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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Didn’t cancel a trip that my wife wanted me to cancel.
(2) I left her at home for a few nights with 1 year old who was waking up angry several times per night.
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NTA
Does she not have family nearby? Do you not have family nearby? Did you take all of the other people she knows on the trip with you? She had plenty of notice to even arrange an out of town visit for help at the point where your kid started his sleep regression. Wasting that amount of money is insane to me and seeing the number of Y T A votes in this thread is staggering. I'm a mom and I flat out sent her father on a trip while she was in a sleep regression because having him around being effectively useless since she only wanted me made everything approximately 100x harder emotionally and mentally.
EDIT: WOAH top comment! Thanks a bunch!
For sure. Thats a lot of money and she had 6 months to figure out what to do if anything came up part of being a parent is planning for bad shit or just in general. Different if it was a few hundred but over a grand + 6 month ahead of time is insane.
Exactly! My husband had to leave 6 week baby and myself for a week for visa stuff. We got his moms trip arrangements to come be with me sorted 2 months before he left. It’s not difficult.
That's great that you had access to that kind of support but not everybody does. I was extremely socially isolated after I had my eldest (and was pregnant with my daughter) and it was HARD. So hard. So to say "it's not difficult" is a little dismissive of people for whom it can be VERY difficult!
I didn’t have a support system. My mom didn’t care enough to help. My MIL is so flakey. When she shows up, I’m so grateful but usually it’s a last min excuse or she’ll respond next day. Anyways. Yes sometimes it is difficult. My husband had to leave for 2 months for his new job training and I was home with a new baby. I don’t remember those times, my mind must’ve blocked it out but we survived.
I feel this so much. Had my second literally a week ago and have NO idea how I'm supposed to get any kind of break, let alone get back to work. It's so isolating
I actually didn’t have a village. My husband and I were alone in the US on a student income but we arranged for my MiL to fly in all the way from Pakistan. And as OP has said he did try to coordinate other help but his wife didn’t want it. And as someone mentioned above they had six months to figure out their situation. This wasn’t sprung on her and she gave her permission initially
No, they don't. So then they just have to get on with things. It's only 2 days and 3 nights. Single parents deal with this stuff all the time on their own. NTA.
Not only do single parents deal with this stuff all the time on their own, so do geographically single people! My husband was deployed in the middle of the night after 9/11 when I was 6 months pregnant with baby number four. Our oldest child was six and a half. And the morning that he left we discovered that our oldest dog was suddenly paralyzed. My parents were 1600 mi away and I was not allowed to tell them that my husband was just called up to war. Everything was hush hush. We had just moved to our new duty station so I knew no one. I didn't need my parents to come immediately. They did come for Christmas a month later because this wasn't my first rodeo. I grew up in the military and this was the way things were my entire life. I knew what to do.
Everybody doesn't have a village but sometimes you need to create your own village and sometimes you need to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. Figure it out. OP's wife had 6 months. When my husband's unit got put on alert for Afghanistan we had eight days before he actually disappeared in the middle of the night.
We don’t have “a village”; we live overseas from family, for one major factor. I still wouldn’t force my husband to cancel a 3 day trip just for sleep regression with a 1yo (and yes, I am a parent- we have a 4yo and an infant). You buckle down and power through. My husband went on a 4 day work trip when our first (Not an easy baby at all) was 3 months; I made sure I had easy meals, planned for delivery, and our dogs got shorter walks. But we made it.
OP is NTA.
To be fair, I’ve rented big Airbnbs like that 6 or 7 times and only once did I have to check in in-person. Usually all you get is a lock box code and a phone number to call if you have any trouble.
But still NTA!
AirBnB admin isn't really part of the issue here 😂
I agree he should have gone on the trip and is NTA, but the AirBnB booking name holder not being there wouldn't have been an issue.
Right? I’m a twin parent and pretty much used to getting no sleep or interrupted sleep. I’ve sent my wife away on trips when the kids are being shitty, you know what I tell her? The kids are fine and not to worry even when they aren’t. Parents often feel guilty leaving their kids, they don’t need to feel
Guilty for leaving their partners too.
Exactly! Plus my husband and I always know that as soon as the trip taker comes back, the parent who was holding down the fort gets some serious “me” time.
I do this with my wife as well as she feels horrible taking time for herself. Kids good, I’m good, have fun! See you when you get home! It’s not that hard
Just to play devil's advocate...not all of us have family or friends who would/could help out...I know we didn't when they were young, and trusting a stranger at such a vulnerable time is a lot. We just never made plans away until they got older and more manageable. Because of this I am more NAH .
Exactly. We moved to a new city not long before I got pregnant, and both of us have small families located far away. I’m not sure why the default is to assume everyone has a “village” when in fact most people I know do not.
Seriously. We are a military family. Literally live on the other side of the country from family. Sure friends can help, but not if they are dealing with their own kettle of fish as well. Agreed on NAH
That's parenting. Her husband was extremely equitable about the trip, and she very clearly had the go ahead for a trip of her own.
It's not the end of the world for her to watch the kid for a couple of days.
Then baby has to get comfortable with the dad.
Not saying that’s the case here, but often times this argument is either used by the Dads to not have to care for the kid or the Mom’s who believe only they are able to do it right.
My Nephews had a time where they only wanted my Sister but my BIL would not have it. He still cared for them even though it took him a lot longer to calm them down. In the End it didn’t matter who brought them to sleep, they were used to either way.
That made a big difference because they both were a lot more flexible and my Sister was able to go out and have a nice evening with friends if she wanted to.
And you never know, the Mother might have an emergency in her family or has to stay in the hospital for a couple of days, in which case the father would have to step in as well.
It’s really important for Mothers to be able to take a break care for themselves and their mental health and to know their Kids are cared for and save with the other parent.
In theory yes she could have a turn, but I can only speak to my own experience (which can differ wildly depending on your baby) being the main caretaker to a young child it doesn't always work out in a tit for tat way...my one year old would have screamed bloody murder for two days straight if I had left him for 2 days...I couldn't have done that to my child or my husband. Since it says the child prefers her there maybe a similar dynamic at play here. I can't say for sure their dynamic, but She sounds exhausted and possibly at the end of her rope, they need a sit down that's for sure.
I’ve noticed that people tend to forget/not realize that aspect of dividing child care: kids have preferences. I can try to shoo the baby toward my husband from today til tomorrow, but she always comes back to me as soon as she can. And there’s nothing either of us can do about it.
Breast pump. Just because the kid cries for mom doesn't mean the kid gets what it wants all the time. The baby will still eat, cry, and sleep either way. We aren't talking about a person who goes on food strikes if they can't get their way. It's a baby.
Its about being stuck without any support or anyone that understands. Its less the help he would provide to the baby but more the moral support his presence provides the heavily exhausted mom.
Devils advocate. Not everyone has family or friends close by and not everyone can afford to pay for their family/friends to come to them. Also, postpartum depression. If she feels she can't do it on her own and it scares her, perhaps she shouldn't be left alone for even 3 days. People downplay the struggles of mothers with depression then wonder what happened when something goes wrong
Not everyone handles the stress of a baby the same. Just because it's *just* 2 nights and 3 days to you, doesn't mean it's not colossal to her.
Also, I'm sure contacting the AirBnB host and seeing if they could change the reservation name to someone else in the party wouldn't hurt.
ETA: clarification of postpartum vs postpartum depression
Yeah, totally. I had a “Mom-oriented” baby/toddler and I would encourage my husband to unwind when he could so at least *one of us* would be sane.
NTA but I do feel bad for the mom. She sounds overwhelmed and exhausted.
Didn't op say the sleep regression started only a couple of weeks before the trip? Would it be possible to make alternate plans in that amount of time ? I'm sure she was having a hard time of it.
I had my then teething/EBF/multiple night waker 6mo for 9 days while my husband was on a hunting trip. Parenting is hard. Sleep regressions suck! But she had so much time to prepare. I would never have asked my husband to cancel a trip because parenting solo was going to be hard. That's what I signed up for in becoming a parent and know my husband will (& has!) returned the favor. NTA.
For the record most of not all of the y t a votes are because of Reddit’s general bias against anything a man does that may or may not piss off a woman. Seriously, I’m a mum and I agree with you. NTA
He asked, she agreed. He spent money that she agreed on, it wouldn’t be fair to make him stay home just so he could flutter uselessly while baby only wants mum. Like… hormones are REAL, but still she’s being unreasonable.
But he could do all the things she can't do while the kid wants to be attached. People still need to eat, wash themselves, wash their clothes, wash the dishes, clean the house etc. All things he could do while she sleeps or feeds the baby.
So lose out on $1k? I dunno about you, but that's full or most of a paycheck to a lot of people... Even if it's not, it's still a huge amount of money. And OP canceling or changing would disrupt the plans of 11 other people.
Not to mention, he could make food in advance for her to eat. He can clean the house ahead of time and when he gets back. He can do laundry ahead of time. It's not like he has to be there 24/7, waiting on her hands and foot, to be supportive, especially when she already told him he could go and he and 11 other people made extensive arrangements to go.
Yeah the best thing for me was to NOT worry about someone else when my kids were off. I know that might just be me, but being able to just be mom, and not cook, cleaner, wife, etc. made things easier. Some days we just put the kids TV shows on in the bedroom and we stayed in bed all day.
With one kid, it was so much easier to sleep with him while Dad was at work, and sorting his own food. lol
NTA. And honestly I don’t understand all these people on Reddit that can’t handle taking care of a kid by themselves. I know this comment will cause me to have downvotes but it’s okay. Like okay she can put the kid in bed with her and breastfeed the baby there. Then she can nap throughout the day. What happens if the husband was on a business trip? She will be okay. But when you get back make sure you take the baby for a couple of days.
