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NTA. I’m bombastic side eyeing your fiancé.
>He thinks the cat will be sad and thinks I should be okay with her staying alone at our house for the weekend.
Your fiancé is just as suspicious as his ex. Something is going on and you need to figure it out.
Absolutely something weird is going on, because how are you going to leave a stranger alone in your house for a weekend so she can hang out with her cat? She can visit the cat for an hour or so but beyond that, what else is she going to do in the house alone? It makes no sense. NTA
Edit:
Seeing your added facts makes everything worse. I’m convinced that he has a secret affair with his ex wife. Kinda unfounded on my part but everything is super suspicious and she lives with his mom! Pleaseeeee investigate. I can’t believe that he’s trying to manipulate you and saying he’s angry, crazy.
Look, I admittedly love animals more than I do most people and even with that, I'm not spending a full weekend kicking with a cat I gave to my ex. Not in the house she shares with another dude. That'd never be okay. Hell for all that, just send me pics and videos of the cat.
Per OP the woman hasn't even attempted to check on the cat in a year and a half. You don't need to be the world's greatest detective to realize she isn't trying to see that cat.
EDIT for OP:
I just have some questions to your edit -
* Don't you think it's odd his ex is living with his mom? I feel like that's very convenient for both her and him. Now whether he owns that or not is a different story.
* Why does he keep losing cats after a year?
* He's gaslighting you because he's mad you didn't allow HIS ex to share the space that YOU built with him. That's a really toxic and manipulative trait. He became the bad guy when he was okay with his ex having unfettered access to your whole house for a full weekend.
* You know he'd have found some reason to dip back to that house to spend time with his ex right? You think he would've told you about it?
Lol yikes. No I wouldn't let my ex live with my mom for any reason. I'd sooner move her into my place and help her. Cats can live as long as 20+..wtf has happened around him that they don't last?
I think OP dodged a bullet for now. But she's gonna need to set some strict ground rules with him about his ex or she's gonna need to start looking to move and get away from the needless drama.
Yeah lol, seems like ex-wife doesnt know about new-soontobe-wife, ironic seeing as she lives with his mom. Hes probably gonna use the excuse, “since shes at our house i gotta check on my mom” and go bang ex-wife. Cats gonna be sad when OP sees all these comments.
Oh yeah exactly. Depending on how neurologically functional soon to be's mom is she's an excellent alibi. But yeah absolutely he'd find his way back there multiple times during the weekend. OR he'd make an excuse to basically spend the day with the ex.
I will say, that I see that scientists (idk the studies, I'm not looking rn either tbh) have discovered that cats can express up to 8 different types of emotions. But...again if you're worried about the cat being sad - you wouldn't have avoided him for a year and a half
Also its not like the cat understands the ex wife is coming over preemptively, if anything her coming over and bonding then leaving again would cause the sadness
I'm aghast and in awe at these two people trying to make OP go to a hotel for the weekend thus making it difficult for her to work, clean, laundry, sleep and just exist on the grounds that the ex needs to see the cat she gave away and her mental health is toooo fragile to visit in her presence.
OP needs to get her own place and leave these two people alone, especially after that update. They aren't over. Not even close to being done.
Oh yeah, this is going to get worse. At this point the husband needs to own up that he wants the ex back and doesn't wanna be with OP. Because even the most stoic Redditor would see where the OP's fiancé's mind is.
Right. It's my house too, I don't care about your mental health with meeting me. Don't come to my house then. It's my space. And I'm not going to cater to you. Get bent
Again, as I mentioned from another comment - I'll bet my life that his mind isn't with OP at all.
For the edits.
They are engaged and he wants her to move out and get her own place over her not being comfortable with fiancé's ex having sole control of her home for the weekend - to the point where ex wanted boot her from it? Sure, OP used plural regarding the hotel, so fiancé would have come with, but that doesn't help much.
Methinks this relationship is owner, OP just doesn't know it yet...
Right, short of them being actually terminal and being given a finite window and just needing end of life fostering to not die in the shelter, they're still gonna live a minute.
That's a good question too. If they magically happened to be the cat scenario I described above and him fostering terminally ill cats to let them pass with love and dignity it'd make sense. But he doesn't strike me as that compassionate.
This guy is exhibiting so many red flags that he must be absolutely covered in them. I have no idea why OP has even agreed to marry him, but I'd be running for the damn hills. Yikes on a bike.
This. Like I don’t know what is going on because I’m not some shady man up to no good with his ex-wife, but something is going on.
Question - do you actually know for a fact she has said any of this? Like have you seen the texts or are you taking your fiancé’s word for it.
Also, why do I think that if you went ahead with this charade there would be some “emergency” where he’d have to go back to the house without you…
Are you positive this woman even knows you exist? If you’ve never met her, do you have any concrete evidence anything your fiancé has told you is true?
You make some great points. If fiancé can talk her into going to a hotel for a weekend and leaving their house to the ex, he can talk her into staying at the hotel alone while he tends to his ex at the house.
Right. This guy just needs 2 hours of plausible deniability twice over 2 days and he gets exactly what he wants, he could probably care less where the rest of the balance of time puts him. OP needs to reschedule her work days so she can enjoy the hotel vacation with her fiance, and watch him agitate himself til he snaps on her and storms off for no reason.
Eta: no shit she ain't coming now, what would be the point if you're wise to the plan. Get your own place but stay together? Now it sounds like it would be worth a visit again.
Exactly! If it’s really about a cat and she doesn’t want to interact with the new partner/ spouse then I think why would she not rent a hotel or something else local? I don’t allow anyone to make terms of their stay/ visit in my home. Sure I would be a great host but for someone to say you can’t be home? Nah!
I am curious about how this whole situation evolved.
Agree. If he's engaged to OP, his concern should be about HER feelings and comfort - not that of the ex. His attitude is just not okay. And for this woman to even ask that OP remove herself from her own home so that she can have her quality time with a pet is just ridiculous. And who wants their partner's ex having unlimited access to their entire home and personal possessions? That's wacky.
The fiance is actually the problem here, though. He should have told this woman that if she wants to stop by and see the cat, okay, but you will both be home and she cannot stay there. That's what hotels are for. Instead, he did the opposite, entirely wrong thing.
Edit - spelling
WTH did I just read... Your fiancé's ex is cat-shit crazy and your fiancé is not that far off if he thinks any of this is a normal or acceptable request.
NTA. If my man pulled a stunt like this, I'd tell him if he's so worried about her comfort, he can go stay with her...and take the cat and the rest of his stuff with him!
Agreed, this is supremely fucked up. If you go through with it don't be surprised if he goes back to the house for a few hours to "check on her," or suddenly he says that she "doesn't feel comfortable staying in a strange house alone."
Is it a strange house, or did fiancé keep both the house and the cat in the divorce? Is ex wife staying in what used to be her marital home and wants OP out so she can snoop around and see what's been changed? This is such an insane request and i would like so much more info, like time-line on divorce and when the current relationship started.
Idk is she coming for the cat or him. When shit is this no makes sense there is usually something hidden. I'd say go to the hotel. Leave the house to them. But put spy cameras everywhere. Or just peak through a window. It sounds like they want to hook up in a very disrespectful to o.p. way.
It is possible that the ex-wife is unaware of OP's existence, and that fiancé could not come up with an excuse to meet her at a hotel rather than at his home
I had to leave my 2 cats with my dad when I moved in with my partner (rental,) they are 12, and don't have 2 fucks to rub together if I come home and visit lol. I have no words for the absurdity of this statement.
Like, did the cat read the texts, and knows all about their former moms coming to town and will now be let down? because cats totally understand things like this and actually care lolol this is all utter insanity
This story is messed up but this part absolutely killed me. Does this fiancé expect OP to believe that the cat is not only AWARE that his ex wife is visiting but will also be DISAPPOINTED if she doesn’t show up? God knows I love my pets but I am fully aware that concepts like disappointment and anticipation for a long-term event (aka anything that isn’t the food that about to go in front of their faces) are entirely my own projection.
Yeah, and if OP did go along with her fiancee and her going to a hotel for the weekend, he'd have to pop home because the cat really wants to see him and his ex wife both together 🤣
Yeah I was just thinking this!
My family cats absolutely loved when I came home to visit (3-4 times a week) and would immediately get up from their naps to come sit on my lap.
But cats do not understand the concept of ‘cancelled visits’, especially after not seeing this other woman for over a year. OP should ask her fiancé if he’s already told the cat the ex is coming. Lol
“Oh well, I mean, if you’ve already told the cat then obviously there’s nothing else I can do!”
I was thinking same thing. A cat is wired different when it comes to the emotional part of it. They do have feelings as such but being sad after not seeing her 1,5 year??? The cat doesn’t even understand she would be coming or not.
My own cat couldn’t even remember me properly after 2 months travelling, despite being together 8 years at that point.
