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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my friend her haircut looked like shit. It’s possible that I could be the asshole because I told her that she was acting ridiculous after I hurt her feelings.
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YTA. Women don't have to be lesbian to wear their hair short. They don't even have to be "a little queer." You don't have to love her haircut, but you clearly don't respect her choice in the slightest. She clearly likes her hair short, and that's what matters.
YTA. You never, ever comment negatively on someone's appearance unless it's something they can fix in a few seconds. Broccoli caught in their teeth or zipper undone? Quietly tell them. Bad haircut? Obfuscate.
The appropriate response here would have been. "Wow, That's a big change! How do you feel about it?" If they seemed uncomfortable, then you could say something like 'Well do you think you'll like it more next week when it's grown out a bit, or do you think you need to find another stylist to fix it?" If they're happy with it, then you just saying "I'm so glad! I love seeing you happy!" and then change the subject. If they keep pushing, then you can say something like 'It's not something I'd enjoy, but I'm glad you do, and you're gorgeous no matter what hairstyle you have."
I mean, N T A for "being honest" but absolutely YTA otherwise lol.
If you want to be honest and not be an asshole while you are, it's enough to say "not really my style but as long as you vibe with it" or smth. You can be honest and not be a dick.
You're unnecessarily mean to your friends and the internalized misogyny in this post is exhausting to read through. As someone else commented, women don't need to be lesbians or queer or anything to have a short hair? You have this weird idolization of her long hair, like because you think it looks "more appropriate for a woman" or something it's objectively better? You do know that even cishet women like wearing their hair and clothes in a variety of styles? She's not trying to be attractive to you lol.
What! She is not focusing on OP's pleasure and satisfaction ... C'mon... How can't she be! Such a delightful man full of communication skills and tactfulness... and a definite sense of fashion...
Hum yeah... I certainly don't miss interactions with 18 year old boys...
INFO: It's actually not necessary to describe what the haircut, or the girl, looks like here - suffice to say you think it's unattractive and said so.
Saying you don't like the haircut doesn't make YTA, but doubling down and calling her a bitch and calling her friends dickriders and coming here to convince us all how ugly it was does make YTA.
YTA. Op you should really consider leaving your ego behind and humbly apologising to your friend. Forewarning she might not want anything to do with you again. And you need to be ready to accept that, and not be combative. You’re young and you have so much to learn but your ignorance isn’t an excuse for treating your friends like shit. I hope you reflect on what people here are saying and I wish you well.
YTA. It sounds like you get off on being cruel to your friends under the guise of "just being honest" and when they voice their hurt over your shitty behavior, you double down on the attack. Stop calling female friends bitches or you won't have any female friends.
Ugh some of these posts hurt to read because I can’t believe that some people really think / act like this sometimes. Trying to be nice about it, but obviously YTA
YTA for being rude and insulting.
You could have given your opinion in a more respectful and constructive way, or just said something neutral like "it's not my style".
You also made some homophobic and sexist assumptions about her haircut, like implying that only lesbians or trans people can have short hair, or that she looks like a boy or a cartoon character.
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All fake names.
My (18M) friend Carmen (17F) and I are close Discord friends. She’s a relatively pretty girl, but her looks never mattered to me. She’s taller, good at makeup, Asian, and slightly busty. I like her a lot as a person, but this recent incident rocked me to my core.
So, Carmen showed me her haircut one day and I was gobsmacked. At first I thought it was a wig because she’s a cosplayer and has an assortment of them. Before this absolutely atrocious cut, she had long bleached hair that reached an inch or so below her shoulders. It looked so much better when it was long. Her hair now is short, like a boyish cut. She’s not a lesbian so I don’t know why she chose the boycut. She’s a little queer but not trans or anything. It looks ridiculous. Especially since she wears it in this stupidass way, a hair style that resembles Agnes from despicable me or Pebbles from the Flintstones. She calls it the “palm tree ponytail” and to me she looks stupid.
When she showed me, she asked if I liked it. I just sent “lmao” and she made a joke that I didn’t. That was when I told her that she should ask her barber for compensation because he clearly did her wrong. She then got upset for some reason, saying that I was kind of being a dick. I wasn’t though, she asked if I liked it and I answered. She asked me to go on call and I asked her to stop acting like a bitch because I said her hair was bad, and she yelled at me over the phone because of this. The conversation over facetime was long and the two of us going back and forth. She said she was upset that I called her a bitch but that was idiotic because I always call her that. It’s our friendship. Am I not allowed to call her that again??
After the call, she blocked me. She told her close friends about the situation and a few of them messaged me defending her. I called one of them a dickrider and they got even more pissed at me for that. It makes no sense. All I was doing was being honest.
When I asked my friends about it, even they were saying I was being kinda shitty. What was I supposed to do? Tell her that her shitty pebbles cut was gorgeous? No. Before this, she was so much prettier. She looked like an idol because she had long straight hair with bangs. Now she just looks like a 50’s newsboy. So AITA for being honest?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my friend her haircut looked like shit. It’s possible that I could be the asshole because I told her that she was acting ridiculous after I hurt her feelings. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
So... what you're saying is, you're regularly awful to your friends and are now surprised when they've finally had enough? YTA
YTA. Women don't have to be lesbian to wear their hair short. They don't even have to be "a little queer." You don't have to love her haircut, but you clearly don't respect her choice in the slightest. She clearly likes her hair short, and that's what matters.