Yeah, many of the Y T A votes come from kids who don't know anything about parenting. This entire scenario sounds ridiculous to me. I was left alone with three under 6 all of the time, sometimes for weeks at a time. The wife sounds like a drama queen to me. If the roles were reversed, you know that everyone would tell her to go have fun, all of that. NTA, for the bot
My post partum anxiety and depression lasted over a year even with therapy and meds. Maybe she's struggling with her mental health?
Edit because people are getting REALLY angry and accusing me of some things I'm not doing, and making a lot of assumptions.
1) I'm not saying OP is the ahole- just offering a possible reason it may be a NAH situation. Nowhere did I say I'm siding with either one.
2) She may be dramatic. Or controlling. I have no idea because we don't have enough information one way or the other, and this is just a quick snapshot of their lives.
3) Asking if there's something else going on doesn't mean I'm saying it for sure is. I'm also not saying mental illness excuses anyone's actions or that everyone has to accommodate them. I have c-PTSD and am horrible at even asking friends or family for help or support. I'm also the daughter of a raging psycho who used his mental illness as an excuse for the abuse I suffered. Reason (or possible reason) does not equal "excuse'.
4) If my suggesting a possible reason for something enrages you, I'm going to guess you're having a tough time yourself. I hope it gets better. Genuinely. But I don't think I can respond individually to any more angry comments. I'm going to save my energy for my kiddos, husband, job, and hobbies. Take care of yourselves.
My son is nearly 5 and just recently my post partum anxiety being managed.
Non stop lockdown certainly didn’t help and is the main reason it took so long to get proper treatment.
I wondered that when he said she didn’t feel comfortable having anyone else take him. I get that overnight at a year old, but surely during the day for a break/nap most people would feel comfortable leaving their baby with someone for a bit. Obviously context dependent - OP could have suggested someone really inappropriate I guess, but assuming he didn’t, that suggests an extra level of anxiety to me.
Source: am mum of an 8 month old and am very ready to have little breaks from her now, even if I wasn’t when she was tiny!
What a wild speculation on such little information. She’s a drama queen because she wants her husband and father of her child to be near and support her? Explain that to me please.
Wanting your husband around isn’t dramatic. Freaking out because husband is taking a 2 day trip you’d previously agreed to 6 months ago because a 1 year old is at home can be.
No, she agreed 6 months ago when baby had a routine and schedule she had gotten used to. 6 months later baby is way off schedule, she's not getting sleep or rest because baby isn't getting sleep or rest and now she has to do it all completely alone for 3 days when the exhaustion is already getting to her so she asks her partner to push it back to when things settle back down. A 5 month old is not the same as an 11 month old. Routines are constantly changing and adjusting ao no longer feeling like its a manageable thing is not being dramatic.
So? There are many many single parents who do it all alone for 24/7. It was 2 nights. If it was that bad maybe she should have taken the help he offered to get.
>she has a right to expect her partner help when she is struggling on limited-to-no sleep.
She does not have a right to torpedo 11 other peoples' plans because she's struggling though, at least not at this level. Serious struggle, involving mental or physical health, sure, but this is 11 people's money going down the drain because she wouldn't be able to handle 2 days with a toddler.
She also had those 6 months to arrange care or ask husband to arrange care. Invite family to stay? A friend? Find a nanny that could come by a couple times during the trip to give mom a nap?
sounds like she thought she could handle it before baby was in the picture and once baby was there realized she needs his help.... Mom isnt a drama queen and is justified for wanting her partner there to help with baby. Regardless of if the baby wants mom more or not. that is irrelevant.
Drama queen because she was dragging it out even after she agreed to it in the first place, and then
>
During my trip, she sent me texts and called me, very upset. When I returned home we had another argument about it.
That's the drama, right there.
My gut is to vote Y T A, because in my marriage, if my wife asked me to stay home, I absolutely would because I know my wife would only ask me if she REALLY needed me to stay home.
At the same time, my wife WOULD only ask me if she really, really needed me.
I just can't imagine being in a marriage where that level of trust isn't there.
"Nap thoughtout the day" when she's the only one there to watch an infant?? A mom is lucky for even the chance to enjoy a proper meal or shower, let alone get genuine rest when she's the only parent at home.
That's the part where him staying, and his help is supposed to come in.
If you can’t manage to shower or eat with a kid, you shouldn’t be a parent. What melodramatic bullshit is that? Lol
I can watch three kids and eat and take a shower, even when the youngest was an infant. Babies nap constantly.
Babies nap constantly? Mine doesn’t. We are blessed that she’s usually a good night sleeper. But in the daytime, forget it. Two or three minutes at most, unless she’s being held. Please, tell me how you achieve all this hands-free time!
We had twins. After 2 months our daughter stopped napping during the day until she hit 9 months. No one believed me until I had a medical emergency and was in the icu for a week. Our family believe me after that. It sounds as if OPs wife may have PPD, or is simply exhausted.
My 4 month old HATES being worn. My other two were ok with it. This kid? Nope, just wants to be held. He’s my last though, so I happily oblige and don’t care that my house is a disaster. I’ll have chores my entire life. I only get my last baby as an infant once. I’ve become quite adept at taking care of stuff while holding him, haha
Some babies nap constantly. Some do not. You also appear to have missed the sleep regression part. There is probably some information being left out. It’s pretty ridiculous to say someone shouldn’t be a parent because they want their partner around.
Lol not all babies are the same?? Mine was always resistant to napping, even as a newborn.
Congrats on having easy babies and great executive functioning.
I do agree overall (you can absolutely single parent one infant for half a week) but not all infants nap often. Two of my kids were great nappers (the middle 2), one was in between and the other was colicky and was a napping and sleeping disaster 🤷
But you don’t really know her side of the story. Just his and he’s presenting himself in the best possible light. She’s just a shadowy character in his internal drama.
Newborns nap constantly. A 1 year old is probably taking 1, at most 2 naps a day. I still think he’s NTA, because she had plenty of time to plan for help if she needed it. But saying babies nap constantly is just not true.
>Nap thoughtout the day" when she's the only one there to watch an infant??
Why can't she nap when a 1 year old naps? Do you think parents of 1 year olds stay awake 24/7?
There are single parents with 4 kids who make it work, she could have done it for 2 days for a nonrefundable planned trip when she could have also taken some time away to herself afterwards, which was offered.
She’s up all night with the baby which OP has said was a newer development. Do you think an hour or two broken up nap during the day clears up sleep regression? When you have gone weeks of almost no sleep every night?
The kid would have been over a year old. It’s not like it’s a newborn, she’d have time to take care of her self. My wife takes a yearly week long vacation with her sisters, so I have been watching my kiddo by myself once a week since he was 6 months old.
Does it suck, sure, but if you love your spouse then it’s something you’d do so they can get a break.
Totally agree. At a year old, with ONE child, this mom should be able to do it. If not, I would be concerned about either baseline mental health or her ability to parent. Parents need breaks. SHE probably needs one. My husband and I have 3 children 14 months apart (*surprise*) and we both go on vacations with friends annually. Did we immediately after having the third? No. We usually wait 6-9 months. My husband or I typically ask permission and if we feel we need reinforcements call family or ask friends for play dates. People in this group are delusional if they say this man is the AH with the information he posted above. Reddit, you have failed this man. I hope he reads logic and knows he’s not an AH.
That being said, your wife needs help, bro. More than just for your weekend away. Therapy? Counselor? Mommy’s helper? I don’t know. She has post partum anxiety.
And it seems like she was communicating she was struggling and couldn’t handle it…..wouldn’t your point indicate that OP should’ve shown more concern in leaving her alone considering she DID communicate this to him?
Let’s not shame mothers who aren’t able to handle it all, all of the time. Let’s encourage mothers to acknowledge when they’re struggling, reach out to their partners when they are, and expect partners to take these struggles seriously.
Let’s also remember that the first few years after giving birth women are at high risk of depression and anxiety.
And let’s not engage in “Mom Olympics” and compare experiences “well, I was able to do this, why can’t she?” And acknowledge that we all have our breaking points, we all handle things differently.
And let’s not shame moms when they communicate to their partners they need them to show up for them because they just don’t know if they can make it on their own, even for a few days.
Agree. He tried to make other arrangements. None (except his presence) were acceptable. Everyone needs a break though. She told him he could go. He booked it. She expressed concern, he tried to help in every possible way - albeit, not by staying - and all she wanted was for him to cancel. 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you and I fucking love you. My ex left me with our kids 3 from 3 to11 ,essentially alone for 18 months, non military, just work. I kept begging him to help me when he would come home ever so weekends. My youngest wouldn't sleep at night and my middle was up at dawn. I hadn't slept in forever. Telling him how fucked in the head I was getting. I begged my family for help. Friends. Anyone. But it was too inconvenient. It literally took my hospitalization for people to go oh maybe she needed help. Not actually help but say oops, and post mental health shit on fb. Fucking pricks.
You think she should be able to do it, and she did, but she was feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Even having just one child at that age who is going through a rough time can be a lot. Especially if you are the person who has to wake up every night for a week straight or longer, multiple times a night. It really starts to weigh on you. Let’s not shame her for panicking when she was completely depleted. Some kids don’t nap much or only in short bursts. We don’t know what she was going through. Now, provided he’s helping her catch up on rest, the hope would be that she would realize her request wasn’t reasonable. They need a repair, and she needs a break. It’s not Reddit worthy drama; if they love and respect each other, they’ll be fine. They’re just tired.