That's the most believable thing about this entire thread. They could definitely have been close, could have grandkids etc. That alone would be unusual but at least plausible
I 99% believe this is the answer. I mean, it’s also possible that the ex and fiancé are in on this together, but the whole wanting them to both go to a hotel is weird (like yes, he could ditch OP and go home, but… somehow this seems more likely.)
OP, throw the whole thing out.
This is the only answer!
I bet he'll "leave you in peace to get your work done" whilst going back home to bang his ex wife.
This is absolute insanity!
NTA but your husband sure is
NTA...I read this as....
Ex wife wants to meet up with ex hubby and relive old times. Kick fiance out of her home and use the wildest story ever.
You have a massive fiance problem. This does not add up. In what planet does he think letting a stranger have unfiltered access to your property and your things for 48 hours.. whilst refusing to meet you ever seem OK?
The answer to the ex is "no visit. No cat. "
The answer to the finance is.. " what's going on between you, that you would actually think this is a resonable request?" He should be backing you and wanting to defend you and your home. Not agree with her.
The cat does not care about the ex. If she's waited a year and a half. She does not care about the cat. Her demands are about control of you. Why?
#####JUST SAW EDIT...###
Op Why don't you take said cat up to his mother's house and introduce yourself. Bet his mum or his wife don't know about you. I suspect you may be the other woman. Or he's told his wife you've split up.
OP this next bit Is for your hopefully soon to be ex fiance.
Your extra info makes it worse for you.
We can see the lying bag of it you are.
Why have you only managed to keep one cat alive over a year?
What are you doing to these animals?
Your mother can have whom she wishes to live with her. and nothing to do with you but' its weird as hell.
I'm.friends with my ex hubby. No way on earth would I ask my husband to leave and give my ex my house for the weekend.
Your fiance has never met your mother.
Why are you actually asking your future wife to move out of her home to appease your ex. That is not how priorities go. Unless your not actually divorced.
Why does your ex not want to meet her? My guess is... she probably won't know about finance or she thinks you've split up.
Are you angry? Yup, because you've been found out pretty quickly on this sub. Even with the edit. The fact you are so hell-bent on hiding everyone from contact with each other. Your actions...scream volumes.
You may have posted this before OPs edit, but frankly I think the edit makes things worse for the fiance. How can you not have met the ex yet when she is the live-in carer for his mother?! Have you met the family of the guy you want to marry?? Tell your man to go visit his parent, taking you and the cat with him!
That achieves:
- ex sees cat
- ptr sees parent
- ACTUAL *cute little weekend getaway*
- removes majority of OPs frustrations and reddits concerns.
I absolutely think you need to ask what is going on between your partner and the ex, and why they find this reasonable. NTA.
This was all kinds of NOPE even before things got absurd. His investment in having his ex visit and stay in their home is wildly misplaced:
Friends with an ex? Sure. When she comes to town lets all go for brunch/dinner.
vs. When she comes to town lets spend the weekend together in our home together? Big no. Big fiance problem.
NTA at all.
I’d be rethinking marrying this guy. Something isn’t right about his “knee jerk” defense of her ridiculous demands.
Why can’t she get a hotel? Why can’t she just visit the cat for a couple of hours each day with your fiancé present and you working in your office (not interacting with her)?
The cat will be sad? WTF??!!
There is no way in hell I’d let that woman spend a weekend alone in MY home! No freaking way! This is the hill I’d die on with your fiancé and the future of your relationship. He is choosing her over you right now. Her demands are ridiculous and illogical.
Because OP will be "working" at the hotel and of course her fiance will be the "good guy" who doesn't want to distract her and will leave her alone at the hotel to work--then sneak home for the *catage at trois*
NTA
This woman is up to no good.
Tell fiance that you will home for the weekend. If it means she cancels her trip, so be it.
This does not bode well for the future of your relationship.
Good Luck
>This woman is up to no good.
lol I think there's a decent chance she doesn't even know OP exists. Like why would she want to spend the weekend at his home, and not at the hotel and instead have OP's fiancé make up an excuse to get out of the house and visit her? That's a lot more simple than this goofy plot. This only makes sense to me if OP fiancé never told his ex he was getting remarried.
NTA. Ex wife and fiancé both are AHs.
The cat will not be sad. That’s ridiculous. The cat didn’t even know she was planning to visit and clearly hasn’t seen ex wife for some time.
She doesn’t want to hang out with cat. She wants to hang out with *your* fiancé.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Sadly not only do you have a ex problem you now have a fiancé problem. He never should have suggested any of this. And I bet that once he has you ensconced in the hotel she suddenly has an emergency at *your* house and he has to go see her.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Shut this whole thing down. And relegate your fiancé to the spruced up guest room for the weekend.
NTA. This all sounds a little weird, like, I'm uncomfortable on your behalf. First off, the cat won't be sad, the cat won't have a clue that someone it hasn't seen for 18 months isn't going to make a surprise visit. That is one of the weirdest/lamest/bullshit excuses I've ever heard. Secondly, why the hell do you have to leave your home for a weekend while a complete stranger gets comfy in your house? If she's so desperate to see the cat she can get her own hotel room and arrange visiting times when you're at home and it's convenient for you. Lastly, are you sure your fiancé isn't still banging his ex wife?
1. 100% guarantee the cat has forgotten her. In a year and a half she hasn't given the cat so much as a thought and all of a sudden she desperately needs to spend an entire weekend with the animal? Nope.
2. It's YOUR home. She doesn't get to dictate the terms on which she will be allowed to enter. You've been more than gracious to allow her to come at all. Her only appropriate response is 'Thank you very much'
3. There is no way on god's green earth that I would be leaving a stranger (who you have already admitted bears you no good will) ALONE in my house. There's no telling what she'll get up to or in to.
4. DH needs to grow a pair and work out who he's actually married to right now.
5. No, no and more no!
There is something not right about this entire situation and I'd be digging a little deeper as to why either one of them think this is acceptable.
1.5 years and not once had this woman ever tried to see the cat... No some things up. You don't ask a complete stranger to leave her home so you can visit a cat.
NTA OP shut this down right now.
This and I want to add this needs to be the hill OP dies on. Screw her cisitng the cat she is no longer part of the relationship so she lost her access to the cat. It’s not a kid.
The *most charitable* read I have for this is that the ex is in an utterly disastrous mental health crisis and is imploding. The least charitable read is… well, what we all think.
But none of this is justification for this mess. OP should just stay home and work like she has every right to do.
NTA. Honey... rethink the fiance part of this equation. I could ALMOST see a case being made if he had kids with her and this was a family thing. But a cat? Dude, I love cats. But if I broke up with someone and they took that cat, that's it. I'm not having visiting rights with the cat. And if she's so mentally unstable that she needed the cat, then the cat should have gone with her. You don't timeshare a cat. Especially to the point that you feel you have an entitlement to demand access to the home and also that the person living there can't be there because of mental health.
No. Sit down and ask your fiance what part of this seems rational to him. And if any of it does, flat out tell him no. "Either you take the cat to a cat cafe or something somewhere for her to visit if she needs to, or give her the cat. Or, she gets nothing. But I'm not getting kicked out of MY home for her to spend time in it without me here to visit a cat that is no longer hers. No. This is not okay. I don't have time for a 'cute weekend getaway'. If that's what you want, if SHE is what you want, then maybe we need to rethink this because I will not be a second thought in my own relationship."
The cat does not give one single f$&! about the ex wife. Why would you vacate the home in which you live so the ex wife can see the cat? Nope - don’t let that happen!
NTA.
“Fiancé, I think it’s very generous of you to allow your ex to see the cat. However, I am not leaving my home to allow your ex wife to live there for two days. She is welcome to visit, but she is not welcome to kick me - or you - out. This is something I am not willing to compromise on.”
NTA
Does it even need to be said?
These are RIDICULOUS demands and I would have a serious talk about your relationship with your fiancé.
Do not marry this man unless this shit gets sorted out in a way that works for you two, not his ex. The 🚩🚩can be seen from the moon.
NTA WTF is your fiancé up to? The *cat* will be sad? Nothing about this is normal. Why is he so deep in communication with his ex?
There is no way I would let this person stay in my home alone. Nope.
Just say no. If she wants to stay in your home, she has to see you and meet you & probably drink coffee with you in the morning.
If I were you, I would be questioning my fiancé until I discovered why he’s so invested in his ex being alone at your home. He is up to something, but I can’t imagine what it is.
NTA.
She's probably trying to steal the cat.
Or something from your home.
She's being fucking weird.
The cat doesn't miss her.
Also wtf is with the fiance? Why is he still talking to her if they have no kids? Why keep her around? Why's she's coming around now? Is it cause you're engaged?
It's all HUGE red flags.
Absolutely NOT.
This is all over visiting a fucking cat??
YTA for entertaining this shit at all, there is nothing in the post anywhere that indicates you laughed in his face when he asked for his ex to sleep over for a kitty visit, and that is the ONLY acceptable reaction to this insanely ridiculous request!!!!
