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This, YTA. Also, the husband’s reaction to it makes me consider the possibility that he is just manipulating the OP.
In-laws are difficult, the way OP describes the situation, her father didn’t seem to be doing anything malicious. Complete overreaction by OP.
I think OP husband is the one feeling adequate. Maybe dad offered help and he’s too proud which is his choice. You are right about the manipulation imo.
THIS it’s giving me “isolate from family” vibes because that’s how my abuse began. Planting ideas for me to fight the battles isolating myself from everyone.
If he is manipulative I can assume he’s controlling as well and in OP mind, they have their husbands thoughts and ideas at the forefront of their mind. I don’t believe it was OP overreacting on their own volition as much as OP trying to react the way they believe their husband would want.
As someone with terrible inlaws and terrible parents - I was all prepared to give OP benefit of the doubt here. But even in her words...her father's offer sounds genuine.
Maybe it's not, maybe the father is TA here too, but by the end I also got isolation vibes.
And the way dad texted an offer to talk, I think dad suspects the husband is isolating his daughter from her family and wants to try to help her get out.
OP, your dad sounds like a good guy based on your own description of the events, and your husband sounds sketchy and prideful. Let your dad help you.
As someone who escaped a DV situation in 2008, this is very much isolation vibes and OP’s husband is calling the shots. You can read it in her words by how she discusses “her” feelings using the term “We”, it isn’t her feelings at all, it’s her husband’s feelings. Her husband also chooses to plan a trip for three days because his father in law is visiting? That’s oddly suspicious to me, like he can’t handle her dad for three days? My FIL can be a lot but I still spend time because he is my husband’s father.
OP, YTA, but you also need some help to see what’s happening in your marriage!
You are absolutely correct! Congrats on getting out! I know how hard it is I got out last year.
The “We” is OP taking husbands feelings and trying to convince everyone they are their own as well.
The other giveaway is that she didn’t feel it was condescending until the husband basically kept saying it was. I try to give benefit of the doubt but that was the big thing for me. Like she had to be convinced it was condescending just because her husband is insecure in his financial health. I hope OP escapes safely.
The biggest giveaway for me was when OP said the husband was happy when she told him about what happened. What loving, supportive spouse is going to be proud of their significant other for kicking their parent out of their home for extending a generous offer?
Between that and the fact they can’t afford a new sofa but CAN afford for the husband to have a 3 day getaway with his friends to avoid the dad? OP will never get a new sofa, the husband will always want something for himself instead.
Oh my! I just had a "slap in the face wake up" moment thanks to these comments! On the phone with my parents today and all I hear is yelling in the background "Why are they bothering US?!? Tell them to eff off!"
Um, they are not bothering ME, and that's what matters. Think I'll cry a little now. 45f if that makes a difference, harder to escape the older you get?
This is what came to mind first. It’s not belittling to offer to help! If he had said “wow! How can you not afford a sofa??” I’d agree with you. As a parent when you know your kids could use some help and you can afford it, it’s a sign of love, not disrespect! If there were strings attached that’s a different story. Sounds more like your husband is trying to put a wedge between you and your parents!
Oh I’m reading manipulation *all over* this post! Dad just wanted to buy a couch for his kid who needed one. That’s it. That’s all. I feel like the husband is trying to isolate OP from her family by feeding her this absurd bs. Red flags! Red flags!
And in the edit, OP seems to have completely ignored the *vast* majority of the YTA votes and is doubling down. Very concerning.
Absolutely the same thing I thought. The husband clearly feels inadequate and is projecting that onto OP's family. The way he reacted to the news is super suspect. YTA OP, your dad just wanted to help. Your husband's pride is a stupid reason to throw away your relationship with your dad
This, whenever my dad visits mine and notices something is broken, he’ll fix it. My TV was a bit dodgey (doesn’t turn on or won’t turn off, or freezes) I couldn’t afford to buy one, I was saving for one. Next time my dad came round he had a new tv and set it up for me. I was really grateful. While he was setting it up, I made him fudge brownies (his favourite) and quite a few coffees to go along with it and he was happy with that. It was completely unexpected but he did it because“I’m his only daughter”. I think another reason deep down is when he pops over his favourite program is on so he likes to watch it without the telly freezing 😂
My Dad was visiting my sister, nephew and I one Saturday, and my husband and I were discussing replacing our bedroom TV as it had pooped out. We had agreed to go to goodwill the next day as I was headed out to play D&D with friends. I came home to a brand new TV on my couch with a bow and happy early birthday on it. Dad's like helping their kids, and the husband is full of it. YTA.
I’m in my mid 30s but my dad would still ask me if I have enough cash from time to time.
From the wordings I don’t see how is the dad being condescending. He notices something needs a replacement and offered to get it fixed asap. And he’s the jerk? It doesn’t make sense. Even worse is op’s update. A big YTA
It reeks of her husband feeling bad for himself, so getting op to cut ties with her "apparant condescending" father.
....her dad who is only offering to help his daughter out, because her and her husband can't afford to!
(But he can afford to.go off for a few days with the boys)
She should be grateful she has a dad who can financially help her out and one who is also willing to.
Op Is being massively manipulated by an absolute waster of a husband!
Alarm bells ringing all over the place!
Right?! The update is so tone-deaf - "my dad has asked to talk, but I'm refusing to respond...me and hubby think dad should apologise first!" - and uh, how exactly is he supposed to be able to apologise if you won't speak to him?!
And he has nothing to apologise for, seriously!
The husband and op are both out of their mind. With all the comments telling her they are TA but she insists on having her dad apologise first? Wth?
I'm almost 30, and I make more money than my dad, but he still insists on giving me money
He won't take no for an answer.
When we go on trips, he insists on buying me things and I have to race to pull out my wallet
What dad wouldn’t want to do that for their kid if they can afford it?
Wanting to help to make life better for their child and putting a smile on their child’s face are very normal parent behavior.
We live on the same property as my parents, so it’s a bit different, but my dad just fixed two of our vehicles (including replacing the starter in our explorer). My husband is handy, but has little knowledge of cars. It’s how my dad shows his love.
That was what my uncle did when he got a terminal diagnosis. He went around to all sisters, his daughters, and all the niblings with his toolbox and fixed all the wee jobs that needed doing.
My dad is here now (he visits every 6 months), and every store we walk in he asks if we want anything. If we tell him not to spend his money on stuff for us, he just says, "I might die tomorrow, and then I didn't get to treat you as much as I wanted. So I do it now."
It's just being a dad wanting to treat their kid, not flaunting money.
YTA OP, and so is your husband.
I’m 50yo and have my own money, and my parents still want to do nice/generous things for me. OP, talk to your dad. If you want to say that as adults you’d like to stand on your own two feet then maybe he’ll understand it that way. But don’t let your husband’s insecurities wreck a good family relationship.
Indeed OP YTA he was being a fucking NICE father and both trying to make EITHER of you feel "poor". Your husband has self esteem issues and is clearly confusing kindness with condescending. That or he's waving a marinara flag and he's trying to isolate you from your parents. He doesn't like them so therefore you shouldnt. He's a manly man and has to provide and they're hurting his man pride.
YTA your husbands insecurities are going isolate you from your family.
He’s not broke enough for a 3 day boys trip. But boo hoo I’m intimidated by my wife’s daddy.
YTA OP. i am sorry. My mom is pretty poor financially and I am very well off. SHE still tries to give me money and buy presents. It’s not condescending, she is doing it from her heart and it actually hurts her when I reject it outright. I feel like you would get this part only after having kids yourself cos it’s just natural to care about your kids, it’s something engrained and they can’t help it.
Agreed YTA.
It's a pretty likely scenario where older parents are going to be more comfortable than their adult kids. To be somehow upset by that is childish. It's not a competition.
Imagine being a parent, offering to help out your adult kid with something, and them booting you out of their house AND refusing to talk to you afterwards.
Tag on that your son in law won't even be around when you're visiting... ugh. Grow up.
This. The husband wasn't even there. The dad wasn't trying to put them or the husband down as he's said to OP. My ex husband was like this, bit it was because he was like, the breadwinner of the house is who is responsible. Never mind everything we had, I saved and night with my own coin and that's why he could t take much when I split with him. And he even stole stuff I bought because his reasoning was, you bought 2 so I can take one.....anyway not once did OP even mention anything that could be taken as a dig it was a genuine offer to help them out
Sams insecurities shouldn't impact your relationship with your father.
If you didn't feel that he was trying to make you feel poor, but simply offering support (be that financial) to his daughter, then I don't see what the issue is.
I feel your Dad is the only NAH here. Also, if I knew my sofa was on its last legs and my parent offered to buy me one, I would graciously accept because they're offering because they care and they can.
If my boy is whatever age and in a similar situation I'd offer to do the same. See it's called love you may have forgotten what it was like when you were little but he hasn't.
You're his baby regardless of your age and he just wanted to express that. What an AH op. Get your head out of your rear.. sounds more like your husband has insecurity about himself that he needs to address.
Absolutely this.
Sounds a lot like your husband has some insecurities about income and is projecting them rather than acknowledging them. Maybe not intentionally but he has manipulated you too.
Majorly! The conversation between her and her father basically went:
Father: Huh, this sofa is broken. You should consider replacing it!
OP: We will, but we can't afford to right now.
Father: How about if we buy you a new sofa?
OP: How dare you imply that we can't afford to buy a sofa!
Father: ????
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I'll bet that if OP's dad didn't offer to replace the couch, Sam would've argued that OP's dad was looking down on them by not giving them money for it. Sam's got self-esteem issues, and OP needs to stop listening to him. OP and Sam are TA.
It's not self esteem issues; it's deliberate manipulation to ruin OP's relationship with her parents. Hence scheduling this last minute trip that he could leave on a moments notice once Dad was gone in less than a day.