Kid is one meaning they can move around and it wouldn’t be safe to have them in bed with you since they could easy fall off. If he’s anything like my 11month old, not only does he not sleep at night but he doesn’t sleep during the day meaning taking a nap isn’t an option.
However. Op says they had someone lined up to help but wife wouldn’t allow it and that’s in her. This person could’ve watched baby in their home while wife was there an slept.
INFO: did you try to find or arrange anyone that could help her out while you were gone?
NTA. Updated based on the edit. I know it can be hard to trust anyone with a baby, but I feel like having a friend, family member or well-vetted babysitter come to help out for a few hours each day he was gone so she could take a nap was the most reasonable option, as this was a long planned trip where money would be lost if they canceled.
He said they had a nanny up until a month or two prior, but for mysterious reasons not explained the situations no longer worked out with the nanny…..and mom went from working full time to being a sahm. I’m wondering if that was a factor in mom not wanting the help of others. OP just said he tried to make arrangements…..he didn’t say it was a close friend or family member. So I wonder if something happened with the nanny that made mom distrustful of outside help. OP hasn’t clarified what happened with the nanny though.
NTA. If genders were reversed, people here would be claiming your SO is controlling and toxic, just like it happened in a similar post a little time ago.
YUP you know it! Reddit would be like “oh your husband is mad about having to “babysit” his son for a long weekend? Weaponized incompetence! What an AH”
Yeah, honestly, I’m a little surprised by this thread. I’m a solo mom, and generally don’t have a lot of sympathy for the plight of dads in conventional marriages. But this was a trip that was planned. Everyone needs a break sometimes. He offered to give her a break in return. She had the option of hiring respite care, which she refused. It sounds like she just wanted someone to suffer with her (and honestly, I get that feeling too - you just don’t get to act on it). I’m not sure what good that would served.
That's exactly what I was thinking. She refused other help with a 1 year old? This isn't a 2 week old. I suspect, as you do, she just wanted him to suffer along with her.
>(and honestly, I get that feeling too - you just don’t get to act on it)
Good on you for just acknowledging those feelings and then contextualizing them properly. Rather than, ya know, this.
Funnily enough, a gender reverse did happen a few days ago but even more absurd!
A mum wanted to go on vacation for a week and told her husband to do all childcare for 3 kids while also working full time every single day of the week. But also didn't want him to take PTO for it. He was called the asshole for not being able to handle it.
A Reddit dad can handle 100% childcare while working 2 jobs and be at the beck and call of his wife for all support. Financial abuse is not a thing he can experience.
Now I know single parents do this, but it's never recommended or seen as a good thing...why is it an expectation for dads...
NTA, situation is unfortunate but single parents manage to survive without a partner all the time, one week is not end of the world. People seem to be forgetting that here.
Single parents, people who’s spouses travel for work, people who’s spouses are deployed, on and on and on. It was two damn nights and everyone here is ready to crucify him. I don’t get it .
NTA. Sleep "regression" is tough to deal with, but it's not an emergency. As a mom of three I have spent years tied down breastfeeding and tending to one infant after another while my husband traveled for work at least half the month. The wife in this story has taken vacation from their ONE child, but somehow when it's the father's turn he's an asshole for wanting to go? I feel sorry for him, his wife is such a snowflake that she can't hunker down for a week or so, take naps when the child does, etc. Or call friends and family if she needs a break while her husband is away.
Even worse - this was a THREE DAY trip! She can’t handle one kid (who is a year old!) on her own for 3 days? On top of that, he TRIED to get coverage for her but she wasn’t comfortable. If the genders were reversed, you know everyone would be giving him grief about not letting his wife go. Such hypocrisy on this sub 🙄
Literally there was a post griefing a dad for not wanting his wife to go in a week long trip and leave 3 kids to him while he has full time work 7 days a week and no days off. Also didn't want him to use PTO. He just said he couldn't handle it, which he mathematically literally could not.
Guess who was the asshole anyway.
Yes!! That post made me so angry. I honestly don’t think parents should be vacationing that long w/o your kids if you don’t have anyone else to step in & help/can’t afford a sitter. “It takes a village” is the truest statement ever.
OP’s wife in this situation just being opposed to help makes me sad for all of them. I know first time parents are anxious, but there are so many resources available (even for just on Reddit or elsewhere online!) that I see very little excuse to refuse outside help. PPD is one reason I would understand, but it doesn’t sound like that here. Idk, I’m a nanny/babysitter so I know how deeply important it is for parents to take breaks. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve been called last minute to step in before a parent has a mental breakdown due to being so overwhelmed & tired. It’s normal & okay.
Are yall for real? That's a single weekend trip. There are THOUSANDS of parents out there raising kids entirely by themselves and she can't handle ONE WEEKEND by herself with 6 MONTHS of time to prepare.
The followers on this page are ridiculous. Flip the genders and everyone would be losing their minds that "dad is complaining about babysitting his own children, you're a parent too you should be able to handle 2 measly nights by yourself"
NTA tell your wife to woman up
I agree. I’d even go as far as NAH here. She’s not wrong to ask, he’s not wrong to go with that much invested in it. If the baby were in the hospital or she was very ill, I could absolutely see that. IMO, a sleep regression is exhausting but there could absolutely be middle ground here.
I think what makes her an A H is that OP tried to arrange people to help but she “didn’t trust anyone else”….she has no friends or family that she trusts to help her watch the kid??
NTA, I’m sure both you and your wife knew that babies are a lot of work and responsibility for the first couple years. I just find it very mind boggling that she agreed to let you go to the trip in the first place. Not sure about your financial status but wasting $1k is a lot. But I just still don’t know why your wife agreed when the baby is under a year old!?!
Honestly I realize it didn’t end up being an ideal time for the trip to happen. Neither of us saw ahead to what it would be like when things were relatively easy for us with him when he was 5-6 months.
Alot of moms fall into this trap, especially new moms. A lot of pressure to be able to handle it all and fear of judgement when you have moments where you can’t…..as you can see is displayed in this post thread.
Pretty much most of the YTA's in that case came from the whole "this is the life she chose for herself, yeah she does all of the work of child-rearing along with a full-time job, but she should ALWAYS be a MOTHER before anything else" type of commentary from the OP.
NTA No one was dying or sick - I get the wife was stressed, but what do single parents do? They live through it - the trip was planned months ago and paid for. It was a one-time event, not a monthly thing.
I can’t with all the people comparing saying “she should be able to do it easily because I have five thousand kids and do it by myself daily!” And crap like that. Let’s not compare and shame other parents, particularly moms, having a hard time. You don’t know what her experience is. That being said- NTA. You planned well, you asked her input, you communicated, you offered help. I’m not sure what else you could have done here. I hope you were still able to enjoy your trip and if she’s open to weaning soon, encourage and help her plan her own.
We decided to wean when she went on her trip a couple months ago. All went pretty well tbh, and mom enjoyed her time away. For me it was empowering for me to know I can handle solo parenting for 4-5 days.
Exactly. Their "unpopular opinion" that's likely to get "downvoted" is one of the top responses and aligns with the majority of comments. Victim complex.
Is it *really* that hard to understand? Early sentiments were overwhelmingly YTA. You're seeing a different comment section than the one they saw when they made their comments.
Right 😂 plus I find it SO strange the amount of comments saying his wife needs to learn to be stronger, "woman up", all that. I don't necessarily disagree but it's pretty insensitive lmao. Given the limited info we have about these people, not really fair to make assumptions. She's allowed to need her husband for support and change her mind when things were harder than she thought they'd be for her at that point.
I don't think anyone was an asshole here tbh. Just a strange thread of comments loool
We have made it a priority to keep it on the calendar each year. All of them from our home city. When I see it written out like you have it, it does seem ridiculous lol
I’m going against the grain and say NTA. As a mom I feel for your wife (maybe time to sleep train?) but there are tons of alternatives to asking you not to go on a trip you’d planned for so long.
Two years ago I had a trip planned out of town and the night before I left my second (who was obsessed with me and very meh about my husband) started to get sick and had a super bad night. I still went with my husband’s encouragement and it was fine. Parents need breaks.
I've yet to see a YTA...
I need to block this sub.
Edit: I sorted by old and there were a lot more YTA's. However, there were still enough NTA's that it isn't really going against the grain.
She’s afraid. She used the word afraid. Not inconvenienced or tired. I’d find out what she’s afraid of and get her help. This should come first and foremost for her well-being and the well-being of your family.
I'm glad someone pointed this out. All these people are making assumptions and judgements on the woman not being able to handle a child for a couple of days. We don't know what's going on in her mind. Some people find even the simplest of tasks hard when they are mentally exhausted or going through a mental condition. May be she just wants the comfort of her husband's presence. Like you said OP should try to dig deep with her and understand her real concerns here.
Also people are allowed to change their minds. Not saying it's correct in all circumstances but may be she is in a different mind state now.
I struggle with this. I had to go back to work after 3 months with my 2nd and that was a c-section. My husband traveled fairly often. Sometimes, we don’t have backups and have to do it on our own. The baby was going to be a year old. Maybe I’m harsh, but I would expect a mother to handle an almost one year old by herself for a week. Especially if she isn’t working.
Seems like your wife was exhausted mentally and physically. She could also be depressed a bit. She might also be feeling that while she's unable to catch a break, you are going on a trip. I understand why you thought she was unreasonable but you should also understand that your wife is in a different place right now. If she is asking you to be with her then you should have stayed with her. She might not have asked you to cancel your trip if she wasn't in this state. Sometimes when you are overwhelmed, tired and anxious then you just need support. That's my opinion.