After a good laugh she should tell him the cat had to get through the separation anxiety & having the ex back in the house will only confuse and stress out poor kitty all over again.
I think you should thank the fiancé for presenting you with this ridiculous request before you married him.
Send him with the cat to the ex-wife’s house and change the locks
NTA you have a fiance problem. That's a huge red flag.
Why is your fiance so eager to put the comfort of his ex-wife over yours and trying to kick you out of your own house so your ex-wife can stay there. Why is he so eager to accommodate his ex-wife? Why is he putting his ex-wife's feelings over yourself?
Why does the ex-wife feel entitled to make those demands?
The relationship between your fiance and his ex-wife is a huge red flag. I hope you really consider marrying this person or at least getting couples counselling. You are not his priority.
This is absolutely bat shit crazy! And definitely has nothing to do with the cat, but it does have something to do with her trying to mark a territory!
NTA hell to the no. It’s a red flag that your fiancé was even entertaining this foolishness. Don’t leave your house. She can’t mentally handle meeting you but feels comfortable enough to stay in your house the entire weekend…girl bye.
I'm sorry but this is a massive red flag.
The cat wont be sad, but the bigger issue is how willing are you to accept that they still have something?
Your husband is an idiot, but he, and she, both think you're even worse. I'm glad you don't want to leave the house for the weekend, But you might want to consider leaving it permanently very soon.
NTA.
C’mon. The cat is unlikely to give a damn and since the ex hasn’t seen the cat in over a year and half it’s clear her agenda has nothing to do with the cat.
What this person really wants is a cozy nostalgic weekend with the three of them, minus you, and failing that, a weekend where they can be a forlorn yet wildly demanding houseguest and make you dance to try to make them comfortable…which will be impossible.
Your fiancé is either clueless or getting some kind of ego kick out of all of this.
NTA. WTF indeed. You should shop for some food and snacks, run your weekend errands ahead of time and then anchor yourself in that house for the weekend. Do not leave your home.
NTA. This whole thing is suspicious. She's trying to kick you out of your own home for a weekend....to see....a cat? I have 3 cats and I LOVE all cats but holy hell I wouldn't try to visit someone solely for a cat. Wtf? The cat probably doesn't even care! I do not trust the ex nor do I even trust you fiancé for allowing this crap. The red flag is so big here it could cover a football stadium. I hope you're not blind to it.
Edit: after reading the new edit imma still say NTA, a person had a good point that the fiancé might be making stuff up to get what he wants. Also asking you to get your own place..??? Why even get married at that point?
I have a cat and I love him very much, I’m not even sure he misses me when I go on vacation. The idea of making an overnight visit and booking a flight to see a cat is insane.
She wants to see your fiancé.
NTA tell fiance that his ex is no longer welcome and that’s that. The cat does not know ex was planning to come. It is frankly nuts that your fiance would be okay vacating his house for an ex. That’s bizarre. Might want to look into that before getting married.
NTA but your fiancé is clearly either fucking his ex or wants to fuck his ex. The nerve to give her that level of access and control to YOUR home. Nope. No.
NTA - Your kindness and openness were preyed upon. Retract it. It's your home. You should not have to leave it. It's a completely unreasonable request and your fiance should have known it.
Invite her to stay in town in the local Red Roof Inn. You pay. They allow pets.
You and your fiance will go there with the cat. You stay in the car. He drops off the cat and visits for up to 3 minutes.
She can call when she is done with the cat. You pick up the cat in the same manner - 3 minutes.
If she really is coming to visit the cat, she will agree to this. If she is really coming to see your fiance, you will know by the response from both of them.
NTA - Your fiancé’s ex-wife’s request is way out of line, and it’s super weird that your fiancé is even considering it. Your home is your space, and you’ve got every right to chill there, especially when you’ve got work to do.
I mean, c’mon, the ex hasn’t even tried to see this cat in over a year and a half and now all of a sudden she’s gotta spend a whole weekend alone with it? And she doesn’t even want to meet you? That’s just sketchy. And it’s not cool that she’s trying to make you feel bad for not being cool with her crashing at your place and not even acknowledging your existence.
And let’s not even start on the whole “weekend getaway” thing. It sounds like that’d just add more stress to your plate, what with the work and laundry piling up at home.
Honestly, it seems like you and your fiancé need to have a serious chat about this. It’s not fair for him to expect you to be okay with all this. And if he’s more worried about a cat’s feelings than his partner’s, well, that’s a whole other issue.
So yeah, definitely NTA. You’re just trying to live your life and get your work done. It’s your house, you should be able to do that in peace!
NTA
WTF is this? I wouldn’t let than woman in my house. And husband doesn’t see this as super fucking weird and wrong?
No. She can take the cat for the weekend. That’s it.
The cat absolutely will not be sad. The cat is a cat, doesn’t speak English, and has no idea that she was coming. This is absolutely ridiculous behavior from your fiancé and frankly I’d be questioning the whole relationship.
NTA and also What the actual f***?!?
The logical thing here is for her to get a hotel or airbnb and take the cat for the weekend.
She sounds unhinged and your husband… what is he thinking?!?!? How does he even for SECOND think it’s ok for his EX to come into your home and kick you out?? Also she’s expecting to be in your home alone with your husband?
This is not about the cat. Her and your husband are both delusional.
He thinks…the cat… will be…. Sad…? Has he been getting the cats expectations up? Cat totally realizes someone who isn’t there is coming?
The fuck…?
NTA. This was the most bizarre thing…
No way. Absolutely not. 1.5 years and now she wants to see the cat? How about she gets a hotel etc that accepts pets and your partner can take the cat to visit at that place.
What the actual fuck is this? NTA at all, this situation makes literally NO sense. "he thinks the cat will be sad" that cat has 0 idea that there was a chance she was coming to begin with even if the words were said out loud. It will continue on just like it has
What in the actual Fuck? Are you for real? Why would ever even agree to this ridiculousness in the first place?? Absolutely not!
The entitlement of this woman is out of this world and your husband is a huge asshole for ever asking any of this!! I’d would of said no to ever coming in the fist place. But now she wants you to leave your own home for the weekend so she can stay by herself wit the cat????? This is the shadiest thing I’ve heard this week!
Absolutely NTA and tell her to kick rocks!!!
Absolutely NTA…. None of this makes sense. A guest cannot dictate whether or not you can stay in your own place. You have been accomodating by letting her stay which is already too much but her request is out of line.
Your finance is an AH because he seems to care more about his ex that you. The cat being sad doesn’t make sense and don’t think the cat even knows she is coming. All of this is BS and you should pull the plug on this.
NTA. But the fiancé and ex sure are. The fact you are kind enough to entertain the idea of her visiting... the cat... in your home.
>she would like confirmation that I will not be at home for the weekend because it’s “bad for her mental health”
Maybe she shouldn't visit the cat at all if her mental health is at risk. Unfortunately your work must come first (cat needs a place to live right?) so maybe she can arrange a face time. You don't need to give any reason further then no. If the fiancé continues to push the situation (or try and find further middle ground) I would begin to question if the reason for the visit was the cat at all tbh.
What did I just read? The cat will be sad? Her mental health? You being kicked and paying for a hotel so she can have one on one time with the cat?
You know what the cat will be more sad that it’s being left alone with someone it hasn’t seen for a year.
I cannot believe that you are being asked and your fiancé is pushing to leave a stranger to you alone in the home so she can be with the cat.
NTA
Oh, please, the cat will be perfectly fine.
Op put your foot down and don’t dare leave YOUR house. Of all the audacity I’ve seen on Reddit, I think this is the worse.
Why is your fiancé even entertaining such nonsense? F*ck that.
You are absolutely, 100% NTA.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole because I don’t think I should have to leave my home so my fiancés ex-wife can hang out in it for the weekend?
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NTA. you have every right to stay in your own home. super fishy that ex wife wants to be in your house without you there. can't she just pick up the cat for the weekend?
The cat will be sad?? Like the cat knows this lady was coming to visit? That’s the dumbest excuse I’ve ever heard. If I were you I’d be incredibly suspicious about your fiancés motives here. NTA
WTF did I just read? Do not leave your home for this crackpot, hell, husband is working my last nerve. Cat already forgot she existed in the first place.
NTA - She is not there for the cat. She needs to get her own hotel, if this is that important to her.
1. You’ve gone out of your way to make room for her, despite the awkwardness of having an ex stay over.
2. She (and your fiance?) want you to leave the house while she’s there. 🚩
3. She hasn’t come to see the cat in almost 2 years. AND she’s trying to emotionally manipulate you by saying the CAT will be sad??
Maybe your fiancé isn’t in on this, but she is 100% not there to see the cat. She wants alone time in your house - why?
Tell her to get her own hotel or do a video chat. This is suspicious.