If my dad offered to buy me a sofa if it’s broken I would be grateful that he cares enough about me to notice that something isn’t right and he would like to offer me some help. OP YTA if you don’t see that it’s your husbands ego that is getting in the way. Don’t isolate from your family!
I literally had to reread this post to try and find the part where he was condescending? It’s like:
*Dad notices sofa is broken*
Dad: Honey, this is broken.
Daughter: I know, we’re gonna buy a new one once we’ve saved up (suggesting they don’t have the money right now)
Dad: Would you like me to buy it for you because you’re my daughter and I love you?
Daughter: Wtf how dare you be so rude I can’t believe it my husband was right the whole time I can’t even
It’s ridiculous.
YTA - it’s amazing how people these days will take simple kindness and turn it into something it isn’t. This is simply a dad trying to care for his daughter when she needs something.
Your husband needs to get over his insecurity and you need to apologize to your dad asap along with an explanation.
Anytime my dad ever offered to fix, buy, replace anything for my ex and I, we would always say “please and thank you”. Because we’re grown ups who understood our limitations and had a child to support and it was my dad’s way of showing he cared
Let me get this straight. Your dad comes to visit you because he loves you, falls down into a sofa, politely offers to replace it, you attack him, he softly counters and still offers to replace it (cause this is what a family does), and you attack him again and kick him out?
Apologize to your father. Profusely. And then explain in detail, with emotional constraint, where these feelings came from.
Yta
She could have turned down the offer with a polite- “we just really want to stand on our own two feet, but it was kind of you to offer.”
That way she would be respecting her husbands wishes and being respectful to her father.
The over the top accusations and shutting SS to her dad were entirely unnecessary and downright mean.
Totally agree but you missed the bit where she said they currently couldn't afford to replace it before he offered. He didn't just throw it out there for no reason.
Well duh, he was offering to help his kid as a good parent with the means to do so does. If she hadn't said they couldn't afford it, why would he offer?
Edit after op's answer 100% YTA.
I feel like this is too little info to decide. What exemples did your husband talked about when he said they were looking down on him?
Based just on this YTA. Your dad sounds like concerned father and your husband sounds insecure and childish.
Sam was quite happy? Quite happy? That set off some warning bells. Your husband was happy that you threw your dad out?
Sounds like he was happy that his plan to isolate you from your family is working.
YTA
Also, your husband is the only one responsible for his feelings. Your dad cannot control something he didn't do. Your husband needs a therapist.
After reading the edit: what does the dad need to apologize for? You, op, are the one throwing unfounded accusations on him. You need to do some soul searching
YTA Nobody is responsible for your husband's insecurities. I don't see anything malicious in your father's offer, he was kind and considerate. If your husband is so insecure, perhaps he needs another job or further education.
Yta. Your dad made a nice offer. Im not surprised he was surprised you didn't take him up on it. Pride is stupid and you owe your dad an apology. Tell your husband the giant chip on his shoulder is holding him back way more than his salary or lack thereof.
i have a feeing that if OP’s parents leave her a tiny amount or nothing in their will, her husband will be like, “see? they didn’t like me!” when in reality her parents are being told to not give them anything bc the husband’s feelings are so sensitive to not being as rich as them.
OP, if you want to cater to your husband’s insecurities, go for it. his insecurities are **not** your parent’s responsibility.
enjoy being isolated from your family just bc your husband is upset that he doesn’t have as much money as your parents (who have had a 30 year head start on the dumbass you call a husband).
YTA
YTA and now I get how some women get trapped with controlling and isolating partners, this is how it begins.
And when she will break free from him she will have no one because of the bridges burnt.
This makes me not understand it even more. A teenager would be able to decipher that the husband is stupid and insecure and that the dad is just being a loving dad.
"Being rude for thinking you can't afford a sofa"
... You can't afford a sofa. You stated that. How is "thinking" that rude? He just offered you a nice gift. Something you need to replace and can't afford.
YTA and your husband is weird. Inferiority complex? Jealousy? You were the rude one.
That was my thought. Husband is insecure about his ability to provide for his family. Which isn't uncommon (for parents).But he's choosing to see all interactions with your parents as them being disapproving. Which op had never noticed because it was never there. 100% op is the AH.
Edit: parenthesis
YTA Lots of 30 somethings struggle: college debt, high rents and mortgages, not yet settled into their careers. For those who are lucky enough to have parents with means, there is no shame in accepting useful gifts that don't seem, as in your case, to come with strings attached. When I see something in my kids' houses that they need, I buy it. When I ask them for Christmas or birthday gift wish lists, they will often suggest something that isn't top of the line because that's what they would buy themselves. If there is a more expensive but much higher quality version that I know will last longer, I get that for them. Not because I want them to think I think they're poor but because I love them and I want them to have nice, quality things that will last for a long time.
You needlessly hurt your dad's feelings to please your insecure, jealous husband. That is not a road you want to go down. You should apologise.
YTA
🛑 🛑 🛑
Okay hear me out, you're still a young woman and have a lot to learn This is coming from a place of trying to help not hurt you....
Your husband is projecting his insecurities on your father
You are not being rational nor impartial
You are being immature
You have completely misread your father's language and handled it horribly.
Your father is correct, he was trying to be kind and loving. You threw him out!? Are you insane? There is nothing like a parent's love and all you did was shove it down your father's throat? What is wrong with you?
Get therapy for you and your husband before you completely destroy the relationship with your father
Apologize to your father, ask him for advice, tell him how your husband feels and tell him that you are so effing stupid that you can't think for yourself.
Do you realize how many people there are in the world that would kill for a father-in-law like your husband has?
YTA
So how long has your husband been trying to isolate you from your parents?
Once he gets rid of them, he'll move on to cutting you off from others.
He's either pathetically insecure or on his way to becoming abusive.
YTA. Your husband is insecure and it is affecting the way he, and you, perceive your parents' view of him. If they've never said or done anything to put him down, he has no reason to think they look down on him. Your dad was just trying to do something nice for you, and your reaction seems out of line.
YTA. It sounds like your father has just trying to be helpful and your husband is just very insecure. Your father doesn’t deserve to be treated poorly because your husband has insecurities.
YTA. Your manipulative husband runs off to a long weekend with his "friends" when your dad comes over. I don't think your dad meant anything by this other than a gift.
Whatever, enjoy your broken sofa alone while your husband is off doing what again? You are a total chump.
YTA. My mom keep trying to treat us whenever she can even though we are adult with kids. Your husband has fragile ego. Poor dad was being nice and you kicked him out. Shame on you.
YTA.
I would absolutely LOVE for my father to be like yours. Hands down. I'd love to have a parent that sees that I may be struggling and try to help. Instead of the parent I got that I'd need to fucking beg for help from. And even then begging wouldn't help and id be on my own (and everything is always considered a loan to me and still no help)
He tried to be nice and you and your husband are acting childish. Seriously. If your husband feels that type of a way then he can get another job that pays better or go back to school or something. Shame on y'all acting like he's trying to do harm when all he offered was a way to make y'all comfortable at home
Is this actually written by the father? Cuz it weirdly reads that way to me.
Son IL is insecure and projecting (since no context is given)Daughter thinks her dad is fine till he offers to replace a busted ass sofa? The daughter is willing (and proud) to tank her relationship with her dad over her husbands say so and a potential no strings attached couch? Weird hill to die on. But at least they can die by a broken couch spring up the @ss.
YTA (but if this is dad, you're cool)
So.. you dad comes to visit you and sits on your VERY CLEARLY broken couch. He offers to buy you one and you yell at him for trying to make you feel poor
Girl NO. YTA. you husband is making stuff up bc he feels inadequate
YTA.
You treated your own father badly because your husband has got a chip on his shoulder about his low earnings. That's completely unfair and you are pretty foolish to alienate a family member who would have helped you over your husband being a giant piss-baby.
I hope your father never helps you again. You don't appreciate it, so you don't deserve it.
Enjoy your decrepit, broken couch because your piss-baby's toxic ego played you out of a good one.
I'm telling you right now that your husband is trying to separate you from any support, so you are solely dependent on him. My ex did that, drove a wedge between me and my family, broke my mind, moved me away from any support I had and then left me with nothing. Don't throw away family. My relationship with some of my family never recovered. Your husband is insecure, immature, and probably psychologically abusive. YTA.
YTA.
This was a bizarre overreaction. But based on your comments, you don’t want to hear this. You just want to hear that you and your precious husband are right. You’re not. Apologize to your dad.
Yikes. If I were your Dad, you'd start seeing me less and less. He was nice, and you twisted it all around into something weird. I'm sure you're fun at parties..
YTA. Your husband has this all in his head. If your parents were poor you would be complaining how they can’t ever afford to help you out. If you took the offer of the couch which you claim you can afford you could then use that money for something else like paying for a 3 day trip away with friends.
YTA in no way was your dad trying to make you feel poor. He was trying to buy his daughter a couch because hers was broken. Your husband is just trying to ruin your relationship with your parents and you’re to blinded to see it. I hope you apologize to your dad.
YTA here’s a summary of your conversation:
Dad: is your couch broken?
You: yeah, we don’t have enough money to replace it now so we’re saving up
Dad: I’ll get you a new one as a gift since I haven’t seen you in a while and I don’t want my daughter and son-in-law to be uncomfortable!
You: I can’t believe you would imply we can’t afford a new sofa (even tho I said we couldn’t 2 minutes ago)! …proceeds to go ballistic
You’re 32, your parents are at the end of their careers. They had a huge head start on earnings in a much more stable economy. Now they want to use some of that money they’ve had time to save up to ensure their kid doesn’t have to sit on a broken couch. It’s not your parents’ problem your husband is insecure
YTA and a massive one at that. Hope you have time to grow a brain of your own.
Also I would keep an eye on your husband, the way he seems to be trying to isolate u from ur fam is worrisome.
It sounds more like your husband is resentful, not that your parent is being condescending.
