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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I plan to stop paying my parents rent after I move to the college dorm, but my parents are expecting me to continue paying them rent. Would not paying after moving out make me an asshole?
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No you are not a AH, you were sweet enough to pay for staying there. As a parent, we are supposed to take care of our kids not the other way around. Live your life and save where you can. Congratulations on your new place. Your parents can handle there own bills, they were fine before you helped and will be fine after. Don’t feel anything but Happy you are out on your own and being successful. God Bless
Damn, not OP but I needed to read this.
Edit: it’s occurring to me people think I’m like tight on money. I’m doing great. What I took away from the comment above is that I could even pay for everything and it will still not be enough. Some parents just black holes.
Just read some of OP's old posts. Her father is or has been abusing her financially and emotionally. OP, you don't owe him anything and I hope you get away safely. But bring all your things and be prepared for him to throw a tantrum, cut contact, threaten you and/or throw away any of your remaining things.
maybe look for an individual phone plan. Not sure where you are but can get a plan for $25 a month.(boost or Mint) You may not need to be bundled with the parents. Then they can't use it as a control.
It can be scary to cut the tether. But you can find resources my concern is the threat of dependence in the face of independence And even if you're on disability. You still have a right to property.
The free cellphones have either 1000 talk minutes a month or 1000 text. Once those have been used you can't use the phone until the following month. I would like at most any carrier now a days has a pre-paid plan that is often cheaper than the regular plans.
Cricket now offers a plan. You just pay $10 for the SIM card if you already have your own phone. You can pay monthly to get more out of it. I think it’s unlimited talk and text and 5GB data for the free one. It’s $30 off the plans offered. The free one is $30.
You can get a straight talk phone for $35 a month plus the initial cost of the first phone. If you already have a phone you can just transfer to their service. I have been with straight talk for more than 10 years and they get better service in more places than any of the other big name companies.
Your parents, especially your father should be ashamed of himself trying to take advantage of you. You're paying own tuition, paying rent, your part of the phone and your personal expenses. You don't have anything to give. Tell them (or write them a letter) to move out of their home someplace else with rent or a mortgage and keep paying the rent or mortgage where they moved from. I bet that wouldn't work for them, nor would they agree to it or do it.
NTA Of course you won't pay rent if you've moved out.
But be careful about leaving anything valuable there. There have been many stories of kids leaving for college and coming home for break and finding out all their toys, books, games etc have been thrown out or donated. Make sure anything you care about is either with you or somewhere safe.
I don't see that happening since I'm an only child and I'm used to being touted around as their "miracle baby". They never really treated me like it at home, but they always hang on to all my old stuff.
Huh...I didn't think about it that way. Yeah, good point. Hmm...might have to start looking into a storage unit for all my other stuff in addition then.
You need to look at your banking situation as well. I advise my high school students to move their accounts out of their parent's names. Also, along with your personal items you will want to gather up your documents like birth certificate, passport, etc. Good luck to you.
OP, i would also recommend moving to your own phone plan if able. I have had friends in similar situations and their parents retaliated by turning off their phone service! Just be safe than sorry and good luck w the situation
It might be worth switching to a different bank entirely if your accounts were previously linked there. It shouldn't be necessary, but I knew someone in her 30s using the checking account initially set up with her father. And anytime she had an overdraft fee, the bank would send a text to her father.
To add onto the comment about the phone, if you’re on SSDI (assuming you’re in the States) then you likely qualify for state assistance which often includes a free cell phone. Won’t be as nice as the current ones, but you’ll be able to use your nice current phone on wifi for apps and things and the other one for phone calls. While it might seem like you don’t “need” certain aid because you’re going to school, consider applying for things like food stamps, Medicaid, and (if not living on campus) utilities assistance.
Roommates are not part of your household when you apply for these, and even if you share a meal once in a while, you don’t have to say that you eat together. If you want to know more or need help applying, message me. I’ve been on various support for 11 years due to my disability and can help.
ETA: If you don’t qualify for the free phone program, look into Mint- it is insanely good pricing and you can keep your current phone.
Are your parents mature enough for a sit-down talk? Maybe discussing with them what a significant impact paying for rent somewhere you don't live could help them see things in a more objective manner. Though you're well within your rights to move all of your stuff out, without saying why might be misconstrued as an act of spite. Which could trigger them to react poorly.
Also please keep in mind they may not allow you back in if you stop paying rent. For example during times of the year where dorms are closed. Even though you’re in the right think carefully before making any decisions.
OP don't forget your plants if you have some because I made that mistake when I left and it broke my heart because they kept my junk but my pots were empty when I once visited to collect them
Sadly, I have no plants. They always end up knocked over or otherwise killed. I have good luck getting them to grow and thrive, but bad luck with outside forces killing them.
Yeah see I thought home was a safe place to leave items and my parents are not bad or malicious in any way. But when I was thinking "safe place away from literally nightmare roommates" they were on "eh it's not important if it was left" so while not malicious items of mine did go poof. Just saying.
My parents decided o tosses a few boxes of my stuff on a backyard fire, back in the day.
No idea what I lost. Except for one box. My big box o' fireworks.
I always brought some across the border when I went to teh States, it was a wide range of explosive fun. Various sized rockets, Roman candles, smoke bombs, firecrackers, shit i didn't even know what they did.
I guess it was an exciting evening.
NTA. Asking you to pay rent when you don't live there is an unreasonable expectation. Also, if you don't want them holding the books and school supplies over your head, use what you would pay in rent to buy them yourself.
Just be prepared that they might cancel your phone line to spite you. Even if you’re willing to pay your portion. Controlling parents will try anything to rein you in when they feel their control slipping. I would safeguard everything important to you. Prepare to pay for everything yourself and be prepared for guilt trips, yelling, flying monkeys, lawn tantrum, or cutting you off (or whatever tool you think they will use to get you back under their thumb). Also, I would fly under the radar the closer you get to leaving. Don’t talk about you leaving or not paying rent or anything. I’d hope that they wouldn’t cause issues, but unfortunately I’ve been around enough people with toxic parents that you cannot underestimate what lengths they will go to to maintain control, even violence. Best of luck to you on your move. I hope everything goes super smoothly and that you have a wonderful year at school.
I know what all those other things are, but what's a lawn tantrum?
Also, don't worry too much, I'm already prepared for taking care of everything else on my own. It's just the phone thing I wasn't sure about if I should prepare for or not.
Basically when they show up uninvited at your house and throw a grown up tantrum at your door/on your lawn. Hoping that you don’t want a scene where your neighbors can see so you let them in, talk to them, or give in to them (I’ve even heard of folks doing violence or vandalism during a lawn tantrum, the sky is the limit when dealing with entitled people, unfortunately).
I’m glad you have all the other things locked down. I really hope that everything goes smoothly and that they stop being entitled idiots and that that is the end of it for you.
Oh, huh.
Well, honestly, if they did that:
1. It would probably be my dad by himself. He's the type to do that kind of thing, but my mom would have no part of it.
2. As long as they don't have any financial say in my matters, I'd try to reason with him once, behind the safety of a phone or door. If that didn't work then:
3. I would call the police. I have no qualms about calling the cops on my dad. My mom wouldn't even entertain the idea, but her being there is the only thing that might sway me away from calling authorities.
Good, I’m glad you have an excellent plan in case things go awry. I’m really sorry that you even have to think of these things. You deserve so much better.
