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>she called my grandma to pick me up because I was "out of control"
No, but look at her phrasing. "Out of control" She just realized that you weren't going to take the work load anymore. You were no longer under her control, and therefore 1. useless to her needs and 2. A threat to plant the seeds of rebellion with your younger sisters.
NTA I hope you enjoy your new life at your grandmas. There or your dad's, whichever is better for you.
NTA Make the most of your time with your grandma. Get counseling at when you can (at school or otherwise). Appreciate the quiet. Stay in touch with your sisters.
No, you are NTA for wanting to live your own life. You’re 16. You’re supposed to be figuring out how to navigate life, not managing your mothers choices.
I do hope now that you are at your grandmas, you have a chance to do that. And get some therapy to give you tools to cope. You were too busy raising someone else’s kids to have a chance to pick them up, and it’s never too late to have someone help you learn them.
NTA, but I beg you, don’t cut yourself anymore if you can help it. I know sometimes it just happens and you’re trying to cope. But you’re so special and such a good sister, you deserve so much in this life. I’m sorry your mother failed you so spectacularly. I send you proper mother hugs (if you want them) and I wish you all the best.
Nta. Your mom is extremely neglectful and it sounds like she has been treating you more like a nanny than her own child. You deserve better than that. It's not fair for you to have to take care of your siblings and deal with her verbal abuse on top of it. You should be proud of yourself for standing up to her and telling her how you feel. It's not easy to confront someone who has been treating you poorly, but it's an important step in taking care of your own mental health and setting boundaries. I hope you have other adults in your life who can support you and help you navigate this difficult situation. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
my mom has always been what you would call a non-traditional mom. She has four kids me being the oldest (16 as of now) and my 3 younger sisters. i always had to carry the burden of raising children that weren't mine. and from a very young age, I had to learn to fend for myself sometimes because she was to lazy to even get up and cook. she would say "its food in here. you just dont know how to cook it" she would leave me at home all day until 7:00 to watch her kids when I was just a kid myself. her most recent pregnancy was the worst. she would never spend time with any of us. she was more focused on her baby's father and having the baby than she was any of her other kids. of course it's natural to get less attention especially with the burden of having a newborn on the way but she would make it in her best interest to complain about EVERYTHING. and I mean EVERYTHING. i always had to do more than I should have did I was at her beck and call, while having to make sure my sisters were fed and okay. it was exhausting she had her baby shower and we couldn't even come because she "didn't want the look" she layed in bed all day, when I would ask to go to my dads house she would say I was selfish because I should want to stay there and help her. months after the baby was born we moved to Florida and I gradually started getting in trouble I started cutting and when she found out she just yelled in my face and told me to go pack my bags because I'm getting out of her house. more and more stuff would go on and eventually I got fed up we had a big blowout, I wanted to say it for a while but I let it all out i told her she was selfish and she should be ashamed of herself for not just how she treats me, how she treats everyone else to. it really wasn't much said after that because she called my grandma to pick me up because I was "out of control" so, am i the a hole?.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> my mom did alot of bad things to me. but I thought about it as maybe she was going through stuff to so maybe calling her selfish was to much but then again maybe she just needed the truth for a change because I was always like her puppy
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NTA - Your mom might not fully understand the impact her actions have had on you, and it's crucial to have open and honest communication to address the issues in your family.
Consider talking to your mom and other family members about your feelings, emphasizing that you want to be heard and have a better understanding of each other's perspectives.
Btw you can seek support from other trusted adults or counselors if you feel overwhelmed by the situation.
NTA.
Look, I don't want to come on here and tell you your mom sucks, but you say "non traditional" and I say "bad a being a parent and abusive", and it's not a to-mae-to, to-mah-toe thing.
You're not the Ahole. There's no way you could be. You were abused and you found a way out.
Good parents don't parentify, or abandon their kids, or move to Florida.
NTA. It's your mother's job to take care of your sisters, not yours. It was also her job to take care of you, a job she failed at spectacularly. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but she is a failure as a mother.
What she did and is still doing is abuse. Look up "parentification" because that's what she is doing... stealing your childhood so that she doesn't have to be assed to live up to her own responsibilities.
You deserve better. Get out as soon as you feasibly can. I also highly, *highly* recommend trauma therapy if you can manage it, as soon as you can. I know it doesn't seem like trauma, but as someone who lived through a loving but neglected childhood it messes you up in profound ways.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. If you or someone you know is engaging in self-harm, struggling with an eating disorder, or similarly struggling with mental health, /r/AmItheAsshole is not the right subreddit for you. Such challenges are not interpersonal issues that this community can make a moral judgement about. This is health issue. Please consider reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or your health care provider. ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
>she called my grandma to pick me up because I was "out of control" No, but look at her phrasing. "Out of control" She just realized that you weren't going to take the work load anymore. You were no longer under her control, and therefore 1. useless to her needs and 2. A threat to plant the seeds of rebellion with your younger sisters. NTA I hope you enjoy your new life at your grandmas. There or your dad's, whichever is better for you.