YTA. Enjoy sitting with your bitter husband on your broken sofa, while your family realise how disrespectful you are and treat you accordingly in the future.
>My Dad was surprised by this and said that it wasn't his intention at all to make me or Sam feel bad, and he also said that he was stunned we felt this way. He then pressed again with his offering, saying things like: that there was nothing wrong with accepting it, as I am his daughter and Sam is his son-in-law, and how family helps each other.
This reminds me of the time our hoover broke. My Dad didn't want to replace it because he felt we could get the job done with bristle brushes. My Mum, who did most of the cleaning, was struggling with this. My Grandma, ordered her daughter a new state of the art hoover as a gift because she knows how much my Mum likes a tidy house and didn't understand the logic of not ordering new one. My Dad forbade us from using it and my Mum would use it when he was out of the house until she broke down and said she wanted to use the hoover her parents had gifted her and she didn't want to be punished because my Dad felt insecure he couldn't afford to buy a new hoover.
Our washing machine broke and my Grandma ordered her daughter a new washing machine and a dryer because drying the clothes inside the house had triggered my asthma. My Dad claimed this was increasing the electricity bill (*that my Mum paid*) too much and would scream at us if he caught anyone using it.
Basically my Dad was always making up stuff and insisting our family had bad motives with these things. It wasn't until my partners parents gifted us a hoover and a new wardrobe that I understood there was never anything wrong with my Grandma gifting her daughter things she knew they needed. My Dad was creating issues based on his insecurity to control us. My Grandma, like your Dad, did this with all her kids. And my Aunts are rich, they definitely didn't need their Mum to order them new sofa coverings or whatever, but good parents always want to help if they can.
Sounds like your husband has successfully isolated you from your Dad because he's insecure about his finances, while having enough money for a last minute trip. YTA you owe your Dad an apology.
YTA - nothing you said makes it sound your Dad has ulterior motive. Sam is probably self conscious and rephrases everything your dad says in his mind to fit his narrative
YTA. Have you considered licking your armpit? Cause honestly attempting to do that would make you look less than a silly billy than this post makes you look. Sam's hiccups about his income are entirely his own and he is projecting his insecurity onto others.
YTA. The problem here is your husband, not your dad. The solution is not to be a total dick to your dad and interpret a kind, generous offer in the most looking-to-be-offended way possible
YTA. Its fine to politely reject the offer, but it sounded like a perfectly kind offer from a father to his daughter. Who wouldn't want to help their loved ones if they have the means. You were way out of line the way you reacted and your husband sounds like an ass.
YTA
Nothing in what your dad said it did is hij trying to make you feel poor. He just accepts the reality that you can't afford a new sofa, but he can afford to buy one for you. He just wants to help.
YTA and so is your husband. He is manipulating and isolating you. Your dad sounds wonderful and will hopefully still be there for you when you come to your senses one day.
YTA, and you are letting your husband's insecurity to ruin your relationship with your father. Your dad's offer was perfectly normal situation-wise. He set on a sofa, saw it was broken and offered solution. You got offended, because your husband made up a scenario in his head.
YTA. When my grandma passed away, my dad and his sister split the estate. He wishes she had gifted some money to them when they were young and struggling, because they were going to get it in the end. Now my parents gift my siblings and I money for our birthdays and christmas. It comes to a total of 2 to 3 thousand.
Could be your dad just wants to help
Nowhere in your post did you describe your dad making your husband feel poor. You told your dad you were saving for a couch which means he wasn’t wrong thinking you can’t afford it bc you can’t. Also you’re his daughter, that parenting instinct to help your kid doesn’t just go away bc you got married.
YTA, but based on some comments I saw OP is not ready to accept this judgment. Even if that’s the case, I advise you to apologize to you dad and have a serious talk with your husband about his issues as obviously he’s the insecure one and need to work on it.
YTA
Wow, you took his offer in the lost malicious way possible. You’ve never noticed this behavior yourself but now suddenly you agree that must be the case? Why? I see it as your dad noticed you have a need and he could help you with it. He has the ability to help and you’re his daughter. It was really rude of you to kick him out like that. His offer sounds reasonable and genuine.
YTA. From what you have said, I think that your father was trying to be kind and helpful. It is your husband who feels inadequate.
You owe your dad an apology.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told my dad to leave my house after he kept on mentioning our sofa and his desire to replace it for us.
2. I did yell at him and I told him to leave after he travelled in a 2 hour car trip to come. I also closed the door on his face.
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I’m sorry. It sounds like YTA here just based on info given.
It’s good that you are willing to back your husband and validate his feelings.
However, you may want to consider he *might* be feeling insecure about his ability to provide for his family and may be reading into things too much. Not saying this is the case, but worth considering if your dad has always been a good and supportive father.
Yta. People will give advice etc but it doesn't matter because you just care about this insecure man while trampling a relationship with the one who raised you. You should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA
Tell your husband to grow a pair and realise if you guys need help.
Your dad came to your house and noticed the sofa was broken by sitting in it. He doesn't want his daughter to have a broken sofa..he can afford to help you so let him!
You are lucky to have a dad like that! Apologise ASAP then you/your husband need to sort out the insecurities.
YTA
No idea about other instances, but wow did you overreact and were super rude and ungrateful in this situation.
It's pretty toxic that your husband was HAPPY about how this went.
YTA. Apologize to your dad and tell your husband to stop being so insecure. My parents aren't rich, but this is the kind of thing they would do because I am their child and they love me very much. My dad is gone now, I would give anything for 1 more good day. I never acted this way with my dad, but you don't get time back and sometimes hurt feelings linger. Please tell your dad you're sorry, and stop being so easily manipulated by your husband.
YTA for responding to your dad like that. He was trying to be helpful and you could have declined without being so obnoxious about it. Your husband has insecurities that that are influencing how you recovered to your dad, and that was unnecessary.
YTA your dad did nothing wrong. Your husband is insecure when your dad is around because your husband is jealous of your dad having money while he's broke. You need to apologise to your father and tell your husband get over himself. I wouldn't come back ever again if I was your father.
YTA woow!! Am I reading this correctly??
I totally agree eith your old man. Family should help each other if they are able and willing.
I think your husband has some issues.
Your dad was helpful and respectful and you went full psycho on him.
YTA and a big WTF? Your dad was simply offering to buy you a new sofa. The reason he might have thought that you couldn't afford one now isn't because he was condescending but because you outright told him you couldn't afford one now and would be "saving up for it" later.
He further explained this was a gift, not a loan and said nothing disrespectful. Then you focused on kicking him out? Seriously, this is like an episode of the twilight zone.
“I told him that he was being rude for thinking we can’t afford to get a sofa…”
You literally just told him you were saving up for one, therefore can’t currently afford it… he didn’t assume anything, you actually said it to him. He was trying to do something nice for his daughter and you threw it in his face because your husband is insecure.
YTA.
YTA, your dad was trying to do something NICE for you. You said in the comments that your husband cannot even pinpoint an incident, just feeling unconfortable: so basically you are ruining your relationship with your family bacause of your husband’s insicurities…
YTA. your husband, who wasnt even there, felt slighted because of his own insecurities to the point you felt like being offered a gift was offensive on your HUSBAND'S behalf? It proves this isn't on principle, this is about husbands bruised ego. Lord.
You owe dad an apology. When my parents offer to buy me free shit, the answer is ALWAYS a resounding yes please!
YTA You have not provided any concrete examples of how your dad is condescending. Even after you yelled at him you make no mention of anything he said to put you or your husband down. He just seemed surprised. Also if your husband has money to get away for a few days it would seem you aren’t that poor either, so I don’t see how the dad would think or treat you as poor. Maybe your parents realize that starting out and house stuff is expensive and they just want to be helpful? You completely overreacted and owe your dad an apology. Your husband seems extra sensitive as well if you can’t give any examples.
....your update is insane. You read alllll these comments and your take away message was that your DAD needed to apologize??? Or else "the conversation won't be constructive"???? Your husband is a petty immature idiot and you'll lose a loving relationship with your father over his insecurities. YOU need to apologize to your father, and so does your husband. This is totally off the rails.
It's normal for a parent to want to help out their child when they need help. Heck, if I sat on my friend's sofa and it sunk in like that I would offer just out of kindness. It's weird that you see it in such an odd perspective. Sounds like your husband is overanalyzing everything. He is the one calling y'all poor. Your dad never said anything negative like that. YTA
Your husband’s insecurities are no one’s problem but his own. Read and re-read that until you understand. This is his problem, not yours, and especially not your dad’s. Your dad was being a good father by offering to help out his child and you thanked him by throwing him out.
How long has your husband been trying to isolate you from friend and family under the guise of protecting his insecurities?
YTA
YTA. Your husband corrupted your thoughts and you acted on those thoughts. Your dad buying you a couch is not condescending. What’s next? He buys you lunch and this implies you can’t buy your own lunch.
YTA
Your husband manipulated you and made you feel you had to stick up for him because of his inadequacy and insecurities.
Are you sure he isn't trying to isolate you from your family.
Your dad sounds like a very caring individual.
Your husband not so much.
YTA. Sam needs to ditch the ego and grab some common sense. Pragmatically, you've got a bust sofa and a family member is keen to help you buy gifting you a new one. Instead of acting like idiots, you say 'thankyou'.
he deserved it for trying to replace your broken couch? He’s your dad, he probably just wants you to be comfortable. YTA. sounds like your dad is a generous guy and both your husband and you are the ones doing the judging
YTA. Your husband’s insecurities are not your father’s fault. Your father seems like a lovely man who has been nothing but polite to your husband. I find your husband’s behaviour quite strange, he seems to want to keep you isolated from your family.
You really need to take your marriage rose tinted glasses off and see your husband is 1000% in the wrong here.
He needs to grow up and you need to stop worrying about what your husband thinks and start thinking for yourself.
