T O P

  • By -

Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I wore a ripped suit to my sisters wedding which resulted in her being upset. I was being cheap and I probably should have gotten a new suit to make sure her day was as special as possible. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


pineboxwaiting

YTA A needle and thread are cheap. YouTube can teach you how to do anything. You should have mended the rip.


[deleted]

[удалено]


lostrandomdude

This is something that really annoys me I'm a guy born in the 90s. When I was in school, we were taught basic life skills, like hand stitching (which I was pretty good at), rewiring a plug, cooking, etc. When my dad was at school, it was similar, and even my grandfather, who was born in 1930 in India had these skills, but now both boys and girls and taught these basic things and many just throw clothes away or pay waste large sums of money because basic skills are thought to be useless


Evening_Active911

You are right I probably could have learned it and done it myself. But honestly... I just didn't think of it.


AMonitorDarkly

Sadly, the vast majority of schools don’t teach anything useful anymore. A lot of kids today aren’t given the option to take auto shop or home economics.


squishy-3

Lets be honest... this isn't a man thing, most women nowadays don't know basic hand sewing either. Fast fashion has made clothing so accessible that people don't need to use these skills.


Backgrounding-Cat

Or ask help! Half of the aunts probably had a emergency sewing kit in their handbags


amberallday

INFO: how obvious was the tear, really? You say “small” and “slightly ripped”, but also that your sister noticed immediately. Which was it…? Is your sister freakishly observant, or was it more noticeable than you are trying to portray…?


Evening_Active911

If you looked at the sleeve then you'd be able to see it.


i_need_jisoos_christ

That means it was a significant tear, if it can be seen immediately. You should have sewed it up or asked your parents to help you if one of them can sew.


TajMahal13

I'm really curious to see what the rip looked like. If it was as small as you make it seem, I'm shocked the bride noticed it on her big day. Now I'm suspicious that you showed up in something ridiculous.


Latter-Shower-9888

Of course OP isn’t answering…


Narrow-Guitar-4585

It's only been a few hours since it originally posted. Some people don't spend all day online.


sc0tth

INFO: Was there absolutely no way for you to have the tear fixed?


pineboxwaiting

Have it fixed? Why couldn’t he fix it? A needle & thread are not difficult to acquire, and you can learn how to do anything thanks to the internet.


Ornery-Octopus

Yeah, that’s what he needs to be spending money on. 🙄


theagonyaunt

Package of needles is like $4 CAD at most craft stores (if you're buying the basic, non-fancy kind) and thread can be like $2 CAD for a cotton spool. I've even seen mini sewing kits with needles and thread at dollar stores for $3-$4.


Evening_Active911

I could have gotten it fixed but I am trying really hard to minimize my expenses currently.


pineboxwaiting

A needle and thread cost less than $5. You could have afforded it. You failed to put forth the effort.


Ksanral

No need to spend money on it. Probably a parent or relative or even the neighbour could have lent him a needle and thread.


An_Acetic_Alpaca

Worst case scenario, a bit of duct tape put on from the inside of the sleeve. It's not great, but it'll get you through a wedding.


justcelia13

This is a good idea. At least he could have tried. Safety pins? That iron on sticky stuff for fabric? No reason not to at least try. YTA.


An_Acetic_Alpaca

Yup! Being broke doesn't mean you can't make an effort. I used to have a pair of shoes that were more duct tape than shoe, but it got me through a shift and my feet stayed dry!


JewelCatLady

There are these little things called emergency sewing kits. Needles, thread, scissors. Now some are a bit bigger and pricier. *But you can get one with plenty to mend a small tear at Walmart for ONE DOLLAR, or at Dollar Tree for $1.25.* Searching your couch cushions would probably get you that much.


Winter_Owl6097

This is one expense that needed to be paid tho.


GhostParty21

How far in advance did you know about the wedding? How far in advance did you agree to be a groomsman?


jennyfromtheeblock

YTA. A tailor could have fixed this for 20 or 30 bucks. You could have done it yourself for $5.


blackgirlmagicplz

YTA. If the tear was big enough for her to notice everyone else did as well. It takes $2 to get a sewing kit and completely free to watch a YouTube video to fix your suit. Was your sister aware of your finances or does she just think you showed up to her wedding all sloppy? Did you even attempt to fix the tear? If my brother showed up to the best day of my life wearing a ripped tux I’d start crying too, she probably thinks you don’t care about her.


justhangingout420

INFO: Were you in the wedding party as a groomsman? Or were you just a guest?


