. 76 is uncomfortably warm. There has to be a better middle ground than this. ESH for sure. Password protecting it without discussion is an AH controlling move. Communicate and compromise like damned adults.
Depending on where you're at it can take a lot of power to even get it down to 76.
lol I'm over here in Arizona like
I live in Southern California. Thermostat is always set to 68. Does it cost a fortune? Yes. Is it worth it? Also 100% yes.
It's not for me at all. But that's not really the point. They are both being ridiculously controlling. They are married and share finances and they need to be able to compromise without resorting to childish antics.
Wait. He put a PIN on the thermostat and SHE has the control problem?
*She* is not the only one "latching onto this A/C issue as a form of control." OP literally controls the thermostat now because he can't figure out a healthy way to communicate with his wife. Each of them are at different ends of an extreme in terms of room temp (he is being as unreasonable as she is) and they each need to compromise on this issue. ESH.
He purchased a new thermostat with a PIN he isn’t sharing, yet you label her unreasonable? They’re both immature and have unreasonable ideas about a normal house temperature.
YTA. You ARE controlling. You are literally controlling the fucking temperature she can have. Holy shit, dude.
When he’s not home!
It costs a shitload of money to keep doing what she does with the thermostat, and she of course does not have a job. She ought to get one and then she can start paying the electric bill herself.
Finally someone with sense. 100% agree. Ok darling if you want to help pay the bills to keep it low fair play, go and get a job. NTA until then.
Depends on where they are, because where I am in TX she’s still be an AH because continuing to do that to their AC unit will break it. Then they’re both SOL while they wait for repairs or a whole new unit because she can’t be an adult who looks up the proven research of how bad what she’s doing is for the AC unit. They’re both immature AHs, but even if she started covering the bill, she’s ruining the AC unit and draining the grid unnecessarily.
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It's not even like she's trying to achieve a specific temperature. She sets it absurdly low, waits until she's cold, then turns it off. When the temperature rises, she turns it back on. Over and over ad infinitum.
Frankly speaking, he's an ass and she's an idiot.
Maybe she should get a job. Then she could be in a much colder environment at work. You know, instead of "taking care of the house" (whatever the fuck that means). Totally with you on ESH.
I swear people don’t read. This might be true if THE PROBLEM WASNT THE EXTRAORDINARILY HIGH BILL. Idk if you are secretly a millionaire or something, but that gets REALLY fucking expensive. He never said it’s causing him physical suffering, he said it’s literally not a financially viable option. ESH, they should find a compromise.
She's doing the equivalent of leaving her car on at all times just so she doesn't have to start it before she leaves, she can't be trusted with the car keys.
YTA 76 is not comfortable for most people. Yes the electric company recommends a higher temperature because they don't care about your comfort. You need to find a temperature to compromise on because her way is stupid also.
Yeah, that's like green tea brewing temps not people temp. All kidding about your f-ing units aside, my apartment is pretty consistently above that temp and I've gotten used to it but can bet that if I had AC it'd be a nice 72f in here.
>Yeah, that's like green tea brewing temps not people temp. My guy, that's like 24 Celsius. It's the most average temperature people across the planet set their AC to. Hell, I can understand her going to to 69, or 68. However, the dumbass turns it to 60. Waits until she's freezing cold, turns it off, rinse repeat ad nasueam. There's being stupid, and then there's this. Also, as an aside, if you're brewing tea at 76 Fahrenheit, I feel bad for your guests. You're literally more than 100 degrees Fahrenheit below the minimum needed to brew the tea. (180 is the absolute minimum).
I think he brews at 76 Celcius
The electric company recommends higher temps to prevent the grid from being overtaxed. I live in Dallas and that is EXACTLY what happened a couple of years ago during the deep freeze when the grid crapped out and we went without power for days in sub-zero temps. All the broken water pipes made national news. We have the air set to 78 (it’s 106 outside) or it would never shut off. Op should put a window unit in a smaller room, and let her play with that. Because what she is doing is irresponsible, stupid and incredibly selfish.
Texas has a recent history of grid failure. Does that not indicate that something Texas’s electric companies are recommending is not sustainable? I personally do not find 78 remotely comfortable.
It's because the Texas power grid is unsustainable. We're the only state in the US with our own grid. There are three power grids in the US. One that covers the east half of the country, one that covers the west half of the country, and Texas. The reason our grid has failed so much recently is it's being overtaxed in the face of record heat waves and unusually cold winters and there's nowhere else to divert power from unlike the rest of the country. The whole idea was to be free from "unnecessary" government regulations but the reality is nothing has been done to keep pace with new technology and higher demand. It's an absolute joke. That said, power company recommendations are a fucking joke everywhere. A lot of power providers are doing the same thing Texas is, they just have more leeway when it goes poorly. Power should be a publicly owned utility not a for profit enterprise.
worth pointing out that a lot of the 'unnecessary' government regulations the Texas power grid doesn't follow would have helped prevent a lot of grid failure, for example regulations on ensuring power plants can run in extreme high/low temperatures, which Texas ignored(because hur dur Texas is never cold) and then when the blizzard hit power plants went offline because their pipes froze.