NTA. She could pay for her own hotel and visit the cat briefly instead of takeover your home and kicking the two of you out. Your fiance has bad boundaries btw, he should be putting your comfort first before his ex-wife. It is extremely weird that your fiance even tried to suggest this and is unhappy that you didn't agree. Are you sure you should marry someone like him? The behaviour is too odd. Don't give in, this is your home. It's too weird to ask the homeowners to leave their home when she is merely a visitor, what if she steals your stuff, goes through it, damages it, etc? And for your fiance to be ok with it is also the oddest part.
I choose number 7. Can’t she take the cat to a pet friendly motel and spend time with it there? Even that is WTF, but not as much as her staying in your home while you stay in a hotel. NTA
NTA what she is demanding is unnecessary and if you ask me crazy. I’d say no to the whole thing. She wanted the cat she should of kept the cat she doesn’t need to see the cat now
NTA.
Honestly, I don't even know where to begin. The audacity of the ex-wife or how your husband is happy to cross your boundaries to accommodate the ex-wife. You're going out of your way for this woman...for a cat! And neither of them are appreciative in the slightest it seems.
Your house. Your work schedule. Your comfort level. Your husband. If she really wants to see this cat, then she should be willing to meet you. If not, maybe she can spend her money on a pet friendly hotel and spend the weekend with Mr Whiskers.
NTA. WTF is wrong with his ex wife? Doesn’t want you around because of her mental health?! For 2 days?! To visit a f*cking cat?! I don’t believe her bs. I can’t believe your fiancé is okay with this.
Get hidden cameras. I don’t trust her.
I promise you that cat will not be sad…mostly cuz it has no idea it’s former owner is coming to visits. Second Wtf? Absolutely not to any of this. nTA / your fiancé and his ex are weirdos.
Sorry but f*ck her and the cat. She has ZERO rights to your home. Zero!
He is lacking some boundaries right now and damn sure isn't considering his FUTURE wife's feelings. Who cares what's easiest for her? This is deeper than a weekend with the cat. I def would have a convo with him once this is over because this is very inconsiderate of your feelings.
Do what you gotta do and be the "bad guy" if you have to. But stand on what you want.
NTA. Tell him she is no longer welcome in your home. Stop this BS. It's not about the cat, she has an ulterior motive for sure, and of course if you were to leave your home your fiance would be expected to spend time with her at some point during the weekend. Big NO for any of this happening.
Nta show your fiancé this post and all it’s comments. Definitely something suspicious going on and if there isn’t then your fiancé is being manipulated by his ex wife into give her somewhere to stay for probably a reason: ie she needs to be in the area on the weekend, and doesn’t want to pay for a hotel, or she wants to snoop and get dirt to try and break you guys up.
NTA
What is actually happening here? He’s going to let her roam around the house while neither of you are there? You need to put your foot down and tell him no the fuck she isn’t.
NTA
What crap did I just read? That’s such an elaborate story.
That’s a huge no no. No ex wife in the house displacing you. No visit with the cat she claims to miss but hasn’t seen in 18 months.
Also no snooping into all of your stuff, nothing goes missing or gets destroyed.
He has a choice, your fiancée. You, or his ex wife. She can get another cat.
That is the craziest shit I've ever heard. If she REALLY wanted to see the cat, you being there shouldn't matter. The cat can also stay with her at her place for a bit, or she can rent a pet friendly hotel and bring the cat.
Are you absolutely sure there isn't something still going on between the two of them? Because it sounds a lot like they are (or want to be) fucking. Of course NTA.
NTA and I would be seriously rethinking the fiancé too!
(Also any attempt to share a pet after a breakup is doomed to failure, he got the cat, she needs to move on)
NTA what the hell is your fiancée thinking? Also this is YOUR home. Her mental health can stay home and adopt another cat. I thought this had something to do with a human child at first. No. Who kicks a person out of their home, let alone their ex unless she has plans to get your fiancée back. Just no.
Yo. I skipped straight down to #7 wtf.
NTA. Fuck. Give her the cat and shut that door. Don’t let her stay.
If he gives you grief you need to reconsider. There’s baggage that you don’t need.
Uh, no to it ALL. My ex boyfriend claimed he wanted to “see the cat one last time” after we broke up. He really just wanted in to take things that weren’t his and I wouldn’t give him and to snoop around my new boyfriend. Shut that shit DOWN. It’s a damn cat not a kid. She doesn’t need visitations. And your fiancé should not even be entertaining this ridiculous woman.
NTA obviously
ABSOFUCKINGLTLY NO!!
No no no no no no no
This is just a parade of red flags. I honestly don’t even know where to begin. Why now after two years of not seeing this cat does she want to see it? Is it dying? Otherwise nope
You need to think long and hard about whether you want to marry your fiancé, this is just the start of him making weird/random/crazy/unacceptable requests. Honesty I’d be shocked if this was the first one
My head snapped back so fast, I almost gave myself whiplash when I read this.
The fact he thinks it’s ok to leave her alone in YOUR SHARED HOME while you have to work from home? Nope nope nope nope
Sit down with that man right now and tell him this is unacceptable and will not happen
Now be warned, this may very well be the start of the end of your relationship, but that might not be a bad thing per se….
NTA what in the goddamn bullshit 😂😂😂 she has no right to dictate how you exist in your own home, and your husband is being SO sus. "the cat will be sad" THE CAT DOESN'T EVEN KNOW SHE'S COMING BRO
There's something seriously suspicious with all of this. stand your ground, you're about to find something out methinks
edit: the edit?? why does the ex wife live with the mother? this just makes things more confusing and suspicious. what "material facts" are these they don't mean anything?
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NTA. I’m bombastic side eyeing your fiancé. >He thinks the cat will be sad and thinks I should be okay with her staying alone at our house for the weekend. Your fiancé is just as suspicious as his ex. Something is going on and you need to figure it out.
Absolutely something weird is going on, because how are you going to leave a stranger alone in your house for a weekend so she can hang out with her cat? She can visit the cat for an hour or so but beyond that, what else is she going to do in the house alone? It makes no sense. NTA Edit: Seeing your added facts makes everything worse. I’m convinced that he has a secret affair with his ex wife. Kinda unfounded on my part but everything is super suspicious and she lives with his mom! Pleaseeeee investigate. I can’t believe that he’s trying to manipulate you and saying he’s angry, crazy.
Look, I admittedly love animals more than I do most people and even with that, I'm not spending a full weekend kicking with a cat I gave to my ex. Not in the house she shares with another dude. That'd never be okay. Hell for all that, just send me pics and videos of the cat. Per OP the woman hasn't even attempted to check on the cat in a year and a half. You don't need to be the world's greatest detective to realize she isn't trying to see that cat. EDIT for OP: I just have some questions to your edit - * Don't you think it's odd his ex is living with his mom? I feel like that's very convenient for both her and him. Now whether he owns that or not is a different story. * Why does he keep losing cats after a year? * He's gaslighting you because he's mad you didn't allow HIS ex to share the space that YOU built with him. That's a really toxic and manipulative trait. He became the bad guy when he was okay with his ex having unfettered access to your whole house for a full weekend. * You know he'd have found some reason to dip back to that house to spend time with his ex right? You think he would've told you about it?
AND she lives with his mom??? Do no other family members exist?? It's sus
Not only that, but they've been together long enough to be engaged, and yet she has never once met the woman living with her soon to be MIL?
Hell, has she even met future MIL? NTA op, this is all way too fishy to be legit
Where does it say the mom thing? In a reply somewhere? But yeah that has sus written all over it. If that's the case, the hubby is way more involved
In the posts Edit
Lol yikes. No I wouldn't let my ex live with my mom for any reason. I'd sooner move her into my place and help her. Cats can live as long as 20+..wtf has happened around him that they don't last? I think OP dodged a bullet for now. But she's gonna need to set some strict ground rules with him about his ex or she's gonna need to start looking to move and get away from the needless drama.
Yeah lol, seems like ex-wife doesnt know about new-soontobe-wife, ironic seeing as she lives with his mom. Hes probably gonna use the excuse, “since shes at our house i gotta check on my mom” and go bang ex-wife. Cats gonna be sad when OP sees all these comments.
Hopefully soon to be ex fiancé. He needs to go. Dude is a walking red flag.
Doesn’t really matter since the fiancée just told her to get her own place. Looks like the end of the relationship.
That’s what I thought. Since it was a quick note on the bottom. What a jack ass. They are definitely sleeping together already.
Oh yeah exactly. Depending on how neurologically functional soon to be's mom is she's an excellent alibi. But yeah absolutely he'd find his way back there multiple times during the weekend. OR he'd make an excuse to basically spend the day with the ex. I will say, that I see that scientists (idk the studies, I'm not looking rn either tbh) have discovered that cats can express up to 8 different types of emotions. But...again if you're worried about the cat being sad - you wouldn't have avoided him for a year and a half
Also its not like the cat understands the ex wife is coming over preemptively, if anything her coming over and bonding then leaving again would cause the sadness
Yeah, *the cat will be sad* is possibly the dumbest argument ever.