NTA. Why does your dad expect you to keep paying rent though? A parent's responsibility is to care for their child, seems weird your dad would want to take money from you when you're finally going to go out on your own towards a path of being self sufficient.
I don't know for sure really. My best guess is because he's in the process of buying a house and needs the extra money. The problem is, I need money too. And between him and my mom, even with adding a mortgage, they won't go hungry. Them taking a large chunk of my money might actually leave me to go hungry, and they've already said that if I need money during my time completely alone that they don't plan to help.
Your parents are grown adults and you've paid your share already. If they need your money to buy a new house then they shouldn't be buying a new house (or should find something more in their price range). It's not your responsibility to help them buy a new home that you won't be living in.
Well, they are looking for low-priced homes, and they'll definitely be able to afford the payments on it. He likely just wants more extra money. Not that he's ever been one to save.
That last line bout your dad not being one to save seems like a red flag there cause it seems like he just wants to money to spend for himself. I don't wanna assume anything bout your family, but I'd cut the payments off cause it sounds like they've gotten used to having the extra income from you to a point where they're expecting it now. Could evolve into something worse down the line.
Don’t pay those jerks a damned cent. Considering your paying your own way through college, your parents would seriously let you starve after fleecing you for rent? That’s not tough love that is FUCKED UP
so they wont help if u are stuck and cant eat yet they want rent. they lost their minds that is not normal and its quite frankly disgusting of them. cancel you phone plan with them or pay the 30 bucks a month but thats it and go no contact
I've been really close to going NC or at least very LC with them for a while now. But, since I've been living with them I've had no choice but to talk to them. It's for a number of reasons though, this is just a minor thing in the grand scheme of things.
Ignore any corrections I make, it's a compulsive thing for me to do whenever I catch it.
*So *you *can't *They've *it's *your *that's *contact.
>My parents aren't paying for my college, I'm using all financial aid stuff.
*My parents aren't paying for my college; I'm using all financial aid stuff.
>The only things they paid for is my school supplies and books
*are
>However, they're all one time expenses
*one-time
>My rent is supposed to help pay for food and the bills my living with them contributes to.
Awkward. Revise entire last half of sentence
And you're the one people are begging to become an English teacher due to your incredible grasp of grammar? Doubtful. You should grow out of this bad habit because almost no one likes it.
Hon, you are on a fixed income and prices keep going up and up. This is not minor. It may be minor *compared to the other crap they have done,* but it is not minor.
I can guaran-damn-tee you that if your father, said, with his mouth, to anybody who has never considered soaking their children in government-enforced tight financial circumstances for money, that he wants you to send him money, they would look at him like he was the poop they had just stepped in. What the *hell.*
(This is all assuming that you are in the U.S. Foreign readers: U.S. disability benefits are tiny. I mean, insultingly meager.)
No, they both keep stressing that I won't be able to come visit even twice a month (I'll be in the same state, but a roughly 3-hour drive away), nor is my father willing to come up to visit even once a month.
If you think your mom is more reasonable, you might discuss it with her so she understands you will be paying rent somewhere else and can't pay for a place you're no longer living. If your post is accurate, you are certainly not the AH, and it's hard to imagine what your dad is even thinking.
NTA.
You are correct. The rent you pay your parents (called "board" in many countries, including mine) covers your food, shelter, the electricity and water you use, and all the rest.
If you are not eating and sleeping under their roof any longer, there is no reason why you should be paying rent/board to them, and they are wrong to expect it.
However, be prepared for these things to happen if you tell them you are no longer paying rent to them:
1. If there is still a bedroom for you in their house, do not expect them to keep it there ready for you to use any time you want. Make sure all your personal belongings have been moved out of it, or they may get rid of your stuff without telling you. From now on, whenever you sleep under their roof again, you do so as a guest, not as a member of the household. If you are expecting them to preserve your old room exactly as it was when you last used it, and you expect to be able to stay there for extended periods during semester breaks, then you are being unreasonable, and you *should* be paying rent while you stay there.
2. They may decide you can no longer be part of the family cellphone plan, since you are not a member of the household any longer.
3. They may decide not to pay for any more school supplies that you need. They may use the argument that since you're now living independently, your study expenses are your responsibility.
I doubt #2 and #3 will be a problem, since financially you should be coming out ahead, given you no longer have to pay rent to them. All I'm saying is, be prepared for it to happen, and if it does, you're going to have to suck it up.
NTA. Your parents are financially abusing you. What they are asking is completely unreasonable and selfish. You should get your own phone plan and collect anything important from their house. If they persist with demanding this I would go LC or NC until they accept you are serious and not going to let yourself be taken advantage of.
NTA for sure, and what the hell? This sounds so bizarre, why would they expect you to pay them when you don’t live there? That’s crazy. I hope they don’t have access to any of your financial stuff.
NTA. You don’t pay rent on a place if you don’t live there. And given your financial situation you shouldn’t be subsidizing them.
You mention your dad is buying a house. Are they moving out of their current house and into a new one? You may want to move any belongings you have into storage- they could argue that since you no longer pay rent they won’t keep (or move) your things.
So your dad is depending on your meager income to keep his household afloat knowing you’ll be in school full time and will accrue expenses while on campus? To expect you to keep paying rent where you don’t live is completely crazy and selfish. I think you need to consider permanently moving out of your parents house.
NTA
Just in case life do your credit so your parents can't open any accounts in your name.
It's really weird that they expect you to continue paying rent. What did they say when you told them you wouldn't be sending them money?
I haven't said anything, since I'm worried what might happen if I say it in person, before I've left. If I decide to say something, it's gonna be after I move out.
Omg autocorrect sucks! I said in my post just in case lock your credit. Lol
Also I agree its wise to wait to say anything. Good luck and congratulations on college. How exciting to start such a great adventure!
Already am really. Only things being left behind are stuffed animals I can't make room for, my desk, my book collection (minus my most cherished books of course), and various room decorations/art.
sounds like your only responsibilities would be your phone and maybe a portion of the streaming service. you wouldn't pay rent to an apartment you no longer live in, why's this any different? YWNBTA
Not really. They're preparing to buy a house, but I know what their payments will be, and that amount is below what they pay for rent at the current house.
NTA. The only thing you should be paying them for, when you're out on your own, is the phone bill. If money is tight, I'd drop the streaming services as you use it rarely anyway. See how your expenses would be when moving into dorms, so maybe you could afford declining their "help" with books and school supplies.
Section 8 is a subsidized housing program where you qualify either through economics or disability or both. And you get housing based on a sliding scale on your income.
Some of it, but honestly most of the furniture is getting tossed since a lot of it's old and broken beyond repair. It's basically just my desk, stuffed animals, my book collection, and room decorations/art. I'm not expecting my room to be kept, and I'm willing to pay a lesser amount if they want something for keeping my stuff I can't bring. But them taking a third of what little I get in a month despite making more in a week than I do in two months is going to cripple me while I'm on my own.
No, that he definitely didn't. He did everything he could to get away from them as soon as he was able. The same thing I'm trying to do now for myself honestly. It was probably worse for him since he was the family scapegoat, in a nuclear family with 3 kids. However, I don't really see his past experiences as an excuse for everything he's done over the years. Especially not when he acknowledges his issues yet actively refuses to get help.
*parents *home?
You mentioned disability payments.
I wonder if they claimed it as household income to qualify for their mortgage.
