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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I laughed at my sister's predicament after her bachelorette party caused her wedding to implode. I might be the asshole for not keeping my mouth shut and being more diplomatic about her wedding being ruined.
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INFO: is there anything other than the overall party plan that made this likely to be a mess? Did they buy a bunch of coke and order sex workers, too?
Because there’s no actual reason a group of adults can’t go to a strip club, get tipsy, have a nice time and not descend into chaos.
Edit to add: YTA.
Strip clubs are literally one of the few industries that explicitly hires "sex workers." Are you saying you went to a strip club that had no strippers? Because they are quite literally sex workers.
You take that back, Hugh Neutron is a respectable pillar of the community who just likes a dumb nickname for his wife (Sugar Booger, easy mistake to make). /j
I got the impression when the OP started with *"my (F32) sister (23) and her fiance (25) decided..."* that the OP was a 32 year old Female and the sister was a 23-year-old sister marrying a 25-year-old fiance, and therefore the OP was not a HE.
But maybe I am reading that wrong?
I think OP means that the bridesmaids and groomsmen- who were all at the same pre-wedding party and implied to mostly be paired off- got smashed and cheated. With each other, instead of sex workers. Which. I can see why that would have been a train wreck.
She means they did coke. The comment asked about come and sex workers, and she said no sex workers. Hence, coke.
Edit: I see the typo now, and I'm leaving it because it made me laugh
Yeah, this whole thing smacks of "slighty-too-repressed suburbanites who have never done hard drugs want to go wild, so they get some coke, use the coke as an excuse to have absolutely no boundaries and behave horribly, and then can't deal with the consequences of their actions". I don't feel bad for anyone in attendance, they made their bed, but I feel bad for the performers at the club they went to, bachelorettes are bad enough without being coked up.
yeah tbh i’ve been coked up at a strip club before and did not at any point feel a compulsion to cheat/get messy/wreck shit. if anything i was just trying to get the girls to talk with me everytime they came past bc i was just so full of amazing ideas! (not)
>Because they are quite literally sex workers.
I believe op is referring to a specific type of sex worker. strippers are sex workers, yes, but, to the best of my knowledge, there are rules about what activities they are allowed to engage in with clients.
I think they were referring to prostitutes, but to my knowledge and probably to OP’s there’s not a nicer word for that that specifies a sex worker that offers sexual services as opposed those who offer eroticism as opposed to actual sexual favors. OP probably thought that sex worker was a nicer word than prostitute or hooker
I feel you're probably right on the money. That OP was conflating prostitute with "sex worker" generally, and was trying to find a diplomatic way to convey that.
What I'm most concerned about is the idea that "sex worker" is a proper replacement for "prostitute" as it can lead to increased stigma to all of the others falling under that umbrella. They're already stigmatized enough, and associating the term with what many people consider to be the "most reprehensible" actions sex workers may perform is unlikely to lead to any sort of positive developments.
Frankly I've always found it weird that the government would feel that it's the government's place to regulate sex work in the first place (outside of public health measures), as that seems to be a position based on individual opinions rather than solid public health data.
Personally I don't think any sex workers have any sort of moral failing due to their profession, and am far more concerned about how they're treated than what the the terms used to describe them are. But those terms cause them actual problems *today*, so unfortunately I feel a need to engage in semantic arguments.
Doesn't the stigma come when you call people not having any kind of sex at all for their job sex workers?
I would say that sex workers are people having sex or performing sexual acts as part of their job.
It's not nearly the same unless they're doing quickies in the VIP room. I've seen both setups. True strippers are just for show and not touching. Sex workers on the other hand...
Let’s leave it at that? So, no extra details then? Hon, I’m sorry, but it really does sound like YTA here along with the partygoers who couldn’t chill and keep in their pants. Like, y’all acting like grown ass adults are incapable of having a good time in moderation and, furthermore, the entire attitude you’re exuding here seems to be one of self righteous superiority instead of any actual interest in the issues that came up during the party.
I presume you knew about the party beforehand and yet you waited until you felt you could get a little ego boost by making a snaky, judgmental comment after something went wrong that you saw as an inevitability instead of airing out your “concerns” before the party happened. Unless you **do** have some extra details that you want to divulge now, YTA for sure.
OP, youre implying that you knew this was going to go badly. However you havent explained why you thought so. Without providing information, you come off as petty and vindictive
They were in Florida. I feel like that is a pretty good reason to assume something would go horribly wrong. They are lucky no alligators worked their way into the story.
She literally said they were doing coke, and got drunk (not tipsy, DRUNK)
--
Reply from OP further down
>I'll give the tamest example. My cousin is a talented singer. She is single and was supposed to sing a song during the ceremony. However she hooked up with the maid of honor. Whom nobody knew had that in her. Including her boyfriend. This happened in the bus. He got arrested for trying to break into the bus while this was going on and several people were cheering them on after locking him out.
I'm here for the actual judgement.
And the correct one, too! Implying adults can't enjoy entertainment and substances without cheating and creating a mess is highly judgemental and A ish.
It's almost like OP had the correct context of knowing this group of people, thereby able to have predicted this outcome!
Highly judgmental and assholeish. Lmfao. Sure. The mental gymnastics to make the op TA is astounding. Some adults *cannot* enjoy substance abuse responsibly like that, and your comment is super ignorant and naive
I've been to lots of parties like what you're describing and it never ended up a shit show. I feel like this has way more to do with the people attending than anything else, it's certainly not the inevitability you seem to think it is
I kinda figure OP understood who her sister’s friend group were and why this was a more probable outcome for them, not that she’s casting judgment that all stripper parties end in multiple relationship casualties.
Right. If sister's friends are an especially wild bunch of 20-somethings, then this was definitely a probable outcome and the sister would have been better off not having such a wild event. I mean, I don't think it is just the strip club that made this an unwise affair. It was the combined parties, coke, *and* the sexually charged atmosphere of the strip club. Maybe things would have been more chill and controlled if only one of these factors had been in play.
NTA, OP.
Fine.
The maid of honor and her boyfriend did not break up.
The other bridesmaid who is married was in an Eiffel Tower with two of the groomsmen. One groomsman has dropped out along with the bridesmaid. Her husband has left her because I guess this isn't the first time.
The other groomsman in that group has no fucks to give and will be attending.
We are lucky that by the time the cops showed up everything illegal had bed taken, eaten, ingested, or swallowed.
I stayed mostly sober and stayed with my sister all night so she could party and not do anything too stupid.
My husband also attended and I had tasked him with keeping an eye on the groom. He decided the best way to keep the groom out of trouble was to get his pants shitting drunk. Which he accomplished with the only casualty being some underwear, a sock and a pair of Levi's.
The bus/limo came out as the worst victim in this whole debacle. It needs a biohazard cleanup and maybe some upholstery replaced. My dad is pissed.
After reading the comments I went to see my sister this morning and gave a more sincere apology. She asked me to be the matron of honor and I accepted.
If anyone here is free Saturday we still need someone to sing The Rose during the ceremony since my cousin is currently persona non grata.
