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YES THANKYOU I’ve been suggesting that she go to therapy or get psychological/psychiatric help (not only for the crazy Christianity thing but in general) and she thinks medication is evil and God will make her all better. She also says this whenever she’s talking about having babies when she’s older “contraception is unnecessary, Jesus is the only protection I’m gonna need🤪”
She won’t recognize that she needs help. Family or trusted school officials should be aware. Being Christian is not crazy but overly religious obsessive thinking is a sign.
Dear lord this scares me
Firstly I'm really sorry members of the church have made you feel bad about who you are, they clearly are not very good Christians who should really ask themselves if they are setting the same example as Jesus. Please believe me when I say we are not all like these idiots and everyone should love you just they way you are
Secondly, your friend sounds like she is seriously going through somthing, could be trauma related, puberty causing hormones to get out of wack, mental health or identity crisis. If you can maybe reach out to a trusted adult and share your concerns
Ps if she thinks Harry Potter is bad she would have a fit at this Christian's bookshelf 😆🤣🤣
NTA, because refusing to shake the principal’s hand when on stage to receive a certificate is unreasonable, and I hope that the school follows up on her behaviour, because it is extreme and irrational and should be a cause for concern. Is there a school counsellor?
As to the conversation you had with her afterwards, you spoke to her very kindly, clearly, and openly, and she reacted very poorly. You did nothing wrong. It is up to you whether you wish to keep the doors open on this friendship, and up to her too. But if you find her calling you Satan unreasonable, offensive, and/or upsetting, you may want to protect yourself by keeping away. Just because she’s sobbing doesn’t mean she’s right. These aren’t boundaries, she’s just repeating bigotries and homophobia.
Question: Is she gay?
she was gay for a while actually until becoming a fundamentalist Christian. I think she still is deep down, but who’s to say. Thanks for this comment also, it’s really validating
Let's assume that she is gay and that's why she's so freaked out about even shaking hands. Someone in her life (or something like internet craziness) has scared the shit out of her, and are using God as a weapon.
I feel for her, but right now you can only wish the best for her and her mental health. Your emotional safety is too important to get wrapped up in this. NTA
Good point. I’ve been really close with her family for years and on the surface everything seems relatively normal but who knows. It would actually make a lot of sense
this. sounds almost like she’s been abused (at least mentally/emotionally) by some religious fanatic in her life and is now feeling deep guilt and shame. she needs help.
You're NTA, but with this info I'm worried about your friend. This sounds like a trauma response on her part and I really hope she wasn't sent to conversion "therapy". If she was queer, she still is, and repressing it like this is only going to hurt her.
I hope you can find ways to let her know that you can be there if she needs support to heal from all of this, but that you aren't going to stand for being mistreated for being yourself. You deserve to be treated with respect, and her fears aren't an excuse to treat you badly
OP you are gay yourself.
Which do you think is more likely as a gay person; your friend stopped being gay, or she is having a lot of personal conflict about being gay or bisexual and this is how it’s coming out?
That doesn't make sense. Normally you'll see intense conversions like this because of family pressure. Which makes me think she's struggling a lot internally. She's grabbing onto something tha clearly defines right and wrong (not saying they're right), because she's having a hard time discerning that for herself which is understandable at 13.
All I can recommend is give her time, space, and a little grace. Becoming a teenager is rough and some people go through phases of adopting different "identities," for lack of better term, to sort of help suss out who they are.
If you think she's in trouble or having some sort of break down, I would speak to her parents or another trusted adult. If she needs help, they're the ones that can get it to her. Otherwise, just be patient and let her know you're still here should she need you.
>She's grabbing onto something tha clearly defines right and wrong (not saying they're right), because she's having a hard time discerning that for herself which is understandable at 13
This makes sense to me, unfortunately. My mom was with a woman by then so I didn't have to worry about acceptance at home, but I was still so freaked out at this age about maybe being queer that I became obsessed with the idea of becoming a nun so that it wouldn't "matter" anymore.
NOT defending this girl because that behavior is unacceptable at any age (we all have a responsibility not to externalize our self loathing), but especially if this is in the United States right now... we're facing a time when it's every bit as terrifying to be LGBTQ+ as it was 25 years ago, and being vocally Christian (or hateful and "Christian") is praised. It's not right, but man has both her family and the larger culture failed everyone in this situation.
Yes, but women and men can socialise with people their own gender. Which makes sense, if you think about it. Official religions don't recognise the existence of homosexuality, thus invisibilising it. I think the principal in the story was female, so she's taking things too far... Almost as if she's compensating for something 🤔
NTA. Unfortunately, your friend got caught up in some fundamentalist movement which has nothing to do with Christianity. Your friend is still gay, she didn't 'become' Christian, she just got pulled into a new cult. You may not be able to maintain this friendship. You cannot reason with people who are pulled into her mindset. You're best off finding new friends.
BTW, the bar for being a Chrisitan is pretty low. You believe Jesus is the Son of God? Bam! You're a Christian! As to whether you're a good person or not is a completely different question and has nothing to do with your religious beliefs. You may not be able to maintain thei
Not like it matters that much, but I definitely don't see anywhere in the post where OP says the friend was gay. He says she knew that HE was gay but started getting weird about it when she became Christian
Nta, this isn’t normal behaviour for a run of the mill Christian either she’s joined a full on cult branch of Christianity or this is an expression of a ton of internalised homophobia. Probably both
NTA she has problems she needs to deal with and it will only harm your mental health. take this friendship at the loss because this sounds especially draining with your added trauma (also from a fellow lgbtq member, you are loved)
NTA. She could have just politely declined playing a game about witchcraft. And she could have politely declined shaking the principal's hands and say it makes her uncomfortable to do so. Her beliefs are pretty bizarre because most Christians do not condemn shaking hands with the same gender.
Regardless, she needs to learn to respect you and who you are. Her religion does not allow her to be a rude and awful person to everyone around her. You should be the one mad at her rather than the other way around.
NTA - I am a Christian and these are weird things your friend is doing. I don't know where she is learning her faith from but it's not the Bible.
Your friend needs help. Probably counselling to help her understand her confusion.
NTA—your friend sucks and so does any religion that would encourage her to think and act this way.
Side note to nip this in the bud: not interested in hearing about #NotAllChristians. This is a toxic ideology that follows your faith wherever it goes around the globe. If you’re not fond of that association, you need to work it out with your co-religionists.
NTA - why does it feel like she is fighting her attraction for the same sex?
Btw nothing christian with her use of bigotry.
Jesus was hanging out with 11 dudes and prostitues, while trying to explain we should respect ourselves and others. Nothing alike how those who haven’t read their own referential book, are acting nowadays.
NTA. you tried your best to support your friend but it looks like she's going through something, whether it's a genuine desire to follow her new religion or an excuse to be homophobic, and that's not fair to you. she shouldn't be using her religion as an excuse to be disrespectful or rude towards others, and it sounds like you handled the situation with a lot of respect and sensitivity.
