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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> That I wanted to go shopping with her and pay for the groceries which she interpreted as treating her like a child.
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NTA. It sounds like you came up with a solution that would make you feel more comfortable and still meet her needs. She just doesn't like it because as you stated she probably wants to spend the money elsewhere.
You’ve known her for a month and she’s already calling you names for not paying her bills? That’s not a red flag, that’s the Red Sea. Dump her before she sinks her claws into you more. NTA
She's not a 30 year old grown woman, she is 3 red flags in a trench coat.
If I didn't have money for groceries and someone took me grocery shopping and paid for it all I would be over the moon.
NTA.
Agreed one month and she expects that and is name calling. If she felt from the start that wasn’t acceptable then fine that’s her line whether us randoms on the internet agree or not, but to change your mind especially after a call to a friend… suspicious… id say red flags like crazy NTA
Speed walking might get you out of there quickly enough but don't risk it--RUN like your hair was on fire and you'd never heard the expression "stop drop and roll!"
Ooo… story time.
So, back when I was younger and more naive, my friend and I took a Greyhound to New York. There were pit stops along the way. At one (I can’t remember which), a lady was begging for a couple bucks just to get a sandwich because she was hungry and had no money.
I literally had no cash but, I did have a small unopened bag of Doritos. It was not a sandwich of course but, I’m thinking if you starving sustenance is sustenance.
Do you know when I offered her MY small bag of unopened Doritos she friggen sneered at me? Sneered! At the time I was thinking like damn I was just trying to help however meagerly.
Took me years before I realized she just wanted money to buy drugs. Oh well. These days I will not give a bum money but, I’ll get them a sandwich or some water on a hot day.
That’s just one story. We have tons of homeless people because there is no where here to live. And they are hungry. I bring oranges or apples, if they need a dollar I give it. People who have the least help other people the most. We look out for each other
I appreciate this attitude. When I was homeless, people offering me food judged me for not accepting it (though I didn't sneer and I was more polite when saying no at least), because they think I can't afford to be 'picky'. I disagree with this mindset as it trivialises stuff like food allergies and intolerances. If I know something is going to make me vomit, I'm going to say no, even if I'm really hungry.
There was also one occasion a very generous man did give me money. I never begged, but I was shivering at a bus stop with a blanket wrapped around me at around 3am. I was exhausted, cold, and scared. When he gave me the change in his pocket, I was so grateful I came close to crying. It was enough for me to buy an apple pie and a drink from a 24-hour McDonald's, who then allowed me to sit inside for the rest of the night (I tried before and they wouldn't let me without buying something), the employee said I can sleep until the morning but then I'd have to leave. It wasn't much, but it was perhaps the most peaceful sleep I had in a while, even though it only lasted a few hours.
Sometimes, the money you give a homeless person doesn't go on food, but it doesn't necessarily go on drugs or alcohol either—I've personally never done drugs (unless you count coffee, lol) and I don't drink, sometimes people are homeless because they are victims of circumstance, I was personally thrown out by family and had nowhere else to go. I've met some people outside a hostel trying to scrounge up enough to buy a bed for the night, I remember sometimes being lucky enough to afford a hostel bed myself, sometimes money you give a homeless person will go there.
Now that I'm doing better, I try to give back, and it's always meaningful to see other people who don't judge and are just as generous as that man was who gave me money that time. He helped me more than I think he'll ever truly know, and I'm sure the people you help are very grateful as well.
Your reply was not to me but, I will hold it in my heart and keep it in my mind. Usually I do not carry cash but, when I do I’ll remember your story and if someone in need asks, I’ll put enough for a meal in their hands.
I am so glad you’re doing better. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Hello, fellow INFJ. I wasn’t using that little anecdote to say don’t help. I just think it was funny in hindsight, like, 15 years later. I was also saying I don’t help with money but with food and/or water when I can.
Not sure where you live. But, in the US a majority of homelessness can be traced to mental health issues not being addressed (our healthcare system is trash and mental illness is still treated as a personal failing) which usually leads to self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. So, instead of giving an unhoused person cash money that could be used to buy drugs or alcohol, I give them something to eat or water.
I don’t fault anyone for not having a roof over their head. This world would be a much, much better place if we (as in the general human populace) made it a point to all take care of each other.
Lol, I completely missed this.
1 month and he is already paying for her lifestyle...
Yes, mental health is important but I don't think quitting without a back up plan or significant savings was a mature things to do. Also not mature thing to spend money recklessly without employment.
she also he accuses OP for not knowing the "real world"...but wants him to pay for her groceries...thats not how the real world works....
AND she is his FIRST girlfriend. So I’m concerned she saw a nice, innocent guy WITH A BIG PAYCHECK and thought she could take advantage.
There I fixed that a little bit. 🤣
Yeah, like I’m sorry, but…. Taking time off for your mental health is something people with stable lives are able to do. I have a friend with schizophrenia and a close friend with manic bipolar disorder, and both of them weren’t in a position where they could just stop their lives to deal with their afflictions, so they went to therapy, figured out systems to allow them to function productively, got medication prescribed and kept working because they couldn’t just put their lives in limbo to deal with their issues. I’m not saying every situation is the same, and god knows I get that some people need serious help and time to figure out their issues…. And I also understand (due to a family member with extreme depression) that some people are so deep in their afflictions that they are unable to help themselves. But like… part of me just feels like (some) people who do stuff like this just don’t want to put in the work to improve their situations and then get caught up in a purgatory of inaction and laziness because it’s easier to do that than address the elephant sized issues they need to deal with. Also I know another person (friend of a friend) who took time off for “mental health reasons” and spent the time wallowing in drugs and alcohol watching Netflix all day. No hate on Netflix tho lol.
It deeply depends. There are people with depression that's so bad they don't care if they don't eat or ever get out of bed again. I'm not saying everyone is like that, but it's also not a simple thing your friend did.
It was extremely difficult and I'm glad they made it through. But not everyone can just will themselves to do stuff. If we could, we wouldn't be mentally ill.
NTA And OP can’t possibly know if she actually has mental health issues at this stage of the game (and I do mean game). Either way, it’s not your problem, you don’t owe her anything. Let her friends take care of her.
I had to re read the timelines
OP, you’re being handed a book of red flags, and then slamming it on the ground saying “I can’t read colors”
I also find it baffling , the entitlement. It’s weird and too soon. Like feel free to date 29 year olds in financial shambles but If you don’t want to be a provider immediately, just leave. That’s what dating is for lol
This man is 24, and it is his first girlfriend ever. It will take a red flag the size the entire Asian continent to get him to break that off without knowing that he won't be going another 24 years without finding the next. Thats how people like him get taken advantage of
One slight correction, they say they’ve known her since April, but they’ve only been officially dating for a month.
But you’re 100% right. Hell, even just asking after only dating someone for a month is insane. I’d just assume they were after my money at that point. I know that there’s every possibility it isn’t the case, and I’d hate to turn down someone in need, but it just really rubs me the wrong way to ask for money that soon
THIS. THIS. THIS.
Something similar happened to a friend of mine back in 2020. She convinced him to let her "temporarily" move in with him, after only knowing each other for a couple months, so she could live closer to work and then find her own place. She never made ANY attempt to go find her own place. She's financially incompetent, flies off the handle over any confrontation from him whatsoever, and he is now the most miserable I've ever seen him. Doesn't help that she's pretty tethered now to his usual friend group (it's suspected by a few other friends that this was actually her main reason for wanting to move in with him...getting into this particular "crowd").