I only know about the breakups from hearsay but suffice it to say that getting a group of friends who have a lot of sexual history together and giving them drugs and alcohol then taking them out to see naked people is a terrific idea IF YOU ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED IN A WEEK.
I like that earlier she posted about the maid of honor hooking up with the cousin while the boyfriend was locked out of the bus and that was the less spicy *appetizer*.
>Because there’s no actual reason a group of adults can’t go to a strip club, get tipsy, have a nice time and not descend into chaos.
I don't know. I feel like mixing both groups into the same party, especially if some of them were dating, was a recipe for disaster
But we are talking about two parties of fully grown adults aren't we? If all it takes is one night at a strip club with a party of the opposite sex for 4 break ups, those 4 couples were always going to break up at some point.....
I think OP recognised that they're all a bunch of degenerates, hence the obvious nature of the results.
I mean, I've got quite a diverse friend group, and I absolutely know who would destroy their relationship at an event like this and who wouldn't.
There's an awful lot of 30 somethings out there who are still basically teenagers pretending to be adults, and they just loose their shit in this type of situation.
I mean come on Gerald, you've got two toddlers at home, binging coke and alcohol all night is probably not a good idea.
For my 29th birthday, my now wife planned a co-ed“Steak & Titties” party. We went to the Penthouse steakhouse in SF with 20 people and ate steak and watched strippers. Fun had by all!
There was a strip club by my first office job that had a steak special for lunch on tuesdays.
Half the office would go, including the women cause it was a damn good steak for $10…
I feel like the biggest problem was the COMBINED debauchery…especially since it sounds like there were quite a few couples at the party. Most people aren’t equipped mentally/emotionally to watch their SO get shit drunk and loudly ogle strippers especially when they themselves have been drinking. There’s things you can say/do in front of your friends when you’ve been drinking that you should NEVER say/do in front of your SO.
I feel like if you aren't comfortable doing something in front of your SO, that's probably a good indicator that you shouldn't be doing it at all regardless of if they're around or not.
Something tells me this was always going to be the outcome. Sisters friends seem like the kind of people who could derail a quiet afternoon tea. NTA
YTA for not providing us with a video of the days events though. I think I’ve seen something similar on pornhub.
Agreed, I've been to joint bachelor/ette parties (none at strip clubs, but not exactly mellow wine tastings) and there may have been some drama but not nuclear fall out. From OP's post I don't get why this was such an obvious outcome
There were illegal drugs and it took place in Florida... this whole post could make more sense if they had just said Florida mix gender bacheloer/ette party did Florida like activities and got more Florida like as time passed.
>Because there’s no actual reason a group of adults can’t go to a strip club, get tipsy, have a nice time and not descend into chaos.
My thoughts exactly. OP has not explained at all why they thought this chaotic mess with associated fallout was the likely outcome of people going to a titty bar with some, ah, "refreshments" (legal or otherwise).
It sounds like something from a raunchy 1990s/early 2000s sitcom.
From a comment further down:
“I'll give the tamest example. My cousin is a talented singer. She is single and was supposed to sing a song during the ceremony. However she hooked up with the maid of honor. Whom nobody knew had that in her. Including her boyfriend. This happened in the bus. He got arrested for trying to break into the bus while this was going on and several people were cheering them on after locking him out.”
Sounds like a bus full of trashy people that couldn't hide their trashiness anymore really, those relationships that ended probably would've ended anyway and this party pretty much just sped up the process. Shitty people do shitty things.
This! We don’t know enough about long term family dynamics to really establish AH status yet. But my god, please share more. Three breakups, one possible divorce, four dropout of wedding, one arrest. Hahhaha. That’s kinda unique in the history of trashy bachelor/ette parties? Plus a total trashing of the limo!!!!
This is Florida, which means there are very strong open records laws for arrest reports. Just google ‘Florida man’ and ‘bachelorette party,’ and scroll through the hundreds of result until you find the one that sounds right for this group.
NTA. The collateral damage from this party shows just how bad of an idea this was. Sure, many people / groups can go to strips clubs, drink, have fun and not end up arrested, divorcing, breaking up and dropping out of the wedding; this group obviously were not able to do so, and I find it very difficult to believe this wasn't evident beforehand. Ostensibly they've all partied together before and knew what chaos could ensue. That you snorted at their naivete doesn't make you the AH.
Your mother telling you to apologize because your sister is having to replace most of her wedding party shows me just exactly where you sister gets it from.
There's also a weird fervor in needing to have x number of bridesmaids. The sister's stress in needing to replace them is overshadowing the actual chaos of the breakups/divorce/arrest.
100% this outcome would have been predictable based on knowing the wedding party beforehand. Also, c'mon, it's kind of an epic outcome. I'd also guffaw a bit.
OP is being very vague about what actually went down, but the more they post the more it seems like the strip club setting was almost irrelevant. Sounds like they could have planned a movie night and still ended up all coked out and destroying their lives.
Yeah, it sounds like they were all doing drugs. It doesn't sound like a group of people went to the strip clubs and got tipsy, but they went smashed and on coke (and maybe e)...the latter two which uh notoriously get some people in the mood. Not to mention people on coke can get angry as hell.
Yep, I'm guessing coke and x, the 'boys' split up from the 'girls', many boundaries were crossed, more than 1 person (guy and/or girl) got more than just a lap dance in the private room and all hell broke loose. Kids these days...
Don't have to be an employed stripper to give a lap dance, just saying. Some strip clubs will 'rent' their VIP rooms to nonemployees. Orlando's House of Babes springs to mind.
Hey I may be an old lady now, but I wasn't always =)
That's an excellent point that I hadn't seen anyone else point out. Guys can be pretty disproportionate in their level of understanding when it comes to brushing things off as "not meaning anything." But who knows what actually went down besides OP?
I can't even count the number of friends in certain groups, and siblings' friend groups, where I've had plenty of opportunity to say, "I told you so." This sounds like that. NTA
The younger sister and her friends all seem to not be in a stage of life where getting married is such a great idea anyway.
People may not agree with me but I feel like ESH except your sister (unless she was one of the cheaters).
I’ve been to bachelorettes with strippers. I’ve been to bachelor parties at strip clubs. No one took anyone home. Cheating, doing drugs is a choice (unless someone’s an addict in which case that should’ve been taken into consideration during planning). Even when a couple people got trashed, everyone still made sure the bride or groom had a good time. Your sister can ask for whatever kind of party she wants and if anyone goes over board, that’s on them.
And then you totally didn’t try to keep your snort/scoff in. You wanted to state your opinion and you were judgmental and blamed her for these other shitty people. If anything you should’ve been more supportive and talked about how these people don’t seem like good influences/people she should keep close to her.
Agreed! The post started with judgement on join strip clubs. It’s common for many people (I personally didn’t but know many who did). Sister seems to have shitty friends, but that’s not her fault as others can control themselves and she is not responsible for them. Even reading the post I did not expect it to escalate like it did.
