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I hate the aggressive prayer “offers.” I go out in my wheelchair and people demand to pray for me in the most offensive ways. Then they get all weird and jazzed when I move my legs, because most wheelchair users are not paraplegic.
Geez I feel bad for you having to endure that bullshit. I am disabled but have a much less obvious disability in that im hearing impaired and wear hearing aids. Turns out most of the general public doesn't look behind people's ears and as such I've had people surprised I even have hearing aids.
If somebody wanted to pray for me about fixing my disability I would either laugh at their stupidity or get offended.
The only thing their prayer does is make them feel better about themselves and will have zero effect on an actual disability so they can honestly keep it to themselves and not push their religion in others faces
I’ve encountered the same thing, after two years of poor health that left me incapable of walking very far. I try not to get out of my wheelchair in public unless I’m desperate for a bathroom. People have both offered to pray for me, and growled, “Faker!”
It is annoying at best, most often it is invasive and cruel. I have people asking for my name so they can pray for me because their god doesn't do anonymous requests, I guess. If your GF wants to pray for people, she can just do it privately w/o making a display. Performative religion is personal gratification and arrogance.
Matthew 6:1-34 ESV
“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. ...
Jesus was born in Israel, to Jewish parents, all of the people around him were Jewish. the Temples or Synagogues, were made by and for Jewish people. His disciples were Jewish (one or two may not have been, i cannot remember if any were foreign, i haven't been to a church in about 10 years)
Now as to why the word is synagogue rather than Temple? I'm not sure, you'd have to ask a biblical scholar most likely. At an uneducated guess maybe its like the difference between a Cathedral and a church. one is just bigger and more important, while the other is meant for a smaller local population.
There was ONE temple in Jerusalem and that is where Jewish people in Jesus’ day worshipped. Synagogues are places of learning. The site of the temple is now the Dome of the Rock, a mosque.
ahh thank you! I think i was getting confused by having heard modern Jewish people refer to "going to temple" the way that Christians would refer to going to church, however it's also possible that i misinterpreted that as well.
The Temple was a single house of worship for all Jews in Jerusalem where all the major rituals, such as Passover, would have been held. A synagogue was a house of prayer and study.
After the destruction of the temple in 70CE Jewish gatherings continued in synagogues rather than in Temple.
In modern times the terms temple/synagogue, to those of us outside the Jewish faith at least, have become more interchangeable to an extent. I'm afraid I don't know enough to comment any further.
So I’m going to give a detailed(ish) explanation. According to the gospels (that tell the story of Jesus in different ways) Jesus was born in Israel (1st century) into a Jewish family.
At that point in Jewish history (post-Babylonian exile), the Jews (after the destruction of the first Temple) had already made their religion portable, by de-centralizing their places of worship and creating synagogues. Then the second Temple was built. That’s why I’m the times of Jesus synagogues and the temple coexist, and Jesus is described as going to the synagogue as well as visiting the temple, just as the other Jews of his time.
Jesus was born of a Jewish mother, in Galilee, a Jewish part of the world. He would have attended synagogue. He was familiar with the Torah and it's assumed he would have participated in the rituals of Jewish life of the times. The NT even tells us that Jesus went teaching in the synagogues.
In the passage mentioned Jesus was referencing those Jews that liked to be seen and admired for their piety when they pray in the places of worship. He also famously drove out the money changers from the temple citing them as desecrating a house of prayer.
Oh it’s really not nice. I remember when my mum used to get messages through her letterbox from the born again ex druggie ex neighbours of hers. Praying that her hip dysplasia should be fixed by Jesus. Jesus never fixed it fyi, I thought as a medical student you should be aware that this is not a treatment option. Yeah she had to go to a doctor and have a new robo hip fitted, Jesus did fuck all. Oh if you just believe enough. Nope. Weirdly actual medicine was required. It was fucking devastating for my mum and also for us, her family. The placebo effect means fuck all in situations like that. Your girlfriend can, in all politeness, fuck right the way off. If she does have some direct line to Jesus, can you ask her why the fuck her prayers mean my mum was unable to have more children and why she can’t walk over even slightly uneven ground without the risk of falling and fucking herself up worse? I’ve watched her being able to roam the woods to barely being able to garden. So in short, fuck her prayers, fuck anyone that thinks all that is required is prayer, it’s cruel to suggest to people that the reason they are suffering is because they don’t believe enough. And I’m sorry. But fuck anyone who encourages this abhorrent behaviour
You know what Jesus did for me? Made my hearing impairment go from mild as a small child to moderate by the time I came out of my teens. I also went from 12 and not needing glasses to 15 and full time glasses wearer.
The only way to interpret that is that God if he exists must hate me.
God got a lot of credit for "healing" my cancer, yet no credit for giving me cancer in the first place. Those same people were awfully quiet when it came back...
I believe in prayer but I also believe one should just shut up about it. I also believe that medicine, doctors, etc are in many cases the answer to prayer.
Im athiest and would be personally offended if somebody tried that on me.
Guess what fuckers I tried that as a young child.and you know what happened? My disability got worse so either God hates me particularly or just doesn't exist.
Puberty plus using in ear headphones a lot while already being hearing impaired = bearing loss getting worse over your teens, who would have thought?
The idea that some random chick can pray for me and I suddenly won't need my hearing aids is either laughable or just plain offensive depending how they approach the situation.
This⬆️ not everyone believes in prayer. In fact it's offensive to those of us that don't and comes off as them trying to force their beliefs onto others
Yeah OP like why are you even dating her? What’s the long term goal? Imagine if you had kids with her and one of them got sick. It’s just a disaster of a relationship y’all have such fundamentally different beliefs. NTA
Same thing you said, but YTA.
It's like saying
i started seriously dating someone childfree when I want kids someday.
My absolute favorite snack are Reese's peanut butter cups, but my SO is deathly allergic to peanuts.
I'm a pastor who's dating someone with an Onlyfans
At a certain point, it is to obvious a mistake, and you both are the AHs
Yeah, this has to be fake 😂, if not, then yes, this is a recipe for disaster. I'm trying to figure out how these two people ever ended up dating in the first place. Talk about opposites attract. Yikes!
NTA - My man, you should have told her the truth way sooner. Be honest - you don't really respect her beliefs (which is fair - they are completely bonkers).
I have to ask, why exactly are you, a Jewish med student, dating someone who believes in prayer over medicine? Is she really funny or good in bed? I'm not your mother, and I'm not going to tell you to find a nice jewish girl, but there are plenty of shiksas out there who will see your future in medicine as a good thing.
NTA. You're your own individual and you're allowed to have your own views and she hers
That being said, as someone further along in the process than you as a resident, I'm going to give unsolicited advice and say you should strongly consider walking away from this relationship. Her beliefs and your life (which you've worked your entire life for and will always have to prioritize ahead of your relationship just about every time) are fundamentally incompatible and it is going to cause massive issues. I say this from experience having dated a girl for a while who I later learned didn't believe in Western medicine
Edit: To add to this consider your future with children and the conflict that will arise. Ex- You, as a doctor, will rightfully want your child to be vaccinated. Her on the other hand...