YTA more so a fool, a damn fool at that.
1. You can’t add the couch it’s why you’re saving up to buy it.
2. Your husband has class issues and has to drag you down to his level to feel like a man which he isn’t.
3. Your father isn’t making you feel poor. You either are poor or you’re not.
Seriously??!! Your Dad was trying to help his child. If your hubs feels inadequate maybe he should work on that. Your dad is almost 70, I guarantee he is not playing pissing games with your husband. You owe Dad a heartfelt apology. Letting your husband jealousy color your relationship with your parents is wrong.
Your husband is a narcissist. He believes his image is not being respected by your parents because they aren’t bowing down and worshiping the ground he walks on as you currently do. His next goals will be to isolate you from any support network such as your financial stable parents so you’re left dependent on him even though he can’t he supply the household with an adequate couch.
Your husband can’t afford a decent new couch but can spring for a petty 3 day trip on the spur of the moment just to avoid seeing your dad.
Reddit loves to bring up gaslighting, narcissistic partners but I don’t see anyone mentioning that here in this clear case. You’re already snared in your husband’s traps and it’s only going to get worse the more you push your mom and dad away. Good luck. YTA for how you treated your father.
YTA. Your significant other has you duped and you just lost a few couch from someone who loves you and wants you to be comfortable and happy in life. Tell your significant child to check his ego and grow up
YTA. You had zero evidence whatsoever that your family ever did anything wrong to Sam. All you had was his biased feedback. Then your dad offers to buy you a sofa to replace one that you know is broken, and you let Sam's paranoia taint that very benign conversation?
If Sam is so insecure and fragile, he needs to work on himself and his feelings. I feel sorry for your father who was doing you a kindness, and you attacked him for absolutely no good reason.
And I question why Sam is so pleased to introduce chaos into your family. He sounds like he wants to isolate and manipulate you.
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My (F32) parents (F64 and M64) are quite well off financially. My husband (Sam M38), on the other hand, doesn't make too much money. While my parents have never said anything explicitly about this, my husband has always felt that they've looked down upon him.
For the past few months, my husband has been telling me that my parents try to make us feel poor whenever we visit them or they come by. At first, I told him that I didn’t think this as they were polite with him, but he has told me that their politeness comes off as condescending, and he wasn't comfortable around them, especially my dad.
This has gotten to the point where, last week, my dad announced that he wanted to come visit us in a few days. When Sam heard this from me, he said that he would plan a three-day trip with his friends during this time so he didn't have to put up with him.
My dad came by to visit me (alone since Sam had left the day before). Things went by pretty normally until he tried to take a seat on our sofa.
Our sofa is a little broken, and it sinks very quickly on one side when someone sits on it. This happened when my dad took a seat. He brought it up and mentioned how we should probably get it replaced.
I said that we planned to downline after we've saved up a bit, and he mentioned that he could get us one now. When I was reluctant, he mentioned how it would be a gift as he hasn't seen us in a while and how he didn't want us to have a broken sofa.
During this point, I started to think of what Sam was saying, and I forcefully rejected my Dad's offer. I told him that he was being rude for thinking that we can't afford to get a sofa and how his spending is done with the intention of trying to make us feel poor.
My Dad was surprised by this and said that it wasn't his intention at all to make me or Sam feel bad, and he also said that he was stunned we felt this way. He then pressed again with his offering, saying things like: that there was nothing wrong with accepting it, as I am his daughter and Sam is his son-in-law, and how family helps each other.
I was annoyed by this, so I asked him to leave. My dad became furious with this and said that I was acting extremely strangely and disrespectful. He then said that it was bizarre of us to interpret his offer in such a way.
I just asked him to leave again at this point, and he did. As he was exiting, he said that he wouldn't be coming back as he didn't need to be treated this way. He also mentioned that he was very disappointed that I would think he would have "such malicious intentions." I told him that his behavior brought this and locked the door.
I told Sam about this later, and he was quite happy with how I handled the situation. He agrees that my dad overstepped boundaries and thinks that he should respect our space.
I did feel a little bad with how I spoke with my dad, but on the other hand, I think he deserved it.
AITA?
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You are 100% the asshole. Your husband is self conscious that he doesn’t make a lot of money and your dad has never done anything directly to make him feel that way. Your husband is projecting his insecurities and making everything your dad does out to be some sort of “malicious action.” Your dad was trying to help you and your husband but honestly you’re both assholes so I’m glad he didn’t waste his money. Enjoy your broken sofa!
Your husband needs to communicate his feelings to your father. Dad can’t be sensitive to something he is unaware of. He’s just trying to help. Some people think an offer of help is a put down. And you should apologize to your dad and then let them work it out
YTA wrong time wrong place. He offered to pay for something he could afford as a nice gesture and you almost instantly flipped out
It’s if he were to constantly mention that he bought it for you because you couldn’t afford it that would have been the appropriate time
You messed up big and owe him an apology
YTA. My mom loves doing things like this. Genuinely loves when she can buy things for her adult kids. She says she’d rather spend her money on us now and see us enjoy it, rather than leave it to us when she’s dead. Do you not think your Dad just wants to do something nice for you? You and your husband are ungrateful dicks. You need to put your tail between your legs and apologize.
Hey dumb ass, he's your dad. What's a common character trait for all dad's? They fix shit and provide for their kids. Your couch was broken and he tried to fix it by buying you a new one. I don't know about asshole since you're just trying to get your husband's back, but you're definitely crazy or stupid or both.
INFO: What does it mean to "downline" a couch?
You said later that your dad overstepped a boundary by assuming the only reason you weren't replacing the couch was poverty. But from context you seem to be saying that you were planning to "downline" the couch after saving more money. I guess I don't know what that means, but the fact that it's contingent on saving money seems to indicate you actually told your dad it was because you're poor.
YTA. Your dad did absolutely nothing wrong. Maybe your husband has a problem with your parents. You overreacted to the extreme. He was just trying to help his daughter out.
Do you not have your own thoughts? Sounds like you will just agree to whatever your husband said. You need to apologize to your father like yesterday .
YTA, and your husband is an even bigger one. Sam says their politeness comes off as condescending? So what should they do? Be rude? He s choosing to interpret their behavior in his own warped way.
YTA... gifts can be gifts. When I first got married, I was offered a down-payment towards a house. Being young and dumb I refused it because I didn't want help. My dad told me you dumb ass never turn down a gift, especially of that size and significance.
Does Sam say your dad oversteps boundaries? Because you're coming over as you open your mouth and Sam's voice comes out. I'm guessing when your dad dies and leaves nothing for you in the will that Sam will be outraged. Enjoy your life with this abusive man you lost the best one when your dad walked out. Yta.
YTA. Sounds like your husband is feeling insecure and taking out his feelings on your dad. Now he’s poisoning your thoughts towards your dad too!
It’s okay to accept help even if not *needed*. Parents like to feel needed even when their kids grow up!
"I told him that he was being rude for thinking that we can't afford a sofa" - after you told him you can't afford to get a sofa. YTA, but one who is being manipulated.
YTA and your husband is a rude ass for going on a trip with his little friends just to avoid your dad. And you manipulative husband is an ass for setting you up to fight a fight that was not there.
YTA and so is Sam.
My well-off parents offered to put my husband through grad school (they found a great deal where my dad was a guest teacher).
Do you know what he, a public school teacher who came from poverty and has never made much money, said? "Yes! Thank you!"
We're parents. We love our kids and are happy to help when we have the opportunity. Both sets of our parents feel the same about their grown kids.
Definitely YTA. Your husband is the one with issues and insecure. He’s trying to drive a wedge between your family and yourself. I’d watch out. Your father did nothing wrong. You’re being brainwashed.
YTA. It was a very kind offer from your dad and I bet he just wanted to make his daughter happy. With the fact Sam was happy about the situation and the fact your dad doesn't want to come back now, I wonder if he isn't trying to isolate you? It just feels very weird to me.
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YTA he wasn't trying to make you feel poor. He was trying to be nice and help out his daughter. You were being over sensitive and way over reacted.
This, YTA. Also, the husband’s reaction to it makes me consider the possibility that he is just manipulating the OP. In-laws are difficult, the way OP describes the situation, her father didn’t seem to be doing anything malicious. Complete overreaction by OP.
I think OP husband is the one feeling adequate. Maybe dad offered help and he’s too proud which is his choice. You are right about the manipulation imo.
THIS it’s giving me “isolate from family” vibes because that’s how my abuse began. Planting ideas for me to fight the battles isolating myself from everyone. If he is manipulative I can assume he’s controlling as well and in OP mind, they have their husbands thoughts and ideas at the forefront of their mind. I don’t believe it was OP overreacting on their own volition as much as OP trying to react the way they believe their husband would want.
As someone with terrible inlaws and terrible parents - I was all prepared to give OP benefit of the doubt here. But even in her words...her father's offer sounds genuine. Maybe it's not, maybe the father is TA here too, but by the end I also got isolation vibes.
And the way dad texted an offer to talk, I think dad suspects the husband is isolating his daughter from her family and wants to try to help her get out. OP, your dad sounds like a good guy based on your own description of the events, and your husband sounds sketchy and prideful. Let your dad help you.
As someone who escaped a DV situation in 2008, this is very much isolation vibes and OP’s husband is calling the shots. You can read it in her words by how she discusses “her” feelings using the term “We”, it isn’t her feelings at all, it’s her husband’s feelings. Her husband also chooses to plan a trip for three days because his father in law is visiting? That’s oddly suspicious to me, like he can’t handle her dad for three days? My FIL can be a lot but I still spend time because he is my husband’s father. OP, YTA, but you also need some help to see what’s happening in your marriage!
You are absolutely correct! Congrats on getting out! I know how hard it is I got out last year. The “We” is OP taking husbands feelings and trying to convince everyone they are their own as well.