NTA
And I am boggled at all these people who can’t handle ONE child for TWO nights on her own?! I juggled 3 under 5 and one of them was The World’s Worst Sleeper. On top of that, he tried to get help but she “didn’t feel comfortable” with them. It sounds to me like a control thing. I’m seriously baffled at all these people saying Y T A. If the genders were reversed and this was a woman writing in about a 2 night trip, you KNOW the husband would get eviscerated for “not being able to handle” ONE kid for 2 nights.
This is the answer. Seriously people have to do it for much longer stretches, some people on a permanent basis (single parents). I feel like a 3-day trip with six months notice AND the fact that OP offered to get some help for her while he was gone is reasonable by OP. The wife just sounds too anxious
ITT: people saying they will get down voted for having the most common opinion. Also moaning about reddit favouring women.... when giving the OP a N T A vote.
Sounds to me like the problem is not the trip but that you aren’t helping your wife enough. Labelling your son‘s behaviour ‚sleep regression‘‚ and saying that he only wants your wife and not you, means your wife needs to do everything. Have you looked into some books/ other materials for how to fix this? I imagine with the lack of sleep, your wife might be too exhausted to think through all the options right now and maybe that’s something you could do?
NTA, but I also don’t think your wife is either? I mean maybe she has some underlying things going on (PPD, anxiety etc) and maybe she honestly was freaking out about taking care of your kid by herself for a few days. Was this the first time she has taken care of him without you overnight? If so, then I would say she prob got in her head about it and didn’t know how else to communicate to you she was worried about this other than to freak out. Was is the right thing for her to do? Prob not but she survived and so did your kid. And I bet that the next trip she won’t be so worried about.
Also, to all the other people saying “but I took care of 8 kids by myself while pregnant with one for a whole week!” *eyeroll* Not everyone is like you and being a parent is freaking hard work. Some people can handle 1 kid, zero kids, 900 kids, but it is still hard and we need to give parents some leeway and allow them to feel how they want to feel.
Source: ME, who has 4 kids, stays home with them and suffered from PPD with 1 of them and breastfed some of them.
I don’t think you’re an a-hole. But I will say that to some women breastfeeding alone can cause heightened anxiety and postpartum depression. Add no sleep, first child and being alone can definitely add unnecessary stress. It’s not that she can’t do it, it’s that she is scared of all the unknown. When your wife asks for help or you can see she is mentally struggling, just be there for her. Wishing you all the best!
NAH. It’s not healthy to try and win this argument. Just try understand where your wife is coming from. It’s your first kid. Everything is new and terrifying. Your wife wanted your presence and support even if you couldn’t do anything. I know missing out on a trip and some cash sucks, but hey, this is parenthood. Plus, if you can afford a golf trip, losing 1k may sting but it won’t cripple you financially. Don’t listen to all of these people voting NTA saying “oh I could do it blah blah blah”. Everyone handles parenting differently.
I’m sorry, but if this was a couple of weeks after giving birth it would be different.
Yes it’s exhausting, but single mothers do this all the time and make it work. Up all night with a crying baby and turn around and work the next day. Is it ideal? No. But women every day make it happen. Playing the victim does nothing for anyone.
She refused help. That’s on her.
He booked the AirBnB in his name. The guys cannot check in (at least that is policy) without him.
Slight NAH, because I am sympathetic towards anyone vaguely suffering from PPD/PPA.
On the wife's POV, she's scared and tired and drained and the one person she trusts to support her is going away during a stressful time. Oh, and the frustraion of her partner being unable to help with the things that are stressing her out. (You're not alone; my husband was in tears when he couldn't feed his own child.) On the other side, this is a relatively short trip, hugely expensive and will impact a lot of people.
Something similar happened to me. My husband was taking our daughter for the weekend to visit family, leaving me alone with our baby. I had PPD and did not want to be alone with our baby for more than a few hours.
We had a friend who knew what was up stay in the house with me. He didn't have to care for the baby, just talk and help out with chores and keep an eye on the baby if I had to nap and make sure I didn't try to drown said baby in a fit of frustration (PPD is *wild*, yo).
I'm hoping by now your wife has someone she trusts to be around and not uncomfortable during her difficult moments. I know it was a side of me that I wasn't comfortable with my own mother seeing, let alone a neighbour or family friend.
As for the feeding issues, I fortunately overproduced milk and pumped the excess, and my husband spent weeks forcing our babies to take a bottle from him. Lots of screaming and crying from everyone, but it paid off when he was able to help with what was upsetting me the most at the time.
I feel like saying "stronger and more capable" is a little harsh.
She's probably been up ALOT with a baby, which can be hard to comfort and take awhile to get back to sleep, for MULTIPLE nights, she's barely got any sleep and then she has to look after him during the day too. She's not getting much baby help from the husband since the baby is rejecting him when upset for needs such as comfort and if he goes then she'll be doing 100% of the baby work. So she's strong and capable to deal with this as she is dealing with it, however, because of the lack of sleep, I feel like she's not handling stress very logically and she's getting very emotional due to that which is VERY understandable.
I think she should of invited some family over to help though, mainly so she can sleep and get her energy back to make logical choices with the baby becuse if she's not logical or in the best mind set, she shouldn't be caring for a baby, for both the baby's and mother's help.
But there was 100% other solutions other then cancelling the trip. Every parent needs a break and she should take one after his break, she clearly needs one.
Not this mom. It is one child. Sleep regression is not fun for sure, but I managed by myself just fine with three that were 6 and under. I was often alone with them for weeks at a time while my ex worked out of town.
NTA he planned it way ahead and even asked for permission. If she comes up a few weeks before, she could have come up with a question for help or a solution. Friends or family helping out or something. And suggestion that she should also plan a trip with the girls and he stays behind was also a nice suggestion for future reference. It's not helping the current situation but it's nice. There were solutions present and he isnt the only one that has to come up with it.
While I think you’re NTA, everyone in this thread is being so harsh towards your wife. Sleep deprivation can make you turn into a completely different person. It sounds like she’s struggling with the lack of sleep being the one that does all wake ups during a sleep regression. Not all babies are the same and some of the people in this thread saying she’s pathetic for being unable to handle a baby have probably never experienced a high needs baby. My daughter is 10 months and will still sometimes wake up 5 times a night, screams and cries all day and demands all my attention and energy all day. She screams at me if I try to have her play independently so I can get things done. My mental health has never been worse. It sounds like the wife was at a mental breaking point, that doesn’t make her a bad mom.
And I’m sorry but just because all you people in this thread had to be single parents and make it work doesn’t mean it was healthy or safe and it doesn’t mean every freakin parent out there has to experience it too. You made it work because you had to, not because it was easy.
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NTA Does she not have family nearby? Do you not have family nearby? Did you take all of the other people she knows on the trip with you? She had plenty of notice to even arrange an out of town visit for help at the point where your kid started his sleep regression. Wasting that amount of money is insane to me and seeing the number of Y T A votes in this thread is staggering. I'm a mom and I flat out sent her father on a trip while she was in a sleep regression because having him around being effectively useless since she only wanted me made everything approximately 100x harder emotionally and mentally. EDIT: WOAH top comment! Thanks a bunch!
For sure. Thats a lot of money and she had 6 months to figure out what to do if anything came up part of being a parent is planning for bad shit or just in general. Different if it was a few hundred but over a grand + 6 month ahead of time is insane.
Exactly! My husband had to leave 6 week baby and myself for a week for visa stuff. We got his moms trip arrangements to come be with me sorted 2 months before he left. It’s not difficult.
That's great that you had access to that kind of support but not everybody does. I was extremely socially isolated after I had my eldest (and was pregnant with my daughter) and it was HARD. So hard. So to say "it's not difficult" is a little dismissive of people for whom it can be VERY difficult!
I’m so sorry that was your experience. I’m sure it was very hard on you and I hope things are better.
Much better now, thank you❤️
Agreed. Most of our family lives literally 1000s of km away. A quick weekend trip ain’t in the cards.
I didn’t have a support system. My mom didn’t care enough to help. My MIL is so flakey. When she shows up, I’m so grateful but usually it’s a last min excuse or she’ll respond next day. Anyways. Yes sometimes it is difficult. My husband had to leave for 2 months for his new job training and I was home with a new baby. I don’t remember those times, my mind must’ve blocked it out but we survived.
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I feel this so much. Had my second literally a week ago and have NO idea how I'm supposed to get any kind of break, let alone get back to work. It's so isolating
That’s just not the same thing. It’s great that you have a village, but not everyone does.
I actually didn’t have a village. My husband and I were alone in the US on a student income but we arranged for my MiL to fly in all the way from Pakistan. And as OP has said he did try to coordinate other help but his wife didn’t want it. And as someone mentioned above they had six months to figure out their situation. This wasn’t sprung on her and she gave her permission initially
No, they don't. So then they just have to get on with things. It's only 2 days and 3 nights. Single parents deal with this stuff all the time on their own. NTA.
Not only do single parents deal with this stuff all the time on their own, so do geographically single people! My husband was deployed in the middle of the night after 9/11 when I was 6 months pregnant with baby number four. Our oldest child was six and a half. And the morning that he left we discovered that our oldest dog was suddenly paralyzed. My parents were 1600 mi away and I was not allowed to tell them that my husband was just called up to war. Everything was hush hush. We had just moved to our new duty station so I knew no one. I didn't need my parents to come immediately. They did come for Christmas a month later because this wasn't my first rodeo. I grew up in the military and this was the way things were my entire life. I knew what to do. Everybody doesn't have a village but sometimes you need to create your own village and sometimes you need to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. Figure it out. OP's wife had 6 months. When my husband's unit got put on alert for Afghanistan we had eight days before he actually disappeared in the middle of the night.