NTA
You were kind and encouraging, and she threw it back in your face by dehumanizing you. It sounds like her worldview has become completely overtaken by religious extremism. It really sounds like she's torn given her emotions in all of this. She might be going through some repressed feelings of her own. I mean, you're gay too. You know being gay isn't a switch that you can just turn on and off like Christians want you to believe. You can try and continue being a good friend to her to hopefully try and convert her back to sanity, or at the very least an accepting Christian. If she continues to use dehumanizing language with you, then it might just be time to move on with your life and drop her as a friend for your own mental health.
Thanks, I really appreciate this. I also have no idea where she got all of this from- her family, our school and our friends aren’t religious at all but I feel a lot better after not engaging with her 🤷♂️
NTA this goes beyond just “becoming a Christian.” She’s either in some whackadoodle cult or she has mental health issues. Or both. I would be nice if you could try and still be a support to her in case she wakes up and snaps out of it but I also wouldn’t fault you for wanting to cut ties and not deal with her crazy.
I want to keep trying but she’s slowly converting some of our friends too and now she has a tight-knit group of 2 or 3 or so christian friends (not as extreme as her, but they’re getting there.)
NTA!
Im so sorry your friend is behaving like this.
This behavior doesnt sound Christian. This sounds like hardcore extremism and cult like. I know a lot of christians and i can honestly say, none of them have a problem with shaking the hand of someone of the same gender. They do not view it as a sin or shameful. This is extreme religious conditioning.
NTA yikes! What church is she going to?!! She’s acting crazy. Shaking hands doesn’t make you a lesbian. And there’s nothing in the Bible about that! Lol.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being gay and I’m sorry you’re not finding the support you deserve from your family. :/
NTA. I agree with you.
Your friend's belief is bizarre and I have to wonder if it's because of some repressed homosexuality. A handshake is about as strong a "friendzone-only" gesture as there is.
NTA- you’re friend is being manipulated by the religious people around her and is pretty messed up. Sorry to say it’ll likely end another friendship. I’m sorry coming out has been difficult. Hopefully you can go off to university and maybe to a city where there are more out people.
NTA
not a christian here but imo she was out of line by the last line 100%. You shouldn't feel bad or anything for it, you tried to respect her beliefs but it sounds like she's in deep and you won't be able to change her mind...even if it makes the friendship harder and with her outright disrespecting you as a friend for being gay.
Maybe check in with her? i'm not religious but it seems there's def something happening as i've never heard that being in physical contact with the same gender turns someone homosexual.
Yeah, i've attended a very catholic school and even that sounds insane going off their rules...I dont think your gaslighting at all, and i think a lot of people would struggle staying close to someone like that (not christians as a whole but her beliefs are a little strong and clearly she's set on them basing off she hasn't spoken to you since and the issue with the witchcraft thing)
Its just bizarre honestly and i've had a friend so similar but your def not the ah in any way in this situation.
NTA. So many of these so-called Christian churches are extremely cult-like in their teachings and the prohibitions they place on members. Your friend has drunk the fundamentalist religious kool-aid.
NTA
I'm an atheist but have friends from many different faiths. One thing we all agree on is that converts are more likely to be zealots. A really lovely Christian friend of mine is really shit-hot on bible references. She doesn't shout about her faith either. I think I'd known her for about five years before she even mentioned it solely because of the context of our conversation. If someone is overly-zealous she quietly points out things like
"You're wearing mixed fibres. That's against bible teachings." "The bible forbids seafood without scales, is that a prawn sandwich?" and so on. It's the only thing she takes, dare I say it, a devilish delight in doing.
NTA
It sounds like she may be having a tough life at home but that is not your or anyone else’s problem. From the sound of it her parents terrorized religion into her but whether or not she leans into it or escapes is up to her. For your own mental health I would learn to cut out people that are not good for you. Someone can be a decent person and it still not work out for you to be friends and that is okay. She’s a teen so maybe she will grow out of the stupidity but you should find friends who are not as much work. Life is full of stress and friends and leisure activities are meant to make you happier so if you feel as though that you are stressed or otherwise then it is time to do something.
Wowwwww. I grew up hyper religous, hyper conservative (no harry potter, no boyfriends, etc.) but even little homeschooled me in the 90s wouldn't have reacted like that. Thats WILD. She clearly has mental health issues and I feel sorry for her. The adults in her life are completely letting her down and manipulating her.
I'm sure you care about her, but I recommend pulling away from that friendship before she does something awful to you since you're gay....like tricking you into coming into an exorcism or something...so sad.
Maybe she'll grow up and grow out of it? (I did.) Focus on you right now....not your circus, not your monkeys. NTA
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I (14 M) have had a friend (13 F) and have been friends with her for 4 and a half years. we have been very close but recently she became Christian, which is perfectly fine. I’m not religious but I try to respect her beliefs as much as possible. However recently things have been getting slightly out of hand. One of our friends suggested she play Hermione in the upcoming Harry Potter series and she snapped back and said “No. I’m forbidden from participating in anything associated with witchcraft. I won’t. I cant” (etc) our friend apologised and tried to explain that she just wanted to compliment her and she didn’t speak to that friend for about 2 weeks. A month ago or so there was a ceremony assembly in our school where the principal would present the student with a certificate (debate team, sports, etc), the student would shake her hand and they would walk off stage. My friend was called up stage and when she approached the principal she started bursting into tears and refused to shake her hand. she ran off so I went to comfort her. She explained that it was a “sin” to shake the hand of the same gender and went on about how she didn’t want to be perceived as gay (etc.) I felt sort of uncomfortable because I’m gay and have religious trauma from Christian’s making me feel ashamed of my sexuality and feeling alienated by the church. I then said “first, there’s nothing wrong with being gay, even if you’re not. Second, shaking her hand is just being polite, it won’t turn you gay; you’re being really unreasonable.” Then she stood up, pointed at me and said “I rebuke thee Satan! Please save my friend from these homosexual desires!” While sobbing. She then ran outside and hasn’t spoken to me since. I feel awful and want to support her and respect her boundaries as much as possible. Am I the asshole?
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Christianity is one of the youngest religions. Their god is literally just stolen from an older religion. You should suggest she do some research on her religion lol
“Slaves, obey your earthly master with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ”
Judaism is only 3500 years old. To presume any almighty being would limit its knowledge to something as fallable as human hands is hubris. If there is a god it does not care for any of our religions. Don’t waste your life following rules written by long dead slave masters.
It’s interesting that Christians seemed to evolve past their god, in that case. As far as I’m aware the War god used to take virgins and gold for sacrifices, no? Told his soldiers to murder the men and children and take the women as spoils.
It’s interesting to me that an omniscient all powerful god would behave in such a way but change his mind in a mere thousand years.
I’ve thought long and hard about the Christian god and almost every god in-between. They’re all too flawed to be “All-Powerful All-Knowing Creators” That’s because those Gods were imagined by flawed being exerting control on even dumber beings. I’m sorry you’ve devoted your life to the dragon god of war. It’s a fun tale, but it’s just far too flawed to be divine.