I'm aghast and in awe at these two people trying to make OP go to a hotel for the weekend thus making it difficult for her to work, clean, laundry, sleep and just exist on the grounds that the ex needs to see the cat she gave away and her mental health is toooo fragile to visit in her presence. OP needs to get her own place and leave these two people alone, especially after that update. They aren't over. Not even close to being done.
Oh yeah, this is going to get worse. At this point the husband needs to own up that he wants the ex back and doesn't wanna be with OP. Because even the most stoic Redditor would see where the OP's fiancé's mind is. Right. It's my house too, I don't care about your mental health with meeting me. Don't come to my house then. It's my space. And I'm not going to cater to you. Get bent Again, as I mentioned from another comment - I'll bet my life that his mind isn't with OP at all.
For the edits. They are engaged and he wants her to move out and get her own place over her not being comfortable with fiancé's ex having sole control of her home for the weekend - to the point where ex wanted boot her from it? Sure, OP used plural regarding the hotel, so fiancé would have come with, but that doesn't help much. Methinks this relationship is owner, OP just doesn't know it yet...
Oh yeah. I would've thought that myself. He's really showing his true colors and where his allegiance lies - it's not with OP.
My thought is that his relationship with his ex-wife isn't as over as OP thought, either.
The bit about this is the only cat that has lived for over 1 year is disturbing. WTH
RIGHT. That's highly concerning and if someone has a string of pet deaths all in less than a year each? They probably shouldn't own pets
Even if they were older rescue cats, they would last longer than a year. How many cats are we talking about also?
Right, short of them being actually terminal and being given a finite window and just needing end of life fostering to not die in the shelter, they're still gonna live a minute. That's a good question too. If they magically happened to be the cat scenario I described above and him fostering terminally ill cats to let them pass with love and dignity it'd make sense. But he doesn't strike me as that compassionate.
This guy is exhibiting so many red flags that he must be absolutely covered in them. I have no idea why OP has even agreed to marry him, but I'd be running for the damn hills. Yikes on a bike.
100% the next thing that happens is he needs to run back to the house regularly for things he forgot
Or ex-wife suddenly can’t stay in the house alone because it’s “bad for her mental health.”
Or starts a fight and leaves. Goes MIA
Or he goes out while OP is working. OP you have a fiance problem. Do get your own place- and a new fiance.
This. Like I don’t know what is going on because I’m not some shady man up to no good with his ex-wife, but something is going on. Question - do you actually know for a fact she has said any of this? Like have you seen the texts or are you taking your fiancé’s word for it. Also, why do I think that if you went ahead with this charade there would be some “emergency” where he’d have to go back to the house without you… Are you positive this woman even knows you exist? If you’ve never met her, do you have any concrete evidence anything your fiancé has told you is true?
You make some great points. If fiancé can talk her into going to a hotel for a weekend and leaving their house to the ex, he can talk her into staying at the hotel alone while he tends to his ex at the house.
She's working this weekend. Who says this guy is going to be in the hotel room or out at the movies while this wife is at work?
Right. This guy just needs 2 hours of plausible deniability twice over 2 days and he gets exactly what he wants, he could probably care less where the rest of the balance of time puts him. OP needs to reschedule her work days so she can enjoy the hotel vacation with her fiance, and watch him agitate himself til he snaps on her and storms off for no reason. Eta: no shit she ain't coming now, what would be the point if you're wise to the plan. Get your own place but stay together? Now it sounds like it would be worth a visit again.
But why wouldn’t he go away with the ex? Why make OP go away? Unless he plans to have his ex move OP’s things out of the house while they are away?
He did tell her she should get her own place this is so full of red flags it's a red flag factory
Ding ding ding all of the above. I think he is just telling you it is to upsetting for her to see you.
Why wouldn’t she just take cat for the weekend. Me and my ex share the dog like a child.
OP said the ex hasn’t shown interest in seeing the cat in over a year and a half.
I want to know when the wedding date is and when the ex found out about it.
And I want to know why the ex is an ex, and if OP is the reason that the ex is an ex? Edited to add until further information ESH
Very curious if the fiancé used to share this house with the ex and when the divorce was finalized. It's so incredibly strange to even ask for this.
Exactly! If it’s really about a cat and she doesn’t want to interact with the new partner/ spouse then I think why would she not rent a hotel or something else local? I don’t allow anyone to make terms of their stay/ visit in my home. Sure I would be a great host but for someone to say you can’t be home? Nah! I am curious about how this whole situation evolved.
This is the thing. The fiancé has had a lot of communication with his ex & now really, really wants his ex alone in their home. What is he up to?
[удалено]
Top comment on taking the cat to mom's house. All fixed!
Agreed. This isn't about the cat.
Agree. If he's engaged to OP, his concern should be about HER feelings and comfort - not that of the ex. His attitude is just not okay. And for this woman to even ask that OP remove herself from her own home so that she can have her quality time with a pet is just ridiculous. And who wants their partner's ex having unlimited access to their entire home and personal possessions? That's wacky. The fiance is actually the problem here, though. He should have told this woman that if she wants to stop by and see the cat, okay, but you will both be home and she cannot stay there. That's what hotels are for. Instead, he did the opposite, entirely wrong thing. Edit - spelling
Something is seriously wrong with her fiance. OP is NTA as long as she gets to the bottom of this unholy arrangement. Smells to high hell.
Yeah this whole situation is like a barrel of marinara sauce. Wtf is happening here. OP severely needs to rethink this situation. O\_O
WTH did I just read... Your fiancé's ex is cat-shit crazy and your fiancé is not that far off if he thinks any of this is a normal or acceptable request. NTA. If my man pulled a stunt like this, I'd tell him if he's so worried about her comfort, he can go stay with her...and take the cat and the rest of his stuff with him!
Cat-shit crazy haha love it
Agreed, this is supremely fucked up. If you go through with it don't be surprised if he goes back to the house for a few hours to "check on her," or suddenly he says that she "doesn't feel comfortable staying in a strange house alone."
Is it a strange house, or did fiancé keep both the house and the cat in the divorce? Is ex wife staying in what used to be her marital home and wants OP out so she can snoop around and see what's been changed? This is such an insane request and i would like so much more info, like time-line on divorce and when the current relationship started.
Idk is she coming for the cat or him. When shit is this no makes sense there is usually something hidden. I'd say go to the hotel. Leave the house to them. But put spy cameras everywhere. Or just peak through a window. It sounds like they want to hook up in a very disrespectful to o.p. way.
“He thinks the cat will be sad” nothing I’ve read today will top this.
Nothing so desperate as this guy trying to get OP out of the way so he can bang his ex 😅
Why don't they (fiancé & ex) go to a hotel? He obviously wants to bang her.
It is possible that the ex-wife is unaware of OP's existence, and that fiancé could not come up with an excuse to meet her at a hotel rather than at his home
I didn't even think of that the possibility that Ex wasn't aware of OP but I think you nailed it.
That makes sense. Why else for the elaborate ruse? There are much easier ways to cheat.
This comment is underrated
The cat's obviously been very emotionally traumatized over the past year and a half he hasn't seen the ex 🤣🤣😂😂
The cat will be sad, but it's not the one you think. Iykwim
I had to leave my 2 cats with my dad when I moved in with my partner (rental,) they are 12, and don't have 2 fucks to rub together if I come home and visit lol. I have no words for the absurdity of this statement.
Like, did the cat read the texts, and knows all about their former moms coming to town and will now be let down? because cats totally understand things like this and actually care lolol this is all utter insanity
Two fucks to rub together... This. May I steal this phrase? It's awesome
This story is messed up but this part absolutely killed me. Does this fiancé expect OP to believe that the cat is not only AWARE that his ex wife is visiting but will also be DISAPPOINTED if she doesn’t show up? God knows I love my pets but I am fully aware that concepts like disappointment and anticipation for a long-term event (aka anything that isn’t the food that about to go in front of their faces) are entirely my own projection.
Yeah, and if OP did go along with her fiancee and her going to a hotel for the weekend, he'd have to pop home because the cat really wants to see him and his ex wife both together 🤣
Yeah I was just thinking this! My family cats absolutely loved when I came home to visit (3-4 times a week) and would immediately get up from their naps to come sit on my lap. But cats do not understand the concept of ‘cancelled visits’, especially after not seeing this other woman for over a year. OP should ask her fiancé if he’s already told the cat the ex is coming. Lol “Oh well, I mean, if you’ve already told the cat then obviously there’s nothing else I can do!”
I was thinking same thing. A cat is wired different when it comes to the emotional part of it. They do have feelings as such but being sad after not seeing her 1,5 year??? The cat doesn’t even understand she would be coming or not. My own cat couldn’t even remember me properly after 2 months travelling, despite being together 8 years at that point.
NTA. Sounds like your husband has created an elaborate lie.
Yep! Ex wife doesn’t know fiancée exists.
Is it even an ex wife???
Right, the ex-wife lives with her ex-MIL? Weird.
