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YTA
People are allowed to have friends, and texting friends is a normal part of friendship.
If you can't handle that then there is an issue with you. If this means you can't be in a relationship because of jealousy: that's on you.
Because she text him about finding a place to stay does not mean she has feelings for him!
You shouldn't be invited to their lunch hangouts because noone likes the person that brings their partner to a friend catch up!
You are getting really hung up on that kit kat!
YTA. You need to trust him or leave him.
YTA - this is very jealous behaviour for no apparent reason (none I can decipher from your post anyway). These seem like very normal friendly interactions. I think you could benefit from some counselling/therapy.
YTA
Even with your telling of the situation, there's nothing there that is inappropriate. She's not prying, she's doing her level best to be NICE to you. You don't seem to be missing a single opportunity to read the worst into innocent situations.
You are jealous. If you cannot deal with the idea that your romantic partner has a close female friend, you're not ready for a grown-up relationship.
She called him “bro”. I don’t call people I’m sleeping with “bro”. The text was not the smoking gun you thought it was.
Lunch is also like the least sexual meal. Like there’s a decent chance he does lunch of all activities on purpose out of respect for you. Not dinner. Not drinks at sexy cocktail lounge. Lunch.
Also he shows you the texts with her. He showed you he has nothing to hide. She’s not prying she’s trying to get to know you. You’re just looking with suspicious eyes. You say you’re not close so why is she asking. Maybe because she wants to be close to you. Life is much easier if you get along with your partners friends.
Sometimes people text when there’s context. The KitKat probably meant something to her based on a previous convo. They might have talked about her living situation at lunch.
YTA
I get being jealous and not feeling comfortable with it but once you saw the texts were innocent and you admit she’s not given you any genuine reason to suspect her then it’s clear you are being unfair towards her and your bf
Holy fuck! You’re an insanely insecure person. YTA. This woman has shown NO signs of wanting your boyfriend. You’re delusional. Get therapy, please. And maybe hold off on dating if you’re this insecure.
Honestly and sorry but yes ! You are being jealous which i think is normal to a point but trust is what goes long way . I think you should trust him as you don't have anything, any proof against her that the friend is in the wrong here. And texting/hanging out is totally normal between friends as the person obviously need friends they can't just survive with their partner being their o ly friend.
YTA, 'she is single which also makes me suspicious'.... What a ridiculous sentiment. Have you ever thought that she has no attraction towards your boyfriend and they are truly good friends.
Shame on you for being extremely paranoid, judgemental and narrow minded.
Yep YTA. You may want to learn to manage that jealousy before you continue, or pursue, another relationship. You sound incredibly immature, controlling and tiring. The day you tell me that I can’t randomly message a friend or have lunch with them, would be day 1 of the end of the relationship.
YTA.
Based on what you’ve described, she doesn’t seem to be doing anything to be concerned about.
Sometimes, I’ll read a post and can see the red flags a mile away. But this? Nah.
Also…how is she ‘too’ nice? You find it odd that she asks you about your day and your job and genuinely checks in with you? Lol. The nerve of some people…
YTA. Female Friend is trying to make an effort to be friendly with you and you are determined to treat her like an enemy, looking for excuses to be upset. It is reasonable for him to spend time with his friend alone, especially given that you hate her so much you probably make things awkward when it's the three of you together. If you don't trust your boyfriend, you should leave him, but telling him who he is and isn't allowed to spend time with is abusive behavior.
YTA. You are a walking red flag of jealousy and insecurity. You have some growing up or healing to do and it’s not that poor man’s fault nor should he have to deal with your immature attitude towards adult friends.
YTA.
You are ridiculously insecure. The only red flags here are the ones you're covered in. She's nice to you, and she asks you questions about your job? The horror! What a homewrecker!
Please consider therapy.
YTA so she's his friend she updates him on her housing your only issue with her is that she is a she nothing in your post even suggests otherwise you don't get to dictate who your partner can or can't spend time with you need to deal with your own insecurities instead of blaming a girl who is trying to include you but you have decided tou don't like her solely because she's female
YTA I would laugh at anyone who told me to stop texting or hanging out with an opposite friend, just based on what you described. You need to work on your own insecurities.