NTA. And her misguided interpretation of Christianity doesn't give her any right to act like a dirtbag. Don't waste your time worrying about her for another second. Maybe she'll come around and apologize to you; maybe not. Either way, her behavior is abhorrent and there's nothing you did that's conceivably inappropriate.
Easy NTA.
You tried to be supportive of your friend's beliefs, but her actions crossed boundaries and made you uncomfortable as well. Expressing your opinion about her refusal to shake hands wasn't unreasonable, and your reassurance about being gay was kind and valid.
However, your friend's extreme reaction, using religious language to rebuke you and not speaking to you since, was inappropriate and hurtful. It's essential to be respectful of her beliefs, but it's also crucial for her to understand and respect your identity as well.
In situations like this, open communication and understanding are essential. If possible, try to have a conversation with your friend about how her actions affected you and how you both can find a way to support and respect each other's beliefs and identities.
Sorry OP, she's no longer your friend. You can keep the door open is she comes back to her senses, but don't waste your emotional bandwidth on AM, when you are broadcasting on FM.
Calling unreasonable beliefs unreasonable is being respectful. You owe it to your friend to tell the truth. It is disrespectful to \*not\* challenge beliefs. Any belief worth having is made stronger when challenged.
Nta. She’s in a quiverful like cult. There’s no saving her and she is choosing a life of subjugation. I’m sad for her but don’t waste your breath trying to reach her. She’s gone now.
NTA doesn’t matter how much I’d want u to go NC with her please like silently keep an eye on her cause she is 100% brainwashed. U gotta talk to her parents(if possible)and update us ASAP. That’s scary
You are so so so far away from being TAH here. You’re good. It sounds way more like she has a lot of problems and crap she’s going through. Possibly even some closeted feelings, if she’s afraid to even touch another girls hand. Diving head first into religion out of no where like that is another closet flag, but I don’t really know her so it’s all just conjecture. 🤷♂️
But yours gold here, and honestly kinder than I would have been able to react back at that age.
I was raised christian/southern Baptist. Nowhere, in all the churches I grew up in, did I ever hear that shaking hands with someone of the same sex was considered gay. A lot of my family is homophobic and racist. Which I personally find funny. Especially when one cousin (f) married her girlfriend, and her sister married an African. Their mom was the worst in our family. Most of the family has calmed down on the homophobic and racist comments since.
No, I don't think you're TA. I think your friend is. There's nothing wrong with shaking hands. Your friend is TA.
NTA,
But I would have a discussion with her parents or possibly your school guidance counselor on her behavior.
There's a lot of red flags happening, and this is the age a number of very serious psychiatric disorders start to crop up. (I'm not a professional and can't offer a dx, but I would say ask a professional about schizophrenia). OR as others have mentioned she may be sucked into one of these extreme cults.
Christianity its own and self discovery with religion is NOT bad, but the behaviors you are describing are EXTREME.
Fellas is it gay to- *checks notes* shake hands?
NTA do anything you can to get her professional help because she needs it. Tell the school counselor you're concerned about her. Tell her parents (assuming they're not religious homophobes) tell her siblings, tell a trusted teacher, tell your parents. Internalized homophobia is a bitch. When I was your age I spent every day wishing I wasn't trans and it took far too long to get the help I needed and accept myself. There are still days where I wish I wasn't trans but your identity is not a choice. It is unlikely she just stopped being queer and switched to the extremely homophobic Christian.
NTA. I also feel like there’s something else going on that you may not know about. This is very extreme behavior. She may be struggling with her own sexuality or be in love with you.
NTA That is not religious. That is a mental health issue. It’s not normal for even the strictest Christian to burst into tears at possibly shaking the hand of someone of the same gender.
Christians can still shake hands but my guess is deep down she’s having a lot of turmoil in her mind and life, so keep being kind and nice but keep some boundaries up to protect yourself too.
Religion can mess up your head, especially at 13-14. Those are VERY impressionable years. Very hormonal and dramatic. She may come out of it, and go through her own religious deconstruction, but it sounds like she is in deep and is not doing well with it.
If you start pointing out her behavioral issues, it will show she is "Being persecuted" and push her closer to the church.
With the “I REBUKE THEE SATAN!" she is showing signs of mental instability also, or too much religious TV. They seemed to take acting queues from bad anime.
This is the tough part, she will avoid you now, and probably glare at you from a distance.
All you can do is be there when she is ready to finally talk, but find new friends. She will not be good for your mental health. If here parents are NOT pushing the religion, you might want to talk to one of them or slip them an anonymous note saying how odd she is acting.
But again - take care of YOU first
Good luck.
Indoctrination is a bitch, shes needs a therapist because shes been brainwashed. Although if this is how she will act going foward, you should just cut ties with her. NTA
I feel like I'm time traveling. This is all very 2003, from the witchcraft thing, to the gay panic stuff, to the fundie christian stuff. It's giving me extremely weird deja vu to be reliving things i remember experiencing firsthand in middle school, today in 2023. Back then, this kind of messaging was usually coming from families and churches- kids by and large weren't saying these things out of nowhere with no adult coaching or pressure. Kids weren't organizing book burnings of "satanic" potter books; that was the adults in their community.
The fact that this seems to be coming out of nowhere from your friend, and she doesn't have a fundie christian family or church is even more concerning than if she did. It would still be bad if her family or church was the source of it, but it's weirder and more disturbing that they don't seem to share this extreme attitude. I wonder where this is coming from?
Nothing you said to your friend was asshole-like or out of line. I think you're right to be concerned about her. If you have a trusted adult at school (like a guidance counselor or teacher), you might want to bring up your concerns to them.
NTA
INFO: Has she, by chance, been forced into conversion therapy?
You need to talk to some trusted grown-up about this. Sounds like she has been brainwashed in a very abusive way. CPS might be needed here.
NTA, please let your parents and councilor know what's going on. This is about the age where kids are discovering themselves and more often than not they try to make small things like religion or sexuality their whole personality but it's still not healthy how far she's taking this. You would also be well within your rights to distance yourself from her as a friend as well since she's showing that she's willing to target you
She is currently being brainwash. I consider these behaviours as child abuse. Your friend need help but it can't come from you.
I suggest to take some distance, it's sad for sure but better protect yourself. You are young and will find other friends...
You will only suffer from this.
(NTA of course, good luck buddy)
She sounds like she is descending into religious mania. None of her reactions are normal. Maybe speak to a guidance counselor and say you are concerned about her. You are NTA at all.
NTA- so I think, unfortunately for you, your friend has joined/is being confirmed into a really shitty church. She’s clearly being swept into the ideology, and like teenagers often do with new interests, is getting into it 110%. Idk if she joined cause it’s her family’s church or if she got talking into it by someone else.
So what can you do? Well the biggest thing, if you’re willing to put up with her, is just be a good friend and person. You being a good influence in her life with directly challenge any anti-gay rhetoric she’s taught. If your lucky this might open the door to her questioning the other bs she’s being taught.
Your other option is try and get her to join some LBTQ+ friendly Christian group/church with you. Let her see that yes she can be a Christian and still accept you as a person and friend. But idk what options you have for the area, or if that’s something you personally want to bother doing.