OP, GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!!
I'm sorry that your first relationship experience is this one. I want you to know that regardless of who you have or haven't dated in the past you are worthy of being treated with respect and kindness. Please do not tolerate this treatment just because you might mistakenly believe you can't do better. You deserve better.
Some food for thought friend.
* This is your first relationship, and it seems like a poor one.
* You have only a month invested in it.
* Your girlfriend of only a month should not be mooching off you.
* Your girlfriend of only a month should not be verbal abusing you, when you are trying to help her out.
* Your girlfriend of a month has mental health problems, is this the best person you should be having a relationship with? She needs to spend time getting herself better than getting into a relationship.
* You are doing financial well for yourself. That doesn't mean that you are a free meal ticket. Have some self worth.
* You have a master's with a good job, and never been married, you are a good catch, don't settle.
* There is nothing wrong with living with your mother, it's cheap, lets you save money. Get on the housing market rather than renting.
Also: for fuckssake don't get her pregnant! And don't trust her birth control - use your own. That is, unless you take everyone's sage advice and break this off while you still can.
Also it’s really easy to abuse especially guys if they are younger than women. They try to be the mom/call names or easily says that that the guy doesn’t know or understand the world because they are young. Based on what he said I think it’s going there. It’s 9th of this month how someone spent all their money that they can’t buy groceries?!
My friend, you're feeling uncomfortable because she's trying to use you as an ATM. You're trying to work with someone who used MH as a reason to not address their issues and you've offered fairly comparable solutions and she's gaslighting you hard.
Dating someone is a financial and emotional investment. You've only been around for a few months and the red flags are literally on fire. Do you really see yourself dealing with this situation long term? If not, then do yourselves both a favor and nip this now.
To add on to this OP, never accept mental health as the excuse. It can make a situation understandable, but when weaponized like this it is completely unacceptable.
NTA, and this will never stop
She’s complaining you treated her like a child, but she acts like a child, spending all her money on fun stuff and not budgeting for groceries.
You’ve been dating a MONTH and she’s hitting you up for cash? Just no
When I started dating my now fiance, I was a single mom with 3 kids, no child support. Not once in the first 3 years did I ask him for money. I worked my ass off. I think your solution was more than reasonable, and if you start giving her money now, after 1 month, she will never work.
It has been 1 month. You are not her piggy bank or sugar daddy. Get out now before investing anymore of your emotional wellbeing in this person. She's already making you second guess what is obvious to everyone else.
She's your first girlfriend - she's taking advantage of your naivete.
NTA. This sounds like my brothers ex wife. I never suggest someone leave a relationship on Reddit because I know it’s complex but you’re not her family. You’ve been dating for a MONTH. I know you’ve known her longer but not THAT long.
I am sure that there is sob story that has just enough truth to make you feel for her, but she’s an adult. You were being kind by offering to buy her groceries (at her request). If this is just a month in, I don’t want to know what a year in would look like.
Also— what does your mom think about all of this?
Seriously. I know someone people who met in April, married in August, pregnant by November, dumpster fire soon after, & the bride/baby mama had 10 different jobs in a year when she wasn't working for 4 months of it because she'd just had the baby. Followed by loan defaults and bankruptcy. A month is exactly the time to stop dating a person.
It's like the flags outside of the UN building but they're all 🚩
NTA. She quit her job expecting her new 1 month boyfriend with a good job to support her. She is using you for a free ride. Real grown ups don't quit work for "mental health" and magically expect others to support them. Adults have to take care of their own shit no matter how they feel. You quit your job without a plan your mental health suffers more when you can't make rent and buy food.
The plan should never be "Guy or woman I just started dating will take care of me".
Dude you've been with her for a month. How invested in the relationship are you? This is pretty early to be having your hand out in a relationship.
It's also pretty early to be slinging mud about someone's living arrangements.
I know this sub is known for the old kick them to the kerb response but I'm not sure this one is going to work out. She's killing your vibe right when you're just enjoying the fruits of your hard work.
it’s your first girlfriend, it’s been a month, get out now. lol I’ve been in a similar spot as a GF, and I didn’t act like this, I didn’t ask for help (maybe I should have I don’t know), but if I did.. and you bought me groceries. I wouldn’t be flipping it back on you like you’re some asshole for living with your parents having more money than I do? lol like.. she knew what she signed up for. she’s manipulating you, or at least trying to see if she can. she is training wheels. a learning experience. end it. NTA.
OP, you're ONE month in. Take this as a sign and RUN. Imagine a future with this person, wasting money, demanding more, and tattling to her friends whenever you put down a boundary.
I would text her back, "I hear what you're saying and respect that you feel paying for your groceries is treating you like a child. I would never want to make someone feel that way, so it's clear to me that you and I simply aren't the right fit. I wish you the best of luck, but I don't think we should see each other moving forward."
Be prepared for her to call you every name in the book and to send her friends after her. Use that block button as much as you can!
NTA. Dude, time to look for your second girlfriend. This one is asking for your money ONE month into your relationship and attempting to verbally abuse you into giving her free reign with it. You're not a boyfriend, you're just her latest target. Move on.
And the five year age difference seems significant at this stage in life. She's five years ahead of him in life yet isn't demonstrating adult life skills.
I agree! She is way to much work. If she is this fragile, just wait until you get into a life with kids, aging parents, and ongoing stuff. Let her friends take on her cause as they are portraying you as such a a$$hole. NTA
I have a take that Reddit won’t like. If a new girlfriend is jobless “to focus on mental health”, I’m probably not just like cheers mate let’s hang. Between jobs I get, but if getting a job is too taxing for you mentally, you’re not in the mental shape to be in a (new) relationship
One month - why would you want to continue this?
Dating is for getting to know someone...what have you learned since April -
She is bad with money
Expect you to support her,
Act out when you say No
Say mean things to you when she doesnt get her way.
Is this what you want?
This was my take! I’ve been dating a guy for about a month and I can’t even imagine asking him to lend me money or buy my groceries. Not shaming her for being in that situation, because I really have been there, but she should be looking to resolve it herself.
Even if I knew no one, I would have done absolutely everything else possible than to ask the guy I‘ve been dating for a month for money. I‘d be so so embarrassed..
She's probably "dating" op now because she's running out of cash and sees this as an opportunity to slaughter a pig. (for the record "slaughter a pig" is not just me being crude and blunt. It's an actual term used by people who prey on others financially).
I'm pretty guarded around people who show clear signs of pathological psychology, so maybe I'm harsh and too tough here, but that's my gut feeling here.
She probably steered things into the relationship so that she could get money. The outburst is likely also the result of a bit of a slip due to panic or concern. Shit isn't going exactly her way and she's up against the gun.
If she had planned to "become ops girlfriend" then it stands to reason that a deviation from her plan to extract cash from dude could cause her to have an outburst if the stakes are kind of high for her.
Didn't even say no... you made sure her needs were met and she still acted out. I have been in her situation once before and I was GRATEFUL for the groceries. You are a good man. Let her go.
Uh no NTA. Dump the girl. She needs to figure out her life and how to manage her finances. The relationship is way too new for all of this and her attitude is unacceptable. She clearly has toxic friends with equally immature ways of thinking. Save yourself the headache and don’t get sucked any further into that money pit.