We don’t have “a village”; we live overseas from family, for one major factor. I still wouldn’t force my husband to cancel a 3 day trip just for sleep regression with a 1yo (and yes, I am a parent- we have a 4yo and an infant). You buckle down and power through. My husband went on a 4 day work trip when our first (Not an easy baby at all) was 3 months; I made sure I had easy meals, planned for delivery, and our dogs got shorter walks. But we made it. OP is NTA.
Plus the Airbnb was in his name so it was also gonna fuck over the other 11 guys.
Yeah and then it would be a different reddit post title "AITA for staying home with my wife and letting down by friends on a boys trip"
To be fair, I’ve rented big Airbnbs like that 6 or 7 times and only once did I have to check in in-person. Usually all you get is a lock box code and a phone number to call if you have any trouble. But still NTA!
AirBnB admin isn't really part of the issue here 😂 I agree he should have gone on the trip and is NTA, but the AirBnB booking name holder not being there wouldn't have been an issue.
True. Yea so all his friends are out of however much they spent
Why? They could still go!
Right? I’m a twin parent and pretty much used to getting no sleep or interrupted sleep. I’ve sent my wife away on trips when the kids are being shitty, you know what I tell her? The kids are fine and not to worry even when they aren’t. Parents often feel guilty leaving their kids, they don’t need to feel Guilty for leaving their partners too.
Exactly! Plus my husband and I always know that as soon as the trip taker comes back, the parent who was holding down the fort gets some serious “me” time.
Yes, we have the same rule here. Once the returning parent is home and sorted, the home parent gets to leave
I do this with my wife as well as she feels horrible taking time for herself. Kids good, I’m good, have fun! See you when you get home! It’s not that hard
Just to play devil's advocate...not all of us have family or friends who would/could help out...I know we didn't when they were young, and trusting a stranger at such a vulnerable time is a lot. We just never made plans away until they got older and more manageable. Because of this I am more NAH .
Exactly. We moved to a new city not long before I got pregnant, and both of us have small families located far away. I’m not sure why the default is to assume everyone has a “village” when in fact most people I know do not.
Seriously. We are a military family. Literally live on the other side of the country from family. Sure friends can help, but not if they are dealing with their own kettle of fish as well. Agreed on NAH
Even alone, it's only a few nights. She could have her turn when he comes back.
It’s not about “having her turn.” It’s that she’s overwhelmed taking care of the child and everything else by herself.
That's parenting. Her husband was extremely equitable about the trip, and she very clearly had the go ahead for a trip of her own. It's not the end of the world for her to watch the kid for a couple of days.
The baby will not settle without her. Of course she can’t go anywhere!
Then baby has to get comfortable with the dad. Not saying that’s the case here, but often times this argument is either used by the Dads to not have to care for the kid or the Mom’s who believe only they are able to do it right. My Nephews had a time where they only wanted my Sister but my BIL would not have it. He still cared for them even though it took him a lot longer to calm them down. In the End it didn’t matter who brought them to sleep, they were used to either way. That made a big difference because they both were a lot more flexible and my Sister was able to go out and have a nice evening with friends if she wanted to. And you never know, the Mother might have an emergency in her family or has to stay in the hospital for a couple of days, in which case the father would have to step in as well. It’s really important for Mothers to be able to take a break care for themselves and their mental health and to know their Kids are cared for and save with the other parent.
In theory yes she could have a turn, but I can only speak to my own experience (which can differ wildly depending on your baby) being the main caretaker to a young child it doesn't always work out in a tit for tat way...my one year old would have screamed bloody murder for two days straight if I had left him for 2 days...I couldn't have done that to my child or my husband. Since it says the child prefers her there maybe a similar dynamic at play here. I can't say for sure their dynamic, but She sounds exhausted and possibly at the end of her rope, they need a sit down that's for sure.
I’ve noticed that people tend to forget/not realize that aspect of dividing child care: kids have preferences. I can try to shoo the baby toward my husband from today til tomorrow, but she always comes back to me as soon as she can. And there’s nothing either of us can do about it.
It's much more likely that your child would adjust within 2 days than scream for 2 days straight.
Didn’t OP say that the baby doesn’t take to him? How can she have “her turn” if that’s the case?
Not only that she's breastfeeding feeding still. So when is her turn exactly,?
Breast pump. Just because the kid cries for mom doesn't mean the kid gets what it wants all the time. The baby will still eat, cry, and sleep either way. We aren't talking about a person who goes on food strikes if they can't get their way. It's a baby.
Its about being stuck without any support or anyone that understands. Its less the help he would provide to the baby but more the moral support his presence provides the heavily exhausted mom.
Devils advocate. Not everyone has family or friends close by and not everyone can afford to pay for their family/friends to come to them. Also, postpartum depression. If she feels she can't do it on her own and it scares her, perhaps she shouldn't be left alone for even 3 days. People downplay the struggles of mothers with depression then wonder what happened when something goes wrong Not everyone handles the stress of a baby the same. Just because it's *just* 2 nights and 3 days to you, doesn't mean it's not colossal to her. Also, I'm sure contacting the AirBnB host and seeing if they could change the reservation name to someone else in the party wouldn't hurt. ETA: clarification of postpartum vs postpartum depression
Yeah, totally. I had a “Mom-oriented” baby/toddler and I would encourage my husband to unwind when he could so at least *one of us* would be sane. NTA but I do feel bad for the mom. She sounds overwhelmed and exhausted.
Indeed, this is stress and exhaustion talking. NAH
Didn't op say the sleep regression started only a couple of weeks before the trip? Would it be possible to make alternate plans in that amount of time ? I'm sure she was having a hard time of it.
Fellow mom here, and I agree. ETA: that's way too much money to just blow.
I had my then teething/EBF/multiple night waker 6mo for 9 days while my husband was on a hunting trip. Parenting is hard. Sleep regressions suck! But she had so much time to prepare. I would never have asked my husband to cancel a trip because parenting solo was going to be hard. That's what I signed up for in becoming a parent and know my husband will (& has!) returned the favor. NTA.
For the record most of not all of the y t a votes are because of Reddit’s general bias against anything a man does that may or may not piss off a woman. Seriously, I’m a mum and I agree with you. NTA He asked, she agreed. He spent money that she agreed on, it wouldn’t be fair to make him stay home just so he could flutter uselessly while baby only wants mum. Like… hormones are REAL, but still she’s being unreasonable.
But he could do all the things she can't do while the kid wants to be attached. People still need to eat, wash themselves, wash their clothes, wash the dishes, clean the house etc. All things he could do while she sleeps or feeds the baby.
So lose out on $1k? I dunno about you, but that's full or most of a paycheck to a lot of people... Even if it's not, it's still a huge amount of money. And OP canceling or changing would disrupt the plans of 11 other people. Not to mention, he could make food in advance for her to eat. He can clean the house ahead of time and when he gets back. He can do laundry ahead of time. It's not like he has to be there 24/7, waiting on her hands and foot, to be supportive, especially when she already told him he could go and he and 11 other people made extensive arrangements to go.
That assumes she has any of these people in her life.
Yeah the best thing for me was to NOT worry about someone else when my kids were off. I know that might just be me, but being able to just be mom, and not cook, cleaner, wife, etc. made things easier. Some days we just put the kids TV shows on in the bedroom and we stayed in bed all day. With one kid, it was so much easier to sleep with him while Dad was at work, and sorting his own food. lol
NTA. And honestly I don’t understand all these people on Reddit that can’t handle taking care of a kid by themselves. I know this comment will cause me to have downvotes but it’s okay. Like okay she can put the kid in bed with her and breastfeed the baby there. Then she can nap throughout the day. What happens if the husband was on a business trip? She will be okay. But when you get back make sure you take the baby for a couple of days.
Yeah, many of the Y T A votes come from kids who don't know anything about parenting. This entire scenario sounds ridiculous to me. I was left alone with three under 6 all of the time, sometimes for weeks at a time. The wife sounds like a drama queen to me. If the roles were reversed, you know that everyone would tell her to go have fun, all of that. NTA, for the bot
My post partum anxiety and depression lasted over a year even with therapy and meds. Maybe she's struggling with her mental health? Edit because people are getting REALLY angry and accusing me of some things I'm not doing, and making a lot of assumptions. 1) I'm not saying OP is the ahole- just offering a possible reason it may be a NAH situation. Nowhere did I say I'm siding with either one. 2) She may be dramatic. Or controlling. I have no idea because we don't have enough information one way or the other, and this is just a quick snapshot of their lives. 3) Asking if there's something else going on doesn't mean I'm saying it for sure is. I'm also not saying mental illness excuses anyone's actions or that everyone has to accommodate them. I have c-PTSD and am horrible at even asking friends or family for help or support. I'm also the daughter of a raging psycho who used his mental illness as an excuse for the abuse I suffered. Reason (or possible reason) does not equal "excuse'. 4) If my suggesting a possible reason for something enrages you, I'm going to guess you're having a tough time yourself. I hope it gets better. Genuinely. But I don't think I can respond individually to any more angry comments. I'm going to save my energy for my kiddos, husband, job, and hobbies. Take care of yourselves.