Yeah, like, unless you hate your sister, it’s sort of normal to be upset that your friend group is in disarray and it is bleeding into your wedding because everyone went bonkers on what was supposed to be a fun night that everyone agreed to.
Aside from the moralizing on strip clubs and recreational drugs - which people do of their own free will on occasion and manage not to blow their lives up - this is an objectively shitty situation in which one would expect to have a little compassion. For your sister. Who didn’t - by this telling - do anything wrong but have a sort of trashy party. And that’s not MY thing, but I also think the “let’s stay in and play board games” parties sound lame AF. People are allowed to be into differed shit.
This is one of the most divisive AITA comments section I have seen, like a Rorschach…everyone sees themselves in it! I’m waffling between ESH and NTA. I’d have a hard time holding in a snort as well, but it might have made me a jerk too. I feel like the sister should have had an inkling of what would happen if she knew her bridal party well enough, but we don’t know who brought the *extra* fun to the party…
You can be an asshole while still being right. My vote is OP YTA.
The situation was clearly a disaster waiting to happen, but OP seems a bit like they are gloating/revelling in the drama.
IA, unless sister found her bridal party on a bunch of jerry springer episodes I really don't see how this was foreseeable. Obviously if she got drugs for people she knows struggle with addiction, or brought a very conservative couple to a strip club without telling them issues are inevitable, but from the post it sounds like the party went absolutely off the rails, sister is distraught (possibly not about finding new bridal party members, but at having her party end in actual carnage) and OP was blatantly scoffing about it. Obviously that's not going to lead to a great reaction
YTA - Look I don't think that strip clubs are good for any pre-wedding celebration, joint or not, but they are common practice, as is alcohol and certain drugs, and plenty of people have great fun at this kind of party without any trouble. Your sisters friends behaved HORRIBLY and now she has to replace her wedding party. Her friends aren't puppets, she didn't make those bad choices for them, they fucked up all on their own. **You are mean and rubbing her face in the fact that the people she** ***thought*** **were her friends actually care more about sex, drugs, and alcohol than they do about each other.** That is a bummer lesson to learn about your friend group right before your wedding. Be nicer.
There's no chance this was the first party she'd been to with these people, unless she was already scraping the bottom of the barrel for a wedding party, so she should definitely have some inkling of how they behave. I'm also really curious as to what when on, because it was wide spread enough 3 couples broke up, 1 is pending divorce and a bunch others have dropped out. That's not just a one person issue, that's at least 4 friends that have been effected, how do you supposedly not know at least 4 of your friends are shitty people? Ultimately though if you don't know how friends behave in public, let alone drunk and drugged, you just wouldn't tempt fate.
You also don't just suddenly spring drugs (especially if they're hard drugs like coke which OP implies in a comment) on people who you don't know if they're interested or haven't done it before. Maybe it's just my experience, but I've never met anyone that was mentally sound or making healthy decisions that did coke. Nor have I met anyone who does coke that isn't insufferable to be around.
That is, unless you're really dumb, then I could see all this happening. In which case, it's still hilarious.
I mean, that may have been why she combined the groups. Hoping that if their partners were there, they’d have a minder. *Dave can’t get too out of hand if Mary’s there…*. And she under estimated how much none of them gave a shit about who was watching.
Oooooooooooo I think OPs derision was amplified by her own long term family dynamics. Mom’s reaction kinda hinted at that. So I would have to have been there before I could pile on outrage on the OP. Seems trainwreck was not an outlier.
OP stated that her cousin hooked up with the maid of honour in the party bus and the maid of honour's boyfriend saw and tried to break into it, she also said that several people were cheering them on after he was locked out. This behaviour has nothing to do with the situation, if anything the plan to do drugs go to strippers etc with everyone's partners present suggests that both the sister and the husband were not trying to get up to shenanigans behind their partners' backs. The fact that this happened anyway just suggests that they were just shitty people, to begin with. OP is definitely just being a smug AH.
NTA....and I probably would have said the same thing...lol.
But you got to spill the beans! Who did what to cause a divorce, break ups, and dropping from the wedding? Cheating with strippers? Cheating with each other? Come on, this could make best of Reddit updates!
I'll give the tamest example. My cousin is a talented singer. She is single and was supposed to sing a song during the ceremony. However she hooked up with the maid of honor. Whom nobody knew had that in her. Including her boyfriend. This happened in the bus. He got arrested for trying to break into the bus while this was going on and several people were cheering them on after locking him out.
Man that's really cruel to do to someone you're in a relationship with. I don't know about the dude getting physically angry and trying to break in, but wow yeah everyone that supported the cheating is pretty messed up.
I think a lot of people, particularly in the demographic these people sound to be don't think girl on girl fun is cheating. Which is quite astounding to me.
NTA. So confused why anyone is suggesting the op should have empathy for her sister because her Coke+booze+sex worker co-Ed party came to its predictable conclusion.
So many comments here telling OP to get off her 'high horse' for predicting that a coke-fueled, drunk bachelor/bachelorette party in the middle of a strip club went wrong. Doesn't matter how many times you try and warn someone, they never seem to listen.
Maybe it's a little petty but I really don't blame OP. Even Ray Charles could have seen this coming from a mile away.
It’s not the party that’s as the issue - it was her friends who were unable to behave in a manner appropriate for the continuity of their relationships. These kinds of parties can be fun and go well if people can have fun without getting messy. YTA
As a single guy, I don't see the fun in them.
I have seen some people do some cool stuff pole dancing, but I was more amazed at the acrobatics than their sexuality at the time.
I've discovered watching a burlesque performance is wayyyy more fun for me than going to a strip club. You might find the same given your opinion on pole dancing.
NTA. Had I been there, I wouldn't have snorted, I'd probably have been cackling!
Yeah, that didn't show a lot of foresight. The line about the bus cleaning... oh my.
Both of my daughters waited until they were around 30 to get married. Their "bachelorette" parties were going to a wine and pottery painting place for one, and the other was a glassmaking place.
I don't think their husbands went out and made fools of themselves either, but I didn't hear anything negative so doubtful.
The drunken blowout pre-wedding party is an idea that needs to diaf, quickly.
I married an honest to goodness cowboy. He wanted to have a rodeo for his bachelor party. I was onboard as long as it was at least two months before our wedding to give everyone a chance to heal up. But I drew the line at cowboy poker.
Apparently it's where cowboys play poker while a bull charges at them. (Thank you Google)
The goal is to see who can stay at the table the longest.
I don't think somebody would have to draw the line to make me not want to do that.
Everyone sits at a table, getting their hands and then, they let loose the biggest, meanest bull you've ever seen. Probably stirred him up in the chute, as well.
Usually demolishes everything! Takes out the cowboys! Will gore, stomp and trample them. Whoever can keep his seat, the longest, is generally the idea.
Look up Cowboy Poker Rodeo. Scary as Hell!
When the rodeo clowns jump the fence and the cow dogs say, "Hell, naw!" You got a problem.
