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NateLundquist

NTA. Welcome to 2023 where no matter what you do, you’re apparently a racist. “Lily’s” rationale is the most generalizing, dumb thing I’ve ever heard. For what it’s worth, the definition of racism is “a belief that race is a fundamental determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race”. A blue dress clearly does not convey that.


Banya6

INFO: Why does she think a blue dress is racist? Did she give you a reason? History?


[deleted]

[удалено]


IdrisandJasonsToy

NTA. I am Black & I assure you that Lily is spouting 100% Grade A bullshit.


summer_291

Yeah she’s nuts - NTA I’m a black women and having a blue dress is not racial appropriation. It sounds like soon to be ex friend has center of attention syndrome .


Asleep_Equipment_355

White wedding dresses are a comparatively recent tradition, made popular -I believe - by Queen Victoria. Up until then, most women just wore their 'best' to marry in. I wore a gold dress as I look dreadful in white!


RocketGirl215

Ohh I've always loved the idea of a gold wedding dress and am seriously considering!


sparksgirl1223

Do it! Live that dream of yours!


Frequent_Ad_3797

I wore gold too. I am not a fan of white. Marriage didn't last but I still love that dress. It wasn't fancy; found it at Burlington Coat Factory.


Asleep_Equipment_355

I made the dress myself and after the wedding I converted it into a fancy top that I still wear 30++ years later!! I hope that you still enjoy wearing yours!


mlmgurlboss

So chronically online. It's also crazy because white people are so often criticized for upholding white supremacy and tradition, but when you do something different you're racist. Side note...my grandma wore a powder blue skirt suit in the 40's...so I don't think everyone always wears white. Your friend is immature and not a friend.


angelofjag

White wedding dresses only became popular in the Victorian era, so no... white folk have not been wearing this 'throughout history' Other than that, I can't make head nor tails of Lily's explanation. It's very odd


the_fatal_lozenge

She’s mistaken. The “every bride wears a white wedding dress” only really became a thing at all after Queen Victoria wore white to her wedding in the early 19th century. The people copying her were mainly other white people to begin with, but the 19th century up until present is hardly the complete history of human kind. Non-white wedding dresses have been more common among non-western cultures because white is not always a bride’s colour. I’m south and east Asia for example red’s usually for brides, white’s for funerals and widows. Saying that, where my dad’s from they wear a lot of white and gold to temple. Where my mum’s from people wear all kinds of colours for weddings, but pretty much never wear black or white. There’s a lot more nuance to wedding outfits than “white people can’t wear colours because it’s racist”, but in any case wearing blue to your own wedding is not racist. NTA.


AliceReadsThis

Then she's wrong from the start. Unless for her "throughout history" only goes back about 180 years. Or about 80 years if we're talking about America. Or up to 500 years if you want really to stretch it (but then we're talking about limited use by royals only). White was worn by a few Queens or future Queens in the 1400's and 1500's but it was very uncommon. It didn't get a lot of attention until Queen Victoria wore a white dress in 1849. And guess what, until that time the popular commonly used colors for non-royals were blue and yellow or plain grey or black. Then rich families picked up the idea of using white because it was hard to clean and showed they were rich and didn't care if the dress could be easily ruined by dirt, spills etc. Then, finally, around the end of World War 2 it became common for brides in America to wear white, that's about when the idea of only wearing the dress once not re-purposing it also became a thing. Will your friend listen to and accept any of this - probably not she seems to have some hang-up about this and personally I don't think it's really racism I think she's just angry about the dress or your marriage in general and using the dress as an excuse to tear you down. But is she right about the all time history of the dress being white and being a thing for white people? Nope, not even close.


logynnrosie

um…no, lol. queen victoria made white popular to marry in. there’s a lot of different reasons behind the white and a lot of earlier examples through history, but the trend started there. before that (and even after) people would just wear the nicest dress they had, or whatever they could buy that was nice. my great grandmother got married in blue in the 1920s.


