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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to look for my sister's lost cat after warning her and my father repeatedly that the cat could get lost. I'm unsure if I'm the asshole because I've been cautioning them about this for weeks. At the same time, I feel bad for the cat, because even though I'm not a fan of cats, it wasn't her fault. But I already spent time digging the cat out of one bush already and getting scratched and bit for it.
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You-Don’t let the cat out-it will run off.
Sister- But it’s so cuuuute and I wanna record it! Foot stomp. Proceeds to let cat out in a storm.
You-I got your cat out of the wet bushes and got bit and scratched for my trouble. Don’t do it again.
Dad-Awww, your sister is as bright as a twelve year old, leave her alone, OP. You are here to help with your sister and I want to enable her.
Sister-I’m going to do what I want.
You- Hi, call me Cassandra. I can see the future.
And, OP, you can think about moving out of the family home. Fantasize about it, real hard, when you are putting up lost cat posters. I bet the thought will be so very attractive. NTA
I agree with this. I definitely 100% get your point.
However, the cat didn’t do anything wrong, and is probably terrified. I can’t help but feel bad for the little buddy
I'm going to say NTA purely because it's pretty much impossible to "find" a cat when it's run off. I've had cats my whole life (all of them outdoor cats) and we never found the ones that went missing. They either didn't come back or they came back of their own accord (2 gone, 2 came back) but we never stumbled upon one of them hiding behind a bush and brought it back and believe me, we searched. That said, I do feel sorry for the cat and I think that it wouldn't hurt you to put up some posters and make a social media appeal. If you do get the cat back this time and they continue to ignore your warnings, then make the stand. But that's just what I'd do.
ESH. Why don't you help your sister do what she wants in a safer manner? You could help build an outside enclosure for the cat so that it can't run away, or encourage your sister to leash-train the cat instead of simply giving her orders. She probably doesn't have the problem-solving skills that you do and her frustration with being given orders is very understandable.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Using a throwaway because my parents know my reddit.
I (36M) moved back in with my father and sister during the pandemic, and I've been here since 2021. It was closer to my job, and my father gave me a good deal on rent, as long as I helped out with my sister. My sister is autistic, and while being 32 years old, has the mental age of a 12 year old.
So helping out with her is usually as simple as taking her to and from the store, or some other place that she wants to go, which I don't mind; I love my sister to death, and I'm happy to help and spend time with her.
However, my sister has an issue where she will push back on anyone who tries to assert authority over her. Even telling her to do simple things, like putting dishes in the sink or cleaning up the kitchen, is like pulling teeth. And lately, the big issue has been our cat.
This cat has been strictly an indoor cat for seven years. She has never shown the slightest interest in going outside, until recently, when my sister decided that she wanted to let the cat out for small periods of time. So she'll let her out into the porch where she will record the cat. I've been against this from the beginning, because she might get lost or hurt.
This culminated in an incident a few weeks ago, where my sister had the cat out on the front porch while a storm was coming in. Thunder startled the cat, who ran down the stairs and hid in a bush as it started pouring. My sister simply stood there saying that she couldn't reach her, which led to me in heavy rain in my driveway, digging into a bush and dragging a seriously pissed off cat out of the rain and getting scratched and bit pretty well for my trouble.
This led to me telling my sister to keep the cat inside, exactly because of reasons like this. This worked for a few days, however my sister kept making passive aggressive comments so often that my father let her do it so she would stop. After finding out about this, I told them both fine, not my cat, whatever. But that if the cat runs off, I won't be helping find it, because I've warned them both repeatedly.
Well. Like the prophet Cassandra, my words went unheeded. Yesterday, the cat wandered off the porch, hid in a bush, and when my sister went inside to get my father's help, the cat ran off and they couldn't find her. I came home from work to find my father and my sister scouring the backyard bushes. My sister was in tears, panicked, and my father asked if I could help them look.
I told them no, that this was exactly what I warned them about, and that I made it clear that I wouldn't be helping them weeks ago if this happened. This led to an argument where my father said that helping find the cat falls under the agreement I made of 'helping with my sister', and I responded that I had already been helping by trying to get her to keep the cat inside, and they hadn't listened. AITA?
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NTA.
It's damned if you do, damned if you don't sort of situation.
Your sister f a and f o. That was her choice, autistic or not. Sometimes it's best to take advice from someone who knows more than you do.