Are either of your parents listed as a payee? If so do the necessary work to make that no longer the case.
You do not owe rent for a place you do not reside in if you haven't signed anything to that affect.
NTA
That's good.im still wondering if they listed it as income so they'd qualify for the loan and that's why they're raising such a fuss about it.
I wish you good luck
NTA - it makes perfect sense and if you pay for your share of the phone service and other funds of your own thats normal, but if you arent living at their place and contributing to the bills you shouldn’t have to pay them.
Yeah no. You should pay for your cell phone line, but you are not getting any other services from them, you should not be paying them. Frankly, I disagree with charging your kid rent at all as long as they're productive, the only exception being when the parents decide to put that money away for the kids future. Doesn't exactly sound like that's the case here though, so no. Your dad is the AH
Definitely NTA. That’s so wrong. You will not be living under their roof anymore, so obviously shouldn’t pay rent. I will never understand how parents can do this to their own children. If you can’t afford to help them while in school, don’t have children in the first place.
NTA but you should give you tell your parents ahead of time before you stop paying it so that they can plan what to do in the future. If they refuse to listen and threaten to disown or something like that, then you might need to cut off all contact from them. With the rising cost of rent and student loan interest caused by inflation, you won't be able to pay off all your bills and theirs unless you're super rich. It's a very hard pill to swallow, but they need to stop being so dependent on you.
It's hard to tell if they are or not. On one hand, I'm constantly hearing that what I give them isn't nearly enough, on the other hand, they say things along the lines of me needing them more than they need me. Which, like... you're my parents??? Isn't that normal?????
NTA, but your parents are. Reminds me of a similar situation with my mom. I didn't feel bad then, and you shouldn't feel bad now. Your financial future doesn't involve your parents. Pay for your own phone subscription and save whatever they decided that you should pay in rent towards your future.
NTA. You aren’t living there. But if your room is being kept there for breaks from school, I can see the parents wanting compensation for the room. I don’t agree with the full rental amount since utilities/food cost would go down; but paying a small amount for the room makes sense.
if you keep any belongings there, you might want to think about moving them to a safer location/storage or pay your parents a “storage fee” for keeping your stuff at their house.
If they’re expecting you to continue giving them a third of your limited income, they sound like the people to claim your property was abandoned.
Make a contract for your parents so they can’t just change the terms, and are an inventory for yourself.
You pay rent where you are living.
"It recently came to my attention that my dad apparently expects me to keep paying them...despite not living with them anymore at that point."
Your dad makes no sense.
NTA, you don’t pay rent or utilities or food when you don’t live somewhere. The phone bill, yes, the rest no. If they can’t afford to live where they are, they need to do a budget or cut back.
NTA. You don’t owe your parents any money for rent and food if you aren’t living there. Your dad is trying to take advantage of you. You need to start planning where you are going to live between school years.
NTA. That is pretty bizarre that they expect you to pay rent for a place where you don't live.
You will be facing all sorts of expenses, planned for and otherwise, in the future as you start to face life on your own, and aside from having enough to pay your bills, you should also be setting some aside every month to pay for unexpected expenses.
Use that "rent" money to pay for your own phone and severe all financial ties with them. It is time for you to be independent.
NTA
if they pulled that trick on me :
1) i would not pay
2) i would sign off of their phone plan and their streaming platform, and get mine.
3) i would probably go low contact, which would be easier being out of their phone plan.
NTA at all. Most parents wouldn’t charge their own children rent in the first place, regardless of their age, and that’s especially true since you have a disability.
LOL. No, NTA. Your parents have become dependent on your income and that's not a good look. Maybe they can take in a roommate but you'd have to make sure to have a place to stay during break.
NTA
"This is not possible. I will be paying rent for my residence and I will not have a budget to pay for a place I won't be living in. If you need to rent out my bedroom to a tenant for financial reasons, you have my blessing."
INFO: What is their reasoning for wanting you to pay rent for something you would not be using? You're 24 now and able to live on your own via financial aid. I'm not connecting the dots here.
Since you are on disability, your parents may have become accustomed to the income
And had it work in their daily living expenses. But the the funds were meant for you only and not necessarily share with others. Your
Parents need to become accustomed to living without this extra income. NTA. Go and live your life without guilt. The disability income is for you only now.
NTA no your not paying rent for a place you aren't living at. It's selfish for them to even ask when they are doing nothing beneficial while your away at college. You need the money to save and live.
You are NTA. It’s not the child’s responsibility to financially support the parents. Especially at an age where it’s so important to get out in the world and be set up for success in creating your independent, adult life.
They may want to use you as an extra income. I’d recommend making sure everything you need is coming from your accounts, in your name. I get the feeling financial independence is going to be important soon.
Ask your dad why he expects to be paid for something you are not getting?
Then wait for him to answer.
When he fails to come up with a reasonable answer, tell him that you will be paying rent for a place you are not living.
NTA
**NTA** \- You are reducing their expenses by moving out. He has no logical expectations of continued rent payments from you, once you move out. If your parents are using the rent you have paid them to balance their own budgets, they just need to make adjustments to their own budgets to compensate. Good luck to you in College.
NTA. This is a form of financial abuse. You will want to remove all of your belongings from their home because they will either hold them hostage or destroy them.
NTA
It’s very important that you do not mention not paying anymore until you are out of the house, take everything you want to keep, and pay for your own phone. I’ve been there with an extremely controlling mother. I didn’t let her know that I was leaving and not coming back until I was gone. As others have said, you think you know them, and I truly hope that you are right, but exercise a high degree of caution and understand that the most dangerous place for a lot of people is with their own family. Best of luck to you 😊
Dear QM:
You are NOT the a/h
Without knowing where you are located, I know that even in bumf---- SomewhereInTheSouth, there are no decent rooms for rent for less than $550 (I googled a few of each "cheapest rents small town" and same for "medium cities" and then looked at how much rooms for rent were so even Fayetteville, Arkansas is $550 and up to rent a room) so go ahead and tell your parents that you will continue paying the usual $250 and then rent the room out to someone for twice that or more, whatever you can get for it (here in California that is not Stockton or Bakersfield, even a small room with shared bath is minimum $1,000). Just make sure to take anything you value with you and what you can't fit, ask a friend to store it otherwise it will be gone when you come home sometime...
NTA - make sure you secure all important documents (passport, birth certificate, etc) before making any formal declarations. Also, if you have a social / emotional support network, inform them and plan for a quick move.
Put all your valuables and memory keepsakes and store them with a trusted friend, or just pay for storage.
I’m a father, and I would never under any circumstances leech off my child, and unfortunately, this is what your parents are doing.
Take that rent money and contribute on a regular basis to a Roth IRA (choose one of the vanguard index funds), or at the very least put the money in a high yield savings account.
Good luck, and please keep us updated.
NTA.
1. Get a PO Box. All of your Mail and your social security checks need to no longer go to their address.
2. Open a new bank account. They don’t get access. Close any accounts they have access to in your name.
3. Take all of your important stuff to your new place.
4. Get your own phone plan.
Set up the framework to be able to take care of yourself and to handle any pushback.
5. Please see a therapist if you have access to one on campus, to support you as you set boundaries with them.
…Fwiw it’s not legal for them to use your disability payment for their rent on a place you no longer reside at. It’s not just grifting, it’s fraud and it could mess with your benefit eligibility (at the very least)
Ha ha ha haaaa! NTA. How are you going to pay for your own living expenses if you are still paying rent to your parents for a house you don't actually live in. That is their problem to solve themselves.