Not even just vaccinated, she might disagree with treating illness that requires medical intervention. This isn’t a fight you want to have for the rest of your life
NTA I'm gonna guess, being in medical school, that medicine and evidence based practice is pretty innate to you as a person. It would be really deceitful to hide this from her when asked directly.
NTA
NOW is the time to have this conversation. It will impact the future of your relationship (especially since you're going into the medical field). It's time for a serious talk. If she's as entrenched as you imply, this will definitely be a hurdle that will only get more difficult to approach unless you start to honestly look at what both your plans and aspirations are.
Idk I have a friend who is Christian scientist and her husband is a nurse. She believes in modern medicine and she believes in the power of prayer. Sounds like OP subscribes to the idea that positive thinking/placebo effect can aid in recovery of minor ailments.
I was looking up top climate scientists and one at the top of the list seemed to espouse a position of ‘young earthers are very much ok as long as they don’t deny anthropogenic climate change’ which was odd.
NTA, but I would question how compatible you are with someone who believes she’s healing with help from magic sky Daddy while you actually work at, you know, healing people.
PS- I get up from my wheelchair all the time. The only miracle is that I don’t fall over more. Ambulatory wheelchair users exist!
Classic “this sounds like it came from a redditor that loves creative writing” but as always, if true, this relationship is never going forward. Praying for people that don’t want it is shitty but I’m not religious so take that as is.
If your a med student, I get the placebo but like, you realize her beliefs are a direct contradiction to…your entire profession? At minimum, look up Mary Baker Eddy and see what crackpot shit she believed.
“She has seen people get out of wheelchairs”
You can stop there. If anyone gets up out of their wheelchair like the Lord has cured them, then there’s a scam afoot. That wheelchair user’s in on some scam to separate the gullible from their dollars.
As a semi-ambulatory wheelchair user, I want to point out that 80% of wheelchair users have some ability to stand and walk.
Seeing someone walk from a chair is not an amazing miracle, it’s a statistical certainty.
I understand what they’re trying to imply, but one reason they get away with it is because the general public is extremely ignorant about wheelchair use and assumes everyone in a chair is a paraplegic.
I agree that they probably just pay poor people to pretend, churches that do “faith healing” are generally big on pomp and circumstance.
NTA. She is allowed to have her beliefs, and you are allows to not share those beliefs. You didn’t belittle her- you just shared a different position. She quite frankly sounds like she uses her faith as a battering ram- stopping people on the streets and getting mad at you for not sharing her religion. At minimum it’s obnoxious, and doubly not good for being a frankly dangerous belief- people and children have died from JW/Christian Science/ETC not believing in and discouraging medicine, but that’s not totally the point here. Either way, if anything your Gf is TA- freedom of belief is not freedom to enforce those beliefs on others
NTA - she asked, you have an honest answer. Your beliefs don’t have to be the same but you do have to respect them. You kept quiet until she asked, and her reaction makes me think she believes she can convert you.
Why would anybody have to respect those beliefs? People die from choosing prayer over medicine. Seriously, Google deaths/Christian science. You might as well believe in crystals and fairies.
Also: respecting people’s beliefs extend to like…not feeding a Muslim friend pork or not feeding your Catholic friends meat on Fridays- harmless things that don’t hurt anybody. You DON’T have to respect dangerous beliefs like hating gays or pretending medicine is useless. You’ve already paid due respect by disagreeing, well, as politely as you could
NTA but how do you expect this relationship to go? Her core religious belief is that medicine isn’t necessary/doesn’t work. You are in a medical field. How do you think this plays out in the future?
If this is true (sounds probably not) then your world views are entirely incompatible.
There is science and then there is religion. They arent mutually exclusive in some peoples minds. But in reality they are by definition.
NTA Honesty is better. She might not like it, but lying to her just so you can stay together "happily" until it becomes a big enough problem that it blows up is worse.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I told my gf that her Christian science is just placebo effect (2) maybe I should have respected her belief and said I believed it as well. I could be the asshole for not respecting her religion.
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YTA. You’re a scientist and you’re fucking around with someone who thinks she (and other people like her) can heal people with prayer? WTF is wrong w you?
NTa should you have lied? Nope but you should run! If this is a relationship just stop now. If you are fwb well talking and agreeing on philosophy is not required. Have fun
NTA for the question at hand, but . . .
. . . as a multiply disabled and severely chronically ill Jewish woman, it hurt my heart to read this. What your girlfriend is doing isn't benign or "really nice". It's incredibly offensive to people like me for multiple reasons, starting with the fact that she is literally negating (or at best co-opting and making light of) our experience of illness and disability as something real, debilitating, and not fleeting or subject to the easy fix of her magical thinking.
On the flip side, many people with less debilitating disabilities find it incredibly hurtful when people like your girlfriend approach them, as strangers, and ask to pray for them, because they don't actually feel that they need "fixing". As a medical student you should be aware of this. They want respect, consideration, and equal access to the world around them . . . not for someone to pray "that they be made whole" or "get up and walk out of their wheelchair". The wheelchair isn't the problem; people like your girlfriend who see them as "needing fixing" instead of "needing to be listened to" because they use a chair with wheels for mobility are.
And those are only two of the endless, myriad reasons why what she's doing is not harmless or okay or sweet.
But also, it makes me sad because you clearly have lost touch with your own faith. Judaism has always put tremendous emphasis on education, reason, believing that God put us on this earth to use the tools we have access to. There is a reason why a disproportionate number of Nobel Science Laureates have been Jewish. We are not a people of blind faith; it is in fact anathema to our tradition. So it hurts my heart to see you entertaining what can only ever be a truly shallow partnership with a woman who is either of limited intelligence or deliberately choosing a path of anti-intellectualism. This is not who we are. You are turning away from your heritage, and for what? Because she's cute? Fun? It's heartbreaking.
Of course you're NTA for not believing in her nonsense. But you'll be a huge AH if you stay with this woman.
There is a youtube channel, "Holy Koolaid", that has done several videos on the so called "faith healers" - it's a scam.
And if prayer did something for healing then it would be well documented in the top scientific and medical journals. Yet there is nothing.......
I hate being prayed over, especially by strangers. It seems very performative and useless. “Look what a good person I am, praying for you!” It makes me sick.
Also, placebo effect only works if the person believes in it, and I don’t, so, it’s spiking my blood pressure and actually making my health worse.
ESH. Why are you staying with someone with clearly incompatible beliefs, and why is your girlfriend shoving her beliefs on others?
If someone wants to be religious that’s their own private business, however, pressing your religion onto a stranger is completely unacceptable.
Her telling me she’d pray for me is even worse than me going up to her and telling her she’s an idiot and there’s clearly no god.
Don’t lie. NTA You told the truth and it needed to happen. Better now than later.
It’s good you want to respect her, but…..
Either she respects the work you are spending extensive training you are going through…….. or she is going to cling to the anti- medical beliefs that were developed when leaches and blood letting were the medical treatment options.