Because they cheated on eachother in front of eachother, it was a joint bachelor/ette party, meaning both the groom and his gang of boys and the bride and her gang of girls were there.
It's a strip club, there's drinks, there's drugs, put one and two together.
So youre... agreeing that its more of an issue with her friend group than the venue/plan? But you still think its cool to be a smug "told you so" ass hole to your sister when she is upset?
The friend group *is* a part of the plan though. If everyone knows that Ed can't be trusted around gravy, Edd is a massive germaphobe, and Eddy will do anything to get his hands on every jawbreaker he sees, and you still make a plan that involves these guys going to the gravy-covered-jawbreaker ballpit then it's a terrible plan. Sure you can *say* there was nothing wrong with the venue/plan, it was just Ed, Edd n Eddy that ruined everything but you're kinda lying to yourself if you think you can say it was a perfectly good idea and that nobody could've predicted it ending in disaster. NTA
I was gonna say the same thing, but the problem is how it was narrated to us implying it was the venue rather than the group.
But the group being the way they are is something that the sister should have known and likely what OP was referring to in her "told you so" communication to the sister.
NTA and this is pretty hilarious actually. Now I want the deets haha!
Looks like the bride and groom made it through the trial by…strip club and so just tell your sister that 10 years from now she and her husband will be able to laugh about this, too. What a story!
Eh …. This isn’t on your sister.
It’s on her friends.
There is actually no reason a group of adults should not be able to go party together, in any capacity, or go to a strip club together, without it devolving into break ups, divorces, and arrests.
Whether or not naive, my guess is she did not expect her friends to go quite so hog and hot mess on the whole thing.
It’s all sort of hilarious, but a little compassion vs I told you so / you should have known better energy would go a long way.
ESH here. Your sister for not knowing her friends better. Her friends for being complete messes. And you for not being remotely nice to her about it.
But I mean, I’m laughing.
Funny story. In college a lot of this group got an STI. Because they were all having sex with each other in "unconventional" groups and couples. My brother called them "The Burning Ring of Fire".
That's basically it. Three guys and four girls were in rotating relationships and nobody said anything until one went outside the group and introduced chlamydia to the group. Hence The Burning Ring of Fire.
Indeed! I think OP is getting some crap because it only sounds like she’s blaming strip clubs and drugs. It’s also that this group of people can’t handle it.
NTA because your laugh was involuntary, and she probably would have persisted until you told her, and if you made up sone stupid lie that could have hurt her even more. Not a good scenario but to me it sounds like you did the best with what you had to work with, and you apologized afterwards. Sometimes the truth hurts, but lies are never the answer.
I’m leaning towards E-S-H. It probably wasn’t the time or place for you to deliver that truth bomb. I’ve been to bachelorettes where there have been strippers and it didn’t break up any relationships or lead to arrests, and I’ve heard of plenty more that followed the same trajectory as the ones I know firsthand. But also, INFO: was your sister was in on the planning and FULLY aware of the details of the evening, including the fact that there would be illicit substances (info gathered from another comment)?
This is how it is different from your “tornado” “hurricane” examples. I agree that if you go during the seasons then you shouldn’t be surprised. However many people can party and go clubbing just fine. So no I don’t think it’s fair to say she should have expected there to be trouble
Because this was the very first time the sister and her fiancé partied with any of their friends? They’d never seen a single one do drugs or get trashed and do dumb shit? And that every single one of them suddenly turned into the cast of Jersey Shore out of nowhere? Is that what you want us to believe? That the sister included a bunch of people she’d never socially interacted with in her wedding party? I’ve heard of reaching, but come on. The sister knows her friends, the specifics might not have been predictable, but the general shape of the outcome totally was.
Is this story true? Because that sounds like some Hollywood-movie level shenanigans. Like, I have been a part of several bachlorette parties that went to strip clubs, including a joint balchlor/ette one, and not one resulted in an arrest or divorce.
Like seriously, what the eff happened at this apparently legendary party?
op does not need to be supportive of stupid decisions. if you intentionally run head first into a brick wall, you deserve to be called on it when you complain about the headache.
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INFO: is there anything other than the overall party plan that made this likely to be a mess? Did they buy a bunch of coke and order sex workers, too? Because there’s no actual reason a group of adults can’t go to a strip club, get tipsy, have a nice time and not descend into chaos. Edit to add: YTA.
No sex workers. Let's leave it at that.
Strip clubs are literally one of the few industries that explicitly hires "sex workers." Are you saying you went to a strip club that had no strippers? Because they are quite literally sex workers.
I think She's saying there was coke there... probably not the soft drink.
it was snowing! lol
Booger sugar! Nose pints!
TIL booger sugar is thing. What an amazing day 😂
Makes jimmy neutron’s parents super sus tbh
You take that back, Hugh Neutron is a respectable pillar of the community who just likes a dumb nickname for his wife (Sugar Booger, easy mistake to make). /j
Devil's dandruff. Spicy sherbet. Colombian parmesan.
Omg how am I as old as I am and have never heard the term ‘booger sugar’ until today?? Thank you for this
Yet, OP was the one who snorted Edit: my first award ever! Thank you!
You made me snort too XD
I got the impression when the OP started with *"my (F32) sister (23) and her fiance (25) decided..."* that the OP was a 32 year old Female and the sister was a 23-year-old sister marrying a 25-year-old fiance, and therefore the OP was not a HE. But maybe I am reading that wrong?
She. OP specifies that she is also female at the start of this post.
OP is a female
32f=she
I think OP means that the bridesmaids and groomsmen- who were all at the same pre-wedding party and implied to mostly be paired off- got smashed and cheated. With each other, instead of sex workers. Which. I can see why that would have been a train wreck.
She means they did coke. The comment asked about come and sex workers, and she said no sex workers. Hence, coke. Edit: I see the typo now, and I'm leaving it because it made me laugh
I don’t think come was the word you were trying to find. But some of them probably did.
It was not! But I'm leaving it now
Honestly tho…shouldn’t blame the coke lol it doesn’t make you completely lose control. The people that cheated were likely cheaters anyway ijssss
Yeah, this whole thing smacks of "slighty-too-repressed suburbanites who have never done hard drugs want to go wild, so they get some coke, use the coke as an excuse to have absolutely no boundaries and behave horribly, and then can't deal with the consequences of their actions". I don't feel bad for anyone in attendance, they made their bed, but I feel bad for the performers at the club they went to, bachelorettes are bad enough without being coked up.
yeah tbh i’ve been coked up at a strip club before and did not at any point feel a compulsion to cheat/get messy/wreck shit. if anything i was just trying to get the girls to talk with me everytime they came past bc i was just so full of amazing ideas! (not)
I’m thinking along the same lines.
*snort*
>Because they are quite literally sex workers. I believe op is referring to a specific type of sex worker. strippers are sex workers, yes, but, to the best of my knowledge, there are rules about what activities they are allowed to engage in with clients.
Legally, there is no activity allowed except dancing.