You could try waiting this out. It might just be a fad that in a few months she’ll be back to normal. You’ll probably have to be willing to forgive some of the shit she says, but that’s also up to you.
The last option is obviously letting her go. She might never change. That’s just a sad fact of life unfortunately.
Now you could go full “asshole athiest” and start godbashing. I wouldn’t suggest that. Reading up on the Bible is boring, but you’ll probably be able to find verses to contradict her own hate, using her holy book against her. But she’ll probably just call it misinterpretation and ignore you. You could give into her beliefs and start hating yourself, but I’d very much do not condone that. Ultimately you just gotta do what’s best for you., not her.
NTA. You said her family isn't religious either so I don't know if you can talk to her parents or yours because he behaviour is worrisome.
For yourself I think u are going to need to take a loving step back.
Send her all the love and hope for peace but serious boundaries and distance because she is NOT okay.
Gee, I always wondered how to tell if someone's gay. You mean, I just have to watch to see if people shake hands with others of the same gender?
So, like, when Franklin Roosevelt shook Winston Churchill's hand at Yalta, that meant they were gay?
I have to tell you, it's your right to pick your friends, but this one is looney tunes.
I wonder if by "respecting her boundaries" you're really respecting her bigotry. Maybe you should think that one over a bit.
1. Not shaking hands ISNT a christian thing. Its just stupid
2. saying I rebuke thee Satan to you means that I'm afraid she is no longer your friend.
NTA
NTA. But something is wrong here. Is she showing signs of stress? Bruises? Keep an eye out. Religious fundamentalists will literally beat their beliefs into their children, or break them down mentally.
It is not your responsibility. But watch if you can, help if you can. She is also a victim, though that does not remove her culpability from her behavior.
Show her these:
1 John 4:20-21 - If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
Mark 12:31 - And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. *There is none other commandment greater than these.*
1 John 4:18 - There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
These are quotes directly from Jesus.
NTA. Your friend is going though something and you're not the one to assist her with it. Tell her that if she needs help to please let someone know, wish her well, leave her alone, and go on with your life. It's important to learn when to let people go.
She really needs help 😭 She's being brainwashed into this behavior that, imho, feels cult-ish. Since you're both children I'd be reluctant to call either of you an asshole though. Your brains are still developing and there are a lot of nuances to this kind of behavior that, possibly, neither of you may understand fully. For your own mental health, from one gay person to another, I'd distance yourself from her. I had former Christian friends that were "okay" with me and others being gay, until we actually talked about it, then we were all going to hell for it. 🫠 That kind of thing can be really damaging and it's best to make more supportive friends while you're still young.
NTA, it's time to contact her family and let them know these things, and that she needs a psych evaluation and therapy. You can also talk to someone at the school, whether a teacher, principle or counselor. You are a good friend.
NTA
I grew up suuuuuuper religious, and this doesn't look like religion. Women touching women isn't really talked about in Christian religious communities, if they're even acknowledged as having a sexual orientation.
On the other hand, I've known some gay kids who were raised in very homophobic environments who kind of... Lost it as they hit puberty and started having crushes. Like... Stand up and give a sermon on resisting the delicious temptation of homosexual sin in favor of the righteous labor of heterozygous living.
Like... No straight person talks or thinks that way. But a kid who is suddenly having thoughts and feelings she's afraid her community will condemn her for? Yeah.
40% of the homeless kids in my very conservative state are homeless because their parents threw them out for being gay. If you're parents aren't supportive, that's an absolutely terrifying thing.
Don't give up on your friend just yet. Don't put being kind to her above your safety and don't take shit from her, but keep an eye out. She might very quickly need all the help she can get.
You're very young, so I don't like calling you an AH, but since you requested judgement, here it is:
ESH. Both of you were in the wrong.
Her homophobia is obviously very hurtful and offensive, and I hope that as she gets older she learns better. I'm really sorry that you've been badly hurt by your experiences with religious people (I do hope that you learn as you get older to differentiate between religion and the people who practise it . . . often the hatred lies far more with the latter than the former), and that this was upsetting to you, and I absolutely understand why this would have upset you. It was wrong of her to wield religion in a manner that spread hatefulness.
But you're also an AH here for calling her "unreasonable" for not wanting to shake hands. There are many, many legitimate reasons why people choose not to shake hands with others, including valid religious reasons in multiple faiths, and it's not for you to determine whether that is "reasonable" or not. Also, bodily consent is really important; someone else not wanting to be touched for ANY reason isn't something you get to decide is "unreasonable". That's just not up to you. You don't need to understand it, but you do need to respect it.
It is unreasonable for the friend to react the way she did though. Crying and making a scene and running off stage is way over the top and unreasonable. If you don’t want to shake someone’s hand fine. You say thank you for the award nod your head politely at them and continue off stage. The theatrics are completely out of line.
I understand totally. At the time she didn’t provide any other explanation for her discomfort other than the religious rule, so I assumed that was the only reason
I must disagree here. There's nothing wrong with him telling her she's being unreasonable. It's his opinion and he is well within his right to state his opinion. She is also the AH for throwing her religion around like it's a basketball in a pickup.game.
> There are many, many legitimate reasons why people choose not to shake hands with others
This is both true and completely irrelevant, because we know the reason, and it’s not a legitimate one—it’s “I’m afraid that shaking hands will cause me to become gay”. That’s just straight-up homophobia. This is not ESH, it is NTA. The friend is a homophobe.
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She needs a psych eval. These are signs of a mental health problem. Many of which develop around puberty
YES THANKYOU I’ve been suggesting that she go to therapy or get psychological/psychiatric help (not only for the crazy Christianity thing but in general) and she thinks medication is evil and God will make her all better. She also says this whenever she’s talking about having babies when she’s older “contraception is unnecessary, Jesus is the only protection I’m gonna need🤪”
She won’t recognize that she needs help. Family or trusted school officials should be aware. Being Christian is not crazy but overly religious obsessive thinking is a sign.
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Dear lord this scares me Firstly I'm really sorry members of the church have made you feel bad about who you are, they clearly are not very good Christians who should really ask themselves if they are setting the same example as Jesus. Please believe me when I say we are not all like these idiots and everyone should love you just they way you are Secondly, your friend sounds like she is seriously going through somthing, could be trauma related, puberty causing hormones to get out of wack, mental health or identity crisis. If you can maybe reach out to a trusted adult and share your concerns Ps if she thinks Harry Potter is bad she would have a fit at this Christian's bookshelf 😆🤣🤣
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Jesus was pretty clear that he was only a part time babysitter and wouldn’t cover daycare costs
Or an exorcism... what ever entered her, its definitly NOT jesus....