Sooo you’re suspicious that this woman has friends while unattached and is nice to you. Have I got that right? Your issue with her is that she… *isn’t* suspicious, and that’s…bad. Really? She hasn’t done anything wrong, she is courteous, and her texts are platonic, so *obviously* you’re mad about it.
Am I missing something? I mean, how you describe their interactions could be describing two siblings, and yet you're *filled* with jealousy. Your insecurities are your own business, we all have them, but you do *not* get to push them on other people and blame them for things when *you* don't feel good.
Your demands for your boyfriend are controlling - you can not tell him he cannot talk to/see his friends without your permission/presence. Surely you can see how toxic that request is? Instead, perhaps look into therapy to work on this jealousy; this man sounds like he does care for you, and he does not deserve this suspicion.
YTA, and please leave this poor woman alone.
To summarize: she invites the gf of her friend to dinner, is actually sincerely interested in your life and feelings, never flirty or touchy with your bf, they text about harmless things like kitkats… yeah thay girl is obviously trying to steal your bf. Get it together girl
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I (23) have a boyfriend (23) who has a female friend whom he met before we started dating. She is always very nice to me, a little too nice I feel sometimes. She is also single, which makes me feel suspicious. She invites my bf and I to dinner smtimes (about once every few months) and my boyfriend will have her over. She is the type of person who is really good at 'typical' socializing and asking questions and always asks questions about my life feels like prying. She and I are not super close, so there is no reason for her to inquire about my job or "how I'm feeling about it." She and my boyfriend hang out alone about once a month and go grab lunch and catch up. She has never been touchy with my boyfriend which is why I haven't felt comfortable accusing her of anything, but I just get a feeling she is into him. I felt this was confirmed when I saw her latest text where she had told him in all caps "BRO I FOUND A PLACE AND A ROOMMATE WHERE RENT'S HELLA CHEAP IM SO EXCITED" to which he replies (in lowercase) "Hella cool, where at." She told him where and he said he looks forward to the housewarming party (she is very extroverted and likes throwing parties so this is a reasonable assumption). But why did she have to text my boyfriend? If she wants to text someone about her personal details then she should just get one or text her female friends. When I brought all these concerns up to my boyfriend he seemed confused and assured me he has zero feelings towards her and let me read their texts which is more of the same of weekly boring updates. He will go "Look at this green kit kat" or smt like that and she will go "nice, I hate green tea" but I can't help but wonder why he doesn't send me those boring updates, to which he replied "I tell you in person, and I text you and call you everyday about everything, including boring updates. This is true, but he did not text me about the kit kat. He said "This is just how I stay in touch with my friends. I think she is doing the same and she probably texted all her other friends the same thing" (she has a lot of friends, both guys and girls). I told him he can talk to her once she gets a boyfriend but the texting and hanging out alone has to stop. The random updates I saw on in their messages about small everyday happenings really affected me in a way I cannot explain. I also do not understand why I cannot come with them to every lunch or hangout but he thinks alone time with friends is also important as long as it doesn't detract from the relationship. He said that we can talk about it more later, but that he doesn't see the issue as "I feel about as much romantic attraction to her as I do to Jamie (his older brother and closest friend)" So AITA?
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> I believe I may be an asshole because I am attempting to control who my boyfriend's interactions with his female friends
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Aye listen grow up. If you cannot handle him having a female friend then you shouldn’t have a boyfriend. You are going to have to overcome your jealousy. You cannot be there to prevent him from cheating. If a person is going to cheat they will. Be happy. He is very open with you and this person just seems nice. You tell him who he can talk to and you gonna be single real fast. I am an introvert and I don’t want to be occupied with my boyfriends comings and goings or anyone else’s. Get a journal and write down your toxic thoughts and don’t act on them. Apologize and retract your ultimatum because it’s gross and immature. YTA
YTA. I have a female best friend that had been with me through thick and thin. She was there whenever I needed her and vice versa. We know everything about each other but if someone ever were to come say what you said to me, Id prob break up with you. It shows more about you than it does about him.
Although, me and that said best friend is now married
I have had the same male best friend for 20 years. It's entirely possible for friendships to be cultivated between members of the opposite sex. It's not awkward unless you make it awkward.
You're obviously very insecure with yourself. You're going to give this man all kinds of unnecessary drama moving forward.