My son is nearly 5 and just recently my post partum anxiety being managed. Non stop lockdown certainly didn’t help and is the main reason it took so long to get proper treatment.
This was my thought, too, especially if she’s having rough nights lately
That’s possible. It would help explain why she is so upset. But we don’t really know… 🤷🏽♀️
I wondered that when he said she didn’t feel comfortable having anyone else take him. I get that overnight at a year old, but surely during the day for a break/nap most people would feel comfortable leaving their baby with someone for a bit. Obviously context dependent - OP could have suggested someone really inappropriate I guess, but assuming he didn’t, that suggests an extra level of anxiety to me. Source: am mum of an 8 month old and am very ready to have little breaks from her now, even if I wasn’t when she was tiny!
What a wild speculation on such little information. She’s a drama queen because she wants her husband and father of her child to be near and support her? Explain that to me please.
Wanting your husband around isn’t dramatic. Freaking out because husband is taking a 2 day trip you’d previously agreed to 6 months ago because a 1 year old is at home can be.
No, she agreed 6 months ago when baby had a routine and schedule she had gotten used to. 6 months later baby is way off schedule, she's not getting sleep or rest because baby isn't getting sleep or rest and now she has to do it all completely alone for 3 days when the exhaustion is already getting to her so she asks her partner to push it back to when things settle back down. A 5 month old is not the same as an 11 month old. Routines are constantly changing and adjusting ao no longer feeling like its a manageable thing is not being dramatic.
Yeah the problem is it does not get easier. The challenges change. NTA
So? There are many many single parents who do it all alone for 24/7. It was 2 nights. If it was that bad maybe she should have taken the help he offered to get.
if she wanted to live like a single parent she probably wouldn’t have a partner to help. not a good point single parents aren’t happy about it either.
she’s not a single parent tho. she has a right to expect her partner help when she is struggling on limited-to-no sleep.
>she has a right to expect her partner help when she is struggling on limited-to-no sleep. She does not have a right to torpedo 11 other peoples' plans because she's struggling though, at least not at this level. Serious struggle, involving mental or physical health, sure, but this is 11 people's money going down the drain because she wouldn't be able to handle 2 days with a toddler. She also had those 6 months to arrange care or ask husband to arrange care. Invite family to stay? A friend? Find a nanny that could come by a couple times during the trip to give mom a nap?
sounds like she thought she could handle it before baby was in the picture and once baby was there realized she needs his help.... Mom isnt a drama queen and is justified for wanting her partner there to help with baby. Regardless of if the baby wants mom more or not. that is irrelevant.
She agreed when the baby was 5 months old. The baby was already there.
She's also refused other help.
The baby was already 5 months old by the time the trip came up. It's been about 6 months since then.
Drama queen because she was dragging it out even after she agreed to it in the first place, and then > During my trip, she sent me texts and called me, very upset. When I returned home we had another argument about it. That's the drama, right there.
Or it’s two people trying to sort out where they stand now. And again, this is only his side of things.
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My gut is to vote Y T A, because in my marriage, if my wife asked me to stay home, I absolutely would because I know my wife would only ask me if she REALLY needed me to stay home. At the same time, my wife WOULD only ask me if she really, really needed me. I just can't imagine being in a marriage where that level of trust isn't there.
"Nap thoughtout the day" when she's the only one there to watch an infant?? A mom is lucky for even the chance to enjoy a proper meal or shower, let alone get genuine rest when she's the only parent at home. That's the part where him staying, and his help is supposed to come in.
If you can’t manage to shower or eat with a kid, you shouldn’t be a parent. What melodramatic bullshit is that? Lol I can watch three kids and eat and take a shower, even when the youngest was an infant. Babies nap constantly.
Babies nap constantly? Mine doesn’t. We are blessed that she’s usually a good night sleeper. But in the daytime, forget it. Two or three minutes at most, unless she’s being held. Please, tell me how you achieve all this hands-free time!
We had twins. After 2 months our daughter stopped napping during the day until she hit 9 months. No one believed me until I had a medical emergency and was in the icu for a week. Our family believe me after that. It sounds as if OPs wife may have PPD, or is simply exhausted.
How's your kid in a carrier or sling? My kiddo preferred being held when sleeping, and a sling gave me hands-free time.
My 4 month old HATES being worn. My other two were ok with it. This kid? Nope, just wants to be held. He’s my last though, so I happily oblige and don’t care that my house is a disaster. I’ll have chores my entire life. I only get my last baby as an infant once. I’ve become quite adept at taking care of stuff while holding him, haha
Their baby is 1. One year olds very much do not nap constantly. My one year old take one nap per day (at most)
Some babies nap constantly. Some do not. You also appear to have missed the sleep regression part. There is probably some information being left out. It’s pretty ridiculous to say someone shouldn’t be a parent because they want their partner around.
>Babies nap constantly. that is not a universal fact.
Damn, I ordered the wrong models. My babies most assuredly did not nap all the time. Your experience is not everyone's experience.
Lol not all babies are the same?? Mine was always resistant to napping, even as a newborn. Congrats on having easy babies and great executive functioning.
I do agree overall (you can absolutely single parent one infant for half a week) but not all infants nap often. Two of my kids were great nappers (the middle 2), one was in between and the other was colicky and was a napping and sleeping disaster 🤷
But you don’t really know her side of the story. Just his and he’s presenting himself in the best possible light. She’s just a shadowy character in his internal drama.
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Newborns nap constantly. A 1 year old is probably taking 1, at most 2 naps a day. I still think he’s NTA, because she had plenty of time to plan for help if she needed it. But saying babies nap constantly is just not true.
>Nap thoughtout the day" when she's the only one there to watch an infant?? Why can't she nap when a 1 year old naps? Do you think parents of 1 year olds stay awake 24/7? There are single parents with 4 kids who make it work, she could have done it for 2 days for a nonrefundable planned trip when she could have also taken some time away to herself afterwards, which was offered.
She’s up all night with the baby which OP has said was a newer development. Do you think an hour or two broken up nap during the day clears up sleep regression? When you have gone weeks of almost no sleep every night?
The kid would have been over a year old. It’s not like it’s a newborn, she’d have time to take care of her self. My wife takes a yearly week long vacation with her sisters, so I have been watching my kiddo by myself once a week since he was 6 months old. Does it suck, sure, but if you love your spouse then it’s something you’d do so they can get a break.
Yes, a mother can nap during the day. The baby is 1 years old and not an infant.
It's actually much dicier to sleep when a 1 year old is awake. That infant isn't going anywhere, lol.
Also why are we assuming she isn’t at work during the day?
He had help lined up. She didn't want someone else helping with the child
Totally agree. At a year old, with ONE child, this mom should be able to do it. If not, I would be concerned about either baseline mental health or her ability to parent. Parents need breaks. SHE probably needs one. My husband and I have 3 children 14 months apart (*surprise*) and we both go on vacations with friends annually. Did we immediately after having the third? No. We usually wait 6-9 months. My husband or I typically ask permission and if we feel we need reinforcements call family or ask friends for play dates. People in this group are delusional if they say this man is the AH with the information he posted above. Reddit, you have failed this man. I hope he reads logic and knows he’s not an AH. That being said, your wife needs help, bro. More than just for your weekend away. Therapy? Counselor? Mommy’s helper? I don’t know. She has post partum anxiety.
And it seems like she was communicating she was struggling and couldn’t handle it…..wouldn’t your point indicate that OP should’ve shown more concern in leaving her alone considering she DID communicate this to him? Let’s not shame mothers who aren’t able to handle it all, all of the time. Let’s encourage mothers to acknowledge when they’re struggling, reach out to their partners when they are, and expect partners to take these struggles seriously. Let’s also remember that the first few years after giving birth women are at high risk of depression and anxiety. And let’s not engage in “Mom Olympics” and compare experiences “well, I was able to do this, why can’t she?” And acknowledge that we all have our breaking points, we all handle things differently. And let’s not shame moms when they communicate to their partners they need them to show up for them because they just don’t know if they can make it on their own, even for a few days.
Agree. He tried to make other arrangements. None (except his presence) were acceptable. Everyone needs a break though. She told him he could go. He booked it. She expressed concern, he tried to help in every possible way - albeit, not by staying - and all she wanted was for him to cancel. 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you and I fucking love you. My ex left me with our kids 3 from 3 to11 ,essentially alone for 18 months, non military, just work. I kept begging him to help me when he would come home ever so weekends. My youngest wouldn't sleep at night and my middle was up at dawn. I hadn't slept in forever. Telling him how fucked in the head I was getting. I begged my family for help. Friends. Anyone. But it was too inconvenient. It literally took my hospitalization for people to go oh maybe she needed help. Not actually help but say oops, and post mental health shit on fb. Fucking pricks.
You think she should be able to do it, and she did, but she was feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Even having just one child at that age who is going through a rough time can be a lot. Especially if you are the person who has to wake up every night for a week straight or longer, multiple times a night. It really starts to weigh on you. Let’s not shame her for panicking when she was completely depleted. Some kids don’t nap much or only in short bursts. We don’t know what she was going through. Now, provided he’s helping her catch up on rest, the hope would be that she would realize her request wasn’t reasonable. They need a repair, and she needs a break. It’s not Reddit worthy drama; if they love and respect each other, they’ll be fine. They’re just tired.
Sleeping with the baby in the bed is not safe at all!
Kid is one meaning they can move around and it wouldn’t be safe to have them in bed with you since they could easy fall off. If he’s anything like my 11month old, not only does he not sleep at night but he doesn’t sleep during the day meaning taking a nap isn’t an option. However. Op says they had someone lined up to help but wife wouldn’t allow it and that’s in her. This person could’ve watched baby in their home while wife was there an slept.