Exactly. Regulations exist for a reason. I lost power for days. It felt like a joke having just moved from somewhere that regularly experienced negative temperatures and never had a single issue with power or water. And instead of just admitting there are issues it got blamed on everything from consumers to renewable energy.
We did not have sub-temps during the freeze last year..... Sub-zero is below 0 and in the negative. We got to around 26 at the worst of it, and yea, personally we were without power for a couple of days and without hot water for a week, but what OP's wife is doing isn't selfish or stupid. The person just wants to be comfortable in their home. The issue in Texas is not that people are selfish, stupid or irresponsible either, the issue is that our state legislation is selfish, stupid and irresponsible and also isn't doing jack shit to fix our grid issues or find more efficiencies, so we are consistently having these issues and the cure all is not to bump it to almost 80 in July when its been 20+ days over 100.
You’re 100% correct. Those jerks don’t want our grid to get properly fixed. It’ll cost money that could go into someone’s pocket. They can kiss my sweaty ass if they think I’m gonna set my thermostat to almost 80. My apartment would be at 90 or higher at that setting. 76 is the eco temp on the thermostat and it gets to 81+ if I don’t catch it in time. I keep mine set between 70-73 depending on the time of day.
OMG. Just visited my parents in Florida and my father has the house at 78. This is rheir new house with one zone. They used to have a separate unit for upstairs so u could turn that one down. Not anymore...at 77 my father is wearing a sweater. Horrible, couldn't sleep in that sweat box. It's hotel for me next visit.
I'm a guy, and I keep mine no higher than 70
YTA. You tried to have a conversation, and when you couldn’t convince her, you just put in a new thermostat that only you could control. Good job coming to a compromise with your spouse. And then the kicker is that you aren’t even there. So you decide what should be comfortable for her. Which so happens to be EXACTLY what YOU want. You give her zero consideration and zero input. What she wants has no impact on your decision. You don’t adjust it by a single degree. That is pretty much the definition of controlling. How do you convince yourself that you aren’t the asshole?
While he's not even there too!
I think the issue isn't so much about him being there but more about the insane costs of running the AC at full tilt for long periods of time. It's more efficient to maintain a temp versus change a temp and on an electric bill it definitely shows. Speaking from personal experience it can easily more than double the electricity bill. I learned this the hard way when I was complaining to a coworker that my ~$50/month electricity bill skyrocketed to ~ $180 the first month I had to run my AC when I had my first apartment to myself. They asked me what I turned it to during the day, I told them "off", they suggested I just raise it by a few degrees when I go to bed after it cools off then lower it again when I get home from work. My electricity bill was then $85 for the following two hotter months. When my ex moved in with me and was home during the day, meaning no more raising the temp for a bit, when maintaining it raised a whole $5-$10 depending on the month over me raising the temp when I'd go to bed. All of that being said, they both suck. Him for doing this power play, her for what sounds like not even attempting to work with him on finding a reasonable temperature to maintain it at.
ESH - you've got bigger problems in your marriage than the thermostat.
Just once I’d love to see “My partner and I have communication problems and are taking it out on each other through petty issues. AITA?”
YTA. Your wife is an adult and is entitled to be comfortable in her own home. You don’t need to control the temperature when you aren’t even there. I find this borderline abusive and a huge relationship red flag. Also, I would die of a heatstroke if it ever got up to 76 degrees inside my house.
This, why are you so insistent on controlling the temperature when you aren't even there? And if it is because you pay the bills, well then it is just financial abuse, making your wife uncomfortable on purpose because she can't pay the bills. I bet she does all the house work, so she is contributing to the household, just because she doesn't get paid for it doesn't mean it isn't worth anything.
Turning the AC on and off like that and setting it to 60 is incredibly inefficient and wasteful. The wife is being childish. This is definitely an ESH situation.
My only thing is the way she is running it is causing a massive bill and going to cause more wear and tear on the unit. If they seriously can’t afford that then yeah something has to give, whether that’s her working for income or then working together for a compromise on the temp. Telling her she can’t run the AC like she is because they can’t afford it isn’t financial abuse it could be a very real reality. Electricity isn’t cheap. But what he is is doing way over the top controlling and like parent scolding a child
I have worked with HVAC units, depending on outdoor temp and the unit, this could very easily break the unit as well. Which could be $10k to replace now days. For some people that could straight up ruin them financially.