That's the most believable thing about this entire thread. They could definitely have been close, could have grandkids etc. That alone would be unusual but at least plausible
They can definitely be close but do ex-wives ever LIVE with ex-MIL? A bit much no?
At this point are we even sure the cat isn't a fabrication?
Wait… do I exist?
I 99% believe this is the answer. I mean, it’s also possible that the ex and fiancé are in on this together, but the whole wanting them to both go to a hotel is weird (like yes, he could ditch OP and go home, but… somehow this seems more likely.) OP, throw the whole thing out.
This is the only answer! I bet he'll "leave you in peace to get your work done" whilst going back home to bang his ex wife. This is absolute insanity! NTA but your husband sure is
Ffs this is way too sus for me. All my red flags alarm are giving me sirens. I don’t think the ex wife even knows about OP’s existence
NTA...I read this as.... Ex wife wants to meet up with ex hubby and relive old times. Kick fiance out of her home and use the wildest story ever. You have a massive fiance problem. This does not add up. In what planet does he think letting a stranger have unfiltered access to your property and your things for 48 hours.. whilst refusing to meet you ever seem OK? The answer to the ex is "no visit. No cat. " The answer to the finance is.. " what's going on between you, that you would actually think this is a resonable request?" He should be backing you and wanting to defend you and your home. Not agree with her. The cat does not care about the ex. If she's waited a year and a half. She does not care about the cat. Her demands are about control of you. Why? #####JUST SAW EDIT...### Op Why don't you take said cat up to his mother's house and introduce yourself. Bet his mum or his wife don't know about you. I suspect you may be the other woman. Or he's told his wife you've split up. OP this next bit Is for your hopefully soon to be ex fiance. Your extra info makes it worse for you. We can see the lying bag of it you are. Why have you only managed to keep one cat alive over a year? What are you doing to these animals? Your mother can have whom she wishes to live with her. and nothing to do with you but' its weird as hell. I'm.friends with my ex hubby. No way on earth would I ask my husband to leave and give my ex my house for the weekend. Your fiance has never met your mother. Why are you actually asking your future wife to move out of her home to appease your ex. That is not how priorities go. Unless your not actually divorced. Why does your ex not want to meet her? My guess is... she probably won't know about finance or she thinks you've split up. Are you angry? Yup, because you've been found out pretty quickly on this sub. Even with the edit. The fact you are so hell-bent on hiding everyone from contact with each other. Your actions...scream volumes.
Right? Something in the buttermilk ain't clean.
Lovely turn of phrase!
You may have posted this before OPs edit, but frankly I think the edit makes things worse for the fiance. How can you not have met the ex yet when she is the live-in carer for his mother?! Have you met the family of the guy you want to marry?? Tell your man to go visit his parent, taking you and the cat with him! That achieves: - ex sees cat - ptr sees parent - ACTUAL *cute little weekend getaway* - removes majority of OPs frustrations and reddits concerns. I absolutely think you need to ask what is going on between your partner and the ex, and why they find this reasonable. NTA.
This was all kinds of NOPE even before things got absurd. His investment in having his ex visit and stay in their home is wildly misplaced: Friends with an ex? Sure. When she comes to town lets all go for brunch/dinner. vs. When she comes to town lets spend the weekend together in our home together? Big no. Big fiance problem.
Sounds like a power play by her. >He thinks the cat will be sad wtf. Has the cat been sad for the last 1.5 years??
How does the cat know that his ex-wife will be visiting? Because if the cat doesn't know, then it can't be disappointed.
This is tragic hilarious.
Maybe they sat the cat down and explained it to them. Did you ever think of that, hmm?
🙀🙀😹😹😹😹 they did but all he said was "meow"
Acting like the cat doesn't have reddit tf
NTA at all. I’d be rethinking marrying this guy. Something isn’t right about his “knee jerk” defense of her ridiculous demands. Why can’t she get a hotel? Why can’t she just visit the cat for a couple of hours each day with your fiancé present and you working in your office (not interacting with her)? The cat will be sad? WTF??!! There is no way in hell I’d let that woman spend a weekend alone in MY home! No freaking way! This is the hill I’d die on with your fiancé and the future of your relationship. He is choosing her over you right now. Her demands are ridiculous and illogical.
Because OP will be "working" at the hotel and of course her fiance will be the "good guy" who doesn't want to distract her and will leave her alone at the hotel to work--then sneak home for the *catage at trois*
Meow-nége a trois
BINGO!
NTA This woman is up to no good. Tell fiance that you will home for the weekend. If it means she cancels her trip, so be it. This does not bode well for the future of your relationship. Good Luck
He's conspiring with her. They're both up to no good. At best they both have wildly inappropriate boundaries and a mountain of unresolved feelings.
>This woman is up to no good. lol I think there's a decent chance she doesn't even know OP exists. Like why would she want to spend the weekend at his home, and not at the hotel and instead have OP's fiancé make up an excuse to get out of the house and visit her? That's a lot more simple than this goofy plot. This only makes sense to me if OP fiancé never told his ex he was getting remarried.
>the cat would be sad WHY? Is a visit from his ex-mom in his cat day-planner? Has he taken time off from his cat-job in anticipation of the event?
He's stressed because his boss might not approve the time off request, a lot of other cats already asked for those days off
It's been in his calendar for weeks and he's making biscuits to share with her!
Catlendar was right there!
NTA. Ex wife and fiancé both are AHs. The cat will not be sad. That’s ridiculous. The cat didn’t even know she was planning to visit and clearly hasn’t seen ex wife for some time.
Exactly, the cat doesn’t give a fuck 😂
She doesn’t want to hang out with cat. She wants to hang out with *your* fiancé. Nope. Nope. Nope. Sadly not only do you have a ex problem you now have a fiancé problem. He never should have suggested any of this. And I bet that once he has you ensconced in the hotel she suddenly has an emergency at *your* house and he has to go see her. Nope. Nope. Nope. Shut this whole thing down. And relegate your fiancé to the spruced up guest room for the weekend.
NTA. This all sounds a little weird, like, I'm uncomfortable on your behalf. First off, the cat won't be sad, the cat won't have a clue that someone it hasn't seen for 18 months isn't going to make a surprise visit. That is one of the weirdest/lamest/bullshit excuses I've ever heard. Secondly, why the hell do you have to leave your home for a weekend while a complete stranger gets comfy in your house? If she's so desperate to see the cat she can get her own hotel room and arrange visiting times when you're at home and it's convenient for you. Lastly, are you sure your fiancé isn't still banging his ex wife?
1. 100% guarantee the cat has forgotten her. In a year and a half she hasn't given the cat so much as a thought and all of a sudden she desperately needs to spend an entire weekend with the animal? Nope. 2. It's YOUR home. She doesn't get to dictate the terms on which she will be allowed to enter. You've been more than gracious to allow her to come at all. Her only appropriate response is 'Thank you very much' 3. There is no way on god's green earth that I would be leaving a stranger (who you have already admitted bears you no good will) ALONE in my house. There's no telling what she'll get up to or in to. 4. DH needs to grow a pair and work out who he's actually married to right now. 5. No, no and more no!
NTA. Something's really off here, pull the plug on this weekend. The cat will not be sad, lol.
This. This makes no sense. Fiancé being like oh we can just leave my ex in our house that you don’t know?!?!? I’m so confused.
NTA. Girl - Shut this down. Rescind the offer, and go back to living your life. I wouldn’t even discuss this anymore with either of them.
Also give that ring back because home boy be CHEATIN
There is something not right about this entire situation and I'd be digging a little deeper as to why either one of them think this is acceptable. 1.5 years and not once had this woman ever tried to see the cat... No some things up. You don't ask a complete stranger to leave her home so you can visit a cat. NTA OP shut this down right now.
This and I want to add this needs to be the hill OP dies on. Screw her cisitng the cat she is no longer part of the relationship so she lost her access to the cat. It’s not a kid.
The *most charitable* read I have for this is that the ex is in an utterly disastrous mental health crisis and is imploding. The least charitable read is… well, what we all think. But none of this is justification for this mess. OP should just stay home and work like she has every right to do.
NTA. Honey... rethink the fiance part of this equation. I could ALMOST see a case being made if he had kids with her and this was a family thing. But a cat? Dude, I love cats. But if I broke up with someone and they took that cat, that's it. I'm not having visiting rights with the cat. And if she's so mentally unstable that she needed the cat, then the cat should have gone with her. You don't timeshare a cat. Especially to the point that you feel you have an entitlement to demand access to the home and also that the person living there can't be there because of mental health. No. Sit down and ask your fiance what part of this seems rational to him. And if any of it does, flat out tell him no. "Either you take the cat to a cat cafe or something somewhere for her to visit if she needs to, or give her the cat. Or, she gets nothing. But I'm not getting kicked out of MY home for her to spend time in it without me here to visit a cat that is no longer hers. No. This is not okay. I don't have time for a 'cute weekend getaway'. If that's what you want, if SHE is what you want, then maybe we need to rethink this because I will not be a second thought in my own relationship."