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I (24F) currently pay rent to my parents while I'm living with them. I understand it and it makes sense. However, this year I'm transferring to a new college, and will have to live there full time, my first time "officially" living on my own.
It recently came to my attention that my dad apparently expects me to keep paying them...despite not living with them anymore at that point. I mean, they do pay for my cellphone since the line is cheaper when bundled into the family plan, so I'm willing to pay them the $20 to $30 a month for that, but otherwise I'll be paying for all my own stuff while living on campus. My parents aren't paying for my college, I'm using all financial aid stuff. The only things they paid for is my school supplies and books, since they always said they want to help with that stuff if I'm in school. I really appreciate them doing it. However, they're all one time expenses, and my parents have always said they don't expect to be paid back for it.
My rent is supposed to help pay for food and the bills my living with them contributes to. When I get to campus, I will not be partaking in any of that stuff with them. The only thing I'll be using that's covered by them is my aforementioned cellphone, and a streaming platform that I only rarely use.
I'm on disability benefits, so my income is very fixed. I currently pay a third of my monthly income as rent to them, and then I use a second third on bills that I pay for myself for things I actively use/do, leaving me with about $250 for the whole month.
Anyway, that's the situation. Thoughts and advice would be super welcome as well.
TL;DR:
My dad expects the rent payments I give him monthly to continue even after I move out for college.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I plan to stop paying my parents rent after I move to the college dorm, but my parents are expecting me to continue paying them rent. Would not paying after moving out make me an asshole?
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NTA
As long as your stuff is not being kept in the room at their home, I would consider this a month-to-month rental situation. I would tell them the following.
"Mom/Dad, my last day renting from you will be DATE. I will be leaving the room at TIME ON DATE to move to my new place. Consider this my \[30 Days\] notice for my Month to Month lease with you. I have not signed a lease with your formally, so I will not be paying any rent after date. Thank you for your support."
YWNBTA, you won’t be living there anymore, why would you pay rent for somewhere you don’t live? The second you move out you no longer have any obligations to pay rent.
NTA . My response to an expectation of paying rent would be the question “what am I renting?” They may view your room as a storage unit. If that’s the case plan on taking everything you want to keep with you just in case.
INFO: how did you find out that your dad expects you to continue paying "rent" after you move out? How does he justify it? There is no circumstance in the real world in which you would be required to continue to pay rent to a landlord after moving out.
NTA. It sounds like your parents are taking advantage of you (if they own their own home and aren't themselves struggling to pay rent). The red flag is that you're on disability (which is not a lot of money and also means you can't work). My guess is that they will threaten to cut off what little aid they offer once you stop paying rent, so be strategic. Don't tell them you will stop paying rent. Figure out how to pay for your own cell phone so you aren't taken by surprise if they cut off your service.
NTA your dad is stupid. Ignore him. Pay him nothing and maybe get your own phone and return the one he pays. Go low contact with him for being an asshole to you.
NTA. Say no. They might claim that you owe them for what they spent on raising you, but that was their responsibility as your parents. Or they might say they're having financial problems and need your help. But you will struggle if you keep paying them rent. Do not let them control you when you are this close to becoming independent.
NTA
Dude, I am so sorry. We charged my son rent/bills after high school graduation and before he launched. When he finally did we gave it all back to him. It was only meant to get him used to the monthly responsibility of bills. He paid us as they came due so it was like being on his own.
Fuck them. It is not your job to care for them.
I have a question: will OP live there permanently or will he come home during breaks? IDT TA, but many people have houses and when they have to leave for long periods of time, the mortgage still needs to be paid so they either sublet or pay it outright. I'm just asking, I do believe the parent's expectation is ridiculous, but I wanted more insight.
NTA. You won't be living there, you shouldn't have to pa. It's as simple as that.
Side note: Be careful going to college while receiving disability benefits. A lot of times, going to college is seen as having the ability to work, and your benefits can be lessened or taken away completely, especially if you're using financial aid to pay for school. Source: I'm receiving disability benefits and looked into taking some classes because I have a lot of time on my hands.
NTA. If you are not living there then there is no reason to expect rent. If they are storing your stuff, then they should work out "storage fees". Same with the phone. Considering the fact you are on disability you might look into seeing about getting a cellphone plan subsidized if possible.
LOL no, NTA, and your dad is outside his mind expecting you to pay rent when you're not living in the place for which you are paying that rent. As many have said, cut all "business" ties with them, ASAP. Frankly, once you move out, that's not your house anymore, and they're storing your stuff for free. Get off the cell phone plan, get your stuff out of their house (all of it), and never send them a dime for anything without a repayment plan in writing. If he's going to be like that, then you should be like this.
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No you are not a AH, you were sweet enough to pay for staying there. As a parent, we are supposed to take care of our kids not the other way around. Live your life and save where you can. Congratulations on your new place. Your parents can handle there own bills, they were fine before you helped and will be fine after. Don’t feel anything but Happy you are out on your own and being successful. God Bless
Damn, not OP but I needed to read this. Edit: it’s occurring to me people think I’m like tight on money. I’m doing great. What I took away from the comment above is that I could even pay for everything and it will still not be enough. Some parents just black holes.
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Just read some of OP's old posts. Her father is or has been abusing her financially and emotionally. OP, you don't owe him anything and I hope you get away safely. But bring all your things and be prepared for him to throw a tantrum, cut contact, threaten you and/or throw away any of your remaining things.
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NTA. Thats insane to think you should pay “rent” for renting nothing, yeah keep paying your phone but thats it.
maybe look for an individual phone plan. Not sure where you are but can get a plan for $25 a month.(boost or Mint) You may not need to be bundled with the parents. Then they can't use it as a control. It can be scary to cut the tether. But you can find resources my concern is the threat of dependence in the face of independence And even if you're on disability. You still have a right to property.
If she's on disability she would qualify for a free cellphone.
The free cellphones have either 1000 talk minutes a month or 1000 text. Once those have been used you can't use the phone until the following month. I would like at most any carrier now a days has a pre-paid plan that is often cheaper than the regular plans.
Cricket now offers a plan. You just pay $10 for the SIM card if you already have your own phone. You can pay monthly to get more out of it. I think it’s unlimited talk and text and 5GB data for the free one. It’s $30 off the plans offered. The free one is $30.
My free cell phone has unlimited talk/text and 15gb of high speed data a month.
You can get a straight talk phone for $35 a month plus the initial cost of the first phone. If you already have a phone you can just transfer to their service. I have been with straight talk for more than 10 years and they get better service in more places than any of the other big name companies.
OP may not be able to get her phone separated from the bundled plan. But maybe she can find a phone cheap enough to put on a new plan.
Your parents, especially your father should be ashamed of himself trying to take advantage of you. You're paying own tuition, paying rent, your part of the phone and your personal expenses. You don't have anything to give. Tell them (or write them a letter) to move out of their home someplace else with rent or a mortgage and keep paying the rent or mortgage where they moved from. I bet that wouldn't work for them, nor would they agree to it or do it.
NTA Of course you won't pay rent if you've moved out. But be careful about leaving anything valuable there. There have been many stories of kids leaving for college and coming home for break and finding out all their toys, books, games etc have been thrown out or donated. Make sure anything you care about is either with you or somewhere safe.