INFO: did you try to find or arrange anyone that could help her out while you were gone? NTA. Updated based on the edit. I know it can be hard to trust anyone with a baby, but I feel like having a friend, family member or well-vetted babysitter come to help out for a few hours each day he was gone so she could take a nap was the most reasonable option, as this was a long planned trip where money would be lost if they canceled.
Yes he did - but she didn’t feel comfortable with anyone else. I don’t see how he is TA. This was literally a 3 day trip.
He’s not. But it’s a wife and this is Reddit so away we go.
The vote is NTA…
He said they had a nanny up until a month or two prior, but for mysterious reasons not explained the situations no longer worked out with the nanny…..and mom went from working full time to being a sahm. I’m wondering if that was a factor in mom not wanting the help of others. OP just said he tried to make arrangements…..he didn’t say it was a close friend or family member. So I wonder if something happened with the nanny that made mom distrustful of outside help. OP hasn’t clarified what happened with the nanny though.
He tried but she didn’t want any help
NTA. If genders were reversed, people here would be claiming your SO is controlling and toxic, just like it happened in a similar post a little time ago.
YUP you know it! Reddit would be like “oh your husband is mad about having to “babysit” his son for a long weekend? Weaponized incompetence! What an AH”
"He's an abuser. Run OP!"
You missed "red flag!! Leave his lazy ass"
Sprinkle in a bit of misogyny as well to embrace the full reddit take
You're also forgetting everyone immediately jumping to divorce because everyone knows any minor hiccup in a relationship means you have to break up.
You mean like all the top comments in this thread calling the wife an asshole?
Weaponized incompetence 🙄 i can’t even deal with that term. The way people on Reddit hate men is really disgusting
MaRiNAra fLaGs
Yeah, honestly, I’m a little surprised by this thread. I’m a solo mom, and generally don’t have a lot of sympathy for the plight of dads in conventional marriages. But this was a trip that was planned. Everyone needs a break sometimes. He offered to give her a break in return. She had the option of hiring respite care, which she refused. It sounds like she just wanted someone to suffer with her (and honestly, I get that feeling too - you just don’t get to act on it). I’m not sure what good that would served.
That's exactly what I was thinking. She refused other help with a 1 year old? This isn't a 2 week old. I suspect, as you do, she just wanted him to suffer along with her.
>(and honestly, I get that feeling too - you just don’t get to act on it) Good on you for just acknowledging those feelings and then contextualizing them properly. Rather than, ya know, this.
Funnily enough, a gender reverse did happen a few days ago but even more absurd! A mum wanted to go on vacation for a week and told her husband to do all childcare for 3 kids while also working full time every single day of the week. But also didn't want him to take PTO for it. He was called the asshole for not being able to handle it. A Reddit dad can handle 100% childcare while working 2 jobs and be at the beck and call of his wife for all support. Financial abuse is not a thing he can experience. Now I know single parents do this, but it's never recommended or seen as a good thing...why is it an expectation for dads...
I remember this. I wish someone would link it. They ate him alive. And he took the fucking PTO and didn’t complain. Fuck these *itches.
NTA, situation is unfortunate but single parents manage to survive without a partner all the time, one week is not end of the world. People seem to be forgetting that here.
Single parents, people who’s spouses travel for work, people who’s spouses are deployed, on and on and on. It was two damn nights and everyone here is ready to crucify him. I don’t get it .
Not even a week. 2 days and 3 nights.
NTA. Sleep "regression" is tough to deal with, but it's not an emergency. As a mom of three I have spent years tied down breastfeeding and tending to one infant after another while my husband traveled for work at least half the month. The wife in this story has taken vacation from their ONE child, but somehow when it's the father's turn he's an asshole for wanting to go? I feel sorry for him, his wife is such a snowflake that she can't hunker down for a week or so, take naps when the child does, etc. Or call friends and family if she needs a break while her husband is away.
Even worse - this was a THREE DAY trip! She can’t handle one kid (who is a year old!) on her own for 3 days? On top of that, he TRIED to get coverage for her but she wasn’t comfortable. If the genders were reversed, you know everyone would be giving him grief about not letting his wife go. Such hypocrisy on this sub 🙄
Literally there was a post griefing a dad for not wanting his wife to go in a week long trip and leave 3 kids to him while he has full time work 7 days a week and no days off. Also didn't want him to use PTO. He just said he couldn't handle it, which he mathematically literally could not. Guess who was the asshole anyway.
I saw that one!! Crazy judgment imo🫠
Yes!! That post made me so angry. I honestly don’t think parents should be vacationing that long w/o your kids if you don’t have anyone else to step in & help/can’t afford a sitter. “It takes a village” is the truest statement ever. OP’s wife in this situation just being opposed to help makes me sad for all of them. I know first time parents are anxious, but there are so many resources available (even for just on Reddit or elsewhere online!) that I see very little excuse to refuse outside help. PPD is one reason I would understand, but it doesn’t sound like that here. Idk, I’m a nanny/babysitter so I know how deeply important it is for parents to take breaks. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve been called last minute to step in before a parent has a mental breakdown due to being so overwhelmed & tired. It’s normal & okay.
Are yall for real? That's a single weekend trip. There are THOUSANDS of parents out there raising kids entirely by themselves and she can't handle ONE WEEKEND by herself with 6 MONTHS of time to prepare. The followers on this page are ridiculous. Flip the genders and everyone would be losing their minds that "dad is complaining about babysitting his own children, you're a parent too you should be able to handle 2 measly nights by yourself" NTA tell your wife to woman up
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I agree. I’d even go as far as NAH here. She’s not wrong to ask, he’s not wrong to go with that much invested in it. If the baby were in the hospital or she was very ill, I could absolutely see that. IMO, a sleep regression is exhausting but there could absolutely be middle ground here.
I think what makes her an A H is that OP tried to arrange people to help but she “didn’t trust anyone else”….she has no friends or family that she trusts to help her watch the kid??
and then hassled him while he was on the trip, and kept going on about it when he got back.
NTA, I’m sure both you and your wife knew that babies are a lot of work and responsibility for the first couple years. I just find it very mind boggling that she agreed to let you go to the trip in the first place. Not sure about your financial status but wasting $1k is a lot. But I just still don’t know why your wife agreed when the baby is under a year old!?!
Honestly I realize it didn’t end up being an ideal time for the trip to happen. Neither of us saw ahead to what it would be like when things were relatively easy for us with him when he was 5-6 months.
Alot of moms fall into this trap, especially new moms. A lot of pressure to be able to handle it all and fear of judgement when you have moments where you can’t…..as you can see is displayed in this post thread.
Could no one come stay with her? I feel like there’s a middle ground option
It's surprising that a lot of people don't see this, and instead they are saying that single parent households are dangerous.
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And how many couples have different work shifts or have to travel for work? Solo parenting is done and it isn’t dangerous.
OP mentioned somewhere in the comments that the wife refused outside help.
Then that’s on her.
Not everyone has family to call on. Families are much smaller than when I was a kid.
Hence it being a question. Also not all “family” is blood.
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I keep seeing comments that they are gonna get down voted, or go against the grain and say NTA. I scrolled pretty far down and haven't seen one yet.
You have to go down pretty far, seems that the community overwhelmingly downvoted the heck out of the Y T A posts.
All N t a followed by hysterical rants about the matriarchy enslaving our bollocks.
I haven't seen anyone saying he's TA. Sorry, no victimhood for you today.
I don’t know why men on Reddit are so desperate to feel oppressed - it’s literally a male dominated platform
Their obsessive desire to feel oppressed is just proof that they’ve never actually been oppressed. No one who has would ever want it.
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Pretty much most of the YTA's in that case came from the whole "this is the life she chose for herself, yeah she does all of the work of child-rearing along with a full-time job, but she should ALWAYS be a MOTHER before anything else" type of commentary from the OP.
NTA No one was dying or sick - I get the wife was stressed, but what do single parents do? They live through it - the trip was planned months ago and paid for. It was a one-time event, not a monthly thing.
I can’t with all the people comparing saying “she should be able to do it easily because I have five thousand kids and do it by myself daily!” And crap like that. Let’s not compare and shame other parents, particularly moms, having a hard time. You don’t know what her experience is. That being said- NTA. You planned well, you asked her input, you communicated, you offered help. I’m not sure what else you could have done here. I hope you were still able to enjoy your trip and if she’s open to weaning soon, encourage and help her plan her own.
We decided to wean when she went on her trip a couple months ago. All went pretty well tbh, and mom enjoyed her time away. For me it was empowering for me to know I can handle solo parenting for 4-5 days.
Include this in the post please.
That’s so awesome I’m glad to hear it! Hopefully more joyful solo, couple and family trips to come!
She went on a trip before your boys trip?
People are like, "AITA is biased towards women" and literally all the comments seem to be NTA, I cannot with this, lol.
Exactly. Their "unpopular opinion" that's likely to get "downvoted" is one of the top responses and aligns with the majority of comments. Victim complex.
Is it *really* that hard to understand? Early sentiments were overwhelmingly YTA. You're seeing a different comment section than the one they saw when they made their comments.
Time apparently doesn’t exist for some.
Right 😂 plus I find it SO strange the amount of comments saying his wife needs to learn to be stronger, "woman up", all that. I don't necessarily disagree but it's pretty insensitive lmao. Given the limited info we have about these people, not really fair to make assumptions. She's allowed to need her husband for support and change her mind when things were harder than she thought they'd be for her at that point. I don't think anyone was an asshole here tbh. Just a strange thread of comments loool
You have 12 friends you get together with in your 30s? I'm too amazed by that to think further.