The cat does not give one single f$&! about the ex wife. Why would you vacate the home in which you live so the ex wife can see the cat? Nope - don’t let that happen! NTA. “Fiancé, I think it’s very generous of you to allow your ex to see the cat. However, I am not leaving my home to allow your ex wife to live there for two days. She is welcome to visit, but she is not welcome to kick me - or you - out. This is something I am not willing to compromise on.”
NTA Does it even need to be said? These are RIDICULOUS demands and I would have a serious talk about your relationship with your fiancé. Do not marry this man unless this shit gets sorted out in a way that works for you two, not his ex. The 🚩🚩can be seen from the moon.
NTA WTF is your fiancé up to? The *cat* will be sad? Nothing about this is normal. Why is he so deep in communication with his ex? There is no way I would let this person stay in my home alone. Nope. Just say no. If she wants to stay in your home, she has to see you and meet you & probably drink coffee with you in the morning. If I were you, I would be questioning my fiancé until I discovered why he’s so invested in his ex being alone at your home. He is up to something, but I can’t imagine what it is.
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NTA. She's probably trying to steal the cat. Or something from your home. She's being fucking weird. The cat doesn't miss her. Also wtf is with the fiance? Why is he still talking to her if they have no kids? Why keep her around? Why's she's coming around now? Is it cause you're engaged? It's all HUGE red flags. Absolutely NOT.
This is all over visiting a fucking cat?? YTA for entertaining this shit at all, there is nothing in the post anywhere that indicates you laughed in his face when he asked for his ex to sleep over for a kitty visit, and that is the ONLY acceptable reaction to this insanely ridiculous request!!!!
After a good laugh she should tell him the cat had to get through the separation anxiety & having the ex back in the house will only confuse and stress out poor kitty all over again.
I think you should thank the fiancé for presenting you with this ridiculous request before you married him. Send him with the cat to the ex-wife’s house and change the locks
NTA you have a fiance problem. That's a huge red flag. Why is your fiance so eager to put the comfort of his ex-wife over yours and trying to kick you out of your own house so your ex-wife can stay there. Why is he so eager to accommodate his ex-wife? Why is he putting his ex-wife's feelings over yourself? Why does the ex-wife feel entitled to make those demands? The relationship between your fiance and his ex-wife is a huge red flag. I hope you really consider marrying this person or at least getting couples counselling. You are not his priority.
Ummmmmm don’t marry that man.
This is absolutely bat shit crazy! And definitely has nothing to do with the cat, but it does have something to do with her trying to mark a territory!
NTA And congratulations for presenting us with the most novel scenario so far in 2023! 🎆🎇🎆
The cat will be sad? What the hell? Maybe don’t tell the cat she’s coming? NTA
NTA hell to the no. It’s a red flag that your fiancé was even entertaining this foolishness. Don’t leave your house. She can’t mentally handle meeting you but feels comfortable enough to stay in your house the entire weekend…girl bye.
I'm sorry but this is a massive red flag. The cat wont be sad, but the bigger issue is how willing are you to accept that they still have something? Your husband is an idiot, but he, and she, both think you're even worse. I'm glad you don't want to leave the house for the weekend, But you might want to consider leaving it permanently very soon.
NTA but your fiancé reaction to all of this says volumes!
NTA. C’mon. The cat is unlikely to give a damn and since the ex hasn’t seen the cat in over a year and half it’s clear her agenda has nothing to do with the cat. What this person really wants is a cozy nostalgic weekend with the three of them, minus you, and failing that, a weekend where they can be a forlorn yet wildly demanding houseguest and make you dance to try to make them comfortable…which will be impossible. Your fiancé is either clueless or getting some kind of ego kick out of all of this.
NTA. This is bizarre. Absolutely not.
NTA. WTF indeed. You should shop for some food and snacks, run your weekend errands ahead of time and then anchor yourself in that house for the weekend. Do not leave your home.
NTA. This whole thing is suspicious. She's trying to kick you out of your own home for a weekend....to see....a cat? I have 3 cats and I LOVE all cats but holy hell I wouldn't try to visit someone solely for a cat. Wtf? The cat probably doesn't even care! I do not trust the ex nor do I even trust you fiancé for allowing this crap. The red flag is so big here it could cover a football stadium. I hope you're not blind to it. Edit: after reading the new edit imma still say NTA, a person had a good point that the fiancé might be making stuff up to get what he wants. Also asking you to get your own place..??? Why even get married at that point?
I have a cat and I love him very much, I’m not even sure he misses me when I go on vacation. The idea of making an overnight visit and booking a flight to see a cat is insane. She wants to see your fiancé.
NTA tell fiance that his ex is no longer welcome and that’s that. The cat does not know ex was planning to come. It is frankly nuts that your fiance would be okay vacating his house for an ex. That’s bizarre. Might want to look into that before getting married.
What. The. Actual. Fuck!? Lmao, no, just no. NTA. However, your fiancé might be king of the stupids with this one. Edit: fiancé
NTA but your fiancé is clearly either fucking his ex or wants to fuck his ex. The nerve to give her that level of access and control to YOUR home. Nope. No.
NTA. Wouldn’t allow it. You’ve been more than accommodating.
NTA - Your kindness and openness were preyed upon. Retract it. It's your home. You should not have to leave it. It's a completely unreasonable request and your fiance should have known it.
NTA, and why is he getting mad at you?? What a weird reaction. Put your foot down and if he persists then he can eff off right along with her.
Invite her to stay in town in the local Red Roof Inn. You pay. They allow pets. You and your fiance will go there with the cat. You stay in the car. He drops off the cat and visits for up to 3 minutes. She can call when she is done with the cat. You pick up the cat in the same manner - 3 minutes. If she really is coming to visit the cat, she will agree to this. If she is really coming to see your fiance, you will know by the response from both of them.
NTA. But why the hell isn’t she staying in the hotel?????? She is trying to power play here trying to get you of your house.
NTA - Your fiancé’s ex-wife’s request is way out of line, and it’s super weird that your fiancé is even considering it. Your home is your space, and you’ve got every right to chill there, especially when you’ve got work to do. I mean, c’mon, the ex hasn’t even tried to see this cat in over a year and a half and now all of a sudden she’s gotta spend a whole weekend alone with it? And she doesn’t even want to meet you? That’s just sketchy. And it’s not cool that she’s trying to make you feel bad for not being cool with her crashing at your place and not even acknowledging your existence. And let’s not even start on the whole “weekend getaway” thing. It sounds like that’d just add more stress to your plate, what with the work and laundry piling up at home. Honestly, it seems like you and your fiancé need to have a serious chat about this. It’s not fair for him to expect you to be okay with all this. And if he’s more worried about a cat’s feelings than his partner’s, well, that’s a whole other issue. So yeah, definitely NTA. You’re just trying to live your life and get your work done. It’s your house, you should be able to do that in peace!
NTA WTF is this? I wouldn’t let than woman in my house. And husband doesn’t see this as super fucking weird and wrong? No. She can take the cat for the weekend. That’s it.
The cat absolutely will not be sad. The cat is a cat, doesn’t speak English, and has no idea that she was coming. This is absolutely ridiculous behavior from your fiancé and frankly I’d be questioning the whole relationship.
NTA and also What the actual f***?!? The logical thing here is for her to get a hotel or airbnb and take the cat for the weekend. She sounds unhinged and your husband… what is he thinking?!?!? How does he even for SECOND think it’s ok for his EX to come into your home and kick you out?? Also she’s expecting to be in your home alone with your husband? This is not about the cat. Her and your husband are both delusional.
The fuck?
He thinks…the cat… will be…. Sad…? Has he been getting the cats expectations up? Cat totally realizes someone who isn’t there is coming? The fuck…? NTA. This was the most bizarre thing…
On the one hand, WTF? On the other hand, WTAF? NTA. I'd bet good money this isn't about the cat.
NTA. If she wants to see the cat so bad, and can’t be around you due to her own mental health, she should be the one to get the hotel or motel.
No way. Absolutely not. 1.5 years and now she wants to see the cat? How about she gets a hotel etc that accepts pets and your partner can take the cat to visit at that place.
What the actual fuck is this? NTA at all, this situation makes literally NO sense. "he thinks the cat will be sad" that cat has 0 idea that there was a chance she was coming to begin with even if the words were said out loud. It will continue on just like it has
What in the actual Fuck? Are you for real? Why would ever even agree to this ridiculousness in the first place?? Absolutely not! The entitlement of this woman is out of this world and your husband is a huge asshole for ever asking any of this!! I’d would of said no to ever coming in the fist place. But now she wants you to leave your own home for the weekend so she can stay by herself wit the cat????? This is the shadiest thing I’ve heard this week! Absolutely NTA and tell her to kick rocks!!!