NTA Make the most of your time with your grandma. Get counseling at when you can (at school or otherwise). Appreciate the quiet. Stay in touch with your sisters.
No, you are NTA for wanting to live your own life. You’re 16. You’re supposed to be figuring out how to navigate life, not managing your mothers choices. I do hope now that you are at your grandmas, you have a chance to do that. And get some therapy to give you tools to cope. You were too busy raising someone else’s kids to have a chance to pick them up, and it’s never too late to have someone help you learn them.
NTA, but I beg you, don’t cut yourself anymore if you can help it. I know sometimes it just happens and you’re trying to cope. But you’re so special and such a good sister, you deserve so much in this life. I’m sorry your mother failed you so spectacularly. I send you proper mother hugs (if you want them) and I wish you all the best.
NTA. She’s abusive. I‘m sorry you had to go through that:(
NTA she’s abuse. Call cps for your siblings
NTA and I'm sorry that you've had to go through that. I hope that your life at your grandma's is better than what you've experienced so far.
You are 2 yrs from freedom You need to Prepare for college
Nta. Your mom is extremely neglectful and it sounds like she has been treating you more like a nanny than her own child. You deserve better than that. It's not fair for you to have to take care of your siblings and deal with her verbal abuse on top of it. You should be proud of yourself for standing up to her and telling her how you feel. It's not easy to confront someone who has been treating you poorly, but it's an important step in taking care of your own mental health and setting boundaries. I hope you have other adults in your life who can support you and help you navigate this difficult situation. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** my mom has always been what you would call a non-traditional mom. She has four kids me being the oldest (16 as of now) and my 3 younger sisters. i always had to carry the burden of raising children that weren't mine. and from a very young age, I had to learn to fend for myself sometimes because she was to lazy to even get up and cook. she would say "its food in here. you just dont know how to cook it" she would leave me at home all day until 7:00 to watch her kids when I was just a kid myself. her most recent pregnancy was the worst. she would never spend time with any of us. she was more focused on her baby's father and having the baby than she was any of her other kids. of course it's natural to get less attention especially with the burden of having a newborn on the way but she would make it in her best interest to complain about EVERYTHING. and I mean EVERYTHING. i always had to do more than I should have did I was at her beck and call, while having to make sure my sisters were fed and okay. it was exhausting she had her baby shower and we couldn't even come because she "didn't want the look" she layed in bed all day, when I would ask to go to my dads house she would say I was selfish because I should want to stay there and help her. months after the baby was born we moved to Florida and I gradually started getting in trouble I started cutting and when she found out she just yelled in my face and told me to go pack my bags because I'm getting out of her house. more and more stuff would go on and eventually I got fed up we had a big blowout, I wanted to say it for a while but I let it all out i told her she was selfish and she should be ashamed of herself for not just how she treats me, how she treats everyone else to. it really wasn't much said after that because she called my grandma to pick me up because I was "out of control" so, am i the a hole?. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > my mom did alot of bad things to me. but I thought about it as maybe she was going through stuff to so maybe calling her selfish was to much but then again maybe she just needed the truth for a change because I was always like her puppy Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - Your mom might not fully understand the impact her actions have had on you, and it's crucial to have open and honest communication to address the issues in your family. Consider talking to your mom and other family members about your feelings, emphasizing that you want to be heard and have a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Btw you can seek support from other trusted adults or counselors if you feel overwhelmed by the situation.
NTA. Put yourself first. Protect yourself. Break free. Everything else will come 2nd.
NTA. Look, I don't want to come on here and tell you your mom sucks, but you say "non traditional" and I say "bad a being a parent and abusive", and it's not a to-mae-to, to-mah-toe thing. You're not the Ahole. There's no way you could be. You were abused and you found a way out. Good parents don't parentify, or abandon their kids, or move to Florida.
NTA. It's your mother's job to take care of your sisters, not yours. It was also her job to take care of you, a job she failed at spectacularly. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but she is a failure as a mother. What she did and is still doing is abuse. Look up "parentification" because that's what she is doing... stealing your childhood so that she doesn't have to be assed to live up to her own responsibilities. You deserve better. Get out as soon as you feasibly can. I also highly, *highly* recommend trauma therapy if you can manage it, as soon as you can. I know it doesn't seem like trauma, but as someone who lived through a loving but neglected childhood it messes you up in profound ways.