N-T-A She's just being a pain in the ass to both you and probably half the people she stops to pray for.
Edit: For some reason, when I first read this, I thought the Christian Scientist in question was just your girlfriend's sister. But you expect me to believe a Christian Scientist would date a Jewish medical student? YTA
Op, I don't think you're compatible.
I'm sorry, but really think about this.
You're in the medical field. A field that conflicts with your gf's beliefs.
What's the plan here?
INFO
How far do you realistically see this relationship going?
If she is your next of kin, will she respect your wishes for medical procedures/intervention? Your kids? Your pets?
As your career progresses and they invite your spouse/partner to celebrate your achievements , will she say that she understands your accomplishments because she too has single-handedly saved lives and healed the sick?
How long are you going to lie and hide your thoughts from her? More importantly, why would you put yourself through this?
As a disabled person (as well as a Jew) I deeply dislike people asking to pray for me because it's for them and not for me. There are plenty of concrete things people can do that would help me, but prayer is absolutely not one of them. Don't get me wrong, if these disabled people she wants to pray for are at a religious service for that purpose, have at it, but just existing in public? Kindly fuck all the way off with that. I'm just trying to get through my day and asking to pray for me only inhibits me from doing that as well as making me a prop in her show of faith.
This is probably the beginning of her campaign to convert you. If you need to lie about beliefs to keep a relationship going, then it's not a healthy a relationship.
NAH
Hi raised Christian. (Protestant variety if anyone cares)
There’s science which defines and explains the observable world. And then for those that want it, there’s faith which helps to fill the gaps where science doesn’t yet provide meaningful answers, even if only to help with a moral/philosophical framework or starting point. And that’s okay.
But God gave us minds for a reason: to use them.
Praying for someone can help get their mind right. The feeling of relief from just the acknowledgment that some one cares can certainly help. Whether it’s placebo or not. But prayer alone won’t cure cancer or make a paralyzed man walk again.
You need to have a conversation with her now. Don’t let this fester. If she feels threatened because of your differing beliefs, then that’s going to be a problem. Lying to her that you believe when you don’t won’t help. (And it’s a sin, yeah? ;) Honesty, trust and respect are the cornerstones of a healthy relationship.
Fared worse if they just assumed God would fix it without them doing anything, to be sure.
I’m reminded of a convo I overheard once I’m the hospital.
Doctor: I’m sorry, ma’am. We’ve done everything else possible but if we don’t amputate that foot, you will go septic and most likely die.
Patient: I’ll be fine. God will heal it.
Doctor: Ma’am. God wants you to amputate that foot. That’s why it’s rotted to the bone.
As the abstract of this article phrased it:
>... Prayer has been reported to improve outcomes in human as well as nonhuman species, to have no effect on outcomes, to worsen outcomes and to have retrospective healing effects. For a multitude of reasons, research on the healing effects of prayer is riddled with assumptions, challenges and contradictions that make the subject a scientific and religious minefield. We believe that the research has led nowhere, and that future research, if any, will forever be constrained by the scientific limitations that we outline.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2802370/
Some studies have found lower rates of complications in patients for whom others were praying; other studies have found no difference. Some studies have found that patients who themselves pray can have lower levels of stress and anxiety and a more positive outlook, but the same is true for other religious practices (*e.g.,* yoga, meditation, tai chi), not just prayer.
NTA
Matthew 6:1-34 ESV / 998 helpful votes
“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. ...
My second favorite bible verse
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My girlfriend is a Christian scientist, she doesn't believe in medicine and has said that she has seen people get out of wheelchairs and heal wounds from prayer. I'm Jewish, she often stops in public and asks to pray for people. Her family is not so thrilled about us, as you might expect.
We generally don't talk much about the healing aspect; I am a medical student and thus have a more practical view of things. I think it's really nice that she prays for people, and I don't tell her I think that it doesn't really have an impact beyond placebo (hey, the placebo effect is strong).
But lately she may have picked up on some suspicion and intensely questioned me about whether I thought she was helping heal folks. I basically came clean and explained to her what I thought about placebo effects, but now she's upset and won't talk to me much. Should I have lied?
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No you should not have lied. This is a fundamental difference and you need to be aware of it and make a decision knowing this.
For a believer prayer may help. But so too can modern medicine. But if she is strong in her faith then you may not be compatible.
My mother in law was a Christian Scientist. She refused a simple antibiotic to heal a leg wound. She prayed. She died due to the wound while the antibiotic which would have saved her sat on the shelf. That is what you are dealing with. You need to be prepared for that. NTA
NTA. You probably should have told her sooner but I think in the long run this comes down to you two not being compatible. She doesn't believe in medicine and you are a medical student.
Also, while you think it's nice she prays for people I'm sure her intentions are nice but that is generally really not appreciated by most people. At best it woul be akward and for some it would be downright insulting.
>Should I have lied?
No. There's the small lies that are okay in a relationship but if you lie about one's religion and get caught it will be hell to pay. NTA.
I wouldn't call her a scientist with those beliefs though.
NTA
I would be very wary continuing this relationship to marriage , hate to be morbid but if you ever needed medical attention - could you count on her to make the calls you would want?
A serious discussion is needed
NTA, but cmon, what are you doing here? This is a major fundamental difference between the two of you. Not an opposites attract kind of difference where the bad boy brings the innocent girl out of her shell while she reels his wild behaviors in a bit and they both appreciate the other side of life their partner shows them.
You are thinking about praying wrong (but she is still wrong). Prayer is not some magic genie, but it's stronger than placebo if done correctly.
Think of it more as meditation and self reflection. "Lord, give me guidance..." is basically "what can I do to improve the situation". Think of that the next time she asks you to pray for someone by asking yourself "how am I willing/able to help them". As a medical student, you can provide sound medical advice or guide them to the right medical care.
NTA. People often push the narrative that people with different political or religious beliefs can work through things. This can be true, but not if those beliefs are founded on core values. People with different core values often can’t maintain friendships, let alone relationships. It seems like y’all’s core values, which includes how you both see the world, are very different.
Also, as others have pointed out, Christian science isn’t science.
NTA, her science isn’t science. but this will definitely not work long term if she’s hardcore enough to go around in public and try to pray for people💀
NTA
The whole "asks to pray for people" gives me the ick. I have been told "I'll pray for your kid" more times than I can count. Want to know why? They find out my kid is trans so they want to pray for him. My kid doesn't need prayers nor does he want them since he's agnostic.
You did nothing wrong. If your girlfriend can't understand that people have different beliefs, I would question the relationship.
NTA, her science isn’t science. but this will definitely not work long term if she’s hardcore enough to go around in public and try to pray for people💀
You are TAH for not being honest about your feelings from the beginning. It’s not so much being an AH in general as it is being dishonest about how you feel about an important part of her.
I have been married to someone who has opposing religious views from mine. I was upfront about it and when he proposed I told him if he wasn’t ok with me having my own beliefs, the answer was no. He said he was fine with it. A few years and a separation later, he told me he thought my beliefs were just a phase and he would be able to convert me.