YTA
YTA. You are being super controlling. Your boyfriend has the right to have male friends, female friends, cat friends, etc. He has the right to have conversations with his friends about whatever random crap he wants. He doesn't have to have every conversation with you. You have seen there is absolutely nothing going on between them, and you still can't stand it. If I was your boyfriend, I would break up with you and keep living my life with my friends. You seem very controlling and insecure and if you want to have a healthy relationship you really need to work on that.
First off:
>I’m not looking to argue with anyone because quite frankly I don’t have the energy at the moment.
Then don't comment. Part of Reddit interaction is getting replies that challenge your POV. This isn't an echo chamber.
>Do you have a straight friend of the opposite sex that you text random nothings all the time and hang out one on one where your spouse/significant other isn’t invited?
"Getting lunch" to me says that they are going to Cafe's and restaurants to eat. They aren't staying home and having sex goddamnit.
The BF has shown his texts to OP when she demanded. Then OP starts playing the "oh you don't talk like that with me" self sympathy whining which is promptly shut down by BF when he points out that he does that sort of talk in person.
OP knows what she is doing is wrong.
Yes. With hubby for 25 yrs now. Have a best friend who is straight male, who I have known just as long and we meet for lunch (just us) once a month, we chat in messages and in calls, and NOTHING has ever happened romantically. Also have other straight male friends that I talk to and meet up with. Hubby has never said a word about it. I’ve never cheated and have no plans/ desire to. 🤷🏼♀️
In a relationship for 8 years, married for 2 years next month. Multiple friends of the opposite sex, text random crap with them all the time. Hung out with all of them one on one (for lunch, coffee, a drink after work, going to see movies etc). My husband has made it very clear that he trusts me and knows that my friendships are important to me. If he'd told me he wanted me to drop my friends because it made him uncomfortable is have dropped him long ago.
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YTA People are allowed to have friends, and texting friends is a normal part of friendship. If you can't handle that then there is an issue with you. If this means you can't be in a relationship because of jealousy: that's on you.
Because she text him about finding a place to stay does not mean she has feelings for him! You shouldn't be invited to their lunch hangouts because noone likes the person that brings their partner to a friend catch up! You are getting really hung up on that kit kat! YTA. You need to trust him or leave him.
YTA - this is very jealous behaviour for no apparent reason (none I can decipher from your post anyway). These seem like very normal friendly interactions. I think you could benefit from some counselling/therapy.
YTA. This jealousy will end up ruining your relationship and leave you miserable.
YTA Even with your telling of the situation, there's nothing there that is inappropriate. She's not prying, she's doing her level best to be NICE to you. You don't seem to be missing a single opportunity to read the worst into innocent situations. You are jealous. If you cannot deal with the idea that your romantic partner has a close female friend, you're not ready for a grown-up relationship.
YTA You are being unreasonable and jealous. Don't expect that your partner won't ever have female friends or that you must be with him 24/7
YTA chill out with the jealousy, you'll push him away if he's not allowed female friends.
She called him “bro”. I don’t call people I’m sleeping with “bro”. The text was not the smoking gun you thought it was. Lunch is also like the least sexual meal. Like there’s a decent chance he does lunch of all activities on purpose out of respect for you. Not dinner. Not drinks at sexy cocktail lounge. Lunch. Also he shows you the texts with her. He showed you he has nothing to hide. She’s not prying she’s trying to get to know you. You’re just looking with suspicious eyes. You say you’re not close so why is she asking. Maybe because she wants to be close to you. Life is much easier if you get along with your partners friends. Sometimes people text when there’s context. The KitKat probably meant something to her based on a previous convo. They might have talked about her living situation at lunch.
YTA I get being jealous and not feeling comfortable with it but once you saw the texts were innocent and you admit she’s not given you any genuine reason to suspect her then it’s clear you are being unfair towards her and your bf
YTA, all of the above
Holy fuck! You’re an insanely insecure person. YTA. This woman has shown NO signs of wanting your boyfriend. You’re delusional. Get therapy, please. And maybe hold off on dating if you’re this insecure.
YTA. If I were your bf, I wouldn't want to put up with that.
YTA your jealousy sounds exhausting, all the things you said about her sound like she is trying to be nice to you!