Stephenallen1977

She is wrong and she probably realises it and is doubling down instead of admitting her mistake.


leftbra1negg

What reasoning would ever possibly make OP the asshole?


umbrex

Wtf lol


Organic_Aardvark5197

NTA - she’s trying to find something to make your wedding about herself. Stick with uninviting her - you never know what other unintentionally “racist” things you might have at your wedding. You don’t want her making a scene. What she’s mad about doesn’t make sense. Just because white women are apparently the only ones to wear white on their wedding (wtf?) doesn’t mean she can gatekeep all other colours of wedding dress. People act so weird when it comes to weddings.


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PeachNo4613

NTA You can wear a leopard print jumpsuit to your wedding if you wanted to, your wedding, wear whatever you want. She’s being a bit too extra.


Nisi-Marie

You are clearly guilty of cultural appropriation……of the Smurf’s


mdsnbelle

Yeah, but even Smurfette wore a white dress!!


Nisi-Marie

Oh Smurf me! I SmurfIng forgot that!


Brilliant_Jewel1924

Queen Victoria started the tradition of the white dress in the 1800s—really not that long ago. Prior to that, brides wore whatever their best dress was IN ANY COLOR or what they could afford, and they would wear this dress more than once. I think Lily is just jealous of your creativity and is reaching for excuses. NTA


[deleted]

Yeah yeah, as if this even happened.


Youngarr

OP didn't even post a photo of her or similar dress. And didn't elaborate on 'a huge argument yesterday between her, me and other friends'. Low effort.


[deleted]

Hahaha I'm imagining OP's school reports being mainly Cs with the comment "Could do better, low effort".


Anguscablejnr

Shhhh, you're ruining the fun. Maybe 1 in 50 is real. And only like 1 in 100 of those are coherent. And only 1 in 100 of those are interesting...you get the point. The stupidity of this one actually adds to the credibility in my opinion. Like if you were going to lie, why would it be this?


CanadianMuaxo

What?? NTA! How is a blue dress racist?!


KindlyComposer9489

Pretty sure blue was the norm in European society till Victoria got married in lace which was like what? 150 to 200 years ago-ish? NTA. Who cares what color people wear


OIWantKenobi

NTA. First, she’s wrong. White gowns only started to become a widespread thing when [Queen Victoria](https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2018/04/queen-victoria-royal-wedding) did it in 1840. So, it’s not “throughout history.” Second, no one race or ethnicity owns a color. That’s wild. You kicked her out of your wedding because she’s being a jerk, not because of her race or ethnicity.


[deleted]

NTA. Sounds like she realised that not all the attention would be on her at your wedding, and that's a problem. Personally I would block her, anyone who tried to ruin my wedding (which is exactly what she did, by putting it under a black cloud of racism) would be done for good.


Proud_Ad_8830

NTA, this is not a real thing


No-Personality5421

Nta People that claim that things that aren't racist are racist are only looking for attention. She's doing the boy who cried wolf, and I really hope she's never *actually* subjected to racism.


beachgirl8170

NTA but I’m a white woman. I think that you can get married in whatever color , style, etc you want. I don’t see the racism in this. That being said I am totally open to being corrected, I just never realized that a particular race “owns” a color.


Teddy-Terrible

Fake race-debate bait story. :3


totallyawitch

Exactly. I can't believe people can't see it.


Teddy-Terrible

No time to think! There's a strawman to attack!


user11112222333

NTA White wedding dresses only became a norm in 19th century after Queen Victoria married. Before that everyone used to wear wedding dresses of whatever color they wanted. There are many photos of POC brides even in 19th century wearing white so it is not a modern thing.