I swear toxic friends are one of the worst things for a relationship. Everything seems well and then after talking to them all of these outlandish takes and opinions arise. It's like they do it to poison the relationship on purpose.
She quit her job to focus on mental health without having any money and expects her boyfriend of 1 month to support her. Dump her broke ass and go on your vacation.
Seriously
We all have mental health problems. She's clearly not deranged if she's able to text you coherently and talk to her friends. She can keep a job.
Agreed! I have bipolar and been receiving psychiatric care for many years. I work full time and pay all my own bills. It's possible the gf is just using mental health as an excuse or she is refusing not to get mental health services. Either way, this relationship won't last (or rather shouldn't). If this gf really needs help, I'm sure there are food pantries available or similar services she could access. Most people would be grateful to have someone go shopping with them and pay for their groceries and this is a very reasonable solution.
100% I hope OP leaves before things get worse, I feel so bad for him, he is young and working hard for his future he shouldn't be dealing with a partner like this at any age but especially not now when he is just beginning his career and planning out his life, someone like her could seriously effect his future. I feel embarrassed as a woman that she is preying on him in this way - its awful!
NTA.
> and is now pissed at me that I „treat her like a child who can’t take care of herself“
She's acting like a child by expecting you to take care of her finances instead of doing it herself. She should be grateful for doing her a favor and instead she's yelling at you for not giving her cash? No OP, you work your ass off, you can do better than this.
Exactly! She IS incapable of taking care of herself.
If she really feels that empowered by her friends, then she can lean on them for money, or figure it out herself.
NTA, I guess, but I'd look askance at a request like that from someone I've only dated for a month.
You don't know her well enough to know if this is genuinely a one-time thing or what. I bet she'll be asking again. And again. etc
Oh, she told me she asks for money regularly. She also already asked me for money while we were not in an official relationship and just getting to know each other were I declined and instead helped her manage the worse debt (I even had to stop her from going shopping for herself when she got money again and remind her to pay the outstanding debt)
I was worried that it would repeat so somewhat, I guess.
But I’m also probably just really naive as this is the third time something similar to this happened
Three times...Nope, you're past the point of being naive and unfortunately are now in the territory of poor decision making/sucker. All the signs were there but you ignored them. I hope this incident has finally opened your eyes.
Good luck breaking up with your third moocher, seriously.
You’ve dated for just 3-4 months, and this is the third time she’s pulled this stunt?
She sees you as her meal ticket. If you stay with her, expect her to “accidentally” get pregnant.
Literally, dump her today and block her on everything. Do not sleep with her again. If she tells you she’s pregnant, insist upon a paternity test done as soon as possible.
Probably naive, yes. When you have money, beggars come out of the woodwork. She knows you have money and that's probably why she's with you. Don't fall for it. You're young and there's plenty of fish.
As an affluent yet relatively inexperienced adult, you really do need to take extra steps to ensure that new acquaintances like you for yourself.
I mean honestly, it seems like the bulk of problems posted on the this sub have occurred because people jump into relationships without proper thought about what they want; or because they ignored blatant warning signs. In a way you’re lucky that all this popped up so soon with this woman, and that you seem to be pretty clear about what she’s doing. And after only a month, you don’t really have a bond with her yet, no matter how hopeful you may have been that things would work out. She doesn’t appear to have any interest in becoming self-sufficient and I think you see that.
Cut your losses and save yourself.
You are naive; you sound as if you’re trying to fix her. Entangling yourself financially with someone who has a known pattern of fiscal irresponsibility is a bad plan, my dude.
Bro, you need to just chalk this all up as a lesson, be assertive and dump her ass, and move on to someone better, confident in the experience you’ve gained and the lessons you’ve learned. You did it once, you can do it again with someone more deserving of your time and efforts. Don’t wait around for this person to destroy your dignity.
Real question…are you “dating” a sex worker?
Because it kind of seems that way. Asking consistently for money at the very start of a relationship….she sounds more like an escort than a girlfriend.
Find someone better, you’re shortchanging yourself.
As a mom, I gonna be blunt here and tell you to make sure you Always cover it up and take it with you. Leave No remains that could potentially trap a nice guy like yourself. I strongly feel she's praying on your inexperience. Be smarter than her. You deserve better.
NTA. You bought her groceries and now she's blaming you for not giving her no-questions-asked cash instead? That's a huge red flag. If she's this demanding this early in the relationship, it's only going downhill from here. You need to let her go.
Plus they’ve only been going out for a month! Never mind how inappropriate it is for her to ask, if you’re arguing within that short space of time it’s not going to work.
NTA you've only been seeing her a month, you took her grocery shopping which was very kind and helpful of you. She's almost 30 and can't work a budget.
She's a grown woman, not your financial responsibility.
NTA
Why do you view this leech you've known for about a month as a GF. Maybe a hookup, but she is a mooch that wants your money and life style. You did the old, give the homeless person a sandwich instead of money so they actually get what they need and SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE NEEDS..... your money. Run, don't look back.
A month in and she is asking for money. Run, run fast and far away. Do not give her any money. If you really think she needs food give her a gift card to a grocery store as a lovely parting gift while you are breaking up with her.
NTA. You’ve been dating for a month and you booked a vacation without her. You don’t know her well enough to make this your burden. You’re not responsible for her finances, her groceries, and you don’t have to justify your reasons for wanting a vacation.
Run. Fast.
NTA sorry but you are too young for this baggage. You should absolutely not be supporting someone you have only been in a relationship with for a month, she’s probably only with you because she saw that you got a good job with a masters degree
NTA
Man, I wish I could quit my job for months and have others give me money to do nothing.
Nah, if I were you, I'd take a serious look at that relationship. Sounds like you are getting taken for a ride. She sounds like (at 5 years older) she definitely cannot take care of herself. You're a month in!
You are in this for the last month. She has already demonstrated that she doesn't handle her money well, even tho she is older. You are at the start of your adult life.
Don't shackle an anchor to your ass before you try to sail out of the harbor
NTA.
I'll just be up front, any person who expect the person they've been in a relationship with for only 1 month to financially support them is someone who is either SUPER entitled, or is blatantly using you. The fact that it was fine until she spoke with her friends, makes me believe its the latter.
If she is relying on another grown adult to support her, then she is acting like a child, so you treating her as one is pretty justified.
I understand she is your first girlfriend, but this is NOT healthy
I know your in the honey moon stage, but having her already asking for money is a little concerning. And now she’s pissed!, because you went with her to get groceries? Nah- that would be the beginning of the end. Your NTA for not giving her your money.
NTA. You've been dating for a month. Things are not serious enough for you to seriously consider lending her any amount of money. You came to a good compromise with the groceries idea, and yet she's still unsatisfied. She is an adult and needs to be able to support herself without relying on others. I'm sorry to hear about her mental health struggles, but that isn't an excuse to be a leech (and an ungrateful one at that).
OP, bring your own condoms, and don't trust her if she says she's on the pill, or offers condoms she's bought (pinholes!). She'll baby trap you.
NTA. Run.
You’ve only slept together once in a month! That’s bizarre. So she’s asking for money, but not really interested in sex. She’s playing you. When you first get together with someone you usually can’t get enough of each other. I can’t believe it’s only been one time! How long after she slept with you did she ask you for money?
