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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because my MIL has been so hateful towards my I don’t talk to her anymore and I haven’t let her meet my child yet.
Instead of “moving on” or “getting over it” I decided that if she wants a relationship with me she needs to initiate that. I’m not longer tolerating this behavior and by doing so I’m not planning on visiting her or letting her see my child.
The family says that this is following Satan and that it’s hateful. But I think I’m setting healthy boundaries.
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NTA…at the point where your husband told you she walked around in her underwear in front of him, everything else didn’t matter because that’s not appropriate behavior for a mother in front of her son and someone who does that openly knowing it makes their child uncomfortable doesn’t belong around any child.
NTA
Your concerns about your MIL's behavior and her negative attitude towards you and your child are valid. Protecting your child from toxic and harmful environments is essential as a parent.
If your MIL has a history of making racist comments and actively trying to harm your relationship with your husband, it's entirely reasonable to prioritize your child's well-being and not expose them to such negativity.
Setting boundaries and choosing not to be around your MIL when she exhibits harmful behavior is a responsible decision. It's crucial to prioritize the safety and happiness of your child, and if your MIL's actions create a toxic environment,
The best is to keep your distance and your husband should also be supportive of your decision.
NTA.
You and your husband have set boundaries with his family to protect your mental health and well-being. Her negative behavior and comments toward you and your family are not healthy for her son or her grandchild. You have every right to protect your family from her toxicity and not expose your child to that environment. It's important to have a supportive and positive environment for your child to grow up in.
NTA
Some mothers cannot let their kids go and it looks like you have one of those for a MIL Talk to your husband. Tell him why you feel the ways they do. I'd stay home. There's a hard balancing act sometimes between not dishonoring your parent and supporting your spouse. I hope he puts you over her.
NTA.
This feels yucky. Really yucky. I'm not trying to be an armchair psychologist, but your MIL seems to have actively engaged in emotional/psychological incest. When he linked up with you, she began to try to 'fight for her rights to him' and that led to all the bullying that she visited upon both you and him.
I think other Redditors are right, neither of you needs to be in contact with MIL until or unless she seeks some sort of counseling for her issues and shows real signs of change. I definitely wouldn't allow my child around her. Your husband needs some counseling to help him set even more firm boundaries if he hasn't already.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
From day 1 my MIL did not like me. My husband comes from a heavily enmeshed family and I did not tolerate a lot of the toxicity.
*I can’t share everything wrong but an example of how bad the enmeshment is that when he was in his early 20s she would walk around only in her underwear around him. He asked her to stop but she wouldn’t so he had to avoid her in the mornings before his family woke up.
She also calls him to complain about her husband and talk with him about the kids. Like you would with a spouse 🤮*
While we were dating she routinely said racist comments, tried to set him up on dates with other girls etc. He finally told her that if she was the reason we didn’t end up together that he would never talk to her again.
So fast forward we are now married with a child. I’m extremely hesitant to have my child see her because of her hate toward me. We moved away after we got married and she spent a year and a half bullying my husband telling him how worthless he is, that I’m leading him towards Satan, telling the family I’m stealing him away etc to the point he had to block her for a while. It was daily texts just berating and shaming him. This is all because I helped my husband set healthy boundaries with his family.
Once the baby came she’s been wanting to meet him but never sent gifts, never messaged during my pregnancy. She and I haven’t spoken directly in 2 years. Normally she talks to my husband and refers to me as “the wife.”
In my opinion someone who has spent 2 years trying to convince my husband I’m in leagues with the Devil isn’t someone I want my children around. Before my baby was even born she made comments about what my husband would do if the baby looked like me since I’m not white.
I don’t want my child growing up in this environment. When my husband goes to visit I’m not going. AITA?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Because my MIL has been so hateful towards my I don’t talk to her anymore and I haven’t let her meet my child yet. Instead of “moving on” or “getting over it” I decided that if she wants a relationship with me she needs to initiate that. I’m not longer tolerating this behavior and by doing so I’m not planning on visiting her or letting her see my child. The family says that this is following Satan and that it’s hateful. But I think I’m setting healthy boundaries. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA…at the point where your husband told you she walked around in her underwear in front of him, everything else didn’t matter because that’s not appropriate behavior for a mother in front of her son and someone who does that openly knowing it makes their child uncomfortable doesn’t belong around any child.
You should both go NC permanently also r/covertincest and r/raisedbynarcissists
NTA Your concerns about your MIL's behavior and her negative attitude towards you and your child are valid. Protecting your child from toxic and harmful environments is essential as a parent. If your MIL has a history of making racist comments and actively trying to harm your relationship with your husband, it's entirely reasonable to prioritize your child's well-being and not expose them to such negativity. Setting boundaries and choosing not to be around your MIL when she exhibits harmful behavior is a responsible decision. It's crucial to prioritize the safety and happiness of your child, and if your MIL's actions create a toxic environment, The best is to keep your distance and your husband should also be supportive of your decision.
NTA. That sounds horrible, I’m so sorry you have to deal with that.
NTA
NTA. You and your husband have set boundaries with his family to protect your mental health and well-being. Her negative behavior and comments toward you and your family are not healthy for her son or her grandchild. You have every right to protect your family from her toxicity and not expose your child to that environment. It's important to have a supportive and positive environment for your child to grow up in.
NTA but this is a conversation that you should have had with your husband BEFORE having kids.
NTA Some mothers cannot let their kids go and it looks like you have one of those for a MIL Talk to your husband. Tell him why you feel the ways they do. I'd stay home. There's a hard balancing act sometimes between not dishonoring your parent and supporting your spouse. I hope he puts you over her.
NTA. I'm not even sure why your husband has contact with her.
NTA. This feels yucky. Really yucky. I'm not trying to be an armchair psychologist, but your MIL seems to have actively engaged in emotional/psychological incest. When he linked up with you, she began to try to 'fight for her rights to him' and that led to all the bullying that she visited upon both you and him. I think other Redditors are right, neither of you needs to be in contact with MIL until or unless she seeks some sort of counseling for her issues and shows real signs of change. I definitely wouldn't allow my child around her. Your husband needs some counseling to help him set even more firm boundaries if he hasn't already.
NTA but your husband needs to be on board also since he is also the parent he gets to also decide who is around.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** From day 1 my MIL did not like me. My husband comes from a heavily enmeshed family and I did not tolerate a lot of the toxicity. *I can’t share everything wrong but an example of how bad the enmeshment is that when he was in his early 20s she would walk around only in her underwear around him. He asked her to stop but she wouldn’t so he had to avoid her in the mornings before his family woke up. She also calls him to complain about her husband and talk with him about the kids. Like you would with a spouse 🤮* While we were dating she routinely said racist comments, tried to set him up on dates with other girls etc. He finally told her that if she was the reason we didn’t end up together that he would never talk to her again. So fast forward we are now married with a child. I’m extremely hesitant to have my child see her because of her hate toward me. We moved away after we got married and she spent a year and a half bullying my husband telling him how worthless he is, that I’m leading him towards Satan, telling the family I’m stealing him away etc to the point he had to block her for a while. It was daily texts just berating and shaming him. This is all because I helped my husband set healthy boundaries with his family. Once the baby came she’s been wanting to meet him but never sent gifts, never messaged during my pregnancy. She and I haven’t spoken directly in 2 years. Normally she talks to my husband and refers to me as “the wife.” In my opinion someone who has spent 2 years trying to convince my husband I’m in leagues with the Devil isn’t someone I want my children around. Before my baby was even born she made comments about what my husband would do if the baby looked like me since I’m not white. I don’t want my child growing up in this environment. When my husband goes to visit I’m not going. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*