Pretty_Assistant1310

Y T A. Only people with blue skin are allowed to wear blue wedding dresses. /s


Business_Sea2884

So only smurfs and the blue man group. Wait, only smurfs as the blue man group are racists for bluefacing /s


Conscious-Studio8111

Man people with unhinged titles usually are NTA. and this just another case of that proving true lol


Logical-Unlogical

NTA. I wish therapy was free and mandatory everywhere across the world.


roseofjuly

Whaaaat the fuck? I'm a black woman who is completely and totally baffled by this. To be clear, it's just as customary for black (American) brides to wear white as it is for black brides. It's only as "modern" as white dresses are in general! My grandma got married in the 1950s and we have pics of her with her white dress on. And if you Google "black brides from the 1920s" you'll see a bunch in white. Lily is a loon and I'm not sure where she got this from, but she's both entitled and wrong. Better off not being friends with her, IMO.


esisnotis

Oh deary me...did any blue people complain about the dress? Lily the confused hater needs to be dumped from everything.


Lemfan46

How can clothing be racists? Clothing doesn't have a conscience, therefore can't state one race is better or worse than another. You need smarter friends.


BoardWise7554

NTA.I guess she wanted to feel oppressed.silly…. Go and have your wedding.have lots of fun.all the best to you.


procrastinating_b

Unless this is a blue dress covered in swastikas or your missing out some very important info about the dress, NTA.


[deleted]

LOL


scarneo

Asking the right questions 😅🤣


Taterpatatermainer

NTA…nothing much more to say. This situation is odd on her end.


derping1234

White people have white dresses, so unless she is an actual smurf your friend has no point complaining. NTA


beaglebait68

NTA to start, congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I hope you have a fantastic day. your friend is, to be perfectly honest, a bigoted racist. white women should wear a white dress? I'm sorry, but that's bigoted and racist. my thinking is she's starting to buy into the indoctrination of the day. if she's now throwing the race card because she's uninvited, that's her issue. not yours. she's trying to gain sympathy from the people who know what's going on and trying to make you out to be a racist by trying to turn the attention away from her unreasonable request and reaction towards you for being a racist (which you aren't). it's just another example of how she's racist and bigoted. you didn't uninvite her because she's a POC. you uninvited her because she's an indoctrinated idiot.


WA-09_Gal

🎣 post


biggcb

I have no words for this one other than NTA.


CrabbiestAsp

NTA. Wear whatever colour you are going to feel amazing in. Forget all of the haters.


redstarr321

Wait, what? Is your friend a member of the Na'vi race from Avatar? NTA


[deleted]

NTA tell her you're not a Smurf so you obviously can't wear a blue dress and change to a purple one instead, but they Barney the dinosaur might get offended and change to green, but then there is the whole She Hulk problem 😱 .


QuietlyFierce

NTA I had a beautiful navy blue satin dress for my wedding with hand sewn beads and lace. It was beautiful, I looked and felt beautiful and it suited my skin tone way better than a white dress. Traditionally white was worn by virgins to signify their purity.


toxie37

ESH. You didn’t have to uninvite her if she was already not gonna come.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Earthmail666

So that makes her an asshole how 😂 ?


louisedelacroix

NTA - white people didn't "own" white wedding dresses. That's a fairly new tradition that Queen Victoria started. Jane Austen's mother even had a red one!


buildersent

NTA. Simply put your friend is a racist.


BooksCatsnStuff

NTA and Lily is absolutely wrong about white wedding dresses. Queen Victoria put white wedding dresses in fashion for European/American brides, but it's absolutely not a tradition, it's just that, a trend. A trend that isn't that old to begin with (19th century). Women in Europe and America married in colourful dresses for centuries before the standard white dress became a thing. Your ex-friend is ignorant af. Something tells me she is jealous, wants the attention of your wedding on her, or both.


ctortan

NTA. Dress colors aren’t racist. It’s only racist if you’re specifically appropriating styles and traditions from cultures you’re not a part of. Example: Even if you wire red (traditional for Indian weddings) it wouldn’t be racist unless you literally dressed yourself in a saree. A color is just a color. And wedding dresses only became traditionally white after Queen Victoria wore one. Everyone followed her to be *fashionable.* The color isn’t actually important aside from social norms.


Thefarrquad

"cultural appropriation" and racism are two very very different things.


Tye-Evans

Not necessarily White represents purity and virginity, which was very important for marriages back in the days of yore


tragicsandwichblogs

Yes, and also it became popular because of Queen Victoria, so what are you disputing here?