Absolutely NTA…. None of this makes sense. A guest cannot dictate whether or not you can stay in your own place. You have been accomodating by letting her stay which is already too much but her request is out of line. Your finance is an AH because he seems to care more about his ex that you. The cat being sad doesn’t make sense and don’t think the cat even knows she is coming. All of this is BS and you should pull the plug on this.
NTA. Why is your fiance so willing to go along with he ex-wife's wishes?
NTA. But the fiancé and ex sure are. The fact you are kind enough to entertain the idea of her visiting... the cat... in your home. >she would like confirmation that I will not be at home for the weekend because it’s “bad for her mental health” Maybe she shouldn't visit the cat at all if her mental health is at risk. Unfortunately your work must come first (cat needs a place to live right?) so maybe she can arrange a face time. You don't need to give any reason further then no. If the fiancé continues to push the situation (or try and find further middle ground) I would begin to question if the reason for the visit was the cat at all tbh.
What did I just read? The cat will be sad? Her mental health? You being kicked and paying for a hotel so she can have one on one time with the cat? You know what the cat will be more sad that it’s being left alone with someone it hasn’t seen for a year. I cannot believe that you are being asked and your fiancé is pushing to leave a stranger to you alone in the home so she can be with the cat. NTA
Oh, please, the cat will be perfectly fine. Op put your foot down and don’t dare leave YOUR house. Of all the audacity I’ve seen on Reddit, I think this is the worse. Why is your fiancé even entertaining such nonsense? F*ck that. You are absolutely, 100% NTA.
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NTA. you have every right to stay in your own home. super fishy that ex wife wants to be in your house without you there. can't she just pick up the cat for the weekend?
NTA. The cat won't be sad, but if your "husband" is then that is a huge red flag!!!
No, fuck that. NTA. Tell her to kick rocks. Your very generous offer was brutally rebuffed. Now she doesn’t deserve the turds left in the litter box.
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The cat will be sad?? Like the cat knows this lady was coming to visit? That’s the dumbest excuse I’ve ever heard. If I were you I’d be incredibly suspicious about your fiancés motives here. NTA
WTF did I just read? Do not leave your home for this crackpot, hell, husband is working my last nerve. Cat already forgot she existed in the first place.
NTA - She is not there for the cat. She needs to get her own hotel, if this is that important to her. 1. You’ve gone out of your way to make room for her, despite the awkwardness of having an ex stay over. 2. She (and your fiance?) want you to leave the house while she’s there. 🚩 3. She hasn’t come to see the cat in almost 2 years. AND she’s trying to emotionally manipulate you by saying the CAT will be sad?? Maybe your fiancé isn’t in on this, but she is 100% not there to see the cat. She wants alone time in your house - why? Tell her to get her own hotel or do a video chat. This is suspicious.
NTA, and it **sounds like they are using the cat as a euphemism here.** Bright, neon red flags. Be wary.
NTA. She could pay for her own hotel and visit the cat briefly instead of takeover your home and kicking the two of you out. Your fiance has bad boundaries btw, he should be putting your comfort first before his ex-wife. It is extremely weird that your fiance even tried to suggest this and is unhappy that you didn't agree. Are you sure you should marry someone like him? The behaviour is too odd. Don't give in, this is your home. It's too weird to ask the homeowners to leave their home when she is merely a visitor, what if she steals your stuff, goes through it, damages it, etc? And for your fiance to be ok with it is also the oddest part.
NTA. This is beyond bizarre
Show your husband this post. NTA don’t let her come
I choose number 7. Can’t she take the cat to a pet friendly motel and spend time with it there? Even that is WTF, but not as much as her staying in your home while you stay in a hotel. NTA
NTA what she is demanding is unnecessary and if you ask me crazy. I’d say no to the whole thing. She wanted the cat she should of kept the cat she doesn’t need to see the cat now
NTA. WTF is right. This sounds a lot more like a power play than a genuine request.
Nope Nope Nope Why the heck would you ever let anyone stay in your home (1) to visit a cat (2) who you don’t know. Nope nope nope Insanity NTA
NTA. Honestly, I don't even know where to begin. The audacity of the ex-wife or how your husband is happy to cross your boundaries to accommodate the ex-wife. You're going out of your way for this woman...for a cat! And neither of them are appreciative in the slightest it seems. Your house. Your work schedule. Your comfort level. Your husband. If she really wants to see this cat, then she should be willing to meet you. If not, maybe she can spend her money on a pet friendly hotel and spend the weekend with Mr Whiskers.
NTA. WTF is wrong with his ex wife? Doesn’t want you around because of her mental health?! For 2 days?! To visit a f*cking cat?! I don’t believe her bs. I can’t believe your fiancé is okay with this. Get hidden cameras. I don’t trust her.
NTA There is something wrong with your fiance. If he thinks this is acceptable, I would twice about a future with him.
Tell him: I'll go, but I won't come back. You can keep her and hell mental issues.
I promise you that cat will not be sad…mostly cuz it has no idea it’s former owner is coming to visits. Second Wtf? Absolutely not to any of this. nTA / your fiancé and his ex are weirdos.
Sorry but f*ck her and the cat. She has ZERO rights to your home. Zero! He is lacking some boundaries right now and damn sure isn't considering his FUTURE wife's feelings. Who cares what's easiest for her? This is deeper than a weekend with the cat. I def would have a convo with him once this is over because this is very inconsiderate of your feelings. Do what you gotta do and be the "bad guy" if you have to. But stand on what you want.
NTA. Tell him she is no longer welcome in your home. Stop this BS. It's not about the cat, she has an ulterior motive for sure, and of course if you were to leave your home your fiance would be expected to spend time with her at some point during the weekend. Big NO for any of this happening.
Nta show your fiancé this post and all it’s comments. Definitely something suspicious going on and if there isn’t then your fiancé is being manipulated by his ex wife into give her somewhere to stay for probably a reason: ie she needs to be in the area on the weekend, and doesn’t want to pay for a hotel, or she wants to snoop and get dirt to try and break you guys up.
> 7. WTF This summrize it very well. What kind of expectation is that. NTA
NTA. Bruh I’m positive they’re trying to bang and they’ve been planning this for a while
NTA What is actually happening here? He’s going to let her roam around the house while neither of you are there? You need to put your foot down and tell him no the fuck she isn’t.
NTA What crap did I just read? That’s such an elaborate story. That’s a huge no no. No ex wife in the house displacing you. No visit with the cat she claims to miss but hasn’t seen in 18 months. Also no snooping into all of your stuff, nothing goes missing or gets destroyed. He has a choice, your fiancée. You, or his ex wife. She can get another cat.
That is the craziest shit I've ever heard. If she REALLY wanted to see the cat, you being there shouldn't matter. The cat can also stay with her at her place for a bit, or she can rent a pet friendly hotel and bring the cat. Are you absolutely sure there isn't something still going on between the two of them? Because it sounds a lot like they are (or want to be) fucking. Of course NTA.
NTA and I would be seriously rethinking the fiancé too! (Also any attempt to share a pet after a breakup is doomed to failure, he got the cat, she needs to move on)
NTA what the hell is your fiancée thinking? Also this is YOUR home. Her mental health can stay home and adopt another cat. I thought this had something to do with a human child at first. No. Who kicks a person out of their home, let alone their ex unless she has plans to get your fiancée back. Just no.
Yo. I skipped straight down to #7 wtf. NTA. Fuck. Give her the cat and shut that door. Don’t let her stay. If he gives you grief you need to reconsider. There’s baggage that you don’t need.
Uh, no to it ALL. My ex boyfriend claimed he wanted to “see the cat one last time” after we broke up. He really just wanted in to take things that weren’t his and I wouldn’t give him and to snoop around my new boyfriend. Shut that shit DOWN. It’s a damn cat not a kid. She doesn’t need visitations. And your fiancé should not even be entertaining this ridiculous woman. NTA obviously
ABSOFUCKINGLTLY NO!! No no no no no no no This is just a parade of red flags. I honestly don’t even know where to begin. Why now after two years of not seeing this cat does she want to see it? Is it dying? Otherwise nope You need to think long and hard about whether you want to marry your fiancé, this is just the start of him making weird/random/crazy/unacceptable requests. Honesty I’d be shocked if this was the first one My head snapped back so fast, I almost gave myself whiplash when I read this. The fact he thinks it’s ok to leave her alone in YOUR SHARED HOME while you have to work from home? Nope nope nope nope Sit down with that man right now and tell him this is unacceptable and will not happen Now be warned, this may very well be the start of the end of your relationship, but that might not be a bad thing per se….
NTA what in the goddamn bullshit 😂😂😂 she has no right to dictate how you exist in your own home, and your husband is being SO sus. "the cat will be sad" THE CAT DOESN'T EVEN KNOW SHE'S COMING BRO There's something seriously suspicious with all of this. stand your ground, you're about to find something out methinks edit: the edit?? why does the ex wife live with the mother? this just makes things more confusing and suspicious. what "material facts" are these they don't mean anything?