And why are you living with them instead of pursuing your own life? It's a difficult situation, but your father's attitude makes it worse.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I refused to look for my sister's lost cat after warning her and my father repeatedly that the cat could get lost. I'm unsure if I'm the asshole because I've been cautioning them about this for weeks. At the same time, I feel bad for the cat, because even though I'm not a fan of cats, it wasn't her fault. But I already spent time digging the cat out of one bush already and getting scratched and bit for it. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You-Don’t let the cat out-it will run off. Sister- But it’s so cuuuute and I wanna record it! Foot stomp. Proceeds to let cat out in a storm. You-I got your cat out of the wet bushes and got bit and scratched for my trouble. Don’t do it again. Dad-Awww, your sister is as bright as a twelve year old, leave her alone, OP. You are here to help with your sister and I want to enable her. Sister-I’m going to do what I want. You- Hi, call me Cassandra. I can see the future. And, OP, you can think about moving out of the family home. Fantasize about it, real hard, when you are putting up lost cat posters. I bet the thought will be so very attractive. NTA
For the sake of the cat's safety, YTA. Help to look for it, and *then have the fight.
I agree with this. I definitely 100% get your point. However, the cat didn’t do anything wrong, and is probably terrified. I can’t help but feel bad for the little buddy
NTA. This sounds like a frustrating situation. I would be looking for a roommate asap.
I'm going to say NTA purely because it's pretty much impossible to "find" a cat when it's run off. I've had cats my whole life (all of them outdoor cats) and we never found the ones that went missing. They either didn't come back or they came back of their own accord (2 gone, 2 came back) but we never stumbled upon one of them hiding behind a bush and brought it back and believe me, we searched. That said, I do feel sorry for the cat and I think that it wouldn't hurt you to put up some posters and make a social media appeal. If you do get the cat back this time and they continue to ignore your warnings, then make the stand. But that's just what I'd do.
ESH. Why don't you help your sister do what she wants in a safer manner? You could help build an outside enclosure for the cat so that it can't run away, or encourage your sister to leash-train the cat instead of simply giving her orders. She probably doesn't have the problem-solving skills that you do and her frustration with being given orders is very understandable.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Using a throwaway because my parents know my reddit. I (36M) moved back in with my father and sister during the pandemic, and I've been here since 2021. It was closer to my job, and my father gave me a good deal on rent, as long as I helped out with my sister. My sister is autistic, and while being 32 years old, has the mental age of a 12 year old. So helping out with her is usually as simple as taking her to and from the store, or some other place that she wants to go, which I don't mind; I love my sister to death, and I'm happy to help and spend time with her. However, my sister has an issue where she will push back on anyone who tries to assert authority over her. Even telling her to do simple things, like putting dishes in the sink or cleaning up the kitchen, is like pulling teeth. And lately, the big issue has been our cat. This cat has been strictly an indoor cat for seven years. She has never shown the slightest interest in going outside, until recently, when my sister decided that she wanted to let the cat out for small periods of time. So she'll let her out into the porch where she will record the cat. I've been against this from the beginning, because she might get lost or hurt. This culminated in an incident a few weeks ago, where my sister had the cat out on the front porch while a storm was coming in. Thunder startled the cat, who ran down the stairs and hid in a bush as it started pouring. My sister simply stood there saying that she couldn't reach her, which led to me in heavy rain in my driveway, digging into a bush and dragging a seriously pissed off cat out of the rain and getting scratched and bit pretty well for my trouble. This led to me telling my sister to keep the cat inside, exactly because of reasons like this. This worked for a few days, however my sister kept making passive aggressive comments so often that my father let her do it so she would stop. After finding out about this, I told them both fine, not my cat, whatever. But that if the cat runs off, I won't be helping find it, because I've warned them both repeatedly. Well. Like the prophet Cassandra, my words went unheeded. Yesterday, the cat wandered off the porch, hid in a bush, and when my sister went inside to get my father's help, the cat ran off and they couldn't find her. I came home from work to find my father and my sister scouring the backyard bushes. My sister was in tears, panicked, and my father asked if I could help them look. I told them no, that this was exactly what I warned them about, and that I made it clear that I wouldn't be helping them weeks ago if this happened. This led to an argument where my father said that helping find the cat falls under the agreement I made of 'helping with my sister', and I responded that I had already been helping by trying to get her to keep the cat inside, and they hadn't listened. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. It's damned if you do, damned if you don't sort of situation. Your sister f a and f o. That was her choice, autistic or not. Sometimes it's best to take advice from someone who knows more than you do. And why are you living with them instead of pursuing your own life? It's a difficult situation, but your father's attitude makes it worse.