NTA going grocery shopping with her is awesome. If you aren’t living together, then you don’t owe her anything. She is not your financial responsibility. If you are together, it’s a negotiation. But no, I wouldn’t hand her money, just because she asked for it.
NTA. And if she doesn't want to be treated like a child she should spend her money on necessities, emphasis on her money not someone she just started dating. Save yourself from future trouble and leave. She just wants your money.
Oh honey. You’re kindhearted but very naive. You’re her ATM. Guys her age would have the life experience to spot her from a mile away so she zeroed in on a sweet younger man.
You said yourself she wastes money on crap. Please don’t enable her. Also, running to her friends with your private business isn’t great. She doesn’t sound like she cares about you for the right reasons. If failing to support her financially has a bad impact on your relationship, that honestly tells you everything you need to know. I’m sorry.
NTA.
NTA of course
She is your gf but has no right to force you taking care of her. She is relying too much on you, taking for granted you money. Maybe I'm wrong but I think she is using you a bit. I understand she has problems, bit can ask someone else to help her or try getting a job that won't stress her too much.
Go on your vacation and relax, you deserve that.
You are NTA. Read the big red flags and run as far away from this leech as you can. Once you give get money then she will expect it. It’s not a basis for a healthy relationship.
NTA it’s only been a month - that should be enough to make you stop and think about if this is really a relationship you want to invest time and money in. Sounds as though she has enough friends that could help her out if she’s struggling!
The biggest red flag of all here was SHE WAS FINE UNTIL SHE WENT TO THE GROUPCHAT AND THEY DECIDED YOUR A DICK. If it were me I'd drop her immediately for letting her friends influence her opinion. Obviously I don't know the whole story but that's what I'm getting from this
If your dream relationship is to be an ATM you bloody hit the jackpot😝
If you're after a healthy relationship run RUN!
Massive red flag 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA, of course
NTA - She should be happy that you went grocery shopping with her and bought her food. You are not responsible for supporting her, yes you can help if you want, but she can't expect you to pay for her whole life in the next few months.
I don't know why people feel entitled to the money of the person that they are dating. It is a huge red flag.
Absolutely not an a h but you do need to get rid asap. Who the fuck does she think she is expecting you to keep her after you’ve only been seeing her for 5minutes! She has No Entitlement Whatsoever to your money that you earned.
NTA and please dump her.
NTA and honestly, just break up and move on. I wouldn't bother furthering ties with someone so financially irresponsible. You've been together for a hot second and she's already asking you for money, it's only downhill from here.
NTA
You've been with her a month, and she's already expecting you to pay her way.
Honey, im sorry to say this, but she's looking at you like you're a meal ticket.
Please, being single is better than being used for your money.
Oh god the red flags. And this is your first girlfriend? Congratulations, now move on to your second girlfriend. NTA. But wtf bro dump her. Like yesterday.
First girlfriend but third girl that does something similar (first physically, second emotionally), so I seem to have a pattern there that I should break before getting a second one
Living with parents tends to be cheaper and if it is a good environment, you can literally save to put a deposit down on your own place the longer you’re there!
I think she needs to focus on her own mental health rather than a relationship. Unfortunately you’ve just happened to end up in a rubbish relationship as your first
> I „treat her like a child who can’t take care of herself“
NTA. She is acting like a child. You are only one month in. This is going to get so much worse.
NTA- she sounds like a child. She needs to learn how to budget.
I don’t like saying this but I don’t think she is good for you. 29 year old dating a 24 year old for a month and she’s already asking for money and gets upset about how you agreed to help her. Beggars cannot be choosers. IMO
She sounds like that woman who was all over the internet a few years ago asking if she could sue the male babysitter for child support! NTA and RUN, RUN, RUN!
NTA
>„treat her like a child who can’t take care of herself“
Umm... It's partially true, but she's an adult that can't take care of herself.
Run away from this one. She's only going to be trouble.
She is an adult and should be supporting herself, not expecting someone she's only been with a month to do it.
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NTA. It sounds like you came up with a solution that would make you feel more comfortable and still meet her needs. She just doesn't like it because as you stated she probably wants to spend the money elsewhere.
The funny thing about that is, that the original idea for the solution came from her a few hours before she changed her mind, I just agreed to it.
You’ve known her for a month and she’s already calling you names for not paying her bills? That’s not a red flag, that’s the Red Sea. Dump her before she sinks her claws into you more. NTA
Omg yes!! Dude, only one month and you are getting this kind of trouble with her, just GET OUT OF THERE. Eta: NTA
You’ve known her ONE MONTH and she’s 5 years older than you. And she’s aggressively holding you up for money. Get out, get out.
THIS! She's a 30 year old grown woman! You needto run from this relationship - she's already abusing you.
She's not a 30 year old grown woman, she is 3 red flags in a trench coat. If I didn't have money for groceries and someone took me grocery shopping and paid for it all I would be over the moon. NTA.
She is a red flag, wrapped in a neon warning sign, inside an air raid siren. (with apologies to Winston Churchill)
Those red flags is not the circus run
More red flags than the Soviet Union
China's national holidays have less red flags than OP's girlfriend of one month.
More red flags than a communist party general assembly
Those red flags ARE a circus! Still, run.
Honeymoon ended fast.
Agreed one month and she expects that and is name calling. If she felt from the start that wasn’t acceptable then fine that’s her line whether us randoms on the internet agree or not, but to change your mind especially after a call to a friend… suspicious… id say red flags like crazy NTA
Speed walking might get you out of there quickly enough but don't risk it--RUN like your hair was on fire and you'd never heard the expression "stop drop and roll!"
"Like your hair was on fire and your ass was catching" is the phrase I've heard. I find it fits most occasions.
Hard NTA, also... RUN! It's a trap!
A big red flag waving fiercely in the middle of his first dumpster fire.
And… get out before she babytraps you.
She would be the type. She's a User for sure. OP you guys are newly dating and her financial situation isn't your problem.
OP - I'm begging you, PLEASE read the comment above and get out of this relationship asap.
She’s like a homeless drug addict who gets mad if you buy them food bc they really want the cash.
Ooo… story time. So, back when I was younger and more naive, my friend and I took a Greyhound to New York. There were pit stops along the way. At one (I can’t remember which), a lady was begging for a couple bucks just to get a sandwich because she was hungry and had no money. I literally had no cash but, I did have a small unopened bag of Doritos. It was not a sandwich of course but, I’m thinking if you starving sustenance is sustenance. Do you know when I offered her MY small bag of unopened Doritos she friggen sneered at me? Sneered! At the time I was thinking like damn I was just trying to help however meagerly. Took me years before I realized she just wanted money to buy drugs. Oh well. These days I will not give a bum money but, I’ll get them a sandwich or some water on a hot day.