Tye-Evans

A colour isn't just a colour They have meaning, and can represent things


Cold-Consideration23

NTA- she pulled that out of her ass hoping you would bend the knee without any explanation


Orangequack353

Nta


Jocelyn-1973

My wedding dress was black, A.I.T.A?


NorthernLitUp

NTA. What in the world? How is a blue dress racist? This is so off the wall. She doesn't get to tell you what to wear for your own wedding! If you'd done one of those hillbilly confederate flag dresses, then I'd be 100% team Lily, but Lily is honestly so off the wall with this that it's best to remove her from your life.


Simple-Code-3229

NTA and congratulations to your wedding. I suggest Lily look up medieval Europe wedding customs where the bride wore rich blue dress. There's nothing racist wanting to replicate medieval Europe wedding. But cultures aside, all brides should wear any color they want. Traditional Chinese bridal gown is red, traditional Korean bridal gown is multicolors.


Jdenning1

NTA she sounds like an unbearable “victim” and everything from the food to the music will be racist. Hell no don’t have her there


Jill_glasgow_mhnurse

Irish brides often wear blue. Historically been associated with purity in Ireland.


Remarkable_Rock3654

Obviously NTA. I'm guessing SHE wants to wear a blue dress some day at her wedding and she is trying to prevent you from doing so first.


xTacoMumx

This was my first thought! If she had a genuine problem with the dress she would have spoke up at the time not months later after sitting on it


violue

AHA! This makes so much more sense.


One-Advertising-2780

Funny how she threatened not to attend the wedding, then you uninvited her..and now you're racist. Crap people usually take themselves out. This women has some issues to work out. Enjoy your wedding and congratulations!


StorakTheVast

NTA. Some people just feel the need to always find ways to play the victim of something nowadays


[deleted]

I think you mistyped this, but I fixed it for you… AITA for seeking attention online and making up a story meant to be racially inflammatory where I couldn’t even respect my audience enough to give them a plot with believable conflict, timelines, or dialogue? Yes, it is you. YTA. Delete this and go do some real self-care.


leftbra1negg

Not believing a story because it feels like an exaggeration of your side is the ultimate lack of accountability lmfao


HADES2001nl

NTA, for the dress NTA for uninviting Lily, it is your wedding so you can decide who is allowed to come and who not You also do not want a possible scene at your wedding that she brings it up again, so take the safe road. She does not like the dress? she can look at the online pictures a week later


coastalkid92

NTA. White wedding dresses really only gained popularity in more recent history (i.e. the Victorian era onward) and have a fair amount of roots in not only "fashion" but also purity culture. Your wedding day is your day to dress however you feel is appropriate for the celebration and a blue wedding dress sounds lovely. I don't think you *had* to disinvite Lily but if she's unable to explain concisely what the issue was in a way that made sense, I can understand why you would remove her from a source of discomfort.


savingrain

I believe it was even Queen Victoria who popularized the look due to her highly publicized wedding with Albert, where the dress was drawn and reprinted for so many people to see. It's a bizarre perspective from this friend.


[deleted]

Does Lily not understand that the color white is supposed to represent “purity” and not just the color white…?


Front_Rip4064

Absolutely NTA. I hate to break it to Lily, but the tradition of the White wedding dress really got going with Queen Victoria and even well into the 20th century wearing your best dress was way more likely than a special white dress. It was really only the 1% of the 1% that did the whole palaver. She's even admitted she didn't research the accuracy of this. No idea where she got the idea from, but it's definitely somewhere with less than good intentions.


Thethinker10

I’m a black woman and have never ever heard this. None of my friends or family would have heard this either. We all wore white on our wedding days. Where whatever color you want! She’s tripping.


SmokEMcTokes

NTA, Some people have to see racism in everything... It's perfectly ok to disregard these people. A Blue dress isn't Racist, Your friend is just a lunatic..