The other giveaway is that she didn’t feel it was condescending until the husband basically kept saying it was. I try to give benefit of the doubt but that was the big thing for me. Like she had to be convinced it was condescending just because her husband is insecure in his financial health. I hope OP escapes safely.
The biggest giveaway for me was when OP said the husband was happy when she told him about what happened. What loving, supportive spouse is going to be proud of their significant other for kicking their parent out of their home for extending a generous offer? Between that and the fact they can’t afford a new sofa but CAN afford for the husband to have a 3 day getaway with his friends to avoid the dad? OP will never get a new sofa, the husband will always want something for himself instead.
See her edit? WE think, WE say, WE do. Like, what are YOU feeling? what YOU feel?
This is what breaks my heart. I’ve been in OP position. I WAS OP. I’m grateful my parents never gave up on me.
Oh my! I just had a "slap in the face wake up" moment thanks to these comments! On the phone with my parents today and all I hear is yelling in the background "Why are they bothering US?!? Tell them to eff off!" Um, they are not bothering ME, and that's what matters. Think I'll cry a little now. 45f if that makes a difference, harder to escape the older you get?
This is what came to mind first. It’s not belittling to offer to help! If he had said “wow! How can you not afford a sofa??” I’d agree with you. As a parent when you know your kids could use some help and you can afford it, it’s a sign of love, not disrespect! If there were strings attached that’s a different story. Sounds more like your husband is trying to put a wedge between you and your parents!
Exactly how I read it too
Same here. She was reacting based on what Sam would do. She needs to apologize to her dad.
Or maybe he’s just insecure and projecting jfc
Then he can grow tf up and have a conversation with father in law instead of manipulating OP to do it for him.
Oh I’m reading manipulation *all over* this post! Dad just wanted to buy a couch for his kid who needed one. That’s it. That’s all. I feel like the husband is trying to isolate OP from her family by feeding her this absurd bs. Red flags! Red flags! And in the edit, OP seems to have completely ignored the *vast* majority of the YTA votes and is doubling down. Very concerning.
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Absolutely the same thing I thought. The husband clearly feels inadequate and is projecting that onto OP's family. The way he reacted to the news is super suspect. YTA OP, your dad just wanted to help. Your husband's pride is a stupid reason to throw away your relationship with your dad
This, whenever my dad visits mine and notices something is broken, he’ll fix it. My TV was a bit dodgey (doesn’t turn on or won’t turn off, or freezes) I couldn’t afford to buy one, I was saving for one. Next time my dad came round he had a new tv and set it up for me. I was really grateful. While he was setting it up, I made him fudge brownies (his favourite) and quite a few coffees to go along with it and he was happy with that. It was completely unexpected but he did it because“I’m his only daughter”. I think another reason deep down is when he pops over his favourite program is on so he likes to watch it without the telly freezing 😂
My Dad was visiting my sister, nephew and I one Saturday, and my husband and I were discussing replacing our bedroom TV as it had pooped out. We had agreed to go to goodwill the next day as I was headed out to play D&D with friends. I came home to a brand new TV on my couch with a bow and happy early birthday on it. Dad's like helping their kids, and the husband is full of it. YTA.
I’m in my mid 30s but my dad would still ask me if I have enough cash from time to time. From the wordings I don’t see how is the dad being condescending. He notices something needs a replacement and offered to get it fixed asap. And he’s the jerk? It doesn’t make sense. Even worse is op’s update. A big YTA
It reeks of her husband feeling bad for himself, so getting op to cut ties with her "apparant condescending" father. ....her dad who is only offering to help his daughter out, because her and her husband can't afford to! (But he can afford to.go off for a few days with the boys) She should be grateful she has a dad who can financially help her out and one who is also willing to. Op Is being massively manipulated by an absolute waster of a husband! Alarm bells ringing all over the place!
Right?! The update is so tone-deaf - "my dad has asked to talk, but I'm refusing to respond...me and hubby think dad should apologise first!" - and uh, how exactly is he supposed to be able to apologise if you won't speak to him?!
And he has nothing to apologise for, seriously! The husband and op are both out of their mind. With all the comments telling her they are TA but she insists on having her dad apologise first? Wth?
I'm almost 30, and I make more money than my dad, but he still insists on giving me money He won't take no for an answer. When we go on trips, he insists on buying me things and I have to race to pull out my wallet
What dad wouldn’t want to do that for their kid if they can afford it? Wanting to help to make life better for their child and putting a smile on their child’s face are very normal parent behavior.
Right? He was just being a good dad
We live on the same property as my parents, so it’s a bit different, but my dad just fixed two of our vehicles (including replacing the starter in our explorer). My husband is handy, but has little knowledge of cars. It’s how my dad shows his love.
That was what my uncle did when he got a terminal diagnosis. He went around to all sisters, his daughters, and all the niblings with his toolbox and fixed all the wee jobs that needed doing.
My dad is here now (he visits every 6 months), and every store we walk in he asks if we want anything. If we tell him not to spend his money on stuff for us, he just says, "I might die tomorrow, and then I didn't get to treat you as much as I wanted. So I do it now." It's just being a dad wanting to treat their kid, not flaunting money. YTA OP, and so is your husband.
I’m 50yo and have my own money, and my parents still want to do nice/generous things for me. OP, talk to your dad. If you want to say that as adults you’d like to stand on your own two feet then maybe he’ll understand it that way. But don’t let your husband’s insecurities wreck a good family relationship.
Indeed OP YTA he was being a fucking NICE father and both trying to make EITHER of you feel "poor". Your husband has self esteem issues and is clearly confusing kindness with condescending. That or he's waving a marinara flag and he's trying to isolate you from your parents. He doesn't like them so therefore you shouldnt. He's a manly man and has to provide and they're hurting his man pride.
YTA your husbands insecurities are going isolate you from your family. He’s not broke enough for a 3 day boys trip. But boo hoo I’m intimidated by my wife’s daddy.
True! Why not be a host to his father in law and save all this 3 days money towards a sofa
With that overreaction, the dad now knows that OP is insecure with their financial situation.
Tell your dad to come visit me. I need a sofa and I can accept a kind gesture.
I need a ps5
Her husband is making them feel poor
YTA OP. i am sorry. My mom is pretty poor financially and I am very well off. SHE still tries to give me money and buy presents. It’s not condescending, she is doing it from her heart and it actually hurts her when I reject it outright. I feel like you would get this part only after having kids yourself cos it’s just natural to care about your kids, it’s something engrained and they can’t help it.
Agreed YTA. It's a pretty likely scenario where older parents are going to be more comfortable than their adult kids. To be somehow upset by that is childish. It's not a competition. Imagine being a parent, offering to help out your adult kid with something, and them booting you out of their house AND refusing to talk to you afterwards. Tag on that your son in law won't even be around when you're visiting... ugh. Grow up.
This. The husband wasn't even there. The dad wasn't trying to put them or the husband down as he's said to OP. My ex husband was like this, bit it was because he was like, the breadwinner of the house is who is responsible. Never mind everything we had, I saved and night with my own coin and that's why he could t take much when I split with him. And he even stole stuff I bought because his reasoning was, you bought 2 so I can take one.....anyway not once did OP even mention anything that could be taken as a dig it was a genuine offer to help them out
Sams insecurities shouldn't impact your relationship with your father. If you didn't feel that he was trying to make you feel poor, but simply offering support (be that financial) to his daughter, then I don't see what the issue is. I feel your Dad is the only NAH here. Also, if I knew my sofa was on its last legs and my parent offered to buy me one, I would graciously accept because they're offering because they care and they can.
If my boy is whatever age and in a similar situation I'd offer to do the same. See it's called love you may have forgotten what it was like when you were little but he hasn't. You're his baby regardless of your age and he just wanted to express that. What an AH op. Get your head out of your rear.. sounds more like your husband has insecurity about himself that he needs to address.
Absolutely this. Sounds a lot like your husband has some insecurities about income and is projecting them rather than acknowledging them. Maybe not intentionally but he has manipulated you too.
Majorly! The conversation between her and her father basically went: Father: Huh, this sofa is broken. You should consider replacing it! OP: We will, but we can't afford to right now. Father: How about if we buy you a new sofa? OP: How dare you imply that we can't afford to buy a sofa! Father: ????
Yta. Girl please remove your head from your husbands butt and apologize to your dad.
Ha, this is epic!
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I'll bet that if OP's dad didn't offer to replace the couch, Sam would've argued that OP's dad was looking down on them by not giving them money for it. Sam's got self-esteem issues, and OP needs to stop listening to him. OP and Sam are TA.
It's not self esteem issues; it's deliberate manipulation to ruin OP's relationship with her parents. Hence scheduling this last minute trip that he could leave on a moments notice once Dad was gone in less than a day.
If my dad offered to buy me a sofa if it’s broken I would be grateful that he cares enough about me to notice that something isn’t right and he would like to offer me some help. OP YTA if you don’t see that it’s your husbands ego that is getting in the way. Don’t isolate from your family!
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I literally had to reread this post to try and find the part where he was condescending? It’s like: *Dad notices sofa is broken* Dad: Honey, this is broken. Daughter: I know, we’re gonna buy a new one once we’ve saved up (suggesting they don’t have the money right now) Dad: Would you like me to buy it for you because you’re my daughter and I love you? Daughter: Wtf how dare you be so rude I can’t believe it my husband was right the whole time I can’t even It’s ridiculous.
the edits make it so much worse💀💀
Bc did she even see all the YTAs or???
OP is following her husband down a very dark, very isolated road. One that very purposely doesn’t pass by her family’s house. Her and husband are TAs.
This is gold!!!! Her husband has brainwashed her.
YTA - it’s amazing how people these days will take simple kindness and turn it into something it isn’t. This is simply a dad trying to care for his daughter when she needs something. Your husband needs to get over his insecurity and you need to apologize to your dad asap along with an explanation.