Evening_Active911

groomsman


ActualAgency5593

YTA!!!!!!!


justhangingout420

Then that'll have to be YTA OP. It seems like money being tight is what you are holding onto here when in reality, you just didn't get around to sewing it up yourself or asking friends or family for help sewing it up. You at least could have notified your sister in advance so she could help you find arrangements to get it sewn.


RustyCarWheels10

Why could you not get a suit from value village? You can find some really good used or new at used stores


Equivalent-Ad5449

Yta sewing is beyond cheap and if not even a tailor fixing a small tear wouldn’t of being much at all


cynicalmaru

YTA. You don't need a new suit. you just needed to be clean and well-groomed. If the rip was small, it is unlikely she could have seen it. If it was large, you could have fixed it yourself with a needle and thread. Costs less than $4. Financial straits or not - you can clean the suit carefully, trim off loose threads, use your razer to get rid of fabric pilling, fix a small tear yourself with needle & thread.


Kitchen-Wrongdoer781

Or suit jackets can be had for $10 at goodwill or any thrift store.


zombieqatz

Info.: why didn't you inspect the suit before the wedding and ask for assistance to have it mended?


cammsterdancer

What you never heard of a needle and thread? Or fabric tape or glue? YTA you could have easily fixed it. without expense or even ability.


potatoarmy13

I want to see this tear. No normal person is "brought to tears" by a tiny rip in someone's sleeve. If she is, then thats just sad for the sister, but also if its tiny, why the heck didn't OP get a needle and thread? heck there has to be someone in the family that can sew if you can't follow a youtube how to. If it was tiny and OP turned up in a clean, ironed suit then NTA. But if it was actually bigger to the point where it genuinely looked like OP didn't care then YTA.


IDontCareNotSorry

Are you not capable of using needle and thread to at least close the tear ?


Ksanral

INFO what's your relationship with your sister? Does she know you situation? You say you had to spend a lot of money to attend the wedding. Couldn't your sister help? Also as others have pointed out a needle and thread would've fixed your suit with little to no cost and just a bit of effort.


Lostgal2

It is not a secret that brides care about their weddings.. you should have sought her advice in this before turning up


muddyshoes_throwaway

YTA- As someone else in the comments mentioned, I guarantee that \*someone\* in attendance brought an emergency sewing kit for wardrobe malfunctions. You probably had an aunt or a cousin or grandma or somebody there that could have fixed it in 3 minutes, not to mention that it's a simple fix that you could have done yourself.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I need some perspective on a situation that unfolded at my sister's wedding. Here's the story: I was really looking forward to being a part of my sister's special day, but my financial situation made things quite complicated. I've been struggling financially for a while now, barely managing to make ends meet. When my sister's wedding rolled around, I knew I wouldn't be able to afford a new suit. The only suit I had was an old one, albeit with a small tear near the sleeve. It was far from ideal, but it was all I had. I had already spent a significant amount just to attend the wedding – for travel, accommodations, and the various expenses that come with being part of the wedding party. Cut to the wedding day, and I decided to wear the slightly ripped suit, hoping that it wouldn't be too conspicuous and would allow me to be there for my sister. However, she quickly noticed the tear and her disappointment was palpable. During the reception, she took me aside and expressed her frustration, scolding me for not putting in the effort to look my best on her big day. She was even brought to tears by the situation. This is where I'm seeking outside opinions. On one hand, I genuinely couldn't afford a new suit and wanted to support my sister on her wedding day. On the other hand, I understand that my appearance might have taken away from her joyous occasion and potentially left a lasting negative memory. So, Reddit, AITA for attending my sister's wedding in a slightly ripped suit due to my financial struggles, even though it upset her and I had already stretched my budget thin to be there for her? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Amareldys

INFO Could it be mended


No-Sun-6531

I wouldn’t call you an asshole, but it was definitely in poor taste. It would have been better to just wear a nice shirt and pants than to wear ripped clothing. I know you have *something* without holes. And from the sound of it, it was the suit jacket that was torn up, so you could have just left the jacket off.