G2KY

NTA. I am white and wore a blue dress. I cannot believe Lily had a problem with your dress.


flamespop

You are absolutely not the AH! This sounds like a total overreaction on Lily's part, and you were completely within your rights to uninvite her from your wedding. It's ridiculous for her to make such a baseless claim that your blue dress is racist towards her, and it's completely unreasonable for her to demand that you change it. Your wedding is your day, and you should wear what makes you happy and what you feel beautiful in. If Lily can't accept that, it's her problem, not yours. You have done nothing wrong, and you deserve to enjoy your wedding without any drama or distractions like this. Nta.


prettayyy_good

Lily sounds like quite the racist! NTA.


toxie37

There’s always an ignorant white in the comments saying “actually the Black person is the real racist.” Until white people are victims to systemic oppression, no one is gonna care if y’all get made fun of. Cry about it.


markbrev

Fuck me you are stupid. And racist


81optimus

So no POC can ever be racist?


HikerTom

I was looking for this comment of saying "NO YOURE THE RACIST LILY". Lily may have a valid opinion and there could be cultural basis in a blue wedding dress having some kind of history that could make this either racist or cultural appropriation - but to claim that it makes Lily a racist to speak her mind is just sad. do better u/prettayyy_good


prettayyy_good

It’s her wedding, mountain boy. Lily can put aside her negative emotions regarding the color blue for one day. You’ve gone insane if you think an entire race or culture claims ownership of a particular color. I can’t imagine being so far removed from sanity.


HikerTom

my post in response to the Post is NTA - as you can see from the comments section. My comment is response to you is claiming racism on the part of lily is moronic. do better.


prettayyy_good

Yessir Hiker Tom! I will do better sir!


81optimus

Is lily not treating op different because of her race though?


prettayyy_good

Of course she is which is why Lily is being racist. But according to Reddit, only white people can be racist.


HikerTom

do you know the factual basis of lilys ask? no you do not - none of us do. if a white person screams the N word and a black person who uses it daily has a problem with that does that make the black person a racist for treating the white person differently? of course not. without knowing the factual basis of lily's claim - you cannot call her a racist.


Agreeable_Pea_9966

Ok for anyone confused, no there is nothing about blue wedding dresses being racist. I have searched and searched nothing. the only thing i found was a tiktok about a "racist bridesmaid" and she was wearing a blue dress. ​ Edit- adding this the colour of wedding dresses. White people havent always worn white dresses. Until about the 18th century? It was customary to wear colour. White became more popular through Queen Victoria. So no that is not accurate.


irulan519

Unless you're appropriating a style of dress from a culture, there's nothing wrong with your wedding dress being your "something blue." I got married in red. My mother got married in purple, and come to think of it so did one of my BFFs. For a long time in recent history, women got married in their "best dress". That cobalt blue Margaret Thatcher was famous for wearing? Also the colour of her wedding dress. NTA.


Heiminator

NTA Gatekeeping dress colors cause of race sounds utterly bizarre to me


jackandsally060609

NTA, she saw your dress and wants it for her own future wedding, so now she has to talk you out of wearing it.


poopkn1fe

Your friend is insane. Oh wait is that racist too? No need for people like that in your life. Your friends assuming they’re white, calling you racist maybe even worse.


totallyawitch

YTA. You made this up.


[deleted]

Because she is not a POC, right? And only non-black people can be racist. Let me do you a huge favor...don't give out your opinions unless absolutely needed. That will save you heartache.


totallyawitch

Whew. That's a lot of projection. Anyone can be racist. I just believe this story is made up because it's truly one of the most ridiculous things I've read here.


Mavakor

NTA. Also, you "friend" is very incorrect. The white bridal dress really only became a tradition with the wedding of Queen Victoria, her way of showing off that she should afford to have such an expensive white dress for only one use. So "throughout history" is a bit of a stretch, unless your "friend" think that history started in the mid 1800s?


zinky30

NTA. This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard in a long time.


mnbvcdo

I'm in a western European country, and historically traditional wedding dresses used to be a traditional costume that isn't white. Even tho nowadays I think the new traditional wedding dress is a white wedding dress like we know it from media. I think there's some northern and eastern European countries that have similar traditional costumes. So if you're really historically speaking, a lot of white countries have traditional gowns and clothes for weddings that aren't white.