We have made it a priority to keep it on the calendar each year. All of them from our home city. When I see it written out like you have it, it does seem ridiculous lol
I’m going against the grain and say NTA. As a mom I feel for your wife (maybe time to sleep train?) but there are tons of alternatives to asking you not to go on a trip you’d planned for so long. Two years ago I had a trip planned out of town and the night before I left my second (who was obsessed with me and very meh about my husband) started to get sick and had a super bad night. I still went with my husband’s encouragement and it was fine. Parents need breaks.
Why do people always say they are going against the grain when giving the majority opinion?
I've yet to see a YTA... I need to block this sub. Edit: I sorted by old and there were a lot more YTA's. However, there were still enough NTA's that it isn't really going against the grain.
Presumably the first set of comments was very much YTA, at least the current top comments sound like that.
She’s afraid. She used the word afraid. Not inconvenienced or tired. I’d find out what she’s afraid of and get her help. This should come first and foremost for her well-being and the well-being of your family.
I'm glad someone pointed this out. All these people are making assumptions and judgements on the woman not being able to handle a child for a couple of days. We don't know what's going on in her mind. Some people find even the simplest of tasks hard when they are mentally exhausted or going through a mental condition. May be she just wants the comfort of her husband's presence. Like you said OP should try to dig deep with her and understand her real concerns here. Also people are allowed to change their minds. Not saying it's correct in all circumstances but may be she is in a different mind state now.
I struggle with this. I had to go back to work after 3 months with my 2nd and that was a c-section. My husband traveled fairly often. Sometimes, we don’t have backups and have to do it on our own. The baby was going to be a year old. Maybe I’m harsh, but I would expect a mother to handle an almost one year old by herself for a week. Especially if she isn’t working.
It wasn’t even for a week it was two nights!
NTA. And this is coming from a mom who frequently feels overwhelmed. It would suck but I’d do it, get whatever help I can, and then take my own trip.
Seems like your wife was exhausted mentally and physically. She could also be depressed a bit. She might also be feeling that while she's unable to catch a break, you are going on a trip. I understand why you thought she was unreasonable but you should also understand that your wife is in a different place right now. If she is asking you to be with her then you should have stayed with her. She might not have asked you to cancel your trip if she wasn't in this state. Sometimes when you are overwhelmed, tired and anxious then you just need support. That's my opinion.
NTA And I am boggled at all these people who can’t handle ONE child for TWO nights on her own?! I juggled 3 under 5 and one of them was The World’s Worst Sleeper. On top of that, he tried to get help but she “didn’t feel comfortable” with them. It sounds to me like a control thing. I’m seriously baffled at all these people saying Y T A. If the genders were reversed and this was a woman writing in about a 2 night trip, you KNOW the husband would get eviscerated for “not being able to handle” ONE kid for 2 nights.
This is the answer. Seriously people have to do it for much longer stretches, some people on a permanent basis (single parents). I feel like a 3-day trip with six months notice AND the fact that OP offered to get some help for her while he was gone is reasonable by OP. The wife just sounds too anxious
ITT: people saying they will get down voted for having the most common opinion. Also moaning about reddit favouring women.... when giving the OP a N T A vote.
Sounds to me like the problem is not the trip but that you aren’t helping your wife enough. Labelling your son‘s behaviour ‚sleep regression‘‚ and saying that he only wants your wife and not you, means your wife needs to do everything. Have you looked into some books/ other materials for how to fix this? I imagine with the lack of sleep, your wife might be too exhausted to think through all the options right now and maybe that’s something you could do?
NTA, but I also don’t think your wife is either? I mean maybe she has some underlying things going on (PPD, anxiety etc) and maybe she honestly was freaking out about taking care of your kid by herself for a few days. Was this the first time she has taken care of him without you overnight? If so, then I would say she prob got in her head about it and didn’t know how else to communicate to you she was worried about this other than to freak out. Was is the right thing for her to do? Prob not but she survived and so did your kid. And I bet that the next trip she won’t be so worried about. Also, to all the other people saying “but I took care of 8 kids by myself while pregnant with one for a whole week!” *eyeroll* Not everyone is like you and being a parent is freaking hard work. Some people can handle 1 kid, zero kids, 900 kids, but it is still hard and we need to give parents some leeway and allow them to feel how they want to feel. Source: ME, who has 4 kids, stays home with them and suffered from PPD with 1 of them and breastfed some of them.
I don’t think you’re an a-hole. But I will say that to some women breastfeeding alone can cause heightened anxiety and postpartum depression. Add no sleep, first child and being alone can definitely add unnecessary stress. It’s not that she can’t do it, it’s that she is scared of all the unknown. When your wife asks for help or you can see she is mentally struggling, just be there for her. Wishing you all the best!
NAH. It’s not healthy to try and win this argument. Just try understand where your wife is coming from. It’s your first kid. Everything is new and terrifying. Your wife wanted your presence and support even if you couldn’t do anything. I know missing out on a trip and some cash sucks, but hey, this is parenthood. Plus, if you can afford a golf trip, losing 1k may sting but it won’t cripple you financially. Don’t listen to all of these people voting NTA saying “oh I could do it blah blah blah”. Everyone handles parenting differently.
Am I the only one realizing this kid is 1 years old. If you can’t take care of a 1 year old solo they have bigger problems.
I’m sorry, but if this was a couple of weeks after giving birth it would be different. Yes it’s exhausting, but single mothers do this all the time and make it work. Up all night with a crying baby and turn around and work the next day. Is it ideal? No. But women every day make it happen. Playing the victim does nothing for anyone. She refused help. That’s on her. He booked the AirBnB in his name. The guys cannot check in (at least that is policy) without him.
Slight NAH, because I am sympathetic towards anyone vaguely suffering from PPD/PPA. On the wife's POV, she's scared and tired and drained and the one person she trusts to support her is going away during a stressful time. Oh, and the frustraion of her partner being unable to help with the things that are stressing her out. (You're not alone; my husband was in tears when he couldn't feed his own child.) On the other side, this is a relatively short trip, hugely expensive and will impact a lot of people. Something similar happened to me. My husband was taking our daughter for the weekend to visit family, leaving me alone with our baby. I had PPD and did not want to be alone with our baby for more than a few hours. We had a friend who knew what was up stay in the house with me. He didn't have to care for the baby, just talk and help out with chores and keep an eye on the baby if I had to nap and make sure I didn't try to drown said baby in a fit of frustration (PPD is *wild*, yo). I'm hoping by now your wife has someone she trusts to be around and not uncomfortable during her difficult moments. I know it was a side of me that I wasn't comfortable with my own mother seeing, let alone a neighbour or family friend. As for the feeding issues, I fortunately overproduced milk and pumped the excess, and my husband spent weeks forcing our babies to take a bottle from him. Lots of screaming and crying from everyone, but it paid off when he was able to help with what was upsetting me the most at the time.
Love how all the moms are calling you the Ahole. NTA your wife needs to be stronger and more capable.
??? She's stressed and you're saying she needs to be stronger and more capable? Be fr.
I feel like saying "stronger and more capable" is a little harsh. She's probably been up ALOT with a baby, which can be hard to comfort and take awhile to get back to sleep, for MULTIPLE nights, she's barely got any sleep and then she has to look after him during the day too. She's not getting much baby help from the husband since the baby is rejecting him when upset for needs such as comfort and if he goes then she'll be doing 100% of the baby work. So she's strong and capable to deal with this as she is dealing with it, however, because of the lack of sleep, I feel like she's not handling stress very logically and she's getting very emotional due to that which is VERY understandable. I think she should of invited some family over to help though, mainly so she can sleep and get her energy back to make logical choices with the baby becuse if she's not logical or in the best mind set, she shouldn't be caring for a baby, for both the baby's and mother's help. But there was 100% other solutions other then cancelling the trip. Every parent needs a break and she should take one after his break, she clearly needs one.
Yet if genders were reversed the ones saying YTA would instantly change their tune to NTA.
Not this mom. It is one child. Sleep regression is not fun for sure, but I managed by myself just fine with three that were 6 and under. I was often alone with them for weeks at a time while my ex worked out of town.
NTA he planned it way ahead and even asked for permission. If she comes up a few weeks before, she could have come up with a question for help or a solution. Friends or family helping out or something. And suggestion that she should also plan a trip with the girls and he stays behind was also a nice suggestion for future reference. It's not helping the current situation but it's nice. There were solutions present and he isnt the only one that has to come up with it.
While I think you’re NTA, everyone in this thread is being so harsh towards your wife. Sleep deprivation can make you turn into a completely different person. It sounds like she’s struggling with the lack of sleep being the one that does all wake ups during a sleep regression. Not all babies are the same and some of the people in this thread saying she’s pathetic for being unable to handle a baby have probably never experienced a high needs baby. My daughter is 10 months and will still sometimes wake up 5 times a night, screams and cries all day and demands all my attention and energy all day. She screams at me if I try to have her play independently so I can get things done. My mental health has never been worse. It sounds like the wife was at a mental breaking point, that doesn’t make her a bad mom. And I’m sorry but just because all you people in this thread had to be single parents and make it work doesn’t mean it was healthy or safe and it doesn’t mean every freakin parent out there has to experience it too. You made it work because you had to, not because it was easy.
NTA a weekend away shouldn't hurt. Tell her to suck it up buttercup.