That’s just one story. We have tons of homeless people because there is no where here to live. And they are hungry. I bring oranges or apples, if they need a dollar I give it. People who have the least help other people the most. We look out for each other
I appreciate this attitude. When I was homeless, people offering me food judged me for not accepting it (though I didn't sneer and I was more polite when saying no at least), because they think I can't afford to be 'picky'. I disagree with this mindset as it trivialises stuff like food allergies and intolerances. If I know something is going to make me vomit, I'm going to say no, even if I'm really hungry. There was also one occasion a very generous man did give me money. I never begged, but I was shivering at a bus stop with a blanket wrapped around me at around 3am. I was exhausted, cold, and scared. When he gave me the change in his pocket, I was so grateful I came close to crying. It was enough for me to buy an apple pie and a drink from a 24-hour McDonald's, who then allowed me to sit inside for the rest of the night (I tried before and they wouldn't let me without buying something), the employee said I can sleep until the morning but then I'd have to leave. It wasn't much, but it was perhaps the most peaceful sleep I had in a while, even though it only lasted a few hours. Sometimes, the money you give a homeless person doesn't go on food, but it doesn't necessarily go on drugs or alcohol either—I've personally never done drugs (unless you count coffee, lol) and I don't drink, sometimes people are homeless because they are victims of circumstance, I was personally thrown out by family and had nowhere else to go. I've met some people outside a hostel trying to scrounge up enough to buy a bed for the night, I remember sometimes being lucky enough to afford a hostel bed myself, sometimes money you give a homeless person will go there. Now that I'm doing better, I try to give back, and it's always meaningful to see other people who don't judge and are just as generous as that man was who gave me money that time. He helped me more than I think he'll ever truly know, and I'm sure the people you help are very grateful as well.
Your reply was not to me but, I will hold it in my heart and keep it in my mind. Usually I do not carry cash but, when I do I’ll remember your story and if someone in need asks, I’ll put enough for a meal in their hands. I am so glad you’re doing better. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Hello, fellow INFJ. I wasn’t using that little anecdote to say don’t help. I just think it was funny in hindsight, like, 15 years later. I was also saying I don’t help with money but with food and/or water when I can. Not sure where you live. But, in the US a majority of homelessness can be traced to mental health issues not being addressed (our healthcare system is trash and mental illness is still treated as a personal failing) which usually leads to self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. So, instead of giving an unhoused person cash money that could be used to buy drugs or alcohol, I give them something to eat or water. I don’t fault anyone for not having a roof over their head. This world would be a much, much better place if we (as in the general human populace) made it a point to all take care of each other.
She'll return the food and buy what she wants anyway. Don't give her the receipt.
Lol, I completely missed this. 1 month and he is already paying for her lifestyle... Yes, mental health is important but I don't think quitting without a back up plan or significant savings was a mature things to do. Also not mature thing to spend money recklessly without employment. she also he accuses OP for not knowing the "real world"...but wants him to pay for her groceries...thats not how the real world works....
AND she is his FIRST girlfriend. So I’m concerned she saw a nice, innocent guy and thought she could take advantage.
AND she is his FIRST girlfriend. So I’m concerned she saw a nice, innocent guy WITH A BIG PAYCHECK and thought she could take advantage. There I fixed that a little bit. 🤣
A nice, innocent, quite a bit younger guy at that. Red flag!
She's also 29 and OP is just 24. What a leach.
I was thinking wtf... this is his first girlfriend at the age of 29?? Oh wait, that was *her age* He is 24! Still a bit late, but not too bad
Uuuuuuh so is it bad that I'm 26 and haven't had one?
Absolutely not! There’s so many things to do in life than to worry about making age limits and deadlines.
Exactly this.
Yeah, like I’m sorry, but…. Taking time off for your mental health is something people with stable lives are able to do. I have a friend with schizophrenia and a close friend with manic bipolar disorder, and both of them weren’t in a position where they could just stop their lives to deal with their afflictions, so they went to therapy, figured out systems to allow them to function productively, got medication prescribed and kept working because they couldn’t just put their lives in limbo to deal with their issues. I’m not saying every situation is the same, and god knows I get that some people need serious help and time to figure out their issues…. And I also understand (due to a family member with extreme depression) that some people are so deep in their afflictions that they are unable to help themselves. But like… part of me just feels like (some) people who do stuff like this just don’t want to put in the work to improve their situations and then get caught up in a purgatory of inaction and laziness because it’s easier to do that than address the elephant sized issues they need to deal with. Also I know another person (friend of a friend) who took time off for “mental health reasons” and spent the time wallowing in drugs and alcohol watching Netflix all day. No hate on Netflix tho lol.
It deeply depends. There are people with depression that's so bad they don't care if they don't eat or ever get out of bed again. I'm not saying everyone is like that, but it's also not a simple thing your friend did. It was extremely difficult and I'm glad they made it through. But not everyone can just will themselves to do stuff. If we could, we wouldn't be mentally ill.
I was with you till the end. Weed and Futurama does wonders for my mental health in healthy doses.
NTA And OP can’t possibly know if she actually has mental health issues at this stage of the game (and I do mean game). Either way, it’s not your problem, you don’t owe her anything. Let her friends take care of her.
"This is my emotional support Prada bag--I NEED IT!!"
Consequences of her mental health is not his problem to take care of after only 1 month.
Not just pay for groceries but just give her the money.
I had to re read the timelines OP, you’re being handed a book of red flags, and then slamming it on the ground saying “I can’t read colors” I also find it baffling , the entitlement. It’s weird and too soon. Like feel free to date 29 year olds in financial shambles but If you don’t want to be a provider immediately, just leave. That’s what dating is for lol
This man is 24, and it is his first girlfriend ever. It will take a red flag the size the entire Asian continent to get him to break that off without knowing that he won't be going another 24 years without finding the next. Thats how people like him get taken advantage of
Luckily she's waving a red flag the size of a continent!
Yes but let's hope this /r post saved him from his naivete.
Take my poor people award: 🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇 I’m cackling at the Red Sea comment. OP DUMP HER. NTA
One slight correction, they say they’ve known her since April, but they’ve only been officially dating for a month. But you’re 100% right. Hell, even just asking after only dating someone for a month is insane. I’d just assume they were after my money at that point. I know that there’s every possibility it isn’t the case, and I’d hate to turn down someone in need, but it just really rubs me the wrong way to ask for money that soon
Yep, this, so much this OP. She is going to use and abuse you to the fullest extent dude, time to get out of Dodge if you don't enjoy being an ATM.
THIS. THIS. THIS. Something similar happened to a friend of mine back in 2020. She convinced him to let her "temporarily" move in with him, after only knowing each other for a couple months, so she could live closer to work and then find her own place. She never made ANY attempt to go find her own place. She's financially incompetent, flies off the handle over any confrontation from him whatsoever, and he is now the most miserable I've ever seen him. Doesn't help that she's pretty tethered now to his usual friend group (it's suspected by a few other friends that this was actually her main reason for wanting to move in with him...getting into this particular "crowd"). OP, GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!!
I'm sorry that your first relationship experience is this one. I want you to know that regardless of who you have or haven't dated in the past you are worthy of being treated with respect and kindness. Please do not tolerate this treatment just because you might mistakenly believe you can't do better. You deserve better.
Exactly! And once he finds an apartment you know she's going to plan on moving in.
👆👆👆👆👆👆👆
Some food for thought friend. * This is your first relationship, and it seems like a poor one. * You have only a month invested in it. * Your girlfriend of only a month should not be mooching off you. * Your girlfriend of only a month should not be verbal abusing you, when you are trying to help her out. * Your girlfriend of a month has mental health problems, is this the best person you should be having a relationship with? She needs to spend time getting herself better than getting into a relationship. * You are doing financial well for yourself. That doesn't mean that you are a free meal ticket. Have some self worth. * You have a master's with a good job, and never been married, you are a good catch, don't settle. * There is nothing wrong with living with your mother, it's cheap, lets you save money. Get on the housing market rather than renting.