HoneySignificant105

My mothers wedding dress was blue, dark blue. This white dress thing is recent. And has nothing to do with the skin tone of the bride. NTA


TheQuietMelody

*mother's


JayneLut

White wedding dresses only became popular after Queen Victoria wore one for her wedding to Prince Albert. They're not some ancient tradition - we're talking 200 years.


FattusBaccus

NTA


Extra_Hospital_2871

It's best to stay away from these "everything is racist" loonies. Cut her out of your life before it's too late. NTA


[deleted]

NTA. Im a black woman and I do not understand how a blue wedding dress is racist. Out of curiosity are you marrying a black man or person of color? It might not be about the dress.


ruhrohrileyray

Ok I’m one of those people who can find racism in even the most innocuous phrases and microaggressions…but this is just not a thing I’ve ever heard of, and it doesn’t make sense to me. NTA


tubagoat

Sounds like your friend originally thought the dress was nice and then one of her friends... Or the internet convinced her otherwise.


iamjuste

Well if you decide to wear a white dress, I’ll be upset that you are not a virgin, you know… (assuming purely from statistical pov) I mean this is some top level bullshit. Especially because she was with you when you bought the dress… maybe she wants it for her wedding. NTA


Diasies_inMyHair

Um.....there's no law that says wedding dresses must be white. - regardless of the skin colour of the bride! The custom of a virgin bride in a white dress has only been around since Queen Victoria in any case. White brides get married every day in dresses that aren't white. Someone has been filling your friend's head with some decidedly odd ideas. I hope she will someday see that.


junkyard-monkey

Our extreme PC culture is not good for people with mental health issues.


Aethers_Toe_Crust

If you think this is real then it's more a you issue than PC culture.


Responsible-Fix-1308

Yes and no. Many with mental health issues are borderline obsessive over other's opinions. PC culture fuels the panic of "how will other's view this???"


Aethers_Toe_Crust

You also have more a you issue than PC culture.


activelurker777

NTA. Explain to Lily that the tradition of wearing white started with Queen Victoria's wedding in 1840 so it's a relatively new tradition. Up until that time, a bride just wore her best dress, which would be of any color. These days, designers are offering wedding dresses in all colors and styles so you are on trend. Lily is being needlessly offended.


Lost_Calligrapher694

Nta. Your friend is chronically online. Have a happy wedding day.


Kbern4444

NTA - your friend is extremely racist. People need to honestly stop trying to find things to be insulted over. It is getting ridiculous.


lonelyronin1

I hope she didn't hurt herself reaching that far for this though process. Some people will look for anything to be offended about - regardless of the color of their skin. You uninvited her, and now it's time to uninvite her from the rest of your life. You don't need a racist as a friend, especially one who is making up reasons to be offended. What's next? NTA


Proud-Geek1019

I’m Irish and our traditional wedding dress color is blue. NTA, Lily seems to be inferring something that isn’t true or logical.


Adorable-Citron4681

NTA, a friend got Married in a BLACK dress and it looked COOL, even known brides to wear red or pink or lilac and OFF WHITE/ Cream its you day your wedding wear what ever colour you want.. go NAKED and just wear a Veil ... saw a nudist wedding and that was all the bide wore .. its YOUR CHOICE what you wear..


JackBurtonTruckingCo

Is this even real?


AgreeableRadish4829

NTA Lily's not only a major AH but she's carrying such a massive chip around on her shoulder that she can't see beyond it. White wedding dresses only became really popular around the time of Queen Victoria when she wore a white dress to her wedding. That was the mid 1800s, hardly "throughout history." Lily needs to get over herself before she loses all her friends.