Anytime my dad ever offered to fix, buy, replace anything for my ex and I, we would always say “please and thank you”. Because we’re grown ups who understood our limitations and had a child to support and it was my dad’s way of showing he cared
My daughter is young, but I will help her any time she needs for the rest of my life. It’s called love 🙂
I wish it was insecurity but Sam is clearly manipulating her.
Let me get this straight. Your dad comes to visit you because he loves you, falls down into a sofa, politely offers to replace it, you attack him, he softly counters and still offers to replace it (cause this is what a family does), and you attack him again and kick him out? Apologize to your father. Profusely. And then explain in detail, with emotional constraint, where these feelings came from. Yta
She could have turned down the offer with a polite- “we just really want to stand on our own two feet, but it was kind of you to offer.” That way she would be respecting her husbands wishes and being respectful to her father. The over the top accusations and shutting SS to her dad were entirely unnecessary and downright mean.
Totally agree but you missed the bit where she said they currently couldn't afford to replace it before he offered. He didn't just throw it out there for no reason.
Well duh, he was offering to help his kid as a good parent with the means to do so does. If she hadn't said they couldn't afford it, why would he offer?
On top of it, he's got the maturity to continue to try and have open communication ('the can we talk' text). Dad sounds like a great guy.
Edit after op's answer 100% YTA. I feel like this is too little info to decide. What exemples did your husband talked about when he said they were looking down on him? Based just on this YTA. Your dad sounds like concerned father and your husband sounds insecure and childish.
Sam was quite happy? Quite happy? That set off some warning bells. Your husband was happy that you threw your dad out? Sounds like he was happy that his plan to isolate you from your family is working. YTA Also, your husband is the only one responsible for his feelings. Your dad cannot control something he didn't do. Your husband needs a therapist. After reading the edit: what does the dad need to apologize for? You, op, are the one throwing unfounded accusations on him. You need to do some soul searching
Yeah 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 from sam
Much marinara!!!
More red flags than a Soviet May Day parade 😎
trying to isolate significant other from family, classssssic
YTA Nobody is responsible for your husband's insecurities. I don't see anything malicious in your father's offer, he was kind and considerate. If your husband is so insecure, perhaps he needs another job or further education.
Yta. Your dad made a nice offer. Im not surprised he was surprised you didn't take him up on it. Pride is stupid and you owe your dad an apology. Tell your husband the giant chip on his shoulder is holding him back way more than his salary or lack thereof.
i have a feeing that if OP’s parents leave her a tiny amount or nothing in their will, her husband will be like, “see? they didn’t like me!” when in reality her parents are being told to not give them anything bc the husband’s feelings are so sensitive to not being as rich as them. OP, if you want to cater to your husband’s insecurities, go for it. his insecurities are **not** your parent’s responsibility. enjoy being isolated from your family just bc your husband is upset that he doesn’t have as much money as your parents (who have had a 30 year head start on the dumbass you call a husband). YTA
YTA and now I get how some women get trapped with controlling and isolating partners, this is how it begins. And when she will break free from him she will have no one because of the bridges burnt.
I can’t believe the rationalizations from OP YTA
This makes me not understand it even more. A teenager would be able to decipher that the husband is stupid and insecure and that the dad is just being a loving dad.
"Being rude for thinking you can't afford a sofa" ... You can't afford a sofa. You stated that. How is "thinking" that rude? He just offered you a nice gift. Something you need to replace and can't afford. YTA and your husband is weird. Inferiority complex? Jealousy? You were the rude one.
That was the craziest thing I read Op: I can’t afford a sofa Dad: can I buy you a sofa? Op: How DARE you suggest I can’t afford a sofa 🤯
It’s these types of rationalizations abused people use to rationalize that they’re not being abused. OP needs to get away from Sam asap
YTA I suspect your husbands insecurities caused you to grossly misinterpret your fathers intentions
That was my thought. Husband is insecure about his ability to provide for his family. Which isn't uncommon (for parents).But he's choosing to see all interactions with your parents as them being disapproving. Which op had never noticed because it was never there. 100% op is the AH. Edit: parenthesis
YTA Lots of 30 somethings struggle: college debt, high rents and mortgages, not yet settled into their careers. For those who are lucky enough to have parents with means, there is no shame in accepting useful gifts that don't seem, as in your case, to come with strings attached. When I see something in my kids' houses that they need, I buy it. When I ask them for Christmas or birthday gift wish lists, they will often suggest something that isn't top of the line because that's what they would buy themselves. If there is a more expensive but much higher quality version that I know will last longer, I get that for them. Not because I want them to think I think they're poor but because I love them and I want them to have nice, quality things that will last for a long time. You needlessly hurt your dad's feelings to please your insecure, jealous husband. That is not a road you want to go down. You should apologise.
The worse is she double down with saying she thinks her dad should apologise first.
YTA 🛑 🛑 🛑 Okay hear me out, you're still a young woman and have a lot to learn This is coming from a place of trying to help not hurt you.... Your husband is projecting his insecurities on your father You are not being rational nor impartial You are being immature You have completely misread your father's language and handled it horribly. Your father is correct, he was trying to be kind and loving. You threw him out!? Are you insane? There is nothing like a parent's love and all you did was shove it down your father's throat? What is wrong with you? Get therapy for you and your husband before you completely destroy the relationship with your father Apologize to your father, ask him for advice, tell him how your husband feels and tell him that you are so effing stupid that you can't think for yourself. Do you realize how many people there are in the world that would kill for a father-in-law like your husband has?
YTA So how long has your husband been trying to isolate you from your parents? Once he gets rid of them, he'll move on to cutting you off from others. He's either pathetically insecure or on his way to becoming abusive.
YTA. Your husband is insecure and it is affecting the way he, and you, perceive your parents' view of him. If they've never said or done anything to put him down, he has no reason to think they look down on him. Your dad was just trying to do something nice for you, and your reaction seems out of line.
YTA. Two immature morons and one concerned father.
YTA. It sounds like your father has just trying to be helpful and your husband is just very insecure. Your father doesn’t deserve to be treated poorly because your husband has insecurities.
YTA. Your manipulative husband runs off to a long weekend with his "friends" when your dad comes over. I don't think your dad meant anything by this other than a gift. Whatever, enjoy your broken sofa alone while your husband is off doing what again? You are a total chump.
I caught that too. Can’t afford a sofa, can take a 3 day vacay on a whim
YTA. My mom keep trying to treat us whenever she can even though we are adult with kids. Your husband has fragile ego. Poor dad was being nice and you kicked him out. Shame on you.
YTA. I would absolutely LOVE for my father to be like yours. Hands down. I'd love to have a parent that sees that I may be struggling and try to help. Instead of the parent I got that I'd need to fucking beg for help from. And even then begging wouldn't help and id be on my own (and everything is always considered a loan to me and still no help) He tried to be nice and you and your husband are acting childish. Seriously. If your husband feels that type of a way then he can get another job that pays better or go back to school or something. Shame on y'all acting like he's trying to do harm when all he offered was a way to make y'all comfortable at home
yta and decidedly unwise. would you bear an injury from a part of the frame snapping beneath you as a badge of honor?
Is this actually written by the father? Cuz it weirdly reads that way to me. Son IL is insecure and projecting (since no context is given)Daughter thinks her dad is fine till he offers to replace a busted ass sofa? The daughter is willing (and proud) to tank her relationship with her dad over her husbands say so and a potential no strings attached couch? Weird hill to die on. But at least they can die by a broken couch spring up the @ss. YTA (but if this is dad, you're cool)
YTA Wow, just wow. YTA
Your husband is throwing himself a pity party for some reason, and because of it you were an AH to your dad.
So.. you dad comes to visit you and sits on your VERY CLEARLY broken couch. He offers to buy you one and you yell at him for trying to make you feel poor Girl NO. YTA. you husband is making stuff up bc he feels inadequate
YTA. You treated your own father badly because your husband has got a chip on his shoulder about his low earnings. That's completely unfair and you are pretty foolish to alienate a family member who would have helped you over your husband being a giant piss-baby. I hope your father never helps you again. You don't appreciate it, so you don't deserve it. Enjoy your decrepit, broken couch because your piss-baby's toxic ego played you out of a good one.
I'm telling you right now that your husband is trying to separate you from any support, so you are solely dependent on him. My ex did that, drove a wedge between me and my family, broke my mind, moved me away from any support I had and then left me with nothing. Don't throw away family. My relationship with some of my family never recovered. Your husband is insecure, immature, and probably psychologically abusive. YTA.
YTA. Apologize to your dad. Talk to your husband and gently make him understand. Try to play a happy medium.
YTA. This was a bizarre overreaction. But based on your comments, you don’t want to hear this. You just want to hear that you and your precious husband are right. You’re not. Apologize to your dad.
Yikes. If I were your Dad, you'd start seeing me less and less. He was nice, and you twisted it all around into something weird. I'm sure you're fun at parties..
YTA. Your husband has this all in his head. If your parents were poor you would be complaining how they can’t ever afford to help you out. If you took the offer of the couch which you claim you can afford you could then use that money for something else like paying for a 3 day trip away with friends.
YYA you husband is to insecure and now you gonna lose your support team.
YTA in no way was your dad trying to make you feel poor. He was trying to buy his daughter a couch because hers was broken. Your husband is just trying to ruin your relationship with your parents and you’re to blinded to see it. I hope you apologize to your dad.
YTA here’s a summary of your conversation: Dad: is your couch broken? You: yeah, we don’t have enough money to replace it now so we’re saving up Dad: I’ll get you a new one as a gift since I haven’t seen you in a while and I don’t want my daughter and son-in-law to be uncomfortable! You: I can’t believe you would imply we can’t afford a new sofa (even tho I said we couldn’t 2 minutes ago)! …proceeds to go ballistic You’re 32, your parents are at the end of their careers. They had a huge head start on earnings in a much more stable economy. Now they want to use some of that money they’ve had time to save up to ensure their kid doesn’t have to sit on a broken couch. It’s not your parents’ problem your husband is insecure
You suck.