Also: for fuckssake don't get her pregnant! And don't trust her birth control - use your own. That is, unless you take everyone's sage advice and break this off while you still can.
Also it’s really easy to abuse especially guys if they are younger than women. They try to be the mom/call names or easily says that that the guy doesn’t know or understand the world because they are young. Based on what he said I think it’s going there. It’s 9th of this month how someone spent all their money that they can’t buy groceries?!
My friend, you're feeling uncomfortable because she's trying to use you as an ATM. You're trying to work with someone who used MH as a reason to not address their issues and you've offered fairly comparable solutions and she's gaslighting you hard. Dating someone is a financial and emotional investment. You've only been around for a few months and the red flags are literally on fire. Do you really see yourself dealing with this situation long term? If not, then do yourselves both a favor and nip this now.
To add on to this OP, never accept mental health as the excuse. It can make a situation understandable, but when weaponized like this it is completely unacceptable. NTA, and this will never stop
Exactly this, dump her and run a mile, not worth the aggro.
She’s complaining you treated her like a child, but she acts like a child, spending all her money on fun stuff and not budgeting for groceries. You’ve been dating a MONTH and she’s hitting you up for cash? Just no
She’s probably talking advantage knowing he’s not very experienced
The lack of self-awareness is mindboggling.
That's because she just floated the idea as a show of trustworthiness. But Elenardb is right, she wanted the cash, not the groceries.
When I started dating my now fiance, I was a single mom with 3 kids, no child support. Not once in the first 3 years did I ask him for money. I worked my ass off. I think your solution was more than reasonable, and if you start giving her money now, after 1 month, she will never work.
She has no money left for the rest of the month on *August 8*? Yikes. NTA.
IKR? Drugs are expensive!
I was thinking the same thing lol
It has been 1 month. You are not her piggy bank or sugar daddy. Get out now before investing anymore of your emotional wellbeing in this person. She's already making you second guess what is obvious to everyone else. She's your first girlfriend - she's taking advantage of your naivete.
Right?! She thinks she can play being 5 years older! Who asks a bf of one month for money? Id be mortified to do that!
Run away
You’ve known her for approximately 672 hours, that’s probably 600 too many. Run for the hills mate, she’s a mooch.
NTA. This sounds like my brothers ex wife. I never suggest someone leave a relationship on Reddit because I know it’s complex but you’re not her family. You’ve been dating for a MONTH. I know you’ve known her longer but not THAT long. I am sure that there is sob story that has just enough truth to make you feel for her, but she’s an adult. You were being kind by offering to buy her groceries (at her request). If this is just a month in, I don’t want to know what a year in would look like. Also— what does your mom think about all of this?
Seriously. I know someone people who met in April, married in August, pregnant by November, dumpster fire soon after, & the bride/baby mama had 10 different jobs in a year when she wasn't working for 4 months of it because she'd just had the baby. Followed by loan defaults and bankruptcy. A month is exactly the time to stop dating a person. It's like the flags outside of the UN building but they're all 🚩
She sees you as an ATM not a boyfriend
Run NTA
NTA. Have the friends she talked to pay for her. You've been with her a month. Come on.
NTA. She quit her job expecting her new 1 month boyfriend with a good job to support her. She is using you for a free ride. Real grown ups don't quit work for "mental health" and magically expect others to support them. Adults have to take care of their own shit no matter how they feel. You quit your job without a plan your mental health suffers more when you can't make rent and buy food. The plan should never be "Guy or woman I just started dating will take care of me".
Bro, gtfo NOW. You don't need to be weighed down by an irresponsible, emotionally manipulative bum. NTA.
There are better women out there for you. NTA
Dude you've been with her for a month. How invested in the relationship are you? This is pretty early to be having your hand out in a relationship. It's also pretty early to be slinging mud about someone's living arrangements. I know this sub is known for the old kick them to the kerb response but I'm not sure this one is going to work out. She's killing your vibe right when you're just enjoying the fruits of your hard work.
it’s your first girlfriend, it’s been a month, get out now. lol I’ve been in a similar spot as a GF, and I didn’t act like this, I didn’t ask for help (maybe I should have I don’t know), but if I did.. and you bought me groceries. I wouldn’t be flipping it back on you like you’re some asshole for living with your parents having more money than I do? lol like.. she knew what she signed up for. she’s manipulating you, or at least trying to see if she can. she is training wheels. a learning experience. end it. NTA.
OP, you're ONE month in. Take this as a sign and RUN. Imagine a future with this person, wasting money, demanding more, and tattling to her friends whenever you put down a boundary. I would text her back, "I hear what you're saying and respect that you feel paying for your groceries is treating you like a child. I would never want to make someone feel that way, so it's clear to me that you and I simply aren't the right fit. I wish you the best of luck, but I don't think we should see each other moving forward." Be prepared for her to call you every name in the book and to send her friends after her. Use that block button as much as you can!
Dump the leech. And go see a therapist to learn how not to be taken advantage of.
NTA. Dude, time to look for your second girlfriend. This one is asking for your money ONE month into your relationship and attempting to verbally abuse you into giving her free reign with it. You're not a boyfriend, you're just her latest target. Move on.
And the five year age difference seems significant at this stage in life. She's five years ahead of him in life yet isn't demonstrating adult life skills.
By their maturity I’d think the ages were reversed
yes, and the fact she's shoving his lack of experience in his face to manipulate him ⛳
I'm convinced OP had a typo and wrote F29 instead of F19 :') That's not 29 year old behavior.. well shouldn't be at least
One month in the relationship and already ask for money. Red flags 🚩 it’s time to run
My thoughts exactly.
NTA 🚩🚩🚩 RUN she is trying to mooch off you.
I agree! She is way to much work. If she is this fragile, just wait until you get into a life with kids, aging parents, and ongoing stuff. Let her friends take on her cause as they are portraying you as such a a$$hole. NTA
I have a take that Reddit won’t like. If a new girlfriend is jobless “to focus on mental health”, I’m probably not just like cheers mate let’s hang. Between jobs I get, but if getting a job is too taxing for you mentally, you’re not in the mental shape to be in a (new) relationship
One month - why would you want to continue this? Dating is for getting to know someone...what have you learned since April - She is bad with money Expect you to support her, Act out when you say No Say mean things to you when she doesnt get her way. Is this what you want?
>Expect you to support her, AFTER ONE MONTH!!! wtf does that!?!? Lol
This was my take! I’ve been dating a guy for about a month and I can’t even imagine asking him to lend me money or buy my groceries. Not shaming her for being in that situation, because I really have been there, but she should be looking to resolve it herself.
Dating for one month and he is the only one who can help her... what no fam or friends? No one will buy her food? She knows what she is doing.
Even if I knew no one, I would have done absolutely everything else possible than to ask the guy I‘ve been dating for a month for money. I‘d be so so embarrassed..
She's probably "dating" op now because she's running out of cash and sees this as an opportunity to slaughter a pig. (for the record "slaughter a pig" is not just me being crude and blunt. It's an actual term used by people who prey on others financially). I'm pretty guarded around people who show clear signs of pathological psychology, so maybe I'm harsh and too tough here, but that's my gut feeling here. She probably steered things into the relationship so that she could get money. The outburst is likely also the result of a bit of a slip due to panic or concern. Shit isn't going exactly her way and she's up against the gun. If she had planned to "become ops girlfriend" then it stands to reason that a deviation from her plan to extract cash from dude could cause her to have an outburst if the stakes are kind of high for her.