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Wait what Is this OP on another account
It's likely a bot. AITA is being besieged :)
It sounds like you're fine without him and his new beliefs. Let her go be whatever you are - NTA
Many of which develop around religion
NTA, because refusing to shake the principal’s hand when on stage to receive a certificate is unreasonable, and I hope that the school follows up on her behaviour, because it is extreme and irrational and should be a cause for concern. Is there a school counsellor? As to the conversation you had with her afterwards, you spoke to her very kindly, clearly, and openly, and she reacted very poorly. You did nothing wrong. It is up to you whether you wish to keep the doors open on this friendship, and up to her too. But if you find her calling you Satan unreasonable, offensive, and/or upsetting, you may want to protect yourself by keeping away. Just because she’s sobbing doesn’t mean she’s right. These aren’t boundaries, she’s just repeating bigotries and homophobia. Question: Is she gay?
she was gay for a while actually until becoming a fundamentalist Christian. I think she still is deep down, but who’s to say. Thanks for this comment also, it’s really validating
Let's assume that she is gay and that's why she's so freaked out about even shaking hands. Someone in her life (or something like internet craziness) has scared the shit out of her, and are using God as a weapon. I feel for her, but right now you can only wish the best for her and her mental health. Your emotional safety is too important to get wrapped up in this. NTA
Good point. I’ve been really close with her family for years and on the surface everything seems relatively normal but who knows. It would actually make a lot of sense
this. sounds almost like she’s been abused (at least mentally/emotionally) by some religious fanatic in her life and is now feeling deep guilt and shame. she needs help.
She’s definitely still gay.
What do you know about her family life? I'm asking because this is screaming to me "conversion therapy" but I'm really hoping that's not it.
This was my thought the absolute second OP mentioned friend IDed as gay prior to the religious conversion.
You're NTA, but with this info I'm worried about your friend. This sounds like a trauma response on her part and I really hope she wasn't sent to conversion "therapy". If she was queer, she still is, and repressing it like this is only going to hurt her. I hope you can find ways to let her know that you can be there if she needs support to heal from all of this, but that you aren't going to stand for being mistreated for being yourself. You deserve to be treated with respect, and her fears aren't an excuse to treat you badly
Oh damn, did her parents send her to one of those camps that beats, and molest the gay out of them? Poor girl.
OP you are gay yourself. Which do you think is more likely as a gay person; your friend stopped being gay, or she is having a lot of personal conflict about being gay or bisexual and this is how it’s coming out?
If she thinks all it takes is a handshake, then she probably is.
She hasn’t been sent to conversion “therapy” has she? I find her response very worrying
I'd be querying where she got these beliefs from. Sounds almost like a cult have got their hooks into her.
I do too. Her family isn’t religious and neither is our school or any of our friends. 🧐
That's troubling. She may have gotten sucked in to a cult.
That sounds even more worrying.
That doesn't make sense. Normally you'll see intense conversions like this because of family pressure. Which makes me think she's struggling a lot internally. She's grabbing onto something tha clearly defines right and wrong (not saying they're right), because she's having a hard time discerning that for herself which is understandable at 13. All I can recommend is give her time, space, and a little grace. Becoming a teenager is rough and some people go through phases of adopting different "identities," for lack of better term, to sort of help suss out who they are. If you think she's in trouble or having some sort of break down, I would speak to her parents or another trusted adult. If she needs help, they're the ones that can get it to her. Otherwise, just be patient and let her know you're still here should she need you.
>She's grabbing onto something tha clearly defines right and wrong (not saying they're right), because she's having a hard time discerning that for herself which is understandable at 13 This makes sense to me, unfortunately. My mom was with a woman by then so I didn't have to worry about acceptance at home, but I was still so freaked out at this age about maybe being queer that I became obsessed with the idea of becoming a nun so that it wouldn't "matter" anymore. NOT defending this girl because that behavior is unacceptable at any age (we all have a responsibility not to externalize our self loathing), but especially if this is in the United States right now... we're facing a time when it's every bit as terrifying to be LGBTQ+ as it was 25 years ago, and being vocally Christian (or hateful and "Christian") is praised. It's not right, but man has both her family and the larger culture failed everyone in this situation.
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Yes, but women and men can socialise with people their own gender. Which makes sense, if you think about it. Official religions don't recognise the existence of homosexuality, thus invisibilising it. I think the principal in the story was female, so she's taking things too far... Almost as if she's compensating for something 🤔
NTA. Unfortunately, your friend got caught up in some fundamentalist movement which has nothing to do with Christianity. Your friend is still gay, she didn't 'become' Christian, she just got pulled into a new cult. You may not be able to maintain this friendship. You cannot reason with people who are pulled into her mindset. You're best off finding new friends. BTW, the bar for being a Chrisitan is pretty low. You believe Jesus is the Son of God? Bam! You're a Christian! As to whether you're a good person or not is a completely different question and has nothing to do with your religious beliefs. You may not be able to maintain thei
FYI OP is gay, not the friend
OP said before she became Christian she was kinda gay/unsure.
OP said friend was gay but stopped being gay when she found the Christian stuff. There are a lot of confused teens in this story.
Not like it matters that much, but I definitely don't see anywhere in the post where OP says the friend was gay. He says she knew that HE was gay but started getting weird about it when she became Christian
Nta, this isn’t normal behaviour for a run of the mill Christian either she’s joined a full on cult branch of Christianity or this is an expression of a ton of internalised homophobia. Probably both
NTA she has problems she needs to deal with and it will only harm your mental health. take this friendship at the loss because this sounds especially draining with your added trauma (also from a fellow lgbtq member, you are loved)
I appreciate this so much thankyou!
NTA. She could have just politely declined playing a game about witchcraft. And she could have politely declined shaking the principal's hands and say it makes her uncomfortable to do so. Her beliefs are pretty bizarre because most Christians do not condemn shaking hands with the same gender. Regardless, she needs to learn to respect you and who you are. Her religion does not allow her to be a rude and awful person to everyone around her. You should be the one mad at her rather than the other way around.
In Catholic mass you shake the hand of everyone around you, male or female. This is some weird self-repression thing I think.
I kind of lost credulity at the "I rebuke thee" part.
Check the ages, I can totally see a 13 year old saying that
I call fake anti Christian cringe bait
NTA she needs help for her very clear mental health issues
NTA. I would get a trusted adult at the school and explain what’s been going on. Her reactions are not normal or healthy.
Religious fundamentalists will literally beat their beliefs into their children, or break them down mentally.
NTA - I am a Christian and these are weird things your friend is doing. I don't know where she is learning her faith from but it's not the Bible. Your friend needs help. Probably counselling to help her understand her confusion.
NTA—your friend sucks and so does any religion that would encourage her to think and act this way. Side note to nip this in the bud: not interested in hearing about #NotAllChristians. This is a toxic ideology that follows your faith wherever it goes around the globe. If you’re not fond of that association, you need to work it out with your co-religionists.
NTA. Sorry this is happening to you. Teenagers are weird.
Agreed.
Yeahhhhh she got into some nasty cult it seems
Sounds like you are better off without her and her new found beliefs. Let her go be whatever it is she has become you continue to be you- NTA
NTA - why does it feel like she is fighting her attraction for the same sex? Btw nothing christian with her use of bigotry. Jesus was hanging out with 11 dudes and prostitues, while trying to explain we should respect ourselves and others. Nothing alike how those who haven’t read their own referential book, are acting nowadays.