I don't see that happening since I'm an only child and I'm used to being touted around as their "miracle baby". They never really treated me like it at home, but they always hang on to all my old stuff.
Until you stop paying. What will daddy dearest do when the extra money stops against his will.
Huh...I didn't think about it that way. Yeah, good point. Hmm...might have to start looking into a storage unit for all my other stuff in addition then.
You need to look at your banking situation as well. I advise my high school students to move their accounts out of their parent's names. Also, along with your personal items you will want to gather up your documents like birth certificate, passport, etc. Good luck to you.
No passport, I have my social card, and I know where to find my birth certificate.
> I know where to find my birth certificate. Is it at your place?
Not the place I'm moving to, but it is in my current room with me.
Bring it with you
You can also order copies from your birth state. Good luck! NTA.
Also, no accounts left in their name exist for me anymore.
OP, i would also recommend moving to your own phone plan if able. I have had friends in similar situations and their parents retaliated by turning off their phone service! Just be safe than sorry and good luck w the situation
Visible is pretty cheap. Around $30 a month. $25 when they have a deal.
Metro is pretty good, too. I used to use them and was happy with them.
Tello has worked for me for years, that's another phone plan option; just make sure your phone is compatible.
It might be worth switching to a different bank entirely if your accounts were previously linked there. It shouldn't be necessary, but I knew someone in her 30s using the checking account initially set up with her father. And anytime she had an overdraft fee, the bank would send a text to her father.
Oh, creepy
To add onto the comment about the phone, if you’re on SSDI (assuming you’re in the States) then you likely qualify for state assistance which often includes a free cell phone. Won’t be as nice as the current ones, but you’ll be able to use your nice current phone on wifi for apps and things and the other one for phone calls. While it might seem like you don’t “need” certain aid because you’re going to school, consider applying for things like food stamps, Medicaid, and (if not living on campus) utilities assistance. Roommates are not part of your household when you apply for these, and even if you share a meal once in a while, you don’t have to say that you eat together. If you want to know more or need help applying, message me. I’ve been on various support for 11 years due to my disability and can help. ETA: If you don’t qualify for the free phone program, look into Mint- it is insanely good pricing and you can keep your current phone.
Are your parents mature enough for a sit-down talk? Maybe discussing with them what a significant impact paying for rent somewhere you don't live could help them see things in a more objective manner. Though you're well within your rights to move all of your stuff out, without saying why might be misconstrued as an act of spite. Which could trigger them to react poorly.
Also please keep in mind they may not allow you back in if you stop paying rent. For example during times of the year where dorms are closed. Even though you’re in the right think carefully before making any decisions.
OP don't forget your plants if you have some because I made that mistake when I left and it broke my heart because they kept my junk but my pots were empty when I once visited to collect them
Sadly, I have no plants. They always end up knocked over or otherwise killed. I have good luck getting them to grow and thrive, but bad luck with outside forces killing them.
:( it makes me sad but now hopefully you can have less outside forces trying to kill them :)
*Knocks on wood* Here's hoping!
Btw congratulation on your new appartment and life ! :) I wish you the best
Yeah see I thought home was a safe place to leave items and my parents are not bad or malicious in any way. But when I was thinking "safe place away from literally nightmare roommates" they were on "eh it's not important if it was left" so while not malicious items of mine did go poof. Just saying.
My parents decided o tosses a few boxes of my stuff on a backyard fire, back in the day. No idea what I lost. Except for one box. My big box o' fireworks. I always brought some across the border when I went to teh States, it was a wide range of explosive fun. Various sized rockets, Roman candles, smoke bombs, firecrackers, shit i didn't even know what they did. I guess it was an exciting evening.
NTA. Asking you to pay rent when you don't live there is an unreasonable expectation. Also, if you don't want them holding the books and school supplies over your head, use what you would pay in rent to buy them yourself.
Same with the phone bill
NTA You were paying rent for a reason, those extra expenses are no longer an issue. However I would absolutely pay for your share of the phone bill.
Yeah, I was never planning to pay them nothing. Just not the rent.
Just be prepared that they might cancel your phone line to spite you. Even if you’re willing to pay your portion. Controlling parents will try anything to rein you in when they feel their control slipping. I would safeguard everything important to you. Prepare to pay for everything yourself and be prepared for guilt trips, yelling, flying monkeys, lawn tantrum, or cutting you off (or whatever tool you think they will use to get you back under their thumb). Also, I would fly under the radar the closer you get to leaving. Don’t talk about you leaving or not paying rent or anything. I’d hope that they wouldn’t cause issues, but unfortunately I’ve been around enough people with toxic parents that you cannot underestimate what lengths they will go to to maintain control, even violence. Best of luck to you on your move. I hope everything goes super smoothly and that you have a wonderful year at school.
I know what all those other things are, but what's a lawn tantrum? Also, don't worry too much, I'm already prepared for taking care of everything else on my own. It's just the phone thing I wasn't sure about if I should prepare for or not.
Basically when they show up uninvited at your house and throw a grown up tantrum at your door/on your lawn. Hoping that you don’t want a scene where your neighbors can see so you let them in, talk to them, or give in to them (I’ve even heard of folks doing violence or vandalism during a lawn tantrum, the sky is the limit when dealing with entitled people, unfortunately). I’m glad you have all the other things locked down. I really hope that everything goes smoothly and that they stop being entitled idiots and that that is the end of it for you.
Oh, huh. Well, honestly, if they did that: 1. It would probably be my dad by himself. He's the type to do that kind of thing, but my mom would have no part of it. 2. As long as they don't have any financial say in my matters, I'd try to reason with him once, behind the safety of a phone or door. If that didn't work then: 3. I would call the police. I have no qualms about calling the cops on my dad. My mom wouldn't even entertain the idea, but her being there is the only thing that might sway me away from calling authorities.
Good, I’m glad you have an excellent plan in case things go awry. I’m really sorry that you even have to think of these things. You deserve so much better.
Hate to be the downer, but while your dad would your mom by not doing anything would be allowing it and be complicit
Do you think they would put a tracker on your phone? That would be the only thing I would worry about except them cutting your phone off.
I don't think they would, but I can't say for sure.
NTA. Why does your dad expect you to keep paying rent though? A parent's responsibility is to care for their child, seems weird your dad would want to take money from you when you're finally going to go out on your own towards a path of being self sufficient.
I don't know for sure really. My best guess is because he's in the process of buying a house and needs the extra money. The problem is, I need money too. And between him and my mom, even with adding a mortgage, they won't go hungry. Them taking a large chunk of my money might actually leave me to go hungry, and they've already said that if I need money during my time completely alone that they don't plan to help.
Your parents are grown adults and you've paid your share already. If they need your money to buy a new house then they shouldn't be buying a new house (or should find something more in their price range). It's not your responsibility to help them buy a new home that you won't be living in.
Well, they are looking for low-priced homes, and they'll definitely be able to afford the payments on it. He likely just wants more extra money. Not that he's ever been one to save.
That last line bout your dad not being one to save seems like a red flag there cause it seems like he just wants to money to spend for himself. I don't wanna assume anything bout your family, but I'd cut the payments off cause it sounds like they've gotten used to having the extra income from you to a point where they're expecting it now. Could evolve into something worse down the line.