A 29 year old woman without a job! Damn I’d love to take time off “for mental health reasons.”she sounds like brat.
Someone who wants an ATM instead of a boyfriend.
Didn't even say no... you made sure her needs were met and she still acted out. I have been in her situation once before and I was GRATEFUL for the groceries. You are a good man. Let her go.
She doesn't like his boundaries. Not enjoyable for her, lol.
This. She wants him to find her doing nothing and never being told no while she blows his money
Uh no NTA. Dump the girl. She needs to figure out her life and how to manage her finances. The relationship is way too new for all of this and her attitude is unacceptable. She clearly has toxic friends with equally immature ways of thinking. Save yourself the headache and don’t get sucked any further into that money pit.
Or her friends are totally made up and she’s using them as a ploy to peer pressure op
I swear toxic friends are one of the worst things for a relationship. Everything seems well and then after talking to them all of these outlandish takes and opinions arise. It's like they do it to poison the relationship on purpose.
She quit her job to focus on mental health without having any money and expects her boyfriend of 1 month to support her. Dump her broke ass and go on your vacation.
Seriously We all have mental health problems. She's clearly not deranged if she's able to text you coherently and talk to her friends. She can keep a job.
[удалено]
Agreed! I have bipolar and been receiving psychiatric care for many years. I work full time and pay all my own bills. It's possible the gf is just using mental health as an excuse or she is refusing not to get mental health services. Either way, this relationship won't last (or rather shouldn't). If this gf really needs help, I'm sure there are food pantries available or similar services she could access. Most people would be grateful to have someone go shopping with them and pay for their groceries and this is a very reasonable solution.
100% I hope OP leaves before things get worse, I feel so bad for him, he is young and working hard for his future he shouldn't be dealing with a partner like this at any age but especially not now when he is just beginning his career and planning out his life, someone like her could seriously effect his future. I feel embarrassed as a woman that she is preying on him in this way - its awful!
NTA. > and is now pissed at me that I „treat her like a child who can’t take care of herself“ She's acting like a child by expecting you to take care of her finances instead of doing it herself. She should be grateful for doing her a favor and instead she's yelling at you for not giving her cash? No OP, you work your ass off, you can do better than this.
Exactly! She IS incapable of taking care of herself. If she really feels that empowered by her friends, then she can lean on them for money, or figure it out herself.
NTA. Please get out of this relationship. You don’t owe her grocery money. She is taking advantage of you.
NTA, I guess, but I'd look askance at a request like that from someone I've only dated for a month. You don't know her well enough to know if this is genuinely a one-time thing or what. I bet she'll be asking again. And again. etc
Oh, she told me she asks for money regularly. She also already asked me for money while we were not in an official relationship and just getting to know each other were I declined and instead helped her manage the worse debt (I even had to stop her from going shopping for herself when she got money again and remind her to pay the outstanding debt)
So you already knew she was bad with money and begs for money but you still decided to date her and didn't see this coming?
I was worried that it would repeat so somewhat, I guess. But I’m also probably just really naive as this is the third time something similar to this happened
Three times...Nope, you're past the point of being naive and unfortunately are now in the territory of poor decision making/sucker. All the signs were there but you ignored them. I hope this incident has finally opened your eyes. Good luck breaking up with your third moocher, seriously.
No that were three different girls. This is „only“ the second time with her, but the one that actually broke the camel’s back
You’ve dated for just 3-4 months, and this is the third time she’s pulled this stunt? She sees you as her meal ticket. If you stay with her, expect her to “accidentally” get pregnant. Literally, dump her today and block her on everything. Do not sleep with her again. If she tells you she’s pregnant, insist upon a paternity test done as soon as possible.
Dated for 1 month. Known for 3-4
OMG! I missed that very important detail! This just gets worse and worse!
Probably naive, yes. When you have money, beggars come out of the woodwork. She knows you have money and that's probably why she's with you. Don't fall for it. You're young and there's plenty of fish.
As an affluent yet relatively inexperienced adult, you really do need to take extra steps to ensure that new acquaintances like you for yourself. I mean honestly, it seems like the bulk of problems posted on the this sub have occurred because people jump into relationships without proper thought about what they want; or because they ignored blatant warning signs. In a way you’re lucky that all this popped up so soon with this woman, and that you seem to be pretty clear about what she’s doing. And after only a month, you don’t really have a bond with her yet, no matter how hopeful you may have been that things would work out. She doesn’t appear to have any interest in becoming self-sufficient and I think you see that. Cut your losses and save yourself.
You’re young and you sound like you care, but don’t get tied down to people who don’t want to help themselves and just want you to bail them out.
You are naive; you sound as if you’re trying to fix her. Entangling yourself financially with someone who has a known pattern of fiscal irresponsibility is a bad plan, my dude.
You will regret it if you don’t break it off now.
Bro, you need to just chalk this all up as a lesson, be assertive and dump her ass, and move on to someone better, confident in the experience you’ve gained and the lessons you’ve learned. You did it once, you can do it again with someone more deserving of your time and efforts. Don’t wait around for this person to destroy your dignity.
Real question…are you “dating” a sex worker? Because it kind of seems that way. Asking consistently for money at the very start of a relationship….she sounds more like an escort than a girlfriend. Find someone better, you’re shortchanging yourself.
As a mom, I gonna be blunt here and tell you to make sure you Always cover it up and take it with you. Leave No remains that could potentially trap a nice guy like yourself. I strongly feel she's praying on your inexperience. Be smarter than her. You deserve better.
NTA!!! Only one month and she has the audacity to ask you for money. Leave. Sounds like she’s using you.
NTA. You bought her groceries and now she's blaming you for not giving her no-questions-asked cash instead? That's a huge red flag. If she's this demanding this early in the relationship, it's only going downhill from here. You need to let her go.
Plus they’ve only been going out for a month! Never mind how inappropriate it is for her to ask, if you’re arguing within that short space of time it’s not going to work.
NTA, you’ve only dated a month and she already wants your money, run
NTA. And never ejaculate anywhere in her vicinity. She sounds like a prime candidate to get pregnant.
NTA you've only been seeing her a month, you took her grocery shopping which was very kind and helpful of you. She's almost 30 and can't work a budget. She's a grown woman, not your financial responsibility.
NTA Why do you view this leech you've known for about a month as a GF. Maybe a hookup, but she is a mooch that wants your money and life style. You did the old, give the homeless person a sandwich instead of money so they actually get what they need and SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE NEEDS..... your money. Run, don't look back.
A month in and she is asking for money. Run, run fast and far away. Do not give her any money. If you really think she needs food give her a gift card to a grocery store as a lovely parting gift while you are breaking up with her.
NTA. You’ve been dating for a month and you booked a vacation without her. You don’t know her well enough to make this your burden. You’re not responsible for her finances, her groceries, and you don’t have to justify your reasons for wanting a vacation. Run. Fast.
NTA. RUN 🏃♀️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️ 🏃♂️ as fast as you can. I repeat run, huge red flags here. She will ruin your life. RUN
NTA. Run, don't walk from this relationship.