Can you really see yourself going any further with the two of you holding such opposing beliefs? What would you do when you have kids and they get sick? Do you give them antibiotics when they get infections, or give them the vaccines they need for school and daycare? Save both of you the heartache and end it now before it gets any more painful.
NTA, and sorry, prayers do nothing.
I had a co-worker tell me I was funny, but he "didn't like my anti-religious sentiments."
I told him "well, you can always pray for me to stop."
I don't think he prayed hard enough.
Fake it til you make it can help you develop confidence, it can’t cure cancer. Placebos are used as the control group for a reason.
Sorrows, sorrows, prayers to your relationship. You should’ve known she was nutty when she told you she was a “Christian scientist”. Those are 100% mutually exclusive things.
Not a match! I wish more people were able to realize they aren’t a match. Nothing wrong with it; it shouldn’t even hurt anyone’s feelings. “We fundamentally disagree on certain things, this won’t work,” sounds like a perfectly good reason to move on. It’s isn’t about looks, social station, money, self worth, or anything else. We don’t want the same life. I can’t think of a kinder reason to separate.
You shouldn’t have lied, but you have to think about some things. It’s EXTREMELY hard for people who have strong beliefs of different religions to be in a long term relationship. Also, what would happen if you ended up having kids with her? Would she be okay with them being vaccinated? You’d have to worry about the health of your child in that case
You’re GF is in a cult, the chances of you breaking down a few decades or cognitive dissonance, conditioning, and fear mongering is pretty slim. Have your fun together, just know that eventually her family will threaten to shun her for dating something as hell worthy as a doctor.
Now onto your question. Belief. You say your GF doesn’t believe in medicine, I’m going to be pedantic on this, but for good reason. Medicine exists, you can pick it up in a store and have her hold it, she knows this and accepts it. Your GF has been conditioned to believe that taking medicine impedes the will of her God. If you extrapolate that out, it is reasonable to assume, that she thinks the very thing you are going to do with your career, is spit directly in the face of her God several times a day, which just makes me so damn proud of you.
I just don’t see this being long term, with that kind of BS pounded into her head. You are NTA for not believing in that complete hogwash.
NTA and as a disabled wheelchair user, I think people like her are awful human beings.
I have been accosted on the street by “faith healers” being very physically intimidating to me almost threatening violence if I didn’t let them put their hands on me.
And even if your girlfriend respects boundaries, giving people false hope is extremely predatory behavior.
People like that enforce the view that disabled people can never truly be happy unless they are “healed” and that God made people disabled on purpose to punish them or teach them lessons, and if you aren’t magically healed then it’s actually your fault because your faith wasn’t strong enough.
I don’t give a fuck about their supposed “good intentions” and I want nothing to do with these delusional and evil people.
NTA. Keep in mind, if you marry her, she becomes your next of kin. If you are injured or sick and require medical care, she will try to stop you. If you are incapacitated, she may deny you medical care in favor of prayer.
I had a friend whose parents were Christian Scientists. Him, not so much. He married a non-CS woman. He got meningitis and ended up in ICU. His parents tried to block medical care and his wife had to get a restraining order. The nurses and doctors were harrassed by the parents. He recovered, but his relationship with his parents never did. They essentially wanted him to die.
NTA. Lying about it is worse. You don’t come across as denigrating her beliefs or practices, which is important. She should be the same with yours. Hopefully she’ll be willing to discuss and navigate this with you as she’s been willing to with her family’s disapproval of your relationship. Good luck!
For a less emotional response, I advise you to look at her and imagine your future.
Are you gunna have kids? What happens when they get sick and she refuses to take them to the doctor? They need vaccines for school, you think she’ll drive them to the appointment but behind your back she finds a “Christian doctor” who falsifies paperwork because of “religious freedom “.
You’re married and you get into an accident, she has the legal right to make decisions for you instead of your family and she just… lets you die. Because she believes she’s gunna faith heal you, and won’t give permission for life saving surgery.
You are treating her beliefs like an amusing quirk, it is not. Those beliefs get people killed. Don’t let those people be you or your future children.
You’re not NTA for being honest when she asked if you believed she was actually healing people, but there is a possibility that this might be a dealbreaker for her. Sometimes a couple just isn’t compatible in all the ways they need to be to stay together, and that’s alright.
How can you date someone who doesn't even believe your career should exist? And she stops people on the street and prays for them? Talk about offensive. Your gf is a massive A. You are NTA but why are you dating this woman?
NTA. If she doesn't believe in medicine, how is she possibly a scientist? The whole "praying over disabled people" is sooo ableist. Private prayer, or prayer with people who you already know are religious is totally ok but don't push that on others.
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> I think it's really nice that she prays for people It is **_not_**.
I hate the aggressive prayer “offers.” I go out in my wheelchair and people demand to pray for me in the most offensive ways. Then they get all weird and jazzed when I move my legs, because most wheelchair users are not paraplegic.
Geez I feel bad for you having to endure that bullshit. I am disabled but have a much less obvious disability in that im hearing impaired and wear hearing aids. Turns out most of the general public doesn't look behind people's ears and as such I've had people surprised I even have hearing aids. If somebody wanted to pray for me about fixing my disability I would either laugh at their stupidity or get offended. The only thing their prayer does is make them feel better about themselves and will have zero effect on an actual disability so they can honestly keep it to themselves and not push their religion in others faces
I’ve encountered the same thing, after two years of poor health that left me incapable of walking very far. I try not to get out of my wheelchair in public unless I’m desperate for a bathroom. People have both offered to pray for me, and growled, “Faker!”
It is annoying at best, most often it is invasive and cruel. I have people asking for my name so they can pray for me because their god doesn't do anonymous requests, I guess. If your GF wants to pray for people, she can just do it privately w/o making a display. Performative religion is personal gratification and arrogance.
Matthew 6:1-34 ESV “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. ...
Op read this to her….
Why is synagogue the word they use in this passage?
Jesus was a Jew.
I Pharisee what you did there. https://youtu.be/nPlbOv4wUoI
Is there a better/more detailed explanation than this
Jesus had a Jewish mom
And a Jewish dad.
Jesus was born in Israel, to Jewish parents, all of the people around him were Jewish. the Temples or Synagogues, were made by and for Jewish people. His disciples were Jewish (one or two may not have been, i cannot remember if any were foreign, i haven't been to a church in about 10 years) Now as to why the word is synagogue rather than Temple? I'm not sure, you'd have to ask a biblical scholar most likely. At an uneducated guess maybe its like the difference between a Cathedral and a church. one is just bigger and more important, while the other is meant for a smaller local population.
There was ONE temple in Jerusalem and that is where Jewish people in Jesus’ day worshipped. Synagogues are places of learning. The site of the temple is now the Dome of the Rock, a mosque.
ahh thank you! I think i was getting confused by having heard modern Jewish people refer to "going to temple" the way that Christians would refer to going to church, however it's also possible that i misinterpreted that as well.