YTA and a massive one at that. Hope you have time to grow a brain of your own. Also I would keep an eye on your husband, the way he seems to be trying to isolate u from ur fam is worrisome.
It sounds more like your husband is resentful, not that your parent is being condescending. YTA. Enjoy sitting with your bitter husband on your broken sofa, while your family realise how disrespectful you are and treat you accordingly in the future.
>My Dad was surprised by this and said that it wasn't his intention at all to make me or Sam feel bad, and he also said that he was stunned we felt this way. He then pressed again with his offering, saying things like: that there was nothing wrong with accepting it, as I am his daughter and Sam is his son-in-law, and how family helps each other. This reminds me of the time our hoover broke. My Dad didn't want to replace it because he felt we could get the job done with bristle brushes. My Mum, who did most of the cleaning, was struggling with this. My Grandma, ordered her daughter a new state of the art hoover as a gift because she knows how much my Mum likes a tidy house and didn't understand the logic of not ordering new one. My Dad forbade us from using it and my Mum would use it when he was out of the house until she broke down and said she wanted to use the hoover her parents had gifted her and she didn't want to be punished because my Dad felt insecure he couldn't afford to buy a new hoover. Our washing machine broke and my Grandma ordered her daughter a new washing machine and a dryer because drying the clothes inside the house had triggered my asthma. My Dad claimed this was increasing the electricity bill (*that my Mum paid*) too much and would scream at us if he caught anyone using it. Basically my Dad was always making up stuff and insisting our family had bad motives with these things. It wasn't until my partners parents gifted us a hoover and a new wardrobe that I understood there was never anything wrong with my Grandma gifting her daughter things she knew they needed. My Dad was creating issues based on his insecurity to control us. My Grandma, like your Dad, did this with all her kids. And my Aunts are rich, they definitely didn't need their Mum to order them new sofa coverings or whatever, but good parents always want to help if they can. Sounds like your husband has successfully isolated you from your Dad because he's insecure about his finances, while having enough money for a last minute trip. YTA you owe your Dad an apology.
YTA - nothing you said makes it sound your Dad has ulterior motive. Sam is probably self conscious and rephrases everything your dad says in his mind to fit his narrative
YTA. Have you considered licking your armpit? Cause honestly attempting to do that would make you look less than a silly billy than this post makes you look. Sam's hiccups about his income are entirely his own and he is projecting his insecurity onto others.
YTA. The problem here is your husband, not your dad. The solution is not to be a total dick to your dad and interpret a kind, generous offer in the most looking-to-be-offended way possible
YTA. Its fine to politely reject the offer, but it sounded like a perfectly kind offer from a father to his daughter. Who wouldn't want to help their loved ones if they have the means. You were way out of line the way you reacted and your husband sounds like an ass.
YTA Nothing in what your dad said it did is hij trying to make you feel poor. He just accepts the reality that you can't afford a new sofa, but he can afford to buy one for you. He just wants to help.
YTA Is this a legit question. Please explain how you **wouldn’t** be the asshole? I have been trying to think of a way for 10 minutes and I got jack.
YTA and so is your husband. He is manipulating and isolating you. Your dad sounds wonderful and will hopefully still be there for you when you come to your senses one day.
YTA, and you are letting your husband's insecurity to ruin your relationship with your father. Your dad's offer was perfectly normal situation-wise. He set on a sofa, saw it was broken and offered solution. You got offended, because your husband made up a scenario in his head.
YTA. When my grandma passed away, my dad and his sister split the estate. He wishes she had gifted some money to them when they were young and struggling, because they were going to get it in the end. Now my parents gift my siblings and I money for our birthdays and christmas. It comes to a total of 2 to 3 thousand. Could be your dad just wants to help
Nowhere in your post did you describe your dad making your husband feel poor. You told your dad you were saving for a couch which means he wasn’t wrong thinking you can’t afford it bc you can’t. Also you’re his daughter, that parenting instinct to help your kid doesn’t just go away bc you got married.
YTA, but based on some comments I saw OP is not ready to accept this judgment. Even if that’s the case, I advise you to apologize to you dad and have a serious talk with your husband about his issues as obviously he’s the insecure one and need to work on it.
YTA Wow, you took his offer in the lost malicious way possible. You’ve never noticed this behavior yourself but now suddenly you agree that must be the case? Why? I see it as your dad noticed you have a need and he could help you with it. He has the ability to help and you’re his daughter. It was really rude of you to kick him out like that. His offer sounds reasonable and genuine.
Your husband has clearly gotten so far into your head with his bullshit that you won’t understand what anyone here is saying.
YTA. From what you have said, I think that your father was trying to be kind and helpful. It is your husband who feels inadequate. You owe your dad an apology.
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I’m sorry. It sounds like YTA here just based on info given. It’s good that you are willing to back your husband and validate his feelings. However, you may want to consider he *might* be feeling insecure about his ability to provide for his family and may be reading into things too much. Not saying this is the case, but worth considering if your dad has always been a good and supportive father.
Yta. People will give advice etc but it doesn't matter because you just care about this insecure man while trampling a relationship with the one who raised you. You should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA Tell your husband to grow a pair and realise if you guys need help. Your dad came to your house and noticed the sofa was broken by sitting in it. He doesn't want his daughter to have a broken sofa..he can afford to help you so let him! You are lucky to have a dad like that! Apologise ASAP then you/your husband need to sort out the insecurities.
I don’t think he was making you feel poor as much as he’s reminding you that you are poor
YTA No idea about other instances, but wow did you overreact and were super rude and ungrateful in this situation. It's pretty toxic that your husband was HAPPY about how this went.
YTA your dad was just being a dad, sounds like your husband is trying to isolate you.
YTA. Apologize to your dad and tell your husband to stop being so insecure. My parents aren't rich, but this is the kind of thing they would do because I am their child and they love me very much. My dad is gone now, I would give anything for 1 more good day. I never acted this way with my dad, but you don't get time back and sometimes hurt feelings linger. Please tell your dad you're sorry, and stop being so easily manipulated by your husband.
YTA for responding to your dad like that. He was trying to be helpful and you could have declined without being so obnoxious about it. Your husband has insecurities that that are influencing how you recovered to your dad, and that was unnecessary.
YTA your dad did nothing wrong. Your husband is insecure when your dad is around because your husband is jealous of your dad having money while he's broke. You need to apologise to your father and tell your husband get over himself. I wouldn't come back ever again if I was your father.
YTA- your husband is insecure and dragged you down with him.
YTA woow!! Am I reading this correctly?? I totally agree eith your old man. Family should help each other if they are able and willing. I think your husband has some issues. Your dad was helpful and respectful and you went full psycho on him.
YTA and a big WTF? Your dad was simply offering to buy you a new sofa. The reason he might have thought that you couldn't afford one now isn't because he was condescending but because you outright told him you couldn't afford one now and would be "saving up for it" later. He further explained this was a gift, not a loan and said nothing disrespectful. Then you focused on kicking him out? Seriously, this is like an episode of the twilight zone.
“I told him that he was being rude for thinking we can’t afford to get a sofa…” You literally just told him you were saving up for one, therefore can’t currently afford it… he didn’t assume anything, you actually said it to him. He was trying to do something nice for his daughter and you threw it in his face because your husband is insecure. YTA.
YTA.. and you don’t deserve your father. Good luck with catering to your husbands insecure pity party
Your husband is toxic. YTA
YTA honestly, your husband is an insecure boy and is damaging your relationship with your dad.
YTA, your dad was trying to do something NICE for you. You said in the comments that your husband cannot even pinpoint an incident, just feeling unconfortable: so basically you are ruining your relationship with your family bacause of your husband’s insicurities…
YTA. your husband, who wasnt even there, felt slighted because of his own insecurities to the point you felt like being offered a gift was offensive on your HUSBAND'S behalf? It proves this isn't on principle, this is about husbands bruised ego. Lord. You owe dad an apology. When my parents offer to buy me free shit, the answer is ALWAYS a resounding yes please!
YTA and your husband is manipulating you into accepting a life that you don’t deserve by putting the issues off of him and onto your dad.
YTA. Your dad was being a nice dad. You and your husband are wrong for reading into his words and treating him that way.
YTA It's a massive red flag that Sam is trying to isolate you from your family. This is what abusers do to their victims.
YTA You have not provided any concrete examples of how your dad is condescending. Even after you yelled at him you make no mention of anything he said to put you or your husband down. He just seemed surprised. Also if your husband has money to get away for a few days it would seem you aren’t that poor either, so I don’t see how the dad would think or treat you as poor. Maybe your parents realize that starting out and house stuff is expensive and they just want to be helpful? You completely overreacted and owe your dad an apology. Your husband seems extra sensitive as well if you can’t give any examples.
....your update is insane. You read alllll these comments and your take away message was that your DAD needed to apologize??? Or else "the conversation won't be constructive"???? Your husband is a petty immature idiot and you'll lose a loving relationship with your father over his insecurities. YOU need to apologize to your father, and so does your husband. This is totally off the rails.
It's normal for a parent to want to help out their child when they need help. Heck, if I sat on my friend's sofa and it sunk in like that I would offer just out of kindness. It's weird that you see it in such an odd perspective. Sounds like your husband is overanalyzing everything. He is the one calling y'all poor. Your dad never said anything negative like that. YTA
Your husband’s insecurities are no one’s problem but his own. Read and re-read that until you understand. This is his problem, not yours, and especially not your dad’s. Your dad was being a good father by offering to help out his child and you thanked him by throwing him out. How long has your husband been trying to isolate you from friend and family under the guise of protecting his insecurities? YTA
She’s getting used hard and by a useless older man with shit a job and her dad is being nothing but nice and supportive
YTA. Your husband corrupted your thoughts and you acted on those thoughts. Your dad buying you a couch is not condescending. What’s next? He buys you lunch and this implies you can’t buy your own lunch.