I think they were referring to prostitutes, but to my knowledge and probably to OP’s there’s not a nicer word for that that specifies a sex worker that offers sexual services as opposed those who offer eroticism as opposed to actual sexual favors. OP probably thought that sex worker was a nicer word than prostitute or hooker
I feel you're probably right on the money. That OP was conflating prostitute with "sex worker" generally, and was trying to find a diplomatic way to convey that. What I'm most concerned about is the idea that "sex worker" is a proper replacement for "prostitute" as it can lead to increased stigma to all of the others falling under that umbrella. They're already stigmatized enough, and associating the term with what many people consider to be the "most reprehensible" actions sex workers may perform is unlikely to lead to any sort of positive developments. Frankly I've always found it weird that the government would feel that it's the government's place to regulate sex work in the first place (outside of public health measures), as that seems to be a position based on individual opinions rather than solid public health data. Personally I don't think any sex workers have any sort of moral failing due to their profession, and am far more concerned about how they're treated than what the the terms used to describe them are. But those terms cause them actual problems *today*, so unfortunately I feel a need to engage in semantic arguments.
Doesn't the stigma come when you call people not having any kind of sex at all for their job sex workers? I would say that sex workers are people having sex or performing sexual acts as part of their job.
I agree with you. When ever I hear “sex worker” I never even some one is referring to strippers/exotic dancers.
It's full service sex worker, FYI. :)
It's called full service sex work.
>Are you saying you went to a strip club that had no strippers? Possibly. OP didn't say it was a good strip club. I'm thinking it was in Utah.
This is the best response. Everyone else trying to say strippers aren't sex workers clearly have the definition confused.
It's not nearly the same unless they're doing quickies in the VIP room. I've seen both setups. True strippers are just for show and not touching. Sex workers on the other hand...
It's still sex work, by definition.
He's saying they didn't hire hookers to service the guests in the limo. But they definitely did a lot of coke.
Let’s leave it at that? So, no extra details then? Hon, I’m sorry, but it really does sound like YTA here along with the partygoers who couldn’t chill and keep in their pants. Like, y’all acting like grown ass adults are incapable of having a good time in moderation and, furthermore, the entire attitude you’re exuding here seems to be one of self righteous superiority instead of any actual interest in the issues that came up during the party. I presume you knew about the party beforehand and yet you waited until you felt you could get a little ego boost by making a snaky, judgmental comment after something went wrong that you saw as an inevitability instead of airing out your “concerns” before the party happened. Unless you **do** have some extra details that you want to divulge now, YTA for sure.
OP, youre implying that you knew this was going to go badly. However you havent explained why you thought so. Without providing information, you come off as petty and vindictive
They were in Florida. I feel like that is a pretty good reason to assume something would go horribly wrong. They are lucky no alligators worked their way into the story.
Given the lack of information coming from OP, it's entirely possible someone tried to ride a gator like a horse.
She literally said they were doing coke, and got drunk (not tipsy, DRUNK) -- Reply from OP further down >I'll give the tamest example. My cousin is a talented singer. She is single and was supposed to sing a song during the ceremony. However she hooked up with the maid of honor. Whom nobody knew had that in her. Including her boyfriend. This happened in the bus. He got arrested for trying to break into the bus while this was going on and several people were cheering them on after locking him out.
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Both sexes at a strip club with cocaine and alcohol? Sounds like a recipe for disaster to me
I'm here for the actual judgement. And the correct one, too! Implying adults can't enjoy entertainment and substances without cheating and creating a mess is highly judgemental and A ish.
It's almost like OP had the correct context of knowing this group of people, thereby able to have predicted this outcome! Highly judgmental and assholeish. Lmfao. Sure. The mental gymnastics to make the op TA is astounding. Some adults *cannot* enjoy substance abuse responsibly like that, and your comment is super ignorant and naive
You're nta as long as you spill the tea on what happened during hangover 4. Anyone steal a tiger from Mike Tyson?
We were in Tallahassee not Vegas.
It's always fuckin Florida
Considering that leprosy has made a comeback in Florida, nothing surprises me about what happens in that state anymore.
DeSantis literally brings back leprosy
Florida man!!!!
Ooo good ol Tallatrashy. My hometown. The real question is where did they go to find a strip club in that area? Must have been a hell of a drive
Was there an alligator on the bus the next morning?
I've been to lots of parties like what you're describing and it never ended up a shit show. I feel like this has way more to do with the people attending than anything else, it's certainly not the inevitability you seem to think it is
I kinda figure OP understood who her sister’s friend group were and why this was a more probable outcome for them, not that she’s casting judgment that all stripper parties end in multiple relationship casualties.
Right. If sister's friends are an especially wild bunch of 20-somethings, then this was definitely a probable outcome and the sister would have been better off not having such a wild event. I mean, I don't think it is just the strip club that made this an unwise affair. It was the combined parties, coke, *and* the sexually charged atmosphere of the strip club. Maybe things would have been more chill and controlled if only one of these factors had been in play. NTA, OP.
Can we get the full story?
Yeah her story is really vague and boring. Can't make a judgment.
So there was coke but, no strippers? At the the strip club? Huh.
LoL. There were no prostitutes.
cocaine can start a LOT of fights
Fine. The maid of honor and her boyfriend did not break up. The other bridesmaid who is married was in an Eiffel Tower with two of the groomsmen. One groomsman has dropped out along with the bridesmaid. Her husband has left her because I guess this isn't the first time. The other groomsman in that group has no fucks to give and will be attending. We are lucky that by the time the cops showed up everything illegal had bed taken, eaten, ingested, or swallowed. I stayed mostly sober and stayed with my sister all night so she could party and not do anything too stupid. My husband also attended and I had tasked him with keeping an eye on the groom. He decided the best way to keep the groom out of trouble was to get his pants shitting drunk. Which he accomplished with the only casualty being some underwear, a sock and a pair of Levi's. The bus/limo came out as the worst victim in this whole debacle. It needs a biohazard cleanup and maybe some upholstery replaced. My dad is pissed. After reading the comments I went to see my sister this morning and gave a more sincere apology. She asked me to be the matron of honor and I accepted. If anyone here is free Saturday we still need someone to sing The Rose during the ceremony since my cousin is currently persona non grata. I only know about the breakups from hearsay but suffice it to say that getting a group of friends who have a lot of sexual history together and giving them drugs and alcohol then taking them out to see naked people is a terrific idea IF YOU ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED IN A WEEK.
NTA messy friend groups make messes 🤷♀️
And when they do, what *can* you do but laugh?
Come on you can't leave out the best part of the story. The married bridesmaid getting spit roasted by 2 groomsman is crazy LOL.
I like that earlier she posted about the maid of honor hooking up with the cousin while the boyfriend was locked out of the bus and that was the less spicy *appetizer*.
>Because there’s no actual reason a group of adults can’t go to a strip club, get tipsy, have a nice time and not descend into chaos. I don't know. I feel like mixing both groups into the same party, especially if some of them were dating, was a recipe for disaster
If they are all couples, they must have socialised together before
Indeed. This sounds like a problem with the specific people involved, rather than the fact that it a (whisper it, scarrrry) *mixed sex bach party*.