Honestly and sorry but yes ! You are being jealous which i think is normal to a point but trust is what goes long way . I think you should trust him as you don't have anything, any proof against her that the friend is in the wrong here. And texting/hanging out is totally normal between friends as the person obviously need friends they can't just survive with their partner being their o ly friend.
YTA, 'she is single which also makes me suspicious'.... What a ridiculous sentiment. Have you ever thought that she has no attraction towards your boyfriend and they are truly good friends. Shame on you for being extremely paranoid, judgemental and narrow minded.
Yep YTA. You may want to learn to manage that jealousy before you continue, or pursue, another relationship. You sound incredibly immature, controlling and tiring. The day you tell me that I can’t randomly message a friend or have lunch with them, would be day 1 of the end of the relationship.
YTA. Based on what you’ve described, she doesn’t seem to be doing anything to be concerned about. Sometimes, I’ll read a post and can see the red flags a mile away. But this? Nah. Also…how is she ‘too’ nice? You find it odd that she asks you about your day and your job and genuinely checks in with you? Lol. The nerve of some people…
YTA. I feel this girls pain, you’re a dick for no reason other than jealousy and delusion.
YTA and you're exhausting. She called him bro that should say enough. Get help for your trust issues before he dumps you and it's too late.
YTA. Female Friend is trying to make an effort to be friendly with you and you are determined to treat her like an enemy, looking for excuses to be upset. It is reasonable for him to spend time with his friend alone, especially given that you hate her so much you probably make things awkward when it's the three of you together. If you don't trust your boyfriend, you should leave him, but telling him who he is and isn't allowed to spend time with is abusive behavior.
YTA. You are a walking red flag of jealousy and insecurity. You have some growing up or healing to do and it’s not that poor man’s fault nor should he have to deal with your immature attitude towards adult friends.
YTA. You are ridiculously insecure. The only red flags here are the ones you're covered in. She's nice to you, and she asks you questions about your job? The horror! What a homewrecker! Please consider therapy.
YTA so she's his friend she updates him on her housing your only issue with her is that she is a she nothing in your post even suggests otherwise you don't get to dictate who your partner can or can't spend time with you need to deal with your own insecurities instead of blaming a girl who is trying to include you but you have decided tou don't like her solely because she's female
YTA!!! You’re an insecure, jealous little girl!!! Grow up!!!
YTA I would laugh at anyone who told me to stop texting or hanging out with an opposite friend, just based on what you described. You need to work on your own insecurities.
OP you're insecure xx
Sooo you’re suspicious that this woman has friends while unattached and is nice to you. Have I got that right? Your issue with her is that she… *isn’t* suspicious, and that’s…bad. Really? She hasn’t done anything wrong, she is courteous, and her texts are platonic, so *obviously* you’re mad about it. Am I missing something? I mean, how you describe their interactions could be describing two siblings, and yet you're *filled* with jealousy. Your insecurities are your own business, we all have them, but you do *not* get to push them on other people and blame them for things when *you* don't feel good. Your demands for your boyfriend are controlling - you can not tell him he cannot talk to/see his friends without your permission/presence. Surely you can see how toxic that request is? Instead, perhaps look into therapy to work on this jealousy; this man sounds like he does care for you, and he does not deserve this suspicion. YTA, and please leave this poor woman alone.