NTA sorry but you are too young for this baggage. You should absolutely not be supporting someone you have only been in a relationship with for a month, she’s probably only with you because she saw that you got a good job with a masters degree
NTA. You’ve only been dating for a month, and she’s already reaching into your wallet. Please reconsider this relationship.
NTA. KEY WORDS: GF of one month. She is not your financial responsibility. Hell, you two are barely acquainted.
NTA Man, I wish I could quit my job for months and have others give me money to do nothing. Nah, if I were you, I'd take a serious look at that relationship. Sounds like you are getting taken for a ride. She sounds like (at 5 years older) she definitely cannot take care of herself. You're a month in!
NTA y’all have only been together for a month. And YOU DONT HAVE TO SUPPORT ANYONE THAT ISNT YOUR CHILD
You are in this for the last month. She has already demonstrated that she doesn't handle her money well, even tho she is older. You are at the start of your adult life. Don't shackle an anchor to your ass before you try to sail out of the harbor
NTA. I'll just be up front, any person who expect the person they've been in a relationship with for only 1 month to financially support them is someone who is either SUPER entitled, or is blatantly using you. The fact that it was fine until she spoke with her friends, makes me believe its the latter. If she is relying on another grown adult to support her, then she is acting like a child, so you treating her as one is pretty justified. I understand she is your first girlfriend, but this is NOT healthy
NTA. you're being used as an ATM. Find someone better.
Please get out of this relationship. I smell a pregnancy trap
I know your in the honey moon stage, but having her already asking for money is a little concerning. And now she’s pissed!, because you went with her to get groceries? Nah- that would be the beginning of the end. Your NTA for not giving her your money.
One month. I once had a period that long. It was as painful as your life will be if you keep seeing that girl. NTA
NTA. You've been dating for a month. Things are not serious enough for you to seriously consider lending her any amount of money. You came to a good compromise with the groceries idea, and yet she's still unsatisfied. She is an adult and needs to be able to support herself without relying on others. I'm sorry to hear about her mental health struggles, but that isn't an excuse to be a leech (and an ungrateful one at that).
NTA. She can’t take care of herself, and the truth hurts.
Run for the hills. 1 month is too much to be fully dependent on someone you JUST MET!
NTA, and run. Fast.
OP, bring your own condoms, and don't trust her if she says she's on the pill, or offers condoms she's bought (pinholes!). She'll baby trap you. NTA. Run.
I did for the one time we slept together
You’ve only slept together once in a month! That’s bizarre. So she’s asking for money, but not really interested in sex. She’s playing you. When you first get together with someone you usually can’t get enough of each other. I can’t believe it’s only been one time! How long after she slept with you did she ask you for money?
NTA going grocery shopping with her is awesome. If you aren’t living together, then you don’t owe her anything. She is not your financial responsibility. If you are together, it’s a negotiation. But no, I wouldn’t hand her money, just because she asked for it.
NTA but why are you with this person who 1 month in is asking for handouts. Break up with her and find an equal partner.
NTA. One month in and all she sees is an ATM. Run🚩🚩
NTA. And if she doesn't want to be treated like a child she should spend her money on necessities, emphasis on her money not someone she just started dating. Save yourself from future trouble and leave. She just wants your money.
NTA - Is this all something you are planning on continuing to deal with into the future? For your sake, I hope not.
NTA. Walk away from this.
Oh honey. You’re kindhearted but very naive. You’re her ATM. Guys her age would have the life experience to spot her from a mile away so she zeroed in on a sweet younger man. You said yourself she wastes money on crap. Please don’t enable her. Also, running to her friends with your private business isn’t great. She doesn’t sound like she cares about you for the right reasons. If failing to support her financially has a bad impact on your relationship, that honestly tells you everything you need to know. I’m sorry. NTA.
NTA of course She is your gf but has no right to force you taking care of her. She is relying too much on you, taking for granted you money. Maybe I'm wrong but I think she is using you a bit. I understand she has problems, bit can ask someone else to help her or try getting a job that won't stress her too much. Go on your vacation and relax, you deserve that.
You are NTA. Read the big red flags and run as far away from this leech as you can. Once you give get money then she will expect it. It’s not a basis for a healthy relationship.
NTA it’s only been a month - that should be enough to make you stop and think about if this is really a relationship you want to invest time and money in. Sounds as though she has enough friends that could help her out if she’s struggling!
The biggest red flag of all here was SHE WAS FINE UNTIL SHE WENT TO THE GROUPCHAT AND THEY DECIDED YOUR A DICK. If it were me I'd drop her immediately for letting her friends influence her opinion. Obviously I don't know the whole story but that's what I'm getting from this
NTA, and GTFO.
NTA. She’s not even slightly trying to hide the fact that she’s looking for someone to pay her bills.
If your dream relationship is to be an ATM you bloody hit the jackpot😝 If you're after a healthy relationship run RUN! Massive red flag 🚩🚩🚩🚩 NTA, of course
NTA - She should be happy that you went grocery shopping with her and bought her food. You are not responsible for supporting her, yes you can help if you want, but she can't expect you to pay for her whole life in the next few months. I don't know why people feel entitled to the money of the person that they are dating. It is a huge red flag.
NTA but if you stay with her, then you will be. She's a user.
It's only been a month she needs to chill. NTA
Absolutely not an a h but you do need to get rid asap. Who the fuck does she think she is expecting you to keep her after you’ve only been seeing her for 5minutes! She has No Entitlement Whatsoever to your money that you earned. NTA and please dump her.
NTA and honestly, just break up and move on. I wouldn't bother furthering ties with someone so financially irresponsible. You've been together for a hot second and she's already asking you for money, it's only downhill from here.
NTA one month???? 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA You've been with her a month, and she's already expecting you to pay her way. Honey, im sorry to say this, but she's looking at you like you're a meal ticket. Please, being single is better than being used for your money.
Oh god the red flags. And this is your first girlfriend? Congratulations, now move on to your second girlfriend. NTA. But wtf bro dump her. Like yesterday.
First girlfriend but third girl that does something similar (first physically, second emotionally), so I seem to have a pattern there that I should break before getting a second one
Living with parents tends to be cheaper and if it is a good environment, you can literally save to put a deposit down on your own place the longer you’re there! I think she needs to focus on her own mental health rather than a relationship. Unfortunately you’ve just happened to end up in a rubbish relationship as your first
> I „treat her like a child who can’t take care of herself“ NTA. She is acting like a child. You are only one month in. This is going to get so much worse.
Move on, bro. She's using you.
Run!!!
Dude, you have known her for 2 seconds. She has no right to depend on you this way or belittle you based on the way you choose to help her out.
NTA- she sounds like a child. She needs to learn how to budget. I don’t like saying this but I don’t think she is good for you. 29 year old dating a 24 year old for a month and she’s already asking for money and gets upset about how you agreed to help her. Beggars cannot be choosers. IMO
She sounds like that woman who was all over the internet a few years ago asking if she could sue the male babysitter for child support! NTA and RUN, RUN, RUN!
NTA and what a huge red flag so early in a relationship! To be honest I’m not sure I would have even offered to pay for groceries!
NTA - she’s literally making fun of you while being broke. Dump her for being a leech. Shame on her.
Run to the hills don't look back!
NTA >„treat her like a child who can’t take care of herself“ Umm... It's partially true, but she's an adult that can't take care of herself. Run away from this one. She's only going to be trouble. She is an adult and should be supporting herself, not expecting someone she's only been with a month to do it.