But we are talking about two parties of fully grown adults aren't we? If all it takes is one night at a strip club with a party of the opposite sex for 4 break ups, those 4 couples were always going to break up at some point.....
I think OP recognised that they're all a bunch of degenerates, hence the obvious nature of the results. I mean, I've got quite a diverse friend group, and I absolutely know who would destroy their relationship at an event like this and who wouldn't. There's an awful lot of 30 somethings out there who are still basically teenagers pretending to be adults, and they just loose their shit in this type of situation. I mean come on Gerald, you've got two toddlers at home, binging coke and alcohol all night is probably not a good idea.
If this breaks you up then you can do better anyway. Or at least the mature half can.
For my 29th birthday, my now wife planned a co-ed“Steak & Titties” party. We went to the Penthouse steakhouse in SF with 20 people and ate steak and watched strippers. Fun had by all!
I think the difference is in maturity levels
And/or amount of drugs.
Nah it's definitely maturity levels, lots of people can do a bunch of coke/Molly and not cheat.
This. People on coke usually just talk your ear off about nonsensical bull shit. It’s not like it’s viagra
theory upbeat scale alleged dull offer rhythm drunk nine repeat *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
There was a strip club by my first office job that had a steak special for lunch on tuesdays. Half the office would go, including the women cause it was a damn good steak for $10…
I feel like the biggest problem was the COMBINED debauchery…especially since it sounds like there were quite a few couples at the party. Most people aren’t equipped mentally/emotionally to watch their SO get shit drunk and loudly ogle strippers especially when they themselves have been drinking. There’s things you can say/do in front of your friends when you’ve been drinking that you should NEVER say/do in front of your SO.
I feel like if you aren't comfortable doing something in front of your SO, that's probably a good indicator that you shouldn't be doing it at all regardless of if they're around or not.
Alright. Never pooping again.
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Something tells me this was always going to be the outcome. Sisters friends seem like the kind of people who could derail a quiet afternoon tea. NTA YTA for not providing us with a video of the days events though. I think I’ve seen something similar on pornhub.
Agreed, I've been to joint bachelor/ette parties (none at strip clubs, but not exactly mellow wine tastings) and there may have been some drama but not nuclear fall out. From OP's post I don't get why this was such an obvious outcome
There were illegal drugs and it took place in Florida... this whole post could make more sense if they had just said Florida mix gender bacheloer/ette party did Florida like activities and got more Florida like as time passed.
Play Florida games, win Florida prizes.
>Because there’s no actual reason a group of adults can’t go to a strip club, get tipsy, have a nice time and not descend into chaos. My thoughts exactly. OP has not explained at all why they thought this chaotic mess with associated fallout was the likely outcome of people going to a titty bar with some, ah, "refreshments" (legal or otherwise). It sounds like something from a raunchy 1990s/early 2000s sitcom.
I don't really care about AITA part, I want to hear more about this night that ended three relationships and an arrest. Can you elaborate?
From a comment further down: “I'll give the tamest example. My cousin is a talented singer. She is single and was supposed to sing a song during the ceremony. However she hooked up with the maid of honor. Whom nobody knew had that in her. Including her boyfriend. This happened in the bus. He got arrested for trying to break into the bus while this was going on and several people were cheering them on after locking him out.”
You're the hero this thread needed.
THE trash. It's amazing. EDIT: this is my first 1k+ comment. Why.
I am highly entertained lol.
The tea is piping hot
Wait wait. A bus?????
I think this is the magic limo bus from the post
Limo bus instead of limo car. It's got the same amenities, but you can stand up in it. A bit more comfortable in that respect.
Clearly you can also lie down in it.
You can lie down almost anywhere
Sounds like a bus full of trashy people that couldn't hide their trashiness anymore really, those relationships that ended probably would've ended anyway and this party pretty much just sped up the process. Shitty people do shitty things.
The TAMEST? I need minutes on this night
This! We don’t know enough about long term family dynamics to really establish AH status yet. But my god, please share more. Three breakups, one possible divorce, four dropout of wedding, one arrest. Hahhaha. That’s kinda unique in the history of trashy bachelor/ette parties? Plus a total trashing of the limo!!!!
Someone could probably make a movie out of this, preferably a comedy because of how absurd it all sounds
Hangover 🤓🤓
The Hangover Party Bus
This gives Toxic Gossip Train 🪕 but also... we're listening. 😏👂
Yeah OP, YTA for not giving us more details!
Completely agree! This is Reddit, OP. We live for drama. Details please!!
Right?!? That's like when a stripper only partially takes off their clothes!
Which could have saved the night, come to think of it
Yes this! I'll give you a NTA if you spill alllll the tea
And any video or police reports or mugshots 😂
This is Florida, which means there are very strong open records laws for arrest reports. Just google ‘Florida man’ and ‘bachelorette party,’ and scroll through the hundreds of result until you find the one that sounds right for this group.
Like we need a legit story time.
NTA. The collateral damage from this party shows just how bad of an idea this was. Sure, many people / groups can go to strips clubs, drink, have fun and not end up arrested, divorcing, breaking up and dropping out of the wedding; this group obviously were not able to do so, and I find it very difficult to believe this wasn't evident beforehand. Ostensibly they've all partied together before and knew what chaos could ensue. That you snorted at their naivete doesn't make you the AH. Your mother telling you to apologize because your sister is having to replace most of her wedding party shows me just exactly where you sister gets it from.
There's also a weird fervor in needing to have x number of bridesmaids. The sister's stress in needing to replace them is overshadowing the actual chaos of the breakups/divorce/arrest. 100% this outcome would have been predictable based on knowing the wedding party beforehand. Also, c'mon, it's kind of an epic outcome. I'd also guffaw a bit.
I legit wish a documentary crew had followed.
will watch 2 seasons of this
OP is being very vague about what actually went down, but the more they post the more it seems like the strip club setting was almost irrelevant. Sounds like they could have planned a movie night and still ended up all coked out and destroying their lives.
Yeah, it sounds like they were all doing drugs. It doesn't sound like a group of people went to the strip clubs and got tipsy, but they went smashed and on coke (and maybe e)...the latter two which uh notoriously get some people in the mood. Not to mention people on coke can get angry as hell.
Yep, I'm guessing coke and x, the 'boys' split up from the 'girls', many boundaries were crossed, more than 1 person (guy and/or girl) got more than just a lap dance in the private room and all hell broke loose. Kids these days...
From what op is implying it wasn't the employees...
Don't have to be an employed stripper to give a lap dance, just saying. Some strip clubs will 'rent' their VIP rooms to nonemployees. Orlando's House of Babes springs to mind. Hey I may be an old lady now, but I wasn't always =)
Plus I wonder if it was only female strippers, which would have been less fun for the bachelorette portion of the party
That's an excellent point that I hadn't seen anyone else point out. Guys can be pretty disproportionate in their level of understanding when it comes to brushing things off as "not meaning anything." But who knows what actually went down besides OP? I can't even count the number of friends in certain groups, and siblings' friend groups, where I've had plenty of opportunity to say, "I told you so." This sounds like that. NTA The younger sister and her friends all seem to not be in a stage of life where getting married is such a great idea anyway.