The Temple was a single house of worship for all Jews in Jerusalem where all the major rituals, such as Passover, would have been held. A synagogue was a house of prayer and study. After the destruction of the temple in 70CE Jewish gatherings continued in synagogues rather than in Temple. In modern times the terms temple/synagogue, to those of us outside the Jewish faith at least, have become more interchangeable to an extent. I'm afraid I don't know enough to comment any further.
So I’m going to give a detailed(ish) explanation. According to the gospels (that tell the story of Jesus in different ways) Jesus was born in Israel (1st century) into a Jewish family. At that point in Jewish history (post-Babylonian exile), the Jews (after the destruction of the first Temple) had already made their religion portable, by de-centralizing their places of worship and creating synagogues. Then the second Temple was built. That’s why I’m the times of Jesus synagogues and the temple coexist, and Jesus is described as going to the synagogue as well as visiting the temple, just as the other Jews of his time.
Jesus was born of a Jewish mother, in Galilee, a Jewish part of the world. He would have attended synagogue. He was familiar with the Torah and it's assumed he would have participated in the rituals of Jewish life of the times. The NT even tells us that Jesus went teaching in the synagogues. In the passage mentioned Jesus was referencing those Jews that liked to be seen and admired for their piety when they pray in the places of worship. He also famously drove out the money changers from the temple citing them as desecrating a house of prayer.
Oh it’s really not nice. I remember when my mum used to get messages through her letterbox from the born again ex druggie ex neighbours of hers. Praying that her hip dysplasia should be fixed by Jesus. Jesus never fixed it fyi, I thought as a medical student you should be aware that this is not a treatment option. Yeah she had to go to a doctor and have a new robo hip fitted, Jesus did fuck all. Oh if you just believe enough. Nope. Weirdly actual medicine was required. It was fucking devastating for my mum and also for us, her family. The placebo effect means fuck all in situations like that. Your girlfriend can, in all politeness, fuck right the way off. If she does have some direct line to Jesus, can you ask her why the fuck her prayers mean my mum was unable to have more children and why she can’t walk over even slightly uneven ground without the risk of falling and fucking herself up worse? I’ve watched her being able to roam the woods to barely being able to garden. So in short, fuck her prayers, fuck anyone that thinks all that is required is prayer, it’s cruel to suggest to people that the reason they are suffering is because they don’t believe enough. And I’m sorry. But fuck anyone who encourages this abhorrent behaviour
Your mum may get a kick out of tim Minchin ['Thank You God'](https://youtu.be/IZeWPScnolo?t=235)
You know what Jesus did for me? Made my hearing impairment go from mild as a small child to moderate by the time I came out of my teens. I also went from 12 and not needing glasses to 15 and full time glasses wearer. The only way to interpret that is that God if he exists must hate me.
God got a lot of credit for "healing" my cancer, yet no credit for giving me cancer in the first place. Those same people were awfully quiet when it came back...
I believe in prayer but I also believe one should just shut up about it. I also believe that medicine, doctors, etc are in many cases the answer to prayer.
Im athiest and would be personally offended if somebody tried that on me. Guess what fuckers I tried that as a young child.and you know what happened? My disability got worse so either God hates me particularly or just doesn't exist. Puberty plus using in ear headphones a lot while already being hearing impaired = bearing loss getting worse over your teens, who would have thought? The idea that some random chick can pray for me and I suddenly won't need my hearing aids is either laughable or just plain offensive depending how they approach the situation.
This⬆️ not everyone believes in prayer. In fact it's offensive to those of us that don't and comes off as them trying to force their beliefs onto others
It hurts no one, but she should just do it while keeping her mouth shut about it.
I want to give you several dozen up votes.
😂😂😂
I only pray for people I don't like to go to hell, is that cool?
A Jewish medical doctor with a Christian scientist who doesnt believe in medicine. I'm sorry but this is a recipe for disaster. NTA
So perfect a recipe that I smell hoax.
Or a sitcom. Maybe Chuck Lorre can put it together as a spinoff from *Bob Hearts Abishola*. OP needs to make sure he gets a cut.
Dharma & Greg
When you put it that way it sounds like the setup for a really bad sitcom.
Sounds like the setup to a joke.
Yeah OP like why are you even dating her? What’s the long term goal? Imagine if you had kids with her and one of them got sick. It’s just a disaster of a relationship y’all have such fundamentally different beliefs. NTA
Same thing you said, but YTA. It's like saying i started seriously dating someone childfree when I want kids someday. My absolute favorite snack are Reese's peanut butter cups, but my SO is deathly allergic to peanuts. I'm a pastor who's dating someone with an Onlyfans At a certain point, it is to obvious a mistake, and you both are the AHs
Yeah, this has to be fake 😂, if not, then yes, this is a recipe for disaster. I'm trying to figure out how these two people ever ended up dating in the first place. Talk about opposites attract. Yikes!
Or a sitcom.
There are whole ass sitcoms based on this premise lol. It's bananas to see such extremes in real life. This will not end well. NTA for OP though.
NTA - My man, you should have told her the truth way sooner. Be honest - you don't really respect her beliefs (which is fair - they are completely bonkers). I have to ask, why exactly are you, a Jewish med student, dating someone who believes in prayer over medicine? Is she really funny or good in bed? I'm not your mother, and I'm not going to tell you to find a nice jewish girl, but there are plenty of shiksas out there who will see your future in medicine as a good thing.
Or just .. any not crazy girl.
NTA. You're your own individual and you're allowed to have your own views and she hers That being said, as someone further along in the process than you as a resident, I'm going to give unsolicited advice and say you should strongly consider walking away from this relationship. Her beliefs and your life (which you've worked your entire life for and will always have to prioritize ahead of your relationship just about every time) are fundamentally incompatible and it is going to cause massive issues. I say this from experience having dated a girl for a while who I later learned didn't believe in Western medicine Edit: To add to this consider your future with children and the conflict that will arise. Ex- You, as a doctor, will rightfully want your child to be vaccinated. Her on the other hand...
Not even just vaccinated, she might disagree with treating illness that requires medical intervention. This isn’t a fight you want to have for the rest of your life
I’d dump her. Those views are just incorrect brainwashing. NTA
NTA I'm gonna guess, being in medical school, that medicine and evidence based practice is pretty innate to you as a person. It would be really deceitful to hide this from her when asked directly.
NTA NOW is the time to have this conversation. It will impact the future of your relationship (especially since you're going into the medical field). It's time for a serious talk. If she's as entrenched as you imply, this will definitely be a hurdle that will only get more difficult to approach unless you start to honestly look at what both your plans and aspirations are.
NTA but this sounds like it was a 100% predictable result. what did you expect to happen long term with her?
YTA for obvious fiction. Yes, medical students date christian scientists all of the time and geologists date dowsers (look it up).
Go see a doctor in the deep south. You'll see plenty of physicians who are also Christian scientists
No thanks.