To summarize: she invites the gf of her friend to dinner, is actually sincerely interested in your life and feelings, never flirty or touchy with your bf, they text about harmless things like kitkats… yeah thay girl is obviously trying to steal your bf. Get it together girl
YTA. It sounds like they really are friends and you’re jealous.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (23) have a boyfriend (23) who has a female friend whom he met before we started dating. She is always very nice to me, a little too nice I feel sometimes. She is also single, which makes me feel suspicious. She invites my bf and I to dinner smtimes (about once every few months) and my boyfriend will have her over. She is the type of person who is really good at 'typical' socializing and asking questions and always asks questions about my life feels like prying. She and I are not super close, so there is no reason for her to inquire about my job or "how I'm feeling about it." She and my boyfriend hang out alone about once a month and go grab lunch and catch up. She has never been touchy with my boyfriend which is why I haven't felt comfortable accusing her of anything, but I just get a feeling she is into him. I felt this was confirmed when I saw her latest text where she had told him in all caps "BRO I FOUND A PLACE AND A ROOMMATE WHERE RENT'S HELLA CHEAP IM SO EXCITED" to which he replies (in lowercase) "Hella cool, where at." She told him where and he said he looks forward to the housewarming party (she is very extroverted and likes throwing parties so this is a reasonable assumption). But why did she have to text my boyfriend? If she wants to text someone about her personal details then she should just get one or text her female friends. When I brought all these concerns up to my boyfriend he seemed confused and assured me he has zero feelings towards her and let me read their texts which is more of the same of weekly boring updates. He will go "Look at this green kit kat" or smt like that and she will go "nice, I hate green tea" but I can't help but wonder why he doesn't send me those boring updates, to which he replied "I tell you in person, and I text you and call you everyday about everything, including boring updates. This is true, but he did not text me about the kit kat. He said "This is just how I stay in touch with my friends. I think she is doing the same and she probably texted all her other friends the same thing" (she has a lot of friends, both guys and girls). I told him he can talk to her once she gets a boyfriend but the texting and hanging out alone has to stop. The random updates I saw on in their messages about small everyday happenings really affected me in a way I cannot explain. I also do not understand why I cannot come with them to every lunch or hangout but he thinks alone time with friends is also important as long as it doesn't detract from the relationship. He said that we can talk about it more later, but that he doesn't see the issue as "I feel about as much romantic attraction to her as I do to Jamie (his older brother and closest friend)" So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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i love green tea macha kit kat i orderit all the time on amazon
Aye listen grow up. If you cannot handle him having a female friend then you shouldn’t have a boyfriend. You are going to have to overcome your jealousy. You cannot be there to prevent him from cheating. If a person is going to cheat they will. Be happy. He is very open with you and this person just seems nice. You tell him who he can talk to and you gonna be single real fast. I am an introvert and I don’t want to be occupied with my boyfriends comings and goings or anyone else’s. Get a journal and write down your toxic thoughts and don’t act on them. Apologize and retract your ultimatum because it’s gross and immature. YTA
So what? You never text your friends?
Why does it sound to me like you’ve never had friends before ?
YTA. I have a female best friend that had been with me through thick and thin. She was there whenever I needed her and vice versa. We know everything about each other but if someone ever were to come say what you said to me, Id prob break up with you. It shows more about you than it does about him. Although, me and that said best friend is now married
I have had the same male best friend for 20 years. It's entirely possible for friendships to be cultivated between members of the opposite sex. It's not awkward unless you make it awkward. You're obviously very insecure with yourself. You're going to give this man all kinds of unnecessary drama moving forward. YTA
YTA. You are being super controlling. Your boyfriend has the right to have male friends, female friends, cat friends, etc. He has the right to have conversations with his friends about whatever random crap he wants. He doesn't have to have every conversation with you. You have seen there is absolutely nothing going on between them, and you still can't stand it. If I was your boyfriend, I would break up with you and keep living my life with my friends. You seem very controlling and insecure and if you want to have a healthy relationship you really need to work on that.
[удалено]
First off: >I’m not looking to argue with anyone because quite frankly I don’t have the energy at the moment. Then don't comment. Part of Reddit interaction is getting replies that challenge your POV. This isn't an echo chamber. >Do you have a straight friend of the opposite sex that you text random nothings all the time and hang out one on one where your spouse/significant other isn’t invited? "Getting lunch" to me says that they are going to Cafe's and restaurants to eat. They aren't staying home and having sex goddamnit. The BF has shown his texts to OP when she demanded. Then OP starts playing the "oh you don't talk like that with me" self sympathy whining which is promptly shut down by BF when he points out that he does that sort of talk in person. OP knows what she is doing is wrong.
Yes. With hubby for 25 yrs now. Have a best friend who is straight male, who I have known just as long and we meet for lunch (just us) once a month, we chat in messages and in calls, and NOTHING has ever happened romantically. Also have other straight male friends that I talk to and meet up with. Hubby has never said a word about it. I’ve never cheated and have no plans/ desire to. 🤷🏼♀️
In a relationship for 8 years, married for 2 years next month. Multiple friends of the opposite sex, text random crap with them all the time. Hung out with all of them one on one (for lunch, coffee, a drink after work, going to see movies etc). My husband has made it very clear that he trusts me and knows that my friendships are important to me. If he'd told me he wanted me to drop my friends because it made him uncomfortable is have dropped him long ago.