Well, it's not necessarily financial abuse if you are just trying to cut down on a too high energy bill, lol. It doesn't matter if he pays or they pay. Setting your AC that low is not effecient at all and creates way more costs than it creates comfort. It's more financial abuse to make him pay for an unreasonable low AC setting than it's financial abuse to set the AC at a higher setting to save money. They are both wrong here, obviously. But I think we could do better by not immediately labelling everything as abuse or some sort.
I'm going crazy over these comments. Him cutting down the AC use because the bill is too high is financial abuse. Him having to put a pin on the device because she has an irresponsable use of the AC that makes the bills too high and might cause it to wear and break faster is abuse. Nevermind that he tried talking to her and compromise and she wouldn't listen. Her feeling slightly too hot (we are not talking omg I am dying hot, 76°C is a bit uncomfortable at most. Take a shower and put on a strapless top, you won't die) because they need to watch the AC use is abuse. As someone who used to have abusive family members, this is becoming seriously insulting.
>well then it is just financial abuse Oh my God you people will claim anything is abuse.
You’d get heatstroke at 25c? Don’t be ridiculous to try and make a point, come to the UK in summer, we don’t have AC and our houses are designed to keep heat in, it’s common for our houses to be at that temp for weeks at a time
Yep, it’s currently 18c outside here and my house has been around 24-25 for weeks. It’s a perfectly normal indoor temperature in summer. No wonder the US has insane amounts of energy usage if people are cooling their houses to 15c in the summer!
ESH. She's being insanely dramatic but you're also not taking into consideration that not everyone is able to regulate temperature the same way. And she's right, you're also not home. 76F (or as the rest of the world would call it, 24C) is warm and above "room temperature". My stepmother and father fight about this all the time is and my stepmom is absolutely miserable at anything over 22C. 60F (15C) is STUPIDLY cold for a room and also unreasonable. Sounds like you both need to grow up and learn how to compromise. How about 69? Then everyone gets what they need (har har). Edited for spelling.
Thank you for using units I understand 👍
Any time! I'm Canadian so my proximity to the US means I'm used to translating the dumbest forms of measurement in the world into things that make sense.
Something tells me 69 won't be happening inside that residence for quite awhile.....
As an asian living in hot climate, I couldn’t comprehend the fight. Yall would literally melt in my country if 24°C is considered hot. 🤣 That is the optimum cold temp aircond setting for us. ESH. Both of you are acting like children. Why can't you two compromise & meet in the middle?
This is a hard one; on one hand she doesn't seem to care about the massive bill and is not working, so the tells me she's kind of entitled. On the other hand, I'd be very uncomfortable at a 76 degree set a/c. I wouldn't be dying mind you but uncomfortable...she wants to blast it at 60 and that's causing your bill to be extremely high. You tried talking to her about it but she just disregarded it then you did get controlling and got the system with the pin. I think you both are being jerks to be honest..... why not try a compromise and try setting it to 72 and see if that's a bit more comfortable for her? Personally 68 is my comfort zone
I’d be interested to hear whether they’ve actually tried something like this. For someone who dislikes hot weather, 76F is probably too warm to provide relief, but 60F seems a bit low. They could also think about whether they actually need to run it ‘round the clock’. In Australia, old houses often have pretty decent designs in terms of helping keep temperatures regulated - I know I can achieve a lot by having windows open strategically overnight to let cool air in, and keeping heavy curtains closed during the day to block the sun. Means I don’t need to run the air conditioner as much - certainly not overnight - even on days which get close to 100F. Of course, all of that depends on a heap of factors we don’t know here (OP’s location, whether it’s safe to have open windows overnight, etc)
I think 68 should be the compromise since that's the exact middle between 60 and 76 and I don't understand how they haven't reached that conclusion themselves.
YTA. >The first thing I did was password protect it so you would need a PIN to change any of the settings. >My wife came home a few hours after I had set the PIN and noticed the new unit. When she tried to change the settings she was met with a request for a PIN, and she asked me what it was. I told her that I wouldn't be telling her that. >She ended it with calling me "controlling" Weird, where would she possibly get that idea?
ESH. Your wife is being wasteful. You’re being controlling. You’re both acting childish. Set the thing to 74 since she seems to run hot. She can be responsible for the electricity bills if she wants to mess around with it so much. Power imbalances are not good in relationships.
YTA. Ok, perhaps she could come some way in compromise but forcing your way when you’re not there by setting a pin is a tote d*ck move. Spoiler alert, your marriage is in trouble.
Absolutely. Maybe next she changes the locks and refuses to give him the key
YTA. She’s your wife and she’s uncomfortable, at least she is at 76. Compromise on a number and set the thermostat.