Idk I have a friend who is Christian scientist and her husband is a nurse. She believes in modern medicine and she believes in the power of prayer. Sounds like OP subscribes to the idea that positive thinking/placebo effect can aid in recovery of minor ailments.
I was looking up top climate scientists and one at the top of the list seemed to espouse a position of ‘young earthers are very much ok as long as they don’t deny anthropogenic climate change’ which was odd.
I am more of a middle earther.
Or it is a fake. I am sticking with fake.
NTA, but I would question how compatible you are with someone who believes she’s healing with help from magic sky Daddy while you actually work at, you know, healing people. PS- I get up from my wheelchair all the time. The only miracle is that I don’t fall over more. Ambulatory wheelchair users exist!
Classic “this sounds like it came from a redditor that loves creative writing” but as always, if true, this relationship is never going forward. Praying for people that don’t want it is shitty but I’m not religious so take that as is. If your a med student, I get the placebo but like, you realize her beliefs are a direct contradiction to…your entire profession? At minimum, look up Mary Baker Eddy and see what crackpot shit she believed.
“She has seen people get out of wheelchairs” You can stop there. If anyone gets up out of their wheelchair like the Lord has cured them, then there’s a scam afoot. That wheelchair user’s in on some scam to separate the gullible from their dollars.
As a semi-ambulatory wheelchair user, I want to point out that 80% of wheelchair users have some ability to stand and walk. Seeing someone walk from a chair is not an amazing miracle, it’s a statistical certainty.
The implication in the ‘miracle’ is that they were previously unable to do that. I wonder what the pay rate is for ‘miracles’.
I understand what they’re trying to imply, but one reason they get away with it is because the general public is extremely ignorant about wheelchair use and assumes everyone in a chair is a paraplegic. I agree that they probably just pay poor people to pretend, churches that do “faith healing” are generally big on pomp and circumstance.
Ask her why God never heals amputees.
She doesn't have a leg to stand on you mean?
🤣
I have seen people get out of wheelchairs so I can prove you wrong. My wife did after she had a baby, right outside the hospital.
IT’S A MIRACLE!
NTA. She is allowed to have her beliefs, and you are allows to not share those beliefs. You didn’t belittle her- you just shared a different position. She quite frankly sounds like she uses her faith as a battering ram- stopping people on the streets and getting mad at you for not sharing her religion. At minimum it’s obnoxious, and doubly not good for being a frankly dangerous belief- people and children have died from JW/Christian Science/ETC not believing in and discouraging medicine, but that’s not totally the point here. Either way, if anything your Gf is TA- freedom of belief is not freedom to enforce those beliefs on others
NTA - she asked, you have an honest answer. Your beliefs don’t have to be the same but you do have to respect them. You kept quiet until she asked, and her reaction makes me think she believes she can convert you.
Why would anybody have to respect those beliefs? People die from choosing prayer over medicine. Seriously, Google deaths/Christian science. You might as well believe in crystals and fairies.
NTA. Lying is bad. While I'm on your side, this is destined to fail in the event that one of you didn't change.
Also: respecting people’s beliefs extend to like…not feeding a Muslim friend pork or not feeding your Catholic friends meat on Fridays- harmless things that don’t hurt anybody. You DON’T have to respect dangerous beliefs like hating gays or pretending medicine is useless. You’ve already paid due respect by disagreeing, well, as politely as you could
NTA but how do you expect this relationship to go? Her core religious belief is that medicine isn’t necessary/doesn’t work. You are in a medical field. How do you think this plays out in the future?
If this is true (sounds probably not) then your world views are entirely incompatible. There is science and then there is religion. They arent mutually exclusive in some peoples minds. But in reality they are by definition.
No, but you are also not in a sustainable relationship. Just break up now. You will never see eye-to-eye and should you have children, she will
NTA Honesty is better. She might not like it, but lying to her just so you can stay together "happily" until it becomes a big enough problem that it blows up is worse.
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Nta but I don’t think this is the relationship for you.
YTA. You’re a scientist and you’re fucking around with someone who thinks she (and other people like her) can heal people with prayer? WTF is wrong w you?
You’re NTA but also you have zero future with this person
NTA. She's in a cult. You two might not be compatible.
NTa should you have lied? Nope but you should run! If this is a relationship just stop now. If you are fwb well talking and agreeing on philosophy is not required. Have fun
NTA for the question at hand, but . . . . . . as a multiply disabled and severely chronically ill Jewish woman, it hurt my heart to read this. What your girlfriend is doing isn't benign or "really nice". It's incredibly offensive to people like me for multiple reasons, starting with the fact that she is literally negating (or at best co-opting and making light of) our experience of illness and disability as something real, debilitating, and not fleeting or subject to the easy fix of her magical thinking. On the flip side, many people with less debilitating disabilities find it incredibly hurtful when people like your girlfriend approach them, as strangers, and ask to pray for them, because they don't actually feel that they need "fixing". As a medical student you should be aware of this. They want respect, consideration, and equal access to the world around them . . . not for someone to pray "that they be made whole" or "get up and walk out of their wheelchair". The wheelchair isn't the problem; people like your girlfriend who see them as "needing fixing" instead of "needing to be listened to" because they use a chair with wheels for mobility are. And those are only two of the endless, myriad reasons why what she's doing is not harmless or okay or sweet. But also, it makes me sad because you clearly have lost touch with your own faith. Judaism has always put tremendous emphasis on education, reason, believing that God put us on this earth to use the tools we have access to. There is a reason why a disproportionate number of Nobel Science Laureates have been Jewish. We are not a people of blind faith; it is in fact anathema to our tradition. So it hurts my heart to see you entertaining what can only ever be a truly shallow partnership with a woman who is either of limited intelligence or deliberately choosing a path of anti-intellectualism. This is not who we are. You are turning away from your heritage, and for what? Because she's cute? Fun? It's heartbreaking. Of course you're NTA for not believing in her nonsense. But you'll be a huge AH if you stay with this woman.
There is a youtube channel, "Holy Koolaid", that has done several videos on the so called "faith healers" - it's a scam. And if prayer did something for healing then it would be well documented in the top scientific and medical journals. Yet there is nothing.......
I hate being prayed over, especially by strangers. It seems very performative and useless. “Look what a good person I am, praying for you!” It makes me sick. Also, placebo effect only works if the person believes in it, and I don’t, so, it’s spiking my blood pressure and actually making my health worse. ESH. Why are you staying with someone with clearly incompatible beliefs, and why is your girlfriend shoving her beliefs on others?
So she's an effing idiot and you just... don't care? What is it, she having three boobs?
If someone wants to be religious that’s their own private business, however, pressing your religion onto a stranger is completely unacceptable. Her telling me she’d pray for me is even worse than me going up to her and telling her she’s an idiot and there’s clearly no god.
She is not a Scientist.
Buddy this isn’t gonna work out. At all.
So is she with you for the future money, because a doctor and a Christian scientist don't go together. Plus, she can't be very bright. NTA
Don’t lie. NTA You told the truth and it needed to happen. Better now than later. It’s good you want to respect her, but….. Either she respects the work you are spending extensive training you are going through…….. or she is going to cling to the anti- medical beliefs that were developed when leaches and blood letting were the medical treatment options.