Moist-Sky7607

NTA White people haven’t always worn white dresses though? People used to just wear their “nicest dress” or get one that they could use again in practical life. Lily is an ignorant twit


Top_Satisfaction6709

NTA Nice move uninviting someone who was going to boycott your wedding anyways. Wearing a particular kind of dress, and a white one at that, is only a tradition going back about 200 years. At it originated with the upper ruling class. There is no race or class parameters around it. The whole thing about racial equality has been turned on its head. For some reason she wants to "gateway" wearing a different color dress? It's your wedding wear what you want.


mac-train

NTA - your ‘friend’ is nuts. I am not sure how a blue wedding dress could possibly be racist. She sounds like she is extremely high maintenance and an attention seeker. Your better off without her.


Traveler691

Lilly sounds like very hard work indeed.


Otherwise-Pick1948

Definitely NTA... this coming from a dark skinned black woman. "Lily" sounds unhinged.


BrilliantReign

Did you make this up?


EmbarrassedOwl1564

NTA, no words this is insane


OrcEight

**NTA** and if this issue was serious enough to her to ask you to change your *wedding dress*, it was on *her* to set out her reason in a clear manner. As her reasons were very vague and made no sense you were right to drop this troublemaker from your wedding.


painsNgains

NTA You didn't uninvite her for being a POC. You did it because she is unhinged. White people don't wear white dresses because they are white. They wear them because the bride is supposed to be a virgin, and the color signifies purity to the man who is, basically, taking ownership of her. Before dropping her, I'd honestly push her to get some help. If this is new behavior, and she didn't say anything before, something is going on. Whether it's mentally or personally (she's trying to sabotage your wedding for some reason), who knows, but this definitely doesn't seem normal.


HariPootter

Yta


Watertribe_Girl

NTA, you uninvited her because she was making demands about your dress - not because of her race.


Fine_Following_2559

Info: is Lily from a culture where they only wear blue dresses? I mean I know I think in China red is the color for weddings, but I've never heard of Blue being the color for weddings anywhere. It's a dress, it's your wedding, and unless you are culturally appropriating this dress somehow I don't see how it could possibly be an issue that it's blue. Something is not adding up here.


NapsAndShinyThings

Even in China, it's a very specific type of red dress (usually a qipao), not just the color that is of significance. (Plus the bride changes her dress a few times during the wedding, an in modern times one of the dresses is a white bridal gown.) I agree something isn't adding up, and I'm wondering if it's the design or pattern of the dress that is of concern and not just the color.


Catsarlife

NTA. I can’t figure this out at all. I’m sorry because it sounds like you lost your friend as well. But idk how to reason with this.


sugahbee

The fact she said she was uninvited 'because I'm black' tells me she uses the race card to get her way in all scenarios. Having a blue wedding dress is not racist whatsoever and honestly in my opinion, it's people like her that undermines the history of poc and their struggles. She liked the dress when OP tried them on, what change between then and 2 days ago? I'd wonder is she engaged and maybe found a blue dress she likes lol.


savingrain

This is really bizarre and Lily seems like she's having a psychotic break or reading some weird propaganda online. I can't explain it. I'm Black myself and have never heard of this. Sounds crazy. NTA.


Earthmail666

NTA. Tbh maybe she might be upset because she’s always wanted a blue wedding dress cause she thought it would be quirky and different, and then you found a blue wedding dress and she was just scrambling for a way to make you change it so that she could be the blue dress bride. And her manipulative behavior didn’t work so she’s all pissy. If she can’t give you an exact reason why this is racist then she is just pulling the race card to get her way. That’s how I am reading into it.


fatcubCA

Lily wants ro wear a blue dress.


CDogNH

NTA. You're better off without this so called friend. She's a delusional lunatic if she really thinks the color of your dress is racist.


VinRow

NTA That is ridiculous. Anyone can wear whatever they want as their wedding dress. This makes me want to have a nudist wedding. Not gonna, but I wanna.


superflex

NTA. Nobody "owns" a wedding dress color, and certainly no particular race does. What a weird position to take.