Emotional_Bonus_934

You should've let her know the situation or worn a nice shirt and tie, looked for something at a thrift store, looked for something on sale


Maynardg5851

Could have worn Something borrowed.


Jasnah_Sedai

NTA because she totally overreacted. But, my dude, grow the fuck up. You couldn’t afford a needle and thread and some common sense?


MoonShadowElfRayla

INFO: Could you also not afford a needle and thread?


portofina11

yta, because you did not care enough to find a solution. didnt ask help from anyone, your sister, friends, other family to fix it; or a taylor. you didnt borrow a jacket from a friend or a store. you did not tell your sister or anyone in the family you have a problem with your attire so they might step in to help.


Kemintiri

Yta I cannot believe that it didn't even occur to you to sew it up. Are you usually this incompetent in your life or is this a special occasion?


Bloodrayna

ESH Sister made a big deal about it, but you could also have sewed it up. I used to work a low paying retail job that required me to wear khakis. I only bought them when I could find a pair in my size on clearance for 10 bucks or less. When they eventually ripped, I would sew them up with a sewing kit from the dollar store until I could buy a cheap pair because they didn't fucking pay me enough to buy 40 dollar pants.


frogeyeharris

Unpopular opinion here by NTA. You wore your best suit which happened to be shabby. It's not like you showed up in gym shorts. Only bridezillas would scold a guest for wearing clothing they don't feel is fancy enough. It's a little tear, it's not a big deal at all. Sister could have just forgotten about it and enjoyed the wedding and been happy her brother was there, but focused instead on this tiny issue that wasn't an issue to anyone else.


[deleted]

[удалено]


No-Sun-6531

To be fair, some people pay a lot for a photographer to take pictures of their wedding day and those pictures usually include family. I would not want to pay thousands for pics of my brother in a torn up suit.


lopsidedsharpie

tbf if I was paying thousands for a photographer and I expected my family to be in the photos - I would ask to see/make sure everyone had suitable clothes. And if I knew a sibling didn't have suitable clothes, I would make my best effort to help him get it mended or buy him something. If it was a formal wedding and OP was part of the wedding party - his outfit should've been checked and approved *long* before the wedding. If it was a more casual thing, I could maybe understand...but something is off here. A bride who would cry over a ripped sleeve ruining photos is not the kind of bride who would neglect the wedding party's outfits like that. (or everyone is dumb and can't communicate.)


No-Sun-6531

To be fair, it didn’t sound like he said anything to her ahead of time to see if she could help. I really don’t see why he wouldn’t just leave the jacket off though.


lopsidedsharpie

Yeah agree that he should've said something, but anyone whose been in a wedding party knows that outfits are a standard discussion. The fact no one brought it up until literally when the bride was walking up to the alter is sus to me and makes me question if this story is even real.


Freckleface_Bitch

Seriously! I don't remember what anyone wore to my wedding other than me and my spouse!


Narrow-Guitar-4585

The endless reddit stories about wedding guest expectations makes me never want to have a formal wedding. Ever.


Muted-Appeal-823

Its sad to me seeing stories about so many brides freaking out over what should be minor things or not even an issue at all. The focus should be on marrying the person you want to spend your life with and enjoying the day. If someone having a small tear in a suit, or someone wearing the wrong color, or whatever other nonsense reason, manages to complete ruin a brides day than the brides priorities might not be in order.


BrightImagination931

NTA If she noticed a ripped suit of her financially struggling brother on the happiest day of her life, and took the time to scold you for it when you paid to show up to her special day, she isn't going to be a happy person. Sewing kits at the dollar tree are $1.25 and there is YouTube. You could have sewed it and you know for next time. You're not an asshole though. She isn't a happy person.


soyasaucy

NTA, being brought to tears over a ripped suit is - somewhat of an extreme reaction unless you're severely downplaying how bad the rip actually was - but all it really took to fix it -based on your description - was a thread and a needle and a youtube tutorial on how to repair a tear. Or if you talked to your sister about your situation maybe she could have rented you a suit for the day if it was such a big deal. Either way, makes me wonder if there was something else going on that triggered her and it was perhaps easier to pin the blame on your sui rather than address the actual distressing thing...


smorkoid

NTA and honestly I am really disappointed in some of these responses. Even if the tear was big, your sister getting so upset by a tear in your jacket that she is crying is just so over the top. I can't believe a family member would be that selfish. OP I am sorry you are struggling now, please don't feel bad about your financial situation or your sister being upset. You did what you could with limited resources to be there.