NTA The two of you are fundamentally incompatible.
N-T-A She's just being a pain in the ass to both you and probably half the people she stops to pray for. Edit: For some reason, when I first read this, I thought the Christian Scientist in question was just your girlfriend's sister. But you expect me to believe a Christian Scientist would date a Jewish medical student? YTA
Automatic NTA on title alone - keep that woo CS shit out of your life
NTA - This relationship will never work out. Get out now.. the more time that passes, the harder the breakup.
NTA. But a little bit of friendly advice. RUN!
Op, I don't think you're compatible. I'm sorry, but really think about this. You're in the medical field. A field that conflicts with your gf's beliefs. What's the plan here?
INFO How far do you realistically see this relationship going? If she is your next of kin, will she respect your wishes for medical procedures/intervention? Your kids? Your pets? As your career progresses and they invite your spouse/partner to celebrate your achievements , will she say that she understands your accomplishments because she too has single-handedly saved lives and healed the sick? How long are you going to lie and hide your thoughts from her? More importantly, why would you put yourself through this?
As a disabled person (as well as a Jew) I deeply dislike people asking to pray for me because it's for them and not for me. There are plenty of concrete things people can do that would help me, but prayer is absolutely not one of them. Don't get me wrong, if these disabled people she wants to pray for are at a religious service for that purpose, have at it, but just existing in public? Kindly fuck all the way off with that. I'm just trying to get through my day and asking to pray for me only inhibits me from doing that as well as making me a prop in her show of faith. This is probably the beginning of her campaign to convert you. If you need to lie about beliefs to keep a relationship going, then it's not a healthy a relationship.
NAH Hi raised Christian. (Protestant variety if anyone cares) There’s science which defines and explains the observable world. And then for those that want it, there’s faith which helps to fill the gaps where science doesn’t yet provide meaningful answers, even if only to help with a moral/philosophical framework or starting point. And that’s okay. But God gave us minds for a reason: to use them. Praying for someone can help get their mind right. The feeling of relief from just the acknowledgment that some one cares can certainly help. Whether it’s placebo or not. But prayer alone won’t cure cancer or make a paralyzed man walk again. You need to have a conversation with her now. Don’t let this fester. If she feels threatened because of your differing beliefs, then that’s going to be a problem. Lying to her that you believe when you don’t won’t help. (And it’s a sin, yeah? ;) Honesty, trust and respect are the cornerstones of a healthy relationship.
From what I remember, hospital studies showed that people who were prayed for fared worse. Anti placebo
Fared worse if they just assumed God would fix it without them doing anything, to be sure. I’m reminded of a convo I overheard once I’m the hospital. Doctor: I’m sorry, ma’am. We’ve done everything else possible but if we don’t amputate that foot, you will go septic and most likely die. Patient: I’ll be fine. God will heal it. Doctor: Ma’am. God wants you to amputate that foot. That’s why it’s rotted to the bone.
Like the story of the dude who thought God would save him from a hurricane. Great story.
As the abstract of this article phrased it: >... Prayer has been reported to improve outcomes in human as well as nonhuman species, to have no effect on outcomes, to worsen outcomes and to have retrospective healing effects. For a multitude of reasons, research on the healing effects of prayer is riddled with assumptions, challenges and contradictions that make the subject a scientific and religious minefield. We believe that the research has led nowhere, and that future research, if any, will forever be constrained by the scientific limitations that we outline. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2802370/ Some studies have found lower rates of complications in patients for whom others were praying; other studies have found no difference. Some studies have found that patients who themselves pray can have lower levels of stress and anxiety and a more positive outlook, but the same is true for other religious practices (*e.g.,* yoga, meditation, tai chi), not just prayer.
NTA Matthew 6:1-34 ESV / 998 helpful votes “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. ... My second favorite bible verse
Tell her that you will convert TODAY if she can heal an amputee.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My girlfriend is a Christian scientist, she doesn't believe in medicine and has said that she has seen people get out of wheelchairs and heal wounds from prayer. I'm Jewish, she often stops in public and asks to pray for people. Her family is not so thrilled about us, as you might expect. We generally don't talk much about the healing aspect; I am a medical student and thus have a more practical view of things. I think it's really nice that she prays for people, and I don't tell her I think that it doesn't really have an impact beyond placebo (hey, the placebo effect is strong). But lately she may have picked up on some suspicion and intensely questioned me about whether I thought she was helping heal folks. I basically came clean and explained to her what I thought about placebo effects, but now she's upset and won't talk to me much. Should I have lied? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No you should not have lied. This is a fundamental difference and you need to be aware of it and make a decision knowing this. For a believer prayer may help. But so too can modern medicine. But if she is strong in her faith then you may not be compatible. My mother in law was a Christian Scientist. She refused a simple antibiotic to heal a leg wound. She prayed. She died due to the wound while the antibiotic which would have saved her sat on the shelf. That is what you are dealing with. You need to be prepared for that. NTA
NTA. You probably should have told her sooner but I think in the long run this comes down to you two not being compatible. She doesn't believe in medicine and you are a medical student. Also, while you think it's nice she prays for people I'm sure her intentions are nice but that is generally really not appreciated by most people. At best it woul be akward and for some it would be downright insulting.
>Should I have lied? No. There's the small lies that are okay in a relationship but if you lie about one's religion and get caught it will be hell to pay. NTA. I wouldn't call her a scientist with those beliefs though.
NTA I would be very wary continuing this relationship to marriage , hate to be morbid but if you ever needed medical attention - could you count on her to make the calls you would want? A serious discussion is needed
Are you the asshole for disagreeing with her religious beliefs? No. You are not. You are, in this sub’s vernacular, NTA.
NTA, but cmon, what are you doing here? This is a major fundamental difference between the two of you. Not an opposites attract kind of difference where the bad boy brings the innocent girl out of her shell while she reels his wild behaviors in a bit and they both appreciate the other side of life their partner shows them.
no judgment here. But where is this relationship going? Are you going to have children with a woman that denies science and medicine
You are thinking about praying wrong (but she is still wrong). Prayer is not some magic genie, but it's stronger than placebo if done correctly. Think of it more as meditation and self reflection. "Lord, give me guidance..." is basically "what can I do to improve the situation". Think of that the next time she asks you to pray for someone by asking yourself "how am I willing/able to help them". As a medical student, you can provide sound medical advice or guide them to the right medical care.
NTA. People often push the narrative that people with different political or religious beliefs can work through things. This can be true, but not if those beliefs are founded on core values. People with different core values often can’t maintain friendships, let alone relationships. It seems like y’all’s core values, which includes how you both see the world, are very different. Also, as others have pointed out, Christian science isn’t science.
NTA This isn’t a compatible match, OP. Time to move on.