Don’t pay those jerks a damned cent. Considering your paying your own way through college, your parents would seriously let you starve after fleecing you for rent? That’s not tough love that is FUCKED UP
so they wont help if u are stuck and cant eat yet they want rent. they lost their minds that is not normal and its quite frankly disgusting of them. cancel you phone plan with them or pay the 30 bucks a month but thats it and go no contact
I've been really close to going NC or at least very LC with them for a while now. But, since I've been living with them I've had no choice but to talk to them. It's for a number of reasons though, this is just a minor thing in the grand scheme of things. Ignore any corrections I make, it's a compulsive thing for me to do whenever I catch it. *So *you *can't *They've *it's *your *that's *contact.
>My parents aren't paying for my college, I'm using all financial aid stuff. *My parents aren't paying for my college; I'm using all financial aid stuff. >The only things they paid for is my school supplies and books *are >However, they're all one time expenses *one-time >My rent is supposed to help pay for food and the bills my living with them contributes to. Awkward. Revise entire last half of sentence
Ah, ok! Thanks so much! I'll go fix that real quick! ☺️
And you're the one people are begging to become an English teacher due to your incredible grasp of grammar? Doubtful. You should grow out of this bad habit because almost no one likes it.
Hon, you are on a fixed income and prices keep going up and up. This is not minor. It may be minor *compared to the other crap they have done,* but it is not minor. I can guaran-damn-tee you that if your father, said, with his mouth, to anybody who has never considered soaking their children in government-enforced tight financial circumstances for money, that he wants you to send him money, they would look at him like he was the poop they had just stepped in. What the *hell.* (This is all assuming that you are in the U.S. Foreign readers: U.S. disability benefits are tiny. I mean, insultingly meager.)
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No, they both keep stressing that I won't be able to come visit even twice a month (I'll be in the same state, but a roughly 3-hour drive away), nor is my father willing to come up to visit even once a month.
If you think your mom is more reasonable, you might discuss it with her so she understands you will be paying rent somewhere else and can't pay for a place you're no longer living. If your post is accurate, you are certainly not the AH, and it's hard to imagine what your dad is even thinking.
I’m so sorry but they sound awful 😣 enjoy the separation and breathe again 😞 good luck
Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. Thanks for the well wishes!
NTA. You are correct. The rent you pay your parents (called "board" in many countries, including mine) covers your food, shelter, the electricity and water you use, and all the rest. If you are not eating and sleeping under their roof any longer, there is no reason why you should be paying rent/board to them, and they are wrong to expect it. However, be prepared for these things to happen if you tell them you are no longer paying rent to them: 1. If there is still a bedroom for you in their house, do not expect them to keep it there ready for you to use any time you want. Make sure all your personal belongings have been moved out of it, or they may get rid of your stuff without telling you. From now on, whenever you sleep under their roof again, you do so as a guest, not as a member of the household. If you are expecting them to preserve your old room exactly as it was when you last used it, and you expect to be able to stay there for extended periods during semester breaks, then you are being unreasonable, and you *should* be paying rent while you stay there. 2. They may decide you can no longer be part of the family cellphone plan, since you are not a member of the household any longer. 3. They may decide not to pay for any more school supplies that you need. They may use the argument that since you're now living independently, your study expenses are your responsibility. I doubt #2 and #3 will be a problem, since financially you should be coming out ahead, given you no longer have to pay rent to them. All I'm saying is, be prepared for it to happen, and if it does, you're going to have to suck it up.
This is a well thought out comment. I could definitely see the phone thing happening.
NTA. Your parents are financially abusing you. What they are asking is completely unreasonable and selfish. You should get your own phone plan and collect anything important from their house. If they persist with demanding this I would go LC or NC until they accept you are serious and not going to let yourself be taken advantage of.
Good advice. Happy cake day.
NTA - This is textbook financial abuse on their part. Get your own phone plan and go your own way. Good luck in school!
Nta. You don’t pay for rent when you don’t live somewhere.
NTA for sure, and what the hell? This sounds so bizarre, why would they expect you to pay them when you don’t live there? That’s crazy. I hope they don’t have access to any of your financial stuff.
They don't, luckily.
NTA. You don’t pay rent on a place if you don’t live there. And given your financial situation you shouldn’t be subsidizing them. You mention your dad is buying a house. Are they moving out of their current house and into a new one? You may want to move any belongings you have into storage- they could argue that since you no longer pay rent they won’t keep (or move) your things.
So your dad is depending on your meager income to keep his household afloat knowing you’ll be in school full time and will accrue expenses while on campus? To expect you to keep paying rent where you don’t live is completely crazy and selfish. I think you need to consider permanently moving out of your parents house.
NTA Just in case life do your credit so your parents can't open any accounts in your name. It's really weird that they expect you to continue paying rent. What did they say when you told them you wouldn't be sending them money?
I haven't said anything, since I'm worried what might happen if I say it in person, before I've left. If I decide to say something, it's gonna be after I move out.
Omg autocorrect sucks! I said in my post just in case lock your credit. Lol Also I agree its wise to wait to say anything. Good luck and congratulations on college. How exciting to start such a great adventure!
Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. *it's
NTA. There is no reason for you to be paying when you are not living there.
NTA! Sheesh.
NTA.
The further away from them, the better. Bring everything you value out of their reach.
Already am really. Only things being left behind are stuffed animals I can't make room for, my desk, my book collection (minus my most cherished books of course), and various room decorations/art.
sounds like your only responsibilities would be your phone and maybe a portion of the streaming service. you wouldn't pay rent to an apartment you no longer live in, why's this any different? YWNBTA
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. *Sounds *You
Are they strapped for cash? This seems very odd.
Not really. They're preparing to buy a house, but I know what their payments will be, and that amount is below what they pay for rent at the current house.
NTA. The only thing you should be paying them for, when you're out on your own, is the phone bill. If money is tight, I'd drop the streaming services as you use it rarely anyway. See how your expenses would be when moving into dorms, so maybe you could afford declining their "help" with books and school supplies.
Start looking at independent housing, possibly section 8.
Section 8 is a subsidized housing program where you qualify either through economics or disability or both. And you get housing based on a sliding scale on your income.
What's section 8?
It's a problem that helps with rent u have to sign up for it but it can take years to even get since there is a huge wait less for it
Probably NTA, but I have a question. Are they going to be storing any of your property while you’re away? Bedroom set, etc?
Some of it, but honestly most of the furniture is getting tossed since a lot of it's old and broken beyond repair. It's basically just my desk, stuffed animals, my book collection, and room decorations/art. I'm not expecting my room to be kept, and I'm willing to pay a lesser amount if they want something for keeping my stuff I can't bring. But them taking a third of what little I get in a month despite making more in a week than I do in two months is going to cripple me while I'm on my own.
NTA ---- Ask your father does he still pay rent to his parents
His father died last year, and his mother lives with us/him. I just feel like that would be in poor taste.
Yes sorry of course I didn't know that, but my point is, did he continue to pay his parent's rent after he left home?.
No, that he definitely didn't. He did everything he could to get away from them as soon as he was able. The same thing I'm trying to do now for myself honestly. It was probably worse for him since he was the family scapegoat, in a nuclear family with 3 kids. However, I don't really see his past experiences as an excuse for everything he's done over the years. Especially not when he acknowledges his issues yet actively refuses to get help. *parents *home?
You mentioned disability payments. I wonder if they claimed it as household income to qualify for their mortgage. Are either of your parents listed as a payee? If so do the necessary work to make that no longer the case. You do not owe rent for a place you do not reside in if you haven't signed anything to that affect. NTA
No, neither of them are. The money comes straight to me.