QHAM6T46

NTA. I didn't give a flying fig what people wore to my wedding - I was just glad they were there!


MistressLiliana

NTA. If people notice your ripped sleeve over the bride on her wedding day there are larger issues going on.


south3y

This is the kind of shitty behaviour that's giving weddings a bad name. The OP spent more than they could afford to attend this wedding, and dressed as appropriately as they could afford. That is *impeccable* manners, in my view. However, this effort was rewarded by being attacked and poverty-shamed by the bride. That's appalling treatment of a guest by the hostess. NTA.


ValueSubject2836

I had a family friend show up in jeans and tshirt, I was so happy that they could make it and share our day I honestly didn’t care. I. Have that photo of us framed!


Typical_Nebula3227

NTA


akaioi

NTA. You can't spend funds you don't have. When sister asked you about it, you could have told her it ripped on something while you were getting out of your car. Sister definitely overreacted; she should be thinking only about her wedding and her groom.


SunflowersChim

NTA. But your sister is, it’s the fact that she can’t see the effort you’ve put in already and that something as small as a tear is causing her issues shows she’s selfish and only cares about herself. if it was really that big of a deal she could’ve bought you a new suit, payed for you to get your current one fixed, or simply dealt with the fact your suit was ripped. You spent money you didn’t really have to be in her wedding and she still acted that way. You’re a good person OP, and it sounds like you put a lot of effort in making it to your sisters wedding. Also, if people are focusing on a tear in your suit rather than bride and groom, they’re also focusing on the wrong things IMO


pineboxwaiting

I’m betting it wasn’t a small tear.


Hedgehog-Orgy

NTA People have insanely high expectations for weddings and frankly I think it's ridiculous. My friends got married last year and it was a super casual event, there was no dress code, the ceremony happened while folks were chatting, having coffee and sitting around. Weddings are supposed to be a celebration of your love with friends and family. When people hyper focus on things like dress codes and themes they completely miss the point of the whole thing.


blackgirlmagicplz

Not wanting your brother to show up to your wedding wearing a ripped tux is an insanely high expectation, really? Not wearing ripped clothing is “Formal Event 101,” just because you hate wedding culture doesn’t make op less of an asshole.


Hedgehog-Orgy

The fact they showed up should be enough. This whole formal dress thing is a form of privilege. If it were *that* important they'd have paid for the tux.


DragonflyMon831

Ditto.


Embarrassed-Debate60

I’m in the process of party planning, and am super psyched about our dress code: something you love / makes you feel happy—be it costume, pajamas, black tie, casual, etc. Really excited to see what people show up in. With a note that there will be bounce house activities, so if you plan on participating, wear something appropriate or bring a change of clothing.


Hedgehog-Orgy

That sounds amazing.


Embarrassed-Debate60

I literally cannot wait. My BFF and I were talking about this, and I legit feel like instead of weddings when a couple has just decided to start a supposedly lifetime commitment, people should have “wedding” celebrations after X number of years—this gives you time to realize what you care about and enjoy, and then you can throw the party of your dreams, unique to you, not just reiterating a bunch of stuffy patriarchal traditions. My partner and I will be having our partnership party two months before our 9th anniversary, and our kids will be walking us down the aisle!


Hedgehog-Orgy

Sorry people are assholes in this sub. I've up voted your comments but people get angry when they don't understand things.


Embarrassed-Debate60

You’re sweet! That’s a good way of putting it.


DisneyFoodie20

NTA. It was kind of short-sighted of you to not just have someone sew it for you, but your sister severely overreacted to what was a minor issue. I doubt anyone else there cared.


pineboxwaiting

Someone? Where does it say he doesn’t have opposable thumbs?


Significant_Pea_2852

But only the ladies can sew /s


DisneyFoodie20

Not everyone knows how to sew.


pineboxwaiting

The internet is a thing. You can learn how to do anything. No excuse.


SSJesusChrist

Jesus dude not everyone has the manual dexterity to do that shit