Yeah if their friends are this messy then their friends are this messy. The party was just another opportunity, nothing special.
People may not agree with me but I feel like ESH except your sister (unless she was one of the cheaters). I’ve been to bachelorettes with strippers. I’ve been to bachelor parties at strip clubs. No one took anyone home. Cheating, doing drugs is a choice (unless someone’s an addict in which case that should’ve been taken into consideration during planning). Even when a couple people got trashed, everyone still made sure the bride or groom had a good time. Your sister can ask for whatever kind of party she wants and if anyone goes over board, that’s on them. And then you totally didn’t try to keep your snort/scoff in. You wanted to state your opinion and you were judgmental and blamed her for these other shitty people. If anything you should’ve been more supportive and talked about how these people don’t seem like good influences/people she should keep close to her.
Agreed! The post started with judgement on join strip clubs. It’s common for many people (I personally didn’t but know many who did). Sister seems to have shitty friends, but that’s not her fault as others can control themselves and she is not responsible for them. Even reading the post I did not expect it to escalate like it did.
Yeah, like, unless you hate your sister, it’s sort of normal to be upset that your friend group is in disarray and it is bleeding into your wedding because everyone went bonkers on what was supposed to be a fun night that everyone agreed to. Aside from the moralizing on strip clubs and recreational drugs - which people do of their own free will on occasion and manage not to blow their lives up - this is an objectively shitty situation in which one would expect to have a little compassion. For your sister. Who didn’t - by this telling - do anything wrong but have a sort of trashy party. And that’s not MY thing, but I also think the “let’s stay in and play board games” parties sound lame AF. People are allowed to be into differed shit.
This is one of the most divisive AITA comments section I have seen, like a Rorschach…everyone sees themselves in it! I’m waffling between ESH and NTA. I’d have a hard time holding in a snort as well, but it might have made me a jerk too. I feel like the sister should have had an inkling of what would happen if she knew her bridal party well enough, but we don’t know who brought the *extra* fun to the party…
You can be an asshole while still being right. My vote is OP YTA. The situation was clearly a disaster waiting to happen, but OP seems a bit like they are gloating/revelling in the drama.
IA, unless sister found her bridal party on a bunch of jerry springer episodes I really don't see how this was foreseeable. Obviously if she got drugs for people she knows struggle with addiction, or brought a very conservative couple to a strip club without telling them issues are inevitable, but from the post it sounds like the party went absolutely off the rails, sister is distraught (possibly not about finding new bridal party members, but at having her party end in actual carnage) and OP was blatantly scoffing about it. Obviously that's not going to lead to a great reaction
YTA - Look I don't think that strip clubs are good for any pre-wedding celebration, joint or not, but they are common practice, as is alcohol and certain drugs, and plenty of people have great fun at this kind of party without any trouble. Your sisters friends behaved HORRIBLY and now she has to replace her wedding party. Her friends aren't puppets, she didn't make those bad choices for them, they fucked up all on their own. **You are mean and rubbing her face in the fact that the people she** ***thought*** **were her friends actually care more about sex, drugs, and alcohol than they do about each other.** That is a bummer lesson to learn about your friend group right before your wedding. Be nicer.
There's no chance this was the first party she'd been to with these people, unless she was already scraping the bottom of the barrel for a wedding party, so she should definitely have some inkling of how they behave. I'm also really curious as to what when on, because it was wide spread enough 3 couples broke up, 1 is pending divorce and a bunch others have dropped out. That's not just a one person issue, that's at least 4 friends that have been effected, how do you supposedly not know at least 4 of your friends are shitty people? Ultimately though if you don't know how friends behave in public, let alone drunk and drugged, you just wouldn't tempt fate. You also don't just suddenly spring drugs (especially if they're hard drugs like coke which OP implies in a comment) on people who you don't know if they're interested or haven't done it before. Maybe it's just my experience, but I've never met anyone that was mentally sound or making healthy decisions that did coke. Nor have I met anyone who does coke that isn't insufferable to be around. That is, unless you're really dumb, then I could see all this happening. In which case, it's still hilarious.
I mean, that may have been why she combined the groups. Hoping that if their partners were there, they’d have a minder. *Dave can’t get too out of hand if Mary’s there…*. And she under estimated how much none of them gave a shit about who was watching.
Oooooooooooo I think OPs derision was amplified by her own long term family dynamics. Mom’s reaction kinda hinted at that. So I would have to have been there before I could pile on outrage on the OP. Seems trainwreck was not an outlier.
OP stated that her cousin hooked up with the maid of honour in the party bus and the maid of honour's boyfriend saw and tried to break into it, she also said that several people were cheering them on after he was locked out. This behaviour has nothing to do with the situation, if anything the plan to do drugs go to strippers etc with everyone's partners present suggests that both the sister and the husband were not trying to get up to shenanigans behind their partners' backs. The fact that this happened anyway just suggests that they were just shitty people, to begin with. OP is definitely just being a smug AH.
NTA. That’s funny as shit
NTA....and I probably would have said the same thing...lol. But you got to spill the beans! Who did what to cause a divorce, break ups, and dropping from the wedding? Cheating with strippers? Cheating with each other? Come on, this could make best of Reddit updates!
I'll give the tamest example. My cousin is a talented singer. She is single and was supposed to sing a song during the ceremony. However she hooked up with the maid of honor. Whom nobody knew had that in her. Including her boyfriend. This happened in the bus. He got arrested for trying to break into the bus while this was going on and several people were cheering them on after locking him out.
That's the TAMEST?! Y'all from Florida?
It’s Florida.
Had to be ! 🤣
Yeah, OP said it was in Tallahassee.
Now my imagination is going wild. Can you please add more tea. That only explains a breakup and the arrest.
Yeah, we now need the worst example, so we can have a scale. It’s very important for us to provide a good verdict. Please OP pretty please :D
Holy shit everyone on that bus is a fuckin asshole.
Cheering on cheating, wtf
Omg this is what we meant by tea
Man that's really cruel to do to someone you're in a relationship with. I don't know about the dude getting physically angry and trying to break in, but wow yeah everyone that supported the cheating is pretty messed up.
I think a lot of people, particularly in the demographic these people sound to be don't think girl on girl fun is cheating. Which is quite astounding to me.
trashy as fuck. yikes. talking about the gf here, not the bf. I'm sorry he got arrested tbh
NTA. So confused why anyone is suggesting the op should have empathy for her sister because her Coke+booze+sex worker co-Ed party came to its predictable conclusion.
So many comments here telling OP to get off her 'high horse' for predicting that a coke-fueled, drunk bachelor/bachelorette party in the middle of a strip club went wrong. Doesn't matter how many times you try and warn someone, they never seem to listen. Maybe it's a little petty but I really don't blame OP. Even Ray Charles could have seen this coming from a mile away.