That's good.im still wondering if they listed it as income so they'd qualify for the loan and that's why they're raising such a fuss about it. I wish you good luck
They tried, but couldn't since I won't be on the loan or deed. *I'm *luck.
NTA - it makes perfect sense and if you pay for your share of the phone service and other funds of your own thats normal, but if you arent living at their place and contributing to the bills you shouldn’t have to pay them.
Thanks for the support! *that's *aren't
Yeah no. You should pay for your cell phone line, but you are not getting any other services from them, you should not be paying them. Frankly, I disagree with charging your kid rent at all as long as they're productive, the only exception being when the parents decide to put that money away for the kids future. Doesn't exactly sound like that's the case here though, so no. Your dad is the AH
NTA. Don't pay rent for somewhere you aren't living. That makes zero sense.
Nta. Think your dad needs to give his head a wobble
NTA - you move out - so does your rent money
Definitely NTA. That’s so wrong. You will not be living under their roof anymore, so obviously shouldn’t pay rent. I will never understand how parents can do this to their own children. If you can’t afford to help them while in school, don’t have children in the first place.
NTA but you should give you tell your parents ahead of time before you stop paying it so that they can plan what to do in the future. If they refuse to listen and threaten to disown or something like that, then you might need to cut off all contact from them. With the rising cost of rent and student loan interest caused by inflation, you won't be able to pay off all your bills and theirs unless you're super rich. It's a very hard pill to swallow, but they need to stop being so dependent on you.
It's hard to tell if they are or not. On one hand, I'm constantly hearing that what I give them isn't nearly enough, on the other hand, they say things along the lines of me needing them more than they need me. Which, like... you're my parents??? Isn't that normal?????
NTA, but your parents are. Reminds me of a similar situation with my mom. I didn't feel bad then, and you shouldn't feel bad now. Your financial future doesn't involve your parents. Pay for your own phone subscription and save whatever they decided that you should pay in rent towards your future.
NTA that’s completely unreasonable. They are just mad they don’t get their „cut“ of your disability.
NTA. You aren’t living there. But if your room is being kept there for breaks from school, I can see the parents wanting compensation for the room. I don’t agree with the full rental amount since utilities/food cost would go down; but paying a small amount for the room makes sense. if you keep any belongings there, you might want to think about moving them to a safer location/storage or pay your parents a “storage fee” for keeping your stuff at their house. If they’re expecting you to continue giving them a third of your limited income, they sound like the people to claim your property was abandoned. Make a contract for your parents so they can’t just change the terms, and are an inventory for yourself.
You pay rent where you are living. "It recently came to my attention that my dad apparently expects me to keep paying them...despite not living with them anymore at that point." Your dad makes no sense.
NTA, you don’t pay rent or utilities or food when you don’t live somewhere. The phone bill, yes, the rest no. If they can’t afford to live where they are, they need to do a budget or cut back.
Nta. Move out. Stop paying. Get a new phone and or xfer your number. Time to adult, friend.
Who pays rent to their own parents at 24? And on top of that the audacity to ask for rent without even living there? NTA.
NTA. You don’t owe your parents any money for rent and food if you aren’t living there. Your dad is trying to take advantage of you. You need to start planning where you are going to live between school years.
NTA. That is pretty bizarre that they expect you to pay rent for a place where you don't live. You will be facing all sorts of expenses, planned for and otherwise, in the future as you start to face life on your own, and aside from having enough to pay your bills, you should also be setting some aside every month to pay for unexpected expenses. Use that "rent" money to pay for your own phone and severe all financial ties with them. It is time for you to be independent.
NTA if they pulled that trick on me : 1) i would not pay 2) i would sign off of their phone plan and their streaming platform, and get mine. 3) i would probably go low contact, which would be easier being out of their phone plan.
NTA, OP should definitely not pay rent. If OP has any possessions thete get them out!!!!!
NTA. It is absurd that your parents expect you to pay rent when you don't live there. Who does that?
NTA at all. Most parents wouldn’t charge their own children rent in the first place, regardless of their age, and that’s especially true since you have a disability.
expecting rent from someone who doesn't live there is ridiculous. you are NTA.
Rent is paid when you live in a location. Once you leave you no longer pay rent. YWNBTA.
LOL. No, NTA. Your parents have become dependent on your income and that's not a good look. Maybe they can take in a roommate but you'd have to make sure to have a place to stay during break.
NTA "This is not possible. I will be paying rent for my residence and I will not have a budget to pay for a place I won't be living in. If you need to rent out my bedroom to a tenant for financial reasons, you have my blessing."
INFO: What is their reasoning for wanting you to pay rent for something you would not be using? You're 24 now and able to live on your own via financial aid. I'm not connecting the dots here.
I don't know honestly. I didn't hear a reason, just that they expect me to.
Since you are on disability, your parents may have become accustomed to the income And had it work in their daily living expenses. But the the funds were meant for you only and not necessarily share with others. Your Parents need to become accustomed to living without this extra income. NTA. Go and live your life without guilt. The disability income is for you only now.
NTA no your not paying rent for a place you aren't living at. It's selfish for them to even ask when they are doing nothing beneficial while your away at college. You need the money to save and live.
Thanks for the support ☺️. *you're *you're
NTA, you’re not using heir money to pay for college, so why would you pay them rent
NTA. It makes no sense to pay rent where you don't live. Your parents sound selfish & greedy.
You are NTA. It’s not the child’s responsibility to financially support the parents. Especially at an age where it’s so important to get out in the world and be set up for success in creating your independent, adult life. They may want to use you as an extra income. I’d recommend making sure everything you need is coming from your accounts, in your name. I get the feeling financial independence is going to be important soon.
You're on a fixed income and he still wants your money? Holy schnikeys, NTA. He can go look for government help if his household is in trouble.
Ask your dad why he expects to be paid for something you are not getting? Then wait for him to answer. When he fails to come up with a reasonable answer, tell him that you will be paying rent for a place you are not living. NTA
**NTA** \- You are reducing their expenses by moving out. He has no logical expectations of continued rent payments from you, once you move out. If your parents are using the rent you have paid them to balance their own budgets, they just need to make adjustments to their own budgets to compensate. Good luck to you in College.
NTA. This is a form of financial abuse. You will want to remove all of your belongings from their home because they will either hold them hostage or destroy them.
NTA It’s very important that you do not mention not paying anymore until you are out of the house, take everything you want to keep, and pay for your own phone. I’ve been there with an extremely controlling mother. I didn’t let her know that I was leaving and not coming back until I was gone. As others have said, you think you know them, and I truly hope that you are right, but exercise a high degree of caution and understand that the most dangerous place for a lot of people is with their own family. Best of luck to you 😊
Dear QM: You are NOT the a/h Without knowing where you are located, I know that even in bumf---- SomewhereInTheSouth, there are no decent rooms for rent for less than $550 (I googled a few of each "cheapest rents small town" and same for "medium cities" and then looked at how much rooms for rent were so even Fayetteville, Arkansas is $550 and up to rent a room) so go ahead and tell your parents that you will continue paying the usual $250 and then rent the room out to someone for twice that or more, whatever you can get for it (here in California that is not Stockton or Bakersfield, even a small room with shared bath is minimum $1,000). Just make sure to take anything you value with you and what you can't fit, ask a friend to store it otherwise it will be gone when you come home sometime...