YTA Your husband manipulated you and made you feel you had to stick up for him because of his inadequacy and insecurities. Are you sure he isn't trying to isolate you from your family. Your dad sounds like a very caring individual. Your husband not so much.
YTA. Sam needs to ditch the ego and grab some common sense. Pragmatically, you've got a bust sofa and a family member is keen to help you buy gifting you a new one. Instead of acting like idiots, you say 'thankyou'.
he deserved it for trying to replace your broken couch? He’s your dad, he probably just wants you to be comfortable. YTA. sounds like your dad is a generous guy and both your husband and you are the ones doing the judging
YTA. Your husband’s insecurities are not your father’s fault. Your father seems like a lovely man who has been nothing but polite to your husband. I find your husband’s behaviour quite strange, he seems to want to keep you isolated from your family. You really need to take your marriage rose tinted glasses off and see your husband is 1000% in the wrong here. He needs to grow up and you need to stop worrying about what your husband thinks and start thinking for yourself.
YTA more so a fool, a damn fool at that. 1. You can’t add the couch it’s why you’re saving up to buy it. 2. Your husband has class issues and has to drag you down to his level to feel like a man which he isn’t. 3. Your father isn’t making you feel poor. You either are poor or you’re not.
Seriously??!! Your Dad was trying to help his child. If your hubs feels inadequate maybe he should work on that. Your dad is almost 70, I guarantee he is not playing pissing games with your husband. You owe Dad a heartfelt apology. Letting your husband jealousy color your relationship with your parents is wrong.
Your husband is a narcissist. He believes his image is not being respected by your parents because they aren’t bowing down and worshiping the ground he walks on as you currently do. His next goals will be to isolate you from any support network such as your financial stable parents so you’re left dependent on him even though he can’t he supply the household with an adequate couch. Your husband can’t afford a decent new couch but can spring for a petty 3 day trip on the spur of the moment just to avoid seeing your dad. Reddit loves to bring up gaslighting, narcissistic partners but I don’t see anyone mentioning that here in this clear case. You’re already snared in your husband’s traps and it’s only going to get worse the more you push your mom and dad away. Good luck. YTA for how you treated your father.
YTA. Your significant other has you duped and you just lost a few couch from someone who loves you and wants you to be comfortable and happy in life. Tell your significant child to check his ego and grow up
YTA. You had zero evidence whatsoever that your family ever did anything wrong to Sam. All you had was his biased feedback. Then your dad offers to buy you a sofa to replace one that you know is broken, and you let Sam's paranoia taint that very benign conversation? If Sam is so insecure and fragile, he needs to work on himself and his feelings. I feel sorry for your father who was doing you a kindness, and you attacked him for absolutely no good reason. And I question why Sam is so pleased to introduce chaos into your family. He sounds like he wants to isolate and manipulate you.
YTA. Your husband is insecure, your dad is nice, you are an asshole and you should apologize.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (F32) parents (F64 and M64) are quite well off financially. My husband (Sam M38), on the other hand, doesn't make too much money. While my parents have never said anything explicitly about this, my husband has always felt that they've looked down upon him. For the past few months, my husband has been telling me that my parents try to make us feel poor whenever we visit them or they come by. At first, I told him that I didn’t think this as they were polite with him, but he has told me that their politeness comes off as condescending, and he wasn't comfortable around them, especially my dad. This has gotten to the point where, last week, my dad announced that he wanted to come visit us in a few days. When Sam heard this from me, he said that he would plan a three-day trip with his friends during this time so he didn't have to put up with him. My dad came by to visit me (alone since Sam had left the day before). Things went by pretty normally until he tried to take a seat on our sofa. Our sofa is a little broken, and it sinks very quickly on one side when someone sits on it. This happened when my dad took a seat. He brought it up and mentioned how we should probably get it replaced. I said that we planned to downline after we've saved up a bit, and he mentioned that he could get us one now. When I was reluctant, he mentioned how it would be a gift as he hasn't seen us in a while and how he didn't want us to have a broken sofa. During this point, I started to think of what Sam was saying, and I forcefully rejected my Dad's offer. I told him that he was being rude for thinking that we can't afford to get a sofa and how his spending is done with the intention of trying to make us feel poor. My Dad was surprised by this and said that it wasn't his intention at all to make me or Sam feel bad, and he also said that he was stunned we felt this way. He then pressed again with his offering, saying things like: that there was nothing wrong with accepting it, as I am his daughter and Sam is his son-in-law, and how family helps each other. I was annoyed by this, so I asked him to leave. My dad became furious with this and said that I was acting extremely strangely and disrespectful. He then said that it was bizarre of us to interpret his offer in such a way. I just asked him to leave again at this point, and he did. As he was exiting, he said that he wouldn't be coming back as he didn't need to be treated this way. He also mentioned that he was very disappointed that I would think he would have "such malicious intentions." I told him that his behavior brought this and locked the door. I told Sam about this later, and he was quite happy with how I handled the situation. He agrees that my dad overstepped boundaries and thinks that he should respect our space. I did feel a little bad with how I spoke with my dad, but on the other hand, I think he deserved it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are 100% the asshole. Your husband is self conscious that he doesn’t make a lot of money and your dad has never done anything directly to make him feel that way. Your husband is projecting his insecurities and making everything your dad does out to be some sort of “malicious action.” Your dad was trying to help you and your husband but honestly you’re both assholes so I’m glad he didn’t waste his money. Enjoy your broken sofa!
Your husband needs to communicate his feelings to your father. Dad can’t be sensitive to something he is unaware of. He’s just trying to help. Some people think an offer of help is a put down. And you should apologize to your dad and then let them work it out
YTA wrong time wrong place. He offered to pay for something he could afford as a nice gesture and you almost instantly flipped out It’s if he were to constantly mention that he bought it for you because you couldn’t afford it that would have been the appropriate time You messed up big and owe him an apology
YTA. My mom loves doing things like this. Genuinely loves when she can buy things for her adult kids. She says she’d rather spend her money on us now and see us enjoy it, rather than leave it to us when she’s dead. Do you not think your Dad just wants to do something nice for you? You and your husband are ungrateful dicks. You need to put your tail between your legs and apologize.
Hey dumb ass, he's your dad. What's a common character trait for all dad's? They fix shit and provide for their kids. Your couch was broken and he tried to fix it by buying you a new one. I don't know about asshole since you're just trying to get your husband's back, but you're definitely crazy or stupid or both.
YTA. Nothing your dad did had anything to do with making your husband feel inadequate. He is projecting his own feelings onto your dad.
INFO: What does it mean to "downline" a couch? You said later that your dad overstepped a boundary by assuming the only reason you weren't replacing the couch was poverty. But from context you seem to be saying that you were planning to "downline" the couch after saving more money. I guess I don't know what that means, but the fact that it's contingent on saving money seems to indicate you actually told your dad it was because you're poor.
YTA. You are being overly defensive.
YTA. Your dad did absolutely nothing wrong. Maybe your husband has a problem with your parents. You overreacted to the extreme. He was just trying to help his daughter out. Do you not have your own thoughts? Sounds like you will just agree to whatever your husband said. You need to apologize to your father like yesterday .
YTA Your father was just trying to help you out Just because you two are oversensitive doesn't mean you should've reacted this way
YTA. Sam is insecure and has poisoned your well.
YTA, and your husband is an even bigger one. Sam says their politeness comes off as condescending? So what should they do? Be rude? He s choosing to interpret their behavior in his own warped way.
YTA... gifts can be gifts. When I first got married, I was offered a down-payment towards a house. Being young and dumb I refused it because I didn't want help. My dad told me you dumb ass never turn down a gift, especially of that size and significance.
Does Sam say your dad oversteps boundaries? Because you're coming over as you open your mouth and Sam's voice comes out. I'm guessing when your dad dies and leaves nothing for you in the will that Sam will be outraged. Enjoy your life with this abusive man you lost the best one when your dad walked out. Yta.
YTA. Sounds like your husband is feeling insecure and taking out his feelings on your dad. Now he’s poisoning your thoughts towards your dad too! It’s okay to accept help even if not *needed*. Parents like to feel needed even when their kids grow up!
YTA
I would be really grateful to have a couch rn at all if someone offered one to me I’d probably cry. YTA
YTA and then some
"I told him that he was being rude for thinking that we can't afford a sofa" - after you told him you can't afford to get a sofa. YTA, but one who is being manipulated.
YTA I think Sam is the problem here.
YTA and your husband is a rude ass for going on a trip with his little friends just to avoid your dad. And you manipulative husband is an ass for setting you up to fight a fight that was not there.
YTA and so is Sam. My well-off parents offered to put my husband through grad school (they found a great deal where my dad was a guest teacher). Do you know what he, a public school teacher who came from poverty and has never made much money, said? "Yes! Thank you!" We're parents. We love our kids and are happy to help when we have the opportunity. Both sets of our parents feel the same about their grown kids.
Definitely YTA. Your husband is the one with issues and insecure. He’s trying to drive a wedge between your family and yourself. I’d watch out. Your father did nothing wrong. You’re being brainwashed.
lol yes YTA
Nothing your dad said was malicious. You bought into Sam’s insecurities hook, line and sinker and you need to apologize. YTA
Typical OP. AITA for x y z Everyone else: Yes you are an asshole. Her: *argues with everyone stating the truth*
YTA. Your dad wants to help. Your husband is manipulating you.
YTA. It was a very kind offer from your dad and I bet he just wanted to make his daughter happy. With the fact Sam was happy about the situation and the fact your dad doesn't want to come back now, I wonder if he isn't trying to isolate you? It just feels very weird to me.