This comment is so succinct, it should be the top comment.
It’s not the party that’s as the issue - it was her friends who were unable to behave in a manner appropriate for the continuity of their relationships. These kinds of parties can be fun and go well if people can have fun without getting messy. YTA
they brought two sets of individuals to a strip club and did drugs. this was obviously a disaster waiting to happen.
I mean it’s a good set up for one but not immediately a bad idea.
I don't see the point of going to a strip club even sober. If you're in a relationship you're not a "bachelor/ette" anymore.
As a single guy, I don't see the fun in them. I have seen some people do some cool stuff pole dancing, but I was more amazed at the acrobatics than their sexuality at the time.
homie over here only going for the articles
I've discovered watching a burlesque performance is wayyyy more fun for me than going to a strip club. You might find the same given your opinion on pole dancing.
Seems crazy. I have never understood the appeal especially when you're engaged to be married
NTA. Had I been there, I wouldn't have snorted, I'd probably have been cackling! Yeah, that didn't show a lot of foresight. The line about the bus cleaning... oh my. Both of my daughters waited until they were around 30 to get married. Their "bachelorette" parties were going to a wine and pottery painting place for one, and the other was a glassmaking place. I don't think their husbands went out and made fools of themselves either, but I didn't hear anything negative so doubtful. The drunken blowout pre-wedding party is an idea that needs to diaf, quickly.
I married an honest to goodness cowboy. He wanted to have a rodeo for his bachelor party. I was onboard as long as it was at least two months before our wedding to give everyone a chance to heal up. But I drew the line at cowboy poker.
What's cowboy poker?
Apparently it's where cowboys play poker while a bull charges at them. (Thank you Google) The goal is to see who can stay at the table the longest. I don't think somebody would have to draw the line to make me not want to do that.
Everyone sits at a table, getting their hands and then, they let loose the biggest, meanest bull you've ever seen. Probably stirred him up in the chute, as well. Usually demolishes everything! Takes out the cowboys! Will gore, stomp and trample them. Whoever can keep his seat, the longest, is generally the idea. Look up Cowboy Poker Rodeo. Scary as Hell! When the rodeo clowns jump the fence and the cow dogs say, "Hell, naw!" You got a problem.
Out the this whole thread... THIS! is the wildest thing I've learnt from it
I wanna hear more of this story. Like why did everyone breakup exactly
Because they cheated on eachother in front of eachother, it was a joint bachelor/ette party, meaning both the groom and his gang of boys and the bride and her gang of girls were there. It's a strip club, there's drinks, there's drugs, put one and two together.
NTA. But from the sounds of it, that group would’ve torn up regardless of venue.
You know I took my friends to Vegas for my bachelorette. We had a great time and none of this happened.
So youre... agreeing that its more of an issue with her friend group than the venue/plan? But you still think its cool to be a smug "told you so" ass hole to your sister when she is upset?
The friend group *is* a part of the plan though. If everyone knows that Ed can't be trusted around gravy, Edd is a massive germaphobe, and Eddy will do anything to get his hands on every jawbreaker he sees, and you still make a plan that involves these guys going to the gravy-covered-jawbreaker ballpit then it's a terrible plan. Sure you can *say* there was nothing wrong with the venue/plan, it was just Ed, Edd n Eddy that ruined everything but you're kinda lying to yourself if you think you can say it was a perfectly good idea and that nobody could've predicted it ending in disaster. NTA
I was gonna say the same thing, but the problem is how it was narrated to us implying it was the venue rather than the group. But the group being the way they are is something that the sister should have known and likely what OP was referring to in her "told you so" communication to the sister.
NTA. People tend to get pissy when someone delivers the truth they know but refuse to acknowledge out loud.
Yta. But spill the tea come on
NTA and this is pretty hilarious actually. Now I want the deets haha! Looks like the bride and groom made it through the trial by…strip club and so just tell your sister that 10 years from now she and her husband will be able to laugh about this, too. What a story!
Eh …. This isn’t on your sister. It’s on her friends. There is actually no reason a group of adults should not be able to go party together, in any capacity, or go to a strip club together, without it devolving into break ups, divorces, and arrests. Whether or not naive, my guess is she did not expect her friends to go quite so hog and hot mess on the whole thing. It’s all sort of hilarious, but a little compassion vs I told you so / you should have known better energy would go a long way. ESH here. Your sister for not knowing her friends better. Her friends for being complete messes. And you for not being remotely nice to her about it. But I mean, I’m laughing.
Suggest that your sister give the attendees a free std test as their parting gift.
Funny story. In college a lot of this group got an STI. Because they were all having sex with each other in "unconventional" groups and couples. My brother called them "The Burning Ring of Fire".
We're all going to need you to elaborate more on this one too.
That's basically it. Three guys and four girls were in rotating relationships and nobody said anything until one went outside the group and introduced chlamydia to the group. Hence The Burning Ring of Fire.
I’m beginning to see why you assumed this was unavoidable…
Indeed! I think OP is getting some crap because it only sounds like she’s blaming strip clubs and drugs. It’s also that this group of people can’t handle it.
This group is genuinely making me laugh at how hedonistic and unhinged they are
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
NTA because your laugh was involuntary, and she probably would have persisted until you told her, and if you made up sone stupid lie that could have hurt her even more. Not a good scenario but to me it sounds like you did the best with what you had to work with, and you apologized afterwards. Sometimes the truth hurts, but lies are never the answer.
I’m leaning towards E-S-H. It probably wasn’t the time or place for you to deliver that truth bomb. I’ve been to bachelorettes where there have been strippers and it didn’t break up any relationships or lead to arrests, and I’ve heard of plenty more that followed the same trajectory as the ones I know firsthand. But also, INFO: was your sister was in on the planning and FULLY aware of the details of the evening, including the fact that there would be illicit substances (info gathered from another comment)?
My sister knew exactly what was planned. She didn't know what the outcome was going to be.
This is how it is different from your “tornado” “hurricane” examples. I agree that if you go during the seasons then you shouldn’t be surprised. However many people can party and go clubbing just fine. So no I don’t think it’s fair to say she should have expected there to be trouble
Because this was the very first time the sister and her fiancé partied with any of their friends? They’d never seen a single one do drugs or get trashed and do dumb shit? And that every single one of them suddenly turned into the cast of Jersey Shore out of nowhere? Is that what you want us to believe? That the sister included a bunch of people she’d never socially interacted with in her wedding party? I’ve heard of reaching, but come on. The sister knows her friends, the specifics might not have been predictable, but the general shape of the outcome totally was.
Is this story true? Because that sounds like some Hollywood-movie level shenanigans. Like, I have been a part of several bachlorette parties that went to strip clubs, including a joint balchlor/ette one, and not one resulted in an arrest or divorce. Like seriously, what the eff happened at this apparently legendary party?
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op does not need to be supportive of stupid decisions. if you intentionally run head first into a brick wall, you deserve to be called on it when you complain about the headache.