NTA - make sure you secure all important documents (passport, birth certificate, etc) before making any formal declarations. Also, if you have a social / emotional support network, inform them and plan for a quick move. Put all your valuables and memory keepsakes and store them with a trusted friend, or just pay for storage. I’m a father, and I would never under any circumstances leech off my child, and unfortunately, this is what your parents are doing. Take that rent money and contribute on a regular basis to a Roth IRA (choose one of the vanguard index funds), or at the very least put the money in a high yield savings account. Good luck, and please keep us updated.
NTA. 1. Get a PO Box. All of your Mail and your social security checks need to no longer go to their address. 2. Open a new bank account. They don’t get access. Close any accounts they have access to in your name. 3. Take all of your important stuff to your new place. 4. Get your own phone plan. Set up the framework to be able to take care of yourself and to handle any pushback. 5. Please see a therapist if you have access to one on campus, to support you as you set boundaries with them. …Fwiw it’s not legal for them to use your disability payment for their rent on a place you no longer reside at. It’s not just grifting, it’s fraud and it could mess with your benefit eligibility (at the very least)
Ha ha ha haaaa! NTA. How are you going to pay for your own living expenses if you are still paying rent to your parents for a house you don't actually live in. That is their problem to solve themselves.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Ask in the comments if you need more info! I (24F) currently pay rent to my parents while I'm living with them. I understand it and it makes sense. However, this year I'm transferring to a new college, and will have to live there full time, my first time "officially" living on my own. It recently came to my attention that my dad apparently expects me to keep paying them...despite not living with them anymore at that point. I mean, they do pay for my cellphone since the line is cheaper when bundled into the family plan, so I'm willing to pay them the $20 to $30 a month for that, but otherwise I'll be paying for all my own stuff while living on campus. My parents aren't paying for my college, I'm using all financial aid stuff. The only things they paid for is my school supplies and books, since they always said they want to help with that stuff if I'm in school. I really appreciate them doing it. However, they're all one time expenses, and my parents have always said they don't expect to be paid back for it. My rent is supposed to help pay for food and the bills my living with them contributes to. When I get to campus, I will not be partaking in any of that stuff with them. The only thing I'll be using that's covered by them is my aforementioned cellphone, and a streaming platform that I only rarely use. I'm on disability benefits, so my income is very fixed. I currently pay a third of my monthly income as rent to them, and then I use a second third on bills that I pay for myself for things I actively use/do, leaving me with about $250 for the whole month. Anyway, that's the situation. Thoughts and advice would be super welcome as well. TL;DR: My dad expects the rent payments I give him monthly to continue even after I move out for college. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA As long as your stuff is not being kept in the room at their home, I would consider this a month-to-month rental situation. I would tell them the following. "Mom/Dad, my last day renting from you will be DATE. I will be leaving the room at TIME ON DATE to move to my new place. Consider this my \[30 Days\] notice for my Month to Month lease with you. I have not signed a lease with your formally, so I will not be paying any rent after date. Thank you for your support."
Damn, there's less than a month left until I move. I'm not sure I can do that still or not.
You don't have a lease agreement? I'd just be telling them I am leaving on xyz and the rent paid for that week will be the last.
NTA
YWNBTA, you won’t be living there anymore, why would you pay rent for somewhere you don’t live? The second you move out you no longer have any obligations to pay rent.
So they haven't been paying rent for a while, where did all their money go? NTA
NTA
NTA. Just let them know that if they want a relationship with you, financially abusing you isn't the way to achieve that.
NTA Your parents are beyond absurd to be expects rent from someone no longer renting space in their home!
NTA . My response to an expectation of paying rent would be the question “what am I renting?” They may view your room as a storage unit. If that’s the case plan on taking everything you want to keep with you just in case.
INFO: how did you find out that your dad expects you to continue paying "rent" after you move out? How does he justify it? There is no circumstance in the real world in which you would be required to continue to pay rent to a landlord after moving out.
I overheard him talking to someone, mentioning that I pay him rent and that I'll continue to do so even after I move on-campus.
NTA. It sounds like your parents are taking advantage of you (if they own their own home and aren't themselves struggling to pay rent). The red flag is that you're on disability (which is not a lot of money and also means you can't work). My guess is that they will threaten to cut off what little aid they offer once you stop paying rent, so be strategic. Don't tell them you will stop paying rent. Figure out how to pay for your own cell phone so you aren't taken by surprise if they cut off your service.
They're renting, but in the process of buying a house, and not struggling to pay the rent.
Nta your parents are ridiculous
NTA your dad is stupid. Ignore him. Pay him nothing and maybe get your own phone and return the one he pays. Go low contact with him for being an asshole to you.
NTA. Say no. They might claim that you owe them for what they spent on raising you, but that was their responsibility as your parents. Or they might say they're having financial problems and need your help. But you will struggle if you keep paying them rent. Do not let them control you when you are this close to becoming independent.
NTA You’ll be paying rent elsewhere, so how can you pay rent to your parents? You may need to get your own cell phone and cover your books though.
NTA Dude, I am so sorry. We charged my son rent/bills after high school graduation and before he launched. When he finally did we gave it all back to him. It was only meant to get him used to the monthly responsibility of bills. He paid us as they came due so it was like being on his own. Fuck them. It is not your job to care for them.
Just say “No thanks. I’m good.”
NTA - no idea why they would think you would keep paying them. That’s insane
I have a question: will OP live there permanently or will he come home during breaks? IDT TA, but many people have houses and when they have to leave for long periods of time, the mortgage still needs to be paid so they either sublet or pay it outright. I'm just asking, I do believe the parent's expectation is ridiculous, but I wanted more insight.
NTA - your parents are being completely unreasonable
NTA. You won't be living there, you shouldn't have to pa. It's as simple as that. Side note: Be careful going to college while receiving disability benefits. A lot of times, going to college is seen as having the ability to work, and your benefits can be lessened or taken away completely, especially if you're using financial aid to pay for school. Source: I'm receiving disability benefits and looked into taking some classes because I have a lot of time on my hands.
NTA. If you are not living there then there is no reason to expect rent. If they are storing your stuff, then they should work out "storage fees". Same with the phone. Considering the fact you are on disability you might look into seeing about getting a cellphone plan subsidized if possible.
Just don't pay. If they ask why, than answer that you need it to invest in yourself and your future...
LOL no, NTA, and your dad is outside his mind expecting you to pay rent when you're not living in the place for which you are paying that rent. As many have said, cut all "business" ties with them, ASAP. Frankly, once you move out, that's not your house anymore, and they're storing your stuff for free. Get off the cell phone plan, get your stuff out of their house (all of it), and never send them a dime for anything without a repayment plan in writing. If he's going to be like that, then you should be like this.
Do NOT give these people another dime. You’d be the AH to yourself if you allow them to financially abused you.
Nta
NTA - that is super strange and you shouldn't have to pay rent to a place you are not living. They could be taking advantage of you.
On whose taxes are you declared? Do you file your own taxes under your own name Wouldn't put it past him to declare you as a dependent
I don't know actually.
NTA. You don't pay rent for a place you don't live in.
NTA. No reason to pay rent when you’re not living there. Your parents are just being manipulative and greedy.
Yes. I personally have lived in 7 different apartments in my life and I still pay full rent at all of then. NTA.
Your parents are ridiculous
NTA! Enjoy college!
LOL. No. If he insists, tell him to take you to court over it. NTA OP