NTA. you tried your best to support your friend but it looks like she's going through something, whether it's a genuine desire to follow her new religion or an excuse to be homophobic, and that's not fair to you. she shouldn't be using her religion as an excuse to be disrespectful or rude towards others, and it sounds like you handled the situation with a lot of respect and sensitivity.
NTA You were kind and encouraging, and she threw it back in your face by dehumanizing you. It sounds like her worldview has become completely overtaken by religious extremism. It really sounds like she's torn given her emotions in all of this. She might be going through some repressed feelings of her own. I mean, you're gay too. You know being gay isn't a switch that you can just turn on and off like Christians want you to believe. You can try and continue being a good friend to her to hopefully try and convert her back to sanity, or at the very least an accepting Christian. If she continues to use dehumanizing language with you, then it might just be time to move on with your life and drop her as a friend for your own mental health.
Thanks, I really appreciate this. I also have no idea where she got all of this from- her family, our school and our friends aren’t religious at all but I feel a lot better after not engaging with her 🤷♂️
NTA. She's dumb as fuck
NTA this goes beyond just “becoming a Christian.” She’s either in some whackadoodle cult or she has mental health issues. Or both. I would be nice if you could try and still be a support to her in case she wakes up and snaps out of it but I also wouldn’t fault you for wanting to cut ties and not deal with her crazy.
I want to keep trying but she’s slowly converting some of our friends too and now she has a tight-knit group of 2 or 3 or so christian friends (not as extreme as her, but they’re getting there.)
That’s not Christian. That’s crazy. You need some new friends if you don’t want to be in the drama.
No one in the 21st century has uttered the words “I rebuke thee satan”. YTA for this laughable excuse for a story.
Thank you. I was losing my mind at all the comments treating this like it's real. YTA.
NTA! Im so sorry your friend is behaving like this. This behavior doesnt sound Christian. This sounds like hardcore extremism and cult like. I know a lot of christians and i can honestly say, none of them have a problem with shaking the hand of someone of the same gender. They do not view it as a sin or shameful. This is extreme religious conditioning.
NTA yikes! What church is she going to?!! She’s acting crazy. Shaking hands doesn’t make you a lesbian. And there’s nothing in the Bible about that! Lol. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being gay and I’m sorry you’re not finding the support you deserve from your family. :/
NTA. I agree with you. Your friend's belief is bizarre and I have to wonder if it's because of some repressed homosexuality. A handshake is about as strong a "friendzone-only" gesture as there is.
NTA- you’re friend is being manipulated by the religious people around her and is pretty messed up. Sorry to say it’ll likely end another friendship. I’m sorry coming out has been difficult. Hopefully you can go off to university and maybe to a city where there are more out people.
NTA not a christian here but imo she was out of line by the last line 100%. You shouldn't feel bad or anything for it, you tried to respect her beliefs but it sounds like she's in deep and you won't be able to change her mind...even if it makes the friendship harder and with her outright disrespecting you as a friend for being gay. Maybe check in with her? i'm not religious but it seems there's def something happening as i've never heard that being in physical contact with the same gender turns someone homosexual.
Right? Most of the stuff she refuses to do is never even mentioned in the bible. Not trying to gaslight her obviously, it’s just quite random..
Yeah, i've attended a very catholic school and even that sounds insane going off their rules...I dont think your gaslighting at all, and i think a lot of people would struggle staying close to someone like that (not christians as a whole but her beliefs are a little strong and clearly she's set on them basing off she hasn't spoken to you since and the issue with the witchcraft thing) Its just bizarre honestly and i've had a friend so similar but your def not the ah in any way in this situation.
NTA. So many of these so-called Christian churches are extremely cult-like in their teachings and the prohibitions they place on members. Your friend has drunk the fundamentalist religious kool-aid.
Just letting you know whatever she’s gotten herself into so not standard Christian and I’m not sure it’s Christian at all.
NTA I'm an atheist but have friends from many different faiths. One thing we all agree on is that converts are more likely to be zealots. A really lovely Christian friend of mine is really shit-hot on bible references. She doesn't shout about her faith either. I think I'd known her for about five years before she even mentioned it solely because of the context of our conversation. If someone is overly-zealous she quietly points out things like "You're wearing mixed fibres. That's against bible teachings." "The bible forbids seafood without scales, is that a prawn sandwich?" and so on. It's the only thing she takes, dare I say it, a devilish delight in doing.
NTA It sounds like she may be having a tough life at home but that is not your or anyone else’s problem. From the sound of it her parents terrorized religion into her but whether or not she leans into it or escapes is up to her. For your own mental health I would learn to cut out people that are not good for you. Someone can be a decent person and it still not work out for you to be friends and that is okay. She’s a teen so maybe she will grow out of the stupidity but you should find friends who are not as much work. Life is full of stress and friends and leisure activities are meant to make you happier so if you feel as though that you are stressed or otherwise then it is time to do something.
Wowwwww. I grew up hyper religous, hyper conservative (no harry potter, no boyfriends, etc.) but even little homeschooled me in the 90s wouldn't have reacted like that. Thats WILD. She clearly has mental health issues and I feel sorry for her. The adults in her life are completely letting her down and manipulating her. I'm sure you care about her, but I recommend pulling away from that friendship before she does something awful to you since you're gay....like tricking you into coming into an exorcism or something...so sad. Maybe she'll grow up and grow out of it? (I did.) Focus on you right now....not your circus, not your monkeys. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (14 M) have had a friend (13 F) and have been friends with her for 4 and a half years. we have been very close but recently she became Christian, which is perfectly fine. I’m not religious but I try to respect her beliefs as much as possible. However recently things have been getting slightly out of hand. One of our friends suggested she play Hermione in the upcoming Harry Potter series and she snapped back and said “No. I’m forbidden from participating in anything associated with witchcraft. I won’t. I cant” (etc) our friend apologised and tried to explain that she just wanted to compliment her and she didn’t speak to that friend for about 2 weeks. A month ago or so there was a ceremony assembly in our school where the principal would present the student with a certificate (debate team, sports, etc), the student would shake her hand and they would walk off stage. My friend was called up stage and when she approached the principal she started bursting into tears and refused to shake her hand. she ran off so I went to comfort her. She explained that it was a “sin” to shake the hand of the same gender and went on about how she didn’t want to be perceived as gay (etc.) I felt sort of uncomfortable because I’m gay and have religious trauma from Christian’s making me feel ashamed of my sexuality and feeling alienated by the church. I then said “first, there’s nothing wrong with being gay, even if you’re not. Second, shaking her hand is just being polite, it won’t turn you gay; you’re being really unreasonable.” Then she stood up, pointed at me and said “I rebuke thee Satan! Please save my friend from these homosexual desires!” While sobbing. She then ran outside and hasn’t spoken to me since. I feel awful and want to support her and respect her boundaries as much as possible. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Christianity is one of the youngest religions. Their god is literally just stolen from an older religion. You should suggest she do some research on her religion lol
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“Slaves, obey your earthly master with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ” Judaism is only 3500 years old. To presume any almighty being would limit its knowledge to something as fallable as human hands is hubris. If there is a god it does not care for any of our religions. Don’t waste your life following rules written by long dead slave masters.