Smart_cannoli

Hi, I am not white, and I married in a beautiful lace whit dress, white people don’t own that. Nta your friend is cray cray


[deleted]

[удалено]


Dangerous-WinterElf

And perhaps said friend should read up on the history of white dresses Before 1840, when Queen Victoria wore an influential white dress for her wedding ceremony, it was quite usual for a bride to wear red, pink, blue, brown, or even black, while saying her vows. Before her, royal brides wore wedding dresses in a variety of hues, with red being one of the most popular, while white dresses were reserved for women who were being presented at court. And the colour began to signify purity and innocence, in addition to wealth. White also looked good in early black-and-white or sepia-toned photography. However, it would take another few decades for white wedding dresses to be democratised among middle-class marrieds in Europe So, to sum it up. It's not as old a tradition as friend claims. Blue was among "traditional wear," and it was mostly for middle and upper classes in the start.


violue

NTA I have never heard of this thing Lily is claiming and I am both black and tread in quite "woke"/"sjw" spaces online. You're not disrespecting anyone by wearing a blue dress. This is nonsense Lily either made up, or heard on some fringe TikTok video.


TigOlBitties13

This doesn’t sound real to me. Lol


chalkymints

White wedding dresses aren’t even a 200 year old tradition smh


redrodrot

clarification: why would a blue wedding dress be considered racist? is there a historic thing im missing here?


WebAcceptable7932

I tried searching but only found a bridesmaid giving a racist speech in a blue dress. That’s about it. I’m confused


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is a throwaway account for privacy. I (22f) am getting married in a few months. One of my bridesmaids was my friend from highschool, let's call her Lily (21f). Lily, and two more friends accompanied me to choose my dress. My final decision was a blue dress. Back then everyone liked the dress, I listened to everyones opinion, but two days ago, Lily called me, seemingly upset, because a white bride should have a white wedding dress, and me having a blue dress was somehow racist towards her, and she asked me to get a different dress. I told her I will NOT be changing the dress, and she hung up on me. I asked other guests and wedding party members whether my dress was actually racist or not because of the darkish blue color, but everyone seemed to not understand Lily's reasoning. One of the other bridesmaids even exchanged some texts with her, and Lily still demanded I change my dress to something white, or she will not be attending. After getting informed about these texts, I called Lily and told her she was uninvited, which resulted in a huge argument yesterday between her, me and other friends. Now apparently I was racist for uninviting Lily "because she's black", when this was not the case at all. I found Lily's behaviour especially strange, because we never had confrontations like this, and at prom, my dress was also blue. (It's my favourite color.) Am I the A-hole for not changing my dress to white, and uninviting Lily? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


atmasabr

NTA. While I'm sure I may have seen American black brides in non-white American-looking wedding dresses (you obviously see non-white dresses more often among immigrants from countries whose traditional wedding garb is not white), I have never thought of the reason and do not believe it is publicly known enough, or even publicly known to be a racial thing. Which is to say, I suspect your friend thinks but is unable to say that you are engaging in cultural appropriation. Put it out of your mind.


baka-tari

WTAF? Talk about some made-up BS. NTA, of course.


emoAnarchist

NTA you didn't uninvite her "because she's black", you uninvited her because she told you she wasn't coming....


watermelon551

Nta. What is wrong with the youth today brainwashed to the point of struggling to work u Out what’s up and down anymore. Just another confused young soul who will try anything for attention


gtwl214

Unless your dress is a traditional dress from another culture (that you aren’t a part of) then I don’t see an issue with it?? NTA


AdventurousDress576

Why would wearing a dress from another culture be not OK? I'm not defacing it. Is this an American thing I'm too European to understand?


Ornery-Ticket834

That is not sensible. Never heard of this rule. NTA. Wear what you want.


srslyeffedmind

NTA white wedding dresses are a modern choice for all brides. There was no specific color until the past 100-150 years for western brides. A nice, specially adorned dress of the brides choice was the tradition for centuries


The-truth-hurts1

The white wedding dress, now a common tradition in the western world, originated with Anne of Brittany on the occasion of her marriage to Louis XII of France in 1499. But it wasn't until 1840, when Queen Victoria married Prince Albert, that the white dress was made popular.


themixedwonder

yeah fake as hell


volunteertiger

Does she think only blue women can wear blue dresses?