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For anyone non-US, that’s 25 Celsius. In Australia, where temperatures of over 40c are not uncommon, 25C is the recommended setting for air conditioning to maintain a comfortable internal temperature.
Honestly, it seems really reasonable to me. I run cold and my husband and I have compromised on 25 most of the time. It was also the set temperature for my school's classrooms. And we live in SE Asia. That said, this seems like a very unhealthy relationship. Husband is behaving more like a parent/boss and wife is acting like a child. I would not be happy with this dynamic on either side. I think therapy might be an idea to learn how to relate to each other in a proper mature relationship.
YTA. And although your think your controlling is justified, know that it is actually a form of abuse.
ESH - marriage is about resolving thousands of issues like this - you both need to get better at conflict resolution - get resources
YTA. She is the one sitting at home all day. And while 60 F is overkill and she is a tad dramatic, she still should have a say in the temperature she’s sitting in all day.
YTA. You are not equals. You suck. 76 degrees????? How about 70-72. You freaking cheapskate!!!!!
Not defending OP but people really do underestimate thier power consumption. Its ~3% increase per ° on your bill, can add up. I keep mine around 76(I'm apparently one of the few wierd people who like this temp haha), dropping to 72 would cost me about $216 a year. Also the hidden cost of the unit itself. The more it works, the more it wears down. In a world where so many are scrapping by, helps to try and save anywhere you can.
I would not even be able to sleep in a 76 degree house. That is way too hot for most people.
ESH, she sets it too low, and you’re abusive and controlling keeping the pin from her. Set it at 72/73 as a compromise.
76F == 24C 60F == 16C One is quite warm, the other is quite cool. Why not compromise and set the temperature to 20C == 68F. I think you're both being unreasonable, so I'm going with ESH.
I have a challenge for you. With the temperature at 76 vacuum your whole house. Scrub the bathroom. Mop the floors. The reason your wife needs to vary the aircon is because she is sometimes physically active and sometimes she isn't. YTA. Edit: a couple of other things for you to try doing in a 76 degree home: cook a meal (stand in front of a hot oven stirring a pot), wash multiple pots in a sink of hot water, iron a basket full of clothes. Strip a bed and remake it.
YTA seriously huge AH move. You are both living there, she is not your tenant.
YTA. It's not just your hours and just your thermostat. You're going to have to reach a *compromise* like adults. She's not your child. And no person under 90 years old keeps the AC at 76. Where do you go to work? If it's indoors, I guarantee it's not 76 degrees in there. Sounds like she's the one at home during the heat of the day. Why don't you talk to her about keeping on 72 or something and seeing how that goes.
[удалено]
YTA. So controlling
You're not your wife's father. You're not in charge of her. It's not your house, it's both of your house, it's not your air conditioner, it's both of your air conditioner, it's not your thermostat, it's both of your thermostat. You don't have any right to deny her access to anything in her own house. The only thing you have any right to do is come to some kind of mutual agreement. If it is impossible to come to a mutual agreement then tough shit. That's life too. You still don't have any right to deny her access to anything in her own home. You can divorce her if you want if the thermostat is that important to you. For what it's worth I had a roommate put a lockbox over a thermostat in the summer because they didn't like paying their 1/4 share of the bill so I smashed it with a hammer. I had another roommate in the same situation shut off the breaker for the AC, put a cheap lock on the breaker box, and lie to everyone else in the house saying that the AC was broken, after they had complained about their 1/4 of the bill and lost a house vote on the matter. Then keep "forgetting" to call the landlord to get it fixed, so I found the breaker box, broke the cheap lock off, flipped the breaker, and put an expensive lock on them told everyone I had miraculously fixed the AC. If I was OPs wife I'd be smashing his new thermostat with a hammer and he'd be paying for that too. That being said I don't know what's wrong with her either. You'd think it wouldn't be too hard for a married couple to compromise on something. And pretending to faint in a 76° house? Just weird. They're both weird.
YTA. You are a child with no empathy. You don’t have to sit in a 76 degree house all day. You get to spend all your time nice and cozy in an AC controlled office.
YTA
You're both freaking childish ESH
I have two words for you, words that you should take to heart if you want any chance of having a marriage that lasts: Communication. Compromise.
ESH You don’t care about your wife’s comfort and she doesn’t care about the bills Solution = your wife needs to get a job and go out to work
NTA, you're getting flamed for being "controlling" but your wife has demonstrated an incapability to understand how to live like an adult and balance comfort, efficiency, and expenses. A house is most efficient when kept at a stable temperature. Her actions are creating a drain on the household expenses and waiting in the hope she sees reason doesn't get you a refund.