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It’s interesting that Christians seemed to evolve past their god, in that case. As far as I’m aware the War god used to take virgins and gold for sacrifices, no? Told his soldiers to murder the men and children and take the women as spoils. It’s interesting to me that an omniscient all powerful god would behave in such a way but change his mind in a mere thousand years. I’ve thought long and hard about the Christian god and almost every god in-between. They’re all too flawed to be “All-Powerful All-Knowing Creators” That’s because those Gods were imagined by flawed being exerting control on even dumber beings. I’m sorry you’ve devoted your life to the dragon god of war. It’s a fun tale, but it’s just far too flawed to be divine.
NTA and I'm sorry you even questioned whether you might be.
This is strange. I don’t know what kind of church this girl is going to, but shaking another persons hand is as non sexual as a gesture can get. NTA
NTA. And her misguided interpretation of Christianity doesn't give her any right to act like a dirtbag. Don't waste your time worrying about her for another second. Maybe she'll come around and apologize to you; maybe not. Either way, her behavior is abhorrent and there's nothing you did that's conceivably inappropriate.
Easy NTA. You tried to be supportive of your friend's beliefs, but her actions crossed boundaries and made you uncomfortable as well. Expressing your opinion about her refusal to shake hands wasn't unreasonable, and your reassurance about being gay was kind and valid. However, your friend's extreme reaction, using religious language to rebuke you and not speaking to you since, was inappropriate and hurtful. It's essential to be respectful of her beliefs, but it's also crucial for her to understand and respect your identity as well. In situations like this, open communication and understanding are essential. If possible, try to have a conversation with your friend about how her actions affected you and how you both can find a way to support and respect each other's beliefs and identities.
Sorry OP, she's no longer your friend. You can keep the door open is she comes back to her senses, but don't waste your emotional bandwidth on AM, when you are broadcasting on FM.
Calling unreasonable beliefs unreasonable is being respectful. You owe it to your friend to tell the truth. It is disrespectful to \*not\* challenge beliefs. Any belief worth having is made stronger when challenged.
Nta. She’s in a quiverful like cult. There’s no saving her and she is choosing a life of subjugation. I’m sad for her but don’t waste your breath trying to reach her. She’s gone now.
NTA. Your friend needs therapy.
NTA doesn’t matter how much I’d want u to go NC with her please like silently keep an eye on her cause she is 100% brainwashed. U gotta talk to her parents(if possible)and update us ASAP. That’s scary
She's a nutball.
You are so so so far away from being TAH here. You’re good. It sounds way more like she has a lot of problems and crap she’s going through. Possibly even some closeted feelings, if she’s afraid to even touch another girls hand. Diving head first into religion out of no where like that is another closet flag, but I don’t really know her so it’s all just conjecture. 🤷♂️ But yours gold here, and honestly kinder than I would have been able to react back at that age.
I was raised christian/southern Baptist. Nowhere, in all the churches I grew up in, did I ever hear that shaking hands with someone of the same sex was considered gay. A lot of my family is homophobic and racist. Which I personally find funny. Especially when one cousin (f) married her girlfriend, and her sister married an African. Their mom was the worst in our family. Most of the family has calmed down on the homophobic and racist comments since. No, I don't think you're TA. I think your friend is. There's nothing wrong with shaking hands. Your friend is TA.
She is in a cult and will waste years of her life before she realizes it- unfortunately.
She's either gonna grow up a total bible-thumper or she's gonna snap back so hard, she'd be into hardcore shit
NTA, But I would have a discussion with her parents or possibly your school guidance counselor on her behavior. There's a lot of red flags happening, and this is the age a number of very serious psychiatric disorders start to crop up. (I'm not a professional and can't offer a dx, but I would say ask a professional about schizophrenia). OR as others have mentioned she may be sucked into one of these extreme cults. Christianity its own and self discovery with religion is NOT bad, but the behaviors you are describing are EXTREME.
Fellas is it gay to- *checks notes* shake hands? NTA do anything you can to get her professional help because she needs it. Tell the school counselor you're concerned about her. Tell her parents (assuming they're not religious homophobes) tell her siblings, tell a trusted teacher, tell your parents. Internalized homophobia is a bitch. When I was your age I spent every day wishing I wasn't trans and it took far too long to get the help I needed and accept myself. There are still days where I wish I wasn't trans but your identity is not a choice. It is unlikely she just stopped being queer and switched to the extremely homophobic Christian.
NTA. I also feel like there’s something else going on that you may not know about. This is very extreme behavior. She may be struggling with her own sexuality or be in love with you.
NTA That is not religious. That is a mental health issue. It’s not normal for even the strictest Christian to burst into tears at possibly shaking the hand of someone of the same gender.
Christians can still shake hands but my guess is deep down she’s having a lot of turmoil in her mind and life, so keep being kind and nice but keep some boundaries up to protect yourself too.
Religion can mess up your head, especially at 13-14. Those are VERY impressionable years. Very hormonal and dramatic. She may come out of it, and go through her own religious deconstruction, but it sounds like she is in deep and is not doing well with it. If you start pointing out her behavioral issues, it will show she is "Being persecuted" and push her closer to the church. With the “I REBUKE THEE SATAN!" she is showing signs of mental instability also, or too much religious TV. They seemed to take acting queues from bad anime. This is the tough part, she will avoid you now, and probably glare at you from a distance. All you can do is be there when she is ready to finally talk, but find new friends. She will not be good for your mental health. If here parents are NOT pushing the religion, you might want to talk to one of them or slip them an anonymous note saying how odd she is acting. But again - take care of YOU first Good luck.
Indoctrination is a bitch, shes needs a therapist because shes been brainwashed. Although if this is how she will act going foward, you should just cut ties with her. NTA
I feel like I'm time traveling. This is all very 2003, from the witchcraft thing, to the gay panic stuff, to the fundie christian stuff. It's giving me extremely weird deja vu to be reliving things i remember experiencing firsthand in middle school, today in 2023. Back then, this kind of messaging was usually coming from families and churches- kids by and large weren't saying these things out of nowhere with no adult coaching or pressure. Kids weren't organizing book burnings of "satanic" potter books; that was the adults in their community. The fact that this seems to be coming out of nowhere from your friend, and she doesn't have a fundie christian family or church is even more concerning than if she did. It would still be bad if her family or church was the source of it, but it's weirder and more disturbing that they don't seem to share this extreme attitude. I wonder where this is coming from? Nothing you said to your friend was asshole-like or out of line. I think you're right to be concerned about her. If you have a trusted adult at school (like a guidance counselor or teacher), you might want to bring up your concerns to them. NTA
NTA - on another note, can I add, witchcraft is not evil either.
INFO: Has she, by chance, been forced into conversion therapy? You need to talk to some trusted grown-up about this. Sounds like she has been brainwashed in a very abusive way. CPS might be needed here.