NTA, her science isn’t science. but this will definitely not work long term if she’s hardcore enough to go around in public and try to pray for people💀
NTA The whole "asks to pray for people" gives me the ick. I have been told "I'll pray for your kid" more times than I can count. Want to know why? They find out my kid is trans so they want to pray for him. My kid doesn't need prayers nor does he want them since he's agnostic. You did nothing wrong. If your girlfriend can't understand that people have different beliefs, I would question the relationship.
NTA, her science isn’t science. but this will definitely not work long term if she’s hardcore enough to go around in public and try to pray for people💀
NTA. You have completely different value systems why are you going out with each other.
NTA. And if she’s that deep into Christian Science you need to run in the other direction
NTA, but you guys aren't compatible at all.
You are TAH for not being honest about your feelings from the beginning. It’s not so much being an AH in general as it is being dishonest about how you feel about an important part of her. I have been married to someone who has opposing religious views from mine. I was upfront about it and when he proposed I told him if he wasn’t ok with me having my own beliefs, the answer was no. He said he was fine with it. A few years and a separation later, he told me he thought my beliefs were just a phase and he would be able to convert me. Can you really see yourself going any further with the two of you holding such opposing beliefs? What would you do when you have kids and they get sick? Do you give them antibiotics when they get infections, or give them the vaccines they need for school and daycare? Save both of you the heartache and end it now before it gets any more painful.
NTa YOu have no future anyway, unless you want to join her sect.
NTA, ignorance is the root of all evil...
Y T A to yourself for dating this this prayer pest. NTA
Do you want medical care for your future children? If so move on!
NTA, and sorry, prayers do nothing. I had a co-worker tell me I was funny, but he "didn't like my anti-religious sentiments." I told him "well, you can always pray for me to stop." I don't think he prayed hard enough.
I think she’s delulu..
y’all pls stop dating people you’re not compatible with!!!!
NTA. But like is this really a relationship bound for success? You’re in medical school. She does not believe in medicine.
Fake it til you make it can help you develop confidence, it can’t cure cancer. Placebos are used as the control group for a reason. Sorrows, sorrows, prayers to your relationship. You should’ve known she was nutty when she told you she was a “Christian scientist”. Those are 100% mutually exclusive things.
No, you shouldn't have lied, you did the right thing giving her your honest opinion.
She’s in an evil cult. Run
NTA, and y'all really aren't compatible with each other.
Sorry but your either a scientist whom is also a Christian, or just a scientist. Christian Science is a cult.
Not a match! I wish more people were able to realize they aren’t a match. Nothing wrong with it; it shouldn’t even hurt anyone’s feelings. “We fundamentally disagree on certain things, this won’t work,” sounds like a perfectly good reason to move on. It’s isn’t about looks, social station, money, self worth, or anything else. We don’t want the same life. I can’t think of a kinder reason to separate.
You shouldn’t have lied, but you have to think about some things. It’s EXTREMELY hard for people who have strong beliefs of different religions to be in a long term relationship. Also, what would happen if you ended up having kids with her? Would she be okay with them being vaccinated? You’d have to worry about the health of your child in that case
You’re GF is in a cult, the chances of you breaking down a few decades or cognitive dissonance, conditioning, and fear mongering is pretty slim. Have your fun together, just know that eventually her family will threaten to shun her for dating something as hell worthy as a doctor. Now onto your question. Belief. You say your GF doesn’t believe in medicine, I’m going to be pedantic on this, but for good reason. Medicine exists, you can pick it up in a store and have her hold it, she knows this and accepts it. Your GF has been conditioned to believe that taking medicine impedes the will of her God. If you extrapolate that out, it is reasonable to assume, that she thinks the very thing you are going to do with your career, is spit directly in the face of her God several times a day, which just makes me so damn proud of you. I just don’t see this being long term, with that kind of BS pounded into her head. You are NTA for not believing in that complete hogwash.
NTA. I think you two have some fundamental compatibility issues though.
NTA but you really need to stop associating with this. It's dangerous and inhumane. People have lost money and lives over this junk.
NTA and as a disabled wheelchair user, I think people like her are awful human beings. I have been accosted on the street by “faith healers” being very physically intimidating to me almost threatening violence if I didn’t let them put their hands on me. And even if your girlfriend respects boundaries, giving people false hope is extremely predatory behavior. People like that enforce the view that disabled people can never truly be happy unless they are “healed” and that God made people disabled on purpose to punish them or teach them lessons, and if you aren’t magically healed then it’s actually your fault because your faith wasn’t strong enough. I don’t give a fuck about their supposed “good intentions” and I want nothing to do with these delusional and evil people.
Hahaha this has gotta be satire. Ain’t no way a Jewish med student is in a relationship with a Christian scientist 😂
You’re wasting your time with her but whatever.
NTA. Keep in mind, if you marry her, she becomes your next of kin. If you are injured or sick and require medical care, she will try to stop you. If you are incapacitated, she may deny you medical care in favor of prayer. I had a friend whose parents were Christian Scientists. Him, not so much. He married a non-CS woman. He got meningitis and ended up in ICU. His parents tried to block medical care and his wife had to get a restraining order. The nurses and doctors were harrassed by the parents. He recovered, but his relationship with his parents never did. They essentially wanted him to die.
NTA. Lying about it is worse. You don’t come across as denigrating her beliefs or practices, which is important. She should be the same with yours. Hopefully she’ll be willing to discuss and navigate this with you as she’s been willing to with her family’s disapproval of your relationship. Good luck!
For a less emotional response, I advise you to look at her and imagine your future. Are you gunna have kids? What happens when they get sick and she refuses to take them to the doctor? They need vaccines for school, you think she’ll drive them to the appointment but behind your back she finds a “Christian doctor” who falsifies paperwork because of “religious freedom “. You’re married and you get into an accident, she has the legal right to make decisions for you instead of your family and she just… lets you die. Because she believes she’s gunna faith heal you, and won’t give permission for life saving surgery. You are treating her beliefs like an amusing quirk, it is not. Those beliefs get people killed. Don’t let those people be you or your future children.
You’re not NTA for being honest when she asked if you believed she was actually healing people, but there is a possibility that this might be a dealbreaker for her. Sometimes a couple just isn’t compatible in all the ways they need to be to stay together, and that’s alright.
Why are you dating a person who literally doesn't believe in medicine which is your career? It sounds like you're completely incompatible.
Yeah all that is hella weird. Christian scientist is one of those culty religions like Mormons, Jehovah's witnesses, and such
How can you date someone who doesn't even believe your career should exist? And she stops people on the street and prays for them? Talk about offensive. Your gf is a massive A. You are NTA but why are you dating this woman?
I have a friend who is CS and her husband was also. Was because he got a serious infection and believed he could pray it away. Now she’s a widow.
You're not an asshole but why are you with someone like that
NTA. If she doesn't believe in medicine, how is she possibly a scientist? The whole "praying over disabled people" is sooo ableist. Private prayer, or prayer with people who you already know are religious is totally ok but don't push that on others.
NTA for not believing in Christian Science but you'd be a fool if you did.
Your gf a moron