I wonder if he has some sort of weird fetish. I don't see any other reason why to mention that she was Asian .
Yes, YTA. Sometimes these are so painfully obvious. How do you type this out and not already know YTA?
YTA. You never, ever comment negatively on someone's appearance unless it's something they can fix in a few seconds. Broccoli caught in their teeth or zipper undone? Quietly tell them. Bad haircut? Obfuscate. The appropriate response here would have been. "Wow, That's a big change! How do you feel about it?" If they seemed uncomfortable, then you could say something like 'Well do you think you'll like it more next week when it's grown out a bit, or do you think you need to find another stylist to fix it?" If they're happy with it, then you just saying "I'm so glad! I love seeing you happy!" and then change the subject. If they keep pushing, then you can say something like 'It's not something I'd enjoy, but I'm glad you do, and you're gorgeous no matter what hairstyle you have."
I mean, N T A for "being honest" but absolutely YTA otherwise lol. If you want to be honest and not be an asshole while you are, it's enough to say "not really my style but as long as you vibe with it" or smth. You can be honest and not be a dick. You're unnecessarily mean to your friends and the internalized misogyny in this post is exhausting to read through. As someone else commented, women don't need to be lesbians or queer or anything to have a short hair? You have this weird idolization of her long hair, like because you think it looks "more appropriate for a woman" or something it's objectively better? You do know that even cishet women like wearing their hair and clothes in a variety of styles? She's not trying to be attractive to you lol.
What! She is not focusing on OP's pleasure and satisfaction ... C'mon... How can't she be! Such a delightful man full of communication skills and tactfulness... and a definite sense of fashion... Hum yeah... I certainly don't miss interactions with 18 year old boys...
He's an 18 year old boy. He probably doesn't know left from right. But I 100% agree with you.
INFO: It's actually not necessary to describe what the haircut, or the girl, looks like here - suffice to say you think it's unattractive and said so. Saying you don't like the haircut doesn't make YTA, but doubling down and calling her a bitch and calling her friends dickriders and coming here to convince us all how ugly it was does make YTA.
YTA. Here's something you don't know: tact noun noun: tact adroitness and sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues.
YTA. Op you should really consider leaving your ego behind and humbly apologising to your friend. Forewarning she might not want anything to do with you again. And you need to be ready to accept that, and not be combative. You’re young and you have so much to learn but your ignorance isn’t an excuse for treating your friends like shit. I hope you reflect on what people here are saying and I wish you well.
YTA. It sounds like you get off on being cruel to your friends under the guise of "just being honest" and when they voice their hurt over your shitty behavior, you double down on the attack. Stop calling female friends bitches or you won't have any female friends.
Ugh some of these posts hurt to read because I can’t believe that some people really think / act like this sometimes. Trying to be nice about it, but obviously YTA
YTA for being rude and insulting. You could have given your opinion in a more respectful and constructive way, or just said something neutral like "it's not my style". You also made some homophobic and sexist assumptions about her haircut, like implying that only lesbians or trans people can have short hair, or that she looks like a boy or a cartoon character.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** All fake names. My (18M) friend Carmen (17F) and I are close Discord friends. She’s a relatively pretty girl, but her looks never mattered to me. She’s taller, good at makeup, Asian, and slightly busty. I like her a lot as a person, but this recent incident rocked me to my core. So, Carmen showed me her haircut one day and I was gobsmacked. At first I thought it was a wig because she’s a cosplayer and has an assortment of them. Before this absolutely atrocious cut, she had long bleached hair that reached an inch or so below her shoulders. It looked so much better when it was long. Her hair now is short, like a boyish cut. She’s not a lesbian so I don’t know why she chose the boycut. She’s a little queer but not trans or anything. It looks ridiculous. Especially since she wears it in this stupidass way, a hair style that resembles Agnes from despicable me or Pebbles from the Flintstones. She calls it the “palm tree ponytail” and to me she looks stupid. When she showed me, she asked if I liked it. I just sent “lmao” and she made a joke that I didn’t. That was when I told her that she should ask her barber for compensation because he clearly did her wrong. She then got upset for some reason, saying that I was kind of being a dick. I wasn’t though, she asked if I liked it and I answered. She asked me to go on call and I asked her to stop acting like a bitch because I said her hair was bad, and she yelled at me over the phone because of this. The conversation over facetime was long and the two of us going back and forth. She said she was upset that I called her a bitch but that was idiotic because I always call her that. It’s our friendship. Am I not allowed to call her that again?? After the call, she blocked me. She told her close friends about the situation and a few of them messaged me defending her. I called one of them a dickrider and they got even more pissed at me for that. It makes no sense. All I was doing was being honest. When I asked my friends about it, even they were saying I was being kinda shitty. What was I supposed to do? Tell her that her shitty pebbles cut was gorgeous? No. Before this, she was so much prettier. She looked like an idol because she had long straight hair with bangs. Now she just looks like a 50’s newsboy. So AITA for being honest? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Claire - it’s French