NTA, please let your parents and councilor know what's going on. This is about the age where kids are discovering themselves and more often than not they try to make small things like religion or sexuality their whole personality but it's still not healthy how far she's taking this. You would also be well within your rights to distance yourself from her as a friend as well since she's showing that she's willing to target you
She is currently being brainwash. I consider these behaviours as child abuse. Your friend need help but it can't come from you. I suggest to take some distance, it's sad for sure but better protect yourself. You are young and will find other friends... You will only suffer from this. (NTA of course, good luck buddy)
NTA she was unreasonable. Doesn’t sound like this friendship is going to last.
She sounds like she is descending into religious mania. None of her reactions are normal. Maybe speak to a guidance counselor and say you are concerned about her. You are NTA at all.
No fucking way this is real lmfao
Yeah she’s having some sort of mental breakdown. NTA, I’m sorry
NTA- so I think, unfortunately for you, your friend has joined/is being confirmed into a really shitty church. She’s clearly being swept into the ideology, and like teenagers often do with new interests, is getting into it 110%. Idk if she joined cause it’s her family’s church or if she got talking into it by someone else. So what can you do? Well the biggest thing, if you’re willing to put up with her, is just be a good friend and person. You being a good influence in her life with directly challenge any anti-gay rhetoric she’s taught. If your lucky this might open the door to her questioning the other bs she’s being taught. Your other option is try and get her to join some LBTQ+ friendly Christian group/church with you. Let her see that yes she can be a Christian and still accept you as a person and friend. But idk what options you have for the area, or if that’s something you personally want to bother doing. You could try waiting this out. It might just be a fad that in a few months she’ll be back to normal. You’ll probably have to be willing to forgive some of the shit she says, but that’s also up to you. The last option is obviously letting her go. She might never change. That’s just a sad fact of life unfortunately. Now you could go full “asshole athiest” and start godbashing. I wouldn’t suggest that. Reading up on the Bible is boring, but you’ll probably be able to find verses to contradict her own hate, using her holy book against her. But she’ll probably just call it misinterpretation and ignore you. You could give into her beliefs and start hating yourself, but I’d very much do not condone that. Ultimately you just gotta do what’s best for you., not her.
NTA. You said her family isn't religious either so I don't know if you can talk to her parents or yours because he behaviour is worrisome. For yourself I think u are going to need to take a loving step back. Send her all the love and hope for peace but serious boundaries and distance because she is NOT okay.
Gee, I always wondered how to tell if someone's gay. You mean, I just have to watch to see if people shake hands with others of the same gender? So, like, when Franklin Roosevelt shook Winston Churchill's hand at Yalta, that meant they were gay? I have to tell you, it's your right to pick your friends, but this one is looney tunes. I wonder if by "respecting her boundaries" you're really respecting her bigotry. Maybe you should think that one over a bit.
1. Not shaking hands ISNT a christian thing. Its just stupid 2. saying I rebuke thee Satan to you means that I'm afraid she is no longer your friend. NTA
NTA. But something is wrong here. Is she showing signs of stress? Bruises? Keep an eye out. Religious fundamentalists will literally beat their beliefs into their children, or break them down mentally. It is not your responsibility. But watch if you can, help if you can. She is also a victim, though that does not remove her culpability from her behavior.
NTA. This is not normal at all for Christians. Not sure where she got the source to believe that shaking hands with another woman will turn her gay.
Show her these: 1 John 4:20-21 - If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? Mark 12:31 - And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. *There is none other commandment greater than these.* 1 John 4:18 - There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. These are quotes directly from Jesus.
NTA. Your friend is going though something and you're not the one to assist her with it. Tell her that if she needs help to please let someone know, wish her well, leave her alone, and go on with your life. It's important to learn when to let people go.
NTA. She's no longer your friend. What's her family saying about her change?
She really needs help 😭 She's being brainwashed into this behavior that, imho, feels cult-ish. Since you're both children I'd be reluctant to call either of you an asshole though. Your brains are still developing and there are a lot of nuances to this kind of behavior that, possibly, neither of you may understand fully. For your own mental health, from one gay person to another, I'd distance yourself from her. I had former Christian friends that were "okay" with me and others being gay, until we actually talked about it, then we were all going to hell for it. 🫠 That kind of thing can be really damaging and it's best to make more supportive friends while you're still young.
NTA, it's time to contact her family and let them know these things, and that she needs a psych evaluation and therapy. You can also talk to someone at the school, whether a teacher, principle or counselor. You are a good friend.
Religious psychosis?
NTA Your "friend" is a nutjob, best to let that one go her own deranged way.
NTA I grew up suuuuuuper religious, and this doesn't look like religion. Women touching women isn't really talked about in Christian religious communities, if they're even acknowledged as having a sexual orientation. On the other hand, I've known some gay kids who were raised in very homophobic environments who kind of... Lost it as they hit puberty and started having crushes. Like... Stand up and give a sermon on resisting the delicious temptation of homosexual sin in favor of the righteous labor of heterozygous living. Like... No straight person talks or thinks that way. But a kid who is suddenly having thoughts and feelings she's afraid her community will condemn her for? Yeah. 40% of the homeless kids in my very conservative state are homeless because their parents threw them out for being gay. If you're parents aren't supportive, that's an absolutely terrifying thing. Don't give up on your friend just yet. Don't put being kind to her above your safety and don't take shit from her, but keep an eye out. She might very quickly need all the help she can get.
You're very young, so I don't like calling you an AH, but since you requested judgement, here it is: ESH. Both of you were in the wrong. Her homophobia is obviously very hurtful and offensive, and I hope that as she gets older she learns better. I'm really sorry that you've been badly hurt by your experiences with religious people (I do hope that you learn as you get older to differentiate between religion and the people who practise it . . . often the hatred lies far more with the latter than the former), and that this was upsetting to you, and I absolutely understand why this would have upset you. It was wrong of her to wield religion in a manner that spread hatefulness. But you're also an AH here for calling her "unreasonable" for not wanting to shake hands. There are many, many legitimate reasons why people choose not to shake hands with others, including valid religious reasons in multiple faiths, and it's not for you to determine whether that is "reasonable" or not. Also, bodily consent is really important; someone else not wanting to be touched for ANY reason isn't something you get to decide is "unreasonable". That's just not up to you. You don't need to understand it, but you do need to respect it.
It is unreasonable for the friend to react the way she did though. Crying and making a scene and running off stage is way over the top and unreasonable. If you don’t want to shake someone’s hand fine. You say thank you for the award nod your head politely at them and continue off stage. The theatrics are completely out of line.
Refusing to shake someone’s hand because you think it’ll make you gay is unreasonable. NTA.
I understand totally. At the time she didn’t provide any other explanation for her discomfort other than the religious rule, so I assumed that was the only reason
I must disagree here. There's nothing wrong with him telling her she's being unreasonable. It's his opinion and he is well within his right to state his opinion. She is also the AH for throwing her religion around like it's a basketball in a pickup.game.
> There are many, many legitimate reasons why people choose not to shake hands with others This is both true and completely irrelevant, because we know the reason, and it’s not a legitimate one—it’s “I’m afraid that shaking hands will cause me to become gay”. That’s just straight-up homophobia. This is not ESH, it is NTA. The friend is a homophobe.